We Were One: The Impact of Retreats at Visitation

We Were One

A ropes course full of giggles and laughter.

Reminiscing with fellow

The sunset at Camp Maria.

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seniors before graduation.

Sharing your personal story in a small group of classmates who then become your best friends.

AND BEYOND

Retreats are part of the fabric of a Visitation education, woven into programming from freshman year to right before you walk through the Green Gate. But beyond that moment—what do you take with you?

“Retreats speak to Salesian simplicity. We are stepping away from the noise of social media, the immediacy of what is in our home, to get focused, to clarify,” shared Olivia Wills Kane ’85, Director of the St. Jane de Chantal Salesian Center.

Campus Minister Father Patrick Kifolo, OSFS, added, “When you take the time to sit and reflect for yourself and among others, and have that downtime, that allows all that stuff to start getting into our hearts and allows connections to start happening and allows relationships to build and grow, and that’s what [students] remember.”

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED Since stepping into the role of Campus Minister six years ago, Kifolo—known to students as “Fr. Pat”— has worked to seed the Little Virtues and Salesian Spirituality more clearly into the school’s retreat offerings—one retreat per academic year at Visitation: Freshman Challenge Day, Sophomore Service Day, Junior Retreat, and Senior Retreat. Kairos—the optional, Jesuit-originating retreat Visitation began offering in the mid-2000s—was adapted at that point in time with a Salesian lens. Beyond what is typically considered a retreat, Kifolo also emphasized that community moments like Diversity Day and Founders Day are also moments for reflection—“mini-retreats” on campus.

Retreats are about relationship, said Kifolo: “Our actual interactions are practical ways of living out our faith every day. That’s what allows us the light of God—we are made in His image—that we are allowed to shine when we truly Live Jesus and tap into all that.”

The “Challenge Day” at the beginning of freshman year focuses on the Salesian theme of Holy Friendship, and as those bonds grow, the spring of sophomore year brings an opportunity to put that into action in service to others in the local community.

By junior year, the timeless October retreat to Camp Maria offers an entire class time together. While much of the retreat content remains unchanged, Kifolo has integrated the idea of being humble—a Little Virtue— before God, being gentle with others, and being patient with oneself. “I think it’s the first time that they get to spend so much time with one another,” said Kifolo of the impact of Junior Retreat. “They get to spend those three days together.”

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The senior-year retreat is retrospective and asks the question: what will you take with you? “You’re in this liminal space,” said Kifolo of seniors. “You’re not quite something else, you’re not there yet, and you’re in this in-between.” Before graduation, seniors take this time to reflect on what impact they’ve made on Visitation, and the impact Visitation has had on them.

They consider how they’ll live what they learned in the real world.

“It’s optimistic. It’s relational. It’s practical,” explained Kifolo. “God is good. That lens we use to address and enter into a relationship, any relationship, is important. We recognize ourselves and others as of worth, of value.”

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THE SISTERS’ INFLUENCE Kane likens the retreat experience to the cloistered experience of the Sisters. “[Retreats] connect us to one another and in a deep way, to the spiritual tradition of the Sisters for prayer.

Their vocation is one of community and prayer,” shared Kane. “It is a secular way of cloistering ourselves. We cloister to be in community with others, to be in a similar vow, to be in sisterhood with one another.”

The Visitation Sisters attend school retreats from time to time. Alumnae recall Sister Mada-anne and Sister Claire Joseph joining them at Camp Maria and Kairos. Kane remembers, “It was how I understood the Sisters to be my friends and spiritual companions.”

She hopes the girls will see retreat experiences as nourishing and that they will, beyond the Green Gate, carve out time to be in a focused conversation with God. “A habit of heart will continue,” Kane noted.

Retreats also grow the holy friendships alumnae treasure—like that holy friendship found in Mary and Elizabeth. Kane calls her own junior retreat one of her “top ten” moments in life. “I think every Visitation girl has that iconic photo. The one with the sunset, on the dock. That was the moment that

bonded our class,” she said. “We were one. All the barriers broke down. There was more we had in common than was different. I was in love with Visitation, and in love with my class. I felt so good about myself and my faith.”

St. Francis de Sales wrote, “We pray best before beauty.” Assistant Athletic Director Amy Devere has found this to be true on the nearly 30 Kairos retreats she has chaperoned since they first launched in the 2000s. There is always time to walk and reflect during the Kairos retreat, and Devere takes this time to walk to the lake where Kairos is held and take a photograph—she has one in almost every season.

Kane said of her junior retreat— “It was the first time I realized the majesty of creation. It was a place to get away from the everyday stuff. The power of nature where you could slip away from distraction. That’s where I would find God.” Today, Kane looks back at her retreat experiences and says that when someone in her class has a need, they show up for one another. “At many points, we were Mary and Elizabeth to each other. Women going in haste to one another, and being of service, and offering themselves as a bearer of Christ,” she said. “Retreats provide a seed that so much later will bear fruit.”

OPTING IN (KAIROS I M PA C T ) While freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior retreat are required for students to attend, Kairos is the first optional retreat opportunity for students.

Longtime religion teacher and Chair of the Religion Department Elizabeth Wittschen said, “Kairos is not mandatory.

What a wonderful thing that students have chosen to take a step back from everyday commitments to pray and to step outside their comfort zone to experience something brand-new that they don’t know much about. For students to experience a more reflective and intimate experience. That’s hard to do with full-class retreats. All retreats serve a different purpose and this one is really personal.”

Wittschen worked with now Father Mike Vannicola to bring Kairos to Visitation in the early 2000s. Students had heard about it from brothers and friends at Jesuit institutions and were eager to adapt it to a Salesian model.

“The Kairos retreat is focused on relationships with self, others, and God and how all those things come together,” explained Kifolo. “It’s where they see it in a much clearer light.

They’ve been learning all this head knowledge around faith and things, and then on the retreat, they have an encounter that allows them to feel it— the head and the heart come together in a very unique way.”

“I think they get a better understanding of themselves and their faith and where it fits into their lives. It’s easy—it’s osmosis in Catholic school, and until you dig down, you miss aspects of it. It’s peripheral because you’re in religion class, you’re attending Mass, you see the Sisters,” said Devere. “[At Kairos] you are forced to think about it—it makes you dig deeper and to be more honest

[ PAGE 37 ] Camp Maria, 2016 [ OPPOSITE PAGE, FROM TOP ]

Amy Devere poses with a small group of students during a Kairos retreat in 2016; the lake where Kairos is held— Devere photographs it during each retreat she chaperones. [ THIS PAGE, FROM TOP ] The Class of 2023 at their Freshman Challenge Day & Retreat; Sophomore Service Day Class of 2021

with yourself about these things. It’s a great opportunity to remove yourself from tech and the business of the world and just sort of ‘be’ instead of having to react.”

Devere shared that while chaperones have the schedule for the retreat, they do not provide it to students. “Don’t worry about what’s coming up next,” she said. “Participate in the now.” This echoes the “very Salesian” theme of living in the present moment.

One important aspect of Kairos is the impact of small groups, which cross friend lines and sometimes grade levels, though Kairos is typically attended by seniors. Because the retreat occurs multiple times a year, students sometimes end up on a different retreat than the one they had hoped to attend.

Both push students outside their comfort zone—and that’s intentional.

“Kairos is God’s time and God puts you on this one because you need to hear from it at that point in your life, whether that’s first trimester senior year or second trimester junior year,” said Devere. She encourages the girls to

remember that “God works in mysterious ways and puts you on retreats when you get the most out of it.”

Students of all faiths have attended Kairos and found it valuable, Wittschen noted. “It’s really a retreat about relationships—with self, with others, friends, family, and the wider community,” she said. “Who are you called to be? How are you being called to live? If you are being called to be this person, what are your values and how do you live those in the world?”

“I’m always surprised at what part [of Kairos] the girls relate to,” said Devere. “As many retreats as I’ve SPRING 2021

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Molly Gradowski Herrera ’07 attended one of the first Kairos retreats at Visitation. Her experience on retreats like Kairos and service retreats like “Encounter the Gospel of Life” were a basis for her passion for supporting youth and young adults in their faith. Herrera joined the leadership of the Archdiocese of Washington as its program director for young adult and campus ministry just as the pandemic broke out.

“I know in ministry we talk about how retreats can be a mountaintop experience and the challenge is, how do we work with young people after those experiences to maintain that consistency in faith? So many of my moments of growth spiritually happened in those mountaintop experiences as a young person,” said Herrera. “I feel so much value—it allowed a space for me and for young people to experience the depth of our own spirituality and in our own relationship with God that we’re still kind of discovering as this adult relationship with God.” The opt-in mentality of Kairos, service retreats, or those beyond the requirements play a part in how powerful the experience can be for students, said Herrera. “It gives a space … to authentically, genuinely, joyfully experience [our relationship with God] around mentors, peers who were looking for that kind of experience and growth and connection and encounter with God. As a teenager it is not necessarily what people are prioritizing and focused on. … It set me up in a good space to continue on that journey in college as well,” she explained.

Herrera attended John Carroll University in Cleveland, OH. With a passion for serving others that had grown in her time at Visitation, she joined service retreats in Nicaragua, Mexico, the Appalachia, and Rwanda. Upon graduation, that call to service did not leave her; Herrera spent a year in Ecuador working at a street shelter for young boys and running an afterschool program. She stayed in Ecuador teaching for three more years, meeting her now-husband before returning to the United States and joining St. Rose of Lima Parish in Gaithersburg, MD, as its coordinator for youth ministry and young adult formation.

She believes in the impact of retreats for young people, especially young women. “What’s incredible—and what was incredible for me about Visitation—and young women going through it—it instills a sense of strength. I know in the Little Virtues there’s humility and gentleness, but in addition to those, it also sets a solid foundation of strength within our faith and courage to be spiritual leaders whether that is in our parishes or faith communities or even among friends,” she said.

In retreats that are peer-led like Kairos, she saw role models as a teenager and shared that becoming a leader for Kairos 40

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after her own was very powerful. “I think that something that can be hard in messaging and communicating to young women is that [women are not only] ‘spiritually timid’ or ‘meek’ or ‘humble of heart,’ which is beautiful and should be celebrated; that women are courageous and strong and can be authentically themselves, and that that in itself is holy.”

The Sisters played a part in reinforcing that message for Herrera. She shared, “When you’re living it, you don’t realize how unique and special it is to be in their presence, but it is something I’ve held onto since Visitation and I am very grateful to the Sisters.” She found inspiration in their joyful, authentic holy friendships with one another, and with students like herself.

Beyond high school, Hererra feels retreat opportunities can be incredibly valuable to adults. “For young adults and adults, even though they aren’t necessarily transformative parts of our lives, they’re still so impactful because we reconnect with God in a deeper way than everyday lives,” she said.

Today, Herrera supports parishes and colleges in their programs with young adults in their twenties and thirties across the entire Archdiocese.

Herrera prioritizes the “mini retreat,” like the Sisters do, ensuring that she has time for daily prayer. “If I’m not taking at least 30 minutes to slow down and reflect, my days feel that much more hectic. I think it’s similar to a bigger picture with our lives,” she explained. “If we aren’t taking the time to step away, it can make it difficult to reset and have an opportunity to be filled deeply and to pour out into our lives.”

The pandemic was a wake-up call for her office and she dove into the work headfirst. “Everyone was forced to reevaluate what we were doing and reflect on everything,” she said “We were in need of creating programs to reach people and help parishes reach their people in a way they’ve never been forced to before.”

“We asked the question, what is most important for young adults at this moment in time? We felt like, after discernment, reflecting, and prayer—young adults without a pandemic were lonely. In a pandemic, it was exacerbated,” Herrera shared.

Small groups on retreat often plant a seed for growing friendships. Herrera sought to replicate that connection through small groups throughout the Archdiocese—it’s one of the things she is most excited about in her role. They launched over 50 small groups: “I wanted to make sure no matter where you were within the Archdiocese, you could look at what was being offered and say I think I can find a community or a home here.”

Being intentional about both one’s education and one’s spiritual foundation is a hallmark of a Visitation alumna.

Herrera believes it makes a difference in both your own life and the lives of those around you when you prioritize holy friendship and reflection. “The effect multiplies,” she said.

“They lead and mentor...and live their lives as witnesses and examples of faith, authenticity, integrity, and humility. I think it compounds into who they touch.”

been on, I’ve had that many different experiences. The girls are in different places. … It might be your 20-something and it’s their first. As a chaperone, that’s hard—you forget that it’s a progression because you’ve been through it. But it doesn’t take long to snap out of it.”

The “hype” around Kairos, and the idea of a transformational experience, can make some students feel pressure around the retreat, shared Rachel Pineda ’21. “Kairos is hyped to be this huge, life-changing event where it’s like something insane happens and your whole life is changed. For me, this wasn’t quite the case—I didn’t experience a life-altering moment like a tangible shock through my body, but rather the most beautiful perspectivechanging experience over the entire four days — and Kairos still changed my life.”

“A lot of people think that Kairos will ‘fix’ them—that’s not what it’s about,” said Devere “These retreats are meant to look inward; you aren’t going to get all the answers on one retreat. It’s a stepping stone and it doesn’t end when we get back. There’s still a lot of work you have to put in when you get home, too.”

“At Kairos, you come to think of yourself and your experiences with others in a new light. What I learned from Kairos is that it’s all the small things that add up to make this experience one of the most special experiences. Whether it’s sparking up random conversations with people you rarely talk to or laughing about old jokes with old friends, Kairos brought about the best times for me,” Pineda said.

“I made some of my best friends on Kairos, especially in my small group, and have amazing memories that I still hold so close to my heart. I learned that everyone’s experience is different, and I think that’s the beauty of it—you can make Kairos your own all dependent on how willing you are to grow as a person and in your relationship with God.” Wittschen admires students who make the choice to “opt in” for Kairos.

“It’s counter-cultural to say we are going to take time away, to sit, to pray, to have a conversation with peers and teachers about meaningful, important things,” she said. “It’s unquantifiable to assess the value of it. It speaks to what we value as a school. … In the pandemic all we hear is self-care. Take time for you.

This is the deepest quorum of caring for oneself.”

PRIORITIZING RETRE ATS IN A D U LT H O O D Kairos was the first retreat Devere chaperoned, encouraged by a student to go along for the journey. “It’s good for me to reset myself, pull myself out of my own little world and go support the girls. I have time with colleagues and friends. We get to step away from our computers. It’s a retreat for myself, in a way,” she said.

Devere prioritizes chaperoning moments like Kairos or World Youth Day. “I always say, I’ve had the pleasure of seeing them in the classroom and on the sports field. This is another way to see them,” she explained. “It’s important for the girls to see we care in different ways, and we’ve had struggles they may have, too—faith, family, etc.

We’re still doing what we’re doing and helping. We’re human, too.”

Wittschen feels similarly: “I’m so grateful that Visitation and Kairos

provide me with a way of learning more and hearing from [students] and being an ally where I can. I really am so grateful for that … for the time to be fully present to those people in my small group because, as a mom, I’m pulled in different directions. I’m grateful to focus on these five or six kids and focus on their stories and where they are and help them to grow. They help me to grow, too.”

In the same way that Kairos meets students where they are, retreats provide a different experience for adults as well. “We use the word mystery often.

The idea of the mystery is not that it is unknowable; it’s that no matter what you uncover, you will keep uncovering more. … Each stage of life brings more with it. We unpack what we didn’t see when we were younger. We see things in a new light,” said Kifolo of the value of retreat experiences beyond the Green Gate. “Even if we’re reading the same things—you see things you never saw before. That can help our minds and souls grow. That’s what we need in the moment that God must reveal to us at different stages in our lives.”

“The Sisters pray the Divine Office many times throughout the day— almost like mini retreats, which is so Salesian. We may not have a weekend or eight hours [to give],” Kane said. “But we can have spiritual refreshment. Francis de Sales invites us to recall the retreat to mind—the spiritual bouquet we return to—to remember the essence of that intimacy with God.”

[ OPPOSITE PAGE ] Herrera ’07 shared this photo from her junior

retreat on the dock at Camp Maria. [ RIGHT ] The Class of 2023 at their Freshman Challenge Day & Retreat.

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