ONLINE MAGAZINE FOR LGBTI OF COLOUR
MAYBE IT’S TIME WE TALKED?
November 2015 | Issue 4
GAYLE
GAYLE
ONLINE MAGAZINE FOR LGBTI OF COLOUR
CONTENTS DIE GEITE IS LOS DIE MAAND 2 TITBITS: FAT-BOMB SMOOTHIE AND LOCAL LES FILM 3 FEMALE COMDOMS FOR THE GERTIES TOO 4 THE RACIST TRUTH ABOUT SA LGBTI PAGEANTS 5 PRIDE SEASON: A REVOLUTIONARY RESPONSE 7 DRANGONY AUNT ANSWERS YOUR QUEERIES 8 LOVIN‘ DANGEROUSLY: THE STORY OF A DRUG MULE 10 HOW TO SURVIVE THE DEATH OF YOUR PARTNER 13 TOYA DELAZY’S HOMOPHOBIC TWITTER WAR
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FAT-BOMB SMOOTHIE via Sunday Times
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ROWN ummer’s here – and some of you are looking to burn off a few centimetres from your waistline so you can look beula at the club. Here is a metabolic-friendly smoothie that beats hunger and refuels the body while increasing energy and speeding up recovery after hardcore…err, workout. 200ml coconut cream
3 tablespoons macadamia nut butter 2 scoops vanilla whey powder ½ cup frozen rasberries ¼ teaspoon xylitol ½ cup cold water
NTING Blend all ingredients on high speed until smooth and creamy.
LOCAL LESBIAN FILM AT U.S. FEST W
hile You Weren’t Looking – South Africa’s latest edition to the LGBTI film genre – was screened at the OUTrageous Film Festival in Santa Barbara earlier this month.
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The film, which is set in Cape Town, tells the story of a young adopted lesbian from a well-to-do family who falls in love with a tomboy from Khayelitsha. It stars one our favourite gerties Terrence Bridgett.
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FEATURE
FEMALE CONDOMS ONE FOR THE LADIES… AND GENTS? . via Health4Men
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Just when you thought female condoms were strictly for.... well, you know: females… it turns out this is also a good alternative for the gerties too. Problem: female condoms only have instructions for females on the packaging. But don’t worry, GAYLE has your back(side)
Step 1: Check the expiry date and carefully remove the condom.
Step 2: Carry on with foreplay – including lubricating the booty – until you are ready for the real deal
Step 3: Put the condom over the lubricated penis (like putting on a sock) and slowly insert it into the anus with the penis. NOTE: Make sure the fixed outer ring does slip all the way in. Step 4: The body heat from your partner will gradually soften the condom and mould it to the inside of your booty. This means the condom will stay in place when he pulls out.
TINGNG TINGNG NOTE: If you decide to go another round, make sure the penis is inserted into the condom and not on the side. Also, the condom can stay inside of you for a few hours, for those all-night sessions. Step 5: After sex, the outer ring should be twisted so that you don’t spill the cum. Carefully pull it out and disposed of the condom.
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Pageants have this magical place in our little rainbow-coloured hearts; call it the ‘Cinderellisation’ of our often mundane, monotonous existence. GAYLE explores this fairytale we are often sold..
rowing up with Rooi Rose and our initiation into the world of Mattel via Barbie and Ken (mind you, I always found myself gravitated towards playing with Barbie, whilst always wondering why Ken was dickless) this splash of glamour is deeply rooted in hearts of our little community.
The days of District Six or the Sactwu Spring Queens (which we encourage all of you would-be queens to check out) played a pivotal role in how we see ourselves and our communities: when ‘Cinderella’ is crowned and her destiny is irrevocably changed, she becomes immortalized, even it if is Miss Winter collection. This princess is surrounded by a thunderous applause of the jubilating crowd, and for a brief moment, she forgets her realities of deprivation, discrimination and financial disability – which we all know too well.
But, just how inclusive is this view of beauty? Who decides what this beauty is? This art form has PAGE 4 become GAYLE increasingly politicised, with contestants
But, just how inclusive is this view of beauty? Who decides what this beauty is? This art form has become increasingly politicised, with contestants often exploited in the process. What has also emerged is a deep institutionalised ‘racist’ exclusion of South African pageants, seen in both Miss Gay Western Cape and Mr Gay SA. The Miss Gay Western Cape has, for the past five years, only crowned ‘coloured’ winners, whereas the national Mr Gay SA pageant only crowned white men. GAYCISM (gay racism) in our communities are just as important as the homophobia we experience. We are quick at pointing fingers at the heterosexist prejudiced world when, at times, we are as guilty of committing the exact evil. Should we not be held to the same account, or is there a double standard for the oppressed? Dare we believe our ‘sins’ to not as bad? Given the deeply racist nature of South Africa – being the country with a deeply troubled history of colonisation, slavery and racism – it’s not surprising that this has filtered down to the gay, lesbian and
ON THE COVER
Given the deeply racist nature of South Africa – being the country with a deeply troubled history of colonisation, slavery and racism – it’s not surprising that this has filtered down to the gay, lesbian and transgender community; as the saying goes: ‘Hurt people hurt people’. We all know the amount of hurt we experienced because of something we had no control over. Yet we seemly flaunt our race, culture and ethnicity to perpetuate these very divides. Mark Donough, the pageant director of Miss Gay Western Cape, said that he often wondered where the black girls were and why they don’t enter the pageant that, he says, is free to all since the goal of Miss Gay Western Cape is to unite our communities. He added that next year, he would like to see more black girls enter. However, many believe that the pageant is not ready for a black winner; this has reverberated through Facebook after the pageant where others accused the organisation and the pageant directors as being racist and excluding black contestants. Even if no racist exclusion can be admitted to, the fact that for the not one of the last five winners is from a black community speaks volumes. Is it the responsibility of the pageant to be inclusive and to show the LGBT community that inclusivity is an ideal worth striving for? Definitely! And this should be the obligation of ALL LGBTI institutions. YES. This includes the Mr Gay SA pageant. However, until a concerted effort is made, the future of the pageant circuit doesn’t appear as sparkly as we’ve imagined. We can only hope that change will come. for a black winner; this has reverberated through Facebook after the pageant where others accused the organisation and the pageant directors as being racist and excluding black contestants. Even if no racist exclusion can be admitted to, the fact that for the not one of the last five winners came from a black community speaks volumes. Is it the responsibility of the pageant to be inclusive and to show the LGBT community that inclusivity is an ideal worth striving for? Definitely! And this should be the obligation off ALL LGBTI institutions. YES. This includes the Mr Gay SA pageant. However,
TAKING
PRIDE P
RO I
n 2012, we saw a major split in LGBTI community after a public blowout between Joburg Pride organisers and Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW). A protest seeking acknowledgement of the mass killings of lesbians in townships around South Africa by FEW, was met with hostile and racist attitudes – judging by the obvious split in Joburg Pride activities over the years, this was probably just the tipping point.
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The result of this incident are astounding, as activists of all spheres carried out a consultative process around future of Pride marches in Gauteng at Constitution Hill (Braamfontein) in 2013. Today, there are at least ten annual marches in Gauteng's cities, townships and at certain universities pushing LGBTI rights in SA. We no longer have just Joburg Pride, but Pride Season.
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WARNING: This retired old drag queen has seen (and drank) enough to gayle it like it is! For those brave enough to, send all your Dragony Aunt questions to gaylemag2015@gmail.com
*Dragony Aunt is not a professional psychologist, be sure as hell knows how to tell it like it is.
Dear Dragony Aunt I am deeply saddened and disappointed. My heart has been shredded. A few weeks ago, I took my boyfriend of two months to my dad’s 50th Birthday. I was very excited to introduce my new stukkie to my family. I was convinced that this is no ordinary love (ala Sade). We had this deep spiritual connection and the sex was beyond amazing. He was the cream to my trifle, so I had no problem taking him with to my daddy’s birthday party. Now, my daddy is more active than me; this man was a body builder in his heydays, and he is still blessed with muscles that have muscles. He definitely looks like a 35-year-old. At the party, I found my bf and father hitting it off pretty well. Too well, I thought; but I loved that the man I love enjoyed the company of the man who made me. Half way through the party, I looked for my dad and also realised that my bf was MIA. I didn’t expect anything sinister. I went upstairs to my old room and low and behold: I caught my bf fucking my dad! It was just the worst thing ever. The man that raised you, took you to your matric ball and kisses your mom now had his legs up in the air like a Shoprite no-name chicken. They didn’t even realise that I was watching their live porn unfold in front of me. And the weird part is that I had a hard-on seeing my dad being fucked by my boyfriend’s extra-large dick. Should I confront the two? Part of me wonders if my father has always enjoyed a little butt fuckery and another part feels like leaving my bf but what about that dick…and in a strange, why I feel even more attached to my bf’s dick knowing that me and my dad both shared it. What to do, Dragony Aunt?
Dear conflicted queen It appears that your bf is quite generous, in more ways than one. Maybe he was too ‘drunk’ and thought that he was ASSisting you when, in fact, he was feeding your horny father – you know, this is the season of giving; perhaps your bf was in the mood to endow your father with his special gift. There’s still no excuse for fucking your daddy and I feel the blame for this is, mostly, your daddy’s and by the sound of things, he definitely had as much fun as your bf. Now, Aunty (who grew up watching Ricky Lake) believes that a family that shares is a family that, indeed, cares. So, maybe after all has blown over you can maybe confront both your father and your bf and suggest a three-way – you sound like you’d enjoy it. I never promote incest but I still believe in OPEN communication. I suggest you to take the bulls by the ‘horns’ – no pun intended. Seriously though, you should use this as a learning experience and keep your bfs away from your dick-hungry dad; if not, take a pic and blackmail him for all his retirement policies.
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LOVIN’ DANGEROUSLY Everyone just wants to be loved, but some of us end up on a very dangerous high. GAYLE explores the type a love that could push you over the edge
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FICTION
A
ndile was a handsome and successful accountant: he went to the best schools and universities and he was doing his articles at a prestigious accounting firm. All seemed to be going well, yet the one thing he craved was love; the unconditional acceptance of a man had eluded him. Andile met Sam at a party. He immediately took a liking to him. Sam was confident and outspoken – that rare enigmatic being. Andile was drawn to him; drawn to this man that seemed to be everything he ever wanted to be. It took another few months before they would reconnect. By accident, they saw each other at Sandton Square and they had coffee. A few more dates and they really hit it off. Andile admired Sam’s world view, his travels and his love for art, music and food. After a few months, they moved in together. Andile was hopelessly in love but he was slowly becoming suspicious on how Sam was funding his lavish lifestyle. Something that Andile would find out soon. On many occasions, Sam would just be away for days on end; packed and leaving letters saying he would be back soon. On one occasion, Sam was about to leave on one of his many trips. While Sam went to the bathroom, Andile had this nagging feeling to check his luggage. What he found would change things forever. Andile wanted to confront Sam but he feared the abandonment of his true love, so he didn’t. At this time, Andile began to notice various changes in Sam’s behaviour. He became distant and confrontational at times. One day Andile walked into their bathroom and found Sam snorting cocaine. Andile instinctively knew that this is the end, but Sam begged him for his forgiveness and promised to never do it again. them out, despite what others felt was best for me. My life may have come to a standstill for a little while, but now, I know for sure that I'm ready to start again, and I'm brave enough to do it on my terms.
cocaine. Andile instinctively knew that this is the end, but Sam begged him for his forgiveness and promised to never do it again. Andile never knew when he started to use, only that his love for Sam compelled him to share all of Sam’s madness – as crazy as that sounded. Part of him knew that this was wrong but Sam assured him that he would be alright. Andile’s life quickly spiralled out of control. He found himself increasingly agitated and unable to concentrate at work. It got to the point where his manager suggested that he go on leave. During this time, his habit had him by the balls and he was going bat-shit crazy. Sam suggested to him that to feed their habit (after Andile has sold his car, maxed out both of his credit cards) that they became drug mules. Andile knew that this would compromise his career if he were to be found smuggling drugs to China. But, he’s habit and his love for Sam persuaded him otherwise. On the day were to leave the airport, Andile got a call that his mom was in an accident and that she needs him by her side immediately. Sam was visibly disappointed but told Andile that he would be alright. Sam went ahead with the smuggling. Four days passed until Andile received a call from an overseas number. Sam was caught at border patrol carrying four kilograms of cocaine. A shocked Andile was simultaneously saddened but also relieved. Months passed and he still hasn’t heard from Sam. He still finds himself longing for Sam from time to time and fantasises that one day, he will get home and find Sam at his doorstep. This was a hard lesson for Andile to learn: rejection may be hard to swallow, but losing a loved one because you were scared to trust your gut and speak up is an even bitterer pill to swallow.
Editor-in-chief of South Africa’s biggest youth magazine, AngeloCCLouw, Louw,‌. Angelo shares shareshis hisexperience experience ofoflife lifeafter aftersuddenly losing... t losing his partner his partner of fiveof fivedating years years
FEATURE
LOVE LOSS de de via We The Brave
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hen I moved to Pietermaritzburg for a Media24 internship seven years ago, I had no idea I'd be back here someday kneeling next to my late fiancĂŠ's grave, planting lavender in the KZN heat. It has been roughly a year since his departure and not a day has gone by without me analysing the situation, wondering what I could have done differently and if it could have been prevented. I always reach the conclusion that there is nothing I could have done better, but it still doesn't change the fact that a relationship I invested so much of myself in, is no more. I believe that nobody really understands what it's like to lose a partner until it happens to them. By the very definition of the word, a partner is a person who takes part in an undertaking with another, with shared risks and profits. When someone becomes your life partner, you agree to deal with bullshit as a team and celebrate the good times together, working towards a common goal: a perfect life.
I met Leko at a party shortly after I moved to KZN in 2009. We had an instant attraction – magnetic. It wasn't long before we decided that we complemented each other quite well; he liked all the things about me that I hated and vice versa (if you're going to spend forever with someone, it makes sense to be with someone who likes you, right?). Don't get me wrong, Leko and I had many ups and downs: family drama, jealousy within our circles, personality clashes; all the things you can think of that threaten your relationship, but end up making it stronger. But, he was the first person I called when I became editor-in-chief. Actually, he was the first person I called on any given day.
He was probably an artery, if not the heart, of the KZN gay scene, and was fast making quite a name for himself as an LGBTI activist. We had planned a life worthy of a DRUM magazine cover spread and pursued it at full speed. One question that probably gave me sleepless nights after he died was: What now? For months my family and friends watched me carry this heavy load around until one night my cousin had the drunken courage to say to me, "You have to let him go". For the first time I vocalised it and I asked her that if the life we planned was based on the best of everything, wouldn't "letting go" mean settling for second best?
I didn't think it was fair to let go of things I had dreamt for years because my partner wasn't around to help see it through. What is unfair about situations like this is that people expect you to carry on and erase all memory of your loved ones like formatting a hard drive. We're humans, not machines. We're complex and have the intellect to work through pain instead of ignoring it. We should be allowed the time to heal. I know Leko isn't around anymore. I know he isn't around to help materialise the perfect life I expected for us. I know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I know that this dream life will shift and change when I start to build a new partnership, and that I don't necessarily have to let go entirely. I know these things because I took the time to figure them out; despite what others felt was best for me. My life may have come to a standstill for a little while, but now, I know for sure that I'm ready to start again, and I'm brave enough to do it on my terms.
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TOYA’S TWITTER SPAT
de
O
ne of the organisers of the South African Hip Hop
Awards, Rashid Kay, really put his foot in it earlier this month when he responded to Toya Delazy's tweets about why there are so few femcees (female emcees) nominated this year by asking: Is Toya male or female? This isn't the first time the organisers have found themselves in the dog box for apparent homophobic attitudes; in 2012, queer dance crew V.I.N.T.A.G.E were snubbed at the awards when they didn't win Best Dance Crew despite being the favourites of the evening. Delazy, who ironically has a single out promoting tolerance of LGBTI people, launched a full-scale Twitter war against Kay – with poet, Nstiki Mazwai, at her side. Kay looked like an ass, as he continued questioning her gender identity; while Delazy pointed out his lack professionalism as someone responsible for such a major event. The battle is far from over, it seems... Mazwai and Delazy have continued the conversation on Twitter up until this week; but Kay has been rather silent considering the awards show is only two weeks away.
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