34 Scene
WALL’S WORDS
STUFF & THINGS
Shall we gocation or staycation?
The ins and outs of sex
) For the past 18 months the government has not known exactly what to tell us about travelling, endless ‘experts’ have offered conflicting advice, where we can but shouldn’t go. Stay in the UK or risk going abroad. Do we need a vaccine passport? The much derided and confusing traffic light system is a total disarray, red, amber, pink, green, blue – choose what colour you like, it comes to the same thing.
) Ah, sex. We all love a bit of the sex do we not? In some aspects, the whole gay world seems to revolve around sex. The apps have certainly made things a bit more straightforward for those who find it difficult talking to people in bars, like I do. Much easier to chat someone up virtually. Some bemoan the apps for taking away this aspect of the gay experience. The meeting in bars, the catching a glimpse of someone checking you out, the initial chat, the relaxed chat leading to who knows what in the bar toilet later. But the apps don't stop you from doing these things, you can still do them if you want to. Anything that helps Person A find Person B is a good thing I think.
BY ROGER WHEELER
In late July, Gatwick and Heathrow had some of the busiest days of the year. So, despite all the various perceived problems, people are going on holiday – to hell with the consequences. But it turns out that there are very few ‘consequences’ to worry about. So where are our gay chums heading? Thailand is currently on the Amber list, if you are double vaccinated you will not have to quarantine when you get back. You should avoid the mainland because of internal political problems. Stick to the islands. The local government of Phuket has introduced a fascinating new scheme called the Phuket Sandbox, so long as you jump through all the usual hoops you won’t need to quarantine.
“Gay sailing is the new big thing, avoiding all Covid-19 problems as you just enter and leave through one country. Croatia is one of the most popular countries that these trips leave from” One of the best gay travel companies, if you believe their PR, is Out of Office, which claims to be the world’s foremost gay travel agency. It does have a large range of gay vacation itineraries, usually based on small groups. Of course, they claim to be ‘luxury’, but that depends on your definition of the word. French-based Gay Sejour promotes “a quality tourism offer dedicated to homosexual communities and their friends. Hotels, guest houses, vacation rentals, restaurants, gay bars, massages, spas, saunas, gay beaches”. It sounds and looks very good indeed. Although their offer is worldwide their speciality is France, with some very nice-looking gay owned chambres d’hôte. At the time of writing, August 1, there is a lot of discussion about travel to France, which is on the Amber+ list; despite being double vaccinated you may need to quarantine when you get home. This doesn’t apply to Spain, the islands, Italy or Greece, you do not have to isolate if you are double vaccinated. Gay sailing is the new big thing, avoiding all Covid-19 problems as you just enter and leave through one country. Croatia is one of the most popular countries that these trips leave from. On entry everyone from the UK must show a negative PCR test taken in the UK less than 48 hours prior to arrival. GaySail is the leader of this gang, Amsterdam-based they organise cruise and sailing holidays for gay guys of all ages and nationalities. Pride Sailing Holidays is also Croatia-based, as is Off the Grid Yachting – they all offer very similar packages. Canadian-based Out Adventures is the third company running very similar sailing trips, also from Croatia. Not being a lover of small boat sailing I cannot vouch for them but they do appear to be very popular. Happy sailing.
BY JON TAYLOR
“If you really want to you could start your own Only Fans page and sell pictures and videos of yourself to random strangers! How exciting! It's everywhere!” And, of course, porn. Porn presents the perfect idea of sex and how you should be doing it. Utterly unrealistic of course… fun to watch but not life-like. Did you see It's A Sin? There's a scene where the main character is about to get it on but is pulled up for not being clean down there. It was great to see it on screen as every gay man has been there. I call it an occupational hazard. You never see that happening in mainstream porn. But it can happen. Sex is all over the place. On our televisions, in our phones, in our apps, in advertising, everywhere. Sex sells! If you really want to you could start your own Only Fans page and sell pictures and videos of yourself to random strangers! How exciting! It's everywhere! And, of course, there's the illusion that we're all having huge amounts of sex all the time, which we probably aren't.
I've experienced the Dead Lips – when there's absolutely no response from a guy when you kiss them. Nothing. Not a wriggle. It's like kissing some Wotsits Of course, with all this sex going on there's the distinct possibility of getting involved in some bad sex. Some really bad sex. The times that things don't gel. The times when the photos and the in-person man don't quite match. The time when they leave before you begin. The worst thing for me to do with bad sex is when guys don't know how to kiss properly. What's that about? How is that a thing? I've experienced the Dead Lips – when there's absolutely no response from a guy when you kiss them. Nothing. Not a wriggle. It's like kissing some Wotsits. And then there's the guy who believes that kissing is opening their mouth as wide as possible and shoving their whole tongue in your mouth and swirling it round for hours on end. It's very weird. How can someone get through life without knowing how to do that properly? And then there's drugs. Meeting up with guys who are clearly high on something or other and can't get up off the bed let alone getting anything else up. The ins and outs of sex. I guess what with all this bad sex about I need to find me some great sex. I must be due some.
