The Galgano Tribune(The Pulse Volume 20 Apr 1, 2020)(April Fools' Edition)

The Harvey School Renamed: The Galgano School

April 1, 2020 Volume 20

by Steven Chase

Featured in this issue: l Lazzaro Leaves l Sklar the Star l New Hockey Coaches

President of the Harvey School Student Council Daniel Patrick Galgano is finally getting the recognition he deserves! The Harvey School is officially going to be named The Galgano School, named after President Galgano.

site, galganoschool.org. The sign at the bottom of the hill when students first enter Harvey is already in the process of being redesigned and will be implemented at the beginning of the summer.

In a yearlong conversation between Student Council and the administration, it has been decided that Galgano needs to graduate Harvey with a legacy. It has been decided that Galgano has been given the honor to have The Harvey School renamed under his name.

The Pulse interviewed Galgano on his thoughts when he heard about the change.

Galgano answered, “I am honored to have the school renamed after me.”

The Galgano School will be put into place by the beginning of next year, and all banners and signs will be changed to represent The Galgano School instead of The Harvey School. All sports will have their jerseys remade and redesigned to represent The Galgano School.

The Harvey School website will be changed, and there will be a new web address that students need to use. If students enter the old address, which is harveyschool.org, it will redirect them to the new web-

The Pulse then asked Galgano if there is anything he is excited or worried about, and Galgano stated, “The name change will help me in the world after college, and I am excited to witness all of the opportunities this is going to give me. I am not specifically worried about anything other than my sister getting the credit.”

The Pulse congratu- Daniel Patrick Galgano taking the lead at an important lates Galgano and cannot wait meeting. Photo credits to The Harvey School. until the changes have been implemented.

Lazzaro Leaves: From the School to the Stage

by Lauren Grauer

On Feb. 26, Mr. Lazzaro did not show up for school. Students and faculty were hit with surprise, as this is extremely out of character for the old Head of The Upper School Mr. Lazzaro.

The Harvey School 260 Jay Street Katonah, NY 10536

Mr. Lazzaro finally picked up the phone to Mrs. Visintainer at 6:00 p.m Feb. 26 when he was cooking dinner. Mr. Lazzaro only had a few minutes to talk, because he takes cooking dinner very seriously. In the short conversation between the two, Mr. Lazzaro relayed to Mrs. Visintainer that he left The Harvey School.

What could be so important to cause Mr. Lazzaro to abruptly leave?

Mr. Lazzaro said, “I will be putting a plot twist on my life.” Mr. Lazzaro has been offered the opportunity to work with the Broadway Theatre Company in writing a play.

This opportunity was granted to him because the playwright of “Hamilton,” Lin-Manuel Miranda, was so impressed when he stopped by to watch the plays his U.S. History class performed.

Where did Mr. Lazzaro go? Photo By Lauren Grauer.

Lazzaro Leaves..., cont. on inside cover.

OP / Ed

Page 2

Dear Harvey Community:

The Pulse Staff Editor-in-Chief Daniel Patrick Galgano Sports Editor Jacob Reid

Samuel Aidan Thomas Buchmueller Steven Chase Lauren Grauer

Faculty Advisors Virginia Holmes

In Feb. 44 BCE, the Roman Senate Julius Caesar was named Dictator Perpetuo, meaning “Dictator in Perpetuity.” Caesar was bestowed this title after he had served the Roman state as general, consul, and dictator for over 20 years. Caesar was meant to serve this post, until he either died or resigned from office.

I am writing to announce that I will be accepting the post “Praefecus Perpetuo,” or President in Perpetuity, here at our school. To go along with this change, The Harvey School will be renamed “The Galgano School” (see article: The Harvey School Renamed: The Galgano School).

When you go to the polls at the end of this year, you will notice that there will be only one name on the ballot paper, mine, and you will notice no space to insert a custom candidate. After a year-long golden age for The Harvey School, filled with necessary reforms, myself and the Harvey administration have seen it as necessary that I remain in office for the foreseeable future.

I ask that you not greet this news with hostility, as some may be tempted to do, but with open arms! As our school and community continues to grow, so must the power and influence of our leaders.

As a school and a community, we face new challenges that need complex and nuanced solutions, and only a skilled technocrat, such as myself, can truly guide us through that path.

Praefecus Perpetuo Daniel Patrick Galgano.

Photo courtesy of The Harvey School Development Department.

This school deserves a stable and reform-driven administration, which has proven to hold the trust of its constituents.

I will be splitting my time between Washington, D.C. and New York, as to ensure that my responsibilities here are kept up, as well as my other commitments.

My new eternal administration will usher in a new era of change and prosperity to our campus, that all of the Harvey community will benefit from. I will ensure the longevity of this institution and the happiness of the people within it.

I am fully confident in the support of Student Council and our school’s community in their support for this decision and I hope that all of our students are excited for the new opportunities that await us.

By the time The Pulse goes to print, the Ides of March will have passed, and we will greet the anniversary of of the death of the last great ruler of our world, with the beginning of a new one. That is, unless someone is feeling particularly mischievous: there will be no “et tu Harvey?”

Sincerely,

Daniel Patrick Galgano

Praefecus Perpetuo

Lazzaro Leaves.., cont. from cover.

Mr. Lazzaro will be writing a play on The Industrial Revolution, calling it “The Factory.” Mr. Lazzaro said, “I was inspired when this name came to me, because I feel that is catchy and memorable.”

“The Factory” will be performed in the Richard Roger’s Theatre, when it takes the place of “Hamilton.”

2019-2020 Pulse Staff

The play will educate society on what it was like for the average American living during this time period. Mr. Lazzaro said, “I really want to highlight what a day in the life of a coal mining worker looked like. It is easy to underestimate what these workers went through.”

Mr. Lazzaro says that he will be making a more formal announcement regarding his departure.

News from The Harv

Page 3

Sklar the Star

by Thomas Buchmueller

Bachelor fever has taken over the discussions this winter here at The Harvey School. High school students have always talked about drama between people, but students seem more interested with whether Hannah Ann, Victoria F., or Madison is going to get selected as Pete the pilot’s next wife.

Less than five minutes after his arrival on the Harvey School campus, “Bachelor” host Chris Harrison knew he found the man he’s been searching for. The first person he saw on campus gave him instant jealousy because of his magnificent beard, and they knew they could not find a better man. That man was Harvey great, Jacob Sklar.

With this season of “The Bachelor” coming to a close in the next few weeks, ABC and their producers have set off on a journey to discover who the next bachelor is going to be. Throughout this season, the current bachelor, Pete, has been intensely scrutinized on the internet, which has led to potential future bachelor’s second guessing the idea of going on the show.

With fewer and fewer men applying to become America’s most hated/loved man, “The Bachelor” team had to turn to some obscure recruiting methods to find their next superstar. They began to go around high schools looking for a senior to groom into their ideal man. However, when they visited Harvey, they found a man who needed no grooming.

After winning the Harvey Speech contest earlier this year, being named the next Bachelor has become his second biggest accomplishment. When asked for his reaction, Sklar said, “I knew I was hot, but not that hot. I hope the girls will be able to look past my beautiful beard and love me for my personality.”

To practice with dealing with the drama of dating several girls at once, Sklar has informed The Pulse that he will be going to prom with 20 different people.

America’s next superstar c/o his mom

New Harvey Hockey Coaches?

by Samuel Aidan

After the win against Rye Country Day School in the finals, Coach Alex Morse and Coach Janos have decided to part ways with the team. After eight seniors graduated after the season, Mr. Morse and Mr. Janos felt that it was finally the right time to leave, especially after coming off an FAA league title.

Coach Morse said, “I feel that after a dream-like FAA Championship win, Janos and I have achieved all that we could have for this team.” He also said, “It is time to pass the torch onto the next pair of coaches that will definitely bring many more championships to this team: Ben Goodman and Josh Hoch.”

When The Pulse interviewed Mr. Janos about what is next, he said he planned on taking his talents to goalie coaching, due to his unmatchable grit and determination. This does not come as a surprise, since sources say he was the man responsible for Harvey Hockey goalie Jake Hellinger’s outstanding performance in the FAA Finals. Janos worked with Hellinger at almost every practice on positioning, breakaways, penalty shots, and, most importantly, the “slap shots.”

Sources say that Mr. Morse plans to move away from the New York area for a little bit and move to California because he is “fed up with the cold weather in Katonah.”

He plans to take over as the Head Coach of the Los Angeles Kings after the organization noticed how he turned the Harvey Hockey team around in the Finals of the FAA, which was filmed on FOX Sports all over the U.S.

So what does this mean for the Harvey Hockey team? To answer this question and many other questions, Ben Goodman and Josh Hoch held a news conference in the Black Box Theatre the day after they were promoted to co-coach the team.

While speaking, they discussed their new plans for recruitment all over the East Coast, a group of new players that would be boarding at Harvey in 2020, and their revolutionary pentagon defense.

The Pulse believes that the future of Harvey hockey is in good hands and wishes Coach Goodman and Coach Hoch the best of luck in the upcoming years.

Newly Promoted Head Coach Ben Goodman.

Photo Courtesy of Samuel Aidan