EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONS
by Héctor Mantilla, Senior Product Manager at GAP
Engineers are great. They help to solve real-life problems, and they are practical in nature. But that doesn’t take away the fact that they are also pretentious and bigheaded!
Yes, we are. Don’t deny it.
But for those reading with no engineering background, let me tell you why that is. Generally speaking, engineers believe they can give logical structure to things that aren’t necessarily logical. They create models for everything: succeeding sometimes but (energetically) failing most of the time. This is probably one of the latter.
As part of my professional development journey, I — an engineering professional at Growth Acceleration Partners decided to improve my communication skills. Maybe I am going all “soft,” but it was very entertaining.
So, how would engineers start? Well, of course, by doing online courses on the subject. These courses were interesting indeed, but not enough, maybe. More research and discussion are required, then. And after a while, I thought I could create a practical approach using a model. Told you… big-headed.
Anyway, this article describes how using emotional intelligence can help us better communicate with our teammates, classmates, managers, reportees, friends, spouses, parents and grandparents.
Let’s begin with “why?”.
Why effective communication?
In order to understand why effective communication is so important, it is first necessary to review what it is: communication results from unifying the words “common” and “location.” That is, communicating is the connection of different locations in order to transmit and listen to the needs, thoughts and feelings of a sender(s) to a receiver(s).
Sender: who transmits the message
Receiver: who listens to (receives) the message.
The main purpose is to connect with others and, by doing so, resolve conflicts and reach productive agreements. Since childhood, we have been taught communication is effectively carried out with words (spoken). And this is a big mistake. The most important thing when communicating is first to listen and then to transmit a message using spoken, written and body language.
The importance of body language and non-verbal queues is to generate greater interest or clarity in the message, both for the sender and the receiver.
There are four main functions of body language which is the use of physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms to communicate nonverbally in a communication process: complement, regulate, substitute for, or accentuate a verbal message. Some examples of non-verbal communication we use every day without realizing it can be paralanguage, body movement, facial and eye expressions, attractiveness, clothing, space, distance, manners, and sensorial signals (touch, time, smell, etc.).
What in God’s name is emotional intelligence?
Another concept to highlight for effective communication is emotional intelligence. Why is this concept so important?
With great certainty, let me tell you that without controlled emotions, there is no effectiveness. But what is emotional intelligence? According to the Emotional Intelligence Toolkit, it is “the ability to understand, use and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.”
Our focus here is to find the methods for effective communication. So, let me first share some basic terms related to managing emotions intelligently:
Social Skills: A competence that facilitates social interactions, which are effective at managing relationships for mutual benefit
1. Self Awareness: The ability to recognize your own emotions, strengths and limitations
3.
2. Self Regulation: The ability to understand and manage your own emotions and impulses wisely
Empathy: The skill of identifying, understanding and sharing the emotions of others 4. Motivation: Condition of enjoyment of your own activities while working toward achieving meaningful goals 5.
Our main challenge with these terms is to work with them as one unit and not to see them separately. To manage your emotions intelligently, you need to practice these five concepts.
“Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance.” Deepak Chopra.
So, what do we do?
Three moments: before, during and after. This may sound silly, but breaking the problem into pieces always helps.
BEFORE
Before anything in life, it is always advisable to prepare for it. That is, of course, if we know about it beforehand. Interactions with other people are no exception. Preparation is key to having productive sessions, making the most of our time, and stopping wasting everyone else’s time.
Hence, we need to do our homework before any presentation or meeting.
Make sure you have a clear goal statement, handpick the audience that best helps you achieve it, design a proper step-by-step agenda, and share it, so your audience knows what to expect. It is always a good idea to question whether live interaction is really necessary or if an instant message would suffice. Sometimes you may also need to have a slide deck or other types of resources ready. Do whatever is under your control.
And don’t improvise; “winging it” is not a good idea, not even for the most seasoned speakers. So, why would it be for you?
The more you practice preparing, the more natural and faster it will become for you. So much so that in unexpected calls, you will find yourself questioning, “What is the purpose of this?” or “Could this have been an email instead?”. And by then, you would be one step ahead of most people.
DURING
Now the moment of truth: the actual event we have been expecting.
Remember to keep your goal handy. After the typical icebreakers or “What’s the weather like?” rants, you can start any serious conversation with the purpose and agenda. Remind yourself and everyone else that we must all be respectful of each other and be openminded. You will always learn from people more than they will learn from you. Always.
And here’s another model approach to keep in mind:
Communicationisatwo-waystreet.Youwillhavetotalk,yes,butmoreimportantly,you willalsohavetolisten.Andtheactofcommunicationisanendlesscycleofthat: listening,speakingandrepeating.
Sowestartourproposedapproachwiththeunderstanding:
Listencarefullyandconsciously.Donotmultitaskifyouwanttobeeffective.“Studies showthatwhenourbrainisconstantlyswitchinggearstobouncebackandforth betweentasks,webecomelessefficientandmorelikelytomakeamistake”—Why MultitaskingDoesn’tWork.
Watchcarefully,ifyoucan.Scientistsbelieveatleast55%ofcommunicationisnonverbal:HowMuchofCommunicationIsNonverbal?|UTPermianBasinOnline. Makesureyouunderstandwhatwassaid.Paraphrasingisagoodwaytoensure alignment.Itisnotaboutresponding,oratleastnotjustyet.
Then, focus on identifying non-verbal queues and empathizing with the emotions of others. Here’s a very interesting and funny video on how to NOT communicate effectively without words: A Thousand Words (2012) — Triple Shot, No Assassinations Scene (3/10) | Movieclips. And also, check this short educational video about the universal expression of emotions: Are there universal expressions of emotion? — Sophie Zadeh.
Finally, be self-aware of your own emotions, and look back on how close or far you are from achieving your objectives. Then you can respond back.
Seems like a lot, and it is. But it gets easier with practice.
Intheprocess,wehavean“after,”butthisaftercannotbeunderstoodastheendof everything.Onthecontrary,wecanseeitasastoppingsigntoevaluateconclusions, givefeedback,andcorrecterrors.Thiswillhelpusevolveallaspectsofourpersonal communication(notjustforameetingoraspecificinteraction).
Themostimportantthingatthisstageistosummarize.Makesurethemostrelevant conclusionsareunderstoodbyeveryone.Andevaluateifadditionalinformationwillbe necessary.Scheduleanyfollow-upsessionsrightthere.
Herearesomekeyactionstohelpyoubecomemoreefficientatcommunicating:
Bespecific,notgeneral:Clarifyandspecifytheinformationofthemessagebeing communicated.Avoidmisunderstandings.
Beexplanatoryandnon-evaluative:Thepurposeofcommunicationistoreachan objectiveforallpartiesinvolved.So,investigateandproposesolutions.Itisnotyour placetoevaluatethemessage.
Betimely:Youmustfindthemostopportunemomentforcommunication.This includesexpressingwhatyouwanttosayandreactingtowhatisbeingsaid.
Beobjective,notsubjective:Toeffectivelycommunicateamessage,itisnecessaryto understandthemessageoftheotherperson.Trytolookatitfromtheperspectiveof yourcounterpart.
Beclear:Deliveringamessagewithclearandpreciseinformationisthemainthingto beeffective.
Beconsistent:Articulateyourideasconsistentlytoavoidlosingcredibilityandmake yourinteractionsmoreeffective.Anddon’tchangeyourmindconstantlytoavoid confusion.
In conclusion…
Congratulations.Youhavemadeittotheendofthispretentiousdissertation.Let’srecap:
Effectivecommunicationisacyclethatisconstantlyevolving.Themoreyoupractice, theclearertheprocesswillbecome.
Thebestwaytocommunicateamessageisbylisteningfirst.
Putyourselfinyouraudience’sshoesifyouwanttounderstandamessage.
Managingyourownemotionswillevolveyourcommunicationprocesstoachieve muchmoreefficientandassertiveresults.
Ifyourcommunicationwithothersiseffective,yourprofessionalandpersonallifewill bemucheasier.Peoplewillunderstandyou.Andyouwillunderstandthem.Atlast.
CarpeDiem
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