A profile of Dani Anufriev by Sasha Sobol
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n uneven rope of smoke weaves past my nose and blankets the empty living room, its source emitting an herbal scent. I wonder if this will give me a headache. The witch is seated on the floor, wearing all black, holding a candle and matches. They’re closer to nature than lighters, she explains. As she strikes the matches, the flickering fire illuminates her blue bangs and matching eyeshadow. I’m presented with a deck of cards and instructed to ask a question.
The witch’s shorts are sprinkled with skulls and her t-shirt reads “DAVID BOWIE.” She’s sixteen years old and her name is Dani Anufriev. Had she been born a few hundred years earlier, she would likely have been ostracized for going against established order, tortured or killed for who she is (Jones, O’Neill). When it comes to social acceptance in 2014 California, her witchcraft might not be the most important factor to consider. Dani is transgender, or trans. She
identifies as female, but the outside world tends to disregard that fact or use it against her. With the explosion of public awareness of transgender issues in the last couple of years—what Time Magazine called the “Transgender Tipping Point”— trans is surely becoming the new gay: a new group of people is shifting from caricatures to three dimensional characters in movies and on TV, a new set of legal protections are being demanded, and a new vocabulary is being adopted.
At the same time, there are a lot of scary statistics I could cite about the discrimination, harassment, and violence, as well as mental and emotional issues trans and gender nonconforming people face in the United States. I could focus on the 45% suicide attempt rate among y o u n g t r a n s gender and gender nonconforming adults (Haas) or other g r i m facts,
but numbers don’t tell you what someone’s day is like or what’s going through their mind. By letting strangers examine her life, Dani is putting a lively face to their understanding of the term “transgender.” She is one of countless examples of what a trans persons’s character and experiences might be like. Dani got her first pair of boots freshman year and her platform height kept growing with every new pair, just as Dani herself was growing taller. This trend eventually resulted in Dani towering over everyone in her 5 inch platforms, clumsily navigating the school campus on her Dalí elephant legs, occasionally running from class to class. It might look strange from the outside, but those heavy boots are her
freedom, a sign that she’s got control over how she dresses. As a child, Dani was fascinated by candles and Halloween. She connected to a goth girl character on a TV show. She recalls, “I remember saying to myself that that’s gonna be me someday, not really realizing that that’s actually gonna happen.” Dani started to switch out her polo shirts—a common theme throughout her early years—for black attire in 7th grade. Her style became recognizably goth by freshman year. Dani suggests that having to hide her clothes and accessories from her parents “caused [her] to look and to maybe even act like a scarecrow.” Dani developed what she calls a “spooky mindset,” an appreciation of the dark. She was unable to elaborate, as every time she said “spooky” she was overcome with uncontrollable laughter. From what I understand, it’s a significant part of Dani’s goth identity and also relates to her witchcraft practices.
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You’re the most colorful people we’ve seen all day,” says one of the two polished young men who have just approached us. Dani, another friend, and I are hiding from the summer heat on a park bench, but our dyed hair, it turns out, has not made us immune to missionaries. They make small talk, ask us if we’ve heard of Jesus Christ (who hasn’t?). I’m insulted at their attempt to override my worldview and I’m not sure how to adequately address the situation.
Dani shares my opinion, later describing “Some Christian people, especially those who believe that it’s their sole right to manifest their religion into your mind and to brainwash you to believe in the power of Jesus Christ” as “total bulls**t.” She doesn’t hesitate to cut the missionaries off: “I’m a Satanist,” she declares, waiting for a reaction on their stoic faces. “I worship Satan.” They pretend not to notice and carry on with their lecture. “I tell annoying Christian people that I’m a Satanist for them to f**k off. And that might be cruel and rude... but I tell them I’m Satanist… So they can just ignore me and walk away and not bother me anymore.” Playing into common misconceptions and irrational fears about witchcraft is Dani’s means of establishing boundaries
and protecting herself. Dani’s provocative statements aren’t entirely true: she is not a Satanist, nor is worshipping Satan a prerequisite for Satanism (“F.A.Q.”). Satan, “the god of lust and the god of sexual desire” in Dani’s mind, does occasionally make an appearance in her love spells. Having said that, calling her a Devil-worshipper would not be accurate. She rarely involves any deities in her spells, and when she does, Satan is seldom among them. With love spells, for example, Dani is most likely to ask Aphrodite for help. Dani seems to get a kick out of the wildly erroneous ideas people have of witchcraft: one girl’s “perception was that witches stand in
circles with sticks and scream random things, hoping for some supernatural thing to come out, or she thought that witches believed in… committing bad deeds and bringing general disgust to the world, which is totally not true.” Dani continues, “Witchcraft is different for everybody… depends on the person. To me, witchcraft in a nutshell is just a way for a person to be able to connect with nature and be able to use the ability to get them through life.” Witchcraft helps Dani “bring out [her] feminine side and [her] feminine energy,” a paramount anchor for a trans individual.
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eanwhile, by her parents’ bed, there are pictures of elementary school Dani with her conformist haircut and irreplaceable polo shirts. Looking at their nightstand was not my intention; I feel like these pictures represent something very private. A lack of recent pictures suggest that their dream child is upstaging the unapologetic, creative individual she became.
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Dani’s parents see her as a deviation from their proper Russian Orthodox heterosexual son that never was. Dani’s polo shirt stage, marked by intolerant views that mirrored the views of her parents, produced many curious declarations. For example, when she was in 8th grade, she once told me that being part of the Gay-Straight Alliance will turn me gay. Dani does not find this particularly humorous: “I do not think or choose to think about those years of my life because they bring disgust towards me.” She recalls being a “very confused child,” and, evidently, a very tormented one: “I always knew that I liked guys… although I would always try to convince [myself] that I was straight and I didn’t want to be a girl.” Dani started experimenting with makeup in 8th grade, but she would not go outside wearing eyeliner until freshman year. At first, she walked around with what appeared to be two concurrent black eyes. Eventually, she gained proficiency in the art of drawing on her face. Being goth freed Dani’s use of makeup from “traditional” gender roles. “Around 8th grade was when I started to realize that I had to stop pretending to be a straight guy because I wasn’t.” Dani gradually learned to accept others for who they are and later to accept herself. She came out as bisexual freshman year and as gay sophomore year. She began practicing makeup more seriously and stumbled upon her drag mother (drag queen mentor) at Diddams: “She was an employee there and we just started talking and then she asked me if I was a drag queen and I didn’t really
know what that meant at first and then I researched it by myself and I just kind of fell in love with it because I love theater and drag is kind of a combination of theater and being able to be a woman.” Dani came out as trans junior year, after I had already started profiling her. She assured me she was confident in her identity and won’t regret saying anything permanent. Over the years, she has come out to her parents about being a witch, being goth, being bisexual, being gay, doing drag, and being trans. None of these occurrences were preplanned and none generated a warm and fuzzy reaction. However, Dani’s parents gradually came to terms (more or less) with different aspects of her identity, just in time for another coming out. While Dani is loud and uninhibited in public (reportedly twerking on a table at a school dance [McDermott]), I got to see her vulnerability emerge in our interviews. I asked what she feels confident about. She responded: “My life. I feel confident in my life and
out about it [and] they would ask me questions and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to answer those questions, so, as a defense mechanism, I would just tell them that I was lying and it’s not true.” When Dani came out as trans, she did not deny her trans status, but she admits to having a certain level of confusion and uncertainty. Dani delayed coming out as trans out of fear of losing the ability to do drag. In our first interview, she rationalized that drag is a performance and being trans is an identity, thus they’re not mutually exclusive. In a different interview, Dani radiated confidence and explained that she doesn’t need drag anymore as it was her outlet for feminine gender expression. She can present however she wants. In 5 inch platforms, trans she is. Dani is figuring out how to navigate this new identity with a hint of nostalgia:
myself every single day. Well, actually, I’m lying. I feel comfortable, or at least I always feel the need to project… I always feel the need to show people that I am… confident with myself even though at times I may not be. Whenever I walk down the street in outrageous clothing, I don’t feel comfortable, but I never show that.” Once, Dani put on “Even though I came out as a lot of makeup and a trans, I really miss being gay… fancy dress and our plan was to do an interview I fell in love with myself as a inside and then film her gay teenager and being gay candle spells outside at sunset. Dani first said was so comfortable that comshe’d have to change out ing out as trans and leaping to go outside and then into this new world for me is cancelled the latter part of the plan altogether. totally different because I’ve She’s not immune to denever really been straight behumanizing stares, and nobody should honestly fore. And now I’m straight, apexpect her to be. parently . Maybe. I hope not.” Dani, like most peoDani Anufriev ple, has her insecurities: “Every time I’ve come out... people would find
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