Foolish Times 2018 November

November 2018 1

There is no reason to post your Thanksgiving meal.

We’re all eating the same thing.

CASA Speaks Out » Pg. 25 Event Calendar » Pg. 26

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STOP BULLYING WORKSHOP • 12/1/18

Stand Up, Speak Out!

SSG is committed to empowering women and children through workshops that build confidence, self-esteem, respect and responsibility.

RULES AGAINST BULLYING 1. If we know someone is being bullied, we will tell an adult.

2. We will try to help students who are being bullied.

3. We will include students who are left out.

4. We will not bully others.

Survival Solution Group

SERIOUS TRAINING FOR UNCERTAIN TIMES (831) 210-8864 • EVIP67@YAHOO.COM

Volunteer Drivers Needed Now!

Drive At Your Convenience

Most Rides Less than 20 Minutes

Monterey 831 233-3447

Salinas 831 240-0850

Supported by Members and Donors Independent Transportation Network Monterey County A 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Organization

Meet Interesting People While Helping Others

ation Registr ited. m li is Call !

Y TODA

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What the Bleep is Foolish Times?

Foolish Times is a free monthly tabloid publishing the best humor we can find (some months we search harder than others). The opinions or ideas expressed by contributors are not necessarily those of Foolish Times, its owner, advertisers, or associates, or their extended families, or their friends or neighbors, or their associated pen pals, up to and including cockatiels. All articles, graphics, photographs, and whatnot (especially the what-not) are copyrighted by the so-called”writers” and”artists” who contribute them. Foolish Times uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

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For rate information, email sales@foolishtimes.net or call 831.648.1038 For rat information, call your exterminator

List of Fools Chucklehead.............................Stevie P. Editorial Fool.............................Susie Q. Art Fool...........................Mama Morgan Toddler Fool..........................Jonah Dee

Contributors

Bini, Lily Brun, Max Cannon, Ted Gargiulo, Jann Gargiulo, Debbie Harris, Michael Houston, Craig Hubler, Daria James, Robyn Justo, Rex Keyes, Dana Larabee, Keith Larson, Chris Myers, David Schmidt, Mary Tompsett, Monty Truitt

The Chucklehead Speaks November is the unofficial month to reflect on what we are thankful for. No matter what you think you are going through, this too will pass. The sun will shine, the birds will chirp and we will all look back and have a good laugh.

I’m thankful that baseball season is officially over and football takes the top spot to bore us.

I’m thankful construction crews finally stopped digging up Hartnell Street over and over again like they were looking for buried treasure.

I’m thankful I found The Jerry Springer show on multiple channels.

I’m thankful that if I ever get homesick while traveling, I can go in any grocery store produce section and find comfort in hugging a bag of lettuce grown and packed in Salinas Valley.

I’m thankful for my new dishwasher. She is taller and quieter than the last one.

I’m thankful for the lesson learned from the homeless guy dressed as Zorro. He would take a

handful of our papers from a rack to sell for a dollar.

He made enough money to catch a bus out of town.

Godspeed my friend.

I’m thankful I found a place on this Earth to live with no humidity, no snow and no New Yorkers.

I’m thankful we don’t have a real psych ward in this county. It would be busier than McDonald’s drive through at lunchtime.

Anyone driving in front of me is thankful the Auto Tech Department at MPC replaced my front brakes.

I’m thankful that Santa Cruz County is close by for a dose of other forms of reality.

I’m thankful for a successful career singing to the deaf and playing air guitar to the blind.

I’m thankful for all the people I met through Foolish Times and the creative people I get to work and play with who truly care about you.

Stevie P. / publisher@foolishtimes.net

Foolish Times

P.O. Box 4046 Monterey, CA 93942

831.648.1038

www.foolishtimes.net

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BOTTLE SHOPPE

DONUTS

ITALIAN

PUBS

Red’s

Gino’s

Crown & Anchor

Large craft beer selection. Rare & fine wines. Expanded selection of spirits. Coldest beer in town. Chilled wines & champagne.

Wine tasting room.

Visit our cigar lounge.

Downtown Carmel 831.624.1805

Voted best donuts since before time!

An iconic meeting place for locals. Home of the $6 Mon-Tues doz donuts.

433 Alavarado St, Monterey 831.372.9761 1646 Fremont Ave, Seaside 831.394.3444

Voted best restaurant in Salinas.

The Bozzo family has been at it since 1975—This place is worth its weight in alfredo sauce.

1410 S Main St, Salinas 831.422.1814 www.ginospasta.com

Open Thanksgiving Day Classic British owned & operated pub. Heated patio.

Full menu to midnight.

150 W Franklin St, Monterey 831.649.6496 www.crownandanchor.net

LATE NIGHT

CHINESE

MEXICAN

THAI

Denny’s

Full Moon

Surf N Sand Liquors

Monterey County is not known for late night food, unless you have leftovers in your fridge.

Marina, Monterey, Salinas, and Seaside locations

CAFÉ Bay Café & Cantina Best breakfast & lunch.

Pet-friendly garden patio.

Espresso bar, 26 varieties of loose tea. Locals & military discounts.

55 Camino Aguajito, Monterey 831.717.4054 www.baycafeandcantina.com

FAST FOOD If food were fast, we would all be running after it.

PROMOTE YOUR RESTAURANT HERE 831.648.1038

Open Thanksgiving Day Great new menu items to tantalize your palate for a memorable dining experience.

429 Alvarado St, Monterey 831.333.1288 www.fullmoonmonterey.com

SEAFOOD I See Food, I Eat it!

If you don’t find something that was swimming in the sea on a menu in Monterey County, you’re probably still in Kansas, Dorothy.

BREAKFAST First Awakenings ...Egg-cetera. A local’s & visitor’s first choice to start the day. Don’t forget to come back for lunch!

171 Main St, Old Town Salinas 831.784.1125 125 Oceanview Blvd, Pacific Grove 831.372.1125 www.firstawakenings.net

Jose’s

Yangtse’s Taste of Thai

A local’s favorite!

Great food, great service. Crab enchiladas are fabulous.

1612 Contra Costa, Seaside 831.899.0345

Inventive selection of Asian inspired dishes prepared by award-winning chef. Newly remodeled.

328 Main St, Oldtown Salinas 831.754.2223

WINE

BBQ

Monterey County is home to awardwinning wine. You can’t go wrong with anything from our region.

Enjoy a bottle while reading the rest of the paper. Cheers!

JAPANESE Wakatobi Japanese Grill Noodles, tempura, hibachi, seafood, meat and vegi dishes. Open daily for lunch & dinner.

Catering available.

1130 Fremont Blvd, Seaside 831.717.4624

Bruno’s Market & Deli Famous Oakwood grilled tri-tip sandwiches. Pork & beef ribs, chicken, hot-links, Polish sausage, smoked brisket & ribs, HALF POUND BURGERS! Catering available.

Carmel 831.624.3821

SALAD BAR Crazy Horse Open Thanksgiving Day The premier place for a scrumptious healthy meal. Hot and cold bar features over 75 fresh items. Full menu/bar available.

1425 Munras Ave, Monterey 831.649.4771 www.crazyhorserestaurant.com

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By Bini Aries: (Mar 21–Apr 19) The Ram The fools of November will always remember the omen of the white owl which is “too much of a good thing makes it bad.” Don’t be so gauche, mon ami. If you keep brushing the opposition out of the way like flies on your pumpkin pie, your arena will eventually echo back to you it’s eerie ancient emptiness. Then we will be forced to baste your weary heart in day old turkey juice and leavins. Even a warrioress needs a posse.

Taurus: (Apr 20–May 20) The Bull Daniel Boone was a man, was a big man...on TV. He was only 4 ft. tall.

But he was determined to be big! Like Bull, you, the determined settler who follows, builds and cultivates the soil. Even in a dust bowl you are earthy as french perfume. Take heed and recall in the “Sea of Grass” with Hepburn and Tracy. Supposedly Hepburn was needy and Tracy warned of a weedy seedy splendor in the grass. Don’t be an ass!

Gemini: (May 21–Jun 20) The Twins Je ne’n crois pas mes yeaux!

It’s not a bird, it’s not a plane... actually, it is...a 20 sided mix of art and science, a ICOSAGON! This is you Gem. You may even outwit yourself at times due to your many face shifts. Meandering through your own kaleidoscope can be treacherous, but the sum of your interior corners seem to fair with the fun house. You’ll never be a regular square.

Cancer: (Jun 21–Jul 22) The Crab A soul of caution you are. This places you out of the realm of personal experience. Say if the dancers of Le Moulin Rouge were trepidatious about their petticoats missing pieces, could we still call it the red windmill that turns around our heads, our stomachs and our hearts? Trust that you can, YOU Can-can.

Leo: (Jul 23–Aug 22) The Lion Your people keep hammering at you about your monarchy while you’re trying to rest up for another conquest. The non-believers would be wise to follow your self-assurance especially when it surrounds you like glowworms illuminating the way. Show them how it’s done under the gun your Highness by calling ahead to have your filet de Turkey specially killed...it is afterall a moveable feast!

Virgo: (Aug 23–Sep 22) The Virgin You’re “tremblement de terre” fussy fit is stifling the very force of nature around you. Recall how the Swallows of Capistrano perfected their droppings every year because they trusted in the unknown. They somehow knew it would be put to good use. Your mission is finding the jewels in your skat. This will relieve you of your overall skepticism.

Libra: (Sep 23–Oct 22) The Scales Sacrebleu! You are so sauvage.

What else can be done for you!?

Peel you some tape and save the sticky for your face-lift, or pop you a cork or French you a fry! You are so happy when others are doing your work. You are a superb listener...can you hear that stampede! A LIBRA-CON won’t work this time. No lucky charm can get you out of this overdue vision quest.

Scorpio: (Oct 23 –Nov 21) The Scorpion You can administer instant arthritis with just a prick. You do nothing by half measures, but this could be an area of consideration.

Too much of a good thing can leave you begging for more of less. With your incredible depth and brilliance this birthday could bring you the trust to be swept away by outside forces. Ouch! You did it again! I can’t feel my arm...

Sagittarius: (Nov 22–Dec 21) The Archer WANDERLUST and wander you must! Is the grass greener on the other side? Does it smell like freshly cut lawn, or douse your senses with fertilizer? Your soul may need a peace treaty to recover from the simple fact that all life recycles. Over the hill and through the valley the grand discovery is that your perspective is what makes things anew. You can always wander all around wonder.

Capricorn: (Dec 22– Jan 19) The Goat Purposeful pursuit making you purple? Time for a Belle Epoque.

Letting your spontaneous parts play and run is essential for continued growth and prosperity.

It all comes down to what you love to do. Put a cap CAP on your poverty stricken attitude and find a green space because presently joie de vivre is a La Mode.

Aquarius: (Jan 23–Feb 18) The Water-Carrier Touché! You are astrology itself.

Wacky, witty, madcap and unorthodox. You deliberately provoke others to summon their most open mind...how divine. You know all is fair in love and war, a two-way Rue. Recycle a train station and create a turkey farm.

Loving the unconventional indeed.

Pisces: (Feb 19–Mar 20) The Fishes A teepee in le Bois de Boulogne is very bohemian of you PI. You dive full heartedly into research.

You could become une Legende Indiennne! You may encounter obscure characters in the park though and you being of half-body half spirit, you must ALWAYS beware of someone else’s hard luck story. Especially the funny ones in trench coats, known as Le Flasheur.

Don’t Forget Thanksgiving 8

By Jann Gargiulo Among the many happenings in one’s life how does one choose which story to tell and when that story is appropriate?

Since it’s November I think I’ll share our family’s last Thanksgiving on the farm. Of course, we didn’t know that it was our last one. If you’re thinking a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving, clear your mind … that’s not my family!

My Mom was very wise, she always had extra food hidden away for the last round.

I thought everyone of us loved living on the farm. Lately, however, I heard my sister, Char say, “I can’t wait to move away from here!” Did she know? These are the things that went through a little girl’s head and heart as she grew up in this large family. But, Thanksgiving was a time when Mom wanted to hear from us as to what we were grateful for … I had always said, “Growing up on the farm with all the kids.” This

year seemed different, but I didn’t know why.

It was November 27, 1958.

No matter what the weather, my Mom was in the kitchen cooking … VERY early in the morning! I don’t remember a time when our turkey was less than 25 pounds, and usually it was much more.

It seemed that sometime during the day and evening all the other relatives stopped by for some food and songs! In and out. No one seemed to go any further than the kitchen leaving the front door open; here comes someone else!

All of the windows in the kitchen were open too, but it didn’t feel like it!

It was always so HOT in that kitchen!

My Dad could never get anyone to go upstairs to the living room.

The reason being that my cousins, Bill and Eddie, were right inside the kitchen with their guitars, uke and banjo playing their bluegrass music! Everyone wanted to hear them and sing with them so no one would go upstairs, including Bill and Eddie!

But when all the food was ready to eat Mom would just tell

everyone to put down the music, find a place at the table and bow your head. The table only fit 10, so we ate in rounds. When folks finished eating, Daddy would usher them upstairs to watch the game on TV. (I guess you can tell the first round was mostly guys!)

Then the second round would eat … no, I wasn’t in that round either.

It consisted mostly of the older siblings and matching cousins.

This round stayed at the table the longest! Not to worry, my Mom was very wise, she always had extra food hidden away for the last round. She knew not to trust my brothers!

When the food was gone Mom wrapped the “leftover” turkey bones and put them in the fridge for soup the next day. Later (after the game of course) everyone who stuck it out ‘til evening, would come back downstairs to the kitchen and have pumpkin or apple pie. After a few more songs Daddy would declare it time for the young ones to get to bed “cause they’re so tired.” We knew it was Daddy who was tired, but the guests left vowing to come back at Christmas.

Sometimes, even though I was only nine years old, I would sit in the highchair and just take it all in. Something inside me was saying, “Don’t forget these days” and I haven’t!

• Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

• Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

• Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

• Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

• Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

If you haven’t left a store carrying your screaming kid surf board style, you’re not really parenting.

Tony & Sara are the owners and your hosts at the Crown & Anchor. Come in for a seasonal pint and be delighted by their warmth and hospitality.

CNDOMAN

By Robyn Justo

The English language is confusing. Context is very important. I have no idea how folks with English as their second language understand any of it with homonyms and heteronyms.

How do we learn and remember the secrets of these mysterious sounds and symbols? How would one know if the fare at the fair is fair? Or if they should shed a tear if they got a tear in their shirt?

We ought to commend anyone who tries to get it and give them a break or is it brake? (Footnote: I brake for aliens of all kinds, legal, illegal, and extraterrestrial which leads me to wonder how Webster

will someday define the word trump, uncapitalized.)

Some things are spelled the same way and are subject to interpretation and not the secret rules. Why is being lax a bad thing and then encouraged when done again and people will even pay to do it. RE-lax!

I think we have all looked at the license plate ahead of us, especially the personal ones, and tried to figure them out if they aren’t obvious.

Case in point. The other day as I was driving to the gym, I looked up and saw CNDOMAN. I didn’t think I would have to buy a vowel

but I did have the distinct feeling that context was important here.

If I was in the mindset of looking for real estate, and moving as much as I do I should be, CONDOman might be my first guess.

But if I happened to be in one of “those” moods (which happens rarely these days) I could interpret the plate as an advertisement for a very sexually responsible person.

Was I like that at that age, strutting my stuff for all to see and hopefully admire?

Fast forward to the gym. I went to the dressing (or undressing) room and there was a young gal, buck and butt naked, proudly putting on her makeup in front of a mirror as if she was in her bathroom at home. I don’t know. Was I like that at that age, strutting my stuff for all to see and hopefully admire? Nah. I always had something on in the context of my Catholic upbringing.

So CONDOMan came to mind again as my suggestive surroundings started to confirm.

Then I got on the weight machines and on the other side of the divider and sight unseen thank God, there was a guy who sounded like he was in the middle of an intimate act.

This was not a case of the typical male grunts but something else entirely. It wasn’t just me because another gal was looking at me with eyes wide in shock.

My feeling is that if it hurts that bad, why do it? If it hurts that

9 good, please do it at home.

“I am over the moan,” I said, as I removed myself from the area and headed out, stopping at the front desk to mention that there was a guy downstairs who sounded like he was having sex with himself.

“How exactly would that sound?” the guy at the counter asked.

There was no way I was going to do an impersonation. Red-faced and speechless was I, the writer who almost always has a quick comeback.

I was SO not on my game.

Stuttering and muttering I walked away in shame.

What’s around us and in our little minds affects and alters our perceptions. It all seems to add up sometimes and we’re pretty sure we see what we see and hear what we hear.

I remember the time when I thought my male neighbor was killing his girlfriend but she was really enjoying herself, perhaps a bit too much at that time of night with thin apartment walls. She was probably one of those people who put her makeup on naked in publicly (or pubicly) or maybe she was working out while lying down or it was merely theatrics and she was lying about how good it felt.

Just sayin’.

But it is all relative, these words, sounds, and spelling.

Even the words homonyms and heteronyms are suggestive, yes?

Maybe it’s me and I just need to relax It is no wonder why I perceived that cryptic plate to be what it was. Yep, it must have been CONDOMan, the new Marvel Comics character, coming to a theater near you.

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By Ted Gargiulo

If It Ain’t Broke…

I think of all the times I’ve written people letters, sent gifts, made inquiries, offered constructive criticism…and been totally ignored. So I’m not without sympathy (theoretically speaking) for other disenchanted schleps like myself, waiting in limbo for responses that they may never receive. But never did I imagine that I, of all people, could be the perpetrator of such neglect. Not I, who’ve wasted years, it seems, hoping to hear from companies or individuals who PROMISED to get back to me!

Having this dysfunctional memory has caused me much grief and embarrassment.

Sadly, after some recent soul searching, I must face the fact that I’m not the prompt, courteous communicator I’d like to think I am. Nor do I always treat others the way I’d want to be treated, good intentions notwithstanding. Have I

forgotten how it feels to be treated badly? Perhaps, of necessity, I’ve MADE myself forget. Perhaps I’ve become so desensitized, so indifferent to my own disappointments, that I fail to consider how this cavalier attitude might affect my relationship with others. That’s hardly an excuse for my rude behavior, merely a fanciful (if pathetic) attempt to explain it.

My discernment of time these days is wonky at best. A week, a month, three months—all feel about the same to me. I can barely tell Spring from Autumn anymore; AM from PM; this year from last year. Life feels like one long day to me. People and events I once perceived as distinct and separate, now blur together in my mind. Shutting them out is easier than locating the mute button on my TV remote. They’re like objects one sees every day, but ceases to notice—like my semiannual auto insurance cards that I keep in a designated place so I’ll remember when it’s time to replace the old ones…only to discover that they expired long before I got around to slipping them into my wallet. I tell you, there are enough holes in my

head to strain spaghetti!

I’ve got papers piled on my desk that I’ve yet to go through, books sitting around that I’ve never finished reading, articles that I began sketching and totally forgot about. (Some, I eventually developed and submitted.) I’m constantly uncovering letters that I’d started ages ago, then abandoned. Apparently I’d lost interest in the conversation and moved on.

There’s this busted sun visor in my car that’s been dangling in my face for years, blocking my view and irritating the crap out of me. The only time I think of it, however, is when I’m behind the wheel, and I tell myself, “Dang,

I gotta repair that blame thing someday!” The moment I arrive home, the thought vanishes. It’s like changing channels, or stage sets. The lights black out on one scene, then come up on a different one. That is, until the next time I enter the car, see the visor, get pissed all over again, and remember, “Dang, I need to repair that!” So it goes.

Having this dysfunctional memory has caused me much grief and embarrassment. Yet, like my broken sun visor, it’s a dysfunction I’ve learned to laugh at. The mental detachment is oddly comforting. It releases me from the stress of taking the world, or myself, too seriously, and assures me that not everything that’s “broke” can be fixed. Nor should it be.

There is only one rule: Every row, column and box of 3x3 cells must contain the numbers 1 through 9 once.

Answers on page 24

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Farmer’s Market Every Tuesday

Rain or Shine • Open 4-7pm

Why does psychoanalysis work quicker with men than with women? Because when it’s time to return to one’s childhood, the man is already there.

about eight years ago.

The witch asks, “What sort of a curse was it, then?” The woman said, “It went, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’.”

I was looking for that thing that peels potatoes, apples and carrots.

I’ve asked my kids if they had any idea. Apparently she left two days ago.

Husband: “Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.”

Wife: “Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!”

And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.

My new wife left me because of my huge insecurity problems.

Oh no, hang on, she’s back. She just went to the bathroom!

Women are so funny sometimes.

They think that their long silences or “I won’t talk to you” attitude is actually a punishment.

“Darling, would you save me if I jumped into the water?”

“Honey, if I say yes, will you jump?”

A woman visits a well-known witch. She asks the witch if she has something to help her break a curse that was cast against her

I shouted at my wife while she was in labor, “Push honey! Come on and push! You have to push harder!”

She said: “Stop talking to me you cretin!”

I mean what did she expect? It’s an old car and if she wants to get to the hospital we need to get it started somehow…

A friend of mine asked if he could crash on the sofa. He said he’d like to stay at my place for a couple of nights.

He’s such a naive puppy. I’ve been married for six years now.

Where does he think I sleep?

We’re Green!

‘18

For information

831.655.2607 Alvarado St

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By Daria James

Collaborate and Listen!

Once upon a time, not long ago, in an America not too far away (1840ish) women started their fight for their right to vote (let’s face it, partying was not a priority). Then 70 some years later in 1920 women were granted that right. 70 years! A woman was born and died without the right to vote in that timeframe!

James Brown was right, we are living in America, hand to hand, across the nation.

I can only imagine the journey women had to endure in that era.

I wonder if ALL women were on board with this crazy “voting idea.” Because I cannot fathom why somebody would purposely try to hold her team back? Oh, that is right, sabotage! A little bit of self-loathing without Las Vegas, maybe?

Thanks to that movement, we now have the word Feminism.

Simply put, the word means equal rights for both genders. Equal opportunity, equal pay for same

Have you ever gotten so bored at your job that you started actually doing your job?

services rendered. See the pattern here?

Some men considered themselves feminists. Alas, some women are extreme feminists and they give us a bad name. Using the word radical before whatever group of anything is not a term of endearment. Stay away from those people.

If you are a person of reason, you can see when you are talking to the wrong representative.

The wrong representative is that one person who cannot be taken seriously and frankly can be borderline terrifying. If an uneducated 35 year-old pothead living with their parents and working a fast food job says we should legalized marijuana, meeehhh…

However, if a doctor from a recognized university makes a strong case about the medicinal benefits of the plant and has data to back up his argument, he got my attention. That does not necessarily mean they got my vote, nor does it mean that if I disagree with their side, I will go ahead and bash them on social media and censor them, while attacking their appearance and misinforming others. Oh no, not I. I have

developed this habit of thinking before speaking and not reacting to the words thrown at me. It does not matter if I am right. I do not invest myself in a conversation I know will be futile. It has not been this way for me; I used to waste my energy on pitiful, worthless arguments. Then I saw the light, it is really a skill we must hone. Life has been much better.

On a similar note, did you know that in 2018, in some countries, women do not have the right to go out in public without an escort, choose whom they marry, get an education, or vote? And if you did know, do you care? If the answer is no, you F@#$&%@ should!

Also, look up the word solidarity.

Alternatively, you can get a unity ring ala Rick James.

You know how we have those months to celebrate diversity and cultures, Asian-American, African-American, Hispanic Heritage, and others? I go to as many of those events as possible, you know why? Camaraderie, I am aware that if “they” go after them, “they” will soon come after me. I support equal rights, I look at the bigger picture, and I read several sources of information before making a decision. Beware of those who pride themselves on their ignorance, it should motivate you to not be like them, especially if they are famous and/or wealthy.

I have seen it first hand.

Someone made a WWII joke and

this girl said she did not get it, someone else explained it and followed with it’s in history you know. Her response was, “Oh, no wonder I do not know, I hate history and proceeded to laugh aloud.” In my head, I wondered if she also hated math and English because she sounded dumber than a bag of rocks.

Because I do not want individuals like her deciding for my future, I go out and vote. If you are one of those who believe all politicians are the same, and do not vote, you are part of the problem. Get with the program and know many men and women have died for us to enjoy the freedoms we take for granted. This morning I drove my own car to go buy donuts without my husband and I was not harassed or shot. A banal activity many do not have the opportunity to do.

I would like to invite you to get off your high horse and go do your part to make a difference. That is the kind of country we live in.

James Brown was right, we are living in America, hand-to-hand, across the nation.

13

Even a

Doctor Needs a

Check Up

Bunk About Pilgrims The settler at the first Thanksgiving weren’t called Pilgrims They called themselves Saints. It wasn’t until the 20th century that it was used to describe the folks who landed on Plymouth Rock.

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Thanksgiving was a religious occasion Only of your religion is a three days harvest fest including drinking, gambling and athletic games.

They wore large hats with buckles They didn’t wear black or buckles on their hat or shoes. They didn’t shop at Macy’s either.

They ate turkey They ate deer, fish, corn and berries and washed is all down with beer. And no pumpkin pie. They didn’t eat lobster mistaking them for large insects.

Thanksgiving took place in November Probably in September or October once the harvest came in.

November was a time to get the homestead ready for winter.

Complimentary Consultation for a check up on your practice

831.324.0441 www.ipsmonterey.com 525 Hartnell Street Monterey

My brain says crunches.

My stomach auto corrects it to cupcakes.

14

By Mary Tompsett

DILLIGS !?

Cadavers & Honeyfuggles

Welcome, all ye who belly up to the trough for advice from a total stranger, one who worries that our democracy is undercut by the archaic electrical college. Damn electrons, knockin’ about all higgledy-piggledy. But you’re here for some funny and I’m angling to set the hook and keep you in the saddle. As my toothless Feng Shui consultant says, “Better a mixed metaphor than one left to curdle in the back of the fridge.” Anyway, I call this advice column DILLIGS, an acronym for “Does it look like I give a shi*t?!” However, as I meditated on the pattern made by quinoa grains floating in last night’s scummy dishwater, the letters offered a second meaning with a little less eyeroll: DILLIGS = “Daily I let loose idiotic gabbles.”

Others cure cancer, I gabble. It’s a divine calling.

QUESTION: My partner is unwilling to commit to our relationship. What to do?

DILLIGS: To quote an orange celebrity, “SO SAD!!!!”

Seriously, abandonment sucks.

We’re soaring through rainbows together and then suddenly the bottom drops out. (Again, the

metaphor curdling.) Humans can be fickle, but beware: the biggest bastards are skin tone and hair follicles. With them, it’s just one long honeyfuggle! (Great word, nothing to do with sex. Okay, sometimes.) One morning we find they’ve either moved to a new, horrifying location on our body or they’ve vanished into Witness Protection. When that happens, dry your tears and remove all mirrors, then install dimmer switches throughout the house.

Denial rocks!! Please, no applause.

I remain your humble, unwashed servant.

Denial rocks!! Please, no applause. I remain your humble, unwashed servant.

QUESTION: I’d like to donate my body to science. How does this work?

DILLINGS: Be careful, my little piglet, and do not rush into this. Your noble intention will in reality lose its sparkle, so before your next of kin calls UPS, always always plan to be dead. That

50,000wrong!

Readers can’t

be

Thank you all for reading and supporting our advertisers

said, you could ship your carcass to a “body farm” where you will sprawl in a field or woods like a final camping trip minus the tent and S’mores. You’ll be a 24/7 diner for hordes of customers to breed, hatch and swarm the buffet. News of the food orgy will quickly spread via word of mouth, mandibles...sucking apparatus... whatever. Forensics students study how you rot and, yeah, some doofus might make jokes. But hey, it’s no skin off your nose, sweetie, ’cause there ain’t none left! The other donation option is to ship out to a medical college, where a fresh-faced student will meet you, run to toss their cookies, and slink

back to take a stab, so to speak, at carving the new turkey. For that scenario, now’s the time to get a fun tattoo, such as (1) a zipper from neck to groin; or (2) “While you’re in there, scoop out some fat”; or (3) “If I flinch, call 911.”

QUESTION: What’s up with Toronto considering a sex doll brothel?

DILLIGS: Hmm...silicone sex nudges the popular sin of houghmagandy. Could be a whopping honeyfuggle! But I hear there’s a place already open, located in—oops!! So sorry, our time is up. Stay tuned. © 2018

15

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16

By Rex Keyes It’s towards the end of the year and we have four big celebrations, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Three of them have parties: Halloween, Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

Thanksgiving meals should be great where one can take their time to eat but it seems like everyone is in the shoveling mode.

1 Hour

At Thanksgiving we have a big food fest or feast. We place a large turkey on the table and then give our thanks. It seems like with everyone sitting around the table that we are praying to the turkey.

Most people at the table are probably thinking, “Hurry up with the thanks, you are holding up the meal.” Once thanks are given it is a free for all of grabbing and eating the food.

But there is another holdup and that is waiting your turn to ask for the person slicing the turkey for your part like, “I’ll take a slice of the breast” or “give me a leg, and a thigh.” When people are eating it is almost like a pride of lions, food is gobbled down and sometimes people stuff their mouths with several items while chewing.

Finally comes the dessert. One better grab a plate as soon as possible or else all the dessert may be gone if one is a slow eater of the main course. Thanksgiving meals should be great where one can take their time to eat but it seems like everyone is in the shoveling mode, “Over the lips, through the gums,

look out tummy, here it comes.”

After the meal it appears everyone moves in slow motion.

That is because the digestive system says, “Hey! You gave me a lot of food to process. Now I am going to steal a lot of energy from the rest of your body to help process all this food.” So the rest of the day one can go to nap mode and that could mean lying down on the couch and watching a football game. Of course, if one falls asleep probably no one will notice as they will think you are watching the game. Once Thanksgiving Day is gone, one may be having turkey leftovers, turkey sandwich for lunch, another turkey dinner, turkey and eggs for breakfast etc., for the next week.

Hope you like ham because it most likely will show up for Christmas.

As far as parties go, three of the holidays are ideal for parties and those are Halloween, Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Christmas may even include an office party the last day before the Christmas holidays and that all depends on the boss of the company.

Sometimes the parties are in the afternoon and one can leave work early after the party. Of course, if

the boss is the type that carries a bull whip to work every day, one can forget an office Christmas party, it will never happen.

Now are you really prepared for these parties? For instance the New Year’s Eve party may have disco music. Are you prepared to dance like John Travolta in the movie “Grease?” Can you dance the “Mash Potato,” the “Wawa Tutsi,” or the “Twist.” Excuse me; I’ve gone back to the 60s. I guess the only way to dance like the newer generations is to watch and copy them on the dance floor.

Well, anyway, good luck this turkey holiday and have a “Happy Thanksgiving.”

I’m thankful you can’t hear what I’m thinking.

DowntownBookAndSound.com

17

By Lily Brun

When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin?

Last April when I planted my pumpkin seeds, I was dreaming of pumpkin pie, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin soup, pumpkin pancakes and, well, just all things pumpkin. But one thing I wasn’t thinking about was pumpkin spice, a trend that has literally taken over the fall season.

It sent me on a quest to understand what’s up with this spice combination. Clearly it’s not about the pumpkin taste, since this blend does not have one ounce of pumpkin in it … not a smidgeon or a pinch or a dash or even a suggestion of pumpkin flavor.

So, what is it? It’s a mixture of cinnamon, cloves, ginger, nutmeg and sometimes allspice. Are you paying attention? No pumpkin!

In a season of trick-or-treating, this is one big trick! My search for understanding of this pumpkinless phenomenon led me to another shocking discovery. The canned pumpkin my grandma uses to make her award-winning pumpkin pie (at least in my book) is not … are you ready for this … pumpkin. What!?

It’s true. The sole ingredient in Libby’s,the most popular canned pumpkin, is cucurbia moschata, a type of squash also known as Dickinson gourd. It’s similar in shape and size to a butternut squash but very far removed from the species most jack-o-lanterns are carved from. You’d be hardpressed to carve anything other than you initials on this gourd.

What a ruse! Yet another

trick-or-treat gambit, leaving me once again feeling swindled, defrauded and cheated out of my first delicious bite of the de facto culinary icon of the season … pumpkin pie! The experience is forever changed for me knowing that the pumpkin is really a spiced-up squash interloper.

Pumpkin spice latte Peeps - Who eats Peeps of any flavor?

My search for understanding of this pumpkin-less phenomenon led me to another shocking discovery.

Pumpkin spice pretzel nuggets - Yuck.

And everywhere I turn, I am reminded of this overwhelming fraud perpetuated on all of us pumpkin lovers. The pumpkin spice flavor-of-the-month marketing ploy has brought us an overflowing cornucopia of products infused with this noit-does-not-taste-like-pumpkin seasoning and include (pardon my editorial comments, unless you agree!): Pumpkin spice french fries - Never.

Bailey’s pumpkin spice Irish Cream - Maybe in my coffee.

Pumpkin spice Cheerios - Why? Pumpkin spice Triscuit - Served with what?

Pumpkin spice wine - If you’re desperate.

Pumpkin spice chocolate truffles - Chocolate would never be the same for me.

Chipotle pumpkin spice salsa - Ok, perhaps with the right chip.

Pumpkin spice marshmallows - Not even on S’mores.

Pumpkin spice moonshine - Hmmm … a possibility.

Pumpkin spice Mini Wheats - Does the milk turn orange?

Nestle pumpkin spice morsels - Not in my cookies.

Keebler pumpkin spice fudge stripe cookies - No, just wrong.

Pumpkin spice coffee liqueur - Again, depends on the morning.

Pumpkin spice stuffed pretzel - Maybe deep fried.

Pumpkin spice caramel corn - Nope!

Pumpkin spice almonds - In with trail mix?

Pumpkin spice M&Ms - No, no, no!

I refuse to be drawn into buying any of these seasonal sensations.

Of course, if some bright botanist comes up with a pumpkin spice pumpkin I can grow, I might reconsider.

What’s easier to give than receive?

Criticism.

What is there more of the less you see?

Darkness.

What kind of dress can never be worn?

An address.

What starts with an ‘E’, ends with an ‘E’, and only has one letter in it?

An envelope.

What bet can never be won?

The Alphabet.

What kind of coat can you put on only when it’s wet?

A coat of paint.

What flies around all day but never goes anywhere?

A flag.

If you have two coins, that add up to six cents, and one of them is not a nickel, what are the two coins?

A penny and a nickel. (One was not a nickel, but the other one was!)

What goes up and down, but never moves?

A flight of stairs.

What has only two words, but thousands of letters?

A Post Office.

yout but move British Owned

eys

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By Craig Hubler

FRIENDS

Paulo had finally found his oasis. Having made a tidy fortune in small appliances, the 50-something bachelor looked ever forward to his next visit to the paradise he had discovered just weeks after retiring.

A small spa in a sometime balmy California coastal town had caught his eye one day, and after the first visit, Paulo knew he had found the most sublime way to unwind. It was equipped with two large tubs and an enormous sauna, in which he delighted in sweating out whatever ailed him and even belting out a Broadway tune, whenever he found himself alone.

The best part of the place, however, was the gardens. He marveled at the myriad plants and flowers that were so mindfully tended to there. His favorite by far was a large banana palm.

Its fronds were wide and many, providing him with the most wonderful shade. Throughout the day, from the time he arrived till he left, its canopy would play shadows in a gentle arc across the lawn, and he would gladly rearrange his towel to follow its protection.

During his visits, Paulo would

always take the time to practice his yoga routine, stretching and posing in a most extraordinary way. It did not take long for the majestic palm to notice this—and to respond with a show of its own.

One spring day, Paulo saw something remarkable about his palm: a flower was growing out of its center. “What have we here?” he mused out loud as he stood gazing, hands on hips, with a towel wrapped around his firm waist and an old straw hat perched on his thinning hair.

The flower was unusually large, about the size of a human head, its petals a dark maroon that was nearly black. Perhaps the most amazing thing of all, to Paulo, was to sit quietly and watch it bloom. In just 10 minutes its inner petals would open to reveal yet another bud within. He could tell by counting the old petals that led into the flower’s center that it had bloomed like so 27 times.

Soon, other guests of the spa and the management were also intrigued, and they began to watch in eager anticipation for the next layer of the flower to reveal itself. Some thought at first that it flowered daily, but then it

My wife gave me a ‘Get Better Soon’ card.

I’m not sick. She just thinks I could be better.

would miss a day, then sometimes two, then it would flower three days in a row. No one realized that the palm only put on its elegant display when Paulo was there to watch. Again and again it bloomed, and it began to look very much like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Then one day, it stopped blooming altogether, and Paulo never returned. Lured by tropical climes, he had moved away. Soon after, the old banana palm died, and it was hewn down and chopped up for compost. Its sudden absence was noticed and mourned by many.

Not far from a sandy shore on a humid island in paradise, Paulo reached for his old straw

19 hat and removed from it a napkin that he then carefully unwrapped to reveal a small seed. This he carefully planted in the fertile soil outside his newly acquired cabana.

“How strange,” he thought, “that by chance this seed should fall into my hat on the lawn of the spa the last day I was there.”

Only the palm knew that it did nothing by chance.

Craig Hubler is a local metal sculptor and serves as a city council member in Sand City. His short story collection, “Surprise, Seventeen Short Stories to ExerciseYour Eyebrows,” can be purchased online through Amazon or wherever books are sold.

My doctor told me I needed to exercise so I joined a gym.

I asked my personal trainer if he could teach me to do splits.

He asked how flexible I was.

I told him I could only come to the gym twice a week.

20

World Kindness Day — November 13 Answers on pg 24

Celebrate Caring Affectionate Love Warm Considerate Helpful Thoughtful Unselfish Altruistic Good Compassion Sympathy Benevolent Friendly Hospitable Nice Neighborly Gentle Generousa

BUSKING A HALF-STEP FROM THE GUTTER Your Internal Yoga Session Play-by-Play

By Michael Houston

Consciously and Unconsciously Aware and Unaware Again

Our work/leisure, playing music on the streets and in our minds, doesn’t have to interfere with our true calling as an off-line early morning play-by-play PBS yoga announcer and interpreter of Vedic wisdom. (We call them mantras us calls them clichés.) Tip – wives and significant others help keep your dialogues internal. Nobody loves a smart ass. Still competent like-minded experts inspire and guide us all - Vin Scully and Jerry Doggett, Benny and the Jets, Shaq and Charles, Sodom and Gomorrah, etc.)

Some days earlyish, dawn may find each of us curled up on the sofa for a yoga psychocast, silently simulcasting benign and nasty comments with the mellowly bossy know-it-all yoga instructor. Loosen the communicative sheets of our connective tissue. The unfiltered ghosts of dead nuns, living and dead drinking cronies, and the seldom suppressed elements of our own hot-wired brain-tomouth personas call to us. Their commentary swings us wildly in a stationary prone pole dance mind set of Body Awareness, Conscious

Unawareness and Unconscious Awareness. We loosen up for tighter abs and gloots. And the beat goes on.

Later in the day, call it, “Tuesday afternoons,” humanity parades its assorted auras through the candied walnut, bladesharpening, rotisserie chicken, kettle corn, toffee, pastry, kabob, and tee shirt, food and gift markets. Bless them everyone, The Great Soul’s buyers and sellers!

By fog, daylight, or arc light we see the three great stages of our current life forms parade before our eyes. Behold the three-part riddle of the Sphinx: 1. Scheduled or Extended Infancy (Body Awareness); 2. Endless Adolescence to Middle Agedness (Conscious Unawareness); and finally, 3. Old Age, Sickness, and Death (Unconscious Unawareness Awareness and/or Enlightenment) And what do we think we think?

“How does it feel to die, alive and yet unborn?” “Why me?” “Why not me?” and “Who me?” Awareness and unawareness, born and to-beborn, collide in a torrent of spoken

and unspoken words, images and fake news memories. - No, Granny, your weren’t in the ’06 S.F. earthquake. That was your third husband’s memory.

Serious comic awareness and unawareness is/be/are the ways of the Tao. It also worked well for a load of Christian saints, from virgins and martyrs to both, too.

Body awareness helps us to avoid unpleasant encounters with cars, buses, and trucks; lamp posts; maternal back breaking side walk cracks; slippery fecal street droppings; uneven curbs and gutter chasms whilst we innocently observe rooflines, cloud formations or blank white skies. Lack of body awareness can speed us inopportunely into some mosaic of Old Age, Sickness, and Death (Unconscious Unawareness Awareness and/or Enlightenment).

Lack of body awareness can also enable you to enjoy a good dessert.

Yin/Yang, baby.

Body awareness helps off-thestreets where more bumbling cosmic challenges await us on yoga mats, playpens, cribs, divans, surfboards, and golf links

21 during our scheduled, extended, or in remission infancies. Your brain is slowing down as you age. Pull your arms out of their sockets. Remember your muscles shape your body. Talk about oral fixations! Seventy percent of the stuff in food stores isn’t nutritious food, so we couch embryos and wannabes can know no safety this side to the womb or tomb. Live with it! Laugh it off. For God’s sake, don’t over self-medicate about it!

We be our own life coaches.

Find wisdom in our foolish acquisitions and triumphant disposals of material and spiritual possessions. Join thine brethren in joy on the great raft of the Middle Way, conscious unawareness. Be a good eejit! Our people, as our own last, if only fair to middling bard, we bid ourselves to follow our yin and yang.

Joyfully we take on our current incarnations. We embrace our role as our own client and cashier at our banks, coffee houses, grocery stores, cubicles, classrooms, cars, and $.99 plus 1 cent stores. Count your change. Don’t get in trouble.

Work in harmony as your own sage, poet, street musician, yoga trainer, doctor, and bartender as required. Don’t forget to tip, and enjoy any good company you run across. We all need to meet some new cheaters and liars occasionally.

Take equal and opposite directions from your morning yoga routine on. Swing for the fences.

Listen to yourself, coach. Let the game slow down for us. Especially, don’t believe everything you read in Foolish Times, but act on it now like a ripple on a still pool. The Earth is our mother and we don’t want to be orphaned.

22

By Debbie Harris

Cruelty Free

Last year, I received a new bar of rose-scented soap from my aunt.

On the side of the box I noticed a message indicating that the soap was made without any animal products and without testing it on animals. The box declared the product to be “Cruelty Free.”

So my new soap had no bits of Wilbur (Some Pig), shards of Stuart Little, or a four-star rating after having washed Grumpy Cat. That’s good. While I’m all for not treating animals cruelly, what about “cruelty free” experiences for people?

Can we take some of the cruelty out of news reports? Like when an on-the-scenes reporter shoves

a microphone under the face of someone who just watched their house burn down and asks, “How do you feel right now?” Should the queried person respond, “Ready to use my distress, devastation, and sadness to help you with your ratings? I’ll get choked up and start crying now. Be sure to get my good side.”

And let’s take relationship break-ups. Break-ups are a huge OUCH to begin with, so it’s easy to add that little touch that turns it cruel. To reduce the cruelty factor in any break-up, don’t do any of the following: Break up with someone on their birthday, Christmas, or any other

celebratory holiday. “Happy New Year! My new year’s resolution is to not spend any more time with you!” That’s definitely five-star cruel. Flag Day and Ground Hog’s Day are ok—maybe one-star if the person finds that a happy day.

Breaking up with someone within a week of a close relative dying or anyone dear to them (including themselves) receiving a really bad health diagnosis is four-star cruel. “Sorry your grandmother died yesterday.

It’s sad you won’t be seeing her anymore. And speaking of

In an effort to have a cruelty free Thanksgiving, don’t discuss any hotbutton topics with your family.

not seeing someone anymore . . .” “Good luck with your chemotherapy treatments. My new girlfriend/boyfriend and I will be praying for you.” Cru-el!

Aside from timing, method is important in a cruelty free break up.

Don’t break up any relationship that’s three months or longer via text or email. That’s at least threestar cruel.

If you just change your Facebook status to “single” and wait for him to see it, that’s fourstar cruel.

And after three years of dating, don’t invite her to a fancy restaurant, telling her ahead of time that you have something important to talk to her about, and then break-up with her in the middle of the prime rib. That’s cruel off the charts.

In an effort to have a cruelty free Thanksgiving, don’t discuss any hot-button topics with your family—no politics, religion, sex, morals, or grandpa’s will. Stick with safe topics like the weather, how big the kids are getting, tricks the dog can do, how good the food is, or talk about a dead relative who no one liked who can no longer defend themselves.

To get you through the day you can also see any annoying people as cartoon characters—just don’t tell them that. The card-carrying NRA grandfather can be Elmer Fudd. The militant vegetarian cousin who goes ballistic that there’s a “dead animal” on your dinner table can be Donald Duck.

Your demented nudist great uncle can be Sponge Bob No-Pants. Get creative. Make up characters— Granny Food-pusher, Brother Pin Cushion (with 85 piercings).

Cousin Moan and Groan, the hypochondriac, Auntie Botox, with her swollen lips. However you do it, I hope you have a cruelty-free Thanksgiving.

I want to be like a caterpillar.

Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

23

1. Do you suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder?

2. Why do turkeys gobble?

3. What are you thankful for?

Bob #1 1. I like the change of seasons and when it gets dark early. What affects me is that there is baseball, hockey, football and basketball this time of year. What do you pay attention to?

2. Turkeys are not that bright. They would be harder to hunt if they just shut up.

3. I’m thankful for my time here on Earth. I remember in my past life things weren’t so great.

Robert 1. I like this time of year because it’s a good excuse to go to bed early and sleep late.

2. I’ve never seen a live turkey but I know that sound. It’s annoying and makes other turkeys mad.

3. I’m thankful you stopped asking me questions.

Roberta 1. I turn on all the lights at home and pretend it’s still summer. My electric bill is high but it makes me feel better.

2. It’s the call to female turkeys that they should pay attention to the male. They have a limited vocabulary and small brains.

3. I’m thankful the stores are open early for Holiday shopping.

Bob #2 1. I was a bed wetter and cried myself to sleep as a child. Maybe that’s why I’m still single.

2. Gobble gobble. That’s cute. Maybe it’s their way of saying it’s time to eat.

3. I’m thankful for the long Thanksgiving weekend.

Life in 1909 •14% of homes had a bathtub.

•Population of Las Vegas was 30.

•Marijuana was available at drug stores •Canned beer and iced tea hadn’t been invented yet.

•8% of homes had a telephone.

•Women washed their hair once a month with either egg yolks or Borax.

•Only 8000 cars on only 144 miles of paved roads.

24

Foolish Search

Foolish Sudoku

Answers from page 10

A man in Monterey calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,”I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. You call your sister in Austin and tell her.”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this,” She calls and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced.

Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.

The man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.”

Answers from page 20

25

Volunteers Needed to Help Abused Children in Monterey County Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) of Monterey County is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that has served as a voice for Monterey County foster children since 1995.

Foster care is an extremely traumatic and chaotic experience for every child placed into the dependency court system.

Children whose home life is deemed unsafe are taken to an interim emergency group or foster home, until a Superior Court Dependency Judge can determine the most appropriate

placement for the child/children.

In the early stages of this process, the Judge will often request a specially trained community volunteer (CASA) be appointed to a child. Unfortunately, there are not enough CASAs in Monterey County for the number of children in foster care. On average, CASA of Monterey County has 90 children waiting for a CASA. This is why we desperately need your help!

The purpose of the CASA is twofold:

MAKE ME

PIZZA

ala Leftover Thanksgiving INGREDIENTS • 1 lb pizza crust dough • 1 cp mashed sweet potatoes • 1 cp shredded turkey • 1 cp spinach

• 1/2 cp sliced mushrooms • 1/2 cp sliced red onion • 1 1/2 cps mozzarella cheese • 1 tsp ground Italian seasoning

DIRECTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 450°.

2. Roll pizza crust dough into a 12-inch circle.

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• To advocate for the best interests of the child; and • To be the stable adult who sticks with the child while they are in the dependency system CASAs are everyday people from all walks of life, who are specially trained and continuously supported by CASA of Monterey County staff. Foster children do not live with their CASA. A CASA can expect to spend 12 to 16 hours per month getting to know the child personally, and advocating as needed. The CASA will often play a role in assisting to find permanent placement where the child can feel safe and thrive. But the sad reality is that many children, especially the older youth, will live in foster care until adulthood. These kids need a consistent and stable adult by their side, someone who cares about them, and will speak on their behalf through thick and thin.

CASAs make real, transformative differences for these children. The CASA input is valued by judge involved in the child’s case, and the overburdened child welfare system. From a Department of Social Services Status Review Report: “‘Raymond’ has a CASA, whom he is very close to…Raymond’s CASA has been the only consistent person he has had since he became a dependent.”

Volunteer!

CASA of Monterey needs volunteers now more than ever before. The first step is to schedule a one-hour informational session for yourself or a group by contacting Kathryn Pernet at kathryn@casaofmonterey.org, or call 831-455-6800.

Donate!

Unable to volunteer at this time, but are interested in supporting CASA of Monterey County in other ways?

Making a financial gift to CASA of Monterey County will help sustain and further CASA’s mission.

Donate at www.casaofmonterey.org or MCGIVES, November 8-December 31st at www.montereycountygives/casa

I have neither the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

26

November 4

November 15-Dec 8

Standard Time

It’s a Wonderful Life

Time to turn back the clock.

Maybe for the last time.

The audience is treated to a live 1940s radio version of this classic play. mpctheatreco.com

November 10-11

November 15-Dec 31

Run along the coast through Monterey and P.G. 3K & 5K events on Saturday bigsurmarathon.org

You asked for it, and its back.

Songs by ABBA. Bride having daddy issues. Surprises and delights abound. pacrep.org

MB Half Marathon

November 8-26

Lady Washington

The official tall ship of Washington visits Monterey for tours, sails and reenactments. historicalseaport.org

Nov 10-Dec 8

Western Stage

The eve of a wedding, a bumbling best man, a not-so-bright hostess, gangsters posing as pastry chefs and an intoxicated chaperone.

All the ingredients for a madcap delight. westernstage.com

November 12-18

TaylorMade Invitational

The world’s only tournament that pits players from the PGA, LPGA, Champions and Web.com tours against each other. pebblebeach.com

Mamma Mia!

November 22

Thanksgiving Day

We have so much to be thankful for and so many leftovers to deal with. Thanks for reading.

November 24

Small Business Day

Before malls and online shopping, businesses were owned and operated by locals.

Support them.

November 24-25

Gem Faire

A showcase of fine jewelry, precious and semi-precious stones, crystals, beads, silver and gold. gemfaire.com

November 25

November 13

Parade of Lights

Sadie Hawkins Day

A Salinas tradition that lights up downtown with a night time parade. salinasparade.com

Inspired from the Li’l Abner Cartoon. Encourages women to take charge of their lives and to ask men out on a date.

November 11

Veteran’s Day Parade

November 23

Salinas City Center hosts a parade to honor the men and women who valiantly served our county. salinasveteransparade.org

Daniel Tosh

November 11

Composter’s Forum

The MCCF will present “Peace of Mind”. The concert will feature works by multiple composers and benefit Monterey County Stand Down. hiddenvalleymusic.org

November 15

WC Songwriter Competition

A gathering of likeminded people.

Come see. Come hear. Come with your song and be in the moment. westcoastsongwriters.org

Two scheduled shows for this king of sardonic material stand-up comedian.His dad is a Presbyterian minister.

Now that’s funny. goldenstatetheatre.com

November 27-28

Christmas at the Inns

Visit ten B&B Inns decorated for the holiday with live music at every inn and holiday treats. pacificgrove.org

27

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,C sed ons ign R e p urpo m en t s , Vintage & T h rif t !

Featured Shop:

Last Chance Mercantile offers an ever changing inventory of used goods with convenient donation drop-off, CRV redemption center, electronic waste recycling, and bag-your-own compost.

CONSIGNMENT buy

SPCA Benefit Shop Barnyard Shopping Village 26364 Carmel Rancho Ln. Carmel-By-The-Sea 831.624.4211 spcamc.org

PacRep’s Neverland Benefit Shop 1219 D Forest, Ave Pacific Grove 831.641.7199 neverlandshop.org

sell

Downtown Books & Sound 222 Main St. Oldtown Salinas 831.435.4636 downtownbooksandsound.com

Resale Here

Last Chance Mercantile MRWMD 14201 Del Monte Blvd.

Marina 831.384.5313 www.mrwmd.org

Second Chance 105 Central Ave, Pacific Grove 831.717.4479 secondchancepg.org

Habitat ReStore 4230 Gigling Road, Marina 831.272.4830 habitatmontereybay.org