Grrrl Couch Vol. #5: YOU, ME, AND THE DEVIL.

YOU, ME, AND THE DEVIL. A POETRY X PHOTOGRAPHY ZINE GRRRL COUCH VOL. 5

Untitled There’s no mistake in what I did.

Let the past come back and haunt me.

I’ll sit awake in light so dim I can’t make out the cracks in the concrete.

I’ll take a walk around my room and think about everything I can’t be.

The heartstrings you still pull at in my dreams lie in the catacombs of my conscience.

I did this to myself.

- Sam Bowerman

for those new to luv

water

for those new to luv,

but it lingers in your body all the

luv is like eating red meat in au- same gust

for those new to luv,

it warms the blood and makes

luv is like cutting lemons for wa-

you sluggish,

ter

while your heart races and your

the juices douse your fingers

stomach knots and knots and

as you do your best to hold onto

knots

to something sharp

for those new to luv,

while it bleeds into all of your

luv is like scrubbing with course, crevices and makes them sing wet sand

out with sting

peeling back layers of yourself,

for those new to luv,

scrubbing at your skin,

luv is like letting a candle burn

until you are smooth and perfect down to nothing for consumption

letting the wax form a hot pool

for those new to luv,

before it drips and falls

luv is like taking garlic pills

hardening into something you

everyone says it’s good for your

can’t recognize

heart’s health

for those new to love,

but it leaves a bad taste in your

luv is noun, verb, and tangible

mouth, a taste that makes you

structure

gag, a taste you try to mask with tooth paste and mouthwash and

it is what we are taught to strive for, prioritize without question or any means to get there, what we are taught to give of ourselves for someone else’s comfort

- Danann Mitchell

Sweet Sixteen Expensive underwear tags on the floor Looking at your chest, it’s necessary to have more Used up tubes of mascara in the trash “Never let your outfits clash” Bras digging into the skin The pressure to be feminine

- Ruby Ranoa

A poem dedicated to love:

and nestle you into my tender

You are a soft sunrise, your pres-

embrace, filling us both with the

ence illuminates the forest and

warmth of a summer sun.

inspires the woodland critters to begin their dance.

I whisper affection into your ears with the sounds of sweet autumn

You are a proud sunflower, forev- winds and feed you only the er standing tall in a field of weeds, sweetest of harvest fruits. always bright and cheerful even in the darkest storms.

You shiver in my embrace as I feel your cold breath against my

You are an oasis in the barren de- skin, as soft as the winter’s falling sert, rare, plentiful, and refresh-

snow.

ing, so perfect I mistook you for a I run my fingers through your mirage. long blonde locks that cascade like a silent waterfall into my lap.

Your eyes are swirling blue tide

pools, filled with guppies and memories, your starfish and aspirations.

I feel your fingers dance along my arms like the patter of the first drops of rain. Your body is a graceful stream, your mind a vast

I want to gaze into them forever,

ocean. When I’m with you, I feel

to take in your strawberry red

you in every inch of my being,

lips, and cheekbones like rolling

like being submerged in an enor-

hills of lush spring flowers.

mous lake, and yet there’s still so much more of you to discover.

I’ll hold your head in my hands

The tide rolls away, too shy to peek into your incredible mind. The trees stand in awe of your beauty as their leaves flutter to the ground. The animals head home to their dwellings, leaving us alone at last.

We sit motionless as the sun sets, wishing the moment could last forever.

- James Woitas

+ tu ya sabes lo que siento lo siento qué no me amas a mí aquí estoy con mis lágrimas de perlas pero no te valen a ti

- leeza soto

A little bit about the people who contributed to this zine…

Sam has been a very close friend of mine since my freshman year of high school. He’s an amazing songwriter, and his poem was originally created with the intention of serving as lyrics. All I gotta say is watch out for that song coming out sometime in the future. It’s gonna be tight.

Leeza is a beautiful bilingual babe who just so happens to be my best friend here in Hawaii. She hasn’t released any of her poetry besides this piece, but I hope after this zine release she’ll write an entire poetry anthology because I think her writing is absolutely beautiful, what can I say.

Danann is a queer grrrl who writes poems about how we are taught to perceive love and relationships under capitalist/ patriarchal/white supremacist structures. She reached out to me

about submitting a poem for this zine over instagram, and I’m so glad she did.

James is someone who I went to high school with and only later realized that he went to shows in the local scene right before I really got involved. He sent me a few of his poems with an open invitation to use them in Grrrl Couch zines, which was actually one of the inspirations to make an entire zine featuring poetry.

Then there’s me, my name is Ruby. I released the first Grrrl

Couch zine nearly a year ago and have released four more zines since then. I want to make Grrrl Couch a community, with submissions from around the world from people of various backgrounds and upbringings. Message me through the Grrrl Couch instagram if you’d like to get involved. I really appreciate each and every person who’s submitted anything to me. Thank you for helping make this zine a community - a collaborative effort– like I dream it to be.

(Photo on page 2 was submitted by Sam Bowerman. All other photography has come from the depths of my laptop over the past 4 years.)

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As a newly established tradition, the tradition being that each Grrrl Couch issue will come with some sort of playlist of songs that relate to the theme, here’s a chill playlist that you can listen to when you read poetry and chill tf out after a long day (at least it’s what I like to listen to when I read- maybe you’ll hate it, maybe you won’t):

I Know It’s Over—The Smiths Drowsy—Banes World Loner—Kali Uchis Amor de Siempre—Cuco Not U—HOMESHAKE New Person, Same Old Mistakes—Tame Impala Sunflower—Rex Orange County Lullaby—The Cure I’ve Wasted So Much Time—Enjoy Heavy Love—Culture Abuse

GRRRL COUCH ZINE VOL. 5 INSTAGRAM: @GRRRLCOUCH ISSUU.COM/GRRRLCOUCH GRRRLCOUCH.TUMBLR.COM