Swan magazine jan14dist

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2014 programme MARLOO THEATRE Marloo Road, Greenmount www.marlootheatre.com

The Shakespeare Anniversary Festival 1564 ~ 2014 Garrick Theatre Presents

Kalamunda Dramatic Society Presents

Darlington Theatre Players Presents

Othello

A Midsummer Night’s Dream Try Booking

Marloo Theatre

Directed by: Peter Clark

Directed by: Douglas Sutherland-Bruce

Directed by: Lucy Eyre

April 1 ~ 26 2014

BOOKINGS: www.trybooking.com/CUJW ADULT $23 CONC/CHILD $21

(see website for details - www.marlootheatre.com) The Darlington Theatre Players at

MARLOO THEATRE Marloo Road, Greenmount www.marlootheatre.com

The Farndale Avenue

Housing Estate Townswomen’s Guild Dramatic Society’s Production of

Macbeth

The Darlington Theatre Players at

MARLOO THEATRE

E T A K , E S M S I K Marloo Road, Greenmount www.marlootheatre.com

Music and Lyrics

by Cole Porter Book by Bella & Samuel Spewack

by David McGillivray and Walter Zerlin Jnr

directed by

directed by

Gail Palmer July Curtain up 8:00pm, *Matinees 2:00pm

Wed Fri 4 9 11 16 18

Sat 5 12 19

Sun 6* 13*

BOOKINGS: 9255 1783 ADULT $20 CONC/CHILD $18 MEMBERS $16

July 4 ~ 19 2014

a community theatre production by special arrangement with Origin Theatrical

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Neroli Burton

November Wed Fri 21 26 28 December 3 5 10 12

Sat 22 29 6 13

Sun 23* 30* 7*

Curtain up 8:00pm, *Matinees 2:00pm

BOOKINGS: 9255 1783 ADULT $25 CONC/CHILD $22 MEMBERS $18

NOVEMBER 21 ~ DECEMBER 13 2014

a community theatre production by special arrangement with Tams Whitmark Music Library Inc

in this issue PAGE

FEATURES

Business Card Board

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Community ICE is Nice The Will To Win Wise Words Tips on Staying Safe Food for Thought Education Entertainment Leschenaultia lake’s Lovely Twilight Concerts Brilliant Lies Kookaburra Outdoor Cinema Breast Wishes

12 12 12 13 26 22 6 6 7 7 8

Finance 21 Gardening Kangaroo-Proof Plants The Leaves That Blow Pool Safety Guildford Grammar

Health Matters A Penn’oth of Thought

17 17 17 23 2

Printed in Western Australia by Vanguard Press using petroleum free inks and green electricity on plantation sourced paper. Both paper manufacturer and printer are certified to ISO14001, the highest environmental standard.

Swan Magazine Published by: Synhawk Publications Pty Ltd

Sleep Well, Stay Well Happy New Year Clean, Balanced Water Holiday Reading The Sleeper Passer Sausages The River It’s Not What You Know ...

Devil Tracks

PAGE 3 3 6 9 14 14 15 18

MCC 11 Leisure and Hobbies Notes From Parliament

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PC Surgeon Poetry Sapper Nuity One Day People Pets

20 15 26 16 25

Rotary 11 SAFE 24 The Voice of Swan Hills

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What’s On

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January Clearance Heritage P-130

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• Diameter 130mm

• Alt-azimuth Mount

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SW-709

Excellent for terrestrial viewing or astronomy.

The perfect scope for a beginning amateur astronomer.

• Diameter 70mm • Finderscope 5x24 • Focal Length 900mm • F/Ratio F/12.9 • Alt-azimuth Mount • 45°Errect Image Diagonal

Cover Picture: A New Year.

Photo by Pashapixel.

123RF Photo.

$287

8” FLEX DOB This elegant truss tube design was carefully engineered to combine ease of use, extreme portability and consistent performance in an affordable package.

Unlike other truss tube designs, the SkyWatcher Collapsible Dobsonian does not need to be disassembled between uses. It transports as two compact pieces that can be assembled and ready to use in just seconds!

• Diameter 203mm • Focal Length 1200mm • Eyepiece(s) 1.25” Super 25 and 10* • Finderscope 8x50 • Crayford Focuser • F/Ratio F/6 • FSM 14.2

$493

WEBSITE:

www.swanmagazine.com.au Editor: Jan Patrick editor@swanmagazine.com.au Office: 14 Ridge Road, Glen Forrest, Western Australia Phone: 9298 8495 E-mail: office@swanmagazine.com.au Sales: John Latham 9359 4072

BKP150750 EQ3 This Skywatcher 150mm Reflector comes with an EQ3 Pro mount.

It has paraboloidal (parabolic) mirror reflectors and it features a four-arm, secondary-mirror bracket with fine supports (0.5mm thick), to reduce diffraction spikes and light loss.

$665

• Diameter 150mm • Finderscope 6x30 • Focal Length 750mm • F/Ratio F/5 • Equatorial EQ3 Mount • FSM 13.6

Postal Address: P.O. Box 554, Mundaring Western Australia 6073

NOW OPEN SUNDAYS

February DEADLINES: Advertisements: 24th January Editorial: 20th January

Call 9250 1635

Copyright: Synhawk Publications Pty Ltd 2014

Shop 10, Midland Gate Shopping Centre (Opposite Coles)

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health matters a penn’oth of thought - know thyself

danny van ross s personal dishonesty hard-wired – something apparently talk peace when we really mean war.

And yet, most of the time most of us feel we we’re stuck with?

Two thousand years ago the Apostle Matthew know pretty well who we are.

(7:50) wrote, “you hypocrite, first take the beam We live our lives aware of what we are doing from your own eye and then you will see clearly and, for the most part, things run smoothly, enough to remove the speck from your brother’s.” routinely. We accept our limitations – we can’t The Temple of Apollo at Delphi bears the fly like the birds or sprint like Usain Bolt. We are rational beings and problem-solve every minute of inscription “Know thyself.”

The Temple of Luxor in ancient Egypt has a the day; do we not? similar proverb, “Man, know thyself … and thou Our relatives, friends, acquaintances seem to be in the same boat. Sure life has its challenges shalt know the gods.”

Benjamin Franklin in his Poor Richard’s but we sort those somehow and get on with Almanack said, “There are three Things extremely things.

With medical help we live to a ripe age and hard, Steel, a Diamond and to know thyself.”

Plato believed that achievements in other then, well, it’s heaven, hell or somewhere else fields of study mattered little without self- who knows? So why fuss? knowledge. He, like Benjamin Franklin, thought Daniel Kahneman (“Thinking Fast and Slow”) doesn’t fuss either but for different reasons. No getting there wasn’t easy.

Television’s Dr Phil assumes people don’t or we are not rational creatures he says. Human can’t see who they are. His job is to make them reason is “feeble”, is “easily overwhelmed by see the truth. Are we different to those who ancient instincts and lazy biases he says. seek his help? Scary! Scarier still – is Dr Phil any The mind is deeply “flawed” and is “surprisingly useless” in directing behaviour he different?

The discussion about self-knowledge has says. And yes, Kahneman admits he is like the rest been going on for thousands of years. Philosophy, of us. psychology, religion and ethics all agree that At times I thinks I thinks, self-knowledge is essential to moral, intelligent, At times I dreams I dreams.

Summer sun the water drinks, human behaviour.

There is, surprisingly, little agreement on Fishies swim in streams. how to achieve it or even on what it is. Some Consider this – 90% of drivers believe they philosophers, like Descartes, say we know are better than average! ourselves simply though the process of thinking. Hard-wired or not hypocrisy and selfOn the other hand, psychologists like Alfred Binet deception are alive and well. As the song says: disagree and say our understanding of ourselves is “All the monkeys aren’t in the zoo Everyday you meet quite a few.” flawed.

Others say it’s all neural activity in the brain, that our thoughts and sensations are a second order reality. This degree of disagreement itself shows how knotty the issue is.

In situations where moral codes aren’t clear cut but lead to levels of confusion, do we choose what we think is best at the time? Are there regrets and reconsiderations in hindsight? Probably.

But the problem could be even bigger. If we want bulk hypocrisy consider the U S of A, forever advocating weapon restrictions (particularly nuclear) for Iraq, Iran, North Korea - wherever, yet can’t do its own housekeeping.

There are approximately 300 million guns in the United States! Everyone knows guns kill and yet people want them bigger and better. If the bad guys have them, give them to the good guys says the gun lobby.

So is there a human urge that drives this appetite? Freudians call it Thanatos (the urge towards death) and Freud, later in his life linked it to an “… inclination to aggression (which ) is an instinctual disposition in man.” So we can

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stop yoyo diet ad 120 x 60 V1.pdf

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health matters sleep well, stay well

esearchers have noted that the average duration of sleep has declined steadily from about nine hours per night in 1960 to fewer than seven hours today. Adequate amounts of sleep are needed for resistance to infections.

If you have sleep problems, then you’re certainly amongst friends. As many as 30% of Australians suffer from occasional sleeplessness.

Of course sometimes there’s a particular problem, perhaps pain, that causes our sleep to be disturbed. And in this case the underlying cause needs to be addressed.

However, often your body clock just gets out of ‘sync’ – maybe because of shift work or overseas travel. It becomes a vicious cycle. The less you sleep the harder it is to get to sleep.

The question is, what to do about it? Perhaps you’ve tried the warm milk or herbal teas without success; and you’re reluctant to use more potent prescription-only products. Then you will be pleased to know there are now medications available without prescription which, with occasional use, can help your body clock get back to normal.

It’s most important to establish a routine. Try

to get up out of bed at the same time every day; and once you’re up, stay up. It helps your body maintain that natural waking and sleeping rhythm that makes sleep easier.

Avoid caffeine-containing drinks (tea, coffee, cola, chocolate) in the evening. As well as being a mild stimulant, caffeine also causes us to pass water more often; so our sleep can be disturbed by the need to visit the bathroom during the night. If you can’t go without your tea or coffee at night, try the ‘decaf’ varieties.

Exercise is important too, but late evening sport and strenuous work-outs can stimulate the system and make sleep difficult. Afternoon exercise, probably after work and before dinner, seems to be best.

Alcohol really doesn’t do anything for normalising sleep. It can actually disturb the balance between the various stages of sleep and we tend to wake up still a little hung over. And just like coffee, alcohol can also encourage those extra trips to the bathroom.

Remember that persistent sleep disorders, especially those involving pain or breathing difficulties need to be investigated by your doctor.

happy new year

16 Craig Street, Mundaring (formerly Verissima House)

Yo-Yo dieting is where you go on a diet, stick to it for maybe 2 months or so, lose an impressive amount of weight only to regain it months later, plus a few extra kilos for good measure. Many people do this many times over a period of say two years and even though you may be losing weight each time your weight steadily goes up over the long term. The major problem with diets is that they don’t teach you a thing.

People are searching for the magic pill. The only magic pill is the one inside your head – your brain!

Our goal at Mundaring Wellness Centre is to empower you with the knowledge so you become a ‘conscious eater’ – with this knowledge you can change your way of life and eating forever. We guarantee results.

Call today to start your journey with us

9295 2221

Elizabeth Rutherford Illari, Psychotherapist, MA Counselling, Post Grad Mental Health, BA Sci Nursing

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hat do we mean when we wish others and ourselves happiness?

There are many definitions of what joy means, and how to obtain it. Even Coca-Cola have a web page about happiness! The Dalai Lama stated that happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from one's own actions.

Antoine Exupery thought it came from “deeds well done; the zest of creating things new”.

Helen Keller said “everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence”.

Low moods and feeling emotionally horrible can be powerful agents for positive change. Dark Nights of the Soul can transmute our Being into another scene - out into the light.

If our negative feelings are anaesthetised by pharmaceuticals the drive to journey forward to better times may be low. Hence we could get stuck on the dark side. No highs, no lows, just stuck.

Informative reads about this topic are Cracked

and The Importance of Suffering by James Davies.

Features that engender happiness are multifactorial and include: * Feeling healthy, eating healthily and keeping fit. All have major impacts on mental health. A good read on these topics is Sweet Poison and Big Fat Lies by David Gillespie. * Hobbies or meaningful interests help give us time-out from pressing responsibilities. * A good tip to curb pessimism is “Be what you are for, not what you are against.” This slight ad-justment can put a positive focal spin on your conversations and thoughts - blossoming into signifi-cant, constructive, progressive changes.

Try it for a week and see. * Honing the art of Mindfulness can help us notice when our life style is becoming toxically frenetic.

It can aid in noticing when our moods are on a down-slide, before we reach that critical mass level; when it feels too late to do anything but fallin-a-heap.

If this topic grabs your interest try The Mindful Way Through Depression by Prof Mark Williams, Or The Mindful Brain. - The Neurobiology Of Well-Being by Dr Dan Siegal. * Being self-referral rather than otherreferral. This means that if you know you tried your best and acted with integrity it does not matter what others say. Building a sense of personal fulfillment too is a powerful thing. * Learn how to set healthy boundaries, taking care of your requirements, not being coerced or ma-nipulated by needy others.

For an instructive guide to self-empowerment try Pulling Your Own Strings by Dr. Wayne. Dyer.

Happy 2014!

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e have seen previously how vital good clean drinking water is, such as may be obtained from a mountain stream, splashing down an Alpine range.

Unfortunately, very little of Australia has access to the Alps, so the question remains, ‘How do we get the best possible drinking water?’

This is not a new question and one that been solved some twenty years ago by Roland Plocher in Germany.

The technology of information transfer, developed by Plocher and as used by Penergetic today, is based on the quantification of information of original substances.

This technology can in many respects be compared to classic homeopathy. If we take, for example, the active substances of chamomile: within both alternative and conventional medicine it is known, beyond doubt, that chamomile has useful health-promoting properties.

A realistic example might illustrate this: If 15% of the population in Europe suffered from acute influenza and if just twenty percent of those people made use of the tried and tested household remedy camomile, then supply shortages could arise.

This is where the exceptional method of vitalisation agents comes into play. It is not the original substances themselves which are processed specifically to their area of use and then applied, but rather so-called “information carriers” (IC) or carrier substances. These ICs are always available in sufficient quantities and consistent quality without having to touch the supply of the original substances.

“Information“ in this instance means the entirety of active parameters of the original substances.

What is truly remarkable is not this phenomenon but the process technology that brings about such a transfer of active processes from the original substance

health matters Clean, balanced, Water

to the information carrier.

Strictly speaking, the principle of modulation in electronics or radio technology is applied in this case. Penergetic has selected a number of substances in order to make systematic use of their known active parameters. Some of these substances are vital trace elements (the earth’s crust contains, for example, 64 such elements), some are chemical elements (like oxygen).

These original substances are modulated onto carrier materials such as calcium carbonate or AquaKat tubes. The tubes are simply attached to the main water pipe somewhere after the water meter.

In this way their frequency patterns of oxygen and other original substances are transferred onto the water pipe. The water flowing past gets into resonance and changes its molecular behaviour and its properties to those typical of spring water.

We may for the sake of simplicity say that the information for clean, fresh water, is imprinted onto a metal which in turn passes the information onto the water passing over, or near to it.

Now this sounds incredible, but it is no more incredible than any homeopathic remedy, and the AquaKat is homeopathy for water.

FREE TRIAL SAMPLE

To give the readers of Swan Magazine the chance to try out this remarkable technology yourselves Penergetic Australia have made a number of samples available to try for yourselves.

Just send your name and a mailing address to editor@swanmagazine.com.

au or ring 9298 8495 during business hours and we will send you a ‘NoDrop’ leave of metal imprinted with the information to use and test for yourselves.

Pour two glasses of water from the same tap and in exactly similar glasses and put one on the AquaKat coaster. Put the other at least three feet (one metre) away.

Wait ten minutes and then taste both glasses of water and see the amazing differences between the two.

This works for wine as well. If you roll the AquaKat into a hollow tube and use it as a pourer.

You will find that it re-vitalises wine that is past it’s best or a trifle old.

I have performed this test myself and the difference between the untreated, slightly stale wine and the treated wine is remarkable. The wine was as crisp and fresh as if the bottle had just been opened.

There are no catches to this, no hidden agendas or secret mailing list sales.

It is simply that we know what a surprising claim is being made for the AquaKat and that ‘seeing is believing’ so Penergetic Australia Pty Ltd are giving you the opportunity to try for yourself.

Once you have tried this for yourself and seen that the AquaKat works there are options to try this technology further.

A larger thicker disk is available for a modest fee for putting inside kettles to keep them free of scale and to improve the water.

This I have also done and the kettle went from grubby and caked with scale to absolutely clean within three weeks. So do yourself a favour and try AquaKat today - free of charge and with no obligation. Ring Swan Magazine or e-mail:

editor@swanmagazine.com.au.

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FREEavailable

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leisure and hobbies Plastic Modeling

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ou are about to build your first plastic model, whether it be a modern fighter aircraft or an old sailing ship, there are ways you can make a model that will give you more satisfaction, and have your friends and family think you have been doing it for years.

Not every model comes out to perfection each time, but the following tips will give you an insight into the skills required.

Choosing a Kit

For your first kit choose a model that is not too complicated. Many manufacturers suggest Skill Levels on their boxes, these will give you a guide to enable you to make your selection. Also ask your Hobby Shop assistant, as he or she will be able to advise you also.

For example, a biplane model is a more diffictult model than a monoplane.

Other Supplies When choosing a kit, it is best to get the rest of your supplies at the same time. Items like Polystyrene Cement (glue), paints and brushes will be needed at all points of construction of your model.

Paint Selection Many manufacturers provide a list of paint colour numbers on the box to assist you with your selection of colours. Many of these paints are colour coded to match the actual colour on the real thing.

Generally there are two types of paint to choose from, enamel and acrylic. Enamel is an oil based paint, whereas acrylic is water based. Each type has its virtues and disadvantages, discuss this with an experienced modeller or your Hobby Shop assistant.

The types of cement available includes tube cement and liquid cement.

The liquid cement is available in various forms for application. Discuss this with your Hobby Shop assistant.

Cleanliness Before starting to build your model, it is a good idea to wash the parts in a bowl (not the sink!) of luke warm water with a drop of washing up detergent to remove any oil from the moulding process. This will allow the paint to adhere to the plastic better.

After this rinse the parts in clean water then allow to air dry. Touch the parts with your hands after this as little as possible as oil from your hands may get on the model parts.

It is recommended that you start with the following: 1. No.1 modelling knife and some spare blades (these are surgically sharpened, treat them with respect).

2. A selection of wet and dry paper - say 360, 800 and 1200 grit (for sanding) 3. An emery board 4. Some rubber bands - various sizes 5. Some wooden clothes pegs with springs in them.

6. Some dressmaking pins 7. A work board - 19mm MDF is good (It is a good idea to cover this with stick-on vinyl sheet).

8. A container to hold your tools, “Tool Box” 9. A roll of “Magic Tape”, this has a low stick glue and is used to mask when painting.

10. A pair of tweezers for placing small parts and decals on your model.

SAFETY FIRST Just like the real thing, making models can be dangerous if you do not use commonsense.

You will require some tools To build your model you will find some Do not leave your tools, paints and glues simple tools handy. You will find as you pursue where a young person can reach them. Tools are your new hobby you will accumulate a variety not toys. of special tools some of which you will design and make yourself.

Glue types Polystyrene Cement comes in various forms and works by melting the plastic to allow the parts to weld together. It is important to ensure you do not use excessive glue as this can lead to “model meltdown” and a disappointing result.

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entertainment leschenaultia lake’s lovely

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DISCLAIMER The information in this publication is of a general nature. The articles contained herein are not intended to provide a complete discussion on each subject and or issues canvassed. Synhawk Publications Pty Ltd does not accept any liability for any statements or any opinion, or for any errors or omissions contained herein.

ake Leschenaultia is the perfect location for a family day out with the weather warming up and school holiday activities in demand, the Lake is a perfect place to cool down or enjoy all that nature has to offer.

The Lake has provided families with a fun day out for many decades and will to continue to do so, with new facilities and free entry available.

The Lake recently overflowed and was flushed out with rain water so it filled with beautiful fresh water and is ready to swim in over summer.

There are four new free BBQ’s for use, with people able to book lawn areas and shelters for family gatherings or functions.

Canoes are available for hire and people can book a camping spot all year round. Visitors can also enjoy bushwalking, with a 3km walk and cycle path around the Lake.

Reflections Café is open on weekends and school holidays, offering great coffee and light

lunches. It is also available for functions and group bookings.

Lake Leschenaultia is on Rosedale Road, Chidlow. More information at www.mundaring. wa.gov.au.

Lake Leschenaultia Co-ordinator Andrew Lee is ready to welcome families

Twilight Concerts make a welcome return

Laura Pearce he Twilight Concerts have become a regular hit February 15, a perfect funky valentine celebration, at Upper Reach each year with concert goers especially with a set menu from Anthony Broad in eager to either enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of Broad’s Restaurant. their own picnic on the lawn or the stylish elegant The third concert is on Saturday 1st March with dining at Broad’s Restaurant @ Upper Reach Stratosfunk, a high-energy soul band performing hits from the Motown era. It’s all about the soul and enjoying the concerts from above.

This is the eleventh year of these intimate rhythm and blues greats! concerts and this year Upper Reach Winery, chosen Stratosfunk’s dynamic, toe-tappin’ rhythm

by Gourmet Traveller as the Star Swan Valley cellar section combined with blistering horns meet with door, is holding an expanded series of four intimate powerhouse vocalists. With retro dance moves and Twilight Concert performances on its beautiful style to match, their soulful sounds will have you up dancing from the first song. grounds overlooking the vines.

The Oz Big Band will open the season in style The final concert in the Twilight Season is on Saturday February 1. The Oz Big Band is an Perth’s best Jazz Divas on Saturday March 15, Sue amazing twenty piece band with a blend of jazz and Black, Marsena Miller and Denise Dale will play the swing that shows why you can’t beat the sound of a great standards from Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone to Carol King – these three divas will rock your really big band.

Adam Hall and the Velvet Playboys are now in soul. Or indulge in life’s simple pleasures, bring demand internationally, but they started playing a picnic and sit back on the lawn while these Perth at Upper Reach several years ago. They make a bands and Upper Reach serenade all of your senses. welcome return to serenade concert goers with the Tickets for the Twilight Concert Series at Upper Reach are $34 and are available at www. music of Duke Ellington, Sinatra and swing.

It will be a feast for eyes and ears on Saturday upperreach.com.au and on 9296 0078.

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entertainment Brilliant Lies Peter donald

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exual harassment, political correctness and changing social values come to the fore at Garrick Theatre in its first season of 2014.

Written by Australia’s most respected contemporary playwright David Williamson and directed by Dale James, Brilliant Lies is an adult comedy about a woman who accuses her former employer of harassment and unfair dismissal after failing to comply with his sexual demands.

Williamson is known for his extensive range of work including Don’s Party, The Club, Travelling North and Money and Friends and the screenplays Gallipoli, The Year of Living Dangerously, Phar Lap and Balibo.

Brilliant Lies was also made into a 1996 film with Anthony LaPaglia, Gia and Zoe Carides and Ray Barrett.

“It’s set in the 1990s when the phrase ‘sexual harassment’ was still relatively new to the workplace setting,” James said. “Women accepted men's sometimes offensive behaviour as the norm.

“The play looks at the complex and confusing issues surrounding a sexual harassment allegation and provides a lot of thought-provoking material.

“It also looks at the clash between different perceptions of truth and the eternal battle of the sexes.”

James says one of the main challenges is achieving twenty scene changes across two acts.

“Each scene is a story within itself so the audience can’t afford to miss any of them because

they don’t follow a continuous story pattern,” she said.

First learning to dance at age four, James became involved with Patch Theatre as a youth but it wasn’t until the 1980s when she embraced her passion wholeheartedly, mainly at Garrick Theatre, working extensively as an actor, director and backstage.

She has several best actress awards to her name: four from Garrick Theatre and one from The Little Theatre, along with a nomination at the annual Finley Awards.

“My inspiration to direct Brilliant Lies comes from David Williamson himself,” James said. “He’s a brilliant writer who really captures Australians, including the ugly, comedic, generous and funny in us all.”

Brilliant Lies plays at 8pm, January 30, 31, February 1, 6, 7, 8, 12, 13, 14 and 15 with 2pm matinees February 2 and 9.

Tickets are $18, $16 concession – book on 9378 1990 or bookings@ garricktheatre.asn.au.

Garrick Theatre is at 16 Meadow Street, Guildford, opposite the Stirling Arms Hotel and Guildford Town Hall.

Suzy (Samantha Morey) accuses Gary (Jon Watts) of sexual harassment and unfair dismissal in David Williamson’s Brilliant Lies.

PROGRAMME

brothers, both in their 20s, have a passion for riding big waves. They have honed their surfing skills in the sleepy SW town of Margaret River which hosts some of the worlds most dangerous and challenging waves. Their knowledge leads them to producing amazing surf boards which they decide to market locally but run into trouble when they get mixed up with the local bikie gang.

Hyde Park on Hudson (M) USA. Historical Drama Screens: Fri 7th, Sat 8th & Sun 9th Feb Director: Roger Michell Starring: Bill Murray, Laura Linney, Samuel West & Olivia Colman The story of the affair between President F D Roosevelt (Bill Murray) and his distant cousin Daisy Stuckley (Laura Linney) over a weekend in 1939.

They host the King and Queen of England (King George VI and Queen Elizabeth) on their mission to forge an alliance with the US against Nazi Germany in WWII. The King’s potential to stutter erodes his self assurance but his very confident Queen guides Drift him through the diplomacy.

(M) Australia. Drama Meanwhile Roosevelt appears to relish the Screens: Fri 24th, Sat 25th, Sun 26th Jan time away from the White House and continue his Directors: Morgan O’Neill & Ben Nott philandering with gusto.

Starring: Sam Worthington, Myles Pollard & A complete change of persona for Bill Murray Xavier Samuel from his usual comedy roles but he carries off this It’s the 1970s in Australia and the Kelly role of FDR brilliantly.

Rush (M) USA. Drama (Based upon True events of 1979 German Grand Prix) Screens: Fri 10th Sat 11th & Sun 12th Jan. Dir: Ron Howard.

Stars: Daniel Bruhl & Chris Hemsworth.

Competition within Formula One racing is extremely fierce and none more so than between the British driver James Hunt (Hemsworth) andFerrari driver the Austrian born Niki Lauda (Bruhl) whose superior business acumen and surgeon-like precision behind the wheel propels him to the No 1 position in Formula One racing. A powerful and highly moving film on all levels.

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entertainment breast wishes keith scrivens

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omen are never happy with the breasts they have. Breasts are always too small, too pointy, too cumbersome or just too big: those boobs so outspoken they take all the male attention off your face: ‘Hey soldier - eyes up and in front!’

Why are men so fixated on breasts when half of the population has them?

And, why are there so many names for them from the 50s ‘check out those headlights’, the 60s

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meet & Greet

he Swan Valley Camera Club is holding their annual meet and greet membership night on 22nd January 2014 and invites persons interested in improving or just learning their photographic skills The Club offers a friendly environment for both beginners and experienced photographers the opportunity to expand their knowledge with monthly workshops and competitions, generally a monthly day time excursion and the occasional weekend away So why not join us at 7.00pm, on Wednesday 22nd January 2014 at The Grapevine, 1 Arrowsmith Ave, Ellenbrook. Tea, Coffee and nibbles provided with cool drinks available.

Not sure this is for you? Then look up our website www.swanvalleycameraclub.com or alternately contact Hilton Linklater on 0419 949 018 or email: yolandapark@bigpond.com.

situations vacant commission sales Swan Magazine is looking for someone to sell advertising.

The position would suit a selfmotivated person who wants flexible working hours.

We offer generous commission rates, training and advice.

Ring our editor, Jan Patrick, on 9298 8495 for an appointment to discuss options.

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It is a living breathing beautiful part of your body, deserving of love, respect and a good home.Be nice to your breasts ladies, keep getting them checked.

Don’t be scared to find something - it’s missing something you’ve got to worry

‘Bristol cities’, and in the 70’s A Clockwork Orange ‘the groundies’ and foxy mommas went discoing ‘check out the rack on that chick’.

In 1982 Jane Fonda called hers ‘The Pointer Sisters’ and dressed them in lycra. In the 90s onwards women were comparing ‘hooters’ and those lucky girls with ‘bodacious ta-tas’ were flaunting their assets every chance they got.

Breasts have served women well. They have done the hard work of putting fat cheeks on babies, they never complained bout getting up in the middle of the night, or the endless dawns.

Breasts start out in life as stargazers and end up as pathfinders, but all breasts have their quality time.

The breast deserves your care and attention.

t h a t about.

These magnificent mammaries are the subject of KADS latest play, Breast Wishes, an all Australian musical about love, life, loss and silicon.

The play is a celebration of breasts and those who support them and is written by some of Australia’s most respected comedic and dramatic writers including Merridy Eastman, Jonathan Gavin, Richard Glover, Wendy Harmer, Sheridan Jobbins, James Millar and Debra Oswald, with music and lyrics by Bruce Brown. Original concept by Anne Looby.

Meet four women - sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins. Add a fumbling boyfriend, a well-meaning husband, a bra-fitter who’s seen it all, some show-stopping numbers and a brilliant cast with direction by Terri Hackett, musical direction by Belinda Flindell, and you have a sophisticated and hilarious glimpse of cleavage and beyond which promises to make your heart sing.

Breast Wishes plays from the 21st February and runs until the 15th March. Tickets are available from Lucky Charm News, Kalamunda Centro, 9257 2668.

DARLINGTON THEATRE PLAYERS INC. ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING SPECIAL NOTICE

DARLINGTON THEATRE PLAYERS The Annual General meeting of members is to be held on Tuesday 26th February 2014 Doors open 7.00pm for 7:30pm meeting - Please be prompt ALL ACTIVE FINANCIAL MEMBERS are asked to attend: Agenda includes: Reports of officers Election of Executive Committee General Business Membership renewals are due at this time so please remember to bring your cheque books!

holiday reading The Sleeper Passer

H

e stood alone in the Kalamunda Hotel bar. An accordionist in the corner playing It’s a long way to Tipperary. Pony half empty; white froth hung from his moustache, contrasting with his weather beaten hue.

The pony was his choice. Beer warmed quickly in a schooner during summer heat; the smaller glass was preferable to a man who preferred his tipple cold.

Strains of the accordion faded. As did the vocals of those in the bar who had belted out, in unharmonious tones, the words of one of more popular tunes of the period. In the past he would have been central to the boisterous renditions. But times had changed.

It hadn’t been all that long ago when requests for him to sing, on any Darling Range social occasion, were frequent. His popularity and reputation grew with every performance. His had been a household name amongst the timber folk....if household was the right term, for most lived either under canvas or in humble bush dwellings.

He drained his glass.

“Same again Frank?” enquired the bar maid.

“Same again Gladys.” he responded. She poured another pony.

“On your Pat Malone, Frank?”

His response was short and sharp enough to wipe the smile from the barmaid’s face.

“Only by choice!” he snapped.

Gladys turned on her heel and returned to the ten sleeper cutters at the other end of the bar.

Within seconds all heads turned to take in the sight of the lone individual not six paces from them, and in unison remarked, “Bastard!”

He ignored the insult. These had once been his mates; work mates. They had history....bush camps; batching at the mills; humping blueys; race days!

All forgotten....he had been sent to Coventry.

His reputation as songster and sleeper cutter as dead as a maggot. His broad axe now never seeing the light of day.

It had been his prize possession; his skills and dexterity with it unsurpassed. The timber he cut was amongst the most sought after by the buyers demanding the best quality, rejecting anything they considered less than perfect. Railway sleepers were in great demand for the railways, and had returned him a good living in those times of hardship and frugality.

In addition to his attributes with the axe his reputation as a “shoe man” was also exemplary. The “shoe” was of steel, built to accommodate at least six sleepers; with a flat bottom; raised front and sides; chains that were affixed to a horse’s collar.

His Clydesdale Horatio, a rising five year roan of fifteen hands, could almost work alone, deftly moving between the newly hewn sleepers. Eager workers loaded the shoe, before it was dragged to the siding where the sleepers were to be stacked in their thousands.

Stacked, then assessed by an Inspector... the “sleeper passer”...a reviled individual in the Kalamunda timber community. Sleepers had to be first class. Perfection itself; those with gum pockets

Gary Barber or splits quickly rejected by the Inspector, much to the chagrin of the cutters.

Frank’s sleepers had had a minimal rejection rate. Consequently his money belt had been constantly full. But, it was hard yakka and there were easier ways to earn a quid!

‘Bluey’ Shaw had been the last sleeper passer.

Two years in this role, but the “blues” he’d had during that period, with the cutters, had taken their toll. He had packed it in after buying a place in Donnybrook... aptly befitting a man who had survived twenty-four months of living by his fists, in contests with axemen who disputed his sleeper assessment abilities.

Frank had taken over when Bluey left.

A tap on the shoulder brought him back to the present.

“G’day Franky.” came a gravelly voice “I’m as dry as a lime-burners boot…wotcha drinking?”

“Just beer.....and what are you doing here?

Thought you were out at Blackboy Hill!”

“Got back Sat’dy. Been out at the old place with Mum. Place’s going to the dogs since the old man carked it. Sortin’a few things; probably sell the place; move Mum into Kalamunda. But what you doin’ drinkin’ alone?”

“Prefer me own company these days, Crowny.

Got me old age to think of, so I don’t want to waste a quid on these bludgers!” replied the sleeper passer.

“Thinkin’ of retiring?” asked Andy; ‘Crowny’ to his mates.

“No bloody way mate. Just want to get out of here…get a place out Bickley way. Run a few milkers, grow a few spuds.” was the response.

Before he could elaborate further, a train whistle sent a piercing shrill through the town. All conversation stopped and every head turned to the hotel door as Nob Hobson crashed through from the street.

“Bloody hell!” he shouted “Come on you blokes! Wally Gates has turned his dray over down at the siding. Bloody sleepers everywhere and he’s trapped underneath it all. We need all the hands we can muster.....and a horse! Some brute strength!

Waddya got?”

Frank drained his glass, wiped his moustache with the back of his hand and stated; “I’ve got Horry being shoed down at Macca’s...he should be finished by now. I’ll grab him, and some gear. Meet you down at the siding.”

“On ya Franky!” exclaimed Nob. As one, the barflies forsook their places at the bar and headed in the direction of Wally’s predicament.

McKenzie, the blacksmith, was in the process of cleaning up as Frank fronted up to the forge.

“Ah, Franky. You’ve a fine horse here, this Horatio. Good as gold he is! And with his new shoes he’ll serve you well.” he stated. Then, noticing the look of anguish in the sleeper passer’s eye he asked.

“What’s wrong Franky?”

“Wally Gates has struck a bit of trouble with a load of sleepers. We’ll need Horry to help clear up.

Got any gear I can use, Macca? Chains, harness?”

“I’ve got some mill gear here... just done

some repairs on it. They won’t mind you using it.” responded the blacksmith.

“Give us a hand to harness Horry, Macca?”

Ten minutes later Horatio had been kitted out for action; five minutes after that Frank had him at the siding where confusion reigned.. The dray was on its side, the horses tangled in all their gear screaming, not so much in pain but in panic.

All attention was being concentrated on a confused pile of sleepers, under which Frank guessed, lay Wally Gates. No-one seemed to have control of the situation, and not a lot had been achieved. Rubber-neckers got in the way of well intentioned would-be rescuers, and hindered any attempt to extract the hapless drayman.

“Stand aside!” ordered Frank “Let a man through! Stone the crows, cut those horses free.... here’s my knife! Leave the sleepers to me and Horry!

Crowny, hook Horry’s chains to that top sleeper and give him his head. He knows what to do!”

Andy climbed to the top of the pile and skillfully slipped a chain around the sleeper. Frank let out a soft whistle and Horatio pulled the length of timber to one side. He then released the chain, passed it back to his mate who attached it to the next offending slab of jarrah.

Seven times they repeated this manoeuvre and then Crowny shouted “I see him. Still breathing but he’s got a gash the size of...I dunno... on his forehead, and one leg is pinned under a sleeper. He looks crook; get another six or so off him I reckon we can get him out.”

Horatio stood stock still, having already identified the next sleeper to be removed. The whistle no longer necessary he dragged it away as soon as Andy had the chain firmly affixed.

Then he resumed his position at the next vantage point without instruction and the procedure was repeated. Eight more sleepers were removed, including the one laying across the hapless Wally’s leg.

“Stretcher!” shouted Frank “And get him down to Doc Fergie’s place as quick as you can! And get those bloody horses down to McKenzie, the blackie, so he can give them the once over!”

A light drizzle began to fall as the excitement died and the crowd drifted away. Andy and the mob from the Kalamunda pub gathered round the sleeper passer and Horatio. The murmers grew into full blown votes of congratulations.

Wally’s horses had cantered away to the blacksmith’s shop showing few signs of any trauma; the Mill’s Medical Officer having declared the driver to be suffering mainly from cuts and abrasions. Doc Ferguson would have the final say, but all the signs indicated a full recovery.

One of the barflies called out “Can we buy you a beer Franky? No hard feelings eh, Franky?”

“You can stick your beer!” replied the sleeper passer ” And don’t bother bringing that load of rubbish into me tomorrow for inspection. They’re all crap and I’ll reject the lot!”

“Bastard!” they responded in unison as Frank turned his back on them and headed back to Coventry.

9

the voice of swan hills herne hills highlights

F

or a small rural establishment, the Herne Hill Primary School has had much local success.

Former Swan Hills MLA, the late Jaye Radisich, was a student, as was City of Swan Councillor Darryl Trease.

The suburb itself is home to numerous wineries and vineyards, and it is a significant part of the Swan Valley and its role in tourism.

I have often noted that rural communities seem to very seldom ask for much and are very patient and respectful. However there comes a time where being overlooked can affect the quality and safety of its pupils and parents.

In May 2012, the then-­Principal of the school, Ms Carol Selley, and the P&C raised issues of both safety and obvious need. It became an opportunity for both myself and Swan Valley Ward Councillor Darryl Trease to facilitate the community with minor but crucial amenities.

Yes, the play equipment predominately constructed of the 70s copper-­treated logs was dated, perhaps even dangerous, and had seen better days, a footpath from the school to the parents carpark isn’t such an unreasonable request (especially in winter!) and a sign on the intersection of Lennard Street and Great Northern Highway to identify and promote the school’s existence should not have been too much to ask, especially considering the rail line runs right near the school and does a pretty significant job of hiding it!

During Budget Estimates on 31 May of 2012, I raised the issue of the school’s playground equipment to then-­Minister for Education, Dr Elizabeth Constable, as the budget paper referred to the roll-­ out of playground F Alba

Frank Alban MLA

F Alban MLA with Cr Darryl Trease and Principal Paul Westcott at the new footpath and playground equipment

Understandable, given that there are standards and practices involved with these decisions, but not great news, given that not all situations fall exactly within what the guidelines describe.

Main Roads could not provide a sign on Great Northern Highway without the City of Swan’s commitment to place another sign at the Lennard Street/Railway parade intersection to give further direction as drivers approach the school.

A bureaucratic stalemate. The issue was instantly resolved by a Ministerial meeting.

Minister for Transport, Troy Buswell, advocated for the signage, contacted the City of Swan and all opposition suddenly wilted on the vine! The 2012 n ML A sign is up! )&s w t u d e n it h J as o Sometimes the smallest things cause us to n Cr o ts at t he e f face the biggest challenges. From the school xistints (interim g p la ygrouPrincipa community discussing the idea of signage to the nd, 2 l, 012 installation, it took some two and a half years. equipment.

It’s always the ones you least expect…

This initiative would provide The latest commitment to Herne Hill Primary successful applicant schools with $20,000 towards School community is the announcement of new playground equipment, to be spent as the school saw fit – an appropriate decision given the significantly different schools across our state.

Within a month, the new Minister for Education, Peter Collier, had confirmed that Herne Hill Primary School had lodged an application.

In early August, they had the funding. By the end of 2012, the majority of the equipment had been installed.

Office: Cr Darryl Trease took up the fight for the 28 Main St, footpath. Needless to say, it was accomplished Ellenbrook, WA as quickly as possible, and the City of Swan had 9296 7688 approved the works within a few months of the school raising the issue.

But the signage… What a struggle! The City’s stance is that it does not provide directional F Alban MLA with Paul Westcott (Principal) signage for schools, in line with Australian standards. at Herne Hill Primary School sign, 2013 10

MCC Looking back

W

geoff francis

ith 2013 now in the past, it is time to reflect on the Chamber’s activities for the year.

Several breakfasts with guest speakers were held and several evening functions too. The highlight of the year was, of course, our Awards dinner at El Caballo resort.

During the year an administrator, Rachael Sarich, was appointed and is doing a great job taking on a lot of the work load of organising functions and events.

The committee meets monthly or so for about one hour, usually in the evening, Rachael can be relied on to organise and follow up from there.

Already we have the calendar for 2014 filling quickly with good speakers and events.

If you are a business in the hills, whether in town or home based, the Mundaring Chamber of Commerce is your representative body, so come on board.

We are an active group and growing well. The President Ruth Hampton and committee wish all business owners a prosperous New Year.

rotary interplast

I

Geoff Francis

n other articles I have spoken of the amazing number of international and local projects in which the Mundaring Rotary Club gets involved.

Recently we had a speaker on the subject of "Interplast" For over thirty years this project has helped thousands of difigured people in the Asia Pacific region overcome severe facial or body disfigurement to enjoy a normal life.

Volunteer surgeons are assisted by Rotary to travel to these countries and operate as well as train local doctors in plastic surgery repairs.

All this costs a lot of money, in fact nearly $45,000 to train a local. Interestingly we learnt that 70% of operations are done on people under fifteen years of age!

The constant work of Rotary fundraising supports these and many local projects.

Want to be part of it? Why not drop in on a Wed evening to Mundaring Sporting club at 6.15 pm or ring a Rotarian on 0407 447150.

notes from parliament HON donna faragher jp, MLC Member for East Metropolitan R egion

driving tests for older drivers abolished

C

hanges have recently been made to remove compulsory practical tests for drivers aged eighty-five years and older who are renewing a C class licence.

Licence holders aged eighty years and older must still undergo annual medical tests, however, they will only be required to undergo a driving assessment if it is recommended by a doctor.

These drivers will be issued with a new licence every year providing all criteria are met.

These changes are supported by road safety research which has demonstrated that older drivers do not pose an unacceptable risk.

This research has shown that older drivers are not disproportionately represented in crash statistics with drivers aged eighty-five years and older accounting for about one per cent of serious or fatal crashes in the past five years.

Drivers aged twenty to twenty-nine years represented the highest number of fatal and

serious crashes on our roads.

In 2008, stringent safety requirements were put in place for drivers of any age, including mandatory reporting of medical conditions or driving impairments for all licence holders.

The Government believes that mandatory reporting has proven the best method to identify drivers of all ages who are potentially a high-risk on our roads.

Compulsory driving tests can be stressful at any age and removing this requirement for drivers aged over eighty-five is justified according to the latest research and will also bring Western Australia into line with nearly every other Australian jurisdiction.

Best wishes to all readers of the Swan Magazine for a safe and happy New Year.

the voice of swan hills their inclusion for this financial year’s rollout of Electronic School Zones (ESZ).

This solar-­ powered safety initiative is something I have been advocating for many Swan Hills schools to receive as a priority, due to the rural nature of many communities and the wider range of vehicle types using the roads.

In addition to Chidlow Primary School and Silver Tree Steiner School in Parkerville, Herne Hill Primary School is scheduled to have these lights installed in the 2013/2014 financial year.

Many factors have assisted Herne Hill Primary School’s recent successes. From small projects, to practicality, location, timing, and a little luck, it has fallen into place for this small school tucked away in an idyllic Swan Valley location to reap the benefits it has waited far too long for.

While often the role of a State Government representative involves the bigger picture, it is nice to know see many smaller projects working together to make a difference to a great little community.

Your Local East Metropolitan Members of Parliament

Wish you a Merry Christmas Hon Helen Morton MLC Ph: (08) 9452 8311 Fax: (08) 9452 8366 helen.morton@mp.wa.gov.au

Hon Donna Faragher MLC Ph: (08) 9379 0840 Fax: (08) 9379 0845 donna.faragher@mp.wa.gov.au

Hon Alyssa Hayden MLC Ph: (08) 9274 8484 Fax: (08) 9274 7874 alyssa.hayden@mp.wa.gov.au

WESTERN AUSTRALIA

11

ICE IS NICE

community

senior constable leanne cook

T

he Ambulance Service are promoting a national "In Case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign.

The idea is that you store the word " I C E " in your mobile phone address book, and against it enter the number of the person you would want to be contacted "In Case of Emergency".

In an emergency situation ambulance and hospital staff will then be able to quickly find out who your next of kin are and be able to contact them. It's so simple that everyone can do it.

For more than one contact name ICE1, ICE2, ICE3 etc.

Please do.

Will you also please email this to everybody in your address book, it won't take too many 'forwards' before everybody will know about this.

It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

The Will to Win

Glad. McGough o you let your mind interfere with what can, I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I we would like to achieve (intrinsic know I can reach the top!” when it comes to doing your best, it’s the thoughts that count. (Hypnosis inhibitors - making excuses)?

In today’s sporting and business arenas is a example of how mind can control matter). psychologists are positively contributing to Goal setting within a time frame: plan a step achievement. Either for individual performance or by step strategy (short-term goals) that will get by developing a winning team’s mental attitude. you to your goal. Each step must be realistic and There are many examples of positive thinking achievable to avoid disappointments. What are that has brought success to those who are not your expectations? limited by their beliefs. They take the ‘t’ off can’t! Write down your goal and be specific (this is the contract with yourself). What precisely is to be ‘Can’ becomes their motivation.

There is a simple technique for those with the done? Avoid vague alternatives. But be aware for the need of flexibility to avoid frustrations, should courage to try.

Imagery: Practice imagery regularly. Imagine the out-of-your-control influence occur. what it is that you want to achieve. How badly do Feedback: Each step must measurable and have you want it? Imagery can help to develop a mental a method of giving feedback. Positive feedback blueprint, much like planning what you are going builds motivation and stimulates confidence.

Encouragement always boosts performance. to say at an interview or for a reply.

Thought control: develop of gimmick for Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses dismissing inhibiting thoughts. A click of the before you start. Build on your strengths and fingers or remembering the little red steam work to defeat your weaknesses. Go with the engine that got to the top of the hill. “I think I flow - don’t be too hard on yourself. This can emotionally draining. Instead of mentally berating yourself take a more positive action.

Forget the ‘what ifs’. Make sensible and positive choices. Getting the correct mind-set is one of the most crucial aspects of top performance.

D

12

wise words Zen for those who take life too seriously 1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

5. 42.7 Percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 Percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

11.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Plan to be spontaneous ... tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis?

Raise my hand.

23. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

28. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. Eagles may soar, but weasels do not get sucked into jet engines.

community TIPS ON STAYING SAFE... FOR WOMEN

T

he elbow is the strongest point on your body.

If you are close enough to use it, do!

If you are ever thrown into the boot of a car, kick-out the back tail lights and stick your arm out of the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

A personal safety workshop by an amazing man, Pat Malone, who has been a body-guard for famous figures like Farrah Fawcett and Sylvester Stallone. He works for the FBI and teaches police officers and Navy SEALS hand-to-hand combat.

This man has seen it all, and knows a lot. He focuses his teachings on How To Avoid Being The Victim Of A Violent Crime.

He has some startling statistics about occurrences of random violence that have escalated over the recent years. Something like nine per cent of us will be exposed to, or become a victim of, a violent crime.

Here are some of his most important points: 1) The three reasons women are easy targets for random acts of violence are: a) Lack of awareness. You MUST know where you are and what's going on around you. b) Body language. Keep your head up, swing your arms, stand straight up. c) Wrong place, Wrong time. DON'T walk alone in an alley, or drive in a bad neighbourhood at night.

2) Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their chequebook, or making a list, etc.).

Don't Do This! The predator may be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.

As soon as you get into your car, lock the doors and leave. a) A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: Be aware: Look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. b) If you are parked with a big van on the driver’s side, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

It's always better to be safe than sorry and better paranoid than dead.

3) Always take the lift instead of the stairs.

(Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot.)

4) If the predator has a gun and you are not under his or her control, always run!

The predator will only hit you, a running target, four out of a hundred times. And even then, it most likely will not be a vital organ. RUN! 5) As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. a) Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good looking, well educated man, who always played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. b) Pat Malone told us the story of his daughter, who came out of the mall and was walking to her car when she noticed two older ladies in front of her. Then she saw a police car come towards her with cops who said ‘hello’. She also noticed that all eight handicap spots in the area were empty.

As she neared her car she saw a man a few rows over calling for help. He wanted her to close his passenger side door. He was sitting in the back on the driver's side, and said he was handicapped.

She wondered why he didn't ask the two older ladies, or the policeman for help, and why he was not parked in any of the empty handicap spots.

He continued calling, until she turned and headed back to the mall when he began cursing her. As she got back to the mall, two male friends of hers were exiting, and as she told them the story, and turned to point at the car, the man was getting out of the back seat into the front and the car sped away.

c) About a month ago there was a woman passing out flyers to all the women going in. The woman had written the flyer herself to tell about an experience she had, so that she might warn other women.

The previous day, this woman had finished shopping, went out to her car and discovered that she had a flat tyre. She got the jack out of the trunk and began to change the flat.

A nice man dressed in business suit and carrying a briefcase walked up to her and said, "I noticed you're changing a flat tyre. Would you like me to take care of it for you?"

The woman was grateful for his offer and accepted his help. They chatted amiably while the man changed the flat, and then put the flat tyre and the jack in the trunk, shut it and dusted his hands off.

The woman thanked him profusely, and as she was about to get in her car, the man told her that he left his car around on the other side of the mall, and asked if she would mind giving him a lift to his car.

She was a little surprised and she asked him why his car was on other side. He explained that he had seen an old friend in the mall who he hadn't seen for some time and they had a bite to eat and 'cruised' a while. He became disoriented in the mall and left through the wrong exit, and now he was running late and his car was way around the other side of the mall.

The woman hated to tell him "no" because he had just rescued her from having to change her flat tyre all by herself, but she felt uneasy. Then she remembered seeing the man put his briefcase in her trunk before shutting it and before he asked her for a ride to his car.

She told him that she'd be happy to drive him around to his car, but she just remembered one last thing she needed to buy. She said she would only be a few minutes; he could sit down in her car and wait for her; she would be as quick as she could be.

She hurried into the mall, and told a security guard what had happened; the guard came out to her car with her, but the man had left. They opened the trunk, took out his locked briefcase and took it down to the police station. The police opened it (ostensibly to look for ID so they could return it to the man).

What they found were rope, duct tape and knives. When the police checked her "flat" tyre, there was nothing wrong with it; the air had simply been let out. It was obvious what the man's intention was, and obvious that he had carefully thought it out in advance.

The woman was blessed to have escaped harm. How much worse would it have been if she had had children with her who had to wait in the car while the man fixed the tyre, or if she had a baby strapped into a car seat, or if she had gone against her judgement and given him a lift.

Please be safe and not sorry. Just a warning to always be alert and use your head.

A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.

13

holiday reading sausages

B

y sunrise, Bevan had time for a cup of tea and opened the newspaper.

He knew he’d have at least two hours before the freezer stiffened Marcia’s body enough to put it through the bandsaw.

The exquisite pleasure of watching as she attempted to get out of the bath, wailing in terror, would stay with him for the rest of his days.

Dropping in the humming hair dryer did the deed quickly and neatly. He’d bled the body in the bath, after slashing her throat. God, it was great to be free of the old bag. No more nagging about how useless he was and the sarcastic snipes about his short stature were over, forever.

And her nice tall copper boyfriend would even help him get rid of her, unwittingly. He’d read of murders where an untidy job led the police to the culprit. He’d always been a neat person and the joy of gaining his freedom from the sarcastic nagger would be lost if the cops found out, simply because he’d made a mess.

By morning tea time the body was boned and minced. After a coffee and a biscuit he pushed the meat through the sausage machine, mincing the lot again, adding the various flavours.

He tipped in extra garlic and later chilli, which Constable Bloody O’Halloran often boasted he “could eat till the cows come home”.

Bevan, like his father before him, lived over the shop with the piggery and slaughter yard a couple of miles out of town. It was easy to know what folks preferred.

Soon the machine was pumping out the snaggers by the dozen. A batch of curried, then to the last ten kilos he added bacon and colouring for franks, which he knew O’ Halloran would be especially partial to. Bev sniggered to himself.

‘You like my missus, constable?

Well here, cop this, you donkey!’

He wrapped five kilos for his wife’s lover. H’mm. Ex-lover, he supposed would be the correct term, now. O’Halloran liked Marcia huh? Well now he could have her, but the sour bitch would need lots of tomato sauce!

All the sausages were placed in the main cool room. The bloodied head was a problem. The pigs knocked off the skeleton with little effort, once it had gone through the big grinder, but her grinning face was still at the bottom of the chest freezer.

He’d heard electrocution caused the facial muscles to retract like that and it made him a little uncomfortable and apprehensive. She seemed to be having the last laugh. The half closed eyes gave the impression she was having a private joke.

The policeman had feigned friendship all the while he continued the affair. It was just too much when the lovers happened to go on separate holidays at the same time, leaving Bevan to run the shop. A few calls confirmed what he’d suspected and a plan started to formulate in his mind. Her unexpected return last night gave him the perfect opportunity.

14

The River

Margaret O’Mahony

des burge

Bevan shoved a milk crate nearer to the freezer and stood on it. He lifted the lid, and there was the ugly tart’s head, smiling at him.

Ironic really. It had been years since she’d even managed a grin. He’d decided to cut it into very small pieces for the grinder then see how the pigs dealt with it.

There must be absolutely nothing left, except pig shit. He sniggered nervously as he reached down to lift the head out and almost fell in as the milk crate rocked.

He eased the thick bone carefully through the bandsaw. Similar to a pig’s head, really, except there were no big ears to hold as the saw howled and crackled through the skull, flicking bone chips over his forearms.

‘Now try staring me down now, you rat,’ he muttered viciously as he parted the skull into layers like a cat-scan x-ray.

‘Hey, one earring missing. Bottom of the freezer, probably.’ Out at the slaughter yard the ravenous pigs made short work of the last of the body and he returned to the shop.

That was it, now for a good careful cleanup.

He stood on the crate again, leaned in with the torch and scraped carefully through the frosty ice till he found the golden ear ornament.

He popped it in his mouth just as the crate tipped over. His head bumped the bottom of the freezer and he swallowed the earring. He was stuck.

The frosted sides gave him no grip; his greasy hands making it worse as he pushed and thrashed in panic His short legs kicked and swung in the air, but to no avail. The freezer motor rumbled on, doing what it was designed to do.

Paddy O’Halloran finished the report and lit a cigarette. Strange how things worked out. The affair had culminated in that wonderful holiday in Hobart with Marcia.

Paddy had the fright of his life when she begged him to marry her. Ah no!

He was just not the marrying kind.

What really shocked him was her reaction once she realized she’d been spurned. He’d never seen such black rage as she berated him.

Just as well he hadn’t been sucked in. Packed her things, and left! God knows where to, as she absolutely hated old Bevan the butcher!

He’d helped clean out the shop after Bevan’s contorted body was carted away. The whole town knew how much she’d nagged and poured scorn on him, so the bulletin went Australia wide, seeking her as a person of interest.

There was no evidence whatsoever, but her sudden absence said volumes. No need to complicate matters by revealing the affair.

Paddy held a barbecue that night for the sergeant’s birthday. He adjusted the flame to the hotplate, musing about Bevan the butcher.

He’d been a surly old sod, but boy there was no denying he was a master butcher. These sausages were bloody beautiful!

T

he edge of the moorland gave way to a drop of several hundred feet, faced with huge granite boulders deposited there from a distant Ice Age. Here and there amongst the ancient boulders water could be seen trickling from its own secret place, but intent on a downward motion to the plain far below.

Each small trickle gathered momentum joining forces to become a gentle stream, meandering through meadows, where sheep and cows grazed, and babbled beneath bridges in lonely hillside villages.

On the flat land of the plain the stream widened and, assisted by other bodies of water, became a small river worthy of a name.

The Codbeck winds its way through the old market town, a town little changed since its beginnings in medieval times.

Throughout the years the river has been the heartbeat of the community. As an easy source of movement for goods, providing the energy to drive great wheels in the flour mill.

Along its banks huge willow trees grew, and a thriving basket making industry was carried out.

All in the past.

Now its usefulness is purely recreational. All seasons of the year find keen fishermen patiently sitting watching the fast flowing water and now and then re-casting their lines. Lost in their own little world of thought and enjoyment in the anticipation of a good catch.

Summer sees the river in a more gentle mood with shallow pools and less haste. Children laugh and play along its pebbled banks and hunt for tiny fish with sixpenny nets and glass jam jars hung with string handles.

Here the older children learn to swim by splashing doggy fashion in the waist-high pools.

Girls scream at the sudden plop of a frog near their faces, thrown by some scoundrel boy. The summer dryness causes parts of the riverbed to show and soon vegetation is established, lush and tall. These islands make for more play, as inventive children let their imagination loose and create new games.

Children delight in the water, lovers walk along the tree-lined banks, crossing from field to field over wooden styles or through swinging gates. Maybe they will stop at the old humped bridge and carve their names on the soft sandstone, as their parents and grandparents have done before them.

Happy is the little river and happy are those who walk, play and love beside it.

The little river flows on and in such a short time is lost, along with similar tributaries, as they join to become a finer broader river, the Swale.

As is the order of things, this river too is swallowed up to become the even finer Ouse, which winds along through town and city on its way to the sea.

Before it makes the sea, it too joins other smaller rivers to become the mighty Humber – and somewhere within its mass the tinkle of that sweet moorland might be heard.

holiday reading It’s Not What You Know…

“W

hat can I do for you young Brond”, the Senior Constable asked as I walked into the Police Station.

“I’ve come to get my drivers licence Mr Fox”, I replied.

“Well just sit down for a minute while I finish this correspondence and then you can run me down to the Post Office. Bye the way, where’s your father?” he asked.

“He’s at work”.

“How’d you get here then and what do you intend to drive?” he asked in astonishment.

“I drove dad’s car here”.

“Do you realise you’ve broken the law a n d just admitted to your crime”.

“What law?”

“My God, and you want a licence! Never mind, let’s drive down the street and I’ll explain a few facts of life that go with the responsibility of having a driver’s licence.

“It’s just as well the sergeant’s not here as he’d kick your backside, impound the vehicle and tell you to get your father down here immediately to explain why he shouldn’t be charged for aiding a minor to commit a crime.”

“He knows he’s away Mr Fox”.

“No doubt he does” the Senior Constable remarked as we walked towards the A model, two seater 1938 Ford Coupe with the rear ‘dicky seat’.

“He wouldn’t want to give the sergeant the opportunity of catching him out after he took him to court for collecting firewood without a licence.

“Of course the sergeant broke the law and

DF Brond his excuse of ignorance was not accepted as it transpired that your father had warned him several times about the abuse. However the sergeant is a very nasty man and he’s vowed to get even so you watch your step.”

The driving test successfully negotiated we returned to the station and Senior Constable Fox was about to issue the licence.

“Right, just a few questions to answer and we’re all finished. What do you do if you have an accident?”

“I don’t intend to have an accident Mr Fox”.

“Whether you intend to, has nothing to do with it. Accidents DO happen regardless”, he replied with asperity, “now please reveal the extent of your knowledge about accidents.”

“Well”, I replied after frantically searching an empty mind, “I’d tell my father.”

A strangled gasp and a disbelieving look informed me that Mr Fox wanted more so I attempted to add to his incredulity.

“Of course I’d check the car for damage you know, and then talk to the other person who caused the accident to find out how he was going to pay for the damage.”

“What if he or she were injured?”

“Eh, oh well, they’d be all right. I know all about first aid, I was a scout for years.”

“What about an ambulance?”

“You mean if they were dead or something?

Oh yes, I’d get one if I could.”

“So after you’ve checked that the other

driver is alright and you’ve exchanged names and addresses what would you do then?”

“I’d go home.”

“What about the police. When would you report the accident to the nearest police station?”

“Why would I have to do that Mr Fox?” A loud sigh followed by what sounded like a smothered expletive preceded his reply.

“Did you study for this test?” he asked.

“I didn’t know I had to.”

“Not that it would have made much difference I suppose. I reckon that if you studied a month for a urine test you’d still fail.”

I didn’t think that remark was all that funny, but he obviously did, as he laughed loudly.

“Look,” he said as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, “the law requires all accidents that result in injury or damage in excess of twentyfive pounds must be investigated to see if charges should be laid against either or both drivers.

“Do you understand? Do you know what year it is by any chance?”

“Yes”, I replied, thoroughly chastened, “It’s 1951”.

“Right, got your birth certificate,” he asked.

“Good, thanks”. He sat down at the desk and filled in a form that he then gave me to sign.

He took the form when I’d completed signing and said, “You know, I shouldn’t really issue you with a licence but I know you’re a capable driver and I hope to hell you don’t have too many accidents. On your way and give my regards to your father.”

He was a good police officer and a good friend of my father and they both disliked the sergeant immensely.

poetry SAPPER NUITY

n the Royal Australian Engineers, there’s an average sort of bloke, Who’ll scull your last beer, and pinch your only smoke.

And all the while you’re laughing, as he’s telling you a joke.

Bloody oath ... it’s Sapper Nuity.

Wayne Pantall If the nature of the problem has Intelligence confused, The Psychs are on the couch, and the M Ps are on the booze, The Medic’s mixed the tablets up, and he dunno what to use.

They’re sorted out ... by Sapper Nuity.

When the Governor of Westralia, who proudly calls himself a Sapper, Watches the Brigade march by, with bands and noise and clatter, And the wind whips up and blows the right marker’s hat away Sure enough ... it’s Sapper Nuity.

They’ve lost the map and compass. “It’s getting dark, you know”.

When the Infantry are all confused, and don’t know where to go, He tells them “Fifteen metres from, and parallel to the road to buggery”, Typical ... of Sapper Nuity.

When the Tankies need to cross a gorge, and it seems that there’s no hope, Until some grotty Engineer rolls up, “I’ll show ya how, ya dope, All you need is an axe, a tree, and a little bit of rope, And ... Sapper Nuity”.

But if you’re trapped in a minefield - where booby traps abound, You’ve got to build a bridge real fast, or bring a structure down It’s the Engineers who’ll save your hide, and we won’t let you down.

We’ll use ... our ‘Sappernuity’.

When the Sigs have lost the number, and the Drop-Shorts lose the plot, H Q’s lost in space, while the Truckies bog the lot.

The Engineers come in again, and sort out all the rot, Simply using ... Sapper Nuity.

The enemy has germs and gas, and things that eat your skin.

We take Gibbo with his ration packs, and place the bloke upwind.

And if they ever breath again, they’ll hand their weapons in.

Pure .... Sapper Nuity.

It’s our esprit de corps, that binds us all life long.

It’s ubique, it’s mateship, it’s the way we sing our song.

It’s the way we work, we fight, think, drink and party all night long.

But holdfast cobber, most of all, it’s Sappernuity.

Red and blue, through and through, Sappernuity.

I

15

people UGLY MEN PROVIDE HANDSOME HOME Gary Barber

P

addy Connolly, was famed for building the renowned Kalamunda Hotel out of the proceeds of his win with Blue Spec in the Melbourne Cup (1905).

He was also being instrumental in forming the Kalamunda Golf Club, now defunct and renamed Jorgenson Park.

In addition to these claims to fame he was a celebrated “ugly man”.

Mr Connolly was a stalwart of the Ugly Men’s Voluntary Worker’s Association of Western Australia, generally shortened to the Ugly Men’s Association or Ugly Men. This was a fund raising charitable organisation established in 1917.

It was influential in both the social and cultural life in Perth during the 1920s, with over twenty branches across the metropolitan area.

Membership at its peak reached about 2,000, and concentrated on performing voluntary work,

remarked that the “Ugly Men were trying to compensate their ugliness by hard work. One could not expect to have everything, and if they had not good looks, they had stout hearts and willing hands”.

It was also commented by the Lord Mayor of Perth, Mr Lathlain, that he commended the work of the Ugly Men’s Association and that not only were they that day handing over a home to a most deserving family, but that members had plans to extend the scope of their work to include the patients at the Woorooloo Sanatorium.

The Association, which achieved so much via their fund raising and volunteer activities became less active during the 1930s, and when the Lotteries Commission of WA was established in 1933 this new organisation took over many of the activities of those industrious and selfless Ugly Men. Paddy Connolly (1866-1946)

Prominent Ugly Man, and original owner and builder of the Kalamunda Hotel, Paddy Connolly (1866-1946), bought a controlling interest in Helena Vale racecourse in the early 1920s, and which continued in operation until its closure in the 1970s.

Connolly was a generous benefactor, known as ‘The Prince of Givers’, so when he died on 28 December 1946, much of his estate was bequeathed to children’s charities and almost £150,000 to country hospitals.

Although a successful businessman, Paddy’s first love was horses and campaigned Blue Spec, the first Western Australian owned horse to win the Melbourne Cup. Ugly Men’s Association Picnic-Fete on Mosman Park foreshore c 1920

raising funds and building houses for World War 1 widows.

It was the the Ugly Men’s Association which was responsible for White City, a group that began their charitable activities by assisting poor families who were living in inadequate housing. As money raisers, they built fairgrounds in both Perth (White City) and Fremantle (Uglieland).

The Fremantle grounds were located on the corner of Market and Phillimore Streets (now Pioneer Park, opposite Fremantle Railway Station). Uglieland was seen to be a significant entertainment venue for the less fortunate in the Perth community, but allegations of gambling and other activities contributed to its closure in 1929.

However, ten years previous to Ugly Land closing, late March 1919 saw the handing over to a Mrs Pascoll and her war invalid husband, a home in Parker St, Guildford.

It was the second home completed by the Guildford branch of the Association, and was presented to the family by the Archbishop of Perth.

In performing the ceremony His Grace 16

Members of the Ugly Men’s Voluntary Worker’s Association in parade float for Rose Day, Perth, 20 November 1918

gardening Kangaroo-proof plants

I

t may seem odd to gardeners in other parts of the world that kangaroos can be a real danger to Australian gardens. They eat their way through many precious plants including roses, fruit trees and bedding plants, even hardy native plants which do not appear tasty at all.

It seems there aren’t many plants that kangaroos won’t eat. Aromatic and prickly shrubs are the last to be munched, but by late summer in dry conditions, ‘roos seem to eat almost anything.

The following list has been compiled from information gathered from local gardeners.

No guarantees, but kangaroos don’t seem to like: • Alyogyne hueglii • Astartea fasciculata • Austromyrtus dulcis (midyim) • Baeckea virgata • Beaufortia purpurea • Boronia heterophylla • Callistemon citrinus (crimson bottlebrush) • Callistemon ‘Reeves Pink’ • Calothamnus validus • Chamelauceum spp. (Geraldton wax) • Chorizema cordatum • Correa ‘Dusky Bells’ • Crowea exalata • Dampiera diversifolia • Darwinia oldfieldii • Eremophila glabra • Eremophila maculata (emu bush) • Eriostemon myoporoides (native daphne) • Grevillea bipinnatifida (fuchsia grevillea) • Grevillea ‘Boongala Spinebill’ • Grevillea ‘Honey Gem’ • Grevillea hookeriana • Grevillea ‘Lemon Supreme’ • Grevillea ‘Mt Tamboritha’ • Grevillea nudiflora • Grevillea obtusifolia • Grevillea ‘Robyn Gordon’ • Grevillea ‘Superb’ • Grevillea ‘Winpara Gold’ • Hakea ‘Burrendong Beauty’ • Hakea bucculenta (red pokers) • Hakea francisiana • Hakea laurina (pincushion hakea) • Hemiandra pungens (snake bush) • Hibbertia scandens • Hovea pungens (devil pins)

• Hypocalyma angustifolium (pink myrtle) • Hypocalyma robustum (Swan River myrtle) • Kunzea baxteri • Leptospermum ‘Cardwell’ • Leptospermum sericium (Esperance tea tree) • Macropidia fulginosa (black kangaroo paw) • Melaleuca armillaris (bracelet honey myrtle) • Melaleuca bracteata ‘Golden Gem’ • Melaleuca incana • Melaleuca nesophila • Prostanthera ovalifolia (native mint) • Thryptomene saxicola • Westringia fruticosa (native rosemary).

Courtesy of Zanthorrea Nursery

the leaves that blow GEOFF FRANCIS

J

anuary is the month of falling leaves. Therefore leaf blowers and Vacuums are busy. Perhaps a few tips on their care and maintenance is timely.

Most leaf blowers are hand held two stroke machines, although a few manufacturers are now producing quite light and powerful four stroke units.

The advantage of a four stroke engine is that you don’t need to premix two stroke fuel. It produces less pollution and is usually a bit easier to start.

However, for sheer power, it is hard to beat a two stroke unit. The most common maintenance issue with blowers is a tendency for exhausts to block the fire screen.

This happens more on two stroke blowers rather than chain saws because blowers are often not used at full revs. The answer is to use your machine at full throttle as much as possible.

Another common challenge is the wasps building their clay nest in exhaust or inlet holes when a machine in left idle for some weeks. If your machine starts, but won’t rev, then the exhaust is worth a check. Just poke out the clay with a small screw driver or similar.

Some blowers also have a Vac attachment.

Generally these will NOT pick up gum nuts or sticks. If a nut or stick does get caught up with leaves and hits the impeller, simply drop the revs back to idle and it will drop out... no harm done.

If you persist at revs, the impeller can be damaged. Generally such machines will not mulch sticks, but will mulch up leaves.

Courtesy of Eastern Hills Saws and Mowers

POOL safety GEOFF FRANCIS

t

his warm summer weather combined with the falling tree blossoms can quickly cause phosphate problems for your pool.

If left untreated, high phosphate levels can turn a healthy sparkling pool green almost overnight. This can easily be prevented by the addition of phosphate remover (algea inhibitor).

Failure to treat high phosphate levels can quickly turn to a situation where the cost is much higher due to much higher doses being needed in the long run.

Hotter days will mean higher use of the pool, so regular water checks become even more important.

Do it regularly and keep the pool safe.

Courtesy of Eastern Hills Pool Supplies

Saws and Mowers

cnr

Grt Est Hwy & Chipper St, Mundaring

9295 2466

~ Sales ~ Spares ~

Repairs

www.facebook.com/StoriesMyNanaTells 17

holiday reading Devil Tracks

T

he earth was covered in an ashy dirt that misted around his feet as he walked.

John knelt and brushed his fingers through the paler ash. The under throw of black charcoal marked his skin.

The Foreman’s voice startled him. ‘Johnny.’

John looked up, wiping his fingers on the back of his jeans. By turning, he gave the Foreman the respect he deserved.

‘Back on your horse Johnny, we’re moving.’

The old man looked around wearily before pushing his horse on. ‘There’s too much death here.’

He wanted to point out that there was too much death everywhere. John stayed quiet and legged himself onto his nuggetty mountain pony, who groaned under his weight.

‘Sorry son, not too much further.’

He fell into the back of the line as the other men rode on past. His jaw was clenched and his eyes focused solely on the hoof prints of the man who rode in front of him.

The dust the horses lifted was suspended in the still air and illuminated fiery orange in the setting sun. Ghostly figures of spindly leafless trees reached their fingers up into the sky, reaching out to God. He’d had enough of searching for life and only seeing death on this burnt-out, desolate mountain.

The Foreman threw down his bedroll and this was the place that they were to camp for the night.

John dismounted, unsaddled and trekked his way to the river to water his horse.

It was the emptiness of the wide river flat that stopped him. If The Foreman thought there was death before, he sure as hell didn’t know about this place.

John took a deep breath and noticed the drop in temperature as he stepped from the tree line.

His horse refused to follow at first, rooted to the ground, but John growled at him and the pony reluctantly stepped forward.

The water was still and soured. The eerie nothingness of the flat had shaken John’s nerves.

He trudged across a shallow point and walked further up the river. An intangible barrier was crossed and life around him re-appeared.

John chastised himself for spooking so easily.

The sight of nothing but dead leafless trees and burnt remains of animals had got to him.

He watched his horse drink and allowed him to stand and paw at the flowing water to clean his ash covered socks. John emptied his thoughts and numbly stood.

The camp was set up by the time he returned.

A camp fire burnt hot, stacked heavily with wood to burn down before they could cook on the red coals. His arms were full with more semi-burnt

18

Jessi Ford

logs he’d collected. He let them drop into a stockpile.

‘If you want to water your horses, go upriver.

It’s sour just here,’ John called out.

The tart smell of canned beans in tomato sauce filled the noses of the hungry men as the dinner pot was thrown on the coals. John’s stomach turned at the beans he’d eaten every day while up these god awful mountains.

A flask of bourbon was passed around the circle of weary men. Some poured it on their dinners to mask the taste.

‘We go down the mountain tomorrow, men,’ The Foreman informed in his low voice.

‘But we got no cattle.’ The Foreman shook his head. That was the end of that.

The flask continued to be passed from hand to hand. The silence turned, slowly, into stories of death and destruction. John sat back, mouth closed, his alcohol affected brain blurring the

lines between the real and the not.

It was only when The Foreman spoke up, did the fear, dripping like hard earned sweat, shiver down his back.

‘There’s an old legend about these mountains.

My father told me it and his father told him.’ The men sat in rapt attention. For many of them, it was the most The Foreman had said. He was the kind of man who could work an entire day without saying two words. His dignified silence demanded respect.

‘My father called them devil tracks. Awful paths that would haunt you with their mystery and turn you loco. Pa used to tell this story of this Yank he rode with that crossed one. His horse stopped, he could smell the death in the air, but the cowboy pushed him on. He felt that the world stopped around him.

No wind, no sound and that cold that comes with blinding hate. The other men laughed at him, calling the cowboy weak for scaring so easy, but Pa knew these stories from my granddaddy and gave him some sage to try cleanse his soul, an old Indian tradition.’ The Foreman twisted his own sage smudge stick in his hands before pitching it into the fire. ‘In the morning the cowboy was dead in the eye. Pa said it was like his soul had

been stolen. So bitter and angry.’ The Foreman looked lost in his thoughts.

A chilling wind blew through the camp and an owl’s screeching call made them all jump. The work and the buzz from the bourbon caught up with the men and they all crawled away to sleep.

-oOo The sound of thundering hooves woke John.

Stampedes were dangerous. He needed to know what ever was running wasn’t running his way.

With bare feet shoved in boots, his feet pounded the ground. He stopped, his breath coming in adrenaline-fuelled, ragged gasps, and he realised where he was. He stilled. He’d stepped into the devil track.

Hooves hit the ground rhythmically in a strange, constant beat. It was cattle; he could tell by the way their hooves clicked together, haunting little ticks. An agonised, guttural cry from the leading cow finally made him scatter backwards. He crouched behind a fallen tree, hollowed by fire.

‘Mur-ou-aa-aa,’ the lead cow cried again, throwing its head. Snot ran from its nose in thick tendrils.

John wanted to close his eyes, hide, but what has been seen, cannot be unseen.

Flames licked around their bodies, fizzling the hair and charring the skin. They carried with them the nose-wrinkling stench of burning flesh.

Blood poured out to cover entire sides of cattle’s faces. In their panic, they’d broken horns. Only bloody, splintered nubs remained in their place.

They carried wounds from their blinded run.

John wanted to turn from one that thundered past with a flap of skin hanging open on its chest, plenty wide enough to see the muscle working underneath. The skin flapped as it hit the cow’s leg with every stride.

He didn’t breath as the cattle stampeded past.

He didn’t move and couldn’t rationalise what he saw. But every brand on the cattle was familiar and the same. They were the three-hundred head that he was up here to collect.

Horse’s hooves beat differently on the ground than cattle. Cattle have a mess of constant thumping. Horses are more consistent. They spread their strides out wider and synchronise as they hit the ground.

John realised these cattle weren’t blindly running, they were being chased.

The horses were tall and lean. Too tall for this kind of country, without the muscle to carry themselves and their rider up and down the constant slopes. They were hurting too. Patches of sore bled through the girths, but they’d not yet pulled up lame. They were slick with sweat. Foam built up under the leather that rubbed their skin and was slowly spilling down their sides.

Their eyes looked wild. Possessed.

The men atop could scarcely be called men.

Demons maybe, but not men.

John crouched down further, praying frantically not to be seen.

The front man looked at John just for a moment before he reined his horse from an extended lope to a standing halt with one jerk of the horse’s mouth. They all stopped within another stride.

John needed to breathe. His lungs couldn’t withstand the lack of oxygen any longer. The air was filled with the scent of death and decay. John only just resisted a gag.

‘You hidin’ boy?’ The leading horseman spoke.

John didn’t move. His body, however, readied itself with a surge of adrenalin.

‘I said, are you hidin’, boy?’ The leader’s voice was harder, clearer, colder. He emphasised his question with steps towards John.

‘No, mate.’ John could barely make the words with his tongue.

‘Then wha’cha doin’ hidin’ behind tha’ log?

You a spy, boy?’ Two more men moved forward from the group. Big men. With an air of crazy around them, like they wouldn’t think twice about killing a man.

There was a lilt in the leader’s voice when he spoke to him that made John think that the man was enjoying taunting him. Not that the expression on his face read the same.

‘No sir, not a spy,’ he rose from his crouch.

His muscles were short and tight from years in a saddle. They burnt painfully as he rose.

‘Then?’ The leader prompted.

‘I was keeping my way out of the cattle’s, of which, those cattle, I believe, are my employer’s. I would like to ask you to surrender them to us.’

There was a pause of silence before mocking laughter came from the men.

The leader stared him down with his fiery dead eyes. ‘Those cattle couldn’t trample you no more than your aunt Betsy could kiss you goodnight.’ His stomach rolled with the mention of his dead Aunt. What? The word caught, salty on his tongue.

There was no longer amusement in the demon-man’s voice. ‘Do ya know, boy, wha’ fire does to a live animal’s body? Ever seen a beast engulfed by flames? How their eyes bulge and roll back? How the flesh turns white before it cooks?

And tha’ smell.’ His smug grin was experience.

John was shaking his head, lips tightly closed not to provoke the nausea.

‘It’s a shame really; they’re fat from the late grass. They were never goin’ ta out run them flames, but it’s the fat tha’ lights up quickest.

Before they have time to die. It hisses and pops before them cattle even stopped breathin’.’

John skin went clammy. His stomach pulled painfully; he was only able to step away and lean his hand on a tree trunk before he hurled.

The men cheered in riotous laughter at John’s weakness. Scowling, the leader waited for John’s humanness to pass.

‘You tell y’ur boss, boy, tha’ he knew better than to leave his cattle into bushfire season. His greed means our gain.’

John felt foolish, betrayed by the man who signed his cheque.

‘And you, boy, there’s one late baby calf still

lookin’ for its mamma, and you just ride on past?’

John went cold. No. His brain fumbled its memories and he came up empty.

‘Got yourself questioning yourself now, don’ I?’ John neither confirmed nor denied.

‘To the point, boy.’ John tensed at the sound of the amused lilt back in the leader’s voice. ‘You disturbed our muster and you’ve seen too much.’

John’s hand rigidly clawed against his leg in fear.

The leader rested his elbow on the flat horn of his saddle; he only had to glance at the men behind him once for the hunt on John to begin.

John knew he couldn’t outrun a horse. Even if he could, he saw men with lariats at the ready and knew they’d have no problem in dragging him, alive, over the terrain.

‘Please, wait.’ John put up his hand, shaking., ‘The calf. I want to find the calf, take it down the mountain.’

Everyone went still. The leader cocked his head to one side and narrowed his eyes. The silence was unbearable.

‘The calf, huh?’ That mocking smirk returned to his face. ‘Let me tell you what, boy, if you can find that calf and take it down within the day, I’ll let you live. If you don’t, well, then even your soul is mine.’ John could only nod, so he did.

‘We’ll see you down the mountain then boy.’

His horse was turned and spurred straight to a lope. They disappeared into the night with a cold fury of wind moaning behind them.

-oOo He tripped and fell more times than he cared to remember as he scuttled back to camp. He shook awake The Foreman.

‘Johnny? What on earth?’

John couldn’t stop the lurching sobs that came out.

The Foreman stoked up the fire again and sat John in front of it with a blanket around his shoulders. He forced a hot cup into John’s hands.

Still, he shook.

The Foreman listened to John’s retelling.

‘You’re telling me you bet your soul on finding a baby calf, when we haven’t been able to spot a single living creature?’

‘What other choice did I have, die?’ The look on The Foreman’s face said yes.

The Foreman woke the men all before the sun rose and explained. They all paled and looked at John in regret.

His horse was scared of John. First he wouldn’t be caught, and then he continually shied away when John tried to saddle him. Another man came up and silently asked for the horses reins.

He effortlessly swung the blanket and John’s saddle onto the horse’s back.

‘They smell death,’ he murmured, handing back the reins.

His agility got John into the saddle. His horse was panicked and mostly unresponsive. He shied at wind rustling the leaves. Spooked at a bird flying overhead. And, after hours of searching, threw John to the ground at the sight of a tree branch, broken off and lying on the ground.

He grunted as he stood. It’d been a long time since he’d hit dirt but it was definitely still as painful. He expected his horse to run from him, but there he stood, ears flicking constantly but

head lowered in remorse.

John left him and sat on the branch. He brushed off the dust and charcoal. Everywhere looked familiar but completely new. John’s tired brain had a hard time trying to differentiate.

He felt lost and lonely. His thoughts muddled between family and the calf as he numbly stared to where the protruding mountain ranges turned blue in the distance. He tried not to, but he felt stupid and bitter and cursed the name of God. It was the quietest of pained calls that sent John up and searching. A patch of long dead grass stood out, somewhat protected under a weepy tree. John had seen it yesterday evening and looked at it twice, but ants had infiltrated the grasses and he figured no animal would stay there. His hands worked as quickly as his mind did, apologising and hoping. There lay a dark brown calf with a big white shield on its face. A heifer.

He choked on his relief. But he wasn’t saved yet. His voice rang out, hollering through the hills.

He rode into the packed camp. He was the last one to join them. There was no celebration, just encouraging half smiles and disbelieving shakes of the head.

The calf was severely dehydrated and undernourished. The Foreman tubed a milk and Vegemite mix into her stomach to put some nutrients into her system for the long ride home.

John held her on his lap as he rode. Occasionally she would let out a moan, but she was otherwise too weak. His hand stayed on her chest to feel her heart beating.

He named her Grace. As in, by the grace of God. There was anger in John’s belly as he rode onto the employer’s property. The back door of his lavish house smacked hard as it swung shut.

‘Foreman! Where’re my cattle?’ The employer’s voice was a mixture of humour and hardness.

The Foreman shook his head and said, ‘all we found was a baby heifer.’ His head gestured back to John.

The employer frowned at him. John lost all breath when he looked back.

‘What do you want me to do with a calf? I needed them fat cattle to sell! Useless! You, boy, get rid of that runt, she’s no use to me.’

‘Pardon?’ his voice quivered.

‘Don’t you listen, boy? Get rid of it. Destroy it.’ The employer was exuberant in the use of his arms to explain.

John held Grace’s ribs tighter. ‘Yes sir,’ he said.

A lonely wind blew through the men. The Foreman had turned them back for home, politely declining the offer of food from their employer.

The darkness seeped into John’s empty cabin.

He’d made a bed from blankets of his own cot for Grace. She shivered weakly. She didn’t have the strength to go on living much longer, John recognised. He sat on a lone chair with his pistol in his lap. He cocked open the barrel and turned it slowly. A lone bullet sat in its holding.

The wind whistled into the cabin, bringing with it a chilling reminder of the night. John comforted the heifer with a heavy hand rubbing her neck.

With a click, he loaded the gun. On his knees, he said a small prayer and aimed the barrel at his head.

19

Care and feeding of your PC

a challenge for 2014 P C Surgeon

I

challenge local businesses and other local groups to set up innovative software writing competitions for young people aged 12 to 21 Yes, even 12. At that age very able ‘script kiddies’ as they are called are already actively downloading and modifying virus scripts to cause considerable damage and disruption) Reasons For The Challenge There are many opportunities for young people to work off their excess physical energy. All sorts of sporting clubs, play grounds, swimming pools, bike riding, the beach – an almost endless list.

But what about the youngsters with excess intellectual energy? Basically, there’s very little for them outside of structured school activities.

So, naturally enough, they devise their own outlets via their computers. Being very computer literate (and largely self-taught, by the way) they have no trouble linking up with like-minded others via internet chat sessions.

Soon they are mining the rich resources available on the internet for what you and I would classify as “anti-social activities” but which they regard as “challenges”.

There are online tutorials that soon get them up to speed on using Unix tools for hacking into other computers and networks.

More tutorials are on virus writing. They can even download ready-to-go, virus scripts, trojan scripts and spyware scripts that they can modify to become even more potent and destructive as their skills and knowledge improve.

Tutorials on cracking teach how to break

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20

software copy protection and nag-screens so as to bypass trial expiry dates to avoid paying for the software.

Many crackers set up their own sites and offer cracked software for download (copyright? what’s that?) or they offer their services to crack particular software virtually on demand.

Why? Why? Why? Because it’s challenging, that’s why.

The Local Challenge We need to provide our own challenges to these gifted young people or we’ll lose them completely down the dark alleys of the internet underworld.

Society generously rewards its sporting heroes at local and national levels.

Let our society also begin to value and reward its technology intellectuals in a similar fashion.

Let the competitions start locally – now, here in the Hills. If someone starts the ball rolling it won’t be long before the idea spreads.

My vision is initially for annual state-wide local and regional competitions, leading eventually to national finals.

• Let the winners have their products marketed (or be helped with marketing) to receive generous, ongoing royalties.

• Let them be offered scholarships, travel, PC equipment and other incentives.

• Let there be public recognition and a sense of being valued and of some worth in the wider community.

• Let there be mentoring where appropriate.

• Let there be opportunities for setting up a register of young programmers who can be hired by private individuals or for businesses on an ad hoc basis for writing customised software.

In other words, let our challenge be to help channel all this intellectual energy into useful and productive activities, outcomes and products, rather than into destructive, harmful and spiteful activities.

Living in the Hills are enough energetic business leader, journalists, publicists, politicians, community leaders, teachers, event organisers and others to set up, organise and publicise an Innovative Software Competition divided into age groups and categories.

Any takers to start the ball rolling?

Program Languages & Tuition There are plenty of YouTube tutorials and websites offering free (as well as pay-for) tuition.

For Youngsters A good starting point for a search would be here: www.techsupportalert.com/content/best-freeways-learn-programming.htm It provides an impressive list of “easy-to-learn” languages aimed at children.

The site’s sound advice is to “…start with programming languages which enable you to learn the basics about the language in a short amount of time.”

Languages that will give “…quick results to keep you interested.”

“When you will get more experience with simple languages you can at any time jump to more sophisticated programme (sic) languages if you want or need to.”

No need for any young person to be bored stiff over the summer holiday!

For Adults Let a New Year’s Resolution be “I’m going to try to learn a programming language.”

Well, why not?

Here are just three of many trainers to whet your appetite.

• Udemy offers a range of quite modestly priced programming courses across a range of languages.

• Code School is an online learning platform that teaches a variety of programming and web design skills. Courses range from beginner to advanced levels: http://www.codeschool.com/ • PHPAcademy - more than 500 video tutorials on PHP, JavaScript, jQuery, CSS, HTML, Java: https://www.phpacademy.org/

Finance more work needed on the challenges of longevity steve blizard

F

or readers still feeling frazzled and worn out by the Christmas rush, the prospect of an early retirement might suddenly possess an alluring appeal.

But late last year saw two reports published; the first by the Melbourne-based Grattan Institute and the other by the Federal Government’s main research and advisory body, the Productivity Commission.

Both suggested that the qualifying age for the Commonwealth aged pension should be raised from sixty-seven to seventy years.

The Grattan Institute’s report argued that due to rising longevity of Australians, government finances were likely to be severely strained over coming decades.

In 1908, when Alfred Deakin's Liberal government introduced a pension of 10 shillings a week for workers aged sixty-five, the average male of that age had lived to only seventy-six.

The latest Bureau of Statistics figures show life expectancy for the average sixty-five year old male will live 18 more years.

In the case of the average female life expectancy after the sixty-fifth birthday presently stands at twenty-one years.

This naturally begs the question; if future sixty-five-year-olds will spend twice as long in retirement than in the first decade of last century who’ll be paying?

Unsurprisingly, the proposal to lift retirement to seventy years received widespread negative comments.

The results of the Essential Poll released of 3rd December last, showed seventy percent of respondents disapproving of the Productivity Commission’s recommendation to lifting the pension age to seventy years.

Only twenty-four percent approved.

Women were seventy-six percent more likely to disapprove than men (seventy-six percent), with no major differences within income earning groups.

Only twenty percent of the respondents disclosed that they intended to retire after the age of sixty-five.

This explained Treasurer Joe Hockey prompt dismissal of the Commission’s recommendation.

It is noteworthy, however, that the pension

eligibility age is already set to rise from the present sixty-five to sixty-seven years by 2023, a decision announced in 2009.

But despite opposition within Australia, the idea of lifting the retirement age appears to catching on overseas.

On December 4, the United Kingdom’s Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, announced a new rule whereby the pension age would be linked to average life expectancy.

It is to be set with the aim of ensuring people spend no more than a third of their expected lifespan drawing pensions.

The Government has already said that the state pension age is to rise to sixty-six by 2020 and sixty-seven by 2028, with these dates not changing.

However, these reforms mean that the date at which the state pension age would rise to sixtyeight will be brought forward to the mid-2030s, thereby impacting upon all who are presently in their late forties.

An increase in the UK retirement age to sixty-nine is expected to fall in the mid twenty to forties, potentially affecting those presently in their late thirties, while those in their late twenties are likely to have to work until their seventieth birthdays in the 2050s.

Differing Views However, not all experts are convinced that simply lifting the pensionable age is the only way of tackling the cost of Australia’s ageing population.

Tom Garcia, CEO of the Australian Institute of Superannuation Trustees (AIST) cautions that jobs were not always there or even appropriate for older workers, particularly those in physicallydemanding jobs.

The chief executive of the Association of Super Funds of Australia (ASFA), Pauline Vamos, said: “While retaining these workers is good in theory, the reality is a lack of jobs for older workers would most likely see many individuals in this age group forced to apply for the Newstart allowance in order to survive.”

Ms Vamos added that upping the age could push people in their late sixties onto the disability pension and policy makers should consider the

cost of such an outcome.

ASFA has suggested alternative approaches, including continuation of tax concessions for superannuation contributions and greater flexibility on contribution caps to allow people, especially women, to catch up in their retirement savings wherever possible.

Also, when examining inconsistencies in some of Australia’s arcane super laws, it appears that insufficient thought has been given to the existing measures designed to lift the pension age to sixty-seven.

For example, when super fund members are sixty-five or older, and do not pass the work test, it can lead to a breach of the contribution rules as these members are then unable to contribute to their fund.

And Treasury already has plans in place for a pension squeeze, with the proposed 1 January 2015 start date for Centrelink treatment of account-based pensions.

This means superannuation members now only have twelve months to commence an account-based pension, narrowly avoiding the Centrelink income test of their pension funds.

Australia currently has a superannuation savings gap of $1,063 billion – so a whopping trillion plus dollars - which is the difference between what is actually being saved through super and what is needed to sustain a comfortable lifestyle after retirement.

Consequently far more effort needs to be made to encourage savings self-sufficiency if policy makers want Australians to carry the financial burden themselves of extended retirement years.

Courtesy of Roxburgh Securities.

W

herever you see this symbol you will be able to get more information by scanning it with your smartphone, laptop or iPad. The relevant can be downloaded free from your App Store.

21

education

22

guildford grammar school news

edition of our full-colour magazine, Congratulations!

Congratulations to 2013 the Forward, online at www.ggs. wa.edu.au/News-and-Events.aspx Leavers, Campbell Beck, Tristan Dale, Alex Duthie, Alex Morrison, Out of School Care Jackson Passeri and Aksh Handa Our Out of School Care Program on receiving WACE Certificates of continues to operate over the Commendation!

Christmas and New Year period, Just Loving Learning with the holiday program running The stunning image below of until Thursday 30 January.

For further information on the three Preparatory School students program, visit our website at www. features on the billboard on Great ggs.wa.edu.au or call the Centre on Eastern Highway.

The billboard message is built on 9377 9290. a play of words, around the School’s Follow us on Twitter new purpose, Inspiring students to Guildford Grammar School is achieve personal excellence and to Current edition of Forward magazine now available online! now on Twitter! You can follow us at be outstanding citizens who work to If you want to learn more about https://twitter.com/GuildfordGramm create a just, loving and peaceful life at Guildford Grammar School, for up to the minute news and society. you can now view the current information!

Work has started on new Preparatory School Classrooms!

Over the break, work commenced on the new Preparatory School classrooms and administration buildings, as part of the School’s Master Plan 2012-2022.

The new learning areas are designed to be flexible, with spaces that are easy to configure, have connectivity between classrooms and lots of natural light.

Full details of the of plans can be viewed on the School’s website at www.ggs.wa.edu.au

23

safe

butch, starlight and stumpy

T

hese three grateful dogs were rescued in a remote community and need rescuing again.

Here is their story…..

A true animal lover (and serial rescuer), named Sue, has approached SAFE for help finding foster care for one year, for three of her brood.

She is travelling for most of 2014, and needs to find one or more foster homes for her three dogs.

Her daughter is taking the cat and the cockie already.

Sue and her husband are willing to transport the dogs to their foster home(s) and then pick them up at the end of the year. They are also willing to pay for food.

If you're worried that you might get too attached over the course of fostering, Sue would also be willing to let you adopt - basically any option other than euthanasia is what we're after.

The dogs are 'camp' dogs which were abandoned. Here is a little bit about each of them: Butch is a bush dog. People used to throw stones at him and some even tried to shoot him. It has taken Sue five years to win his trust.

He is a little aloof but he is now coming up to more and more people for a pat. When the vets came to Glen Hill and desexed all the dogs in the community, Sue was able to coax Butch into a room so the vet could anaesthetise him. He is a wonderful old warrior. We're not sure exactly how

24

SAFE Saving Animals From Euthanasia (SAFE) was founded by Sue Hedley in 2003. Since then SAFE has developed branches and networks across the state.

SAFE’s dedicated work has had a positive impact on people, pets and wildlife.

SAFE’s innovative foster care program provides temporary care for animals until a permanent home is found. This means there are no cages or time lines on an animal’s life.

Your donation or bequest can ensure SAFE can continue its life saving work.

Have a look at our website: www.safe.asn.au

with bleeding paws. Sue felt so sorry for Trixie and Stumpy. They were big dogs and without food they would turn on the calves and foals so she began to feed them.

She managed to find a home for Trixie but no one was interested in Stumpy. Stumpy has always been good with the kids but he is very protective of the house when strange dogs come on the premises. He was desexed earlier this year.

Sue says "All three dogs are obedient and respond to discipline (a gruff voice). They are really close and go everywhere together.

“They’re good with kids and love going for long walks. They don’t annoy the cattle because they’re well fed, and have become a little ‘soft’ during their fiveyears with me." All three have been desexed.

If a foster home (or homes) can’t be found by the end of January there may not be a future for them. If you can help, please contact Sue directly: Email: Sue.Smith1@education.wa.edu.au old Butch is but we suspect he is at least six years Ph: 9168 7922 or call SAFE 9185 4634 old.

Starlight belonged to one of the children who attended the community school. The child appeared to love her and Starlight certainly loved the child.

One day the family moved back to Kununurra he Shire of Mundaring is urging residents leaving Starlight behind. to be aware of their requirements now that Sue began to feed her thinking the family would be back in a few days. Days became weeks, amendments to the Dog Act 1976 are in effect weeks became months. Finally, when the family All dogs must now be microchipped when returned, they had another puppy and the girl they are registered for the first time or when a change of ownership occurs. didn't want Starlight back.

When Sue's husband tried to return the dog All dangerous dogs, including restricted to the family, Starlight was back home before he breeds and commercial security dogs, must was. One morning, Starlight surprised Sue with also be microchipped. All other dogs must be microchipped by 1 November 2015. five puppies.

After finding homes for each of the puppies Microchipping is important for a number of Starlight was taken to the vet, never to have reasons, including being able to quickly and easily puppies again. She is really a smart, gentle and locate the owners of lost dogs. very loyal dog. Again, we're guessing she is about The amendments to the Act also introduce the option of a lifetime registration for dogs, recognise five or six.

Stumpy is the youngest. His owners lived next assistance dogs, and improve community safety door to the school. He was the biggest pup in the and controls relating to dangerous dogs. litter. When he was about twelve months old the For more information on dog registration and family left the community and abandoned Stumpy responsible dog ownership, visit www.mundaring. wa.gov.au or call Community Safety Rangers on and his mother, Trixie.

The two dogs chased their owners' car but 9290 6629. Further information on the Act is returned to the house the next day exhausted and available at www.dlgc.wa.gov.au/dogs.

Microchipping compulsory

T

pets modifying dog behaviour jacquie humphrey

B

efore we can begin to modify behavior we have to understand how dogs learn.

Believe me dogs are very smart and learn easily, if we teach them correctly. If a dog does something and finds it rewarding it increases the possibility that he will do it again.

By the same token if doing something is unrewarding then that too increases the possibility that he will not do it again. Just like humans all animals learn through rewarded experiences.

In the past “giving a reward’ was interpreted as praise and “no reward’ was interpreted to mean punishment but praise and punishment are not enough.

Would you expect an elephant to perform for the simple reward of praise “Good elephant” or a dolphin to leap out of the water just for the verbal reward of “Good dolphin”?

So why is it people have the view that saying “Good dog” is all that’s needed to increase the possibility of the dog repeating the performance?

How many humans would be happy to go to work every week if all they received was verbal praise and a pat on the back?

So why expect the poor dog to work in the hope of a kind word? ‘Me Boss you dog’ is best forgotten if you want your dog to work willing and happily for you.

Deciding how to train your dog depends on the individual dog. His temperament, his natural instincts, age, past experience if he’s an older or rescue dog.

All dogs will work for the right reward but what’s right for your dog? Lets look at temperament.

If he’s shy or timid throwing a Frisbee may scare the daylights out of the poor dog on the other hand a tasty treat and a gentle stroke will work wonders.

I know my Working Border Collies will ignore roast chicken on a plate if there are sheep to round up on the other hand my German Shorthaired Pointer will bypass Garlic Polony if I have her favorite toy the Kong on a Rope.

However, move the sheep and hide the Kong and all my dogs will work for food. A reward can be anything the dog views as worth performing for. Anyone would have a hard time trying to shape my behavior with a bowl of runner beans but a $50

Dog Logics Training & Behaviour One on One Lessons and Group Classes Puppy Classes 8 - 16 weeks

Jacquie Humphrey 9295 1768 30 years experience Accredited by: Canine Evaluators of Australasia

note would catch my attention!

I’ve lost count of the many times my clients tell me their dog is a fussy eater or is not interested in treats. All dogs are interested in food … food equals survival!

When training the treat must be worth the effort so always use high value treats such as baked liver, Polony or frankfurters. Avoid commercial treats as these tend to make a dog thirsty and they will lose interest quickly.

In most cases dogs who show little interest in food rewards are overweight, allowed food ad

lib all day long or may have a medical problem.

Fussy eaters are not born they are made that way inadvertently by their owners.

Now here’s a word that I hear often ‘Bribery’… so what’s the difference between bribery and reward?

Bribery is where we use food as a lure to encourage a behavior or movement. Reward is when we use food to reinforce a voluntary movement. For example, we can use a treat to lure the dog into ‘Sit’ by holding the treat in our hand level with the dogs eyes then by moving the treat slightly up and back towards the top of the dogs head which causes the dog to raise his head up and back and gravity makes the tail move down to the ground, we release the treat.

Repeat this several times and then move the treat hand in exactly the same manner but without a treat and chances are the dog will sit - we then give the reward which will reinforce the voluntary movement.

Once we have our dog reliably performing a behavior we have shaped like the ‘Sit’ we now need to use variable reinforcement in order to make the behavior lasting and less dependent on rewards.

A variable ratio of reinforcement is where the dog doesn’t know which time the correct behavior will earn the reward.

That is, you can reinforce the behavior every two, three, five, or more times depending on the dog’s level and the difficulty of the exercise. You may ask him to ‘Sit’ then verbally praise him move

off and ask him to ‘Sit’ for a second time and this time he earns his treat.

When you reinforce behavior every two, four, six or more times you must be aware that the dog can become used to a fixed ratio - in other words if you are rewarding every forth time the dog may perform badly for one to three and only give a good performance on the forth.

I prefer to use random variables in other words reinforce every second, and then forth followed by first and then sixth so that it keeps the dog interested and keen.

None of us will keep trying if the job or lesson we are doing just keeps getting harder but if we gain a few quick wins along the way we are happier to put in that bit more effort, dogs are the same.

With correct training and behavior shaping we can help a timid dog become a little more confident because the dog learns through training to trust the handler and all will be well.

But the dog will never change into a bold dog. An aggressive dog can learn to control himself through training but again depending on the type of aggression this behavior is not going to completely dissolve.

In the same way and excitable dog and learn to redirect that stored up energy into more appropriate behavior that the owner will find acceptable and enjoyable.

Let’s take a moment to look at a very common behavior in dogs that annoy most owners jumping up on people. As dog owners we’ve all suffered this rude behavior from either our own or someone else’s dog. Nothing starts the day of better than a set of muddy paw prints on that fresh white blouse.

Now gather up some nice liver treats and go to Fido. Keep the treats tightly clasped in your left hand then cover that hand with your right hand keeping both hands just above your navel.

Fido begins to jump up you just stand your ground, no eye contact, no voice commands and keep the hands still.

Sooner or later Fido will stand still for a split second – now reward with a piece of liver. Again close both hands, Fido will more than likely start his kangaroo performance but again you ignore and again he will stop – reward.

If your timing is correct and you only give Fido a treat when all fours are on the ground the dog will soon learn that jumping up is not rewarding and standing still earns the treats.

Once he has shown he understands this step you can begin to move around stopping and waiting for Fido to stand still - again reward. This is shaping or modifying behavior the ‘stand’ can then be changed so that Fido offers ‘sit’ instead.

Punishing the dog for jumping up by smacking, yelling or kneeing in the chest will not teach him what acceptable behavior to offer instead.

It hardly seems fair to punish your dog because he’s pleased to see you now is it?

Courtesy of Dog Logics 25

what’s on IF YOU WOULD LIKE AN EVENT LISTED IN Alcoholics Anonymous THIS COLUMN Glen Forrest Group RING JAN ON 9298 8495 Every Monday evening We meet at 7.00pm at the Glen Forrest Uniting Church, Mc Glew Rd, Glen Forrest. Call Dermot BINGO AT ELLENBROOK 0488 905 211 or John 0448 074 536 or the Perth Every Tuesday evening Eyes down 7.00pm at Valley Bowls Club, Cnr Office (all hours) 9325 3566.

Maffina Parade and Cashmore Ave, Ellenbrook.

Lots of games and prizes. Lucky number draw.

AUSTRALIAN BREASTFEEDING ASSOC. Discussion groups, guest speakers, morning Continuous jackpot. Bars open. Tea and biscuits tea. Free breastfeeding counselling. Expectant available. Enquiries Ray 6296 5580. mothers, mothers, babies and children welcome.

National Breastfeeding Helpline 1800 686 2686 is MUSTARD SEED - DISCOVERING COMPUTERS Teaching computer skills to all ages and abilities. a 24 hour 7 days a week service.

Monday afternoons - iPad and Android tablets Swan/Mundaring Group meets every Monday, and Mac computing.

9:30-11:30am at the Gumnuts Family Centre, Tuesday mornings and afternoons - Windows.

8 Mudalla Way, Koongamia. A qualified ABA Wednesday mornings - Club morning. counsellor is present at each meeting to give We are fully equipped with computers, software, confidential information and support on scanners, printers wi-fi broadband and projection breastfeeding issues. Contact Natalie 9572 4971. equipment. Phone 9299 7236 for information.

Enrol now and avoid our waiting list. $3 per Kalamunda Group meets fortnighly on a session. www.glenforrestuniting.org/computers/ Thursday, 9:30-11:30am at the Maida Vale Baptist Church, Edney Road, High Wycombe.

Contact Jenny 9252 1996.

Northam Group meets each second Tuesday of the month at the Bridgeley Community Centre, Wellington Street, Northam 10am to Noon.

Fourth Tuesday each month at Toodyay Playgroup, Stirling Terrace, Toodyay. Noon to 2pm. Please phone Louisa 9574 0229.

poetry One Day

Narelle Tresidder t takes one day to meet a friend, One day to create a trend.

Only one day to figure out a clue, One day to have the blues.

I

It takes one day to cause a disaster, One day to keep going faster.

Only one day to let it all go, One day to promise to take things slow.

It takes one day to make up for lost time, One day to be grateful and kind.

Only one day to have all come to an end, One day to begin over and over again.

It takes one day to change your mind, One day to discover a great find.

Only one day to say hello and goodbye, One day to speak the truth or lie.

community food for thought

SWAN VALLEY SQUARES – ELLENBROOK Every Friday Night Modern Australian Square Dancing from 8.00 pm – 10.00 pm Woodlake Community Hall, 1 Highpoint Blvd, Ellenbrook. Friendly, fun and low cost. No previous experience necessary. All Welcome. Contact Greg Fawell 0417 912 241 or www.swanvalleysquares.weebly.com

the internet

HILLS CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP 1st Wednesday of each month Hilltop Grove Estate, 1645 Jacoby Street, Mahogany Creek. Morning tea provided, between 10.30 - 12.00 noon.

Enquiries Terina 9572 1655.

A

n old man was going for a walk on the beach, when he noticed a little boy feeding a thin, shaggy looking dog with bits of bread.

He went up to the boy and asked him why he was sharing his bread with the dogs.

The little boy answered, "Because they have nothing. No home, no family, and if I don’t feed them they will die."

“But there are homeless dogs everywhere," the old man replied. “So your efforts don’t really make a difference” The little boy looked at the dog and stroked him. “But for him, for this little dog, it makes all the difference in the world.”

26

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