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Memory is the sum total of our experiences and what we remember; our past becoming part of our future. Like a complex web, memories are captured and woven into our mental lives, scattered threads throughout our brain they come together to form our way. On the soul, existence is being sorted, sub-dividing the temporary, sensory and the long lasting. Consciously re-living the echoes of time, memory travels through our imagination to relish or discard. Whispers of the past have a responsibility for who we are, they are building on both the distinct and surrounding. One’s interpretation not a tape recording, our memories can be intense and distant, powerful, crucial and disturbing. Stories in our mind can become blind when we try to find what’s behind thy drive and hiding to be denied the vivid stories we keep inside, until thoughts of mere treachery unlock the secrets of discovery. Our cognitive state to which we deem in jeopardy, reappear to sometimes speak of testimonies from deep in one’s memory.
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01 Memory Janet Tang 02 Memory Cues Teagan Burton 03 Growing Up Matthew Wilson 04 Vandals or Artist Emily Gibson 05 Spiritual Amnesia Michelle Tomkins 06 Get Lost Brita Somerville
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MEMORY
THERE TWO DIFFERENT MEANINGS OF MEMORY IN CHINA means: Something in your mind is unforgettable . Although it’s mixed good and bad. is colourful, you can never forget it. People will think of these things inadvertently. It makes your life meaningful and rich.
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This story is from my aunt. Two years ago, her parents passed away on the same week. Before that time, either of her parents could get out of bed freely. They had a long illness. My aunt quit her job and took care of them for three years. She told me she always recalls everything in the past with her parents, and it just seems like yesterday. For a long time, my aunt was the only one who her father knew. She said life was colourful even though her parents can not move. Although time goes fast, these memories she will always have in her mind.
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STOR
I attended high school in China. I remember clearly it was the last winter before College Entrance Examination. There was great pressure to get a better result. On weekdays, the night study finished at 10pm. I had a particularly good relationship with 4 girls. Winter is cold in China. When we finished dinner, all of us liked to buy an ice cream. We were saying“freezing cold� while eating ice cream.At night, there always was 5 girls who were walking on the playground with ice creams. But we all know that we ate ice cream for keeping the mind awake. I will never forget the time we encouraged each other.
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MEMORY
THERE ARE TWO DIFFERENT MEANINGS OF MEMORY IN CHINA means: Something you keep in your mind. It seems like stairs you need to walk, you go forward step by step. People depend on to live. You grow in something you learn and remember.
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When I was a child, there was a big house in our street. At that time, there were a lot of wild cats near my house. And my grandmother often fed them. After a long period of time, there were five cats that came to our yard for lunch everyday. I can only remember my mother telling me that a big white cat had a broken a leg, but she never was afraid of my grandma. My mother said that my grandma always wore clothes with printings. So that these cats can remember her by clothes and smell. They knew she would never hurt them. These cats knew my grandma by “ “ with her.
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When I began to study figures, I can not differentiate 6 and 9. My father tried to teach me everyday, but it did not work at all. When he asked me which one is six or which one is nine, I always reverse asked “What do you think?” . My father smiled at my answer. And up to now, I can differentiate them easily and I started to learn something more difficult. We learnt a lot from lives, even if it was difficult at the beginning. All of them also became a part of our memory. We called it “ “ in Chinese.
STORY
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Memory Cues
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Memories are fickle, they come and go without thought or notice. Whether it is a short-term memory, like picking up a conversation where you left off, or long term memory, recalling past events and reliving fond memories. The later is greatly influenced through memory cues. These are certain stimuli that aid in long term memory retrieval, sensory, auditory and visual stimulus can trigger memories linked to said entity. These memory cues can come in any form, all of which are individualized to different people. The smell of a wet dog, could bring back memories of an old pet, while for another person it could remind them of working at veterinary clinic. A certain song that hasn’t been played for years could bring memories racing back of past relationships, or singing it loudly with friends, memory cues can uncover memories years old, untouched and almost forgotten. Exposure does play a large part on the strength of a memory cue, a souvenir from another country you see everyday will only briefly remind you of your time there. But spatial cues of older memories are registered as stronger, such as finding and old beloved toy after many years. John R. Anderson study into the psychology behind how human memory is encoded into the mind, retained over time and eventually retrieved, highlights the importance of memory cues. “As with the investigation of encoding, researchers have gained insight into the mechanisms underlying episodic retrieval by noting the factors present on occasion when retrieval is successful. One of the fundamental conclusions reached as a result of this approach is that retrieval is cue dependent, that is, it is stimulated by hints and clues from the external and internal environments, from the state of the world and the state of ourselves. When cues are not available or are not used, attempts at retrieval are less likely to produce pattern completion. Many
instances of forgetting occur not because the information sought has been lost from memory, but because the cues used to probe memory are ineffective.” (J.R. Anderson, 1995) Alternatively, Memory Triggers, while based on the same process of memory retrieval as memory cues, are much more sinister. Predominantly linked to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Triggers are memory cues that remind the individual of past traumas. These triggers can be set off by the smallest of cues, and can have devastating results. Elizabeth Riegar’s research into abnormal psychology breaks up the symptoms into three categories, re-experiencing, avoidance, and arousal. Reexperiencing symptoms include, intrusive memories, flashbacks, and nightmares of the trauma. Avoidance symptoms act in the complete opposite, including avoidance of thoughts and reminders, selective memory, social withdrawal, and emotional numbing. Arousal symptoms refer to the physical responses that are provoked, such as hyper vigilance, exaggerated startle response, anger outbursts, panic attacks as well as sleeping and concentration difficulties. While for some, memory cues are a useful tool to reminisce about ones past,for others it is a harsh reminder of something they would rather forget.
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All we needed was a stick, some bark, and that was recess sorted. Sir got so pissed when we’d bring them in class and get wood dust everywhere.
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Under the pillow, no coin, still the tooth. I told my mum and she tried to console me, while glaring at dad.
Every Year we would paint these shitty plaster shapes, and ma would keep them for a month, then they would mysteriously disappear.
Every girl would weave them, and then my sister finally taught me, I was so bad at it, I just took hers and told them I made them.
I still remember the shitty taste of the cheap cough syrup, not the sweet red stuff, but the brown, gross alcoholic stuff.
My brother and I would fight over who licked the bowl and who’d lick the spoon. In other words, I would never get the bowl.
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If there’s one thing that I remember clearly, it was the taste’s of my childhood.
Whether it was differentiating the meals made by my mum and dad, (mum was somehow always better), or finding ways to acquire the good stuff, the sweet stuff. The lollies and treats I would sneak. The unique taste of over processed sugar, of artificial rainbows and their tangy acidity. There was always an occasion for it, “Mum I got a good mark, I didn’t complain on the car trip, I didn’t cry at the doctors”. Flavours were always brighter than my world, A hint of physical magic to make a human function for survival into a essence of being. Aren’t some of our strongest memories linked to food? Blowing out the candles on a cake, a Christmas feast with those you love, a dinner date where you finally realise they’re the one, or the final meal you would ever share with a friend.
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I love them too much. I don’t want them to get hurt. I cant’t look at it. It’ll be the same as before.
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Her soul is in every leaf. Her sweetness is in every breeze. Every rustle, a reminder of her.
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Greensleeves, Every time I hear that damn song, I just get so mad. Hours and hours of Piano practise and it was never good enough. My fingers almost bled.
Greensleeves was always played around Christmas time, I don’t even think it was a Christmas song, but Pa would request it every year.
Mum loved Greensleeves, when she died, the organist played it in tribute, I cry every time I hear it.
I gave my daughter a music box that played Greensleeves, she listened to it every night as a lullaby.
I would get that tune stuck in my head all the time, but I don’t remember a time it was actually played. My tutor told me it was considered one of the oldest known songs, maybe it transcended the generations to get stuck in our heads.
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Growing up
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01 Henry and his teddy Scruffles 02 Cousins 03 Henry now spying on his neighbours
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Sometimes I feel like old blokes don’t really get me. They’re just old, grey haired, withering men that have no idea what us younger dudes are all about. They don’t understand the issues that we face cause they’re old, old, old, old and OLD! But the other day I took a moment to think, what if they do get me? Did they grow up just like me? Do they actually get it? Well, I decided I’d interview one of those old blokes. A guy named Henry, my dads friend. I’ve known him for years so it was interesting to hear some of the stuff he had to say. I guess I wont be as tough on the older generation anymore. Maybe even start listening to what they have to say, maybe. Well, enough from me, enjoy the interview!
I stole a lip balm from woolies today. Why would you do that!? I’m not too sure. I just do stuff like that sometimes… I guess thats probably not that great to admit. No … probably not, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do Ha yeah makes me feel ALIVE! I’m sure it does. Anyway, who are you and what do you do? Well, my name is Henry and I’m a 57 year old Community Worker based in Western Sydney. Cool, well I feel like we should just get stuck into things. Yeah sure. Where did you grow up and how has this shaped who you are? I grew up in a few areas of NSW. My mum was a teacher and she was getting moved around a fair bit when I young. But I did most growing up west of Sydney in Quakers Hill. I went through high school there and spent a bit of time after finishing school before moving out and getting a job. Growing up in Western Sydney was good. It was hard at times but I had a lot of fun. Running a muck and getting shit faced was a favourite past time. I guess growing up there and the mentality of my younger self gave me a sense of resilience in some areas of my life which I’ve definitely carried into my older years.
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“I felt I knew who I was. It was hard for me having moved around a lot growing up...” 28
Do you still find you wanna run a muck and get shit faced anymore? (We laugh) Umm… Nah not really. I still love a beer though and there are a few th I could still be doing but I suppose the responsibility of family and wor main focus now. So, that sort of thing isn’t really on the cards. What sort of things do you wish you were still doing? Just things like playing music and stuff. You used to play music? Yeah! I was in a band with some of my mates. I used to play the Harmo sing, I mean I still do but don’t really find the time these days. That’s so cool! Growing up how do you feel you would have identified yo That’s a tough question! A good one… I felt I knew who I was. It was ha having moved around a lot growing up but once I was settled in Quake felt I began to find who I was. I mean as much as a young man can. It t years to really discover who I really was I think. But at that time I felt I understanding at least. I know what you mean… I feel like I am slowly getting to know myse sure there is still heaps to work out… Like that whole stealing thing… know why I do it… Hopefully it’ll stop. You grow out of things like that. It comes with getting older! I can’t jud stupid things you young people do because I was definitely making som bad decisions when I was young too. But you learn from your mistakes events that happen in your life… It’s just how it works.
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onica and
ourself? ard for me ers Hill I took me had some
elf but for ‌ I don’t
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Henry and his dad at Luna Park. Coney Island photo booth.
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That’s actually a great intro into a question, so thanks. Are there any key events in your life that you feel made you who you are today? Aw mate… Heaps! But a few key ones I guess would be getting married and having kids, my mum dying from lung cancer… Moving out of home for the first time… Theres heaps but those kinda bigs ones definitely stand out. I suppose it’s just life right? As you get older you begin to move into different phases of your life, start looking for someone to settle down with, people die and things like that will always effect you. No matter if they’re a good or bad thing it’s always about moving forward and dealing with whats happening. And they’ve all impacted me and who I am today. Shaped the way I think, act and do in all aspects of my life! I look forward to it I guess. It’s kinda a scary thought though… I wouldn’t mind staying young forever. Nah, you get over the idea of being young… You have to grow up eventually. I know I know… That’s not to say you have to act old. I still identify with my younger self. My brain doesn’t feel and think like an old man… Not yet at least! Do you think you still have more to learn about yourself? Definitely. Good. Me too. Thanks for this.
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Memory is the lifeline of life. Without memory pictures, people, objects and meaning all goes away. What do these people mean? What does any of it mean without memory? Memory is a way to connect and feel emotion towards things such as art, movies and objects. Past experiences connect and make you feel or interpret life in a certain way. For example, someone with a past that has had many struggles and hardships may interpret life in a dark way and with a glass half empty attitude. Compared to someone with a happy and stress less past, that may interpret everything with a glass half full attitude. Both these people can look at the same piece of graffiti or image and see or feel two completely different things purely as they have different memories and experiences that affect how they see things. “Memory is the means by which we draw on our past experiences in order to use this information in the present’ (Sternberg, 1999). As Sternberg mentions memory is where we draw on past experiences to use the information in the present, when we experience things it has a connection to our past. When interviewing people on their interpretations and feelings towards graffiti their past had a huge impact on their feelings and thoughts towards it. Matthew Gibson who was of a younger generation and was brought up with experiences of graffiti being art and acceptable and cool, had positive feelings towards graffiti, as a majority of graffiti today is for visual appeal and design
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ls purposes, not vandalism. Jenny le, is also of a similar view as her period of past experiences was similar to Matthews with not much of an age gap. Graffiti in her experiences became the ‘in thing’. This is based on Matthew and Jenny memories of graffiti. However the women Gisella Manna was of an older generation and had negative memories of graffiti as people had vandalized her home with graffiti, when she was younger. Therefore for her, graffiti was not acceptable and this was an act of disrespect and vandalism. “Memory is the term given to the structures and processes involved in the storage and subsequent retrieval of information.” As the quote says retrieving memories and information help people to live life and interpret it. These completely different views are based on memory and their past experiences which they use to bring forth and judge things in the present. Therefore memory influences and affects how we perceive the world of today. Certain memories and feelings are brought out through triggers of colour, similarity, sound etc anything that can act as a trigger to a memory can evoke emotion and feelings. This is how art and graffiti evoke emotion through linking to a person’s emotion from past experiences to make them feel and sympathize. Memory is the core of a person, without memory, they will just be lost, as memory connects people to life, people, art and future experiences.
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JENNY LE, 23 FROM PENRITH “Graffitti is awesome, I love Graffitti, its like art, everything regarding grafitti is different. It brings joy to people and reminds me of memories of being a kid and being creative and drawing on anything around. I still remember mum yelling at me not to draw on the walls.”
GISELLA MANNA, 35 FROM SYDNEY “Graffitti is illegal! Its just degrading and downgrading society and people’s property and buisnesses.”
MATTHEW GIBSON, 16 FROM HARTLEY “Graffitti is cool, People should be allowed to do it, it brings life to the boring. The characters remind me of cartoons and stories that the artists are trying to tell.”
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Like a black tunnel, disguised in its possession, consuming visible truth of its state of living, so too is the dark spiralling of this spiritual depression. I fail to remember, twisted by the importance of practice, my appreciation quickly detracts, swallowed into a whirlwind of hysteria and burden, I forget my spiritual connection in the corruption of this memory loss, do I ponder of the Lord and all He has done, I may not glimpse or even recall but it begins spontaneously to wonder is this spiritual amnesia?
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Forgetfulness is just another human condition so I guess that’s my reason for not being Godly driven or knowing His intuition. Remembering all of His blessings and corrections, I sink deeper into this repression. Unconscious or deliberate, my past memories seem to be just mysteries and riddles, when did I replace the truth for a fiddle. Maybe Jesus you didn’t tickle my fancy or was it that you just got in the way? Told to convey my inner most when I pray, only to become disarrayed at the harlot I’d made. My destiny is dim when this spiritual amnesia is slowly creeping in.
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Cold and empty in this worldly ecstasy, yes I forget that I am unworthy but it doesn’t stop me from falling ignorantly from my calling. Summoning a contradiction; I know the Lord but do not trust Him, although He paid the ransom for my eternal soul, why is it so hard to remember to praise in whole. Memories blacken, shadows coil, this harden heart is at the edge of being boiled, forgetfulness poisons us all. Maybe I’ll ask for His forgiveness and wash these eyes of this disorientation, but tomorrow will be the same as I put on the harlots masquerade, forgetting to pray as my destiny gets dimmer with a bad case of spiritual amnesia.
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Once I had a heavenly pledge but worldly desires just tasted too good, blindness became my friend and so the appetite for sin grow deep and wide until it bore a twin. I remember the strings of my obsessions, trapped by the beauty I forgot when He gave me convictions and by-and-by the trench got deeper, inking was my new addiction.
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I called His name for another remission; I couldn’t believe He still loved and received me, I promised never to leave Him. Memories shortcircuited and forgetfulness spewed in, I fell back in to my old self again, basking in folly and believing there’s no place called � E L L
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my spiritual amnesia is close to the brim.
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The state of my soul reflects its self so repulsively, mirror image of my depravity, how the heart boasts so proudly when we think we don’t need thee. The creator of all heaven and earth, rains blessings for both the wicked and good, He bled out to save this wretched world from an eternal division and firie hurl. Offering all the choice of ‘free will’, how easy it is to settle in the decisions for temporary pleasure, turning our backs to deny His holy power, we wonder why this earth is so miserable and sour. This SPIRITUAL AMNESIA is taking my soul to a fully conscious under world. To and fro, I fight with my spirit man, flesh and soul. How stupid to think I can save myself from this carnal hole. If only I didn’t turn away each day and reject that free gift of redemption, my first love – Jesus, would grant me the ultimate exemption. But still, I continued to live fearless and proud, headlong into a chosen damnation clothed in a fools shroud. This is full-blown spiritual amnesia; IT HAS ME IN A FOREVER COMA, where I’m feeling the everlasting maggot torture because I wilfully didn’t take up the Lord’s offer. If only I had one more chance to say, I’m a sinner, please let me pray, I’d do anything to get out! and hear Him say, “Good and faithful servant, you are forever welcome to stay”.
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ESKY THE LIFE OF AN
“Now I just lay here reminising about the good old days” “So I was providing my friends and family with an ultra-cool experience...I did everything they wanted me to. I kept the flys away and I kept their beverages cold, like what else did they expect from me? Then this one day I was taken to work and I was doing my job just as I always had, providing the Australian esky high standard quality when I started to get bashed...Even my handle flew off, MY DAMN HANDLE, beverages were thrown as if they had no emotions...I’m just saying I could hear their cries, it was unbearable. Now I just lay here reminising about the good old days, when I was loved and apart of the Australian Dream.”
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two bro cha 7:55 AM
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Memory is a vital part of a human life. Memory is also a vital part of an items life too. Over the many decades that have passed human lives, the attachment between human memory and materalistic items have evolutionalised. The more our society becomes a materialistic world, the less attachment us, humans have to our items and it is now more than common to see forgotten things on the side of the road. A study about ‘Memory for items and their spacial locations for young and elderly adults’ by Kathy Pezdek (Pezdek, 2016) shows that young adults can remember items better through verbal stimulation rather than visual stimulation and that the older you get the less you remember both visually and verbally. This study emphasises the growth in abandoned items on the side of the road, as the more materialistic our younger generations get, the less need they have to visually connect a memory to an item. So what does this mean for the abandoned items on the side of the road, forgotten broken and lonely? Well I have conducted an interview with two broken sad chairs that were willing to let me into their short lives and tell me how they felt. These are their stories 1. MR GARDEN CHAIR Do you feel you were fully appreciated? Yes, I felt as though I was loved, for the most part of my life. It wasn’t until the very end that I actually
questioned the relationship between me and my owner. Was there a turning point when you realised that it was all going to end? No, one minute I was being caressed and the next moment I was being thrown on the side of the road in bloody Kingswood...Kingswood backstreets are as desolate as my soul has become over these long and lonely nights as I sit and wait for some family to sweep me off my legs again. Do you miss your family? Of course I do, but at the same time, I am not sure if I can forgive them for abandoning me like this.
“Kingswood backstreets are as desolate as my soul has become over these long and lonely nights...” - Lonely Garden Chair
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‘i supported you’
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obrokechairs Did you have any family? Did they too get thrown away? And if so, clearly they aren’t with you so have you contacted them? Actually some of my family members stayed, me and two brothers were thrown to our deaths but the other two got picked up by some guy in a holden ute, and I just got kicked over, I haven’t been in contact with them since.
I have one last question, was there one particular memory with your family that keeps you going through this tough time? Yes there actually is, this one time it was Australia Day and Mr. Bin was being utilised too often and normally he is used as the stumps for backyard cricket. So this time they decided to use me. Gosh the laughter and the smiles on everyones faces during the game made me feel like I was doing the right job. I miss their smiles.
Do you miss your family? Nope not at all, I hated them, they left me in the rain.
Did you have any family? Did they too get thrown away? And if so, clearly they aren’t with you so have you contacted them? I do miss my brothers and sisters, though I do not miss the competitiveness that we had going against each other to be the best chair. I have one last question, was there one particular memory with your family that keeps you going through this tough time? Yeah the moment that I was brought into the home, was probably the best...knowing that I was chosen and loved, but like I said it went down hill from there.
2L.Chair Do you feel you were fully appreciated? No I don’t feel as though I was appreciated. I am heartbroken and I was from the beginning, my brothers were always loved ten times more than me. Was there a turning point when you realised that it was all going to end? To be honest I was hoping it would end from the very beginning, I love it so much more now that I am here on the street, I feel free. 55
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GluR Magazine Issue 1 Copyright 2016, GluR Magazine. Authors: Teagan Burton, Emily Gibson, Brita Somerville, Janet Tang, Michelle Tomkins, Matthew Wilson. Great Western Highway, Werrington South campus, Werrington NSW 2747 Australia
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