THE PULSE | APRIL 1, 2025 ISSUE
MR. MORSE’S BRAT SUMMER
By Benjamin Cutler
One man exited the Harvey campus in June 2024 with an emptiness and a gray spot in his heart, searching for a purpose beyond the U S Constitution and the Napoleonic Wars. On Sept. 4, 2024, that same man returned to these hallowed Katonah halls a changed soul, walking into Room 9 in a green puffer jacket stretching down to his knees and rocking shades that perfectly partnered his wicked smirk
Surprising absolutely no one, Mr Morse experienced the “Brat” Summer that fed generations across the globe, but it did not quite touch anyone as hard as the princess marshmallow who rejects toxic masculinity and deeply embraces how fetch he truly is. Not only did he immerse himself in Charli XCX’s “Brat” album, but he was also inspired by this British queen to take a ride to Chappell Roan’s “Pink Pony Club,” take a sip of Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso,” and take Billie Eilish out for “Lunch ”
Concerning the hairs circling his face after Winter Break, known as a goatee, Mr Morse told The Pulse, “This was just one minor example of how I have become one with the ‘Brat’ way of life, trying new things, new looks, new styles, and such.”
Additionally, while he was already a Dunkin’ fiend before his “360” degree transformation, even just getting a “Taste” of Sabrina Carpenter’s “Nonsense” inspired him to switch his daily order from taking a “HOT TO GO!” coffee to a shot of that Morse “Espresso ”
As many Upper School students can attest – such as 11th grader Gary Napoli with a fascination for security –Mr. Morse has been handing out rather surface-level history tests and essays, a major example being when he asked his AP U S History students their thoughts on the Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef
All of a sudden, once he became a “Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl,” he began giving his brightest students the toughest DBQs of all, including the million-dollar question, “Which side of the American Civil War was more ‘Brat?’ Support your reasoning with three Sabrina Carpenter and Barry Keoghan gossip stories ”
All in all, it is safe to say that Mr Morse’s Brat Summer has become a schoolwide “Femininomenon,” inspiring even the hardcore Buffalo Bills superfan Mr Lazzaro to embrace his more graceful side on and off the dance floor So, next time you stop by the sparkling, scandalocious “Pink Pony Club” that is Room 9, feel free to tell Brat Morse that he is so Julia. Needless to say, he feels so much lighter like a “Feather” with his old self off his mind.
Mr. Morse coming onto campus for the first time after his "Brat" adventures. Kiss courtesy of Reese Witherspoon. Photo taken by future "Brat" star Mr Coscio
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harvey news
From his passionate teaching style to his ability to connect and joke with students, Mr Rob Griffin has become one of the most loved teachers throughout his 17 years at The Harvey School One thing you will always hear about Mr Griffin is that he has a story to tell. From encounters with Ghosts at Gettysburg to teaching in the South Bronx to working at Verizon, Mr Griffin seems to have an endless amount of tales and wisdom gained through his experiences However, Mr Griffin has barely scratched the surface of his past
In an exclusive interview with The Pulse, Mr Griffin further shared his adventures throughout his time on Earth
The Pulse: Thank you for taking the time to share a little more about your background, Mr Griffin Could you state what you do here at Harvey for anyone who may not know you?
Griffin: Of course I’m Mr Griffin I’ve been a teacher here at Harvey for 17 years I’ve consistently taught the AP Euro class here, but I’ve also taught some other history courses and some elective classes I’m also the assistant coach for the Football team and the assistant coach for the JV Basketball team
The Pulse: Now, Mr Griffin, you like to share a lot of stories of your life. What is one of your favorite memories?
Griffin: Well, they actually made a book about it that later became a series of movies But one of my favorite memories has got to be resting with God on the Seventh Day
The Pulse: What do you mean you rested with God on the Seventh Day?
Griffin: Well, Georgie and I go way back. But, yes, watching him create our universe was truly something to behold I was his first creation, you know Starting a whole universe is a lot to accomplish without someone to be there for you
TALES OF GRIFFIN
By Connor Harrington
The Pulse: So, you’ve been around for a while then. How come you chose to stay on Earth when you could be in God’s Kingdom?
Griffin: Oh, well, he actually prefers the name Georgie He hates the title of God Anyways, after Satan brought chaos to Eden, Georgie needed someone to keep the Devil in hell, so, here I am doing a favor for my friend
The Pulse: Could you tell us more about the adventures you’ve been on? A lot could happen in all that time on Earth
Griffin: Well, actually, yes. A lot of people think the whole “Middle Earth” thing from “The Lord of the Rings” was just made up, but it was actually a real place at one point. I myself fought at the Battle of the Black Gate to defeat Sauron I battled alongside Gandalf, actually He was a wise wizard
The Pulse: That’s truly incredible Did you get to take home any trophies or souvenirs from that time period?
Griffin: No, after that I thought it was best to go rest I rested for a truly long time, and when I awoke, the world looked very different from what I had previously remembered When I woke up, a young man was actually sitting in front of me He told me how he was seeking to understand the world further
The Pulse: Do you remember the man’s name?
Griffin: If I remember correctly, I believe it was Plato I took him under my wing for some time, and we would talk and discuss the world around us We would talk and contemplate for hours He was a rather interesting person
The Pulse: Are you saying you are the one that taught the famous Greek philosopher Plato?
Griffin: Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say I taught him, but I did know him before he became famous for all that philosophy stuff he did later on
The Pulse: More recently, what have you been up to?
Griffin: Well, while I was on a trip upstate, my wife and I ran into one of the biggest bears I’ve seen. It put up a good fight, but in the end, I was going home with a bear rug for my house
The Pulse: So, you had to put the bear down?
Griffin: No, of course not; that would be inhumane I tied the bear up and took him home alive
The Pulse: So, how did you go home with a bear rug?
Griffin: Well, that’s what we use him for He’s too afraid to stand up against me after our fight.
The Pulse: Fighting a bear and winning is truly incredible, but having a bear be afraid of you, that’s really something
Griffin: Yeah, I suppose it is
The Pulse: Well, thank you very much for your time, Mr Griffin I’m sure these stories will give students more insight into your life
Griffin: Of course, thank you for speaking with me.
Following The Pulse’s interview with Mr Rob Griffin, he ascended back to the heavens to hang out with Georgie
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Mr. Griffin alongside Gandalf preparing for the final battle against Sauron.
harvey news
THE WICKED WITCHES AND ADELE DAZEEMS OF THE HARVEY FACULTY
Following two consecutive fall musical productions where there was too much drama in the Drama Department, Performing Arts Chair Mr Alexander decided on a faculty only production for the next Lasdon Theater performance With such a diverse group of actors disguised as educators, Mr A knew the only show that could truly capture the talent amongst Harvey teachers was by “holding space” for “Wicked ”
The first pre-production challenge that Mr A faced was the fact that “Wicked” currently dominates both the Broadway and cinema box offices As an Italian “Godfather,” Mr A used his connections to blackmail Stephen Schwartz, the brilliant mind behind the score of “Wicked,” to allow The Harvey School a one-night only production of the smash-hit
The next step of producing a musical is casting. He assembled an amazing creative team of Mr Norman and Ms Olsen to help bring the story of two Ozian witches to life He first cast the supporting characters: Boq, Nessarose, Fiyero, Doctor Dillamond, Madame Morrible, and The Wizard
Due to the dearth of “short kings” amongst the Harvey faculty, Mr A took the liberty casting himself as Boq Opposite him, he cast Mr Esposito as the “tragically beautiful” Nessa As the official budgeting analyst of the performing arts department, Mr Esposito allocated 30 percent of Harvey’s quarterly budget to bedazzling his wheelchair
For the Ozian adults, Mr. A. cast Mrs. Mahony and Mr Lazzaro as Madame Morrible and the Wizard of Oz, respectively A reliable source reported to The Pulse that Mrs Mahony purchased 50 hours of vocal lessons to prepare for her role
When the cast list was sent out, the role of Dr Dillamond was still to be determined However, when Mr Griffin’s AP Euro students discovered their teacher humming along to The Doors’ “Hello, I Love You,” a school-wide campaign was launched to persuade him to join the cast Mr Norman stated, “his goat-like vibrato made his baritone voice an excellent addition to the ensemble ”
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By Logan Kreisberg
Anyone who has Mr Seymour as a teacher knows he is a strong mover; within one slot, Seymour stands in nearly every spot of his classroom–even on top of his chair more than once So when Mr A had to cast the brainless Fiyero, he knew the only teacher that dances “through life” like the character is Mr Seymour
Unfortunately, tragedy struck during an evening rehearsal when Mr Seymour suffered a brutal knee injury while jumping off a table For most, a dislocated knee might not have been a major issue, but due to Mr Seymour’s years of wrestling, the injury was far more severe
Knowing that his recovery would extend through the end of the school year, Mr Seymour passed his role to the immensely talented Mr Morse A natural storyteller, Mr Morse fully embraced the character of Fiyero. After achieving complete “Brat” enlightenment, he took his performance to the next level by adding Charli XCX-style autotune to his solos
Finally, rounding out the cast of this incredible production were the principle witches Glinda and Elphaba A plethora of Harvey teachers, both past and present, auditioned for these parts Teachers who auditioned include Ms Saraniti, Ms McCaine, Ms Zeigler, and even Mr Cornell
Image of the human and goat leads of Harvey's "Wicked" production singing the Act 1 finale "Never Gonna Give You Up " Taken by Jenny Neutch
Nevertheless, the actors who were ultimately cast were Ms Holmes and Mr Kelly For the Act 1 finale number, a greenified Mr. Kelly was able to hook up his back brace to one of his drones so he would be “Defying Gravity ”
The production gained so much buzz throughout the Harvey community, packing the Lasdon theater to capacity Students, faculty, and alumni gathered to watch their favorite teachers take the stage Former student and Pulse international correspondent Olivia Barsky even traveled from Rome to see Ms Holmes in her bubble to sing “No One Mourns the Wicked ”
Although the production was clearly a success, the themes of the show did not resonate with the community Shortly after opening night, the administration conducted an internal investigation to determine whether there are witches amongst the faculty Despite junior Rowan Fisher capturing quality pictures of Mrs Mahony and Mr Kelly riding broomsticks to the cast party, officials ultimately concluded that a substance in Elphaba’s green paint temporarily granted those who touched it the ability to fly. All members of the cast were officially ruled temporarily insane
Believing the charm to be the work of infamous Harvey ghost, Mr A decided that this would be the last Harvey faculty production in order to prevent further hauntings Nevertheless, The Pulse extends its congratulations to the “wickedly talented” cast and crew for bringing the story of “Wicked” to life
harvey news
SARAH AND SARA
By Daniela Rynott
Normally, The Pulse is not one to write an exposé about Harvey teachers, but this story is absolutely essential for the community to be aware of The case began two weeks ago, when Tinsley Valenti was walking through the Commons and suddenly ran into Biology teacher Ms. Silverstein.
After joining Ms Bean’s new vegan club, not only had Tinsley become an avid tofu-eater, but she stayed away from as many animal carcasses as possible Tinsley was on her way to ask if she could watch her biology class’s fetal pig dissection from afar “Optimally, from outside the classroom window,” she told The Pulse.
“I called out Ms Silverstein’s name three times, but she didn’t turn around, so I tapped her on the shoulder ” Here, Tinsley paused, her cheeks reddening “When she turned around, I saw a name tag on her flannel It said ‘Sarah Zeigler’ in all-uppercase, Sharpied letters I’ve never been so embarrassed.”
The following day, Tinsley happened to have Murder Mysteries class with Ms Holmes for the hour slot, but she was the only one who showed up All the seniors skipped House and the first slot due to a drizzle that made it “too hard to drive.”
According to Ms Holmes, when Tinsley walked into the room, she said, “Holmes, we have a mystery to solve ” Within two days, the dynamic teacher-student duo had solved their case Their findings are shocking
The Pulse regrets to inform the Harvey community that the culprit behind the scientific conundrum of the two identical Sara(h)’s is none other than the Harvey Robotics Team In an attempt to win the National Vex Robotics Competition, Mr Kelly and a group of his students Meaghan Sullivan, Sara Strnad, and Ryan Dey decided to AI generate a clone of Sarah Zeigler.
Meaghan worked on the outer design of Ms Silverstein, perfecting everything, including the bounce of her curls, to match that of Ms Zeigler’s Ms Holmes and Tinsley, hacking into the Harvey computer system, found a Remind receipt between Mr Kelly and Mr Lazzaro, where Kelly asked for fifty 3D printers.
The Sara(h)s posing for the National Vex Robotics Awards photo submission. Category: best 3D printed creation" with the photo taken by Mr. Kelly.
“We found the printers in a secret room,” Ms. Holmes revealed to The Pulse “After doing a deep search of the Robotics Lab, Tinsley found a trap door entrance under the Vex arena table ” In this dank cellar, Mr Kelly and Ryan used their new equipment to create Silverstein’s lifelike outer shell
Finally, Sara Strnad a cheerful student during the day but a devilish engineer in the dark wired the Harvey biology teacher to have homosapien tendencies From facial expressions to eating her daily salad at lunch, Ms Silverstein has been automated down to the very last action
Multiple members of the Harvey community have fallen into the clones’ trap. After her first day on campus, Ms. Silverstein was instantly mistaken for Ms Zeigler by Mr Wahlers He could be heard calling out her name as he zoomed by on his golf cart “Thanks, Sarah!” he exclaimed, as Ms Silverstein wondered who the random man was, why he was thanking her, and how he knew her name
So, next time you think you see Ms Zeigler or Ms Silverstein in the Commons, make sure to double check before making any assumptions Due to Harvey Robotics’ tedious work, the two are, well, clones The Pulse predicts a definite win for “Best AI Generated Clone” at this year’s National Vex Convention
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harvey news
THE HARVEY MYSTIC’S TRUE IDENTITY FOUND: MR. PRICE!
This Tuesday, a shocking discovery was made in Ms Noke’s closet Instead of the usual art supplies, abandoned ancient projects, and dead mice, students found the space adored with dark tapestries, crystals, and incense. In the center of the now transformed closet, placed on top of a large wooden frame, sat a colossal glass orb However, upon closer inspection, students found this orb quite peculiar For instead of being your usual, not odd at all, clear glass ball, inside there was a cloud of glittery fog
The school staff quickly took action after being informed of the discovery They searched the closet for any evidence that could lead them to a possible suspect However, to their surprise, tucked behind one of the tapestries, was none other than one of the Australian musician Rick Price’s CDs!
Faculty needed no more proof to lead them to a solid suspect, for this piece of evidence was a dead giveaway Mr Price was immediately brought into Mr. Forde’s office for questioning However, when asked if he was the one who had been practicing such dark spiritualistic arts in the closet, he laughed as he replied, “Took you long enough to figure that out!”
Mr Forde was taken aback, confused as to why Mr Price had just outright admitted that he was the claimed “Harvey Mystic ” Mr Forde immediately asked Mr Price why he had decided to completely trash Ms Noke’s closet in order to pursue such a bizarre hobby.
With a smile, Mr Price simply stated that he has gotten bored of the usual complaining and drama that ensued in his classroom, so he discovered his passion for the art of fortunetelling “Only for the greater good of course!” he added with a smirk.
By Sophia Thilo
Mr Price went on to tell marvelous stories of what he saw in the future. With the magic of cadmium yellow essence, matte medium paint, and a LOT of glitter, Mr Price had gained a third eye of sorts, and through his crystal ball, he can see into some of the near future of Harvey!
It was through this crystal ball that Mr Price saw visions of an incredibly fabulous adaptation of “Wicked,” the mysterious cloning device, and an unknown teacher confessing to having a truly BRAT summer!
“There is something else I have begun to sense, however ” Mr Price stated with a hint of worry in his voice “Something quite strange has been interfering with my readings, something other-worldly ” Mr Price said under his breath as if afraid someone, or something, would hear him.
Mr Forde begged him to explain what this exactly meant, and, hesitantly, Mr Price beckoned him closer He explained that he is convinced that something, or someone, has appeared on his crystal ball multiple times, disturbing his fortune-telling greatly Mr Price had been investigating whatever this being could be for quite some time “Mr Forde,” Mr Price said with a serious tone “I know not what this could be, but I have many reasons to believe that someone at The Harvey School is harboring magic far more powerful than mine ”
Both faculty members were visibly shaken by this news, and all of a sudden, the room seemed to grow cold, almost frigid. Sensing something was apparently wrong, Mr Forde dismissed Mr Price without a further word
Both faculty members were visibly shaken by this news, and all of a sudden, the room seemed to grow cold, almost frigid Sensing something was apparently wrong, Mr Forde dismissed Mr Price without a further word.
While one mystery was solved that day, a far darker one was unveiled To this day, nobody has spoken of this supernatural being that has been rumored to exist Not even Mr Price has mentioned it.
Nevertheless, many strange occurrences have been reported by students, and a very powerful aura has been felt by many outside of a very specific teacher’s classroom. This classroom belongs to Mr Griffin
Photo is courtesy of The Ghost of Calculus
harvey news
BREAKING: FACULTY MEMBERS FORM UNDERGROUND COMPETITIVE BASKETBALL LEAGUE
By Brandon Levine
Shocking Harvey news! The Harvey faculty have been running a highly competitive underground basketball league during after school hours That's right! The same people who assign five-page papers and detentions for missing House are out here running fast breaks and their own fouls in a heated full-court battle
This was a shocker to all Harvey students, as they just found out that by accident A student went into the Old Gym late at night and witnessed this happening Sources, who may or may have not snuck into the gym after hours, say that the league began as a simple “team building” activity for the teachers But, as in all things that involve competition, it quickly escalated into full-on basketball warfare Now, it's a structured league with teams, referees, and a championship trophy made from an old dodge ball and a broken stapler
“We’re not just here to teach- we’re here to dominate,” said history teacher Mr Coscio, who has taken on the role of playercoach for the Social Studies Slammers His team, which also features specialist Mr Griffin, is determined to prove that understanding of history translates to strategy on the court.
Meanwhile, the Science Shockers, led by Mr Leibovic and Mr Saltz, believe their knowledge of Physics and Biomechanics will give them an edge “Every shot follows a trajectory, every movement is a reaction to a force,” Leibovic explained “If we calculate everything correctly, there’s no way we can lose ”
The Math Magicians, featuring Mr Mundo and Mr. Zazzarino, are relying on their statistical knowledge to gain an edge Mundo insists that, based on last year’s faculty fitness test results, his team has the best endurance “Numbers don't lie,” he confidently stated “Enjoy your fourthquarter fatigue ” Across the hall, the English Enforcers, led by Ms. Holmes, are taking a more poetic approach to the game, claiming they will “write the ending” to every matchup
As the faculty league is going to kick off this Friday in the school gym, the first showdown will feature the Social Studies Slammers against the Science Shockers The Math Magicians and English Enforcers will follow, so get ready for a night of brainpower and basketball brilliance
Although every team thinks they know what the magic formula for success is, there can only be one champion However, in an unfortunate twist, it was revealed that there was going to be no actual prize for the winner because the championship trophy had mysteriously gone missing
Some people have said that it was misplaced in a supply closet for years, while others say that it was stolen by a past champion who did not want to give it back Either way, the teachers are playing for pride, bragging rights, and the opportunity to establish who's the best hoopers in the school
THE PULSE STAFF
Lead Editors & Layout
Benjiamin Cutler
Logan Kreisberg
Sports Editor
Brandon Levine Writers
Jack Amann
Teddy Clement
Jenny Neutch
Connor Harrington
Eli Klagsbrun
The Ghost of Calculus
Daniela Rynott
Rohan Singh
Arav Shah
Sophia Thilo
Italian Correspondent
Olivia Barsky
Faculty Advisor
VA Homeless (Glinda)
RIP Our Fallen Soldier Tinsley Valenti
Special Thanks
Gary Napoli
Image constructed by Brandon Levine.