A guide to life on Earth: Essentials

A GUide TO lifE ON EartH: Essentials

Welcome!

This booklet aims to highlight the key essentials needed for your time on planet Earth, they will not only enable you to get through day to day tasks, but also helps keep you up to date, and fit in with the Human species! You’ll be just like other people with these items, which is exactly what you want, it’s not cool to be original or unique Trust me, it’s all about being a sheep.

Life essentials

This booklet aims to highlight the most important essentials needed in everyday life on earth, as demonstrated by the Human species.

Common stereotypes include: Note, that although all listed are essential for basic human survival, they are not as important to human life as one may think.

Food

water

fire

shelter

the sun

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nature

eachother

S E N

O H IP

ARE Y

R O T A

M

D N A

Life essentials

An iPhone is a revolutionary device created by Apple, a company co-founded by Steve Jobs.

What is an iPhone?

The iPhone is needed for essential day to day activities such as taking selfies; (images of your own face to remind others on how you look), uploading these selfies to the internet, and watching videos of cats. Communication; It has become unusual for humans to make real face to face interaction, talking to each other through this piece of glass and metal is preferred.

EVERYONE HAS AND NEEDS AN IPHONE. -Sumaiyah, 14years old.

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Life essentials

The basics all the important parts you should know about.

no. 1 The front facing camera, aka; your best friend This little feature is used to take those daily selfies! Heard of your five-a-day?..Well..That’s it!

no. 2

no. 3

Volume buttons

the original intention of these buttons was to enable communication between humans via their vocal chords, however these buttons are now used to annoy other humans by playing thrash metal or rap music.

H t r a E T I S I V

Battery = life support

Humans now need to be within a few metres of a power supply outlet, in order to ensure that their phone is constantly charged. Never let your phone die. Otherwise, It’s game over.

no. 4 The touch screen

Allows you to control the interface with light touches, providing fast usage. Unless you have ‘sausage fingers’...or tentacles.

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no. 5 main button thing

Press this to get back to the menu screen. And to activate the finger printy thing...If you have fingers that is... Tentacles won’t work.

wifi

Life essentials

Wifi is the same as when humans get together to share things, but it’s all done digitally through electronics.

Who needs wifi?

For most humans, without wifi, they would become very lonesome and bored. As you have probably come to understand, human interaction via face to face communication is almost none existent, it’s to awkward to actually start talking to people duh, most humans rely on the ‘world wide web’ to do all the talking. Wifi allows them to use their iPhone, or similar devices, in order to connect to social media sites, messaging services, and watch those videos of cats.

Some humans demonstrate the importance of wifi by wearing clothing to promote it:

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MONEY CANnOT LeAVE WITHOUt

*Essential*

Life essentials

Money is some paper and metal that you need to get food and pretty much any item you want to own.

What is money?

Money is an item that humans use as payment for goods and services. Each country has their own currency, in England, they have grey pieces of paper that everyone prizes. The more money you have, the more people will bow down to your every will.

If you have no money, you may become what’s known as a ‘Hobo’ and be forced to live in a cardboard box with the company of a dog on a string.

How can I make money?

In order to make money, you must spend your days working from 9am to 5pm in what is known as a ‘job’. There are all kinds of jobs people can do, but they usually consist of slaving away for hours every single day. So, if you want to be rich, you need to work hard, or, you can just focus on your happiness and be a hippy.

BONUS: *Having multiple tentacles will be very useful for ‘hands on’ jobs.*

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Life essentials

What do I spend money on? it seems obvious what you’d spend money on once you experience life on earth, poverty, charity, the homeless? Surprisingly, these things are less important when in comes to what humans spend their cash on.

Humans like to spend their money on upgrading perfectly working items

unnecessary amounts of clothing.

spending money on expensive processed ‘’junk’ food is common.

expensive rocks from the ground.

alcohol is commonly purchased by humans in order to ‘have a good time’.

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‘lottery' tickets are bought religiously by some humans, in hopes of becoming ’rich’.

pets! it is a well known fact that some humans like to spend their money buying strange things for their pets.

Life essentials facebook is a portal that lets you live in the digital world.

What is facebook? facebook is a website that enables people to create an online profile, where they can talk about anything they want, upload pictures, communicate with each other, stalk each other, and share videos of cats.

Creating a facebook profile is essential if you want to make friends, because humans depend on this to keep in contact.

It is also how many humans choose to spend there time, living in the online world where they can pretend to be anything they want to. The human species are a very voyeuristic bunch, so facebook is needed to satisfy this thirst!

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A guide to life on Earth: Essentials

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