Frontiers Vol. 34, Issue 15

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FRONTIERSMEDIA.COM

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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Contents

NOVEMBER 12 - 25, 2015

FEATURES

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Los Angeles Solo Dates

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Worst Date Ever

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Michael Stokes' Battle of the Bulge

ON THE COVER Atilla, photographed by Michael Stokes, michaelstokes.net, for his new book Exhibition.

“Attila is just 20 years old, but he has an old soul. He‘s mature beyond his years,“ Stokes says.

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Contents

Download our interactive digital edition with videos, expanded editorial, behind-the-scenes photos and more.

Search for Frontiers magazine on

NOVEMBER 12 - 25, 2015

DEPARTMENTS NEWSBOX 13

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Inside the New Congress with Rep. Adam Schiff Flashbulb Watercooler Gays Win Big in Palm Springs Our Trans Brothers and Sisters Are Under Attack DateBook

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THE GAY AGENDA 23

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Fill Your Wardrobe with Fashion-Forward Flannel The Ultimate Madonna Must-Have Who Should Play the Next Bond?

Reasons to Cruise the L.A. Auto Show

HEALTH 29 30 30 31

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5 Shocking Gay Sex Secrets Exhibitionism in the Modern Age Fitness Q&A Our Favorite Celebrity Gym Selfies

CALENDAR 33

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Joey Arias Channels 100 Years of Billie Holiday L.A.‘s First-Ever Pup Pride Weekend Circus Disco Takes Its Final Bow Streep Tease Returns to WeHo

ENTERTAINMENT 39

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Todd Haynes Talks His Acclaimed New Film, Carol Film Reviews Music Reviews Coming to TV Theater Reviews

Frontiers magazine is published by New Frontiers Media Holdings, LLC, 5657 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 470, Los Angeles, CA. 90036, and distributed throughout Southern California. Up to the first three copies of any single issue are free; additional copies are $10 each. Violators caught stealing or destroying issues will be prosecuted under California Penal Code 484. For magazine subscriptions, please call (323) 930- 3220. The contents of Frontiers may not be reproduced in any manner, either in whole or in part, without permission from the publisher. All rights reserved. Letters to the editor, artwork, photography, manuscripts and other correspondence may be submitted to Frontiers at the above address. We cannot acknowledge or return material unless accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Allow at least three months for processing. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising in Frontiers is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation or the HIV/AIDS status of such person or organization. Copyright Š 2015, New Frontiers Media Holdings, LLC.

COLUMNS 58 59 60 64

Billy Masters Gossip Gay Palm Springs Gaydar

PEOPLE INDEX Matt Bomer Nadya Ginsburg Marc Jacobs Geoff Kors 4

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26, 59 36 58 18

Jenifer Lewis Seth MacFarlane Joe Manganiello Luke Nero

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Peaches Zachary Quinto Meryl Streep Tony Ward

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F RO NT I E R S M E DIA .C OM

PUBLISHER

Michael A. Turner Stewart Powell CREATIVE DIRECTOR Ed Baker

ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER MANAGING DIRECTOR OF INTEGRATED MEDIA

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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Michael Anthony, Aaron Batts, Christopher Cappiello, Dr. Greg Cason, Mike Ciriaco, Peter DelVecchio, Gossip Gay, Nathaniel Grey, Gary Kramer, Jim Larkins, Dan Loughry, Drew Mackie, Billy Masters, James Mills, Eric Rosen, Patrick Rosenquist, Dominik Rothbard, Mikey Rox, Aaron Savvy, Lydia Siriprakorn, Les Spindle, Kevin Taft, Paul V. Vitagliano CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS AND ILLUSTRATORS Mike Delgado, Matthew Brian Denman, Albert Domasin, Santiago Felipe, John Perrin Flynn, Krys Fox, Charley Gallay, Jeremy Lucido, Rolling-Blackouts, Faye Sadou, Randy Shropshire, Ryan Tanaka /FRONTIERSMAGAZINE

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Frontiers is published biweekly, with 40,000 print copies distributed throughout California and Nevada, and an interactive digital version available via Apple Newsstand, Google Play and Amazon. Frontiers is one of five brands owned by the only LGBT publicly traded company, Multimedia Platforms, Inc. (stock symbol: MMPW). Collectively, the Florida Agenda, Frontiers, FunMaps, Guy and Next magazine represent three of America’s most populous LGBT markets and 40 cities across North America, an estimated 7.5 million readers annually. Visit MultimediaPlatformsInc.com for further information.

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Dim Hope Fades LGBTs should expect very little under the new Congress, led by Republican House Speaker Paul Ryan, but should we also be afraid?

By Karen Ocamb

$325B Value of the Nov. 5 transportation bill passed under Ryan’s leadership, which contains “giant gifts to the financial industry” according to The Fiscal Times

SPEAK OUT

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any gay men know Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan from his P90X workout photo spread for Time magazine in 2012. The then-vice presidential nominee curled weights as if the cut of his physique was as important as cutting the federal budget, another Ryan fixation. In fact, the Time article focused on Ryan’s plans to cut entitlements like Medicare, a plan Democrats promoted as “Mediscare” during the 2012 presidential elections. The political tactic apparently pressured Mitt Romney’s running mate into shelving his Powerpoint policy wonkiness and going vague for the cameras.

Ryan is now Speaker of the House, taking over after John Boehner was forced out by the small, rebellious Freedom Caucus. Ryan earned accolades for standing up to the Tea Partiers, pledging to be “a unifying figure” in the divided House. But after Ryan’s first week as Speaker, the dim hope that he might bring back thoughtful civility—including possible consideration of pro-LGBT legislation—started to fade as he reversed positions and sided with his ultra-conservative colleagues, declaring flatly, for instance, that the House “will not vote on comprehensive immigration legislation as long as President Obama is in office,” according to the Los Angeles Times.

Which begs the question: Will the real Paul Ryan please stand up?

Ryan has kept his promise for an open legislative process, to applause from the Freedom Caucus. However, The Fiscal Times notes that under Ryan’s stewardship, passing the $325 billion transportation bill became “a Christmas tree” of amendments with “giant gifts to the financial industry.” That should concern LGBT politicos. Might Ryan

allow gifts of anti-LGBT amendments such as Rep. Raul Labrador’s First Amendment Defense Act to slide into larger bills, such as the upcoming legislation to fund the federal government before Dec. 11?

Ryan espouses limited government. But when it comes to LGBT rights, he has voted in favor of government interference. In 2003, Ryan voted for the Marriage Protection Act of 2004, which would have amended the federal judicial code to prevent federal courts from considering any question pertaining to the Defense of Marriage Act. In 2004 and 2006, Ryan voted to amend the U.S. Constitution to ban marriage equality through the failed Federal Marriage Amendment.

“I have heard from many of the people I represent who are concerned about activist judges abusing their power and rewriting our society’s definition of marriage,” Ryan said at the time. “The institution of marriage is an integral part of our civil society, and its significance goes well beyond eligibility for benefits and similar considerations. Its future should not be left to a few overreaching judges or local officials to decide.”

Ryan did vote for the Employment Non-Discrimination

“I tell them, ‘Trust that even if it means you’re not as famous, or even if it means it’s not exactly what you thought it would be, it’s still more valuable when you’re assessing your life at the end of that.’”

Zachary Quinto speaks with Attitude about what he tells closeted stars who seek him out for advice

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FLASHBULB continued

46TH ANNUAL VANGUARD AWARDS, Hyatt Regency Century Plaza, Nov. 7—The L.A. LGBT Center celebrated an amazing year at its dinner, auction and awards show, honoring Jane Fonda and filmmaker/activist Ron Nyswaner. Top, from left: Miley Cyrus, Hal Sparks, Peter Paige, Lorri Jean with Rep. Adam Schiff, Alex Newell. Bottom: Daniel Pintauro, Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Pauley Perrette with Calpernia Addams

TRANSPARENT SEASON 2 PREMIERE, Silverscreen Theatre at the PDC, Nov. 9—Amazon Studios celebrated the second season premiere of its Golden Globe and Emmy-winning series with a special screening of the first two episodes. Top, from left: Carmen Carrera, Andre Royo with Head of Amazon Video Roy Price, Kathryn Hahn with Michaela Watkins. Bottom: Jeffrey Tambor with Jill Soloway and Bradley Whitford, Bruce Vilanch, Head of Amazon Comedy Joe Lewis with Jay Duplass

SPEAK OUT “I don’t think I want to live my whole life hiding this part of myself. I understand why maybe you did ... though I’m not sure I understand why you still do.”

In Uncanny X-Men #600, one of the original team members, Iceman, is confronted by his younger self about being gay (thanks to some crafty inter-dimensional travel)

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OUTFEST LEGACY AWARDS 2015, Vibiana, Nov. 5—Tom Hanks received the Trailblazer Award and Lisa Cholodenko received the Visionary Award at this year’s awards gala, hosted by Whitney Cummings and featuring a performance by Linda Perry. From left: Cholodenko with Rosemary DeWitt, Cummings, Aaron Eckhart, Hanks, Dan Bucatinsky with Perry, Our Lady J

VANGUARD: FAYE SADOU; TRANSPARENT: CHARLEY GALLAY; OUTFEST: ALBERT DOMASIN / RANDY SHROPSHIRE

Act in 2007, minus gender identity. But was that just an anomaly, or was it an indication of hope for LGBT legislation?

California Rep. Adam Schiff hopes for the latter, though he, too, cautions against the new amendment process.

“Unfortunately, I’m not confident that the Equality Act will see a vote, either in committee or on the House floor this session,” he told Frontiers. “And I’m particularly concerned that under Speaker Ryan, we will likely see newly empowered committee chairs take up smaller anti-LGBT bills that seek to constrain and tie the hands of the Obama Administration in enacting executive orders and taking administrative action to increase freedoms and provide greater equality for the federal workforce and contractors.”

At the same time, Schiff says, “measures like the socalled First Amendment Defense Act—which is anything but a defense of the First Amendment—may also be unlikely to be brought up for a vote, as they would face an immediate veto by President Obama. They would likely be opposed by some moderate members in the GOP conference and put them in a difficult spot. We do have to be on guard during the amendment process of larger bills, however, as advocates of ‘a right to discriminate’ may seek to graft these proposals as riders to other legislation.”

Schiff hopes that Ryan will allow bipartisan LGBTrelated bills, such as his legislation with Republican Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen to reform residential treatment programs across the country, to move through the committee process and be brought up for a vote.

And Schiff sees more than a dim hope for the future.

“I believe that the wave of civil rights for LGBT people, which was so powerfully expressed in the fight for marriage equality, will continue over the next decade and beyond,” he says. “But like all civil rights movements, there will be setbacks along the way. The vote in Houston on the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance was one of those roadblocks that we will just have to overcome, and there will be more in the future. But we will see the president, some state legislatures—and, I hope, the Courts as well—step in to ensure that the rights of all Americans are upheld.”

Much of the fight for equality and social justice, however, will have to happen outside the halls of Congress.

“The unwillingness of the House majority to cross party lines and work with us is deeply damaging to our country,” Schiff says. He is “hopeful that under Speaker Ryan that might change,” and that nods to bipartisanship are not an aberration.

Right now, however, Ryan’s pledge to be a “unifier” appears to be just another campaign promise for the camera.

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WATERCOOLER

Your cheat sheet for intelligent conversation — By Peter DelVecchio

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Having lost the marriage equality battle as spectacularly as possible, the Mormon Church has now decided to barricade its doors against the children of same-sex couples.

“A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing,” states an amendment to the church’s baptism policy announced Nov. 6. Such children may receive baptism at 18, but only if they stop living with their parents and denounce same-sex relationships.

“I do not understand the Jesus Christ who would deny baptism to a child based only on the status of his parents, and I am confounded that a church bearing his name would do so,” says Randall Thacker, president of the Mormon LGBT group Affirmation.

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Shot Every Other Month Could Replace HIV Pills

Researchers have announced that a once-everyother-month injection may soon replace antiretroviral tablets. A mix of Johnson & Johnson’s drugs rilpivirine and cabotegravir, administered by injection every eight weeks, worked as well as three daily pills in keeping the HIV virus under control in recent clinical trials.

The viral suppression rate for patients injected monthly was 94% after 32 weeks, and 95% for those injected every eight weeks, as compared to a suppression rate of 91% for patients on tablets.

If larger, final trials confirm these results, the new treatment could be widely available by 2020 and could constitute a “transformational” improvement in HIV treatment, says Paul Stoffels, Johnson & Johnson’s head of pharmaceuticals.

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Porn Shoot Condom Measure Qualifies for Ballot

A measure that would require porn actors to use condoms during any anal or vaginal intercourse scene shot anywhere in California has qualified for the November 2016 ballot.

The proposed law, similar to one approved by 55.9% of Los Angeles County voters in 2012, “is intended to prevent thousands of sexually transmitted infections ... that occur among performers each year in the industry and comes after nearly two dozen adult performers became HIV-infected . . . between 2004 and 2014,” initiative proponent AIDS Healthcare Foundation says.

If the L.A. County fight over the issue is any guide, opponents will argue that the statewide requirement will harm businesses and cost jobs, and that attempts to regulate sex between consenting adults typically fail.

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Mormons to Exclude Children of Same-Sex Couples

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Palm Springs LGBT activist George Zander, 71, and his husband Chris were attacked outside Hunters, a popular gay nightclub, in an alleged anti-gay felony hate crime the evening of Nov. 1.

A man bumped into the couple outside the bar and began yelling “faggot.” The man pulled Chris down and ran away but later returned with another person. George was pushed to the ground, suffering a double hip fracture; Chris was hit on the head with a bottle and knocked unconscious.

Police describe the suspects as a redhead with a stocky build and another white man, and said they believe “both victims were battered because they were gay.” The assault was a reminder that anti-gay attacks can happen anywhere.

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Chris (left) and George Zander

4 Pastor Kevin Swanson

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Hillary Clinton

Pastor Kevin Swanson Calls For Killing Gays

Are you judged by the company you keep?

Republican presidential candidates Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz and Bobby Jindal attended the “religious liberty convention” organized by Pastor Kevin Swanson in Iowa on Nov. 6 and were interviewed

by Swanson onstage.

A religious extremist who advocates the killing of gay people, Swanson said, “There are instances in which both the Old and New Testament speak to the matter with unbelievable clarity. You know what that sin is—it’s the sin of homosexuality. In fact, in Romans 1, Paul affirms that this particular sin is worthy of death.”

And if Swanson was invited to a same-sex wedding? “I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body,” he said. “I’m not kidding, I’m not laughing.” No one else is, either. —K.O.

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Palm Springs Activist and Husband Attacked

Clinton Skirts DOMA, Advocates for Trans Rights

At the Nov. 6 Democratic Forum, Hillary Clinton addressed criticism of her comments last month that President Bill Clinton’s signing of DOMA was a “defensive action” to prevent a federal marriage amendment. Even Clinton supporters said no such effort was underway at the time.

“Well, certainly, in thinking back on it, those were private conversations that people did have,” Clinton told moderator Rachel Maddow. “And you know, if I’m wrong about the public debate, I obviously take responsibility for that. But I think the important thing is that we are now beyond that.”

The next day, Clinton keynoted a fundraising dinner for South Carolina Equality, the organization working for LGBTs in the key primary state. “As president I will work to make sure that we provide respect and dignity for transgender Americans,” Clinton said. —K.O.

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Moon, Kors Win Palm Springs City Elections

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TAKING TRANS HATRED NATIONWIDE When Houston killed HERO, it became obvious that trans people are under attack.

So how do we act up and fight back?

By Karen Ocamb

PAT SULLIVAN / ASSOCIATED PRESS

ongtime Palm Springs City Councilmember Ginny Foat was expected to win the eight-person race for mayor, but election night took a surprising turn as openly gay retired Navy Commander Robert Moon sailed to victory, besting the openly gay Foat by 1,000 votes, according to the Desert Sun. “We have run this campaign from our heart, and if this comes out and I’m your next mayor, that’s how I want to serve as your mayor—from my heart,” Moon told supporters on Nov. 3. Moon and Foat were targets of a misleading June phone survey, to which Moon responded aggressively but Foat did not, according to the Sun. “Despite the many successes the city has had, many voters were looking for change, given the ongoing investigation,” Geoff Kors told Frontiers, referring to the FBI investigation into possible corruption by outgoing gay Mayor Steve Pougnet.

Kors was the top overall votegetter, winning a council seat after running a volunteer-heavy, “issue oriented, positive and inclusive campaign that resonated with Palm Springs voters,” he says. “I Kors ran on my record of experience and set out detailed plans on issues including ethics and transparency, homelessness and poverty, economic growth and city planning, neighborhoods and quality of life and sustainability. Our campaign reached out directly to voters and held 85 meet-and-greet events, had two community town halls, made over 20,000 phone calls and went to 5,000 doors in addition to runFoat ning two television ads and sending five pieces of mail.”

Kors says he’s staying as policy director at the National Center for Lesbian Rights, where he’s focusing on a transgender public education campaign and ending the junk practice of “conversion therapy.”

Of his council plans, a “deeply appreciative” Kors says, “I have called for an ethics and sunshine task force and plan to draft and Moon introduce legislation to make our government more inclusive, transparent and ethical. I am also committed to continuing Palm Springs economic growth in a way that benefits all of our residents, making Palm Springs a model desert city for sustainability and bringing in more resources for social services.”

As Frontiers goes to press, Mayor Pro Tem Paul Lewin, a strong LGBT ally, trails J.R. Roberts by 20 votes for the second council seat. Foat still has two years on her term. The new council will be sworn in next month. —K.O.

Among the ludicrous concerns of HERO’s opponents were hypotheticals of male sexual predators claiming to identify as female in order to have access to women and girls in public restrooms

PAT SULLIVAN / ASSOCIATED PRESS

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hen asked why he appointed women to fill half his cabinet positions, new Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said simply, “Because it’s 2015.”

And yet, Canada’s neighbor to the south seems determined to use 2015 as a launching pad for regression.

On Nov. 3, the fearful citizens of the once-welcoming and diverse Houston, Texas, voted to kill the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO), a measure that would provide legal protections for 15 classifications, including veterans, the disabled and LGBT people. Now the successful anti-LGBT crusaders want to take their victory nationwide, setting their sights on California as their next target.

The shocking Houston defeat recalled for some LGBT activists the sucker-punch of Prop. 8 in 2008 and the blow that unleashed the anti-gay Krakken—the 1977 repeal of a non-discrimination ordinance in Dade County, Fla., by anti-gay crusaders Anita Bryant of the Save Our Children campaign and the Rev. Jerry Falwell, founder of the fundamentalist Moral Majority. But unlike those call-to-arms events, no massive street protests or boycott threats resulted from the Houston travesty. Instead, LGBT leaders are wringing their hands over “what went wrong,” chattering over “lessons learned” and ways forward, having apparently forgotten the lessons of the past that were repeated in Houston, including bringing out to the polls LGBT and allied voters.

Perhaps the most startling of results from Houston is the unabashed public call on Change.org to “drop the T” from

$4K The amount of money for which a transgender individual can be sued by someone “offended” by their presence in a bathroom—in addition to attorney’s fees—according to a privacy initiative being pushed onto the California ballot in 2016.

LGBT. “We are a group of gay/bisexual men and women who have come to the conclusion that the transgender community needs to be disassociated from the larger LGB community; in essence, we ask that organizations such as the Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, Lambda Legal and media outlets such as The Advocate, Out, Huff Post Gay Voices, etc., stop representing the transgender community as we feel their ideology is not only completely different from that promoted by the LGB community (LGB is about sexual orientation, trans is about gender identity), but is ultimately regressive and actually hostile to the goals of women and gay men,” says the anonymous petition, which then goes on using right-wing talking points to complain about ideological disagreements, including the “appropriation and re-writing of gay and lesbian history and culture.”

“Please note,” the petition says, “that we are not advocating intolerance or prejudice against the transgender community; we recognize and respect the right of adults to determine their own path in life, including transitioning to the opposite gender if they so wish. However, that cannot occur by infringing upon the rights of women, gay men and children.”

Brad Sears, UCLA Assistant Dean of Programs and Centers and Executive Director of The Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, strongly disagrees. ”Research consistently shows that transgender people face much higher rates of workplace discrimination and harassment than any other segment of the LGBT community,” he told Frontiers. “In addition, much of the discrimination against all LGBT people is predicated on gender stereotypes. There simply is no substantive coherence to the idea that sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression are divisible. They are three legs of one stool—to leave out any one is to topple protection for all LGBT people, including the most vulnerable among us.”

HERO incorporated a number of protections, including in employment, in the nation’s fourth largest city. It’s needed. In October, Sears and Christy Mallory published a major report documenting “high levels” of LGBT workplace discrimination, citing, among a slew of published reports, an Out & Equal Workplace Survey that found 44% of LGBT respondents reported facing some form of discrimination at work in 2009.

But the “T” in the LGBT community has it far worse, nationwide. On Nov. 3, the Washington, D.C., Office of Human Rights released a report about a six-month sting operation focused on workplace bias. “Statistical and anecdotal evidence tells us transgender people are experiencing employment discrimination at very high rates,” OHR Director Monica Palacio told the Washington Blade. The OHR report found that 48% of employers “appeared to prefer at least one less-qualified job applicant over a better-qualified applicant perceived as being transgender,” while 38% of employers “offered interviews to one or more less-qualified applicants perceived as cisgender while they did not offer an interview to at least one of the better-qualified applicants perceived as transgender.”

Not considered in the larger discussion of legal protections is the epidemic of trans murders. There have been 21 trans murders in America since Deshawnda Sanchez was shot to death in Los Angeles in December 2014—including three trans women in California: Yazmin Vash Payne, stabbed to death in L.A. on Jan. 31, 2015; Taja DeJesus, stabbed to death in February in San Francisco; and KC

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Haggard, stabbed to death in Fresno in July.

Transgender Day of Remembrance takes place Nov. 20, but the anti-trans opponents of HERO think trans people are already protected by existing law and only want “special rights” that go too far.

“I think it’s significant,” Ed Young, pastor of Houston’s Second Baptist Church, told the religious blog The TEXAN when asked about the 61% to 39% margin of victory. “I think there are enough people in the city who still have and will vote godly principles. A lot of people did some soul searching and said this is enough.”

Interestingly, opponents of HERO cited religious liberty as their primary concern with the ordinance, with lies about “potential safety concerns if, for example, a male sexual predator claimed to identify as a woman in order to have access to women and girls in public restrooms” being a secondary concern.

“The defeat of this proposition ensures that the consciences of men and women will not be steamrolled, and that unsuspecting citizens will not be put into vulnerable situations,” said Russell Moore, president of the Southern Baptist Convention’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission.

The anti-LGBT forces now want to export the strategy to California. Brad Dacus, Founder and President of the Pacific Justice Institute, argues that Houston provides them with “a strategic opportunity” to get a privacy initiative placed on the 2016 ballot. “Houston reminds us that we can still turn America around and preserve our fundamental privacy rights. We can even turn California around!” he wrote in an email solicitation.

Dacus’ partner in the Privacy for All endeavor, Karen England of the Capitol Resources Institute, goes the “compassionate” route. “We all know that there are individuals that believe that biology has betrayed them—boys that sincerely identify as girls, and girls that sincerely identify as boys. And we have compassion for them. We believe there should be accommodations made to make them feel more comfortable,” she writes in a fundraising email.

“But most of us stop short of wanting this small group of individuals to be allowed to select which bathroom they use,” she says. “If a

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boy that identifies as a girl is allowed to use the girls’ bathroom, we know that this will violate the privacy of girls already using that bathroom. No biological boy should ever expose himself to a girl against her will. Period.”

Interestingly, there was a historic religious counterpunch to that misinformation, thanks in large part to Rabbi Denise Eger of Congregation Kol Ami in West Hollywood.

On Nov. 5, the Union for Reform Judaism, the largest branch of Judaism in America, passed a wide-ranging resolution supporting transgender rights, including a call for gender-neutral bathrooms in children’s summer camps.

Eger is part of a large coalition already in place to combat the privacy initiative, if it makes the California ballot. This initiative not only prohibits trans people from using facilities in government buildings but requires the government to monitor bathroom use. And anyone “offended” by the presence of someone they claim is trans in a restroom can sue that person for $4,000 in damages, as well as attorney’s fees.

“As visibility and understanding of transgender people and issues increase, a small group of extremists are using lies and scare tactics to try to turn back the tide of acceptance. They won by mounting an ugly and deceptive campaign in Houston, and no doubt they will try it again in California and other parts of the country,” says Kris Hayashi, executive director of Transgender Law Center.

“Despite these efforts and today’s vote, more and more people are recognizing transgender people for who we truly are—neighbors, coworkers, family members and friends.”

“We fully expect our opponents to use the same misinformation and scare tactics in California that they used in Houston,” says Rick Zbur, executive director of coalition member Equality California. “Since they can no longer stop same-sex couples from getting married, this is the next page in their attempts to discriminate against the LGBT community. That’s why this is an attack on both transgender people and the LGBT community as a whole.”

Now if only LGBT voters saw it that way and fought back. Initiative proponents have until Dec. 21 to turn in enough valid signatures to qualify for the 2016 ballot.

“It is not fair for them to make everybody else uncomfortable. It’s one of the things that I don’t particularly like about the movement.”

GOP presidential contender Ben Carson, speaking with Fusion’s Jorge Ramos on Nov. 5, suggests creating separate public bathrooms for transgender people

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DATEBOOK FRI. | NOV. 20

TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBRANCE

The West Hollywood Transgender Advisory Board hosts an outdoor reception at the WeHo Library Auto Court that will have speakers, city representatives, various trans performers and will conclude with the reading of names of trans people who have passed due to hate crimes. weho.org

FRI. | NOV. 27

PALM SPRINGS OPEN

This 22nd annual tennis tournament, run by the Desert Tennis Association, attracts more than 300 LGBT players from around the world and benefits the AIDS Assistance Program among other local charities. Through Nov. 29. deserttennis.us

SUN. | DEC. 6

2015 TREVORLIVE LOS ANGELES

Hollywood’s LGBTQ community and allies gather to celebrate an irreverent evening of comedy and music benefitting The Trevor Project. Joel McHale hosts the event, held at the Hollywood Palladium, at which HBO’s President of Programming Michael Lombardo will be honored, among others. trevorlive.org

SUN. | DEC. 13

TOY BOX PARTY

Returning for its 20th year, the biggest and most celebrated toy drive of the season will donate thousands of toys to the clients of AIDS Project Los Angeles.

Bring an unwrapped toy (the price of admission) and support a great cause. apla.org

FRI. | JAN. 1

PALM SPRINGS INTL FILM FESTIVAL

Expect a culturally diverse program of more than 200 films from more than 60 countries, representing the best in international cinema. More than 135,000 attendees are expected to turn out for this 27th annual event. Through Jan. 11. psfilmfest.org

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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United States of Flannel There’s more to the fashion-forward fabric than boxers and bed sheets. Consider these awesome-for-autumn ways to integrate it into your own closet By Mikey Rox 1. FOR BRAWNY BOYS Take your pick from J. Crew’s collection of midweight flannel shirts—in traditional, slim and tall styles—to dress the part of a fall-enthused lumberjack when you trek up to Big Bear to get your fireside lodge on. Stick with compact patterns like stone plaid for effortless day-to-night looks, or go the Brawny Man route in buffalo check to turn a few extra man-buns. Available at J.Crew at The Grove, $80-$85 NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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2. LUXE IN LEATHER A two-snap banded collar, zippered sleeves and antiqued nickel trims give this sheepskin leather jacket its street cred, while its quilted flannel and charcoal herringbone interior keeps you cozy-casual as you cruise down the PCH like a rebel with a cause. Available at carbon2cobalt.com, $599 3. STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD Stand out from the homo(geneous) footwear scene at the gym or around the canyons in Valentino’s Rockrunner sneaks that do everything but blend in.

These Italian-born trainers boast a bold flannel-camo design accented with signature stud details, padded insole, leather upper and more style than you can shake a trick at. Available at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills, $975 4. NECK AND NECK While most flannel is out for the count in SoCal—you can keep your hats, scarves and bulky pajamas, East Coasters—it’s fun to include wooly touches to an outfit here and there for that bit of added flair. Flannel bow ties and neckties, which are abundant on handmade sites like Etsy, let you experiment with color, pattern and texture without ever breaking a sweat. Available at Etsy shops ANDAmpls, $24, and TheBowedTie, $35 5. A TOTE FOR YOUR TOILETRIES Beige, white and navy blue plaid flannel provide your Dopp kit essentials with dapper digs in this handmade toiletries bag. It features a black nylon interior for easy wipe cleaning, professionally serged interior edges and a midnightblue cotton-canvas carry handle to throw over your shoulder like a continental soldier. Available at Etsy shop goodmarvin, $38 6. PROTECT THE FAMILY JEWELS If our Wild West double-great grandpas ever got together for a bonfire on

7 Redondo Beach, they’d come prepared—a few growlers of brew, enough wood to build a smokestack visible from San Diego, a palette’s worth of jerky and flannel-lined short-shorts, like Chubbies’ Frontiersmen or Crocketts, to keep their American frontiers nice and toasty. Available at Chubbies.com, $59.50 7. OFF THE CUFF Set aside the wrist bling and tap into your softer side with handcrafted togglestyle cufflinks covered in wool suiting that instantly elevates a Saturday night skinny-chino-and-blazer ensemble from ‘gee whiz’ to GQ. Available at Etsy shop Sea of Possibilities, $16.95 8. OUT-DAPPER THE GROOMS Attending a wedding in a cold-weather climate? Indochino’s flannel herringbone suits—in classic indigo or tan—are made from a luxurious blend of 90% Merino wool and 10% cashmere for a combination of best-of-both-worlds warmth and softness that’ll make you wish you had more friends tying the knot in NorCal. Available at Indochino in Beverly Hills, $749 9. FOR THE COMMUTE Carry all the contents of your daily routine—from a brown-bag lunch to your after-work yoga clothes—in this Steve Madden flannel commuter messenger that features padding for devices, convenient compartments, sturdy fasteners and a removable shoulder strap, letting you transport it by hand like a briefcase or on your back like a boss. Available at lordandtaylor.com, $120 10. A SEXY SPRITZ Notes of orange, lemon, bergamot, oakmoss, sandalwood and patchouli lend themselves to the woodsy, oriental aroma of Geoffrey Beane’s Grey Flannel cologne, a scent that’s as appropriate in the office as it is at happy hour Downtown. Available at Kohl’s, $26

THE ULTIMATE MADONNA MUST-HAVE WHEN YOU ATTENDED MS. CICCONE’S CONCERT last month, you thought you were the biggest Madonna fan in existence, didn’t you? Then you stepped foot into The Forum and realized you were among some stiff competition. In truth, there’s only one way to secure dominance at the top of the Material Girl food chain, and that’s by fully absorbing Matthew Rettenmund’s Encyclopedia Madonnica 20: Madonna from A to Z (582 pp., $65, Boy Culture LLC).

Originally released in 1995, this 20-year-later revisit includes decades of additional insight into the Queen of Pop’s life and career. Inside you’ll find interviews with some of Madge’s closest confidants, like her stylist Maripol, her first photographer Linda Alaniz, gossip guru Michael Musto and Desperately Seeking Susan actor Robert Joy. Rettenmund even includes one-word descriptions of Madonna from more than 80 entertainment personalities, including Andy Cohen (“Queen”), Billy Eichner (“Determined”), Liza Minnelli (“Sensational”) and one-time boyfriend Tony Ward (“Relentless”).

You’ve never come across a more valuable tool in your arsenal against fellow Ray of Light enthusiasts, but also, when push comes to shove, Encyclopedia Madonnica is heavy enough to use as a deadly weapon. —Stephan Horbelt 24

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THE THE

GAY

AGENDA

I, Spy

Drew Droege asks and answers, who should portray the next James Bond?

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ne of the best things about growing up with HBO in the ‘80s was the constant diet of Eddie and the Cruisers, Grease 2 and something with the raunchiest title of all time— Octopussy. It’s all about Maud Adams, a Faberge egg and, oh yeah, this guy named James Bond.

I’ve seen almost all of the Bond films, even the one where Denise Richards portrayed a nightmarish creature named Dr. Christmas Jones.

I’m a huge fan of Daniel Craig’s 007, but since Spectre was his very last Bond outing, here are my nominations for the next actor to play our favorite secret agent.

1. Matt Bomer I mean, come on. No brainer. This man can shake and stir anyone. James Bond already teased his bicurious past in Skyfall, and while he must still love the ladies (we can’t ever lose the Bond girls), why not have a dalliance with Ben Whishaw, too?

Bomer is the man to do it.

2. Tatiana Maslany Because this bitch can be anything. She should play James Bond with zero comment on gender and just kick ass like she knows how to do.

3. Chadwick Boseman If you haven’t seen Get On Up, you must. This man channeled James Brown in an electric performance that was my favorite of 2014. I want to see him with a martini and a gun.

4. Jamie Lee Curtis Because she’s already doing it every week on Scream Queens.

5. Beth Ditto I mean, at this point, why not?

SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED VODKA TO GAY MEN has never really been a tough sell, has it?

But here’s hoping one unforseen benefit of Spectre’s recent release is that our fruity, juiceruined cocktails will get a bit more simple.

Belvedere has recently distilled the spirit of 007 into its fire water, releasing two limitededition bottles for those who currently don’t get enough danger and foreign espionage in their booze. Like James Bond himself (portrayed by Daniel Craig or otherwise), the bottles are striking, elegant and sure to give your holiday parties that added sense of intrigue they’ve been lacking. Head to belvederevodka.com or your local liquor store for the Spectre Bottle (1.75L, $70) or opt for the pricier Silver Saber Bottle (1.75L, $150). —S.H.

HIT THE ROAD 5 things to see and do at the 2015 L.A. Auto Show

By Steve Siler WE ALL HAVE THAT ONE “CAR GUY” whom we ask for advice when our lease winds down. (As an automotive journalist, I’m usually that guy.) But why take my word on stuff when each November you can go check out the year’s latest and greatest rides for yourself? Of course, the L.A. Auto Show is freakin’ huge, and it’s hard to know where to begin, so I’m breaking it down for you a bit. Here are the top 5 reasons to get up off the couch and hit up the auto show this year.

1. The Cars Cars are the stars, of course, and this year nearly 1,000 cars, trucks and SUVs will be displayed, several for the first time in the United States. Debutants include the beautiful Rolls-Royce Dawn (pictured above), Bentley’s new Bentayga SUV, Cadillac’s new XT5 crossover, Chevy’s all-new Volt and the terrifying 2016 Toyota Prius. If you plan to buy or lease a new car in the next year, chances are you’ll see it here.

2. Meet & Greet People-watching is one of the most fun things to do at car shows. There’s always a decent crop of boys and girls you don’t see out and about very often but who do peruse the show—and who aren’t afraid to turn on their apps.

3. Shop for Accessories What car wouldn’t enjoy a rim job? Get ideas on personalizing your current or next car in the Aftermarket Hall. Then, check out the Tech Zone, where you can fiddle with the coolest auto-focused apps and even discover ways to earn income as a vehicle owner/driver.

4. Ultimate Hot Wheels Racing If you played with Hot Wheels obsessively as a kid, or even if you didn’t, you won’t want to miss the chance to race cars down a 20-foot drop with a 10-foot loop at the Hot Wheels Epic Race Experience. I could spend all day there, and I just might.

5. Tour the Show with, Well, Me Shameless self-promotion alert: This year, the L.A. Auto Show is offering guided tours before it opens on Saturday, Nov. 21 for $65 (or $25 for kiddies).

This year, yours truly is playing tour guide, so come on down and troll the floor with a guy who will have been there for two days already and knows everything worth seeing. Pastries and coffee are included, and best of all—no crowds! Head to laautoshow.com/tickets and click on “Guided Tours.”

The L.A. Auto Show comes to the Los Angeles Convention Center Nov. 20-29. Find the complete schedule at laautoshow.com.

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HERO HONOREE MICHAEL LOMBARDO 20/20 VISIONARY HONOREE THE WALT DISNEY COMPANY YOUTH INNOVATOR AWARD JAZZ JENNINGS AN IRREVERENT EVENING OF COMEDY AND MUSIC!

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HOSTED BY JOEL MCHALE

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QUESTIONS? TrevorLIVE@TheTrevorProject.org or 310.271.8845, ext 225

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NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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health FOR YOUR

5 (Not So) Shocking Sex Secrets of Gay Men A new study confirms what we probably already knew—the gay community can be shallow, image-obsessed and is far from being ‘post-racial’ By Dr. Greg Cason

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exual preferences and the way we see ourselves as sexual beings can be different for all of us, but a study just published in the October 2015 issue of The Counseling Psychologist by Elder, Morrow and Books reveals that gay men have some surprising and sometimes disturbing patterns. (Caution: This was a tiny study and needs to be replicated on a bigger scale, but it starts to show that gays may be a little less open-minded than we’d like to think.) Here are some of the study’s findings.

1. “Straight-acting” is still preferred.

Most gay men described feminine mannerisms to be unattractive. Call it femmephobic, heterosexist or just a hunger for testosterone, but gays apparently like men who butch it up. Traits considered traditionally “masc” are especially desired, like a masculine style of dress and making direct eye contact, as well as mannerisms like slower, less dramatic hand-movements and holding one’s head steady and forward.

2. Porn is like home-schooling for sex.

Most gay men in the study described learning the ins and outs of gay sex at home by watching porn during adolescence. Pornography not only demonstrated the ‘how-to’s of certain sexual acts but also normalized the idea of physical intimacy with another NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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man. But porn didn’t leave the best impression on everyone. Because most of the major porn studios feature white performers, those of other ethnicities were often troubled by the lack of porn depicting men of their racial background— especially Asian Pacific Islander, Native American and Indian men.

3. Gay men keep their feelings to themselves.

Overall, gay men described emotional expression as less attractive than men who clamp down on their feelings. Latino and black men were more likely to say their cultures were intolerant of emotional expression than whites. On a positive note, Native American and Pacific Islanders described greater acceptance of emotional expression than the majority. The reason some like an emotional straightjacket?

Feelings are considered too feminine. (See number one.)

4. Hot guys have it best.

No surprise here. Being physically attractive is supremely important in the gay male community. It’s like money, and can not only buy you hot sexual partners and eventual relationships, but it also gives you access to better jobs, swankier parties and unique advantages that most don’t realize they have until their looks start to fade. The study found that a man’s most attractive feature was his face or facial features, like his eyes or smile. A muscular and fit body, deep voice, self-assured gait and body hair all followed suit. Most non-whites in the study described white men as the most desirable, but say they have difficulty finding white men because of the perception that white guys only date other white men.

5. Gay men do sexual charity work.

Every study subject admitted to one-time sex with someone they did not find attractive. While possibly good for the recipient, it didn’t always leave the best feeling with the “volunteer.” The common reason? Most described it as “charity work” because they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by rejecting him.

This study is not definitive, but it was well-done and gives us a window into ourselves that may not always be comfortable. It was done with a Midwestern sample between 22 and 50 years old (the mean age being 34). Half the sample was white, and half were various other ethnicities.

The study does show that as progressive as we’d like to think we are, we may have a longer road to travel before we get to that “post-racial” and “postgender” world we keep hearing about. Until then, we may need to examine some of our own attitudes while understanding that some of our preferences may not be easy to shake.

Contact Dr. Greg Cason by going to DrGreg.com, or interact with him on Twitter @DrGregCason

FITNESS WITH AARON SAVVY

➸ Send your questions to aaronsavvy@ gmail.com

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SEX ED

By Jim Larkins

Private Parts A look at exhibitionism in the modern age, from old-school outlets like nude beaches and sex clubs to today’s tawdry Tumblr accounts and scandalous snapchats

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or many it starts somewhere between toddler and teen, with an inquisitive child offering a classic birthday-suit barter: “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” But while many youngsters innocently ‘play doctor’ and then move on to other interests, there are also those for whom that role-play is a gateway into naughtier exploits.

Exhibitionism is defined as “extravagant behavior that is intended to attract attention to oneself.” In sexual situations, it’s characterized by the

When and how much stretching should I do?

How much protein should I consume at once?

—Sam, Los Angeles

—Darren, Hollywood

It’s best to do your stretching after your workout, not before.

Your muscles and tendons will be loose and warm, without the risk of a pull or strain. Taking 10 minutes to stretch is more than enough time, because you don’t want to over-stretch.

It has been suggested that trying to consume 50 grams of protein or more per serving is ineffective, because the body can handle only so much at once.

For optimal digestion, I suggest consuming no more than 50 grams per serving, and waiting two and a half to three hours before your next serving.

OUR

FAVE

CELEBRITY

GYM SELFIES @tysonc beckford

kman @robloweofficial

@ricky_marti n @joema nganiell o

With their more easy-going content policies, Twitter and Tumblr have become gathering places for online exhibitionists and voyeurs. While the former has long been a popular marketing tool for gay porn stars and escorts, as it has no qualms with pornographic images or video, the latter contains the sexualized equivalent of personal blogs. In addition to the ‘personal playground’ variety of Tumblr account, which many exhibitonists use to display personal photos and videos, many other Tumblr sites subsist on the collection skills of voyeurs, who gather naughty photos and videos for the enjoyment of fellow lookieloos (occasionally making ‘accidental exhibitionists’ of those who aren’t well-versed in the dangers of including one’s face in nude shots).

Back in the real world, there are some do’s and don’ts regarding exhibitionism, though. It’s all about location and the law.

Society has accommodated the nude sunbather with clothing-optional beaches, and for those looking for open sex, there’s of course the sex club. Every major metropolis has at least one of these naughty nightclubs, where patrons have the option of leaving their clothing, along with their inhibitions, at the door. Of course, another way for the sexually liberated to get free of cumbersome clothing is to join a good old-fashioned orgy. “ E xhibitionism and voyeurism are both regarded as quite normal aspects of human sexuality up to a point. Beyond that they become an issue,” says Dr. David Kreps of the University of Salford. The desire to disrobe becomes a problem, for instance, when it’s done in the wrong locale, which often results in arrest. Nudity is also problematic when you show the wrong body parts to the wrong people. Society doesn’t generally approve of trench coat-wearing gentlemen who flash unsuspecting passersby. That’s a clear line in the sand when one’s exhibitionism turns from fetish into sexual disorder.

Ultimately, the right people to get naked for are those who have agreed to gaze upon your glory. With all the guys out there who like to show off their most intimate assets—and those who welcome voyeuristic pursuits in return—it shouldn’t be hard to find a harmonious, safe and legal hookup between the two.

@thehughjac

act of exposing in public parts of one’s body not normally exposed, and it’s often mentioned alongside voyeurism, which is the sexual interest in spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors—undressing, having sex and other actions usually considered to be private in nature.

For prime examples of exhibitionism in the modern era, one need only take a look at the gay community. From our Pride parades, which provide a platform (literally) for cowboys in ass-less chaps and G-strings, to social media accounts bursting with daily gym selfies and the proliferation of the homemade gay porn star, we’ve come quite a long way from the closets of yore. Today, modern society provides the stage and the spotlight for those craving attention—and those who get off on it—to thrive.

Sharing one’s exhibitionistic antics has of course become easier and more prevalent in the age of the smartphone, most notably due to current phones’ camera capabilities. No longer are we relegated to typographic dirty talk; instead our sexual innuendoes can easily be accompanied by photographic foreplay. Features like Apple’s Facetime and Skype allow us to stream video conversations in real-time, adding a compeltely new dimension to ‘sexting.’

Snapchat is a standard for showing off one’s undercarriage, thanks to its messages’ 10-second expiration, which is supposed to prevent images from becoming permanent. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen without a hitch, as smartphones allow for screenshots, defeating the purpose of the app’s self-destruction feature. New technology also allows for images to be “undeleted,” much like recovering computer files after they’ve been dragged into the trash.

Social media has, to some extent, created mass exhibitionism in the modern age. Facebook is an irresistible, self-exploitative draw for those who might otherwise never share their most intimate secrets, though it’s more often than not seen as a sort of virtual nirvana for the social butterfly. But while breakups and breakdowns are prevalent (exercises in social exhibitionism, to be sure), due to the site’s stringent restrictions on sexual content, die-hard exhibitionists much prefer the more unrestricted social media platforms out there.

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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events

nightlife

theater

exhibits

■ Thu. | Nov. 12 THE WONG STREET JOURNAL REDCAT

Part psychedelic TED lecture, part amateur hiphop extravaganza and part nonsense, Kristina Wong weaves a self-skewering personal narrative with a laugh-out-loud interrogation of America’s legacy on the rest of the world. Through Nov. 15. redcat.org ■ Thu. | Nov. 12 CINEMA ITALIAN STYLE Egyptian and Aero Theatres

The event opens with Italy’s official Oscar submission, Don’t Be Bad (Non Essere Cattivo), which looks at two friends pulled in different directions by nightlife and criminal activity in the ‘90s.

Other notable features include screenings across all genres. Through Nov. 16. cinemaitalianstyle.net

■ Fri. | Nov. 13 PEACHES Regent Theater

In support of her recently released album Rub—her first in six years—the progenitor of sleazy electroclash heads to L.A., supported by none other than the dumpsterdiving drag performer known as Christeene. theregenttheater.com

BIANCA DEL RIO: MAGNUS HASTINGS

New York chanteuse Joey Arias celebrates a century of jazz legend Billie Holiday By Mike Ciriaco

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■ Thu. | Nov. 12 THE UNAUTHORIZED MUSICAL PARODY OF SCREAM Rockwell Table & Stage

This adaptation of the Wes Craven franchise cranks up the campy storytelling with gushing wounds, cheeky narration and musical interludes. complete with the killer’s infamous mask, donned by the Screamettes. Through Nov. 14. rockwell-la.com

A 100-Year Holiday

■ Sat. | Nov. 14 THE FINAL BRUTUS Faultline

For its final shipwreck, this popular East Side event (voted the best gay party in L.A. by Frontiers a few years back) brings in guest hosts Sissy Spastik, Karis Wilde and Mathu Andersen. It’s sure to be an unforgettable night, with music by DJ Chris Bowen, videos by Mark Cuadrato and the sleazy stylings of the evening’s host, Mario Diaz. faultlinebar.com

■ Fri. | Nov. 13 WOOD BOY DOG FISH The Bootleg Theater

■ Sat. | Nov. 14 OTHER FAIRY TALES Lois Lambert Gallery

A modern, mature and macabre adaptation of Carlo Collodi’s The Adventures of Pinocchio, in this new version, the cricket is killed, the blue ghost haunts us all and the legendary Dogfish monster preys on our fears. Through Dec. 12. bootlegtheater.org

After a long break out of the spotlight, Kevin Beer returns with a highly anticipated exhibition featuring over 40 pieces of art. Beer will showcase familiar and new work, including photo stills. Through Jan. 3. loislambertgallery.com

involving rape and prostitution. Even stardom his month at REDCAT, Lady sings the didn’t distance the songbird from hardship. In blues, but not the lady you might expect.

1947, Holiday was arrested for narcotics, which Beginning Nov. 19, the Downtown perforresulted in an 11-month prison sentence, and mance space celebrates the 100-year anniverarguably more heartbreaking, the revoking of her sary of Billie Holiday’s birth with a centennial New York cabaret card, which permitted artists show starring drag chanteuse Joey Arias. If to perform anywhere alcohol was sold. Holiday you ask him, he and Holiday are kindred spirits. soon left the East Coast to tour California.

“Her life is a parallel life,” Arias says in his “Billie Holliday did a lot of shows in L.A.,“ husky timbre, phoning us from his home in New says Arias. “When they took her license away York. ”The glamour, the sadness, the happiness; in New York, she could only perform in conI felt that was a parallel between the both of us.” cert halls. She couldn’t perform in a nightclub; In addition to carrying a tune, both cut that couldn’t happen. So she travelled to San their teeth in New York—Holiday in the Harlem Francisco and L.A. and San Diego. Her heart jazz clubs of the ’30s, Arias in the Downtown was there with the people.” Arias is no avant-garde scene of the ’80s. Both stranger to California, either. In fact, enjoyed success early in their lives—at this demigod of the demimonde 17, Holiday was discovered by prohas graced the boards of REDCAT ducer John Hammond, and a year JOEY ARIAS: before, most recently bringing later recorded her first hit; at BILLIE HOLIDAY Arias With a Twist, a collabora16, Arias became the youngest CENTENNIAL tion with famed puppeteer Basil cast member to ever perform REDCAT Twist, to the venue in 2009. with the Groundlings, and soon Nov. 19-22 Fans of that experimental after was performing alongside redcat.org production should be forewarned iconic rockers like Klaus Nomi that this Billie Holiday centennial and David Bowie. is a completely different beast. “Arias But despite their connection, Arias With a Twist was a big puppet show with is quick to admit that Holiday is a figure who full sets. It was an extravaganza. This is a jazz strongly resonates with many. “Everyone loves concert tribute. You’re not going to see me in a her,“ Arias says. “I’m glad it's gay, straight, leswheel flipping around. You’ll hear the beautiful bian, whatever included in this. Maybe the young songs of Billie with an orchestra.” gays don’t know who she is. She was a victim; This time, one lady will sing the blues, and people related to that. Her early songs were more the other will surely join her in spirit. joyful, her later years were more intense, when she started with 'Strange Fruit.' People could Join Frontiers before the show on Nov. 19 for a VIP relate to that. She was singing from her heart.”

Pre-Performance Party from 7-8:30 p.m.

Holiday’s struggles began at an early age, NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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■ ■ ■ ■

L.A. PUP PRIDE WEEKEND Arclight Cinerama Dome Nov. 13-15 facebook.com/ LAPuppyPride ■ Sat. | Nov. 14 MARGARET CHO: PSYCHO The Wiltern

■ Sun. | Nov. 15 DO I HEAR A WALTZ? Alex Theatre

From singlehood to Boko Haram to Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to female empowerment, Margaret Cho tackles difficult subjects with sensitivity and razorsharp insight, a pioneer among women in comedy. margaretcho.com

A one-night-only concert of the Richard Rodgers, Stephen Sondheim and Arthur Laurents 1965 musical, it follows an American spinster on her journey to Venice, Italy, where she searches for the romance she’s been waiting for all her life. musicaltheatreguild.com

■ Sat. | Nov. 14 CHRISTMAS WITH SETH MACFARLANE The Grove

This dynamic holiday showcase will feature Seth MacFarlane as host alongside special guest Meghan Trainor. MacFarlane is set to sing some of the holiday’s most cherished songs, backed by a 55-piece orchestra. thegrovela.com

■ Sun. | Nov. 15 THE LITTLE PRINCE Hammer Museum

The museum screens the 1974 film adaptation of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s novella, which epitomizes the wonder of childlike wisom.

Gene Wilder and Bob Fosse take on voices in the film. hammer.ucla.edu

SNAP SHOTS ✱

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Give a Dog a Bone Los Angeles celebrates sexual liberation with its first-ever Pup Pride Weekend THE BEAUTY OF A SEXUALLY LIBERATED city like Los Angeles is that anything one could possibly imagine is not only fetishized but already has an active community and social media presence. It’s a notion evidenced by the debut of L.A. Pup Pride, presented the weekend of Nov. 13 by SoCal’s various kink enthusiasts.

For those unfamiliar with this canine-based kink, its exactly what you’d imagine.

“Subs” don leather mitts and doggy tail buttplugs and role-play the part of a pooch for their dominant “masters.” Mutts and masters alike will have plenty to do over the weekend. The festivities kick off Friday at kink-friendly dive bar The Bullet in North Hollywood with a meet and greet where participants can literally sniff out the competition for Saturday’s Los Angeles Pup Contest. The winner of this faux-dog show will represent the city at International Puppy 2016, to be held in St Louis.

The Pup Pride Weekend festivities culminate with Bone, a victory party for the prize-winning pooch hosted by LAPDOG Productions at the Eagle LA. on Sunday. The fundraising event aims to raise travel costs for the trip to St. Louis. It seems that good doggies really do get treats. —M.C.

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HIT AND RUN | CONTINENTAL CLUB Photos by Jeremy Lucido

S N A P SHOTS ✱

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DRAGULA | DRAGONFLY Photos by Jeremy Lucido

UNDER THE BIG TOP Circus Disco Nov. 28 circusandarena.net

SEND HOME THE CLOWNS Famed Hollywood nightclub Circus Disco takes its final bow with one last blowout

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he circus can’t stay in town forever, it seems. On Nov. 28, historic Hollywood gay venue Circus Disco will be closing its doors, but not before it goes out with a three-ring extravaganza. Under the Big Top, presented by Momentum, will feature two-time Grammy-nominated DJ Tony Moran and L.A.’s native tribal mega-producer Alexander spinning classic queer club anthems one last time for the myriad partygoers who have been flocking to the club for over 40 years.

“Circus has been called home by generations of men and women who were welcomed there regardless of race or sexual orientation,” says Ray Diaz, who along with his partner Dante have served as the venue’s longtime producers. “The Momentum events that we co-produce with 360haus have brought many of the biggest DJs and producers in the circuit and tribal house genres to Circus Disco, and we are grateful to have the opportunity to produce one final house music event at such an iconic venue.”

While this may be the final shout for Circus Disco, don’t expect this to be the last you hear from Ray and Dante. Over the last two years, the nightlife duo has branched out into other arenas, producing events downtown at mega clubs like The Belasco and 333 Live, and the gay party scene should only expect their velocity to increase. According to longtime collaborator Tony Moran, the death of Circus Disco is a natural step in the evolution of Ray and Dante.

“Times change, brands change, they reinvent themselves,” says Moran, calling from a gig in New Orleans. “My bosses are not going out of business. They are responsibly reformatting and recollecting like good business people do.”

Even though the curtain is descending on Circus Disco, Moran has faith the space will reincarnate into something even grander than before.

“It’s not bittersweet,” he says. “I’ll be back there under a reinvented situation. My bosses don’t rent that building, and they are not promoters. They do not jump from one place to another when it’s time for change. They are invested in reinventing the space and its perception. I’m proud of them, and I will be back—for the opening party of the same club revamped. Proudly.” —M.C NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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■ Thu. | Nov. 19 AMERICAN BUFFALO L.A. Theatre Works

S N A P SHOTS ✱

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TOUCH THURSDAYS | THE ABBEY Photos by Rolling-Blackouts

■ Sun. | Nov. 15 MADONNALOGUES VARIETY HOUR Cavern Club Theater

Local comedienne Nadya Ginsburg hosts an hour of the most fun you can have with your pants on as she embodies Madonna like no other can. Plus special guests this evening include Diamondback Annie, John Cantwell (as Love Connie) and Wendy Ho! cavernclubtheater.com ■ Sun. | Nov. 15 LATIN FACTORY X Mayan Theatre

Bienestar Human Services presents this fashion show highlighting L.A.-based designers, with proceeds benefitting the organization’s programs and services for LGBT Latinos. bienestar.org

A pivotal play in both David Mamet’s career and 20th century drama, it seethes with ambition and irony.

Mamet turns an ill-conceived scheme to steal a rare coin into a triumph of dramatic art. Through Nov. 22. latw.org ■ Thu. | Nov. 19 DRAGONETTE The Roxy Theatre

Dragonette hits the road for a short run to preview their upcoming record and perform a few old favorites.

Having worked with some of EDM’s finest producers, it’s sure to be a night of non-stop dancing. theroxy.com ■ Fri. | Nov. 20 BEARRACUDA: LONG BEACH Executive Suite Nightclub

The fun, friendly party for bears, cubs and other wildlife hosts its final party of 2015 in Long Beach with DJs Mateo Segade and Ryan Jones, featuring three floors of fun and two rooms of music. bearracuda.com

■ Sun. | Nov. 15 RENAISSANCE: REAWAKENED Walt Disney Concert Hall

L.A. Master Chorale presents a program of soaring Renaissance gems among other 16th and 17th century works that helped lift mankind out of the Middle Ages, sure to resonate in the sparkling acoustics of the Downtown venue. lamc.org

■ Fri. | Nov. 20 MR. BLACK: THE RESURRECTION The Belasco

■ Wed. | Nov. 18 TRIBE DISCUSSION GROUP West Hollywood Library

“Monogamy, Open Relationships and HookUps” is the theme of this month’s open discussion series of WeHo’s gay men’s group. Learn about other men’s dating habits and experiences while sharing your own. weho.org/tribe 36

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This party, which began in New York but made its way to Hollywood years back, called it quits after years of entertaining L.A. with hedonistic nightlife glamour.

Now it’s back, featuring hosts Luke Nero, Andrés Rigal and Justin David, and you don’t want to miss it. thebelasco.com ■ Wed. | Nov. 25 THE GOOD DINOSAUR El Capitan Theatre

A special engagement of Disney Pixar’s animated film treats guests to a live musical show celebrating 20 years of Pixar movies. Through Dec. 13. elcapitantickets.com

STREEP TEASE Macha Theater Nov. 13-15 streeptease.net

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QUEEN KONG | PRECINCT Photos by Jeremy Lucido

MERYLOGUES Streep Tease, a show of gay men embodying famed monologues of theirfavorite actress, returns to WeHo for a weekend run

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very gay man, at one time or other, has fantasized about being Miranda Priestly, Meryl Streep’s acid-tongued fashionista from The Devil Wears Prada. One man, Roy Cruz, transcended from reverie to reality by assuming the persona of the Golden Globe-winning role for his hit stage show Streep Tease, which returns to SoCal with a weekend-long run at West Hollywood’s Macha Theater later this month.

“The concept originated when as part of my act doing standup comedy I would impersonate Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada—the part where she talks about the cerulean sweater,” says Cruz. “Every time I’d perform that bit, it would always get big laughs. Maybe it was because of my Filipino accent, or because the script by Aline Brosh McKenna was just brilliant.

One day a fellow comedian asked me why I didn’t do a show of Meryl Streep impersonations. I thought it would be more fun if I could get other gay actors to perform their favorite Streep monologues or characters. The moment I put the word out to my gay actor friends, I was floored at how each of them has their own favorite Streep movie.”

This current production of Streep Tease features an assemblage of L.A.’s queer theater notables, including the likes of Matthew Bridges, Chris Pudlo, and Matthew Nouriel, each re-enacting memorable monologues from Streep’s oeuvre.

Previous iterations of the show have invoked Leaving Africa, Cry in the Dark, Death Becomes Her and Sophie’s Choice.

To Cruz, Streep seems to naturally resonate with gay men.

“Men doing Streep, specifically gay men, is always an interesting angle,” he says. “I’ve always been fascinated with strong female characters, and I’ve noticed that with other gay men, too. We can’t really pinpoint why, but doing a monologue somehow explains why we love her. Men interpreting a female character—not in drag—lends itself to digging deeper into understanding the female psyche.”

For the last few years, Cruz has been touring with the show in L.A.’s sister metropolises of New York City and San Francisco. While the three cities may differ, the reception remains consistent.

“Men, women, straight, gay—they all love Meryl Streep,” Cruz says. “In L.A. you get a lot of people somehow related to the entertainment industry who are in the audience and they might have a more ‘cinematic’ appreciation for the show, but in general, it’s really all about the love for Meryl.” —M.C. NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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The best in TV, film, music and more

The stars of Carol, Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara

The Look of Love Todd Haynes’ Carol, the talk of Cannes this past spring, combines the director’s appeal for working in past eras with a magnificent return to the women’s film genre

By Gary M. Kramer

D

irector Todd Haynes, 54, is no stranger to making period films, as every one of his features, from 1991 New Queer Cinema breakout Poison to Oscar-nominated films Velvet Goldmine, Far From Heaven and I’m Not There—even Safe, arguably his best film—have been period pieces. Carol, Haynes’ adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s classic lesbian novel The Price of Salt, follows in step. It is a stunning character study of two women, Therese (Rooney Mara, whose performance took home the best actress prize at Cannes) and Carol (Cate Blanchett)—the former a Manhattan department store clerk, the latter an older, married woman—who become romantically involved in the 1950s.

During a recent conversation at the Philadelphia Film Festival last month, Haynes discussed the appeal of working in past eras. “What I like about period films is that you are holding up a frame that you’re asking the audience to look into,” he says.

“I get to live a little in each period when I make a film, and feel like I’ve actually been there, even when every piece of it, like Far From Heaven, is a refusal of what ‘authentic history’ of that time is about. We are solely in the artificial language of Hollywood

‘STAR TREK’ RETURNS TO TV

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fter a long absence from its original home, Star Trek will return to TV in 2017 with a brand-new series from CBS, just after the series’ 50th anniversary next year. This will be the first Star Trek on TV since Enterprise ended in 2005, though the franchise has since seen big-screen success with the films Star Trek (2009) and Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) and is set to return to cinemas next summer with Star Trek Beyond.

Though still untitled, the new series will be masterminded by Alex Kurtzman, who co-wrote and produced both recent films. (Along with TV projects Fringe, Sleepy Hollow and Hawaii Five-0, among others.)

“There is no better time to give Star Trek fans a new series than on the heels of the original show’s 50th anniversary celebration,” says David Stapf, President of CBS Television Studios. “Everyone here has great respect for this storied franchise, and we’re excited to launch its next television chapter in the creative mind and skilled hands of Alex Kurtzman, someone who knows this world and its audience intimately.”

Sadly, CBS has noted that “the television series is not related to the upcoming feature film Star Trek Beyond,” which means you shouldn’t expect Zachary Quinto or Chris Pine to make appearances. —Dominic Preston NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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film CAROL

Opens Nov. 20

*****

T h i s h e a r t- r e n d i n g romantic drama is about two women—Carol (Cate Blanchett) and Therese (Rooney Mara)—coming to terms with their sexual identities in the conformist era of the 1950s. The great vintage costumes, cars and music transport viewers, while the story, which involves illicit love, a custody battle and other developments, is emotionally stirring. Blanchett is fabulous, carrying herself with a measure of confidence that hides her real vulnerabilty underneath.

Mara is a revelation as she transforms Therese from a shy, wide-eyed shop girl to a woman who fully accepts her desires. Todd Haynes’ lush film is a knockout.

(left) Cate Blanchett as Carol's title character; (right) Haynes directs Blanchett on set

backlot filmmaking in the moment of high melodrama. There is nothing more true than that false language.”

Haynes then adds, “How much do movies affect our memories and sense of what’s real, anyway? What I think great movies do is, whenever we feel something in a movie, it’s our emotions, it’s not something the movie is producing. We’re producing the emotions.”

Haynes produces considerable emotions for both the audience and his characters in Carol, as the ladies’ slow-burn relationship comes to various romantic and dramatic climaxes. Haynes creates tremendous suspense and desire as the women navigate their relationship, first getting to know one another over an awkward lunch, then taking a road trip together, before various situations threaten to tear their love apart.

The director acknowledges working to create that sexual tension. “The viewer is wondering, how is it going to happen?” he says. “What’s going to happen? Every time they go to bed and we cut to the next morning, you think, did something happen? Did I miss it? The audience is in this state of pensive over-reading, as well as Therese; that’s exactly what Therese is experiencing.”

When Haynes first read a draft of his film’s screenplay, he said there was a congeniality between the two characters that wasn’t as pronounced in the book. “I said to Phyllis Nagy, the screenwriter [who also penned the novel The Talented Mr. Ripley], I loved the anxiety in the book. I want to put some of that back in,” he says. “In trying to get the movie made, we tried to soften the edges a bit and make it more palatable for financiers, and everyone’s a little more warm and fuzzy. She was so happy to let that go.”

Moreover, the actresses worked with Haynes to shape their characters and create the relationship. The filmmaker recalls, “In our rehearsal period—two weeks, which is a lot of time for a low-budget film—we would read scenes, and Rooney would say, ‘Does she need to say that?’ And we’d cut it out. And Cate would say, ‘We could simplify that.’ It was a process of reduction, and

*****

The Kray twins (Tom H a r d y) — R o n n i e , t h e gay one, and Reg gie, the straight one—were bloodthirsty “gangster princes” in 1960s England.

This stylish, violent and at times drolly funny film, narrated by Reggie’s wife Frances (Emily Browning), recounts their criminal mischief, ear-biting fights, prison stints and extortion campaigns.

The film focuses on Ronnie and Frances’ co-dependence on Reggie, and how it affects each of them. Hardy alternates between playing love-struck and hyper-violent, or both, as when Reg and Ron have a knock-down, drag-out fight with each other. Legend is not psychologically deep but is highly entertaining thanks to Hardy’s impressive turn in the double role.

SAND DOLLARS Opens Nov. 13

*****

Sand Dollars , loosely adapted from gay author Jean- Noël Pancrazi ’s autobiographical novel, is a fantastic romantic drama depicting the relationship between Anne (Geraldine Chaplin), an older French woman, and Noeli (Yanet Mojica), a young Dominican girl.

The way Anne looks at Noeli conveys her tenderness, and Chaplin is particularly expressive with her eyes and smile. However, Noeli is mostly interested in Anne’s money, which she explains is for her brother, Yeremi (Ricard Ariel Toribio). Viewers know Yeremi is really Noeli’s boyfriend.

Filmmakers Israel Cardneas and Laura Amelia Guzman have crafted a sensitive, authentic and emotionally affecting film about race, class, sexuality and truth. —Gary M. Kramer 40

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ALSO IN

>> theatres

Out Now

November 13

The Hallow

Heist

Miss You Already

James White

The Peanuts Movie

November 20

Spectre

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2

Spotlight

PHOTO CREDIT TK

Opens Nov. 20

PHOTO CREDIT TK

LEGEND

music EL VY

Return to the Moon (4AD)

*****

What do you get when two indie giants join forces to create an indie supergroup?

The sense of being underwhelmed. The National’s hipster heartthrob Matt Berninger lends his deep, disconnected delivery to El Vy, alongside Menomena multi-instrumentalist Brent Knopf’s tunes. If you’re a fan of both bands, as I PRIME CUTS: am, you’ll find plenty to enjoy here, but “I’m the Man to Be” nothing as majestic as their own work.

“It’s a Game” Most of this album sounds like The National, but with “Sad Case” weaker songs. There are some pops of creativity, but this is a case of the collaboration being less than its parts. When they mix it up, as on the sultry, synth-heavy “I’m the Man to Be,” that’s when El Vy really shine. I’m sure your next Uber driver will be blasting this. —Dominik Rothbard that continued—that distillation process.”

Carol benefits from the frisson between the two heroines, and Haynes commended his actresses for “bringing incredible integrity and serious attention to detail to everything they do.” He explains the intricacies of Blanchett having to play Therese’s image of Carol and the person Carol at the same time, because so much of the film is from Therese’s perspective. In contrast, because the film was shot out of order, Rooney had to go back and forth between playing the young Therese and the older Therese.

We were curious: Does Haynes, who elicits remarkable performances from his leading ladies, consider himself a “woman’s director” in the George Cukor mold of classic Hollywood?

“I don’t know that I would identify with Cukor as much as Douglas Sirk or Rainer Werner Fassbinder,” he says. “The women in Cukor’s films are these extraordinary women who own the frame, and they are outrageously unique. They are awe-inspiring, triumphant; there are exceptions, of course.

I am more drawn to these stories of women who aren’t triumphant, and who aren’t awe-inspiring, and who aren’t exemplary, and who are actually very ordinary. Smaller people by the end of the film than they were at the beginning.”

Tellingly, Haynes, currently in a stable 10-year-long relationship, identifies with characters like Therese, and he admits as much. “I was a Therese, always bent out of shape over obsessive love and obsessive analysis of the outcomes and how much power the other held over me,” he says. “In an earlier time in my life, after a certain bout of hardship and pain that was transformative—creatively, and in terms of life and where I am, and how I live in the world—I don’t find myself having returned to that space.”

After a beat, he adds, “Maybe I will again.”

Carol, starring Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara, Sarah Paulson and Kyle Chandler, is in Los Angeles theaters starting Nov. 20

PHOTO CREDIT TK

PHOTO CREDIT TK

NEW RELEASES

>> music

Out Now

November 13

November 20

Björk Vulnicura Strings

Justin Bieber Purpose

Adele 25

Ellie Goulding Delirium

Le1f Riot Boi

Charlie Puth Nine Track Mind

One Direction Made in the A.M.

ESCORT

Animal Nature (Escort Records)

*****

If you heard disco is making a comeback, you’re correct, lover! Especially if Brooklyn’s Escort have anything to sing about it. On their second album effort, the 17-piece collective distills over 30 years of dance music into a collection of songs geared straight for the mirrorball. With a PRIME CUTS: sleek sophistication, these organic-vibed tracks are “If You Say So” impeccably produced and never feel like robotic EDM, “Actor Out of Work” while singer Adeline Michèle is a dance cheerleader “Barbarians” anchoring these lovely melodies. With nods to Prince, Chic, Masters at Work, Cerrone, Giorgio Moroder and Michael Jackson circa ’79, the record travels from uptown to downtown and back with a slick and elegiac aplomb. Sure, it’s revivalist, but it also feels contemporary. And they get bonus points for a St. Vincent cover and a slew of remixes. —Paul V. Vitagliano

JAMES MORRISON Higher Than Here (Island)

*****

There’s no denying the bona fides of English songwriter James Morrison.

He’s an achingly sincere lyricist, and irony has never darkened his door (at least not on record). He’s a solid craftsman—his songs are built of sturdy materials, and with care—and there’s the voice—he’s PRIME CUTS: one of those blokes who’ve studied “Reach Out” American soul with such fervor that his approximation of the real thing is close to perfect. His success has been steady and hard-earned; he’s escaped the derision that met James Blunt after his global smash “You’re Beautiful.” Yet he’s just as bland. The contemporary touches of this fourth release—such as the backup munchkins on opener “Demons” or the hip-hop rhythms of “Easy Love”—simply point out the distance between authenticity and facsimile. —Dan Loughry NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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tv

By Nathaniel Grey

Streaming Services Kick Off a New Season

BOOTYCANDY Celebration Theatre at the Lex Through Dec. 20

*****

Not only has Celebration Theatre found a new home at the Lex after a couple of year s of nomadic subsistence, but L.A.’s 33-year-old LGBT theater company kicks off its new season with a ferociously entertaining production of Robert O’Hara’s daring, semi-autobiographical Bootycandy under the sure-handed direction of co-artistic director Michael Matthews. O’Hara’s loosely connected series of vignettes charts the story of Sutter (the strong and appealing Anton Peeples), a young, black gay man whose journey includes pivotal moments at home, in church, at gay bars and even a fleabag hotel. Ranging from broad, sketch comedy to chilling episodes of dark drama, O’Hara’s script has enough sublime moments to forgive its unevenness, and Matthews seamlessly stitches the patchwork together, allowing the outstanding cast to shine.

Special mention goes to the virtuoso versatility of Michael A. Shepperd and Julanne Chidi Hill, who dazzle in multiple roles. It is cause for celebration to say Celebration is back! —Christopher Cappiello 42

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NEED TO KNOW

Rogue Machine Backstage Through Dec. 13

*****

In its world premiere run, under the sublime direction of Bart DeLorenzo, Jonathan Caren’s edgy dark comedy offers a Pandora’s box of dramaturgic delights. Caren spins an alternately hilarious and unnerving tale of socialization and soul-searching in the contemporary urban jungle. The richly layered script crackles with astute characterizations and sharp insights into the ways people insinuate themselves into others’ lives in a culture where privacy seems a privilege from a bygone era. A young unmarried couple (Lucas Near-Verbrugghe as Steven and Corryn Cummins as Lily) moves into a New York apartment next to a nerdy and needy writer, Mark (Tim Cummings). The ways in which a catalytic series of interactions compel these characters to re-examine their lives are smart, funny and suspenseful, and the finely nuanced performances are pitch-perfect. A sublime production design adds to this triumphant effort, another victory in an outstanding Rogue Machine season. —Les Spindle

soul-searching in the contemporary

stage

Grove’s Joel de la Fuentes and Revenge’s Cary-Hiroyui Tagawa.

The lesser-known viewing service Crackle introduces its very first scripted drama series, The Art of More, on Nov. 19 (top right, above). Set in the world of high-end auction companies, it features Dennis Quaid, Witches of East End’s Christian Cooke, Cary Elwes and Kate Bosworth.

Last, following its success with the series Daredevil, Netflix adds yet another comic book hero to their lineup with Marvel’s Jessica Jones (bottom right, above).

Its Nov. 20 premiere will introduce Krysten Ritter as the title character—the traumatized former superhero and girlfriend of the legendary Luke Cage—who has become a detective to help those with special powers. She’s joined by Doctor Who’s David Tennant as her evil nemesis, Kilgrave, along with Carrie-Anne Moss, Empire vet Eka Darville and The Good Wife’s Mike Coulter as Luke Cage, who gets his very own series on Netflix starting next year.

BOOTYCANDY: MATTHEW BRIAN DENMAN; NEED TO KNOW: JOHN PERRIN FLYNN

JUST AS THE MAJOR NETWORKS wrap up their fall series debuts, it’s time for streaming services to unveil their brand-new slates of programming.

Fans of the cult 1990s HBO series Mr. Show will be tuning in to catch its original cast in the new Netflix series W/ Bob and David. Bob Odenkirk and David Cross (above left) are back to sharing their irreverent humor as both writers and stars. Though a limited run, all four half-hour episodes—plus an hour-long making-of special—will become available for viewing on Nov. 13.

On that same date, Amazon presents the series version of Philip K. Dick’s book The Man in the High Castle. It brings an alternate-universe look at America, had we lost World War II—Japan occupies all states west of the Rockies and the Nazi regime controls everything east. Ridley Scott and The Good Wife producer David W. Zucker are behind this visually stunning series, which features Mob City’s Alexa Davalos, Hellboy’s Rupert Evans, Z Nation’s DJ Qualls, Hemlock

PEOPLE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE 2015 SPECIAL Nov. 18, Lifetime

SPOTLESS Nov. 14, Esquire The first scripted series for this cable channel centers on a troubled London-based crime scene-cleaner whose seemingly passive life changes directions when his crook brother shows up unexpectedly. Being in the volatile orbit of his mobster sibling, he’s unavoidably caught up in the deadly world of organized crime, rubbing shoulders with the people he’s hired to clean up after. Viewers can expect a certain level of realism, as the show comes from a former associate producer on the CSI shows, Corinne Marrinan, and Shameless UK writer Ed McCardie. The dark comedy series will feature 24: Live Another Day’s Miranda Raison, Primeval’s Jake Curran and Brendan Coyle, best known for playing Downton Abbey valet Bates.

SET YOUR

TELEVISION LONG DIVISION

The Sopranos

The magazine’s annual issue dedicated to celebrity beefcake hits stands on Nov. 20, but this TV special offers an advance look at the faces and bodies featured. A world premiere, the special is being promoted as a 30th anniversary, but in truth there was no title holder for 1994, and in 1993 the magazine picked Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford as sexiest couple.

Shockingly, since the tradition began over three decades ago, there has been only one non-white winner, and that was Denzel Washington in 1996. Who will this year’s be? You’ll have to tune in and find out.

Bloodline

Sunday, Nov. 15 Into the Badlands is a six-part series about a warrior and boy surviving in a deadly region called the feudal zone. Comes from Smallville creators Alfred Gough and Miles Millar.

(10 p.m., AMC)

Spotless

CSI

Sunday, Nov. 15 Season 2 of The Royals begins, starring the equally sexy Blindspot vet Ukweli Roach and Chronicles of Narnia vet William Mosely as the over-thetop fictional royal family of England.

(10 p.m., E!)

BOOTYCANDY: MATTHEW BRIAN DENMAN; NEED TO KNOW: JOHN PERRIN FLYNN

THE PAINTED ROCKS OF REVOLVER CREEK

The Fountain Theatre Through Dec. 14

*****

Celebrated playwright Athol Fugard returns with a timely play about legacy and honor. The Painted Rocks of Revolver Creek was inspired by artist Nukain Mabuza, who left behind one of the most important works of South African art—hundreds of painted rocks he called his “Garden of Flowers.” In the play, Mabuza (Thomas Silcott) and his young companion Bokkie (Philip Solomon) arrive to begin work on Mabuza’s final rock, which rests on private property. But when Elmarie, the wife of the landowner (Suanne Spoke), calls for him to change how he paints the rock, sparks fly. The second half of the play picks up 20 years later when an adult Bokkie (Gilbert Glenn Brown) arrives to restore Mabuza’s work back to greatness. But the racial divide of South Africa makes it necessary for Bokkie and Elmarie to stop being at odds and find a way to understand each other. Thoughtfully directed and flawlessly acted, the potency of the Fugard’s words builds to a powerful climax exploring racism and the need to look beneath the surface to see people for who they really are. —Kevin Taft

Sunday, Nov. 15 Discover the wit and brains behind muscle and ink when Oprah Winfrey interviews Dwayne Johnson on tonight’s episode of Oprah’s Master Class. (8 p.m., OWN) Saturday, Nov. 21 Jim Henson’s Turkey Hollow is an original live-action holiday film based on an unproduced 1968 story idea by Henson, starring Mary Steenburgen with Hot in Cleveland’s Jay Harrington and Ludacris. (8 p.m., Lifetime) Sunday, Nov. 22 Two-night miniseries Saints and Strangers offers a not-so-innocent look at the Plymouth Rock pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving.

Starring True Blood’s Anna Camp and Mad Men’s Vincent Kartheiser.

(9 p.m., NatGeo) NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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Bulge BATTLE OF THE

Photographer Michael Stokes has dealt with death threats and gone to war with Facebook, but nothing will keep him from his life’s work—capturing the beauty of the nude form

By Patrick Rosenquist

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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“This shot was quite accidental,” says Stokes.

“It’s a shot I took in between the regular concept shoot.”

he first of eight times Michael Stokes was censored by Facebook occurred in February 2013. The social media platform removed a portrait of Alex Minsky that Stokes had taken. The semi-nude shot is arguably the photographer’s most famous. Minsky, a veteran, stands in three-quarter profile while cupping his crotch with his hands, his heavily tattooed body bathed in bleached light. An aspiring model at the time, it’s a picture that wouldn’t have garnered so much scorn if it weren’t for the fact that the vet has a prosthetic leg.

In 2009, during his first tour of Afghanistan, Minsky lost his leg in an explosion that also left him in a 47-day coma. Facebook claimed the photo was pornographic and removed it from Stokes’ page. After some wrangling, the site apologized and Stokes reposted the photo.

Later that year, the same photo was not only removed again but earned Stokes a 30-day ban from Facebook. In the two years since, Stokes has been reported to or removed from the site for, among other works, a photo of two male cops on the cusp of kissing, a priest unbuttoning his shirt, a navy man sporting pierced nipples and a semi-nude infantryman lighting a cigarette with a flamethrower. The last one, his most recent work to be censored, was considered inappropriate because it shows the model’s butt.

“How come Kim Kardashian can post a picture of her ass without getting banned?” asks Stokes, who has drawn attention to the unfairness of Facebook’s pornography policy.

Homoerotic work, it seems, is held to a different standard than other erotic art.

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he most unnerving reaction to Stokes’ work, largely focused on the naked male form, has come from posters threatening the photographer and his business.

The reactions range from “Die, faggot” to threats of “ruining” Stokes’ career.

“I used to screenshot all of them,” he says. “I’d report the threats to Facebook, but they never did anything.” In fact, one reported slur (“Are you a fag … what the fuck”) was met with a response from the social media platform that the comment wasn’t inflammatory enough to strike from the site. When asked how often he gets these kinds of messages, Stokes isn’t sure. “They come in waves,” he says.

Those hostile reactions are bound to return as Stokes, 52, releases some of his latest photography in the books Always Loyal and Exhibition, both available Nov. 15, courtesy of Bruno Gmünder Verlag. The former features 13 models, 12 veterans of the Gulf Wars, of whom 10 were disfigured by their experience abroad. The series melds Stokes’ fascination with war photography—drawing signals from pictures as diverse as formal Civil War portraits to the candid moments of camaraderie caught during World War II—with a celebration of the human form. The resulting pictures are striking, highlighting the subjects’ bodies while drawing attention to the violence that has forever altered them.

Because his work with veterans is an extension of his past output, he’s found a diverse and unexpectedly broad audience.

He has fans within the military, which appreciate his willingness to celebrate the sacrifice of veterans, as well as those more drawn to the “beefcake” aesthetic of his work—mainly gay men and straight women. (Stokes claims nearly 70% of his followers on Facebook are female.) This mix may explain why his work has been the subject of so much controversy.

“I think you have a vet or a person in the military reposting my work, and someone in their circle of friends—who probably wouldn’t like the photo—gets offended,” says Stokes. “It’s probably not something they would have sought out.”

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“This photo of Alex Minsky was the first veteran photo I ever released.”

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lthough Stokes enjoys a wide audience and has been recognized for his photographs—he’s appeared on Today and The View, for example—he came to professional photography late in life. Born in Berkeley, Stokes originally set out to be an artist but was sidelined by a rebellious youth. “I had substance abuse issues when I was a teenager, so I never actually graduated from high school,” he says.

After getting his G.E.D., Stokes moved to Southern California and enrolled in CSU Long Beach’s photography program. “I hated it,” he says. “I had a teacher who really disliked me, and we didn’t get along at all.” He thought that the program was lonely and unwelcoming, and he had a hard time finding subject matter that interested him. “It never occurred to me to photograph male nudes. I mean, I think I could have, but it just wasn’t something I thought was possible.”

Stokes transferred to the school’s filmmaking program and graduated at the top of his class. “That was like a family. Everyone wanted to help each other out,” he says. Stokes directed a short, called Alien, which garnered him recognition.

“I actually got the nerve to film nudes for that film!” he says.

After graduation, Stokes decided not to enter the film industry and spent 13 years as a flight attendant. After that, he dipped into the real estate business, focusing on the booming market of Long Beach. The work was profitable, and Stokes managed to keep his interest in photography.

“I felt like I needed to collect something, so I figured I’d collect photographs of soldiers,” he says. “I gathered everything from civil war photos to stuff from the ‘50s and ‘60s.” His collection grew to over a thousand pictures and became the basis of the 2014 book My Buddy, a collection of nudes taken by soldiers during World War II. In the mid-2000s, sensing the market was on the verge of cratering, Stokes left the real estate business. He sold his remaining properties and headed back to photography.

“I was paying a lot of money for photos of soldiers, and I thought, I could do this myself. I could shoot my own work and actually make money from it,” he says. Stokes’ first foray into the profession was discouraging, however. Having developed an aesthetic especially attuned to male nudes, he gave underwear and fashion photography a try. “Everyone thinks, ‘Oh, you’re a fashion photographer, you must love what you do.’ But I worked it out and I was earning less than minimum wage,” he says. “I think people expect you to live off of the joy of creating even if you can’t pay your rent.”

“When I first saw her, I immediately knew I wanted to do this concept, which is a take on the Venus de Milo.”

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“HOW COME KIM KARDASHIAN CAN POST A PICTURE OF HER ASS WITHOUT GETTING BANNED?”

Despite the discouragement, Stokes continued to shoot nudes as a hobby, and as “the caliber of models got better,” so did his work. He expanded into composition images, a style of photography where two dissimilar images are merged to create a single work. “It’s a hard style to do well, and I could do it, so I got a lot of recognition for it,” he says. This led to an offer from Berlin-based LGBT publisher Bruno Gmünder to do an entire book of composition images. But given the process and rather busy results, Stokes figured he couldn’t produce an entire series and offered to mix in some of his erotic work. The result, Masculinity, was released in 2012.

Soon after, Stokes chose to do an entire book of portraits. A wildly successful Kickstarter campaign resulted in Bare Strength, which saw Stokes begin to photograph veterans. The resulting work went viral on social media. The subjects were shown as confident, strong and capable—and, above all, sexy.

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tokes’ popularity led to another Kickstarter campaign for Always Loyal and Exhibition. The campaign reached its goal in two days—and gathered more than $411,000 over its intended run. Stokes and his publisher are donating $20,000 of the profits to the Semper Fi Fund, a group that works to rehabilitate and support wounded veterans.

After Always Loyal, Stokes wants to expand his current series. He’s been called out for his narrow pool of subjects— they are, invariably, attractive in a conventional sense. “It’s a valid criticism, I’ll admit,” says Stokes. “They’re all buff and good-looking.” He wants to open up the idea—“I’ll photograph anyone willing to sit for me,” he says.

One of Stokes’ latest subjects was Bobby Henline, a veteran of the first Gulf War and the conflict in Iraq. During his fourth tour, Henline was the sole survivor of an IED attack and suf-

Stokes

“Besides one photo shoot a few years back, I think I’m the only photographer to shoot David,” says Stokes. “He never tires during a shoot. He’s like the military guys— he just takes instruction and doesn’t ask questions.”

fered burns on nearly half his body. Stokes and Henline—who has since gained recognition as a stand-up comedian—recently met at Stokes’ Los Angeles home for a photo shoot.

“I let the subjects stay in my guest house, and the first night they’re in town, we’ll have dinner together,” Stokes says.

“I’ll ask them what they want to drink, and I’ll have whatever they’re drinking. Usually, the next day during the shoot, we’re both pretty hungover.” This is when Stokes presents his idea for the project and works with the model to figure out what they’re comfortable shooting.

Henline and Stokes decided to shoot a recreation of a photo Stokes did of another veteran standing naked with his gun. They also incorporated Steampunk objects, shooting Henline in a blue vintage uniform with a glossy, wooden prosthetic. Stokes is unsure how his nearly 800,000 followers—and the public at large—will react to the series.

“I think people will ask, ‘Is this exploitative?’ Is it acceptable to show Bobby like this?” he says. It’s a question that has followed Stokes’ work since he started, and it partly fuels the vitriol he’s received online.

Regarding the photograph, though, Stokes believes he’s captured the essence of Henline. “I’ve looked at photographs of him before his tour, and I look at what we shot together, and I think, this portrait looks more like him. It looks like Bobby.”

Michael Stokes’ Always Loyal and Exhibition are available Nov. 15

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“These two models are real-life boyfriends,” says Stokes. “I was surprised how many gay models are willing to pose nude with a woman but not with a man.”

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HUNT FOR KITSCH AT PYGMY HIPPO

Tucked away in the Fairfax district, the Pygmy Hippo Shoppe (at left) offers an ever-changing collection of trinkets and curiosities that will appeal to the eager kitschmonger. See something, think “I’d like that,” then buy it for yourself, because you’re deserving of presents, dammit. 306 N. Stanley Ave., pygmyhipposhoppe.com

These 29 L.A. solo dates—from calming cultural outings to exciting nerdy exploits—are perfect for any guy in search of ‘me time’ By Drew Mackie

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SO, YOU’RE SINGLE. This might seem like a reason to stay in—to deny yourself the pleasures of a world populated by couples, thruples and other lovebirds—but in reality, the rest of the world doesn’t actually care that you’re unattached. And, there’s good news: L.A. offers a great deal of fun solo outings that you can enjoy without feeling like a weirdo. So buck up, singleton, and get yourself out there. Have some fun and make it all about you.

ZOOM OFF TO ZUMA

The drive is gorgeous, but on the right day, Zuma Beach is often clean and uncrowded enough to convert someone who’s fed up with other local beaches. Take a towel, take a book and take in the scenery that tourists the world over come to see.

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GET PADDLIN’

Put some of your solo time to good use by getting some exercise on a paddleboard. Marina Del Rey might be the place to do it, and if you find yourself surrounded by couples on non-solo dates, feel free to paddle away from them.

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NERD OUT, ANALOG-STYLE

Located just on the cusp of Glendale, GameHäus Café is exactly what it sounds like—a coffee shop that offers up a library of board games. What’s especially cool about this spot is that it has a system allowing solo patrons to advertise that they’re looking for game buddies. If you’re solo for the day, it can be an easy way to roll some dice and make some friends. 1800 S. Brand Blvd., gamehauscafe.com

DTLA's The Last Bookstore

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SET UP CAMP IN THE STACKS

There's middle ground between Barnes & Noble and Circus of Books. Head to one of the finer independent bookstores in the L.A. area—places like The Last Bookstore Downtown, Book Soup in WeHo, The Iliad Bookshop in NoHo or Vroman’s in Pasadena—and dedicate a few hours to getting lost in a stack of books you didn’t know existed. Find something weird or hilariously outdated. If you must, linger in the Gay & Lesbian section and see who shows up.

2 The gorgeous view of L.A. from Mulholland

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NERD OUT, DIGITAL-STYLE

The greater L.A. area has been blessed with a few arcade bars. Even if you’re the kind of person who’d never walk into a bar alone, you might be able to do DTLA’s EightyTwo, Button Mash in Echo Park or Koreatown’s Blipsy Barcade easily enough, since you can engage yourself in Pac-Man rather than sit at the bar looking lost.

Family Amusement Corporation in Silver Lake and Neon Retro Arcade in Pasadena offer the same experience, sans booze.

CRUISE DOWN MULHOLLAND DRIVE

Have you ever driven the length of Mulholland Drive just for the sake of taking in the scenery? It’s cruising in the non-sexual sense. The road is long and winding, and pit stops like the Hollywood Bowl Overlook and the Nancy Hoover Pohl Overlook make for great places to take in city lights at night. A potential added bonus: Listen to the soundtrack of David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive and pretend something very dramatic is happening.

Button Mash in Echo Park

LACMA's Rain Room, open through March

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ROAM AROUND THE RAIN ROOM

Do you enjoy heavy-handed metaphors? Head to LACMA to see the Rain Room, an exhibit open to the public through March 6. It makes for perfect symbolism about your solo trip to the art museum. The room has simulated rain that falls wherever people aren’t—it’s all around you, but you can’t interact with it, and no matter how hard you reach out, you can’t make contact! You’ll have to buy tickets in advance—and in addition to the regular LACMA entrance fee—but even a Rain Room-free trip to the museum will afford you the chance to take a beautiful but heartbreaking selfie in the streetlamp forest exhibit outside. 5905 Wilshire Blvd., lacma.org

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PLAY RED ROVER

Head anyplace where you’re likely to find couples on dates holding hands. When you spot one, yell “Red Rover! Red Rover!” and run between them, knocking their hands apart. It’s good exercise, especially if you have to run to a secondary location when the crowd at the first spot turns on you.

SIT THERE AND SWEAT

Shape House bills itself as “the first and only urban sweat lodge.” We’ll allow the sweat lodge historians to debate the accuracy of that claim, but if you’ve ever yearned to perspire like a fancy person, Shape House’s three locations—in Larchmont Village, Santa Monica and Pasadena—offer that, along with claims that their superior sweat experiences can do wonders for your health and mental state. shapehouse.com

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ALTERNATELY, JUST FLOAT THERE

Float Clinic in Torrance allows you to own your isolation (and feel awesome doing it) by floating in salt water in sensory deprivation tanks. Float Clinic promises relief from everything—pain, anxiety, even insomnia—but even skeptics should be interested to see what creative directions their minds go while bobbing in space. 1601 Gramercy Ave., floatclinic.com A sensory deprivation tank at Float Clinic

Clifton's, Downtown's recently reopened cabinet of curiosities

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DINE SOLO AT CLIFTON’S CAFETERIA

The age of cafeteria dining arose specifically to accommodate city-dwellers who were single and needed a place to eat. And even within the bustle of revamped Clifton’s, you won’t be the only one eating solo. If you’re still feeling hesitant, know that there’s so much to look at inside that no one will notice you eating by your lonesome. 648 S. Broadway, cliftonsla.com NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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OLD FAITHFUL: COFFEE AND A BOOK

There's probably a decent coffee shop close to wherever you call home in L.A., but one in particular we’d recommend is Dinosaur Coffee in Silver Lake. Good coffee and tea, with the added bonus of a small library to amuse yourself while you caffeinate.

4334 W. Sunset Blvd., dinosaurcoffee.com

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DIG FOR GOLD AT AMOEBA

Simple. Classic. Always rewarding. Amoeba Music (above) will make you feel at home among the scores of other people digging through old records, hoping to hold in their hands some long-soughtafter treasure that less dedicated music lovers would just download. It’s easy to forget that we Angelenos have the world’s largest independent record store in the world right here in our backyard. Let this be your reminder.

6400 Sunset Blvd., amoeba.com

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ENJOY A MEAL BY YOURSELF AT PETIT TROIS

Feeling like your party of one deserves a pricier dining experience? Hit up Petit Trois. It’s all bar seating, and you’ll get to watch whatever French-sounding (and therefore fancy-seeming) entrée you’ve ordered get prepared right in front of you. While you wait, chat up the chef, the waiter or whomever happens to sit next to you—or bring a book and embrace the solitude. 718 Highland Ave., petittrois.com

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GAZE OUT FROM AMIR’S GARDEN

If you did the Griffith Park hike and simply ascended to the top peak above the observatory without stopping, you missed out on one of the greatest spots in the whole city—Amir’s Garden, a volunteer-maintained grove just shy of the summit. Get directions from the website before you go, and once you find it, you’ll appreciate a lush, shady overlook that one man, Amir Dialameh, worked diligently to transform into one of the nicest spots to look out at the expanse of Los Angeles. And, yes, they have benches. amirsgarden.org

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DO THE BROAD

It's giant. It’s free.

And it’s waiting for you to have a Ferris Bueller’s Day Off moment—just in front of that 82-foot Takeshi Murakami painting. Sure, you might get the chance to make small talk with the other art-goers as you happen across the same work, but the Broad is perfect for one-on-one interactions between you and the art. 221 S. Grand Ave., thebroad.org The Broad—it's giant, and it's free

SEE L.A. ON TWO WHEELS

A 7.4-mile stretch of bike path connects Glendale— specifically the Bette Davis Picnic Area—to Egret Park in Elysian Valley, along the course of the L.A. River. It’s more beautiful than you’d think if you haven’t been following the river’s gradual transformation, and it’s a beautiful way to be with your thoughts while squeezing in some exercise.

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GAWK AT L.A.’S OLD MOVIE PALACES

You've probably walked past the old movie theaters downtown and wondered what majesty they hold inside. Did you know you can actually check them out? The L.A. Conservancy holds walking tours most Saturdays that can get you into a few of them. You’ll be in a group, and you’ll have no trouble finding someone to nod approvingly when you exclaim, “Wow, it’s so ornate!” laconservancy.org

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TAKE A COOKING CLASS

A olid evening’s entertainment, and at the very least the instructor is obligated to talk to you! The New School of Cooking in Culver City (at left) is a great choice, but even your nearest Sur La Table offers cooking classes.

An added plus? You’ll have something to show off should you ever have someone over for dinner.

8690 Washington Blvd., newschoolofcooking.com

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GET FLEAS

Hit up either the Melrose Trading Post flea market from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. every Sunday or the Rose Bowl Flea Market every second Sunday. Move at your leisure, linger when you need to, be unembarrassed by your lack of haggling skills and tell everyone later that you got a better bargain than you really did.

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DOUBLE YOUR C I N E M AT I C PLEASURE

No plans on a given night?

Check out the schedule at the New Beverly Cinema (left), which offers nightly double features to occupy an entire evening in the safety of a dark theater, where no one will notice the seat next to you happens to be empty.

Yes, Quentin Tarantino owns the theater, but you’ll find a wide array of cleverly paired films that aren’t necessarily Tarantino-ish. 7165 Beverly Blvd., thenewbev.com

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ROCK OUT AT THE ECHO

Every Sunday night, Part Time Punks takes over the Echo, beckoning you with up-and-coming bands and DJ sets. It regularly sells out, because it’s all about the music. Get into that and you won’t be alone. 1822 Sunset Blvd., parttimepunks.com

GET PAMPERED AT 4 A.M.

Have you ever felt the need to get a spa treatment but didn’t get one because it’s the middle of the night?

Koreatown has a solution for that—Wi Spa is open 24 hours, seven days per week, meaning you can literally go experience the joys of Korean pampering whenever the mood strikes. Soak, get a massage and get a skin treatment while the rest of Los Angeles is sleeping the night away like losers. 2700 Wilshire Blvd., wispausa.com

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PET ALL THE DOGS

It's a well-known fact that fuzzy things make you feel better, but there’s an inherent awkwardness to approaching a stranger and saying, “Hi, I’m not especially interested in talking, but can I pet your dog?” But there’s a workaround—dog rescues such as Bark ’n’ Bitches and Lucky Puppy in Studio City allow you to enter a special dog area and interact directly with the dogs. Even better? Those dogs are adoptable, and you just might meet a four-legged solution to your loneliness woes.

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HIT THE ZOO

Yes, the Los Angeles Zoo is full of families and couples, but no one’s there to look at the singleton shuffling along solo. They’re looking at the animals, and the animals in particular don’t care if you showed up alone. Well, except for the anteater, who is famously judgmental. 5333 Zoo Dr., lazoo.org

The grounds of the Huntington Library in San Marino

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GO GREEN AT HUNTINGTON LIBRARY

Who needs people when you have plants? The botanical gardens at the Huntington Library in San Marino are expansive, featuring Australian, Japanese and Chinese gardens that will make you feel like you took a trip around the world—by yourself! 1151 Oxford Rd., huntington.org

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TUMBLR

Like, the website—for a solo date of the most literal kind, in the comfort of your own home. It has eclectic art, plus more porn than you could ever need. (And you’ll get arrested if you rub one out in public.) tumblr.com

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MAKE A BLANKET FORT OK, fine. If you’re single and really don’t want to leave the house, at least make it fun.

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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Worst Date E ver

ONE IRONY OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY is that while every American is legally guaranteed the right to wed whomever they wish, many gay men can’t successfully make it to a second date. If you’re one of those unlucky lovers, don’t take it personally. Los Angeles is chock-full

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Tales of dating woes from some of our favorite Angelenos

of narcissists, slackers and sociopaths who turn the dating landscape into a self-esteem war zone. Just check out these first-hand accounts of dating disasters. The schadenfreude may not land you a soulmate, but you’ll feel a hell of a lot better knowing you’re not in this alone. —Mike Ciriaco

The Ult imate Boner-Killer

I’m not sure if this qualifies as my worst date, but it’s certainly the worst something. Back when I was a cute young thing, I became obsessed with this hot guy who wore these vintage Penguin knit shirts. He was this big, sweet, blond white boy—not my usual type, because I like ‘em dark and swarthy, but there was something about this guy that just drove me crazy.

Well, we hung out for about a week and went on a few dates, and when we finally had sex, I was so ready for the skies to open up and the angels to sing. Imagine my horror when, in the middle of it all, he referred to his dick as his “pee pee.” I almost died.

I mean, that’s what a 4-year-old calls it!

And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. All of a sudden he whispered in my ear, “We’d both be fine if we sixty-nine.” Huh? How the fuck did I end up in bed with this braindead block of cheese?

I wanted to scream, “Get the fuck out of my bed/ apartment/life, you idiot!” but I didn’t, because I’m not rude. My mother raised me right, so I hastily finished what we had started, despite the fact that everything he said and did was the ultimate boner killer ... I mean pee-pee killer. —Jackie Beat

The Shirt Off His Back

This took place when I was in college about 10 years ago. I don’t remember if I met this guy off of MySpace or if we met on the street outside of The Abbey, but either way it was doomed from the start.

We went to this Chinese restaurant, and the guy was so frustrated that my plate was a little bit offcenter that he grabbed the plate and said, “OK bud, why don’t we try eating with our plate in front of us?”

It was such a weird, controlling dad move. Now, I’m the first to admit that every guy I date is me trying to subconsciously work through my fucked-up relationship with my father, but I mean, that guy was insane!

The night got even worse when we went to a bar

after dinner and ran into his coworkers. I was kind of shy, so after I met them I kept to myself as they talked about work. Finally he turned to me and—again, holding back frustration—he blurted out, “Talk!” I was beyond horrified. I already felt self-conscious to begin with, and to have him put me on the spot like that, I could feel my face turning bright red.

Finally we headed back to his place. I knew I’d never see him again, but he kept insisting I take some of his old clothes that didn’t fit him anymore.

Eventually I caved and took home four button-down shirts, two pairs of jeans and shoes. He texted me several days later to hang, and I did the honorable thing people in L.A. do, which is not respond and pray to God I never run into him.

It was about eight months later when I was out in West Hollywood and saw him. We made eye contact but didn’t say a word. Of course I was wearing the shirt I got from him that night. So embarrassing.

—Jimmy Fowlie

I Smell a Rat

True story. I’d been courting this adorable, Jewish, tennis-playing cutie for some time. After a couple dates I finally asked him to come over and “watch a movie at my house,” which we all know means “May I please have a blow job on the couch?” The date couldn’t be going better. He’s super charming, he’s not wearing flip-flops and we really like each other!

We get to my house and there’s some major groping in the hallway, so we decide to skip the couch altogether and head straight to my bedroom and throw down. He smells great, we take our clothes off and it’s getting hot. Then he slides under my covers and just as I’m ready to join him, he screams at the top of his lungs! I’ve never seen a man jump so far out of a bed in my life.

When I look down, what do I see but a huge dead rat—under the covers, in the middle of my

bed, on its back, legs up, mouth open. It must have spanned 11 inches from nose to tail. I didn’t know what to think. Did this rodent die of natural causes and find its way perfectly snuggled under my covers? It didn’t seem possible. Needless to say, I didn’t get any ass that night.

I later learned it was a scorned and slightly crazy ex-boyfriend. He had gone to the pet store, found the largest rat he could find, broke into my house and knocked it over the head with one of my platform shoes. (I was really into ‘70s fashion at the time.)

He knew I had started dating someone and was butthurt about it all.

Years later I learned from the ex himself that his original plan was to buy baby mice and nail them to my wall, but they were all out at the pet store. I must say, he really had a flare for the dramatic. Hmmm. I wonder if he’s single. —Mario Diaz

Secret Lover

This was one of the first proper dates I ever went on. I was a late bloomer and in my early 20s. I’d just started getting active on the apps and had hooked-up with this guy one day. My place was basically on his commute, so he would stop by in the morning and in the evening sometimes. The sex was extremely hot!

Maybe the fourth time he came over, he asked me out to dinner the following night. He picked me up, we went to dinner, held hands, played footsie under the table. Right as we get our food, he says he wants to tell me something—he’s married, they aren’t open and his husband has no idea that he meets guys for sex. I was shocked. Why didn’t he just tell his husband? My young and naïve self was heartbroken, and I stopped seeing him.

A few weeks later, I was at the airport. He was there with his partner in front of me in the security line. The line kept weaving back and forth, so we kept landing face-to-face, looking at each other while his NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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husband was standing right next to him. After we got through security, I said, “Have a nice flight, Mark” and just kept walking. —Big Dipper

Dat ing is a Drag

I once had to do a phone interview in a hotel bathroom for privacy, and I came out when I was done to find the guy who just fucked me watching videos of Courtney Act ... with his dick hard. That’s my worst date story. He was just all naked on the bed watching her YouTube channel and said how if you put her head on my body, it would be the best drag queen in the world. I made him wear a condom the next time we fucked.” —Willam

A Night at t he Theater

When I moved to New York in the early 2000s, I was broke and single (among other things), but I was eager to find a job and someone to spend my paychecks on.

I got hit up on an online dating site by this guy who saw theater was one of the interests in my profile. I did love theater—still do—but as the saying goes, I couldn’t afford to love New York or Broadway. This guy seemed nice, even if he wasn’t the perfect match for me, and he asked if I wanted to go see a play! Of course I said yes.

He invited me to a cute little theater in the East Village. We met outside, and I could already tell from his looks, dismal attitude and boring-toned voice that we wouldn’t make it past this date. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to be transported to another world via the players on the boards.

Sadly, the play was a one-man show about a man who lost his wife in the Holocaust. It was tedious and boring and sad and awful. I turned to my date and asked him if we could bounce at intermission. To his credit, he laughed and said, “I thought you’d never ask.” This is where the date could have taken a turn for the better, but not with this jerk.

He asked to go straight to my house, which was not on the agenda at all. I was like, “I’ve only known you an hour, and that’s not happening.” He demanded I refund him the money for my ticket, because I’d

asked him to leave the show and he was only being polite! I laughed and said “No way.”

He said he’d never even been to a play before and only picked this show because he thought I would like it. I told him I didn’t, and didn’t like him either. I received several emails from him asking for $14 for the ticket, so I did what any other broke young actor would do—I changed my email address. —Daniel Franzese

Body Issues

I went on a date a while ago with a very sexy, very “inshape” younger guy. He informed me at dinner that he would not eat anything containing carbs, because he was participating in a swimsuit competition in a month. He also told me that his body “responds really fast,” and a month from now he’d “look amazing.” I told him, jokingly, “You should know that a month from now ... I will look exactly like I do now.”

He replied, “That’s OK. Opposites attract.” Once the room stopped spinning, I said, “Wow, that’s a terrible thing to say.” He said sweetly, “Noooooo. You’re not fat exactly. You’re just chunky.” After dessert, I attempted to literally fuck him to death.” —Tony Tripoli

Like a Baby’ s Behind

After leaving my one and only long-term relationship, I decided to let my fingers do the walking in finding my next favorite mistake of a man. So I set up my firstever online sex profile, complete with X-rated body shots of myself from my manorexic circuit party days.

Because I was “fresh meat” to the cyber market, I received 25 smiles, winks, pokes and jabs within minutes. Most men were creepy personified, with little more to offer than a post-copulation run to the free clinic. But one caught my eye: “Jerry.” A 28-year-old bottom, 5’5 and adorable in his photo, squatting in a jock strap, giving an over-the-shoulder “come hither” look with pouty lips. He was less than two miles from my current location, so I mustered the courage to become a top, down a couple shots of vodka and meet this boy!

I showed up at his door and “Jerry” let me in.

He offered me another drink before getting down to

business, rubbing my junk and asking for “it.” (What “it” was, this 10-year LTR-er could not tell you, but I was turned on.)

Under-the-shirt action commenced, and all was well within my loins—until I went for his bubble butt and discovered ... a diaper. Yes, Jerry was in a diaper!

Immediately he muttered in full-on baby voice, “I want to call you Daddy, and I want to be your baby! Goo-goo!”

I was so anti-turned-on that my man-pacifier became an innie, and I bolted from this Burbank baby day care with bells on! I returned home, deleted every one of my online profiles, ordered a pizza and watched Season 2 of Smash in my pajama bottoms with my Persian cats.” —Gossip Gay

H appily E ver A fter?

I was at Truck in SoMa when I saw a cute cub I was really into. When he mentioned he lived two blocks away, I was all about taking him back to his place.

When we got there, his apartment smelled like cats—with no cats, cat food or litter to be seen. His celling had at least 30 babydoll heads hanging upside down. After being immensely creeped out at first, I thought, “OK, he’s a quirky artist type.”

I was wearing high boots that took some time to unlace, so while I sat on the edge of his bed working to get out of them, he turned to the TV/VCR unit from 1996 that sat on the bedside table and turned on his favorite tape, cued up to his favorite part. It played “Part of Your World” from Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

He pranced and twirled around the bedroom, belting every lyric, and I quickly realized he was too drunk to fuck. I wasn’t even on his radar as he became fully immersed in this animated world under the sea.

As soon as the number was over, there was a sharp cut to the beginning of “Just Around the Riverbend” from Pocahontas. After a high-pitched squeal, I began re-lacing my boots. With my boots almost laced, “Bonjour, Bonjour” from Beauty and the Beast.

As I backed away to leave, my goodbye couldn’t bring him out of his song and dance. With one foot out his front door, I yelled back, “Have a good night!”

He waved back with his eyes closed, still singing. This was, like, four years ago, and I still tell the story to this day.” —DJ Bill Dupp

The Love Story of Logan and Juan

A few years ago I got a three-month subscription to Match.com as a Christmas gift. Um, thanks?

Nevertheless, I was an eager dating beaver and went on every possible date. I connected with this guy, Logan, and was really looking forward to meeting up in person. He seemed driven and artistic and was super cute. The day after we met, I was inspired to write this letter: Dear Logan, We talked about four things on our date yesterday. For one minute, we talked about acting. For five minutes, we talked about you living in a tent in a hospital as a child while doctors determined you were allergic to chocolate, basil and oregano. For 10 minutes, we talked about your father on dialysis and your mother with Stage 4 cancer. And, finally, for 90 minutes, we talked about the relationship you recently 56

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ended with Juan, the tailor.

During our coffee date (in a café designed to look like a forest), I slipped away to the restroom often, hoping that when I returned we would stop talking about Juan and move on to something else.

But I couldn’t fool you! As soon as you finished up the phone conversation you had to have while I was away pretending to urinate, you paused, then jumped right back into Juan’s struggle with commitment and his abandonment issues.

I know Juan had a “sweet and innocent face,” but you should have known he was never going to be faithful when you caught him multiple times on Adam4Adam. To boot, he was looking for “sex without condoms.”

When our date was finally over, we walked outside and saw the Celebrity Scientology Center. You said, “Hmm, I was just talking to someone about this.

Who was it?” Well, it was me Logan. It was me! We talked about it the night before on the phone, not even 24 hours prior. But I didn’t want to be selfish and take up more of your time with an explanation. After all, you didn’t want to be late for your final dinner date with Juan. I agree that it was important for you guys to see each other again so he could finally hand over that new slipcover he sewed for your couch.

Logan, I never learned what you do for fun or what TV you watch. You certainly learned nothing about me, except I might have an overactive bladder. But you were very cute. When I’m your age in six years, I hope that my neck skin is as firm as yours. And, I’m sorry, but I lied. I don’t think it was a good idea for your 36-year-old ass to be dating a 19-year-old twink.

In closing, I hope you got that new couch slipcover. At least now you can sit on your new-ish couch and relax when you come home from a hard day at ... wait, you never told me what you do for a living.

Sincerely, Jamison.

Jamison Scala.

That guy with the red hair. Remember?

We went on a date right before you met Juan for the final time.

Oh, never mind.

I never heard from Logan again, but a couple years later, my friends invited me to an all-gay poker night.

I immediately noticed Logan in the kitchen, and when we were introduced, he said, “You look familiar. Do I know you?” I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, so I played stupid and made a joke—“You know, not all redheads are the same person.” And because God has insisted I live a life of comedy, Logan and I were randomly placed at the same poker table, seated right next to each other. He swiftly (accidentally) spilled an entire glass of red wine on me, and I’m still single to this day. — Jamison Scala

Int imate E ncounters

A Greatest Hits Collect ion

Let me preface this by confessing that last night I dreamed I was a bowling ball. I think it stems from my desire to have an Italian car mechanic’s fingers inside me. I do think about men a lot, and

occasionally will go on an actual ‘date’ with one, usually to horrific effect.

Rather than detail my worst date, here are some glimpses of the many, many, many awful encounters I’ve had. (Note: Some guys don’t like it when you talk during sex. Especially when you say things like “Do you represent the lollipop guild?”)

Whats with all the poppers? Rubber sheets on the bed? Overstuffed furniture, doilies and porcelain dolls? Must the gay porn be playing when I arrive?

For Chrissake, offer me a beverage, and you better have clean towels. Don’t use the word ‘seeding’ unless we are about to do some gardening. If I walk in and see a rim chair, I am turning around and leaving immediately. (Sidenote: I will rummage through your medicine chest looking for fun prescription drugs and take a sidelong glance at your mail to find out your real name.)

Oh yeah, here are some of the highlights (lowlights?) from my intimate encounters: Mister A: He said to me over dinner, “I really only find you attractive when I’m on drugs.” Sadly, he had already stopped doing drugs!

Mister B: A guy named James. He kept saying things like “I know you’ll never call me again” and accused me of being a bottom. (Then he immediately got on all fours, ass in the air.) The sex was mediocre, but I did ‘come to fruition.’ Twenty minutes later, he still hadn’t, so I was like, “Dude, I’m done,” and quickly got dressed and headed for the exit. He called me an asshole under his breath, then apologized by voicemail the next day and sent me a friend request on Facebook, both of which I ignored.

Mister C: Is it date rape if they text you afterwards? Years ago I hooked up with a wicked hot British dude at a hotel we were both staying in.

I was rather tipsy, and things must have gotten crazy. I lost my sock in his room, but being a gentleman, he hung it on my doorknob the next morning. He then sent me a text calling me a “filthy American whore.”

To hell with all that! I’m quite content now to lead a single life—passed out in a pile of dirty laundry, surrounded by candy bar wrappers and my own bitter tears.” —Mike Diamond

The Definit ion of Insanity

To be honest, I’ve had relatively few bad dates, but I’ve had a plethora of horrific breakups. There was the breakup via a 46-page fax. There was the breakup that resulted in knocking over a gaggle of nuns on the roof of Milan’s Duomo. There was the breakup where the ex waited over five hours for me to arrive just so he could walk out on me—but not before saying how good my hair looked. Perhaps the worst breakup was when I found out my ex considered taking out a hit on me. His justification? “Well, I am from Jersey!” Taken individually, I suppose even these aren’t so bad, but each and every one of them happened between me and the same guy! Suffice it to say, my love life makes The War of the Roses look like it had a happy ending! —Billy Masters

Think you can top these dating horror stories? Submit your own at FrontiersMedia.com/WorstDateEver NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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THE WORLD OF BILLY MASTERS

Clockwise from left: Demi Lovato, Jenifer Lewis, Yusaf Mack, Marc Jacobs, David Arquette with Alexis Arquette and Courteney Cox

INSIDE THE WORLD’S MOST FASHIONABLE ORGY, AND WHO WILL PAY FOR BARBRA’S GYPSY?

Back to Elementary The audience was significantly less enthusiastic days earlier, when I attended what was termed a “preview tour engagement” of a new stage adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, helmed by none other than David Arquette. I know what you’re all thinking: typecasting. This adaptation was written in 2013 by Canadian Greg Kramer, who died on the eve of the first rehearsal—an omen if ever there was one. To be fair, the show is not all bad. In fact, it could even be entertaining if they cut about a third of the text and let Arquette’s quirky self shine. His little gaffes were the best parts of the show (although thoughtfully mumbling “Yes” while consulting the footlight teleprompter got old fast). Ex-wife Courteney Cox 58

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was there, as were other members of the Arquette clan—including our own Alexis Arquette, who was dressed as a male—answering a question tens of you have.

How to Design an Orgy Marc Jacobs reportedly held a 10-person Grindr orgy last week. According to The New York Post, everyone was in their 20s (except, needless to say, Jacobs himself), and the party lasted over 24 hours. The source said, “The people weren’t as good-looking as I expected. I expected Lorenzo Martone beautiful. They were average, chill people who didn’t have any attitude, which was really nice.”

While Jacobs was clean and sober, others were reportedly doing a variety of club drugs. Marc later confirmed the soirée by posting an Instagram image with the Grindr logo saying “Goodbye (for now) Grindr! It was fun for group get togethers, but what really excites me is my work!” He added the caption, “Yup, I’m gay. Sometimes I enjoy sex.

Sometimes!” But he wasn’t done. He added the following post: “To whichever guest benefited from calling this misinformation into the Post, I only wish you good health, happiness and a long life to enjoy taking advantage of the kindness of strangers and talking shit about others. #reallyqueen?”

Porn Problems Then there’s the case of professional boxer Yusaf Mack, who’s been revealed to be an active participant in a gay porn flick released by DawgPoundUSA almost a year ago. Mack said he agreed to be in a heterosexual porno and recalled arriving at the set in the Bronx, where he saw some naked women.

But, he said, “They gave me a pill and a shot of vodka. I took the pill down with the vodka.” The next thing he claimed to remember was someone waking him up on the subway and finding $4,500 in his pocket. That all sounded ... well, unbelievable.

But in light of DawgPound’s threat of a

lawsuit, Yusaf retracted his ridiculous drug/ subway story and has now come out as bisexual.

“My life was completely destroyed once it had been outed that I participated in a gay film,” he says. “I selfishly tried to cover the truth and remain in denial, rather than accept the fact that I was leading a double life secretly.” For anyone interested in the clip, it’s on DawgPoundUSA.com under the title “Holiday Hump’n.”

Streisand Gets Stiffed For those of you waiting with bated breath for Barbra Streisand’s Gypsy, you’re in for an awfully long wait. Universal has put the remake in turnaround, which means they aren’t going to pay for it, so Babs will have to find someone else to foot the bill. By the time this movie gets made, they’ll have to rename her character Nana Rose!

Go-Go Confidence Demi Lovato made headlines during a surprise appearance at The Monster, a gay bar in New York’s West Village. She was there to promote her new single, “Confident,” and invited some people onstage to dance, including some of the strippers who were “working.” While Lovato’s attention was initially directed towards a fully clothed guy on her left, she noticed the crowd was looking to her right—specifically at a go-go boy with an enormous erection. You can check out every inch of the dancer (and Lovato’s response) on my site.

When Demi is upstaged by a “monster,” it’s definitely time to end another column. Given her past as a cutter, I’m not surprised that her monster appears to be circumcised. You can see it, and so much more, atBillyMasters.com, the site that never cuts anything! If you’ve got a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Marc Jacobs stuffs more than a Thanksgiving turkey! So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

PHOTO CREDIT TK

Getting Friendly with Divas I hate to brag, but a member of the Jackson family might be my new best friend. No, I’m not talking about one of Tito’s kids—this is a real, honest-togoodness, first-generation Jackson. Admittedly, Rebbie Jackson may not be at the top of anyone’s list, but you would be hard-pressed to find a nicer or more down-to-earth lady. The 65-year-old was one of the performers at Divas Simply Singing. This was the 25th anniversary of the AIDS benefit, which was founded by the tireless (and apparently ageless) Sheryl Lee Ralph. After a stupendous opening number, Ralph ushered out rising diva Angie Fisher, who set the bar pretty damn high.

And the divas kept coming—including Jordin Sparks, CeCe Peniston, Loretta Devine, Shanice, Freda Payne and Mary Wilson. As for Rebbie, she sang her 1984 hit “Centipede”—her first public performance since her husband’s death. It should go without saying that the show was stolen by Jenifer Lewis, who earned her first standing ovation before even singing! The Black-ish star then delivered one of the most emotional renditions of “I Know Where I’ve Been” that I’ve ever heard—and was met with yet another ovation. You can see exclusive video and some photos from the night on my site.

QUEERSAY

BY GOSSIP GAY

HALLOWEEN HOT MESS

H

alloween—it’s the perfect time to paint our dear Santa Monica Boulevard with the biggest and brightest personalities (and personality disorders) that West Hollywood has to offer. And this year was no exception.

While I vowed to never again attend after 2007’s “Abbey back cabana incident,” my gaggle of gays dragged me out to saunter in my skivvies with the best of them.

Our costumes? “One Direction giving the shirts off their back.” Simple, chic, shirtless—done and done!

This year, one of my besties asked to bring a plus-one tag-along. It’s rare on a boy’s night out for one of the gaggle to invite in an outsider, because we’re a clandestine club that paints the town pink like the single ladies we are.

But considering this plus-one was an “in-the-closet hottie” with “abs to die for and a hit television show on a major television network,” we decided to make an exception.

I keep this entry blind-itemed because, well, this pseudo-celeb got blinddrunk, nearly ruined one of the main stage shows and was dubbed the “trashiest bitch in MotherLode”—an honor that one must work at in order to achieve.

The night ended with Mr. Major Television Network face-planting on aisle seven of CVS and literally sobbing about how “My agent won’t let me eat ice cream because I’ve gotta keep my abs or they’re gonna write me off the show because I have no talent. Wah-wah-waaahhhhh!”

As annoyed as I was, I must say that I was equally entertained that this ab-fabulous star-in-the-making hung with us all night. Not only did my drunk ass look stone-cold sober in comparison, but never before did my full-fat, high-sugar, hot fudge sundae taste so passive-aggressively delicious!

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SPOTTED

T

he loveable, yellable Billy Eichner being picked up by a mysterious woman on West Knoll Drive (just behind the Ramada in West Hollywood). Gurlfriend was literally parked on the sidewalk and sped away at a quick clip. One has to wonder—why was Eichner on the run?!

M at t B om e r a t th e 24 Hour Fitness in West Hollywood. It’s refreshing to see that one of Tinseltown’s hottest and most successful LGBT brothers has not abandoned his queer WeHo roots in search of one of those fancier, overpriced spa gyms. And, oh, how we love watching him curl those biceps!

For more Gossip Gay, go to FrontiersMedia.com. Drop me your dirty little secrets at QueerSay@hotmail.com, and don’t worry, I never give up my deep throat!

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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PALM SPRINGS

The McLaren MP4-12C

TOO FAST, TOO LUXURIOUS Aiming to become the most innovative hotel brand in the world, one desert resort offers the ultimate driving experience to its guests By Lydia Mack

J

ust when you thought you’d golfed every course and sunned yourself by every pool in Palm Springs, La Quinta Resort & Club is kicking things into high gear to prove once and for all that Coachella Valley is more than a bunch of sleepy desert towns. The luxury resort’s latest offering is the Waldorf Astoria Driving Experience, and it puts guests behind the wheel of the world’s sexiest sports cars—the Ferrari 458 Italia, the McLaren MP4-12C and the Porsche GT3.

Yes, you read that right. On this one-of-a-kind excursion, guests get to drive not one but three of the world’s hottest sets of wheels—an experience guaranteed to make you feel more baller than James Bond, even if it is only for a day.

How did the property know how to make your behind-the-wheel dreams come true? Just a little bit of listening to its customers, according to Thomas Soule, the property’s marketing manager. “A big part of Waldorf Astoria Hotels & Resorts’ mission is to become the fastest growing and most innovative luxury hotel brand in the world,” he says. “In order to become the most innovative, we needed to listen to what luxury consumers were asking for and enhance our guest experience to meet those needs.

What we saw was a shift away from luxury goods to luxury experiences.”

So less buying cool stuff and more doing cool stuff. And as the name suggests, it truly is an experience. “We offer our guests an engaging and exclusive activity that extends off-property,” Soule says. “It creates a memorable moment.”

And while that moment comes at a price tag of a cool $1,000, guests get to live out their ultimate driving dreams, which would cost a lot more if one rented each car individually. “Guests who embark on one of our driving experiences will get to experience three of the world’s most alluring

super cars while driving through a mapped-out route from La Quinta Resort into some of the Coachella Valley’s most scenic roads,” he says.

“From the beautiful vistas in and around the greater Palm Springs area to the serene open desert, the natural beauty of the drive adds to the unforgettable experience.”

Guests choose from morning, midday or afternoon drives, with each time of day offering different advantages. Not an early riser? No problem.

Soule promises you won’t miss out by taking a later drive, because “there is no best time to take this drive.” Different sessions offer a different experience, meaning you won’t have to rush through your morning coffee. “The morning session is the perfect time to capture the scenic beauty at first light, while the afternoon session chases the sun as it sets.”

If all that horsepower sounds a little scary for those of us who aren’t professional race car drivers, don’t worry. The property doesn’t hand off the keys to $240,000 cars without going over a few things first. “The experience kicks-off with a briefing led by our professional driving director, who will then present each super car and provide some basic handling details for each,” Soule says. “The tour then leaves the property and includes stops throughout the Greater Palm Springs Area, where guests will then rotate to another car until the tour returns back to the resort.”

So what exactly is it like to get behind the wheel of these bad boys?

“Many guests report a sense of exhilaration when they get behind the wheel of these cars for the first time,” he says. “They’re cars that most people will never have the opportunity to drive, so the stunning vistas and gorgeous desert views are icing on the cake to a unique and truly unforgettable experience.”

Fast cars and stunning views? Sign us up.

The Waldorf Astoria Driving Experience is available for reservations for just two more weekends this year: Nov. 13-15 and Dec. 4-6. To book, call (760) 564-4111

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Wed. | Nov 18 CLEOPATRA Camelot Theater

Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton fell in love while filming this 1963 epic extravaganza. Screening as part of the Classic Hollywood Film Series, showtime is at 8 p.m. camelottheatres.com Wed. | Nov 18 THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST (IN NEW YORK) Annenberg Theatre

Fri. | Nov. 13 COACHELLA VALLEY BEER WEEK

A 10 -day, valley-wide celebration focusing on local breweries and their craft beers. Dinners, pub crawls, beer tastings and meet-thebrewer nights are all part of the festivities, running through Nov. 22. coachellavalleybeerweek.com

This one-night only performance of the Oscar Wilde comedy, updated to present-day New York, stars Wendie Malick and Lucie Arnaz. Proceeds benefit Coyote StageWorks theater company. psmuseum.org Fri. | Nov 20 TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBRANCE Ruth Hardy Park

The annual event features a candlelight vigil at 7 p.m. honoring those who have been killed, as well as community info booths from 5-9 p.m. transcc.org

Sat. | Nov 14 GO NATIVE DAY The Living Desert Zoo

Fri. | Nov 20 VARLA JEAN MERMAN Copa Club

This annual event celebrating the area’s native flora and fauna includes special shows, walks and talks throughout the day. livingdesert.org

Always outrageous and always pushing boundaries, this queen never fails to entertain. Through Nov. 22. copapalmsprings.com

THE VERY BREAST OF JACKIE BEAT The Purple Room Nov. 14 purpleroom palmsprings.com

ON THE BEAT FOR 25 YEARS JACKIE BEAT HAS ENTERTAINED AUDIENCES for a quartercentury with razor-sharp comedy and outrageous song parodies, and while she never fails to entertain, she frequently leaves mouths hanging open in I can’t believe she just said that shock.

With a busy touring schedule, Beat doesn’t get to Palm Springs often, but later this month she’ll be at the Purple Room with her brand-new cabaret show, The Very Breast of Jackie Beat, celebrating her 25 years in show business.

“As the title of the show suggests, I will be doing my funniest, most-popular songs,” she tells us. “I figure that way I can please both my fans and anyone who may be seeing me for the very first time. Translation: I want everyone’s money! It’s going to be a fun evening of my politically incorrect parodies that will hopefully have the Palm Springs audience clutching their pearls and peeing their pants with laughter. I can’t wait!” —James F. Mills

NOVEMBER 25, 2015

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#GAYDAR

SPY FOR A SPY Your next assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to determine which players in the game of international mystery are more gay than a $3 watermarked bill DR. NO MA’AM

PUSSY GALORE

YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE

THUNDERBALLS

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

Loves the ladies, hates Alex Trebek

Muskrat love

Which one of you motherf#ckers took the last crumpet?

Harriet the Spy’s new nanny is just like Mary Poppins, but with a tool belt

BOGO at Florsheim?

I’m on it, Chief!

Le butch Nikkita

The lesson of this morality play: it sucks to be Jennifer Aniston When we close our eyes, we hear Bob’s Burgers

Patsy Stone, Bond Girl

In their youth, Jack Ryan and Jason Bourne were very close The nihilistic masturbation fantasy inside us all

We’ve never been less horny, actually

Lovers?

Siblings?

Pimp/ho?

You’ve been hit by a gravelly voiced smooth criminal

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