I Didn’t Die?
By Miffy Li
Everyone is in envy of Owen’s perfect life. He has a nice job, a good wife, and a lovely son. However, he doesn’t think so. He thinks everything goes wrong in his life but there’s nothing he can do to make it right. One night, he……
What if I Didn’t Die? By Miffy Li
Written by Miffy Li of E4B Instructor: Kenneth M. Smith Wenzao Ursuline College of Languages Kaohsiung, Taiwan June 2013
About the Author Miffy Li is now studying in Wenzao Ursuline College of Languages. This novel is her first composition. The readers may learn something and change their point of view after reading it. Now she lives in Tainan City, Taiwan, R.O.C.
Table of Contents Ch. 1: Am I happy………………………………………..1 Ch. 2: Home……………………………………………….2 Ch. 3: Kathryn……………………………………………5 Ch. 4: My life……………………………………………..9 Ch. 5: My end…………………………………………….11 Ch. 6: Spirit………………………………………………14 Ch. 7: Funeral……………………………………………17 Ch. 8: Regret……………………………………………19 Words checked = [1659] Words in Oxford 3000™ = [90%]
Chapter 1 Am I happy? “Well-done, Owen. No case is difficult for you, huh?” said Max, another lawyer in the office. “Ha-ha. I just try my best on every case,” weakly, I replied. I file all the documents in order and feel a little bit hungry. Hmm, I think I haven’t eaten anything today. TOO BUSY. “I’ve got to go home. My wife and son are still waiting for me to have the Christmas dinner. Bye.”
It is super cold outside. The winds blow so hard that the leaves on the street are lively dancing. I’m now walking, wondering. I can never get rid of this, right? They think of me as an excellent lawyer, yet I’m nothing but a loser. I can’t do my dream job. I can’t live my own life. I can’t be with Kathryn... I’m not as happy as you think.
Chapter 2 Home She comes to the door and says to me with a sweet smile, “Chop-chop. Dad and mom are waiting.” Leila is very good at cooking. She prepared a big palatable dinner as she did every Christmas; the dishes are not exactly the same though. She makes the effort in everything and tries to tell me life is colorful. Somehow I just can’t agree. After the meal, dad and mom praise her
cooking and then play with Joseph, my two-month-old boy. They love him so much as they love me. However, they just couldn’t understand that I don’t want to have children and keep telling me how wonderful life will be with children. Just like they never know, I’ve wanted to become a film director since I was ten, no one knows. It’s 12 o’clock now, and Joseph is crying. Leila gets up, but I say, “I’ll go.” I know she’s tired taking care of him all day long, so I walk to the next door. I hold him in arms and sing
the lullaby though I can’t remember all the lyrics. He soon falls asleep. Thank God. Baby crying at midnight is really annoying, isn’t it? I put him in the crib and go to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I find myself haggard. Is it so hard to live for oneself? Leila is soundly asleep while I’m wide-awake. Her long black hair reminds me of Kathryn. It is my fault. Leila is a kindhearted woman who loves me very deeply. I’m sorry I can’t do exactly the same, but I’m trying my best to make her happy.
Chapter3 Kathryn That night, I was with Kathryn. We went to a science fiction movie which sounded cool to me. It really absorbed me, but she fell asleep in the middle. “I totally have no idea what the movie is about! There are lots of aliens, laser guns, and a crazy scientist…” “Next time we’ll choose a comedy,” I smile. “Hurray!”
On the way to her home, she told me that I should try harder to make my dream come true. “If you become a movie director one day, promise me, you’ll make a movie for me,” she looked at me smiling but seriously. “No problem! I’ll make you a comedy, a sci-fi, and even a documentary about us!” “No sci-fi, please!” we were both laughing. “But you have to wait until I become one.”
“Don’t keep me waiting for too long, okay? I know your dream will come true. Never give up! I’m here to support you…”
BANG! She hadn’t finished her word. We were hit unconscious by a truck. When I woke up, I was already in the hospital, and my mom was there to take care of me. “Where… where is she?” I asked anxiously, but she kept her silence. “Tell me! Where is Kathryn?”
“She’s…” she equivocated with sorrow in her eyes. I understood, at that moment. She held me tight and tried to say something to comfort me. However, I could feel nothing but two lines of tears rolling down my face.
Chapter4 My life Day after day, I wake up in the morning and go to work doing something I don’t like. My father used to be a lawyer, and he loved his job very much. That’s why he wants me to be a lawyer, too. I met his expectation and become a famous one. Maybe I’m a gifted lawyer, but in fact, being a director is all I want. Nevertheless, I will let my parents and Leila down if I quit and go chase my dream. Furthermore, the one who promised to
support me will never be here. My life seems perfect to everyone, my friends, colleagues, or neighbors. It is really ironic every time they say they envy me. They don’t understand how painful I am.
Chapter5 My end I stand on my balcony and look at the night sky. “Life is meaningless if someone suffer this much from it,” I say to myself. I don’t know if I’m doing a right thing, but all I want to do now is to get rid of this torture. I can’t think of any other thing. It’s enough. I get into the bedroom while Leila is in the kitchen preparing the dinner. I find the jar of hypnotics on shelf. Then, I walk to my bed and write a few words down on a note
for Leila:
Dear Leila, I’m really tired of living for others. Sorry, I’m doing something very irresponsible. It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. Maybe you can’t understand, but it’s okay. Please take care of mom, dad, Joseph, and yourself.
Love, Owen.
I don’t know how many pills I have swallowed. Lying on the bed, I close my eyes waiting for the moment I will be release. I’m sorry, Leila. Will Joseph hate me when he grows up? Dad and mom must be very depressed… Will I go to heaven? If yes, I can meet Kathryn there…I’m getting more unconscious. Leila opens the door and tells me dinner is ready. She thinks I’m sleeping. After a while, she comes to me again and tries to wake me up. The drugs take effect. Her voice
fades out while she is shaking me, and I think she is now calling an ambulance‌‌
Chapter6 Spirit Am I dead? I’m sitting on my bed, and Leila is next to me crying. “Leila?” She seems not hearing me. I want to comfort her but fail to touch her shoulder and my hand just goes through her body! I’m astonished…but soon realize that I am a ghost now. I go to Joseph’s room, and he is lying on his bed. “Don’t be like your father. You
should be strong and responsible. Promise me to be a good boy and take care of your mom when you grow up.” He smiles at me. That is the loveliest smile I have ever seen. “Boy, though I used to say you’re annoying, I didn’t mean it. I’m just…not so patient. Maybe I should have spent more time with you, less at work, and tried to understand why you’re crying. Sorry that I couldn’t be with you till you grow up. Forgive me.” Leila already fell asleep when I go back to the bedroom. I look at her, but this time,
I’m not thinking of Kathryn. I feel terribly sorry and ashamed. She gave me everything while I only thought of myself and impulsively made such a stupid decision. What have I done? I leave her alone facing the situation which I don’t want to face? How could I…?
Chapter7 Funeral Today, my funeral is held. Leila is holding Joseph in arms walking around, but he keeps crying. Dad is standing next to uncle, and mom sobs out how it happened. I say sorry several times to them and try to comfort her, but they can’t even hear a word or feel a touch. I sit on a chair and watch people come in to express regret over my own death. Some look sorrowful while some are just
expressionless. I don’t know what they think of me, though I’m now a ghost. They probably think I’m a foolish impetuous guy. Actually, I am. I did the most ridiculous thing---suicide. Here is Max. He asks me why, and I tell him all in details. He asks agitatedly again. I look at him and stop my words because he can never get my answer. Sorry, you’ll have to deal with those troublesome cases by yourself from now on. Maybe you can replace me one day.
Chapter8 Regret The funeral is over, and I feel extremely miserable. I thought ending my life would be a release. I’m completely wrong. That decision was a disaster which put me into hell and made my family helpless. If I pray, will God save me from this suffering? They must suffer much more than me, but I can do nothing. Again, I get into the bedroom and see Leila crying.
“Why…? Are you kidding me? It isn’t funny at all…” “Leila… I’m sorry,” I say in a soft voice. “You’re such a selfish man! I love you so much, but you left me like this…” “I shouldn’t have done that… I want to go back to our life. Though it wasn’t really perfect for me, it could be full of happiness…” I keep saying though she can’t hear me. “What about Joseph? He’s our son, and he’s only two-month-old. You want him to grow up without a daddy?”
“I’m really sorry……” I cry. “And do you know how desperate they are? Mom is crying every single day, and dad can’t even sleep at night…” her tears keep dropping down. “If God would help, I would pay anything to reverse the time… But that’s impossible, Leila… Forgive me, please……” “What do you expect me to do? I’m alone! You were only thinking about your own! You left me alone!”
“CUT!” I’m Owen Baron, the director. This is my first movie,
What If I Didn’t Die?
Acknowledgements The author wishes to thank her family and friends for their continuous support.
References Cover: http://youthleaderstash.com/2010/04/05/destination-what-if/ Blurb: http://nocoastbias.com/husker-monday-marinade-what-if/