REVERSE- NORMALIZING

Words by Mallory Pace

We have reached a tipping point in society and pop culture where labels and buzzwords dominate reality. Forget everything you thought you knew, including what you believed to be normal and not. Social media has changed the game again, putting a spotlight on the objectively not normal, borderline absurd and calls upon the masses for its “normalization.” Like every other buzzword this generation finds and sinks its teeth into, “normalization” has become one of them. After indulging in this trend, I’ve come to realize that maybe not everything needs to be normal. In fact, why are we trying so hard to squeeze everything into the box of normalcy? Whatever happened to the notorious early 2000s Tumblr quote (which I just found out is actually attributed to Dr. Seuss): “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”

In sociological terms, normalization refers to social processes where ideas and actions come to be seen as “normal” and become taken for granted or “natural” in everyday life. (Hint: That doesn’t necessarily make it a good thing because to be “normal” is subjective and an arguably neutral term.) Though this idea of normalization has been around, it became especially widespread on TikTok in 2020 (like literally everything else), where people began calling to “normalize normal bodies” as a way to increase representation of how the majority of both men and women’s bodies actually look and debunk the expectation of how bodies should look. The body positivity movement also isn’t necessarily new, but this trend catapulted a lot of discussion on social media by not only emphasizing that this is the way most adult Americans look but also being a voice to recognize the beauty and normalcy to it. This is a good example of using normalization in a positive and productive way because it puts something that is often difficult to talk about, like physical appearances, into the mainstream media in a healthy way. Even though it’s common sense that not everyone looks like a Victoria’s Secret model, it can still be challenging to acknowledge and accept what normal bodies look like in the eyes of the media. By “normalizing” what growing and healthy bodies look like nods to the reality of the human experience in a positive and accepting manner.

However, the trend didn’t stop there. Other takes on this idea include, “Normalize not getting out of bed for days on end because productivity looks different on everyone.” No, babe, that’s depression. “Normalize going through your partner’s phone when they don’t know.” Not normal. Just toxic. It almost seems like people try to justify unhealthy behaviors with the idea of normalization, which after a while, becomes meaningless. If we normalize every little thing, how will we be able to distinguish what’s healthy and what’s not? Take the depression situation for example — if we get to a point of normalizing unhealthy behaviors like staying in bed for days or not taking care of ourselves in simple ways, it becomes difficult to determine when seeking help is the real answer. We can’t engage in toxic behaviors and suddenly become blind to its toxicity just because we don’t want to acknowledge what we’re doing isn’t healthy. It’s easier to find justifications for actions, like normalization, than it is to face the fact that maybe we shouldn’t be stalking exes or abusing vices for the sake of oblivion. Some things are simply better left “not normal.”

It can also be the case for normalcy to go too far. In the example of body positivity, we should absolutely be shedding light on how real bodies look, but we should also be careful about how far that reaches. “Normalize normal bodies” doesn’t mean we should glamorize being unhealthy in medically sound terms. There needs to be an emphasis on “normal bodies” that are being fed and taken care of no matter what they look like while making sure not to label being unhealthy as “normal.” Health looks different for everyone and is dependent on the individual. But that’s part of the problem with normalization — grouping an entire population, idea or behavior and labeling it normal. What may be normal and healthy for you, may not be for me, which is something this perspective tends to forget. Normalize what works for you, not what the Internet tells you is now OK to do.

This idea goes beyond the obvious; normalization can become dangerous in certain situations, particularly in relationships.

Behaviors like gaslighting and control issues are prevalent in the media and are sometimes even romanticized in movies, TV and books as tropes and plot lines. This is concerning for myriad reasons, especially because the normalization of these behaviors leads to the acceptance of them. An article by the Connections for Abused Women and their Children details how normalizing toxic behaviors makes it harder to break the cycle of violence.

“Talking about abuse in a lighthearted way not only normalizes a toxic behavior but further devalues what a survivor goes through,” the article states. “It gives the message that being possessive, lashing out in anger, or gaslighting someone is not something to be taken seriously.”

Couples have arguments and disagreements, sure, but over-normalizing this idea leads people to believe that certain behaviors are acceptable like screaming or aggressiveness, which is far from normal. Objectively, it’s not “normal” to break up and get back together week after week or for arguments to become hostile and violent. But by labeling these behaviors as such, it becomes harder to see them as abuse and easier to justify your or your partner’s actions.

The same can be applied to mental health. I discussed in a previous article the dangers of self-diagnosing and how the over-normalization of mental health on social media plays a role in desensitizing what it means to struggle with these illnesses. There needs to be a difference between raising awareness and romanticizing mental illness so that we don’t become numb to its severity. Throwing around terms like depression and anxiety as if they’re “normal” can take meaning away from the reality of those struggling with mental illness. We shouldn’t be trying to normalize having mental illnesses because they’re not normal — and that’s OK. Not being normal doesn’t mean being bad. We shouldn’t be afraid to call mental illness it for what it is, and trying to make it seem normal is almost like hiding from it. We should be talking about it, raising awareness and promoting education, but not normalizing it as a commonplace term or characteristic.

Normalizing also doesn’t exactly equate to being “good.” It just might mean it’s acceptable to a majority of people. Take the American workplace for example and the normalization of overachieving and overworking scheduled hours because that’s how you get ahead. We have taken that as “normal,” despite it being objectively unfair. Or how we have accepted certain “norms” like “boys will be boys” and “locker room talk” that, in reality, might just be internalized (or blatant) misogyny. Just because something is considered a cultural norm doesn’t mean it’s appropriate. The line between good and bad is already heavily blurred, and the more we try to make sense of what’s normal and what’s not may only serve to perpetuate this confusion.

I would argue we reverse this idea and start un-normalizing things. #NormalizeCallingItAsItIs. #NormalizeNotBeingNormal. #ShutTheHellUp. In all seriousness, some things don’t need a label. Sometimes we should aim to push individuality, uniqueness and aberrance. For so long it seemed like society wanted out of a box and let out of conformity, so why are we trying to put it back in?