Anthology

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A n

a n t h o l o g y

w o r k s a

i s

c h o s e n

c o l l e c t i o n

p l a y s ,

a

b y o f

s o n g s ,

c o l l e c t h e

c o m

p o e m s ,

o r

s

e x c e r p t

A N Tf iHc tOi oLn OaGn tYh o l o g y i s u s e cEo D l l Ie T c tI i O o nNs o f s h o r t e r w a s

s h o r t

u s u a l l y f o r

s t o r i e s c o l l e c t e d

p u b l i c a t i o n .

a n d i n t o

s h o a


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t i o n

o f

m p i l e r . h o r t

t s . d

I t

m a y

b e

WORDS

g e n r e

c a t e g o r i z e

o r k s

o r t

l i t e r a r y

s t o r i e s ,

I n

t o

A NTH O L O GY

s u c h

n o v e l s ,

s i n g l e

v o l u m e

After a long journey, comes the time of what we call: visit. Reopen what we have been dwelling on, then put them together one by one before we start the new trail.


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A NTH O L O GY

ABOUT A GIRL

SOPHIE

PELLEGRIN


MY CHILDHOOD WAS HAPPY AND I WAS VERY FORTUNATE” 5

“All in all, my childhood was happy and I was very fortunate. My family was close and loving, and my older sister was my best friend,” Sophie Pellegrini began telling me about her childhood. She was born in 1993 in Washington, DC. Raised in Potomac, Maryland, and now live in Lewiston, Maine, where I attend Bates College.

I

“Many of my best childhood memories involve her. I was very sensitive and introverted, so I spent a lot of my time reading, writing, crafting, and exploring the little woods in my backyard. I had a vivid imagination, which was a mixed blessing. I grew up in a close-knit, family-oriented neighborhood based around community. Some things about it were wonderful-for instance, I grew up swimming on the neighborhood swim team, easily the best experience of my life and where I made many of my best friends-- but sometimes, it felt small and uninspiring to me, particularly as I reached high school.“

A NTH O L O GY

“Since when do you learn Photography?” I ask her again. “I first discovered Flickr through my sister in 2007.” “I was fascinated by the way people created a whole new world in their photos, and was drawn to the beautiful images people created.” “ I bought a digital camera and began to take photos myself. I studied it with the help of online forums, but mostly through trial-and-error photo shoots. Since then, I’ve taken a short portrait photography class in 2009 and a class in 2010 to learn how to use the dark room. That led me to really explore film-polaroid, instax, medium format, 35 mm... lots of different forms. I’ve also taken Photography classes at college. Sometimes I think my own experiences will teach me more about photography than a class ever could, though.”


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“self-express,

to experience “Why Photography? What did you feel?”

“When I first began photographing, it was a way for me to self-express, to experience catharsis and make peace with my world.” “ Over time, it became something I love for so many more reasons. Creation has always been in my blood-- I come from a family of artists and have been crafting and creating for as long as my memory goes back. Photography satisfies that itch. It gives me such satisfaction to see an image in my head and find the way to create it for others to see, too. I love the explorative process of learning through experience: the experimenting, the failing, the learning, the succeeding.” “You’ve done a lot of projects” “Tell me about your project... just 1 of them..” “While I was at school, I had a final semester project in Photography 2 in which I could really do anything, as long as it resulted in a cohesive body of work. I choose to take photos using an overhead screen projector. It was an idea that struck me in a dream, where I saw images of skeletons projected onto human bodies. I was fascinated and decided to build on the idea. I experimented with different images and the way they projected onto the human body of my models. It was tricky to figure out the lighting most of all, but it was a very rewarding shoot.”

catharsis and

make peace with my world”

I create the art I

knowing some pe

understand it, bu

and that that is o


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A NTH O L O GY

“Who inspired you?” “I am blessed to have a father who is interested in art and photography himself. He always supports this passion of mine, and has knowledge about the art to help me learn. He has found a way to balance the passions in his life and still be successful and have a loving family. I will strive for that. “

want to create,

eople will never

ut that some will, “And you always capture many woman, why? who is the woman in your pictures? How about men?” “When I first starting to take photos, the only people I featured in them were myself or my sister. I was too shy and self conscious to ask other people to photograph them, and I felt as though my friends wouldn’t understand. So it was easiest to take photos of the two people I knew wouldn’t judge me-- myself, and Leah, my older sister and best friend. Over time, I’ve grown into myself and moved past the fear of what other people will think. I create the art I want to create, knowing some people will never understand it, but that some will, and that that is okay. That being said, I’ve never had much access to any boys who would enjoy being photographed in the way I’d like to photograph them. I’d like to change that soon, though, and feature more males in my shoots. I definitely have shoots in mind that involve men, I just haven’t been able to execute them yet.”

okay.

On the sidelines of the talks, we heard the strains of a song from Bon Iver. “Ahh, I like this song” “Something about Justin Vernon’s lyrics and melodies breaks my heart every time I hear his songs. I can’t explain it fully, but his music really speaks to me. And it’s perfect to play when I’m editing photos or on a shoot.” I nodded. and we were silent for a moment in the rhythm of the song “Sometimes, there are still questioning whether it is digital or analog, how do you think?“ “I really think there is validity to both forms. Photographers should use the form that they are most drawn to, in my opinion. It’s art-there is no right or wrong. It would break my heart to see analogue disappear, though; I hope it remains available for as long as digital photography does. I just believe analogue should not be pushed away because it’s less “simple.” The extra steps you must take to shoot film can make the finished project 10 times more rewarding than creating a digital image. I think there are things that can be done with both forms that cannot be found in the other. “ “I use both. I am really drawn to the way analogue looks for many types of photo subjects, so I tend to edit my photos to look like film, because it often suits the feeling I am trying to create. But sometimes I think the effects of digital are more appropriate for a shoot.”


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Hideaki

Hamada h t t p : / / w w w. fl i c k r. c o m / p h o t o s / h a m a d a h i d e a k i /

A NTH O L O GY


“FOR ME, A NTH O L O GY

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TAKING PHOTOS

“I started to shoot when I was in high school. Shortly after Haru was born I became more aware of act of shooting. Thereafter, I got amedium format camera, Pentax67. It changed my view of the photography.” Hideaki Hamada, a japanese photographer who live in Osaka. The first saw his photography is from flickr. He was born January 18th, 1977 in Awaji Island. It’s in Hyogoprefecture. There are beautiful natural sceneries. “Sometime in the future, I wanna get back to there. And I want my sons to grow up in there, like I had done in my childhood.” He said.

IS KNOWING MYSELF”

I n t h i s w a y i t i s p o s s i b l e t o d i s c o v e r a s p e c t s o f o u r s e l v e s w h i c h w e n e v e r k n e w e x i s t e d b e f o r e .

“For me, taking photos is knowing myself.” He tell me about the reason doing photography. “By looking at the world through a view finder, people can see what’s happening in front of them more objectively. In addition, we can remember what we were feeling and thinking about in those moments by looking at the photos. In this way it is possible to discover aspects of ourselves which we never knew existed before. And my feeling is that this repetition of thought is what constructs my world.”


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A NTH O L O GY

“You always capture the moment your family, especially your children. What your reason to do it?” “Children always act more than I expect. The inspiration for my photography comes from this sort of behavior. Though I direct some of my photographs, in most cases I take pictures of my children just as they are. What I want to show is their (living form). When I take photos of my children, the important thing is to maintain an objective perspective. Not too close, but also not too far away, as if I am watching them from behind. Something close to mere observation, I think. Obeying this rule gives the photos a universal quality. I believe that this universality is necessary to communicate their living forms to someone else.”

“Children always act more than I expect” “Although photographers usually tend to want to snap pictures at certain specific moments, children don’t smile or cry all the time. Rather, they don’t have any special facial expression much of thetime. I want to use photography to keep their living forms in that day-to-day world.”


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“ T H I S W AY , T H E H I G H LY E X P R E S S I V E FA C E S T H AT T H E Y O C C A S I O N A L LY M A K E W I L L L O O K MORE LIFE-LIKE,

AND WILL PRODUCE P H O T O G R A P H S T H AT W E W I L L N E V E R G E T T I R E D O F L O O K I N G A T .”


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GUY BOURDIN SED UCTIVE DERRIERE,

FINE LEGS,

AND PHOTOGRAPHY By: Brigitta Isabella

A NTH O L O GY


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PORNOGRAPHIC? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH. THIS IS ART.” A NTH O L O GY

The brown haired girl, with her face shrouded in thick make up, in contrast with her pale white skin and indeed her flawless derriere. Out of her mouth is red-flaming blood. The blood color looks false, more like the color of nail polish On the other part is a naked girl lying on a desk, wearing the same thick make up and pale skin tone. Beside her is a girl on white-patterned blue dress, blank stare with her neck tangled to a rope. A famous French photographer in the 70s, a genius behind these photographs. Guy Bourdin was known as an obsessive. No proof ever found that explain if he had some kind sexual disorder, but it cannot be denied how he usually treats his models is rather strange. Bourdin, in most of his works, tend to use extreme saturation colors; blood red, light green or vivid yellow which are not convenience for eye to stare, contrary with the dark stories offered. All seems surreal and absurd—sensual and provocative. His works are a stopping scene, a neatly arranged inadvertent script. They look static, remind us of the early emersion of photography in which a very long exposures technique was used—when architecture is still photographer’s favorite photo object.


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A NTH O L O GY

Traces of tendency from Boudin’s works could be found on Man Ray kind of surrealism, for whom Boudin worked as assistant and claimed that he adores him so much. The painter Rene Magritte and Balthus also inspired Boudin’s works, while inspiration from Luis Bunuel’s films can be seen on how Bourdin constructs his photo work like still film, an absurd cut of scene. Well known as Vogue’s custom fashion photographer, I am questioning: What is it being offered by Bourdin on his fashion photos? Is it not usually full of beautiful girls who smiles while wearing haute couture outfits, illuminated by glamorous light? Boudin’s photo works is fashion photo revolution. He rejects “tyranny of a product” on conventional advertising photography. He was the first photographer who made complex narration on fashion photography, where the object of fashion is no more the main focus. Image of the narration he made, has independent existence and the fashion products are there only to complete the narration. He has brought fashion photography to a new level. He never care about commercial interests, fashion is just a way to realize his idea. His works are often being compared with his colleague’s, Helmut Newton who also works for Vogue. Both love to show the naked and tortured bodies of women. However, different from Helmut who always uses monochrome colors and exploits sadomasochist erotic, Boudin’s always have a tragic narration of stories that had happened or will happen—there will be so many questions without answer when seeing his works.


TEND TO USE EXTREM 15

A NTH O L O GY

SATURATION COLORS

BLOOD RED, LIGHT GR OR VIVID YELLOW” THE MISTERIOUS FLAWLESS LEGS

FASHON PHOTOGRAPHY AND FINE ARTS

In 1967-1981, Bourdin was exclusively contracted by the shoes company Charles Jourdan and by that time Bourdin was doing so many explorations of legs photos. On some occasion, Bourdin made some photo series of calf-long cut legs (wearing Charles Jourdan’s) which wander on weird and bizarre parts. Shoes have become fetish object in Bourdin’s hands, either as the object of desire or as the focus of a script.

In the 60s, photography had been accepted as part of fine arts and since then its existence had been aligned with paintings. Its position as a medium was no more being questioned but the narration which could be seen on the photograph is the only thing that matters. One of the photographers in that time is Cindy Sherman who introduced narrative style of photography.

One of the most memorable advertising photography is in 1975, when Bourdin photographed a car accident scene with police line indicated a girl victim’s body which was lying with the Charles Joudan shoes tragically. This photo doesn’t look like fashion photography at all. Strong flash light makes it looks like amateur journalistic snapshot. Nevertheless, that is how Bourdin plays with esthetic value. By using his photo works, he criticizes the meaning of esthetic which is not always pure in his opinion. He was questioning the hypocrisy and arrogance of fashion. On this photo, he kills as well as promotes the shoes image. Result? Charles Jourdan contracted him for 14 year.

However, turns out that on the body of photography itself, there are still a kind of hierarchy which “has not finished yet”. Since photography is able to be done by many people, either professional or amateur, the boundary between art and not art on photography becomes a little bit more complex than on painting which is more exclusive. Likewise fashion photography in general will be defined practically, simply as a medium to promote a fashion product. Fashion photography is no different with commercial advertising. Nonetheless, in the contemporary arts, the visual elements in design and advertising have melted and blurred the boundary. Either fashion or fine arts has fused each other, either photography or fine art has inspired each other. In Bourdin’s case, his fashion photography has been beyond the fashion itself, fashion object is just there to realize his obsession of art—or the obsession of his models’ fine derriere. Bourdin’s photos are no more speaking about fashion, but more about its substance: esthetics.


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VALECIA CHERCI

FEELING,

DREAM

AND MEMORY


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Valeria Cherci was born in a small Sardinian village where she grew up and lived till the age of 19. Then she moved to Rome to study Industrial Design. After her BA she spent some time in Edinburgh and she is currently based in London attending her MA in Fashion Photography. “The memory of my childhood is for me unbelievably vital. It is an explosion of strong and pure feelings, smells, tastes, fear and nightmares, colors, curiosity, daydreams, the countryside, the smell of the mow, the incense in the church, the coolness of the floor... I am deeply grateful to my family for childhood they gave me.” She told me oneday…


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“IT IS JUST THE BIGGEST PART OF MY SELF”

w w w. v a l e r i a c h e r c h i . c o m


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“Since when do you learn Photography?” I ask her again. “I’ve always liked taking pictures as memories of my life but i’ve started looking at photography in a different way about four years ago” “I’ve started cause of the influence of my aunt, sister and a dear friend of mine. Also, I’ve always wanted to paint art but I am totally hopeless at, so i tried to turn my creativity into photography” “Now I can say that photography is what I am, there is no reason, it is just the biggest part of my self.” “What does it feel to make Photography?” “It depends on the mood. We can always feel something, this is the important think to make you feeling alive.” “What do you want to share through your works?” “My feelings, my dreams, my memories.” “I’ve seen your photos, and youre still use film” “I like the whole process. I like the confidence i must have in your skills, the waiting, the surprise, the editing, the colors, the grain” “I am pretty regular in my habits, i don’t like changing lot of different cameras but sometimes i feel the need to shoot digital as well” then she smiling. “Now, what do you think of your own artwork? tell me about your works” “They made me the same question during the interview for my MA. I couldn’t find an answer sorry” “I just need to grow up so much!” “Hahaha, okay” “Then you say you wanna share your dream with photography, what is your biggest dream?” “To be a successful fashion photographer, if not to fly with no fear or to be forever 23 years old!”


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ANITKABIR

DEVI GUNAWAN

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A NTH O L O GY

All countries have a “hero” on their independence history. Even if you don’t have any idea on Turkey history you should have read Turkish Independence War and heard of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, the founder of today’s secular Turkish Republic and one of the great figures of the 20th century. Last august i visited Turkey for holiday, and now i will share my experience when i was visiting Anıtkabir (Atatürk’s Mausoleum), which stands in the middle of Ankara. Anıtkabir is the symbol of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk and the Turkish Republic. Atatürk died on November 10, 1938 . Then an international competition was announced for a mausoleum, specifying that the designs should symbolize the achievements and personality of Atatürk and through him the Turkish nation. This magnificent mausoleum, Anıtkabir, was completed in 1953 and is a synthesis of antique and modern architectural themes proving the elegance and strength of Turkish architecture.


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odern Turkey today

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Visitors approach this imposing building along a road bright with flowers through a park. As you climb the steps three groups of statutes comes into sight describing the mourning after Atatürk’s death. These statues are in front of two 10-meter high towers. Behind the statues stretches the Lion Road, lined by 24 statutes of Hittite lions, which are symbolizing serenity, power and protectiveness. On the exit of Anıtkabir towards Cankaya two towers stand on the two sides of the stairs, which are called “23 Nisan” and “Misak-ı Milli”. The area following these towers is organized as Atatürk Museum. Atatürk’s civil and official cloths, his personal belongings, various gifts presented to him, many documents and photos are being exhibited here. You can pass to Inkılap (Reform) Tower from the museum Thorough a small gate and the inside is organized as Atatürk Library. There are several books written in Turkish or in foreign language belonging to Atatürk. These books and handwritten notes of Atatürk create a large archive. But so sad it’s prohibited to take pictures inside the tower.


SYMBOLIZE THE ACHIEVEMENTS AND PERSONALIT OF ATATĂœRK AND THROUGH HIM TH TURKISH NATION 23

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Anitkabir is a must if one ever wants to begin to understand the complexities of Turkish nationality. The Anitkabir, as well as the variety of people it draws, represents much of what modern Turkey is today. Anitkabir offers a scenic panorama of the city and Turkish history.


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DIANE ARBUS AND THE PURSUIT OF BEING

By: Ayomi Amindoni

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A NTH O L O GY

“There are and have been and will be an infinite number of things on earth. Individuals all different, all wanting different things, all knowing different things, all loving different things, all looking different. Everything that has been on earth has been different from any other thing. That is what I love : the differentness, the uniqueness of all things and the importance of life... I see something that seems wonderful; I see the divineness in ordinary things”

Diane Arbus (1923-1971) Many are familiar with Diane Arbus and identify her as a “photographer of freak”. This is because most of Diane Arbus’ photo objects are people with distinguish uniqueness including dwarfs, nudists, giants, transgenders, and disabled people though she also took numerous normal people as her objects. But still, all of Arbus’ works show distinct unique poses from the objects. Photos with straightforward gazes and natural yet eccentric expressions made Arbus one of the most influential photographers in the 20th century. Arbus was the first American photographer to show her works in Vennice Biennale, not to mention that her works are also up on the Museum of the Modern Arts (MoMA), New York.


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A NTH O L O GY

So who is Diane Arbus? What make her works are uniquely controversial? Many contest, but many follow too; not only imitate her objects and style but also the technical side, the cameras and flashes. Her works are definitely worth to be checked out!

Who is Diane Arbus ?

Diane Arbus was born in a well-off Jewish family, which owned a fashion company in Central Park West, New York. Born in a loaded family did not make her feel ‘normal’ , “I grew up feeling immune and exempt from circumstance. One of the things I suffered from was that I never felt adversity. I was confirmed in a sense of unreality.” Her photography journey was started when she married the photographer of her parents’ fashion company, Alan Arbus, when she was 18. Alan was in charge with the camera and Arbus assisted as the stylist/art director, they supported each other. The business enjoyed great success but stressful. The couple was perfect but often they had different views on the photo concepts. Allan explained, “When Diane felt O.K., I would be in the dumps, and when I would be exhilarated, she would be depressed.” The team split professionally, followed with divorce between the two. Arbus then learned photography from Lisette Model, who is a major influencer in Arbus’ works in capturing social phenomena. Model encouraged Arbus to explore her interests in abnormality. Arbus reflected it through street photography with a touch of human interest. She was working as a freelance photojournalist for Esquire, The New York Times, Harper’s Bazaar, and Sunday Times.


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A NTH O L O GY

CAPTURE SOMETHING HIDDEN BEHIND Arbus mainly used Twin Lens Reflect Rolleiflex and 120 mm film. She also utilized direct flash, even during the day, to separate the object from the background. This technique was later adopted as a basic technique for journalistic photos. Arbus also tend to take the objects in frontal poses, not minding the composition. Technically, nothing is really special with her works yet she has an amazing ability in approaching her objects. Most are very eccentric with distinguish unique personas, although often perceived as fringes in the normal life scenes.

THE EXISTENCE OF HUMAN. By looking on few of her works, nothing is really special from the photos. They are just like another documentary photos. Yet in those ‘common’ photos, Arbus is able to capture something hidden behind the existence of human. Especially, the ones she called “bad pictures” which shows the unique people, “It’s important to take bad pictures. It’s the bad ones that have to do with what you’ve never done before. They can make you recognize something you hadn’t seen in a way that will make you recognize it when you see it again.”


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A NTH O L O GY

The essence e of our e The unique objects, from transgenders, a circus dwarf or a group of nudist maybe are common objects, but she could approach them in-depth, literally and emotionally. Like one of her works, which shows a man with hair rolls, and “home fashion style” or dwarf on his bed, or even expressive nudist couple in their living room. This made her works gained title as shocking pictures and often controversial.

In her book, “On Photography”, Susan Sontag explains Arbus’ photos as self-disclosure. Arbus took her objects without their ‘masks’, in a candid-manner, like a child with grenade on his left hand with a very bizarre pose.

Her works are revealing the alienated and dejected essence of their existence. This raises a question: if Arbus take our picture, do we have better poses? Or they will be just same like the lady with thick make-up and no expression, which she took in a park? Or like a dazed transgender on his bed? No no, we cannot guarantee we will perform a better pose; we will be as alienated and miserable as they are. And this is our essence of being. The essence of our very existence.


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exist ence.

A NTH O L O GY

In Sartre’s existential phenomenology, he perceived this phenomenon as “Being for Others”—they exist as conscious creatures in other conscious creatures’ world. When we see Arbus’ photo object, their form is only form of its own. Then we are fully conscious about ourselves when we are object for others’ perception. The alienated consciousness of ourselves, secluded in an identity and our relationship with each other, is what Arbus reflected on her works. It could be argued that for Arbus the most valuable thing is not the photograph itself, the art object; it was the event, a sense of otherness.

It could be argued that for Arbus the most valuable thing wasn’t the photograph itself, the art object; it was the event, a sense of otherness...


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Amelia Wirogo

Le Memoirs

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fur:

Michelle Rodhes

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So I think fur:

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plagiarism is Suddenly that guy sent me a facebook message. He called himself Desta. He proposed to

useful, interview me for his independent zine. Through

of course quite long electronic exchanges, between my own bustles,

in a learning finally I get to finished the questions he gave me.

context.�

FRANSISCA RETNO


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A NTH O L O GY

The story started when I was just another common girl. Yes, in her earlier days, Fransisca Retno is a common girl just like any other girl in her age. Raised in a pious catholic-Javanese family and spent her school days in catholic schools, St. Joseph Kindergarten (Bandung), St. Maria Elementary School (Surabaya), and Regina Pacis Junior High School (Jakarta). When I was young, I was always moving around following my parents’ work. Maybe that experience influenced my personality, the little me was shy and introvert, because I did not have friends. My days were filled with drawing, as my new friend. I was not as proficient as now. At that time I explored on anything, from the floor until the wall even my mom’s lipstick was once a victim. My mom also bought me comics and illustrated storybooks. That was the first time I learned a structured drawing, by copying the contour shape of my favorite characters. So I think plagiarism is useful, of course in a learning context.

As I grow up, I decided to get out from my comfort zone and looking for experience as much as possible. Esthetic experience, I named it. After I graduated from junior high school, I rebelled against my parents’ path and went into a public high school, 78 High School. My artsy soul was slowly nurtured although the facilities were not sufficient. I was once part of creative team for the school’s magazine, but I felt there was not enough room for development if I stayed in the world that worships science. After high school I went through a dilemma: my talent, interest, and passion are obviously in arts, especially fine arts, but social judgments and demands at that time forced me to compromise and took communication visual design major in Faculty of Fine Arts and Design, Trisakti Univeristy. At that time I did not fully understand what and how graphic design world is. Talent and personal drive helped me to survive so I could finish my study faster in 3,5 years. But life and passion always steered me to the illustration world. Many times I tried to do office works as a graphic designer—in a local advertising, fashion magazine, children magazine, and as an art instructor in a children art tuition. Yet the “office-pattern” graphic designer has never gotten me. Given the regular after-hours system.


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When I was a university student, I often recruited to be the lecturers’ assistant, mostly for drawing courses, until one day one of the seniors introduced me to an illustration community, Maros Visual Culture Initiative.

1

Big brother in Javanese

Maros is a formation of idealism of Adikara and David Tandayu. Two most influential people in making me decided to do arts. Both of them are lecturers. Mas1 Adikara, initiator of Maros, is now a lecturer in Trisakti University and Bina Nusantara University, while, David was a senior, fellow alumnus of Trisakti University. He is now a lecturer in Bina Nusantara University as well as continuing his master’s degree in Anthropology in University of Indonesia and taking care of Maros. In Maros, I was taught about the concept of aesthetic, aside from technique and media. Is aesthetic has always to be neat, organized, systematic proportion or is chaos could be seen as aesthetic? Beautiful in its own flaws. My perspectives were opened about the aesthetic concepts and became richer because I explored new rooms to see from different angles.

In the exhibition, Siklus (cycles), I exhibited illustration works. My Maros assignments were on display and appreciated by my friends, both illustrators and non-illustrators. I felt like I started to fall in love with this world. My label as an illustrator spread from mouth to mouth. Freelance opportunities slowly come; sometimes they were overlapping and endless but I am glad I have a community to help me when it was overlapping, or even give me a job when I was looking for one. Sometimes I also get jobs from friends outside the community. So, friends are my biggest assets. As an illustrator, I also work as temporary lecturer in Tarumanegara University since March 2010. Opportunities and experiences as a lecturers’ assistant for four years and my passion to share my knowledge made me chose that position. Lecturer is a profession that allows me to keep learning while teaching. From my passion to teach, I was motivated to continue my education in Master’s of Fine Arts, Bandung Institute of Technology. Both professions make me feel complete and balance.


“Who influenced you in your works?” After a long pause, the guy asked. If someone asked me who influenced me in my works, this is the hardest question. Obviously I am gado-gado2 , too many influenced me. When I was young, I was heavily influenced by Doraemon (Fujiko F. Fujio), Sailor Moon (Naoko Takeuchi), Glass Mask (Suzue Miuchi), Monika and Friends (Mauricio de Sousa), and others. Now I am inspired by the works from Indonesia local comic writers such as Akademi Samali, Mas Beng Rahardian, Sheila Rooswhita Putri, and the like. In the fine arts realm, Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera and his bestfriend Fernando Botero, Andy Warhol and his bestfriend Jean Michel Basquiat, and Jackson Pollock. These days I started to admire works of Indonesian artists from Bandung and Jogjakarta such as Tisna sanjaya, Agus Suwage, F X Harsono, Nyoman Nuarte, Bob Sick, Ugo Untoro and S. Teddy D. “What do you think about your own works?” My works are still at the experiment stage, not matured enough and still looking for identity. Yet some colleagues noticed my illustration style and character as children illustration with the use of cheerful colors. For learning-teaching needs, I am also able to do realist drawings based on western ideal proportion and perspective. “What do you feel when you are doing your artwork?” He asked again. The feeling is like when rushing to go to the toilet. After you reached the toilet, you feel relieved. Hahaha. Maybe you can call it universe’s force. When I have ideas in my mind I have to pour it into an artwork, I keep it in my head, it will become a nightmare hahaha a bit exaggerating. My own works which influence my life? Almost every single of them influences me, regardless of the size of the narration, because every artwork has background story. Even if as small as practicing, personal feelings, break-up aftermaths, trying to be thankful, until an idea for exhibition concepts. But when I am asked to choose, maybe I will choose my very first exhibition-quality canvas work titled Emulasi Fernando Botero:’Spank!’. My first work which interpreted the artwork of Latin American artist, Fernando Botero. Up until now, most of my income is supported from my freelance work as an illustrator. That is why, besides being an academician, I also have the mission to introduce illustration to the younger generation, to give realization for those who are called that there are things in this world, which are yet to be explored, and promised a relatively good income if done in a good manner. I also belief that with the commitment to this field, an artist could survive even create its own market and become a profession outside his idealism world.

Indonesian dish of cooked mixed vegetables and hard-boiled eggs served with a peanut sauce i.e. mixture of everything.

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RESATIO

ADI PUTRA

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What do you want to communicate with your works? What are most of them talking about? How about your media preference? Have you ever tried another media? What I am trying to express from my works is actually my personal complaint of situation around which is turn out not as it supposed to be. Resatio Adi Putra, was born in Bandung, Dec 26th 1986, raised in there as well. So far, he is working as a graphic designer at a magazine based in Jakarta, furthermore he is also a freelance graphic designer and illustrator. Since when have you been familiar with the art world? Who introduced you to it? For general art, it may be taught from very early by parents, just like prevalent. How we were given a paper and color pencil, and so on. However, to fathom its history, its philosophy, and the likes, maybe it has been since few years ago when I started to create my work. Through my works, I intend to bring out the presence and absence of time. I want people to see my work like it is stopping the time for a few moments and then after they turned their eyes, the time will start running back again. I use mixed media on most of my works and more likely a collage. I used to make pixel art, vector art, but there is no satisfaction I feel more than when making a collage. My collage style is influenced by surreal and dada style. I love how Max Ernst made his collage as well as Rene Magritte told people what’s on his mind.


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If you can dream it, you can do it

1

I also want to share a manifesto written by John Clowder;

-A Collagist ManifestoIf art is dead remix is its rebirth! Collage is not insemination, but reanimation. Its tools of production having more in common with those of Jack the Ripper than the fey artist. In the circle of life of the creative world collage artists are the endearing scavengers. We scour the public domain like circling vultures, and exhume from its tombs matter to piecemeal our frankensteins. Our resource constituency comprises obsolete adverts, morbid medical texts, bone atlases, and zoographic curios. Consequently, bone and exposed flesh are kindred to collage artists as they are our familiar inheritance, and it is mostly from these elements that I composed my creations.

Could it possibly that collage is not only for 2 dimensional media? Could 3 dimensional media or video be used as collage as well? Collage is not only for 2 dimensional media but can also being made on 3 dimensional media. It is called assemblage. There are some artists focusing on this kind of media. They usually make toys or diorama. Video and audio could also be used as collage media too. A simple example of audio collage is the sampling used on old school hip-hop music. In my opinion, collage is not far different from remix on music. This still a controversy of the world regarding is it legal or not. I feel this is interesting, remembering I was majoring law in the university. Modern collage started in the era of cubism art movement, the artist is Pablo Picasso. Nevertheless, after a while, Dadaism group developed this technique by sticking cuts of paper or anything they could find. Collage work is real close to dada and surreal movement. There is a dada artist I love very much and is very influential on my works. He is Max Ernst. Is there any specific technique? Actually, there is no special technique on making collage art. It’s just like drawing. We draw what we want, and so do on collage. We make whatever we want. We cut what we want and stick it.

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Everything 2 you can imagine is real

How to find the material? I usually use photos, illustration, whatever from old magazines, encyclopedias, old novels, and anything old. Digital or manual? Both.

So far, what’s the most influential work on your working process? I mean, from what you’ve done. Honestly, it’s been a while since I tried to make collage but at that time I had not decided to focus on it yet. There is my early collage art which convinced me to keep making collages. It’s titled “Ivori”. Who inspired you? Tell us who he/she is. Generally, it is my father who inspired me on my works. How he made juxtaposition on his collage is very inspiring my style on making collage. Rene Magritte, a surrealism artist. He also inspired me. How he executed paintings to make his works’ lovers curious and give more time to see deeper on his paintings (or at least for me). Jan Svankmajer, a film director which often uses stop motion on most of his films. He executed the stop motion differently and makes audiences have that some kind of weird feelings, awkward, nauseate, frowned, and the likes. One more, it’s Hayao Miyazaki. Yeah, everybody knows who he is.And the last, is Stanley Kubrick. What’s your biggest dream? Actually, I am facing this mid-life crisis. I don’t know what I’m going to do on my ages. I just want to keep making collages. There are so many quotes that I always remember, but I need more than that. So honestly, I still don’t know yet my biggest dream.

1

Walt Disney

2

Pablo Picasso


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“ART IS A PART OF CULTURE, “According to my birth certificate, I am Rega Ayundya Putri, or you can call me Rega. I was born in Surabaya and grew up in 3 different cities. My family finally decided to live in Jakarta, and after spending 9 years in Jakarta, I went to Bandung to continue my study. And now I go back and work in Jakarta.” That curly-haired girl was chattering in an afternoon accompanied by a cup of tea. I sat in front of her, watching her interesting gestures.

AND OUR CULTURE GIVES US AN

REGA OPPORTUNITY TO BE CONNECTED “Tell me more.” “What?” “Your childhood, how was it like?” “My childhood was spent with comic books and comic books and comic books. The first time I had to wear eyeglasses was when I was in elementary school. My mother said it’s because I often read while laying on bed, thus my parents allowed me to read comic books only on Saturday and Sunday.”

W ITH ART”

w w w. m e r e k a h . b l o g s p o t . c o m


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“Awake on Sunday Morning. I miss those cartoon movies every Sunday Morning!” “Even Indosiar had broadcasted Tokyo Babylon on Sunday Morning.” “Wow.” “There is one thing I dislike from my adolescence.” “What is it?” “My tardiness at following trend.” “My friends already liked Limp Bizkit when I still imitated Aya Matsura and Do As Infinity.” “I’m not sure if it was my fault or it was trend that went opposite from me.” “When was the first time you got involved in art?” “I believe that art is same as flu virus.” “You may deny and not recognize it, but it’s invading us from everywhere” “Art is a part of culture, and our culture gives us an opportunity to be connected with art since our early age” “So the first time we know art, I believe, is the moment when we firstly know about lines and colors” “But I got to seriously be involved in art when I took visual art as my major. ‘Art World’ is not a same thing with visual art; not every object can be acknowledged as ‘art’ here.” “How about illustration?” “I came into illustration when there was a graphic design or illustration request for me. That was where I tried to turn my drawing into illustration, into something that can be easily accepted, from something personal to something lighter and commercial.”

“You used to study Sculpture, didn’t you?” “What is the difference between illustration and sculpture?” “There must be something different, right?” “The difference? There are so many differences between them. Dealing with three-dimensional work is different from working with two dimensions. You have to consider everything, not only the front side of your work but also every visible side of it. My studio made me work in an unfamiliar way for me: using mathematic, intense, taking a long time, much money and –the most ‘so-not-me’ way—neat.” “But behind that long process, the result was much more satisfying than my two dimensional work. Moreover; thank god for artisan.”


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“I DO HAVE SO MANY STORIES I WANT TO SPILL OUT”

I looked around the room and my gaze stopped at a sculpture that has tens of hands and two feet. I still could smell the tea. “So, what do you want to tell with your works? What are they mostly about? “My works have never been far from the complications that happen on myself. I am a listening kind of person, I am willing to be a good listener when my friends tell me their stories, I enjoy my position as a listener. Therefore when I make an artwork, I demand to be listened.” “That is why when there’s someone ask me what is the ‘essence’ of my work, it is me, but in a different dimension. You can get it from my drawings, I’ve posted my drawings on my blog. They are like my daily babblings; random, upfront, and messy. But I don’t care. I want to talk about me, I want people to care about me, that I do have complaints too, that I do have so many stories I want to spill out.” “Have you ever thought about making comic? Why don’t you make comic?” “I surely have thought about it. Why I haven’t made it, it is because I haven’t found a ultra depressive and destructive plot that can beat Oshin and Rindu Rindu Aizawa’s tearjerking-ness, mashed up with Gen Si Kaki Ayam. At least there will be one person dies in my comic book.”

D t H D f


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Disappointment, Hatred, Dissatisfaction “Which one is more pleasing, making sculptures or drawings? One that has more sensation… And in which you put more passion” “I think drawing is more enjoyable. But sculpturing leaves more impression than drawing. Maybe because it takes long process, the story behind it, the size, and its three dimensional visual which makes it feel closer to us as its audiences. One of my dreams is to make a monumental piece. So I think sculpturing is my passion-in-denial.” “What is your ‘masterpiece’?” “In which its process leaves a strong impression for you” “Uhmm!” “My work that impresses me so much isn’t my best work actually, I don’t even think it could be called as an artwork, but more to study. It is standing figure, it is our first assignment in Sculpturing. At our first semester in sculpture studio, we were supposed to make a 1:1 clay human model. That was the first time we learnt about modeling technique, the first time I spent a lot of time (1 semester, that means 6 months) for a piece, the first time I lived (yes, live as in live in) at my campus, maybe it was also the first time I saw my body in different point of view. Do you know that our bodies actually are a group of rhythms that are connected to each other? The first time I realise about it I was like, damn. Allah hu Akbar, indeed. That was also the first time I met my favourite lecture that finally became my final assignment’s advisor.”

“After 6 months trying to learn about anatomy, and made a model I tried to represent myself as much as I could (distended stomach, wide shoulder), we had to destruct the model we had made after the scoring because we were going to use the clay for the next semester. I was really attacked by a want-to-cryalert feeling. After 6 months together, now I have to destroy it? Geez, I didn’t think I could do it.” “Well, finally my friend and I exchanged position, and simultaneously he shattered my figure and I shattered his. The anarchic process was documented in video by my friend who suddenly came with a camera (what a right moment).” “If I ask you who is your inspiration, who would it be?” “My mother. She is not an artist, her job has nothing to do with art, her fashion taste is doubtful, she doesn’t sing very well, she isn’t really good at talking about love, but she is a perfect image of superhero for me. Strong, yet fragile at the same time.” “Don’t tell her that I idolize her, because she is easily carried away, and I’m too proud to let her know.” “Your biggest dream?” “I have many. Go to outter space. Feel the antigravity, come into black hole and go back. Discover Atlantis. Oh, and I really, really, really, really want to have a time machine. One of my obsessions is seeing dinosaurus with my own eyes.” Now, what do you think of your own artwork? I hate my work. Seeing them is like seeing my former self. There are disappointment, hatred, dissatisfaction, but there are also love, pride, and hope as well. For the future I still try to find a way to rule the world. But for now I still focus in West Java, and another place after that.


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A Little Story

DIANI

APSARI

“Watercolor is one

quite difficult med

but I enjoy it and s

comforta ble becau really feel the “fe


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e of a

dium,

stil l feel

use i eling”

That afternoon was hot enough, we met at a coffee shop in the suburbs of Jakarta. This talented woman is sitting waiting for me who come a few minutes late. “ Hi , Diani ? “ “ Yes . We we’re going to sit here or where ? “ , She replied friendly . After selecting the most comfortable seat and ordering 2 cups of coffee blend with caramel, we began to get to know each other and talk . “ How was your childhood ? “ Born and raised in Bandung . My childhood was quite happy. It was common, like the other women, I’ve also had a collection of Barbies dolls. I always had a school near from my home. Actually, I wanted to go to the most favorite junior high school in Bandung, but because it is quite far from home, my parents didn’t allowed me. During my adolescence, I passed several transformations start from style punk , indie and tomboy . “Said women who’s like culinary. After completing his studies in FSRD Bandung Institute of Technology , she currently working for Centro Department Store Division for visual in merchandiser graphics section .

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“What is most exciting in your life so far ? “ “Hmm, there’s a lot. It seems like my life is quite funny , hahaha “ “well, I remember about my drawing life . I was an to Bobo magazine and newspaper “Republika” subscriptions. On Republika , there was often a drawing contest. Just for fun, my mom told to participate. And Eventually, I won , my draw was published in the newspaper and get money 35 thousand rupi . At that time, I was very happy, because I was really small. Then i directly used the money for buying a colored pencils . “ “ There’s also a sad story “ “ So my mom’s friend had a cancer, Son one day, I went to see her in hospital. There, I asked what she want to eat, then she said, she want to eat rafiolli. So, me and her daughter went out to buy raffioli. And I went home after. The next day, I got some news that she passed away. Until now when I go to Italian restaurant and see Rafioli in the menu , I definitely remembered the Tante “


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“ What affected you in life and work ? “ “ The things around me , my parents and boyfriend “ “a French movie titled Le Fabuleux Destin.d’Amélie. Poulain, a comic book like Tin Tin and a serial book from Netherlands “Tina”. Mostly, my inspirations are from a vintage thing, Even for my work . “

“THE THINGS AROUND ME , MY PARENTS AND BOYFRIEND” “ Since when and how you get in to art world ? “ “ Since I was a child, I really like drawing and when start from first grade in elementary school, I went to drawing class lessons and participate a lot of drawing contest. Every time I won, I feel some achievement from drawing. Most of my friend said that they wanted to be an astronaut or doctor when they are grown up, different with them, I always said that I want to be a painter. Beside, my father is an artist of the art as well so my family always support me in the art world.“ “ What media that you used for work? do you comfortable with ? “ Until now I still use watercolor. Watercolor is one of a quite difficult medium, but I enjoy it and still feel comfortable because i really feel the “feeling” Ever try another media ? “ “ Hmm .. one time I tried digital coloring , but I didn’t like it. And also I tried to use an acrylic, they’re pretty good but I have not tried again. I haven’t explore further “


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“ how you could be a designer ? “ “ the history was begin from when me and 3 friends made a design for a college assignment . in May 2009 we participate a contents “Indonesian Graphic Design Award”, we used our work for college assugnemet, and luckily we won the first place. Since, I got called to design for a company profile “ceramic kandura “ So far, What challenge that you had in your project ? “ “ The challenge is, I can only work on projects, after work . I Must keep balancing between working and creating art work . “ “ So far what is the most interesting project for you and why ? “ “ The most exciting when I had to make a cover illustration of L’alphapha because its about drawing a children with an old school atmosphere . “ “ What do you feel when you dong your artwork ? “ “ I always feel that I need to do as good as i could . “ “ Who is the person / designer / illustrator favorites that give you an inspiration in your work ? “ “ Pak Suyadi , an illustrator who makes Si Unyil . His work is simple, just use the pen but his work is really “alive”. And also Tino Sidin because of his high appreciation. And another one is a comic artist, Marjane Satrapi, she’s from Iran” “ What do you want to tell me about your work ? “ “ Because my interest is in a little kids, I will be happier if I tell a story about child who lives in yore. Mixing with life today. “ Although at the first time the first project that you hade make is about architectural illustrations for the book ‘ a life traveler’, but eventually you’re succeed at the end. Do you ever feel some fear or doubt when you accept a new design project like that ? “ “ A little . Due to my weakness is to draw perspective . “ “ After the success of the projects, in the future, what is your plan in a world of design? Make a breakthrough maybe ? “ “ Want to create a works that are larger than A3 and want to have a concept of personal work . But so far I’m not enough confidence to sell my work .

A NTH O L O GY


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SHORT STORY

EPOCHÉ Rifda Amalia Semua hal di dunia ini pasti memiliki alasan mengapa ia bisa ada di dunia ini, dan mengapa hal itu ada seperti apa adanya saat ini. Aku yakin itu, karena sekarang aku tahu alasan keberadaanku. Tak banyak makhluk yang bisa mengetahui alasan keberadaannya di dunia ini, menurutku hanya orang beruntung saja yang tahu. Bahkan seekor nyamuk penghisap darahpun punya alasan atas keberadaannya, walaupun alasan itu mungkin hanya untuk meneruskan kehidupan para cicak.

B u k a n

p e n g o r b a n a n ,

t a p i

Seperti halnya aku, aku yang menjadi ’ada’ atas pengorbanan ratusan hingga ribuan pohon yang mungkin sebenarnya lebih dibutuhkan oleh kota ini, atas pengorbanan puluhan hingga ratusan rumahrumah warga yang harus rata dengan tanah karena keberadaanku. Keberadaanku adalah alasan ketiadaan mereka.

a l a s a n .


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Aku adalah keabsurdan alam semesta.

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Tak ada akal yang bisa menerima aku ini berpikir. Padalah aku tak lain halnya dengan kau dan mereka, aku ini lah sang penyerap memori. Sebut saja lah aku ini kabel nomor 19 di jembatan pasupati, toh tidak ada yang tahu juga selama ini berapa jumlah kabel di jembatan yang hampir tiap hari mereka lewati ini

Hampir sepuluh tahun yang lalu aku dibangun dikota ini, ribuan warga lewat tiap harinya, aku hapal benar tampang mereka. Terutama para pengendara sepeda motor yang jumlahnya banyak sekali, seperti kecoak. Hampir tiap malam di bahu jembatan puluhan mudamudi menepi untuk berkasih-kasih, sekedar menatap kagum pada cahaya-cahaya lampu kota di bawahku, sambil menghisap garpit menghilangkan rasa dingin, atau sambil membawa anggur merah murahan yang baunya tidak enak, padahal tujuan utamanya untuk merayu perempuan-perempuan mereka agar pulangnya bisa singgah dulu ke motel murah. Heran juga mereka bisa menahan hawa dingin disini. Sabtu malam jumlah muda-muda ini semakin bertambah, berbagai macam golongan ada. Dari anak sekolah, mahasiswa, sampai karyawan biasa.


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Aku paling ingat pasangan yang satu ini. Hampir setiap malam minggu datang kesini duduk di atas sepeda motor bebek, yang laki-laki merokok terus sambil merangkul mesra yang perempuan. Yang perempuan sering jeprat-jepret dengan kamera tua ke sang utara, kadang juga mengabadikan kemesraan mereka berdua. Yang laki-laki selalu memberikan jaketnya yang sangat tebal seperti kulit babi ke si perempuan. Begitulah mereka sepasang anak muda dimabuk asmara, yang lainnya tak penting bagi mereka. Malam minggu kali ini mereka datang lagi, kali ini agak lebih malam dari malam biasanya. Dan malam ini suasana nampak tak seromantis malam-malam sebelumnya.

”Ayo sekarang bilang kenapa Yani ngambek?” si lakilaki membujuk dengan halus. Si Yani nampak menekuk wajah, merajuk ingin ditanyai. ”Yani kan sudah berapa puluh kali bilang sama A ijan.” ”Yang mana Yani sayang? A ijan kan pelupa.” ”Ya Yani bingung di tanyain terus sama si Abah, kapan mau nikah. Yani ini sudah tua loh a. Sudah dua delapan. Keburu karatan nanti.” I j a n

d i a m . Nampaknya ada suatu hal yang membuat Ijan ragu. ”Malah A Ijan tidak pernah mau di ajak kenalan sama orang rumah, memang kenapa A? Pasti karena tidak sungguh-sungguh sayang ya sama Yani.” Ijan membuka mulut. ”Bukan begitu Yan..” ”Lalu apa?” ”Malu..” ”Idih, sejak kapan A Ijan jadi orang pemalu?” ”Sejak jatuh cinta sama kamu, mau menikahi kamu, tapi belum siap bertemu orang tua kamu karena belum mapan”

Yani hampir bicara lagi. Tapi diurungkan niatnya. Setelah itu mereka pulang dan jembatan sekarang kosong.


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Aku paling senang memperhatikan pasangan ini. Mungkin karena mereka juga senang memperhatikan aku. Tak jarang mereka memungut sampah yang tertiup angin melewati kaki mereka saat mereka disini. Jangan kau pikir saat kau duduk di sebuah kursi, menangis di atas kasur, menulis di atas meja semua benda-benda itu diam saja. Kami ini seperti chip memori, yang bisa menyimpan segala memori yang terjadi disekitar kami.

Semua yang manusia lakukan itu mengeluarkan energi. Energi yang kalian keluarkan itu menimbulkan gelombang-gelombang yang dapat berpindah-pindah dan dapat menempel pada kami. Karena itu pernahkah kau heran saat kau pergi ke suatu tempat yang memiliki kenangan untukmu, kau mengingatnya dengan sangat jelas. Saat kau duduk di kursi itu, saat kau menangis dikasur itu, saat kau menulis di meja itu, kau melihatnya seperti saat sedang mengalaminya? Jangan berbohong dengan mengatakan tidak. Itu karena kami menyimpan semua memori. Saat manusia melihatku, aku si kabel nomor 19 jembatan pasupati, aku adalah sebuah objek saja. Kalian merasa bahwa kalian lah pusat dari alam semesta. Aku memang tidak punya mata, tapi aku juga melihat kalian. Jangan terlalu cepat berasumsi dan berinterpretasi. Tunda dulu. EpochĂŠ. Kata kalian, kalian ada karena kalian berpikir. Tahu dari mana kalian aku ini tidak berpikir. Tahu dari mana kalian aku ini hanya kabel penyanggah jembatan nomor 19?


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Aku ingat saat Ijan memberi kejutan ulang tahun kepada Yani disini. Sudah disiapkannya bunga-bunga dan tempelan-tempelan bertuliskan ’HEPI BIRD DAY YANI’ yang di tempelnya di beton-beton jembatan. Dan bagaimana tampang Yani yang saat itu habis dibedakinya dengan sangat tebal, terkejut senang. Pulangnya mereka berpelukan erat, entah menuju gedung bioskop entah menuju gedung motel murah.

Dua malam berikutnya pasangan ini datang lagi. Kali ini suasananya agak sedikit hangat di banding malam sebelumnya. Ijan menyalakan rokoknya. ”Aku tuh bingung Yan, kakakku itu tidak pulang-pulang sudah hampir setahun. Anaknya ditinggal saja di rumah Ayah Ibu. Sudah pintar ngomong sekarang ponakanku itu. Bapaknya belum juga kelihatan batang hidungnya.” ”Istrinya memang kemana A?” ”Pulang kampung” Ijan menghembuskan asap rokok. ”Ya begitu jadinya Yan kalau nikah tapi bunting duluan. Belum siap uangnya udah brojol. Jadinya ya begitu itu, kabur. Garelo.” ”Jadi A Ijan takut seperti itu makanya belum mau nikahin Yani?”

Ijan

menghisap rokoknya dalam-dalam. ”Yasudah Yan, Besok aku kerumah Yani. Ketemu Abahnya Yani. Biar mampus di gorok juga tetap datang.”

Ya n i s u m r i n g a h .

A NTH O L O GY


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Aku juga ingat saat mereka pertama kali menjadi pasangan kekasih. Saat itu Ijan masih malu-malu. Mau pegang tangan Yani malu. Mau merangkul pundak malu. Mau pegang yang lain juga malu. Mereka diam saja duduk menatap pemandangan Bandung Selatan. Yani yang kedinginan menggenggam erat gelas plastik berisi bandrek yang baru mereka beli di warung kopi di daerah kebon bibit. Saat itu Ijan mengatakan hal yang paling romantis, yang bahkan aku pun gugup mendengarnya. Dia bilang ”Tak perlu deh a ijan ke menara Eiffel, di jembatan pasupati juga asal ada Yani sudah senang bukan kepalang”. Mungkin terdengar agak menjijikkan bagi sebagian orang, murahan sekali rayuannya. Tapi bagiku saat itu Ijan bukan hanya merayu Yani, tapi merayuku juga. Gilak, aku disandingkan dengan menara Eiffel.

Hampir seminggu kemudian setelah Ijan berjanji akan datang ke rumah yani, Ijan datang lagi kesini. Menepi di bahu jembatan, di atas motor bebek kesayangannya. Tapi kali ini tanpa Yani. Janggal rasanya melihat sosok Ijan merenung sendiri sambil merokok, kali ini sambil menenggak bir murah. Telepon genggam Ijan berdering. ”Apa?” jawab Ijan ketus. ”Tidak... Tidak kok Tidak mabok..” ”Kenapa sih? Ha? Masih sakit hati? Halah sudah lupakan saja Yan.. aku ini kan emang dari keluarga tidak benar..” ”Ck, memang benar Abah kamu. Aku ini bisa bawa bibit buruk buat keluarga.. mana tidak punya kerjaan tetap, mau kasih kamu makan apa nanti” ”Tidak perlu tahu aku dimana...”


fur:

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Seminggu kemudian aku belum juga melihat Ijan dan Yani berkasih-kasih lagi disini. Rindu juga aku pada kemesraan mereka. Kadang aku melihat Yani lewat sendiri dalam taxy, atau naik mobil bersama bapakbapak yang kuduga sebagai Abahnya. Kadang aku juga melihat Ijan lewat-lewat bersama motor bebeknya, tapi kali ini tanpa menepi. Sehari dua hari masih sendiri, lama-lama sudah membonceng perempuan lain. Kompleks sekali manusia-manusia ini. Mereka adalah absurditas absolut. tidak ada yang bisa mengerti jalan pikiran mereka. Dasar para manusia ini semuanya penganut poly-amour. Tak cukup bagi mereka satu sumber kasih sayang. Harus punya empat pula mereka. Mereka mencari-cari agape, cinta Tuhan pada manusia. Mendambakan filia, cinta orang tua ke anaknya. Mengharapkan storge, cinta manusia ke manusia lainya, dan yang terakhir, yang menurutku paling tak terdefinisikan, menyanjung eros, cinta manusia kepada kekasihnya.

Serakah. Suatu hari lagi dimana aku sudah tidak ingat lagi kapan, Ijan datang lagi kesini lalu menepi sendiri. Menangis dia sesunggukkan. Entah apa yang terjadi padanya, rindu pada Yani kah, atau kakaknya meninggal kah atau burungnya di sunatkah. Tidak tahu aku. Yang jelas hampir tiap malam dia datang kesini lalu menangis sendiri. Akhirnya dia memutuskan juga ingin bertemu Yani. Esok malamnya sudah ada mereka berdua lagi di atas jembatan ini. Jelas sekali keduanya rindu tapi tak mau ketahuan. “Aku minta maaf atas ucapan abah A. Masih sakit hati kah?” kata Yani ragu memulai percakapan. Ijan diam saja. ”A Ijan, jangan bungkam dong. Ada apa sebenarnya kok sampai mengajak bicara kesini?” Ijan menatap Yani lalu diam lagi. Hari ini udara sangat dingin, langit mendung. Kuperkirakan beberapa menit hujan akan turun. ”Aku buntingin anak orang Yan.” Kata Ijan tak berani menatap mata Yani. Yani bengong. Tak sanggup berkata apapun. Setelah itu kejadiannya sangat cepat. Aku bahkan tidak ingat detailnya lagi. Setelah itu Yani ngamuk-ngamuk minta di antar pulang, bertepatan dengan tetes pertama yang jatuh membasahi jembatan ini. Ijan yang masih berusaha menjelaskan pada Yani ditaboknya tak kenal ampun. Yani yang masih ngamuk-ngamuk tetap keukeuh mau pulang, saat Ijan menyalakan sepeda motornya dan membelokkannya ke jalan dengan cepat, sebuah truk pengangkut bambu tak bisa menginjak remnya lagi. Setelah itu ramai.


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Aku tahu Yani sudah tergilas truk.

Sekarang tak bisa lagi dia menatap aku, hanya aku yang bisa menatapnya. Kali ini sebagai sebuah objek, seonggok daging. Ijan meraung-raung, dirinya sendiri luka-luka tapi tak dihiraukannya.


fur:

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Berapa minggu sudah lewat. Mungkin berapa bulan. Aku sudah tidak mengingatnya lagi semenjak Yani dan Ijan tidak pernah lagi datang kemari. Kuhabiskan waktuku memperhatikan pasangan-pasangan lain. Sama romantisnya dengan Yani dan Ijan, beberapa malah berani berciuman. Disuatu malam yang sepi, saat itu hampir jam tiga pagi. Aku melihat sosok Ijan dan sepeda motor bebeknya. Menepi di bahu jalan, menghadap ke utara kota. Lama dia disana, diam saja seberti beton. Satu Jam kemudian dia masih disana.

Mematikan rokok terakhirnya.

Dia memanjat pagar beton jembatan. Diam sebentar. Tidak ada kendaraan yang lalu lalang.

Dia melompat.


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Semua hal di dunia ini pasti memiliki alasan mengapa ia bisa ada di dunia ini, dan mengapa hal itu ada seperti apa adanya saat ini. Aku yakin itu, karena sekarang aku tahu alasan keberadaanku. Alasan keberadaanku awalnya mungkin saja hanya untuk menyatukan jalan pasteur dengan jalan suropati. Alasan berikutnya adalah ada untuk Ijan dan Yani. Mungkin jika aku tidak pernah dibangun sepuluh tahun yang lalu, Yani sekarang masih jaga warung di rumah Abahnya, atau masih kerja di bank, atau bahkan sudah menikah dengan laki-laki lain, bukan Ijan. Mungkin ijan sekarang sudah jadi Ayah yang bertanggung jawab, sudah bekerja, sudah tidak ingat lagi sama Yani.

Ta p i n y a t a n y a a k u ’ a d a ’ s a a t i n i .

Keberadaanku adalah alasan ketiadaan mereka.


OCTOBER//2013


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