Humanist funerals and memorials are non-religious ceremonies which focus on the person who has died, the life they led, and the relationships they forged. They are based on the humanist perspective that every life is valuable and unique.
Humanist funerals and memorial ceremonies are conducted by our trained and accredited celebrants.
Michael Conlon 07494 505033
Emma Craw ford 07976 124056
Joan Davis 07546 954222
Terri Gilleece 07801418492
Avril Hawthorne 07854 436914
Stewart Holden 07971 634098
Ian Deboys 07368 440040 humanists.uk/ce remonies
Hope Kelly 07530 000300
Janni Knox 07890 861690
Richard Lavery 07802 839543
Michael McAlinden 07305 892201
MaryLou McShane 07962 906236
Trevor Molloy 07549 946622
Rachel Smith 07957 474643
Emily O'Dowd Lewis 07955 200555
Declan Walsh 07859 816585
L UCAN/NEWLANDS ROAD, LUCAN VILLAGE, CO . DUBLIN.
Within Esker Lawn Cemeter y we have numerous options from which to choose: from traditional burial plots; ash burial or inter ment plots; to columbarium walls, all of which can be purchased in advance of need.
A LIMITED NUMBER OF BURIAL PL OT S AND ASH INTERMENT OPTIONS ARE AV AILABLE TO PRE-PURCHASE IN ADV ANCE OF NEED
Great attention to detail has been paid by our craftsmen to create an environment in which family members can visit www.EskerLawnCemetery.com
Fanagans Funeral Directors were delighted to win the gold award in the Family Business CSR Award category last November. This prestigious award honours family-owned businesses that contribute significantly to their local communities.
The award recognises Fanagans deep-rooted dedication to compassionate service and community support over more than 200 years. Their commitment to Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) is reflected across all 13 Dublinbased locations, where they continuously invest back into the communities they serve. From sponsoring local events to partnering with community organisations, Fanagans has shown unwavering support
for local causes and charities. Their staff-led charity and ESG committees have raised over €250,000 for community initiatives and are key players in advancing sustainable practices.
Through their partnerships with local sports clubs, festivals, and cultural events, as well as their collaboration with the Irish Hospice Foundation on bereavement seminars and workshops, Fanagans actively support the communities in which they serve. Staff development is a cornerstone of their approach, as demonstrated by their Fanagans Academy Training Programme and Leadership Academy, ensuring their team members have continuous growth opportunities.
Fanagans remains dedicated to sustainability, providing eco-friendly funeral options and implementing green practices through their ESG committee. This gold award is also a reflection of Fanagans commitment to excellence and customer care, underpinned by quality management systems, industry-leading practices, and the highest standards of client support.
14th April 1952 - 27th December 2024
a cold winter’s evening, crowds of people queued wishing to pay their respects to Croom funeral director Donie Daffy. Gardai were needed to put a traffic system in place as so many people from near and far descended on the town to pay their respects.
was
His four sonsMichael, Shane, Daniel and George - and family shook hands with mourners for hours at the removal in the family funeral home that Donie built. Donie was a man before his time as it was one of the first purpose-built funeral homes in County Limerick and between this and operating his car sales showroom on Croom’s Main Street he came in contact with a multitude of people.
Daffy’s Funeral Directors Croom is a family run business, which has been serving the Limerick area since 1929.
Founded by Donie’s father Michael, Michael set out to provide a specialised, meaningful and professional service, which Donie continued since Michael’s passing in 1978.
Daffy’s Funeral Directors have now helped generations
of families in their time of need. The business in Croom entered into its third generation with Donie’s son Daniel joining in 2005.
Daniel spoke in his father’s eulogy of how proud he was of the large funeral, which he so rightly deserved.
Donie was noted for his compassion and kindness at a family’s time of grief.
He passed away peacefully in the wonderful and excellent care of all the staff of Milford Care Centre, surrounded by his loving family.
When Donie’s funeral cortege
left his funeral home on the Monday morning, neighbours and local business owners stood out on the street in a mark of respect, along with colleagues and employees.
Donie’s own hearse paused at his car showroom and garage on the main street and later at son Shane’s pub on Bridge Street on its way to St. Mary’s Church for requiem Mass.
paused at his car 15 the
The Mass was said by Fr David Costello and concelebrated by over 15 priests on the altar from near and far who Donie had served with and formed great friendships with.
Fr Costello flew home from Boston, where he is serving, especially to say the Mass after hearing of Donie’s passing. Fr Costello has a great friendship with Donie and the Daffy family which was very evident in his moving homily dedicated to Donie.
Donie’s passing is very deeply regretted by his sorrowing sons Michael, Shane, Daniel and George, daughters-in-law Tanika and Rachael, adored grandchildren, brother, sisters, brother-in-law, sisters-in-law, nephews, nieces, relatives, kind neighbours and his large circle of friends.
As the new year begins, I would like to take this opportunity to send you every good wish for the year ahead.
It is an honour and a privilege to become president of the IAFD and to be given the opportunity to continue the great work of so many presidents and board members past. I have been part of the team for a few years now and have learned so much from the wisdom and experience of my fellow members. I hope to continue in this learning and to benefit from their continued support and guidance.
I am a third-generation funeral director. It is a role I thoroughly enjoy and am immensely proud of. Under the guidance of my parents, Ned and Frances Sweeney, I have quite literally grown up on the job, doing my best to emulate their finest qualities; the compassion, warmth and hospitality of my mother and the professionalism, composure and attention to detail that my father is known for. Our profession, and indeed our own small business, has changed so much since my grandfather, John Sweeney, began. Gone are the days when a funeral director merely provided a coffin, hearse and perhaps an obituary in the newspaper. Nowadays, in addition to the necessary services we provide, we are expected to fill the role of event manager, counselor, mediator, spiritual advisor, financier, publisher, I.T. technician - the list goes on. We must continually adjust to these changing times while maintaining the dignity, solemnity and reverence that is expected of the Irish Funeral Director.
I look forward to continuing this journey with the IAFD and to working alongside each of you to preserve the traditions we hold dear, while also embracing the evolving needs of the families and communities we serve.
Thank you for your trust and support. Together, we will continue to strengthen our profession and uphold the highest standards of care.
Kind regards Niamh Sweeney
The IAFD Board of Directors for 2025 include: President Niamh Sweeney, 1st Vice President Fintan Cooney, Hon. Secretary Paul Reilly, Hon. Treasurer Pat Smyth, Education Officer Peter Maguire, Public Relations Officer John-Mark Griffin, Immediate Past President Niall Mulligan, and Membership Officer Kylie Gourley. Other board members are Donal Forde, Dara Gillespie, and Tom Lawless.
Niall Mulligan, Immediate Past President reflects on a year filled with meaningful connections, significant milestones, and important preparations for the future.
Niall said “Our focus in 2024 was on ensuring the IAFD is ready for any industry regulations. We worked diligently to enhance our Excellence Programme, making it more
user-friendly and aligned with European standards. Behind the scenes, a strategic review of the association helped us future-proof our operations, improve governance, and strengthen succession planning.
The year also saw the introduction of new technology to help streamline member communication, event management, and
financial administration. Education remains at the heart of our mission, and we celebrated the achievements of our Funeral Director Certificate Award graduates while welcoming new students to the Class of 2025.
It was an honour to represent the IAFD at various events, from the NAFD exhibition to the 120th anniversary of James Brown and Son. As I handed over the presidency to Niamh Sweeney, I looked forward to continuing my service on the Board, together, we continue to work towards building a stronger IAFD ready to meet the challenges ahead.”
As his year in office ended, Niall was delighted to welcome guests to his President’s Dinner at the Trim Castle Hotel, where a wonderful evening of camaraderie and celebration unfolded. Attendees enjoyed a delightful dinner and had the chance to win some fabulous raffle prizes, including vouchers for Brown Thomas and the Blue Book, as well as various exquisite home items.
Niall expressed his gratitude to all the
Niall and Celene Mulligan
businesses that supported the event, noting that their generosity contributed to making the evening truly special. Following dinner, a short auction was held, raising an impressive 1300 Euro for the local meals on wheels charity who support those in need within the Trim community. The event was a resounding success, reflecting the spirit of giving and fellowship among its participants.
The Funeral Director Certificate Award (FDCA) continues to equip students with essential expertise, technical skills, and a valuable network of peers and mentors. In 2024, we were proud to celebrate the achievements of 14 students who successfully completed the FDCA program, demonstrating outstanding commitment and dedication throughout their studies.
The graduating class includes Sean Byrne and Heather Checkett (Massey Bros), Sean Colman (Quinns Funeral Homes Ltd), Michelle Connolly (James Falconer & Sons), Martin Crosbie (P Townley & Sons), Eimear Devaney (Cuninghams Funeral Directors), Gillian Forde Connaughton (Hyland Funeral Directors), Eilish
Fox (Hugh Flynn Funeral Directors), Aidan Gilleran (Glennon Funeral Directors), Therese Kelly (Walsh’s Funeral Directors), Jennifer Thompson Leigh (Thompson Funeral Directors), Ian McDonagh and Shauna Sheridan (Fanagans
Funeral Directors), and Bernard McPhillips (Lakelands Funeral Home & Crematorium).
The Board extends heartfelt thanks to Niamh Sweeney for her leadership and guidance as Education Officer, to Mervyn Colvill and Dublin Cemetery Trust for their unwavering support, and to Michael Crowley for overseeing the exam process. We also wish Áine Tuffy every success in her new role as Education Coordinator as she takes the reins in continuing this vital educational program.
The Board of the Irish Association of Funeral Directors extends its deepest gratitude to John Foley as he retires after many years of dedicated service to the IAFD. Over the years, John has held several key roles, including Board Member, Treasurer, and President, each marked by his unwavering commitment to the association’s success.
In recent years, John’s invaluable contributions as Financial Administrator have been instrumental in strengthening the IAFD’s financial stability. His leadership in implementing modern accounting practices has ensured the long-term security and sustainability of the association.
John, your dedication and hard work have left a lasting legacy. We thank you sincerely for your service and wish you a happy and well-earned retirement!
Aidan Heffernan has been honoured with the Lifetime Achievement Award at the County Meath Business and Tourism Awards 2024 - a well-deserved recognition of his outstanding dedication, service, and lasting impact on the community.
Aidan’s unwavering commitment to providing compassionate care and support during life’s most challenging moments has touched the lives of countless families. This prestigious award is a testament to his exceptional leadership, empathy, and contributions to the funeral profession and beyond.
Aidan Heffernan, Niall and Celene Mulligan
Niamh Sweeney (President)
John Sweeney and Sons
Fairgreen
Arklow, Co Wicklow
Ph: 0402 32333
Email: president@iafd.ie
Fintan Cooney (First Vice President)
Fanagans Funeral Directors
54 Aungier Street
Dublin 2
Ph: 01 4167700
Email: fintancooney@fanagans.ie
Paul Reilly (Hon. Secretary)
Oliver Reilly Ltd Funeral Directors
Leinster Street, Maynooth
Ph: 045-868230
Email: secretary@iafd.ie
Pat Smyth (Hon. Treasurer)
Smyth’s Funeral Directors
Lanesboro Street, Roscommon
Ph: 0906 626122
Email: treasurer@iafd.ie
Kylie Gourley (Membership Officer)
Funeral Partners Northern Ireland
300 Newtownards Road
Belfast BT4 1HF
Ph: 028 9045 1021
Email: membership@iafd.ie
Peter Maguire (Education Officer)
Massey Bros Funerals
Head office
109 The Coombe, Dublin 8, D08 AK10
Telephone 01 4533333
Email: education@iafd.ie
John Mark Griffin (Public Relations Officer)
Griffin Funerals
John’s Gate Pennywell Limerick
Ph: 061 415000
Email: pro@iafd.ie
Niall Mulligan (Immediate Past President)
Heffernan’s Funeral Directors
Trim, Co. Meath
Mobile: 086 8208501
Ph: 046 9438662
Email: heffernansfd@gmail.com
Tom Lawless
Lawless Funeral Directors
Mucklagh, Tullamore, Co. Offaly
Ph: 057 9322622
Email: info@tullamorefunerals.ie
Dara Gillespie
Finlays Funeral Service
Tierney Street
Ardee, Co. Louth
Mobile: 086 7923472
Email: dara.gillespie@finlaygrp.com
Donal Forde
Fordes Funeral Homes Ltd
South Gate Bridge
Cork, Co. Cork
Ph: 021 4318222
Email: donal@fordesfuneralhome.ie
Donegal based, Danny Morning, has launched a new Free Death Notice website to serve funeral directors in Ireland.
Danny said “Basically www.condolence.ie is a Free Death Notice website where Funeral Directors can upload their Death Notices and the public can also upload their condolence messages completely free of charge.
“We have been asked a lot how we will be able to operate “Condolence.ie” without charging.
The answer is that we already have a different website where Funeral Directors have been uploading the same information including photos of the deceased, name, address, date of death etc. when ordering new personalised products that we are beginning to introduce to the Irish Funeral market.”
We very much hope that our families will be supplying the Irish Funeral Directors for the next 30 years and more.
Dealing with the Funeral Directors over the years I have seen time and time again how Funeral Directors have tried to keep costs to the families to a bare minimum.
Over the past few years it has become very obvious that this is more difficult with the rising costs, many of which are absorbed by the Funeral Directors. This is one new cost that really does not have to be adopted or absorbed.
It will take a bit of time for Families to get used to the new name but with social media nowadays, this can happen quickly.
The new products include Personalised Coffin & Grave Marker plates (with Photo), Personalised 8” Keepsake Urn Candle (with Photo) and Digital Condolence Paperless Condolence Book (with QR code).
Danny also stresses that there is no obligation on any Funeral Director to purchase any of these products in order to use the website.
“However, as some have already been uploading similar information, including the photos on our original website, we are simply going to switch them over to www.condolence. ie.
This means there are no extra running costs for us going forward and this new website can only improve our business.”
Myself and my brother Michael (Morning’s Grave Products) may have two separate companies, but we live and work very closely together supplying Irish Funeral Directors for almost 30 years.
Please remember each and every Death Notice you upload to www.condolence.ie, could save €123.
If a Funeral Director completes 50 Funerals per year, this is a saving of €6,150.
We know the Funeral Directors are not VAT registered, so you cannot even claim the VAT back.
I would sincerely like to thank all our friends in the funeral trade so much for their great support over the decades, it has been a pleasure to serve you.
Please feel free to register anytime on the site www.condolence.ie
Although www.condolence.ie is operating well and is functional, we will be adding new features to it in the coming weeks which will enhance the site”.
Please contact: Danny Morning Email: condolence.ie@gmail.com Tel: 074 9129366
The funeral trade is changing in Ireland. So declared Bill Fitz-Gerald, who has been an undertaker for 36 years, a veteran you might say but a comparative fledgling alongside his father, Martin, who has been in the business for 60 years.
Fitz-Gerald’s Funeral Directors have been in business in Macroom since 1824 and in that time they’ve buried the dead of the Great Famine, the 1919 Flu Pandemic, the War of Independence, the Civil War and, of course, the covid pandemic, the latter leading to strict restrictions being brought in to curtail the spread of the illness.
Bill was a teenager when he started accompanying the late Knockie Cronin to wake houses and hospitals.
“I was nearly the same height then as I am now, so you’d be lifting or doing anything. I’d be sent out with Knockie to go to Cork to collect the remains with him,” he recalled.
“It went on from there, I did my Leaving Cert and I did my training embalming, I remember being told that I grew into my suit,” he said.
Martin admits being a ‘bit older’ when he started. “I was 16, I hadn’t the choices Billy had as my father died when I was 18 – it was straight ahead then.”
The difference between funerals then and now was huge, according to Martin.
“There were no funeral homes,” he said. “It was in the houses and each street and each part of a parish, there was a lady that laid out the remains.”
Despite carrying out the onerous task of laying out the remains of the deceased, the lady who did the laying out didn’t get paid for this,
she would have taken offence at the notion. Households did often give her gifts, however.
“When you went into the church, there was a certain gentleman in each church who would say the Rosary, the priest didn’t come,” said Martin.
“When the priest started coming, in the 1970’s, it was the greatest thing going as we had to start on time. Before that we could be an hour late starting.” He credits the funeral homes as starting the most significant transformation of the funeral rituals in his lifetime and the Macroom business was at the forefront of the revolution, building the first funeral home on a green field site in 1968.
When people lose a loved one and come face to face with the funeral, they go to a firm like Fitz-Geralds. There may be a sense of fear or trepidation at what the final bill may amount to.
“We bring them through here, it’s all listed and out in the open, the breakdown of the costs. Before we start, we give them the price so they don’t get a shock at the end,” said Bill.
“What a lot of people come back and say is
that they thought it was going to be more.”
All the information is contained in brochures and on their website, another new addition to the business of funerals.
Back in the 1950’s and 60’s, before Martin Fitz-Gerald took over on the death of his father, the business included a shop, saw mill, coffin manufacturing, undertaking and pub. It was situated next to what was then a railway station and was a hive of activity.
While the Fitz-Gerald family has other business interests, most notably the bookshop and other retail outlets, its primary focus is on the funeral business.
The onset of the pandemic in 2020 led to restrictions on the way funerals were conducted, in that year and until the restrictions gradually eroded out of existence. The traditional large community events that funerals became were transformed into small family gatherings, with very limited numbers.
Martin believes that one of the nicest aspects of that never to be forgotten period in Irish life was the spontaneous ritual that emerged of families standing at their gates or the end of their laneways as the funeral corteges passed by on their way to the church or cemetery.
“We were the people who wanted to say yes and we will look into organising that. But then having to explain to people you can’t have this,” said Bill. “You couldn’t have gatherings of more than six people.”
The firm did carry out a few funerals of those who died due to covid but they were busy throughout the pandemic with funerals of those in the area and environs whose death had no link to the illness.
Whatever the cause, the funerals that did take place did so in churches with just a handful of relatives or close family friends present.
“There was no differentiation,” said Bill.
“We tried to facilitate funerals in different ways, we had one funeral where we allowed people to come and pay their respect over three days,” he added.
There were concerns too about bringing the illness home to their own families. As with the rest of us, that period was a fraught time.
The relationship between the funeral directors and the Church is different now to what it was when Martin started.
While it might be assumed that a firm in a town
in rural Cork would deal mainly with Catholic clients, the Fitz-Geralds also dealt a great deal with the Church of Ireland community.
“We’re dealing with people at probably the worst time of their lives and where we try as much as possible not to say ‘no’ to them. But what they ask the clergy to do is impossible sometimes,” said Martin.
Bill added his explanation: “With the fall off in religion and families not going to the church, and no disrespect, they’re trying to treat the church like a hall, they want to have rock music blaring in the church, it has to be appropriate.”
That’s where the funeral home comes into its own, according to Bill.
“You can have the coffin open or closed in the funeral home, you can bring in more pictures, you can do whatever you wish within reason but, in the church, there are strict rules.”
“There have been developments, we’ve a screen now where you have photographs and slideshows. If you told me 20 years ago that we’d be doing slideshows, with modern music playing in the background, I’d have looked at you,” said Bill.
“The first thing we say to people is to do what suits you,” he said.
“If you want it traditional, three days, Rosary, removal, Requiem Mass, then do it that way. If you want to take a break and not do anything for a day, do that,” he said.
In the display room next to the office there are coffins, including wicker coffins, caskets and urns, all of which come from Humphrey Lynch’s coffin factory in nearby Baile Mhic Íre. The factory is renowned for the quality of its coffins.
After two hundred years, the Fitz-Gerald’s business is in good fettle. Martin is after passing the torch to Bill and whether one of his sons or daughter will follow him into the business. “It’s there for them if they want it,” he said
James and Mags Matthews, Matthews Funeral Directors, Virginia, Co. Cavan receiving keys to a new Mercedes Hearse by Quinn Hearse and Limousine
Celebrating the life of the deceased, reflecting their personal beliefs, wishes, values and traditions.
Following the successful launch of their new Mercedes 214 model, Coleman Milne has taken the vehicle across the water to Northern Ireland to meet with interested parties after receiving several serious inquiries.
Tony Kerr, Area Sales Manager for Northern Ireland and Scotland, commented:
“We’ve had an incredible response to the 214 model since its launch, and it’s fantastic to have a demo fleet on the road to show new and returning customers what all the fuss is about”.
This visit highlights Coleman Milne’s commitment to connecting with customers and showcasing their innovative designs firsthand. To find out more about the new Mercedes range, contact Tony on 07860 586850
Ian Hart Funeral Service Lead the Way with the UK’s First Mercedes 214 E-Class
Ian Hart Funeral Service has made history as the first funeral director in the UK to take delivery of the highly anticipated new Mercedes 214 E-Class fleet. Finished in stunning Anthracite Grey, the state-of-the-art fleet, comprising a hearse and two matching limousines and the team is thrilled with their exceptional new vehicles.
Designed to set a new standard in comfort and functionality, the Mercedes 214 E-Class hearse features three bearer seats equipped with lap and diagonal seatbelts, a spacious and elegantly designed deck, and a stunning glass roof that provides a well-lit panoramic view of the deck area.
Third and fourth generation Funeral Directors, Ian and Sam Hart expressed their satisfaction: “We have been customers of Coleman Milne for over 15 years, and our new Mercedes 214 fleet has surpassed our expectations. The additional comfort and safety features not only
enhance the experience for families but also provide peace of mind for the wellbeing of our staff.”
Ian Hart Funeral Service continue to uphold their commitment to excellence, providing the highest level of service with vehicles that reflect the dignity and care they offer to their clients.
• SUITABLE FOR ANY CREMATORIUM OR FUNERAL HOME
• STYLE AND DIMENSIONS TO SUIT INDIVIDUAL NEEDS
• REMOTE OPERATION
Funeral Partners Northern Ireland has hosted the second candlelit service ‘Light Up The Night, An Occasion to Remember’ in Belfast Cathedral, the Cathedral Church of St Anne.
Dedicated to bereaved people throughout Northern Ireland, the service celebrated loved ones, friends and family members, who are no longer with us.
The event, in conjunction with Cruse Bereavement Support, was attended by 650 people including The High Sheriff of Belfast Cllr Sammy Douglas. Everyone was encouraged to write a personal message about the person being remembered on a remembrance token. These tokens were then lovingly and carefully placed on Remembrance trees.
The event offered a blend of inspirational music, reflection, and shared compassion.
Harpist Les Magee performed during the dimming of the cathedral lights for the Act of Remembering and guests joined in the singing of traditional hymns including
‘Praise my soul the King of Heaven’, ‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘How Great Thou Art’.
James Brown, of James Brown & Sons Funeral Directors, said: “We meet families who are grieving every day of the year, myself and the team, are acutely aware that this time of year can be extremely poignant for some.
“Hosting a candlelit service in memory of those who are
no longer with us is a fitting tribute and an opportunity for those who have been bereaved to join with others for support and to remember their loved ones.
“Our commitment to supporting individuals in our local communities is especially focused on those experiencing the journey of grief and loss.
“We hope that this service provided a sense of comfort and peace while connecting people who share a similar path.
“A life well remembered lives on, and we truly believe it is important that we all pause and take a moment in remembrance at a service like this.”
Thelma Abernethy of Cruse
Bereavement Support
Northern Ireland said: “We hope that the music, words, poems and prayers offered at the service ‘Light Up The Night’ brought some comfort to the families who attended
in remembrance of their loved ones. Our Bereavement Volunteers were at the service to offer an empathetic ear and support to those attending. Teams from Funeral Partners Northern Ireland businesses
Bairds of Antrim, Houston and Williamson, James Brown & Sons, John Gray & Co, Mulhollands Funeral Directors and Shields of Donaghadee supported the event.
Funeral Directors proudly at the heart of their communities have amassed considerable collections to help vulnerable people and animals throughout the winter.
John Gray & Co Funeral Directors, based in Bangor, Shields of Donaghadee and Mulhollands Funeral Directors, in Carrickfergus, collected sleepwear and socks which have been donated to their local branch of Women’s Aid. The organisation provides a range of support services to women and children who have been impacted by domestic abuse.
Kerry Kennedy, Funeral Arranger at Mulhollands said: “To have had this many donations is fantastic – this time of the year is difficult for people financially with lots of other things to think about, so we are very pleased.”
Meanwhile, Bairds of Antrim asked its team and clients to donate items to be given to the Mid Antrim Animal
Sanctuary and handed over dozens of tins of food, treats, bowls, blankets, toys and leads. The shelter focuses on rehoming animals – mainly cats and dogs – and relieving the stress they may suffer from. Some animals who can’t find a
Claire Quinn from Women’s Aid and Kerry Kennedy from Mulhollands Funeral Directors
William O’Neill and Linda Nugent from Bairds donate the collection to the Mid Antrim Animal Sanctuary
forever home can live happily at the sanctuary indefinitely.
Jon Baird is the fourth generation of his family to work in the business.
He said: “We all agreed pets who don’t have a permanent home deserve to be recognised and supported, at this time of the year.
“We’ve had a good relationship with Mid Antrim Animal Sanctuary for a little while and were so happy to support them.”
The Autumn Budget brought about some key changes to capital gains tax for business owners. The current rate of 10%
apply to businesses sold up to 5th April 2025. After this date, it will increase to 14%, rising further to 18% in April 2026. As cash would be included in a sale, this can also be extracted at a more favourable rate than via dividends, and we encourage all owners to discuss this with their accountants.
Should you be thinking of selling your business, now is therefore the perfect time to consider options if you are to
take advantage of this short window of opportunity We have welcomed over 1,000 years of heritage and experience into our business over the last 12 months and would be happy to provide you with a no-obligation business valuation to help you move swiftly, should you also decide to protect your legacy and secure the best outcome for your future.
Please visit www.funeralpartners.co.uk/story to hear more from our team and partners and to start the conversation.
can help secure your future, speak to one of our team:
07546 954222
Ian Deboys 07368 440040
humanists.uk/ceremonies Stewart Holden
07971 634098
Hope Kelly 07530 000300
07305 892201
MaryLou McShane 07962 906236 Emily O'Dowd Lewis 07955 200555
Declan Walsh 07859 816585
Humanists UK, 39 Moreland Street, London EC1V 8BB
Registered Charity No. 285987
Avril began to look into becoming a celebrant after a personal situation meant she was looking for a nonreligious celebrant for the funeral of a loved one.
After a couple years of considering it, her friend’s mum challenged her to ‘just do it’. She then became a member of Humanists UK and applied for their celebrant training course. Her skills as a facilitator and community builder have proved useful, as has her degree in English. These skills have helped her to make people feel at ease and then put their words into stories to remember and honour their loved ones.
Known for her warmth and compassion, Avril approaches each ceremony with a deep sense of empathy.
Iain is a Board member of several local and national organisations, including Humanists UK.
He has been involved in leadership of humanism in Northern Ireland for almost 30 years. His responsibilities include growing the humanist community here. He loves good conversation, meeting new people, and helping others in need – so it seemed natural that, as soon as he retired from the health service in 2022, he trained to become a pastoral support volunteer and a humanist celebrant.
Iain is determined to age well by keeping fit, reading, and gardening as well as keeping busy by volunteering. He and his wife live near Ballymena.
Emily lives just outside Belfast with her partner and young son. She travels all over Northern Ireland to visit families and officiate funerals for their loved ones.
Emily was introduced to humanist ceremonies when her grandfather died nine years ago. The family were unsure what to do. He wasn’t religious, so how should they honour his life? It was then that the funeral director told the family about the option of celebrating his life with a humanist celebrant. Now, it is Emily’s privilege to meet with families and to hear their own stories of the person they have lost, and write warm ceremonies to reflect their wishes and to give an appropriate sendoff for those they love.
Hi All,
A heartfelt Happy New Year to you all! As we embark on a fresh chapter in 2025, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the dedication, skill, and compassion you bring to our profession. Your work ensures dignity and care for families during their most difficult times. January is a time for reflection and renewal. Much like the art of restoration we practice, it’s a chance to focus on the finer details both personally and professionally. Whether you’re perfecting a feature or mastering a new technique, it’s the small touches that make all the difference, both in our work and in the support we offer one another.
This year, we aim to bring some life (no pun intended!) to our meetings with engaging workshops and opportunities for professional development. From mastering modern Embalming techniques to revisiting the timeless elegance of some traditional methods, there will be something for everyone.
Let’s also remember the importance of community. The strength of our division lies not just in our technical abilities but in the friendships and mutual support we share. If there’s anything you’d like to see more of, topics you want to explore, a night out, or even just a good embalming pun please reach out to us!
We held our AGM & first meeting of 2025 in the Hamlet Court Hotel, Johnstown Bridge on the 9th February. As always it was amazing to see everyone. It was a pleasure to welcome our National President Rachel Shipley once again. Thanks so much for joining us for a lovely day.
On a final note I’d like to wish you all a year filled with continued learning, professional pride, and perhaps a touch of light-heartedness along the way. After all, embalming is about preserving stories as much as preserving appearances.
See ye all at our next meeting!
Hi All,
I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying 2025 so far. I would like to take a moment to thank the members and students of the Northern Ireland Division for their continued support.
We’ve had a fantastic start to the year with our AGM and first meeting on Wednesday, 8th January, at O’Neill’s Funeral Directors in Belfast. It was encouraging to see so many members and students actively participating and eager to get involved in various aspects of our profession.
I would like to urge everyone within our division to attend whenever possible, as our meetings provide an invaluable opportunity to not only have your voice heard but to continue your learning and tap into the wealth of knowledge within our division.
Looking ahead, we have plans for a range of educational sessions, not just on embalming but also covering other important topics related to our industry. We are also considering the possibility of a social event where we can relax and unwind. More details will be shared via email in the coming weeks and months.
I look forward to seeing you all at our next meeting!
We would like to congratulate Nathan Murray receiving his certificate from Nicky Gormley (Vice Chairman)
Jamie Carnahan MBIE
Chairperson & Divisional Liaison
Officer:
Niamh Cusack MBIE
Ballingowan West, Villierstown, Cappoquin, Co. Waterford.
Tel: 086 3744762
E: cusackembalmings@gmail.com
Vice Chairperson:
Cyril Gantley MBIE
336 kildare Road Crumlin, Dublin 12 Mobile 085 7671582
E.cyril.gantley@mortuary-science.ie
Secretary & Public Relations Offcer:
Jennifer Tighe MBIE
St. Patrick Street, Boyle, Co. Roscommon Tel: 086 8854333
E: Jennytighe30@yahoo.com
1st National Council Rep & National Educational Rep:
Cyril Gantley MBIE
336 Kildare Road, Crumlin, Dublin 12 Mobile: 085 7671582
E: cyril.gantley@mortuary-science.ie
2nd National Council Representative:
Alan Kidd MBIE
15 Sraid Na Mara
1st Sea Road, Strandhill Road Sligo, Co. Sligo Mobile 087 6498623
E. alank1d@hotmail.com
Treasurer and Professional Standards Rep:
Susan Moran MBIE 20 Cedarwood Park Newbridge, Co. Kildare Mobile 086 0619500 E.susan.moran@mortuary-science.ie
NI Chairman: David Rice MBIE
Milne Funeral Services
59 Seagoe Road, Portadown BT63 5HS Tel: 07811 109343
Email: contact@milnefuneralservices.co.uk
NI Vice Chairman: Nicholas Gormley MBIE
Unit 5, 3 Main Street, Maghera BT46 5AA
Tel: 07761 500902
Email: support@gms-ni.com
NI Secretary: Jamie Dempster MBIE
S. Clarke & Son Funeral Directors 12 Court Square, Newtownards BT23 7NY
Tel: 028 9181 2168
Email: jamie@sclarkeandson.co.uk
NI Treasurer: Andrew McMullan MBIE
22 High Street, Ballymoney Co. Antrim BT53 6AQ Tel: 028 2766 2265 E: andrew@mcmullanfunerals.com
NI Public Relations Offcer: Ciaran Bailie MBIE
27 Navan Court Armagh Tel. 07523 477852 ciaranbailie@googlemail.com
NI Student Liaison Officer Charlie Poots MBIE
NI 1st National Council Representative: Laurence O’Neill MBIE 98 Stewartstown Road, Belfast
BT11 9JP Tel: 028 9062 0099 E: oneill8210@hotmail.com
NI 2nd National Council Representative: Mrs Barbara Fowley, MBIE Killakee, Rockbrook Rathfarnham, Dublin 16 Telephone: 00353 (0)86 1911022
Email: barbarafowley@yahoo.ie
NI Professional Standards Rep: Pat Harley, MBIE
67 Creggan Road, L’derry BT48 9DA
Tel: 07712 899137
E: pat.harley@hotmail.co.uk
NI 1st Educational Committee
Student Liaison Officer: Adrian Walters MBIE
Tel: 01564 778991
Antrim and Newtownabbey Crematorium is conveniently located just off the A8 from Sandyknowes Roundabout (M2) to Larne, directly opposite Ballyearl Arts and Leisure Centre on the Doagh Road. The modern building is set in beautifully landscaped grounds with a focus on providing a sensitive and calming space to remember loved ones and say goodbye in a peaceful and tranquil setting.
Owned and managed by Antrim and Newtownabbey Borough Council, the crematorium team, along with the wider Bereavement Services and Cemetery teams, was recently awarded the prestigious APSE UK Best Service Team 2024 in the Cemetery and Crematorium Service category.
The Crematorium’s Ceremony Room
comfortably accommodates up to 176 mourners, with additional standing room available. The service is designed to be respectful and comforting, offering families a 45-minute ceremony every hour, from 10am to 3pm. Unattended cremations are also available.
beautiful Memorial Garden, o ering families a peaceful environment to conduct a digni ed and uniquely personal service that re ects their wishes. In partnership with Obitus, families can now celebrate the life of a loved one through so many di erent ways of personalisation – from the song choices, to showing tributes on the screens in the Ceremony Room, or even letting those who can’t be there for the service attend remotely.
antrimandnewtownabbey.gov.uk/crematorium
Through our own personal experience we received the inspiration to set up Treasured Keepsakes, to give people a wide variety of options upon a loved one’s passing should they choose to keep a lock of hair, cremated remains, a piece of jewellery, a photograph or anything that is a personal reminder of their loved one in a small keepsake, keepsake pendant or urn.
Funeral directors we are currently working with have tailored our service to suit their needs. We have two options of how our service can work for you. If you wish you can buy our products from us at a wholesale price and sell them directly to your clients. Alternatively we can offer this service to your clients directly.
We would hope that by recommending our service we will enhance and add value to your business at no extra cost to you.
For more information contact us or visit our website Tel: 01 825 4579 From NI: 00353 1 825 4579 info@treasuredkeepsakes.ie www.treasuredkeepsakes.ie
Boutique Style Paper Bag with Floral Pattern on the sides
Dimensions: 400mm x 300mm x 100mm
In an industry where compassion, efficiency, and attention to detail are paramount, funeral directors are constantly seeking innovative solutions to better serve grieving families. Enter our groundbreaking software, designed specifically for editing obituary photos, order of service and creating memorial cards with unparalleled ease and precision.
Leveraging cutting-edge AI technology, our software has become the trusted choice for funeral homes across the globe. Here’s why so many funeral directors rely on us - and why your funeral home should too.
Effortless Memorial Card Creation in Just One Click.
Gone are the days of spending hours manually editing photos and designing memorial cards. The Cullenpro Software simplifies the process with a single click, allowing funeral directors to create professional, heartfelt memorial cards in seconds. The AI-powered system automatically enhances photos, adjusts lighting, and applies elegant templates, ensuring every card is a beautiful tribute to the departed. This not only saves time but also reduces the emotional burden on families during a difficult period.
The software’s AI technology is designed to handle the nuances of obituary photo backgrounds with care and precision. Whether it’s removing unpleasant background scenes, other individuals or simply creating a compelling personalised background the Cullenpro Software does it all. Having already signed up over 3000 users to the platform worldwide they are now looking to multiply this and extend into the app market.
countless responsibilities, from coordinating services to supporting grieving families. The software integrates seamlessly into their workflows, eliminating the need for external designers or lengthy editing processes. With intuitive controls and a user-friendly interface, even staff with minimal technical expertise can create stunning memorial cards, order of service and obituary photos quickly and efficiently.
To further support funeral homes, Cullen Funeralcare now offer there own CE approved high-quality inkjet inks specifically designed to be compatible with the printers and software we supply. This means funeral homes can print orders of service, reducing costs and turnaround times.
AI ensures every detail is presented and printed in the best possible light. This level of quality and attention to detail is why funeral directors trust us to deliver results that truly honour the memory of their clients. The softwares easy-to-use layout is ideal for busy funeral homes. Funeral directors juggle
To learn more, please contact us at info@cullenfuneralcare.com.
Order of Service Example
Ballyfinane, Firies, Killarney, Co. Kerry Tel: +353 87 269 0044 sales@coachbuilders.ie
www.coachbuilders.ie
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By Bill Werner
Thestate of Rhode Island is the smallest state in the Union with a population of a little over a million people and at its widest, measures 37 miles and at its longest, 48 miles. Being so small, on the evening of February 20, 2003, the state was hardly prepared for the tragedy that was about to occur. Only through true determination and New England resolve would the state and its residents persevere. It was a Thursday night in February, and a small club known as the Station Nightclub in West Warwick, RI was hosting a band from the 1980’s known as Great White for an evening performance.
A little history of the nightclub first. It was opened as a restaurant in 1946 and underwent many changes in its use and owners and was eventually bought by two local brothers in 2000. Over the years, as the restaurant evolved into a nightclub and as the residential area around the club was built up, numerous noise complaints would be called in and the current owners tried to remediate these issues with non-flammable sound-proofing foam placed on the walls. The only problem was that flammable packing foam was installed instead. This was one of many factors that made the Station fire so tragic and devastating.
One of the most interesting things about the tragedy is that it was one of the first of its type to be caught on camera. One of the brothers was a newscaster for a local TV station and in the days before the 20th there had been a series of issues at nightclubs around the country and, ironically, the cameraman who got the footage was invited to film the concert as an example of proper nightclub safety. If you are interested the footage, it can be found on YouTube along
with several documentaries and stories from the survivors, the victims’ families, and first responders. These are highly noteworthy and give you a sense of the tragedy that unfolded and the aftermath.
At 11:05 p.m the band Great White took to the stage to a capacity crowd and seconds later, the band manager lit off four pyrotechnic “gerbs” (like Roman candles but only larger) which shot up 15 feet in the air for 15 seconds. The only problem was that the ceiling was only 12 feet high and two of the gerbs were angled to hit the walls, and remember the walls and ceiling were NOT covered with non–flammable soundproofing foam as they should have been, but rather the flammable packing foam that only acted like gasoline and ignited immediately.
Panic ensued as the patrons realized the fire wasn’t part of the act and people tried to escape through the entrance that they had originally come in through but it soon became a “choke-point” for the crowd and soon the entrance was blocked with patrons trying to escape, and the only exit most people were aware of was thus sealed off. Within 90 seconds the entire nightclub was engulfed in flames, hot molten foam dripped from the ceiling, and the deadly gases permeated the entire area. Of the over 400 people at the club at the time, approximately 100 escaped unharmed, over 200 were injured, and 96 died at the scene (the death toll eventually reached 100). Dealing with this would be the challenge that the Medical Examiner, the DMORT (Disaster Mortuary Operational Response Team), and the Rhode Island Funeral Directors Association and its members would be managing over the next several weeks as they tried to bring peace and
dignity to the victims and their families.
So now let’s talk about the aftermath. As bodies were being released from the medical examiner’s office and brought to the funeral homes, many of the funeral directors/ embalmers knew they had never experienced cases like these. As you can imagine the smells from fire victims are quite strong, the condition of many of them were dire, and although arterial injection was attempted on some, most were going to be closed caskets and “preservation and odor masking” were going to be top priorities. As it turned out, only four of the victims were able to have open casket viewings. The tasks in front of the embalmers were daunting.
The late Dick Sanders wrote in his article in the Dodge Magazine in January of 2002 entitled “Responding to a Major Disaster, Part 1” that a disaster body is one for which arterial injection is not a practical alternative for achieving preservation. In that article (the second part was issued in March of 2002), Dick outlined the steps to care for bodies that are subjected to such trauma, when sanitation and preservation were the primary goals.
For the average small-town funeral director, we hopefully only see this type of case once in many years, so as a refresher, here is an update from Dick’s original article and the steps we would follow today for this type of case. Supplies you would want to have are:
• Five bottles of Dis-Spray
• One bottle of Basic Dryene
• Four bottles of Dryene II
• Six bottles of Halt Cavity
• Action Powder
• Perma Seel Aerosol or Liquid
• Four one pound rolls of Medline Cotton (formerly Padco)
• Three straps for wrapping
• Two large white plastic sheets
• Roll of white mortuary tape
• White vinyl body pouch or black disaster pouch (if available)
The first step in any good embalming is case analysis. Simply put, in these types of cases, would the decedent be viewable or unviewable? In the cases from this tragedy, most were not given full autopsies, due to the extreme heat and fire, and the significant trauma to the remains. However, before we begin talking about the treatment of these cases, if the case
had posted, and depending on the level of the autopsy, you would disinfect the exterior, treat the viscera as you normally would, try to hypodermically inject as many areas as you could, treat the insides of the cavities and close up the incisions as you normally would.
Now we can continue with the disinfection and preservation of the case whether it is posted or not. The first step is treating the brain of the decedent for the possibility of tissue gas or clostridium perfringens. The recommended way to do this is to first insert a needle using the nostril through the cribriform plate into the brain and then attach your syringe filled with 20ccs of Basic Dryene to kill the tissue gas if it exists (see Lincoln Plain’s article in the Fall 2022 issue entitled, “Gas Prices Got You Down? Don’t Feel the Same Way About a Tissue Gas Case”). It is easier to take this step first, as once you begin the chemical application, you will want to work quickly to lessen your exposure to the fumes. After this we would completely disinfect the
body with an application of Dis-Spray.
The next step is to prepare the table for wrapping the body. In the procedure we use, we take three large strips of sheeting or blankets and lay them parallel on the table, as these will be used later for tying. The next step is to place the plastic sheet over the table and then to apply the 1lb. cotton rolls vertically over the plastic sheeting. The sheet is now ready for chemical application.
The first application will use four bottles of Dis- Spray, four bottles of Halt Cavity, two bottles of Dryene II, and ample amounts of Action. Start by saturating the cotton with the Dis-Spray and Halt Cavity, followed by Dryene II. At this point all the cotton should be saturated with chemicals.
The next step is to transfer the body to the prepared sheet. The more hands the better here or a mechanical lift would greatly assist in the task. Once the body is on the table, an ample amount of Action should be placed over and on the body surfaces. Another layer of cotton should be placed over the body and the cotton layer saturated with two bottles of Dryene II and two bottles of Halt Cavity.
Now the final sheeting and wrapping can take place. Another plastic sheet is placed over the body and tucked in around the edges and the three large strips are drawn up to tie the sheets together. White mortuary tape completes the process to have the body ready for final placement in the pouch.
Then transfer the body to the pouch and zip it up. A precautionary application of Perma Seel can be applied to the zipper to further eliminate any odors which could permeate through. As the final step, the body is now ready for placement in a protective casket, and this should give you peace of mind for calling hours and services.
Ultimately, the tragedy showed there were many shortcomings in the response plans of all the agencies involved, but all of them through sheer determination just got the job done. For the nightclub owners, the band, and other associated agencies, the blame fell on the installation of the foam, the use of pyrotechnics, overcrowding, the lack of overhead sprinklers, the lack of training for the employees at the club, and negligence by the local fire inspectors. Many agencies and sponsors were sued, and
the families and survivors were awarded over 176 million dollars. Only two people would go to prison, and for a relatively short time. Ultimately, in July 2003 countless fire codes were updated in Rhode Island and eventually the entire United States in order to save lives and to prevent this type of tragedy from happening again.
The Station Nightclub Fire would be infamously known as the fourth deadliest nightclub fire and the deadliest rock concert in United States history. For the funeral directors involved, they had never seen or experienced a tragedy like this before, and in the small state of Rhode Island, who could imagine that they would? They all stepped up, but it is a warning. This could happen at any time and in any place and being prepared and knowing how to handle cases such as the ones encountered at the Station Nightclub Fire, will go a long way to serving the families with dignity and compassion. As a final act of remembrance, a permanent memorial to the victims was dedicated in May 2017 on the original site and remains as a reminder of the tragedy and as a symbol of hope that it will never occur again anywhere.
If you would like to be added to the mailing list for the complementary Dodge Magazine which is printed quarterly or would like to discuss any of the products mentioned in this article, please contact us on the number below: Shepherds Funeral Supplies, Unit 2A Royal Canal Business Park, Athlone Road, Co. Longford. Ph. 00353 43 33 49702/ 00353 87 2486668
Bill is the Director of Technical Resources for the Dodge Company and covers the state of RI as sales representative. He has been a licensed funeral director and embalmer for over 20 years, and is a retired Colonel from the U.S. Army Reserves.
While SAIF promotes and protects your independent interests.
We know how much you value your independence.
The funeral industry may have changed but our passion for supporting our members has remained the same. We represent you on the issues that matter, from improving understanding of funeral pricing to influencing the legislation which a ects your future Let us take care of the big picture so you can focus locally on what you do best.
For over 30 years SAIF has been promoting and protecting the interests and values of independent funeral directors. Supporting our members is at the heart of everything we do, listening, responding and engaging to secure your independent future.
Visit saif.org.uk or call us on 0345 230 6777 or 01279 726777
As we start the new year, it is a good time to reintroduce the team at the SAIF Business Centre. Many of you may have spoken to the SAIF Business Centre at one time or another providing support and guidance both by phone and by email.
Terry Tennens
Chief Executive Officer
Claire Day Administration Manager
Kara Hanrahan SAIF Administrator
Maria Sherlock Membership Administrator (new applications)
Sam Reynolds Standards Administrator (Complaints & Quality Assurance)
Angela Camp
Digital Administrator
Any of the team can be contacted on 01279 726777, or by email info@saif.org.uk
For 2025 SAIF membership renewals have not been posted but members can renew by logging into the members area on the SAIF website https://saif.org.uk/login/. If you need assistance, then please call the Business Centre. Please make sure that you renew by 31st January 2025 to ensure that your membership and accompanying benefits continue.
SAIF membership continues to grow stronger and if you are not a member then please do not hesitate to visit the SAIF website https:// saif.org.uk/why-join-saif/, or call the office on 0345 230 6777 for further information.
Remember if you are a SAIF funeral director then you can also sign up free of charge to SLACK, a messaging application for businesses that connects with others within SAIF membership to share best practiced and receive SAIF updates.
Please email info@saif.org.uk if you have not yet signed up.
In 2025, the SAIF AGM Banquet Weekend will be held from 4th to 6th April 2025 at the Hilton Hotel, Glasgow. SAIF’s current National President, The National Executive Committee and the SAIF Business Centre are looking forward to welcoming delegates to the event.
As a taster of what to expect, the weekend commences on Friday with a welcome lunch where there will be the opportunity for members to meet associate members and catch up with colleagues. This will be followed in the afternoon with an interactive education session, whose speakers will be announced shortly.
On the Friday evening, we will be crossing the pond and going back in time to 1980’s Miami
The Hilton Hotel, Glasgow
where the hotel’s ballroom will be transformed into a casino. Members are welcome to get in the spirit of the event by donning shoulder pads, back combing their hair or dressing as Don Johnson – however this is optional.
On Saturday, the Annual General Meeting will be followed by lunch and then free time to explore Glasgow. Saturday evening is a black-tie banquet, with plenty of opportunity
to dance the night away to music by The Minogue Brothers and for those night owls the customary supper.
On the Sunday morning, we bade farewell to the current National President, Declan Maguire and welcome the 1st Vice President, Ross Hickton to take the reins of National President. Details on how to book this event can be found by visiting the SAIF website.
The National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors
The Annual General Meeting of the Society will be held on: Saturday 5th April 2025 at 09.30am at The Hilton Glasgow, 1 Williams Street, Glasgow G3 8HT
SAIF are pleased to announce that they will be hosting an Education Day on the 8th March 2025 at the Europa Belfast. Further information and how to book can be found on the SAIF website.
ONLINE
Anatomy & Physiology, plus many more CPD courses available through our website
(BIE Accredited tutor, Cyril Gantley) Professional and very Competitive Repatriation Service. Nationwide Collection and Embalming Service.
Daily Collections from Dublin Hospitals, Nursing Homes etc. (deceased can be then collected from our premises or delivered to your Funeral Home)
Fully Equipped Fleet of Private Ambulances
Mercedes Saloon Type Limousine now available for hire
Woodstock Ind. Est. Athy, Co. Kildare 086 0619500 059 8631541 085 7671582
www.mortuary-science.ie
When someone has died their life may have ended, but the love and memories we have with them can continue to be shared so that they can live on in our hearts forever. When we remember someone, they are always with us.
We understand that every loss is very personal, and everyone finds their own way to cope with that experience. Often though, comfort can be found by doing something meaningful. Setting up an NICHS Always In Our Hearts Tribute Page is an inspiring and positive way to remember a loved one and a very special online memory box to share memories, photos and videos, and honour the
memory of the person you have lost. The page is free to set up and yours to keep for as long as you wish.
You can share the link with family and friends near and afar to leave thoughts and messages, light a virtual candle, send a virtual gift, or make a donation to us in memory. These donations will help us make a real difference to the lives of people suffering from chest, heart and stroke
illnesses across Northern Ireland, as well as invest in life-saving research for the benefit of future generations. Everyone who makes a donation to your page will also receive a thank you from us, as long as we have their contact details.
To create your loved one’s NICHS Always In Our Hearts Tribute Page simply visit www.nichs.org.uk/tribute, email inmemory@ nichs.org.uk or telephone 028 9032 0184 and ask to speak to a member of the fundraising team about setting up a tribute page.
“If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart. I’ll stay there forever.”
A.A. Milne
The PEAI endeavours to provide support to its members. We are focused in promoting education and in encouraging members to keep up-to-date with developments in embalming in Ireland and worldwide. By providing additional training programs focussed on embalmers everyday work our association continues to successfully grow its member numbers.
We would like to welcome our newest members captured receiving their membership certificate at our recent AGM.
All our members follow the PEAI Code of Conduct which can be viewed on our web site along with our nationwide listing of members. www.professionalembalmers.ie
Gráinne Teefy MPEAI Mobile: 085-8570029
tina Burns MPEAI, MEAE
Mobile 086-3845446
Mobile: 087-8184283
The Northern Ireland Kidney Research Fund (NIKRF) has made groundbreaking news by donating £600,000 for medical research into kidney disease at Queen’s University Belfast. The gift will support the appointments of Scientific and Clinical Post-Doctoral Research Fellowships undertaking high quality kidney research in the Centre for Public Health at the University. Speaking at the launch, ViceChancellor Professor Sir Ian Greer said:
“Early detection of kidney disease allows cost effective treatment to be provided to minimise complications, improve quality of life, and increase survival. Earlier interventions can significantly reduce the risk of developing end-stage kidney disease that requires expensive treatments such as kidney dialysis and
Rev Jim McCaughan, Chair NIKRF presents the cheque to Professor Sir Ian Greer, President and ViceChancellor QUB
L-R Dr Gareth McKay, Reader in Centre for Public Health, QUB, Professor Jayne Woodside, CPH Director, Dr John Collins, Deputy Lieutenant, Sir Michael McBride, Chief Medical Officer DOH, Professor Sir Ian Greer, President and Vice-Chancellor QUB, Rev Jim McCaughan, Chair NIKRF, Councillor Micky Murray, Belfast Lord Mayor, Stephen Watson, Sports Presenter
transplantation.
“Queen’s has a proud history of conducting innovative, impactful and world-leading research, that has positively changed people’s lives. This gift will help transform kidney research at Queen’s, Northern Ireland and further afield, and will improve the lives of patients through innovations in treatment and care. It will also provide exciting opportunities for early-stage researchers to pursue kidney research that is directly relevant to the needs of patients with renal disease, their carers, and families, both in Northern Ireland and internationally.”
Email Susan Kee (NIKRF Chair) susannikrf@outlook.com www.nikidneyresearch.org
Terms and conditions apply - please see website for more details. https://nikidneyresearch.org/latest-articles/belfast-marathon-24/
Rev McCaughan, Chair of Northern Ireland Kidney Research Fund, emphasized the importance of this commitment, stating, “We are delighted to support this vital long-term commitment to kidney research via the Queen’s Foundation. The future depends on investing in people now; that is why we want to support the academic career development of kidney scientists and kidney doctors. They will be part of the teams ensuring Northern Ireland continues to lead by example in both kidney research and in the best care of those with kidney disease.”
We’re thrilled to share that NIKRF ambassador and renal nurse Hannah Johns, the reigning Miss Northern Ireland, will proudly represent our country on the global stage at the Miss World Competition! Hannah has chosen the charity NIKRF as her platform for the prestigious Beauty with a Purpose segment, raising global awareness of kidney disease and shining a spotlight on the importance of research.
Hannah has been passionately campaigning across Northern Ireland, championing vital conversations and making a real impact. Let’s cheer her on as she brings her compassion, expertise, and advocacy to the world stage. Best of luck, Hannah—you’re already a winner in our eyes! Quote from Hannah, ‘“The courage of these children and their families is beyond
inspiring,” Hannah said. “Today has opened my eyes to the challenges they face and the critical importance of supporting kidney research and care in Northern Ireland. I’m so proud to work with NIKRF to make a difference.”
Terms and conditions apply - please see website for more details. https://nikidneyresearch.org/latest-articles/belfast-marathon-24/
Hannah visiting a renal family at the Children’s RVH Belfast
www.nikidneyresearch.org
Eimer started her new position just before Christmas and is thoroughly enjoying it. Unfortunately though, it means we will no longer be receiving her fantastic articles for inclusion in Funeral Times. While we will deeply miss Eimer’s insightful and engaging articles, we wish her all the best, as this is an incredible opportunity for her to share her talent and knowledge with a bigger audience.
Through Funeral Times and her FIT Social Media company, Eimer has helped many Irish Congratulations to Eimer Duffy of FIT Social Media, on landing her new job at FSJ
funeral professionals to gain a better online presence and showed them how to engage more with their families and the public plus build communities online.
We wish Eimer all the best in this new role, it is very well-deserved, and we know she’ll do a brilliant job!
Further information and advice is available at www.fitsocialmedia.co.uk or you can get in touch via email: eimer@fitsocialmedia.co.uk
The campaign to add death, dying and bereavement to the National Curriculum continues, spearheaded by our own Past President and campaigner John Adams. Following the Westminster Hall debate last year, a number of MPs have put down questions in Parliament and expressed support for the campaign. John recently met with Sir Iain Duncan Smith MP in his Westminster Office, a great opportunity to canvas support for this incredibly important issue.
There were a whole host of issues for the sector that arose as a result of the Chancellor’s Budget in October, and the NAFD has been campaigning on behalf of members ever since. Of particular concern are both the increase to employers’ National Insurance contributions from 13.8% to 15% - which is set to add significantly to payroll costs for businesses - and the changes to business property relief, which
we are concerned may have a severe and long-lasting impact on members, reducing the incentive to invest, forcing premature business sales and affecting employment. On the latter point, we are working closely with Family Business UK and recently made a representation to the Chancellor via an open letter which called for a formal consultation on the proposed changes and proper impact assessment.
It has been a very busy time for the NAFD Quality and Standards Inspectorate since it moved back in-house.
Importantly, James Berry - a qualified funeral director - has joined the team. James is the fourth member of the Inspectorate team, and has been recruited to cover the Midlands, East Anglia and Yorkshire. Following the appropriate onboarding, James will be keen to meet members in these regions, carry out inspections and attend Area Federation and Local Association meetings, whilst building those allimportant networking partnerships.
Natalie Thomas, NAFD Senior Standards & Quality Manager, said: “Having been working as a team of three Standards & Quality Managers for quite a while now, this will have a positive impact on numbers.
“With regulation coming in Scotland, in March, and moves being made in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, focus on the activities and standards of funeral directors has never been
James Berry
higher. It’s really important that we are able to build relationships and carry out inspections to support our members in maintaining the highest level of standards.”
At the Autumn General Meeting, held on 28 November, a resolution was passed to align the NAFD’s General Meetings with a February and September schedule moving forward. This adjustment is reflective
of the change to the NAFD’s financial year end.
The NAFD is delighted to announce that the 2025 Conference and AGM, originally scheduled for May, will now take place from 1114 September 2025, at the
De Vere Cotswold Water Park Hotel near Cirencester.
Mark your calendar - this promises to be a truly engaging and rewarding event, and we look forward to welcoming you there.
Nick Britten, who supports NAFD members in Scotland and Northern Ireland, appeared on the Radio 4 consumer programme You and Yours in January to help raise awareness of the ongoing Facebook funeral livestream scam.
Nick, who has been involved in investigating the scam, appeared to highlight what people should be looking out for and how to avoid it.
Scammers target funerals by setting up fake Facebook pages purporting to be making available a live stream, or even asking for donations for charity or fundraising. They ask
people to “subscribe” to view the livestream and enter their credit card details. But victims are not only charged around
£10, they are potentially handing their credit card details over to criminals.
You and Yours featured someone who very nearly became a victim, along with NAFD funeral director Helen Horne, based in Warrington, who had customers targeted by the scam.
Nick said: “The only way we can work together to beat these scammers is to raise awareness so that people don’t engage with them. It’s a despicable crime preying on vulnerable people and the more we can do to highlight it and protect vulnerable people the better.”
The NAFD met with the Scottish Government Burial and Cremation team before Christmas to discuss some important issues.
Akey takeaway was that regulations laid before Parliament on Inspections, Burial Management and Burial Applications and Register were signed off by Parliament on 10 December and will now be valid when regulation comes into force on 1 March 2025. The process of recruiting and training inspectors is ongoing, and it is hoped that things will be in place on 1 March. It is likely that the Government will begin with a small number of
inspectors, maybe four or five, review how that is working and then scale up, if necessary, to meet demand.
Members have been asking about the situation around the introduction of alkaline hydrolysis, and the likelihood is that a working group will be set up to discuss and inform regulationssimilar to the working groups for licensing and inspections. It has been requested that the NAFD is included in the working group.
NAFD is working hard in Northern Ireland to find MLAs who will put their names forward to be a part of the All-Party Group on Funerals and Bereavement. The group was active prior to the previous pause of Assembly activity, and NAFD is keen to get it going again. Some of the difficulties lie in the fact that previous MLAs are no longer part of the Assembly following the most recent election, so the process has to start over again.
Assembly rules state a requirement for ten MLAs on the group, and almost half have agreed to join. Please consider contacting your MLA via email if you think they might be interested in being part of the group, which has proved a really effective way of putting the
needs of bereaved people and funeral directors in front of Assembly members and the ruling Executive.
For more details or further information please contact Nick Britten at northernireland@nafd.org.uk
NAFD recently wrote to members to inform them that the Public Health Authority (PHA) in Northern Ireland was seeking views on its draft corporate plan for the period 2025-2030. The draft plan sets out the strategic direction and priorities for the next five years.
The PHA is keen to hear the views of businesses to help shape its direction, and will soon publish details of consultation
events it is holding, which you may wish to attend.
While the PHA vision is to create a healthier Northern Ireland and, as such, focusses on improving health, there may be views you have as businesses or individuals that you would like taken into consideration.
The deadline for responses is 28 February 2025, and all information is available via the PHA website.
Treasured Keepsakes are once again adding to their range of jewellery. They have recently introduced two new beautiful pendants, the Pewter Filigree Heart and the Pewter Filigree Cross. “Our pewter pendant range allows us to provide different materials and different price points for families who would like to purchase a keepsake pendant” said Liza.
If you would like to view any of their products or would like to discuss how Treasured Keepsakes can deal directly with bereaved families on your behalf, please do not hesitate to contact them and they will be happy to discuss the options with you. In using their service you will enhance your business by giving the choice of a wide selection of products to your clients but at no extra cost to you.
For more information on any of their products or on how Treasured Keepsakes can work alongside your company contact Liza Webster on Tel: 01 8254579. From NI: 00353 1 8254579 or email:info@treasuredkeepsakes.ie or visit: www.treasuredkeepsakes.ie
Jennifer Muldowney is an International event planner for memorials based in the United States of America. Known as The Glam Reaper, Jennifer blends her extensive education in business, communications, and bereavement with a passion for modern memorial planning. As an award-winning memorial planner and speaker, she has made a significant international impact in the funeral space, advocating for personalised, and environmentally conscious funerals and digital legacies. Check out her Tedx Talk ‘Grief as Unique as your Heartbeat’ and ‘The Glam Reaper Podcast’ or Muldowney Memorials (.com) to learn more.
By Jennifer Muldowney
The European Grief Conference 2024, held in Dublin this past November, showcased groundbreaking research, innovative practices, and deeply moving personal accounts, creating a comprehensive overview of grief in its many dimensions. As someone immersed in the grief and memorial planning industry, I was struck by the diversity of approaches and the profound dedication to addressing this universal human experience. Hosted by the Irish Hospice Foundation in partnership with Bereavement Network Europe, RCSI University of Medicine and Health Sciences, and the Danish National Center for Grief, the conference aimed to unite researchers, practitioners, and educators to enhance bereavement care across Europe. The conference was structured around a four-tiered needs-based bereavement care model, focusing on:
• Level 0: Society – Grief Literacy, Advocacy &
Community
• Level 1: Normal Grief –General Awareness & Support
• Level 2: Bereavement
Support – Prevention & Risk Factors
• Level 3: Complicated Grief Reactions – Diagnosis & Treatment
Keynote speakers included:
• Prof. Samar Aoun (Australia): Discussed community-led approaches to grief.
• Dominic Campbell (Ireland): Explored knowledge creation in grief through national arts and cultural engagement.
• Prof. Pamela Grassau (Canada): Addressed “TruthTelling” and coming out in dying, grief, and loss.
• Tina Graven Østergaard (Denmark): Shared insights on grief in Greenland and collaborative social action.
The conference provided a platform for professionals to share knowledge, experiences, and research, fostering collaboration to improve bereavement care across Europe. While the event was a rich source of knowledge, insights, and shared wisdom, it was also a reminder of the complexities of translating research into meaningful action and connection. Some of the themes I related to:
• Cemeteries of the Future:
The presentation by Raum Für Trauer explored whether cemeteries can institutionalize therapeutic impacts on mourners. Their approach emphasized understanding mourning behaviours, designing spaces for the grieving, and transforming cemeteries into spaces for the living. This resonates deeply with my advocacy for sensory integration in funeral planning, as cemeteries should serve both the departed and those left behind.
• RISE Toolkit for Ritual Design:
Rooted in anthropology, this toolkit fosters the creation of personalized rituals to aid individuals and communities through loss. It highlighted the need for contemporary rituals that respect traditional structures while being adaptable to modern grief challenges.
• Writing as Therapy:
The Danish National Center for Grief’s presentation showcased how writing—especially letter writing—can be a powerful therapeutic tool. Writing letters to the deceased helps participants navigate unresolved emotions and fosters a sense of continued connection.
• Grief Retreats in Portugal: Alexandra Coelho’s project detailed a three-day therapeutic retreat offering
structured grief support. Feedback emphasized its transformative effects in helping participants process their pain in a safe space.
• Blue Christmas Ritual: Hosted annually by Our Lady’s Hospice in Ireland, this event provides a space for collective grief during the holidays. Using poetry, music, and symbols like snowflakes and stars, it addresses the dual process model of grief and fosters resilience.
• Online Bereavement Support: Research from the University of Edinburgh synthesized findings on internet-based interventions. Key benefits include cost-effectiveness, accessibility, and reducing stigma around grief support. However, barriers like variable IT literacy and lack of personal feedback persist.
• My Grief App:
This randomized trial from Uppsala University highlighted the app’s success in addressing symptoms of prolonged grief. User feedback underscored its calming interface and educational value, making it an accessible tool for bereaved parents.
Studies reflected on the unique challenges posed by pandemic-era funerals. Families expressed deep distress over restrictions but also recognized innovations like virtual funeral access as valuable for the future.
Only one session focused directly on funeral professionals: “Exploring Funeral Director Experience and Perceived Impact of Providing Funeral Services During COVID-19 Restrictions.” The presentation revealed the profound challenges funeral directors faced during
the pandemic, navigating unprecedented restrictions while striving to honour the dead and support the grieving. However, what struck me most was the noticeable absence of Irish funeral directors at the conference—save for one attendee. Why was this the case? Was it due to the cost of attending, the time commitment, or perhaps a disconnect between the conference’s content and the daily realities of funeral work? As someone deeply involved in the funeral industry, I found this lack of representation both perplexing and disheartening.
• Exploring Assisted Suicide
Presentations on assisted suicide, including its practices across various countries, shed light on this sensitive topic. Key discussions contrasted assisted suicide with conventional suicide, highlighting anticipatory grief and the complexities of family involvement.
• Community in Grief
One of the most riveting themes was the role of community in grief. As one speaker (I believe it was Professor Samar Aoun) poignantly shared, “If we continue to rely solely on professionals alone for bereavement support, like John Deeres’ Plough, the tools of bereavement will create a desert where a community once flourished.” This sentiment resonated deeply, reflecting a shared belief that grief needs a collective approach—neighbours, clubs, and local institutions stepping in to create spaces for healing.
Jarlath Burns, a GAA icon and president, in his welcome speech, emphasized this beautifully, describing the vital role of GAA clubs in fostering community support during times of loss. Clubs often offer their facilities for post-funeral receptions or organize guards of honour for grieving families, serving as anchors in their communities.
The conference’s rich diversity of topics reaffirmed my belief in a holistic approach to grief. From integrating sensory experiences into funerals to advocating for digital legacy tools, we must embrace innovation while respecting tradition. The conference leaned heavily on research and data, which, while enlightening, occasionally felt overwhelming. Many presentations offered fascinating insights but fell flat in delivery, with some presenters struggling to connect with the audience. It was clear that while these individuals excel in their fields, not all were equipped for the stage. Perhaps pairing researchers with skilled presenters or storytellers could enhance future conferences, allowing complex studies to be communicated in a more engaging and digestible manner.
Not all victories were academic. Rose Park Catering stole the show with their incredible Irish food fare. With vegetarian and vegan options seamlessly integrated into the menu, they set a gold standard for conference hospitality, proving that attention to detail extends beyond the sessions
themselves. It is something so small but I believe it is hugely important in any gathering. The European Grief Conference left me inspired yet contemplative. While it succeeded in fostering important conversations about grief and loss, it also underscored the need for more accessible presentations and a broader audience reach. The wealth of knowledge and innovation shared in Croke Park that week deserves to resonate far beyond academic circles.
From exploring communitydriven grief models to addressing the need for more inclusive and compassionate bereavement care, the conference painted a vivid picture of the future. However, it’s clear that a balance must be struck between research and real-world application— one that bridges academia, the medical and funeral professions, and community grief support systems. It highlighted the importance of interdisciplinary collaboration, whether through designing therapeutic cemeteries, crafting personalized rituals, or leveraging technology for wider access.
I remain deeply curious about how we can ensure greater representation, inclusivity, and collaboration across all facets of this vital work. As I continue my journey in this field, these insights will inform my practice, from memorial planning to public speaking. Grief, after all, is as unique as a heartbeat, and our responses must be just as varied and compassionate.
This 2005 Land Rover Defender, bought at a local council auction, is an example of both careful craftsmanship and care. With its bodywork in near-perfect condition, this Defender has been thoughtfully stripped back, repainted, and expertly converted into a bespoke funeral hearse.
The conversion process keeps the Defender’s signature rugged appeal while ensuring it meets the specific requirements for transporting loved ones with dignity and respect. The attention to detail in both the aesthetic restoration and functional conversion ensures that the vehicle stands out, blending modern funeral service standards with the Defender’s iconic off-road character.
This Defender hearse not only offers a unique and unconventional method of honouring loved ones, but it also keeps the reliability and timeless design of a Land Rover that has been carefully preserved and tastefully transformed into a fitting tribute vehicle.
For More information on hiring the Landrover Hearse, contact WT Morrison Funeral Directors T: 028 6632 2071
By Mattie Lennon
Idida small bit of amateur acting many decades ago but I don’t have any talents required by a thespian... except, I have the ability to belch to order. Why am I telling you this? Well, Hollywood didn’t call or even Dunlavin.
But when Wiggle woo film company was starting production on its first animated feature film, Tea with the Dead, the director, animator, designer and scriptwriter, Gary Gill tracked me down and asked me to do the voice of one of the characters; not because I have a rough, regional accent but because one of the characters, as written by Gary, is required to belch.
In the film Frank Finnegan is a Funeral director/embalmer in the village of Ballyconneely, Connemara but his
practice is not run of the mill. No. After he has disinfected, embalmed, washed and dressed the dead he has another unusual mission. He makes them a cup of tea and then brings them back to life. They talk and laugh over tea and biscuits, and basically tell their life story before Frank coffins them and sends them on their way. There are some interesting and amusing incidents before they reach the cemetery.
This film is a spin-off of a short award winning film of the same name which the company made in 2014. It was broadcast on TG4 and won best animation at festivals in Raindance and Rhode Island and was screened at festivals around the world.
Gary told me, “The short hit a chord
with our audiences all over the world, people cried, people laughed and people loved it. “
The ‘corpses” that Frank speaks to in the feature film all have sad stories but there is an uplifting joyous ending.
When the multi-talented Gary was asked by an interviewer what this film is all about his reply was a masterclass in brevity, “It’s about life, death and a packet of digestives.” In fact it is a charming story that takes the viewer
through the five stages of grief with the main character Frank Finnegan, voiced by Colm Meaney, “interviewing” the dead characters.
Watch out for Tea with the Dead. It is quintessentially an Irish film but its characters, its storytelling, its location and its language has a universal theme of grief and love. And you may pick up a trick or too on how to interview a corpse.
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By Dr Bill Webster
One of the familiar songs sung on New Year’s Eve around the world is “Auld Lang Syne” derived from a late-18th century Scottish poem by Robert Burns, whose day is celebrated on January 25th..
Growing up in Scotland, I often wondered why the New Year’s celebration known as “Hogmanay” seemed to be more important than Christmas Day. I recently discovered that 16th Century Scottish Reformation Puritans and Presbyterians actually “restricted and outlawed Christmas festivities”, deeming them “extravagant and superstitious”. (I wonder what they would think today?)
This absence of Christmas celebrations in Scotland made way for Hogmanay to take precedence as the main winter event. Certainly Christmas slowly eased its way back into Scottish traditions by the 18th-century, albeit privately, however, Christmas was not freely celebrated until it was “re-listed” as a public holiday as late as 1958.
“Auld Lang Syne” reflects upon old friendships, and begins with the question, “Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?” The answer is usually, “of course not”.
This holiday season is a time of reminiscence. We remember the people we know with Christmas cards, phone calls and texts and, for the fortunate and best loved, our gifts and Amazon cards. It is always nice to know that people are thinking of us.
But what of those loved ones who have died?
Every Christmas Eve, I think of my dear old Scottish Granny, who died on that day 70 years ago. “Should auld acquaintance be forgot?” No, never. I have precious memories of her and her kindnesses, and a few photographs and keepsakes to remind me of her. And the same goes for other grandparents, parents, my late wife and many
other significant people in my life who have gone before.
I have many happy memories of Christmas’ with my two sons after their mother died. I always tried to make it special for them, as every parent would. Admittedly, since my son Steve died, Christmas has become more reflective as I think back on the 40+ festive occasions we shared together. But I don’t hide away from that. I want to remember the times we had, and even though he won’t be here for Christmas ever again, I make the most of it with his daughter, his brother, my wife and my other grandchildren, and try to make it special for them all.
The death of those important people in our lives but who are no longer with us must never be allowed to generate amnesia about their memory.
Memories are vitally important after any loss, yet often neglected. In a culture where we are frequently encouraged not to think or talk about death, dying or grief, it is important to realize that “grief invites us to remember, not to forget.” If you don’t believe me, ask any grieving person: “Are you thinking more or less about the person since they died?” Almost unanimously grieving people will say they are thinking about their loved one all the time, seemingly unable to get them out of their minds.
That happens for a reason. It is grief inviting us to remember. Sadly our culture seems to encourage us to forget. The attitude is that if we pretend everything is normal, act as if nothing has happened talk about our true feelings, somehow we won’t have to face the harsh realities that are part of a death.
Surely this is the ultimate denial, for something has happened.
Circumstances have meant that life has changed, and indeed will never be the same again. The
Co-Founder of When Life Changes, Dr Bill Webster
Delivered by you - in the comfort of their
So much more beneficial to me than any counselling have received to date from the and GP.
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When Life Changes offers funeral directors a platform to support their families on their grief journeys.
With personalised content, a team of industry experts and a focus group of funeral directors endorsing our content - find out how we can support your business with your own unique platform.
Dr. Bill Webster understands grief not just in theory, but also from personal experience. In his book, “First you Hurt, Then you Heal”, Dr. Bill outlines a road map for the grief journey in a series of articles that take us through the process. He begins with a chapter entitled “I Didn’t Plan for This” that gives people an understanding of what they may experience in the early days after a loss. The book then goes on to give us an understanding of grief, some insights into various situations of loss, and some strategies to help us work through the process. This book will be a helpful resource for those who are going through a grief process as well as containing much relevant and practical information for those who would like to know what they can say and how they can help someone who has experienced a significant loss. It will also serve as a basic knowledge and layman’s guide for those in the helping professions such as nurses, teachers, funeral directors and those who seek to support grieving people, young and old, through their work. “First you Hurt, Then you Heal” provides practical, down to earth and effective insight into one of the most difficult topics and most misunderstood experiences of life.
issue becomes how can we come to terms with and accept these changes, ones which we may not like or have wanted, but which are our new reality nonetheless?
Recalling or reliving memories can help us come to terms with tragic situations in several ways: 1. Retelling the story can help to make it believable.
Often when we hear bad news or some crisis happens, our initial reaction is to say, “I can’t believe it.” Such is the shocking impact that our mind seems unable to absorb it. But every time we hear the story again or have it confirmed in some way, it becomes more real, more believable. 2. Memories help us put things into perspective.
In times of crisis, people constantly focus on that traumatic situation all the time? Often all they can see, think or talk about is the death, their current situation and the misery associated with it. Many times, when thinking about loved ones, the only pictures that seem to come to mind are images of the death. Or just as difficult, we recall them in their final days of age, infirmity or injury when they were suffering. Sometimes that is the only picture we can see, and often it’s not pretty. Somehow we get fixated on our present reality, and define our whole lives by what is happening now. But this is not the only picture. There are other snapshots, positive pictures of good times and better days.
Re-living our memories can help us see another picture, often a broader, more comprehensive and realistic one. Focussing on the memories of their life helps to soften the difficult images of their death.
We have to put the death in the context of the life. Helping someone remember the better days does not deny the present reality. Blending the two merely serves to put the difficult memories of the death or loss into a more meaningful and gentler framework. And surprisingly, with time, people find themselves able to think back on relationships they lost with fond and happy memories rather than with overwhelming sadness.
First you Hurt, Then you Heal: A Road Map for the Grief Journey (Kindle Edition) is available to buy on Amazon.
“Auld acquaintance” should never be “forgot”, because things that are “never brought to mind” get stuck in the deep recesses of prolonged grief and resentment.
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