A First-Class Digest of Adulthood--Uncensored.
GODDESS COLUMN ATLANTA HIP-HOP ARTIST JAM A TRAVEL GUIDE FOR THE BLACK AMERICAN OF 2018 HOW TO PREPARE FOR SUMMER ( before it ’ s too late ) issue no. 02 | february 2018
magazine
COMMON DATING MISTAKES ( for men and women ) A STYLE GUIDE FOR THE MILLENNIAL WOMAN www.thegoddesscolumn.com
ISIS NEZBETH editor-in-chief
TIA JOHNSON contributing writer
MONIQUE ROSE contributing writer
DELILAH ESCOBAR contributing writer
ALEXIS MILTON contributing writer
BROOKE LARK photographer. right page
A Le t t er From The E DI T OR
. Week to time in john. Son elegance use weddings separate. Ask too matter formed county wicket oppose talent. Wow! It’s time for the second issue already! For those of you who have purchased both issues so far, I thank you! If this is your first time purchasing, I thank you! Your continued support of the Goddess Column brand is truly appreciated and it does not go unnoticed. My charge for you this month is to encourage one other person to purchase their own copy of Goddess Column Magazine, if you read anything inside that brings a particular person to mind. We write at The Goddess Column in efforts to reach people with our real-life stories that we’ve been able to make applicable to our success in everyday life.
UGUR AKDEMIR photographer top, left page
BRIGITTE TOHM photographer, right, left page
ISRAEL EGIO
photographer, bottom, left
ALEX HOLYOAKE photographer, page 4
ROBERT KATZKI photographer, page 16
ISI AKAHOME photographer, page 26
DEMI DEHERRERA photographer, page 38
A very special to thank you to each and every talent that has made this magazine a success--models, photographers, and writers alike. Goddess Column Magazine would be nothing without you sharing your craft with me. With each issue we plan to get better and to continue to give you the absolute best magazine reading experience that we can offer. Whether you have opinions, concerns, or you just want to be a part of the production, contact me @GoddessColumn and let’s chat about it! I pray that you love this issue even more than the last one! Without further delay, I give you Goddess Column Magazine… All my love.
Isis Nezbeth 2
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
contents 06 Common Dating Mistakes (For Men & Women) We asked our Social Media Community and the answers will truly shock you!
10 7 Real-Life Benefits Of A Morning Routine You don’t have to be a morning person to have a good morning.
14 How To Prepare For Summer (Before It’s Too Late)
Time waits for no man (or woman). Are you ready for summer?
18 4 Reasons We Stay In Relationships That Suck It’s time to be honest with yourself.
22 Advice From Ice Editor-in-chief, Isis Nezbeth, gives advice to a personal situation..
24 If You Can’t Wait Until Marriage... Were you told to wait until marriage?
28 Atlanta Hip-Hop Artist, Jam Influenced by ‘90s culture, Jam is just what hip-hop needed!
32 4 Tips For A Successful First Year Of Marriage
They say if you can get through the first year, it’s smooth sailing ahead!
36 How To Reset When Parenting Gets Hard AF Because every parent has had this moment...
40 A Travel Guide For The Black American Of 2018
Oh, how times have changed--or have they?
44 How To Switch Things Up This Valentine’s Day
Take on Valentine’s Day with a new approach! Find out how...
46 20 Unique Gift Ideas For The One You Love Having a hard time figuring out what to get “bae” for Valentine’s Day? We gotcha covered.
48 A Style Guide For The Millennial Woman The Millennial woman wears many hats--and styles.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
3
DAT I NG
COMMON DATING MISTAKES
(for men and women) Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by AJ Colores
6 
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
DAT I NG
I took to our social media community last month to ask, “What are some common mistakes men and women make while dating?” To no surprise, the conversation was full of fruitful information I couldn’t wait to share with you. I took the lead and posted the first comment, sharing personal mistakes I’ve made while dating. “I fall fast and hard. I am a fearless lover and I believe that what’s meant to be will be and I truly believe that love will always win. I trust easy, but once that trust is compromised--that’s it. Once I feel like the love I give isn’t being reciprocated, I’m out. I. DONT. BULLSH*T. WITH. LOVE. But I will always give it a try first. Lol I think one of the biggest common mistakes men make is “implying” that they do or don’t want something with you or from you instead of being communicative about their real intentions.” Here’s a compilation of common dating mistakes for men and women based on the feedback we received! FALLING FAST AND HARD.
The majority of the people who commented said falling too fast was a common dating mistake of women--and I agree to a certain extent. Women are more trusting than men, so it may seem like we fall quickly, but I think we’re just trusting what our partner is telling us and not holding back. Also, although many said women were most guilty of this, men fall quickly too because that’s when they start filling up women’s heads with their plans and possibilities. ASSUMING THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON OR RELATIONSHIP THAT HAVEN’T BEEN DISCUSSED. Again, many said this was a common dating mistake of women. I believe it to be true for both men and women. If the two of you have not had a real conversation about whatever it is you’re assuming, it is invalid. That goes for “talking” to someone, but behaving like you’re in a relationship without ever getting verbal clarity. On down to assuming someone is happy dating you without asking them outright if they are happy.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
7
DAT I NG
EXPECTING THINGS FROM THE PERSON YOU’RE DATING THAT YOU CAN’T PROVIDE THEMSELVES. This common dating mistake was pretty neutral across the board. Fair is fair and although many times, people tend to give much more than they receive in a relationship, you cannot expect something from your partner that you can’t provide to them as well. TELLING TOO MUCH TOO SOON. Our friend, Quanda Luckey, hit the nail on the head. “Being to open--meaning as far as the type of women out there who are bluntly honest when being asked about certain things pertaining to their past relationships so soon. I feel as though in the ‘dating phase’ some things should be kept private until you know that dating them will go further into a true real relationship.” I agree! It doesn’t make you any less honest, but you don’t need your deepest darkest secrets floating around with every person you’ve tried to date.
OBVIOUS LACK OF COMMUNICATION. A lack of communication is one of the common dating mistakes behind many failed relationships, whether it’s of a romantic nature or not. I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate with your partner. I’d even argue that over-communicating couldn’t hurt things. People misconstrue things, people assume things-the best way to avoid either situation is to be crystal clear about the things your trying to say to your partner. IMPLYING THINGS WITHOUT BEING CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU ACTUALLY MEAN. Piggybacking off a lack of communication was the common dating mistake of implying things without ever really communicating them appropriately. Most agreed that this was a common dating mistake for men. Men will let you think whatever you want to think, but usually won’t clarify things for you unless you ask, whereas women have a tendency to say exactly what they mean and to be upfront about that.
ENGAGING IN NEW RELATIONSHIPS WHEN YOU’RE NOT SPIRITUALLY, MENTALLY, AND/ OR PHYSICALLY MATURED. This common dating mistake speaks volumes and is reflective of both men and women! You can’t possibly expect to have a healthy relationship with someone when you’re not prepared or matured enough in that areas that matter. Face the facts. Sometimes you’re just not ready! GOING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. More people said that this was a common dating mistake of women, which was a little shocking to me--but then again, I understood where people were coming from. When most people referenced ‘unrealistic expectations,’ they were talking about women who expect a man to be fully established when they start dating them. Men need time to develop and room to grow too, ladies! NEVER BEING FULLY SATISFIED WITH ONE PERSON.
LEFT Photo by William Stitt
8
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
DAT I NG
Our friend, Trebonius Strawder, kept it ‘all the way 100’ when he commented that a common dating mistake of men was that they’re never really satisfied with one woman. When asked to elaborate he said, “It’s weird but, we know what’s best for us. But that desire for a little more never quite goes away. One person can make you not act on it, but the desire is still there.” HAVING A ONE-TRACK MIND OR BIAS OPINION ABOUT HOW THE PERSON YOUR DATING SHOWS YOU AFFECTION AND LOVE IN COMPARISON TO A PREVIOUS PARTNER. Comparing relationships… a definite common dating mistake of women. Our friend, Jamel Hodges made an excellent point by adding, “Valentine’s Day is coming up. Some men don’t see the need to take a day that means nothing and go broke. So, they do something simple (dinner and a movie). However, the woman insists that he doesn’t love her because he didn’t go all out and take her to Vegas or NYC for V-Day. That’s unappreciative because he already doesn’t think much of V-Day, but he tried to do something to spend time with you and love on you.” FALLING IN LOVE WITH THAT PERSON’S PERSONALITY BEFORE LEARNING THEIR NATURE. Our friend, Wesley English said, “A personality can be faked, but, one’s true nature will eventually show itself. Observe how the person treats others in different situations and their true nature will be exposed. All it takes is time.” This common dating mistake is so overlooked and so important when it comes to dating for both men and women! Excellent point, Wesley!
ASSUMING YOU KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF ANY MAN OR WOMAN INSTEAD OF TAKING THE TIME TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR PARTNER. Another common dating mistake of both men and women is failing to constantly learn as much as you can about your partner and how they need to be loved. I’m constantly hinting that you should know your love language as well as your partner’s. There isn’t a single recipe for taking care of a significant other. We are all different, which means we have different needs when it comes to love. GET TING UPSET ABOUT PEOPLE OR THINGS IN YOUR PARTNER’S LIFE THAT HAPPENED PRIOR TO YOUR PRESENCE. Our friend, Trebonius Strawder, came through again shedding some light on another common dating mistake of men. “Men are concerned about where you’ve been, women are concerned about the present on in. Men are conquers, if we care about you, it hurts to know ‘Mookie we fought in 9th grade’ smashed at some point. We feel like he has conquered our woman. Were possessive and prideful. A dude will smile in your face, shake your hand, and think ‘I smashed yo’ girl!’ all at the same time--’cause at one point or another we’ve all thought it. For a man, that’s hard to swallow.” MOVING TOO FAST IN THE PHYSICAL AREAS OF A RELATIONSHIP. Obviously, this is a common dating mistake for both men and women, but the finger is usually pointed at the woman because of the belief that men can engage in the physical without any emotions attached. At any rate, it’s important to move slowly in
the physical areas in the beginning because you don’t need these things clouding your judgment about the person you’re dating. Get to know your partner on an emotional level first at the very least. INCLUDING FRIENDS AND FAMILIES TOO MUCH IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. There is absolutely such a thing as involving your friends and families in your relationship too much! Most people attested this common dating mistake to women and I’d have to agree. Not because men don’t share aspects of their relationships with their friends and family, but because you usually never find out if they do. Nevertheless, you have to learn to work through your problems without getting everyone involved. NOT TRUSTING YOUR CURRENT PARTNER BECAUSE OF HAPPENINGS IN A PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP. Another common dating mistake for both men and women is being insecure. You cannot get into a new relationship when things of a previous relationship are still bothering you or when you aren’t really over your ex. I feel like when these two things occur that is when you make this common dating mistake. You either trust your partner or you don’t. Period. Insecurities are definitely one of the top three reasons relationships fail. Remember that mistakes are going to happen when you date. What’s important is learning from those lessons and refraining from making the same mistakes twice. Also, make sure you’re not calling something a mistake that is really an excuse like cheating, settling, or staying in a toxic relationship!
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
9
LIFESTYLE
7 REAL -L I F E BE NEF ITS OF A MORN ING ROUT INE Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Alexandra Gorn
10 
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
LIFESTYLE
T
HERE ARE PLENTY of articles you can find on the benefits of a morning routine and I’ll admit to having tried and failed several times before actually committing to a morning routine that worked for me. The secret? I stopped being unrealistic about my morning abilities. I am not a morning person, by far. So, I had to stop telling myself that I would accomplish ten things before 8 am--assuming I’m getting up around 6am--and I had to accept that the four things I could get accomplished before 8am was enough. I also had to understand that being productive in the mornings shouldn’t start without
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
11
LIFESTYLE
a self-care routine. I had to stop focusing so much on the tasks and more on preparing myself to take on the day. One common reason I continuously failed at morning routines was because I added times to everything I had on my morning routine, “by 6:30am I should be downstairs making coffee.” Although that may work for some, it was the exact opposite for me and it added more reason for me to feel like I had failed my morning routine over and over again. Once I let the morning flow and became more relaxed about what I wanted to accomplish, I was able to focus more on what I was really trying to accomplish by waking up early--waking up in a better mood so that I could actually seize my day instead of dreading it. Now, I’ve got it down-packed. After my hygiene routine, which usually takes an hours time, I give myself another hour to prepare mentally in whatever ways I see fit. It’s important to recognize that some days might take more motivation than others. In my experience, it’s perfectly fine if your routine is not precise, but focused. I know that the first two hours of my day are to focus on myself and God. Once I accomplish that part, I’m able to focus on the what will make the rest of my morning productive and in turn, positively impact the rest of my day. When you find what works for you, waking up early truly isn’t the drag you once knew it to be. Here are 7 real-life benefits of a morning routine. A GOOD ROUTINE CREATES GOOD HABITS. LEFT Photo by Abby Kihano RIGHT Photo by Alex Loup
12
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
First, it started out as a routine for me. I had to set reminders in my phone, write ‘make sure you stick to your morning routine’ on my bathroom mirror, and tell my boyfriend to hold me accountable. After about a month of consistently following my routine, it became more habitual than it felt irregular. I was doing things naturally and I found myself staying in the same positive, progressive mood for a much longer period of the day. YOU’LL RARELY BE IN A BAD MOOD. I’ve found that waking up in enough time to truly focus my mind has impacted my mentality so much. Very rarely can something occur that will throw my morning mood off. Giving myself time to focus on me and my spirituality made it so easy to stay motivated and positive about even the smallest of accomplishments. YOU’LL FEEL ACCOMPLISHED BEFORE 10AM. I love when I’ve been really productive and I look at the clock only to find out that it’s still so early in the day! I operate off of instant gratification and this is truly an example of that. You’ll feel so proud that you’re utilizing the time in your day so wisely that you’ll want to replicate that pattern over and over again! PEOPLE AROUND YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT OF YOU.
LIFESTYLE
Another benefit of a morning routine that I’ve realized is that the people around me fall into that routine, too! My daughter knows what our morning will consist of because we are doing relatively the same thing each day. Your morning routine happens wherever you are that morning. It’s okay to let the people who work with you or around you during your morning routine learn your patterns during that time. That way they know what they can and can’t expect from you during your morning! IT’S EASIER TO LINE YOUR PRIORITIES AND DAILY TASKS UP. Obviously, being organized reflects in your daily abilities. You’ll be less stressed and mentally prepared to take on the challenges of your day. Waking up early and having a good morning routine in place allows you to really line up your daily tasks and prioritize in a way that will leave you productive and stress free! Don’t forget how important it is to tackle the most rigorous tasks first! YOU’LL HAVE MORE TIME IN YOUR DAY. Waking up early, although not an easy feat, gives you so much more time in your day. If you find yourself with just enough time in a day to work and focus on tasks, you should consider waking up a little earlier to offer yourself some much needed self-care time! Whether it’s giving yourself time to meditate in the morning or to hit a happy hour after work, you deserve a moment in each day! Tomorrow is not promised! IT JUST FEELS GOOD. At the end of the day, starting your day so positively feels really amazing. Being organized and mentally focused will relieve a lot of stress that many people face simply because they don’t make time for a morning routine or ‘me time’ they truly deserve! Don’t be this person! One thing that keeps me committed to my morning routine is how genuinely good I feel about making a conscious effort to make sure that I have a good day! Here’s to better days!
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
13
LIFESTYLE
How To Prepare For SUMMER (before its too late) Written by Isis Nezbeth
I
F YOU’RE PLANNING to have a summer that’s “lit”, it’s time to start planning now. I made the mistake last year of starting too late and although I made due with summer time, I want to be more prepared this year. So, here’s how to prepare for summer before it’s too late. START SAVING YOUR SUMMER FUND MONEY NOW. People save money a number of different ways. Whatever way works best for you, it’s time to start laying that summer fun money to the side now. Summer fun money isn’t the money used to book trips and such. This is more the money you’ll eat with, buy drinks with… pocket money, if you will. Find a dollar amount that is comfortable for you, like let’s say $50 per paycheck. You’ll come to find that having a good little stash of
14
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
money saved up when you commit to a simple savings plan like that will happen very quickly. PREPARE YOUR DIET AND EXERCISE ROUTINES. This is my biggest struggle and it was my greatest regret in my failure to plan for summer last year. The good thing about starting now is that I’ve realistically given myself enough time to start slow and gradually work towards my goal seeing as how it’s something I struggle with. This should work much better than trying to lose 10-20 pounds in a couple of weeks. START YOUR DIET AND EXERCISE ROUTINES. A plan without action will fail every time. Now that you know what your plan is and you know what your goal is, it’s time to start putting in that work! Remember,
LIFESTYLE
because you’re starting early enough, you can start slow. PLAN YOUR TRIPS NOW SO THAT YOU CAN DIVVY UP COSTS. There are two things that I can’t stand that seem to happen to me nearly every summer. That’s being invited to a trip at the last minute and booking trips with people who drop out at the last minute. I understand that it’s kind of difficult to project what you’ll be doing 4 or 5 months from now, but at least let people know the plans for vacations before the vacations. PUT YOUR DAYS IN AT WORK WELL IN ADVANCE. Don’t risk your job because you failed to put your days in well in advanced. You’ll also find that the earlier you put your time in the more likely it is to be approved with most jobs. Don’t wait until the last minute! Besides, taking the time off from work and getting it approved makes that vacation all the more real and gives you even more motivation to plan ahead. START PURCHASING YOUR SUMMER SWIMSUITS AND WARDROBE.
If you start purchasing your summer attire now piece by piece you will save a lot more money than shopping for everything in one big haul. You’ll also have a better chance of finding different pieces so you’re not walking around sporting the same summer pieces as all the other girls in your city come summertime. START WORKING ON OR CONTINUE MAINTAINING YOUR PEOPLE SKILLS. People skills are critical for a fun, safe vacation to any place you’re unfamiliar with. Good people skills can get you into some great places and it can also see you out of a lot of trouble. All in all, make sure you know how to read people, make sure kind to people, and be able to strike up a friendly conversation with friends or by yourself! MAKE SURE YOUR CONFIDENCE IS ON POINT! What good is having a blast this summer if your attitude is screwed up and your confidence isn’t coming from within! Make sure you’re showering yourself with tons of selflove to prepare your confidence for that healthy summer glow!
LEFT Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. RIGHT Photo by STIL
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
15
DAT I NG
4 Reasons We STAY In Relationships That SUCK Written by Delilah Escobar
18 
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
DAT I NG
H
AVE YOU EVER found yourself feeling like your significant other is a ball and chain? Wondering why you’re still there, and feeling completely disconnected. Reading that you must think “uhhh no, I’d just leave,” but some people find themselves unable to make that break. It’s easier said than done in some situations. We all have our reasons, but if you find yourself unable to reach a conclusion as to why you’re stuck in a miserable relationship, maybe we can help you align your thoughts and provide some clarity. Let’s begin. STABILITY Let’s face it, even if you don’t want to admit it, some people don’t care who they are in a relationship with as long as they’re in a relationship. Relationships offer comfort. Even when things are bad, you’re not going through the bad alone. Sometimes, the good days seem to outshine the bad... until the bad days come more frequently than they should. The thought of marriage--not having to date anymore and never having to be alone is more important
than actually being happy to some people. That’s no way to live. You don’t need to lean on someone else for stability, you can create it on your own, but it takes work. Relationships (whether you’re happy or not) offer the illusion for stability you don’t have to try to attain.
LEFT Photo by Sydney Sims RIGHT Photo by Tom Pumford
TIME I’d say this is the most common reason a lot of people stay in mediocre relationships. We feel like we’ve sacrificed so much to be with someone, or even that we’ve built them to be a better version of themselves that suited the lifestyle we imagined. You think, “I invested so much time in this person so they can go and make someone else happy? Absolutely not.” It’s the narcissistic nature embedded inside of us. “I made them the way they are, I taught them to be this way, I recreated them to love me correctly.” The thought of them taking all your time and being better for someone else can bring you to blinded rage. Have a seat. If you aren’t happy, you don’t get to keep someone around because of the time you invested in them.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
19
DAT I NG
20
Another issue with time, is age. We set these timelines on our lives: “I want to be married by 26” or “I want to have kids before I’m 30.” There’s so much life to live and setting a timestamp to meet for every major life event is only going to corrupt your thinking process when choosing your ideal partner. You will settle for living a life being content instead of being happy if every decision you make is to meet this imaginary timeline you have set for yourself. Age is fluid, you’re only as old as you feel. All in all, you’re just wasting time when you take deadlines into consideration for your life decisions.
home. I didn’t want that for her, so I stuck it out because I felt I had an obligation as a mother to give it my best shot. As I matured, I realized I was setting a terrible example for my daughter. I was teaching her that it was okay to be half-ass loved and I wanted more for her than that. Some people feel they have an obligation as a wife, husband, woman, or man to the person they’re with because they’ve done nothing to warrant the feeling of emptiness they have. It’s just not there anymore. As someone who has been on both sides of that coin, no one wants to be kept because of an obligation.
OBLIGATION
FEAR
This is the most terrible reason to stay with someone. As a single mother, I find it’s more common among people with families. A few years back, I found myself in a lost marriage for the sake of my daughter. I told myself every time I wanted to leave, “Give her a fair chance at a normal family.” In the same moment, I’d be constantly reminded of life in a broken
Last, but certainly not least, is fear. Whatever it is that they are scared of, a lot of people don’t leave dying relationships simply because they are scared. They’re scared that they’ll realize it was a mistake, and then it’ll be too late to come back. They’re scared they won’t find someone better. They’re scared of what friends and family will think. They’re scared
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
DAT I NG
There is always someone who can be better, treat you better, or make you happier if you’re already unsatisfied... of ending up alone. Fear cannot be a motivating factor in a relationship. There are over 7 billion people on this planet, and one is bound to be the person you’re meant to be with. These fears are irrational. There is always someone who can be better, treat you better, or make you happier if you’re already unsatisfied in your relationship. No matter what your excuse is, do your partner and yourself a favor and let it go. Relationships, well people, are supposed to add happiness to your life. You’re better off being alone if they can’t provide that for you. Using a human-being as a crutch, a filler, or a box to check off in a timeline of how you feel your life should be going is not only unfair to them, it’s unfair to you. Give the both of you the opportunity to find a true and meaningful love by going your separate ways if you can’t find it in each other.
TOP LEFT Photo by Blake Connelly
D
E L I L A H ESCOBAR IS embarking on a new writing journey with the Goddess Column brand. She is Puerto Rican and Cuban. Dealing with the dilemmas of her twentysomething life, Delilah is sure to bring us great content on life, love, and parenting.
CENTER Photo by Daniel Apodaco
CONNECT WITH DELILAH ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
21
ADVICE
A DV ICE F ROM ICE:
How do I tell my par tner t h e y’r e b a d i n b e d? Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Ina Soulis
22
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
ADVICE
Hey Isis! First, thanks for everything you’re doing with The Goddess Column. I have enjoyed watching you and the column grow! I wanted to get your advice on something, forgive me if the topic is strange! I’ve been in a relationship for a few months now and things are great! EXCEPT I do not like our sex! He’s not rough or anything, but I fake “it” every time. I like him a lot and I don’t want sex to be the reason why I don’t want to continue with the relationship. Any thoughts or advice that might help? Signed, I Need To Get Mine Too! Hey girl! For starters, I believe there are two types of women in this world. Women who wait to have sex because they want to make sure it’s special and women who get things moving because they want to make sure they are sexually compatible with their partner! I’ll leave my position to your imagination, but what I will say though is that life is far too short for bad sex. Does it mean you should leave your partner if you find out that they’re bad in bed the first time? Absolutely not. Our generation is so used to doing the same two (maybe three) moves we know on every person we get with. We no longer try to learn the wants and desires of our partners and when we can’t figure that out, we call it “bad sex.” Well, I don’t agree with that at all. My advice for you would simply be to coach him through what you want and need from him as your sexual partner. Usually, it isn’t that they are actually bad in bed, it’s just that they haven’t learned how to please you specifically. It’s completely necessary to have the conversation about sex with the person you’re going to be with. If you’re the kind that waits, that’s cool, but some people want to know what they’re signing up for. You’ve seen the stories online of women who cry to magazines because they married someone with terrible sex and didn’t find out until it was too late. I wouldn’t want to be this person and I’m sure you didn’t either! When you’re having a conversation about sex, start with your arousal. What turns you on? Clue them in on what gets you going in the first place. I mean, you’re bound to have terrible sex if you’re not even aroused before you get the party started. Your partner deserves a fire to put out. After you’ve discussed what turns you on, go into the things that you like. Are you big on foreplay? Questions like that will help your partner know what to do after they get your fire going. It will also make sure that your fire doesn’t burn out. After you determine what you like, share what you like to do for your partner. Maybe the sex isn’t compatible because you’re not really ‘doing it’ for him either. And always remember, that that’s okay! Again, sometimes it’s just a lack of experience or information. It will probably shock both you and your partner to hear out loud the kinds of things you enjoy doing for their sexual satisfaction. Don’t be nervous about teaching your partner how to please you sexually. You’ll come to find that with a map, they’ll find the treasure every time! I can’t wait to hear how things progress for you and your partner! Happy hunting, girlfriend! XO. - Ice.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
23
LIFESTYLE
IF YOU CAN’T WAIT UNTIL MARRIAGE... Written by Isis Nezbeth, Photo by Ben Rosett
24
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
If you grew up like me, you were taught to “wait until marriage” before having sex. Well, needless to say, I messed that up some time ago. It’s no secret that adult virgins are pretty much unicorns among Millennials. You can google a lifetime’s worth of debates on whether or not ‘waiting’ is even a good idea anymore outside of religious values, but of course, the older I get the more I understand some of the things our parents tried to instill in us at an early age. Still, I feel there are areas our parents may not understand in the decision to ‘wait’ either. One thing to recognize is that times have truly changed. “Waiting until marriage” back when my mom was young didn’t mean they waited much longer than 20 years old because they were married a lot earlier than people are marrying today. You could be 16 or 17 and married back in the day. It doesn’t work like that now. Many of us don’t have marriage in sight earlier than 25 years of age and a lot of people would argue that it takes even longer than that. Yes, there are
LIFESTYLE some who got married before that time and some who waited it out beyond that time, and God bless them, but for the majority of us… we didn’t. Sorry, mom. You also have to address that with as much as time has changed, people don’t have a desire to be inexperienced and fearful the first time they make love to their husband or wife. I know it was a very sacred thing back then being untouched and everything, but these days it’s just not what a lot of people are looking for. That’s just facts. I don’t feel my first time with my husband will be any less special because I’ve had sex before. Nevertheless, I do understand the principles behind it. Seeing as how I’ve already failed the ‘wait’, if you’re not going to wait until marriage, at least wait for this. WAIT UNTIL YOU’VE BOTH BEEN TESTED. Not even for a moment do I make light of the importance of getting tested-especially these days! The amount of people that are uneducated and even more that unconcerned about where they stand healthwise is truly petrifying. Do yourself the favor and make sure that you know where both of you stand before making the decision to have sex. Protected or not. Accidents happen and that is not one you want to be a part of. WAIT UNTIL THERE IS A PLAN FOR THE ‘WHAT IFS’. Don’t have sex with someone who doesn’t have a plan for or even contemplate the ‘what ifs.’ A ‘what if’ for those who might not know, are the things that happen that you can’t foresee--like getting pregnant. If you can’t wait until marriage wait until your with someone who has a plan for the ‘what ifs’ and I don’t mean abortion either. I’d argue that if they can plan (to a certain extent) for the unforeseen
challenges the two of you may face, it’s likely that they have a plan for longevity with you. WAIT UNTIL YOU TWO ARE SHARING OTHER IMPORTANT POSSESSIONS. If it seems unrealistic, that says something. Your body is a prized possession. If you can’t see yourself sharing valuable possessions with the person you’re sleeping with you might want to stop while you’re ahead. I feel like you should be able to share things like money, maybe bring up a pet together, get an apartment together, just to name a few. I’m not saying that just because they share these things with you they can’t abuse the privilege of sleeping with you and leave soon thereafter, but I truly believe that a person who shares their valuable possessions with their partner is looking for longevity. WAIT UNTIL THERE IS A SOLID PLAN FOR A FUTURE TOGETHER. I know what you might be thinking. “If I can wait until there’s a solid plan, why can’t I wait until I’m married?,” but like I said before, not everybody wants to be inexperienced when they get to that place with their husband or wife. Others want to know what they’re signing up for before being married for life. Nevertheless, when I mentioned knowing where parents were coming from as I got older, this is definitely what I was talking about. You get tired of giving yourself to partner’s who say a lot of things, but never put a solid plan into action; which ultimately ends in a failed relationship and another body to count. I promised myself that I was done believing words--especially when they were influenced by a sexual encounter (it took me a while to learn that, too). Wait until they show you there’s a solid plan for forever. WAIT UNTIL YOU’VE MET EACH OTHER’S FAMILIES.
Remember, the goal is forever. With that being said, it’s important that you attempt to have a fruitful relationship with your SO’s family. I think it’s important to wait until you’ve both met each other’s family and not just at Christmas dinner. I mean when you’ve really met the family and they’ve grown comfortable with you. Me personally, I want to feel like a part of the family and I want my partner to feel like a part of mine. If you’re not there yet, wait a little while longer before having sex. WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE GOOD AND READY. The bottom line is that you should wait until you’re good and ready for sexual engagement with your partner. Life is too short for bad sex, but it’s also too short to be wasting time having sex with the wrong people. Take your time to date and truly find love. If they love you and want to be with you they will wait as long as you need them to. Never forget that. And if that so happens to be until you’re married… good for you. But if not, just make sure you wait for these things at the very least. When you’re ready, you’ll truly know.
Photo by Wesley Quinn
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
25
JAM ATLANTA HIP-HOP ARTIST
T
Influenced by ‘90s culture, Jam is just what hip-hop needed in 2018... Written by Isis Nezbeth The Goddess Column is proud to feature rising Atlanta Hip-Hop Artist, Jam. He lists The Mighty O also known as Outkast, Nas, Big L, Jay-Z, Big Daddy Kane, A Tribe Called Quest, Naughty By Nature, the whole Bad Boy Movement, Stevie Wonder, and Michael Jackson as musical influences, just to name a few. We have been longtime fans of his music and artistry and we are so glad to bring you guys another interview with him. Yep, another interview. We interviewed Jam a few years back and both brands have grown tremendously since then. So, dive into the development with us. Let’s get to know the rising star, Jam. We asked the hip-hop artist, Who is Jam? He answered, “A creator. An artist. I can write, rap, produce, act, digitally design and more. I’m just someone who likes being in the midst of all things creative.” Our editor-in-chief, Isis, feels exactly the
28
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
way Jam explained. It’s both a gift and a curse to be multi-talented at times, but it’s amazing when you can identify a true passion among all those talents. That’s exactly what we feel Jam has done. What caught our eye about Jam was his ‘90s culture sense of style. If you’ve ever met him you’d know that he’s definitely not of our time. When asked how ‘90s culture has influenced his brand and his music, Jam shared, “First, thank you for the acknowledgement on that. It’s an honor to me that someone gets it. It’s so much to unpack when I’ve been asked similar questions like this that it’s almost overwhelming. I incorporate so much from this era with my artistry, it’s hard to express. The best way I can word it is; If the 90s era was somehow funneled into human form, I’m him. Like definitely him. It’s not me playing dress up, this is who I am. That decade impacted me so much culturally, that I
F E AT U R E often feel like I’m in my own little bubble reliving the era in real-time. I love new movies, music, fashion and enjoy new technology like everyone else, but I always feel like I’m in the wrong decade.” We can absolutely relate to the influence ‘90s culture has had. Every knows Isis thinks she’s an original Spice Girl. With such appreciation for one of the greatest times in history, we had to ask Jam what his favorite nostalgic memory was. He couldn’t choose just one so he narrowed it down to three for us. The first was, “At the end of church when everybody was either mingling or leaving, I would go to the altar and grab the mic and rap “2 Legit, 2 Legit to quit.” I had to have done it over 10 times. Haha. I don’t know why it took so long for my mom to nip that in the bud.” The second was, “My stepdad use to be a club promoter in Germany, and he actually use to pick up the artists from the airport. From Jodeci, Aaliyah, Keith sweat etc. you name it. Well, this one time, they brought the R&B group Jade (Don’t Walk Away) to their club to perform. I couldn’t have been no more than like 6 years old, but because that was my pops I was able to be there. They all 3 kissed me and gave me flowers haha. I thought I was on.” The third nostalgic memory was, “It has to do
with my stepdad again. He basically put me on to Da Brat and Snoop and all those gangsta rap artists out there. Da Brat made me want to rap. I already had liked hip-hop during this time, but this is when I was like, man I actually want to do this, not just be a fan.” All great nostalgic memories, indeed, but that second really had us giggling. Super sweet.
LEFT Photo by Jam RIGHT Photo by Jam
As we mentioned earlier, Jam was one of our very first interviews when we first launched The Goddess Column, it’s been quite a while. We asked Jam where he views his craft now versus our very first interview together. “I remember. And I thank you for even considering me then, and now. I think now I’m way more conscious of my moves as an artist--which is a gift and a curse. On one hand, I’m more business savvy and I understand how to maneuver in this industry. On the other hand, because of that, I often question myself a lot. ‘Will this work, can this be a hit?’ It slows the productive process down by simply just overthinking, but I’m working on finding a balance. All in all, that version of Jam may have not
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
29
F E AT U R E been ready just yet, this version of me is.” When asked the highlight of his career so far, he answered, “So far it’s really just been being recognized for my gift by people who don’t know me. It’s cool for your family and friends to support you, but when someone doesn’t know you and doesn’t have any ties to you tells you your dope, it’s a great feeling. Because, let’s be real... there’s hella haters out there, some of whom who you’ll never meet, and they could easily troll the shit out of you and hide behind a keyboard. Trust me, I’ve had some. But to be generally met with love, it makes me feel like, ‘okay, I’m really suppose to be doing this.’” We definitely feel everything he’s saying about having authentic fans and supporters that appreciate the work you put into the universe. Although you’re familiar with us, Jam, we are still huge fans and we appreciate your craft! Jam is currently pursuing a musical career in what is arguably the most musically saturated city in the US outside of NYC. We asked how living in Atlanta has impacted his career and what the greatest lesson he has learned so far was. The artist shared, “Man. In short, it’s hard. I love Atlanta. It’s home--but we got to address this whole “build-a-rapper” mentality. A lot of people get on simply because they have access. You may meet someone who’s cousins with someone famous, bam! They’re on. You may meet a former or current drug dealer who has the money to pay DJs and perform at shows, BAM! They’re on. The era of just being talented is over. Atlanta is all about who you know, and who is willing to give you a co-sign. You could be straight up dumpster juice, if someone co-signs you, you’re off to the races. With me, I still believe in God’s divine power. No matter what the circumstances are in front of me, If God wants this for me, it doesn’t even too much matter what the odds are, it’s going to happen. So I just basically do my part on my end and let Him do Him.” We couldn’t agree more and can we just say how refreshing it is to hear a man willingly say that he’s
30
comfortable with God being in control of his destiny? WE’RE HERE FOR IT. We’ve been fans of Jam’s artistry for almost 5 years, so we were curious to know what advice he would give himself 5 years prior to now. ”5 years ago would be 2013. I was BUZZING, and hard! I would say to myself: When you have a buzz brewing, keep your foot on their necks. Keep dropping music. Don’t stop because you feel like your time is approaching. It can all be taken away in an instance.” Another thing our editor-inchief and Jam have in common was the birth of a little one not too long ago, so you know we had to ask how balancing his musical career and his personal life was going. He was super honest with us and said, “this is still an ongoing balancing act that I’m currently working on to prioritize. I always feel like I can do more music, but I don’t want to be unavailable in other aspects of my life. So, it’s a work in progress.” [On parenthood] “I love it! Definitely a learning curve, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I always tell people, having a child is like creating Frankenstein. “He’s alive, he’s alive!” Haha. You get to mold this little person into someone. I want him to be a better me in every aspect. I fall short in a lot of instances, but I want him to be my redemption.” Yep, we’re holding back the tears! Thank God for good fathers because we know there is a true lack of that in the world today. We tried to creep into his love life as well, but you know?--creatives are getting better and better at answering questions without telling you a lot of details. This is what we could squeeze out of him on his love life. “It has its good and its bad. The good part is having someone support you and want to see your
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
F E AT U R E RIGHT Photo by Jam LEFT Photo by Jam
dream come into fruition just as much as you do. The bad part is time. It takes a strong person to be like ‘hey, I know this cuts into our time, but I believe in you that much that I am willing to make sacrifices so that you can succeed’. I’ll keep it real, I know that dating an artist is hard. You’re sharing a person with the world, that seems wild as hell and I’m the artist saying this.”
the lives of my family and close friends. We asked Jam to leave our readers who might have a similar dream to his a word of advice and he left us with this, “Be who you are. If you really rap don’t dumb it down. If you mumble... mumble nigga. Do you! At the end of the day, it’s all art, just be real about it though!”
As he mentioned when he introduced himself, Jam is multi-talented and is currently producing almost all of the tracks on his next project which we think is dope AF! We asked Jam where he drew inspiration for the project from. He told us, “My inspiration is to follow up my last project. Most people are scared of that… and I am no different. Ha! It’s a lot of pressure, but I’m just going to stick to the formula. I’ve been reconnecting with people I’ve actually not spoken to since my last project just to catch old vibes and get in that mode.” When asked how his music differs from what we hear today, the artist candidly answered, “It’s hard to answer this because it isolates today’s artists and make them appear wack, haha. But what I will say is, you’re going to get ME. No made up shit, just pure authenticity. You’ll never hear me rapping about things I don’t do. If I ain’t got it, I ain’t got it and it won’t change just because I’m rapping on a beat. I want to make a culture shift and be one of the very best to do it. I also want to change my life along with
You see why we’re such huge fans? On top of being musically talented and passion driven, he’s a stand-up guy and we will always be happy to highlight the good in people.
CONNECT WITH JAM TWITTER INSTAGRAM LISTEN TO ‘NONE OF THE ABOVE’ EP
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
31
LIFESTYLE
4 TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL
FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE Written by Elicia Jones, Photo by Caroline Veronez
32 
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
LIFESTYLE
H
AVE YOU EVER heard anyone say that the first year of marriage is hard? That the first year is the most challenging? That if you can make it through the first year, its smooth sailing after that? Well, while I didn’t feel it was the most challenging year, because I anticipate life will get more complex as our family grows and season change, I can definitely agree that the first year has its challenges. Is this the norm? I can’t say for sure, but I know that I can tell you a few things to get worked out if you haven’t already to make it through that first year.
plans. New Year’s was the same. He made plans with friends and I wanted to just celebrate with him. An argument happened and we fell asleep mad a few hours before the ball dropped. We got it together after that with clear conversations of what holiday celebrations look liked, who they involved, where they would be held, and things like that.
BE ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT HOLIDAYS & SPECIAL EVENTS
You definitely want to know if your spouse intends to go out with friends or stay indoors on major holidays. You should know whether or not your spouse is looking for an Easter Basket or wants to attend Easter Sunrise Service. If you are of two different faiths, communicate about holiday expectations. If you are an interracial couple, communicate about holidays or special events that your spouse may be unaware of, like
Holidays can be a joyous or depressing time of year depending on who you are, the significance of holidays to you, memories of holidays growing up, and many other reasons. The first year of my marriage, my husband and I were on separate wavelengths about how to celebrate. He made plans at a friend’s house for Christmas Dinner. I was disappointed as I fully expected to spend the whole day with him and my son. I wanted to cook a Christmas brunch as well as dinner. I ended up pouting in my room for an hour because I was frustrated. Thank God my husband is the patient man he is because all it took was a conversation, a few apologies, and clear expectations about Christmas
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
33
LIFESTYLE
Juneteenth. If you are into celebrating newer holidays like Administrative Assistant Day or Grandparents’ Day, make your spouse aware so they are not shocked to see all the money you have spent on these holidays they didn’t even know existed. Are birthdays a big deal or not really? Does the Superbowl count as a holiday? Have conversations about these things and save yourself an argument. BE AWARE OF EACH OTHER’S FINANCIAL HEALTH Is your credit good, bad, or ugly? Do you have outstanding student loan debt? Is your debt $1000, 10,000, or $100,000? Do you usually make payments on time or always late? How often do you pull your credit report? Do you own assets, such as property or investments? Are you interested in buying or renting? These are just a few examples of questions that should probably be asked, before marrying someone, but you know, sometimes during the infatuation stage, some of these things can seem so unimportant. Know that finances will be an ongoing conversation that you will have forever.
34
Whether you’re discussing purchasing that new home together, planning for your first baby, buying Junior his first car, paying for your daughter’s college, spoiling your grandchildren, and even retirement… money will always be a discussion. Adopt healthy methods and tools
and friends. It takes time for families to blend. Take time to build a relationship with your new mother-in-law. Take time to get to know your new sister-in-law. Does your spouse have favorite cousins? Get to know them too. Is your spouse’s best friend like a sibling? Get to know
You are two individuals with family, extended family, and friends. It takes time for families to blend. to make sure you are dealing with your finances or it will become a strain on your marriage.
them, also. Disliking and constantly badmouthing your in-laws will not make you and your spouse closer. It will do the exact opposite.
TAKE TIME TO BLEND FAMILIES PICK YOUR BATTLES This doesn’t just apply to those who come into a marriage with children from a previous relationship. I can’t stress this one enough because I was definitely blindsided by this myself. You are two individuals with family, extended family,
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
Everything does not warrant an argument. Let me say it again for the people in the back! An argument is not necessary for everything. I promise, you will live and actually have more peace in
LIFESTYLE
your home if you can learn to let some things go. Everything doesn’t need to be addressed, nor does everything need an explanation. I’m not saying let a lazy spouse get away with never doing chores, but I am saying, do you really want to have an argument about how someone loaded the dishwasher? The dishes are clean, right? You don’t want to come off as a nagger or a as a parent. Forgive when your spouse drops the ball because there will come a time when you will drop the ball and will want some grace. Keep in mind, learning these things about your spouse is all in the journey. As you grow and as seasons change you may even find that your preferences, desires, and needs all change. Keep an open line of communication and enjoy the first year of marriage and beyond!
E
LICIA JONES RECENTLY married the love of her life and currently resides near Atlanta, Ga. She enjoys traveling and spending quality time with her loved ones. Expect great content on marriage, coparenting, and finances! CONNECT WITH ELICIA ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM!
LEFT Photo by Brianna Santellan RIGHT Photo by Bagas VG
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
35
PARENTING
I
’VE ONLY BEEN ‘momming’ for two years now and I feel like I’ve had to hit the reset button 100,000 times. It’s extremely important to understand that as a parent, whether single or married, you’re going to have some moments when you feel like you just “can’t.” Its normal, it’s natural, and it’s nothing to be afraid of. What’s important is knowing what to do when this moment arises so that you don’t take it out on your little one or let it negatively affect your parenting methods. This is how to reset yourself when parenting gets hard AF--because it does! TELL A CONFIDANT ASAP.
HOW TO RESET WHEN
The minute you feel yourself getting progressively angry when you start to feel overwhelmed by parenting, tell someone you trust. A husband, a best friend, a parent… tell someone you trust with such fragile information and your child. Tell someone who will not take on a judgmental heart when you share your truth with them. In my experience, telling a confidant does two things that help me reset without fail. When I call that confidant, they are usually able to show me love and support that reminds me that it’s okay for me to feel the way I feel. They also remind me that I am doing a great job as a parent even though I have gotten a little tired. On top of all that, they
P A R E N T I N G GETS HARD AF Written by Isis Nezbeth
36
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
PARENTING usually come over to help me with my daughter so that I can take time to myself. This kind of love and support from a confidant is extremely necessary to resetting when you’re overwhelmed with being a parent.
overwhelmed the way you would any type of psychological issue--because that’s what it is. Don’t feel bad or silly about writing down and initiating your plan. That’s what any successful parent should do!
Engage in your favorite hobby or pastime.
FIGURE OUT THE EXACT CAUSE OF STRESS.
PLAN PERSONAL TIME.
Spend uninterrupted quality time with your significant other.
Usually the feeling of being overwhelmed as a parent comes from stress, not the child(ren). Identify what is triggering your emotions as soon as possible because the longer you wait the more difficulty you’ll have determining what’s really causing you to feel this way. Once you figure out the cause of stress, write it down and reflect on it. Most times you’ll find that it had nothing to do with the child at all. The reason I say write it down is because usually writing things out helps us to hear our emotions better than just ‘thinking’ about how we feel. When you read those frustrations out loud, you will be able to really hear, feel, and see where the problems lie within you and around you. PLAN ACTIONS TO PREVENT THE CAUSE OF STRESS. After writing everything out, write down a plan of action to prevent these things from happening again. You have to deal with the feeling of being
In the beginning of my parenting journey I would constantly feel guilty for feeling like I needed a “break” from my daughter. Even if I just wanted my mom to watch her so I could take a bubble bath, I felt like I was neglecting her. If this is you, I want you to know that you’re not doing anything wrong by needing some alone time away from your child(ren); especially if not receiving that personal time is affecting your relationship with them. Take some time to reset yourself so that you can continue to give your child(ren) the very best version of you because that’s what all of you deserve! Some ideas to further reset yourself during ‘me time’: Find a relaxing place outside to meditate or pray. Take a drive alone to clear your mind. Take a bubble bath.
Send the child(ren) to their grandparents for a few hours of peace and quiet at home.
Indulge in your favorite bottle of wine, chocolate, or ‘feel-good’ food. Pamper yourself. Read a good book. Spend some time out with friends. HUG YOUR BABY. When all is said and done and you’ve taken the time to fully reset yourself, hug your baby. Let them know that you didn’t mean anything you said (if you talk out of anger). Let them know that you love them and you’re proud to be their parent. Let the tightness of their little arms around your neck fill your heart with the strength you need to push forward for them even for just one more day. You got this, mama bear. TOP LEFT Photo by Eye For Ebony BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Pascal Müller
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
37
T R AV E L
A Travel Guide For The Black American Of 2018 Written by Tia Johnson
40 
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
T R AV E L
A
T ITS CORE, traveling seems simple. It’s should be as easy as choosing a destination, packing a bag, jumping in the car and then riding off into the sunrise for a new adventure. But for Black Americans, things haven’t always been simple.
in each city and offered insights on everything from civil rights to the fears and anxieties of being away from home in a volatile world.
Up until the late 1960’s, African-American tourists navigated a segregated nation in an era of whitesonly hotels, businesses and “sundown towns” that banned Black people--and Blacks were not the only targets of these bigoted laws. Native, Chinese, Japanese, Mexican and Jewish Americans were also routinely subjected to harassment, threats, and acts of violence. Inspired by earlier books published for Jewish audiences, Harlem postal worker, Victor Hugo Green, developed a guide to help Black Americans travel without fear. The Negro Motorist Green Book was published for 30 years (1936-1966) as a paramount resource for Black travelers. Each guide, organized by state and city, was filled with lists of the safest places to eat, sleep or get a haircut
“There will be a day sometime in the near future when this guide will not have to be published. That is when we as a race will have equal opportunities and privileges in the United States. It will be a great day for us to suspend this publication for then we can go wherever we please, and without embarrassment.”
Green said in the introduction of the 1948 Green Book:
LEFT Photo by Tia Johnson BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Tia Johnson BOTTOM LEFT Photo by Tia Johnson
While traveling and exploring has been made easier with the introduction of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the country’s subsequent progress, the challenges for Black travelers haven’t disappeared. A growing online movement, “The Black Travel Movement,” aims to take advantage of present freedoms by encouraging people of color to embark on
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
41
T R AV E L
TOP LEFT Photo by Tia Johnson CENTER Photo by Tia Johnson BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Tia Johnson
a journey of meaningful discovery, create lasting memories and experience the world in person, where the past enriches the present and inspires the future. Now, nearly fifty years after the start of the Civil Rights Movement, it is important that we honor the history and pay special attention to the locations and events that started a global dialog. Among them is the infamous Lorraine Motel. This past summer, I had the honor of stepping into one of the most iconic locations in Memphis, Tennessee and in U.S. History. Now the site of the National Civil Rights Museum and the most visited restored civil rights landmark in America, the Lorraine motel is best known as the location of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr’s assassination exactly 50 years ago. During the segregation era, the motel was of the few overnight establishments open to both Black and white patrons. It’s proximity to Stax Records, filled its rooms with musicians and legends of music, including Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, and Otis Redding. To learn more about the life and times of Dr. King, head over to Atlanta, Georgia. Visit Dr. King’s birth
42
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
home, the site of his baptism and ordination, and the early headquarters of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. Selma, Alabama is home to the Edmund Pettus Bridge, where marchers set off to the state’s capital in Montgomery and were met with a brutality. In the nation’s capital, Washington D.C., you will find The Lincoln Memorial, the site of civil demonstrations where you can climb the steps to stand in the spot where Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr delivered his famous “I Have A Dream” speech. While in D.C., stop by the Supreme Court and site of the landmark ruling in Brown v. Board of Education which made it illegal to segregate public schools, or stand outside the gates of the White House, were the First African-American president, Barack Obama, resided for 8 years. A little closer to my own home in Charlotte, you’ll find Woolworth’s in Greensboro, North Carolina. Now the home of the International Civil Right Museum, Woolworths made civil rights history when four freshmen from the Agricultural and Technical College of North Carolina took vacant seats at the
T R AV E L
T
IA JOHNSON IS the Charlotte blogger behind Just Her Carryon. Just Her Carryon is a Southern luxury travel and lifestyle blog dedicated to logging frequent flyer miles with minimal baggage. You’ll find travel tips, restaurant reviews, hotel and product recommendations and destination inspiration. Just Her Carryon is the travel guide for college educated, career-oriented women (and men) living the 9 to 5 life and start cashing in their vacation time to explore the world. CONNECT WITH TIA on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest!
store’s “whites-only” lunch counter and launched a nationwide movement. The aftermath of Woolworth set off a domino effect that traveled south to Rock Hill, South Carolina, just miles outside of Charlotte, where 9 African-American men were jailed after staging a sit in at a segregated McCrory’s lunch counter downtown. No matter what your destination this year, make some time to share in the extraordinary tales of perseverance in the face of racism, segregation and illegal voting practices and stand for a moment in the footsteps of those that sacrificed life and limb in the pursuit of equality. These landmarks are full of gripping and soul-stirring history, they aim to educate national and international travelers regarding the dark, but significant period in recent American history. Careful and special emphasis has been given preserving these iconic landmarks and the role they played in tapestry of the United States. FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
43
HOW TO Switch Things Up O THIS V-DAY
BVIOUSLY, IT WOULD be impossible for me to be able to predict how each person should switch things up for Valentine’s Day, but ultimately, the goal here is to reverse roles for a day. If you’re usually the one initiating and putting on the dates, it’s time to sit back and allow your partner to court you. I’m going to start you off with some ideas to get your gears turning, but as usual, be CREATIVE! This is a good time to really think about what it is your partner does for you that you would like to reciprocate for them. Sometimes we don’t really focus on the simple everyday things our partner does to show us that they love us. It’s time to give back. This is how to switch things up this Valentine’s Day.
Written by Isis Nezbeth
44
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
Instead of planning Valentine’s Day for your partner, plan a special Valentine’s Day for both of your parents or grandparents. For some couples, Valentine’s Day is just another day because they spend a lot of time exchanging love for each other. This Valentine’s Day take some time to celebrate another couple who may not be as experienced in courtship. Show them how to make each other feel special, while in turn, showing them how much you care about
DAT I NG
and support their relationship!
rest of their life.
If you and your partner are used to many of the traditional aspects of Valentine’s Day, another idea is to celebrate Valentine’s Day with some nontraditional activities and gestures. Think outside the box and get creative! Find ways to say ‘I love you’ that will show your partner you will stop at nothing to communicate how important their presence in your life is. We took some time to outline several Nontraditional Valentine’s Day Ideas you can do or revamp for your partner!
While we’re still on the topic of forever, another beautiful gesture of love is to combine an important possession or aspect in your lives together. If you’re a couple that is ready to move towards forever, now would be a great time to invite your partner into the parts of your life that you plan to share with them. This could be, for example, getting a bank account together (which makes affording date nights and other shared costs very easy to deal with), looking for a place together, having a serious conversation about formal adoption (if you’re in a relationship with separate children) and obviously, getting engaged!
As an avid writer of all things love-related, another idea I think would really stretch your creative ability to show your partner that their special to you, is to write mock wedding vows. If you’re not quite ready to explore the words that exemplify forever, you can start slow with a well-thought-out love letter. Sometimes putting your love into words can paint a picture that neither of you have seen, even in your day-to-day actions for each other before. There is nothing like written word. It’s also something that your partner will be able to keep and cherish for the
In what ways do you plan to switch things up for Valentine’s Day? Share your ideas with me @goddesscolumn! LEFT Photo by Vitchakorn Koonyosying RIGHT Photo by Brooke Lark
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
45
DAT I NG
20 UNIQUE GIFT
IDEAS FOR THE ONE YOU LOV E
W
HY IS IT so hard to buy gifts for the people we really love? Birthdays and Christmas seem to be easy, but Valentine’s day is another beast all by itself. For me, it has Written by Monique Rose, Photo by Tatiana always been kind of easy because I always like to think outside of the box but lately, I Niño have gotten quite a few emails from men and women who are totally confused about what to do for their Valentine this
46
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
Valentine’s Day. Most say they don’t want to do the typical flowers, candy, bears and edible arrangements. They want to do something thoughtful, creative and, of course, sexy. So I tapped into my creative gift-giving side and decided to share a few tips with everyone for this year’s festivities. I sat down and spoke with a few of my male and female friends and discussed ideas that we could all agree were creative, thoughtful, and sexy. Here are just a few of the gifts that we thought yourValentine
DAT I NG would really enjoy this Valentine’s Day. 1. His and her spa day. 2. Invest in your Valentine’s business venture, i.e., you could pay for a class they may need or thier LLC Certificate. 3. Gym attire and membership for both of you. If weight loss is a goal for your Valentine, then make it a joint effort. Brownie points if there’s a prize for the both of you once you’ve reached your goals! 4. Cooking class instead of typical dinner plans. 5. Random road trip to a place neither of you has been. Go be a tourist together. 6. Burlesque or Boudoir photo session (See @lovenotesboudoir on Instagram)
some thought into. This is important to recognize because it’s so easy to run into the mall and spend a frivolous amount of money on a gift you think they may like or something that you want them to have. Remember, your effort makes you more attractive and sexy.Although some of these ideas may not be ideal for everyone, with the right thought and effort they can make this your best Valentine’s Day yet! Keep in mind, just because some of them are “traditional” there are ways to make sure they aren’t. For instance, although a his and her spa day might seem typical, you could try different treatments, i.e., mud baths, couples massages, body scrubs, facials, and so on.These ideas will not only make you think about what your Valentine enjoys, but it will also show that you also care about the wellbeing and upkeep of their personal health.
7. Salsa dancing. 8. Personalized gift basket filled with some of their favorite items, i.e., cigars, lip gloss, Hennessy, beard or body wash, etc. 9. Concert or game tickets. 10. Indoor or outdoor picnic. 11. Trip to a vineyard or beer brewery. Don’t forget to look up local vineyards and beer breweries near you! 12. Handmade Coupon Book filled with a few enticing and sexy treats. 13. Purchase stock in their favorite company.
All in all, if nothing else, keep it simple. Remember that you and your entire city will be celebrating the same holiday on the same night. So, if you couldn’t make reservations, all hope isn’t lost. Dinner at home, a personal in-home chef, or a cooking class could be ideal. The key to it all is making sure you are actively listening to your Valentine or partner. Maybe there was a gift you missed out on getting them this Christmas... this is the time to make it up. Don’t wait until the last minute to make a lasting impression on the one you love!
M
ONIQUE R O S E BETTER know as Mo’ is a native of the garden city. She’s a daughter, sister, mother and a best friend. She attended T. W. Josey High School and Paine College. Since a small child she has enjoyed putting pen to paper and making her thoughts come alive. In October if 2015 she launched her blog site Justalilmo. com and has intrigued her readers with topics of mental health, racism, love and so much more. As a blogger Mo’ decided to take her blog topics a little further and is launching her own podcast in January of 2018.
BOTTOM Photo by Jamie Street
14. Scavenger Hunt with a hot and steamy ending. 15. Flowers. Because who doesn’t want flowers? Hell, guys like them too! 16. Memory box filled with exciting memories you have captured over the years. 17. Self-help/Motivational books. 18. Organizational supplies, i.e., journals, planners, calendars, etc. 19. Couples retreat. 20. Proposal! Hey fellas, why not?! Even though you think your Valentine may not like these gifts, seven out of ten guys said they would like something creative that their Valentine really put FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
47
A STYLE GUIDE FOR THE
MILLENNIAL WOMAN Written by Alexis Milton, Photo by Shervan Tavernier
48 
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
LIFESTYLE
O
NE OFTHE most popular forms of expression around right now is what you say with your style. Style gives you a voice without even having to speak. It’s your personality even when you feel like you don’t have one. We Millennials are opinionated, quick learners, and we’re not afraid to be ourselves. We’re a vast variety of cultures mixed with a desire to be unique. Determining what to wear and how to rock it, can make all the difference in our attitude, approach, and energy towards our day. One thing that is hard for Millennials is knowing how to transition from one life phase to the next. In this space is where we’re battling with ongoing and upcoming trends and fads. Just so you know, a fad or a trend is something that’s short-lived and can cause “craze vibes.” All this pretty much means is that if you invest too much into trendy styles, you’ll be a lot less likely to revamp your pieces and use them for years down the line. Since I know millennials love to save, a go-to tip I always go by when shopping for new pieces is, “classic and chic never wears away.” Don’t get me wrong I LOVE finding eclectic and trendy pieces to spice up a look and to stay current, but I really try to limit how many I commit to and instead, focus on staple pieces. Staple pieces are items that are timeless and can be worn interchangeably. I usually save my trendy buys for what I call “statement pieces.” Whether it’s a pop of color or a print, statement pieces can add life to any look. So whether you’re an “on-the-go” mom, college student, working professional or just someone who wants to revamp their closet; here’s a style guide for the millennial woman, including 5 looks with 10 staple pieces that’ll carry you through your next style-refresh.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
49
LIFESTYLE
WORKING QUEEN Every working professional needs a nice blazer and a pointed toe heel. A blazer and pointed-toe heel can elevate any look and can dress up any pair of jeans! If you want a young and fresh approach to such a traditional business look, add a pop of color. A nice color can SPICE up any work look and add SASS to any denim pant. A fun clutch can be used as a smaller purse in your larger work bag or used as your main purse to add in some style to your work look!
TOP LEFT Photo by Shervan Tavernier CENTER Photo by Shervan Tavernier
SEXY CHIC The new ‘sexy’ is all about long lines & sleek silhouettes. Once before it was the shorter the sexier, but now a sleek Midi-dress will have you turning heads. The longer hem compliments a variety of different shapes and sizes while never taking away its sexy-edge. For all my queens that want this sexy look, but with a little more coverage, grab a duster coat to pair with the dress! This will keep your look chic and forever elevated.
50
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
LIFESTYLE TOP RIGHT Photo by Shervan Tavernier
EFFORTLESS EDGE While these boots have made their mark for some time now, they’re here to stay. The ‘over-the-knee’ (OTK) boot is the perfect boot for those edgy nights and mini-skirts. Whether it’s cold outside and or you just need a pant substitute, the OTK- boot adds the perfect amount of edge to any look. It pairs great with jeans and can be worn dressy or casual! Pairing with another must-have, the crop is a great go-to for effortless style.
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
51
LIFESTYLE
ON-THE-GO MOM Who doesn’t need a onepiece outfit that satisfies all your style needs! Jumpsuits are a go-to look for running errands or enjoying the day out. To add to the look, layer in some denim. A denim jacket is my absolute favorite when it comes to a choice jacket or tiearound option!
MY FAVE SHOPS SheIN MissGuided House of CB BooHoo HM Zara Thrift shops
10 MUST HAVE ITEMS 52
TOP LEFT Photo by Shervan Tavernier
Blazer
Bell Sleeve
Jumpsuit
Pointed-toe Pumps
Flare Pants
Denim
OTK Boots
Fun Clutch
Denim
Crop Top
Midi Dress
& MORE DENIM!
thegoddesscolumn.com | FEBRUARY 2018
TOP RIGHT Photo by Shervan Tavernier BOTTOM RIGHT Photo by Shervan Tavernier
LIFESTYLE
go-to ACCESSORIES
Watch Studs Hoops Clutch Dainty Necklace
PEACE.LOVE.BOHO Frills and bell sleeves. One trend that I’m loving right now is bellowing sleeves! It gives me “Boho-chic” vibes and puts me in a “#YoungWild&Free” mood. With this look, there is no age. Taking inspiration from ‘70s vibes, wide-leg pants and bell sleeves are definitely a must right now! If you’re looking for the perfect blouse detail, go for the dramatic sleeve as your statement!
FEBRUARY 2018 | thegoddesscolumn.com
53
Photo by Amanda Gohty
one last thing.
A final note of encouragement until we read again. There’s just one last thing before you go. Please help me appreciate everyone who allowed this issue of the magazine to be successful, pat yourself on the back for being one of the most incredible supporters any dreamer could ask for, and a slight tip of the hat to me for keeping my dream alive. I can’t wait for all that is to come over the year, I just ask that you stick around to see it happen. We’ll end each issue with a small note of positivity until we meet each other back for the next issue. For the month of February, I leave you with a quote from Madame C.J. Walker, “I had to make my own living and my own opportunity. But I made it! Don’t
sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them.” Allow those words to truly manifest in your life. You absolutely deserve to live your best life--and I’m a firm believe that that is impossible if your dreams have nothing to do with that. The entire Goddess Column brand started out as just a thought. It was something I tried to tuck away in the back of my mind as a ‘hope’ or ‘wish’, but I had to come to the understanding that it could and should be a reality in my life. Don’t wait on someone to hand you the opportunity. Go ahead and create it yourself. You will shock yourself and everyone around you because I promise you… YOU CAN DO IT. Until we read again...
Isis Nezbeth
