Just for Families Issue 12

Issue 12

ust Families J for

Incorporating The UK Forces Education Guide

Keeping Fit... for Your Body and Mind

M

Bake Your Way To

other’s Day!

Breaking Through The

Transgender “Taboo”

Screening Screen Time

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Find Your Child’s Niche and Passion Bromsgrove School’s results are impressive, but Bromsgrove is much more than a place to get good grades, it prides itself on being a happy school where children of all ages can thrive both academically and outside of the classroom. The most recent ISI inspec on (in 2016) rated Bromsgrove as excellent in every category and the Goods Schools Guide states that: ‘the school looks for what every individual is good at and helps them find their niche and passion’.

Bromsgrove has a vibrant arts scene with numerous opportuni es for pupils to perform both large and small projects. In November a new

centre with a concert hall, theatre, drama studio and mul ple rehearsal areas was officially opened and the performing arts are already benefi ng from their new dedicated teaching and performing spaces.

There is considerable strength, too, in sports and the School boasts a large number of representa ves at county,

regional and na onal level. The Schools’ rugby, netball, hockey and swimming teams have all reached na onal finals in the past year, and minor sports also flourish, from table tennis and badminton to fencing and football: sport really is for all at Bromsgrove.

Bromsgrove’s extensive ac vity programmes for pupils in both the Prep and Senior Schools

include weekday ac vity sessions and op onal Saturday ac vi es when pupils may select from a diverse range of recrea onal and academic ac vi es.

Catering for 1600 pupils aged 3 -18 on three sites, the School is a small global community – a place to live, work and make friends for life.

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Welcome to Issue 12 of Just for Families…

We had so many lovely pictures sent in for our Siblings feature last issue that we had to save half of them for this issue. A big thank you to everyone who joined in!

A hot topic in the media at present, we take a look at Breaking Through the Transgender Taboo and the support available from the wonderful charity Mermaids UK. Another issue that is sure to cause debate is the use of modern technology by children. If you’re worried your little one is spending too much time in a virtual world, we discuss Screening Screen Time to ensure a better balance. In this issue’s Two Sides to Every Story we hear two very different opinions on letting teenagers have sex in your house. There are some great Mother’s Day Gift Recipes and our A to Z Guide to Babyshowers is a must read for anyone tasked with the often daunting role of arranging the special event for the mum to be.

For anyone planning a long journey with their kids in tow, we’ve got you covered in our feature on DIY Road Trip Boredom Busters. There are lots of simple, easy to make, ideas to keep boredom at bay and avoid the dreaded ‘are we nearly yet?’ 5 minutes into the journey! If you’re currently battling with the ‘terrible twos’ or living with a ‘threenager’ we also have some great suggestions on Reward Systems for Preschoolers.

Whilst we’re not promising miracles, we hope that you’ll find something that works for your family!

A big thank you to our regular contributors Little Troopers and Style and Substance. We love hearing about what you have been up to each issue and consider you an important part of the Just for Families team!

JustFamilies for

Incorporating The UK Forces Education Guide

Freebirth

6

Bake Your Way to Mother’s Day

Bake!

8

A to Z of Babyshowers

10

Style and Substance

16

Super Siblings Part 2

18

My Military Family

20

Little Troopers

23

Keeping Fit... for Your Body and Mind

26

DR ME

28

Two Sides to Every Story...

30

Breaking Through The Transgender Taboo

32

DIY Road Trip Boredom Busters

36

Make!

Reward Systems

38

Screening Screen Time

40

Tips for Dealing with Fussy Eaters

42

Keeping Fit... for Your Body and Mind page 26

Please continue to like and share our Facebook page and keep checking for competitions. If you would like to subscribe to Just for Families, or need to change the address details for your subscription, please email us at jff@forcespublishing.co.uk.

The deadline for editorial contributions, for the next issue, is 12th April 2019. We love to read your stories and articles so please do send them in.

Until next time…

Enjoy!

Just For Families Military Mag *permission for images taken from our Facebook competition were received before going to print

Many thanks to Kate Saines, Rebecca Smith and Carly Stevens for their editorial contributions Supporters of

Forces & Corporate Publishing Ltd, Hamblin House, Hamblin Court, Rushden, Northants NN10 0RU. Tel: 01933 419994

www.forcespublishing.co.uk

Editorial: Joanna Barnes

Design: Hayley Geddes

Articles and photographs reproduced by kind permission of the contributors © No responsibility for the quality of goods or services advertised in this magazine can be accepted by the publishers or printers. Advertisements are included in good faith.

The MOD or any Service Establishment is not responsible for the advertiser or its advertised product or service.

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Gordon’s - The Most Unique School in England Built by public subscrip on over a century ago at the insistence of Queen Victoria, Gordon’s School is the na onal monument to General Charles Gordon and is listed as one of Britain’s outstanding schools by Her Majesty’s Chief Inspector.

A co-educa onal residen al and day boarding school, the School boasts a 100 per cent success rate at A Level with 95 per cent of entries graded A* to C, pu ng Gordon’s in the top one per cent of schools na onally at A Levels.

But while embracing modern ideas, General Gordon’s legacy of tradi onal values remains. The School’s ethos is that high performance without good character is not true success.

To this end, it’s not just the classrooms where students excel.

Successes are achieved in drama; the arts; deba ng; public speaking; dance and sport. The School also boasts an enviable record in Duke of Edinburgh awards – 21 students received their gold awards at Buckingham Palace last summer.

While the individual is celebrated, the whole School unites for parades. Since its incep on, students have marched and there has always been Pipes and Drums. Dressed in their Blues the students parade around eight mes a year and the school is the only one in the country permi ed to march along Whitehall – an annual tradi on in remembrance of General Gordon.

Set in over 50 acres of beau ful Surrey countryside within easy access of major airports and roads, Gordon’s is home to some 800 students offering Day Boarding (from £2,538 per term) and Residen al (weekly and termly) Boarding from only £5,378 per term.

Around half of the school’s residen al boarders are from service families, a racted by the loca on and the school’s understanding of military life.

For many of these services children, Gordon’s has been their first ‘constant’ a¢er a life of moving schools and homes in line with their parents’ pos ngs around the world. It is also a haven from the worry of a parent involved in ac on.

Military families have a priority for places and the School employs counsellors for them and tutors to plug any gaps in their educa on.

Students are assigned to one of ten Boarding Houses – four residen al and six day - with House Parents providing a ‘home from home’ and lending special atmosphere to each House. Inter-House compe ons in sport and the arts are fiercely contested.

There are three main admission points – at 11 and 13 years old and Sixth Form.

Sport and Crea ve Arts Scholarships are offered for those coming into the Sixth Form. As well as reduced fees, the students benefit from a programme to enhance their development and provide opportuni es to progress in their field. Bursaries are also available.

The real judgement of Gordon’s is the students. Visitors are struck by the friendliness, discipline and vibrancy throughout the school and the family atmosphere, exemplified by the rapport between staff and students. This is borne from a community striving to live with integrity, courtesy, enthusiasm and diligence, even in adversity.

Gordon’s School is unique. Please book a visit and find out why (www.gordons.school).

Do you or a family member struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety or confidence? Would you like to just believe in yourself more or free yourself from negative self-talk?

Award winning Confidence Coach and author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ Lisa Phillips is available for 1 on 1 or Skype Coaching sessions.

Over 20 years’ experience.

For more information, please see www.amazingcoaching.co.uk or contact Lisa at lisa@amazingcoaching.co.uk for a no obligation chat.

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F

reebirth

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Unassisted birth – or “Freebirth” as it’s more commonly known – is the act of choosing to give birth without any medical assistance. That means no midwives, doctors, or hospitals. No induction, dilation checks, fetal monitoring or interventions – just simply letting birth happen naturally and without any assistance. It is different to a homebirth, although most Freebirths do happen at home, by the fact that when labour begins no midwives are called and the woman instead chooses to deliver the baby herself or with the support of a partner, friend or a non-medical birth partner you can hire called a Doula. Freebirthing is becoming more popular in the UK, with research showing that more and more women are choosing to go it alone when it comes to bringing their babies into the world.

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Sam* gave birth in October to her third baby at her home in Surrey with no assistance. Her first child had been born in a hospital. “I was quite young when I had my first child, at 19.”

She told us. “I didn’t read up on birth options – I simply thought all babies were born in hospitals and you did what the medical team recommended without question and that was that. I was induced at 39 weeks, due to them believing baby was on the large side, and that induction led from one intervention to another. I ended up labouring on and off for 3 days, with barely any sleep and being pumped full of hormones to keep labour going. My waters were broken to try and get things started and I was so exhausted by the end of it that I was barely able to push, and he was eventually born via forceps delivery. The whole experience was traumatic, I needed a lot of stitches and he needed some assistance after the delivery too. We had a stressful week in hospital afterwards, both of us needing to recover – and he didn’t even end up being as big as they thought he was going to be, weighing in at an average 7lb 1oz.” When Sam became pregnant with baby number 2 she had decided she wanted an altogether different experience this time round. “I had researched home birth after forceps delivery and although my midwife advised me against it after needing assisted delivery before, I decided to book myself in for one anyway, firmly believing that if my body was just left to do what it needed to do naturally this time everything would be ok. When I went into labour at 41 weeks, I called the homebirth team but was told that they couldn’t get to us in time as they were already attending another birth. My contractions were 2 minutes apart and they asked me if I could go into hospital instead, which was almost an hour away.

But my heart was so set on a home birth that I said no, I was staying put. An hour and a half later our baby was born gently

“...I completely reject the idea that I was putting myself or my baby at risk – quite a few people assumed I was also not going to other antenatal appointments, as some free birthers choose to

that interventions commonly used during labour by medical professionals cause more harm than good, and that the mother will be more apt to follow the natural flow of her individual birth in an undisturbed setting.

forgo everything including scans, tests and midwife

Freebirth has caused a lot of controversy in the media over appointments – but I still went to all of those...” the last 12 months. Last year, a woman in California sadly lost her baby during her Freebirth at as some free birthers choose to and safely in the living room her remote home in the desert. forgo everything including scans, with no assistance. We called the Her baby was stillborn after 6 tests and midwife appointments labour ward to let them know days of labour, with only her – but I still went to all of those, she had been born and they sent husband and thousands of virtual and if at any point I had been a midwife round to check on us followers urging her to “trust the both, who was satisfied that I had told there was a major problem process” in a Facebook group I would have reconsidered my no need for stitches and that our called The Free Birth Society. stand on having a freebirth. daughter was happy and healthy.

She kept the group updated on I fully respect that medical It was such an empowering changes that were happening to intervention saves many lives, experience, and it was so nice her body during her labour, but but I do wonder if it is overused to just hop into my own bed 6 days later admitted herself to and often causes a cascade of afterwards with our newborn, hospital where doctors found the interventions that aren’t always snuggle up and just be at home baby no longer had a heartbeat. necessary. Birth isn’t an illness, together.”

The baby passed away due to and we seem to treat birth like a urinary tract infection that an accident waiting to happen.

When Sam fell pregnant with the mother had – something That’s not to say that accidents baby number three she knew that would have likely have and emergencies don’t happen she wanted that same experience been routinely picked up on if at birth – they do and I’m very again. “People looked at me she had been under the care of grateful we have the technology as though I was mad when I medical professionals during her and knowledge of medical told them I was choosing to pregnancy and labour. This gave professionals available to save have a freebirth! But none of it rise to a lot of backlash against lives when they do happen – but deterred me from my decision. the mother, and to Freebirth as for women who are I was often asked if it was safe, a whole, with people Have low risk during wasn’t I putting myself and the admonishing her you had pregnancy the baby at risk? What if something for her choice odds are that went wrong? But honestly any experience with to deny any she’ll go on when you look at the risk Freebirth? Would you ever medical to have an factors – considering you have care which consider having one? Let us uneventful, a healthy pregnancy with no ultimately led know your thoughts on our safe complications – it’s really low to the loss of Facebook page! labour and risk.You are simply letting your the baby. The delivery if body do what it was made to woman later Just For Families just left alone.” do without any intervention – defended her and Military Mag even being in a hospital setting her partners choice Reasons and with a stranger such as a doctor to Freebirth, stating motivations for unassisted or midwife can slow the whole she still believes it’s a womans birth vary greatly from mother process down, causing more right to choose the best birthing to mother; the most common problems and increasing the option for her. She still believes being the belief that birth is a need for intervention. When you in the Freebirth movement and normal function of the female give birth you need somewhere said she would try and have one body and therefore not a medical again. quiet, familiar and dark, and a emergency. Others believe hospital is often the opposite of that, causing cortisol levels to rise and labour to slow down. I In the UK, although it is not an offence to give birth without assistance, it is somewhat of a grey area. Despite being legally entitled to make that choice, completely reject the idea that I healthcare professionals can make a referral to Social Services if they believe was putting myself or my baby you are placing your unborn child at risk. What is an offence, and punishable at risk – quite a few people by a fine of up to £5000, is for a birth partner to assume the role of a assumed I was also not going to qualified practitioner and carry out midwifery functions (for more information other antenatal appointments, visit www.birthrights.org.uk).

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M

Bake Your Way To

other’s Day!

This year, get creative in the kitchen and have a go at making some of these fantastic edible gifts for Mother’s Day!

Chocolate Love Hearts What better way to tell mum you love her than with chocolate hearts made by you!

You will need: oulds e heart m ❊ Silicon be trays ped ice cu (heart sha !) work well ocolate f bars o ch ig b o w T ❊ ilk or - white, m g 0 0 2 t u o (ab ork!) dark all w s and d re ❊ Hund n thousa ds

Start by making sure your silicone tray is clean and dry. Then, fill the bottom of each mould with hundreds and thousands. Melt the chocolate, and pour on top of the sprinkles, filling it all the way to the top. Carefully place the trays into the fridge and wait for them to set, then pop each chocolate heart out and gift wrap them up for mum!

Marshmallow Flowers Instead of spending a fortune at the florist this Mother’s Day, make up a batch of flowers she can eat instead! These lovely flowers look pretty and taste good too – it’s win-win!

Brush water onto the surface of 2 of the pink and 2 of the white marshmallows and dip into the hundreds and thousands. Thread one pink marshmallow, followed by one of the dipped white marshmallows onto a skewer, then another plain pink one to create the centre and top and bottom petals of your flower. Lay the skewer on a piece of baking paper and using royal icing stick two more pink marshmallows on either side to finish the petals. Leave to dry, then finish by tying on some ribbon to the stick. Alternate the colour of the marshmallows in the centre to create a whole bunch of beautiful marshmallow flowers!

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You will need (for four flowers): ❊ 14 big pink m arshmallows ❊ 14 big white m arshmallows ❊ 1tbsp hundreds and thousands ❊ A small amou nt of white royal icing ❊ 3 wooden skew ers or lollypop sticks ❊ Ribbon to deco rate (optional)

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Fruit Bouquet These fruit bouquets are healthy, delicious AND beautiful to look at too!

Carefully slice up the kiwi and the melons, cutting some pieces into flower shapes using either a knife or a cookie cutter. Slide all of the fruit pieces onto skewers however you think they will look best.You can create fruity flowers by sliding a flower shape on followed by a blueberry to create the centre of the flower. When arranging the skewers into the pot, bunch up kale leaves and poke the skewers through them before going through the polystyrene block – this hides any empty space and gives the impression that the flowers have leaves too!

You will need: chocolate ❊ 200g white colour ing ❊ Some food d flowers ❊ Edible dr ie king low tray (a ba ❊ A large shal will baking paper tray lined with work) and un ❊ H dreds ional) thousands (opt

You will need : ❊ Straw ber r ies ❊ Kiwi ❊ Two d ifferent ty pes of m (such as elon honeyde w and ca n ta ❊ Grape loupe) s ❊ Blue ber r ies ❊ Kale le aves ❊ W ooden sk ❊ A clea ewers n pot wit h a wedg polystyre e of ne in the bottom, somethin or g else to stick the skewers into

Petal Chocolate Bark Another alternative way to give mum flowers this year – real ones that she can eat!

Melt the chocolate and separate into two bowls. Add a few drops of food colouring to each bowl and mix until you get your desired colour. Pour two bowls into the pan and either swirl them together (but not mixing completely) to get a cool effect, or leave them to meet naturally in the middle to get more of a block colour look. Before the chocolate sets, sprinkle on your flowers and hundreds and thousands, if you’re using them. If flowers aren’t mum’s cup of tea then some other things that work well are pistachios, freeze dried fruit pieces and sweets – in fact pretty much anything!

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AZ to

Once a very American event, the baby shower is growing in popularity.

Whether it’s for you or you’re arranging a shower for your friend or relative, here’s our A to Z guide on planning the ultimate celebration…

b ac ANNOUNCEMENT So whilst it may not be the first thing that comes to mind after that second line has appeared, sooner or later you’ll be asked, or will ask, if there are plans for a baby shower. Generally held in the latter stages of pregnancy, when there’s a bump to paw over, you need to decide how you’re going to let everyone know the details. Thanks to the wonder that is the ‘internet’ you can now send a quick group email and receive almost instant replies. This is a great way for those living abroad and cuts out the postal delays. If you’d prefer to go down the more traditional route then there are hundreds of invitations to choose from that you can either buy, or make yourself. If you really want to do something different, then why not think outside the box, and create ssomething omething fun like a ‘ready to pop’ balloon with w ith all the details printed on or a ‘bun in tthe he oven’ boxed iced bun with the details inside.

BUDGET

A crucial first step in planning a baby shower is deciding on a budget. The purpose of the shower is to celebrate the impending arrival and make a fuss of the mum to be. Whether you have £50 or £500, it can be done, you may just need to be a bit more creative if you don’t have a lot to spend!

CAKE

A cake makes a perfect centrepiece for the table and adds that extra special party feel. With sites like Pinterest and YouTube, there’s no shortage of ideas and tutorials; from the frankly vulgar and inappropriate, to the sickeningly sweet, it’s not difficult to make it look like you spent a fortune on a professionally made cake. Perhaps a less daunting task for the novice baker, cupcakes are a great option and can be created with limited time or funds.

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de h gi

INTERNET

GAMES

DECORATIONS

Love them or loathe them, they can be a great way to get everyone involved and provide entertainment for the shower.

The list is endless and will depend largely on where you are hosting the shower and how much you have to spend.

Colour is an important factor and don’t be afraid to shy away from the standard pink, blue or yellow. There’s no need to go crazy, think subtle and sophisticated, calming and chic.

Bunting is a classic and a great place to start.

Teamed with some balloons and your fabulous cake, you’re on to a winner. To add a more personal element, how about decorating the room with photos of the parents to be as youngsters, adding an insight into what the new arrival may look like!

A particular issue for military wives and girlfriends is that they may be living miles away from some of their friends and relatives. Queue the internet!

It isn’t unusual now a days to hold a cyber-shower to include those people that can’t be there. Another touching alternative if the mum to be is away, is to send a baby shower pack. Ask her friends and relatives back home to write messages and advice, design a onesie (see Onesies below) and record a video message and post it to her as a show of love and support.

HOST

ENTERTAINMENT

Whilst we’re not suggesting you hire a three piece string quartet, it is well worth considering what it is you will be doing at the baby shower. Guests might not know each other and if left to their own devices, an awkward silence may ensue. Games are an obvious choice but if they aren’t your cup of tea then how about some pampering? If budget allows, there are many therapists that offer group pamper sessions and they may even have specific baby shower packages. If this isn’t an option, you could buy facemasks and equipment for a ‘do-it-yourself ’ manicure/pedicure for minimal cost.

Don’t forget that the mum to be probably hasn’t been able to reach her own toes for a while though and make sure she has hers done for her! Another alternative is getting crafty with guests creating an array of items for the baby or mum to be.

If you’ve been asked to host a baby shower, it can feel like a big responsibility. You may only know your pregnant friend/relative and it’s a daunting task trying to organise a group of people you don’t know. Make sure you’re clued up on exactly what the mum to be wants and doesn’t want and don’t be afraid to ask for help from other invitees. Most importantly, enjoy the day too and unless the mum to be’s waters break during a game of ‘Ice Ice Baby’, don’t panic!

f k FAVOURS

Many may not feel this is necessary however it is nice to send your guests off with a little keepsake of the day and a thank you for attending. If you know the baby’s sex, why not send each guest home with a pink or blue nail polish and thank you tag.

How about a bag of ‘ready to pop’ popcorn or a ‘baby powder’Yankee tea light?

For those on a tight budget a simple thank you card will more than suffice and guests will be grateful for the gesture.

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j

JUGS

We’re not being smutty, we’re talking jugs of drink!

Whilst you could of course serve the standard soft drinks, how about looking up some ‘mummy mocktail’ recipes…

KIT

If you’re pushed for time, there are plenty of baby shower ‘kits’ available that will save you a huge amount of effort. Dependant on how much you have to spend, kits start with downloadable files for you to print your own invitations, banners and thank you cards, and extend to fully supplied decorations, food, games and favours. If you’re not the crafty type and are looking for convenience, this may be the perfect option.

Try looking at sites such as eBay, Etsy, Amazon and Party Pieces.

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LADIES

Traditionally there would only be ladies at a baby shower however this is 2019 and if you’d prefer the men folk there, then invite them too. Just don’t tell them we suggested it! If a lot of your guests have children, you could also consider inviting them too and plan the entertainment accordingly.

Call it a baptism of fire for the ‘mum to be’!

NAPPY CAKE

For those of you who don’t know what it is, it’s a ‘cake’ made from nappies and other items for baby such as vests, hats and comforters. This is an impressive looking gift and sure to put a smile on the mum to be’s face!

MENU

P

A selection of nibbles always goes down well and gone are the days when a few soggy sausage rolls will suffice! If you’re holding the shower in the afternoon then a popular suggestion would be afternoon tea.

Who can resist a cute, mini sandwich or a scone loaded up with butter, clotted cream and jam?! If morning is your preferred time, then why not consider a breakfast buffet of muffins and bagels, warm croissants with butter and jam and a selection of fruit? Your drinks menu could include tea and coffee, fresh juices and hot chocolate. For those who want a little tipple, it is perfectly acceptable to serve a Bloody Mary or Bucks Fizz before noon! In the summer months, a barbecue is a great, casual way of serving food and when all is said and done, no one will turn their nose up at a good old fashioned buffet, particularly if you’ve done your research and serve some clever, baby inspired, foods.

r

RECORDING

ONESIES

A pack of white babygrows (or vests), some fabric pens or paint and a bit of imagination is all you need to not only entertain guests, but provide the mum to be with some really useful and personal gifts. Give each guest a babygrow and a pen and let them channel their inner Donatella Versace, creating unique ‘onesies’ that can either be worn, used to decorate the nursery or preserved in a memory box.

They say a picture tells a thousand words so imagine a video!

Providing everyone is comfortable with it, snippets of video are an unbeatable way to capture the memories of the day and allow guests who could not be there the chance to see what the mum to be got up to. If Dad’s not invited (or has shied away from proceedings) he too can share the experience and maybe one day, the child can too! Whilst no one’s likely to sit through a three hour recording, clips of the best bits such as the games or present giving will be treasured.

PRESENTS

Now this is a tricky one. One of the main reasons given for not wanting a baby shower is the fear that friends and relatives will view it as a ploy to get presents. Whilst no one’s denying it is nice to receive gifts, that isn’t what it’s all about.

If you’re really uncomfortable with it, then why not let guests know that their presence is all that’s required and that the mum to be would prefer it if guests didn’t bring anything.

Remember though, that most guests will want to bring a present and you’re probably worrying unnecessarily. A great alternative is to ask every guest to bring a book for the new arrival to start their library. Books are easily accessible, loved by children and parents alike and can be bought for very little money.

q s QUIZ

What’s not to love about a quiz?! A great way to entertain guests, you only have to google ‘baby shower quiz’ and you’ll find hundreds of printable quizzes and ideas for questions online.

SNAPSHOTS

A great icebreaker is to ask all guests to bring a photograph of themselves as babies. Line them up and ask everyone to guess who is who. A sure fire way to get everyone giggling as they see how much people have, or haven’t changed!

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V u x w y t

VENUE

THEME

From eco-friendly to animals, pampering to books, a theme can help with organisation and make the event more streamlined. Does the mum to be have any hobbies or special interests? Perhaps she’s into all things vintage and would love a 50’s style baby shower. For a keen gardener, how about a ‘garden party’ theme or a ‘welcome to the world’ shower for the globe-trotting mum to be. Whatever you decide, allow yourself some flexibility and don’t beat yourself up if not everything matches.

A deciding factor in where to hold the baby shower will be how many guests you’re inviting. If the guest list is extensive it may be worth hiring a room or hall somewhere. For a smaller number, an obvious choice is at the mum to be’s home but bear in mind the upheaval and mess this could mean.

She may prefer to be in the comfort of her own home but make sure that you corner some invitees to stay behind and clear up afterwards. Alternatively, perhaps it could be held at the organiser’s home? Less hassle for the mum to be, no cost and setting up can be done as and when required.

UNEXPECTED

Unless you are prepared for your heavily pregnant friend or relative to suddenly go into labour, it probably isn’t a good idea to thrust her into a dark room where 20 people scream surprise! Having said that, a surprise baby shower can be lovely, particularly if the mum to be is reluctant to have one for fear of looking like a ‘gift grabber’. If you do intend to keep it secret, make sure everyone is aware and come up with a believable plan in order to get her to the shower location.

Mum’s the word!

X-RATED

A risqué shaped cake or a ‘pin the sperm on the egg’ game may be hilarious to the mum to be and her friends but will Great Aunt Margaret find it quite so funny?! Take into consideration who exactly will be attending and plan accordingly.

WISHES

A really special gift, and one that’s very personal, is a book of wishes and advice. Ask each guest to write one thing they wish for the newborn and one piece of advice they can offer the new parents.

This book could then be saved and read only when they bring the baby home or perhaps the first time they’re feeling down due to sleep deprivation and the constant worrying and guilt that seems to come as an unwanted freebie with their little bundle of joy!

YOGA

OK, so admittedly there were not many options for ‘Y’ but yoga isn’t completely ridiculous! Pregnancy yoga has gained popularity and is a fun activity with a difference.

If there isn’t a yoga buff amongst you then there are an abundance of DVDs that you can purchase, press play and begin to channel your inner peace.

Zzzzz

When you’re heavily pregnant, tiredness is a killer so remember this when you’re looking at timings.

No one wants to be playing games for 6 hours whilst the mum to be has fallen asleep in the corner and therefore 2-3 hours will probably be plenty. If you are planning a full day event, make sure there is plenty of opportunity for rest and relaxation.

So there it is, it’s up to you now! We’d love to hear and see how you get on so be sure to send us your pictures to our Facebook page - Just For Families Military Mag 13

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STYLE & SUBSTANCE I had planned to write this post earlier on in the month but unfortunately we have been in hospital for a second time with Daisy.

We’ve been out a week and I’m knocking on as much wood as possible that it will be our last journey there for the foreseeable.

The reason for this post was somewhat inspired by Veganuary because Daisy is allergic to cow’s milk protein. I’ve never written about this before because it’s become a way of life now and something we have dealt with since she was tiny so we know no different. But in light of how common dairy free living is becoming, whether it be from allergies or lifestyle choices, it inspired me to share our journey so far…

I exclusively breastfed Daisy when she was born. Shortly after her arrival she developed baby acne and what the Doctor told us was eczema on her tummy and arms. It’s

common in babies her age so we simply applied all the right creams and monitored it. However, around the summer time when she was about 5/6 months old I began to notice that she was scratching herself far more so and to the extent that she would scream and bleed. It was so distressing to watch and have to hold her down, so I spent most of the season indoors covering her hands with socks to stop her hurting herself despairing that there was no cure as the Doctor kept telling us. Certain creams did help to calm the situation, but it wasn’t until I decided to stop breastfeeding that we would learn what the real cause was.

My husband was giving her the first bottle of formula (I was upstairs hiding incase she smelt me and my milk) when he called me as there was a problem. She had drunk 2 ounces but had promptly thrown it all up, had a bright red rash around her mouth and was covered in hives. A panicked trip

to the Doctors confirmed that she’d had an acute reaction to cow’s milk and we would be referred to a specialist. In the mean time I was instructed to avoid dairy myself as it would do her no good while I was still breastfeeding. Easier said than done when I was surviving on coffee!

It only took a Specialist at the hospital minutes to confirm that her ‘eczema’ was in fact a reaction to my breastmilk when I had eaten dairy – proof of how sensitive she was to it. I felt terrible but had no idea that I was, in essence poisoning her. After speaking to a wonderful Dietician who assured me I wasn’t to know, I was sent home with a specially prescribed formula and instructions to avoid soya (until she was over a year as it contains hormones unsuitable for a baby), any kind of nut milks and all kinds of dairy, not just cow’s milk produce as she could react to goat, sheep etc.

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I was terrified. Up until this point I had been fortunate enough to never have dealt with an allergy before but here I was with a little baby with an acute allergy, formula that the dietician told me she would hate (it was putrid in fairness) and about to start weaning – a daunting task for any new mum at the best of times. Milk, butter, cheese, cream and even whey (a by-product of cheese) was in everything! So I went the only route I knew would be safe, I cooked everything myself from scratch. The fear of her coming into contact with anything milk related was so strong that I would take a packed lunch with me for her and still do now in most cases.

Fast forward to nearly three years later and although she is still highly allergic, I’ve really noticed how far things have come in terms of allergy awareness. The evergrowing vegan trend has bought with it an abundance of free-from-dairy ranges for which I’m hugely grateful for. And in the two and a half years since Daisy was diagnosed, it seems that searching out dairyfree foods is not as hard as it once was. I’m

also very lucky that my friends text me when they find something that is dairy free!

The response when I tell people she is cow’s milk allergic has been varied. To begin with I didn’t want to cause a fuss so wouldn’t say anything but I’ve since learned that more often than not people know someone with the same allergy and are extremely sympathetic to it. Most restaurants cannot help me enough, are more than happy to hand over their allergen menu and have even been known to cook something offmenu especially for her! We’ve also been extremely fortunate that Daisy’s nursery are aware and brilliantly accommodating of her allergy. However, sadly I have also been met with reactions that have been far less favourable and in some cases really unhelpful. I’ve also struggled to convey to some that it’s not merely an intolerance where she might get an upset tummy and I’m being fussy - this is an acute allergy with immediate and serious reactions.

We had an incident once a long time ago when she was accidentally caught in the crossfire of some cow’s milk – within minutes she was screaming, her eyes were puffy and streaming, her face covered in hives but luckily a dose of Piriton took care of it (something I’m never without these days too). Fortunately the bad experiences have been few and far between though.

Going forward we are hopeful that the likelihood is she will grow out of her allergy.

The Dietician I saw when she was two said that most children grow out of it by school age and actually have little memory of it. We started The Milk Ladder a few months ago which aims to gently reintroduce cow’s milk back into her diet through different foods and so far so good, although the biggest problem we have is that Daisy doesn’t like some of the foods on the list such as cake and pancakes!

Having a milk allergic child hasn’t been as daunting as I previously thought. She has coconut milk instead of cow’s milk, sunflower spread instead of butter and she even has dairy-free chocolate advent calendars at Christmas. It can be hard to cook everything from scratch all the time, especially when we go away, but after spending hours in supermarkets staring at labels I’ve discovered Kirsty’s, a lovely range of meals from most supermarkets that are gluten and dairy-free that Daisy enjoys as well as Tesco’s own free from range. Morrison’s also have an extensive free-from section too. It’s also surprising to see how many foods don’t contain milk – more than I had originally thought.

It’s certainly opened my eyes and I am now so much more aware of allergies than I ever was before. When I first learnt of her allergy I felt so terribly sorry for her but now I am confident that Daisy doesn’t miss out or indeed suffer from not eating butter and cheese – in fact some of the dairy-free versions we have tried are as good as the real deal!

Apologies for such a long post! I hope this has helped if you are in the same situation or know someone who is. I’d love to hear from you if you have any advice or tips.

w w w. s t y l e a n d s u b s t a n c e . u k 17

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s g n i l b i S r Supe Part 2

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Name Jorja Age 10 Who is in the military in your family?

Daddy is a Marine.

What do they do?

Right now he is on a course but he normally just fiddles with radios.

What’s the best thing about being part of a military family?

Getting to play with weapons on family day. It is pretty rubbish otherwise.

Is there anything you don’t like about it?

When he goes away and I can’t see him. I HATE moving too. I have been to too many schools and I am fed up of having to make new friends all the time.

When daddy is away and you miss him, what do you do to make yourself feel better?

I just get on with it. I have spent my whole life waiting for him to come home. I used to get upset when I was little but now I don’t. I do miss him though I just don’t cry as much anymore.

When he comes home and you see him again, what’s the first thing you do?

CUDDLE MY DADDY!!!!!!

What is your favourite thing that you do together as a family?

I love going to Crealy and riding the Maximus.

Name Jake Age 7 and 2 months Who is in the military in your family?

Dad is a Marine.

What do they do?

He goes to war and stops bad guys from hurting people.

What’s the best thing about being part of a military family?

All the Marine families are like my big family because all my normal family is far away.

Is there anything you don’t like about it?

I hate moving and leaving my friends.

When daddy is away and you miss him, what do you do to make yourself feel better?

I hug my teddies and pretend they are Dad. When he comes home and you see him again, what’s the first thing you do?

Hug him straight away and I don’t let go.

What is your favourite thing that you do together as a family?

We stick with each other. I like going to fun places where I can run and play too.

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Little Troopers is a charity supporting the children of all our British Armed Forces but how can they help YOU? The charity Little Troopers was founded by ex-soldier and

now military spouse Louise Fetigan. Since it began in 2011

it has grown to be very loved within the military community, but do you know the wealth of support that is easily

accessible to you? A small charity with a big heart, all of the

below can be found on their website www.littletroopers.net

Crafty Little Troopers Free activity sheets for home or schools clubs, can be downloaded and printed from the website. Lots of deployment related crafts but also seasonal activities with new sheets regularly added.

BRAND NEW outfits for Little Troopers

New for 2019 Little Troopers have launched some very special dress up outfits for Little Troopers; a great addition to any early years setting or play room at home. Army, Navy and RAF represented in the outfits which can be purchased via the online shop.

Little Troopers Treasures Free to all serving regular or reserve British Armed Forces, a story recording app meaning, no matter how many miles from home you are, no serving parent needs to ever miss a bedtime story again! Lots of book titles available, record and instantly your Little Trooper can see you, hear you and read the book pages. There are also supporting resources that are free to print such as a separation diary, time difference sheet and memory box colour in.

Birthday Card Scheme Will your Little Trooper have a parent serving away for their birthday? A free scheme from Little Troopers means you can

register for a card with personalised message and badge to drop through the door on their special day…as if by magic! Sign up annually via the website.

Mini Medals

and Certificates You can buy your Little Troopers their very own miniature medal via the online shop. In addition, in the parents section on the website you can print, for free, various certificate templates to say well done to your children.

Story Books A series of unique and very special story books for military children are available to buy. With Army, Navy and RAF theme books they are being welcomed by many libraries and schools as well as for home.

Written in the form of letters from military child to parent talking about the various challenges often faced.

Little Troopers at School Are you moving soon meaning a school move too? Little Troopers have a dedicated project for military children in education helping schools and parents navigate the transition and supporting the challenges. In the parent information sheets section in the Little Troopers at School you will find lots of free forms, checklists and information for you.

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Supporting the Unsung Hero’ business boom The University of Wolverhampton’s businessstart up programme, ‘Supporting the Unsung Hero’, is helping spouses and dependants’ of serving Armed Forces personnel, Veterans and Reservists realise their ambition to start-up and grow a successful business.

‘Supporting the Unsung Hero’ is a tailored business programme designed to meet the needs of Armed Forces families, and was one of the original bids to the £35 million LIBOR fund.

Since then, the course and mentoring programme has been in high demand having already been attended by 520 delegates with 740 expected to complete the programme by 2021. HSBC bank recently announced it will continue to sponsor the programme enabling the delivery team at the University of Wolverhampton and Black Country Chamber of Commerce to further expand on the already award winning programme.

work together and share their skills to develop new products and services.

Sarah Walker, ‘Supporting the Unsung Hero’ Project Manager and Lead Trainer, says: “We are proud to be leading this programme and are very grateful to HSBC for continuing to fund the venture which forms an integral part of our range of opportunities for those who are currently serving in the Armed Forces their families and Veterans. This programme has the potential to create in excess of 700 new business start-ups by the end of 2021, significantly boosting our economy on a local and national scale.”

Once enrolled on the course participants also benefit from a closed online forum to encourage peer support and interaction with other delegates.

Some members have started local business networking groups and have formed alliances to

How long does the programme last?

Each Cohort will run for 10 months including 4 days of class based training with an experienced team of business advisers and dedicated one to one mentoring delivered either in person or virtually.

When does the programme start?

There are a range of start dates for each cohort to fit your requirements, contact the SUH team to find out the best course date and location to suit the individual.

Is there a fee to attend the programme?

There is no cost to participate in the programme as funding has been provided by the Armed Forces Covenant (LIBOR) Fund and the HSBC Bank (travel, accommodation and expenses incurred are not included).

What type of business can delegates set up?

The type of business set up is entirely up to the individual and could range from professional business consultancy, crafts and handmade gifts, bespoke art, catering services or personal fitness instructors. Participants may have a couple of business ideas and wish to use the course to explore each option or may not have a specific business in mind but wish to understand the basic principles of business start-up and gain inspiration from others.

Can those already running a business apply?

Yes, delegates may still participate in the programme if already running a business in its infancy or need to develop their understanding of basic business management.

Sally Wagstaff, a former Nurse in the Royal Navy and military spouse, enrolled on the first programme in October 2013. Since completing the course she has opened a state-of-the-art laser hair removal clinic in Lichfield and has since built on her success, opening a further salon at Aston Wood Golf and Country Club.

She says: “I simply wouldn’t have started my business without the Supporting the Unsung Hero Business programme. The course has been so important, from giving me the confidence to launch to teaching me the skills to run and importantly grow my business. I recommend the programme highly.”

Sarah Walker, Project Manager, said, “There is no end to the talent and resources within the Armed Forces community. As we enter the fourth year of the programme we hope to deliver in new locations such as Gibraltar to enable as many service spouses to access the course as possible, especially those who are in remote locations or overseas. ”

J4F 12 2019.indd 25

Who can apply for the programme?

The programme is open to a spouse or dependant (over the age of 16) of a Service person, Veteran or Reservist.

We are also pleased to announce that we now accept applications from Armed Forces Veterans.

Can delegates set up a joint business with a family member or friend?

Yes, delegates can set up a joint business with a family member or friend/s although only the eligible Spouse, Dependant or Veteran can attend the training course.

Courses are run throughout the UK at MOD bases from Scotland to Portsmouth and overseas in Cyprus, Belgium, Germany and Gibraltar.

Mentoring and seminars are also delivered on-line via Skype or Facebook to make the course as accessible as possible and to allow for service mobility and family commitments.

Delegates are offered a dedicated four-day business start-up training course, where they will learn and develop the skills required to run a business and understand their legal, financial and tax obligations, basic record keeping, marketing and how to write that all important business plan.

‘Supporting the Unsung Hero’ FAQ’s

Who will be mentoring programme delegates?

We are a team of friendly business experts from the University of Wolverhampton’s Business Solutions Centre.

Participants are assigned an individual mentor for the duration of the programme. Once enrolled delegates will also be able to access a closed Facebook page which has proven to be a great source of peer-to-peer support.

Are the training and mentoring sessions flexible?

The dates of the four-day courses and group mentoring sessions are fixed. Individual mentoring sessions are flexible and can be delivered via Skype, phone or face to face.

Are delegates obliged to set up a business by the end of the programme?

There is no obligation to set up a business by the end of the programme, but ideally those who have completed the course will have a business up and running, as this is the aim of the programme.

What will delegates achieve at the end of the programme?

Participants will have all the tools and information required to kick-start their business. A certificate will also be awarded to demonstrate successful completion of the course and will become members of a unique group of like-minded people from the military community.

If you have a business idea and need the skills and support to launch or you want to find out if running a business could be an opportunity for you contact the ‘Supporting the Unsung Hero’ team: Telephone: 01902 321 272 Email: suh@wlv.ac.uk Website: wlv.ac.uk/supportingtheunsunghero

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. . . t i F g n i p e e K for Your Body and Mind

My name is Hayley Louise and I am a Women’s Health, Fitness and Strength coach based in Plymouth. I am also the wife of a Royal Marine. You could say that I’m still in my early days as a Forces WAG, as I’ve only experienced this lifestyle for the past 4 years.

It is interesting to note that the only rule I had about dating before I met my husband, was that I would never date someone in the Forces. I didn’t think I could cope in a relationship where my partner was away all the time, never mind if he went to war, and I had to deal with the fear and uncertainty and potential loss that I know many of you have dealt with.

But you can’t choose who you fall in love with.

We met while I was coaching at my local CrossFit facility, and I was conducting his ‘foundation session’. As I was searching the room for this newbie, I saw a guy I didn’t

recognise, and joked to the other coach that it was going to be a good session if the stranger was the client, as he was gorgeous!

He’d already explained that he would be going into the Forces but my attraction couldn’t stop me from accepting an invitation to dinner. I explained that we would have to just see what happened considering his future plans, but we had an amazing first date that was a A LOT of fun. With our shared love of fitness, it was obligatory that a great deal of our time together involved exercise, with one of our early dates coming in the form of an obstacle race on a freezing winter’s day.

Over the next few months we essentially did most of the training he was doing to get him ready for recruit training. We’d do pull ups on the goal posts in parks; go for long runs; do CrossFit together (when I wasn’t coaching) and spend long hours through text messages sharing strength articles and talking about our goals.

I realised that I hadn’t taken a breath in the whirlwind 8 months before he went off to recruit training, and that I was probably going to break my rule about dating a man in the Forces.

Then came the big move. He passed out in December 2015 and knowing it was coming, I’d already decided that I was going to move to wherever he was posted, which happened to be Plymouth. I’d always wanted to live on the South Coast so it seemed like a dream come true. I was really naive.

Although a few years earlier I’d spent a year travelling the world, which often entailed arriving in new countries with no accommodation and less knowledge of said country, actually moving from the town I’d spent most of my life in was a great deal more daunting.

I felt like the new kid in town that nobody wanted to know. I didn’t know a soul

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and was now a 5 hour drive from the nearest person I did know. I had no work network - in my home town I was well known in my industry and had contacts and connections if I wanted to advance my career. But in Plymouth, nobody knew me. I had no reputation. No friends. At first, it was actually exhilarating and freeing, knowing I could walk around town and not a single soul knew me. But my husband left quite frequently, for a few weeks at a time, and I was completely on my own for long periods. I consider myself to be confident and outgoing but even I found this hard. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is for someone who finds it difficult to speak to other people. They probably move from place to place almost entirely alone.

I wanted to continue to be a fitness instructor and decided to start a business from scratch in a brand new city. Looking back, I was totally naive in thinking I could do it successfully on my own! I started a series of women-only bootcamps at the park that our little flat backed onto. Then I had the great idea of purchasing a tractor tyre, which I had to roll half a mile across the park, up and down hills, to the location I’d selected for the session. So not only was I the new kid in town, I was also this weirdo rolling a massive tyre across the park.

I laugh quite hard just thinking about it.

This was a trying and difficult time for me, and I discontinued the bootcamps as winter rolled in, cold and wet. I moved onto founding CrossFit Mums at CrossFit Plymouth gym, and the beautiful thing is that some of my clients from the original, quirky bootcamps are still my clients now and are part of the community that we have nurtured at CrossFit Mums.

The CrossFit Plymouth gym is a large facility, big enough for Mums to come and train while their little ones have a separate creche space. Initially, CrossFit Mums started as a way for new Mums to come and exercise whilst being able to bring their little ones - childcare is one of the biggest barriers to exercise for new Mums.

What it has become is a community of women, many of whom are military wives, who can come together and train as well

“Mental health problems such as anxiety and depression seem to be a common place amongst military wives and girlfriends and contributory factors could include isolation and loneliness. I believe exercising in a community will not only help women to find friends, but will help with the isolation and loneliness, as exercise really does release happy hormones that make everything else easier to deal with.“ as bond. It is a place for someone who is new to the city, to meet local women and other military wives, in a really positive environment. It is a space where they can make friends at the same time as becoming healthy, fit and strong.

My advice to any military women who are moving to a new town or city is to search out fitness facilities that focus on building a community. Mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression, seem to be common place amongst military wives and girlfriends and contributory factors could include isolation and loneliness. I believe exercising in a community will not only help women to find friends, but will help with the isolation and loneliness, as exercise really does release happy hormones that make everything else easier to deal with.

If you’re already depressed or anxious, taking that first step to join a group is very scary and that in itself can stop you from doing it in the first place. If you do feel like that, approach the facility and tell them that’s how you feel. They can help by pairing you up with someone who has perhaps been there for a while, or who resides in your area, or someone who has had a similar experience. They can also be more aware so they can help a little extra during those first sessions.

My company is Hayley Louise Dynamically Fit and I help women in Plymouth to become super healthy, fit and strong. I place a strong focus on educating women about aspects of health, fitness, strength and a positive body image. You can find me at: https://www.facebook.com/hayleylouisedynamicallyfit/ for health hints and tips about all aspects of your health fitness and strength.

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I have been a RAF wife for 14 years, mother of 2 children and am a qualified secondary PE teacher. Having moved house 10 times with the RAF, it has become evident that the military lifestyle isn’t conducive to my teaching career.

For the last 5 years, to fit in with childcare, I have found myself teaching in primary schools. At my last school in Kent, I had an extremely receptive head teacher who gave me permission to create, organise and deliver a health week. This entailed the whole school coming off timetable for the week and focusing purely on health from numerous aspects. The week was a huge success for the children, staff and parents alike and a legacy was created, being repeated the following year.

On leaving the school in Kent last summer to join my family’s posting to RAF Leeming, North Yorkshire, I was given a book titled ‘The small business start-up work book’ as a leaving gift from my head teacher. Inside a handwritten message read “Thank you for being an inspiring leader of health and physical education.You have amazing potential to put your talents into a thriving business…” With this belief and encouragement I was motivated to take on the challenge of setting up my own business. Hence, the last few months have been spent creating DR ME – inspiring whole body health.

Through research I have been astounded to find how the health of our nation is in

such decline. On entering school at the age of 5, 1:5 children are overweight or obese.

On leaving primary school at the age of 11, this statistic has risen to 1:3- what is going wrong? Firstly, our children are not active enough. In England only 21% boys and 16% girls aged between 5-15 years are getting the recommended daily amounts of exercise (60 minutes per day aerobic exercise – enough to increase the heart and breathing rates, and strength training 3 times per week). This statistic implies that more than 80% children are sedentary.

Secondly, I believe the education of health needs to be addressed from a young age, especially from a whole body approach.

We need to tackle how we are fuelling our bodies, what are the best foods to do this, and what quantities are optimal. Education needs to also focus on other imperative functions: sleep, exercise and having a healthy, happy mind. Scarily, 1:10 children have a diagnosable mental health condition, and half of these start before a child turns 14. Early recognition and treatment makes a significant difference, and hence I feel a need to educate children from a young age to recognise symptoms that lead to an unhealthy mind.

Learning to address issues that will crop up throughout life, and protect them with coping strategies is part of my mission.

that even small changes to your lifestyle can have a substantial effect especially if you can build it into the habit of your daily routine. It is not easy to be healthy, in fact it is often the harder option– who wants to go out for a run when it’s cold and wet, or cook a meal from scratch following a hectic day? However, my overall message is this “you can become your own doctor by implementing small daily changes using the knowledge gained at my workshops to increase resilience to disease. There will only ever be one of you, look after yourself.”

With this information driving my business idea, I have created DR ME- a health workshop focusing on 4 interconnected categories: diet (D), resilience (R), mind (M) and exercise (E) with the keystone being the heart. The anatomy of the heart is split into 4 individual chambers, but it is the uninterrupted flow of blood that fuels all aspects of the body and mind, with the potential to make you healthier. The body is wholly inter-connected, people will not reach their health potential if they eat well, sleep well, but don’t move (exercise), for example.

Diet You are what you eat is an old cliché, but one that rings very true. If you eat foods that are bright, fresh, and packed full of nutrients, your body will thank you for it.

By cooking from scratch you will know the exact ingredients you are putting into your body and thus provide the optimal fuel for it. If you continually buy convenience foods prepared by companies, you are leaving the decision of what you fuel your body with to a large corporation who are primarily interested in making money, and use cheap, unnourishing ingredients. I believe that every day you should eat a rainbow- as many different coloured fresh foods for optimal gut health. Gut health is currently at the forefront of academic research. Recent

“By cooking from scratch you will know the exact ingredients you are putting into your bodies and thus providing the optimal fuel for it.”

I am a big believer of people being the creator for their own health and therefore it is imperative to look after yourself to the best of your ability. Recognising the stresses and strains daily life play, I identify

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“...by teaching people to create a bed-time routine that helps calm individuals, should assist the ability to drop off, and remain asleep throughout the night.”

findings into the make up of your gut suggest there are trillions of micro organisms (which are mainly bacteria but include some fungi and viruses) that form a complex ecosystem in your gut. They are responsible for helping regulate your weight, assisting your immune system and play a vital role in hormone creation….

All of which are vital for a healthy life.

By eating a variety of colourful foods you optimise the activity of the micro-biome, thus improving your whole body health.

Therefore every day you should try to eat a fresh portion that is red, yellow, orange, blue/purple, green and white. Fancy a challenge… give it a go!

Resilience Resilience is currently a real keyword and is defined as ‘being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult situations’.

I whole-heartedly believe prevention is better than cure, and am keen to educate individuals to sleep more to re-set your body and mind. Sleep is a forgotten necessity…. It is responsible for so many vital processes that allow the body to function to its optimal capability. It has been proven to psychologically enhance your memory, creativity and concentration, as well as re-calibrate your emotional brain i.e. keep you level headed, warding off anxiety and depression. Physiologically, a good nights sleep has been proven to enhance cardiovascular, respiratory and metabolic health. It assists with people’s internal energy balance, optimises the immune system and protects from dementia, cancer, heart attacks, stroke and diabetes. On top of this it encourages your body to be slimmer by reducing food cravings, thus warding off obesity. In total, sleep makes individuals feel happier and healthier.

We have been designed to sleep 1/3 of our lives; on average we spend 25-30 years

asleep. Anything shorter of the recommended 8 hours a night for adults (11-14 hours for 1-2 years, 10-13 hours 3-5 years, 9-11 hours for 6-13 years, and 8-10 hours for 14-17 years) starts negatively impacting our health.

There is not one major organ that is not enhanced by sleep, and therefore depriving the body of sleep poses risks in all areas. Not everyone finds sleep easy, and it gets harder as people get older. However, teaching people to create a bed-time routine helps calm individuals, assisting the ability to drop off and remain asleep throughout the night. This involves switching off blue light long before sleep (as this delays the release of the ‘sleepy’ hormone melatonin thus tricking the body to believe it is still time to be awake), reducing your bedroom temperature so you are not too warm, and trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, creating a natural alarm. Sleep should be treated as a lifesupport system, and its importance should not be underestimated.

Mind The government and other significant leaders are recognising they need to prioritise and address people’s mental health. I understand that it is very easy to be swept along with life at a fast rate of knots.

However, for a healthy mind it is essential to take time out of the busy rat race and search for the positives in life. This includes being grateful for what our surrounding world offers, and to be appreciative of what our bodies can achieve. An easy way to get the ‘happy’ hormone serotonin flowing is to simply smile and get outdoors… UV light stimulates its release. Surrounding yourself with positive people helps increase selfbelief, and encourages a positive outlook on life. The brain is a mental muscle; by practicing tasks and breaking down huge challenges into smaller, more achievable chunks, you will achieve what you set out

to do, and enhance your positive mind set in the process.

It is also important to make your life exciting and varied. By mixing things up, you will start to notice and appreciate the world in a new way. Maybe try a new recipe, drive a different route to work (or even cycle), or take up a new hobby.

Exercise Exercise is where my health passions originated. I have had a lifetime of moving, ranging from dance classes when young, to playing high-level hockey at school and university, to now enjoying running and other fitness classes which are available.

The benefits of exercise have been well documented for years. Exercise makes you fitter and stronger; it helps ward off chronic illnesses such as type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, cancers etc. On top of this it improves sleep and digestion, and keeps people mobile and active later in life.

It also enhances emotional well-being.

There is no one type of exercise that fits all. What matters is that by trying a range of physical activities, you find something you enjoy and can fit into your lifestyle, therefore making it become part of your daily routine.Your body has been designed and created to move and be active, however, our lifestyles encourage us to be sedentary.

It’s your choice…. move it or lose it.

Conclusion The healthy option is often more effort than the unhealthy choice and thus people let is slip. DR ME has been created to inform people why it is important to be healthy. From this information it is people’s decision to intrinsically motivate small yet significant changes in their lives to assist feeling healthier. I would encourage people to eat a rainbow, sleep more to re-set your body and mind, search for the positives, and move your body. Through the journey of life you are given one body. Being well is something you do, not something you are – the more effort you put in, the more you get out of life. Good luck.

Claire Willsher Founder of DR ME www.doctor-me.co.uk

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Two sides To Every Story…

Would you let your teenager have sex in your house?

In this issue we asked if you’d let your teenagers have sex under your roof and we heard from two readers with differing opinions on the matter! What are your thoughts?

We’d love to hear what you think on our Facebook page!

Louisa, age 43 I have two teenagers, a son who is 17 and a daughter who is 16. I don’t have a problem with either of them having sex in our house at all. The fact with teens is that if they want to do it they are going to find somewhere to do it no matter what! I’d rather that it happened somewhere where they are safe than somewhere else – somewhere public, or at a party or in a car for instance. We have always been very open about sex as a family and both of my children told me when they were ready to have sex with their longterm partners. We spoke about staying safe,

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respecting themselves and their partners and we do have some rules. I wouldn’t be ok with them bringing back different people all of the time but if it is someone we have met, and who they are in a relationship with, we don’t have a problem with them having sex under our roof. It’s very hard thinking of your once innocent child as someone who is ready to make that decision but it is inevitable, and I’m thankful that we have nurtured a good relationship with both our children so that they felt that they could talk to us about what they are doing openly.

Mark, age 47 My wife and I have 4 children between us, two teenage girls, one each from previous relationships, and two younger children aged 8 and 10. We don’t allow our teens (who are both 16) to have sex in our house for a few reasons. One reason is because of the younger children; we don’t want them being exposed to things that they shouldn’t be seeing or hearing! We also don’t want to send the wrong message to any of the kids, we don’t want them to think that it’s ok to bring just anyone home and do what they like when they like. I wouldn’t allow the teens to drink in the house at this age so I absolutely wouldn’t want them having sex in it either. In my eyes they are still children at 16, and if you give them an inch they will take a yard. They still need rules and guidance to make the right choices and have a way to go before they are mature enough to make big decisions like choosing to have sex .

We don’t allow boys in the house unless we are there, they aren’t allowed to stay round boy’s houses and we discourage them from having boyfriends. If they do have friends who are boys back to the house they aren’t allowed upstairs and doors must be left open to whatever room they are in. I’m not sure it will change much for us as they get older seeing as we will still have two much younger children in the house, even when they are 18.

I would be incredibly disappointed if I found out that either of them had had sex elsewhere but we trust them and believe we’ve taught them that they should wait until they are older.

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Breaking Through The

Transgender“Taboo”

There it was. This starkly honest revelation. Not exactly the direction I was expecting our polite and stilted small talk to take.

“Yes, I am working as an accountant, married, couple of kids, just moved to a four-bed semi, aren’t these rail ticket price hikes a pain? Oh, and

my daughter just told me she identified as a boy,” is kind of the lines the conversation went along.

“Well, that’s great,” I said. Then added: “How do you feel about this?”

“Do you know what,” he sighed, “I really don’t know.”

It turns out, the reason for this disclosure was because he had just heard the news himself, only the evening before. His 12-year-old child had announced this at the dinner table after school. It had been on his mind, naturally, all night and he thought by putting it out there, trying out the concept on someone

But while the young have embraced gender diversity in all its many forms, has society – as a whole been equally as welcoming?

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completely distant from his family, he could start to get his head around what was going on.

Although a little bemused the conversation had shifted in one fail swoop from escalating train fares to transgender pre-teens, I was not particularly shocked or surprised on hearing the news that a young person had made this announcement. I know several transgender people. One of whom transitioned more than a decade ago and another who is currently starting the process by dressing in women’s clothes in the company of close friends.

“

I was at the train station the other day and I bumped into an old school friend. After the usual exchange of career updates, family news and gossip on mutual friends, this guy who I literally hadn’t seen for the best part of 15 years - told me his daughter had decided she wanted to be a boy.

Friends being the crucial word here. For the gentleman in question, although still being referred to as ‘he’, is trying out being a different gender amongst trusted friends – of whom my mother-in-law is one – as part of the process of transitioning. Family, he said, will be told much, much later.

He is in his 60s and has always known he identified as being a woman, but it’s only recently – as so many younger people, mostly through the platform of social media, have opened up about their experiences of being transgender and thereby raised awareness - that he has felt the confidence to start exploring his own feelings.

But while the young have embraced gender diversity in all its many forms, has society – as a whole - been equally as welcoming? There are many people who remain sceptical.

Indeed, I mention this exchange at the station to several people I meet over the next few weeks.

Out for dinner with girlfriends, everyone is very positive about it. Everyone is very warm and accepting.

I mentioned it at a large family gathering and I got a few ‘what a load of nonsense’ type responses. An accusation about ‘snowflakes’ and some

18/02/2019 15:17

thinks they might be, but it also offers great advice too on how friends and family support a trans child, teen or young person.

mutterings about ‘they are too young’ to know their own mind. Someone even said, ‘it’s a bit weird’, isn’t it?’ And there was also a ‘people never used to be transgender, it’s a fad’.

In one video, Trans Toilet Tips, presented by MrLewzer, there is advice to use every opportunity to educate people, be prepared to offer support to trans people you meet and to read up on their rights.

There are, of course, others for whom it’s simply no big deal.

Indeed, I heard about a mother, whose 14-year-old child, born a girl, announced they were a boy and now wanted to be referred to using the pronoun ‘he’, and she barely batted an eyelid.

Her response was, simply, “oh, okay….are you going to get ready for horse riding now?”

The child in question had been displaying all the signs for a number of years and this mother had pretty much guessed what was going on. She wasn’t being dismissive, she just wasn’t in the least bit surprised and was certainly not going to make a big thing of this in front of her child.

Indeed, her child had been, for years, cutting their hair short, wearing boy’s clothes and mostly had male friends.

If you are a parent, wondering whether your child is going through something similar, it’s these signs which can be the initial indicators.

The fact is, more young people are identifying as transgender and there are several reasons for this increase. The first is that there have always been the same proportion of people who identify as transgender, but with social media and, indeed, other mediums such as TV drama raising awareness, it has increased public consciousness.

There is now a platform for saying ‘I am trans and this is what it means to me’. The second reason is linked to the first – the acceptance of this publicly, as an actual valid thing, has meant more people have been able to learn to recognise similar feelings in themselves, perhaps things they didn’t understand before.

Either way, as parents we must accept that even if our children don’t identify with being transgender now or in

the future, it’s likely someone in their school, friendship group or in their general acquaintance will. So, being well-informed and educated is essential.

There are lots of wonderful resources for parents and children on the website for the charity Mermaids UK, which supports gender diverse children and young people.

It includes links to, amongst other resources, a series of YouTube videos called Patchwork Stories in which people from the trans community talk about their experiences.

Not only do these videos provide great support to anyone who is transgender or who

There will no doubt be lots of questions and situations which you might need to navigate if your child or another friend or relative starts raising the possibility with you that they might be transgender or identifying as anything other than cis-gender, which is when a person’s identity or gender corresponds with their birth gender.

Ultimately, they are still your child and their personality and the fundamental and unique factors which make them the wonderful person you know and love are still there.

As MrLewzer puts it: “Ten years ago I didn’t have a beard or a deep voice but I am still exactly the same person.”

For more support, information or advice go to www.mermaidsuk.org.uk

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DIY Road Trip Boredom Busters!

Whoever said, ‘it’s the journey that’s important, not the destination’, clearly wasn’t referring to a journey with kids!

Whilst the dream may be sunshine and wonderful family holidays, the reality is often long road trips involving bored children.

Perhaps you’re based away from family and friends and therefore travel frequently to visit your loved ones? Avoid the nightmare of ‘are we nearly there yet?’ by creating some of these road trip activities and start your trip as you mean to go on!

Maths on the Move Simple but effective, this is a great maths activity for on the

Cereal Necklaces

keep For a fun (and healthy!) snack that will a the kids entertained, albeit possibly for laces. short time, try creating these cereal neck and All you need is some string, or elastic, s erio Che as such al cere ed hoop a box of the or Wheetos. Tie a knot in one end of it up. tie and it onto al cere the d threa string, e Voila! Alternatively, to eek out even mor quiet time, give the kids a ziplock bag, and let containing the cereal, and the string, them thread it themselves.

move.You will need a few polystyrene cups with a lip and a marker pen to write with. Around the rim of two of the cups, write the numbers 0-5 and then the numbers 0-10 on another one. Write an addition and subtraction sign on the edge of a cup and an equals sign on another. Now stack them! First a 0-5 cup, second the addition/subtraction sign cup, third, the other 0-5 cup and fourth the equals sign cup. Finally, the 0-10 cup.

Your little one can then spin the different cups to make different equations. If you wanted to make this harder, and therefore suitable for older children, add in more cups to make bigger numbers.

Magnetic Letter Kit

on the go.

This is a great, educational activity for little one your and rs lette Fill a tin with magnetic ing or spell their g tisin prac can spend the jour ney the lid! close ly simp stop, to numbers. When it’s time

Travel Lego Kits Perfect for your little leg o lovers, these can provid e hours of entertainment whilst trav elling.You will need a pla stic tuppaware box or tin, a leg o board, superglue and leg o.

Cut the lego board to fit inside the box lid and glu e it on.

When it’s dry, fill the box with lego and that’s it. For little ones, you could use a big ger box and fill it with Du plo.

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Car Bingo This is a great car activity for those children who struggle with travel sickness and therefore need to be looking out of the window. There are thousands of pre-made sheets to be found online or you can make your own, personalising it, depending on where you are going. All you need is a sheet of paper with various pictures of objects that might be spotted on your travels and a box to tick when they’ve found them! Attach them to a clip board to lean on and you’re done. Easy!

Would You Rather?

old-fashioned car Who doesn’t love a good y to pass the time for game?! This is a great wa as start some interesting the whole family as well ilities are endless in conversations! The possib to display the questions ter ms of how you choose free printables online. and there are hundreds of the questions and off Choose someone to read have happy, entertained you go. Would you rather ble ones?! children or bored, misera

Woul d You Have Rathe a mag ic carp r...

Be the e t th at flie funn

iest pe s or yo Live in ur ow a place rson alive or the sm n personal ro that w Go wit artest as alw bot? hout te person ay levisio Have alive? n for li s very hot or one ey fe ap e in th or give See th em up jun lace that was e futur k food always e or ch iddle of your Only for life a very co forehea nge th be able ? ld? e d p o to a r s t? two no Be extr crawl o ses? n all fo emely short o urs or Be a fa r extre o mous s mely ta nly be able inger o Eat a to walk ll? r a fam spider backw ous acto or eat ards?

Be able a r ? s nail? to fly or be in Chop visible off all ? your Be the worst p hair or neve r be ab la that alw ye le to ays los r on a team that alw cut it again es?

Be an ? eagle o ays win ra s or th Have e best an extr lion? player a fi Only on a te be able nger or an e am xtra to to whis e? per or only b e able to shou t?

Magnetic Puzzle

the assume that puzzles in You would probably r Fo ! on there is a soluti car were a no-no but a metal baking tray, ed ne this to work you’ll zzle (that will fit on the magnetic tape and a pu of lete). Cut a little str ip baking tray once comp m fro it d c tape (we ordere double sided magneti e zzl pu h eac to the back of Amazon) and stick it lly rea it d baking tray an piece. Assemble on the is this perfect for the ly on t is that simple. No ge! d at home on the frid car, it can also be use

J4F 12 2019.indd 37

If you give any of our suggestions a go or if you have any of your own, we’d love to hear from you via our Facebook page!

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Reward Systems Using reward systems can be hugely beneficial for children of all ages. They can help establish and encourage new routines, and curb bad behaviour. They provide strong incentives for children to modify their behaviour, they’re fun and they provide a sense of fulfilment.

Caught Being Good Lolly Stick Reward System

Reward systems provide motivation to children, whether it helps them complete homework on time, interact in an appropriate manner with siblings and friends, clean up their toys after playtime or encourage fussy eaters to try new foods. Receiving a reward – be it a sticker or a bigger treat – can brighten up a child’s day and helps to reinforce good standards of behaviour and build up positive habits. They are great for all ages – from potty training and dressing themselves, right through to teens who may need encouragement to complete homework, stick to a curfew and complete their chores.

Reward systems also helps us as parents. They remind us to praise and reward good behaviour instead of using bribes, something that most of us are guilty for at some time or another. It can be easy to put a lot of focus on bad behaviour and forget to reward the good, and using reward systems can quickly turn this around.

The great thing about reward systems is that they don’t have to be expensive. What the reward is is entirely up to you, it could be something as simple as a movie night, or something bigger like a family day out or a new toy. Children respond differently to different types of reward system and we’ve shortlisted our favourite kinds below. Let us know if you have any ideas of your own on our Facebook page, and whether using them works for you!

Incentive Jar These jars are great fun for the kids to make before they use them. First, mark two or three lines on the jar. Then let your kids decorate them however they see fit – they could use glitter, stickers or glass painting pens! The idea is to reward good behaviour with a pebble (pom poms, buttons or even a teaspoon of rice work too).

When it is filled to each line it means a treat is due. Talk to your kids about what each line will represent before they start to fill them, and what kind of behaviour will warrant a pebble.

You could even remove pebbles

J4F 12 2019.indd 38

in response to bad behaviour – it’s a great visual aid for children to see how close they are to their goal.You could even fill the jar with folded up paper with the reason they got it written on – it’s a lovely way for them to read through and remind themselves of all the good choices they made to get to their reward!

Many parents don’t like the idea of rewarding children for things that are expected of them generally such as completing

chores and being polite, which is understandable and if it works for your family then that’s great!

This reward system is great for praising your children when they go above and beyond, when they do something good off their own backs. Each time you catch your child doing something good, you tell them to pull a stick from the jar and they get to have whatever treat is written on it. It could be money for their money box, a day without chores, or a trip to the park.

Colour Coded Behaviour Chart For younger children, a colour coded behaviour chart can be the easiest thing for them to understand. It’s also great if you have more than one child!

Using pegs with their names on, each day starts in the middle.

Reward or warn your child throughout the day by moving the peg according to their behaviour. If they end up at the bottom they lose a privilege, but if they end up at the top they get a reward! It could be an extra story at bed time or an activity of their choice for the whole family to join in with in the evening. This is a good way for your child see the effect their behaviour is having

throughout the day and gives them a chance to see where they stand and work towards making better choices to get back up to the top.

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S

creening

“

creen Time

In the first ever screen-time guidance published in the UK, the RCPCH suggests that parents adjust their child’s use of screens based on their developmental age and individual needs. The guidance says that, while there is not enough evidence to confirm that screens are harmful to child health, screen time should not interrupt positive activities for children such as socialising, exercise and sleep.

Screen time use varies widely between families, which can cause a grey area for parents wondering if their children are getting too much of it.

The new guidelines include four key questions for families to help examine their use of technology: 1. Is screen time controlled?

2. Does screen use interfere with what your family want to do?

3. Does screen use interfere with sleep?

4. Are you able to control snacking during screen time?

If the family is satisfied with their answers to those questions then the RCPCH say that they

Screen time has become somewhat of a hot subject over the last decade – with more children owning tablets, smartphones and playing videogames than ever before, over the last few years we have begun to hear more stories in the media about the negative effects of too much screen time. Too much of it too close to bedtime and the blue light given off by screens can interfere with sleep hormones – meaning our kids can’t fall asleep as deeply or easily. One too many stories of a child so addicted to a videogame that when they’re told to come off it they trash the TV or lash out physically at their parents has got us all wondering whether screen time is a good thing at all. The fact that obesity rates in children have been steadily rising over the last decade, many blame on the sedentary act of sitting down and staring at a screen instead of being out playing like children would have been years ago.

Alongside all of the negatives of screen time come the positives too. Children are using apps and games that are educational, enhancing pre-schoolers knowledge of phonics and numbers to a level much greater than their predecessors at their age. There truly is an app for everything – be it revision for exams or one to teach you another language – and research

Too much of it too close to

bedtime and the blue light given

off by screens can interfere with

“

At the beginning of this year, The Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health (RCPCH) published guidelines to help parents manage children’s screen time.

are likely handling screen time well. It is only when screen time starts to affect eating and sleeping habits and begins to negatively impact family time that it could be considered a problem.

sleep hormones – meaning our

kids can’t fall asleep as deeply or

easily. One too many stories of a child so addicted to a videogame

that when they’re told to come off it they trash the TV or lash out

physically at their parents has got us all wondering whether screen time is a good thing at all.

shows that pre-teens and teens that use them do actually tend to do better at school. Tablets and apps have changed the lives of some disabled children, giving non-verbal children a way to communicate that they wouldn’t have had years ago, and young wheelchair users access to apps that help them learn to use electric wheelchairs and improve their spatial awareness. And not to mention the relief that screen time has given to busy parents too – we have all been thankful for Cbeebies at one time or another after being awake with a teething toddler since 4am and just needing 5 minutes to enjoy a hot drink in peace!

What can you do if you want to reduce your child’s screen time?

Setting limits on how much TV your child watches or how many videogames they play can be difficult in our screen-filled world. One of the best and most important things we can do is be good role models for healthy electronic use. It’s easy to flick through your phone every time you have a spare minute –most people between the ages of 25 and 40 admit that they think they spend too much time on their phones- and it’s easy to keep the TV on in the background in the kitchen whilst you wash up, but if we

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lead by example and limit our own screen use then we are setting a good example for our children.

Another way you can help limit screen time is to create techfree zones. The dining room can be a great one for this – leave it reserved for eating together as a family and talking, with no phones or tablets allowed for anybody. Make sure your children do their chores and homework before they are allowed to plug into a device, this will help them prioritise the things that are more important such as school work over spending time playing games or catching up with their

latest Facebook newsfeed.

Set aside a time every day for the entire family to “unplug”.

An hour before the kids go to bed is a good idea, with the RCPHC recommending that we should all be screen-free for at least an hour before we go to bed to aid in getting a healthy nights sleep. Use this time to play board games, read stories or simply talk.

Talk to your children about why they can’t watch too much TV, or spend too much time staring at a screen. Kids who understand that it can be unhealthy to spend too much time on a device rather than

thinking they can’t just because their parents are mean, are much more likely to follow the screen time rules that you set.

In an age-appropriate manner, explain how violent video games, movies, and images can be harmful to kids. Also, discuss the potential dangers of online predators and the effects of cyberbullying. Discuss how you can work together as a family to reduce potential risks. For some families this may mean obtaining your child’s passwords to any social media and online accounts, depending on your child’s age and your values. It can also be important to establish rules about social media and what

services you’ll allow your child to participate in. Many children lack the maturity needed to handle online problems, such as cyberbullying and it’s important to really take responsibility for helping your child stay safe if they are using social media.

Lastly, try to make screen time a privilege and not a right, and encourage your child to take part in other activities that don’t involve a screen. Kids can easily become dependent on technology for entertainment.

Reading, playing outside or creating something are good ways to remind them that there is fun to be had elsewhere!

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Tips for dealing with

fussy eaters

It’s those two words every parent fears.

After several hours, slaving away in the kitchen, lovingly preparing and cooking a nutritious meal, you serve up your culinary masterpiece only to be greeted with a resounding: “Yuk! Disgusting!”

Yes, we have all been there. From the baby who refuses to latch on, to the toddler who throws his mashed potatoes at the wall in abomination, to the child who decides they will only eat sausages, bananas and nothing else.

As parents, we will all – at some point – have gone through the frustration and upset of having a child who either won’t eat, or won’t eat certain things. And by certain things, it’s usually vegetables, lean meat, or nutritious casseroles and never chocolate, cake and Haribo. (Funny, that).

But, the fact is, whatever food ‘issues’ you are going through with your children, you are not alone. In fact, you are going through a text book stage of parenting because fussy eating is part of a child’s development.

Rosie Letts, a nutritional therapist and director of Bump and Beyond Nutrition, said: “Truth is, it’s normal for children to be fussy eaters – that is to not like the shape, colour, taste or texture of particular foods.

“It’s also normal for children to like something one day but dislike it the next day, or eat more or less from day-to-day.”

Ever noticed that your child, who gobbled back broccoli sprigs with gusto as a baby, cannot bear the sight of it as a toddler? Well, that’s normal too!

“Frequently babies that are good eaters then become picky when they enter

toddlerhood,” said Rosie. “It’s a way of exploring their environment and as they get older, asserting their independence.”

Another factor to consider, when fretting about your child’s erratic eating habits, is that children’s appetites are also affected by their growth cycles.

Provided your child is healthy, Rosie explained, and has enough energy to play, learn and explore they are probably eating enough.

There are a few tips to help you make mealtimes and eating a better experience and also to get your children to eat a greater variety of foods. Here are a few:

1

Make mealtimes sociable

Eating with your children as often as is possible within the demands of your family life is very important when it comes to improving your children’s eating habits.

There are a number of reasons for this. One, is that when they are very young it provides a chance for you to be a role model to your son or daughter.

Rosie said: “Your child learns by example. If you want to see a change in him, you must be that change. If you model a non-fussy relationship with food yourself and eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, your child is more likely to follow suit.”

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And Jo Cormack, a therapist and feeding consultant and author of ‘War and Peas: Emotionally Aware Feeding – end the battle with picky eaters’ said research showed having just one family meal a week has a positive impact on how a child eats.

A family meal doesn’t have to be everyone sitting around the table eating together, any communal experience counts.

Jo said: “It could be you and a friend and their children sharing a meal around a table. Family meals are not about a mum, a dad, 2.4 children and an immaculate table setting, they are about getting together to eat without the TV on, without rushing.”

This communal experience, Jo believes, provides children with a valuable opportunity to learn and practice social skills.

For this reason, Jo also thinks it’s important not to highlight eating problems at the meal table, and instead focus on this social side of eating.

Jo explained that many parents can put large amounts of time and energy into what and how children are eating at mealtimes.

It could be subtle things such as loading a

child’s fork or suggesting they ‘eat up’. Or it could be more extreme, where every adult at the table is focussing on convincing a child to eat. The danger is, mealtimes can become a battle.

Jo advises: “Take a step back and only focus on the social side of the meal. Leave your child to get on (or not) with eating and talk about everyone’s day, the weather - anything but what is going into your child’s mouth.

“This is not only enjoyable for everyone, it reduces levels of anxiety and conflict which, research tells us, will improve children’s eating.”

Finally, this also provides a great opportunity to teach children that the “Yuk! Disgusting” response to food is rude.

“Explain that they don’t need to mention it,” said Jo, “they can just leave what they don’t want on the edge of the plate.”

2

Establish a routine

Okay, in early days babies need to feed on demand. But, said Rosie Letts, this isn’t necessarily the case for older children, who can benefit from a daily feeding routine that fits around their daytime sleep pattern.

“This should include three meals and two or three nutritious snacks, spaced throughout the day,” Rosie said.

She advises serving meals and snacks at about the same times each day to help your child regulate their hunger levels and learn they have to eat enough at mealtimes. Avoid giving them milk or juice in the hour before a meal, as this could fill them up and ruin their appetite. Give them water, instead, if they are thirsty.

A schedule is also a good idea where snacks are concerned, if only to establish whether their snacking is affecting their appetite for main meals. However, by offering healthy

snacks at a specific time every day, you’ll prevent your children pleading for snacks throughout the day.

Jo Cormack said: “If you give a snack midmorning and mid-afternoon and your child is never hungry at lunch, try dropping the mid-morning snack. If they eat their lunch but leave most of their evening meal, try dropping the mid-afternoon snack.

“Every time you experiment with a new schedule, stick to it for a week or two before deciding whether it is working.”

According to Jo, a common problem parents find is their children return home from school ravenous, have a snack then don’t want dinner.You can address this problem by dropping the snack and having dinner earlier. Or giving them a smaller snack, and having dinner later.

“It’s all about trial and error and finding what works for your family,” said Jo.

3

Variety – the spice of mealtimes

Being creative, having fun and bringing lots of variety to mealtimes from the early days can make a huge difference to a child’s eating habits. This principle applies from when they are babies, as Rosie explained.

“The ultimate goal of weaning is getting your baby to eventually eat the same foods as the rest of the family,” she said.

“By one year of age, your child should be able to eat meals with the family. As your baby gets older avoid sticking to just bland, pureed food. Get your child’s palette used to a range of flavours and texture so he is able to transition to family meals easier.”

As your children grow older, get them involved in the process of creating meals.

At the supermarket, ask them to help you select healthy foods. At home, get them rinsing veggies, stirring ingredients and laying the table.

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mealtime.

As touched upon before, if your child doesn’t like a particular food the first time, keep serving until they become familiar with it. Try offering it, next time, with a food they enjoy to make it seem less threatening.

Jo suggested, when it comes to introducing something completely new, try introducing it slowly as a variation of another food.

“For example,” she said, “if your child likes chicken nuggets, try peeling them and serving the coating crumbled over the peeled chicken.Very gradually expand what your child will accept by making miniscule changes.

Make the plate look as fun and colourful as possible. Rosie said: “Try serving vegetables and fruits with your little one’s favourite dips. Cut foods into various shapes with cookie cutters. Serve a variety of freshlycoloured foods. Offer breakfast foods for dinner.”

4

Rosie explained babies have heightened senses so it’s normal for them to touch or smell new foods and even to put bits in their mouth, and take them out again.

“You need to keep reintroducing foods,” she explained, “as your child might need repeated exposure before he takes a first bite.”

Talk about the food’s colour, shape, smell and texture, but avoid saying whether the food tastes good, Rosie suggested. Try serving new foods alongside their favourite food to encourage them to try it.

Don’t force children to eat

One of the reasons we are often so frustrated when our children don’t eat, is that we fear they won’t be full and won’t have enough energy to play, nutrition to grow or – worst of all – will become cranky and irrational!

But, actually, if they miss a meal or two, it’s not the end of the world.

Jo explained: “Children have needs that fluctuate from day to day, week to week,

J4F 12 2019.indd 44

“Many adults assume that children always need to eat the same amount each day and this gives rise to pressurising children to eat, giving them snacks they don’t need and generally being anxious about their eating.

Be patient

It’s easy to get upset, or frustrated when our children refuse food. But remember, it can take a while for babies and children to accept different tastes and textures. The key is patience.

5

month to month. A lot of that is to do with how they are growing.

“As long as you are offering healthy, appropriate meals and your child’s weight and growth is fine, let them decide how much they want to eat.”

She added: “If they leave a lot one day, before reaching for a snack or rushing to prepare an alternative meal for them, think about whether maybe they just don’t need as much food as you think they do.”

It’s also important not to use bribes or a ‘clean plate’ incentive to get your child to eat as it can create power struggles over foods, said Rosie who thinks it’s important to respect your child’s appetite (or lack of one).

Serve small portions, let your child decide how much to eat and they will be able to, independently, ask for more.

6

Don’t draw attention to fussy eating

According to Rosie, putting fussy eating in the spotlight can encourage children to continue behaving in this way.

Instead, try and ignore the fussiness as much as possible.

Making another meal for a child when they reject the original dish will simply lead to them being even more picky! Instead, encourage the child to stay at the table for the rest of the meal, until everyone has finished or until the end of the designated

“You might try different brands or flavours of safe foods, or serving it on a different plate. Think baby steps.”

7

Don’t offer dessert as a reward or a threat

It’s the age old parenting ultimatum.

If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t get pudding. But, according to Rosie, this could be making your problem worse, not better.

“Withholding dessert sends the message that dessert is the best food, which might only increase your child’s desire for sweets.

“You might select one or two nights a week as dessert nights, and skip dessert the rest of the week. I, personally, like to serve healthy options as dessert – fruit, yogurts etc.”

8

If you are concerned, seek help

Finally, if you have any major concerns about your child’s eating, for example, if you think it’s affecting their health, development or growth, it’s advisable to seek professional help from your GP, health visitor or an accredited dietician.

But, in most cases, following the advice above and being patient can make a big difference. Rosie said: “Remember that your child’s eating habits won’t likely change overnight – but the small steps you take each day can help promote a lifetime of healthy eating.”

For more help visit Rosie’s website www.bumpandbeyondnutrition.com For more advice from Jo visit www.emotionallyawarefeeding.com

18/02/2019 15:19

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the Associa on, said: “We were extremely pleased to be able to support this request. We could see what a huge impact a tricycle would have, not only on Mair, but on the Lewis family as a whole. We wish them all many miles of happy cycling.”

Cycling is definitely a family favourite pas me, as Dan represents the Royal Air Force as part of the RAF Cycling Team.

Dan con nued: “Mair absolutely loves her tricycle.

She beamed when we went to collect it and has a huge smile on her face every me we go out for a ride. It’s great that she can ride around with her younger sister at last.”

RAF Associa on Keeps the Lewis Family Cycling Together The Royal Air Forces Associa on keeps members of the RAF family connected. This can be when families are separated through work, but the charity also helps families enjoy me together when health issues make it more difficult.

This was the case for the Lewis family. Dad, Sergeant Dan Lewis, a Non-Destruc ve Tes ng Technician sta oned at RAF Brize Norton has served in the RAF for 18 years, serving in the UK, as well as overseas in Afghanistan and the Falklands. When his first child was born ten weeks early Dan and his wife, Laura, were told their new daughter had a bleed on her brain. This could have cleared up leaving no long term effects, but sadly for Mair this was not the case.

J4F 12 2019.indd 47

By the age of two Mair s ll wasn’t walking. Dan and Laura struggled to get a diagnosis for their daughter, but at three they were told she had cerebral palsy and global development delay. She was walking by then, but was not very steady. She s ll struggles with her balance now, at the age of five.

Dan said: “As a family we love the great outdoors and spend as much me outside as possible. Mair has a younger sister, who is three, reaching all her targets, one of which is riding her bike. It pained us to see how much Mair wished she could do the same, so we approached the RAF Associa on to see if they could help us buy a tricycle for her.”

Rory O’Connor, Director of Welfare and Policy for

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