JustFamilies for
Incorporating The UK Forces Education Guide
f the tages o s 8 e h IVF -T k wait two wee
How to Stay C onnec During Deploym ted ent
Another S pecial Year For Scotty’s Lit tle Soldier s
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Welcome to our 4th issue of Just for Families incorporating the UK Forces Education Guide. Happy New Year! We hope you had a great 2016 and look forward to an even better 2017. In this issue we have Little Troopers, Forces Children Trust and Scotty’s Little Soldiers keeping us up-to-date with what they have been up to and their plans for the future. World Book Day is on the 2nd of March. We ask via social media, but for those of you who are not on Facebook, please send us pictures of your little ones in their World Book Day outfits to jff@forcespublishing.co.uk and we will feature them in Issue 5. We loved seeing their outfits last year! We have included an A-Z of Children’s books to read and Reading Force explain their free service for all Service Families. We are starting a new project called ‘PenPals’ and would like to encourage Service children to write to each other. Children that may have mummy or daddy serving abroad or who move around a lot and would benefit from an extra support network. We hope to get as many children on-board as possible so please see inside for more details and how to join in. Have you heard of Ginger Rainbow? It is a business set up by Amy who has created pillowcases your children can design with personalised messages and drawings. Such a beautiful gift and lightweight to send via BFPO! Please see her article on how she set up her business and say hi via Facebook @grainbow1
JustFamilies for
Incorporating The UK Forces Education Guide
New Year’s Resolutions
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Kick-Start Your New Year’s Resolution With A National Trust Walk For Fitness
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IVF - The 8 Stages of The Two Week Wait
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A to Z of Children’s Books
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Reading Force
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Pen Pals
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Pavilion Books -
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Giveaway!
Another Special Year For Scotty’s Little Soldiers
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The Military Man
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Children and Deployment
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Ginger Rainbow
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Crafty Little Troopers
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Our Mother’s Day Gift Guide
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Creation Station With Baker Ross
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Stay Connected
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Trip of a Lifetime
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PTSD and Your Family East Anglian Game and Country Fair -
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Win!
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Don’t forget Mother’s Day on the 26th March. We have a gift guide from Notonthehighstreet.com and Baker Ross have a page of pressies for your children to make. Jules Furness has included her first editorial with us, The 8 stages of the two week wait following IVF. It’s a great read and one I think anyone can relate with, when trying for a baby.
Supporters of
All this and much much more! Please feel free to email me (sally@forcespublishing.co.uk) with ideas of what you’d like to see more of (or less of!) as well as any ideas you have for future issues. Keep an eye on Facebook (don’t forget to ‘like’ us) for more competitions online. Just For Families Military Mag
Sally
*permission of children taken from our Facebook competition were received before going to print
Articles and photographs reproduced by kind permission of the contributors Forces & Corporate Publishing Ltd, Hamblin House,
© No responsibility for the quality of goods or services advertised in this magazine can be accepted by the
Hamblin Court, Rushden, Northants NN10 0RU.
publishers or printers. Advertisements are included in good faith.
Tel: 01933 419994
The MOD or any Service Establishment is not responsible for the advertiser or its advertised product or service.
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Editorial: Sally Haynes
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Design: Hayley Smith
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Queen Victoria School, Dunblane Donald Shaw, Head Master
Admissions Deadline 15th January Each Year Queen Victoria School (QVS) is a co-educational boarding school fully funded for tuition and boarding by the Ministry of Defence to provide stability and continuity of education for the children of UK Armed Forces personnel who are Scottish, or who have served in Scotland or who have been members of a Scottish regiment. There are 277 pupil places in the School, ranging from Primary 7 through to S6. Age-ranges within each year-group are wide, however, because of the very varied and inevitably disrupted educational backgrounds from which the pupils come. One pupil came into S3 having been to 13 different schools; others into P7 having been to eleven different schools – and these are not just different schools, but different education systems as well. If QVS pupils were not at the School, they would be attending whichever was the local school in the area in which their parents were posted. QVS has a particular brief from the Ministry of Defence to care for those eligible families who could not otherwise afford boarding education. Ceremonial – piping, drumming, Highland Dancing and drill – constitutes an important part of the life of the School and is a visible link between the pupils and the work that their parents have chosen to do, in the UK Armed Forces. The Pipes, Drums and Dancers of QVS are internationally renowned, having played at tattoos both at home and abroad, and have been invited to play at the Basel Tattoo this year. Academic results are consistently well above the national averages, however, and there is a wide programme of extra-curricular activities, Games and the Combined Cadet Force. Major sports are rugby – where QVS is generally considered to “punch well above its weight” as a small school – and hockey, although there is a growing commitment to football as well. QVS pupils and their families greatly value the strength of mutual support in a school community where all recognise the reality of Service life. Set in 45 acres of beautiful Perthshire countryside, Queen Victoria School is easily accessible by road, rail or air. There is no substitute for visiting a school, meeting its pupils and staff and picking up the atmosphere. If you would like to know more before travelling to Dunblane to visit us, however, and to request a DVD, please contact our Admissions Secretary on +44 (0) 131 310 2927. Alternatively, you can write to: Admissions Secretary, Queen Victoria School, Dunblane, Perthshire FK15 0JY, United Kingdom, or visit our website
www.qvs.org.uk
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decide that, as a family, you will try to eat healthier. Two vegetables with every home cooked meal, a piece of fruit with every lunch etc. Make sure whatever you decide on, it’s a realistic goal. All New Year’s Resolutions should be ‘age appropriate’. My daughter believes she is a lot older than she is. Without guidance, her goals of cooking me a three course dinner once a week, and ironing her own school shirts at the age of 8, wouldn’t last very long. But we could introduce more realistic ideas like setting the table for dinner every night, or helping with the dusting. Last year we brought in making her own bed every morning and opening her own curtains and blinds, as well as those downstairs. They are small things and she does do a lot more to help around the house, but they were simple, first time goals, and she has stuck them. Try not to set resolutions like ‘I will aim to be on reading Level 15 by this time next year’, if they are anything like my weight loss goals…… well we’ll leave that there! Our children should not feel let down after they’ve been working so hard all year. Instead their resolution could be ‘I will improve my reading by reading at least 3 times a week at home’ or ‘I will aim to read at least two pages of my book a day’. This could be your resolution too. ‘I will set time to read with my child at least twice a week’.
New Year’s Resolutions for Children… How do we feel about introducing New Year’s Resolutions to our children? Should we embrace the age old tradition of making them, or, are we setting our children up to fail? Market research has told us that 7-12 year olds are a perfect age for children to start (as long as they are encouraged in the right
way). They are old enough to understand the idea, but young enough that their habits are not yet firm and at a brilliant age for parents to guide them. Resolutions can be fun & exciting. An opportunity to come together as a family. As parents we must practice what we preach, so there is absolutely no way I am giving up a glass of wine – it’s not attainable! Similarly you wouldn’t expect your child to give up chocolate or sweets. You could however,
As your children get older, device related resolutions are great ones to bring in. The age of children getting their first phone has dropped dramatically from when I was young. I remember being the first one at school to get a mobile phone. I was 16, and back then they were solely used for phoning and texting your mum! Even my daughter, at the age of 8, uses her iPad to facetime her bestie. I love technology and with the same passion I hate it. Kids are growing up way too fast, in a world where selfies and making you tube videos are now the norm. You look at the majority of families out for a meal in a restaurant and, depending on the age of the children, I bet all of them at some point pick up a device. Why not set a family New Year’s Resolution of ‘no devices at the dinner table’, or ‘no devices when you’re out for a meal’! It would hopefully instil some better quality family time. Don’t take it too far however, as at least one family member has to take a picture of you all and ‘check in’, otherwise how do people know how much fun you’re having! Finally – New Year’s Resolutions should be fun. Encourage your child, don’t bribe or nag. 7
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New Year’s Resolutions for Parents… There is so much pressure these days to be the perfect parent. I would love to meet this perfect parent who never loses their patience, who has home cooked cakes readily available for all schooling events, works 9-5 whilst keeping her house immaculate and whose son/daughter is perfectly behaved all of the time! This is not realistic so give yourselves a break! That said, trying to improve ourselves is never a bad thing and it does set a good example to our children that we too need to set goals to achieve. Let’s remember what we’ve thought about with our children though, and not set ourselves up for a fall. Whilst our children are young (and probably when they’re older too!) we will have to tell them off. No matter how perfect your princess or well behaved your prince, they will at some point push your buttons. We spoke to a few parents who gave us an insight into what their New Year’s Resolutions are.
Every night I cook at least two different meals (more often than not three) to accommodate eating times and preference of foods. I work full time and it’s a lot to do every night. My resolution is to prep and plan more often. Try and find meals that everyone likes and that can be plated up if we’re not all ready to eat at the same time. I need to alter my habit of convenience food and stop deciding on what to eat for dinner on the day. I’ll probably save a few pennies this way too! My daughter has mentioned recycling to me a few times now, but I have never done 8
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“
I’m going to
try to reduce
“
I feel like I’m telling my child off a lot, especially since having a new baby. I think he’s got used to me shouting at him, and the effectiveness is wearing off. I’m going to try to reduce the negatives. Instead of ‘DON’T do that to your brother’ – I’ll try ‘please be kind to your brother’ or ‘DON’T put that in the middle of the floor’ will become ‘shall we put this on the side where its less likely to be knocked over’. This tactic will hopefully reduce the likelihood of a screaming match, and I’ll be teaching him how to behave better, rather than constantly telling him off.
the negatives.
Instead of ‘DON’T do that to your
brother - I’ll try
‘please be kind to your brother
it. I have many excuses like ‘the recycling bin is all the way outside’ or ‘I don’t like the recycling not going into a bag’. My New Year’s Resolution is to recycle. I’m going to buy a second bin for my kitchen so it’s not a hassle to go outside and wash up anything I put in there so I’m not worried about it not going into a bag. I don’t have enough time around school runs, work and my husband’s erratic/ sporadic work schedule to exercise. It’s going to change. My older son is now 9 and has expressed an interest in running with me, I’m going to download couch – 5k. My youngest son has just learnt to ride a bike so he can ride alongside us. I’ve set up ideas for if it’s raining (any excuse and I won’t go) so the swimming timetable is up on the fridge and I’ve bought a fitness DVD in case I can’t exercise while the kids are about. My New Year’s Resolution is basically to stop making excuses and ‘find time’. I am not joining the local gym as realistically I don’t think I’ll go enough
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and I think if I don’t make it there I will feel like I’m failing. But I would like to incorporate more exercise into our family life and if we can make it like a game that would be fab! I collect clutter! I am a hoarder! I don’t like to throw much away! We are about to be posted for our 3rd time. My daughter is 6 – she does not need the Happyland Rose Cottage set which she outgrew about 4 years ago. Neither does she need clothes aged 4-5! My New Year’s Resolution is to de-clutter and boy do I need to! I’m going to eBay as much as I can and take the rest to the charity shop. I don’t have any time with my wife anymore where we can talk, just the two of us. I work, my wife works and then we pick up the children. We sometimes get to eat together, but then we veg out on the sofa and catch up on television. My New Year’s Resolution is to find time. I know it sounds magical (I wish this were possible) but, I’ve
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looked seriously at our son and daughter’s ‘timetables’. On a Tuesday my daughter has Brownies and my son has youth club. This is bound to change soon, but for now there is a child free window of an hour and a half so my wife and I are going to go to our local country pub and sit and talk (without our phones on loud) even if it’s the one time we catch up all week. If timetables change I am going to look at it again and see where we can find this magical extra time I talk about. I need more patience! My New Year’s Resolution is not to make threats I can’t stick to. My most used is ‘If you do that again we’ll have to go home!’. My son looks at me with those ‘So were going to leave Uncle Jimmy’s 50th Birthday are we?’ or he knows I’m catching up on gossip with a school mum and have no intention of leaving anytime soon! Another one I use which I don’t stick to but it gets the right reaction is ‘No devices for a week’. I should say a day, I never make a week.
More patience is my way forward, let’s hope it lasts longer than last year’s promise to go to the gym 3 x a week! Work time & home time…. I’ve always had an issue with leaving my work at the door. With mobiles, emails on my mobile, a work What’s App group, and my boss on my favourites (or not so favourites) on Messenger it’s unavoidable! I’m always kept up-to-date with what’s going on at work even on my days off. I’m not naive, I don’t work somewhere where I can completely shut off – If I did I would get a separate work phone and that would be that. Unfortunately I can’t. But my New Year’s Resolution is to not have my phone at the dinner table and try as much as possible to keep off my phone between the hours of school pick up and bedtime. I need to be more aware of what my children are saying to me and not thinking about work 24/7. Personally I think I’ll stick with the children’s resolutions of eating healthier and reading more often. Remember resolutions are just for fun. 9
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’s r a e Y w e N r u Kick-start yo t s u r T l a n o i t a N a h t i w n o i t u l o s Re s s e n t i f r o f k l a w The excitement of Christmas may be over but the adventures are just beginning. It’s time to pull on your boots and get outside into the fresh air. What better way to welcome in the New Year? Walking is great exercise, so if your New Year’s resolution is to get fit in 2017, then the Trust has plenty of trails to help you achieve your goals. From challenging terrain to long distance hikes, you’re sure to find a route where you can push yourself that bit further. The Trust also has some tips from the walking experts at Cotswold Outdoor to help you make the most of your adventures.
South West Baggy Point to Woolacombe walk, Devon This coastal 10-mile walk covers undulating terrain, so it’s great for strengthening your stamina. The circular route follows the headland around Baggy Point, before heading into the sand dunes of Woolacombe Warren and then turning back along the beach. With breath-taking views over coast and farmland, there’s no better setting for a long walk. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/baggy-point/trails/ baggy-point-to-woolacombe-circular-walk
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Holnicote Estate two-day hike, Exmoor, Somerset
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/toys-hill/trails/ octavia-hill-centenary-trail-east www.nationaltrust.org.uk/toys-hill/trails/ octavia-hill-centenary-trail-west
Covering a total of 24 miles over two days, this pair of routes is perfect for anyone who really wants to test their walking fitness. Explore the 12,000 acres of the Holnicote Estate: a contrasting landscape with everything from rugged moorland and shingle beaches to ancient woodland and charming thatched villages. These routes are designed to act as a rough guide, so they’re perfect for adventurous walkers who enjoy ad-libbing with the use of a map and compass rather than sticking to a set route. If you only have time for one route then you can choose to suit your needs and ability: day one covers 8 miles of relatively easy walking with a few steady ascents, while day two consists of 16 miles of challenging terrain with several steep climbs and descents.
Day one: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/holnicoteestate/trails/walking-in-exmoor-day-one Day two: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/holnicoteestate/trails/walking-in-exmoor-day-two
South East Godrevy to Hell’s Mouth, West Cornwall With steep climbs and some rough terrain, this five-mile route is a great test of fitness. Exhilarating pathways take you around Godrevy headland to the dramatic cliffs above Hell’s Mouth, passing through the wonderful heathland of the Knavocks. Along the way you might spot dolphins and seals just off shore, or you can look out for secret coves and caves where pirates might once have hidden their bounty. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/godrevy/trails/ glorious-ocean-views---godrevy-to-hells-mouth
Octavia Hill East and West walks, Kent Octavia Hill was a social reformer, philanthropist, artist, writer and co-founder of the National Trust. These two trails celebrate her life, passing through the countryside where she was born and lived, and which inspired her mission to provide open spaces for everyone to enjoy. The walks can be done separately, but when combined they form a 10-mile figure-ofeight trail of varied terrain that is great for stretching your legs and building stamina.
Exploring the Chiltern Escarpment, Buckinghamshire This 10-mile walk between Coombe Hill and Whiteleaf Hill offers panoramic views over the Chilterns countryside. It takes in archaeological sites, chocolate box villages, rare chalk grassland, the last remaining area of natural box woodland and the Prime Minister’s country retreat, Chequers. Despite the hilly terrain there are no steep climbs, unless you choose to explore the summit of Beacon Hill. There are two steady uphill stretches of around half a mile each – both great opportunities to raise your heart rate and strengthen your legs. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/chilternscountryside/lists/downloadable-walks-in-thechilterns-countryside
Two-day hike, South Downs National Park Covering a total of 21 miles, this twoday walk captures much of the spirit of England’s newest National Park. Beginning at Steyning, it meanders eastwards via the South Downs escarpment to end at the hamlet of Southease, passing quintessentially English villages and historic sites, including Ditchling Beacon where there was once an Iron Age fort. There are no rugged or awkward peaks but this two day hike is no southern softy.Be sure to dress for all weathers and invest in a good pair of boots. Day one: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/devils-dyke/ trails/walking-in-the-south-downs-day-one Day two: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/devils-dyke/ trails/walking-in-the-south-downs-day-two
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East of England
Ickworth Albana walk, Suffolk This circular walk winds through the woodlands around Ickworth, passing some of the estate’s highlights such as the Italianate garden and the old deer park, which is now used as a sheep enclosure. Those keen to build up their fitness levels can take a detour to the Trim Trail, where adults and children alike can and try their hand at various challenges from poleclimbing to ladder walks and leap frog. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/ickworth/trails/ ickworth-albana-walk
Whipsnade and Dunstable Downs walk, Bedfordshire
A bracing walk at Derwent Valley, Peak District
This four-and-a-half mile walk covers moderate terrain, but there are a few steep gradients to help push your stamina levels a bit. Starting from the Chilterns Gateway Centre you’ll have a chance to admire beautiful views, before heading off across the Icknield Way (the oldest road in Britain) towards Whipsnade Tree Cathedral. This beautiful memorial to those lost in the First World War provides a tranquil spot to pause and rest, before you head off on the trail back to the centre.
This four-mile walk covers rough terrain over fields, woodland paths, roads and open moorland. It’s a beautiful introduction to the Peak District: you’ll hike alongside the Ladybower Reservoir, through farmland and up steep wooded cloughs, before emerging high on top of the moors, with panoramic views of the Derwent Valley and much of the Dark Peak area. Look out for mountain hares and golden plovers on the way.
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/dunstable-downsand-whipsnade-estate/trails/whipsnade-anddunstable-downs-walk
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/kinder-edale-and-thedark-peak/trails/a-bracing-walk-at-derwent-valley
Midlands
Clumber Park, Nottinghamshire Nordic Walking Group Session 6, 13, 20, 27 January, 11am – 12pm. (See website for more dates) Nordic walking is based on the natural movement patterns of walking, a workout that tones the whole body and burns 46% more calories than ordinary walking. Join a qualified instructor for these group walking sessions, all within the beautiful setting of the National Trust’s Clumber Park.?If you’re new to the sport, please get in touch to book an induction where you’ll learn all the basics you need before joining the main class. Price: £7 (booking essential). Session fee includes pole hire and admission to the park. For more information, please call 01909 511015 www.nationaltrust.org.uk/clumber-park
Walk to the top of Long Mynd, Shropshire This five-mile walk takes you to the head of Carding Mill Valley and up to the highest point of the Long Mynd. It’s a rugged route up a steep incline, so you’ll have plenty of opportunity to get your heart rate up. From the top you can take in fantastic views across Shropshire and beyond - on a clear day you can see as far as the Brecon Beacons. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/carding-mill-valleyand-the-shropshire-hills/trails/a-walk-to-thetop-of-the-long-mynd
North
Steel Rigg walk, Northumberland Don your hat, dig out the scarf and wrap up for a bracing 10.5-mile circular walk at Hadrian’s Wall. The route is undulating with one or two steep ascents and descents,
giving you plenty of opportunity to experience the rugged and wild landscape and take in the views over to the Pennines and the Borders. If you have any extra energy, why not venture over to Sycamore Gap and take some pictures of the iconic ‘Robin Hood’ tree – as featured in the film ‘Prince of Thieves’. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/hadrians-wall-andhousesteads-fort/trails/steel-rigg-walk
Roseberry Topping and Newton Wood walk, North Yorkshire Though short, this is a challenging ascent of Cleveland’s most famous hill. It’s well worth the effort though, as from the top you can enjoy panoramic views over the Cleveland plain and beyond. On the way back you can warm-down by strolling through Newton Wood, where you might spot roe deer and woodpeckers. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/roseberry-topping/ trails/roseberry-topping-and-newton-wood-walk
Ash Landing and Claife Heights Windermere walk, Cumbria Enjoy an elevated walk alongside Windermere’s undeveloped western side and take in the dramatic scene at Low Blind How, where a gap in the wall leads to a crag that boasts stunning views of the lake, islands and the Troutbeck fells beyond. The view provides ample reward for the extra effort required to get there but if you’d like an extra treat, you can call into the cosy café at Claife Viewing Station and fuel up after your walk. https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/hawksheadand-claife-viewing-station/trails/ash-landingand-claife-heights-windermere-walk
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Wales
Northern Ireland
Cwm Llwch Horseshoe walk, Brecon Beacons
Florence Court Red trail, County Fermanagh
This eight-mile route begins with the ‘hard route’ up to the summit of Pen y Fan, the highest peak in south Wales. Starting at just over 1000ft above sea level, you have 1893ft of climbing before the reaching the top. After a rest, you can press on to the slightly lower summit of Corn Du and the legendary Llyn Cwm Llwch – a glacial lake left behind after the last Ice Age. Save this walk for a clear day, because the views are truly spectacular.
Follow this five-and-a-half mile trail through the forest park at Florence Court. Set along paths and forest tracks, this route has occasional steep inclines which require a reasonable level of fitness. The views are worth it though: on a clear day you’ll be able to see across much of Fermanagh, as well as the surrounding mountains and loughs.
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/brecon-beacons/ trails/cwm-llwch-horseshoe-walk
Cwm Idwal walk, Snowdonia This walk offers some of the most dramatic mountain scenery in Britain. Follow rough mountain paths up to the crystal clear waters of Llyn Idwal, and then head off around the lake shore along undulating trails – great for strengthening your legs. There’s plenty to see along the way too, such as rare plants and curious glacial rock formations that were first noted by Charles Darwin during his field visit to Cwm Idwal in June 1842. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/carneddau-andglyderau/trails/cwm-idwal-walk
Two-day Super Challenge walk, Gower Peninsula Covering almost 40 miles over two days, this trail is great for keen walkers who are looking to push themselves that bit further than usual. The route covers some of the UK’s most scenic coastline including stunning beaches such as Three Cliffs Bay and the sheltered cove of Pwll Du - once a favoured location for smugglers. The route instructions are intended just as a guide. Sensible walking gear, a map and a compass are essential.
www.nationaltrust.org.uk/florence-court/trails/ florence-court-red-trail
Giant’s Causeway Red trail, County Antrim The Red trail at the Giant’s Causeway is a bracing clifftop walk with spectacular views of the world-famous Causeway coast and North Channel. The trail is quite short, but if you follow it in reverse you’ll be able to jog up the 162 stone steps en route – perfect for raising your heart rate a bit. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/giants-causeway/ trails/giants-causeway-red-trail
Castle Ward Boundary trail, County Down Castle Ward has over 34km of multi-use trails around the demesne.Visitors can get active on the eight-mile ‘Boundary trail’ which follows the edge of this picturesque demesne on the shores of Strangford Lough.
The route has an even surface throughout, but there are some steep gradients which will help to test your fitness levels. www.nationaltrust.org.uk/castle-ward/trails/ castle-ward-boundary-trail
Walking for fitness: 5 top tips from the experts at Cotswold Outdoor
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Invest in a trusty pair of walking poles. They take some of the strain off your knees and spread out the weight of your pack letting you walk for longer. They’ll even give your arms a workout too. Wrap up warm when you take a break. Whenever you stop moving conserve heat by adding a layer, especially in winter. You’ll find that getting going again becomes that much easier. Make the most of workout walks. Carrying a weighted pack is a great way to train for longer walks. Carry more weight than you usually would in the hills and really work out those legs. Invest in well-fitting boots and socks. The wrong pair of boots can stop you in your tracks, but the right pair will see you through many a mile. More than any other piece of kit it’s worth taking the time to get your boots properly fitted.
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Have fun. Walking is good for the mind, body and soul; so don’t forget to take it easy now and then, and really enjoy the experience.
Day one: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/trails/dayone-of-the-gower-super-challenge-walk Day two: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/trails/daytwo-of-the-gower-super-challenge-walk
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“Helping you, your business and your family� We offer advice and assistance across a range of areas; including in particular, matrimonial and family problems; the purchase and sale of residential and commercial property; Wills and Probate/Estate administration. FREE monthly surgery on base on the 1st Wednesday of each month, the next dates are 1st February, 1st March, 5th April and 3rd May 2017. Contact Edlynn Zakers on 07825 906060 to book up an appointment with one of our experienced and friendly solicitors for an initial FREE meeting. CONTACT US ON: 020-8423-6666/1616 EMAIL US AT: admin@cameronsjones.co.uk
WHY NOT VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT - www.cameronsjones.co.uk
Cover Photo Credit for the Front cover goes to Charlie (who was only 11 days old in this photo!), Megan & Lance Sergeant Peter Duckworth. This photo was taken by Tiny Toes Newborn Photography and was entered into the Little Troopers Calendar for 2017 where it came 3rd place. All of us at Just for Families love this picture! Thank you also to Little Troopers who have allowed us permission to publish.
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IVF The 8 stages of the two week wait
Whether you are trying to conceive through IVF or you are lucky enough to be able to do it the hanky panky way, the two week wait to find out if it has worked can feel like an eternity.
We have tried via IVF more than once (our IVF diary is over on my youtube channel Jules Furness if you fancy) and I found each time I go through the same stages during this fortnight of limbo. It’s a test of true survival. A rollercoaster of emotions. So it got me wondering, when trying to conceive, did you feel these stages too? Stage 1. Officially PUPO. The deed is done whether that was sex or an embryo transfer, and you are convinced that this time is the one.You felt a twinge that could have been an embryo implanting and swear you
felt the tiniest bit of nausea this morning over breakfast.You keep finding your hand protectively placed on your imagined bump and declare you are PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise). Stage 2. The Positivity Bubble.You’re in the zone listening to fertility hypnosis, stretching into undignified fertility yoga poses, mainly with your legs in the air, and no one had better dare suggest it hasn’t worked.You know if you can just think positively you can will your body to keep those embryos safe.You get out of the
washing up, grocery shopping, and anything else that vaguely resembles lifting (can you get the channel changer darling?) Stage 3. Symptom Watching.You felt a little sick this morning so ate a ginger biscuit and it went away. That’s basically proof you are pregnant right? Your boobs feel sore, definitely more than before your period and you swear you can see a bump starting early, it’s not just bloating.You start googling early pregnancy symptoms at midnight and realise you either have them all or they just came on but the time you got to the bottom of the article. Not a coincidence. Though you warned yourself not to get excited too quickly, you begin to let yourself believe in this.You’ve logged into a fertility forum and asked what symptoms any of the preggo women got in their two week wait. Stage 4. Rock bottom.Your symptoms fade and you decide you aren’t pregnant. You’re feeling angry with yourself for ever believing in it and getting your hopes up. You get jarred off with anyone that suggests you need to think positively or that it’s too early. This is your body, and you are convinced you would know if this had worked. Should you take a pregnancy test? You know it’s too early to show but feel like maybe it will help you stop wondering…
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Stage 5. Pregnancy testing.Your brain tells you it’s too early to test but you’ve seen women on instagram who had positive tests after 6 days.You just know if you are pregnant it will show early for you too.You wander awkwardly down the supermarket aisles hoping no one you know sees you, you grab the earliest pregnancy test you can and sneak it through the self service tills. You don’t need that news going around the base.You decide you don’t need to wait for your partner to come home as it will be a lovely surprise for him.You have already have a huge announcement plan and will film it secretly for youtube later. Stage 6. Was it too early? The test turned out negative and you feel like you have a monkey on one shoulder telling you it was probably just too early and one on the other shoulder telling you to just accept it hasn’t worked.You listen to your fertility hypnosis but just cry through it.You get the test out of the bin just in case it’s changed but it hasn’t and throw it across the room. You start to wonder if you bought the wrong brand of test?
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Stage 7. Below rock bottom. That’s it, even though it’s only day 7 you decide it’s all over. Might as well eat my weight in ice-cream and crisps and blub on the sofa to Jennifer Anniston movies.You look at any fertility medications and vitamins with disdain as you are now convinced they are totally pointless but take them “just in case”. You scroll Facebook to be faced with a million photos of bumps, scan pictures and new babies.You vow to delete Facebook and travel the world as a digital nomad. Who needs kids anyway? I should be out seizing the day…after this series on Netflix and asking in that fertility Facebook group when was the latest anyones positive test showed up?
Stage 8. Official test day.You tell everyone you know it hasn’t worked but inside there is still a tiny hint of hope you can’t bring yourself to say out loud.You’ve booked a blood test just to be sure, because you don’t trust pregnancy tests anymore.You wonder how soon you can try again if this hasn’t worked, while at the same time wondering what day you could go baby clothing shopping if it has. Well whatever happens ladies you got this. You’ve made it through the two week wait of hell. That’s survival in itself. Talk about it, stick together and treat yourself with kindness. Whatever the result, you’ve been through a lot.
If you are going through the crazy world of trying to conceive, I’d love to see you over on my channel (youtube. com/gigglesfamily) or instagram (@ ItsJulesFurness) where a whole community of women have got your back too.
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AZ to
ac of
CHILDREN’S Aliens Love Underpants By Claire Freedman & Ben Cort
Aliens love underpants, in every shape and size, But there are no underpants in space, so here’s a big surprise....” This zany, hilarious tale is delightfully brought to life by Ben Cort’s vibrant illustrations. With a madcap, rhyming text by award-winning Claire Freedman, this is sure to enchant and amuse the whole family! Perfect for joining in, this story is fantastically fresh and funny - you’ll laugh your pants off!
Books Clifford the Big Red Dog by Norman Bridwell
b
Meet Clifford and Emily Elizabeth in the original Clifford book! Clifford is big. Clifford is red. But most of all, Clifford knows how to BE A GOOD FRIEND
Big Friendly Giant by Roald Dahl & Quentin Blake
On a dark, silvery moonlit night, Sophie is snatched from her bed by a giant. Luckily it is the Big Friendly Giant, the BFG, who only eats snozzcumbers and glugs frobscottle. But there are other giants in Giant Country. Fifty foot brutes who gallop far and wide every night to find human beans to eat.Can Sophie and her friend the BFG stop them? Let’s hope so - otherwise the next child a gruesome giant guzzles could be YOU.
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f d gh ei j Funny Bones by Allan & Janet Ahlberg
Dear Zoo Activity Book by Rod Campbell
Rod Campbell’s classic lift-the-flap book Dear Zoo has been a firm favourite with toddlers and parents alike ever since it was first published in 1982.Young children will love lifting the flaps to discover the animals the zoo has sent - a monkey, a lion and even an elephant! But will tthey hey ever manage to send the perfect ppet? et? With bright, bold artwork, a catchy rrefrain efrain and a whole host of favourite aanimals, nimals, Dear Zoo is a must for every cchild’s hild’s bookshelf - and the thick card pages, pages, chunky cased cover and sturdy flaps make it perfect for small hands.
In this, the first ever Funnybones book of all, we are introduced to the wonderful humour and fun of the much-loved series. The Funnybones books are a must for children just starting to learn to read - these funny skeletons are definitely not the scary sort!
Green Eggs & Ham by Dr Seuss
The much-loved Dr. Seuss classic about the charmingly persistent Sam-I-Am gets a brand new look, introducing his rhyming fun to a new generation of readers. The The classic story from the one and and only Dr. Seuss, now with a brand brand new look! When SamI-am persists in pestering a grumpy grouch to eat a plate of green eggs and ham, perseverance wins the day, teaching us all that we cannot know what we we like until we have tried it! The perfect book for early readers, the new style brings an old favourite to a whole new generation.
Hairy Maclary from Donaldson Dairy by Lynley Dodd
Hairy Maclary goes off for a walk in town, followed by a few friends. All is uneventful until they meet Scarface Claw, the toughest tom in town, and run for home. The story is told by a brilliant, cumulative rhyming text and terrific pictures.
Emily Brown & The Thing by Cressida Cowell & Neal Layton
A stunning reissue of this classic picture book. In this warm-hearted and witty take on a classic theme - being scared of the dark - Emily and Stanley find a ‘Thing’ crying outside their window. They embark on a series of adventures to find everything he needs for a good night’s sleep . . . but nothing seems to work. What is troubling the Thing, and why can’t he get to sleep? Parents and children the world over will recognise all the bizarre excuses a child can make to keep the light on and a parent in the room at bedtime, and this story shows how important it is to talk to children, and find out what is really going on in the complex depths of a child’s imagination.
It’s Snow Day by Richard Curtis & Rebecca Cobb
A snowy day, a deserted school and the teacher you least want to see. Welcome to Snow Day, the most magical day of the year . . .When Danny goes to school one quiet, snowy morning, the last thing he expects to find is a deserted school and his least favourite teacher. But that’s exactly what he does find. And what starts as the worst day imaginable, ends as the most lifeaffirming and magical day of the year. An incredibly moving story about finding friendship in the most unexpected of places.
Jaspers Beanstalk by Nick Butterworth & Mick Inkpen From the award-winning creators of Percy the Park Keeper and Kipper come’s a new edition of a picture book classic - perfect for children finding out about nature and how things grow. Mick Inkpen is the libraries’ ninth most borrowed author. Jasper plants a bean. He waits for it to grow into a beanstalk all week. How long will he have to wait before he can start looking for giants?
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p
kl o q mr Kipper’s Visitor by Mick Inkpen
Pirate Pete’s Potty by Andrea Pinnington & Jo Dixon
Kipper has a visitor - a slightly dirty gosling in need of a bath. But the gosling doesn’t say very much. ‘Honk!’ is about all he can manage! Created for World Book Day 2016 and starring the much-loved Kipper, this charming story follows Kipper and an adorable gosling through a bubbly bathtime.
Potty Training for Boys is an entertaining picture book from Ladybird that helps parents struggling with potty training for boys aged 18+ months. Clear, informative and fun pictures are aimed at tackling the common Little Blue Truck anxieties that children may have about using the potty. by Alice Schertle & Jill McElmurry On Angel Wings by Each page encourages Michael Morpurgo & Quentin Blake Blue is the friendliest parents and children On Angel Wings little pick-up truck on to interact with the is a beautifully poignant and the road. When a big story by pressing atmospheric Christmas story from important dumper truck the ‘cheer’ sound War Horse author Michael Morpurgo overtakes him and skids effect when the and Roald Dahl’s beloved illustrator, off the road, Blue tries child has interacted Quentin Blake. One cold Christmas night, his best to help, but correctly in order to a shepherd recounts the magical story of soon he gets stuck too! eventually motivate how he came to be the first visitor to the Luckily, Blue has picked their child into using newborn Christ child - ahead of the up lots of farmyard the potty. other shepherds, and in complete friends on his drive, and secret. they all muck in to get their friend back on the road.
Quest by Aaron Becker
A follow-up to Aaron Becker’s Caldecott Honor picture book debut, Journey, this is another visually stunning, wordless adventure story featuring two friends and their magical markers. In the city park, the pair are startled by the sudden appearance of a king, who thrusts into their hands a map and some strange objects. But before he can explain, the king is captured by enemy forces and whisked back into his enchanted world. Just like that, the girl and boy are caught up in a wild dash to rescue the mysterious monarch. They embark on a quest to unlock the puzzle of the map and, they hope, save the king and his people from darkness... Taking readers further into the realms of the imagination and beyond, Journey lovers and new fans alike will be thrilled to be swept into this captivating, luminous story.
s n Rumble in the Jungle by Giles Andreae & David Wojtowycz
Maisy Goes to the Library by Lucy Cousins
When Maisy goes to the library it seems like the perfect place to read her story in peace. But Maisy finds the library full of noisy surprises!
Come into the jungle for a noisy rhyming romp packed with all the favourite animals - from tigers to chimpanzees - brought to life with fun, vibrant artwork. This bestselling picture book from an award-winning creative team is a delight to read aloud and share with young children.
Shark in the Park by Nick Sharratt
Noddy goes to Toyland by Enid Blyton What better way to celebrate best-loved author Enid Blyton’s birthday on 11 August than with a gorgeous new edition of the first classic Noddy storybook? Noddy Goes to Toyland tells of Noddy’s first encounter with Big-Ears and his move to Toy Town.
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Timothy Pope has a brand new telescope and he’s testing it out at the park. Children will delight in peeping through the die-cut holes and guessing what Tim has spotted. Is that really a shark he can see? Turn the page and find out . . . .
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tv The Tiger Who Came To Tea By Judith Kerr
This classic story of Sophie and her extraordinary tea-time guest has been loved by millions of children since it was first published over 30 years ago. Now a new generation will enjoy this beautiful reformatted edition! The doorbell rings just as Sophie and her mummy are sitting down to tea. Who could it possibly be? What they certainly don’t expect to see at the door is a big furry, stripy tiger!
u w x y z Varmints by Helen Ward & Marc Craste
Unlovable by Dan Yaccarino
Alfred and Rex talked for hours. Alfred said he liked sleeping in the sun, dog food, and scratching. Rex did too. Rex said he hated baths and going to the vet. Alfred did too.” A little pug dog learns he’s lovable just the way he is. Alfred the pug dog thinks he’s unlovable. Other dogs make fun of his tiny legs and funny face. The cat and the parrot and even the goldfish tease him. Then a new dog, Rex, moves in next door. Because Alfred wants a friend so badly, he tells Rex a little fib about himself. But what will happen when Rex learns the truth? Will he find Alfred unlovable too? Dan Yaccarino has created a charming story about a little pug who learns the true meaning of friendship.
Once, the only sounds to be heard were the buzzing of bees in the grass, the murmuring of moles in the earth, and the song of birds in the sky. These warmed the hearts of those who cared to listen until the others came to fill the sky with a cacophony of noise. With dramatically lit artwork and a spare, intriguing text,Varmints tells of a pastoral world in need of protection and of the souls who love it enough to ensure its regeneration.
Yawn by Sally Symes & Nick Sharratt
Sean gave a yawn and passed it on to Cat. Cat gave a yawn and passed it on to Bird. Bird gave a yawn and passed it on to… Follow the yawn and catch it yourself as you make your way up to bed.
What the Ladybird Heard by Julia Donaldson
Hefty Hugh and Lanky Len have a cunning plan: they’ll sneak past all the animals and steal the farmer’s fine prize cow. But they forget all about the tiniest, quietest creature on the farm the ladybird. She has a plan of her own. Julia Donaldson turns her literary expertise to a farm setting, and comes up with a rollicking barnyard mystery. Lydia Monks’ colourful collage illustrations go perfectly with the story for a winning combination. Readers will quack, neigh, moo, and cheer for the ladybird all the way through!
Xtreme Xray by Nick Veasey
This book offers a fascinating opportunity to literally view the world inside out. Each page presents an object, person or animal as seen through the X-ray lens, penetrating to the very core of physical matter. The wealth of diverse and appealing subject-matter includes humans, buildings, forms of transport, animals, food and technology. Combined with each image are intriguing facts that shed light on both the X-rayed object and the X-ray process itself. This title offers an engrossing visual feast that is perfect for curious young minds.
Zog by Julia Donaldson & Axel Scheffler
Zog is the keenest dragon in school. He’s also the most accident-prone. Luckily, a mysterious little girl always comes by and patches up his bumps and bruises. But will she be able to help him with his toughest test: capturing a princess? A wonderfully funny new story from the creators of The Gruffalo and Stick Man.
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What Could Be More Enjoyable Than Sharing
? A Book With Your Family
The reading experience is usually solitary but talking about what you have read can offer a great way of boosting communication - and you can have a lot of fun doing it! This is the essence of Reading Force, the national shared reading and scrapbook family activity, exclusively for all British Forces families.
The emphasis is on sharing and having fun. All Service children are offered a book and a Reading Force scrapbook, for free! You set up your own informal book group, all read the same book, talk about it, and then pool your thoughts in the special scrapbook – anything can go into it photographs, emails, text messages, drawings or notes. There’s also a bi-annual scrapbook competition and everyone entering wins a certificate and book. If your family is at home together or separated by deployments, training or postings you can join in with Reading Force over Skype and FaceTime. Taking part helps keep families, including grandparents and other family members, connected no matter how far away they are. Reading Force also helps your children build their literacy skills and reading confidence. To request a free scrapbook and book or to find out more visit our website www. readingforce.org.uk Best of all, Reading Force is fun and free for all Service families to take part.
Pen Pals Gone are the days of writing letters. E-mails are instant, they are cheaper, better for the environment, and you don’t need paper & pen. That said, you don’t get the excitement of waiting for the post; will it come today, will it come tomorrow? Here at Just for Families we say bring back the pen, bring back the paper and let’s get writing! The idea of this is to help build resilience to deployment, PTSD, moving, new schools and many other hurdles that forces children will have to face along the way. It will be someone other than their families to talk to, children in the same position as them. If you would like to join in with our ‘Pen Pals’ project all you need to do is email us at Jff@forcespublishing.co.uk with your name, address and age. We will respond (as soon as we have had enough names and addresses) with details of the person you are writing to. Please only join in if you can guarantee you will write to your pen pal as we would hate for anyone to be disappointed. We originally thought of this for children but we are pretty sure you mums and dads wouldn’t turn down some extra communication so you are more than happy to join in too! 27
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The Secret Life of Puppies
National Trust Family Cookbook
A dog’s-eye view of its first year of life
Claire Thomson
Sarah Whitehead A puppy is born every minute in the UK, and we are a nation of selfconfessed puppy lovers. Puppies are cute, fun, loving and intelligent – but they can also be frustrating, mischievous and the greatest time-wasters on earth! Dogs pee, poo, bark, chew, dig, run, jump, chase and bite. They can behave in ways that most humans find hard to understand – or even totally baffling! In this first book from the highly successful Channel 5 show ‘The Secret Life of Puppies’, we discover what takes place in the first year of a puppy’s life. Through their eyes we witness that beneath their cute appearance lies a world full of drama, love, learning and courage. Meet some of the stars of the show and find out more about those particular breeds. Also featuring training exercises, healthcare checks and troubleshooting tips for those times when things aren’t quite going to plan, this book will have you swooning over padded paws, floppy ears and adorable faces. Ace, the Corgi Confident, independent little chap and happy in his own company, although he hasn’t met a single person, animal or object he hasn’t instantly liked. He loves to chill out in the doorway of his home with his back legs out like a frog and his front legs tucked in underneath him. Molly, the English Pointer Molly is incredibly intelligent. When she first moved to her new home she learned how to open her family’s sensor bin in the kitchen. When Molly’s not poking her head into the bin, she’s chewing her favourite toy Fox and eating like a queen with homemade liver cake. Coral, the Cocker Spaniel Coral is a beloved companion with a cheerful personality. She is playful, attentive and energetic and she enjoys any form of exercise. She has already learnt to sit on command, and enjoys spending quality time with her family on the sofa.
“I am determined that when my children leave home, we will have spent more hours together eating, talking, and laughing around the kitchen table than on my sofa. I also hope that they will all cook well. In their cooking, I’d like them to be generous with vegetables, able to cook thrifty, wholesome ingredients with punch and panache, and be confident in using a variety of spices and herbs…and what I would like most is for them to have a relationship with food that is completely and utterly normal” Claire Thomson Faced with the daily challenge of what to cook for her three young children, Claire Thomson set out to inspire parents stuck in a teatime rut. Every day she makes a ‘proper’ tea – posting on Instagram at around 5pm – and from this, the ‘5 O’clock Apron’ was born. Her new book shows how to shop, cook and eat so that everyone will look forward to mealtimes. With chapters divided into manageable time frames so you cook what you want, when you want it, here are recipes for delicious ideas for lunches and suppers as well as on-the-go breakfasts and lunchbox alternatives. From yogurt and cardamom chicken wraps, pea and halloumi fritters,Vietnamese noodle salad, quick Sicilian fish stew, smashed tomato toast and apricot and almond muffins, Claire provides alternative twists and substitutes so you can suit the ingredients to your family’s tastes and what you have in the cupboard. Claire Thomson is a chef, food writer and Family Food Ambassador for the National Trust. She runs The Table of Delights, an interactive food website for kids and has written for the Guardian COOK section. She lives in Bristol with her husband and three daughters – all willing testers for her recipes!
! y a w a e v Gi
Pavilion Books have two copies of ‘The Secret Life of Puppies’ and ‘National Trust Family Cookbook’ to give away to our readers! For your chance to nab a copy of one of these great reads simply send us your name and address either via email to competitions@forcespublishing.co.uk or in the post to: Forces & Corporate Publishing Ltd, Hamblin House, Hamblin Court, Rushden, Northants NN10 0RU. Closing date 17/03/17
Check out our Sister Magazine…
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Directory for the Wives, Girlfriends and Families of Military Personnel
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or F r a e Y l a i c e s p r e S i d r l e o th S o e l n t t A i L s ’ y t t o c S
. ldiers o S tle g ’s Lit y t t o ervin c s S e l i , y h w arit s rent s ch a Sun’ e p c e r a h o t t F s f o d lo Arme f one have o s ’ o t n of its h r a w re 0 p d 0 l n i n 2 e h r e e st ild rc almo has b ts ch ne fo r r , o o o f n p s e r rty up tou child s Pa ch s . i men 8 a h o 6 m w t 2 m , t is a few r y r a t t i o h r n s p a C e u j p h e ’s lar to su the c has b tacu here n s r c h w a t e m o e n p o r y s fr g mo This ed a oose , has s t 12 i h s s n c e a a l c to or org the ed F ights l and h m Over s r l g i A a h fh pe Britis nty o g ap e n l e i h p s i t h ra in . Wit fund s t r s e e b bigg mem
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but it is worth all the hard work to be rewarded with smiling faces on Christmas morning.
Scotty’s Ball Scotty’s Day Scotty’s Day, the official day of remembrance for Scotty’s Little Soldiers, takes place annually on 10 July and marks the day that Corporal Lee Scott lost his life in the British Armed Forces. This year, children, parents and a few familiar faces which included Simon Gregson (Steve McDonald in Coronation Street), got involved to show their support by raising thousands of pounds. Fundraisers also wore removable Scotty’s Little Soldiers tattoos which were shared across the country on social media throughout the day.
Rocksolid Never ones to shy away from a challenge, Scotty’s supporters and brave members took part in two ROCKSOLID obstacle mud runs this year, running, crawling, climbing and swimming to the finish line, muddied up but looking majestic. In total, Scotty’s raised over £25k through ROCKSOLID while creating some new memories and unforgettable moments along the way.
Held at the Jurys Inn in Hinckley, Leicestershire, on 8th October, the Scotty’s Ball celebrated a year of fundraising by the charity and all its affiliates. The 230 guests in attendance were treated to a three-course meal and live music alongside an award ceremony and fundraising activities. Scotty’s raised an incredible £20,000 thanks to its generous supporters.
Christmas Christmas is a busy time for any charity but this year has been particularly busy for Scotty’s. The Sun’s Smile at Christmas appeal in early December allowed Scotty’s beneficiaries to share their stories and tell the Great British public just how much the charity has helped and what it means to them. For most members, December is the best time of the year as Scotty’s holds its annual Christmas party. This year’s party was held at Condover Hall in Shrewsbury and saw members from across the country come together in celebration. And finally, Christmas presents! Scotty’s headquarters becomes Santa’s Grotto in December as the team busily wrap gifts for all 268 members
Undoubtedly, 2016 has been a fantastic year for the charity. A big part of what Scotty’s do is bringing happiness to the kids that the charity in any way that they can. This included the ‘Smiles’ programme this year in which over 270 children and young people have enjoyed birthday gifts, easter eggs, anniversary vouchers and special experiences. Alongside this, 163 beneficiaries were treated to fully expensed family holiday breaks at either one of the Scotty Lodges or at Centre Parcs. The charity’s ‘Strides’ development programme also saw it provide 95 ‘Scotty Allowance’ small grants for activities such as swimming lessons, school trips, sports clubs and music lessons. Furthermore, it provided 4 Driving Lessons grants and 3 Super Grants for special opportunities and experiences. The Scotty’s Little Soldiers ‘Support’ programme has given access to professional bereavement counselling to families in partnership with Winston’s Wish and Help for Heroes . If 2017 is any part as good as 2016 we’re in for a great year. If you’re interested in finding out more or to get involved in raising money for Scotty’s you can visit http://scottyslittlesoldiers.co.uk/.
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M The
ilitary an
Being a military spouse is a role that is still heavily dominated by women. But there are plenty of men out there supporting wives who serve in the armed forces and taking on the burdens of raising a family through the many and varied challenges. We meet a busy forces dad to find out more about life from a male military spouse’s perspective.
G
areth Hunter has seen what it’s like to be a parent from both sides. As a former-submariner in the Royal Navy, he’s been the one going to sea and leaving behind his family with nothing but the occasional 60word Familygram to stay in touch.
“ Gareth
Going away to sea, Gareth explained, is hard but you survive by adopting a different mindset. “You tell yourself that you can’t do anything about what’s going on at home, so I would switch off and concentrate on recalled one my job.
particular event, during Lindsay’s deployment,
where he crashed the car
but could not organise an
“When you are at home, you have responsibility for absolutely everything – trying to run a full-time job, trying to run the house, look after the kids. And I am studying for a degree as well! Trying to squeeze that all in means it’s been a challenging role.”
“
And, as the husband of a submarine medic, who recently deployed for four months, he’s also experienced the anxieties and struggles of single-parenthood and readily admits – it is harder being the one at home.
independent and this can create added complications,” he said.
insurance claim because his wife was the named
driver. It made an already hard situation even more
In fact, he complicated. described the experience as To give you some background, 45-year-old being “intense”. “There’s nobody else to Gareth was a submariner in the Royal Navy go through it with you – there’s no one for 23 years. He worked on HMS Neptune, to sit down with and talk things through based in Scotland, and this is where he met with. And then you have to be totally 32
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his wife Lindsay, who is 39. The couple have four children – nine-year-old Owen, sevenyear-old Abbiney, Cassie who is five and four-year-old Ryleigh. Gareth decided to leave the navy in 2011, and found himself a civilian job as a health and safety manager. Lindsay, meanwhile, has been undergoing submarine training for the last year. And in February 2016 she went away on her first trial leaving Gareth and the children for four months. As a very hands-on Dad, Gareth said taking on the role of single parent was not a huge transition. What he did find tricky, however, was the huge task of managing the home. “The biggest thing was getting organised,” he said. “Washing clothes for four kids when you’ve got to get out of the house at 7 am and are not getting back till 6pm and getting the clothes washed and dried and ironed was difficult. “I was doing ironing at the weekend.You want to spend the weekends with the kids doing stuff but you’ve got a week’s worth of ironing, cleaning and tidying to do around the house – it was quite challenging. And cooking meals and trying to shop as well was just a nightmare! I am not a cook in any way shape or form.” “I felt like I was just bluffing my way through and the fact the kids went to school clothed every day and had something to eat was a win for me, to be honest.” Like many parents, Gareth found having a routine was an important coping mechanism for surviving deployment. He would get up at 5.30am and immediately put on a wash before getting the children’s lunches ready. He would then get the children out of bed, dressed and fed before leaving the house promptly at 6.50 in time to drop his youngest at the base crèche at 7am. He would then take the three older children to the childminders before dashing to catch the 7.20am train to work. There were, of course, many other challenges. Things like having no one
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with whom he could discuss domestic or practical things such as bills proved tricky. Gareth recalled one particular event, during Lindsay’s deployment, where he crashed the car but could not organise an insurance claim because his wife was the named driver. It made an already hard situation even more complicated. And then there was the emotional role of being a deployed parent which included providing bundles of support to the children while their mum was away. Based on a submarine, the only communication allowed were two 60-word Familygrams per week. Lindsay’s parents used one, Gareth the other. It meant the family could only send reassurances and news to Lindsay in a weekly 60-word message. “Luckily, I am a man of few words,” Gareth said. Each of the children coped with the situation in very different ways so all required a unique approach. His oldest daughter, Abbiney, went through periods of having tantrums at night before bed. She would also get very upset listening to a recording of her mum, made the day before she deployed. Lindsay’s voice would sometimes break up when she got emotional and this would trigger Abbiney’s tears. am mean not getting upset?’.” Meanwhile the youngest, four-year-old Ryleigh, despite being a ‘mummy’s girl’ adapted well. For her the problems came when her mum returned from deployment. Gareth explained: “Every time Lindsay went to work, Ryleigh would get upset thinking she was going away for four months again. She was even more disorientated.” Gareth and Lindsay’s middle daughter, Cassie clearly missed her mum but took the whole deployment and return in her stride. Owen, their son, handled things rather differently. “He’s quite happy in his own world”, explained Gareth. “Playing on his Xbox or going out with his mates playing football. So, when he wasn’t showing he was upset, the others, particularly my oldest daughter would say ‘don’t you miss mummy?’ and that would upset him. “He was still missing her, but he was dealing with it in his own way. He wasn’t being outwardly upset. I was having conversations with him and he was saying ‘do you think I
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“They all had very different reactions. It was a challenge.” Asking Gareth how he and Lindsay cope with having such demanding jobs and four children he admits he doesn’t know! Like many busy parents the pair just get on with the job in hand. His own parents moved from Portsmouth to Scotland to be closer to the family when Owen was born – this helped strengthen their support network. Gareth admits their help, especially during school holidays, is invaluable. Having a crèche on camp has also been helpful and the older children go to a childminder before school. What’s more, Gareth’s job allows him some flexibility so he can sometimes work from home. Although the family lived in married
quarters, Gareth said he does not get too involved with the other military spouses connected with the base. He is a member of a FaceBook group for spouses but he has not formed any friendships with other spouses. He believes he is the only male spouse on the base as his wife is the only mother to qualify as a submariner. So, what does he believe is the most important quality for a military spouse? “I would say resilience,” he told us, “the ability to take bad times on the chin and move forward looking forward to the good times.” Thank you to DaddiLife for putting us in touch with Gareth for this interview. DaddiLife is an online resource, includeing a FaceBook page, which provides a place where dads can learn, grown and celebrate the life that is a dad. It aims to answer questions by providing information, media and a supportive community built for the modern day dad. 33
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A
s grown-ups, we develop our own methods for coping with deployment. As parents we have to consider not only our own strategies but also our children’s. In fact, in a military family, building up children’s resilience towards deployment becomes as much a part of parenting as potty training and force-feeding them their five-a-day. Here are some methods to help you navigate this tricky parenting maze.
Communication – talk to you children and listen to them There are many schools of thought on how best to broach the subject of deployment to children. Some experts advise giving them plenty of notice to adjust, others suggest telling them closer to the event particularly for younger toddlers and pre-schoolers who have little concept of time. How you describe what is happening will also depend on the age of the child, and their understanding of the world. Only you will know the best way and time to bring up the subject according to what works for your family. What is undisputed, however, is that communicating in these days, weeks or months before deployment is absolutely crucial. Try explaining the situation to your child in a way they understand and which does not scare or confuse them and also listen to their fears, worries and questions in an accepting way that does not dismiss their concerns.
&
Children 34
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Mike Fleetham, an education consultant and trainer, said it’s vital to use empathy and to be emotionally honest in order to value your children’s feelings. “Use phrases such as ‘I understand why you might feel like that’,” he advises. However, while it’s important to empathise with their concerns, you also need to make sure you don’t transfer any of your fears onto them. Offload your own troubles onto friends and other family members such as
Deployment 10/01/2017 10:10
There will also be bundles of support available via your welfare officer, HIVE information officer and other support services within the armed forces.
Routine – try not to change it too much Keep life as normal as possible for children during the deployment. Sticking to your usual routine will provide much-needed stability but also make it easier for everyone to re-adjust when the deployed parent returns.
siblings, parents or in-laws. What your children will want to hear is that they are loved and that they are not being abandoned – reinforce this message and give them things to look forward to such as the return date and any R&R periods.
Preparation – things to do in the days and weeks before deployment Pre-deployment is a gloomy time, as you all dread the inevitable departure. But try to avoid dwelling if at all possible, and instead live in the moment. Spending time together as a family before the big day will strengthen the bond and also provide treasured memories to keep everyone going during the deployment itself. Take lots of pictures and make plenty of videos and try to have fun together. Use the time to prepare for the deploying parent’s absence too. Why not record them reading a bedtime story? This is a particularly good idea if there are likely to be heavy communication restrictions. You could take it a step further and video the parent reading or leaving messages. Or, if there are any special occasions during the posting such as birthdays or anniversaries you could pre-prepare gifts, cards and notes.
buy a map of the world to illustrate to your children where mum or dad is being posted – if this information is available? It is common for families to create a deployment calendar with key dates – departure, R&R and return – as well as any major events happening at home such as birthdays or days out. This gives the children a visual guide to the length of the deployment and the special events will break it up and provide ‘treats’ for them to look forward to. Breaking the deployment up into chunks makes it more manageable.
Draw on external support – extended family, friends and teachers Never underestimate the strength of the extended family! If you are lucky enough to be posted close to your parents or other close family members, draw on their support during deployment. Indeed, even if they live far away, this could be a really good time – when there is one less person in the house – to invite them to visit. Renewing or strengthening a bond with a grandparent, uncle or auntie could prove valuable for your children as well as providing a distraction from the fact Mum or Dad is away.
The parent who is at home during deployment will no doubt spend the entire duration fielding a constant barrage of questions such as “where are they?” or “what will they be doing now?” and so on.
Meanwhile, don’t forget the strong support networks provided by other military families. Your children may well already have friends whose parents have also gone through deployment so encourage them to share stories and talk about experiences.
So use pre-deployment to talk to your children, if you are able, about place you are going – the weather, the food, where you will sleep, the geography. Perhaps you could
Talk to your child’s teacher, too. Let them know their mum or dad is being deployed and for how long. Schools appreciate knowing about changes at home.
Eugenie Tomlin, a military wife from Yorkshire who has two children, is a huge fan of this method. She said it can in fact be the seemingly dull day-to-day things which help keep families grounded during deployment. “It is important to love your daily routine,” she said, “or the days and weeks can drag and create negative feelings.” Keep up with clubs, hobbies and interests, maintain friendships and continue with regular activities you enjoy as a family. Eugenie added: “I throw myself into my children and my friends. The children grow up too fast as it is without me wishing half a year of their lives away each time!” “I will regret it if I look back on deployment realising I’ve whiled it away waiting,” she adds.
And finally… a few more tips which might help Get the children involved with making parcels, and finding items to go into them. They may end up choosing a pebble or an old lolly stick they have become attached to – but at least it will make the recipient smile. Ditto letters! If they are too young to write, get them scribbling and drawing pictures. There are lots of books available to help children cope with deployment including My Daddy’s Going Away by Christopher MacGregor, My Dad’s Deployment: A deployment reunion activity book by Julie Labelle and Christina Rodriguez and I Miss You! A Military Kid’s Book About Deployment by Beth Andrews. There is also lots more advice on the Our Little Heroes Facebook page or go to www. ourlittleheroes.org.uk 35
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G I won’t linger too long on the challenges of
retaining employment when you are married to someone in the military. It’s well documented & if you are reading this, you probably have experienced it or know someone who has. I
will just assume that we are on the same page and you
know what I’m talking about. I should also mention that I am in no way whinging about the situation. I love the man, we got married, we wanted to live in the same place, it meant my current job was no longer viable. It is what it is.
Ginger Rainbow
I
started my business Ginger Rainbow full time and ‘properly’ this year after a few years on and off selling things on weekend market stalls and commissions to friends and colleagues. Primarily I would design and make colouring-in T-shirts and bags for kids with designs I had drawn and fixed on by hand. It was this, combined with the experience of a particularly long detachment where my now husband was away and a request for a special gift from a customer that sparked my idea for ‘Pillowcases With Love’. I am sure you can relate to the scenario, we were having our ‘facetime’ and I was grilling my now husband (then fiancé) on what I could send out to him from home. It felt ridiculously important that parcel, so much love packed into that box, that fortnightly trip down to the post office on the way
Just for Families 4 2016.indd 38
back from work, sending it off, asking the sympathetic looking woman behind the counter for another stack of blueys. (People often give you this special sympathy look when you tell them you are married to someone in the military. I’m not sure they always realise that military spouses are a tough gorgeous get on with it bunch – we don’t spend all our time at home weeping you know!) Anyway, after months of sending Haribo and a brief phase of chilli chocolate, hot chocolate, flumps, magazines, blueys, Haribo, Haribo, decent tea, vitamins, Haribo-I was fast running out of ideas and I got the sense that maybe the Haribo, as we entered month 3 of 4, was losing its initial appeal. “What do you really want, come on think of something!!!!” I grilled. “Fine if you really want to send me something, send me a pillowcase, a decent one..that is what I really want”. Fast forward a couple of years and a customer is asking about a colouring in gift that her son can make and send out to his dad. We didn’t think a tote bag was quite right and I had a think. Remembering the pillowcase, I suggested I custom make a colouring in pillowcase that he could colour in for his dad and write messages on. They went for it and my very first Pillowcase With Love was made. After making it I couldn’t get the idea out of my head and wondered if there was more in it than just a one off custom make for 1 person. I chatted with a few people and got excited enough about the idea to register it with ‘Protect My Work”. I loved the idea of creating a product that was both a fun activity for a child but also a useful and loving gift to receive. I felt
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printed up, tested the fabric pens, washed it a few times, ironed it and satisfied myself that I could stand behind it as a lovely product that I would proudly promote to others. Reviews so far have been positive and I am looking forward to extending the range of designs for Pillowcases With Love as well as adding some exciting new products early in 2017. Come and say hi on Facebook @grainbow1 especially if you have any suggestions for the kinds of themes you would love to see on products for your mini artists. Happy Colouring! that colouring in was perfect as it can be done together or alone, it doesn’t need lots of special equipment, it doesn’t make lots of mess and most importantly it’s not too heavy for sending out in a BFPO parcel. It’s always been important to me that what I make and sell is practical and useable. I remember as a child, the crayons that ‘wouldn’t colour properly’ or the ‘for kids’ activity that even my mum couldn’t get her head round. So I got a batch professionally
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It’s 2017 and Little Troopers, the only charity supporting the children of our serving regular or reserve British Armed Forces, launches two brand new initiatives for military children. It is so important that the unique challenges military children face on a daily basis are consistently addressed and that families know that wherever they live, whether they are British Army, Royal Navy or Royal Air Force there are familiar resources, schemes and initiatives they know can help them and their Little Troopers. Little Troopers provides fundamental resources to ease and aid forced separation periods between serving personnel and child; These are Separation Packs which include chuff chart sheets, a world map, stickers, a postcard pack and more, Send a Hug kits and a whole host of downloadable activities from the website www.littletroopers.net plus our very special initiative Little Trooper of the Month and our Birthday card scheme.
Crafty Little Troopers A brand-new initiative has been launched by Little Troopers for all military families. Sign up to our website www.littletroopers. net for free and every week a new activity sheet is uploaded to the Community section of the website for you. Military themed craft, fun activities and seasonal things to do, there really is something for every Little Trooper, no matter what age! Print off the beautifully illustrated activity sheets and join Tilly and Tom, our #craftylittletroopers, to make a memory jar, welcome home bunting or maybe something for Valentine’s day. Once you’ve got crafty with your Little Troopers at home share photos of your makes across our social media using the hashtag #craftylittletroopers Facebook: littletroopersathome Twitter: @LittleTroopers_ Instagram: littletroopers_
Little Troopers at School In early 2017 we launched the very first stage of our Little Troopers at School project. As a charity, over an 18 month period, we have collated so much research and feedback from parents and schools alike as
to how they feel they can be supporting Little Troopers to maximum benefit. Due to the nature of the military, families face being frequently relocated. Linked to these moves some of the issues children can face in school include, but are not limited to; having to adjust to new curriculum’s, finding it hard to make new friends and not always having access to the same subjects as their previous school. We want to ensure all military children are getting consistent support & we want to share best practice and ideas as a consistent message throughout all schools to provide increased stability to their education. The Service Pupil Premium, which is a government fund for service children in schools in England, is a really hot topic. One of the objectives of the Little Troopers at School project is to educate schools, both primary and secondary, about the unique needs of service children and how small changes and improvements can be made to support them on a daily basis and through repeated transition of schools due to frequent relocations. Maximising the use of the Service Pupil Premium. The first stage of this project is a new section on our website which is split for parents and for schools and free to sign up to view. This will enable people to proactively seek information that will empower them to go into their schools & ask questions or for schools to feel equipped to support Little Troopers. Lots of knowledge sheets will be available to view and or print off to help you better understand. ‘The Service Pupil Premium explained’, ‘Questions I can ask my school’, ‘For Schools: the challenges a service child faces’ ‘How can I spend the Service Pupil Premium when we have just two service pupils in the school’ and lots more topic sheets will be available. This is a project that as a charity we feel very passionately about and this is just the beginning.
continuity even though they may transition many times throughout their school life whilst also experiencing repeated and sometimes concurrent forced separation from their serving parent due to service requirements. We want to stop children reaching crisis point, we want to help them reach their potential and we want schools to feel in control of the needs of service children and fully equipped with all the information and resources they may need to support those children. Schools will become better equipped to deal with any issues arising from the service children feeling isolated and finding it hard to fit in at a new school. They will also be educated in the many challenges faced by service children ensuring smooth transitions and support for separations and be ready to spend the Service Pupil Premium in the way it is intended. We want parents to be empowered with ways of helping their child to cope with transitioning of schools and supporting their child at school while also dealing with being a military family. Look out for more as we progress with Little Troopers at School and as always we want to hear your views and feedback info@littletroopers.net
Don’t Forget
Our annual Summer Ca mp is a reconnection weekend for all military families. It doesn’t matter what service you are, regular or reserve , or where you live we’d love to see you and your Little Troopers for a weekend of memory making. It is our sixth yea r so it will be bigger and better than ever! 1st and 2nd July 2017 and tickets are released in January 2017, See you the re!
We want this project to benefit the lives of service children, ensuring their education is not impacted due to the fact they have a serving parent(s). We don’t want service children to experience disadvantage. With our project they will feel the impact of the Service Pupil Premium being spent correctly and for their benefit. They will feel a sense of inclusion, recognition and 41
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y a t S Connected It’s always tricky to maintain a strong family bond when one member is regularly away from home on exercise or deployment. But there are plenty of ways families can stay together and connect, even though they are apart. Phones, Laptops and Tablets It’s the ultimate in communication for armed forces families. Whether you choose Skype or Facetime, WhatsApp or text or just plump for good old fashioned phone calls – there is plenty of technology at our disposal to help keep bonds strong. Facetime and Skype in particular have revolutionised the way families are able to stay in touch. Deployed Dads posted during the birth of their children are able to see 46
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their newborn sons and daughters. Parents posted for long periods can keep in touch with their growing children and see them change. Most significantly, it means children remain familiar with their parent and no longer suffer the confusion or heartache of not recognising the person returning from a long absence. Daniella Blackman, a military wife and mum-of-one, said her family has hugely benefited from the wonders of FaceTime. “It was super-important when my husband deployed for four months when my baby was 16-weeks-old,” she said. “It meant he could see her milestones and also she very much knew who Daddy was when he got back when she was eight months old.” Yet, as we all know, wifi and mobile phone signals are not always 100% reliable – especially in certain regions of the world. What’s more, communication embargos can mean even a reassuring text is banned on some deployments. It means many families need to be a little more creative when it comes to bonding….
Family Keepsakes Making special mementoes before a family member deploys is a really good way to maintain a strong connection. t could be a recording of your voices (reading stories, telling jokes or singing a song). Or families could make a montage of video clips for the parent who is leaving to keep on their mobile phone or another device. One military wife and mum took this concept one step further and created a soft toy to enable small children to remain close to their parent while they are away. Jo Lomax, who is married to a Royal Marine and has two young children, came up with the idea of Huggable Heroes while her husband was deployed. She mentioned to a friend how great it would be if her son and daughter had a ‘cuddly daddy’ to hug when they started missing their real Daddy and this got her creative juices flowing. Out came the sewing machine, and the first Huggable Hero was created! Jo used a front and back picture of her husband, which she transferred onto two pieces of fabric. These were sewn together to create the soft toy. The children loved getting their “daddy hugs” when he was away, and took their
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She added: “[They] give the most amazing cuddles, they have already helped so many children with a parent working away, living away or passed away, continually giving your child a reminder of the amount of love and support as though they were there.” You can find out more by visiting http:// www.huggableheroes.co.uk
Care Packages
These needn’t just include the usual sunscreen, socks and deodorant. Use them as a way building the bond and enhancing communication. Small children can make hand and footprints and older children could include drawings, poems or stories. Collect a souvenir of day trips or events and include these in the package. Or perhaps you could include videos of family events the deployed parent has missed?
Getting children involved in finding objects for the package will make them feel closer to their mum or dad. It might be they want to include a book they are enjoying or a special toy – allow them to do this as their unique way of expressing their love and will mean so much to their mum or dad. Don’t forget to include things copies of items like school reports, certificates and achievements. Sharing the day-to-day stuff will help the deployed parent feel part of the family unit and won’t feel they are missing out on anything.
“
“
huggable hero everywhere they went. The idea took off, and now Jo sells the Heroes to both military and civilian families where a child and parent are separated. Jo said: “Huggable Heroes help reinforce bonds and reduce separation anxiety in our brave children.”
Don’t forget to include things copies of items like school reports, certificates and achievements. Sharing the day-to-day stuff will help the
deployed parent feel part of the family unit and won’t feel they are missing out on anything.
John*, a former RAF technician, said during a posting in Iraq, getting lots of different letters from people – not just his close family – kept him going during some very difficult times.
parents, of seeing how their child is developing at school. And even toddlers can join in by having a scribble!
“I was really touched because some distant family members, such as an uncle I had not spoken to for years, wrote to me. I even got a letter from an ex-girlfriend’s mum telling me how proud she was!
This is becoming a hugely popular way for armed forces families to stay in touch. Writing a blog or recording regular vlogs is not only a superb way of communicating family developments with a deployed parent, but can also be therapeutic for the person writing it – usually the military spouse.
“We were only allowed one phone call a week at the time, so I would look forward to receiving Blueys. When they arrived it was quite exciting, actually, and would give me a boost. “My sister used to write jokey letters, pretending to be characters from our favourite TV shows and celebrities we both found amusing. It was all ‘in’ family jokes and none of the lads understood what I was laughing about – they thought I was mad but the fact was, I was actually laughing! It’s what I needed.” Getting younger children to write letters also has the added benefit, for deployed
Blogging and Vlogging
Vlogs such as The Girl Behind the Camera, created by Jules Furness, began life as a method of keeping husbands posted with all the happenings at home. However, they have grown into popular lifestyle blogs with huge followings, highlighting the power of this medium. While blogging and vlogging is not for everyone, it’s certainly a powerful way to chronicle everyday life to share memories. *Name changed
Letters There is nothing like a traditional Bluey to brighten up a separated family’s day! With so much technology at our disposal it’s easy to disregard letter writing – but it’s a really personal and intimate form of communication. What’s more, the effort required in writing a letter makes the gesture particularly heartfelt. Encourage as many people in the family and network of friends to write to them because keeping in touch with as much news and gossip from home will make a huge difference to their morale. 47
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Trip of A Lifetime!
Forces Children Prepare For Nepal Expedition
This October half-term, training began for the Forces Children’s Trust expedition to Nepal in April 2017. The Forces Children’s Trust, a charity devoted to helping children whose father or mother has died, or has sustained life threatening injuries whilst serving as a member of the British Armed Forces, is funding the trip of a lifetime for 16 children aged 14-19. On Friday 21-Sunday 23 October 2016, the children attended a training weekend in West Sussex. They camped overnight and cooked for themselves, simulating the conditions of the expedition. The training weekend prepared the group to work as a team under arduous conditions and taught 48
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If you wish to make a donation, fund raise or volunteer for Forces Children’s Trust you can do so via their website www.forceschildrenstrust.org alternatively telephone 01737 361077.
them basic expedition skills including preparing necessary equipment, health and safety (first aid and casualty evacuation procedures), catering for a team and camp craft. On 1 April 2017, the children will be able to put all that they learnt into practice as they set off for Kathmandu, where they will spend the first two days acclimatising to Nepal and the altitude. They will then trek to their project site at Lapubesi where they will have the opportunity to help other less-fortunate children by repairing and decorating the school classrooms in the village, which were badly damaged by the devastating earthquake in April
2015. The group will then embark on a four-day trek where they will pass more villages that were dramatically affected by the earthquake. Their perseverance will be rewarded with stunning views of the Manaslu, Ganesh Himal and Annapurna Range and an exhilarating white water rafting experience down the Charaundi River before returning to Kathmandu. The excitement amongst the group as they prepare for their adventure is palpable: Molly Stephens said, “I’m so excited about this expedition. It’s going to be challenging but we will work together to make sure everyone can look back and feel proud that they pushed themselves. We all have potential and together we are strong. It will
be an enormous achievement for us all and an opportunity that we are all immensely grateful for”. Chairman and Founder of the Forces Children’s Trust, Denny Wise, said, “This is an amazing opportunity for young members of the FCT to encourage and support the Nepalese children who have had to deal with trauma and loss due to the recent earthquake.”
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PTSD Family and your
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The rise in the number of veterans seeking help for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in the last few years has soared to unprecedented highs. But whilst awareness of the condition itself is slowly being raised, little is known about how PTSD affects the families of sufferers. We spoke to one woman whose husband has PTSD about how it changed her and her family’s life.
O
ne phrase particularly stands out when Louisa* recounts her experiences of her husband, Ben’s*, PTSD. “I felt like I was carrying our family on my own shoulders.” It’s something many military spouses have felt many times over the years. But this was different. This wasn’t the burden of deployment or the pressures of unsociable military hours which were weighing heavily on Louisa. This was something altogether more agonising. For while Ben was there, in the family home, present and correct in person – mentally and emotionally he was in another place. In fact, at one stage it became so difficult living with this unrecognisable person, Louisa packed his bags. For while PTSD had not been diagnosed in Ben at this stage, Louisa had noticed disturbing changes in the man she loved. Her husband and the father of her two children had become a completely different man since he had been involved in a road traffic accident. Like so many men and women who join the armed forces, Ben signed up to follow in family footsteps and was immensely proud to serve for his country. So stigmatised is Ben about his PTSD that he has asked us to keep his details as vague
as possible, and so we cannot reveal any further information about his role in the armed forces. However, Louisa was able to tell us, before the accident, he was an outgoing, sociable man. “He had lots of friends and enjoyed meeting up with them regularly” she said. “He was very much a creature of habit, he left his watch in the same place each night and took pride in his personal appearance and grooming.” A few months after the accident, Louisa started noticing changes in Ben. He became withdrawn, struggled to engage in conversation and would become easily annoyed with both Louisa and their two young children, who are of infant school and pre-school age.
Louisa said: “It was a horrendously difficult time for us, he didn’t want to talk about it. He was so ashamed and embarrassed about it.” She added: “The support and understanding he received was non-existent. People were very quick to write him off rather than look into why his personality had changed so drastically.” At home things were not much better. With Ben refusing to take part in family activities, preferring to sit by himself and play with his Xbox, the children became withdrawn from their dad. They became clingy to their mum and would refuse to be alone with Ben, whose anxiety had begun displaying as a short temper.
Louisa said: “He stopped coming to bed, started sleeping on the sofa in his clothes and wasn’t that bothered about looking smart. His fuse was very short and he would be cross about small things that wouldn’t have bothered him before.”
“He became snappy with the children” said Louisa. “It got to the point where they started to worry about spending time on their own with him, preferring to be with me or other family members.”
Although he never harmed Louisa and the children physically, he would shout through frustration which the family found upsetting. He also became distant, and refused to attend family outings because they made him feel anxious.
On one occasion, when the children were being looked after by Louisa’s mum, they became very upset when it was time to take them home. The children said they didn’t want to go back because ‘Daddy would be angry and grumpy and wouldn’t play’.
In fact it became normal for family events and days out to involve just Louisa and the children, without Ben.
Louisa said it was true, he never played with them and was constantly telling them to be quiet, even when they were playing nicely together.
It wasn’t just the family who bore the effects of the PTSD, which at this stage was undiagnosed. He stopped making an effort to see his friends, meaning many relationships outside his family began to fizzle out. “He was mistrusting and paranoid that people were saying unkind things about him and judging him,” said Louisa. “He became hugely negative.” There were also problems at work. First he was taken off his posting. And then a female co-worker of Ben’s made a complaint against him, accusing him of bullying and a physical attack. Although the complaint was dropped and no charges brought, the incident increased his feelings of paranoia and drove an even deeper wedge between him and his friends because he assumed they would all take the accuser’s side.
“I tried to talk to him a few times,” she said, “but he was not receptive to hearing how his behaviour was affecting them, preferring to say that I was cutting him out of their lives.” Eventually, Louisa reached breaking point and packed his bags. “I told him,” she said, “that unless he went to see someone and talk to them about what was going on in his head then he would have to leave as the atmosphere and tension at home was unbearable.” The health professionals he saw, according to Louisa, were ‘brilliant’. He was signed off work for two years to undergo a course of counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). “The CBT lady,” said Louisa, “was really good. He felt comfortable opening up to 51
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As a result of the support, Louisa and Ben’s relationship is now ‘stronger than ever’. Louisa has even attended one of Ben’s counselling sessions, and this helped him to see that he should talk more to his wife. A mindfulness course also enabled him to view things more positively.
veterans across the UK registered to receive support from Combat Stress, the UK’s leading mental health charity for veterans. The youngest is 19 and the oldest 97. Numbers of veterans seeking help from the charity, which treats conditions such as PTSD, depression and anxiety, has soared recently too. Over the past five years it has seen almost 10,000 new referrals – an increase of 71%.
Louisa said: “I am not afraid to share my worries, rather than worrying that I am putting more stress on him as I am now confident we can work through things together.
A spokeswoman for Combat Stress said: “On average veterans wait 12 years after leaving the services before seeking our help, by which time their condition can be highly complex.
“He is very considerate of my feelings and we enjoy each other’s company.”
“However, Iraq and Afghanistan veterans are coming to us much sooner, within four and two years respectively.”
her and I think she played a big part in his recovery.”
Ben also looks back on his behaviour towards the children with deep regrets. Louisa said he has made huge efforts to rebuild his relationship, and has made good progress with this, now enjoying a great bond with them.
If you are reading this and have recognised the symptoms in either yourself or loved ones, the advice is to seek help, either by going to your GP or speaking to someone you trust. There is support out there for sufferers and, as Louisa and Ben’s story has proved, it’s possible to get through this. Louisa’s advice to spouses, parents, friends or relatives of anyone with PTSD is simply to be strong. “Even when you can’t, you must be,” she said. “You have to be the strong one.” For more information on the help offered by Combat Stress visit their website www. combatstress.org.uk or call their 24-hour Helpline on 0800 138 1619.
*Names changed
“On average veterans wait 12 years after leaving the services before seeking our help, by which time their condition can be highly complex.”
Whilst Ben received strong support from health professionals, however, Louisa was disappointed at the lack of help for herself and her children. “I have just had to pick up the pieces and put our family back together again,” she said. “My school-aged child does have a forces family group, that runs fortnightly at school but this is geared towards children with deployed parents rather than what we were experiencing. “At no point did anyone offer me or the children any support other than the one session of counselling I attended.” Louisa also found it of huge concern that the help Ben received was only available when he was forced to look for it. “His suffering was not picked up by any of his superiors,” she said. And this is, in part, is one of the reasons why it is difficult to compile statistics on the number of servicemen and women with mental health conditions. For many there is either a stigma attached to admitting they have a mental illness or their symptoms are completely misunderstood. It is possible, however, to find information on the number of people receiving help. Currently, there are more than 6,000 52
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East Anglian Game and Country Fair April 22nd and 23rd 2017
T
he East Anglian Game & Country Fair will take place on Saturday 22nd & Sunday 23rd April 2017, at the beautiful new venue of Euston Estate, just off the A11 near Thetford, by kind permission of The Duke and Duchess of Grafton. “My family and I are delighted that Euston Estate is hosting the East Anglian Game and Country Fair for the first time, as this popular event returns for its 14th year. I would like to welcome all the officials, sponsors, exhibitors and the public to what I hope will be a very enjoyable two days.The park and grounds offer a particularly attractive setting for events of this kind and all the diverse activities on offer from clay shooting to dog shows, and archery to forestry displays, make it a great day out for the whole family.With something for everyone, we hope that the Fair continues to grow from strength to strength, as it showcases the best in country pursuits.” Henry FitzRoy, 12th Duke of Grafton
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Euston Hall is steeped in history and provides a beautiful backdrop to the already established events on the Estate. Euston Estate provides a more central location for The East Anglian Game & Country Fair, only 30 minutes from Norwich on the newly dualled A11 near Elveden, with excellent access to Norfolk, Suffolk, Cambridgeshire and Essex. This beautiful venue lends itself to a game and country fair setting, along with offering the opportunity to further evolve and develop the show, with the space and freedom to invite new attractions and events, whilst ensuring that the popular events that we have always enjoyed remain.
We have a number of new equestrian attractions confirmed for the 2017 Game & Country Fair. The Mounted Games Association of Great Britain will be holding the most exciting and exhilarating display competitions in the Main Arena. Riders in teams, complete short relay style races against each other demonstrating speed, accuracy and horsemanship. Races are a mix of turns, intricate hand overs, equipment collections and placements, vaulting on and off the horse and of course - all at gallop! Members of the audience are invited to support their local team as points are awarded for each game, giving a competitive edge to the entertainment. See the exciting, fast and skillful British Scurry & Trials Driving Championships in the Main Arena at this year’s East Anglian Game & Country Fair. Watch ponies of all shapes and sizes take on a timed obstacle course made from cones, temporary barriers, flags arches and ramps all against the clock. Speed, agility and bravery are all required! Audience participation is encouraged to spur on the competitors and provides great entertainment for all the family.
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This year we are excited to welcome Gary Witheford to the show. He is often referred to as a horse whisperer, others call him ‘the magic man’, but Gary Witheford, the man who breaks horses in less than half an hour, prefers to call himself a ‘horseman’. As the first man to break in zebras, Gary and his son, Craig, work with horses who present all sorts of problems. These range from refusing to load onto horseboxes, ridden issues such as bolting, bucking, rearing or napping, fear of traffic, farrier or vet phobias and many other challenges faced by horse owners from all disciplines, be it happy hackers or competition horses. In addition to this they specialize in working with racehorses who have a range of issues, most notably those with issues when being loaded into starting stalls. The most notable of his racing successes to date was Sea The Stars for Irish trainer John Oxx and the mighty Kingman for John Gosden. Gary’s expertise in dealing with horses spans over 30 years and he has dealt with many eventers and competition horses.
and I will follow you’. It just proves to me that the way I handle horses has to work. I have great respect for the owners, riders and trainers that I work with and totally appreciate the trust they place in me. With the increased focus on welfare for horses I hope that by working as a team we can all make things better for the horses, handlers and riders”. See the ‘magic man’ in action in the Round Horse Pen at this year’s Game & Country Fair. Not to be missed! We are delighted to welcome Sion Davies Farrier Services to the Game & Country Fair. Sion passed his diploma in 1994 and covers all types of Farriery. His expert skills are sought after in many countries which takes him around the world. He is a member of Worshipful Company of Farriers and his craft has also gained him the prestigious award, Freedom of The City of London. Sion specialises in working with foals, limbs and hoof deformities whilst continuing to
work with them throughout their years. Sion also enjoys competitions and has successfully competed worldwide including the world championships in Canada. Sion shares his passion and skills with his two other Farriers and his three apprentices. A well shod horse is the result of cooperation between the horse owner the farrier... and the horse. The farrier brings to the job the skill and knowledge acquired through a lengthy apprenticeship, intensive college and training and a continuing accumulation of experience. The horse will be better able to cooperate if used to handling, so that it will stand quietly whilst the feet are picked up, trimmed and/or shod. Proper feeding and continuing foot care picking out the feet helps build strong horn which makes good farriery easier. Sion will be bringing his forge to the Game & Country Fair and will be showing the art of making shoes from scratch. See Sion and his team near the Round Horse Pen.
As Gary explains, horses don’t really want to get into a fight and by working them using pressure and release, they quickly learn to look at you as a leader. “The less pressure there is the more the horse will follow you. It’s the herd instinct. Horses are flight animals, whether they are thoroughbreds, ponies or shire horses so you’ve got to go through their thoughts and go back to basics.’’ As the ‘magic man’ says “I like to think I let my horses do the talking and let the results speak for themselves. It’s all about trust and getting them to think ‘You’re my leader
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UK Horseboarding Arena Demonstrations return “somewhere between scurry racing and wake boarding” describes Arena Boarding. Teams take on the clock around a course of gates, set to challenge the best boarders and horse riders, from long straights into sweeping bends and ninety degree turns. New board technology has meant that board riders can get more grips in the corners, but as the track gets scrubbed out, you will still see them power sliding round the bends kicking up dust like a rally car. This part of the sport has become so technical that board set-up, and even tyre choice has become critical. The teams push their boards to the limit as they fight it out, trying to shave 100ths of a second off their times. As will always happen, when sportsmen push themselves and their equipment to the limit, sometimes they find the edge. Crashes are frequent, - with the teams’ motto seeming to be “we will not win by going slower” an absolute mustsee spectacle.You will not be able to take your eyes off it, as teams achieving already unbelievable speeds, get faster with each race. The Mid-Norfolk Gundog Club has been providing its members with training and competitions for 30 years. The demonstrations illustrate the stages of training for Spaniels and Retrievers as they are prepared to become working gundogs. Trained gundogs have a vital role in any form of responsibly conducted game shooting. In the Main Ring, the roles and work of Spaniels and Retrievers are demonstrated in the context of the shooting field. Mid Norfolk Gun Dog Club will be running the Gun Dog Scurry competitions and a Team Gundog Working Test - a competition for trained gundogs that simulates the problems the dogs will encounter when working. The competition, introduced to the East Anglian Game and Country Fair 4 years ago, is an ‘Open’
standard competition for teams of three experienced dogs and handlers representing clubs and societies from across East Anglia and takes place over both days of the fair. Expect and enjoy first class work and a keen but friendly competition from some of the best gundogs and handlers in the region. Whether you are a practicing falconer, nature enthusiast or not the Falconry Village is sure to keep you entertained. There will be mini events going on all day in the arena, lure swinging competitions and talks on hunting plus several stands to browse along with expert advice from falconers. Ye Olde Redtail Falconry Display brings the ancient art of Falconry to the modern age, with a comprehensive and thrilling display, that is guaranteed to thrill audiences
of all ages. Watch it, be amazed, and join in. Ray and Wendy Aliker have been giving professional displays for nearly thirty years and in that time, have built up a reputation for giving one of the most sought after and exciting displays on the indoor and outdoor circuit. Filled with audience participation, the display shows the natural attributes and abilities of the birds, how they live, fly and hunt in the wild. The display is packed with excitement and surprises - not to be missed! The Forestry Village hosts ‘The East of England Cutters & Climbers Competition’ and Pole Climbing Competitions. The forestry arena will be a buzz of activity with chainsaw carvings, felling demonstrations, tree climbing and pole climbing competitions. Tree workers from around the UK will be competing at this rare opportunity to see a working forestry village. If Bear Grylls is your thing then Woodland Ways Bushcraft & Survival will be demonstrating their vast knowledge of bushcraft & survival techniques. There will be opportunities throughout the day to get ‘hands on’ and learn some skills for yourself. They will also be running ‘Pigeon Plucking’ competitions on their stand over the weekend. Find out how quickly you can prepare a pigeon for the table without using a knife. Our Game Fair Country Kitchen has a great new line up with a variety of cookery workshops and demonstrations taking place over the weekend from a selection of local chefs, including Celebrity Chef Chris Coubrough, Arthur Howell, James Conway, Andy Snowling, Justin Kett, Rachel Green, plus many more. The Cookery Theatre is housed in the centre of the busy Food Hall where you will find a wide variety of
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Win a Pair of Tickets!
Just for Families have teamed up with the East Anglian Game and Country Fair to give ten of our readers the chance to win a pair of tickets to this years event! To win, simply answer the following question...
What favourite country pastime involves clay disks and a shot gun? Send your answer along with your name, address and telephone number via email to competitions@forcespublishing.co.uk. Closing date 30/03/17
exhibitors from Norfolk and across the UK bringing unusual and mouth watering food and drink to the show for our visitors to sample, enjoy and purchase. Once again the Educational Zone will be showcasing some of the best Independent schools from across the region. This large marquee gives visitors a unique opportunity to meet some of the staff and pupils from these schools and discuss their child’s education in a friendly and informal environment.Visitors are able to meet representatives from the schools themselves and explore all that these schools have to offer in a relaxed setting giving a valuable insight into the vast range of experiences that children will be able to expect if they were to join these schools in the future. There are over 350 shopping stands with a wide variety of products from fashion and footwear to gun makers, eco products, fishing products and home improvements. Plus, craft halls and gift marquees. The Dog & Duck onsite pub will be serving a great selection of local beers and drinks
throughout the weekend, and will be hosting live music both during the day and on the Saturday evening. Children of all ages will be able to take part in countryside activities and meet several animals, including alpacas and enjoy donkey rides. There will also be a number of traditional craft demonstrations and activities taking place across the weekend to entertain all ages. Join in and ‘have a go’ at a range of country activities from clay shooting with John Bidwell’s High Lodge instructors or enter the competition clay shoot for men, women and juniors. Fly fishing and Course fishing on the Black Bourne River with Fishing for Schools, ferret racing and archery to paintballing and crossbows. Try the air rifle range, hold a bird of prey or take a ride in a Landrover on the off road 4x4 course.
12.00pm (Midday) & 2:30pm on both days (Saturday & Sunday) of the show and the K9 Jump Jet© Finals will be held at 3.30pm on the last day (Sunday) of the show with the top Teams Dogs that have jumped the furthest distance within the 4 Heats Dogs, Fly ball Dogs, Gundogs, Obedience Dogs or even the Families Pet Dog are welcome, as long as they are over 6 months old and healthy. All K9 Jump Jet© Heat Participants will receive a Participant Rosette with Placement Rosettes for Top 6 Teams in each Heat. Enter your dog into the Dog Agility and Jumping competitions and ‘have a go’ arenas. The Pet Dog Show 1pm Sat & Sun or even the popular Terrier & Lurcher Show which takes place on Sunday at 11am. This will be a qualifier for all major championships as well as the East Anglian Championship. A best turned out dog & owner competition will take place during the first terrier and lurcher class on the Sunday of the show.
K9 Aqua Sports© will be holding its ‘K9 Jump Jet©’ Competition, which is the Long Jump for dogs into water, with Heats at
Ticket Information: Advance discounted admission e-tickets are available now online at www.ukgamefair.co.uk or by calling the ticket hotline number 01263 735 828 Adult £14.00 Children (516yrs) £5.00 and Family (2 Adults & 3 Children) £38, (offer valid until midday 17/04/17 No booking fee for online orders. Under 5’s are Free and Car Parking is Free for all. 57
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JustFamilies for
Incorporating The UK Forces Education Guide
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Another S pecial Year For Scotty’s Lit tle Soldier s
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