April Fools 2023

The Fishing Fanatic April 1, 2023

Pulse Editor-in-Chief to Leave Harvey for Pro Fishing

By Daniel Gasch

As of Jan. 19, Pulse Editor-in-chief Emma Galgano has left The Harvey School to pursue a career in professional fishing. In 2023, Emma will join the major league fishing (MLF) pro circuit and fish the country’s most wellknown lakes and rivers.

In preparation for this article, The Pulse had the opportunity to interview Emma about her big decision and plans for the future. She stated, “I’ve always loved fishing. There’s nothing better than that cool morning air that starts every fishing adventure. School was very important to me, but at the end of the day, I just wanna rip some lips.”

When asked what intrigues her most going forward in her fishing career, she stated, “I am hyped to fish down in Florida. Flipping and pitching a Texas rig has always been my favorite technique, and I can’t think of a better place to do so.”

When asked what she will miss most about Harvey, she stated, “Definitely the pasta with

butter. It is by far my favorite thing about the school.”

Emma’s fishing talent was first publicly revealed after she caught a record 34-pound five fish limit on Lake Mahopac. After fishing a few more minor tournaments, she was invited to fish on the MLF tour.

Emma believes a lot of her fishing ability has come from Model United Nations (U.N.).

She stated, “After sitting through 15 hours of the committee, I had the patience to fish in the least ideal of conditions.” All the time she spent fishing under challenging conditions allowed her to learn the most specific ins and outs of the sport of bass fishing.

When asked if there was anything she wanted to say to the Harvey committee before her departure, she stated, “I want my story to inspire Harvey students to follow their passions and always seek new interests.”

Emma Galgano holding her personal best largemouth Bass Photo courtesy of Kevin VanDam

in pro fishing, and we look forward to seeing her catch some big bass!

Update: Emma is actually deathly afraid of fish.

The Pulse wishes Emma the best as she begins her career

Mahony: The Lyrical Rockstar

By Emma Galgano

Mahony chilling with her band before practicing for her upcoming gig.

Photo courtesy of Jon Bon Jovi

The Harvey School 260 Jay Street Katonah, NY 10536

After years of Ms. Dianne Mahony handing out juice boxes while she recites Shakespeare, that friendly personality was all a way to hide her real identity from The Harvey School community. She is actually an acclaimed hard rock star.

While teaching her AP English class, she slipped up and

spurted out, “I won’t have your essays graded because I have my band practice tonight. We’re going to rock out and learn how to play the guitar from behind the back. It’s going to be rad!”

Mahony stated, “I have never worn so much leather and eyeliner in my life.” While preparing for the tour, she learned to do a backflip while smashing a guitar, which she said was “the thrill of a lifetime.”

All her English students’ jaws dropped, and Ms. Mahony stood frozen. She then moonwalked to her couch and began to tell her life story.

During one of her performances, she noticed Mr. Austin Morgan in the audience rocking out to her music. Afterward, Ms. Mahony frantically ran off the stage and begged Mr. Morgan not to tell anyone at Harvey about her secret identity. Mr. Morgan considered Ms. Mahony’s request and stated, “I’ll keep your secret only if you let me join the Faculty Percussion Ensemble.”

Ms. Mahony took a deep breath and stated, “Ever since I first held a Gibson Les Paul guitar and played the song “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica, I have never been the same. It inspired me to create a hard rock band called “The Lyrical Poets” and we rock out!”

She then revealed that she went on a world tour with Led Zeppelin over the summer. Ms.

After years of Ms. Mahony portraying herself as an English teacher with a love of a theatre, advisory holiday parties, and coloring, her rock star career

Pufferfish

Page 2

Harvey Struck by Strange Storms

By Unknown

The Pulse Staff

for the newspaper, then I got struck by lightning, and now… Oh no! I’m in the newspaper! Literally! How do I get out? Well, I will think about that later. For now, I have to finish this article.

A storm has rudely interrupted a normal day at The Harvey School. While storms are not uncommon in this part of the world, what makes this one particularly newsworthy Editor-in-Chief/Layout is the sheer intensity. The rain outside feels almost solid with Emma Galgano the speed at which it falls, and purple lightning is striking very close to our school Sports Editor buildings. Not only that, but the storm only seems to be Dan Gasch affecting the area withinzthe campus, while anyone outside is enjoying 70-degree weather Bruce and clear sunshine. At this time, the school is urging both Crush students and faculty to stay Benji Cutler indoors until the storm passes.

As I continue to write, it Nemo seems like lightning has struck Spencer Elkind the building andBradley Lederer Razi Tanksley Jonah Weinstock Hudson Zamacona

Faculty Advisor Dory

So now, based on personal experience, it seems that whatever storm is outside is somehow able to force someone’s conscience out of their body. Currently, Purple lightning streaks through the sky above I am looking at my unconHarvey. At least, I think it looks like this. I scious body slumped in front can’t see through this computer screen. Photo of my computer, and, hopeCourtesy of Royaltyfreelightning.com. fully, I can figure out a way HELLO? CAN ANYONE back in. So, I would urge HEAR ME? I NEED SOMEeveryone in the future who is ONE TO PLUG THIS COMbeset by a storm like the one PUTER INTO MY BRAIN! I’ve described not to use any COME ON, ITS NOT THAT electronic devices and to stay HARD! indoors. Otherwise, you’re gonna end up in here with me, and I don’t think you’d enjoy that. Now, if you’ll excuse me:

zZZZZZ Wait, what the heck is going on? Hello? Can anyone hear me? This feels really weird. One minute, I was sitting in class writing an article

“Cars 2” is a Masterful Masterpiece

By Benji Cutler

undoubtedly the greatest film of all time.

Cute photo of Mater, the cutest little

tow truck in the world

Directed by John Lasseter in 2011, “Cars 2” follows up on the 2006 Pixar classic, “Cars.” While the original “Cars” film is entertaining and full of incredible music and racing sequences, sequel elevates The Fishing Fanatic Staff its the franchise to a level we have never seen before in all of cinema. In terms of where it stands amongst the greats of film, “Cars 2” is

Led by Larry the Cable Guy as Mater, the film takes a comedic side character and turns him into a comedic main character. That said comedy will make you laugh every single time, as his jokes feel very original. His most iconic line in the film, “Dad-gum!” is repeated throughout the entiremovie and somehow always makes me crack up. Some viewers may compare Mater to Jar Jar Binks, but those people truly have no soul for all the pain Mater has suffered through!

Additionally, the entire spy plot line is absolutely awesome. Michael Caine stars as Finn McMissile, who might just be one of the coolest characters you will ever see.

Caine was nominated for the “Best Supporting Voice Actor in a ‘Cars’ Animated Movie” Oscar, but he got completely robbed from the win, as the award went to Owen Wilson.

The original score behind his character by Michael Giacchino makes his character so entertaining, alongside his

sick British accent. He did call Mater a fool, though, so maybe he isn’t as cool as he seems.

Lightning McQueen is also utilized to perfection. With the brilliant character arc he had in the original film, completely resetting his personality to the beginning of the first movie was the best decision to make in this movie. He was used only to elevate Mater’s character, which kept the focus on the lovable and hilarious protagonist that doesn’t deserve any of the hate he gets.

HE DOES NOT DESERVE THE HATE! Overall, what more is there to be said about “Cars 2”? With epic storylines, compelling characters, Martin Scorsese-level writing, Mater, and Michael Caine, the film just has no competition for the title of the greatest film of all time. Mater is the most innocent tow truck in the Carsverse, and all he wants to do is support his dad-gum buddies.

And how can you blame him for what he did? The wasabi did look like pistachio ice cream!

Goldfish

Page 3

Frozen in Time

By: Bradley Lederer and spreading through the tri state area.” Pants stated in his remarks that this is a serious matter and needs to be taken seriously.

Photo of a Frozen Clock Courtesy of Pierre Pants

The year was 2023 when the Harvey cafeteria froze in time. This was a bizarre occurrence that had only happened at one other school cafeteria in the early 1900s. This happened because of a super-charged tornado that formed.

According to Pierre Pants, “The Harvey cafeteria is the center of this time freeze and is rapidly increasing

One Harvey student named James Miller was not at the school during the time of the incident. When he arrived at school the next morning, he was flabbergasted by what he saw. According to Miller, he said that he walked into school and witnessed people frozen in time. He stated that he saw a breakfast sausage in the air just frozen because one of the students decided to bounce it on the table to see if it was fake or real meat.

It also happens that you can walk through the frozen time, but it doesn’t change. From the moment of this tragedy, there was only one way Miller could save the school and the world. He had to score in a one-onone basketball against none other than Lebron James. Obviously, it would be easier to score on Lebron than Jordan.

If Miller did not score, time would be frozenmforever and spread to different

countries.

When it was time to play Lebron, Miller was ready for the challenge. When the game started, Lebron scored 20 in a row on Miller but missed one of his shots. Miller then had a chance to score, which would save humanity, but he missed his shot.

Luckily, Miller ended up getting his rebound and scoring an easy lay up to stop the frozen time and save the school.

Mr. Lazzaro stated at a community meeting following the time freeze that Miller saved the school and thanked him for everything. As a reward, Mr. Lazzaro offered Miller free food for the rest of his life.

Harvey School Warzone

By Razi Tanksley

created a solution that ultimately will leave it up to the Upper School students at Harvey to decide. On April 1, The Harvey School will turn into a dodgeball battlefield to determine who has earned the right to have a class trip.

The rules are simple. Volunteers from all grades will arrive at 9 a.m. on April. 1 and in colored clothing representing their grades. Dodgeballs will be hidden around the school in differSeniors against Juniors; only one will win the ent classrooms, the gyms, and the Arts right to a class field trip.

Center. Students will each receive a Photo Courtesy of Eclipse Digital Imaging Inc. number to wear on the front and back side of the apparel to clarify who is Since The Harvey School remaining who has been eliminated. reopened post-COVID, students from ninth to 12th grade have wondered The last person left standing when the opportunity for a class field will be victorious, and their class will trip would be possible. Another quesreceive a tour of Citi Field and tickets tion speculated by many Upper School to watch the Braves versus Mets game students is when Scintilla would reon April 28. Many students across the turn. Back in March 2020, Scintilla Upper School have already volunwas extremely anticipated, but they teered to represent their classes. were sadly shut down due to the COFollowing the color wars that VID-19 pandemic. classes participated in back in OctoTo solve both predicaments, ber, seniors will wear blue, juniors Dean of Students Ricky Forde has will wear purple, red will be worn by

sophomores, and freshmen will don green. To make the competition even more compelling, teachers have even created a private betting pool on the match.

As an impartial referee and monitor, Mr. Forde has stated, “It will ultimately come down to which class has the strongest commitment and determination.” No matter what, come April, the Upper School will become a warzone and will feature live commentary and broadcast from The Pulse.