Target Who? They’re different. As you walk to your classroom you see them — the kids who are “targets.” You know the ones — the kids who are the “too” kids. Too tall, too short. Too fat, too skinny, too smart, too stupid, too pretty, too ugly, too popular, too out, too in, too scrawny, too athletic, too mature, too immature, too quiet, too everything… Maybe they’re the kids who don’t wear namebrand clothes who aren’t in the “in” crowd, or the ones who may be having problems with their skin. Maybe they don’t have the “right” haircut or hang with the “right” friends. Maybe they’re the kids who aren’t confident or don’t have many friends. You know — the loners. Maybe they’re the kids who sit at the “uncool” table at lunch. Maybe they’re the gifted kids — you know, the really smart ones — or the kids who go to special classes for reading or math because learning is hard for them. Maybe they look or act “funny” or “awkward” and because of that, people make fun of them. Maybe they have braces or wear glasses. Maybe they don’t have the latest game system, best cell phone, or the best shoes. Maybe they don’t have money. Maybe they have too much money. For whatever reason, they wear a target. Targets are on the chests of different types of people every day as you walk down the hallway, and all for different reasons. And most school days as you walk to your classroom, you hope that the target is not on your chest. All you want to do is blend in and hope that the bullies pick someone else as their latest victim. But what happens when you feel like you’re the one who feels different? You feel like you’re the one who is “too” everything.
One thing is for certain — no one has a “right” to be a bully, and most certainly, no one should have to endure a bully’s physical, emotional, or verbal abuse. Being the victim of a bully is not your fault, and it is not a “ right of passage.”
You’re You!! A Celebration of Diversity As you are in a class each day, walk to music or gym class, are active in after-school activities, are on the bus, or are at home with your family, you are your own person. Part of growing up is growing into the person that you are becoming. You have so much inside of you that is growing up on so many levels — your mind, how you work with people, your feelings and your body. All of those ways of growing interact to help you become the special person that is you. Taking the time to look at where you are with yourself is important. Be honest with yourself and be true to who you are!! In the next part of this supplement, you will be asked to brainstorm about yourself.
Write quickly — as usually the first thing that comes to mind is the most honest and true! 3 Things You Love About How You Look On The Outside 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________
3 Things You Love About Your Personality 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________
3 Things That Your Friends Like About Being With You 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________
3 Things That You Wish You Could Change About Yourself 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________
Notice something about that exercise… You focused on things that are good about yourself for the first few lists, and then the bad was thrown in at the end. Here’s the honest truth about growing up — Everyone has things that we are not happy about with ourselves, and more times than not — we focus on the things we don’t like instead of the things that are great about ourselves! The bad things take over our lives and the good things that we love about ourselves are often lost. No one is perfect, and learning to deal with what we see in our own mirror is a hard fact of life.
But there is more to this. If you want to change something about yourself because YOU want to change it — grow as a person, to feel good about yourself, to be a better person — that’s the one thing, you have the choice to work to find ways to change things about yourself because of SOMEONE ELSE — so that someone else will accept you into “ the group”, so the teasing will stop, so that you can get into the “right” crowd — then wanting those changes are not for the best reasons. If we were all the same, the world would be a rather boring place. That’s the beauty of life. All the different skin types and colors, hair colors and styles, eye shapes and colors, beautiful personalities, voices, and so much more brings uniqueness to our world. If we could just realize that our differences are what make us beautiful, then perhaps more time would be spent enjoying others instead of hurting others because of differences. Too many times in your world, judgment comes by looking at outside appearances. Have you ever seen a clam or other bivalve? You know how it looks, right? It’s all grimy and gross on the outside. There’s this slime that is around the outside of the shell and they’re stinky. The shells that these mussels live in are not even very attractive. Many times they have to be dug up from the dirt or mud, and sediments from the ocean or lake bottom have become a part of the clam’s shell. They’re not always the prettiest things to look at… But what could be inside of each of those clams is what is the true miracle. Every bivalve like a clam or mussel inside of a shell has the potential to create and house something beautiful — something completely unique. That something it can create is a pearl. Pearls are created when foreign objects get stuck inside the shell. The “pearly” side of the shell then erodes and builds up around the foreign object to make the pearl. You may have heard of pearls being created from a grain of sand, and that can truly happen. That one little grain of sand can create something beautiful. It’s only when the icky looking clam is opened that we see the beauty that could be within.
You are a bit like the clam. Comments may be made about your outer appearance. Your hard shell may be filled with grime and gunk that has built up from everything around you — comments for so-called friends, snide remarks in the lunch line, people judging your outer appearance, remarks on the bus, etc. But it is only until people take the time to truly get to know you for who you are that they get to see your “pearls” — your unique qualities that make you who you are! It’s their loss if they can’t get past a “shell” to see the true you.
What are your “pearls” — your unique qualities that are within your shell that few people know about? 1. ____________________________________________________ 2._____________________________________________________ 3._____________________________________________________
Beware of the Bully Being bullied does not have to be part of school life. Knowing how bullies harm their “prey” can help you make good decisions to keep yourself safe. Physical Bullying — Boys tend to bully physically more often than girls. Locker shoving, tripping, giving “swirlies” in the bathroom stalls, spitting on someone — you name it, and it’s been done! Physical bullying can begin with something like knocking off the books from a desk, bumping into someone in the hallway, and can escalate into all out fights. The important thing to remember about physical bullying is that any sort of physical contact in an aggressive way is violence. Violence is unacceptable and should be reported to a trusted adult — like a teacher, principal, parent or counselor. You don’t have to “take it” and you are not “tattling” if you have been in danger and speak with someone about it.
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As you grow older, you’ll see that being different is what life is all about. But right now, your reality is that you don’t want to be the “fish out of water.” You want to be the one to blend in and not get noticed, because if you’re noticed and aren’t ready for it, a bully (who more than likely isn’t comfortable with the person that he/she is presently…) could try to make himself/herself superior in your world by making you feel bad about something and making you lose sight of the beauty and respect that you have for yourself. The challenge becomes — How do you keep a bully from harming you physically or emotionally?
Bullying Bullying is all about one word — power. A bully feels power over those they think are “weaker” than he/she is either physically or emotionally. Fear drives a bully to harm others, and it’s often because the bully is not sure about something in his/her life. How do you define a Bully? _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________
Emotional Bullying — Girls tend to bully emotionally more than boys, but that doesn’t mean that boys are immune. It can take the form of spreading rumors, use of body language, not letting people in groups, and even cyber-bullying. Whatever form it takes, hearts can be hurt by things that teachers and adults don’t even notice until it’s too late. Emotional bullying can be just as harmful and hurtful as a punch in the gut.
Sometimes it can even feel worse! Whatever form it takes, it is unacceptable behavior and you do not have to deal with it alone. These types of behaviors are considered to be harassment, and most schools have policies that ban such behaviors. Again, seek the help of a trusted adult if you are in such a situation. Having to deal with comments that hurt you inside is not “just part of school.” No one should have to be made to feel small, low, or excluded. Has this happened to you? ________________________________ _________________________________________________________
They’re the girls who lead the cliques and who pretty much feel like they run the school. They usually have their noses in everyone else’s private lives, decide what other people think or do, and often spread rumors about people if they don’t do what she wants them to… What they say usually goes — with regards to clothes, fashion, who is the most popular, who should go out with whom, who gets to play what games on the playground, etc. These girls are guilty of something that is called relational bullying. This type of bullying isn’t physical. It builds up and hurts every fiber of the person being bullied to the core.
_________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What will you do? ________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________
These girls work their relationships in order to hurt other people. They threaten through mean comments and sometimes a “just kidding” afterwards. They bully through their body language — pointing, funny faces, rolling their eyes. They bully by not letting someone into the group, not letting someone sit with them at lunch, and talking behind a person’s back. It also takes the form of horrible rumor spreading, whispering about someone, and so much more. This type of bullying is all about the power of the “queen bee.” She is using her power in a negative way to hurt another girl or make her feel bad about herself. That’s why they’re sometimes called “mean girls.”
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Has this happened to you? ________________________
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Cyberbullying — Yet another type of bullying that has just come to be in the last few years is cyberbullying. While you may not be emailing friends on the computer or text messaging them on a cell phone yet, you will be doing these things soon. Words can hurt — sometimes more than hitting. When you start talking with your friends by email or text messaging, think before you send your message. Once you send it, you can’t take it back.
What will you do? ________________________________ _________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ _________________________________________________
Relational Bullying — Although they’re not being sent to the office for shoving and hitting, girls can be the worst bullies of them all. You’ve heard of there being “queen bees” in your school, right?
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Choices — As you grow older, you earn the right to make more choices for yourself. If you choose to hang out with someone who puts other people down, you are just as guilty as the person who says the mean things. If you choose to roll your eyes at someone’s outfit and talk about them behind their back, you are guilty of being an emotional bully. Choose to hang around people who are respectful. Choose to treat other people well. Choose to help others who need a friend. Choose to carry yourself with dignity and pride. Choose to help other students who are being bullied. You are the better person by doing those things.
Keep Yourself Safe You have enough stressers in your life — homework, getting to your classes on time, getting to know your teachers, keeping track of your extracurricular activities, knowing what’s going on in your family. The last thing you need to be worrying about is being bullied. Physical bullying can happen anywhere, but it happens most often in the hallways, the lunchroom, on the bus, in the bathroom, or on the playground. One way to deal with things if you are being physically bullied is to travel with a buddy or a couple of buddies wherever you go. There is strength in numbers, especially when dealing with
bullies. If you are not alone, there will be witnesses to the bullying acts. Telling a bully to stop to attract attention also is a good strategy. You are not being weak when you ask for help. The bully is the one that is “in the wrong.”
or an uncle. Sometimes a person just needs to talk about what is going on in his/her life. Finding someone that you are close to that you can sit and have a soda or a snack with can help you cope with what goes on at school. Just knowing there is someone that will listen to what you are feeling always helps.
Staying safe from an emotional bully can be a little harder. The best way to counteract this type of bullying is to be OK with who you are, just the Facing the Hard Truth way you are! Being confident in who you are is The reality that you may have to deal with the first step to staying strong during your school bullying in your life isn’t pleasant. In fact, that years. It’s hard to be evaluated by your peers, and reality is something that the adults in your life sometimes it’s the little things that add up. If you wish you didn’t have to deal with… but you do. feel as if you are being emotionally bullied, find Knowing how to face this truth is about power — someone you can confide in — a parent, teacher, counselor, or a friend. Keeping Whom would you go to if you needed to chat about all of your emotions bottled something? Think of 3 people that you could confide in. up when you are really hurting inside won’t make 1. _________________________________________________________ things better. Sometimes
spilling out your emotions to 2.__________________________________________________________ someone you trust makes you feel better, and you might get 3.__________________________________________________________ some ideas for how to combat the bullying from them. Is there someone in your life that isn’t your parent or teacher that you can the power that is within you! A bully won’t be confide in? This person can be an older brother or able to hurt you if you love yourself just the way sister, trusted neighbor, a grandparent, or an aunt you are. A bully won’t be able to harm your selfesteem if it has been built so strong that nothing can shake it. A bully will see your confidence in yourself and won’t bother coming near you, as they know their comments will just slide right off of you. Be proud of the you that you are becoming. Live your life in a way that is full of confidence and truth. The bottom line is this — treat others with respect and they will treat you well right back!!