January 2018
Pro Basketball in Monterey » Pg. 2
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January 2018
There are professions where you give up your name to be called by your occupation. One example is when you become a doctor. Another example is coaching. Laurian Watkins is “Coach” to a fine group of young men who play professional basketball for a team called California Sea Kings. For most of you who may not have noticed a bunch of very tall gentlemen in town; we have professional basketball here in Monterey. I want to repeat this for the folks in the cheap seats…We have a professional basketball team in town! “The team owner, Mr. Stallworth came here and fell in love with the place. We’re excited for the potential of what could happen in this type of community for entertainment. Sports are entertainment. We want to be the model for what this league represents.” Here are the specifics for those who like stats. Our Sea Kings play in the Far West Division of the ABA. Their home games are played at MPC. They have not lost a game this year while averaging 124 point and giving up 106. Their goal is to score 200 points and break the ABA record. “Right now we’re at MPC. We hope that we outgrow it this year with more people showing up at games. People get behind the hype of winners and with more promotion and winning, we‘ll attract more people to come see the team. Two questions we ask of ourselves, are we winning? Are we doing it with style and class?” The Seas Kings are doing both. “The first week I think we had more players than people in the stands. It’s getting better and better every game.” During a long road trip in February, the Sea Kings have a much anticipated game scheduled in Mr. Stallworth’s home state of Alabama followed by a three game swing through Georgia. They end the trip in Florida to play last year’s league champions before returning home to play February 17th. For those who don’t remember the ABA, it was the league that originally merged with the NBA back in 1976. Hall of Fame talent came out of this league with the likes of David Thompson, Moses Malone,
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George McGinnis, Rick Barry and all-time favorite, Julius Erving. They play with a very cool looking red white and blue ball and a few funky rules that are different from the NBA. You can’t foul out, you only have seven seconds to get the ball past mid court and in certain situations a two point shot is worth three and a three is worth four. For the basketball traditionalists, these rules seem confusing. Maybe this is why most of the players on the team have four year college degrees. “Coach” has a master’s degree and speaks several languages. He also owns Pro Skills Sports Academy in southern California and believes through conditioning and fundamentals, his teams can (and will) beat anybody. “We have untraditional workouts in wet and dry sand at the beach in the morning. It’s something I hung my hat on for the past 20 years. We can go small and rim run or go big and impose our will on other teams. We can get up and down and play defense.” The Sea-Kings will play this season as an “Official Purple Sports Team.” The team was honored November 12th at the Veteran’s Day Parade in Oldtown Salinas with the official Purple Heart Proclamation. Team owner Wash Stallworth is a military veteran. “The military has pride and strength and merges together to make one team to protect us. There is a tremendous strategy for a coach to do the same. I have players from all backgrounds, just like the military. I have to mesh them together to give them their own responsibilities. Every player brings something different to the table and we’re going to utilize it during the game. We look for the weakest link and we exploit it. When we win, we all shine.” The future looks bright for our undefeated Sea Kings.
Check out the team’s official website for more info: www.seakingsbasketball.com
January 2018
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What the Bleep is Foolish Times? Foolish Times is a free monthly tabloid publishing the best humor we can find (some months we search harder than others). The opinions or ideas expressed by contributors are not necessarily those of Foolish Times, its owner, advertisers, or associates, or their extended families, or their friends or neighbors, or their associated pen pals, up to and including cockatiels. All articles, graphics, photographs, and what-not (especially the what-not) are copyrighted by the so-called “writers" and "artists" who contribute them. Foolish Times uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.
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The Chucklehead Speaks What a great way to start the year. When I look in the mirror, I am the same person that I saw the day before and the day before that. All this talk about change and how you can wake up from the last day in December and suddenly all the things you want to resolve magically happens on January first. It’s just the start of another day, it just happens to be a new year. The only thing that is magical is when you pour milk over Lucky Charms; they’re magically delicious! There are a few things I am going to continue to work on this year that are carry overs from last year. The biggest one is No Cell Phone Sunday. This is a day to honor my sanity. I’m not a brain surgeon on call and I don’t want to be that important. This is the only day when many of my call backs don’t start with, “Why didn’t you pick up the phone the first time I called” only to waste thirty seconds of my life that I’ll never get back because they urgently needed to find out how I was doing. The second is to call my mom more often. I think everyone should call their mom more often. If you live within in a short drive, go see her. Most of my calls go to her answering machine although when she does answer, I never waste time asking why she didn’t pick up the first time I called. I’m glad she answered.
The hardest for me is to stop collecting things. That’s a nice way of saying I don’t throw things way. If I touch a piece of paper I have to do something once with it. No more moving piles of paper from side to side as a great filing system. I want to think that a messy desk is a sign of creativity. It’s a sign of not being organized. The last thing I’ll bore you with is to drink whatever wine I’ve been holding on to. I have bottles that are old and gathering dust. They are stored properly but that doesn’t mean they are not vinegar. It only means I’m sober and have more clutter. It also means that what I see as valuable may not mean the same thing to those who are still here when I’m gone. My kids went to private school and they learned that I’ll be worth more when my name is on page six in the daily paper. They probably added the stored wine to the balance sheet. In hindsight, I should have sent my kids to public school where they wouldn’t have learned the same economics. Happy New Year.
Stevie P. / publisher@foolishtimes.net
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January 2018
www.foolishtimes.net And that’s when the fight started.
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove down town to confront the chemist, and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two the chemist told him, “Now just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go of so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just then I realized that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get the keys. Then driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing. Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. “Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it.
It was your wife, she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer” “And believe Mr., as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!” And that’s how the fight started.
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.” And that’s when the fight started.
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.”
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, “Do you know him?” “Yes,” she sighed, “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?” And then the fight started.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.” The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
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January 2018
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it BOTTLE SHOPPE Surf N Sand Liquors Large craft beer selection. Rare & fine wines, Expanded selection of spirits. Coldest beer in town, Chilled wines & champagne, Wine tasting room, Visit our cigar lounge. Downtown Carmel 831.624.1805
LATE NIGHT Denny’s Monterey County is not known for late night food, unless you have leftovers in your fridge Marina, Monterey, Salinas and Seaside locations
CAFÉ Bay Café & Cantina Best breakfast & lunch. Pet friendly garden patio. Espresso bar, 26 varieties of loose tea. Locals & military discounts 55 Camino Aguajito, Monterey 831.717.4054 www.baycafeandcantina.com
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CHINESE Full Moon Great new menu items to tantalize your palate for a memorable dining experience. 429 Alvarado St Monterey 831.3331288 www.fullmoonmonterey.com
SEAFOOD I See Food, I Eat it! swimming in the sea on a menu in Monterey County, you’re probably still in Kansas, Dorothy
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Gino’s Voted Best Restaurant in Salinas The Bozzo family has been at it since 1975—This place is worth its weight in alfredo sauce. 1410 S Main St, Salinas 831.422.1814 www.ginospasta.com
Crown & Anchor Classic British owned & operated pub. Heated patio. Full menu to midnight. 150 W. Franklin St, Monterey 831.649.6496 www.crownandanchor.net
MEXICAN Jose’s A local's favorite! Great food, great service Crab Enchiladas are fabulous 1612 Contra Costa, Seaside 831.899.0345
WINE Monterey County is home to award-winning wine You can’t go wrong with anything from our region Enjoy a bottle while reading the rest of the paper Cheers!
THAI Yangtse’s Taste of Thai Inventive selection of Asian inspired dishes prepared by award-winning chef. Newly remodeled. 328 Main St, Oldtown Salinas 831.754.2223
BBQ Bruno’s Market & Deli Famous Oakwood grilled tri-tip sandwiches. Pork & beef ribs, chicken. Hot links, Polish sausage. HALF POUND BURGERS! Smoked brisket & ribs. Catering available. Carmel 831.624.3821
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Crazy Horse The premier place for a scrumptious healthy meal. Hot and cold bar features over 75 fresh items. Full menu/ bar available. 1425 Munras Ave, Monterey 831.649.4771 www.crazyhorserestaurant.com
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January 2018
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog which has been barking in their backyard for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this.” She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, “The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?” The blonde says, “I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how they like it!
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see Closed for the Winter.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?” “No, silly,” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, I just paid $6,000 for these implants... I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
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“So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, this is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home, blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, “What are you doing?” The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, “uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.”
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, “Why, that’s a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” “Wow, said the blonde, that’s amazing. I’m going to buy it!” So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. “What’s that?” he asked. “Why, that’s a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” she replied. Her boss inquired, “What do you have in it?” The blond replied, “Two popsicles and a cup of coffee.”
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, “Why don’t you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.” “Thanks, but I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.” The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. “What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?” he asks. “No!” exclaims the blonde. “I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!”
On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said, “Clean Restrooms 8 Miles.” By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Two blonde teens, Muffy and Buffy, are taking a shortcut through the old Catholic cemetery when they begin to notice a few of the more interesting epitaphs. “Look at this headstone,” says Muffy. “It says a guy by the name of Agostino, from Sicily, lived to the age of 93.” “Gee, that’s old,” says Buffy. “But look at this one— ‘Cesar Sanchez—Born in Mexico City, Died in Los Angeles, Age 97.’” They continue strolling through the cemetery until Muffy stops in her tracks and exclaims, “Whoaaaaaaaa! Look at that headstone across the path — there’s an Irish guy who died when he was 145 years old!” “Wow!” says Buffy. “What was his name?” “Miles,” says Muffy. “I can barely see the headstone from here,” says Buffy. “Where does it say how old he was? And Irish?” Muffy peers at the stone across the path and reads aloud: “Died 145 Miles from Dublin.”
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
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January 2018
Comments Welcome: lalaugh6@gmail.com Aries: (Mar 21–Apr 19) The Ram The jig is up Dude and Dudeess! The strange hold that inner darkness has on you at times is just an overtaxed Ram. Even so, your very best pout will not spout the necessary salve. This calls for a Rock Star rebound! Shampoo the fleece; skewer the hors d’oeuvres onto the spiked studded jacket, and enjoy the New Years party! Oops, the fuzz...hire a lawyer. Taurus: (Apr 20–May 20) The Bull Stop sneaking out at night and hiding behind the dumpster to smoke. This is why you have the crick in your neck... rock hard paranoia strikes deep in the heartland. Not to mention how it is affecting you as a Soprano. Not willing to suspend the achievements of a Kool Winston? Then the New Year whispers in your ear my dear, you are Dunhill. Gemini: (May 21–Jun 20) The Twins To and fro, every which way you go! Between a rock and a hard place is normal for you GEM. Your Goombahs feel concern for your vacillation between despondency and euphoria. Sustaining this varietal appetite will bring you waves of pendulous stares. The New Year accolades you were hoping for may turn out to be blanks! Cancer: (Jun 21–Jul 22) The Crab Are you dumb as a box of rocks? Of course, the hangover of the New Year will soon be over! Another week or two you will be
fresh again. For future reference, you may want to beware of clinging to the one person who can only utter three words such as nibbles, rolling stone, and progress to Tequila. Leo: (Jul 23–Aug 22) The Lion Your astonishing open personality has bestowed a free pass upon you! Crashing a New Year’s party and pretending to be a family member is superlative. Strangers ready to adopt you as one of their own. Your pride may be bruised when they throw you out into the cold. Do not let this squelch your whole-hearted enthusiasm. Continue to be true to yourself. Remember Rock n’ Roll has two faces too, Chuck and Berry. Virgo: (Aug 23–Sep 22) The Virgin Your finely tuned nervous system is unrivaled, (exception Pisces), at assimilating knowledge and turning it into practical use. Take your rock Solid bad habits, throw in some self-analysis, and pick the one you like the best, for the rest of the year indulge without concern. Libra: (Sep 23–Oct 22) The Scales Cold feet and cold hands this winter will make you wretchedly unhappy. First, set aside the pet rock that only warms the cockles of your heart. Then take the plunger to make sure Santa has evacuated the chimney, this will help with your poor circulation. Light a fire, put socks on feet, wear mittens, and crap, if that doesn’t raise the thermostat...
Scorpio: (Oct 23 –Nov 21) The Scorpion Too inebriated to talk? You can rock the world with your sex fund. Recall your stinger is made up of six segments and moves swiftly backwards and forwards and will get the message across. In the New Year, you may look to other forms of communication. A new move in the art of baton twirling called the thumb toss perhaps. Careful no mishaps. Sagittarius: (Nov 22–Dec 21) The Archer Locomotion and volition...sound familiar. Your natural way is to keep moving! Your in-laws are hoping you will skedaddle with that paddle they gave you for Christmas. You resemble a Vanilla Lifesaver, pale, and stuck to their Barcalounger. The only dissolve is to lick yourself free. Even Rover is eyeing you to move over. Time to Rock the boat! Capricorn: (Dec 22– Jan 19) The Goat Gloating neatly like a tote, on a rocky outcrop you Birthday Goat! So much, you devote, to your strong constitution and selfsufficiency. In the nouveau year,
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By Bini do not let your moody broody side quench your wit, and also lend your strong shoulder to lean on and maybe even a tit. Aquarius: (Jan 23–Feb 18) The Water-Carrier Third Eye from the sum of two, you have three. Your unusual and mystical knowledge is abundant. Allow yourself to be magnificent by giving the people what they want. If they want frosted nuts, give them frosted nuts. Then go back to being aloof. You rock! Pisces: (Feb 19–Mar 20) The Fishes You believe that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. As in Sex, Drugs, and rock n’ roll, it is more like peels, dregs, and wet dance poles, temperance PI! All those hours strutting upon the stage, your sensitive feet need only to bend to the babbling bubbles. Slip into a silky spa and repeat adieu to all your corns, bunions, and foot rot. Lay it on thick this New Year PI, no light moisturizer here! You are budding pro.
My new year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to Auld Lang Syne.
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January 2018
Best Thoughts from 2017 1. My goal for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 to go. 2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza. 3. How to prepare Tofu: 1) throw it in the trash, 2) grill some meat 4. I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. 5. I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes. 6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it. 7. Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel. 8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me. 9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Nah, me either. 10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented — I forgot where I was going with this. 11. I love being over 65. I learn something new every day and forget five others. 12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him. 13. I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day. 14. November 6, 2017 was the
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end of Daylight Savings Time. Hope you didn’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night. 15. Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Flying Solo An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft! A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the controllers. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone! He yelled, “Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory! I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph! Mayday, mayday!” The controller in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone! “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions! The first thing is not to panic! Remain calm!” He began his series of questions: Tower: “How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet?” Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me!” Tower: “Okay, that’s good, remain calm! How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?” Aircraft: “I can see that it reads
180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me!” Tower: “Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast! So how do you know you’re flying upside down?” Aircraft: “The pee in my pants is running out of my shirt collar!!”
Church Ladies With Typewriters The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals. --------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. -------------------------Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Indications of a New Year Hangover 1. Chirping birds in your head are the Devil’s pets. 2. You’d rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight. 3. You spend the entire afternoon as quality time with your toilet. 4. Your catch phrase is, “Never again.” 5. Your new response to “Good morning,” is “Be quiet!” Tony and Sarah are your hosts and owners of the Crown & Anchor. Make it your resolution to join them and be warmed by their hospitality and humor
January 2018
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Comedy is Still Alive, Barely By Rex Keyes Happy New Year and hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!! One of our neighbors had a great idea for Christmas. Everyone in a family makes a list of what they want for a gift and so other members of the family have no problem going shopping for them. At least with a gift list, the person receiving the gift will probably not go down to the store and try to exchange it.
If you look closely at some of the comedies you will see that many ol’ time comedians are making a comeback. Of course if one writes on the list a vacation in St. Croix, a Ferrari, membership at the Pebble Beach Golf Club or a Rolex watch they may be exceeding their expectations. They will probably end up getting two tickets to the Santa Cruz amusement park, a toy sports car, tickets to play at a miniature golf course and a fake Rolex watch. So always
write down what is reasonable, unless one has a sugar daddy or sugar momma like in that famous Christmas song, “Santa Baby” in which a woman asks for a sable coat, a blue convertible, a yacht, a duplex and a ring, not a telephone ring. What is happening to comedy on television? It seems as if they are all caught up in politics. All Saturday Night Live’s openings have been all politics and also many skits during the show. They must be running out of ideas for other types of comedy. Now there are several sitcoms on TV that you may like. There is “Mom,” “Life in Pieces,” “Man with a Plan,” “9 JKL,” “The Big Bang Theory,” “Superior Donuts” and “Angie Tribeca.” And some of these sitcoms have ol’ time comedians. Elliot Gould is in “9 JKL” and Matt LeBlanc from “Friends” is in “Man with a Plan.” And if you look closely at some of the comedies you will see that many ol’ time comedians are making a comeback and making appearances on these shows. Also, I have to say, do not listen to critics of the television shows. Watch the shows and make a decision for yourself. For instance
50,000wrong!
Readers can’t
the critics listed the new sci-fi TV program “Orville” as bad. “Orville” is like “Star Trek” only with comedy and a great cast of characters. The Captain has his ex-wife as his first officer on the bridge. Imagine your ex being right next to you at work. A sci-fi with some comedy is not unusual. Just think of the episode of James T Kirk with those little creatures called “tribles.” And when you watch these programs try to watch at least two of them before making a decision. We watched “9 JKL” once and weren’t too thrilled but the second episode we watched was very funny, so now we are hooked. Oh, one
other sitcom I will mention is called “The Mick” but it is not for everyone and there are warnings about watching it, warning, warning. Here’s hoping you watch some of the above mentioned sitcoms as good comedy is still alive on TV, barely.
Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.
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The Search for Magic, Miracles and Meaning By Robyn Justo
About a month ago, I was mentioning to a friend that I probably spent (and wasted) way too much time on the computer. Within a few days, my laptop crashed in the middle of a long and tedious Word document. Being Italian and Portuguese, I still have a bit of a temper even though I think the years have mellowed me some. My hand just might have smacked the keyboard when this happened. Mercury wasn’t retrograde and as I sat helplessly and watched all of my desktop icons fade to black one by one, I wondered if this had something to do with me and my energy (and perhaps my temper). This was the third time in the last two years that something like this had happened. Twenty some years ago when I was in high tech, no one wanted me around their computers. Strange things happened when I would walk by. I never had any desire to even own one of my own back then, but as time went on I gave in to the temptation of technology and traded my soul for a laptop. My computer guru told me that it could indeed be a power surge of sorts and maybe it was indeed my energy. He’s a rare breed, a techie with a spiritual background. Whatever the case, I had to face the painful possibility that I had lost all of my data… again. I wondered if my words a few days prior had reverberated across Cyberia and my statement about wasting time was answered with a retort from an etheric elf or
laptop leprechaun somewhere who nonchalantly pushed a button, grinned sardonically, and said, “There, we’ll fix that for you right now.” A friend once told me that sometimes a banana was just a banana and not everything was connected or had a deeper meaning or significance. I begged to differ. I have spent my life enjoying the synchronicities of life and the magical and often unexpected ways that this Universe responds to our words and intent.
I’ll never stop looking for answers in the cosmic breadcrumbs of this life. After my ailing laptop was inspected there was good news. All of my data was still on my hard drive, but it would need to be replaced. And bad news. The cost would almost be as much as getting another laptop, so I bought a new one. In the meantime, I looked for that deeper meaning. Oddly enough, I didn’t seem to miss all of that time on the Internet. I seemed to have a lack of affect about it all. Of course, I did have an iPad and phone, but I took this as a clue and a cue to recluse myself from it all. When I had lost all of my data, photos and memories when my computers crashed before it was
like starting over and being forced to let go of the past and the details I deemed so important. Gone were the selfies, the precious links, the bookmarks, and the videos, not to mention a lot of my work. Oh, how attached we become. In a way, my personal operating system had been wiped clean, just in time for a new start for the new year. I wondered if it might be the same when we (you know) expire here. Are we like data that disappears without a trace? Is anything left on our hard drive? Are we rebooted in another form?
I’ll never stop looking for answers in the cosmic breadcrumbs of this life. As I ponder the bits, the bytes, and the bananas, I can clearly see the correlation. My friend would be scrunching up his face right about now, but I am absolutely sure that a banana is never JUST a banana.
I’m all for irony, but the phrase “Good morning” seems to be going a bit too far.
There is only one rule: Every row, column and box of 3x3 cells must contain the numbers 1 through 9 once.
Answers on page 20
January 2018
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Morning After By Ted Gargiulo The madness began with Thanksgiving and Black Friday— although some maintain that it began as early as Halloween. It spiraled upwards, culminated with Christmas, then segued seamlessly into the hysteria of New Year’s Eve, where pickled revelers sang and shrieked and partied themselves into a frenzy, cheering ecstatically when the Ax of Midnight finally dropped. Corks popped, bands blared triumphantly, balloons and streamers descended from the rafters. And partygoers everywhere, with glasses raised, ushered in yet another brave new chapter of history, chugging and slurping their cares away with utter abandon, some kissing people they’d never met before, others barfing in bathrooms or passing out in backseats, because they were so deliriously happy to be alive.
What did you hope to find this year that you hadn’t found in previous years? Now the holiday hoopla is over. The festivities have run their course. The clubs and dance halls have closed. As we speak, bulldozers are clearing the rubbish left by celebrants in Times Square. The passion is spent, the show is over, and the world collapses in exhaustion. Off with the masks. On with the houselights. Time to greet the long awaited New Year in the harsh morning light: unenhanced,
unadulterated, in mint condition, never been lived before—minus the glamour of anticipation. Lends new meaning to the song, “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” Except that “tomorrow” is now today. Just think: you’re standing face-to-face with the next phase of your life’s journey, and another chance to get things right! Why doesn’t that excite you? Because there’s no music playing now to sweeten the experience, no booze or fireworks to supercharge your mind, no makeup to hide the flaws and blemishes of a complexion with which you’re painfully familiar— one that bears an unsettling likeness to the person you thought you’d left behind, along with the old year. Namely, your old SELF. You’ll recall that 12 short months ago you were standing in this very place, pondering the same riddle: Life up close and personal, versus life viewed from afar. Life experienced, versus life imagined. Expectation in all its fickleness, and a decided loss of enchantment. You know the routine because you’ve been here before. The nagging question remains: What did you hope to find this year that you hadn’t found in previous years? Where is the passion you were counting on to carry you through the year—that frenetic delight with which you welcomed 2018 at midnight? Did you think sudden joy would greet you at the threshold the moment you knocked? Or that spiritual refreshment would simply fall out of the sky like last night’s confetti? Instead, you awoke this morning to discover that the world outside your window is
no different then it was last night, or last year, or the year before. Likewise, the image in your mirror, like your outer reality, is as dull and vapid now as it was when you last gazed into it. Moreover, how you feel today is no different then the way you normally feel, especially after a night of heavy partying. Seems
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that nothing ever really changes except the calendar. What could be missing? Perhaps what you need—what your mortal flesh groans for—isn’t a new year, but a new beginning. A new birth. NEW LIFE! Instead of looking inward for answers, maybe it’s time to start looking UP.
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January 2018
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Confused by Healthcare?
By Jay
I don’t know how many readers out there have struggled with the annual healthcare sign-up but speaking for myself, the only thing that separates Thanksgiving from Christmas is the deadline for choosing your healthcare package for the coming year. Quite honestly I would rather sign up for a root canal, but don’t have dental insurance! The healthcare business is confusing enough with co-pays, co-insurance, deductibles, and the Affordable Care Act, which manifests itself as Covered California if this is where you live. If you don’t live in California, a high five to the folks at Foolish Times for reaching beyond the state line. Being in need of healthcare coverage, I was referred to Jay Cohen. Jay runs his business above the Downtown Book & Sound in Oldtown Salinas. Access is through the quaint bookshop, past the coffee room, up the creaky stairs, running the gauntlet of the water heater sounds, until arriving at this fine purveyor of insurance services. Unlike the Harry Potter’ish approach to his working lair, Jay’s setup is state-of-the-art with fast computer access to all the insurance data one might imagine. This is offset by wall art from bygone music concerts. He claims that he was not a groupie and never ran around topless at the Monterey Pop Festival. As I write this I am particularly haunted by the picture of Melanie (I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates) that looks over his shoulder. I wanted to make sure I had coverage for gambling addiction, because to me, that is what
picking health insurance is all about. Am I going to get sick? Should I pay high premiums for full coverage, or should I go minimum premiums with scant coverage? Should I stash cash under the mattress for events unforeseen, or invest it and get back more green? With these issues, I had better make sure that I also have stress management in that coverage! Jay reassured me that it was.
Should I stash cash under the mattress for events unforeseen, or invest it and get back more green? He asked me about my financial background. Thinking that a sob story might get me a great deal, I told him that when I was young I only had half a roller skate and a bit of wood for a bike. We were so poor that even the rainbows were in black and white. Clearly he has no prejudice against clients big or small and he saw right
through my attempt for sympathy. He cranked up the steam in the boilers, computed all the relevant numbers, and presented an informative set of comparisons of the choices. He offers his services and heat as a complimentary service. All seriousness aside, I am really glad I went to Jay. He made it easy, didn’t hit me and I got the insurance coverage that I think is right for me. I was so relieved at having sorted my insurance needs that I thought, “This is the time to sort some other stuff out in my life.” I went straight home and said to the love of my life “I am thinking of getting a new wife,” to which she replied, “Good, I could do with some help.” Cheers!
I don’t call them New Year’s Resolutions. I prefer the term, “Casual Promises with no legal obligation to fulfill.”
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
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Thought Drops
January 2018
By Debbie Harris • January is the Monday of months. • Do the people who put “This page intentionally left blank” realize that by adding that phrase, they are nullifying their statement? • What is the name of that little packet that manufacturers put in purses and vitamin bottles (and elsewhere) to help keep them fresh? • How come whenever I spell the word “weird” it never looks right to me? It looks, well, weird. • How many people wearing ear buds walking down the street talking are actually talking to themselves? • Speaking of which . . . can we create a symbol for people around us to indicate that we are on the phone. We need an international gesture for “Sorry, I’m not talking to you. I’m on the phone.” • My favorite Southern phrase is “tough as woodpecker lips.” • Mixed feelings: Supercuts gave me a $2 senior citizen’s discount that I’m too young for. I was insulted and grateful at the same time. • Has anyone really had their socks knocked off? Were they wearing shoes too? • Why are people who are really sick “sicker than a dog?” How did dogs get this reputation and why are they the measurement for sickness? • When the song “Happy” by Pharrell was popular, it was everywhere, saturating my ears. I happened to mention to some co-workers that I wouldn’t mind a break from that song. They reacted as if I’d just said I had a
gunny sack of puppies and was heading to the lake with a couple of bricks. Don’t mess with people’s “Happy” song. • Is there a 12 step group for people with a computer solitaire addiction? Hello, my name is Debbie and I’m a solitaireaholic. • We all do it. We’re trained—we look both ways before crossing a one-way street. • My favorite observation about the Media: “News is a proctological view of the world.” • My favorite news article headline from 2017—Monterey County Herald, June 14, 2017: “Search called off after no sign of anyone missing.” • Almond milk has become pretty popular. I understand how cows are milked, but how do you milk an almond? • The next time you’re in a doctor’s waiting room, count how many people you see smiling. • How did Dr. Suess propose to his wife? Did he do it in a boat? Did he have to cross a moat? Did he ride in on a goat? Did he ask her for her vote? Did he have to cross the sea? Did he get down on one knee? Did he have to pay a fee?
Marry, please, oh, marry me! • I know that the phrase “we’re pregnant” is intended to help the father-to-be to feel more included, but, dude, until you get morning sickness, have to pee every 20 minutes, watch your belly button invert, get stretch marks, can’t get comfortable no matter which position you try to sleep in, and expel a human being out of your body, SHE’s pregnant. • There are so many “must see” movies and “must have” products. I skip them all. I wonder what’s going to happen to me. • Why are so many of my mental notes staccato? • Am I the only one who hears classical music and thinks of Bugs Bunny? • For Lent: Has anyone given up giving up things for Lent? • If someone is giving 110%, does that mean they’re borrowing from someone else? • Do you have to be giving 110% to be “more than happy” to do something? • Am I the only person who has to work at relaxing? • Happy New Year!
Q: What is the best day of the week to sleep? A: Snooze-day! Q: How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb? A: A phew! Q: What do cannibals eat for breakfast? A: Buttered host! Q: What holds the sun up in the sky? A: Sunbeams! Q: What does maximum mean? A: A very big mother! Q: What is full of holes but can still hold water? A: A sponge! Q: Why is perfume obedient? A: Because it is scent wherever it goes! Q: Waiter, this soup tastes funny? A: Then why aren’t you laughing! Q: What do you get if you cross a US President with a shark? A: Jaws Washington!
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
Q: Why do you keep doing the backstroke? A: I’ve just had lunch and don’t want to swim on a full stomach!
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January 2018
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January 2018 sentenced Hayes to nine years in prison.
Questionable Judgment
By the Editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication
News That Sounds Like a Joke • A Tesla showroom in South Salt Lake, Utah, was the nexus of four different arrests on Nov. 24, according to the Salt Lake Tribune, in which at least two of the suspects claimed to be part of the Tesla “family.” (The car company is named after inventor Nikola Tesla, not a family owner.) In the first arrest, a Tesla pulled up behind a Utah Highway Patrol car at a stoplight, and the officer noticed that Driver No. 1 was acting “suspicious.” When the officer pulled him over, the 24-year-old driver said a man he hardly knew gave him the car and keys to three other Teslas. When the officer and driver returned to the showroom, it had been burglarized, but Driver No. 1 explained that the burglary had occurred before he got to the dealership, so he felt he was allowed to take the vehicle and keys. Area officers were alerted, and 31-year-old Driver No. 2 led troopers on a short chase, until his Tesla’s battery died. Later, Driver No. 3, 19, was pulled over in West Valley, and finally Driver No. 4, a 27-year-old woman, was stopped at a liquor store and told police a man named Tesla had given her the car. “We are still trying to sort this out,” said South Salt Lake Police spokesman Gary Keller. “We actually have two people claiming their name is Tesla and a family member died and left them these cars. It’s one
of those cases where you just have to scratch your head and say, ‘Really?’” • Arielle Bonnici, 26, of Huntington, New York, responsibly arrived at the Northport Police Department and Village Justice Court on Dec. 4 to answer a summons issued in May for possession of marijuana. But before she could even park her car, Bonnici, who was on her phone, attracted the attention of officers by cutting off an unmarked police vehicle and wheeling into the spot reserved for the chief of police. The Long-Islander News reported that when officers approached the car and Bonnici rolled down her window, a cloud of marijuana smoke poured out, and she was promptly arrested for possession again, along with getting a ticket for using her cellphone while driving. She was able to kill two buds, er, birds, with one stone and appear before the court for both charges. • Meanwhile, in Newberry, South Carolina, 31-year-old Franklin Dell Hayes of Midlands appeared on Dec. 6 at his trial for his third charge of possession of methamphetamines. As the first day of the trial came to a close, The State reports, Hayes was ordered into custody, but when Newberry County sheriff’s deputies searched him before locking him up, they found ... 4 grams of meth in his pants pocket. Without knowledge of the new meth discovery, the jury
• Popeye’s preferred diet of spinach to pump up his biceps had to be healthier than what a Russian man has been injecting. Kirill Tereshin, 21, from Pyatigorsk in southwestern Russia, concocts a dangerous muscle-enhancing solution of olive oil, lidocaine and benzyl alcohol and injects it into his arm muscles, resulting in “bazooka” arms that doctors say may become paralyzed or even have to be amputated. Tereshin has so far used 6 liters of the fluid, and his biceps measure 23 inches, but he plans to continue injecting until they reach 27 inches. “I would like to get more than 1 million subscribers on Instagram and to stop working,” Tereshin told the Daily Mail. He’s considering an offer to become a porn star. “I love to be recognizable.”
What Could Go Wrong? • It was all fun and games until a drunk, naked man and his (also naked) companion crashed into a tree near La Grande, Washington, on Nov. 22. Washington State Patrol spokeswoman Brooke Bova told The Olympian that the couple were engaging in intercourse when the driver missed a curve and left the highway. The woman was hospitalized with broken bones, but her 3-month-old child was unhurt in the backseat. The driver, who has three prior DUI convictions, was charged with felony driving under the influence, vehicular assault and endangering a child.
Awesome! • Male residents of Ringaskiddy in Ireland have at least one compelling reason to set down roots there: According to local lore, the nearby Pfizer plant,
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where Viagra is produced, emits “love fumes” that give men free erections. “One whiff and you’re stiff,” bartender Debbie O’Grady told The Times of London. Pfizer, however, disputes the tales, with a spokesperson saying: “Our manufacturing processes have always been highly sophisticated as well as highly regulated.” Still, locals speak of a baby boom after the plant opened in 1998, and men apparently regularly gather near the facility to inhale the fumes.
Animal Antics • Dovey the Shar Pei, of Edmond, Oklahoma, might be just a bit jealous of the new baby at his owners’ home. But in a classic passive-aggressive move, he settled on stealing pacifiers. Scott Rogers and his wife noticed that binkies were disappearing, but it wasn’t until Dovey started vomiting and losing weight in early December that they tracked down the lost items. KFOR-TV reports that Dr. Chris Rispoli of Gentle Care Animal Hospital took an X-ray of Dovey’s stomach and saw what he thought were seven to nine pacifiers. But when Rispoli opened up Dovey to remove them, he found 21 binkies. Turns out, Dovey was taking the pacifiers off the kitchen counter. “We’ve had corn cobs and socks and panties and things like that, but never 21 binkies,” noted Rispoli. Copyright 2017 Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut, Kansas City MO 64106; 800-255-6734
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January 2018
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Mira, WOW! By Daria James
Krasivaya Matryoshka Greetings and Happy New Year! Although, same old bologna on the papers and social media, the gym is going to be packed all month, new me empty promises from some people. Bleh! Just be the change already. We all have defects of character, once we identify them in ourselves, either we take steps to minimize and correct them, thus we become more pleasant to be around and not total a**holes, or we do not. It is that easy. Suffering is optional, you see. Life is limited, why begrudge it? I will give you a little example. I used to drink too much soda. Vanilla coke was my drug of choice‌ some afternoons I would spice it up with some vodka or rum. I realized that if I did not drink my daily dose of soda (I still drink vodka and rum, do not get it twisted), I would become irritable. One day I decided to free myself from their delicious fizzy prison. I cannot remember last time I drank any type of soda. I know I did not wait for a Monday, or the beginning of a new year, I just stopped. I have never indulged in
recreational drugs or any other addictive controlled substances, so I cannot speak about quitting said vices. I am simply sharing an unhealthy habit I used to revel in. Subsequently, I have freed myself from caffeine, which was a struggle, it was a slower process, but my body finally stopped yearning for it. Again, just sharing my personal experience, sounds braggadocios, it is not. I am not a Vegan cross-fitter, which a person can totally be. It is the holier than thou attitude attached to said life choices some adopt that becomes bothersome in my eyes. However, I continue to live my life, as do they. People’s keys to happiness differ. I used to think what I was doing to improve myself and achieve happiness is what everyone should be doing. In my journey I comprehended that is not how it works. What has been successful for me might not work for someone else. We all have different necessities; we have different backgrounds. Sometimes I will share similarities with another individual, but that does not make us the same. We share our experiences, and we take what
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
we need then disregard the rest. For instance, I have taken some advice from Oprah, but I know not everything she lived can apply to me. It is ok to disagree with Oprah now and then. Keep her humble.
I am not a Vegan crossfitter, which a person can totally be. That is how I achieve happiness. Sure, there are times when dark memories make an appearance, but there is no point dwelling in the past. It happened, I suffered, I learned from it and I moved on. I am not perfect, and how far I am from it is all about perspective, really. Like a Russian nesting doll, there is a doll inside a
doll, inside a doll. I still have some vices. Too few to mention. Some of them are technically hobbies, mere pursuit of leisureliness. Nothing wrong with that. To conclude, I will not ask you to be the best you can be. Just be less of the worst, drink more water and go for a walk occasionally. Carmel, Pacific Grove and the Wharf area were some of my favorite places to walk back in the day. Moreover, if you are a grown-up, please do not ruin a fine steak with ketchup. The cow is already dead; you do not need to insult it. Lastly, I decided to learn more Russian this year, so you can google stuff. Toodles!
January Snippets of Info Answers on pg 20
Cold Winter Wolf Januarius Giuli Schneemond Janus Roman God Door Two Faces Garnet Carnation Capricorn Aquarius Martin Luther King First
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Stacy talks" to comics "
Meet Bruce Baby Man Baum
By Stacy Lininger Stacy: You are multitalented having done stand up, movies, songs, books, etc. Is comedy your calling? Bruce: Yes, I am a comic for life. Stacy: How does one know they are destined to be a comic? Did you just come out of the womb that way? Bruce: I didn’t know I was going to be a comic. When I was growing up, comedy wasn’t a profession. There were only ten comics out there. Stacy: Who. Like…? Bruce: Jonathan Winters, Woody Allen, Bob Newhart…
January 2014
JOKES
SUBMITTED
Stacy: What did you want to be? Bruce: I wanted to be a lawyer. Stacy: You wrote a song called “Marty Feldman Eyes.” What is the best line from that song? Bruce: “All the boys think that she’s fried. She’s got Marty Feldman eyes.” It’s on You Tube. I also wrote “Don’t You Wish Your Boyfriend Was Bald Like Me?” Stacy: And you wrote a book called “Letters From a Nut.” There was a funny excerpt in there about flying. Bruce: “If you weigh 150 lbs and you can lift 300 lbs you should be able to fly by sitting on a chair and lifting yourself up.”
FUNNY BONES BY THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY
Cheat Sheet of Medical Terms Artery: The study of fine paintings Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria ER: The things on your head that you hear with Hemorrhoid: A male from outer space Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport
January 2018 Stacy: Why did you write it under a pseudo name? Bruce: Because, at the time, I was doing a lot of television like Hollywood Squares and Password. The credit I was most proud of was when I was on the Simpson’s. They were doing a comedy festival in Springfield and I played myself. Jay Leno, Bob Goldthwaite and Steven Wright were also appeared. Stacy: The Simpson’s caricature of you on your website is amazing. They are now saying the Simpson’s predicted things on the show like Trump becoming president. Bruce: Yes, I have heard that as a matter of fact... Stay: Now, I want to go back and watch past episodes, including yours. Bruce: There is an episode called “The Last Temptation of Crusty.” Crusty the Clown started doing standup. He did like a George Carlin routine, and then he sold out and went back to being Crusty the Clown on the Simpson’s. Stacy: What makes you laugh? Bruce: Whatever is funny – words, situations, thoughts. I always try to find the humor in everything.
comics are staying away from politics. Stacy: I have always turned to comedy to cut through the propaganda and get to the truth. If we can’t count on comics, then who? Certainly not the media. Bruce: A lot of it is hypocritical but that’s why I try to stay away from it since it is so divisive. Stacy: The Trump hating bandwagon is the problem He could spit nickels and the haters would say why not quarters, he can afford it. We are about to get a huge tax break and people are already on the bandwagon complaining. Bruce: Yes, I think we are going to get a tax break. Stacy: Now that you are all grown up, comedy has come a long way. Bruce: Yes, comedian was voted number one as the most depressing profession. Stacy: Exactly, 50 years ago, it was not even considered a profession and now it has been elevated to the number one most depressing profession. Now that’s progress.
Stacy: What is funny about Donald Trump? Bruce: Well I guess there are some things that aren’t funny. Although, the fact that he got elected is pretty funny. Stacy: Good, so the fact that he did, isn’t that important? Bruce: Yeah, but, except for the guys that are strictly political, comics are staying away from politics to not inflame the whole audience. Most of the time when you do something political on stage, both sides can laugh at it. This is such a divisive situation,
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I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I didn’t become a better person.
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January 2018
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Women get a little more excited about New Year’s Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse. You drink too much, and you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep. The next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
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Way Back When By Jann Gargiulo We were just sitting around talking the other day when the subject of time came up. That happens often as one ages I guess. There is more of it behind us then ahead of us! So, we started talking about the first time we remembered … anything! We heard a story on TV about this kid who could remember being born! Can you imagine that? I wouldn’t like that one bit. I hope that kid eventually forgets it. I’ve had two children, and even I choose to remember only the pleasant parts, like when the birthing was over!!! No, I’m teasing. When you see that little bundle for the first time, there’s nothing more beautiful in the whole world!
All of the other kids slept way up at the top of the house, but I had never been that far up. So, back to remembering what we remembered. I really didn’t have to think too long. I remembered when my parents brought my little sister Ruthie home from the hospital. There were a total of twelve children in our household, and we lived in a renovated old barn. All of the other kids slept way up at the top of the house, but I had never been that far up; I was only 1 year and 3 months old at the time. So, you can imagine how happy I was to get a new sister who was small, and we could play together in the crib!
My parents came home and let me see my little sister, then told me to go play with the other kids so Ruthie could sleep. Mamma said that babies needed a lot of rest, and Daddy added, “So do mammas”. I knew what that meant. So, I went outside. After my oldest sister, Doris, had gotten me ready for bed, I went to the crib as always and climbed in. I snuggled up to Ruthie and told her how happy I was that she was home with us. I told her I loved her and could hardly wait for her to get bigger so we could play together. Then, I fell asleep. Sometime later, I felt someone lifting me up! What … what’s happening? My oldest brother, Ray had me in his arms, and Mamma said that it was time for me to join the “big kids” upstairs. Upstairs? But, I’d never been up there before. That didn’t matter. Mamma said for me to be a good girl and she would explain it to me in the morning. Yeah, IF I made it ‘till morning! There were BIG boys up there; and some mean girls! But, Ray kept me safe that night, and mamma explained why two babies shouldn’t be in the same crib together (especially when one can climb out). So, I figured I’d be okay after all. This was the first thing I remembered. Remember, I was only 1 year and 3 months old. Maybe I can tell you some things that happened AFTER I settled in upstairs. But not right now … we have a whole new year for that!
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January 2018
January 3
Peanuts
Back in 2000, the very last original Peanuts comic strip was published.
Through January 7
www.foolishtimes.net
January 11-28
January 27
Sketchfest S.F.
Thunder From Down Under
This is the 17th annual event that brings a staggering array of worldclass comedic talent to perform sketch comedy, improv, standup, game shows and more. sfsketchfest.com
Viva Las Vegas
Flamin’ Gals and Gays Comedy First ever comedy show in Monterey consisting of women and gays from the LGBTQ community. Shannon Murphy headlines. pinkflamingotheater.org
Arsenio Hall
Out on tour and out of control. A chance to see this Emmy awardwinner in an intimate setting. sanjose.improv.com
From Elvis and Little Richard to Aretha Franklin, Sonny & Cher and the Beatles. A “best of musical” of songs from yesteryear! pacrep.org
January 6
January 19-20
January 20-28 January 12
Lewis Black
He’s back with his Jokes on Us Tour. More rants, more anger, more fun. goldenstatetheatre.com
Snowmobile Safety Week
There are 1.2 million registered in the US. Why don’t we have any here? I’m seeing a future attraction in Monterey! snowmobile.org
January 15
National Hat Day
Hats are one of the oldest human accessories and at one time an indicator of social status.
January 21
National Hugging Day
Started in 1986, the idea is to encourage everyone to hug family and friends more often.
January 24 January 11-14
Monterey Swingfest
Dance workshops feature past and present world and national champions, plus open dancing. Dance until dawn or dance with Dawn. centralcoastswingdance.com
Girl’s’ night out interactive show featuring Australia’s hottest export. Seductive dance routines, cheeky humor and boy-next-door charm. The upper balcony is sold out. goldenstatetheatre.com
January 18
This is Spinal Tap
Funny film about life as a rock star. Jeff Trevino from CSUMB hosts a Q & A after the movie. thelabarts.com
Beer Can Appreciation Day
In 1935, beer was first sold in cans by the Gottfried Krueger Brewing Co. Made of steel and weighing four ounces, these heft canisters has to be opened with a can opener.
January 27-28
8th Annual Whalefest
Celebrate the migration of the gray whales. Family friendly interactive events, music and more. Two day symposium highlights the event with lectures and documentaries related to ocean marine life and conservation. montereywharf.com
January 30
Inane Answering Message Day
A day to end the numerous, annoying meaningless bot calls we all receive.
January 2018
www.foolishtimes.net
HEADS ABOVE THE COMPETITION Come out and be a fan of Professional Basketball in Monterey January 6 vs. San Diego Surf January 20 vs. Henderson Hawks February 3 vs. Modesto Super Cats ABA Far West Division leaders 7-0 All games at MPC 6pm tip-off Tickets and more info: 831.776.6755 | www.seakingsbasketball.com
Safe & Happy Start to the New Year Come See Tony FREE Computer Wheel Alignment (with purchase of 4 tires) FREE Tire Rotation (every 5,000 miles) FREE Brake and Tire Inspection (no purchase necessary) 15% Off any Brake Service (most cars) FREE Shuttle Service (within 5 miles)
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