Grand Traverse
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MAY/JUNE '19 • MOTHERHOOD ISSUE
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WOMAN2WOMAN BY KANDACE CHAPPLE & KERRY WINKLER
Grand Traverse
WOMAN northern michigan’s magazine for women
GROWING A
Volume 16, No. 5 MAY/JUNE 2019
Garden
Grand Traverse Woman P.O. Box 22 Interlochen, MI 49643 tel: 231.276.5105 www.grandtraversewoman.com FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/grandtraversewoman PUBLISHERS Kandace Chapple Kerry Winkler EDITOR Kandace Chapple, kandace@grandtraversewoman.com
Our parents always had a vegetable garden when we were growing up. It was work, tons of work, complete with bugs and dirt. It was both a blessing and a curse.
ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Kerry Winkler, kerry@grandtraversewoman.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Deb Dent, deb@grandtraversewoman.com Sherry Galbraith, sherry@grandtraversewoman.com Lori Maki, lori@grandtraversewoman.com
POTATO BUGS Our job was to walk around carrying an old pop can with about an inch of gasoline in it. We had to find the potato bugs, curl our fingers around their stripe-shelled bodies, scoop them off the potato shoots and drop them in the can to die. What could be worse for a young girl than contemplating death in a pop can? Killing 50-100 eggs at a shot, that’s what. Our other job was to turn over the leaves and look for the smattering of orange eggs the potato bugs had laid. The only way to kill them was to smash them flat with our thumbs, obliterating them with a smear. It was the worst job, but it gave us an edge over the kids on the bus.
POTATO HARVEST Dad loved his potatoes. But hoeing them was no small task. If Dad sliced one with his potato hook, a cry of agony would fall across the garden. Our job was to follow Dad around with a pail and grab the fresh, pink potatoes from the ground as he shook the dirt loose from the plants and, occasionally, console him.
LETTUCE This was one of the fun jobs. We’d take mom’s serrated kitchen knife, the one with the long, white handle and cut a crisp handful of lettuce every day for her lunch or maybe a dinner salad. Oh, the satisfying cut of greens, a beautiful bounty, delivered to our mother for her sandwich. However, if the lettuce was ever presented for our consumption, we’d drop the knife and run.
GREEN BEANS Once the beans started, they never stopped. We took pails and headed to the garden every day or so. If we weren’t harvesting beans the size of our pinkies, we were too late. If they were the size of Dad’s thumb that meant we’d slacked off and skipped a plant (or 10) the previous night. There was nothing worse than showing up with a pail full of monster beans. They didn't lie. Then there was the year Dad decided also to plant yellow beans. Please, Lord, no, not an assortment.
CLEANING BEANS Three kids, three paring knives sharpened to a shine, a back porch and no supervision. We’re lucky to have 30 fingers left among us and the three of us still alive to tell it.
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SISTERS KERRY, LORI AND KANDACE IN THE FAMILY GARDEN, 1981.
PEAS Okay. Peas are very satisfying to open and slide out with the flick of a thumbnail, so no complaints there. We passed many a summer evening shooting peas at each other while our mother wasn’t looking.
WATERING Dad rigged up a sprinkler tower in the middle of the garden with a metal pole and a wooden platform. Our job was to turn the sprinkler on and off for an hour every night. So simple. Unless you had no desire to do so. One of us had to stand at the spigot on the house, while another one shouted, “More! No, less!” as we tried to figure out just how far to turn the spigot for an arc of water that would hit the plants and not overshoot the garden altogether. (Green grass was not a goal back in the day.) It took a fair amount of arguing to water a square garden with a circle of water.
TOMATO WORMS We can’t tell you how many tomato worms we pretended not to see. Because if you saw them, you owned them. You were then charged with flicking them off with a stick and stepping on them. The problem with tomato worms is that they are thick.
THE HARVEST So, what did gardening teach us? How to kill, grow, water, clean and harvest. But also how to operate as a team. We can remember many nights spent with our father outside, in the evening sun, taking directions… and taking them again, louder. And all the summer dinners prepared with love and lettuce by our mother, the results of our family harvest. Now, as adults, we can see all of the work that garden must have been. Especially the job of wrangling three daughters into helping! But what a gift it was—that’s the blessing part. We can look back now and see all the time it afforded us with our parents: Together outside, in the sun, with dirt under our nails. We weren’t just helping the plants grow. We were growing, too. Happy Mother’s Day and Happy Father’s Day to the parents out there who are doing the hard work now that will be a blessing later!
ASSISTANT EDITOR Eva Nienhouse, eva@grandtraversewoman.com COPY EDITOR Christine Kurtz DESIGNER Bethany Gulde, bethany@grandtraversewoman.com COVER PHOTO Jaclyn Roof will be speaking at the GTWoman May 8th “Beautiful Badass” Luncheon. See her story on page 8. Tiffany Clarke, Highland Street Photography https://highlandstreetphotography.smugmug.com PHOTOGRAPHERS Sarah Brown, Sarah Brown Photography www.sarahbrown-photography.com Scarlett Piedmonte, Photography by Scarlett www.photobyscarlett.com Beth Price, Beth Price Photography www.bethpricephotography.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Stacy Arnold Stacie Belonga Marianne Bohn Debi Borges Corey Carlson Kendall Chapple Kay Epple Cathy Fitzgerald Andrea Holczman Tammy Hollenbeck Tammy Jones Brittany Luea Melissa Morgan Rochelle Nevedal Marjie Rich Erika Rogers Jaclyn Roof Laura Rutkowski Brittany Tembreull Laura Vansteenis Karen Wiand Amber Wilson ADVERTISING Kerry Winkler at 231.276.5105 or kerry@grandtraversewoman.com Visit www.grandtraversewoman.com for rates. SUBSCRIPTIONS Cost: $20 (for 6 issues) Subscriptions may be purchased online at www.grandtraversewoman.com or mail a check to: Grand Traverse Woman P.O. Box 22, Interlochen, MI 49643 ARTICLES/PRESS RELEASES Letters, inquiries, press releases and GTWoman In Business submissions are welcome. See www.grandtraversewoman.com for guidelines. MISSION STATEMENT Grand Traverse Woman is a bimonthly magazine dedicated to the interests of women in the five-county region. Our mission is to provide women with a publication that is educational and inspirational. We strive to maintain a positive, well-balanced and genuine forum for women's issues. © Copyright 2019 Grand Traverse Woman LLC All rights reserved.
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Once Upon A Time… a group of famous fairy tale princesses gather for their fortnightly book club, to read together from – well, the only book they’ve ever known – Grimm’s Fairy Tales. When Cinderella makes a desperate wish for a new story, a rogue fairy godmother drops The Feminine Mystique in her corseted lap. Oh baby, baby… could there really be more to life than bridesmaid dresses, friendships with woodland creatures, and dreams of a prince’s kiss? The ultimate end-all fairytale for anyone who yearns to feel “Stronger” than yesterday, ONCE UPON A ONE MORE TIME is set to the universal chart-topping anthems of the Princess of Pop herself, Britney Spears. Hits from “Oops I Did It Again” and “Lucky” to “Circus” and “Toxic” ignite this uproarious and heartwarming adventure about letting your hair down, gaining your sea legs, smashing the glass slipper, and claiming your own kingdom.
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Life’s a cage fight: Unleash your
Badass BY JACLYN ROOF
DO YOU EVER find yourself wishing you could be more suc-
HIGHLAND STREET PHOTOGRAPHY
cessful or confident? More… badass? You long to be your own version of a badass, but you aren’t sure you know what that means. You wonder who or where you are in life, or if you even have a life. Why do I bring this up? Because this was who I was. And, on some level, it still is. I would love to tell you that I came out on top, hands raised in a guaranteed overnight victory. This was not the case. I battled failure, embarrassment, exhaustion, guilt, frustration and picked up the pieces (and my own body) more times than I can count. But each time I started over, I found myself identifying, owning and unleashing my inner badass in ways that I never thought possible.
A BIG, BADASS OPP In 2016, I decided to train my overweight, cardio-starved “mom-bod” for a cage fight coming up in February of 2017. I had been training for a little over a year at a gym specific to mixed martial arts, boxing and jiu jitsu. It was just a fun way for me to release some aggression, do something physically challenging and feel like a total badass. My trainer and coach told me they had an opponent looking for a higher weight class (I was a 35-year-old mother of two). He asked if I was interested in making my fight debut. I laughed. Then I said yes. Maybe I was on a high from too many hits in the face at the gym, or maybe I’d just gone a little crazy. Either way, I was totally enamored by the thought of a real fight.
TURNING POINT I didn’t know what I was committing to, quite honestly. I knew I was fighting a woman, but that’s about it. I researched her online to get myself amped up, but it was hard to know what I was up against. I wasn’t even sure I could punch or defend myself. I had played basketball and softball in my youth, and strength-trained and added basic cardio as I got older. I started boxing to stay in shape
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and never intended to fight. Then I watched the movie Southpaw. I was inspired and, for the first time: I thought maybe I’d fight someday after all. There was no turning back now; I’d be stepping into the cage in just over three months. Call it my ego, my pride or call it my crazy brain craving something more challenging. Whatever it was, it was a major turning point of my life—more so than I had even begun to understand at that moment.
TRAINING FOR THE FIGHT I would be fighting “Muay Thai.” It is often referred to as “the art of eight limbs,” where you can use a combination of fists, elbows, knees and shins. During my fight, my opponent and I would wear both shin guards and headgear (at the request of my opponent), as well as our own gloves. I trained for hours and hours every night during the week. I ran on treadmills (which I had always refused to do on any level) and was punched, kicked and kneed in all areas of my body. The cardio intervals kicked my butt and oddly, my favorite part was getting punched in the face over and over. I learned my limits on every level. I had to lose 30 pounds even to fight! There would be a mandatory weigh-in the evening
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Grand Traverse Woman before my fight and if my scale didn’t say a certain number, I couldn’t get in the cage. I wasn’t going to have wasted all my time and energy not to make weight.
NO MORE MRS. NICE GIRL Leading up to the fight, I thought there was no possible way everything would work out for me—that I’d make weight, that I’d win, that I’d keep my reputation. I was nervous of the outcome and that I’d be seen as a failure. Plus, we were the ONLY female fight of the evening, and I was the first and ONLY female fighter ever to come out of my fight gym… no pressure, right? Talk about expectations! On top of that, the week of the fight, I still had 15 pounds to lose. There was absolutely no way I’d get this done, I thought. I’d been following a regimen that consisted of 2 gallons of water per day for two weeks prior to the fight and a lot of peeing! Then, the week of, the weight came off like this: Monday: 2 gallons of water and 15 lbs. overweight Tuesday: Ate only FAT so basically unsalted almonds and avocados (still can’t eat them plain to this day) and water cut down. Wednesday: Ate only fat and water cut down. Thursday: No food or water and A LOT of spitting and peeing (I actually sucked on Jolly Ranchers and had to spit out the juice!). Friday: No food or water and some exercising to sweat out the last bit of water. Friday night weigh-in: Made weight within .05 lbs. Followed by a box of chicken broth (which was DELICIOUS) and then some water and eventually some dinner at the local hibachi grill. Saturday night: The fight!
DADDY’S GIRL A day before my late dad’s birthday, I suited up. I wore fight shorts with the words “Daddy’s Girl” embroidered on them and watched as my teammates completed their turns. I paced, listened to music and just prayed that I wouldn’t get hurt too badly. After what felt like forever, it was my turn. I took to the hallway to do my walkout, where my coach, trainer, husband and teammates joined me. From there, I don’t remember much of anything. I didn’t hear my walkout song or the hundreds of people cheering or booing at me. I didn’t hear them tell me it was time to get into the cage. Honestly, I don’t even remember stepping into the cage or them announcing my name.
But there is one thing that I do remember that evening. As my opponent entered, the cage door was locked behind me.
CLICK I’ll never forget the sound of that lock. It was time. I couldn’t rely on my trainer to pick me up if I fell. I couldn’t rely on my husband to hold me when I felt like stopping. It was time to find out if all those months of training and sacrifice were worth it. It was time to find out if I could get punched in the face, kicked in the legs, or hit in the head and fight back.
TOTAL BADASS It was the longest and shortest six minutes of my life! I made it through. In fact, I held my own fairly well against an opponent 15 years younger than I was. The best part though? My hand wasn’t raised at the end. I didn’t win! Because even though I had lost, I knew with every part of me that I was walking out of that cage a total badass, even more than I had been when I entered. I never have fought again, nor have I walked into a cage since. My priorities have changed, but that isn’t to say I wouldn’t love to get into the cage again someday. I know it would take even more courage, strength and training, now that I know what to expect. Maybe it would be even more crazy of me to fight again, knowing what I’m in for.
YOUR FIGHT My inner badass took me inside a locked cage and got me beat up in front of a crowd, but everyone has her own fight. What is your obstacle that keeps punching you in the face and knocking you down? What do you need to face and where do you need to unleash your inner badass, once and for all? Once you know your fight, believe in yourself and align yourself in it. Determine your values and strengths, and when you’re in the cage and ready, assert your power. Own your badass, the most badass version of you. After all, this version of you is you, and this world needs it. For me, quite frankly, being my own version of a beautiful badass is enough for me. Cage and all. Jaclyn Roof, a former Muay Thai cage fighter, is a “Beautiful Badass Leadership Coach” who runs various in-person workshops and retreats as well as online programs and courses. She resides in Traverse City with her husband, Michael, and their children, Abigail and Adelyn. Learn more at www.jaclynroof.com.
Meet Jaclyn!
Luncheons Grand Traverse WOMAN
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Jaclyn will be speaking at our May 8th GTWoman Luncheon. Her topic, “Beautiful Badass” will bring inspiration and motivation (with more sass than usual)! The event is 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at The Hagerty Center. Tickets are $35 or 2/$60 and include plated luncheon, mingling, booths and keynote speaker. For tickets or to purchase booth space, visit www.grandtraversewoman.com. JACLYN WITH HER CHILDREN, ABIGAIL AND ADELYN.
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Surviving Post-partum And how I’m helping others BY MARIANNE BOHN
THE AUTHOR’S FAMILY: LEFT TO RIGHT IN THE BACK: JOSEPHINE, JACKSON, AUTHOR MARIANNE AND HER HUSBAND BRYAN. IN THE FRONT: SAMMY AND ETHAN.
EVEN BEFORE I became a mother, I’d heard of preeclampsia, a hypertensive condition that develops either during pregnancy or up to six weeks post-partum. Then, I became the mother of two beautiful boys, my pregnancies smooth, my health in check. “Preeclampsia” was just a term. Then came my third child, and everything changed. I developed post-partum preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, a life-threatening pregnancy condition, and I experienced both again when I had my fourth child. I felt helpless, alone, and at times I feared for my life. Now I’m determined to raise awareness for other mothers and families struggling post-partum.
BABY BOY NUMBER 3 When I was admitted to the hospital for the birth of my third son, my initial blood pressure was high. I was in labor, after all! Six agonizing hours later, Samuel was born on Nov. 30, 2012. He was perfect, and I was in love with every 7 pounds, 2 ounces of him. After, as I dozed off in my postpartum room, the nurse came in to take my blood pressure. “How are you feeling?” she asked. I distinctly remember saying that I was OK, aside from a nagging headache. I was dehydrated, I thought. I knew that grandparents and siblings would soon fill the room, and I was so excited to introduce this sweetheart to my older boys. We stayed that day and the following night, and, although I was provided pain relief, nothing seemed to help. I was discharged, head still pounding, blood pressure still elevated.
A POST-PARTUM BIRTHDAY The following days with Samuel were difficult. I struggled with nursing and felt worse by the minute.
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On Dec. 4, 2012, my second child’s 6th birthday, I hopped into the shower to get ready for the big day. I raised my legs to shave and noticed I was swelled clear up to my hips. In fact, I could not even tell where my knees were. Huh, I thought. I guess this is post-partum after 30. Before the celebration, a friend (an OB nurse) stopped in to see the new bundle of joy. After oohing and aahing over Samuel, she looked at me. “How are YOU feeling?” she asked. Without hesitation, I burst into tears. “I feel horrible. I am SO swollen and my head hurts SO bad!” I admitted. “I think that you should go lie down,” she said. “I am going to grab my blood pressure monitor. I will be right back.” As she left for the door, she encouraged me to reach out to my OB office and tell them how I was feeling. Through tear-filled eyes I dialed the number. I spoke to the triage nurse, describing my symptoms, and she said she’d speak with my doctor. My friend returned and took my blood pressure. “You are not going to like this,” she said. My blood pressure was 190/106. She recommended I go to the hospital to be evaluated immediately. She loaded sweet Sammy into his car seat saying, “Don’t be surprised if they admit you.”
We are going to need to admit you,” he said. I was relieved. Finally, I knew there was a name for what I was experiencing. But what the heck is HELLP? I learned that HELLP stands for hemolysis (the bursting of red blood cells), elevated liver enzymes, and low platelets (which makes it harder for blood to clot). Symptoms include elevated blood pressure, headache, severe swelling and vision changes. I was sent to the Critical Care Unit and I sent my husband and newborn boy home. I explained how he would have to give him a bottle, and I felt defeated. I was too sick to nurse him at that point. I spent the night in and out of sleep and in extreme pain. Every single part of my body hurt.
LIFE-THREATENING CONDITIONS
RECOVERY
My husband and I decided to go to the closest hospital with an OB unit. This was not the hospital where I delivered, but I was feeling worse every second. My weight was 5 pounds MORE than when I delivered. I was so swollen. After numerous tests, the physician’s assistant in the ER came in and explained what was going on. “You have something called HELLP syndrome.
I was transferred to a larger hospital better equipped to care for my deteriorating condition, and the next few days were filled with tests, scans and a lot of pain. I was treated with 2 different blood pressure medications, and pain medication, and my headache faded, my blood pressure lowered, and the swelling resolved (mostly). I was sent to a step-down unit to recover for the next few days before being discharged.
DROWNING The following day I had a lot of visits from nurses, lactation consultants and doctors. My husband came with the baby, and I nursed him when I could. Later, I sent them home to get some rest. That night, as I was dozing off, I heard a noise…. a crackling… coming from my lungs. My lungs sounded like Rice Krispies. My monitor started blaring. My nurse came in and applied oxygen to my nose. I called my husband back to the hospital right away, and while I waited for him, I reminded myself to breathe. I had been drowning in my own fluid.
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BEING AWARE FOR BABY 4 At five days post-partum with my fourth pregnancy, I developed preeclampsia trending towards HELLP, as my liver enzymes were elevated four days post-partum. Preeclampsia is a hypertensive disorder in pregnancy and is reason for immediate delivery of the baby. The symptoms of preeclampsia include high blood pressure, headache, vision changes, significant and sudden swelling particularly in the hands feet and face, and protein in the urine. Although I still got sick, I felt empowered with the knowledge I had from my first experience. I spent five days in the high-risk OB ward but can honestly say that it was a healing experience. I was sick, but things did not spiral out of control. I was respected and listened to by my fabulous OB. Knowledge is power.
PASSION FOR AWARENESS I had never heard of the term HELLP, and I never would have thought that what I went through could even happen post-partum. In pregnancy and in birth, so much emphasis is put on the baby, and the baby’s health. Moms matter too. This CAN happen and it
DOES happen. It happened to me, and my passion is to raise awareness so no other mother is caught off guard. No other family should have to fear that Mommy may die. According to the CDC, nearly 700 women die each year as a result of pregnancy or delivery complications. If you are a mom-to-be, are post-partum, or you have a loved one who is either, check in with yourself or with her. Ensure that Mommy is OK.
PREECLAMPSIA FOUNDATION SUMMIT Although it has been nearly six years since that scary December day, I have finally found my voice. I have always had a passion for raising awareness for HELLP Syndrome, and I attended the Preeclampsia Foundation Summit, Champions for Change, in October. Through that experience I connected with like-minded women who empowered my passion for advocacy. I am now chairwoman for the Preeclampsia Foundation’s Promise Walk for Preeclampsia Awareness–West Michigan. On June 8, we will host The Promise Walk for Preeclampsia in Big Rapids. No woman should have to suffer alone. Please join us!
Marianne Bohn has found her voice for awareness with the help of The Preeclampsia Foundation by becoming the chair for The Promise Walk for Preeclampsia Awareness. The walk on June 8, is at Northend Riverside Park in Big Rapids, MI. Register at www.promisewalk. org/westmichigan and reach Marianne by email at Marianne.Bohn@preeclampsia.org.
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...because as soon as you look away, I’ll be making my daring escape!
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Where Do I Start?
A CHECKLIST FOR GETTING BACK INTO THE WORKPLACE BY LAURA RUTKOWSKI
HAVE YOU EVER SAID or thought one of the following? “How will I ever get back in the game after being home with the kids?” “I need a different work/life balance but have no idea how to go about it.” “Nobody would be interested in my skills. I’m just a mom.” YES, you can get back in the game, achieve a better balance, and generate interest in your skills. Having worked with hundreds of mid-career professionals in all walks of life, the one theme I see is that most of us do not have a clue about the value we bring to the workplace and how to showcase it to the world. While it may seem like a daunting task, it is really just a project. And, like all projects, it has a beginning and an end with tasks to do in the middle. Let’s take a look at those tasks:
1. Define Your Ideal Job. First, get clear about what you want. The easiest way to do this is to imagine your ideal job and write down what it will include. Don’t worry if it seems unrealistic. What will you be doing? Where? When? Whom will you be working with? How far is the commute? What is the pay? What is the company like? Now take that list, fold it and put it into your purse. At the end of your journey, you may be surprised how many of those things happened for you!
2. See What’s Out There. Next, do some browsing on job sites. Search for positions that have some of the things you want. Find at least three and print them out. If this step does not work for you, that’s okay. There is still a way to let the world know who you are and what you can do.
3. Get Out Your Highlighter. Review your three job listings. Typically, they show job responsibilities and qualifications. Highlight the things you can see yourself doing and the qualifications that you have. It’s okay if you don’t have all the qualifications! Nobody does. It’s just a wish list for the person who wrote it.
4. Showcase the Ideal Candidate: You Now it’s time to write your marketing blurb, better known as a resume in the job search world. The idea is to write your resume to include the highlighted words and phrases from your job postings. If the job posting says, “Knowledge of Microsoft Word,” your resume should use the same language rather than something generic like “computer skills.”
5. Remember, It’s About Them, Not You. Ironically, a resume should be written with the reader in mind, not the person it’s about. By that I mean, people who are looking at resumes want to know: “What can this person do for me?” Not the other way around. Consider these two statements for the resume’s OBJECTIVE. Which one has the employer in mind? • I am seeking a position with a company that will utilize my skills and provide promotion opportunities.
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• I am seeking a position on a team that values hard work and a commitment to solving problems Of course, it’s the second one. When writing your resume, review each sentence for this subtle messaging.
6. Get Creative. There are times when some of our best accomplishments don’t fit into traditional categories on a resume. The solution? Add a category! For instance, I have often added a category called: “Noteworthy” near the end of the resume. Here’s what it might look like: NOTEWORTHY • Managed a Brownie troop of 20 girls for three years, including weekly meetings and an annual camping trip. The group doubled in size during this time. • Participated in the Parent/Teacher Organization during the annual fund-raising campaign. Responsible for generating the most donations. • Worked my way through college playing in a jazz band. You can see that any employer would value the skills needed for these accomplishments.
7. Get Feedback. The best writing projects have an editor. Work with a good writer to be sure you are saying what you want to say, the way you want to say it.
8. Be Patient. Finding the perfect job does not usually happen overnight, but if you make time to work on the project a little each week, you will certainly reap the rewards. Good luck and always remember—you bring much to the world and the workplace!
Laura Rutkowski has been helping people shine in the job market for over 30 years. Her specialty is working with mid-career professionals who are navigating a change. Laura lives in Williamsburg and can be contacted through www.TraverseCityResumes.com.
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THE MATCH:
F I N D I N G T H E FA M I LY I N E V E R K N E W, D E C A D E S L AT E R BY TAMMY HOLLENBECK
AT 3 MONTHS OLD, I was adopted. I grew up loved and cared for, and the only family I ever knew always felt right. They were mine, and I was theirs. But as I grew older, I began to wonder about my birth parents. It took many years, a few alternate routes, and many phone calls, but in the end, I found my birth mother—and more.
THE ULTIMATE QUESTION Kids sometimes made fun of me: they said I wasn’t wanted so my parents gave me away. I’d come home in tears, and my mother would calm me. She’d say she didn’t know why my parents gave me away, but it certainly wasn’t because they didn’t want me. I was special, she said. I was handpicked. I held on to that thought whenever someone made fun of me. I started asking questions at 13, and my mom told me what little she knew. I learned that I was born in Grand Rapids and my birth mother was single and worked in a grocery store. My mom didn’t know anything about my father. My adoption was closed, and I thought about my birth mom a lot. I made up silly fantasies about her being a country singer, or maybe an actress. I longed to know who my birth parents were and why they gave me up for adoption.
THE FIRST SEARCH I started searching for my mom in my twenties. I’d heard of people on TV who’d found their birth parents, but I didn’t have enough information to find her like they did. I called state representatives and a local judge, who both suggested I contact the adoption agency. I called them and for a fee they filed a request with the Central Adoption Registry in Lansing. They’d find out if my birth parents submitted a consent to release identifying information to me. Then, they’d send me a letter. This letter would either hold the information I’d always wanted, or it would give me non-identifying information. I waited on pins and needles. On May 10, 1997, the day before Mother’s Day, the letter came. I remember holding that letter in my shaking hands and I opened it. There was no consent on file, it said. My request would remain, just in case they decided to file in the future.
STARTING OVER I was heartbroken. My hopes had been so high. I read that letter over and over. Although I didn’t find out who they were, I learned a lot of my
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the Ancestry DNA site, and I gave them a short version of my story and asked them for help. One cousin, Lisa, responded, very willing to help. Lisa and I emailed and texted, and together, we slowly pieced together the puzzle of where I came from. There were tears, laughter, and we even video-chatted. She accepted me right away as her family. I could feel her love.
JOY OF DISCOVERY Lisa figured out that my mother’s name: Joyce. But she didn’t know where she was. I searched ancestry documents and found her mother’s obituary. As I read, I couldn’t believe what I learned—I was born on the same day as my grandmother! I sat there and cried. I cried for the grandmother I never knew, for this huge connection I’d never known about, and for this unbelievable reality. This was really happening. I was finding my family! I found Joyce’s married name through her FIRST MEETING WITH JOYCE. husband’s obituary and learned that I had three brothers. I was so happy and so scared, mother’s background and some of my father’s. too. What if they rejected me? I had to reach out. She’d never told anyone his name. To find him, I I sent Joyce a letter with pictures explaining who had to find her. The information I now had was so I was. She called me. It was so surreal—I was talkimportant to me. This was my roots, my blood. I ing to my birth mom. We were both emotional, needed to find this family that I belonged to. and she confirmed that I had three half-brothers: I talked to private detectives, but they were Lee, Russ and Jay. She’d never told them about too expensive and held no guarantees. But, they me… until she got my letter. were always an option. I held fast to the chance They were shocked, but OK with it. She told me that someday, my mother or father would file that my father’s name, too. Bob. She never saw him consent and we’d be connected immediately. That after they spilt up, she said. Our phone call was never happened. I wondered why they hadn’t. one I will never forget. The next day, one of my Were they still alive? half-brothers, Russ, called me, wanting to meet. We met at my house and talked for over eight A NEW APPROACH hours. I wondered for years. In 2017, I saw an ad for Ancestry DNA on TV. I thought about giving it a COINCIDENCES try, but I had so much disappointment, I wasn’t Apparently, Russ had lived four miles from me sure I could handle any more. I talked to my husin 1996-97. He’d even met Marlen at a local bar! band, Marlen, and he was very supportive. But, He told me another one of my half-brothers, Lee, he was apprehensive of what I’d find, and a little lived in Benzonia. They were so close to me and I worried I’d get my hopes up again and be hurt if never knew it! A week later, Lee and I connected. this didn’t pan out. He was very welcoming and curious about me. I I talked to my friends about it, and they were felt so much love for them. supportive, too. In the end, I realized that there Joyce and I began emailing and calling each really was only one choice. I ordered the test and other. We wanted to meet. She lives in Belmont, sent it in. Four weeks later, around Thanksgiving, Mich., along with Jay. my results came. I was so excited. The day before Easter, she came up to meet us. There are no words to explain how I felt. It was A MATCH one of the best days of my life. My results showed my closest matches were second cousins. I sent them a message through
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TAMMY AND BOB.
MEETING MORE FAMILY I still hadn’t met Jay so in May, we went to Belmont. It was a wonderful visit. I’ve become very close with them. I also longed to meet Lisa in person. Without her, I may have never found them. In June, Lisa and her husband came to Traverse City and we met them for lunch. Another one of my best days ever. While building relationships with my mother and brothers, I was still searching for my father. I had cousins I connected with on Ancestry DNA who were trying to help, but we had no luck. Then, I had a new match—a first cousin, Penny, from my father’s side. I sent her a message and she confirmed that Bob was her uncle. She gave me his address, and I sent him a letter with pictures. All the emotions returned: excitement and a little fear. Fear that he wouldn’t accept me. Then, he called me. He was so happy I’d found him. He also had never told anyone about me… until he got my letter. He told me I had two halfbrothers, Robert and Bill, and a half-sister, Sheila. They lived in Farwell, only two hours from me. I met Bob, his wife Eunice, and Sheila in August. I haven’t met Robert or Bill yet, but we do communicate. Bob and Eunice came to our house recently and met Marlen. I feel so much love for them, too. Full family, fuller heart Lisa, Joyce, Russ, Lee, Jay, Penny, Bob, Sheila… the list goes on. They are my family—they’ve always been my family. I sometimes wonder, is it odd that I love them all so much? I don’t think so. After all, family is where life begins, and love itself never ends. I never imagined I’d find the family I never knew, and to finally piece together my puzzle has been an unbelievable gift. Tammy lives in Kewadin with her husband, Marlen. She is the Practice Manager with Grand Traverse Internal and Family Medicine in Traverse City. Connect with Tammy by email at tammy8162@charter.net.
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Grand Traverse Woman
Fast Eddie
KAREN WIAND, AUTHOR AND FRIEND TO EDDIE
THE JOY OF NEVER GROWING UP BY KAREN WIAND
SMACK DAB in the middle of my being a happy 10-year-old girl, it became apparent that my membership to the wonderful world of childhood would soon expire. I was not looking forward to growing up, and my plan was to delay it for as long as possible. After all, I was really good at being a kid. Much to my chagrin, I grew up, the magic in the world around me fading as adulthood came. But it was Eddie, my childhood neighbor with an intellectual disability, who brought it back. And I believe we can all learn something from my friend Eddie.
EDDIE AND HORSE, RUBY, AT PEACE RANCH DURING AN EXPERIENTIAL LEARNING CLASS.
EDDIE’S WORLD
During my first double-digit year, my mother sprang some news on me about our neighbor Eddie. I’d met Eddie two years earlier when we moved in down the street from him. My mother told me Eddie would never have a normal life— he would never graduate from school and never get married or raise a family of his own. Our kind-hearted neighbors had adopted Eddie when he was a baby after he was seized from his biological parents. Due to severe mal-
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nourishment as an infant, Eddie had already mentally peaked with the intellect of a 10-yearold child. Every day, Eddie cruised our neighborhood and the county on his bike in an uninterrupted trek for adventure and unabashed joy. He never stopped to consider whether he or anyone else was “normal,” nor did he invest any time contemplating how his condition would affect his future.
FUN LIKE EDDIE I remember trying to envision Eddie as a 10-year-old adult. Something didn’t seem fair, and as much as the news about Eddie could have made me sympathetic, it didn’t. What wasn’t right, it seemed, was that I was going to have to grin, bear it, and grow up, while Eddie was free to ride off into the endless sun ball enjoying life. Eddie wouldn’t have to toil in the trenches or climb corporate ladders to experience a grownup version of happiness. I wondered what was so bad about being a forever 10-year-old. By the time I toasted my last slice of Wonder Bread, I realized there was no turning back for me. Fun was for kids—and Eddie.
NO SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS HERE I jumped off the monkey bars and went to college because that is what budding grown-ups did. I attended business school because I didn’t think my real passion, creative writing, was a responsible vocation. I ran from promising relationships because I didn’t see how a long-term commitment to anyone would be easy. In truth,
I was sucking any prospect of fun right out of my future. In an attempt to give my fate an about-face, I changed course in college and went into advertising. Everyone had fun in advertising, I thought. But the endless workdays and stiff clients turned my creative thought into mental anguish, so I left it behind. Next, I became a residential builder. I was subconsciously ready to revive some of the fun I had constructing sand castles when I was young. That worked, until my business partner and I parted ways. At the peak of my personal turmoil, I discovered that Eddie, my childhood neighbor, was living in an adult foster care home about an hour’s drive from me. Curious, I paid him a visit.
HELLO AGAIN, DEAR FRIEND Eddie, who was nearing 60, stood tapping his foot in the muddy driveway as I approached. He squinted as I called him by name. I was heartbroken to find that my intellectually disabled friend was nearly blinded by cataracts and had no teeth. The seven years Eddie had spent in this adult foster care home had physically taken a toll on him. Worse, this appeared to be the end of the line. Eddie’s 92-year-old bedridden mother was living her final days in a nursing home more than a half-hour away. At first, I thought that adulthood hadn’t been fair to Eddie. But as I began visiting weekly to help him, I discovered my assumption had been completely wrong.
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Grand Traverse Woman
A COURSE IN FUN WITH
FAST EDDIE NEY INTO A JOYRIDE
S JOUR 10 WAYS TO TURN LIFE’
K A R E N
W I A N D
SAME OL’ EDDIE Eddie was the same fun-loving friend I remembered. He still dedicated every day to enjoying his life. When he couldn’t ride his bike anymore, he visited friends and searched for returnable bottles and cans to cash-in for money to spend on food. Every penny of his care money fed the caretaker’s family. Everywhere we stopped, from the corner store to the barbershop to the local Wal-Mart, people hugged, highfived, or shouted across the parking lot to him. The more I showed up as his chauffeur and companion, the more fun I had. Eddie was teaching me once again that happiness was the point of life, and fully enjoying it had nothing to do with age, intellect or circumstance.
EDDIE TODAY
Through a series of miraculous events, Eddie now lives in housing provided by BrickWays in Traverse City. This organization was founded on the late Mary Jean Brick’s vision that every life is valuable, and everyone deserves to live with purpose, including those with intellectual and physical disabilities. On any given day, Eddie can be spotted in town riding his bike, finding treasure, volunteering, and expanding his network of friends he has cultivated throughout Michigan. It seems the only thing that has grown larger than Eddie’s popularity is his wisdom. Thanks to Eddie, I finally got the message my inner child had been attempting to deliver to me for years: while growing older may be unavoidable, growing up is optional, and this playground called life has a lifetime membership.
Summer classes enrolling now
BrickWays is dedicated to providing quality independent housing, essential support services and life-giving experiences for adults with disabilities. In 1978, the Community Living Center was established as a home where residents could learn and practice daily living skills in a family atmosphere. The original group of 16 residents has now grown to 43 adults, each living in five unique housing situations. A total of 50 people are enrolled in TRAIL (Traverse Region Assisted Independent Living), community living support programs staffed and managed by BrickWays. Find out more at www.brickways.org.
Karen Wiand is the author of A Course in Fun with Fast Eddie: 10 Ways to Turn Life’s Journey into a Joyride, available at Horizon Books in Traverse City and Amazon.com. Karen and Eddie will be signing books at Brookbrokers & Kramer's Cafe on May 11 at 2 p.m. Karen lives in Traverse City with her family and enjoys spending time with Eddie and his friends, who continue to teach her more ways to enjoy life. To learn more about Karen and Eddie, visit www.karenwiand.com.
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my family of three
H OW M Y P L A N S C H A N G E D BY DEBI BORGES
I ALWAYS wanted three kids. Three boys to be exact. Why three, I’m not sure—I just thought that it would be nice; I wanted to make sure that they always had each other to lean on. Sometimes, though, what we want in life is not what God has planned for us. Even though I couldn’t have children beyond my first, I’m grateful for the family I do have. My family of three.
MY SON I never really had a hard time with my cycles each month. They seemed easy for me and only lasted about three days. I became pregnant when I was 19, and was pretty much a single mother for the first year and half of my son’s life. My family was my support system, and I’m very thankful for everything they did and still do for us. About seven months after my son’s first birthday, I met my husband. We were married the following year and both knew we wanted kids. Shortly after we married, I stopped taking my birth control—that’s when my cycles started to change. I was in a lot more pain than before I got pregnant, but I didn’t think much of it.
As we went home that day, I was in tears. I was probably never going to have another child, let alone be able to give my husband his own child. My husband told me he could not stand to see me in so much pain all the time. We had one child (he adopted my son just before we moved), and he was happy as a family of three, he said.
MY DECISION I never thought in my life I would have to decide something like this, but at 24 years old, I had a full hysterectomy. This was something that people do later in life or after they’re done having kids, I thought. Looking back now, I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to experience one pregnancy—I know there are many women who don’t even get that. I feel for anyone struggling with endometriosis or infertility, and I never want another woman to feel alone. Also, please keep your ideas about a woman’s family size to yourself. Not all women want children, and not all women can conceive children. That story is her own.
THAT DAY I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was lying on the floor in my bathroom, in so much pain I couldn't move. My son, 3 at the time, was sleeping in his room and my husband was at work. I called my mom, tears running down my face. I didn't know what to do. She just kept saying over and over: “I think you have what I had, endometriosis.” Endometriosis, a disorder affecting a woman’s reproductive organs, occurs when tissue that normally forms inside the uterus grows outside of it. My mom told me to call the doctor, and at my appointment, I learned I had a tumor. At this time, my husband was preparing for his military transfer to Florida. I was okay to move, but my doctor instructed I find a fertility specialist to investigate as soon as I was settled.
RESULTS We made it to Florida and found a fertility specialist. We were unsure if the tumor they had found in my ovaries was cancerous, but at 24 years old, I didn’t think I could possibly have cancer. After a thorough exam with my new specialist, I learned I didn’t have cancer, but I did have a benign tumor the size of a grapefruit that needed to be removed. I also learned I had severe endometriosis. My mother was right. They removed my tumor, and after I fully recovered, the doctor said I could continue to try to conceive. I was in severe pain quite frequently, and my cycle went from lasting three days to lasting almost three weeks. My husband struggled to see me like that.
OPTIONS We sat down and had discussions about what to do next. I really wanted more kids. A few months went by, and the doctor told us we needed to decide. We went in for our consultation and heard our options.
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DEBI WITH HER HUSBAND JAKE, AND SON, COLE.
Debi Borges is from Bellaire and currently lives in south Texas, where her husband is in the military. Her son, Cole, is 15. She works as a personal trainer and online health and fitness coach. You can get in touch with Debi at train.with.deb@gmail.com.
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Mother to 9 BY ERIKA ROGERS
I HAVE faced many tough moments in my life, and most of those times have been because of my children. The sights and smells from the halls of multiple Ukrainian orphanages will stay with me forever, and I have gotten to know Helen Devos Children’s Hospital in Grand Rapids better than I would have liked. But nothing has been quite as trying as when my marriage fell apart, and I found myself a full-time single parent to nine children.
THE START I came from a large family of five kids and I wanted to be a mom from my earliest recollection. In the late 1990s, I taught first grade in a mission school in Botswana, Africa, and worked in an orphanage in Mexico. I was in my early twenties and it had been on my heart since college to open an orphanage in Kenya. I dreamed of being a mother to the motherless. Although I didn’t end up opening an orphanage in a foreign country, I still became a mother. I married an Army man and the focus changed to building a family the conventional way. I gave birth to two amazing children, and they have both helped shoulder the responsibilities of our large family with grace and perseverance.
AN INSTANT ‘YES’ The next three children came as a sibling group through foster care. Each had varying needs due to early childhood trauma. Within two weeks of placement, we were asked if we would consider adopting them, and it was an instantaneous “Yes.” The judge terminated parental rights and signed the paperwork for us to adopt. I felt a mixture of joy and sadness; I wasn’t quite sure how to feel. But, I was sure that our family had never felt more right.
NEW CHALLENGES In 2011, when the idea of adopting came up again, a challenge was placed before us. I have
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always had a special place in my heart for those with special needs, and the possibility of adopting a child with Down Syndrome was presented. The profiles of a little boy and a little girl who had Down Syndrome were sent to us. They lived in a Ukrainian orphanage. I couldn’t leave one behind, so both were brought into the family. Crazy was the new normal in our home. Shortly after our first Ukrainian adoption, a profile of a girl and boy were sent to us again. This time though was different. The girl was 15, had Down Syndrome and was about to age out of the system and be sent to an adult mental institution. The boy had Down Syndrome, a heart defect, autism and weighed only 26 pounds at almost 10 years old. We flew to Ukraine to meet them. I couldn’t believe there were places in the world where that kind of neglect was not only allowed, but accepted as normal. For three days, I was nauseous, wondering if we had the ability to integrate two more children into our home with these kinds of needs. I also knew that if we left them there, they would die. The decision came during a phone call home while talking with my biological son, Matthew. He was so excited to get another brother and wanted to know how to talk to him. I let him know that his potential new brother didn’t have any words, but he made growling sounds. Matthew proceeded to growl to me over the phone. If that was the language he needed to learn, he was willing to do it. The challenges have been great, but so have the rewards. Our daughter, for example, has been nicknamed “Sunshine Girl.” Joy radiates from her.
BEING SINGLE When I became single, the challenge of how to fit in a career with all the doctor’s appointments and school events became my focus. I saw that a friend in Texas had bought into a DIY franchise called “Board and Brush.” She had left her corpo-
ERIKA, ABOVE WITH HER FAMILY. BELOW, SHE STANDS AT HER STUDIO.
rate job, had a toddler at home and was pregnant with her second child. That got the wheels turning. When my friend purchased a second location, the deal was done in my mind. This Aug. 1, I contacted Board and Brush and signed the franchise paperwork. I opened in October and life has moved at lightning speed, but that is pretty normal for this family. The days are long and the nights very short, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Life is an adventure, and when we live it to its fullest, it’s unforgettable. “You are a Saint!” and “You must be so patient!” are phrases I hear often when I’m out with my children. I promise you I possess neither of those qualities in abundance, but I will claim the title “crazy” any day of the week. Erika Rogers is the owner of Board and Brush Creative Studio in Traverse City. When she is not instructing workshops, she can be found wrangling her many children on their small farm. You can check out Board and Brush at www.boardandbrush.com/traversecity. Contact her at traversecity@boardandbrush.com.
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Grand Traverse Woman Become one with your POWER and live according to personal values by crushing limiting beliefs, upleveling your confidence and owning your own authentic leadership through support, accountability & programs designed with kick ass flair!
Power. Purpose. Unleashed.
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ORYANA COMMUNITY CO-OP 260 e. 10th st. TC oryana.coop 231.947.0191
(815) 263-1929 jaclyn@jaclynroof.com www.jaclynroof.com
! p p A e h t t e G Teri Yunus, NP, NBC-HWC
Find it FREE in the APP STORE or GOOGLE PLAY www.grandtraversewoman.com
My years as a Cardiology Nurse Practitioner allowed me to help patients in many ways. Transitioning to health coaching has allowed me to have the greatest impact with my patients and clients! My education and training prepared me to provide you, the client, with the tools you need to achieve your goals. I am one of the few Nationally BoardCertified Health & Wellness Coaches in Michigan! If you are willing to open your mind to possibilities, I can support you in your journey to your best health. Health coaching provides the right amount of support, stretch and accountability to achieve sustainable change. Programs I offer include: 1:1 telephone coaching - 90-day, 180-day or full year, group coaching, 14-Day Reset Cleanse, 28-Day Jumpstart, Clutter Cleanse, PURE Plant Based Lifestyle Transition, and VIP Individualized programs. Contact me to schedule a FREE Strategy Session for powerful breakthroughs starting on the first call. Health & Wellness Coaching 989.295.0540 healthupwithteri@gmail.com www.healthupwithteri.com
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Quirky Crate FOR THE NOT-SO-BASIC GIRL! BY ROCHELLE NEVEDAL
SUCCESS to me has never meant having a big house or fancy job title. I’ve just wanted a life where I was doing exactly what I love. Through my business, I have forged a style pathway for quirky girls like myself. I stay true to who I am, and I always have. Even when I wasn’t sure what the next day would bring, I knew my quirks would get me through. Now, they’re my bread and butter.
DESIGN LOVE I’ve always been a creative person. During high school, my love for thrifting and finding unique clothing drew me to fashion design. I enrolled in a design school based in Chicago, but halfway through, I realized it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t imagine giving all my energy to work at a craft that I wasn’t passionate about, but I pushed through and finished my degree. Though my love for designing clothes wasn’t there, it did spark a strong love for design in general. I took extra classes in graphic design and really enjoyed learning the basics.
COMFORTABLE SUCCESS Fresh out of college, I gave birth to my son. I moved back home to Michigan so I could be near my family and raise him where I grew up. I was $80,000 in debt, had a new baby, and had absolutely no idea where to go from there. My mom helped connect me with a job doing engineer work for a telecommunications company. The pay was amazing and I got to work from home, which allowed me to see my son every day. I was there for his first words, steps and many more special moments that I would’ve missed working away from home. Although I wouldn’t change those days for anything, something was still missing. This job was what many would define as a “success,” but I didn’t feel it. My strong desire to create was not fulfilled.
CREATING AGAIN I started dabbling in photography for fun and soon had people reaching out to have me photograph them. I did weddings and family portraits for a while, but the stress took the joy out of something I once enjoyed. I also started selling vintage items on Etsy and did well. I learned the ins and outs of shipping and selling online. Although this was not my ultimate passion, the skills I gained from this experience were vital.
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ROLLER CHICKS I’ve always had non-traditional interests. I played roller derby for a few years in Traverse City and it became a very important part of my life. After commuting back and forth for too long, three of my closest friends and I felt passionate enough to build our own league in Kalkaska, where we lived. The four of us ran the business side for almost six years. During this time I was in charge of marketing and design. I taught myself how to design graphics, create flyers, produce merchandise, run social media—the basics of running a business. Though I never got paid for my work, I truly enjoyed it. Ultimately again, life was grooming me for a greater purpose.
OUT-RACING MY FEARS Another adventure waited for me shortly after I got laid-off from my engineering job. I’d just recently started dating my soon-to-be husband and we auditioned on a whim for “The Amazing Race” on CBS. We were cast! When this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity arrived, I had the chance to face some of my deepest fears.
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I have always feared truly putting myself out there, but now, it was required. This helped me overcome some of my self-doubt and gave me the courage later in life to continue doing so. Though we didn’t win, we made it to the finale and truly won an experience of a lifetime.
RULE IT OUT When we returned from traveling the world, I needed to find work. With my roller derby design portfolio in hand, I landed a job doing e-marketing for a local car dealership. I loved that I was able to create and design. Yet, after a few years of working in a corporate atmosphere, I realized that it was not me. I’d started becoming physically ill and having panic attacks on my way to work. I was depressed, anxious and I shed a lot of tears during this time. I had to put on a corporate persona which was never in my blood. I felt self-conscious in my tattoocovered skin and something needed to change. I needed a space where I could just be myself.
VOICES OF REASON In need of some inspiration, I started listening to motivational speakers on my drive to work. The common theme I kept hearing was to “just do it.” There’s was never going to be a perfect time in my life where all my stars were aligned. I needed to take the steps to start building a career for myself that would bring me joy and contentment. I knew I wanted to create and develop something that I would have fun doing. I started researching subscription boxes and was intrigued by the concept of reoccurring income.
THE GREAT QUIRKY CRATE I soon came up with the idea of Quirky Crate—a subscription box for the not-sobasic girl. A subscription box for women like me who aren’t afraid of dancing to the beat of their own drum. I would create and manufacture products, feature a woman artist each month, and produce mail that would not only be fun to make, but receive. In the winter and spring of 2017, I spent a lot of late nights working on my logo, branding, website and started pre-launching my idea. I took out my 401k and bought the product for my first crate. I began taking orders in May 2017 and sold out my first month. I put my two weeks in at the dealership and have refused to look back. Since May 2017, I have shipped nearly 10,000 crates worldwide out of my home office in Kalkaska. I run every aspect of my business including the website, design, product curation, marketing, photography, customer service and more. Recently, I’ve hired my parents to help me with packing the crates each month. Quirky Crate has been featured in Forbes, Buzzfeed and other national publications.
QUIRKY AND LOVING IT It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride to get where I am today, and I have only just begun. There are certainly weeks of long hours, and days where I don’t have all the answers. Honestly, I’m just winging it. However, I realize that I’m finally on the right path and doing something I love to do. Each skillset that I use today was a gift from every detour that I took: a lap around the derby track, a day at the dealership, a trip around the world. I have learned to appreciate these detours, as they give me the strength to walk the right path when I get there. I may not have a big house or fancy car, but to me, I have everything (and some cute and quirky things to boot). Rochelle Nevedal is a subscription box entrepreneur based in Kalkaska. Learn more at www.quirkycrate.com.
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What’s a subscription box? Subscription boxes are packages of products that customers receive on a regular basis, usually monthly or weekly. What’s inside the box is completely up to the subscriber—there are all types of products! Whether you’re searching for a selection of beauty products or a bundle of books, if you’ve wondered about it, there’s probably a box for it. A recent Quirky Crate “Happy News” box included a funky pair of socks, a fun clasp-purse, a pencil with pom-pom attached, a Happy Newsletter and more. You can see the “unboxing” at her website www.quirkycrate.com.
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2019 SUER READING CLUB JUNE 17 - JULY 29
Julie Raborn, Certified Holistic Health, Life and Self-Love Coach I support women to transform mindset, doubts, and dissatisfaction to reclaim your zest for life and love the skin you’re in! Gain emotional balance, freedom, confidence, awareness, mindfulness, release negative self-talk and judgment, shed weight, stop the painful cycle of emotional eating, and increase your worth. And so much more! Work with me to crush your goals and follow your dreamsstart living as the unmasked version of you that is already within! Live life on purpose! Schedule your complimentary discovery session today at www.truetoyouwellnessbyjulie.com/book-online to explore the core of why you’re not getting desired results, develop a powerful vision of the confident, energized, inspired version of you, and actions to start living as her now! True To You Wellness By Julie 231.715.8836 • truetoyouwellnessbyjulie.com truetoyouwellnessbyjulie@gmail.com
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TRAVERSE AREA DISTRICT LIBRARY
www.tadl.org/SRC19
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Comprehensive Dental Care for the Whole Family
8 7 6 E . F r o n t S t r e e t | Tr a v e r s e C i t y, M I 4 9 6 8 6
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WOMAN
See Jane Lose
EE
STRONG IS THE NEW Beautiful
See Jane Lose
SARAH BROWN PHOTOGRAPHY
Grand Traverse
MAKEOVER
THE JANES TEAM GATHERS AT THE MARCH 14TH GTWOMAN NETWORK NITE.
THEY DID IT! THEY COMPLETED THE EIGHT-WEEK CHALLENGE AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. WE CAUGHT UP WITH THE THREE AMAZING GTWOMAN JANES FOR AN EMOTIONAL RECAP OF THEIR EXPERIENCE. READ WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY AND HEAR FROM THE SPONSORS THAT HELPED MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN!
Grand Traverse
WOMAN
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Grand Traverse Woman
Andrea Holczman, 33 SARAH BROWN PHOTOGRAPHY
Occupation: 911 Dispatcher for Grand Traverse County Height: 5'4” Starting Weight: 196 Current Weight: 176 What has changed since your first day as a Jane? Everything. My mood, energy and stress levels, sleep, and confidence have all improved dramatically. I feel like myself again, like the person I was several years ago before I gained weight. Also, my wedding bands fit again! That was the non-scale victory I was most looking forward to. What did you learn about yourself? I learned that my mindset can be the difference between success and failure. When I believed I was lazy and weak, I was lazy and weak. I was embarrassed when I became winded and wanted to give up. But, my trainer kept pushing and encouraging me, and eventually, all of her positivity sunk in. I still have setbacks and get discouraged, but instead of giving up, I try again. What was your biggest obstacle? My relationship with food was my biggest obstacle. Food was comfort. Bad day? Have a glass of wine. Need to celebrate? Ice cream! Stressed? Chocolate. Special occasion? Big, fancy, carbloaded dinner. I had to consciously stop myself from seeking food when I had strong emotions. So instead, I started connecting exercises with certain emotions. Working with my trainer was great when I was happy and motivated. When I was stressed or had a bad day, I would "rage run" on the treadmill or try out a new class at the Y. When I was feeling down, I took a yoga class.
20 LBS
Lost
What are you most proud of? The weight loss is wonderful of course, but I am most proud of getting outside of my comfort zone and giving the challenge my all. Going to the gym and working out in front of others used to make me very anxious, and the thought of posting my weight and pictures in a magazine for everyone to see? Scary! But in my family, our motto is "Do what scares you.” When I saw the ad to be a Jane, I set aside my fears and remembered those words.
Laura VanSteenis YMCA PERSONAL TRAINER Working with Andrea was a true joy from the beginning. I was so excited not only to train her, but also to build a relationship with her and walk with her through this fitness journey. I was amazed at Andrea's commitment and motivation as a wife and mother of three who works full time. The struggle to invest time and energy into self-care is real, and Andrea was fully devoted. About halfway into the challenge, I saw her break through—and I think she saw it too! Her confidence increased as she improved her form, then her resistance, weight and intensity. She’d ask me to “add more weight” and even expressed interest in powerlifting! Andrea has blown me out of the water with what she is now able to do. I’m so proud of her and excited to see her continue to grow in her health and fitness journey.
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What is your top tip? Be kind to yourself. Changing your lifestyle takes time and there will be setbacks, but if you keep trying and love yourself, you will get to where you want to be. No one is perfect. Don't punish yourself for being human. What’s next for you? My next challenge is the Bayshore 10k. For two years in a row I have registered for it but chickened out at the last minute. This year I will run it with my daughter and her stepmother, and next year I would like to attempt the Bayshore Half Marathon. One day I would love to participate in a triathlon.
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Melissa Morgan, 37 SARAH BROWN PHOTOGRAPHY
Occupation: Child Welfare Social Worker Height: 5'6” Starting Weight: 232 Current Weight: 209 What has changed since your first day as a Jane? I’m back in the gym, eating cleaner and I’m taking time for myself. I love being able to run longer with my improved endurance, and I even started playing in a women’s sports league! The exercise has helped reduce my stress and I feel stronger, too. What did you learn about yourself? I learned that once I get back into a groove, I have a fierce drive for success. I also learned that I need to stop being so hard on myself.
23 LBS
Lost
What was your biggest obstacle? I have five kids that needed picking up and dinners made and a full-time job, so it was difficult working out beyond just weekends. I also had to find time to fit in meal prep. What are you most proud of? I am most proud of my dedication to becoming healthier. It wasn’t just a change for me, but for my whole family, too. I spent almost every Saturday at the gym with my kids, and I loved setting a positive, healthy example for them. What is your top tip for others looking to live a healthier lifestyle? Meal prep, meal prep, meal prep! When meals aren’t prepped, it’s easy to cheat and make unhealthy choices.
Tammy Jones YMCA PERSONAL TRAINER Working with Melissa was a blast. She laughed and joked throughout our training sessions and always had a way of lighting up the room. She improved her endurance, strength and proper lifting form on top of losing over 20 pounds! She was amazing with her diet and staying on track; she updated me on her daily intake and always stayed accountable to the plan we put together. She also reminded and inspired me to take time for myself and to remember to value myself too! What an incredibly impactful journey we went on together! I'm excited to see her continue to grow as a person, believe in herself and accomplish new goals.
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What’s next for you? My healthy life journey has only just begun. I’ll continue exercising at the YMCA, where I’ve gained wonderful support. I’ve joined boot camp classes and will continue personal training, and I’ll take my kids to work out and incorporate fitness into our weekly routine as well. I would still like to lose 60 more pounds. I would like to thank the Jane sponsors for this amazing opportunity. It has really changed me for the better and given me a jump start to a healthier new me.
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Amber Wilson, 34 What has changed since your first day as a Jane? So much has changed since the first day! I'm smaller, stronger, more confident and hopeful. In just a short amount of time, I’ve experienced success, and that has given me the momentum to continue the journey. All the perks helped me see myself through a different lens, and the women who provided them have been so kind. They’re passionate about their profession and that inspired me, too. What did you learn about yourself? I learned that I am stronger than I think, mentally and physically. I realized that I hold all the skills I need to accomplish my fitness and weight loss goals, and I learned to be vulnerable and accept compliments. When I admitted my weaknesses and allowed others to guide me, I gained so much strength. When I realized that people didn't have to compliment me—they wanted to—my whole outlook changed. I am strong. I am worth it.
SARAH BROWN PHOTOGRAPHY
Occupation: Early Childhood Specialist Height: 5'6” Starting Weight: 266 Current Weight: 240
26 LBS
Lost
What was your biggest obstacle? My biggest obstacle was me. The negative voice in my head has been in charge for many years, so it took some practice to replace it with a positive message. When my schedule was hectic or my muscles were sore, I had to teach myself to say, "I can do this. Make time, stretch more. You deserve this." Brittany taught me a strategy to use when negative and defeating thoughts crept in. She told me to say "Cancel" and replace the negative thought with a positive one. It’s so simple, but so effective! What are you most proud of? Honestly, that I can do real pushups! The pushups demonstrated the muscle I’ve built and the strength I possess, and they are one thing I truly thought I would never be able to do. I am strong and so proud of myself every time I surpass my expectations. What is your top tip? My top tip is to find and surround yourself with people who also desire to live a healthier lifestyle as well as those who live the lifestyle you want. Be vulnerable in this search for your “tribe.” Allow yourself to be taught, encouraged and picked back up when you fall. Include people who push you and people who make you laugh. What’s next for you? I have chosen to continue my personal training sessions at the Y with Brittany. I plan to continue to attend STT (Strength Train Together Class) and I look forward to the Fresh Air Challenge at the Y. I have run a 5k and 10k, and I plan to run more. I will continue to look for ways to challenge my fitness level and keep things interesting. I am going to continue this weight loss journey until I lose 100 pounds total, and next summer I plan to do some sort of obstacle course race!
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Brittany Tembreull YMCA PERSONAL TRAINER When I met Amber, I could tell she was all in with this program—she was ready for a life change. I was impressed with her drive to do her absolute best every single workout, and she never gave up! I gave her direction, but she did the hard work of listening and taking my advice. She lost weight and also gained a LOT of strength throughout the challenge. The way her body changed was just a bonus to her internal transformation. She is happy with herself, and it shows in her proud posture and bright, confident smile. She brings me tears of joy as her trainer; saying I am proud of her just doesn't cut it. Amber is an inspiration and has made my first-time Jane experience so memorable and perfect. I can't wait to watch her continue to better herself and exceed her own expectations!
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Over 170 people attended the Jane Reveal Party on March 14th at the Irish Boat Shop in Traverse City. Our theme was navy blue stripes–ships ahoy!– and nearly everyone joined in. The three Janes told their stories and our Jane sponsors shared their expertise. Yes, there were tears! Our presenting sponsors were the YMCA (see Shane Ballard, the YMCA wellness director, hugging Amber—he was the one who cried!) and GTOC, who provided the Janes with eyewear and skincare. JCPenney Salon provided hair styling and more and Sephora (inside JC Penney Salon at Grand Traverse Mall) provided makeup. You’ll see that one of the Janes went from brunette to blond! Grand Traverse Nutrition’s Miranda Monroe coached the Janes on when and what to eat to get strong), while Angela Johnson, LMT, pampered them with 90-minute massages. At Your Service Cleaning gave the Janes the priceless treat of a clean house–at least for a few minutes, haha. And last but not least, Sarah Brown Photography provided “before” and “after” photos of the Janes, along with the reveal party photos. Thank you to our sponsors for providing the goodies and to our Janes for providing the determination!
Grand Traverse Woman
THE GTOC PERK
JANES EYEWEAR GTOC optical had the pleasure of fitting this year’s Janes with some fun and fabulous eyeglasses. Andrea was interested in prescription sunglasses, so we styled her in an Invu-180 by Europa International Eyewear. The purple tone in the frame complimented the grey polarized lenses to give her the look she desired with full protection from the sun. We helped Amber find the perfect sunglass by styling her in a Maui Jim Jacaranda in red and black with the Maui polarized rose lens color. This rose color is great for everyday variable conditions and offers the highest contrast, plus full protection. Melissa wanted prescription eyewear that was trendy but also a little sassy! We fit her in a Woow Be Happy 2 in a gorgeous red color. It has a sweet cat-eye shape and looks marvelous on her. We had a wonderful time fitting the Janes and hope they also had a “spec”-tacular experience! JANES SKINCARE
SARAH BROWN PHOTOGRAPHY
It’s always a pleasure to work with the Janes, and this year was no exception. Kim and Nancee worked with the ladies and addressed some of their skincare needs. Nancee pampered all of them with hour-long facials to hydrate, deep clean and rejuvenate their skin. Melissa received her facial with a dermaplaning procedure. In addition to the benefits of the facial, it included a deeper exfoliation and removal of vellus hair (a.k.a. peach fuzz), leaving the skin feeling extra smooth and soft. Kim treated Melissa and Andrea with IPL (Intense Pulse Light) treatments to reduce redness and facial flushing and to target any brown spots from sun damage. All three Janes received laser hair removal for unwanted hair on the face or the axilla area. It was a pleasure for us to be a part of this journey and fun to watch the positive transformations!
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THE MAKEOVERS
AT YOUR SERVICE CLEANING TIDIED UP THE JANES’ HOME TURF
The JCPenney Salon and Sephora (located inside JCPenney) at the Grand Traverse Mall provided hair and makeup services for the three Janes this year and treated them to a fresh, polished look for the See Jane Lose Reveal party! At the salon, Michelle Strait and Kim Lueck started Amber with a keratin complex smoothing treatment, adding strength and shine to her hair while diminishing frizz. "A life changer!” said Amber. Next, the stylists refreshed Amber's color, nixing the few grays with some subtle highlights to complete her total new look. Shaelyn Bunner and Naomi Williams worked with Melissa. They went with a fresh new approach and gave Melissa a lob (a cut that is longer than a bob) haircut. It’s suitable for nearly every facial shape and hair type. With Melissa's luminous skin tone, they opted to add dimension with blonde highlights and red lowlights throughout, taking her hair to the next level! Jamie Rosinski had Andrea all to herself. To ease Andrea's busy lifestyle, they decided on a dramatic change—a trendy bob haircut! With invisible layers, it is much easier to style. Jamie then shifted Andrea's natural brown tones into a summer blonde with golden strands throughout. Her fresh new look is perfect for spring and summer fun! The JCPenney Salon can be found at jcp.com. They can also be reached at 231-929-9180, on Instagram as JCP Salon Traverse City, and on Facebook as JCP Salon Grand Traverse Mall. Sephora inside JCPenney Salon provided makeup for the Janes on their big day as well!
Keep reading to learn why owner Melissa Smith got involved in the effort…
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EATING TIPS FROM JANES’ NUTRITIONIST BY MIRANDA MONROE BETH PRICE PHOTOGRAPHY
At Your Service Cleaning loved having the opportunity to help the Janes by providing a free house cleaning because we know exactly what it is like to be a woman in these busy times. As women ourselves, we know that many of us give too much and do not elect to provide time for ourselves. And we know it is hard to juggle personal needs and desires against what the rest of the world expects from us! We were proud to sponsor these simply exceptional women who had the guts and courage to accept the challenge. By our cleaning their homes, these three women could take the essential time they needed for themselves. It is truly the wish of those around them, who care about them, that they stay healthy and happy. These Janes are role models to their children and muses to their husbands. They are someone’s daughter, the apple of their eye, and ought to be loved and pampered. In addition, as a woman business owner, I’m proud to run a company that is made powerful by the strength of each and every one of “my girls.” I am inspired by all of my employees. I am also grateful to the women in my past who served as role models—those who embodied everything I wanted to be— who helped me to see what my goals were. That’s why I want to help other women see how resilient and amazing they really are. And it can all start with something as simple as a clean house!
Grand Traverse Nutrition loved supporting the Janes in their healthy lifestyle changes. We provided each participant with a free nutrition assessment, a consultation for personalized meal planning, and we scheduled routine check-ins to help them make smart food choices and establish healthy eating habits. It was important to help each Jane, as a busy career woman, wife and mother, plan for not only her own nutrition needs, but also her family’s. The Janes needed realistic, balanced meals to power them through the day, have energy for YMCA workouts and family activities, and to be healthy-eating role models for their families. Below is a sample of some nutrition goals the Janes practiced. Try them in your life! Develop appetite awareness through mindful eating and hunger-fullness cues • Eat away from distractions (TV, phone, book and avoid multitasking to master eating slowly. Eat every 3-4 hours • Small snacks between meals keep us from getting over-hungry, balances blood sugar and crushes food cravings. Eat breakfast an hour after getting up. If you work out, have a small snack before an early morning workout and then breakfast within the hour after. • Plan and prep breakfast the night before – overnight oats, egg and veggie muffin omelets, or a whole-grain muffin with fresh fruit and nut butter are great choices! Add veggies • Pack fruit and veggies to pair with snacks and meals at work and have veggies on hand for dinner. • Veggie trays or frozen veggie medleys are great in a pinch!
Find a day and time to outline a menu for the week • Create a list of family (kid)-friendly meals that are quick to prep or can be prepared ahead – and are easy to add veggies to! • Take a list on your grocery store trip. Find a day and time to do a little veggie/ meal prep • Batch cook or roast veggies and use them for multiple meals. • Cut, peel, dice – group your food into containers so it’s ready to go! • Create adult “lunchables” – a great mix might include whole grain crackers, string cheese or a boiled egg, and veggies and hummus. Try one new recipe each week • Schedule a day to make it–and DO IT! • Keep notes. What worked? What didn’t? Miranda Monroe, is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN), nutrition coach and founder/owner of Grand Traverse Nutrition, specializing in sports and performance nutrition, weight management, food sensitivities and healthy eating. Learn more at www.GrandTraverseNutrition.com.
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big mindfulness for little bodies BY KAY EPPLE AND CATHY FITZGERALD
BEING A MOTHER is quite possibly the most important and most difficult job in the world. There is no way of knowing if you’re doing things the “right” way. All you know is to love, nurture and protect your tiny being, all the while preparing her to someday fly on her own. When we were in our 50s, we realized the true value of mindfulness. We recognized its ability to bring peace, and we wished we’d had the tools for finding calm among the chaos when we were younger, overwhelmed mothers. We also imagined what mindfulness could bring to the most precious of minds—those of children.
TWO MOTHERS, ONE PURSUIT Between us both, we have nurtured 10 beautiful children. Although we didn’t know each other when we were raising our families, we met during our 200-hour yoga teacher training at Yen Yoga and Fitness. It was amazing the parallels in our separate lives.
KAY’S STORY In 2012, my husband and I made a huge life change after living our entire lives in Indiana: We moved to Traverse City. Our two oldest had left the nest and our two youngest were in their last year of college. I had no idea how much my life was about to change. I felt a little lost when my children moved out. For the first time in my life, I could focus on what I wanted and needed, and I was trying to make this new town feel like home. I’d always practiced yoga while I lived in Indiana. When I found Yen Yoga, I walked into what felt like a sanctuary. I’d never been in a studio quite like it before, and I immediately immersed myself in yoga classes.
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May/June '19
Yoga brought me a peace I had never known. It was teaching me how to pay attention to my life, to be present and to be grateful. Meditation and mindfulness gave my life balance and a sense of self-acceptance. Then, the grandchildren started to arrive. Our four kids got married and started their families within a few years of each other, so once we became grandparents, the little ones came fast. Three of our girls also ended up moving to Traverse City, so most of the grandchildren are close by. We feel so lucky. That’s when something woke up inside of me. I started to reflect on my parenting, and I wished I’d practiced more mindfulness when my children were young. I wished I could have given that gift to them, too. But maybe I could give that to other children now.
CATHY’S STORY I also made a huge life change around 2012. My youngest of six children graduated from college, my marriage of 25 years came to an end, and I lost both parents after long illnesses. In 2013, I decided to travel and see the world, and I met my husband, Bill. We relocated to Traverse City in 2014. I had practiced yoga since the early ‘90s, but mostly at home to “Rodney Yee’s AM yoga.” The quiet time gave me a sense of peace and well-being, but I didn’t truly understand the benefits. I just knew it made me feel good. Once I settled into my new home in Traverse City, Bill introduced me to the sanctuary at Yen Yoga. Feeling the results, not just physically, but mentally as well, I craved more. With a desire to enhance my own personal practice, I made the decision to pursue the 200-hour yoga teacher training. That’s where I met Kay.
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26 LITTLE ONES So here we are. Two mothers, now grandmothers to 26 wonderful grandchildren. In searching for fulfilment in our own lives, we were both drawn to yoga and mindfulness, and we knew our passion to share this with children needed a path. After receiving our RYT-200, we continued our training for a specialized certification for yoga and mindfulness in children. This opportunity ignited a fire in both of us.
CALMING KIDS The world is a different place than it was 25 years ago. It’s a fast-paced, technology-filled world of constant distraction. While we are thankful for the slower, quieter days in which we raised our children, we didn’t have the research and knowledge of mindfulness that is available to parents today. Kids today are more stressed than ever. Children as young as preschool age have drills for active shooters in their schools, and social media, bullying and grade performance are issues many deal with. It’s important to give young people the tools to handle it all. We tell children to pay attention and focus, but how often do we ask our children to pause? How often do we check in and gauge how they’re feeling? Sometimes it feels like the whole world is breaking out there, and we need to help children learn to settle themselves. Who could share these tools?
LITTLE MINDS YOGA AND WELL-BEING How about us, two grandmothers in their 50s? We took a leap of faith and started our own business, Little Minds Yoga and Well-being, to share our passion with parents and children in the Traverse City area.
Our classes use music and movement to engage and inspire. Our philosophy is to concentrate on children’s inward mindfulness in an environment without competitiveness or pressure. Not only do the children grow healthier and more coordinated bodies as they stretch and strengthen, they also learn techniques for relaxation and skills for dealing with stress and anxiety. We feel blessed to share our love of yoga and mindfulness with these beautiful little souls. Recently, Cathy’s 3-year-old grandson told mommy he needed to breathe, right in the middle of a meltdown. Seeing the peaceful calm that came over the two of them as they held hands and took a few mindful breaths together was just another confirmation of how important this work is.
OUR BIG VISION We are passionate about reaching children of all ages and abilities through yoga and mindfulness techniques. Enhancing their lives through play, imagination, music and joy, we want each child to feel free to let his inner light shine. Although we wish we had had these tools for leading happier, healthier and more peaceful lives available to us as young mothers, we couldn’t find a more beautiful community to share what we know now. Kay Epple and Cathy Fitzgerald reside in Traverse City. They teach Little Minds Yoga and well-being classes at New Moon Yoga and the Traverse Area District Library. This summer they will also teach outdoor and family classes and workshops in the Open Space and through College for Kids. Both have started their RCYT-95 hour training and will be finished in November. Visit www.littlemindsyoga.com or email info@littlemindsyoga.com.
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More Like Mom My Mom’s Cancer Battle Inspired Me To Get Healthy BY COREY CARLSON
THE YEAR my mom turned 50, she found out she had breast cancer. She fought for her life with everything she had and faced each day with such strength. Even on the toughest days, even as the cancer spread, she remained brave. She passed away four years after her diagnosis. In the months leading up to my own 50th, my heart longed to talk with my dear mother. She had gone too soon. I’d been struggling with my weight and I wasn’t leading a healthy lifestyle. Something needed to change, I thought, and this was my year. I would make her proud! From my eating habits to my thoughts, I strived to be a healthier me. Although it’s not always easy, reworking my thoughts and diet has been the most rewarding journey, and I’m so glad I decided to take the first step.
TIGHT BOND As a child I was a good eater, and I loved all the occasions to be around food: Thanksgivings, Christmases, reunions, parties. Food was always readily available, and I always dove right in. My weight was normal until about the ninth grade. Then, the love of food, inactivity and raging hormones packed on the pounds. The patterns I began as a child continued with me into adulthood. While I wasn’t obese, I wasn’t healthy. Becoming a wife and mother early in my adulthood also added to the stress load and my weight fluctuated. At my heaviest, I hit 189 lbs. I worked like crazy, dieting and exercising to get down to 140 lbs., only to gain it all back again. Discouragement and depression were nagging visitors that I did not want around. But, they visited me often through my years of motherhood, pregnancy after pregnancy.
THE BEGINNING No matter how difficult the road ahead was, no one stood in the way—not even me. I knew what I had to do. My thoughts were scattered. I decided to revamp
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my eating habits along with my thoughts about food and all the misconceptions that had plagued me for as long as I could remember. Cold turkey was the way to go, and I was determined like I’d never been before. The first few days were seemingly the longest of all. The minutes seemed like hours, and I was sure I wouldn't make it.
PATIENT FOR PROGRESS In the first week, I lost 9 lbs., which made the lengthy week seem worth it. The next weeks I dropped a pound here and there and then, and discouragement set in. The scale became my enemy, barely budging. I was not cheating. I was faithful on my lone pilgrimage to health. I saw other changes in my body, though, which kept me inspired and gave me a sense of accomplishment. My blood pressure went down to below 120/80. Prior to my revamp, my BPL had been heading toward pre-hypertensive. My sleep became more restful, deeper and more cleansing. The aches and pains my body had on a day-to-day basis were gone, and the numbness I experienced in my fingers and hands had disappeared. The whole foods and plant-based diet I had adopted began changing and healing my body.
PEP IN MY STEP
ment and no help, let alone anyone to eat with. I was often asked where I was getting my protein, to which I would smile and reply, beans and greens. It felt like everyone I spoke to thought I was nuts. On these tough days, I just wanted to talk to my mom and get some advice. She was so health-minded and such a wonderful cook. Even 15 years after her passing, I still cry and miss her. But I pick myself up and press onward toward the goal of being happy and healthy. My mother used to tell me: “The world stands aside for a woman who knows where she is going.” So, I stand strong and determined because this is my time, and this is my one precious life.
WHERE I GO FROM HERE There have been many strong women before me and many will come after me. I hope to encourage others to pursue their dreams, even if they stand alone. Just stand strong and the world will be yours! It's been almost a year since I began this journey. Like the pains of childbirth, it hasn't been easy. But the reward far outweighs any pain or heartache I've endured. Every day, I get up excited to have yet another day, pain-free, happy, healthy and blessed. Every day I choose healthy. Every day I strive to be more like mom.
The energy I experienced was like none other, too. I was feeling better at almost-50 than I had my whole adult life. The next step was to implement exercise into my daily routine, so I began walking every day. I started at 30 minutes a day, but this increased to as much as three hours some days. There were weeks where I walked over 40 hours a week and neared 50 miles! In the days where I walked 8, 9 or 10 miles, my body felt it, but the recovery process was short. The next day I was raring to go.
MOTIVATION FROM MOM During this time, I had no partner, no encourage-
THE AUTHOR’S MOM, MARNEY CARLSON.
Corey Carlson is the mother of eight children and the grandmother of eight grandchildren. She works for the United States Postal Service as a rural letter carrier and recently relocated to Central Lake from the “thumb.” She can be reached at justmeclee@gmail.com.
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® ® in Traverse City on Saturday, June 22, 2019 Our inaugural Wishes Our inaugural WalkWalk For For Wishes in Traverse City on Saturday, June 22, 2019 will funds raise funds to help Make-A-Wish® Michigangrant grantthe the wishes wishes of will raise to help Make-A-Wish® Michigan ofMichigan Michigan children with critical illnesses. Registrationisisfree, free,however however participants children with critical illnesses. Registration participantsare are encouraged to raise a minimum of $35 to receive a Walk For Wishes t-shirt encouraged to raise a minimum of $35 to receive a Walk For Wishes t-shirt in honor of Make-A-Wish Michigan’s 35th anniversary. Walkers can also earn in honor of Make-A-Wish Michigan’s anniversary. Walkers can also earn incentive prizes by hitting different35th fundraising milestones. incentive prizes by hitting different fundraising milestones.
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The wishes we grant we serve and stretch as far are as diverse as the children as the imagination allows. Wishes range and fromstretch a magical we serve as far theme park vacation, a new as the imagination allows. walkforwisheswestmi. orgcompany to learn more SPONSOR - You or your puppy, meeting a celebrity or Wishes range from a magical about sponsorship levels and benefits. can be a sponsor of the event. Visit professional athlete to being theme park vacation, a new walkforwisheswestmi.org to learn more transformed into a fireman. puppy, meeting a celebrity or about sponsorship levels and benefits. Typically, wishes fall into professional athlete to being started: 1 Go to www.walkforwishesnorthmi.org four categories:
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Your Child’s Future Begins Today Preparing for pregnancy. Nurturing your newborn. Caring for your growing child. Being a parent is a rewarding experience – and a lot of hard work. Most parents have questions, or could use some trusted guidance, Healthy Futures is here. Healthy Futures is a collaboration of health care providers across the region, health departments in northern Michigan, and Munson Healthcare. Together, we serve all parents who live in participating counties. We’re available to help you and your family: • • • • •
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY SCARLETT
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RIGHT FOOT FORWARD
comfort
BRINGING TO THE EXAM TABLE BY BRITTANY LUEA
INNOVATION
has always inspired me. While enjoying dinner on Coronado Island in California a few years back, my friend Autumn, a doctor, presented me with a simple problem related to patient comfort in women’s health. Our dinner conversation took off. Our conversation sparked a passion that merged our careers together under a single purpose. Now, it’s our mission.
WHAT’S WITH THE TUBE SOCKS? Autumn is a full-time urologist. She’d noticed female patients struggling to fit comfortably in medical exam table stirrups and felt that there could be a better solution. Not only is Autumn a physician, she’s also a mother. I am too. My immediate thought was: “Wow, you’re absolutely right. There has to be a better solution.” We laughed about how we’d seen patterned tube socks or even oven mitts used as stirrup covers, neither of which we believed to be professional or sanitary. We determined that night that there had to be a better solution for the women who encounter the cold, hard, metal stirrups daily, whether for annual exams, pregnancy check-ups, or ongoing concerns.
A DOCTOR AND AN ARCHITECT A few weeks passed before Autumn and I were in contact again, but like any idea worth pursuing, we couldn’t shake the thought of a stirrup cover product. We figured it was worth a shot. What was the worst that could happen? We try and fail? We decided to go for it. Autumn’s background is in medicine and mine is in architecture. Our diverse training is uniquely suited for an innovative medical accessories company, which is what we created.
THE PRODUCT We founded our company, comenityMED, and through it developed Resilient Professional Foot Supports. While Autumn approached the process from the standpoint of problemsolving for patient comfort, my emphasis was on making the stirrup covers innovative. Another timely and fortuitous occurrence was meeting Stacey Feeley, the CEO of GoSili, and Kristin Bauman, the founder of April Surgical Products. These women graciously shared their experiences and recommendations with silicone and medical products, respectively, and have become good friends. We asked A LOT of questions of several people—pretty much anyone
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BRITTANY LUEA, LEFT, WITH AUTUMN BRIDGER, DO.
we thought might have a tidbit to share. We started the journey with little knowledge of the path we would take, but knew that with a little bit of direction and a lot of persistence, we could achieve our goals.
DESIGN FAILS Once we set comenityMED into motion, the real fun began—the design process! We had nearly 14 prototypes for our foot supports before we arrived at our working model. And believe me, there were moments where we weren’t sure we would ever arrive at a working model. The first few were derived from shoe inserts or designed from molding compounds like clay. We evolved into 3D design and printing first through Penn State Behrend’s Innovation Commons, then ultimately through Thingsmiths in Ann Arbor. We were working with a very tight budget. At last we reached our final prototype and had it manufactured in silicone. When the product arrived, it looked perfect. That was until we tested it on the bed. The fit was too loose
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Grand Traverse Woman
better product, and we now have a steel mold that is used for our finished products. Resilient Professional Foot Supports are patent pending in the United States. They are manufactured from 100-percent silicone and vary in thickness to provide both support and flexibility. The device attaches to exam table stirrups by means of a stretch attachment and can be cleaned by either heat or chemical sterilization. The design is also slip resistant and the “soft touch” finish is smooth. Once cleaned, the stirrups fold back into the exam bed.
TODAY
and got stuck when folded into the exam table. We were devastated; we hadn’t accounted for the stretchiness and give of silicone. Our 3D printed models had been a harder plastic and naturally less pliable.
SECOND TIME’S THE CHARM This started our next round of designs, where we made seven minor modifications and created another sample mold resulting in our final design. In retrospect, having to redesign was a blessing. We arrived at a more refined and
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When we began the comenityMED process, we were unyieldingly optimistic. We remain that way today because we believe in our product, our brand and our company. We formally launched comenityMED in January 2019 and it has been an exciting journey to design a product and see it become a reality. It’s been almost three years since our first conversation on patient comfort, and although a lot has happened since then, our priority for patient comfort remains at the top.
Brittany Luea is a licensed architect in Michigan. Autumn Bridger, DO, is a board-certified urologist practicing in Idaho. Together, they develop innovative medical accessories. comenityMED operates out of Traverse City. To find out more, visit www.comenitymed.com or email info@comenitymed.com.
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Generations Ahead
HELPING YOUNG PARENTS FACE THEIR NEW CHAPTER BY MARJIE RICH
AS THE DIRECTOR of Generations Ahead, a support program for pregnant and parenting teenagers, I often reflect on the vast differences between my experiences as a new mom and the experiences of my clients. It can be shocking to realize how little help some new mothers have, and I’ve seen firsthand how important assistance and guidance can be as these young women become mothers.
AMY Amy was 17 years old, tired and overwhelmed, when we first met. She had just moved in with a friend, that friend’s boyfriend and their toddler. Amy’s parents had left the area a year earlier, and she had chosen to stay up north to finish school. At seven months pregnant, Amy was uncomfortable sleeping on her friend’s living room couch. When her parents left, Amy had moved in with her older boyfriend, Pete, and she said their life had been going quite well. By Thanksgiving, Amy learned she was pregnant. And by the new year, Pete had lost interest in becoming a father and had become more controlling and abusive. She chose to leave him and moved in with her friend. Amy had another year of school to complete, didn’t have her driver’s license or a job, and had no plans for supporting herself and her baby once he was born. She had started prenatal care but was going irregularly because of transportation challenges. I welcomed Amy into my office with a smile, some snacks and offered her a seat on a wornout couch covered with hand-sewn quilts. Over time, Amy shared bits of her story, and we slowly began to craft a plan together to help usher her into the next phase of her life.
MY EXPERIENCE In juxtaposition to Amy, I became pregnant at age 29. I had finished my formal education and was solidly launched into a career that I loved.
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I was engaged to my best friend, who was finishing his medical residency, and we had supportive and enriching relationships with friends and extended family. When I found out I was pregnant—not entirely planned—we enthusiastically embraced this new chapter in our lives. I vividly remember the evening our daughter was born 25 years ago. After a complicated and difficult pregnancy with preterm labor, she was born a month early. My labor was breathtakingly fast, and within minutes of her delivery she was whisked to the ICU due to a seizure at the time of her birth. We were terrified and spent nine precarious days watching over her in the ICU. We focused on her needs and our family and friends tended to ours. I realize now how fortunate my husband and I were. Our daughter had excellent medical care. We had health insurance. We had supportive bosses who gave us paid time off. We had reliable transportation to visit our daughter in the ICU. We had the education and medical fluency to know how to interact with the health care system. But most importantly, my husband and I had each other, we had our family support, and we had the confidence to ask questions and navigate a terrifying situation.
HARDSHIPS FOR TEEN PARENTS Many of our area’s young parents are single, so they are starting their parenting journey alone. Prenatal care tends to begin in their second trimester. Many teen parents have little family support for varying reasons: sometimes their own family is struggling and unable to offer support; other times the young parent chooses to leave her toxic family environment, or, in rare cases, she is rejected by her family when they learn of the pregnancy. Many teen parents have not yet graduated from high school and have limited “adulting” skills. They often lack a driver’s license, a job, health insurance, and a safe place to live. It is
not uncommon for clients to arrive in my office late in their pregnancy and completely unprepared for their baby’s arrival. Most concerning is the isolation and loneliness so many of our young parents experience.
SUPPORT FOR AMY To alleviate some of this isolation, Generations Ahead has a strong mentoring program that matches caring adult mentors with teen parents. Based on similar personalities and their mutual love of the outdoors, Amy was matched with Kristin, a mom with two children of her own. In addition to hiking and adventuring, they attended childbirth classes together and Kristin was able to help Amy negotiate moving in with an aunt, with whom she now lives. Amy gave birth to a healthy boy last summer. When Amy’s aunt was temporarily unemployed, Generations Ahead provided them regularly with gas cards to help Amy get back and forth to Traverse City High School with her baby, where he attends daycare and she is completing her high-school education. The baby pantry available at Generations Ahead has also provided clothing, diapers, and other baby essentials to help alleviate the financial burdens on Amy and her aunt. With help from her mentor, Amy passed her driver’s test, so occasionally she is able to borrow her aunt’s car. Amy is set to graduate this spring and hopes to work as a nursing assistant and save enough money to buy her own car. With the support and guidance Amy received from her mentor, she could determine her priorities, establish some realistic achievable goals, and set her life on a gradual path to greater financial stability.
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LIFE-CHANGING FORWARD MOTION As all new parents quickly learn, parenting can be a roller-coaster of joys, fears and challenges. Parents are often at their most vulnerable during the early months, regardless of their circumstances. Many women experience postpartum depression, isolation and heightened anxiety over their child’s wellbeing. For teen parents with no one to walk alongside them, this can be an overwhelming and frightening time. But with assistance from Generations Ahead and the non-judgmental, dependable support of a mentor, the lives of two generations can be transformed. Marjie Rich, MPH, is the director of Generations Ahead, the only local program specifically focused on teen and young adult parents in the Grand Traverse Area. Marjie has been working in the field of maternal and child health for over 25 years. In her free time, she enjoys hiking, making pottery, traveling, and gardening. She and her husband have raised three daughters in Traverse City.
What is Generations Ahead? Generations Ahead works with any teen parent (moms and dads) in the Grand Traverse Region. Clients must have become pregnant before their 20th birthday. Generations Ahead is made possible by the Grand Traverse Regional Community Foundation (GTRCF), the program’s philanthropic partner. The GTRCF accepts donations designated for Generations Ahead, then awards grants to Traverse City Area Public Schools to support the program. In 2018, TCAPS became the host of the Teen Parent Program, which has supported over 1,000 pregnant and parenting teens in the Grand Traverse area over 40 years. Generation Ahead’s baby pantry accepts new or gently used donations for both baby and mama, from baby and toddler clothing, diapers, and linens, to maternity clothes, high chairs, and strollers. The baby pantry is located at the Generations Ahead office at Traverse City High School, 3962 3 Mile Rd. N., Traverse City. If you’d like to learn more as a parent or a mentor, visit www.GenerationsAhead.org, email info@generationsahead.org or call 231.360.0053. The next Mentor Training begins May 9th. Men and women mentors are wanted.
SERVICES PROVIDED
• Mentors • Counseling with program social worker • Parenting education classes • Weekly playgroups every Wednesday from 3 to 4:30 p.m. • Monthly family activities in the community • Baby pantry with clothing, diapers and small baby items
All services are free. Clients can choose whatever services they would like to utilize.
VOLUNTEERS WELCOME IN THE FOLLOWING AREAS
• Mentors to work weekly with their matched client, requires training and a one-year commitment • Assistance with maintaining baby pantry • Fundraising and grant writing • Providing one-time classes for teen parents in focus areas such as cooking, car maintenance, yoga, CPR, etc. • Child care while parents attend parenting classes
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Behind every successful woman is a village of other successful women who have her back. Thank you to all the mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, cousins and friends that support each other through the mountains and valleys of Motherhood!
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DYSLEXIA is something that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember. I was young when I first discovered that something wasn’t right, but I didn’t know what I was dealing with. I couldn’t help but feel like it was my fault that I didn’t measure up. But, with my mother’s help, I learned it wasn’t my fault, and I could learn tools to manage it. Although I’ll always deal with dyslexia, I’ve been able to reach my goals without it holding me back.
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At the age of 7, I noticed that I couldn’t keep up with my peers. While my classmates were able to read a book, I was still struggling to pronounce words. The letters on the page seemed to play tricks on me. For example, the letter “b” would appear as “d” and the letter “a” would appear as “o.” I remember having to stay in for recess so that I could learn how to write my name. I was in first grade; going out to play was the best part of my day. I stayed until I could write my name five times without looking at the name tag taped to my desk. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t go play, and doing more schoolwork made me feel like I was being punished. I also felt ashamed that I wasn’t at the same level as my friends.
WHAT’S WRONG? The next year my mother was very concerned about how I was doing in school. She could tell that I couldn’t keep up with my classmates, and she saw how that was affecting me emotionally and mentally. Nearly every night, I came home from school exhausted. I was expected to do homework, which I didn’t understand. I ended up in tears of frustration, yelling, “I’m stupid!” My mom tried to help me, but she didn’t know how. This put a strain on our relationship that was hurtful to us both.
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But still, my mom wanted to find me answers, even if she wasn’t sure where to start. At first, she thought I had some hearing loss. She thought I couldn’t hear what the teachers were saying and that was why I was falling behind in class. We visited an audiologist to have my hearing tested, and the results showed that there was nothing wrong with my hearing.
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When my mother shared with some of my family members that I was struggling, she found out about dyslexia. Some of my cousins had the same struggles when they were in school. Finally, she knew where to get me help.
Permanent makeuP
FOR A LIFESTYLE THAT TAKES NO TIME AT ALL
PRESSURE TO SUCCEED Asking for help was hard for me to do, and I felt pressure from my peers and teachers to come up with the right answer. I felt like it was shameful not to know the information I was supposed to learn, but it was impossible for me to know what I was supposed to. I simply couldn’t understand what I was reading for class. I was humiliated to read out loud in the classroom. I stumbled over the words on the page and my classmates would snicker at me. By the end of reading a passage, there were tears burning in my eyes from trying to hide my embarrassment. But I couldn’t cry, I told myself. That would only make the situation worse. Unfortunately, my school was not able to address my particular learning hurdle. Instead, my mother took me to a resource outside of the school district to get me the help I so desperately needed. Over the next four years, I received tutoring at the Grand Traverse Dyslexia Association.
TUTOR TOOLS My tutor used the Orton-Gillingham method to teach me reading, writing and spelling, one-on-one. This method is phonicsbased, which means that it uses visual, auditory and kinesthetic learning styles. My lessons were one-hour sessions, twice a week during the school year. Slowly but surely, my reading started to improve, and I began to gain confidence. Better reading and comprehension skills helped me with my spelling and writing, which then helped me understand my homework and improve my grades.
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THE BOOK THAT CHANGED IT ALL When I was in the fourth grade, my tutor introduced me to a book called The Sister’s Grimm: The Fairytale Detectives by Michael Buckley. It was one of the books she had me read to her out loud. I fell in love with this book, and it made me want to read all on my own! I never thought I could ever enjoy reading. Finding myself excited to read a book was a surprise to both my parents and me. I had always loved stories read aloud to me by my parents or by my teachers, but I never thought that I could do it myself. When I realized that I could read on my own, it opened many different worlds to me. I was transported to different places, times and cultures and I met so many new friends in the stories I read.
“I
play too much golf,”
...said no one ever.
NEW CHAPTERS
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1915
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{ Stuffiness not included. }
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GOLF . SWIM . GATHER . DINE
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Stacy Arnold graduated from Northwestern Michigan College in Spring 2018 with her Associate in Liberal Arts and Science Degree. She plans to attend Ferris State University through the University Center to receive her Bachelor of Business Administration Degree. She enjoys reading, dancing and playing her fiddle. You can find out more about Grand Traverse Dyslexia Association at www.gtdyslexia.org.
Welcome to the new way to Country Club.
CO
I graduated from the Dyslexic Association after four years of hard, dedicated work. Despite being able to do homework on my own and read at a higher grade level, I still struggled with tests and quizzes. I knew it was going to be an ongoing process of learning how my brain works and what study skills worked best for me. I will never be cured from my dyslexia, but I will be forever grateful for the tools the Grand Traverse Dyslexia Association provided me to be successful. I can’t wait for this next chapter in my book, wherever the stories take me.
L RY C
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May/June '19 51
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HAPPY AT HOME
KIM KROUPA PHOTOGRAPHY
SMASHING THE NETWORK MARKETING STIGMA BY STACIE BELONGA
GROWING UP, I always wanted to be a mommy. I envisioned myself as a happy stay-athome mom like so many of my family members. But when my son, Murphy, was 4 months old I was struggling as a single mommy to balance it all and bartending late nights and weekends to pay the bills. From where I stood, I couldn’t watch Murphy grow. It was time for a change. I was determined to find a way to stay at home with my son.
LATE NIGHT PRAYERS Some nights after work, I didn’t pick up little Murphy from his Grandma and Papa's house until after 2 a.m. Once we made it home, it was difficult not to wake him as I unbuckled him from the car seat, and if I did, it often took hours to get him back to sleep. This was not the life I had planned for either of us. I started praying every night for a way to be home with him. I thought about his getting older and my having to miss weekend sporting events or holidays. I considered getting a day job, but I hated the thought of missing field trips and not being there to pick him up from school.
THANKS, GOOGLE! I knew there had to be a way to support my son without sacrificing my time with him. So I took my search to Google: “How to make money from home.” I scrolled through the results. Among the lists of ideas, one stood out. Network marketing. I researched it more and, as I did, I found so many people just like me who had found success. I didn’t fully understand the opportunity, but I thought it could be my chance.
THE JOB The simplest way to explain network marketing is that a company provides a product or opportunity that independent workers then market, advertise or share to make an income. Finding this company in July of 2017 was an answered prayer, but I discovered very quickly the challenges I was about to face. I had to be realistic. This was not going to replace my income overnight. I was going to have to work really hard to get to where I wanted to be. I had heard and read stories of how a business like this makes people incredibly vulnerable, and I learned fast to acquire a thick skin and believe in myself and what I was selling. I joined the company Le-Vel (the makers of Thrive) a health and wellness company. I learned to mimic and follow the top leaders in the industry. I stepped out of my comfort zone, stayed up late and woke up early to learn everything I could about my product and business.
UP FOR THE CHALLENGE Network marketing can be an emotional rollercoaster. I sometimes help people achieve health or income goals, changing their life for the better. But other times, I see people give up on themselves. It can be both joyful and heartbreaking. After realizing how hard it can be, I considered going back to school. But I would still be trading my time for money at the end of a four-year degree. With network marketing, I earned while I learned. I’d be at the same place or perhaps farther along at the end of four years, and I wouldn’t have the debt of student loans. I decided that the best fit for me was to give this all I had. I’d do whatever it took to be successful, for me and for Murphy. In May of 2018, I was able to quit my job and work my
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networking marketing business full time from home with Murphy, my “little business partner.”
ALL IN I discovered that being a successful entrepreneur as a network marketer is a lot like earning success with a traditional business. You must show up every day; it is NOT just posting on social media. You must be your own best employee and the toughest boss you’ve ever had. There are still days that I want to check out, but I remind myself that my dreams don’t care how I feel today. I will always remember the day I looked my 6-month-old baby in the eyes, tears streaming down my face; I promised him that I would build him a life he deserved. I would be a mommy he was proud of.
THE STIGMA We are all beginners to something at some point, but there isn’t much grace given for network marketers, both by those outside the biz and even those in it. Those on the outside aren’t impressed with a clogged newsfeed of poorly executed “ads.” There are also those who put in little to no effort and are then frustrated with the lack of results after a short amount of time. You can’t just use social media and expect your business to grow. As with any career, you have to care. You have to give exceptional customer service and you have to be willing to learn more, grow more and do more. Learning how to share the value of your product or service takes work. It takes logging out of social media and investing time and energy into learning and training. Some people just aren’t willing to do that.
DREAM COME TRUE I have always wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself, to help people in a big way. It’s crazy to reflect on accomplishing my dream of working from home with my son and succeeding at it, too. I cherish receiving calls, texts and messages from people thanking me for changing their health or relieving a financial burden. I can hold Murphy’s hand when he’s sick, and I can schedule work around my life. I don’t have to miss a single sunset or the times Murphy wants to play with my hair when he’s tired. I don’t have to miss weekends or weekdays. I can be there for my son in the way I always envisioned. I literally get to “have my cake and eat it too.” I am overwhelmingly grateful for the opportunity I have to do what I do every day. Stacie Belonga is a 40K VIP auto bonus earner with Le-Vel. To hear more of her story and follow her journey, you can connect with her on Facebook or contact her via email at stacieraeb@gmail.com. Stacie lives on Old Mission Peninsula with her son, Murphy.
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trouble (in the)1412 hood 1813 momma
Grand Traverse Woman
BY KERRY WINKLER
What could be worse than bringing your parents along on your
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May/June '19
Lorrie and I conferred. Who was willing to let her clean, dent-free SUV get loaded up with beach sand? (Yes, I can see why you’d think we were concerned about entirely the wrong thing. That was the BEST thing that could happen.) We handed over the keys again albeit more reluctantly. Would we see them on the nightly news being towed out of the sand with a bunch of partying college students? Would they make a wrong turn and end up in the ocean where being dent-free was suddenly a small concern? But again, it went well. They came home at a decent hour and they were smart enough to only show us the selfies of beach scenes and sunshine. The next night, we found a trivia night at the local pub. The boys were excited. We thought it would be good, innocent fun. Until they won the first round and the prize was free beer for the rest of the night! I went up to the bar to change it to a non-alcoholic choice…only to be told the beer was already on its way to the table. I admit I hesitated. Would I let them get away with the best story of all for their Spring Break? Then the bartender caught the look in my eye. He too considered it for a nanosecond. Then he bellowed ROOT beer to the waitress. Thank goodness. I tipped him well for being the bad cop. We made it home on the 10th day – the Senior Spring Break a success. The girls had shopped and gotten tans. The boys had their freedom and lived to tell about it. And the moms had survived letting go a bit. Proving that there could be worse things than a spring break with moms and sisters in tow!
Kerry Winkler is the account director and publisher of Grand Traverse Woman Magazine. She lives with her 2 teenagers and golden retriever Bobby in Interlochen. She loves being active outdoors. She can be reached at kerry@ grandtraversewoman.com.
NORTHERN ART PHOTOGRAPHY
wild spring break? Bringing your mom, your friend’s mom, your 13 -year-old sister and her friend too. Max’s senior year and the obligatory Senior Spring Break trip was upon us. Max was 18, but his friends were not yet. Myself and another mom, Lorrie, decided to take on the challenge of chaperoning. We loaded up two cars – with 2 adults, 3 seniors and 2 middle-schoolers. We hit the road and the boys immediately began to grumble they wanted to drive separately. And faster. And louder. But with 10 days ahead of us and the desire for dent-free cars, we shut it down and put the pedal to the metal. Our first destination was Savannah, Ga. After two days in the car, tensions were high. As we coasted into a shady spot to park, the boys practically rolled out of the still moving car. We hastily shouted a “Don’t get stolen/mugged/have any real fun!” warning at their disappearing backsides. Lorrie and I pretended we weren’t worried as we casually strolled around with Brook and her friend. Our eyes searching groups of teenagers in the hope to catch sight of the elusive boys. Then Ding! We got a text. ‘Meet us @6.” They had made a dinner reservation on their own. For all seven of us. Proof they were adultish! (And that they loved us. Or at least our wallets.) We continued on to St. Augustine, Fla. the next day. The rental home was beautiful. The master suite was exactly what was needed…for the boys. They commandeered it as HQ and quickly established the ground rules that it was off limits to those pesky little sisters and helicopter moms. But Lorrie and I were content with that. We’d have a week of no laundry and no need to yell about messy rooms. We could enjoy our chocolate stash in peace. We set up the house, got groceries and finally took a breath to relax. The beach was close by along with the tourist shops. We changed into shorts, swimsuits and grabbed the sunscreen and headed to go out with the girls. And that is when the boys sensed it: the moms were distracted. The moms were doing their own thing. Time to move in for the kill. A quick rock, paper, scissors in the headquarters led to Max being chosen to ask for the car, to use it for the rest of the day. I sent a quick look at Lorrie, then a “Yes, go for it, have a blast. Be home by tomorrow.” Just kidding; we weren’t that cool. Off they went with glee as they headed to God knows where. Meanwhile, at the beach we resisted checking “Find My IPhone” repeatedly to track the boys. We got a sunburn and spent too much at the tourist shops. The boys came back with stories of cool shops, fun sights and plans for more. They were making sensible choices and there were no dents in the car! But then Day 4 they came a-knocking about driving on the beach. That was only done by David Hasselhoff I thought. But they had details about permits, times and open sections of beaches. (Again, signs of maturity.) Apparently, it was a touristy thing to do.
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a son 's perspective GUEST COLUMNIST KENDALL CHAPPLE
FIRST NIGHT OUT IN MY FIRST CAR SIRENS Although the music was loud and my hearing was impaired, my vision was not. I saw a bunch of people pull to the side followed by some red lights. Ambulance! I pulled to the side and thought: Wow, on my first go, I get an ambulance. I unfortunately did not know what else was to come.
LANE CHANGES
“You look like a dad," my friend Blade told me, as he opened the door to get into my “new” car. We were going to Buffalo Wild Wings. I had just gotten my license, and it was our first time with this kind of power. “I kind of feel like a dad, to be honest,” I said. “The glasses tie it all in with that collared jacket of yours,” he said. “Just shut up and get in the car,” I replied. “Did you bring money?” He nodded his head, and we took off. Yeah, sure, it was a tad shaky at first but hey, give me a break; it was my first time driving with a friend. It was about five minutes in when Blade asked the long-awaited question: “Yo, can you pass the aux cord?” I could tell he was about to play those banger songs that would define these memories for us when we are older and would recall vague moments of our “glory days.” The first song was one everyone knows every word to: “Take Me Home, Country Roads” blasted through the speakers We belted out every verse. I thought to myself; this is what I came for. We made our way downtown, and this is where every possible experience happened to me, a newly fledged driver, in the space of a few minutes. The kind of things that would happen to an adult over the course of a few years.
We reached the four-lane road by Grand Traverse Mall, and this is when I became kind of nervous because I knew how it worked, but I also didn’t. I soon came across my second new experience of the night. I was in the left lane going the speed LIMIT, and yes that’s considered the “fast lane,” but, hey, I didn’t know I was supposed to go 55 in a 45. I heard a long honk and looked in the rearview mirror to see a few cars behind me trying to/already passing me. Blade and I looked at each other, and I am here to say I have never switched lanes faster in my life (yes, it was safe.) Again the thought came to mind: first night out, first the ambulance and now a bunch of angry drivers? Dang, tonight is something to remember. I kept telling myself that I was almost there, Buffalo Wild Wings was not far away now.
INTERSECTIONS A few minutes passed with no issues and, honestly, a wave of relief came over me when I pulled up at the last intersection near the mall to turn left. But, oh boy, it wasn’t over. The light turned green, and I started to turn left, only to slam on the brakes, as I watched this rundown truck with half of the truck bed hanging off cooking it through the red light directly into our path. “That guy has the IQ of a loaf of bread,” I said as we pulled into the parking lot, a little shook up. Dinner was exciting because it’s a Friday night, plus sports and food come into play and that will ALWAYS be a good time. And, not to mention, there were free refills. To be completely honest, this night will always be remembered by Blade and me as a “remember when…” type of story, and that’s all that really matters to me. It won’t be forgotten that’s for sure.
Kendall Chapple is a sophomore at Traverse City West Senior High School. He is the son of Kandace Chapple, editor and publisher of Grand Traverse Woman Magazine. He hijacked his mother’s usual motherhood column for this issue.
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May/June '19 57
HIGHLAND STREET PHOTOGRAPHY
Grand Traverse Woman
Luncheons Grand Traverse WOMAN
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Badass Speaker
Jaclyn Roof
“Are you ready to be a badass?” If your response is yes, then this luncheon is for you! Meet Jaclyn Roof - a Beautiful Badass in her own right. She is a trained cage fighter, mother of two and leadership coach who discovered her inner badass in ways she never thought possible. And she wants to teach you how to unleash your own badass too! For years, Jaclyn led a life focused around the standards and expectations of others, and it left her burned out, bitter and resentful. In the space of one year, Jaclyn found herself changing her life entirely – and training to be in a cage fight against another woman! In the end, she lost. And the loss defined her in the most beautiful way, bruises and all. It was the push she needed to make her life her own. In her talk, Jaclyn will help you put on the boxing gloves (not literally!) and get ready to make changes and discover your own badass ways. Jaclyn’s motto is: “You have nothing to prove, only something to share.” She believes that every person has their personal version of being a BEAUTIFUL BADASS and wants to unleash that beauty into the world. She will guide you on a journey to finding ways to give the world what it is craving, a powerful and purposeful YOU, unleashed! Join us for lunch on Wednesday, May 8 and see what changes you can unleash in your life!
Grand Traverse
WOMAN
NETWORKING | VENDOR BOOTHS | PLATED LUNCH LOCATED AT HAGERTY CONFERENCE CENTER
58
May/June '19
LUNCH TICKETS: $35/EACH OR 2 FOR $60 VENDOR BOOTHS: $185 (INCLUDES 2 LUNCH TIX)
www.grandtraversewoman.com
www.grandtraversewoman.com
Grand Traverse Woman
Why our clients choose Cardinal Insurance
Passion FOR PROTECTION
A locally owned agency that lives, works and gives back to your community! A selection of companies and coverages to choose from – let us shop for you! Education to help you make decisions that are best for you and your family. Claims advice and assistance: Being there when you need us the most.
Independent Insurance Agent
2017 Total Quality Agency
For your home, auto or business insurance needs, our family is dedicated to protecting your family and all that you work so hard for! – Linda & Logan Fisher
231.938.4408 call • text • fax
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May/June '19 59
Grand Traverse Woman
Karastan National Carpet Sale SP
RING NA T IO
NAL SALE
Change is in the air!
Sale PricesYou Can Believe In
Every carpet, every style, every color made by Karastan, America’s premier carpet manufacturer, is on sale now through the end of May at Carpet Galleria. Choose the carpet that best fits your needs, and experience real savings, savings that you can believe in.
The Perfect Carpet For Every Decor It all began in 1928, when Karastan began to develop the technology to produce more styles, more colors, more weaving techniques than ever before. Karastan continues to push the technological envelope today with “Color Point” tufting, a system that produces one-of-a-kind carpet styles.
The Highest Installation Standards
Bonnaire II
At Carpet Galleria we are committed to maintaining the highest installation standards in the industry. We back that up with our Lifetime Installation Warranty, a program that guarantees your carpet installation for as long as you own your home.
One year interest-free financing available with approved credit 60 1035 May/June '19 S. Garfield Ave, Traverse City
231-947-4808 •www.grandtraversewoman.com carpetgalleria.com
