Untitled by Deshja Hickman

I once had a moment with a lover. A moment cloaked in the deep yellow of the rising sun, so early there was an enduring stillness to the day. I hold those moments preserved in amber. I see the gentle flutter of eyelids coming awake, the hesitance of a smile still holding the last residual bit of dream world in it’s curves. I can feel the beating of my heart, the way it seemed to slow to match theirs when both of us were still in the hold of slumber, the way it beat a little bit faster when I came back into consciousness still held as tightly as I was the night before. I can hear the rasp of a voice relearning speech, shaking off a night of disuse within the whisper of another shy “good morning”. I remember the heat from another body sharing the space beneath the covers, the way the warmth stayed in the apples of my cheeks throughout the day, brought back by the daydreamy newness of a memory still shining with detail. I hope they think back on those moments with that same sort of warmth. I hope I’m rendered in a sense of fondness for the moments of joy no matter how brief, rather than an all too familiar sort of heartache.

I once had a yearning, had a need for the biggest and the brightest, even when I didn’t know what exactly it really meant for me. I remember a me who expected nothing less than city lights and high heeled shoes, a me who expected to touch people she would never meet, who thought they lived in a world just waiting for the change that they could bring. I wonder if she looks at the me now, who let the smaller dreams take over, who starts within themself, and feels any kind of disappointment. I like to think there’s a relief there, a me that lets out a breath when they realize the world is not theirs to save, but rather to find a slice of home within. I wait for her to realize the power of healing and community, to realize the importance of community within change. I wait for her to begin to prioritize herself. I wait for her to grow into the me that

I am now, and I wait for me to grow into the me that I could someday be. By Niki Hester