4 minute read
MAKING FRIENDS WITH ANXIETY
Making Anxie t y
Your Friend
Advertisement
–––Dr Matthew Anderson–––
risis and anxiety go hand in hand because crisis arrives with high levels of unknowns that could easily have negative consequences. In this space, we all experience anxiety that is at least uncomfortable and at worst, debilitating. The current Corona Event (my label) has all the ingredients for an intense soup of extreme anxiety and almost none of us are exempt. We all feel anxious, yes. But we can learn to create a new and ‘friendly’ relationship with our anxiety that will help us grow, heal and even get stronger. C
Most people who know me, whether they are family, friends, clients or business associates, would probably name me as one of the top three least anxious persons they have ever met. I usually exude equanimity (mental and emotional calmness and composure even in stressful situations). I am not bragging; it’s a state of being I have achieved by working hard at it for decades.
How did I get this way? I am now and have always been in an intimate relationship with anxiety. I have experienced all levels of this potentially debilitating emotion beginning at 12 years of age and continuing to this day. I know how it feels in every part of my body from my gut to my throat and neck and chest and even in my hands and feet. I know well the anxiety that becomes so intense that sleep is out of the question and the very idea of relaxation is absurd. I am acquainted with chronic anxiety that lasts for days and that truly frightening kind of anxiety that literally paralyzes. I also know the difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I have had more than my share of anxiety attacks. I have never had a panic attack. The reason I have been spared panic attacks is simple. I do not repress my strong emotions. I feel them as fully as I can. If I am afraid or angry or sad or happy, I allow myself to experience these emotions and do not run from them. This means that I fully feel my anxiety when it shows up.
Yes, I used to try to get rid of anxiety as soon as I could. I tried everything I could imagine, from drugs (legal and otherwise) to meditation to deep breathing. And then something happened. I realized that my anxiety was appearing in my life and my body for a good reason. It had and has something to tell me, something so important that it often refuses to go away until I listen and learn. This realization has been life changing because it opened the door to new levels of growth and healing and of course greatly increased my equanimity. I became friends with my anxiety.
About 25 years ago, I found the following poem by Jalaluddin Rumi translated by Coleman Barks. It confirmed in a poetic and spiritual way what Jungian shadow work was telling me psychologically. That which I fear or reject for any reason, contains something of great value, if I find the courage to face and embrace it. I applied this attitude to my anxiety, and it made all the difference.
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
— Jalaluddin Rumi,
I, to this day, take the last line of Rumi’s poem very seriously. I trust that whatever emotion, including and especially anxiety, arrives at my mental/emotional doorstep, deserves an honest welcome and a willingness to hear and explore its message.
My question, for each person who has been willing to read this far, is this: Will you adopt this same attitude of trust in your own emotions, including the rather difficult one we call anxiety?
If you are willing to trust what Rumi so beautifully describes and then find the courage to face and embrace your anxiety, you will receive many gifts and equanimity will certainly be one. God bless you for your inner work. As you grow and heal, you bless all the rest of us.
Dr Matthew Anderson has a Doctor of Ministry specialising in counselling. He has extensive training and experience in Gestalt and Jungian Psychology and has helped many people successfully navigate relationship issues. Dr Anderson has a best-selling book, ‘The Resurrection of Romance’ and he may be contacted via his website.
