Foster Families Autumn 2009

Yo

foster families Autumn 2009

ur

FR

EE

co

py

Issue Two

“Looks great!”

Martin Sadler, Foster CARES Ltd

“I am very impressed,” Jean Hasnip, Cornerstone North West

Success From Looked After Child to Councillor

Internet Safety

WIN!

Is your household safe online?

This Zapp buggy could be yours

“Exceptional. It’s very clear,” Judith Garbutt, Senior Specialist Educational Psychologist

University prepare now Making uni a possibility for care leavers

“I’m looking forward to the next edition!”

Connie Pickering, foster carer

Lots of prizes up for grabs

Welcome from the editor....

Welcome

Dear Reader, After settling the foster children back into the routine of school, nursery or college after a long summer break, it’s time for you to have a well deserved sit down with this season’s issue of Foster Families. We’ve got some must-read features on how to make sure your family’s safe online, plus a look at sending care leavers on to university, and lots of fun prizes. Look out for Chris Graham and her tasty recipes, as well as the fascinating stories of two former looked after children. You can find out what other foster carers are going through too. While it’s been our joy to provide you with a free taster of Foster Families, to cover the cost of printing and distributing we must now charge £2 per copy, including postage and packaging. I hope the price doesn’t put you off, but there are discounts when you order 4 copies, and free copies when you recommend to a friend. You can order your next copy using our order form on page 4. Foster Families would love to hear from you, so send your stories and questions in and let us know if there are any aspects of fostering that you want more information on.

Ceressa Bateman, Editor

Meet the experts...

Chris Graham, cookery teacher, has some exciting toffee recipes to try out with your foster child

Annette Webb, from Simply Fostering, is here as always to answer your questions

Jacqueline Siner, Chartered Psychologist, explains how to make foster children feel part of the family

Mandy Watkins, Interior Designer, suggests how to cosy your home up for the Autumn

Awais Rashid, lead scientist, talks about making sure kids are protected when they go online

Take a look at this month’s cover stories Yo

Autumn 2009

Find out what it’s like for children in care. Read the success story of one former looked after child

13

Autumn 2009 foster families

FR

EE

co

py

Issue Two

“Looks great!”

Martin Sadler, Foster CARES Ltd

Win a Zapp buggy... we also have lots more prizes to be won. Check out our giveaways

“I am very impressed,” Jean Hasnip, Conerstone North West

Success From Looked After Child to Councillor

5

Are your children safe online?

Check out our tips on making sure they surf safely

ur

Internet Safety

WIN!

Is your household safe online?

This Zapp buggy could be yours

“Exceptional. It’s very clear,” Judith Garbutt, Senior Specialist Educational Psychologist

University prepare now Making uni a possibility for care leavers

“I’m looking forward to the next edition!”

Connie Pickering, foster carer

Lots of prizes up for grabs

2

39

Take a look at how the child in your care may be more suited to university than you think

17

Photos: Craig Nagy, Miika Silfverberg

foster families

Contents Autumn 2009

Contents

Edition 2

6

Find out what great treats we have in store for you in the Autumn edition of Foster Families. personal . . .

9

from care to councillor, success story ... 5 no matter what, the trials of a child in care... 6 an inspiration to all, a child’s battle ... 11 living in a man’s world ... 23 we’re going on safari, a family day out ... 24

discipline . . . liar liar, coping with untruths

Cover Photo: Andrew Stawarz

Photos: Claudio Núñez (top left), Nicole Thomas (bottom left)

Book review ... foster carer, Rita Mistry, reviews a choice of books for carer and child

... 30

17

... 9

support . . . online possibilities: do they leave our kid in danger? keeping safe online ... 15 designated teached and you ... 22

advice . . .

Our top tips ... dealing with a child who lies ... 9 keeping your family safe online ... 13 family time - how important is it? ... 26 ask Annette your letters ... 38

Competitions ... check out our prizes

... 26

... 29

... 35

... 39

31

CWDC - are you up to standard? fostering a range of children

... 8 ... 12

24

education . . . university for all - not just a pipe dream

... 17

home . . . tidy up and cosy down, home makeover ... 28 rain, rain, go away - making dens

... 29

food and health . . . one more drink: alcohol awareness ... 31 time to eat, at the table?! family time ... 34 toffee treats - tips on making toffee ... 35 chris’s cookery cards ... 36

fun stuff . . . kids’ corner crossword

3

35

... 37 ... 39

foster families

Autumn 2009

Don’t miss out

Foster Families Order Form Fill in the following form, crossing out as appropriate: Name: ______________________________ Address: _____________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ Postcode: ___________________________ Email Address: _______________________ Yearly subscription (yes/ no): Or one month’s subscription (yes/ no):

£7 £2

Recommended friend (y/n): if yes, deduct £2 Friend’s Name: ________________________ Friend’s Address: ______________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ Friend’s Postcode: _____________________ Friend’s Email Address: _________________ Friend’s yearly subscription (yes/ no)

£7

Or friend’s monthly subscription (yes/ no) £2 Total (your subscription and friend’s): _____ Paid by: Cheque/ Money transfer Getting Along Ad:YPF

20/8/09

16:26

Page 1

Order your next copy of Foster Families Magazine It’s been a joy providing Foster Families Magazine for free, but to cover the costs of printing and distributing a high quality magazine we have set the price at £2. We hope the price won’t put you off, and we’re sure you’ll agree that our fun and informative articles are worth £2... at least!

Now that you’ve had a taster make sure you don’t miss out on our next editions. Order your next copy of Foster Families Magazine now for just £2 including postage and packaging. Or SAVE £1 and get a year’s subscription for just £7.

How to order Simply fill out the form with your name and address, and send along with a cheque made out to ‘Foster Families’, to: Subscriptions, Foster Families, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JA. Payments can also be made via PayPal to subscriptions@fosterfamilies. co.uk, or at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk.

Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk for more payment options.

Recommend a friend and get a free copy!

Order Foster Families for a friend and you will be entitled to a free copy.

Simply deduct £2 from your payment.

Or, you can email your details to subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk

gettIngalong

Foster Families Magazine Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester WR1 1JB www.fosterfamilies.co.uk Published by: Ceressa Bateman

A resource for young people in foster care This high quality resource for young people in foster care is in an accessible magazine format and is packed with quotes from young people, foster carers and social workers.

Topics covered MOVING, TRUST, SCHOOL, FRIENDS, SOCIAL WORKERS, LIVING IN FOSTER FAMILIES, HEALTH, SEX, RISKY BUSINESS AND MUCH MORE! NEW PRICES

£2.50 (single copy) £20.00 (set of 10) £75.00 (set of 50)

young people in focus

Editor: Ceressa Bateman Editorial Tel: 01905 747924 Email: ceressa@fosterfamilies.co.uk Advertising Email: ads@fosterfamilies.co.uk Have Your Say: haveyoursay@fosterfamilies.co.uk

Printed by:

Property Print Services Limited Banner House, Briar Close, Evesham, Worcestershire WR11 4XA 01386 765832

research | training | publications

Order online www.youngpeopleinfocus.org.uk or call publications department on 01273 693311

Autumn 2009 foster families

Circulation: 10,000 Autumn 2009 4

Personal

From care to councillor The inspiring story of Looked After Child turned successful businessman

A

t the tender age of seven, Despite a lack of Matthew Huggins knew he family support, couldn’t stay at home any Matthew has longer. An abusive step-father proved wrong all meant he wasn’t safe at home, those who crossed and it wasn’t long before Matthew him off as a lost threatened to take his own life. cause.

Repeatedly running away from CMP conducts home, Matthew eventually set fire training, to the couch his drunken stepconferences and father consultancy “I was slept to those on. In entrepreneural working with care he and from an early age children struggled young people then learnt from in care. to get people to is my employers” Matthew believe now also a him. recognised trustee Painted as an angry of BAAF. troublemaker, Matthew was Recruiting new abused and bullied by the other foster carers kids in the children’s home he is something was put in. Eventually placed in Matthew is a foster home, he was excluded passionate about. from family activities and made to “Expectations feel an outsider. of foster carers Even his school unfairly made have grown over him leave before he could sit his the last 10 years.

GCSEs. Previously more of Like many other young people in a voluntary role, it the care system, Matthew was is now an intense alone and misrepresented. But full time job, with this driven young man fought some foster carers Matthew speaking at a conference his way to spending “Have high care system with no qualifications becoming more money on foster Britain’s aspirations for children than the rewards or support, and supposedly no prospects, end up building a youngest they received.” them and be the company that is changing policies councillor, Matthew believes the before best advocate responsibility of recruiting as well as lives?

“I was entrepreneural from an setting more foster carers should you can be” early age. I set up the school up Care not rest on social workers magazine when I was 11, Matters Partnership (CMP) in alone, so CMP offers training and went on to work for other October 2008. Through this conferences which look at consultancy service, Matthew is marketing strategies to effectively entrepreneurs. I learnt a lot from the businesses I worked for, and working to effect changes in the reach potential carers. care system.

So how did Matthew, who left the CMP was a natural progression: 5

foster families

Autumn 2009

Personal

working for myself, and creating university. I got to where I am jobs for others.” today from determination and Help the child in your people giving me opportunities. care go further in the You can help the foster child in future your care by giving them “While living aspiration. Have high Matthew’s story shows with your family, aspirations for them, and that young be the best advocate you this child is a can be. Don’t take no people in care can have for an answer, and don’t part of your a positive have lower expectations family” future and will for them than you would not inevitably fail. To start with, have for your own children. your attitude can make a huge “The other thing that can help difference. Don’t expect them to them is if you do as much as you fail, but encourage them to aim can in your own education. Foster high. carers come from all backgrounds Matthew says: “I left school with and all educations, so gain as no GCSEs, and I didn’t go to much knowledge as you can to

pass on. Read with them, and make reading a fun experience.

Take them to the library, and go with them to museums and zoos.

You may have to go a step further for kids in care, who may not have had these family experiences.”

Make the child one of the family Matthew’s own experience in a foster family was one of being left out of family occasions, and locked out of the house when no one was home. Matthew says: “You can never quite forget you are not really a family member.”

However, treating a child well and making them feel welcome and loved at all times will give them a

No Matter What

F

about a month into the placement I realised things weren’t going to change.

“One thing that stands out was the toilet. If the toilet was blocked, no matter who had blocked it, they made me put on a glove and unblock it.

“I told my social worker about how they treated me, and this got me into more trouble with the family grounding me for a fortnight.

“I was meant to stay with that family for longer than I did.

“The news came through that I was leaving when I was on holiday. I was really happy, and had a party with my blood family.

“The foster family packed up my belongings and sent them on, so I didn’t have to go back. But some of my stuff went ‘missing’.

“I didn’t realise until about six months later. I called the family, but they said it had all been sent on - I didn’t believe them.

“Part of what went missing was

“Ronan Keating has to be my favourite - I named my cat after him”

Autumn 2009 foster families

6

Photos: Camilla with Boyzone’s Shane Lynch (left) and Stephen Gateley (right)

rom the age of 11 Camilla Latham was put in the care of the local authority.

Now aged 24 and armed with a big smile you’d never know the traumas that little girl went through.

Sitting in a coffee shop in Stratford-upon-Avon, where she grew up, she recalls her memories of care.

“I got to see many different parts of Warwickshire, including Birmingham, but I felt like I never knew where I was, or if I was staying.

“I was in care for seven and a half years and it had it’s ups and downs like most places do.

“I lived with a number of families, but there were two in particular that I liked and still keep in contact with.

“Things didn’t go well with one family. Before I moved in with them they said they would do things in a certain way, but it didn’t happen the way they said.

“They didn’t treat me well and

Camilla Lath

sense of belonging to a family. take your family on holiday, then Matthew says: “Before someone the foster child goes too.” goes into fostering, I recommend Separating the child from family they look at their family and think events, means they are not part about how each member of the “But you can family. The would include a foster child.

It’s the job of the whole attitude of never quite family.” the carer forget you are should be If a parent would welcome the child, but the siblings that respite not really a would not, then the child is care is only family member” used when not going to feel accepted.

Matthew adds: “Go into fostering it will help the carer and the child, with the attitude that while living for instance if the relationship is with your family, this child is part becoming strained and a break of your family. If there’s a family will help to avoid a breakdown. wedding that you would take Matthew argues that: “Respite your own children to, then take care is a good thing to use when the foster child too. If you want to needed, but I don’t think a foster

Personal

carer should ask for a set amount of respite care before they begin fostering a child.”

Matthew has written a book about his time in care and the beginnings of his success.

‘I’ll Love You If...’ can be ordered from http:// loveyouif. com.

For more information visit www. carematterspartnership.com.

am speaks out about her time in care, and life now some memoribilia I’d collected of a certain boyband I loved. Now the band are back together and I wish I had my collection to add to.”

Camilla loved Boyzone right from the first time they appeared on the music scene. She saw them in concert for the first time in 1997, and now that they’re back on tour she’s making up for the lost memories.

After seeing them several times in 2008, she has already seen them eight times this year – in the space of just six weeks.

She’s even wearing a t-shirt with a photo of her and Shane Lynch on the front.

“Some of the band now recognise me - Stephen Gateley’s really nice, and wished me a belated happy birthday. My favourite has to be Ronan Keating, as I’ve got a cat named after him.”

She has photos and autographs of a variety of celebrities, ranging from Jason Donovan to Rowan Atkinson.

Dublin is the furthest place Camilla’s travelled in her search for celebrities,

with Manchester, Liverpool and Cardiff marked on the celeb-tour too.

Her time in care prepared her for travelling such distances.

“I hated moving placements. I had to take days off school to move in with a new family.

“It meant missing my friends, and missing all the academic stuff.”

One positive journey was the frequent trip from the West Midlands down to Exeter to spend holidays with her aunt and uncle.

“My Grandpa lives just five minutes from them, so I was able to spend time with him too.

“I didn’t see my mum to begin with.

Because of what had happened previously I was upset with her, and angry.

“Then we started to spend an hour together every week. We were able to sit down and talk, and she explained things from her point of view.

“That helped me to understand her feelings and we started to get on better.”

Camilla lives back with her mum

“It was disappointing at times, but I mostly felt like part of the family”

7

now after growing up in many different homes.

“We get on well, but like most mothers and daughters, we drive each other around the bend at times.”

Despite various medical conditions that keep her from work, Camilla has a positive aura and seems content with life.

“I found being in care disappointing at times. I sometimes felt lonely, but most of the time I felt I was part of the family.”

No matter what has happened during her life she is determined to carry a smile on her face wherever she goes.

foster families

Autumn 2009

Are you up to standard?

CWDC explain why you should brush up on your skills

T

What can I do now?

8

If you want to know more about the Standards, ask your Supervising Social Worker or Link Worker for more information. Alternatively, have a look at our website at www.cwdcouncil.orleg.uk/ foster-care/standards or email fostercare@cwdcouncil.org.uk

Photos: Ernest James, Felipe Vieira

he most important to continue to make a positive relationship that a child or difference to the lives of the young person is likely to children and young people you get the best possible training, have is with the people who care they care for. information and knowledge to truly for them. For some children and The Children’s Workforce make a difference to the lives of the young people that will mean their Development Council (CWDC) children you care for. The standards foster carers. wants to make sure that all those are a national benchmark and This key relationship is vital and who work with children and young will give you the recognition you therefore it is important to make people, including foster carers, deserve. sure it is strong and supportive have the right kind of skills, By working through the standards of the child and young person’s knowledge, training and support you’ll learn more about fostering needs. that they need to do their job. and, if you have been fostering As a foster The Training Support and for many years, the standards will carer your make sure that your knowledge and “Supportive foster Development Standards skills and for Foster Care have been skills are up to date. The training families can change expertise developed to support you framework that accompanies the children’s lives” as a foster carer from can make a standards will help you set out your fundamental approval through the first personal development plan for difference to the child or young two years of service. You may be the future. They will also help you person you care for. Children’s lives familiar with the standards or even choose how to progress your career can change because of the safe, have completed them, as they in fostering to provide the best caring and supportive foster family were launched by CWDC in 2007. possible service to the children and in which they live. However foster All existing foster carers will be young people you look after. At the carers need access to the right kind expected to show end you will receive of learning and support, if they are that they meet the “Foster carers need a CWDC Certificate Standards by access to learning of Successful April 2011 and Completion in and support” new foster recognition of your carers within a achievement. You year of approval. will be able to take this with you There are seven standards, if you move to another area and which cover the main areas use it as evidence of your learning of the foster care role and set if you take up further study or a out what you need to know, different job working with children. understand and be able to In the future it is likely that levels do. The standards also give of payments to foster carers will be your foster care provider a linked to their skills and experience framework for your professional as well as the type of placements development which will mean they can offer.

Liar Liar

Discipline

Are you having trouble with a little liar?

Helen Mason has the answers Is it a lie?

A

ll kids lie. Infact, sometimes it can feel like all they do is lie.

“I didn’t hit Maisy”...“Rafi ate it first”... “I don’t know what happened to your money”.

Of course, the ‘white lies’ that parents tell (‘We’re nearly there’, ‘It won’t hurt’, ‘You look great’) are completely different...

Helen Mason, Educational and Child Psychologist, says: “Lying is a common strategy used invariably by most children and adults.”

The odd ‘white lies’ may save us from awkward situations, yet are they any different to the lies kids tell to get out of trouble? After all, those

lies can seem particularly frustrating who tells lies when you saw them do it with your always has own eyes! something to Helen says: “Foster carers often say, whether think that when a child lies they are his or her doing it to undermine their authority comments are or show a lack of respect. accurate or not.

“Despite the frustration that such “If little lies do behaviour may cause however, it not get your would be beneficial for both the attention, do child and the foster carer if carers not be surprised understood that the child may if the lies not be deceiving the foster carer increase in size intentionally. Rather, the child has and intensity.” learned that this strategy served them effectively pre-care.”

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, authors of The 10 Commitments: - Lying can be an indicator of a more severe Parenting with problem, such as insecurity or low self Purpose, say: esteem. In this case the lying is the symptom “A child who lies not the problem. frequently is often - The child may see lying as the easier struggling with a low option, for example, to cover over something self-esteem. This bad they may have done, and escape your child has problems punishment. with identity and - Younger children find it hard to understand self-worth. In such the difference between a ‘white lie’, or a case, lying is a broken promise, and a lie that will get them strategy to protect in trouble. They follow from example, so the the self from more truthful you are, the more truthful they feelings of not being will learn to be. good enough. Lying - There may be a more serious reason is the symptom, not behind the lying. Helen says: “Prior to the problem. accommodation by the local authority, LAC “If the child is may have been exposed to more situations feeling successful, where such a strategy (lying) may have been he or she will feel highly beneficial to them. For instance, the less need to lie. strategy may have served as a means of “Don’t ignore coping with situations where the child felt lying. The lies fearful or powerless; to avoid exposure to as well as the neglect and abuse; to elicit care behaviours problems that from unpredictable attachment figures; or to underlie them will manipulate a situation to their advantage (or get bigger if lying to the advantage of a sibling or attachment is left unattended. figure); or indeed, because the ‘truth’ is too Since lying is often overwhelming to express or to face. In short, about needing lying is a strategy of self protection.” attention, a child “It wasn’t me... I didn’t eat the chocolate cake!”

For more information from Helen Mason and 9 Looked after Child Psychologists visit foster families Autumn 2009 http://www.lacp.co.uk

Why are they lying?

Photo: Claudio Núñez

- Little children are often very creative, and may exaggerate and lie without meaning to. Try to remind them that this is make believe rather than accuse them of lying.

- Children can take a different perspective on things, either not knowing, or not understanding the big picture. Try not to mistake their differing perspective for a lie.

Discipline

Lying: Our Top Tips If a child in your care has developed the habit of lying, you are not alone. Helen Mason, a psychologist specialising in looked after children, offers foster carers the following top ten tips on what to do when the child has lied... again:

Consequences

Training

Look out for training opportunities from your Local Authority. Helen says: “Useful training to look out for would include attachment, managing difficult behaviour, or any parenting course. If not addressing the issue of ‘lying’ directly, most training courses will have a question and answer session where you can discuss general concerns.”

Remember

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller say: “Transforming lying behaviour takes time. Look for improvement in the behaviour rather than for a complete elimination of it. As the child gains self-confidence, the reasons for lying diminish. As the child recognises that he is telling fewer lies, he will feel better about himself, and the lying will decrease even more.”

Helen Mason practices within the public sector for Rhondda Cynon Taf Education & Children Services and in private practice for Looked after Child Psychologists (www.lacp.co.uk).

For more from Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, visit 10 chickmoorman.com, wthomashaller.com, and Autumn 2009 foster families www.10commitments.net.

Photo: Craig Nagy

1. Don’t label. Helen says: “Avoid labelling the child as ‘a liar’.”

Once labelled, they feel people expect them to lie. Why should they then change? Likewise, don’t assume everything they say is a lie.

2. Be honest. Helen says: “Refer to the behaviour using the words as being ‘honest’ or ‘truthful’. Try saying ‘That doesn’t sound like the truth to me’ rather than saying ‘I don’t believe you.’

3. Don’t try to force a confession.

If the child has crumbs on her face, don’t say ‘Did you eat the cake?’ as she is likely to lie. Instead, say ‘I know you’ve eaten the cake, even though I told you not to.’

Helen says: “Avoid tackling the behaviour directly, with excessive efforts to get the child to confess, as this may drive the child into adapting the strategy to maintain its effectiveness.”

4. Don’t threaten. Spur of the moment threats of unreasonable consequences, are likely to force the child to stick to their story. Likewise, if you make threats about future lies, the child hears ‘I expect you to lie’... so they probably will.

5. Keep calm. Helen says: “Show your disapproval, but discuss the incident calmly and openly, without becoming confrontational.”

6. Give the child a chance to remedy it. Helen says: “Discuss with the child how to resolve any harm caused, and/or apply a reasonable sanction.”

7. Create the right environment.

Helen says: “Promote a care environment where dishonesty and deceit are unnecessary, and where trust and positive ways of problem solving are valued.”

8. Be positive. Helen says: “Offer

lots of positive attention when the child demonstrates ‘honesty’ or ‘truthfulness’.”

However, if a child lies to cover up a naughty deed, don’t offer a lighter consequence for telling the truth. This will confuse them.

9. Don’t Lying might be the symptom of a more serious problem confuse.

Helen says: “Avoid promoting polarised views i.e. ‘lying is wrong’ and ‘telling the truth is right’ – as this does not represent reality (e.g. ‘white lies’); the aim of Chick Moorman and Thomas your intervention is to enable the Haller suggest implementing child to use the strategy less.” consequences that connect 10. Watch the progress responsibilities to opportunities.

Helen says: “Monitor the behaviour.

For example: ‘If you choose to If you identify that a child’s use lie about what you were doing of deceit and dishonesty remains on the Internet, you choose excessive, despite intervention; or to lose that responsibility for a that the behaviour is one of a range week.’ or ‘When you choose of other behavioural concerns, then not to tell the truth about it may be useful to express your what you prepared for dinner, observations to the child’s social you lose my trust and the worker. Discuss with the social opportunity to prepare your worker whether an assessment by own dinner.’ psychologist may be beneficial.”

Make sure you follow through After assessment, the child with these consequences. psychologist will be able to offer personalised advice and strategies.

Personal

An inspiration to all Roy Hipkiss tells the story of one child who surprised everyone... and lived. Read on to find out more

Photo: Gregory James Walsh

“

Don’t get too attached, he only has about six months to live,” Chris and Steve were told when, as prospective foster carers, they met Kai at the Children’s Hospice.

“Then we will just love him”, Chris replied.

That was three years ago. Kai was placed with their family and continues to be an inspiration to all who meet him.

Kai had been placed in care by his mother who was living with her two young daughters. She felt unable to cope with Kai’s high needs and the Local Authority had not been successful in finding a foster placement for him.

Kai remained living in a Children’s Hospice with a risk that he could die before foster carers were found for him.

Chris and her husband, Steve, called in to the Kent office of an independent fostering agency specialising in the care of children with disabilities eight years ago, by chance when they went into town for some sausages.

They told the founding director, Roy Hipkiss: “We have always wanted to look after disabled children but we don’t know if we can be of any help.”

Chris was a medical secretary and Steve was a bus driver. They had never done this type of care before, but had nursed their daughter back to health following a life-threatening liver transplant.

They became carers and had two children placed with them. Then the paperwork for Kai came through from the Local Authority - they were

looking for exceptional carers.

Kai had everything stacked against him. He had been brain damaged at birth and the result of this was a number of disabilities including quadriplegic cerebral palsy, epilepsy, hydrocephalus and blindness. Due to the paediatrician’s diagnosis that Kai functioned on brain stem only, he was also on a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ (DNR) order.

In practice, this meant that Kai could have any medical treatment that was available but could not have his heart restarted. This restricted other treatment which in turn could place his life at risk. He needed to have a gastrostomy but was even refused this on the grounds that he might not survive the surgery, so his feeds were via a naso-gastric tube.

Chris and Steve were to become the most important people in Kai’s life.

Kai went to live with Chris and Steve and he became their third long term placement. They had invested time

“Previous experience with children who have high needs is not always necessary”

and money to fulfil their dream of adapting their dormer bungalow and caring for three children.

They created three ground floor bedrooms with a purpose built bathroom and settled into a new routine with the three children and all the medical appointments and social work visits that went with it.

Chris and Steve cared for Kai 24 hours a day and in time were delighted to be able to show progress.

Kai still had frequent seizures and was hospitalised several times.

On these occasions they were told to expect the worst, but Kai confounded everyone and returned back to them again.

At every Looked After Child (LAC) review and paediatrician appointment, Chris and Steve asked if the DNR order on Kai could be

“We always wanted to look after disabled children but didn’t know if we’d be any help”

11

foster families

Autumn 2009

Personal They charted his progress and his life skills and this evidence persuaded his paediatrician to finally remove the DNR. Kai is now able to eat liquidised food, he does not take medication for his epilepsy anymore, he has a new wheelchair where he can sit upright and he has friends in school. He continues to bring delight to people who meet him.

Kai is a little boy who was expected to die years ago. His battle is typical of many of the severely disabled youngsters who Credo Care has the privilege of caring for.

Roy said: “Kai is an inspiration to all of us. He and our other children remind us every day that we are fortunate to be able to care for them. There is only one thing that we can put Kai’s progress down to, and that is the love and dedication of his foster carers”.

This shows that previous experience with children who have high needs is not always necessary.

Chris and Steve are now amongst the most experienced and qualified carers that work with the agency.

For more information visit www. credocare.co.uk.

“Kai’s progress is down to the love and dedication of his foster carers”

Every child’s needs are unique. Read on for more information on meeting those needs All children are individuals.

They each have different needs and different ways of behaving.

Whenever a new child comes into your family, you have to get to know them, and find out what makes them unique.

Like children, disabilities vary enormously. From impaired vision, to cerebal palsy, each disability needs to be cared for appropriately. One quarter of children in care have a disability, and many of them have multiple disabilities*.

It is likely that you will look after a child with some degree of disability in your role as a foster carer.

Jennifer Cousins, Disability Project Consultant for BAAF, says: “It is generally a good idea for all foster carers to think about fostering a range of children. Each child is an individual, and it is a case of matching up the needs of the child with what you can offer them.”

Autumn 2009 foster families

Talk to your fostering service provider about the needs you feel you can meet, whether that be looking after a child with autism or caring for a child with downs syndrome. Jennifer says, “It is a good idea to meet the individual child first and see if you then feel you can meet their needs.”

Every child has different needs, so by meeting them you can have more of an understanding of what those needs are. Some will benefit from extra help with homework, while other children will need continual care throughout the day, including dressing them, feeding them, and transporting them from room to room. Talk to your support worker about what you can offer.

The majority of children with the most severe disabilities are in foster families, yet The Fostering Network do not think there is enough information available about the 12

needs of disabled children in foster care.

Lucy Peake, director of external affairs for the Fostering Network, says: “Foster carers are child care experts, and most are doing a good job caring for children with disabilities despite the lack of support and training. However, to provide the best possible care to a child they must have access to the best possible learning and development and support otherwise some of the most vulnerable children will lose out.”

Training Ask your fostering service provider what training is available for you.

Look out for ‘Every Disabled Child Matters: foster care and disability’ and ‘Valuing Diversity’, both from The Fostering Network.

*Info from The Fostering Network’s report ‘Caring for children with disabilities’

Photo: Mark Evans

removed; they had begun to see him responding to sound, light and even kicking his legs out.

However they were continually refused even though the carers showed video clips of these improvements to the hospital staff.

Kai started nursery two years after his placement and his development was recorded by the staff at his nursery in a special school.

Online possibilities do they leave our kids in danger?

Photo: Miika Silfverberg

The internet may present vast opportunities and offer a whole new world at their fingertips, but are the children in your care in danger? Professor Awais Rashid explains Catching the latest news headline, chatting to a friend on Skype or even helping the kids with their homework… it seems our lives revolve around the internet.

As adults we buy online, chat online, check the weather or the news online, even book holidays online.

With the internet such a necessary part of our lives, it is unsurprising that children spend a lot of time online too. But as with all things in life, from crossing the road to working in the kitchen, children need to know how to surf the web safely, and be protected as they learn.

Professor Tanya Byron, leading clinical psychologist, says: “For many parents, navigating the web is like learning a foreign language and they tend to lack understanding of both the opportunities and possible

risks that the internet presents.

Children still need to be taught how to assess and manage risk in the online world as we do for them in the ‘real’ world - to allow them to grow and explore in safety.”

Schools have wised up to online protection, but not all foster carers or parents are aware of the safest way to use the internet.

What are the dangers?

There are a number of potential online risks and dangers that can be avoided. Professor Awais Rashid, lead scientist for Project Isis: Protecting Children in Online Social Networks, says: “The most common risk is contact with unwelcome material, for instance, accidental exposure to pornographic content or extremist, racist material. The other 13

major risk is unwelcome sexual or predatory advances from adults (or even from other young persons).”

Bullying and harassment are also common threats for young people on the internet.

Social Networking Facebook, Bebo and MySpace are among the many social networking sites with growing memberships.

Prof Rashid, who is also a Professor of Software Engineering at Lancaster University, says: “One of the key risks posed by social networking sites is the availability of profiles online.”

With photos, wall messages from friends and personal information all available on a person’s profile, if set to ‘public’ this information can be seen by anyone. foster families

Autumn 2009

essential information on the child. There 1 in 4 children have been instances where predators in the UK have used this admitted to information to try making offline and make personal contact with a contact (without prior stranger they arrangement).”

Social networking may have met poses serious online. challenges for parents and guardians.

Children introduce each other to contacts Many adults get confused as to in their social networks, often putting whether their profiles are private complete trust in that person. or public, making it hard for them Prof Rashid says: “Predators use to ensure the privacy of the child’s rather sophisticated tactics including profile. masquerading themselves as Prof Rashid says: “The availability of children (and even multiple online profiles provides potential predators personas) to groom potential victims (both sexual and extremist) with for sexual or extremist purposes.

Care has to be exercised as to who one talks to and shares information with online.

Rather worryingly, a significant percentage of children in the UK make offline contact with a stranger they may have met online.”

According to Child Exploitation & Online Protection (CEOP) 20062007 Strategic Overview, one in four children met face to face (offline) with strangers they had met online.

And we’re not just talking about teenagers.

Most social networking sites have a minimum age requirement of around 13 or 14.

Vicky Gillings,

Photos: Marcin Wichary, Ernst Vikne

Support

CEOP Corporate Communications Team, says: “We know that younger children, often copying their older brothers and sisters, are on these sites as age verification measures are often relatively easy to overcome.”

Children as young as the age of eight are said to have joined social networks, yet with younger children engaging in a range of online activities, such as email and instant messaging, it is likely that some join even earlier.

Prof Rashid says: “Such children are at greater risk as they may encounter situations and materials that they are not prepared to Did you know? cope with.”

Vicky If you leave children agrees: on their own to surf the “Vulnerable internet, you are among children in the 76% of guardians the real who do so, according to world recent research carried can be out by CyberSentinel. Yet particularly more than 51% of parents/ vulnerable carers worry about their online.” child using unsuitable websites.

Monitor online activities In the UK, children mainly go online at home or school, although higher numbers of children now use computers at a friend or relative’s place. This means that although carers are usually aware their child is online, the exact activities may be less obvious.

Prof Rashid says one way to keep an eye on the child’s online activity is to “use a policy of supervised use, especially with younger children, whereby the child uses an online computer in the living room where access can be supervised.”

This supervision is of course harder to enforce as the child gets older, especially with teenagers, and with the rise of internet-enabled mobile phones. Vicky says: “Children and young people are increasingly accessing the internet wherever and whenever so parental supervision is not always effective at controlling their behaviour online.

“Rather, it is about teaching them safety skills for life – as you would teaching a child to cross the road or swim.”

www.aber.ac.uk/wpsi

Gweithio Gyda Myfyrwyr sy’n Gadael Gofal -Ein hymroddiad ni i’ch dyfodol chi

Er mwyn cael cymorth a chyngor cyn i chi gyrraedd (mewn Dyddiau Agored, dyddiau ymweld, etc.), drwy’r broses ymgeisio, ac wrth i chi gyrraedd, astudio, ac ymlaen i’ch graddio, cysylltwch â DEBRA CROFT yn y Ganolfan Ehangu Cyfranogiad E-bost: dec@aber.ac.uk Ffôn: 01970 622681, neu Tecst: 07968 77 55 23

workinG with students froM Care - our commitmEnt to your futurE

Photo: Simon Law

For help and advice before arrival (at Open Days, visiting days, etc.), through the application process, arrival, progression, and on to graduation, contact DEBRA CROFT in the Centre for Widening Participation E-mail: dec@aber.ac.uk Tel: 01970 622681, or Txt: 07968 77 55 23

information is personal, and should not be given out online to friends they do not know offline.

- Explain what information is personal – email address, mobile number, photos of themselves, friends or family, arrangements for meeting up with friends…

- Make the children aware that once published online to their profiles, anyone can share or change the personal information and images of them.

- Remind children/teenagers that the internet is not a private space, and they should not post anything they would not want you, the carer, to see.

- Explain to them that they should never reply to spam or junk email, and never believe or use the content.

- Remind them never to open files from people they don’t know. They may contain a virus, or inappropriate content.

- Help children to understand that some people lie online, and only people they know offline should be trusted. They should never meet up with strangers without an adult they trust.

- Be open and approachable so the child knows it’s never too late to tell you if something makes them uncomfortable.

Taken from http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/internetsafety/

R S

R

TTE MI D

E

V L E A

E

Support for Care Leavers

M

TO

Stay Safe Online

C A

Offering courses in the following areas: Geography, Geology _ Earth Sciences; & the Environment _ Environmental OfferingScience; courses in the _ Gemmology; following areas: _ Geographical _ EarthInformation Sciences; Systems; _ Environmental Science; Educate yourself and your child in the ways of online_ Geography; _ Gemmology; _ Geology; _ Geographical Information safety: _ Hazards &Systems; Disaster _ Geography; Management; and - Explain to the children in your care that some _ Geology; _ Sustainable Development.

CO

Safe software Safe surfing software systems, such as CyberSentinel, are available to protect children when online by blocking inappropriate internet sites, checking outgoing and incoming information and immediately detecting any problems. Faculty of Science Prof Rashid says: “These are useful but cannot be taken to be solely responsible for a child’s safety online. The key is for parents/carers to be aware of the risks posed by online activityFaculty of Science and mitigate them both through use of available software tools, careful monitoring of internet use but, most importantly, Geography, Geology & the Environment by educating children themselves.”

_ Hazards & Disaster Management; and _ Sustainable Development.

The scheme offers: _ A £1000 bursary per year* _ Flexible entry requirements _ A single point of contact at the University _ Advice on accommodation, student funding and student services _ Funding for year abroad and overseas placements *conditions apply To find out more information visit

www.kingston.ac.uk/compact or contact us on

compact@kingston.a.uk or telephone

020 8417 3233

University for all

Photo: Ed Brambley

University is becoming more accessible for young people leaving care. Find out how

O

f the 456,627 people less accepted to university in support September 2008, only 60 of than them were care leavers. their That’s 60 out of at least 5,800 peers.”

Projects Co-ordinator for Aberystwyth young people who left care in 2008*.

This disruption in schoolwork takes University, says: “The Quality Mark So what stops care leavers from its toll on their grades, which makes also means there is an appointed going to it harder for them to person to take responsibility for all university? the support care-leavers may need.”

“It’s up to universities then go onto further Mary education.

Terri Sandison, Director of Lifelong to educate carers Fletcher, Mary adds: “Financial Learning and Staff Development, about uni life” Educational support from different University of Winchester, says: “It is Opportunities local Manager for University of Liverpool, authorities varies, which says: “The highest boundary keeping can be confusing Looked After Children from going to for foster carers.”

Not knowing how to secure the available financial university is attainment. They are support can put many foster carers off sending their moved around a lot, often getting Quality Mark looked after child to university.

The If you are struggling to fill out the various forms, or Frank having difficulty making sense of it all, Mary suggests Buttle you contact your relevant LA Leaving Care Team.

Trust, which provides grant aid to still early days in terms of seeing the children and young effect of the Quality Mark, and not Terri Sandison, Director of Lifelong Learning and people in need, has all care-leavers wish to declare their Staff Development for University of Winchester, created a Quality Mark status to universities. recommends you look out for the following reasons which recognises “However, maintenance of the which may put care leavers off going to university: institutions offering extra Quality Mark requires universities 1. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence support to students who to really focus on their continuing 2. Worrying about loss of security and feeling have been in public care. support for care-leavers, and our alone, sometimes leading to a desire to settle down These own annually in the area where they feel most at home rather than “Better informed universities monitored facing yet another move away to university are aware action plan carers can advise 3. Concern about where to live during university of issues includes a great vacations young people” care-leavers deal of work 4. Lack of information and advice may face, such as the with children in care from 14 years 5. Emotional barriers to learning with a history of need for year-round and upwards, including taster days trauma, anxiety, depression etc accommodation, or and residential summer schools.”

6. Fear of being singled out as ‘different’ and not help in visiting the fitting in institution for Open Support 7. Possible patterns of disrupted schooling as Days and interviews.

If the young person in your care young people are moved from one placement to There are already over wants to go to university, then not another - this can hinder progress and make it harder 40 institutions with the only will they benefit from the support for the young person to achieve the minimum entry Quality Mark, and many of the institution, but your support in grades for university more working towards it. getting them there can make a huge 8. Possible lack of support from a family member Dr Debra Croft, difference. who has been to university themselves, which

Money worries: tip

Nine reasons why LAC say ‘NO’ to Uni

makes it less likely they will have access to all the information they need and someone to actively motivate them to aspire, achieve and apply 9. Concern about financial support

* taken from Department for Children, Schools and Families

17

foster families

Autumn 2009

Education

Dr Croft says: “I think the best way foster families can help is by being informed about Higher Education (HE) in general – for example, here at Aberystwyth we recently held a conference and invited local foster carers and interested professionals to explain what we can do and how we can help.

“I also go out and talk to small groups of foster families. It may be that they have no experience of HE themselves, but there will be someone in most good universities who will be appointed, or willing, to help with explaining the application processes and the options for funding.

“The big annual Open Days are essential in getting a feel for the university and some offer help towards travel costs.”

“The better informed foster families

are, the more they can advise young people – throughout their educational life.

“Like all families, if the parents don’t have a knowledge of

Applying

When choosing a university, lack of

Top tips to support their decision Terri Sandison, Director of Lifelong Learning and Staff Development, University of Winchester, shares her top tips for supporting a young person’s decision to go to university: 1. Encourage the young person to have a positive vision of their own future, which includes the possibility of university.

2. Help them access all the sources of advice and information available, both in school/college and via external agencies. Read about the success stories of those from care backgrounds who have gone on to succeed at university.

Autumn 2009 foster families

3. Visit websites of Leaving Care Organisation, Who Cares Trust and Voice, and access the Get Ready for Adult Life pack which includes practical exercises and health advice 4. Encourage them to attend university open days and summer schools 5. Prepare them for independent living by helping with budgeting, advising on healthy eating etc.

6. Raise their aspirations, confidence and self-esteem 7. Provide IT support 8. Provide continuing support and accommodation (if possible) as needed throughout their time at university.”

18

information and advice can be a real problem for young people. Looking out for the Quality Mark can take some of this trouble away.

Changing placements during exam preparation and worrying about where they may live once in HE can make the university application much harder.

Accomodation

Young people will find it easier to make friends and use campus facilities, such as libraries, if they live in halls of residence - preferably close to the institution. If aged 18 when they go to university, the Local Authority (LA) must provide care leavers with year-round accomodation.

Accomodation Think Point:

Mary Fletcher says: “For those who are close to their foster carers and want to go home in the holidays, this is a disincentive because the carer can’t take on another child. A lot of foster carers say ‘they’re like a son to me, they’re part of the family’ but at the same time, fostering is their income, so they’re torn. It’s not just a choice of going away, but having to stay away the whole year.”

Photo: João Paulo Esperança

“It’s not just a choice of going away, but having to stay away the whole year”

university life then it is up to the universities to educate the parents as well as supporting the children.

In Aberystwyth this is part of our mainstream widening participation activity.”

Aberystwyth is one of many universities across the country that will support foster families, so make sure you get in contact with your local institution,

Joanna Builds Bridges for Care Leavers

ACCESS TO ALL Edge Hill University offers a huge amount of support to care leavers.

We recognise that starting university and moving to a new place can be exciting, but also confusing. You may find you have a maze of information and procedures to deal with, that’s why we are committed to offering you the extra support you may need throughout your time at university.

As a care leaver studying at Edge Hill you are entitled to: -

-

A room in the University Halls of Residence for 365 days a year for the three years of your degree course, if you want it An annual bursary of £750 up to a maximum of three years

You can also apply for financial support through the Access to Learning Fund (ALF) and a dedicated member of Student Services staff will be available to offer one-to-one advice and guidance.

FIND OUT MORE To request a prospectus contact our Enquiries Unit: T: 0800 195 5063 E: enquiries@edgehill.ac.uk

EDGEHILL.AC.UK Edge Hill University, set in an award-winning 160-acre campus in between Liverpool and Manchester, is one of the fastest growing universities in the UK, with applications having tripled since 2000. As a flagship institution for Widening Participation and a lead university for AimHigher – a Government initiative to encourage under-represented groups to enter higher education – these applications come from students from all walks of life.

friends that I realised that I was probably capable of going myself.”

now know how to help clients because I have been in similar positions myself.”

One such student, Joanna Milbourn, went on to achieve a 2:1 degree in Social Work Studies after having lived in nine different foster homes until she was 14 and was given a full care order when it became impossible for her to live with her mother full-time.

It was after the threat of redundancy and family complications that Joanna relocated from Surrey to Chorley and started a job with Lancashire Constabulary and it was here that she was encouraged to go back to college and complete an Access to Higher Education course which was the start of an educational path that finally led to Edge Hill University.

She said: “My colleagues really believed I had the ability, which was nice to hear. I started on a teaching degree at a different university but dropped out before the end of the first year because the course wasnʼt right.”

Joanna got in contact with Student Services at Edge Hill after seeing a leaflet in her 2nd year on support for care leavers. After getting involved in AimHigher, she started mentoring other care leavers and encouraged them to apply to university by offering support and advice. She was even invited by the Frank Buttle Trust to speak about her experiences of going to university as a care leaver in a question and answer session at a national conference in London.

Joanna, 24, from Chorley, Lancashire, said: “I didnʼt think university was for me, I left college halfway through my 2nd year after a tragic family event and got a full-time job.

It wasnʼt until I had encouragement from my foster parents at the time and my

Joanna applied through clearing to Edge Hill University in the September and successfully got onto the Social Work Studies degree. She says: “Being in care wasnʼt the easiest thing in the world and I came into contact with lots of social workers who made me think, ʻI could do this jobʼ. I

She added: “Edge Hill have really helped me, there is a lot of funding available to care leavers which isnʼt widely publicised.

In my 3rd year they introduced a grant of £750 which really helped. Itʼs not been easy going to university as a care leaver I have had problems with my family throughout the 3 years but if I can do it anyone can. University has been the greatest gift that I have ever received.”

Education

Finance

The Buttle Trust Study, From

Care to University, showed that care leavers are often short of money.

You can help by training them to work to a budget before they leave your care.

Most students get paid work throughout vacations, yet the study shows that care leavers “who did not receive enough financial support from their local authority often took on too much paid work and this conflicted with academic demands” as well as limiting them from joining in with the social side of university.

Talk to your LA Care Leaver Team to find out what funding your care leaver may get.

University Experience

Some young people enjoying Winchester University’s Residential Summer School

A number of studies on care leavers going to university have come up with the same conclusion: the support of the foster family is vital. Mary Fletcher agrees: “Those in supportive foster placements get on much better. Those foster carers should feel really valued – their support definitely makes a difference.”

Shortage of money, fear of debt, psychological problems

Too young for uni? How to start preparing now The Frank Buttle Trust recommends you carefully choose a secondary school that will give the child the best chance of achieving high academic standards.

It is also helpful to provide excellent conditions for study, a regular quiet period for homework and access to a personal computer.

Dr Debra Croft, Projects Co-ordinator for Aberystwyth University, says: “The harder part is to support younger pupils and raise their aspirations towards pursuing education to higher levels. For example, encouraging good GCSEs – without which you can’t stay on for AS/A levels.”

Some universities offer revision breaks, and many run Summer University Schemes, which enable young people to stay at a university and get a feel for it. These are often free, with all living costs, travel and materials paid for.

Mary Fletcher, Educational Opportunities Manager, University of Liverpool, says: “Try to take a personal interest in the child’s education, helping them with homework and providing as many opportunities as you can in extra curricular Autumn 2009 foster families

activities.”

In Merseyside, where Mary is based, the Superstars project (co-funded by Liverpool Uni, Aim Higher and Local Council LAC Team) supports young people in year 11.

Mary says: “One of the main aims is to raise attainment. LAC often move schools and don’t get the support they need at home.

“We help them with the subjects they’re struggling with. They can bring their homework in and get support. Some of the first Superstars are now in uni – a greater percentage than you would expect nationally.

“We’ve had positive feedback from the young people. Even if they don’t go to uni, Superstars helps them acheive better GCSEs and gain in confidence.”

Mary adds: “LAC are a target group for outreach work within LAs so there should be activities for them to look out for.” Look out for Aberystwyth’s Expanding Horizons, Winchester’s Residential Summer School, and Liverpool’s Superstars, or a similar scheme in your own area.

20

Photo: Will Hale

arising from care and pre-care experiences, academic difficulties, relationship problems, upsets in birth or foster family, as well as isolation and lack of emotional support can overwhelm a young person as soon as they leave home. These are the areas where your support really helps.

Studies showed that care leavers “need access to adults whom they trust and whom they can talk with on a regular basis**” and students without supportive foster carers “felt very much alone during their early weeks***”.

When they arrive

They see it as an opportunity to learn not only a subject, The young person should introduce themself to but also social and Student Welfare/Support Services. life skills, as well as They should be able to help with financial, study a chance to grow or personal problems.

The young person should let into adulthood them know if they fall behind with assignments, and without being they will do what they can to help. rushed. One care leaver said: “I can’t change the past, but I can shape the future.”

Looking Back

Most care leavers who go to university look back with satisfaction.

Quality Mark Look out for the Frank Buttle Trust Quality Mark for careleavers in Higher Education – these universities will do their best to look out for you! ** The York Research on Foster Care and Adoption: http://www.york.ac.uk/inst/swrdu/Publications/foster-care-research.pdf *** The Buttle Trust study From Care to University: http://www.buttletrust.org/docs/gtu.pdf

Designated Teachers and you Chris Stanway looks at how a new role will help Looked After Children in schools

F

Chris Stanway was formerly Assistant Head at a Comprehensive School, managing Inclusion and having the informal role of designated teacher for looked after children. She is now Academic Director of Akamas who provide online training for carers and school staff. For further information visit their website: www.akamas.co.uk or email: contact@akamas.co.uk

Photos: Dean Kerrigan, Woodleywonderworks

rom There is no doubt that looked after learning and development September children will very often experience 5. Children in care need more help 2009 it greater difficulties within the school with their emotional, mental or becomes law that setting than their peers. They need physical help and well-being every school must their carers to advocate for them This report is one of many in the have a Designated with teachers, to plan ways of past 10 years which has helped Teacher; a person ensuring they are integrated fully re-shape attitudes towards looked with specific into the classroom and playground, after children and is slowly changing responsibility for the educational life and to explain behaviours for which professional practice. Government of Looked After Children. the children themselves may have initiatives continually stress the Designated Teachers are set no explanation. Designated Teachers need for agencies to work together, to become the lynch-pin in should help make this task easier. where professionals communicate understanding and advocating the There has been a long held and plan effectively as a team. Most needs of assumption that importantly, the critical role carers looked after if looked after in this process is now being “Designated teachers children are treated play children, recognised. make your task easier” in exactly the making sure In fact, schools have understood all school staff same way as all the need for better communication recognise how best to enable these others at school they will eventually and collaboration for some time. So, children to access learning. flourish and reach their academic while the role of Designated Teacher If the role is developed properly, potential. This assumption has has only been made official this year, they should also be a key part in been encouraged by ‘equality of the reality is that many schools have the network of agencies that work opportunity’ or ‘inclusion’ policies. had a member of staff who has been with foster carers and looked after The reality is very different. Latest performing this task unofficially for children themselves, making sure DCSF figures show that looked after some time. that the lines of communication are children are five times more likely to If, as a foster carer, you have been kept open. move schools in years 10/11; eight struggling to find one person at your This is a perfect opportunity for times more likely to be excluded; five child’s school to understand the foster carers to strengthen the bonds times less likely to achieve five high educational challenges you face as a between home and school life, GCSE grades and six times less likely family, then from September, simply influencing this important new role. to continue to higher education. asking for the Designated Teacher So why does this matter?

As far back as 2003, a report was should give you a direct route to a It is well understood that those commissioned to examine what powerful ally. children who do best at school are needs to be done to improve the Let’s not get too carried away those whose parents take the most education of looked after children. A though. While many schools will active interest in their education.

Better Education certainly embrace For vulnerable children, foster carers for Children in “Your critical role is this opportunity, tend to have a more than average Care (Social there will still be being recognised” input into ensuring the educational Exclusion Unit, plenty of hurdles success of their children. Keeping 2003) identified five key issues that to overcome. To become fully lines of communication between affect performance of looked after effective, Designated Teachers will home and school open is therefore children at school: need to undertake specialist training even more essential.

1. Too many young people’s lives are themselves - something Akamas is characterised by instability working hard to address quickly and 2. Young people in care spend effectively. However, being able to too much time out of school or share the knowledge and experience other place of learning of foster carers could be one of their 3. Children do not have most valuable assets. sufficient help with their The more interaction between home education if they get behind and school, and the more Designated 4. Carers are not expected, or Teachers are seen to be valued by equipped, to provide sufficient carers and other professionals, the support and encouragement for easier their role will become.

Personal

Living in a man’s world I From RAF to Foster Carer

an Meredith is something of an ‘Alpha Male’, with a passion for extreme sports. He is also the first person in Scotland to complete a Level 3 BTEC training course in Foster Care.

So how does an ex-RAFmountainrescue-climberturned-civilservant find himself at, arguably, the toughest end of the caring profession?

Some 20 years ago Ian became one of the first male registered childminders in Scotland. Twelve years later, with the support of his wife Charlotte, the Meredith family moved to a larger house in their small village in the North East of Scotland and put themselves forward as foster carers.

Now, having fostered 15 children, many on long-term placements, Ian is recognised regionally as a leading foster carer for children with particularly traumatic backgrounds.

“I remember our first placement very well”, explains Ian. “It was two siblings aged three and five. They came to us on a temporary basis and ended up staying four years.”

Currently, as well as shortterm placements, the Meredith household is home to a toddler whose experiences in early life have resulted in psychological and behavioural problems.

“Our basic foster care training touched on traumas linked to relationships between children and their natural parents, so I had some understanding of this child’s problems. Then, a couple of years ago the Fostering and Adoption Team at Moray Council’s social work department offered me a place on an online BTEC Foster Care course

Ian Meredith shares how the right training has helped him care for kids with traumatic backgrounds

provided by Akamas, a training provider for the wider children’s workforce.

“The course gave me a real understanding of why traumatised children act the way they do. In the case of our fostered child, neglect has had a direct impact on brain patterns – actually causing brain injury through chemical changes.

“Previously we recognised the symptoms of their behaviour, but Passion for training... Ian learning at his training desk with training I now understand the patterns ... do I need it and we can work on specific issues.

We’ve seen a big change in this and where can I get it? child’s behaviour as a result.”

Ian’s confidence has also extended Ian is a firm believer in formal to his work at a professional level, training and has recently started an particularly when he’s involved in online Level 4 Foster Care course, meetings between parents and through Moray Council and Akamas. social workers.

Ian says: “There is no question “Sadly, the parents I meet often that expert training is the key to have negative views of Social us improving the quality of foster Services. Training has given me care locally and nationally. I really confidence so that think greater knowledge for ‘front I’m now seen as an line’ staff will make a difference to important part of the the lives of the children and young care team by senior adults we foster.” professionals, but not viewed as part of If you want more training, the decision-making take a look at the courses on offer process by parents which makes it through your fostering service easier for me to act in everybody’s provider. best interests.”

Annette Webb, from Simply Ian is very humble about his Fostering, says: “NVQ level 3 in achievements. “There are a great Childcare is a very useful course deal more experienced foster carers and can be taken at your local working in the region and I learn a college or online.” lot from them.”

“Training has given me confidence”

Training

“We’ve seen big changes in behaviour”

23

foster families

Autumn 2009

Personal

Running out of ideas for a fun day out?

Angela Broadbent tells of her family’s wildlife adventures at a Safari Park when they went from Worcester, West MIdlands

We’re going M

y husband, Simon, and I visited West Midland Safari Park this year with our two daughters, Frances, six, and Catherine, three. Frances was doing a project on tigers at her school and we wanted her to see some at close hand.

We had never visited the safari park before, even though we only live a 30 minute drive away, in Worcester. The safari park is in Bewdley and is well sign posted from the motorway and easy to get to.

The park opens at 10am. We arrived at 11am and had to wait around 10-15 minutes to get in.

Being a Saturday it was quite busy, but this wasn’t a problem and the staff kept the queue going as much as they could.

The entry cost is ₤40.00 for the family, which includes a free return visit. This is time restricted, but we have the whole season to return.

We were very impressed by the scale and beauty of the park.

Luscious green hills and wooded

on Safari areas made us feel we were really out in the country.

There is a set route to drive round the park, with sections you can choose to bypass if you want.

We went round in about an hour. Throughout the drive the animals are in close proximity - you can stop and take photographs, read information signs and go round as many times as you like.

The children were interested and very excited throughout.

Going round, you travel very slowly and there are lots of places to pull in and watch the animals. You can buy animal food to give them, which we chose not to get as we have done this before, on farm visits, and our main aim was to see the tigers.

There were white tigers and Bengal tigers - at least 4 of each type clearly visible from the car, and probably more resting out of view.

Frances was surprised at how big they were and how slowly they moved around.

She was also pretty shocked to see them You can tempt the animals away from the grass and feed them by hand tucking into big chunks of meat!

The animal information boards are really clear and you can stop the car to read them in more detail - this gave us some Angela says: “The safari park website is well worth a fantastic facts for Frances’ look at before you go as it gives good tips. project.

It advises to visit the toilets before you go on the We felt like we were on a four mile safari adventure as there are none en route safari adventure - there are over essential information when in a car with a three year old!

600 animals in the park and It also warned us that the later you go in the day the something interesting to see more likely you are to queue to get in.” round every bend. We got the chance to see the lions eating, elephants having a wash and laughing out loud. We had a really good view and saw giraffes looking in sunroofs! the sea lions performing jumps and leaps as well as Once you have finished the slides into the pool. car tour there are still We went into the reptile houses more animals to see, but missed the twilight cave and from hippos in the creepy crawlies. water, to goats you We had lunch at the Explorer’s can walk with.

Cafe. This was well designed, A timetable of daily safari themed and very childevents is available. friendly. There was a good menu We loved the sea with sandwiches and a choice of a few hot meals. lion show which had both girls The girls had fish, vegetables and chips and all the

Photo: Ben Corteen

“There is something interesting to see round every bend”

Angela’s Top Tips

“We had a great day out and learnt a lot”

Safari Parks Near You Photo: Abi Thorne

food was reasonably priced.

There were also plenty of places to eat a packed lunch.

We then headed off into the large amusement area – this has lots of rides which are all individually priced although there is also a wristband system.

The girls found lots they could go on and for them this was a real bonus and highlight of the day.

We also visited the gift shop.

It’s hard to resist spending money on the huge range of merchandise - especially the cute, cuddly tigers!

When we got there, both girls insisted on buying a fluffy, little white tiger each as these were their favourite animals of the

If you’re looking for a fun day out, why not take the family to a safari park? Here are a few to choose from: West Midland Safari Park - Bewdley Longleat House and Safari Park Warminster, Wiltshire Blair Drummond Safari Park - Stirling Knowsley Safari Park - Merseyside Manor House Wildlife Park - Tenby, Dyfed Woburn Safari Park - Milton Keynes, Bucks Combe Martin Wildlife & Dinosaur Park Devon Brambles Wildlife Park - Herne Common, Kent

day. We managed to persuade them to buy the small size!

We had a great day out and learnt a lot. Catherine’s Check out www.safaripark.co.uk for a list of happiest memory was sitting all the Safari Parks you can visit in England, on my lap taking photos of the Scotland and Wales. animals as we went round.

The highlight for Fran was definitely seeing the tigers, something she has wanted to do since her aunty Anne adopted a Bengal tiger for her as a Christmas present.

We would recommend this as an excellent attraction that you could easily spend the day at. Fine weather is a bonus but not essential.

We travelled back to Worcester with lots of happy memories and photographs for Frances’ project.

The girls with their gift shop tigers at the end of the day

Family Time - how important is it?

D

ays out are a great opportunity to include foster children into the family. Spending time together allows the child to be part of new experiences and to start building their own memories with your family. This means they can join in with ‘do you remember when...’ conversations, and re-tell stories with you rather than always having to listen.

Jacqueline Siner, Chartered Psychologist, says: “All the time they are out with you, they are watching and learning. They are learning how to have a good day out.

And that makes them feel they are

part of your family, even if only for a short while.”

You don’t have to organise anything special or over the top. Just do the things you would normally do as a family. It is the time together that counts, rather than the activity you are doing.

Jacqueline says: “If you usually go to the caravan, then go. The children love it.

“I think they like the fact that when they are out with you, they feel ‘normal’ – no-one knows they’ve got a social worker or that they don’t live with their parents.”

“When they are out with you they feel ‘normal’”

Autumn 2009 foster families

26

FREE GI

VE AWA

Y

If you’ve run out of ideas for a fun day out with the family, we’ve got just the thing: Twycross Zoo are offering a Free Family Ticket to the World Primate Centre.

For your chance to win, simply tell us about a great day out your family have enjoyed. Email your entry to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Twycross Zoo’ and don’t forget to include your name and address. Your day out may even get chosen to feature in our Family Day Out section. Competition deadline is November 10th 2009.

Congratulations Well Done to Mrs Melanie Clifton from Hampshire who won thebabasling in our Summer giveaway.

Melanie, who is currently looking after her 35th foster child, says: “I am delighted that I won the babasling as I offer emergency placements for fostered children the youngest one I looked after was 7 weeks old, and the one with me at the moment is 10 months.

“I am also a childminder and look after preschool children. I’ve got a baby booked in for next year, so thebabasling’s going to get lots of use.

“My thanks go to Foster Families for the chance to win it and also for providing a very good magazine for foster carers.”

Have you ordered your next copy?

Subscribe to Foster Families for just £2 per copy, or £7 for a full year.

Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with your name, address and order info, or fill out our order form on page 4.

Why buy Foster Families?

Foster Families is the only parenting magazine aimed at foster carers. Here’s what some of the readers say: “What a great magazine - I look forward to the next issue,” Melanie.

“Really good,” Marilyn.

“What a fabulous magazine. It was great to read people’s personal experiences,” Gemma.

Look out for this season’s prizes on pages 26, 29, 35 and 39.

Come to Twycross Zoo and bring out the animal in you!

Come to Twycross Zoo, the World Primate Centre, to see and learn about the conservation of over 200 different species, many of them now extremely rare in the wild.

Twycross has one of the largest collections of gibbons and is the only zoo in the UK with all four species of great ape, including the bonobo.

At Twycross Zoo there’s loads that’s new, there’s lots to see and lots to do. From the genuine Borneo Longhouse with exotic birds and traditional artefacts, to the new ‘Pets at Twycross’.

There are elephants, giraffes, leopards and lions, with fun rides and gem mines, cafes and picnic areas. With a wide range of family tickets it’s a great value day out. Based in the Midlands, 3 miles from M42 Junction 11 within easy access of the M1 and M6.

For further information please contact Twycross Zoo on Tel: 01827 880250; Email info@twycrosszoo.org or visit: www.twycrosszoo.org.

Enter our competition (p26) and you could win a family ticket to take your brood to Twycross Zoo.

Mandy Watkins gives her top tips on how to create some extra storage space ready for Autumn

A

fter a summer of unpredictable weather, there is something quite comforting about autumn waiting in the wings. Rather like a good old spring clean, you can get to grips with cosying up the house ready for those long drawn nights in front of the fire.

Take a look at some simple ways you can welcome Autumn into your home:

inoffensive colours that will create interest.

Tip: If you already have a lot of colour, try and find a throw that resembles an aran knit. This will keep you and the kids warm!

“Cushions are a great way of warming a room”

Living room Adding throws and cushions on a sofa is a great way of warming a room and creating interest. This doesn’t have to be expensive - there are plenty of bargains to be had if you look in the right places.

Go for soft thick textures in complementary colours. If your living room is beige why not try a pop of colour?

Lime and duck egg blue are great Autumn 2009 foster families

Storage It may also be a good time to sort your storage. In an ideal world we would all have a utility room, office, play room and a dressing room, but in reality we have to maximise the use of our other rooms.

Children often play everywhere so toys usually take over your house.

Buy some colourful storage boxes or trugs and place them in the living room, kitchen and bedrooms. They will look tidy and will be easier to pack away at the end of the day.

Tip: Put away some of the unpopular toys and bring them out again in a

couple of months. You’ll find the kids have renewed interest in them if they haven’t seen them for a while.

Wardrobe Once the kids stuff is done, how about sorting out your autumn wardrobe? Put away your summer clothes and ‘edit’ the rest.

Apparently we use 20% of our clothes 80% of the time. With this in mind throw out anything you haven’t worn for two years and organise your clothes by colour or type (e.g. blouses then cardigans) to make it easier to find them.

Tip: Really look at your clothes and try visualising different items together. This might make it obvious what your wardrobe is missing usually a white shirt and a pair of slim black trousers are all you need to get more use out of your clothes.

Now that your house is all sorted it’s time to tackle those falling leaves!

“Pack unpopular toys away for a while to renew interest”

28

By Mandy Watkins, Interior Designer Find Mandy at: www.mandywatkinsinteriors.co.uk

Photo: Atlantic Blankets

Tidy up and cosy down

Rain Rain Go Away

Home

Mandy Watkins shows how to avoid the wet weather by making your own den

N

o more longing for nice weather so the kids can go out and play...

Autumn is well and truly here.

As the nights get longer, it’s about time for them to settle back into bed a bit earlier.

However, keeping children entertained through the summer holidays is one thing but how do you keep them entertained indoors, without having to resort to the telly or computers, when the sun has gone?

Dens Children of all ages like to make a den.

Be it a proper lads pad or a girly tepee they are bound to have fun creating them and playing with them.

If you want to be super crafty, then why not have a go at making a teepee?

WIN: FR

EE GIVE

All you need A double flat sheet (or bigger), scissors, 5 wooden poles About a metre of twine, And some pegs just in case!

Get involved

Begin by standing the poles in a tepee form and tie them securely together with the twine - it doesn’t have to be perfect, just do what you can.

Get the kids involved by letting them customise them with fabric paint or with some old fabric you may have lying around the house.

Tip: Encourage them to create one in their bedroom so it’s out of your way and they won’t have to carry their duvets out into the hallway.

Setting a fun project like this will give foster children a sense of responsibility.

If you have other kids too, making a den is a fun way for the children to interact, allowing the foster child to feel involved in the activity while in charge of their own den.

Once they’ve finished creating, you can watch with enthusiasm as they show you their personally crafted den.

AWAY

Win an Easy2name Off to School set, plus 10% off for all readers!

With the kids going back to school you’ll be in need of some name labels. Five lucky readers can win an Easy2Name Off to School by entering our giveaway.

Each set is worth £16.90 and contains 30 waterproof stickers, 30 iron on labels, 1 set of shoe covers, 1 bag tag and a shoe bag.

To enter, simply email competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Off to school’ and remember to include your name and address.

Please also state the name of the child and whether you require the shoe bag in red or blue.

Even if you are not lucky enough to win you can still receive a 10% discount off the full range – just quote ‘fosterfamilies’ when you order.

The full Easy2name range can be seen at www.easy2name. com.

Competition closes 10/11/2009.

James Beattie, England and Stoke city goal scorer, supports Simply Fostering in their quest to identify foster carers nationwide to care for vulnerable children and believes that all children within the care system deserve to be looked after by a caring family.

Simply Fostering is a response to the national shortfall of foster carers.

It is not an agency, therefore the free service is able to provide people with choices to find the right agency for them and their family as recommended by government and Fostering Network.

For more information, visit www.simplyfostering.co.uk

Book time

Read all about it!

Foster carer, Rita Mistry, gives her verdict on this issue’s book choices Rita Mistry, 59, has been fostering in Birmingham for 15 years. Here’s what she thinks about the books on offer this Autumn:

Managing Difficult Behaviour, by Pallett, Blackeby, Weissman and Scott with Fursland (BAAF) the appropriate time. I found some of the chapters extremely helpful and could see the logic of why they would work, particularly “Attending” (using play to give positive attention), “Using rewards” (how to get the behaviour you want) and “Using ignoring to improve behaviour” (strategies to discipline) and lastly “Helping children learn from the consequences of their actions” or how to stop shouting.

The book was very easy to read, clear and had a little humour with cartoon illustrations. I found the real life experiences of foster carers putting into practice the skills really encouraging.

This is a book I would recommend all carers read so they can arm themselves with

vital skills for a very demanding job of fostering.

And for children... Rita shares the ups and downs of Finding a Family For Tommy with the little ones she looks after Finding a Family for Tommy, by Rebecca Daniel (BAAF) I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. It would help a young child think about different types of families and also what their own needs are and how they can be met by the right family.

At the back of the book there is a leaflet that would help a child

Autumn 2009 foster families

explore feelings, thoughts and fears of moving on from foster carers to a permanent family.

I read the book to my 22 month old foster child and he enjoyed looking at the different types of families but it was really pitched at a higher age.

30

Photo: Anthony Kelly

I was asked to do a book review on Managing Difficult Behaviour and I thought ‘How did they know I needed help dealing with four foster children, including a one year and 10 month old child who is very demanding, a baby of seven and a half months, a nine year old child and a teenager?’.

This book was just what I needed.

There was a sentence in the book that said “Skills are like toolbags you can draw on whenever you are facing a difficult situation.”

This book teaches these skills and I believe they would work across all ages.

I believe foster carers should never stop learning new skills as all children are unique. This book teaches skills I have used in the past and intend to try at

One more drink Many teenagers love to drink. Mary McMurran advises what to do if their drinking gets out of control

Photos, from top: Saquan Stimpson, Nicole Thomas

M

any of us enjoy a glass of wine with dinner. Especially after a long, hard day it seems the perfect way to unwind.

But for many, one drink can lead to a night of boozing, with dire consequences. Some children will have had far too much exposure to alcohol abuse from parents, and this will impact their own experiences with the substance.

What about their family?

One in 11 children are estimated to grow up in a household where alcohol abuse is rife*. Alcohol abuse is much more than just being dependent on alcohol; it is when someone drinks so much they cause themselves physical or psychological harm.

Professor Mary McMurran, Chartered Clinical Psychologist and Chartered Forensic Psychologist, says: “Some teenagers will have tendencies to

drink too much and then become aggressive. This may well be a family characteristic, transmitted through generations by nature or nurture.”

If you know the child in your care is from a family with alcohol-related problems, remember that your own attitude towards drinking can have a positive effect on them.

Drinking in moderation so that alcohol does not have any effect, will help to impart better drinking habits upon the young people in your care.

Children who grow up in families with severe alcohol dependence are likely to become one of two extremes: either heavy and dependent drinkers themselves, or total abstainers as a reaction to heavy drinking.

Dr Nick Heather, Emeritus Professor of Alcohol & Other Drug Studies at Northumbria University, explains: “This may be either because of

genetic factors predisposing them to alcohol dependence if they drink; or to environmental factors in the form of modelling drinking behaviour on their parents’ example or internalising heavy drinking norms.

“Foster carers can clearly help by providing examples themselves of “sensible” and low-risk drinking behaviour, which will start to correct expectations about what is “normal” to drink. It is probably not helpful if foster carers are strongly anti-alcohol in these cases.” *Prime Ministers Strategy Unit (2004) Alcohol Harm Reduction Strategy for England (Cabinet Office) Early drinker The child in your care may be at the age where they want to experiment with alcohol, and some guidance from you can help keep their activities safe and trouble-free.

Dr Heather says: “There is a great deal of evidence to show that the earlier young people start drinking, the more likely they are to develop alcohol problems as they grow older.”

Autumn 2009

Food and Health

behaviour. It is probably not helpful if foster carers are strongly anti-alcohol in these cases.”

Early drinker The child in your care may be at the age where they want to experiment with alcohol, and some guidance from you can help keep their activities safe and trouble-free.

Dr Heather says: “There is a great deal of evidence to show that the earlier young people start drinking, the more likely they are to develop alcohol problems as they grow older.”

However, this depends on how they are introduced to alcohol.

For example, in the USA early drinking experiments are more likely to be conducted outside the family home with no parental control.

Some European countries, however, have a traditional practice of giving young children small quantities of alcohol with meals in order to introduce them to drinking in a “civilized” way.

Why a young person may drink Alcohol is known for making people feel relaxed and confident. However, many young people aren’t aware that over time this can lead to depression and anxiety. Professor Mary McMurran, Chartered Clinical Psychologist and Chartered Forensic Psychologist, has researched young men who have been convicted of alcohol-related violence. She says: “They drink because they expect alcohol to give them confidence in social situations. These days teenagers often seem superconfident, but I think this is a front for many of them. ” What are the dangers?

Mary says: “Teenagers in groups are struggling for social status, that’s why they need confidence. Of course, in social settings where teenagers are gathered together and all have alcohol-fuelled confidence, there is a fight waiting to happen. Typical triggers to fights are challenges to a youngster’s reputation which then spark a response.

“In most fights it is hard to say who is the assailant and who is the victim, so a teenager cannot really say ‘it

Autumn 2009 foster families

won’t happen to me’.”

As well as long term effects, including liver disease, mouth and throat cancer, and heart failure, there are very serious short term effects from drinking too much alcohol, such as fatal road accidents, assaults, and domestic violence, not to mention alcohol poisoning.

Mary, who is a Professor of Personality Disorder Research at University of Nottingham, says: “In British culture, teenage drinking is not uncommon and so a teenager who is drinking is not necessarily on the road to alcohol dependence.

“However, young people who drink are at particular risk of a range of adverse consequences, such as injury, road traffic accidents, and unwanted pregnancies.”

Martin Plant, Professor of Addiction Studies at University of the West of England, says: “Very few young people have chronic alcohol problems. They are usually much older by the time they need help.

However, if we know people are developing problems, there are a number of ways to help them.”

What are the signs?

There are many signs to look out for. Does the young person smell of alcohol? The young person may seem depressed, and show less interest in school or sport, maybe even not participating.

Increased moodiness and secrecy, as well as discipline problems can signify an alcohol problem. If the young person starts ignoring old friends and suddenly socialising with new ones, alcohol could be a factor.* Of course, these symptoms are common among teenagers so be careful in how you go about confronting them.

Their background is not their future!

No matter what their situation, remember that the young person has a chance to overcome any dependence on alcohol. Take a look at the following ways you can help them go about that.

Mary says: “All of us have to consider the risks of drinking in terms of three factors: The alcohol, the setting, and

the person.”

1. The alcohol - How much have we drunk? How strong was the drink?

How quickly did we drink it?

2. The setting - Who are we drinking with? Where are we drinking? Who else is around? How will I get home?

3. The person - Will I have difficulty saying no to drinks? Am I the kind of person who gets into fights?

Mary adds: “The key to control or change lies firmly in the other two domains – drinking and setting.”

First, decide the risk you are trying to minimise. This could be injury from fighting, accidental injury, or unwanted pregnancy for example.

Then discuss behavioural changes that will help minimise the risk.

Mary says: “Adults should try to work with young people to minimise the likelihood of harm. Try to identify ‘approach’ goals (i.e. doing something) rather than ‘avoidance’ goals (i.e. not doing something) to produce a positive plan.”

Identify some approach goals Mary suggests you encourage the young person to try and think of: - Fun activities that do not centre on risky drinking. Joining a sports team, joining cadets, playing music, or learning martial arts are all good options. Can the young person think of something they are interested in?

- Ways of drinking less alcohol.

They could drink soft drinks as well, or drink for less time.

- Fun places to go to that don’t lead them into trouble. Can they identify places that are OK to go and places they should avoid in future?

- Fun mates who don’t seem to be around when trouble brews. Can they identify people who are OK to hang out with and people they should avoid?

Check up on the plan Is the plan working for the teenager, or does it need rethinking? Do they need help?

Mary says: “A common sense approach often works. If it does not, and if the teenager’s drinking and aggression escalates, seek advice from your local community drug and alcohol team.”

32 **taken from Keepthedoctoraway.co.uk

Approaching a teen about drink

Photo: Saquan Stimpson

Try doing this

Talk about other things with the young person and build a relationship with them so they feel comfortable to talk to you about alcohol.

And when they do talk to you, make sure you listen.

Mary says: “Develop a dialogue with the young person, focusing on how the teenager can enjoy having a drink with friends and at the same time minimising risk.”

Aim to minimise short term risks, such as staying out of fights over the next couple of weekends or trying not to spend too much money.

Mary says: “Teenagers mostly do not have a longer-term concern about health or mortality, so arguments based on this approach are not persuasive.”

What NOT to do

Try not to lecture them.

Mary says: “Teenagers who are lectured to or preached at often react against the authority figure, rejecting the advice without consideration and sometimes doing the opposite of what they have been told.”

This is known as the Reactance Effect. Mary says: “Lecturing teenagers about drink when they are actually intoxicated undoubtedly elicits the reactance effect...in a big way!”

Instead, talk calmly when there is no alcohol in sight.

“An intoxicated teenager is in no condition to listen to advice, so keep them safe for now and deal with the problem later.”

Labels stick, so don’t label them an alcoholic or trouble-maker.

Talk to someone If you’re worried, try these contacts: Drinkline - The National Alcohol Helpline. For free, confidential advice about alcohol, call 0800 917 8282.

Or visit Alcohol Concern at www. alcoholconcern.org.uk. You can call their helpline on 020 7928 7377.

Contact your Local Authority Drug and Alcohol Action Team (DAAT) for information and advice.

A big thank you to the team Advertising Department: Nic Davidson, Jane Jordan-Rowell, Chris Bateman Contributors: Chris Graham, Mandy Watkins, Rita Mistry, Roy Hipkiss, Angela Broadbent

Place your advert here Call our advertising team on 01905 747924 or email them at ads@fosterfamilies.co.uk to place your advertisement in Foster Families Magazine.

me.com

www.easy2na

Keeping track of everything is easy with Easy2Name. We can label lunchboxes, flasks, books, stationery, footwear, all types of clothing and uniforms, toys and sports equipment... you name it!

TEL: 01635 298 326 You name it - we label it!

Food and Health

Time to eat... at the table?!

Jacqueline Siner shares the importance of family meal times It may conjure up cheesy images of the 1950’s, but eating around the table could actually bring some benefits to your family life.

Nowadays, families are often too busy to eat together.

The television is a child’s usual mealtime companion, while Mum grabs a bite on the way to drop one of the kids off at dance class.

However, eating together is a great way to build up friendships in a family and is just as beneficial for making foster children feel a valid member of the household.

Jacqueline Siner, Chartered Psychologist, says: “A meal time is a really good time for everyone to say what they have been up to.

“This sets a pattern for the children and helps them know what kind of thing is good to talk about with the people you live with.”

Sharing amusing stories of the day, as well as the trials, creates a family

atmosphere, without anyone feeling pressured to talk.

Jacqueline says: “When a child is fostered with you they join your family, even if it is only for a short time. You are going to want them to feel they ‘belong’ but do not want them to feel you are trying to take the place of their own family.

“It can be tricky getting the balance right. When you do, though, the benefits are clear to everyone, especially the children.”

Meal times are a perfect opportunity to practice this - not only does everyone have to eat, but everyone has to eat regularly.

“You have a certain way of doing things in your family, certain routines and rituals, that are so familiar to

“This helps children know what is good to talk about”

Eating together can deepen a family bond

“Help them ‘belong’ by becoming part of your family routine”

Photos: Bournagain, Yarden Sachs

all of you that you are hardly aware of them; you just take them for granted.

“To help a child feel they ‘belong’ let them become part of your family routine and join in your unique pattern of family life.

“If you all usually sit down to eat a meal together, this is what happens when your new member joins you – even if they tell you that they usually eat on their knee and would prefer to do so.

“It’s on the lines of ‘We like doing things this way so much, we really want you to do it with us.’ You are not saying the way they have always done things is wrong; you are just saying this is what you do here.

“If the child is really unwilling, don’t make a big issue out of it, but continue to lay a place for them and to invite them each meal.”

AY

E AW V I G E E FR

Rec ipe time

Toffee Treats

Cooking is fun, baking’s even better! Chris Graham explains

Photo: Lucy Graham

Chris’s Cookery Classes

Make space at your table for this fantastic prize from Hauck. This grow-along wooden highchair for children is up for grabs for one lucky reader!

The footrest and seat adjust in height and depth, ensuring your child can use it from approx. 6 months to approx. 10 years.

With front bar and crotch harness, this chair meets the standard requirements for children’s highchairs. To convert from highchair to chair, remove front bar and crotch harness.

For your chance to win simply email competitions@ fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Tigger’. Remember to include your name and address. Competition deadline is November 10th.

Welcome to the first of my ongoing Cookery Classes - exclusive to Foster Families Magazine.

The style and methods in this set of cooking classes are easy to make at home. Each recipe offers a tasty treat to bake with your foster children, which you can cut out and collect.

Meet the Chef Christine Graham has lived in Hampshire, Surrey, Canada and Worcestershire, while bringing up her three children.

She has been a nurse, a teacher of cookery, nutrition, life skills and parenting.

Chris now lectures in food safety and gives time to counselling and mentoring.

The Melting Method... the

secret is toffee! This issue I have three recipes for you to try with your foster child, each one involving the melting method. Foster children don’t necessarily settle easily to tasks, so we’ll start them off with something that will not take long and can be repeated. And as a bonus, I’ve chosen something with a minimum of clearing up and maximum treat value.

At the heart of each recipe there are three classic lodgers in the store cupboard and when you melt them together they make toffee: sunflower oil sugar honey or syrup With the first recipe, you simply melt the three together, make a soft toffee and drizzle it all over a bowl of popcorn.

With the second recipe it's a case of adding drinking chocolate and tipping it into a quantity of favoured cereal.

When the cakes are shaped in fun paper cases, let them chill in the fridge while the toffee sets.

Only in the third recipe do you actually get to put on an oven as flapjacks need baking. However, don't expect them to be firm when they are cooked because the toffee does not harden until it cools.

If you can make all these three recipes at once, you have yourself a party or a picnic! Just add some savoury treats and a celebration cake and you are there.

Chris’s Top Toffee Tip:

When toffee cools it hardens and holds everything together. My top tip for this time, is to soak all the washing up in hot water straight after you finish with them. This means the left over toffee doesn't set, so you won’t have problems cleaning it off.

Remember:

The creative process that you explore together will grow the tentative bonds of trust so needed in a fostering family.

And there’s a great outcome for all your efforts... tasty consumables, result!

foster families

Toffee Popcorn

Chris’s Cookery Class

What you will need: 125g sunflower oil [or 4oz of melted butter - for this recipe unsalted butter works best].

120ml runny honey [or 2tbsps golden syrup] 50g soft brown [or 2oz granulated sugar] 2 tbsps drinking chocolate [the fair trade variety gives a good flavour] 2 drops of vanilla essence 125g breakfast cereal e.g. corn flakes or rice crispies [not the pre-sugared kind] a small bar of milk chocolate in reserve

What you will need: 125g sunflower oil [or 4oz melted butter] 120ml runny honey [or 2 tsps golden syrup] 50g soft brown sugar [or 2oz granulated sugar] Optional: a drop of vanilla essence

What to do: 1. Choose a small pan without a thin base, as these burn food easily.

2. Melt the three toffee components together gently, so that the sugar has time to soften and dissolve. Stir carefully so that the hot toffee does not splash and burn the cook! Let it bubble gently while popping the corn.

3. You don't need anything clever like a popping machine for this, but if you have one, now is the time to clean it and put it to work. If you are keeping it simple choose a larger pan this time, with a lid. The size of the pan determines the quantity of popcorn.

4. Heat a thin film of cooking oil in the bottom of the pan, until it begins to ripple, but not burn.

5. Cover the bottom of the pan with a layer of popping corn, put the lid straight on and wait to hear the exploding sounds as the corn pops inside the pan.

6. Turn the heat down once the popping slows and then turn it off, to avoid burning the freshly popped corn.

7. Tip the popcorn out into a large bowl and drizzle the warm toffee mixture all over it.

8. Eat it all straight away, as freshly popped corn can go chewy.

Tip: Make a shared movie night a real occasion by bringing out this tasty treat.

Chocolate Crackerlies

foster families

Chris’s Cookery Class

What to do: 1. Choose the large pan for this recipe and melt the three toffee components together gently first.

2. Remove from the heat.

3. Stir in the vanilla essence and drinking chocolate.

4. Melt some chunks of real chocolate in if the mixture is a bit too stiff to coat the cereal.

5. Add the cereal and toss it gently until it is all coated.

6. Spoon into paper cases supported in bun/ muffin tins and leave in the fridge to cool.

foster families

Flapjacks

Chris’s Cookery Class

What to do: 1. Melt the three toffee components together gently in a big pan first.

2. Remove from the heat.

3. Stir in the 2 drops of vanilla essence.

4. Add in the oats, muesli and specials, stirring well into the toffee mix.

5. Use a fork to press the mixture into a well oiled baking tin.

6. Bake in a moderately hot oven [180°c / 350°f / gas mark 4] for 30 minutes.

7. Take out the flapjack when it is golden brown. It will not feel firm until it cools.

8. Put the hot tray somewhere safe to cool.

9. Cut into slices before it has cooled down completely.

10. Remove from the tray when it is actually cold and firm.

Share around and enjoy... and don't forget to put the washing up into that hot soapy water.

What you will need: 125g sunflower oil [or 4oz melted butter] 120ml runny honey [or 2tbsps golden syrup] 50g soft brown sugar [or 2oz granulated sugar] 2 drops of vanilla essence 200g porridge oats 50g muesli Well oiled baking tray Oven preheated to 180°c/350°f/gas mark 4

Specials: To make different flavours, experiment with foods that taste great together. The flapjack in the picture has apple and cinnamon in it.

For date and orange, use grated orange rind and snip up the dates with scissors.

Add broken up chocolate or chocolate chips for the chocolate lovers.

Kids C

orner!

Tommy’s Word Puzzle

Here is a story about Tommy. But, oh... some of the words are missing!

The missing words can all be found in the word search puzzle to the left. Once you find them, you can fit them back in to the story.

The left over letters spell out a secret message.

If you are having trouble finding all the words, the answers are at the bottom of the page.

Or you may want to ask someone to help you.

Good Luck!

Tommy’s Story Tommy likes to ride his _ _ _ _ to school. He always makes sure to wear his _ _ _ _ _ _ so that he is safe.

One day on his way to school Tommy saw a pile of leaves on the path he was cycling down. He stopped to brush them out of the way. Underneath one very green _ _ _ _ he saw a spider. He counted all of the legs, and there were _ _ _ _ _ .

He put the spider in his _ _ _ _ _ _ so he could show Mrs Brady, his _ _ _ _ _ _ _ , when he got to school. Mrs Brady was very interested to see the spider.

At school it was Sports Day, so all the pupils and teachers went out to the playing _ _ _ _ _ .

There were lots of races and activities to watch and join in with. Tommy ran very _ _ _ _ in his Egg and _ _ _ _ _ race.

Afterwards, they all cooled down with a refreshing ice _ _ _ _ _ .

By the time he got home, Tommy was very _ _ _ _ _ . He ate his dinner and then went straight to _ _ _ .

Answers Words to find: BIKE, HELMET, LEAF, EIGHT, POCKET, TEACHER, FIELD, FAST, SPOON, LOLLY, TIRED, BED. 37

foster families

Autumn 2009

Secret Message: HAPPY HOLIDAYS

!

ters t e l s r de

Rea

Your questions

What do YOU find hard?

Annette Webb

Annette Webb, Simply Fostering, is here to answer your questions

Annette says: “Nothing is straight forward in social work so there is no real right or wrong answer!”

Dear Annette, Our foster son likes to stay in his room all the time. How can we encourage him to interact with the family? Pam, Huddersfield.

This is a very common problem for lots of foster carers, Pam, and there are a number of things that can be done to improve and encourage interaction with the family, dependant on the age of the young person. I would advise that if a young person is allowed a TV, a PC and computer games in their bedroom, this is going to provide a number of reasons which will inhibit general interactions with the family. If you have the space, create a playroom/activity room downstairs, which includes the TV, PC and games consoles etc, to encourage family integration.

Also have set family mealtimes which again encourages interaction and communication between family members.

Communication is the key, Pam, and there may be specific issues that the young person is dealing with by isolating themself in the room, so it is also advisable to listen to what they have to say as well.

Have your say!

Hi Sarah. To begin with, ‘no bad language’ should be one of your house rules. Each young person that you care for should be made aware of your house rules when they come to live with you and fully understand what is acceptable and not acceptable within your house. The young person you are currently caring for is not allowed to use bad language at school so has some ability to communicate without it, but may think it is acceptable to use this language in your home.

Deal with this inappropriate behaviour as you do with others, by imposing immediate sanctions on the young person for using the foul language, but also praising ‘positive and alternative language’.

The young person may find it difficult to express themself without using swear words and may need some help in identifying other words to use which are more appropriate.

You must also continue to support your own children, who would already know that the bad language is unacceptable.

Education can be a significant challenge for children in the care system and for foster carers who support them. My advice on this question, Jackie, is that placement stability is the most important concern for foster carers and children.

Never lose sight of that when dealing with education issues.

It can be extremely difficult for some children to focus on education for a number of obvious reasons, depending on how traumatic their background and past histories have been and continue to be.

You need to work in partnership with your supervising social worker, the child’s social worker and the school to look at the underlying problems, as to why the young person is not motivated to complete school work and take an interest in school. Listen to what the young person has to say and hopefully, with time, the young person may start to enjoy school.

If you’ve got a letter or a story to share, email it to haveyoursay@fosterfamilies.co.uk or write to Have Your Say, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB.

is a unique, web-based service designed and supported by fostering social workers to encourage people to apply to become foster carers. Simply Fostering provides free foster carer enquiries on a daily basis, as well as comprehensive information about fostering and how to become a foster carer.

Autumn 2009 foster families

38

Visit www.simplyfostering.co.uk for more information and advice.

Photos: João Paulo Esperança, NC Brian

Dear Annette, Our foster daughter refuses to do her homework.

She takes no interest in school - what can we do to encourage her to take more of an interest? Jackie, Shropshire.

Dear Annette, I know all children are different and come from different backgrounds, but how can I stop my foster son using bad language? It’s not the kind of language I want my two younger children picking up and copying. Sarah, West Midlands.

WIN the COMPE TITION Quinny Zapp

Work out what word the coloured squares spell out

Use the questions below to fill out the crossword. The coloured squares spell out a word linked to Quinny. Once you’ve worked that out, email your answer to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk.

5

Across 1. ______ of a Feather, sitcom with Pauline Quirke (5) 4. _____ Lewis, former Olympic athlete (4) 6. ____ Thurman, Kill Bill star (3) 7. ______ Dahl, children’s author (5) 8. You hope to get this at the end of a month’s work (7) 9. The centre of a storm (3) 11. James Cameron’s 1997 hit movie (7) 14. _______ dinner, Sunday favourite (5) 15. Also Known As (3) 16. ____________ Saving Time, DST (8)

Down 1. Popular, longstanding kids TV programme (4, 5) 2. _____ ______ Cook, Ainsley’s show (5, 6) 3. ___ ____ Sugar, Apprentice seeker (3, 4) 4. Lucien and Wayne, ______ Twins for kids (5) 5. Del-boy’s brother (6) 10. ______ to the Country, house show (6) 12. Stephen King scary novel (2) 13. Homer’s son (4)

The Quinny Zapp has re-invented foldability.

Measuring 65 cm in length when folded, it’s the world’s most compact fold, and is also extremely lightweight, weighing just 7 kilos.

Big on practicality, the Quinny Zapp becomes a full-sized stroller when opened and converts into a travel system for use from birth by clipping on a Maxi-Cosi car seat. It also has a sun canopy and rain cover.

Strikingly stylish, suspension on all three wheels ensures this is a comfortable buggy to push, and ride in.

Quick and easy to fold and unfold, manoeuvrable and robust, it’s perfect for the school run, shopping trips, days out or those long walks on the beach.

The Quinny Zapp comes in a range of stylish colours and has a RRP of £150.00. Visit: www. quinny.com or call 020 8236 0707 for stockists.

The coloured squares spell out a word associated with Quinny. For your chance to win this fabulous prize, email your answer to competitions@ fosterfamilies.co.uk. Include your name, address and phone number.

39

Competition closing date is November 10th 2009

foster families

Autumn 2009