ONLINE MAGAZINE FOR LGBT OF COLOUR
ISSUE 6 | February 2016
3 TIT BITS: FORMER BOTS PRESIDENT SUPPORTS LGBT / DSJ LATEST 4 GAYLE ASKS: IS ROMANCE DEAD? 7 THE TRUTH ABOUT PREP: THE ‘MIRACLE’ HIV DRUG 8 DURBAN BOY TAKES BOLLYWOOD 10 COUPLE OF THE MONTH 12 DRAGONY AUNT ANSWERS YOUR QUEERIES
via mambaonline.com
Festus Mogae, the former president of Botswana, says that African leaders who refuse to acknowledge LGBT rights are “selfish” and have the “wrong mentality.” Mogae, who was head of the country from 1998 to 2008, spoke about the issue in an interview with Africa Renewal. He said that Africans must move with the times and be open to new ideas. “Leadership is not always about you, it is about people and often circumstances,” he argued, specifically referring to Zimbabwe’s homophobic president, Robert Mugabe. Mogae commented that, “One of the challenges we have in Africa is that even the traditional leaders or chiefs are against LGBT groups.”
DOPE COLLABO COMING SOON GAYLE October cover model, Dope Saint Jude recently uploaded this picture to Instagram, hinting that she has a new project brewing with British rapper MIA’s drummer Kiran Gandhi. It seems that the musician was so hooked to Dope Saint Jude’s collaboration with fellow queer rapper, Angel-Ho, that she flew down to Cape Town from New York over the festive season for some studio time.
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Gayle asked four beula boys and girls if they thought
romance was dead‌ bbeula They
Gayle asked four beula
ON THE COVER
Mazwi, Cape Town (Designer)
thinking about what is really important in a
Romance is EVERYWHERE... some people are just too caught up to notice. Just today, I saw a super THICK! White boy on the bus with an ass likE wooOOOoow! Couldn't stop staring ‘til he took off his shades and WINKED AT ME! It was right out of a movie, if you think about it: Super cheesy, but amazeballs – and sexy as f*ck.
what we need from our partners in the long run: do
Everyone else on the bus was on their own vibe with their heads buried in their phones all the way, and that's precisely the problem right there – how do people expect to have moments like these when they don't bother looking up at what's right in front of them? They are trying to figure out their compatibility with guys on Tinder based on what they read; where's the romance in that? It is a total a mind f*ck. It's like talking face-to-face is out of style, yet people complain that it is all they are looking for. My advice, not like I'm some guru/life coach or whatever, is to be more present, generally. Sure, dating apps are great for hook-ups (and even legit relationships!) but why use Grindr to find someone two meters away from you? That's like Googling pictures of flowers at the botanical gardens. It is INSANE.
relationship. We really need to start thinking about you need emotional support; are you looking for someone who will support you financially; is it just about good sex? It's all about what will make you happy at the end of the day – and the wonderful thing is that, in this day and age, you're allowed to do just that. That's not to say that you have to choose this or that, you may find that you want more than one of these things – you just need to decide which ones are more important and which ones are less important. Your priorities will change over time too, and that is also okay. It's not like the old days when you have to settle for someone out of guilt and obligation because they've taken you out a few times. You're allowed to shop around and find the shoe that fits perfectly, Cinderella. When you make an informed decision about who you are going to grow old with, that's how you achieve happiness in a relationship. Having said this, it is important to see people for who they really are. We
All on this happened as I was approaching my stop, so I didn't get his number. But if the universe allows, who knows, I might just bump into him again. That's how it happens in chick flicks, right?
can't expect a player to change their ways for us because love is all that matters. Chances are those passionate meetings at the club that we mistake for meeting Mr Right is just us bumping into people who've specialised in the art of ROMANCING/taking
Clyde, Johannesburg (Acedemic)
advantage of desperate hearts. Don't rush into things, unless you're doing so knowing the risks of it.
We are sold this idea that you need to find Prince
The relationships we find ourselves in are by choice,
Charming to live happily ever after, and that right
because we make the decisions in our lives.
there is the problem. Is a charming or romantic guy or girl - really the only thing you need for a happy life?
If candle-lit dinners are what you really want, have them – and if the dude doesn't reciprocate, find someone who will. There are around seven billion
Life is a long time for most people and when we wake
people in this world; you have no reason to be
up to the reality the poetry by the lake isn't going to
unhappy with just one. Love is out there, in various
get you through hard times, then you can start
shapes and sizes. Find the love that works for you.
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Perusha, Durban (Team leader) Romance is dead!!! Why the BIG ideas? I personally think that romance has been forgotten. The true definition of romance... lost in the translation. These days, it must be big or expensive to be worthy of love. We have become so engrossed in this flashy lifestyle and getting everything done big – you know, "Go Big or Go Home," I often hear them say. BIG dos, BIG hair, BIG screens, BIG boats... Is bigger always better? No doubt, this is a result of American influence over South Africa pushed through the media – I mean, have you seen the size of their Starbucks coffees? Have we forgotten that it’s the little things that count – like making her tea after a long day, calling just to say you're thinking about her, packing a surprise picnic, buying roses on a normal day, opening the car door for her, lighting some candles or running a bubble bath? The smallest deeds are better than the grandest intention because those little things show that your care is constant and not just when you can afford to splurge on BIG things. The truth of the matter is that in these relationships driven by materialism, we tend to feel more along because we seldom have these constant displays of affection (the littles things). Can any of you honestly say you've done any of the above just because you could? Thought so! Remember romance, ladies and gents.
Lance, Cape Town (Entrepreneur) Romantic love is like a state of altered consciousness. We seem somewhat possessed by a force taking over our hearts. Everything seems wonderful and joyous especially our love with our partner. Our 'spontaneous' love-reactions pull us into a hurricane of hopeless, uncontrollable, overwhelming passion. When we fall in love we often have no control of what we do and who we become, it is during this phase of love many of us tend to lose our identity.
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Love is blind because we are really only responding to our own desires, well-dished out by the romantic tradition that society has had on repeat for the longest time. For years, you and I have been longing for our Dream Lover and when that victim arrives we project all those romantic desires onto him or her. Maybe we are in-love with the idea of love? Such love is only an emotion that only you and, if you’re lucky, your partner can feel too. Often people base their love stories on the so called “Happily ever after”, that simply does not exist. Nowadays there is much more to love than emotions, it has become a night to five. Without you even realising it, you have put more effort into your own personal fantasy and the idea of a happy ending that you unable to see what’s happening right in front of you. Love is communication, understanding and, most of all, trust. To love does not come cheap but if you are willing to create a love with someone outside of society’s influences you are sure to experience TRUE LOVE. Romantic love is like a state of altered consciousness. We seem somewhat possessed by a force taking over our hearts. Everything seems wonderful and joyous
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T
here are, unfortunately, many myths going
The Truth: Anyone who promotes this is being ridiculous. PrEP is
around about pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP – the
an additional means of preventing HIV transmission,
so called miracle drug that prevents HIV. PrEP is
and part of the reason it's important is that people
actually the use of an antiretroviral drug by HIV-
don't always use condoms correctly or consistently,
negative people to prevent them from being infected
that they sometimes break, and that sometimes it's
with HIV during sex. Advocate.com looked at one
difficult to negotiate condom use.
myth per day and offer evidence why it’s not true.
No reputable health expert or organization is
The Myth that stood out for GAYLE:
advocating that people stop using condoms because
We can all give up condoms now because we have PrEP
we have another method. The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention recommends use of both methods and rightly so. Also, PrEP does not prevent the transmission of other sexually transmitted infections.
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Meet the Chatsworth hottie shaking up Bollywood by winning the Eros International and Bollyshake's Bajirao Mastani Dance
Championship
S T
ashin Kandhai, now living in Johannesburg, is a
23-year-old choreographer from Chatsworth, Durban. He had been dancing since the age of three and recently gained global popularity when his video entry into the Eros International and Bollyshake's Bajirao Mastani Dance Championship when viral on the Internet – over 100 000 views!
HOW MADE YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE OF
DANCING? My training in dance has come from the experiences of working with various ace choreographers and dancers from around the world: Lliane Loots and the flatfoot training company, members of the Shaimak Davar Dance Institute of India and Geeta Kapur and her workstation. Hence my dance style is a What are some of you career highlights? PAGE 8
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culmination of all the techniques and dance
now and it finally happened. I love how fast paced
languages I have come across.
the city is and how there's opportunity around every corner. I've collaborated with an amazing company
WHAT ARE SOME OF YOU CAREER HIGHLIGHTS? In 2013, I performed at the SAIFTAs. I think as a Bollywood lover and Indian dance fanatic this was an extreme high in my career. I got to share the stage with Bollywood stars like Madhuri Dixit, Priyanka
called Oriental Fire and we've had a very successful first show together. I'm running my Bollywood dance classes. There's so much more I have planned. Watch this space.
WHAT IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL FOR YOU?
Chopra, Ranvir Singh and Jacqueline Fernandez. I got to work with Dance India Dance judge Geeta Kapur
I want to be the Shaimak Davar of South Africa‌ the
and her team which was the cherry on top.
Indian Somizi. I think that's the ultimate goal. I want to be the go to guy for everything entertainment. I
The biggest highlight of my career was wining the
want to choreograph for film and big theatre musicals
Eros International and Bollyshake's Bajirao Mastani
and world cup opening ceremonies – but more than
Dance Championship last year. Competing with
that, I want to be able to change people's mindset
dancers from around the world and being selected by
about the arts. I want to make people take it more
Priyanka Chopra and Ranvir Singh as the ultimate
seriously and give artists the respect they deserve.
dance champion really took my dance career to new heights. I mean Priyanka went as far as tweeting that I had done the song better than she did. Now, dancers from all over the world want to collaborate and share ideas and make more beautiful dance work which I love.
WHY THE MOVE TO JOHANNESBURG?
WERE YOU TEASED AS A CHILD FOR DANCING? In primary school and high school I was picked on tremendously because 'boys don't dance'. I used to get laughed at and called the most hideous names. I once got told I was too heavy to be on stage. But I never took it to heart. I always knew who I was and what I wanted and look, today I'm Bollywood
I've wanted to relocate to Johannesburg for a while
accredited and those words are vague memories.
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Four years have passed and their love couldn’t be stronger. Filmmaker Fikile Ntanzi gives us a peak into her relationship with Mpho Oliphant WHAT KEEPS YOU TOGETHER? She taught me the
HOW DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE COMPATIBLE?
value of not quitting. She is a homemaker everything happens in the house. She is a Cancerian, so family comes first. She comes from a family where people have been married way over 40 years and 80% of her folks are married, cousins, aunts and everyone. My background is different, no one ever married successfully; those who married, divorced. My mother, who was my role model, never married so for me growing up until my late womanhood that was seen as a strength. Mpho came into my life and taught me those values. We love each other.
Compatibility is complex; do we vote for the same political party? No. Is she a politician? No. However, the common thing between us is that we must grow into doing things together. We are friends so we eventually got to learn to respect things that matter to one another. I am a traditionalist, Mpho is a Christian born again; I believe in appeasing ancestors, she doesn't but she buys a goat with me and sits in the background when I burn impepho. That’s compatibility; we share or dreams and work on them together.
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HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT? We are never
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too mad at the same time: when I am wrong and Mpho is screaming or sulking and not talking, I calm down and request that we please talk about it; when she is wrong, it’s a national crisis, I fight dirty and scream and be very dramatic, she also says can we not address this with a phone if the fight started during a phone conversation. In a nutshell, we talk and talk until the other one understands where one is coming from.
HOW DID YOU INTEGRATE YOUR FAMILIES? It was very hard at first, very hard. Mpho's family was welcoming from day one, they embraced me and they were very warm, Mpho's mom who is a difficult person bought me shoes in our first meeting. She gave me an advice: “if conflict arise talk about it, talk and talk until you resolve it, don’t give up on each other”. That was early into our relationship. We had to integrate our children, that felt like rocket science; it’s not true that parents are neutral more over if you don’t have children together if you know what I mean, that was almost a deal breaker, we would fight about children to a point where we thought this was it we were ready to walk out. Mpho again was the one who would say we are not going anywhere, these are our children, and they will also have to make it work. Children must realise that we are together forever and they must shape up. Before we knew it, our kids were siblings and were fighting as such. We learned that we can’t be involved in their conflicts.
HOW DO YOU HANDLE THE OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE? We are the inside and the outside, we are each other’s rides or die. We have mutual friends. We stay in the house and visit our friends together, her friend have become mine, and my hundreds of friends have become hers, we are there for one another.
HOW DO YOU KEEP THE SPARK ALIVE? The truth is that the spark never goes anywhere people just get complacent. We never make love as often as we would in our first two-years; we used to make love everywhere at first, now we are married we must remember or make love and schedule that and that threatens a lot of relationships if the friendship is not strong enough. We schedule love making, spark has become everything else and 20% physical. We kiss every second and every opportunity we get.
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DEAR AUNTY I am 24 years old, and I have had trouble keeping a man all my life – because I’m fem (apparently). I met this guy in December while out dancing at Zero21 one night and we had a good time. I took him back to my flat and, I don’t know what it was about him, but it was a best sex of my life. EVER! He started visiting quite often, and we were getting quite comfortable: I would cook for him and he would always show up around supper time. It was playing house. I had a good feeling about him… but whenever he went out, he would never take me with. One day, I asked if I could go with him and he said that he didn’t want to introduce me to his friends because I will be hurt by what they say. I don’t know what to do, Aunty; does this mean he never wants to be seen in public with me?
DEAR YOU Aunty is no stranger to men who think they can eat for free. Gertie, you are not the Salvation Army. It's time you let him know that you are not running a soup kitchen between your legs. We all need a hearty meal every now and then, but there's only so much "meat" one can stomach – that is, if it even reaches the stomach, mind you. Now, Aunty isn't saying that his to empty is wallet on you – although, it wouldn't kill him to take you out a little. But, he needs to give as much as he... gives! If he isn't willing to take this to the next level like you want then you should not take it at all. A selfish man isn't a good man - don't be blinded by his pretty face because almost every gay man in Mother City has a pretty face – he is not irreplaceable. The sex was good in the beginning, but just look at how his selfishness is causing even THAT to be a drag. It sounds like is scared to be seen in public with you – what is this? The 1980s? Or Zimbabwe?! Don't let another man's insecurity make you feel like you're not good enough. He is the one with the problem, he obviously hasn't comes to terms with what he wants: a gertie like you, otherwise he wouldn't cum over as much as he does. But, at the end of the day, it's your choice; are you willing to sit home alone with a dora all the time while he's out at every other patsy? Aunty thinks you deserve to more and that you owe it to world to show off that beula face God blessed with instead of waiting at home to be treated like kak.
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