gir(L) June 2017 Edition

Volume 12 Number 2

ARE WOMEN

PREPARED FOR A LIFE

THINGS THAT

ALONE? HAPPEN IN

A LESBIAN

RELATIONSHIP

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articles pg 12 - are women prepared for life alone as they age? • pg 20 - things that happen in a lesbian relationship • pg 26 - joint statement about world out games miami 2017 • pg 36 - four ways to stay sober through the summer holiday drinking season • pg 42 - six ways to reduce stress and anxiety in your financial life • pg 49 - in need of fertility treatment? i can help! • pg 54 - top three hot weather tips for pet owners • pg 60 - the six hidden causes of chronic illness •

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PO BOX 50111 LIGHTHOUSE POINT FLORIDA 33074 PH: 954 - 829 - 1982 • 954 - 815 - 3220 PUBLISHER A B M E D I A P A RTNERS, INC MANAGING DIRECTORS SHELLY ALLEN

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G E N E R A L I N F O R M AT I O N For our online magazine and links to our favorite sources visit us at, www.GirlMagazine.us and follow us on FB at, www.Facebook.com/girlmag Health Disclaimer! Information provided here should not be construed as personal medical advice or instruction. No action should be taken based solely on the contents of this publication. Readers should consult appropriate health professionals on any matter relating to their health and well-being. The information and opinions provided here are believed to be accurate and sound, based on the best judgment available to the authors, but readers who fail to consult appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries. The publisher is not responsible for errors or omissions.

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June - December 2017 I

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P u b l i s h e r ’s L e t t e r

Hello All and welcome to another awesome issue of gir(L)! Well, it’s June again and this year is certainly flying right by. If you are an avid reader then you know this issue runs from June through December, 2017.

Even though gir(L) prints just two times per year, our website and mobile app are always being updated with all the latest and greatest news, photos, stories and events. There is so much to see so make sure you visit our website often, and download our free mobile app to stay up to the minute on events and happenings.

We have got a great issue for you! You definitely want to check out the article, Things that happen in a lesbian relationship, it will leave you thinking, “Yep. Been there, done that!” We’ve also great tips and tricks to keep your pets summer and fall safe, as well informative articles about your health and wellbeing, both physical and financial.

Shelly Allen

As always, thanks for tuning in and until next time... check out our website and download the free gir(L) app (find a direct download link at girlmag.us) Have a great sunmmer!

P.S. The advertisers make it all happen so if you need what they’ve got, go get from them... and make sure you tell them you found them in gir(L).

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Are Women Prepared For Life Alone As They Age?

By Brittany Thomas

T

he trends are clear – as women age the odds are they will be living alone, largely because of either divorce or widowhood.

What may be less clear for many of them is whether they are prepared for that life alone – both emotionally

and financially, says Susan L. Hickey, a financial professional at Your Own Retirement LLC. “Although both men and women could live three or four decades in retirement, it’s more likely for women because they have longer life expectancies,” Hickey

June - December 2017 I 13

says. “But they also often have less in savings, and smaller or no pensions, so their longevity can work for them and against them.”

Almost half (46 percent) of women who are 75 or older live alone, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Administration for Community Living.

But women, many of whom are heads of households, don’t always do a good job of planning for their retirements because they spend so much of their time thinking about the needs of others – their children, their spouses, their aging parents, Hickey says.

“They need to realize that their happiness and security in their later years can hinge on so many things, and not just their savings,” she says. “So many factors come into play.”

and where all the important papers are kept. When a meeting happens with a financial professional, they should be part of that and help make the decisions.

Underestimating how long they will live.

For some reason, many women have trouble imagining just how long retirement might last. Life expectancy for women in the United States is about 81, and that’s an average. Many women will live into their 90s and some will pass 100. When planning and saving, women need to consider that they might still be living 30 or 40 years after they retire.

Failing to protect their health.

Failing to participate in planning.

Maintaining your general health and well being is important because medical costs can eat into retirement money, Hickey says. The nest egg that someone thought would be more than sufficient can start disappearing quickly when there are significant medical issues.

Women need to make sure they get exercise, eat healthy meals and keep up with those doctor visits.

Many women have left the retirement planning to their spouses and that’s a mistake, Hickey says. Both women should be actively involved. They need to understand their financial situation, what would happen if their spouse dies

“So much of this is connected,” Hickey says. “When women feel that they have a good financial plan in place, they are more likely to feel secure and that’s good for both their physical health and their emotional health.”

Hickey says some mistakes women make in planning for retirement, and what they can do to correct those mistakes, include:

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Things That Happen In A Lesbian Relationship

Mila Jaroniec

thoughtcatalog.com

June - December 2017 I 21

I

f you’re a veteran lesbian, chances are you’ve been in at least one long term relationship with a girl. You may have noticed that it was scary and difficult.

However, if you are new to the scene and curious about the future, here is a list of things you can expect to find yourself experiencing once you trap the lady love of your life.

understands you. Cry because even after four months, she still doesn’t fully understand you. Cry because she’s fucking you too hard but you don’t want to ruin the moment. Cry because she’s crying. Really, the possibilities are endless.

Olympic drinking

Face it – once you get into a serious lesbian relationship, you will never sleep again. The hours you used to spend sleeping will suddenly be filled with one or more of these: passionate sex, mechanical sex, drunk sex, half-assed sex, angry sex, or a screaming fight about not having sex, followed by pity sex and a faked orgasm (which you don’t normally do, but damn it, you’re really tired).

Prepare to be constantly tipsy. In your new relationship, you will feel joyously carefree and adopt a devil-may-care attitude, which will make every day with your girlfriend seem like a mini celebration. Going on an autumn walk?

Wine in a traveling cup. She just got out of her linguistics final? Shots! You got off work at midnight instead of 2:00 a.m.? A house call with cheap vodka and champagne is in order. You’re so excited to be together you make every day a party, even if it’s a Tuesday afternoon and you have papers to write.

Olympic crying Get ready for an onslaught of feelings, girls! You will find new and interesting reasons to be emotional, and therefore take crying to new levels. Cry because she’s the one. Cry because you’re not sure she’s the one. Cry because you’re drunk and her smile is so beautiful.

Cry because she’s the only person who

Severe REM loss

Expansion Of the horizontal variety. In a relationship, it is almost guaranteed that you will get fat and happy. You will lie contentedly in her arms on your plush couch among your eclectic throw pillows and reflect on how lucky you are. You will order in and eat out. In a spirit of domestic goddess-osity, you will attempt to cook dinner from scratch, which will of course result in half the kitchen on fire and subsequent takeout from the Chinese bistro down the street. You won’t mind. You’re in love.

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BBS (Broke Bitch Syndrome) Enjoy your savings now, because once you get a girlfriend, they will disappear.

Bar tabs, vacations, birthday/Christmas/ anniversary/Fourth of July presents, decadent seven-course dinners, her car payment, that $245 pair of jeans you impulsively bought because they looked cute on her and she needed cheering up, etc. will chew up and spit out your bank account. You will need to apply for a new credit card just to be able to afford Valentine’s Day. Mobile phone aerodynamics It is also likely that, at some point, you will get out-of-proportion upset over a passive-aggressive text or short, stroppy phone call, and in a flash of rage you’ll decide you’re done with her shit and hurl the phone across the room, at the ceiling, or into moving traffic. You will later send her a Facebook message telling her that you lost your phone, you’re sorry for ignoring her calls, and you’ll be home for dinner.

Chronic worrying Your laid-back nature will suddenly give way to irrational paranoia and gnawing self-doubt. You will begin to worry constantly, about everything: what she’s doing when she doesn’t answer your texts (even though you know she’s in for

the night), what she meant when she said “I really need to concentrate on my work right now,” and why it’s 2:30 a.m. and she isn’t back from that “talk” with her ex yet. You will question everything – yourself, your relationship, your life choices, whether you’re even gay – and freak out accordingly Chronic apologizing In addition to worrying about everything, you will start apologizing for everything. Or, alternately, you will never apologize, and be the one to stomp off in a huff in the middle of an argument even when you’re wrong.

Invincibility When you’re in love, you’re invincible.

Nothing can touch you. The world can go to hell in a hand basket; you share a heartbeat and that’s all that matters.

There’s nothing to worry about anymore – you’re safe. You’re warm. Protected.

You’ve made a home in each other’s arms and hearts and you’re facing the future fearlessly, together, head-on.

That is, of course, until she finds an unread message with one too many smiley faces in your inbox from some hot girl. Suddenly, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.

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Joint statement about World Out Games Miami 2017 T

he Federation of Gay Games (FGG) and Paris 2018 – Gay Games 10 extend support to the participants of the Gay and Lesbian Sport Association (GLISA) 2017 World OutGames Miami. Our concern is for all the participants disappointed and frustrated by cancellations and changes to events, and we send our support also to the two FGG member organizations — International Gay & Lesbian Aquatics (IGLA), and the International Gay & Lesbian Football Association (IGLFA) — working hard in Miami to make sure that the aquatics and soccer / football events continue to take place.

Said FGG Co-President Sean Fitzgerald, “I am here in Miami and witnessing all of this first-hand. While my water polo tournament will continue, my heart goes out to everyone who arrived in Miami only to learn that their events had been cancelled. Since 1982, the Gay Games have taken place like clockwork every four years. The Federation of Gay Games is committed to help Paris 2018 deliver Gay Games 10 accordingly to the true ideals of the Gay Games: Participation, Inclusion, and Personal Best™.”

Speaking from Paris, France, Paris 2018 Co-President Manuel Picaud commented that “people can rest assured that our event is ahead of schedule. We have the financial support of every French institution. Our Minister of Sports, Laura Flessel, is also our Patron. Most of our venues are being provided by the City of Paris. We have over 2,200 people registered already for our 36 sports, 14 cultural events, and 1 academic conference. We expect participants from more than 70 countries for a week-long celebration of diversity in the capital of love.

Please join us in August, 2018.”

June - December 2017 I 27

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e are very excited to be working with the gir(L) staff and certainly, you the readers. We are looking forward to speaking with many of you and helping you plan your vacations and business travel. Although we specialize in cruises, we also specialize in land based vacations including hotels and all-inclusive resorts. We are not an exclusive LGBTQ travel agency, as we value everybody as an important client. However, we are focused on the LGBTQ market and will work hard and smart to make sure we listen to all your travel desires and match you with a vacation that will leave you with lifelong memories. We have access to all the LGBTQ only trips, as well as all others.

As an American Express Travel Representative, Cruise Planners connects you to American Express Card Members exclusive perks, as well as the opportunity to travel in style at the lowest prices available, while receiving the best service in the travel business.

June - December 2017 I 35

Please let us know if you would like to book a small or large group and learn how you can travel for FREE! The best way to work together is for you to e-mail or call us directly so we can discuss all your travel wants and needs in more detail. We are offering a FREE onboard credit to all new clients on future cruises. We are even offering you an opportunity to win a FREE 7 day Caribbean Cruise for two people, simply by adding your name to our VIP e-mail list. To sign up for our VIP e-mail list and enter to win a FREE 7 day Caribbean cruise, please contact Adriana (our associate) directly: AdrianaH@ZFamilyTravel. com or 305-904-1769 or go to our website at www.ZFamilyTravel.com

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Four Ways To Stay Sober Through The Summer Holiday Drinking Season

By Michael Graubart

Photo Credit, partysober.com

H

ere comes the summer drinking season— June graduations and weddings, Fourth of July, the beach, and barbecues!

What could go wrong? Plenty, if you don’t have a plan for getting through the summer sober.

In Alcoholics Anonymous, we call the period from Thanksgiving through Christmas and New Year the “Bermuda Triangle” of sobriety—many alkies come in, but not all make it through.

If anything, summer is more dangerous for people in recovery, because there are so many social cues to drink.

What’s a recovering alkie or addict to do?

Here’s some kitchen-tested advice that gets passed along the Twelve Step meetings as holiday periods approach.

No. 1: Have an exit strategy.

Even before you get to the event, whether it’s a barbecue, a wedding, or holiday party, have a plan for leaving as soon as you feel uncomfortable. When everybody’s drinking, the pace of conversation and behavior in general seems to suddenly accelerate.

This is an extremely uncomfortable moment for people newly in recovery, and sometimes for people who have been clean and sober a long time.

When that moment arises, you want to have a plan for leaving. Did you come in your own car? Can you call an Uber or a cab?

Will public transportation work? Or can you

June - December 2017 I 37

just walk out of there? Determine your exit strategy even before you enter. Don’t stick around once the drinking heats up. You won’t be missed. Everyone else will be too drunk to remember whether you stayed or left.

No. 2: Get a drink.

As soon as you get to the event, go to the bar or beverage area and get yourself a soft drink or juice—and carry it with you everywhere.

People are far less likely to offer you a drink, or force a drink on you, if you’re already holding a drink.

If people ask you what you’re drinking, tell the truth. The more insistent they get that you should be drinking, the more likely it is that they need a program, too.

If you put your drink down, even for a microsecond, it’s no longer your drink. Go back to the bar or beverage area and get a new one. That’s because alkies have this very slick trick of switching out their beverage “accidentally on purpose.”

“I thought it was my Coke!” we exclaim pitifully. “How could I have known that it was actually someone else’s rum and Coke?”

It doesn’t even matter if you are maintaining visual contact with the drink—once it hits the table, it’s no longer yours. Go back and get a fresh one.

No. 3: Remain anonymous.

You don’t have to tell people that you are now sober in Alcoholics Anonymous or clean in another Twelve Step program. It’s nobody’s business. Sometimes, the newly

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sober tend to “over share” with people in our lives. You are not in a Twelve Step meeting when you are at a party featuring alcohol (or other substances). You are out in the big, bad world, where no one cares that you are clean.

You do not owe anyone an explanation for your choice not to drink. Your sobriety is, in fact, none of their business. You do not need to share that vital information with anyone.

Remember that the last name of every Twelve Step program is “Anonymous.”

about your recovery, don’t tempt fate. We love to do it, but ultimately, it could be a selfdefeating choice.

If you feel that a particular event may be too much of a test for your recovery, make up an excuse and go to a meeting instead. Give your own sobriety a chance.

No. 4: Stay home.

So there you have it—four ways to stay clean and sober through the often treacherous summer holiday season. Come Labor Day, you’ll be sober as a judge…instead of having to appear in front of one!

There is no law that says that newly clean and sober people must test their sobriety or abstinence at every family or social event that comes along. If you’re feeling shaky

New York Times bestselling author Michael Graubart has published Sober Dad: The Manual for Perfectly Imperfect Parenting (Hazelden).

June - December 2017 I 39

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Six Ways To Reduce Stress And Anxiety In Your Financial Life

Brittany Thomas

T

rading in your morning coffee run to Starbucks for the pot of coffee in the office is never fun, but when finances get tight that drive-thru stop might be one of the first things to go.

But do you really need to give up the little things in life that make you happy?

Al Zdenek, the author of the book Master Your Cash Flow: The Key To Grow

And Retain Wealth, doesn’t think so.

“It’s important to be able to hang onto those things you enjoy,” says Zdenek, the president, CEO and founder of Traust Sollus Wealth Management.

“You should be able to, just as long as you continue to make smart decisions on bigger issues that affect your future wealth.”

June - December 2017 I 43

There is a lot of financial stress and anxiety in the country. Zdenek says if you can eliminate financial stress from your life, your anxiety levels will go down. Here are some of the things he recommends to accomplish that: Know what you need.

The unknown is the biggest stress driver. There is a cash flow per month that would allow you to live the way you want now and in the future. This is something you should know.

Fix broken cash flow.

Unfortunately, we have all made poor financial choices, some of which have been more costly than others. There is no need to continue this. There are ways to find solutions in everyday decisions that will allow you to start your cash flow going in the right direction.

Use debt smarter.

Many types of debt can be good; such as real estate, investments and investing in your business. Make your debt decisions like a well-run company and create wealth.

Make sure you have a road map.

Having a good financial plan is like having a good map and researching your trip ahead of time. You can wing your financial plan, but if you work less in life and get to your destination sooner, your life will be less stressful if you have a plan.

Don’t let your decisions come back to haunt you.

The bad decisions you make could come back to haunt you decades down the road. Learn how to avoid costly decisions and always make the correct financial choices, 100 percent of the time.

Work when you want.

People like to know when they don’t have to work anymore. A good advisor can set you up with a plan that will give you this option well before you reach retirement age.

“By consistently making the best financial decisions, people can find more cash flow to spend or save,” Zdenek says.

“That way they may achieve financial independence sooner, work less in life and have less anxiety and stress in their financial lives.”

About the author: Al Zdenek is the president, CEO and founder (1982) of Traust Sollus Wealth Management, a boutique wealth management firm dedicated to empowering people to transform their lives and live the life they wish now and in the future. This is done by consistently making the best financial decisions.

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Newly Married? Is your loved one protected?

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rowing up in California, I had many friends that were members of the LGBT Community. As I went through my medical training and became enamored with the field of fertility, I knew that one of my missions would be to help some of my wonderful friends become parents.

As the leader of LGBT reproductive rights in South Florida, I was the first doctor to eliminate unnecessary medical testing requirements for members of the Lesbian Community undergoing fertility treatment. My goal was to make treatment as easy and friendly as possible, and treat all couples the same, regardless of their sexual preference.

In 1997, I became the first doctor in the country to use a newly developed method of washing sperm to make it virus free, to treat HIV discordant couples for fertility. There were many success stories and many children were born free of HIV as a result of these early and groundbreaking treatments.

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TOP THREE HOT WEATHER TIPS FOR PET OWNERS Warm weather means more active time outside of the home for many pets. Here are some essential tips from Dr. Kamiya to help keep your pets—and those in your community—safe this summer.

1. KEEP TRACK OF YOUR PET: More time outdoors may mean more opportunity for a pet to wander too far. Make sure your contact info is current and clearly visible on your pet’s tags and be sure to follow appropriate registration requirements for your city or county.

You may also want to have your pet microchipped if they aren’t already. This allows vets, shelters and animal services to scan for your information if your pet is found as a stray.

June - December 2017 I 55

2. SPAY AND NEUTER: Contribute to your pet’s health and longevity while preventing overcrowding in your local shelters due to unwanted offspring. You may think you’ve got the situation under control when it comes to your intact pet interacting with other animals, but what happens if he or she inadvertently gets out? Save the lives of any future unwanted animals and keep your pet healthy and happy by making sure to spay or neuter this spring.

3. AVOID OUTDOOR PESTS: Your vet has likely encouraged you to keep your pets on heartworm and flea/tick/parasite prevention treatments year round, but if you have taken a break for the winter be sure to get your pet a health check right away and secure proper medications for the spring and summer. Otherwise, you, your pet and even your home could suffer the health and practical consequences of outdoor pests moving in!

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An estimated 133 million Americans, 40% of the population, suffer from chronic diseases, a number projected to grow to 157 million by 2020. Although these diseases are usually considered “incurable,” many people have found relief from their symptoms through methods pioneered by veteran holistic physician and author of bestselling book “The Emotion Code” Dr. Bradley Nelson, who has trained more than 3,200 healing practitioners worldwide in natural methods to relieve chronic pain and illness, and has testimonials to prove their success.

The Six Hidden Causes of “Chronic” Illness

June - December 2017 I 61

D

r. Nelson practiced for 17 years as a holistic physician in Southern California plus two more years working with people remotely around the world. For a decade he specialized in working with people who were suffering from conditions that were considered “incurable” by Western medicine­, complex problems like; fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic pain, depression, anxiety, phobias, panic attacks, eating disorders, PTSD, and other diseases. Creator of The Body Code, a self-study course on energy healing, Dr. Nelson reveals the Six Hidden Causes of Chronic Illness:

in the US is considered sterile and heavily treated with artificial fertilizers.

Toxicity – The average person takes in about 14 pounds of toxins per year from food additives, preservatives, artificial food coloring and environmental sources, all of which can contribute to imbalance and chronic illness.

Infections/Infestations – Infections including viral, bacterial, fungal, and mold, are the number 1 killer worldwide.

Infections and parasitic infestations are an often overlooked cause of chronic illness

Trapped Emotional Energies ­– Unresolved emotions from traumatic and negative events are present in almost every case of chronic illness, Dr. Nelson says. He explains how to use a form of muscle testing called applied kinesiology to identify trapped emotions, and release them using techniques he pioneered in his book “The Emotion Code.”

Structural Misalignment – The brain and spinal cord are connected to all the organs of the body via spinal nerves.

When a spinal vertebra becomes misaligned, it puts pressure on the nerve that it houses, instead of protecting it. This creates poor communication between the brain and organ, resulting in poor organ health and eventually, disease.

Nutritional Deficiencies – Most people have nutritional deficiencies, mainly because we don’t eat the way we should and our foods are grown in depleted soils. Over about 80% of the farmland soil

Circuits and Systems – The circuits in your body are similar to the fuses in a house, with certain organs and muscles are on the same circuit. Imbalance in one of them can cause illness in the organs, glands and muscles that are on the same circuit.

“I’ve been practicing holistic medicine for nearly three decades, and it still surprises me when I see patients who have been told there is no hope for them,” Dr. Nelson says. “I’ve helped so many people to recover from ‘incurable’ illnesses so it’s silly to me that people are still being given diagnoses like this. Especially when there’s so much we now know about energy medicine and how bringing the body to a state of energetic balance can do marvelous things and allow the body to heal itself naturally.”

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