Gentleman's Purpose eMagazine - February 2023

FEBRUARY 2023

FAITH: Lord, Have Mercy Page 10

RELATIONSHIPS: 9 Keys to Building a Bulletproof Marriage, Page 16

Fashion: Love Is In The Flair For Fashion, Page 22

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Gentleman’s Purpose Articles

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Lord, Have Mercy!

Written by Justin Neil Gaynor

The New Year is getting off to a roaring start and I am excited. Gentlemen, we are at the 100-year anniversary of America’s roaring twenties and in this century we have a lot more experience under our belts. As gentlemen, we have an obligation to be statesmen, men who are aware of what is going on and engage with our communities in a way that makes everything better for as many people as possible. Last century, the roaring twenties led into a complete collapse of the financial system, the Great Depression, and some really nasty wars. People who learn from the past are not doomed to repeat it, but can repent towards better choices and policies and systems and structures. The ability to learn and grow is a mercy that God extends to us, and mercy is a powerful thing.

Webster’s dictionary (1828 version) defines mercy as “that benevolence, mildness or tenderness of heart which disposes a person to overlook injuries, or to treat an offender better than he deserves; the disposition that tempers justice and induces an injured person to forgive trespasses and injuries, and to forbear punishment, or inflict less than law or justice will warrant. In this sense, there is perhaps no word in our language precisely synonymous with mercy That which comes nearest to it is grace. It implies benevolence, tenderness, mildness, pity or compassion, and clemency, but exercised only towards offenders. mercy is a distinguishing attribute of the Supreme Being (aka the God and Father of our Lord, Jesus).”

Knowing what mercy means, and that it is a defining characteristic of our God, He is merciful, we then should expect the working of the Word and Spirit in our lives to move our own characters in the direction of being wisely and generously merciful. This is, of course, not easy. Justice looks at a situation and demands that it be set right, and that equivalent harm be brought to the offender in the situation in order to satisfy the claim of the offended. “life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.,” as the Law of Moses instructs. The purpose in this approach is to provide satisfaction to the offended party and to warn others in the community that they should be very intentional about doing unto others as they would have done unto themselves.

The problem with this approach is that as the proverb most often attributed to M.K. Gandhi says, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” Here Gandhi is echoing the teaching of Jesus that there is a choice when someone is offended, or wronged in some way. They can demand justice in the form of “an eye for an eye”, but a person with a heart after God’s own heart would choose to forgive as fully as they were able to, and with the help of the Spirit of God, to forgive fully. This is what it is like to be merciful, but it is painful.

“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.”, says C.S. Lewis. When someone sins against you, a debt is created and a person’s sense of, and desire for, justice springs into effect. That is a Godly attribute, and it is not to be diminished. If a neighbor has sex with your wife while you are at work earning a living for your household, it is right and just to desire his life be taken from him publicly, and possibly the life of your wife as well, depending on the circumstances. That is what the Law of Moses prescribes as an appropriate punishment for that particular offense. However, I have known men of God who have chosen to not only forgive the offending neighbor, but also to forgive their wife and not put her away, but rather to stay faithful to his covenant relationship, despite the blatant unfaithfulness of his wife. Looking at their life now, some twenty plus years since that scenario, the wife has never violated her husband’s trust again since that time, the husband has continued in faithfulness, and they are happily married. Some may argue that they are stronger for having endured that season together, not that anyone should sin intentionally thinking that the same kind of mercy and grace will come to their relationship over the long term. That would be presuming the grace of God, and that would be quite unwise and unloving.

So, may we become wiser, more merciful gentlemen, knowing that Jesus has said, “Blessed are the merciful, for they themselves will receive mercy.”

9 Keys to Building a Bulletproof Marriage

Written by Justin Neil Gaynor

Love is the first key to building a bulletproof marriage. It may seem like an obvious thing, but people’s ideas of love and how it is expressed, how it is best received, and so forth can be very, very different. Within marriage, there should be a ‘sibling’ type of love. A sense that this person is now as much my family as my blood relatives since we have become “one flesh” as Scripture puts it. So, in the same way that a gentleman’s brother will always be their brother, or their sister will always be their sister, this woman that you married will always be with you and is not a person that can, or should, ever be cast aside at some point if you are so inclined. Then there is the Hebrew word for love, Hesed, and this is a heart position of absolute steadfast, committed connection, charity, and contribution to their well-being. It is similar to the Greek word for love, agape, which is a self-sacrificing love, the best example of which we see in Jesus’ willingness to suffer the humiliating public death on a Roman cross in order to redeem and win the love of His bride, the church. Love is absolutely key to a bulletproof marriage.

The next key to a bulletproof marriage is joy. As gentlemen, we should be prayerfully intentional about being a source of joy in the life of our wives that is second only to God Himself. That means understanding those things that make your wife joyful and asking the Lord to help you generate that joy in her heart. Please understand, that joy is something very different than happiness. Happy is the person whose God is the LORD, but joy is a sustainable and enduring sense of grateful delight, contentment, hope and positive long-term outlook. Real joy is very hard to shake or be stolen by circumstances or the workings of dark spiritual forces. Being a source of and contributor to the joy of your wife is essential to a bulletproof marriage.

Peace, the very Jewish sense of it, is the next key to a bulletproof marriage. Peace, or shalom, in the Hebrew is not simply a lack of difficulty or conflict, but it is a sense of completeness that is felt as the prayer of Jesus in John 17 becomes fulfilled in increasing measure. That “they would be one” in the same way that Jesus and God the Father are one. The worldly idea that a person can be at peace, or complete, void of other people is simple not the way God has designed the human collective. There is a completeness that increases as people come together and fit into each other’s lives in the ways that God intended. This is vital when it comes to a man and a woman that God brings together in the covenant of marriage. That is why it is written, “what God has joined together, let not humans tear asunder.”

The fourth key to a bulletproof marriage is patience, or long-suffering. This is an attribute that is developed over time. It is often tested and yet offers tremendous reward on the other side of trials and difficulties faithfully and successfully endured. When a man and a woman come together in marriage it is best they do so with a sober sense of things. When people first fall in love there are all sorts of chemical and hormonal things going on that hinder us from thinking wisely and clearly. That is not a bad thing, but as a gentleman, you will be the spiritual leader of this covenant relationship. It is a God ordained position that you are not to outsource or shrink back from. In this context, it means that you are responsible for being aware of, and making known to your beloved, that neither of you are without sin. You have the responsibility to prayerfully receive feedback from your wife about sin in your life that she perceives. She is your glory and your helpmeet, your sustainer. It would be foolish of you to not accept such feedback. You also need to be intentional about making it known to your wife that your love for her is committed to her best interests as well. That way when you give her feedback and direction regard the sin in her life that she struggles with, she will be able to gladly receive that feedback and to prayerfully make the recommended adjustments in her attitudes, behaviors, and so forth, for her benefit and for the benefit of your household.

The next key to a bulletproof marriage is kindness. Kindness is one of those things that you simply cannot fake. To be kind to someone is a matter of sincerity in serving them for their good. Doing those things that brighten their day. Kindness includes those choice words that encourage, those little mundane actions that demonstrate love, and mercy, and a true “knowing” of your beloved. It is going the extra mile when you’ve already gone fifty and you are tired and exhausted and yet, you still want to say “I love you unconditionally” to your beloved. Kindness is without question, key to a bullet proof marriage.

Gentleness is key to a bulletproof marriage as well. We’ve all heard people say things like, “It’s not what he said, it’s how he said it.” Or as the new song by Carly Pearce says, “it’s not what he did. It’s what he didn’t do.” Gentleness towards your wife means considering her personality, her “triggers”, her workload, and her present mindset or outlook on things and then meeting her in that space with gracious compassion and genuine empathy. It is leading her with a familiar, comfortable hand and not an iron fist in a velvet glove. She will be able to tell the difference and it does matter. Gentleness will be expressed in your thoughts, your words, and your actions and will require the ministry of the Word and Spirit to grow in this for the sake of a bulletproof marriage.

Next, goodness is a powerful key to a bulletproof marriage. Goodness is something that Jesus Himself declared is only found in God. If that is true, and I believe that what Jesus says is always true, then that means you have to remain connected to God in a very real way to possess this key. Webster’s Dictionary defines goodness as moral excellence and perfection. Jesus defines this as being a blessing to absolutely everyone, unconditionally, saying, “He (God the Father) causes His sun to rise on the

evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” God is always good. Being an unending, unconditional source of blessing for your wife is one of the most Godly things you can do. It is important to depend on God for this key, because apart from Him, you are simply incapable of being good to your wife with the kind of steadfastness that is needed for a bulletproof marriage.

The next key would seem like a “no brainer”, but it extends much further than you may initially think. Therefore, it can be more difficult than you may perceive at the onset of the relationship. Faithfulness is central to a bulletproof marriage. Faithfulness is a key that opens the way to an enduring and fruitful marriage relationship. Jesus Himself has demonstrated for us what faithfulness looks like. Faithfulness is what takes us into the promised land of our marriage. We may do a lot of good things in marriage because that is what marriage requires. However, going through the motions day after day, year after year, decade after decade because you’re supposed to will not bulletproof your marriage. When intense testing comes, and it most likely will at some point, a marriage that is built on a checklist of do’s and don’ts will break, whereas a marriage relationship build on the solid foundation of mutual trust in what God’s faithfulness to the two of you is capable of accomplishing will remain standing and unbroken. The power of God, working through the faithfulness of Jesus can and will save your marriage every single time, if you allow it to and trust it to.

The final key to a bullet-proof marriage is self-control. Self-control is not only important in that you don’t allow your sexual desires to lead into adultery. It also includes not becoming gluttonous or becoming a drunkard. It includes stewarding your finances in a way that keeps your household financially “in the black”. Self-control is about enjoying life with the wife that you love without growing excessive, or becoming greedy in any area of your life. It is tempering the desires that you have with concern for the wellbeing of others. It is about knowing the difference between what you can do and what you ought to do. Self-control is key to a bulletproof marriage because it helps to keep you in a position of humility and lovingkindness that does not insist on its own way, but is willing to yield to the other at the expense of getting what you may strongly desire. This key, also, is obtained most fully from the ministry of the Word and Spirit in your life.

These keys to a bulletproof marriage should be actively, and increasingly sought, with a happy expectation of receiving them from the Lord. Gentlemen, please understand this…it pleases the Father to give you the Kingdom.

Love Is In The Flair For Fashion

Written by Brian D. Griffin

Welcome to February, the Month of LOVE.

Love is expressed through many facets of life, whether it’s through a friendly hug, a simple smile, or a killer outfit. Whatever your love language is, just make sure it is expressing your authentic self.

You may recall from last month’s edition how we spoke of the vibrant colors of the winter season 2023. Well, this is the month to show off your lava reds and your vibrant pinks.

Mi Amore’

Time to dress for the perfect Valentine’s date night, shall we? Let’s start off with pairing your favorite collared shirt in one of this season’s vibrant red or pink tones, complemented with a black slim fit skinny, with a black suede boot.

Don’t forget the accessories. Silver, white gold, platinum, or even black accent pieces in the form of a cluster of bracelets or a simple chain can complete a look from head to toe, giving you the confidence you need to step out on the town with the one you love.

As sexy as the night out on the town sounded, remember that is it just as sexy keeping it casual. Looking to keep your Valentine’s Day more laid back, no worries, we got you. A lunch date is a fun and flirty way to keep the spark alive, while feeling confident and comfortable.

Maybe, a pink polo tucked into a flexible pair of toupee shorts with a white casual loafer for instance. Paired with the right accessories like a brown leather cuff bracelet and a sleek Movado watch can make a man feel bold while kicking it casually. No matter your style, remember fashion is yours to create.

Everywhere we look, we are surrounded by style… Fashion is all around us and nothing makes a bigger statement than the one we make every day through the style choices we make. So, whether you’re into a slightly darker approach to the season of love, wearing your all-black attire, just adding a splash of red or an accent of pink can help soften the look or make a bold statement. Either way, you can’t go wrong. Black is timeless and always a great color to pair with bold tones this season.

Level Up, Back To Finance.

Written By Justin Neil Gaynor

Being a year and a half into the real estate business as a profession has brought me to a new season. After selling a $1.386 million dollar home in Flagler Beach after almost a full year of investing in learning about the real estate business I decided to invest more in this foray into the real estate world. First, because I love the flexibility this business offers. Secondly, because working with people to acquire and sell real estate is personally rewarding, and lastly because the income earning potential is tremendous. However, I decided to go a slightly different route than many of my peers. Having a background in banking and finance, I took some of the monies I earned in commission from the sale of the Flagler property, (after I paid back all the business loans it took to get to that sale), and invested in obtaining my license to write mortgages.

To become a Mortgage Loan Officer in Florida requires a significant upfront investment of both finances and time. On November 4th, 2022 I passed the exam which only has a 51% pass rate on the first try. I was quite happy with my results. The expense to register for my actual license after passing the test, which includes FBI background checks, State background checks, and much besides would wait until the new year. Then in January, after getting everything in good order, I was officially licensed with the NMLS. The next step was finding a Mortgage Brokerage under whose umbrella I could operate.

The interview process in this field was much more like what I think of when looking to obtain employment. I’ve mentioned before that when you are an independent contractor, as is the case in real estate, once you get licensed it’s like you are a first round draft pick and all the real estate brokers are trying to recruit you for their team. Now, as W2 employee again (for the first time in a few years for me), there were actual interviews and there was more care and consideration by the mortgage brokerage as to whether I would be a good fit for their company. Even though it is still a straight commission gig, because I am a W2 employee, the company I am with has a little more skin in the game.

After a few interviews, one of my application responses came from a family-owned mortgage brokerage that has been in the business for many years. Mortgage Network Solutions, LLC is based out of Wilmington, Delaware and after an initial phone interview, I was happy to connect with them and they have graciously welcomed me into the family. That was about a week and a half ago and we’ve been working through the initial onboarding, systems training, and beginning what I hope will be long and fruitful relationships with some of the 75 account reps from the various lenders that I will be accessing in order to pair my mortgage clients with the best loan programs for their individual situations.

At this point, my professional life includes seven different streams of income. That was my goal based on some insight that was given to me by my friend who is with Primerica, James Buchanan (James has authored a couple articles for GP eMagazine in the past). So, as I continue to be diligent about fulfilling God’s purpose in my life, I foresee a time of refinement and acceleration in productivity in each of these seven income streams. I have no desire to add any more to my number of businesses now that I am where I am, but rather to focus on the strengthening and refinement of each.

As you are considering and embracing what God is calling you to with regard to vocation, where are you in the process? Do you feel there is anything holding you back or preventing you from taking hold of God’s promises and intercession on your behalf? Remember, the Holy Spirit prayed for you, through the Apostle John, saying, “Beloved, my prayer for you is that you would prosper in all things and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.” If God is for us like that, who is it that can be against us?

Hula’s Girls and Tacos

Written by Justin Gaynor

There is no hiding the fact that I love tacos!

I don’t know if someone reading this magazine was prayerfully thinking, “I can’t believe this guy writes so much about tacos and yet, he hasn’t written anything about Jimmy Hula’s”, but it has been brought to my attention.

Now, there is a Jimmy Hula’s on the northeast side of the Dunlawton bridge in Port Orange, but there is a new location that is opening on Canal Street in downtown New Smyrna Beach as well.

My friend, Cliff Morris of Rooney Entertainment introduced me to Jose CiFuentes who is part owner of the chain, and let me just say that he is a great guy. As many readers of GP eMagazine know, I come from a family of restauranteurs and bar owners and Jose is very good at what he does.

Mr. CiFuentes’ team in the Port Orange location is motivated, fun to be around, and the atmosphere is beachy and just plain joyful. So far, my favorite menu choice is the Kingston Tacos which includes Jamaican Jerk seasoned chicken, fresh avocado, and sweet fried plantains. They are absolutely delicious.

So, check out Jimmy Hula’s in Port Orange, and definitely go and support the launch of the New Smyrna Beach location.

Recommended Additions to Your Library for February 2023: Essential Romance

Touted by the Boston Herald as, “Worth memorizing”, this may well be the best thing you have invested in with regard to your romantic relationship in a while. Often times it’s not that we aren’t madly in love with our sweetheart, it’s just that many of us aren’t good at expressing ourselves in a way that is clear and receivable on the other end. I am hoping that if you’ve been reading GP for a while that you’ve already read and begun to master “The Five Love Languages”. If that book is the big picture lay of the land, this book will fill your quiver with cupids arrows that will conquer the day within those broader hunting grounds.

Recommended Additions to Your Library for February 2023: Essential Romance

Any woman worth her salt is going to be guarding her heart. That means that when she is serious about seeking a covenant partner, she is going to test the men she is considering. The best advice is to be yourself because if you win her heart with a parody of who you really are the relationship will eventually fail because it was build on a lie. However, you want to be confident in who you are and be the best version of yourself. If you pass her tests with that, then praise God, she may be the one. If you don’t pass the tests with the best version of yourself, then it likely just wasn’t meant to be.

Recommended Additions to Your Library for February 2023: Essential Romance

Emotional intelligence is becoming more and more important in the workplace, but if it isn’t applied in your romantic relationship then you are missing out on greater connection and deeper intimacy. I’ve spoken about EQ previously in GP, but it absolutely deserves a place within your library focused on helping you woo and romance the woman of your dreams.

Recommended Additions to Your Library for February 2023: Essential Romance

Last in the list, first in importance. Any time you are planning on building something the first thing that needs doing is setting a proper foundation. If you can’t pray for the woman of your dreams before you’ve been confronted with the reality of all of her imperfections and humanness then your heart will not be prepared for her. Not to mention that God is currently preparing the woman He has for you and offering some of your thoughts to the process is wholely desired by Him, God does care about your happiness, as well as hers.

FRANK SINATRA

Most modern gentlemen have heard of Ol’ Blue Eyes, the Sultan of Swoon, but as with great men such as Winston Churchill, Ronald Reagan, Lincoln and so forth, we would do well to pay closer attention to Frank Sinatra, especially as we enter into the season of romance.

GEAR FOR THE BIG DATE

Valentine’s Day is for lovers, so whether your hands and feet are callused from the daily grind of hard, manual labor, or soft from 60 hour work weeks behind a keyboard, clean and trim your finger and toe nails for God’s sake. Yes, your toe nails...the shoes may need to come off for a walk on the beach...you may even spring for a mani/pedi if that’s not too metrosexual for you...you will thank me later if you go ahead with it though...

GEAR FOR THE BIG DATE

With Florida weather as unpredictable as it is, every gentleman needs to be prepared with a quality umbrella. This is especially true when you are planning on a special evening where she will likely have invested a lot of time, and money, in doing her hair and picking out a fine dress. This is a subtle way of demonstraing that you are prepared to be a covering for her and to protect her as any worthy suitor ought to be.

GEAR FOR THE BIG DATE

Now, you don’t want to, “smell like a French whore”, as my Grandpa Morgan used to say when I was a boy getting into his Old Spice. However, one of the first things a woman notices once she is close to a man is his scent. Too much and it will be nausiating, not enough and you may smell like laundry soap at best.

Nautica Voyage is a good choice, but you will want to wear it around some folks you know and get feedback before the big date. Some fragrances smell great in the bottle, but don’t mesh well with your individual body chemistry or that laundry soap you use. You don’t have to break the bank to smell great.

GEAR FOR THE BIG DATE

It doesn’t get more basic than this gentlemen. You should have two, new, clean handkerchiefs. One for her and one for you. Whether you get into a deep emotional conversation and her mascara runs from tears, or she spills something on her new dress, or you have a boogie in your nose, or whatever, every gentleman should be prepared for such things.

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friends and family!

Costa Rica is a destination that has inspired many world travelers to seek that next awe inspiring destination. From the world class surfing, to zip lining, rain forests, and cuisine to the friendly people and reasonable prices, Costa Rica should be on every gentleman’s bucket list.

While relaxing by the beach is certainly an option, you can do that right here in Florida. No, if you travel to Costa Rica get ready to dive into outdoor adventures that go far beyond chilling by the pool.

Costa Rica boasts some of the most fun surf spots on the planet. Anyone that has been part of the surf culture for any period of time has seen “Endless Summer” and been inspired towards a surf trip to Costa. For the ones that have made the journey, few have been disappointed.