Gentleman's Purpose - May 2022 - Special Mother's Day Edition by Gentleman's Purpose

SPECIAL MOTHER’S DAY EDITION Third Wave Cafe & Wine Bar, Page 38

Cruising to Aruba , Page 62 The ART of NEGOTIATING 101, Page 28

MISSION MINDED , Page 10

Drink Deeply From The Springs of Love, Page 18 MAY 2022

Gentleman’s Purpose Articles

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FAITH

MISSION MINDED Written by Justin Gaynor

Every man hungers for a great adventure. It could be the conquest for a beautiful wife…fame, fortune…glory…immortality. There is no shortage of goals a man may desire to obtain. However, what is planted in the Christian man is an adventure of cosmic proportions. God has launched a rescue mission to renew all things and to fill everything with Himself, as the waters cover the sea. He has summed all of this up, everything in heaven and on earth, in His anointed king, Jesus. We recently celebrated the Easter holiday, or as I like to call it, Resurrection Sunday. Now, on this side of the resurrection, we look to the ascension. The moment when Jesus approaches the Ancient of Days, and takes His seat at His right hand to rule and to reign. Just before this moment though, King Jesus gives marching orders to His newly anointed and confirmed priesthood. A priesthood after the order of Melchizedek (I’ve not got the time here to explain that, but it is an important area of study). King Jesus calls His disciples, His Kingdom of Priests, to go forth baptizing all nations in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit…and commands them to teach all people, everywhere, to obey everything He had taught them. So it is that through the royal proclamation that there is a new cosmic ruler, whose authority and power supersedes all others. Now, the culture of Heaven and the language of genuine, sacrificial love is to replace all other idolatrous worldviews and ways of living.

However, as with the difficulties seen in Iraq after the ousting of Saddam Hussein, there are still pockets of resistance to this new reality. So, Jesus tells us plainly that He is sending us into the world to destroy all satanic and demonic strongholds with the power of love expressed through the Gospel, or the Evangelion, the Good News that Jesus is Lord, and as Lord, He has accomplished what was necessary so that our sins could be forgiven and we could be reconciled to God. This means that simply by trusting in this message, we are saved from our sins and are full members of the family of God. We stand to inherit the life of the Age to Come, Eternal Life, referred to by the Jews as the “Olam HaBa”. This is the life’s mission that God invites us into. A life filled with spectacular events, powerful spiritual experiences, deep connections to God and people that transcend the natural, and ultimately a life that is truly life. As we consider these things during the present season, moving towards our celebration of the Ascension, and beyond that, to the empowerment God provides at the Festival of Pentecost, will you answer the call?

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Relationships

Drink Deeply From The Springs of Love Written by Justin Gaynor

“Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well.” - Hebrew Proverb

When it comes to attraction, men are extremely visual creatures. On the old-fashioned dating scene, it is almost always the physical appearance of a woman that will trigger a man to pursue. Facial features, body type and language, eye contact, and so forth. When a man sees something he likes, he goes and attempts to get it. It’s very simple hunter-gatherer mentality. However, the reality beyond that is that the woman the guy chooses can make or break him, so it is far beyond obtaining a beautiful “trophy wife”. Initial Attraction It is the initial attraction that sparks interest. Upon the meeting of eyes, there may be a sense in your gut that there is mutual interest. It can feel like butterflies, but that’s most likely just nerves. Real connection will feel like a spring of water opened within you. You will also be able to sense the sweetness or bitterness of the ‘water’. Don’t take offense if it seems a little bitter or bland, that is based on her negative previous experiences and how her heart is right now, and perhaps yours. If it seems like the water from that spring is super sweet, but it doesn’t trigger strong sexual desire, you probably have a good one. If the water triggers too strong of a sexual desire in you too soon, it’s likely lust and you should be cautious. Personality If your perception was good and there was genuine connection and mutual desire to explore possibilities, it is in conversation where you will be able to begin to learn each other’s personalities. Of course, you will have to be perceptive, because there are just as many women out there that are running game as men. Guard your heart. Also, it is more obvious than most people know when people are trying too hard. Be yourself because what you catch her with is what you will keep her with. So, unless you want to spend the next couple years being someone you are not, only to have the relationship eventually fall apart when the real you surfaces and that’s not who she connected with, then be real. Availability Many single women, especially in their 30’s and 40’s are extremely busy. A significant portion of them have kids, careers, broken relationships, and more that they are already trying to balance. If she’s looking for more than just getting laid to blow off some steam and frustration from her hectic life, then consider yourself lucky. Many young professional women today see men as little more than a sex toy with a pulse that, unfortunately, comes with the unwanted risk of a callback a few days later with a desire for a relationship. However, if she is open to a real relationship, is she available literally and emotionally for you? If you are like me at all, once I am in a relationship with a woman, she is second only to God in my life and affections.

You may ask, well, what about your children? My children need to see the proper order of relational commitment. Your spouse commits to being your partner for the rest of your life, you want your children to eventually detach and cleave to their spouse. That is how it is supposed to work. Anything else results in unhealthy co-dependency between parents and children. Common Ground If the connection is genuine, your personalities, and availability to one another seems to be in good order, the next thing you want to explore is common ground. What are your mutual passions and interests. If a relationship were to begin, what would the time you spend together look like. This may include common interests in faith, sports, food, hobbies, and a number of other things. Know yourself and be able to articulate what you like and how you spend your time. Look for the areas where you can share time and space engaging in things that refresh and build both of you up. Courting After this initial meeting,you may want to connect again. This may become a regular thing. At some point, the two of you may decide to explore each other sexually. As a Christian, I have to caution you that sexual intimacy is not void of creating spiritual ‘soul ties’. This is a spiritual reality that occurs whether you believe it or not and can cause significant damage to both parties and have ripple effects into the lives of others. It is always better for each man to have his own wife, and each wife to have her own husband, if your desires are that strong. However, the reality is that we do choose to explore these things and sexual compatibility is important. During the courting process though, I want to encourage you to never have sex with anyone, unless you can, at minimum, visualize yourself married to that person for the remainder of your life. Exclusivity Courting is a phase when no significant stated commitment has been made. You may be courting a couple different women simultaneously, but when you feel you are both ready, a conversation needs to take place that sets expectations with regard to exclusivity. As a gentleman, you should take the initiative to lead in this. Making sure that you set a pattern of open, honest communication. It takes some relationships longer to get to this point than others, and that’s ok. What you don’t want is a relationship based on assumptions. Clear communication is always the best way forward. Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and let your ‘no’ be ‘no’. “Yes, I am willing to commit to an exclusive romantic relationship with you.” Or, “I am not ready for an exclusive romantic relationship with you at this time.” You will, of course, want to openly share your heart in both instances and let the other person know why you presently feel the way you do and work to discover how the other person envisions moving forward. Marriage After a time of exclusivity, you will want to think about the future. Marriage is a holy covenant between the two parties and God that offers a broken and divided world a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. It is God’s microcosm of what it looks like for heaven and earth to come together in a dynamic, fruitful way. It should never be entered into lightly, and it should be held in the highest respect. When you are ready, you should enter boldly and joyfully into this covenant, knowing that God will be with you. 19

Justin Gaynor, REALTOR®, 3510 S. Nova Rd., Ste. 112, Port Orange, FL 32129 - 561-876-9728 (Mobile)

Click the eBook for FREE access to the definitive guide to buying a home in Florida!

Style

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These motorcycle shoes from Harley Davidson offer a more contemporary look, but they still offer significant protection for the foot and ankle.

A classic Dingo Cowboy boot has plenty of protection and uncompromising style. 27

Business

The Art of Negotiating 101 Written by Justin Gaynor

Doing business well is an artform. Certainly, within the broad term “business”, negotiating is a specialized form of art that can significantly impact an individual’s success and the success of those they represent. I think of Abraham negotiating with God to spare a certain city from complete destruction. God viewed Abraham’s bold intercession in a very positive light. Perhaps that was just what God was looking for, a human that would negotiate on behalf of others for their good. Harvard has established four principles for negotiation. These principles will be discussed in this article for the purpose of helping you to negotiate well. First, let us consider our mindset when we go into a negotiation and what kind of outcome we are hoping for. If, for instance, you really don’t like the person you are negotiating with, then you aren’t very concerned about your relationship with that person. You are willing to “go for the jugular”, as they say. This is a Win – Lose mindset. You are there to win as much as possible for your side of the negotiating table without regard for those on the other side. In a Lose – Win negotiation you find yourself on the other side of that table, and you, in fact, were out negotiated, just wanted out of the situation, or you give in too easily. In either situation, your counterpart took a portion of the proverbial pie that could have been yours. Then there is compromise. A form of negotiation where both sides of the table give something up for something they want more. This is very common in situations where there is a fixed amount to be divvied up. What one side wins, the other side loses. The “winner” ends up walking away from the table with more value, and the loser with less value. 30

In a Lose–Lose situation, both sides of the table leave the situation in worse shape than when they started. In fact, there ends up being a net loss of value for both parties. This can have both quantitative and qualitative costs, and in most situation, both. Then there is what I go for in my business interactions, a Win-Win. In this situation, both sides of the table see each other as partners in the negotiation. The goal is to negotiate with the desire to make sure that both sides get significant value from the negotiations and everyone leaves the table pleased with the outcome. This type of negotiation is most possible when the quality of the relationship after the negotiation is over is important to both sides of the issue. Now that you are considering the kind of mindset you are entering into a negotiation with, and that may change based on the position of the other side, we can discuss Harvard’s four principles of negotiation. First, you should do your best to separate your feelings for the other party from the issue being negotiated. This increased sense of objectivity will allow you to focus on the transaction on the table and the value disbursement that results from the negotiations. In this way, Harvard believes, you will be less likely to give up too much, or to be overly aggressive and mean to the other party based on your personal feelings towards them. The second principal is to set your focus on the interests of the people rather than the position. In the negotiation process, you want to find out what is actually important to both parties. What serves each person’s interests? For instance, the seller of a home may have a vested interest in a buyer that can pay cash for their home and close on the deal quickly. A buyer that has great credit may be willing to finance a higher offer price, but what is important to the seller is speed and ease of the transaction. So the buyer that was going to finance, may borrow the funds from a family member to pay cash and secure the purchase and then refinance afterward. They get the house at the lower price, and the seller gets the speedy, easy transaction they were hoping for. It turns out to be a Win-Win. 31

Next, the third principal, is that, based on the interests, have both sides of the table write and agree to a list of criteria or conditions that must be met in order for them to say “yes” to the solution. Then, begin the work of finding or developing a solution that meets the stated criteria of both parties. Finally, people like to be able to choose. So, when negotiating and attempting to formulate a solution that both parties will agree to, come up with three or four solutions when possible, and then go to work selecting the best option for both parties. When you apply these principals to your negotiations, you should be able to get to a Win-Win more consistently than if you had not applied them. So, consider these things and go learn what they mean to your success in practice.

Dining

Third Wave

Cafe & Wine Bar A Restaurant Review by Justin Gaynor Visit Their Website Usually, I keep my eyes and ears open each month as I consider a new restaurant to try. Sharing with you about great food and dining atmospheres is intended to help you choose great locations for dates, special occasions, or simply a nice meal after a long week. The name Third Wave kept popping up all week, so I decided that would be the place to explore for this month’s GP Dining Restaurant Review. It was about a quarter after 4pm as I pulled onto Flagler, one of the main streets for shopping, eating, and accessing the beach in New Smyrna Beach. You can drive your car right onto the beach here in Central Florida, unlike many other places. Parking was easy to find for an early supper. However, as I approached Third Wave Café and Wine Bar, there was already a line that had formed. They serve dinner from 4:30pm till 10pm on Friday evenings. This place was “Old Florida” from the get go and I was thrilled. As a Florida boy, there is just a certain atmosphere that feels like home to me. Promptly at 4:30 a server opened the main doors, then a few seconds later an attractive hostess unlocked the door to the patio area round back. The line was formed to get to the patio area, so that’s where I headed. When it was my turn to speak with the hostess I told her it was just me. She offered me a table or a spot at the bar. I told her whatever would be most convenient for them. So, I had a seat at the bar and a fellow followed me over there with a menu, wine list, specialty cocktail list, and a list of the evening’s specials. After taking my seat, Jack appeared to offer a libation, but I just ordered an ice cold glass of water. After perusing the menu, I decided to go with the Creste Di Gallo, which is a delightful medley of scallops, Florida rock shrimp, pasta, mushrooms, artichokes, cherry tomatoes, pine nuts, and capers, all tossed in butter & pecorino. After I gave Jack my order, he prepared me a tasty Old Fashioned made with a whiskey that I had not had before.

The whiskey was called Horse Soldier, a bourbon whiskey from Ohio. Flavors and scents of rich caramel, spice, and fruit danced on my palate and it was indeed a thoroughly enjoyable concoction.When my entrée arrived, it was piping hot and looked absolutely intoxicating. The artichoke and tomatoes, coupled with a nice piece of caramelized scallop went really well with the flavors of the Old-Fashioned. After finishing my meal, Jack had me pretty stoked that they had Chimay on tap. One of my absolute favorite beers. It is produced at a Belgium Monastery by actual monks. You rarely find it on tap anywhere, and this turned out to be no exception. They were all ‘tapped’ out. So, I thanked Jack for a superb meal and great service with a healthy tip and was on my way. You should definitely give Third Wave Café and Wine Bar a try, great place to unwind after a long week and really enjoy Florida outdoor dining. Location: 204 Flagler Ave, New Smyrna Beach, FL 32169

Books

Recommended A Library For May 2022: Esse

First, let us learn how to tell captivating stories that can heal.

Additions To Your ential Books on Storytelling

Next, let us consider examples of storytelling from the greatest storytelling culture of all time.

Recommended A Library For May 2022: Esse

Then, let us test our boundaries of thought and reason with some examples of mind expanding modern parables.

Additions To Your ential Books on Storytelling

Finally, let’s consider storytelling and culture shaping in the modern context of films that lead us on the grandest of adventures.

Music

NATHANIEL RATELIFF & THE NIGHT SWEATS

Gear

Gardenin

Gardening is a favorite pastime of many for good reason. Something about touching earth and participating in the process of life springing forth is both relaxing and satisfying. A basic gardening kit like this has everything you need to get started with your own home garden.

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What is planted must be watered to be fruitful. Too much, or too little, can hinder fruitful growth. A durable garden hose with a head that is able to adjust for the situation is needed. This one comes with some handy accessories as well.

Gardening can happen anywhere with a raised garden bed like this one. Whether you are in a NYC loft or a New Smyrna Beach oceanside cottage, you have the ability to grow food, flowers, and all sorts of fun and delightful plants.

Tromping around in the yard, moving bags of soil, all these things require getting messy. Having a nice pair of garden boots that easily slip on and off can be helpful. They keep your feet nice and dry, comfortable, clean up is easy, and you don’t ruin your sneakers.

With some good music going, you can lose yourself for hours in the garden. Protecting yourself from harmful UV rays and sunburn is very important. Get yourself a gardening hat that offers plenty of coverage.

Gardening is supposed to be a fun, relaxing hobby, not back breaking intensive labor. A functional and durable gardening stool like this one with allow you both mobility and convenience. Make sure to rinse it off well, dry it with a clean towel, and store it somewhere that it is protected from the elements. It will last you a good, long while if you do.

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Travel

CRUISING TO ARUBA

The Holland America Line is currently offering some great 7 Day Cruise Packages to the Southern Caribbean aboard it’s vessel, the Nieuw Statendam.

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