Scene 57 the week, because I loved animals, and then a pop-star at the weekend. However, as I got older I realised that this was not viable and I would have to consider other options. As a teenager, I had a handful of vague ideas about fields of work which I could enter into; at one point I considered marine biology as I enjoyed science and had dreams of travelling to tranquil coastal locations to study the beautiful wildlife. Fortunately I decided against it, as I realised the fact that I’m terrified of most sea creatures might cause some complications. I always loved English literature at school, so I considered some form of writing as a possible career choice, but again my thought process was all rather vague. As I was struggling to accept and feel confident in my sexuality, I was also finding it hard to create a solid idea of who I wanted to become once I left education. As someone who hates life’s unavoidable uncertainty with a passion, this was an incredibly difficult period for me.
RAE’S REFLECTIONS How being queer became my career. By Rachel Badham ) My queer identity is perhaps the most pivotal factor which led me to decide on a career path. As many people’s sexual/gender identity has little to no overlap with their job, the importance of my queerness to my work as a journalist probably seems a little bit unusual, besides the fact that I work at an LGBTQ+ magazine. However, discovering that I was queer and accepting my sexuality was not just a personal realisation, but it led me to decide that I wanted to pursue a career as a writer. I realised I was queer when I was 14, although it took me a good while to actually accept it. I spoke to one friend about it during my time at secondary school, with most of our conversations involving me saying: “I have a crush on a girl in our class and about 20 other female celebrities, but I’m probably still straight, right?” I’m not entirely sure why accepting my sexuality was so strenuous considering all my friends and family have been so supportive of me. I usually attribute my difficulties to my internalised biphobia, which manifested as a result of negative representations of bi/pansexual people. However, after a few years of not just denying
who I truly was to others, but to myself, I decided that enough was enough. While I did explicitly come out to my close friends before I began college, I made up my mind that once I started this new chapter of my life, I would just start living as my true self. I never publicly came out on social media as a lot of young LGBTQ+ people have done, but if anyone questioned me on my sexuality, I told them that I was queer. Or if anyone asked if I was dating or interested in someone, I was honest with them, regardless of the gender of that ‘someone’. After a few challenging years of confusion regarding my identity, I finally felt much more at ease with myself. However, these years were also characterised by another kind of confusion - what the hell did I want to do with my life? I think everyone has been asked the age-old question ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’, and unless you’re one of the few people who has always had a clear career in mind, those words were probably enough to send shivers down your spine. When I was a young child, I would answer that question by saying I wanted to be a vet during
As I mentioned, I started accepting my queerness and speaking more candidly about it during college. As I became more confident about my identity and started to interact with LGBTQ+ culture more, I started to pay greater attention to the injustices that queer people were facing across the globe. It was during my time at college that the 2016 Pulse nightclub shootings happened in Orlando, which saw 49 people killed and a further 53 injured. This attack on the LGBTQ+ community enraged me so much that I felt compelled to write a piece on it for our college newspaper, examining whether our progress towards LGBTQ+ equality was beginning to stagnate in Western countries. I also openly discussed my own sexuality and whether I personally felt the level of LGBTQ+ tolerance was increasing in the UK and its schools. As devastating as the context was which led me to produce the article, it was writing this piece which confirmed to me that I wanted to be a journalist – not only did I enjoy the writing process, but I found meaning in discussing issues which I felt strongly about, and found strength in the idea my words could resonate with someone or make them consider the inequalities which LGBTQ+ still face to this day. And I certainly wouldn’t have felt brave enough to submit the article had I not accepted my identity at that point. Now four years and one degree later, I’m still a little surprised to say that I am actually working as a journalist. And I’m proud to say that at 21, I’m actually further than I thought I would be in my career, especially considering the effects the Covid-19 pandemic has had on the job market. My desire to be a journalist is not solely based on being queer, and I’ve written a handful of non-LGBTQ+ articles for other platforms, but I can safely say that my want for LGBTQ+ equality has been one of the main factors that has fuelled my passion for writing. And without embracing my own queerness, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to share my writing.
