Her Culture | Issue No. 28 | Fall 2020

ISSUE 28

FALL 2020

HER CULTURE SHARING WOMEN'S CULTURES WORLDWIDE

In this issue MIND THE CODING GAP THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN ENGINEERS & CODERS

THE ART OF POETRY HOW TO BE CREATIVE IN THE CONTEXT OF POEMS

THE REGROWTH OF THE VICTORIAN GARDEN HOW QUARANTINES REVIVED A HOME-GARDEN MOVEMENT

SEERAT SAINI WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A DESI INFLUENCER & BLOGGER

HER CULTURE MAGAZINE WWW.HERCULTURE.ORG @HERCULTURE

DEAR CULTURE GIRL, Fall is such a wonderful time for self renewal.

Leaves falling and crisp air reminds me of the simple joys that come from learning about the world around us all. I am so grateful for all of you who share your voices every day, for standing up for justice, for rewriting wrongs, for fighting every day for the betterment of women everywhere. I am so proud, and I hope this fall brings you many blessings.

MY TRAVEL LOG This month, I will travel to:

Next month, I plan to visit:

I've always wanted to see:

I can start a #CultureRevolution by:

MAGAZINE STAFF EXECUTIVES Kate Avino (CEO) / Alice Rosenthal (Dir. of Partnerships) / Amanda Larney (Social Media Manager) / Sareana Kimia (Dir. of International Development)

EDITORS Deeana Hu / Maggie Sun / Nikita Bhardwaj / Amy Liu / Tobi-Hope Jieun Park Alexa Theofanidis

WRITERS Alice Rosenthal / Shivani Ekkanath / Aliza Li / Kayla Ivan / Renee Akin / Angela Davis / Amy Liu / Megan CJY / Mandy Ng / Lauren Young / Katherine Wei Preevena Jaybalan / Nicole Arai / April Federico / Yejin Suh / Eunice Kim Olivia Franklin / Carolyn Huang / Qui'Errah Marshall / Yeji Kim / Sandhya Ganesan Shannon Richey / Elizabeth Ahn / Corine Huang

LAST ISSUE:

Contents NEWS 10

#BLM IS A WAKE-UP CALL FOR SOUTHASIAN WOMEN

16

SEWOL: HOW CORRUPTION SINKS THE SHIP

18

EL SALVADOR: MURDER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD

22

WHY PUREBRED DOGS HAVE SUFFERED FROM BIRTH

ART 24

THE ART OF POETRY

26

POEM: "BODY COUNT"

27

POEM: "SHADES OF US"

28

POEM: "BY VIRTUE OF OUR BONDAGE"

29

"THE HELP" - AN ANALYSIS OF THE BOOK & MOVIE

31

ETHEL SMYTH: HISTORY'S HIDDEN MUSIC TRAILBLAZER

34

STORY: "HOLD YOUR TONGUE"

35

THE BABYSITTER'S CLUB: EMPOWERMENT BEYOND ENTREPRENEURSHIP

LIFE 39

STUDY CULTURE

42

A LIFE OF UNLEARNING SHAME

44

FEMALE EMPOWERMENT IN SPORTS

48

MIND THE CODING GAP

51

LONELINESS PASSES ON IN RELIGION

54

AN INTERVIEW WITH SEERAT SAINI

60

THE REGROWTH OF THE VICTORY GARDEN

65

THE "THING" ABOUT DATING APPS

68

HOW BLACK LIVES MATTER SHAPED SOCIAL DISCOURSE

72

THE FORGOTTEN HISTORY OF THE ORDINARY GIRL: LAUREL ULRICH

74

THE CURIOUS CASE OF DRACO MALFOY

77

AN INTERVIEW WITH SRUTHI JAYADEVAN

86

LIVING WITH BIPOLAR PERSONALITY DISORDER

NEWS CULTURE

#BLM Is A Wake-Up Call For South-Asian Women WORDS BY SHIVANI EKKANATH

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How We Perpetuate Racism: Some Observations The realities of systemic as well as institutional racism do not remain clearer or more deeply entrenched than they are today. In countries like the US, where the model minority myth is propagated by both the East Asian as well as South Asian communities, they automatically benefit from the oppression of black communities. As a result, they are in closer proximity to white privilege. The added privileges that come from immigration, race, as well as class further trumps this so-called ‘model minority’ myth, especially as they have not been subject to systematic and institutionalised oppression since the declared ‘abolition’ of slavery. This specific trip can be used to drive what is known as a ‘racial wedge’ between the different Asian communities and the black community.

The Indian or ‘desi community’ as they seem to be colloquially known as in the west, has a history and culture that promotes and at times, even glorifies anti-blackness. From often implicit bias, whitewashing, to the likes of purity politics and casteist beliefs, anti-blackness continues to be deeply entrenched in our socialisation.

The omnipresence of skin whitening brands and products in the Indian beauty industry remains one of the most lasting and enduring signs of antiblackness and racist notions within our communities.

High profile celebrities and actresses such as Priyanka Chopra have even promoted and advertised these products earlier in their careers. Girls are often told that being ‘light-skinned’ is preferred, whereas, being ‘Kala’ (black) is often deemed an insult or a dis.

Individuals working as cleaners and sweepers are often referred to as ‘choora’ (or dirty), without much consideration of the fact that it is a slur often used against dark-skinned people.

The waves of protests ushered by the BLM Movement has been a rallying cry for not only effective allyship at all costs but also a call for us to start understanding and working towards bridging the gaps and cementing some of the fractious divisions within our own communities.

Looking back a month later, police brutality cases and the everyday crippling injustices against the black community present an even greater threat.

George Floyd, Tamir Rice, Ahmad Aubrey, and Breonna Taylor are more than ghosts and echoes of Instagram stories. In the flurry of all those social media petitions, black squares, and Instagram posts, we need to remember the most important and hardest lesson yet- taking this back to our own households as well as our communities.

Police brutality and violence in India continues to endanger the lives of minority communities. A few weeks previously, a father and son, Jayaram and Fenix were brutally violated and beaten up by local police, who left them for dead simply because they were caught closing them shop past curfew.

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Moreover, police violence against Dalit, Adivasi as well as Muslim communities continues to be a systemic and pestilential issue in the law enforcement and justice system.

Appropriation of Black Culture Comedians such as Lilly Singh, among many others, for instance, have been criticised for appropriating certain elements from Caribbean and black culture, especially as she has been co-opting certain aspects from these cultures since the beginning of her career. Most recently, she made a remix of Ding Dong’s 2006 song, Badman Forward, Badman Pullup, finished with a fake accent.

Yet, we may be unable to completely blame Singh here as this debacle is a larger symptom of how society fleetingly attributes and ascribes meaning to concepts we know very little about. In this case, we see yet another example when black culture and experience is exoticised and utilised without the nuances of cultural knowledge and sensitivity. We end up trivialising and reducing a rich and diverse culture by donning a false mask or costume.

Moreover, Sharine Taylor sought to highlight this fact in her article for the Vice where she outlines how the growing prominence of Toronto’s slang should not be attributed to Lily Singh, rather than its true roots in black culture. Her depiction may result in the

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This example is microcosmic of a recurring problem we see with representation, where new tropes and 'fads' in our pop culture often overlook and are even complicit in silencing minority groups or communities from sharing their stories.

In an era where cultural appropriation has become such a hotly debated and controversial concept, it would be better to take some of these concerns into account. When we caricaturize a specific group, we fail to do them justice and end up contributing to the normalisation of harmful stereotypes and inaccurate representations.

What Next: What Allyship Is And Is Not The #SouthAsiansForBlackLives movement is partnering with Equality Labs to better educate and arm individuals with knowledge, research, and insight to be better allies and understand some of the underlying causes of racism within our own communities. Solidarity should be underscored by collective efforts at both the individual, community, and institutional levels toward understanding sensitive race issues as well as working on feasible solutions. There is now a lot of focus on black history as well as the diversity of African communities in South Asia as well.

Conversations shouldn’t be centred around simply debating the rights of black people, but understanding the issues in the systems such as the unwavering and indisputable presence of white supremacy, fragility as well as the privilege and how that has endangered and imperilled black lives for centuries. For people within the South Asian community, this would mean finally discussing casteism and racism within our own societies and the everyday injustices that contributed in some way to anti-blackness and racism rhetoric in our daily lives.

Brands like ‘Haati Chai’ were finally called out for their lack of sensitivity and awareness in the past, specifically when promoting a jewellery item known as the ‘Dalit ring’ a few years back. It was a clear sign of blatant disregard for the Indian Dalit community and the years of castist oppression they have endured.

erasure of ‘blackness’ and the importance of black identity in this specific context as we don't allow black voices to communicate these stories. AfricanAmerican writer Greg Tate coins this the 'fetishising'' of cultures.

This goes back to all those countless Bollywood films with questionable item numbers, featuring background dancers clad with afros with what could only be called ‘brownface’ by darkening the skin of background dancers or actors playing the role of characters considered ‘lower class’ or ‘poor’ in a specific role. This further exposes the vicious cycles of entrenched issues like colourism that continue to dominate the film and entertainment industries.

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Yet, being an ally is more than just performative activism, signing petitions and making donations.

Effective and beneficial allyship extends to committing yourself to lifelong awareness, education as well as self-examination and a reflection to understand past actions and belief systems. It comes with understanding the difference, distinctions and the question of intersectionality between different black experiences and stories.

Long-lasting and sustained allyship is an important stepping stone for the South Asian community in particular, as we learn, understand, and ask ourselves, ‘’how the hell did we get here.

"We are ripped at the seams."

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SEWOL: HOW CORRUPTION SINKS THE SHIP

By Elizabeth Ahn

Last April marked the sixth anniversary of the sinking of MV Sewol, a ferry en route from Incheon toward Jeju, South Korea, as well as the avoidable deaths of over three hundred passengers, rescue divers, and emergency workers. The story made headlines worldwide due to the horrendous dismissal of protocol and the insane reaction to an imminent and easily preventable emergency in a situation that harks back to the famous sinking of the Titanic. However, what really sets this instance apart is the fact that most of the passengers—and subsequently, victims—were teenagers.

Out of the 476 people on board, 325 were students of Danwon High School on a field trip to Jeju Island. Throughout the emergency, most of the children complied to orders from the crew to stay in their cabins with their bright orange life jackets.

As the vessel sank, the high school students messaged their parents, telling them that they loved them for the last time before they drowned with not only their ferry but also with their ferry’s forty-five of the total forty-six life rafts.

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The compliance to crew orders is the result of years of conditioning into complacency and rulefollowing. Children worldwide, especially in South Korea, are taught to listen to their elders, for with age, comes wisdom. Because of orders from both crew to remain calm as well as from their parents to listen to the crew, the majority of students capsized in their cabins, huddled together as the water level rose.

the safety of less than half of the passengers. The first people to be rescued from the sinking ship included the captain and some of his crew who left the students with the order to stay put.

According to a civilian diver, a coast guard diver was sent by President Park Geun-hye to attach an air hose to pockets of trapped air in the sinking ship to pump oxygen into the vessel. The air hose was not attached to any air pockets, rather “somewhere outside the ship.” This cursory display of rescue for the cameras acted as a mode of pacifying worried parents as air began to pump into open, empty water.

Raised in a Korean American immigrant household, I was taught to abide by the rules of my superiors to a tee. Hence, to be completely honest with myself, if I were on Sewol, I believe I would have followed my distant cousins in a descent to the Yellow Sea’s floor.

The third layer: The government

At the time of occurrence, Sewol made world news.

However, few American news outlets circulated many stories on the cause and effects of the incident.

Hence, many Americans have forgotten about Sewol completely. In the aftermath, grieving parents of South Korea understandably searched for the culprits behind their children’s murders, which unearthed the layers of corruption, rampant in the many spheres of South Korea.

Three months after the incident, the government ordered all of the civilian divers, searching for bodies, to stop the operation. It was widely presumed that this withdrawal was due to the government’s wish to muffle the magnitude of attention Sewol was receiving.

The sinking created ripples in the accountability of officials. In court, the captain of the ferry, Lee Junseok, as well as other crew members were convicted of murder. Furthermore, the failure to respond properly to the incident further fueled the movement to impeach President Park Geun-hye who was already charged with many different acts of government corruption. The horrendous deaths of so many children led to liberation of many South Korean citizens from a stance of complacency, urging the grieving populace to take action to avoid another Sewol.

The first layer: Why Sewol sunk Upon investigation, Sewol was crammed with twice the legal amount of cargo (including stacks of marble for the ferry’s art gallery). The craft’s ballast water, normally held with the cargo to balance the extra weight, was intentionally drained to make room for more pounds of goods. Regulators were bribed to allow the unstable ship to set sail.

Stripping the layers

These deliberate acts of greed made the ship’s capsizing (a direct result of a sharp right turn) practically inevitable.

Sewol, a terrible event, acts as a cautionary tale for the nation of South Korea. As new regulations arise, politicians are replaced, and parents emphasize the point to never stay on a sinking ship, the world can learn something from Sewol. We may never bring back the lives of countless Korean minors, but we can hope they rest in peace and build a new society, stripped of carelessness and corruption.

The second layer: The rescue An hour after the ship began to tilt, in a call between the Air Rescue Service and the West Sea Coast Guard, the former confirmed that “there is almost no one in the ferry” while the latter complained that they “should have landed on the ship earlier and made a good scene. It is a shame.” The miscommunication and avoidance of precision led to a slow rescue and 17

EL SALVADOR: MURDER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD. A LOOK INTO CENTRAL AMERICAN GANG VIOLENCE

BY MANDY NG

El Salvador is a nation immobilized by its fear of gangs.

In 2015, its homicide rate of 103 victims per 100,000 people was the highest in the world. Most of these lives are taken by maras, or gangs, such as MS-13 and La 18.

And no one is safe from the crossfire of these maras.

Civilians heading to work or school are sometimes stopped by a bandera, a gang lookout and errand runner, who asks pedestrians for a dollar. These banderas are often barely even eight years old, but most people submit to their orders for fear of future consequences. Children are killed mercilessly without meaningful justification, including Jose Luis Perez Madrid, an eleven year old boy. Madrid was playing with his friends near the demarcation line separating the La 18 and MS-13 gangs when they were kidnapped

by La 18 gang members. Madrid's two friends escaped but Madrid was beaten, tortured, and beheaded.

Young boys are selected for gang induction while girls are targeted for sexual intentions. An estimated 15,000 students have dropped out of school due to violence.

Maeros, or older gang members, demand renta, or an informal fee, from frightened shop owners weekly, claiming it as protection money. Even the police wear balaclavas, face coverings that leave only the eyes to be seen, so gang members don't remember their face and exact revenge on them and their family.

Everyone in El Salvador knows not to go out at night when the maras are most active. And they know that to refuse to complete an order from a mara is to pledge allegiance to a rival gang, an act easily punishable by death and often in the form of a public execution.

Gangs not only kill; the bulk of maras earn their funds from dealing drugs and acting as expensive escorts for illegal immigrants traveling across the border. They are sometimes even bribed by politicians in order to secure an electoral win. For example, the Nationalist Republican Alliance has been known to make pacts with gangs to allow extortion collection and execution of political rivals in exchange for microcredit.

Members of these maras are held together by a strong sense of honor and belonging as most of them have come from poor, splintered families. They claim to be a providential community service under the front of protecting locals from criminals and the police. However, residents of El Salvador are scarred by relentless murders and detest the existence of gangs for threatening the safety of their loved ones.

The establishment of these all-powerful gangs can be traced back to the 1990s in the United States. In early 1992, the police blamed local gangs for the destruction caused in the Los Angeles Riots. One such gang would eventually become MS-13, the most notorious and brutal street gang in Central America.

Young gang members started to be charged as adults for their crimes. Then, in 1996, the US Congress introduced a new policy to immigration law: noncitizens sentenced to a year or more in jail would now be deported to their original countries. The type of crime that could subject one to deportation extended to minor faults such as petty theft and driving under the influence.

Consequently, 20,000 young Central Americans were deported to countries they barely knew, as a majority of them were native English speakers and had arrived in the US as toddlers. These recent deportees had only their gang connections to rebuild their lives, and the increasing number of deportees to Central America only facilitated the creation and rise of maras.

Since then, local and national governments have been trying to curb the violence in El Salvador, with little success until this year. In the early months of 2020, the homicide rate plummeted by 60 percent, which may be attributed to the tactics of Nayib Bukele, the newly elected president of El Salvador and avid supporter of lethal force. Crime suppression organizations, however, suggest that the decrease in violent crime is thanks to informal ceasefires and truces between gangs.

Additionally, lockdowns for COVID-19 are strictly enforced, so the quarantine of gang members helps to lower the frequency of crime activity.

El Salvador is experiencing a lull in criminal activity, which hopefully may continue even after the end of the pandemic. In fact, residents are counting on the prospect of prolonged peace so they no longer have to walk to work in fear of stepping over an imaginary turf line that could end their life.

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Why Purebred Dogs Have Suffered From Birth

BY ELIZABETH AHN In a world where the word, “mutt,” translates to “unworldly fool,” people are prone to paying the extra hundreds of dollars to purchase a purebred dog, generally thought to be healthier and more predictable than run-of-the-mill mutts. However, this idea could not be more false. Riddled with intrinsic disabilities and deformities from centuries of inbreeding, the purebred dog is the product of animal abuse.

Furthermore, over ninety percent of bulldog poppies are delivered by Caesarean section because their genetically enhanced heads are too big to fit through their mother’s birth canal. With these defects in mind, it makes perfect sense why the average lifespan of purebreds is two years less than mutts’.

All pure breeds are derived from the fad of experimentation and eugenics among the wealthy classes of the nineteenth century. Marveling at the new breeds they had made, the refined continued to “play God” with their pets until purebred dogs

My friend has two Cavalier King Charles Spaniels who suffer from heart murmurs, hip dysplasia, and obesity—disorders that are not uncommon but rampant among most dogs of their breed. Their adored bug-eyes, rapidly atrophying into blindness, are a direct result of their skulls being too small for their brains. At the age of five, one of the dogs has a tumor and cannot fall asleep without the fear of

became a staple of the elite and, eventually, the general populace.

laying down. The family refuses to pay for an X-ray to investigate these symptoms further for their dogs

However, to keep the dog breeds pure throughout

who had originally bought them for two thousand dollars a piece.

the generations, kennels generally mate canines with their siblings or parents. One study found that in a group of 20,000 Boxer dogs, the pooches were so

According to the American Kennel Club's “Ten Reasons Why You Should Buy A PureBred Dog,”

closely related to each other that the genetic

purebreds come with less surprises. However, the

variation among them looked like a population of around seventy.

The years of inbreeding have certainly taken their toll

opposite is true. The controversy of purebred dogs has been covered by stigma and propaganda to the point that most prospective dog owners don’t know what disabilities or deformities may arise out of their

on the purebreds of the twenty-first century. German

adorable pup. Crossbreeding should be embraced to

shepherd dogs are prone to abnormal development of the hip joints. Around sixty percent of golden retrievers die from cancer. Bulldogs’ notable

dissolve our revolting tradition of inbred pooches.

Instead of breaking the bank to contribute to the suffering of purebreds, we can all find man’s best

smushed faces and narrow nostrils are evidence of

friend in a mutt.

pain as they cause excessive panting, slobbering, choking when eating, and heat strokes.

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ART

CULTURE

THE ART OF POETRY

BY KAYLA IVAN

In all situations and moments in time, we tend to gather emotions within ourselves as we live and experience life. Sometimes, these emotions are difficult to comprehend, much less communicate, to other people. It is in these moments, like our climate in 2020, that we search for clear ways to discuss our most intimate thoughts in ways that others can connect to.

One of these ways is through poetry.One of the most effective ways to express the unsayable, according to Donald Hall in the article “The Unsayable Said,” is in writing poetry.

The task of placing your innermost thoughts into a set of lyrical words might sound quite daunting-impossible, even. Poetry might not be for everybody, but it is certainly a lovely tool to discover one’s true voice in saying what only you and your experiences can through writing. Hall states, “when we read poems we often feel more emotion than we can reasonably account for.” There is so much beauty in the creativity that poetry embodies. By not only reading but also writing poetry, sparks of true artistry can be ignited in places you might not have imagined they could have before.

It is easy to forget about creative expression, such as writing, along with other forms of artistic expression when thinking about communication. However, words gather together to formulate a sort of story, even one that is only a few words long, and attempt to make sense of the most abstract of thoughts and feelings.

Poetry has been a source of inspiration and voice in moments of great injustice for many years. From the complexities of slavery to women’s suffrage achieved roughly a century ago, words have spoken in places where they were hard to find. In the midst of the Black Lives Matter movement and the global pandemic that wrought havoc on the normality we once knew, great pain and terror is evidently intertwined in our cultural setting today.

One poem that provides a great example that remains powerful and full of voice is “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou. Published in 1978, the message still resonates today and strives to make sense of the injustice and prejudices that have been present for centuries:

“Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou ’You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.’

In just four lines, Angelou was able to bring together so much feeling and experience into the poem. The fight within her and within the oppressed can be felt with massive force, both then and now.

In her example and in countless others, Hall’s idea about the power of poetry is proven to be true when he says, “poems tell stories; poems recount ideas; but poems embody feeling.

Because emotion is illogical — in logic opposites cannot both be true; in the life of feeling, we love and hate together— the poem exists to say the unsayable.” The ability to speak on something that cannot be simply said, especially through the means of poetry, is a tool often overlooked.

Yet, what a tool creative writing can be.

One of the many features of poetry is the complex nature it contains to say what cannot just simply be said. The beauty of poetry is that it is specific to the reader and what they might take from it.

When looking for ways to speak out about topics that matter to you, try writing a poem (or reading those that have already been written)! Who knows, you might just say the unsayable.

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POEM: "Body Count"

BY KAYLA IVAN

What's your body count?

No, really? What is it?

Why do we ask each other this question like sex is nothing but a tally mark on our lives?

I won't judge you

they say

until you tell them

what that number is and immediately the conversation is changed You can be on either end of the spectrum and judgements will fly over your head like sex is nothing but another trophy in your collection If a girl has a lot of bodies, she's a whore If a guy has a lot of bodies, he's a legend What kind of a world are we living in?

No, you stupid whore you're a liar

Is nothing sacred anymore?

But I haven't had any bodies No really, when I do it, I want to remember you Sex isn't that important

Well, it is to me

it's a connection of two bodies forever — seriously What kind of a world — I want to tally up love, not bodies.

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depositing rigid foil coins into broken mason jars, they hack into dusty discolored handkerchiefs words they cannot face. black boys lay on cold concrete, gunned down by bullets of hatred, cuffed by clinks of prejudice. locked away by bars of iron, they join their brethren in cells of isolation that wreak of defeat. white boys snuff up lines of grinded misogyny, injecting vials of limpid bigotry into their fair skin. deaf to justice, they cry into the dead of night, desperately trying to forget their disquietude.

BYÂ AMY LIU

POEM: "Shades of Us"

asian boys bathe their brawny bodies in submissive shame.

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native boys remember the diaspora. silenced by blue boulders of reservation, they mourn the death of their sisters, nourishing indigenous clamor in an alien land. multicolored hands intertwined, we defy the shades of us.

POEM: "By Virtue of Our Bondage"

BY AMY LIU 1. budding i am woman. skin honey, hair cinnamon. arms naïve, legs fragile. eyes— borne of littered constellations lassoed by dreamy women who once were. smearing mother’s rouge on my chaste cheeks, i blush.

2. bloom she is woman. skin scabrous, hair coarse. arms open, legs closed. eyes— painful confluence of resignation and sorrow. from cracked crevices, she rises, rife with feminine indignation.

3. shrivel we are women. skin bruised, hair windswept. arms embracing sister ghosts, legs cut by scornful lips of prose. eyes— sunken, rheumy, shuttered. silent tears roll, drying in blithe resistance. singing interwoven psalms abreast to the fading beat of justice, we surrender with loaded pistols pointed at our chests.

4. dispersal sister— you are woman. whispers stifle the rape discourse, fervent hysteria drills into bone, sanguine silence trickles into the veins of our daughters. do you feel the lust for reclamation, sister?

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"THE HELP" AN ANALYSIS OF THE BOOK AND THE MOVIE

By Qui'Errah Marshal

‘The Help’ by Kathryn Stockett is definitely an interesting read in my opinion, especially when comparing it to the film. I only knew of the movie when my aunt introduced me to it. When I discovered there was a written book, I scavenged through many sources to find it. Upon reading the book, I found answers to questions that passed on through my head while I was watching the film.

Who was Aibileen, really?

We barely know much about Aibileen herself, aside from her working as a maid. Where did she live? She lives in a small colored part of town where she describes it as ‘one big anthill’. She’s lived in the same house for twenty years. How is her relationship with her neighbors? She shares crops with her neighbor, Ida Peek, which is beneficial for when she can’t afford to buy food for herself. What is the extent of her education? She dropped out of school when she was in the seventh grade. When she told her teacher, Ms. Ross, she said if she was to keep sharp, she needed to read and write every day. That’s why, in the film, Aibileen mentions she writes her prayers down every night.

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Who was Aibileen’s son?

that attitude needs to be put in check. She now has an abusive husband and five children. She keeps her words to herself and forces herself to be polite to her bosses.

We barely know anything about Aibileen’s son, Treelore, except that he died at his job when he was twenty-four years old and he wanted to be a writer. What did Treelore write about? Treelore wanted to write about working and living as a black man in Mississippi. He had a girlfriend named Frances, he took his time and refused to rush things. What was life like for him when he was a child? His father, Clyde, left them for another woman (who is referred to as Coco, but she doesn’t appear in the book). When he was in third grade, he had a very strong vocabulary that Aibileen always put to the test. He and his mother made an inside joke to call Clyde ‘Crisco’, because ‘ you can’t fancy up a man done run off on his family.’

What about Yule May? We all know about the ring Yule May tried to pawn off so her boys could both go to college that soon lead to her arrest. But it adds an extra dark trait to Miss Hilly. Once Yule May said ugly, ruby ring, Skeeter knew what she was talking about. The ring was given to Hilly for her eighteenth birthday. Once she found out that it wasn’t even a ruby, she never wore it since. Yule May understands how important her sons’ education is, because she only went through most of it at Jackson college. She would have finished her education, but she decided to get married. She had consideration to help Miss Skeeter, but she needed to help her boys first.

Pascagoula is her cousin. Yule May checks on her every two weekends.

Who was Minny’s family?

Minny’s present family life is evident to us, sure enough. But we barely know anything about the family she was growing up with. She is known for her cooking, but she's also known in town for her sass-mouthing. When she was fourteen years old, her mother taught her how to behave when working for white ladies. Her sister had a heart problem and her father was an alcoholic, so it was up to Minny and her mother to hold up the house. Minny’s first firing happened fairly fast. Being sassy is how she stood up for herself, but when working for someone is when

Although the book has its controversies (including a lawsuit), in terms of writing, I think the book is a decent read. I didn’t take away from anyone’s story except for Miss Skeeter’s.

The book itself feels entirely different from the movie, as if they were two different stories with the same title.

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Ethel Smyth: History's Hidden Music Trailblazer WORDS BY YEJI KIM

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She arrived at dress rehearsal, only to discover sizable changes and cuts had been made to her original performance. While the performance was, nevertheless, well received by the audience, she asked to have the cuts restored. Faced with the director’s refusal, Smyth went one step further and took the parts and scores from the orchestra pit, thus discontinuing any further performances. She had worked tirelessly to obtain the performance, and the decision came at no easy cost. Nonetheless, she valued sacrificing this performance rather than continuing something she didn’t truly believe in.

After many unsuccessful performances of her original version in Prague, Thomas Beechman took up her opera in a Covent Opera season, and Gustav Mahler even considered it for performance at his Vienna State Opera. While neither of these situations were completely ideal for Ethel Smyth, if she had given up after the disappointments in Leipzig and Prague, the world would never have known of the opera that critics call the “most important English opera composed during the period between Purcell and Britten."

Der Wald, another one of her operas, saw more instant success than The Wreckers. It premiered in Berlin in 1902, broke records at Covent Garden, and later became the only female-written opera to be performed at the Metropolitan Opera for more than a century. Throughout the first Met performance, there are short, sweet notes, and booming baritone tunes mere seconds after. The music is like a dance fight--a gracious, multi-faceted contrast that leaves the audience's ears wanting more. After a roller coaster ride of juxtaposing music throughout the opera, the curtain call spotlight was on Ethel Smyth, whose small frame filled the entire theater. The Telegraph praised, "The cause of woman took an immense stride forward last night… [I]f the composer has more like it, in manuscript or in contemplation, it is to be hoped that she will turn them over to Heinrich Conried [the Met’s incoming impresario], and so brighten his first year of tenancy at the Metropolitan….” This spotlight was not temporary; her Der Wald earned acclaim after acclaim as the only night of the year that the Met box office earned five figures.

Information flooded my senses as soon as I cracked open the 200-page book on history’s greatest musicians. There were numerous lists of composers, yet none of them caught my eye or proved helpful in writing about a female composer. Book after book, this fruitless pattern was repeated, but after further research, one name in particular rose to the forefront of my mind: Dame Ethel Mary Smyth. This name may not ring with the same familiarity as Mozart or Chopin, but her legacy still remains prominent to this day. Brave, passionate, and vivacious, Ethel Smyth devoted her life to music and activism, eventually melding the two together. Through her chamber pieces, piano composition, operas, choral works, and orchestral marvels, she truly pushed and broke the boundaries of what many thought women could accomplish in the early 20th century.

Smyth’s strong-willed mindset shone during her third opera, The Wreckers, whose first performance took place in Leipzig in 1906.

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However, none of this success, for any of her compositions, came easy. As a female composer, she faced numerous tribulations. Her difficulties in having her works performed largely resided in the fact that she was female, and was held at higher standards than her male counterparts. Her talent and determination triumphed barrier after barrier to prove herself, and other female musicians, worthy of the spotlight. In 1922, because of her meritorious work, she became the first composer to ever be awarded damehood.

Her work in women’s suffrage began in 1910, when she joined the United Kingdom’s Women’s Social and Political Union. She met Emmeline Pankhurst, a founder of the British suffragist movement who became a key part of Smyth’s life. For two years, Smyth took a break from her musical career to focus on activism, but that did not stop her from making music. In 1911, Smyth wrote “The March of the Women,” a song that united females from all over the world, played a principal role in the women’s suffrage movement, and became the official anthem of the WSPU. The saccharine yet powerful piano playing that gives way to potential for passionate voices perfectly melds together with lyrics written by fellow suffragist Ciecily Hamilton. At the start of the song, Hamilton writes to Smyth’s rhythm, “Shout, shout, up with your song!/Cry with the wind, for the dawn is breaking.” Certainly, Smyth took these lyrics to heart.

In 1912, Smyth, Pankhurst, and 100 other suffragists were arrested and put into Holloway Prison for throwing stones at the windows of politicians who opposed the women’s right to vote. One day, in the quadrangle of the Holloway Prison, suffragists were seen marching and “crying with the wind.” They were singing “The March of the Women,” with whom else, but Ethel Smyth conducting them from a window with just a toothbrush.

This powerful imagery struck a chord with me. Smyth took her unknown future and fate and made it into something she knew: she transformed it to music.

She took her fear and discomfort of being placed in a cockroach-infested prison and turned it into passion.I can only imagine the scene, a multitude of women singing lyrics that transcended just words and making music that transcended notes.

In that moment, Smyth defined the influence of raw, sheer music. The women had nothing but simply their beautiful voices, and Smyth had nothing but a toothbrush. Making music doesn’t require multimillion dollar violins or expensive strings--with passion, determination, and purpose, as Ethel Smyth showed throughout her whole career, it is all possible. Her life is not just that of a composer: it is of a fighter, someone who never gave up even when the toughest of obstacles were thrown at her.

BY QUI'ERRAH MARSHAL

SHORT STORY: "Hold Your Tongue"

I continue to hold my tongue. It’s safer that way for me. It burns my eyes and makes my vision blurry with tears. It puts those same thoughts in your head the whole rest of the day, repeating over and over in the back of my head. But if I dare let it loose from its bonding, and let the words of my thoughts speak, it will be scratched, and forced to retreat back to the safe place. In the back of my mind. The safe place isn’t that good after all. The words are locked up, to serve time for the mess it caused when slipping from my lips. They anxiously wait to be free of their shackles. It never happens once. Each little box holds each line of dialogue for their wrongdoing. Speaking.

Sometimes for even being invented in the mind.

There are those that have been long forgotten and died. Some hold peace, knowing they will be let out when the time is right. Then there’s them. The ones that have been locked up for years. Holding rage within them to survive. But they always work against me. They keep me awake at night. I mutter them in whispers, so that those words will stay off my mind for the being.

Day and night, they will punch the doors in attempt to knock them down until their knuckles bleed. Bang their heads against the padded walls until they put themselves to sleep. Howl until their voices grow sore. Or until they have no more voice at all. It’s like the inside of my head swells and tries to imitate my heartbeat. Dreams of what could happen when those words are said or what should happen.

Sometimes the words themselves make me wanna cry. So it would be wrong to call this a Safe House.

This is a place where thoughts, beliefs, predictions, and dreams are shunned, if not accepted. This is a Madhouse. I’ve been living in it for years.

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THE BABYSITTER'S CLUB EMPOWERMENT BEYOND ENTREPRENEURSHIP

BY YEJI KIM

Having only read a handful of the over 200 The Babysitters Club books as a kid, watching the new Netflix reboot was more newfound liveliness than nostalgia. Ann M. Martin’s original books have always been seen as inclusive, and the show’s 10 episodes work to expand upon those comprehensive plot lines.

Even the more introverted characters are rich in personality, and the books translate perfectly from screen to page.

Each episode centers around and is narrated by a certain member of the club, with the last two episodes acting as a finale for the whole series. While the girls certainly do have distinctive personalities--sporty Kristy Thomas (Sophie Grace), shy Mary Anne Spier (Malia Baker), artistic Claudia Kishi (Momona Tamada), spiritual Dawn Shafer (Xochitl Gomez) and chic Stacey McGill (Shay Rudolph)--one word can’t fully encompass their complex coming-of-age journeys. The characters have intricate backstories, all of which are thoroughly explored.

The first episode starts off with Kristy angrily discussing to Mary Anne about an essay on decorum that she was assigned to write after arguing against Thomas Jefferson’s usage of “all men are created equal.” The episode ends full circle, with her final essay. Kristy writes, “What is the meaning of decorum?

Well, I know what it’s supposed to mean. Raising my hand, waiting to be called on, being non-disruptive and all things that would probably make your life easier. But to me, decorum means other things, like knowing when you’re wrong, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and most of all, being a good friend.”

These words encompass the heart and message of the show: growing as a result of change and conflict, rejecting the notion of staying quiet and doing exactly what one is told to do, empowering other girls and owning up to mistakes. These general themes guide the whole series and work to discuss issues as heavy as death and divorce or lighter pre-teen troubles,

such as redecorating a room. With a cast of bubbly actors, a script with tween dialogue that doesn’t feel forced and clear inclusivity, not only does this “girl-power” show exceed expectations, but it builds on them. The series stays true to the books, with episode titles and plots based on the books themselves, and yet the changes that have been made--Mary Anne is now biracial and Dawn is Latina--are to be welcomed with the same nod of understanding. Quiet suburban Stoneybrook seems to be a cookie-cutter neighborhood at a first glance, but is truly filled with effervescent personas and diversity.

On July 10th, Netflix released a short documentary titled “The Claudia Kishi Club,” which explores the reasons why so many young Asian-American girls saw Claudia Kishi, Vice President of The Babysitters Club, as one of their biggest role models growing up. She broke any stereotypes surrounding Asian-Americans and empowered others to do the same. Claudia’s Japanese-American heritage is not merely mentioned in passing in the episodes-there are clear-cut nods to her ethnicity, such as chopsticks during dinner and a pile of shoes at the door--but the sixth episode includes a remarkable moment. When Claudia tries to reconnect with Mimi (Takayo Fischer), her grandmother, she learns of Mimi’s time at Manzanar, one of the ten concentration camps where Japanese-Americans were held during World War Two. This is just one of the many powerful interactions spotlighted; in another episode, Mary Anne, whose shyness gets in the way of her day-to-day life, finds her voice as she speaks up of for a transgender child at the hospital. Stacey learns to cope and be proud of her diabetes, not letting cyber-bullying get in the way of her pride or friendships. It is defining moments like these where the reboot transcends pre-set boundaries and delves into deeper issues rarely addressed in TV programs targeted towards children.

Above all, what The Babysitters Club strives to show is that nothing is perfect. Each girl has their own flaws and they all often struggle to work together. But what truly matters is that they are able to work through those struggles and support each other.

The girls are there for each other through thick and thin. This show doesn’t exist to turn our heads away from our current tumultuous time: it is here to help us understand and face it.

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LIFE

CULTURE

STUDY CULTURE HOW GIRLS ARE FINDING AGENCY IN ACADEMIA

BY ALIZA LI Creamy pastel stripes decorate a page covered in neat scrawl. A myriad of colorful pencils and pens line the wall. The owner of these items snaps a picture of her journal spread, edits it with a few quick taps, and sends it off to her many followers--all of whom populate an Internet subculture known as “studyblrs” (study Tumblr) and “studygrams” (study Instagram). These are places where people post photos of their notes, create graphics with learning tips, and encourage others during exams--a world of succulents and MUJI, washi tape and cappuccinos, aesthete and design.

Originating around 2014 on sites like Tumblr, the advent of studyblrs and studygrams has brought with it a culture of academia centered on thoughtful encouragement, aestheticism, and wellness. 2015 saw a boom in the popularity of these blogs, a growing community that boasts total likes and reblogs in the millions, according to Kaitlyn Tiffany on The Verge.

Popular accounts like @emmastudies on Tumblr and @studyquill on Instagram regularly post photos of bujo (bullet journal) spreads, notes, and scenic views to their hundreds of thousands of followers.

The largest aspect that sets online study culture apart from the regular players of the GPA game is its focus on aesthetic appeal and lifestyle oriented studying.

While members of this community do care about scores, the core objectives of the studyblr are centered on crafting picturesque scenes of productivity, encouraging others, and sharing tips and resources.

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Posts go beyond pictures of notes--many accounts boast beautifully designed guides, others share masterlists of free learning sites, while even more craft aesthetic moodboards and curated playlists. The community not only seeks better grades and more productive study sessions but also stable mental health, cleanliness, and a stress-free working environment.

Online study culture has redefined academic pursuits not only as a simple game of numbers and grades but something worth pursuing in its own right. According to research by the MacArthur Foundation, online communities like the study community “allow for a degree of freedom and autonomy for youth that is less apparent in a classroom setting.” Members of these communities are “self-directed” to learn and explore since they are “often more motivated to learn from peers [online] than from adults.” Aesthetic study blogs, in their completely voluntary nature, provide a form of liberty unfamiliar to education, which has always defined itself as a compulsory effort.

Notably, the community is largely populated by women. In a world where women often face unequal treatment in the workplace, and according to Joseph Cimpian on Brookings, the “education system… [continually] devalues young women’s contributions and underestimates young women’s intellectual abilities”, studyblrs and studygrams offer a semblance of agency in an otherwise restrictive environment.

Girls are able to motivate themselves to work hard on their homework, encourage others to improve their grades, and take the time to destress and relax--all of which are validated by quantifiable engagement through likes and reblogs. These self-fulfilling feedback loops of positivity encourage students to improve in healthy, self-driven ways.

Studyblrs and studygrams allow students to take a system many feel forced into and turn it into a place of growth and nurtured diligence, a place where girls find the validation and support the current education system so often fails to offer. The intellectual agency found through the online study community is a small, yet needed, respite from the varied inequities of society, valuable and beneficial to today’s girls as a glimpse towards prospects of the future.

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A LIFE OF UNLEARNING SHAME WRITTEN SHIVANI EKKANATH ‘’I’m leading a revolution on shame,’’ said actor and activist Jameela Jamil once during an interview about her ‘’I Weigh’’ movement, a movement shedding light on body positivity, activism, image, feminism, and LGBTQ issues.

Shame is often an emotion we are never able to fully understand or come to terms with because we have been told time and time again, to accept and even submit to it. We are left with these crippling feelings and often end up submitting to them. Yet, in spite of its serious nature, conversations about shame remain rather elusive, even within feminist discourse today.

I was first confronted with this realisation a few years ago while watching Game of Thrones. When Cersei Lannister was made to do the Walk of Atonement in, Season 5, she was stripped bare, shaved, and made to endure the ire of the citizenry of King’s Landing for her sins and sexual history, a knot of unease at the pit of my stomach began to tighten.

She was made to walk around the streets as people catcalled and groped her and yelled, ‘’Shame, Shame, Shame.’’Of course, Cersei had made her fair share of mistakes especially to protect her children, yet, would her fate have been the same if she were a man? During the course of the series, she still perpetuated a lot of internalized misogyny in spite of being a high ranking individual.

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As women, shame is something we continue to feel in most areas of our life, be it work, discussions around mental health issues, our sex lives, our bodies, as well as relationships. Even though shame is highly individualized and personal, conversations about shame seem to be oriented specifically around gender, where women, unfortunately, come out worse on the receiving end.

overwhelming sense of shame and powerlessness even in the face of freedom and independence.

Even today, in spite of a more accepting and growing sex-positive society, we still continue to have warped and distorted representations and notions about women, especially when we think women have ‘loose morals’ are ‘easy’, and are ‘those types of girls.’ The entrenched and vicious cycle of both today’s toxic victim-blaming culture remains an impediment to our conversations about sex and consent. Women are still hypersexualized in a way and fall prey to labels like ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ and are shamed for engaging in casual relationships with no strings attached.

We are conditioned to believe and internalize many of society’s toxic and misogynistic gender norms simply because we are held to supposedly ‘’higher’’ standards where we need to do more and have more roles and responsibilities. These manifest and often times lead to a toxic self-depreciation and belittling that make us even more vulnerable to societal expectations and standards.

Hook up culture continues to be a good example of this toxic and patriarchal double standard today and best represents how so many young women like myself feel the intersectional polarisation. Sex continues to be used as a lethal weapon to shame as well as gaslight women, especially given the way we continue to frame narratives about sexual assault, abuse, and rape.

Shame is what often hides and masks the complex struggles and personal issues that so many women continue to face today. Even when we focus on our careers, we bear the brunt of also being good mothers and taking care of our families to the best of our abilities. Somehow, ‘doing’ and ‘having it all’ is a social contract that women are pressured to commit even when we never signed our names.

Unfortunately, anything ‘less than perfect’ is deemed a misstep and something to feel guilty about somehow when women are already doing so much at home as well as in their work environments.

Overall, I believe that shame is a delicate and fragile disposition that will often warp and shift as we evolve and grow more into ourselves and recognize the everyday double standards and societal expectations that continue to define us. It is necessary that we continue to set ourselves apart from them.

I have also noticed that it often takes high profile individuals and celebrities to open up about some of their own vulnerabilities to get audiences to destigmatize and normalize some of these struggles that often result in this ambiguous ‘shame.’ We are not able to get over our own issues unless our fears and struggles seem to be somehow ‘validated’ or ‘normalized’ by external individuals.

Hopefully, honest and open conversations about the beauty as well as the difficulty and discomfort about these complex emotions may even help us understand the crippling and festering issues surrounding abuse and mental health, among others.

Despite being a proud feminist myself, I can unequivocally say that I myself continue to grapple with internalized gender norms simply due to the way I was brought up and socialized. Our own households and social circles can often contribute to this. Societal expectations and norms are built around making young women feel this

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"THE IRON HAMMER"

BY KATHERINE WEI

Female Empowerment in Sports

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She has now been working as investment banking analyst at Jefferies Group since January 2015.

However, now Lang Ping is married to Wang Yucheng who is a professor at China Academy of Social Science.

Lang Ping had been playing volleyball at a very young age and joined the China national team when she was only 18 years old. Immediately, she became known as one of China’s key volleyball players as she was the outside hitter, one of the main spiker positions that receives most of the sets. In 1978, her team won a bronze medal in the Asian Games and this officially set off her international career. In 1981, Lang helped China win their very first major title in volleyball: winning the 1981 World Cup championships. Because China had just joined the sporting world after the 1976 cultural revolution and ping pong had always been known as China’s expertise, this international win in volleyball really showed China’s resurgence in sports. Additionally, this very momentous win allowed Lang Ping to rise as one of the most respected volleyball players in China.

She became the driving force for all the titles that China won in the 1980s including winning a gold medal in the 1982 world championship, the 1984 Olympic title, and the 1985 World Cup championship tournament. In these tournaments, Lang Ping also earned lots of leadership positions such as captain of the Chinese national team in the 1984 Olympics and MVP of the 1985 World Cup. Finally, in 1990, she played her last international game as a volleyball player where she won a silver medal at the World Championship.

Lang Ping “Jenny” also known as “the Iron Hammer” for her explosive spikes and tactical brilliance in volleyball, was born on December 10, 1960 in Tianjin, China. Ping moved to Los Angeles in 1987 with her husband at the time, named Bai Fan (Frank), who was a Chinese national handball player. She moved because she wanted a “taste of normal life” and to serve as an assistant volleyball coach at the University of New Mexico. Little did she know, this move would be the very thing that sparked her successful career as a renowned volleyball coach.

Her coaching career started as just an assistant coach at the University of New Mexico from 1978-89 and 1992-1993. Later, in 1995, Lang became the first woman to coach the Chinese national team. As a coach, she guided her team to a bronze medal in the 1995 World Cup, a silver medal in the 1996 Olympic games, a silver medal in the 1998 World Championship, and gold medal in the 1998 Asian Games.

Lang had a daughter with Bai Fan named Lydia Lang Bai who is now 28 years old. Lydia is a former member of Stanford women's volleyball team and graduated in June 2014.

From 1999-2005, she coached for the Italian professional league, where she guided the team to

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Lang Ping then became the head coach of the U.S. national team from 2005-2008. In this experience, she guided the U.S. team to win a silver medal in the 2008 Beijing Olympics where her team (U.S.) faced China in her home country. Her team won that match but later lost to Brazil and earned the silver medal. It is important to note that in 2014, she was the only female head coach among the 24 teams in the FIVB World Championship. This shows just how little females are represented in the sports world.

She returned to coach the Chinese national team from 2009-2017 where she guided the team to win a gold medal in the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.

This title allowed her to become the first person in volleyball to win a gold medal as both a player and a coach.

Lang Ping is an inspiration to women everywhere; her athletic expertise and determination will be forever remembered.

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MIND THE CODING GAP HOW FEMALE CODERS CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

by Nicole Arai

When one thinks of a coder , an evil genius sitting behind a computer screen typing feverishly comes to mind. In reality, contrasting with the Hollywood stereotype, an average person is behind the screen, trained in a specific coding language. From web design to artificial intelligence, code makes up a large part of how digital technology functions in today’s society. Coding is part of the field of STEM—Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math.

Coders are essential and crucial to instruct computer systems and web layouts. Unfortunately, within the STEM field, there is a gender gap-- women are underrepresented in the coding sector. Despite this disparity, there are several advantages of women learning how to code in today’s digital world.

Ultimately, these statistics showcase the relatively low participation of women in tech, with men dominating the field.

There is still work to be done to change the gender imbalance with less than a third of the industry being women. Research done through the World Economic Forum indicates that women do not take as big of an interest in STEM as a result of “lack of encouragement‌lack of role models, negative peer pressure, and harassmentâ€?[3]. It is crucial to change these negative traits as the tech industry grows. The digital age will continue to rely on technology as a means to transmit information and communications.

Since coding is used for the basic function of information technology (IT), many jobs in the future will require expertise in the area of code.

Coding may seem intimidating, but just like any language, knowledge and practice is the key to learning. Novice coders do not need a high profile job in Silicon Valley to learn the basics of coding, but through simple online searches they can research the coding language that suits their interests. Coding languages vary and some are easier to learn compared to others. In the age of the Internet, it is easy to access online instructional courses and content (for free or paid).

What is coding?

Coding is simply the action of writing code in order for the computer to perform specific actions. There is a wide selection of coding languages that range from fairly easy to complex. From websites to apps on phones, people use technology encoded with information every day to perform ordinary tasks.

Essentially, coding is the foundation for computer programming.

Benefits of Learning There are significant benefits for women that learn to code as a way to bridge the gender gap within the coding world. Learning the basics is a benefit to people that want to understand what instructs the technology they use daily. From Hypertext Markup Language (HTML) to JavaScript to Python, there are different languages required to make up different programs. It is important to learn the basics of a chosen computer language. Websites are made up of code that instructs computer browsers. If web design interests someone, HTML and CSS are two of the easier languages to learn for the average person. Both make up the basic structure of websites that people regularly browse. If academic classroom learning is not an option for people to access, there are numerous online alternatives. Online courses, video tutorials, and content about all the different coding languages are readily available.

The Gender Gap The gap between women and men has widened since the mid-twentieth century. Historically, women have played a role in writing code for computers. In the 1940s, women worked on writing code for computer software for early digital computers[1]. Over time, the STEM field became dominated by their male counterparts. According to Forbes, in 2019, India had 35% of women in tech, followed by the United States with 20% and the United Kingdom with 17%[2].

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Learning how to code can be an asset for women in the job market. Tech jobs in the STEM field that require coding knowledge will steadily rise in the next few decades[4]. On a job application, an applicant with knowledge and experience in coding can stand out during the hiring process. In the STEM world, there are less women than men hired in the industry, so it is important to invest in women in tech in order to shrink the gender gap.

Whether someone wants to acquire a new coding skill or they are a future computer programmer, it is important to recognize the gender participation gap women face in STEM fields. Online learning opportunities are endless for beginner coders to satisfy their coding curiosities. Constant benefits arise from the trials and errors of the learning process for women. Hopefully, when women look up from their screens at their STEM jobs in the future, there will be more women coding in their line of sight.

LONELINESS PASSES ON IN RELIGION

BY APRIL FEDERICO

Dorothy Day spent a “long loneliness,” (hence the title of her famous autobiography, The Long Loneliness: Dorothy Day) finding her own voice in Catholicism, and as a social activist. This was during a time when women’s voices were oppressed, and women were just starting to exercise their right to vote. I read her autobiography when I was going into my junior year of high school. It was a required summer read, though far from what I’d call a “beach read.”

One thing I learned, not just from her autobiography, but also from my 10th grade U.S. History class, is that she was not only politically but romantically involved with Lionel Moise and Forster Batterham. Day had a baby, Tamar Teresa, and she had the child baptized at a Catholic Church, where she had her own “spiritual awakening.”

I, on the other hand, was never raised Catholic. I did not go to church nor Sunday School, as a kid, unlike the mass population of my hometown of Medfield, Massachusetts. That is, until I went to a Catholic high school, and then to a Catholic college. I tried to find my own voice by founding the “Dorothy Day Women’s Collective,” which went underseen by the student government. Just like Dorothy Day, I was trying to find my own voice in a world where being kind almost did not seem like an option!

The thing about Catholicism, and common sense, is that kindness is always the better way to go. What’s ironic is that Dorothy Day created the newspaper outlet, “The Catholic Worker.” Societal issues were/are just as important as keeping one’s faith, which was the philosophy of “The Catholic Worker.”

But why is it that they were considered “socialists?” The other question to this day is why do socialists get a bad rep? After all, there has always been that ostensibly Cold War, that wasn’t necessary, and was always arguably evitable.

Maybe it’s just an avoidance of conflicting emotions, but the Bible clearly states Matthew’s recording of Jesus saying: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. ...

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (22:37-39).

It’s the second commandment according to Matthew! It simply says don’t dwell on your own selfishness, but to love your opponents.

You don’t have to like them, but the fact of the matter is that Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin, her newspaper co-founder, wanted to focus on social issues, as well as their Catholicism. In fact, they also established homes for those in need.

Another part of following Jesus is the act of service. Jesus exhibits this through the washing the feet of his disciples, which was considered a task only for servants to perform. And by washing the feet of the disciples, Jesus sets a very important example for his followers: Christians need to serve one another and those who are “hurting.” He shows that we need to be attentive and sensitive in order to respond to those who need service. A modern-day example of this is the Haley House Soup Kitchen in Boston, Massachusetts.

The Haley House Soup Kitchen in Boston is a service organization whose mission is to “address problems at their very root.” The Haley House serves as a “House of Hospitality” that offers skills training for the unemployed, housing for those who are homeless and the working poor, and food for the mind, body, and soul.

The Haley House believes in building a sense of community between people they serve and people who volunteer. Haley House does so through building personal relationships and openness, where everyone is treated equally.

I remember feeling that connection between the workers and those who were “hurting” when I volunteered there in Summer 2013 with other Mount Alvernia students and Mrs. Staysniak. We sat down with them as we talked about various topics and ate. I completely forgot I was there to serve those who were considered “less fortunate” because that sense of openness and unity was present. Their idea of a genuinely peaceful society was present, as well. To the people that are being served, they gain a sense of dignity- especially when they come home to a place to stay. Everyone deserves a home, opportunities to work, and nourishment for the mind, body, and spirit.

But is that all we can do? What do you think?

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SEERAT SAINI On being a blogger and social media influencer.

BY PREEVENA JAYABALAN

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When did your interest in being a fashion and beauty blogger start? Tell us about your journey so far.

I’ve always wanted to work in the fashion and beauty industry as I had a love for it since I was really young.

I did fashion internships throughout college and I’ve always loved the beauty community on YouTube, but I ended up taking a job in the tech industry instead, working in marketing and sales. My parents wanted me to get a job after college and my first job after college was a tech job, but I still had my passion and love for beauty and fashion. It was then that I wanted to have a platform to channel that energy that I had into a side hustle rather than a full-time career.

Your blog posts, Instagram feed and incredible fashion sense and beauty tips have inspired tons of viewers including me.

What has, in turn, inspired you to provide such innovative content?

I get inspired from tons of different things. I love scrolling through other people’s feeds, and I do follow fashion Instagrams. I like finding my personal style and I see a lot of places that offer fashion on a budget such as Zara and are a little more affordable compared to high-end fashion. My feeds are basically just what I like, be it the outfits or the colours. I organize it so that I like it and hope that other people would like it as well.

Seerat Saini is a Punjabi-American blogger and social media influencer based in San Francisco, CA. As a blogger, Seerat never fails to inspire me with her amazing fashion sense, beauty tips and authentic content. With a total of 18.4k followers on Instagram alone, her ability to mix and match outfits which are both stylish and comfortable and as well as rocking that no makeup makeup look has garnered positive reviews too. I recently had a chance to talk to Seerat regarding her life as a blogger and social media influencer, and picked up great fashion hacks and blogging advice.

Who’s your biggest fashion icon?

I love people who are risk-takers therefore, I’ve always loved Serena van der Woodsen from Gossip Girls. The thing that I love most about her is that she’s very free-spirited and her fashion sense really reflects that. The clothes never wear her and she’s always wearing the clothes. I also love Negin Mirsalehi who owns her own hair line. She’s a risk taker and everything looks so good on her. She has a really beautiful way of putting outfits together too.

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Describe fashion in 3 words.

How do you manage to be confident of yourself?

Presentation. Art. Personality.

Being confident was something I struggled with until post college. I grew up in a predominantly white city.

I was the only Indian student from school until college in my grade. So, I think that I had a lot of insecurities growing up due to the fact I didn't look like everyone else. But now I think that's my strength as being on Instagram is where I got my dose of confidence from. Melanin is so beautiful and lighter skin isn't the epitome of beauty as what we were subconsciously and consciously taught when we were little. I think redefining what beauty is to me as I've grown older has allowed me to become a lot more confident in myself too. It's allowed me to really dissect why I didn't feel more beautiful when I was younger because of certain cultural norms, images and the city that I grew up in. When I was younger, I would just want to blend in and look like everyone else. Everyone around me was pretty much white. I feel proud of myself now as girls are really beautiful as we've created these different platforms online to be able to showcase that beauty, fashion, inspiration and share it with everyone.

A day in the life of a blogger and social media influencer; how hectic could it be?

It’s actually not really hectic. I work from 9-5 in a fulltime job. I shoot and film on the weekends, so I will give up things like brunches or hanging out with people if it’s a filming day. I like to do my videos in one day and that includes shooting and editing but, I’ll come up with a concept way before that. At the end of the day, I’ll have a full video ready. I usually spend my weekends shooting different looks, buying different outfits and coming out with ideas for my feed in terms of the colours, textures and aesthetics. I usually post once a day but the actual days where I’m creating content are pretty much on the weekends.

Who has been your biggest support system throughout your journey of being a blogger?

I think my biggest support system are my friends.

They’ve always encouraged me to do blogging, as it has been something that I’ve always wanted to do for so long but I just didn’t take it seriously. They’ve supported me to make my first beauty video and have always told me how much they loved it. So, it was really great to hear positive remarks. It was also great to work on different platforms that helped me feature my work and one of those many platforms is of course, Instagram. Instagram and my followers were really warm and accepting. I’ve also found so many people online who are my big-time supporters even if we hadn’t met before.

Body positivity is a major thing; what's your take on that?

I love body positivity. I think that I understand why people say fashion should be aspirational for everyone. To me, it should include every gender, ethnicity and body shape regardless of their disabilities and sexual orientation as I think fashion is for everyone. I think if you're not a brand in 2020

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that's representing body diversity, your business is not viable. Nowadays, brands are augmenting to what people want such as body diversity. It's not financially viable for companies anymore to just showcase one body type because that's not representing the customers. I think that it's an amazing social change in the fashion industry to have body diversity.

work on. If someone else has a different perspective, they can create their own Instagram page if they wanted to.

Have you ever undergone a stage of frustration being a blogger? If so, how did you overcome it?

Well, I do think blogging isn't an easy thing to do due to all the algorithms on Instagram and people complaining about them. A lot of bloggers have low engagement rates with their audience. It’s kind of discouraging sometimes. We want to create content that people are going to be able to connect with.

Being a feminist yourself, what does women’s empowerment mean to you?

Honestly, women’s empowerment is everything to me. It means dismantling the patriarchy and uncovering lies that we've been told about other women growing up such as women can’t be best friends with each other and all of the sort. These are all lies we've been told by the patriarchy. I’ve always felt very connected to the female spirit. I think that women are magical creatures. We've just been suppressed so much by every single culture and we've never really been able to blossom due to patriarchy. Gender is not a reflection of what you're capable of as a person. Women are so strong and they're very magical. They’re able to create life into this world and do everything like superheroes but we've had this narrative taught that we're not. I think dismantling those thoughts while keeping in mind, intersections with other forms of oppression is what being an intersectional feminist is all about.

Have you ever dealt with harsh criticism and backlash being a blogger? If so, how did you overcome that?

I haven't dealt with any harsh criticism because everyone in my life has been really supportive. There have been random people messaging me, giving random unsolicited advice. There had been a guy who said I was too shallow as I was a feminist but he never unfollowed me. I just didn’t care about those sorts of criticism. At the end of day, it’s my life and I would post the things that I like on my feed. There had been people commenting on my choice of fashion brands and I’m aware of that as we’re not perfect, right? I do appreciate people who point out stuff also as there are a lot of things that I need to

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The perks and benefits of being a blogger are widely known by all the netizens out there, but I’m pretty sure that there is an equal number of setbacks and challenges that you face in your everyday life, being in this profession. Tell us more about the challenges that you’ve faced and how you overcame them.

I think a lot of people have assumptions about you and sometimes you feel a little misunderstood as a blogger. There are a lot of bloggers who get free stuff but there’s also bloggers who are spending their money to create quality content. People do have an assumption that you get tons of free stuff as a blogger. I mean, we do get some free stuff but there’s also the fact that I have a full-time job and I work hard every day to spend the hard-earned money on my outfits, photographers and makeup. A lot of people think that the amount of money that we use to create content could be put into something more useful. People even have the misunderstanding that we have a glamorous life being a blogger. In reality, it’s so much easier to sit and watch Netflix than to get up, shower, do your hair and proceed with your blogging life. But laying in bed, watching things that don’t inspire me is not what I want to do. Blogging is my passion and it takes a lot of hard work despite everyone thinking is super easy as it involves hours of work in each content. There are even a lot of nonglamorous things in being a blogger such as having to change in a Starbucks bathroom and these often go unnoticed.

If there was something that you would like to change in the blogging industry, what would it be?

I think it's having more inclusion and diversity in the blogging industry. There are so many brands who are reaching out and including so many different types of people into their campaign, featuring them on their pages but I would also come across brands where I don't see a diverse representation of people and I don’t want to work with those brands. Putting minorities at the forefront of campaigns should be more of the norm, actually.

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What are your go-to fashion brands and your all-time must have beauty products?

What would your advice be to all the people out there who aspire to be a successful blogger too?

My top 3 favourite fashion brands are Zara, Revolve and House of CB. I do love Topshop and Nordstrom as well. As for my favourite beauty products, I love a beautiful pair of eyelashes especially those of Huda Beauty. Even if you’re a beginner to makeup, I think that a pair of lashes which you could reuse for about 10 times would be perfect for your everyday look.

There are even vegan options for eyelashes too.

Well, actually, being a blogger myself, I have so much to work on as I do not know everything. I would just post the things that I like and hope that others would like them as well. My main advice is to allocate a point of differentiation that’s going to make your page unique and different. Never go for the instant gratification of having people like your photos. You have to be in it for the long haul and to be able to stay in the game. Do it because you love being a blogger and not for getting a certain number of followers You have to share posts that you like and never copy anyone else’s page. Besides that, you must not make your blog posts look really curated as it’s totally not authentically you. Keep posting everyday and show your looks, personality, style and the factor that differentiates you from everyone else. That would help you grow and build your audience.

Understanding what exactly makes you want to start a blog would really help you as it would identify whether you’re doing it for your love towards blogging or for some form of instant gratification.

Do you have any fashion tips to be shared exclusively to our readers here at Her Culture?

I could just talk from my own experience. I’m actually five foot two, so I’m pretty short. I love pieces that elongate my legs. I love high waisted pants, skirts and shorts. I also love wearing heels. For the high waisted pants that go all the way down to the floor, I would get them tailored to fit my leg. So, if you’re a short girl like me, I would say getting really long pants that are high waisted and get them tailored which would cost around $10-$15 but you could even sew them yourselves, if you have the skills to do it.

Want to know more about Seerat Saini and her work? Hop onto her blog at seeratsaini.com or her Instagram page, @seeratsaini_.

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THE REGROWTH OF THE VICTORY GARDEN

BY NICOLE ARAI

As non-essential stores were closed down temporarily in North America, home gardens have rapidly sprang up in people’s yards. From tomatoes to beans to everything in between, self-isolated Canadians and Americans are cultivating their own Pandemic Gardens. Due to the COVID-19 health crisis, people’s daily routines have been altered and a large part of the population is being asked to stay at home. Home gardening during a global crisis is not a new concept, but a nostalgic revival of the Victory Garden that emerged during World War I. During the wartime era, women were at the forefront of the home garden movement during those wartime years.

The rapid rise of the home garden during World War I created a movement for an age-old domestic pastime.

The Victory Garden, often referred to as a “War Garden,” was a home garden that was grown by individuals and families that wanted to contribute to the war cause. People believed that by producing food at home they were helping to feed their households and communities while men were overseas. The harsh reality of potential food shortages was always present as supplies and production were mainly focused on providing for the troops.

Creating self-sustainable methods of food production was heavily promoted by the government. The Canadian and American governments created campaigns that promoted war gardens through posters. This initiative called on citizens to constantly stay productive for the war effort.

Much like the present-day Pandemic Gardens, Victory Gardens helped families cope with the unknown and fearful aspects of a global crisis. “War Gardens for Victory. Grow vitamins at your kitchen door,” one World War II government poster exclaims[1]. Another poster from the National War Garden Commission reads, “Sow the seeds of Victory!

Plant and raise your own vegetables”[2]. Through participating in an outside activity that is heavily connected to nature, people went outside and worked towards a productive goal. When nurturing a garden, people eased their anxieties and strove for a healthy lifestyle.

During both World Wars, women were at the center of the Victory Garden initiative. Their role in creating home gardens for their families would be extended to helping their local communities with home garden initiatives. In the wartime era, the social norm was for women to stay inside the house in a domestic, homemaker space. Throughout the war, women showed resilience by helping their families and communities produce essential food.

In Canada and the United States, campaigns often referred to women as Farmettes. This term recognized a significant ideological shift. For the first time, thousands of women began to work in jobs that were not solely focused on homemaking[3]. While the term is somewhat comical, it recognized the evolving role of women during the wartime period. It promoted women farming in a male-dominated industry while their husbands were off fighting. As men left to fight overseas, women took on new roles to produce goods for Canada and the United States.

In addition to community initiatives, a particular image of women dominated the war propaganda posters produced by the government. These marketing tactics used positive slogans to highlight the benefits of homegrown gardens towards citizens.

Each poster uses images of confident and composed women to promote the war cause. These images produce ideas of women as tough nurturers.

Through these constructed images, women became the face of the Victory Garden promotional campaigns. From the simple planting of seeds to government-sponsored campaigns, the Victory Garden had made its impact.

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While the Victory Garden has re-emerged under different global circumstances today, the common goal of feeling productive during an uncertain time has remained the same. Even though the womendriven campaigns during wartime have ended, the idea of taking initiative to help one’s family and friends has remained the same during the global COVID-19 pandemic. Gardens sowed during the pandemic draw from key Victory Garden ideas by emphasizing the benefits of wellness and maintaining mental health.

Come August, when the fresh vegetables and fruit grow to maturity in the present-day Victory Gardens, think of the women of the past. They took on new roles outside the household during an uncertain time and became the face of national campaigns. And just as the World Wars ended, the pandemic shall soon pass too.

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THE "THING" ABOUT DATING APPS...

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

by April Federico

In my freshman year of high school, I would look up, “what would increase my chances of getting a boyfriend, if I go to an all-girl’s school?” I graduated high school in 2015, when apps like Tinder were becoming popular. I swore that I would never be so desperate as to fall for someone I met on the internet, especially just to get a prom date or a cheap hookup.

Waiting is a pain in the you-know-what, especially if you’re as impatient as I am. As the Kelly Clarkson song goes, “some people wait a lifetime, for that one special kiss.” How do I know this? Because I was single for two-and-ahalf years before meeting “Jeff” – my only relationship (that ended after 11.5 months).But I will now say this, waiting is worth it and you will find the right person someday.. And no, you don’t “increase your chances” of getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. You “increase” your chances of getting a job or getting into college.

In November 2018, I was stood up twice by a guy I met on Hinge. At least the second time he bothered to tell me he “couldn’t get out of bed.”

And to put it bluntly, I told him off, because his behavior was unacceptable, and I felt like my kindness and consideration were being taken advantage of. That was the first time in two years that I cried over a boy. Dating apps can be dangerous and often get a bad rep. However, Tinder is becoming more popular amongst Generation X. Before I even bothered to try Hinge, I actually went against my principles and tried the infamous Tinder. Even my best friend gasped and said, ‘Tinder!? You!?” I will admit, it’s not for everybody, and needless to say, it didn’t work out for me.

I then learned that my best friend (we’ll call her Emily) was trying out Bumble. I used to only use Bumble BFF because I became very lonely when I moved to Rhode Island and was transferring colleges. To be honest, Bumble BFF was a total bust, because I never ended up talking to the people I met on the app again. Emily then met her current boyfriend, (we’ll call him William) on that fateful November night. My cynical butt still thought dating apps were stupid after that month-long episode with the Hinge guy.

It wasn’t until March 19, when Emily and William became an official couple and Emily told me, “April, you deserve a love deeper than you ever imagined.” Having known about William and Emily’s daily texting, sleepovers, and unconditional love for one another, I decided to try Bumble Date out for myself.

Most guys, at first, were only looking for hookups, which wasn’t what I was looking for at all. And because I lived in Rhode Island, I attracted a lot of men who were in the Navy.

That, in it of itself, was not easy. The first guy I started talking to only used Snapchat and was infamous for inappropriate pictures – especially of himself on the toilet. The second liked poetry just as much as I did, however I found out that in a five days’ time span, he’d be moving back to his hometown in the South. Then there was the third, whom I’ll call Kevin. Kevin was a sweettalker, for sure, and he looked like my fifth grade crush. We went on two dates, only to find that he was leading me on and was being deployed to not just another country, but to another continent. The whole thing, without giving away too many details, was tumultuous. When we finally ended things, I swore off Bumble a few weeks.

May 2nd, 2019 – I might never forget, though I was still a little tipsy from Thirsty Thursday. I went on Bumble on a whim, and when I least expected it, I found him. It was a Miranda-metSteve moment from Sex and the City, minus the sex, of course, and we didn’t meet at a bar, nor was he a bartender. It was more of one of those "unlikely couple" situations. What first attracted me to him was that he said in his bio, “I’m looking for something real, no hookups,” to which I practically yelled out, “YES!” and swiped right. He matched with me. I said, “Hey, what’s up?” and he said, “hey not much just coming home from work.”We then bonded over writing because he’s a freelancer for a sports site and I worked at a magazine that past summer.

We haven’t stopped talking since May 2nd, we went on three dates, and made our relationship official on May 24, 2019. What I love(d) about him was that he’s so family-oriented and we had a lot in common. To this day, he says “what we have is good” and “I like what we have.” What I still love is that I waited, and I found Jeff when I least looked for it, or him – cliché at best, but that phrase is true. Love really is patient; but you have to be patient, too.

Unfortunately, that relationship ended after almost a year of dating and we stopped talking completely. Coincidentally, I was struck by a “Sex and the City” quote that happens to come at the very last episode of the series; “The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous.”

That’s the thing, to find someone who loves the way you love just ostensibly “fabulous”! It’s most certainly not common. But that’s just the thing about hookups, dating, and dating apps: you will always come back to yourself.

I may not have found someone who loved the way I did, but I sure did love myself more.

HOW 'BLACK LIVES MATTER' SHAPED SOCIAL DISCOURSE

BY SHIVANI EKKANATH

Social media discourse has also now become one of the most ubiquitous forms of self-expression as well as activism. Our media landscape grows divided in the way they cover protests and the highly charged racialised undertones in this coverage. The so-called doomsday-prophet worthy slogan by the Post also underlines the inability of the current status quo to rise above it and protect its citizenry.

BLM: Expression Is An Impetus For Change BLM will be a social spectacle that could define the decade, armed with the social media machine and the backed by unique arsenal of civil society organisations globally where anti-racism will soon hopefully become a universal creed. Technology has proven to be one of the biggest catalysers in a new civil rights era where institutional and systemic racism finally begins to take centre stage. Often referred to as a ‘counterpublic’, BLM has now fostered a culture of protest tactics which have not only drawn widespread attention but also helped shape narrative and discourse among the public. For the first time, some of the attention was also focused on the lives and the struggles of black trans and gender non-conforming communities and individuals.

In 2017, the Washington Post decided to adopt their current slogan, ‘Democracy dies in darkness’ amid the turbulent social and political landscape in the United States. This quote may even hold much greater weight today as our public and social discourse over the past few months have no doubt proven.

The Mirror Casket Project, an initiative undertaken by the St Louis community in response to the shooting and death of Michael Brown on August 9, 2014, became a lasting visual call to action through performing and visual art. It helped evoke a deep sense of empathy for the Black victims of police brutality and shootings in the United States.

Particularly for the Post, the new slogan fit perfectly in the wake of the shocking election of nowPresident Donald Trump to the White House. Yet, over the past two months, I believe that the slogan once again seems to heighten the dark realities of apathy, polarisation, censorship and brutality. This slogan carries with it immense weight in an era where public discourse has become polarised and highly partisan. Discussions of privilege as well as power seem to be largely untouched and the very thought of reform seems to be radical to certain political factions.

The careful peaceful and passive resistance of the BLM protestors have not only ushered in what one can only deem a new civil rights era in 2020, but also certain respectability among the public. Philosopher Michel de Certeau used the word ‘tactic’ to explain how tactical resistance can help create a certain space of agency when it is in opposition with a larger institutional power. Marginalised groups may deploy small acts of resistance through their resources, means and support to trigger and catalyse more large scale changes in the society. For instance, the call for the defacement of the Robert E Lee monument is a 69

powerful example of these tactics. Black ballerinas were seen dancing in front of a repurposed basketball court in front of the statue. These have not only undermined the potency of the inherent white supremacist messages but it has also led to major discussions on the preservation of confederate monuments in the United States as well as the that of colonial statues in other countries.

Social media activism, in particular, is one of the key reasons why the BLM Movement has now come to hold a pivotal aspect of social discourse, especially over the last two months when the COVID-19 confinement measures have coincided with the recent wave of protests since George Floyd’s death.

People have taken to reposting and educating themselves about the crucial issues at stake and examining how anti-black rhetoric is widespread both in their quotidien lives as well as their outside communities.

Social Media Activism: A New Weapon Debates about the defunding the police, police brutality and the discussions surrounding issues of systemic and institutionalised racism have never been so widespread and avidly discussed in mainstream media. Our highly mediatised environment has made it easier for us to express ourselves and catch and address racism and issues close to us. We are able to interact and engage with a broader and more global audience. The ease and accessibility of microblogging sites like Twitter and Instagram have encouraged us to be more vocal about our thoughts and confident about voicing them- something that would have been near impossible during the height of the civil rights movement in the 60s. The mere act of reposting Instagram stories and sharing content with our friends is making it easier for us to share this vast repository of knowledge open and available to us on social media. This has made it easier for us to sign petitions recently, specifically crucial ones surrounding the opening of Sandra Bland’s and Breonna Taylor’s cases.

This new momentum hints at a new era for the movement also because these debates and discussions are becoming more mainstream, be it among individuals, public figures or even organisations and media behemoths like Conde Nast.

Exclusionary Rhetoric The ultimate paradox of free speech today is its vulnerability to distortion. When freedom of expression is given the opportunity and platform to flourish, it can often be abused and mismanaged, thereby making the lines between truth, falsehood and opinion rather blurred. Unfortunately, this makes free speech and related platforms a breeding ground for hatred and even xenophobia against oppressed and minority groups. This has been proven time and time again in the way our media reports and covers protests, specifically when it comes to Black Lives Matter.

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Misinformation is often given a platform to thrive nowadays, especially when it is hijacked by the rhetoric we have come to witness such as ‘’All Lives Matter,’’ where we gaslight and distract the viewer’s attention from the main objectives and coverage of the movement. A large number of mainstream media outlets seemed to focus more on the few violent escalations that some of the protests, unfortunately, took rather than the widespread appeal and united front that they had- like any popular social movement. There has been little insight into the initiatives taken during the protests and a lack of coverage on the real substance of the protests.

Moreover, the cancel culture trap has unfortunately impacted some of the most crucial movements over the past few years. The predominance and ubiquitous nature of internet trolls and ‘cancel culture’ makes social media a precarious environment for us to express the freedom and choice it once seemed to entail. At the same time, cancel culture has also been used as a pretext to shut down and suppress certain debates and issues in the past. Call-out culture on social media, a way many people hold certain figures accountable for the mistakes they have made in the past, is often even mistaken for ‘cancel culture’ and its place in social justice movements has been widely debated.

New Evils: Performative Activism and Cancel Culture As social media has become one of the biggest advocacy as well as activism mediums during the BLM protests, the question of allyship and activism have become important. Social media sites like Instagram can also be an echo chamber where it can fall down a rabbit hole of performative allyship and selective activism. Given the now mainstream nature of the movement, it runs the risk of being yet another ‘fad’ or worse, period in a social media trend where compassion fatigue inevitably sets in among audiences.

The promising, globalised and transnational appeal of the protests must be reflected beyond the presence of BLM-related content on our social media feeds and Instragram stories.

Moreover, the Black Out Tuesday message, which originally targeted the music industry to respond to the killings of Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, spiralled into a rather futile of display of allyship and support. Many users began posting black sqaures with the hasthag #blacklivesmatter, which in turn, led to nothing but black images for users who were actually looking for infornation under the hasttag. Actvists and organisations were employing them to share crucial updates on the protests and resources. Blackout Tuesday unfortunately revealed how such trends often morphed into a show of virtue signalling instead of other crucial forms of actvisim such as protesting, donating and awareness- building.

Alluding again to The Post’s slogan, even with a seemingly strong foundation for further progress and change that BLM has established, the real fight lies ahead in addressing systemic and institutional racism as well as a new reckoning with our own histories and bleak pasts.

A slew of social media posts and Instagram posts could indicate momentum, but what exactly does change entail and when will we see it?

LAUREL THATCHER ULRICH & THE FORGOTTEN HISTORY OF THE ORDINARY GIRL

BY ALIZA LI Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s famous quote -- decorating ceramic mugs and car bumpers across the nation -- is one of the most misinterpreted sayings of our time. At first glance, the phrase seems to implore girls to act out, to defy, and to live boldly and unafraid, rejecting the comfortable allure of the status quo. While these interpretations support an image of women unbound by societal expectations, they tend to assume a onesided perspective on gender roles that ultimately pits ordinary against extraordinary and calls women to war against mundanity. In contrast, the original intentions of Ulrich adopt a more nuanced approach to women in history and the lives they lived.

A Pulitzer Prize recipient and Harvard professor, Ulrich’s famous quote originates from a 1976 scholarly article about Christian funeral sermons, an unexpected fact until one considers how her work primarily focuses on the lives of the ordinary, celebrating "the silent work of ordinary people" and "the interconnection between public events and private experience" (Harvard Gazette).

Ulrich’s article on mundane funerary rites reflects her belief in the abnormal circumstances of normal lives, writing about regular women and everyday personalities, lamenting the manner in which these women often fade into obscurity.

When women act out, break the rules, and live extraordinarily, their names are written in history.

However, the lives of ordinary women are rarely remembered, leaving our records disturbingly absent of female narratives. While much is understood of the work of ancient Roman men, Egyptian fathers, and Renaissance husbands -- the everyday proceedings of mothers, daughters, and wives sit forgotten.

In ancient Rome, women lacked agency to the point of not even having their own names, instead adopting feminine versions of their family names with added indicators of age if the family had multiple daughters.

According to an article by Gregory S. Aldrete in The Great Courses Daily, the patriarchy of Roman society created a “major obstacle to studying the lives of

While the Cleopatras, Harriet Tubmans, and Marie Curies of the world certainly deserve attention and remembrance, the lives of the housewives, factory workers, and shopkeepers deserve to be understood as well. History should not only tell the story of the soldier who fought in the war but also the wife who worked in the factory and raised a family while he was gone.In response to popular misuse of her quote, Ulrich said she was untroubled and unbothered.

women‌[as] the sources available to us were all authored by men.� The restrictive traditions of the past have driven the course of history towards a considerably male perspective.

Rejecting this, Ulrich sought to open the world up to a richer understanding of the average female experience, one that would not require women to be aggressive or unconventional to have their lives written in textbooks. Her famous quote was not written to disparage being well-behaved. Instead, it acts as a warning or reminder that history far too often unfairly forgets the well-behaved. Ordinary women have a humble influence in the way they live, in the children they raise, the words they write, the businesses they subscribe to, and the lives they touch. These unknown women make a difference just as much as the famous women of history.

Her complacent response speaks to her philosophy and the humility in which she engages herself, with a sense of poignancy that further displays the value of an ordinary girl.

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THE CURIOUS CASE OF DRACO MALFOY

BY YEJIN SUH

Yet he's considered the heartthrob of the series by many girls. So much so that even JK Rowling was a little disturbed by it.

Here's what she had to say about him: "For all this, Draco remains a person of dubious morality in the seven published books, and I have often had cause to remark on how unnerved I have been by the number of girls who fell for this particular fictional character (although I do not discount the appeal of Tom Felton, who plays Draco brilliantly in the films, and ironically, is about the nicest person you could meet).

Draco has all the glamour of the anti-hero; girls are very apt to romanticise such people. All of this left me in the unenviable position of pouring cold common sense on ardent readers’ daydreams as I told them, rather severely, that Draco was not concealing a heart of gold under all that sneering and prejudice and that no, he and Harry were not destined to end up best friends."

Even JK Rowling is confused. (I know that JK Rowling is not a person whose opinions we regard anymore due to her transphobia and selective feminism, but *solely* on the matter of Draco Malfoy, I agree.)

She's unnerved by the strange role of Draco as a heartthrob. She seems to partly attribute it to Tom Felton's appearance and acting, which is surely part of it, but only a surface-level reason. When we dig deeper, we understand that the obsession with Draco Malfoy reflects a much darker, undeniable reality about how we as a society romanticize Caucasian, cishet males in all aspects of life, even when they display racist, xenophobic, and toxic behaviors.

It's a pretty common thing to romanticize and glorify anti-heroes and villains. People are attracted to that dark, brooding, bad boy-esque character----maybe to project their own thoughts onto? Or maybe---as in the case of teenage girls----to overlook potential flaws in order to apply a sense of sympathy to a character that is evil but otherwise broken and in serious need of some therapy and probably jail?

It's not just towards fictional characters—it's obviously in real life, too. Fictional trends like "white boy of the month" on Instagram and Twitter glorifying any white 20-21 year old cis male who can walk and breathe; praising white male celebrities for posting one BLM message on their Instagram story; commenting that your type is just 'skater kids' (meaning: malnourished white boys); saying that you're only really into British/ Scottish/ Australian/ German/ New Zealand/ French/ etc guys (just say WHITE!). Then there's the whole thing of fetishizing white male same-sex couples, but that's a whole other post.

As a popular example, we're going to take Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter series.

He's a universally well-known character—the bully of the series, someone who time and time again shows neither the aptitude nor desire for redemption.

He has committed so many heinous acts that people literally have to pore over the books to latch onto one or two moments of possible vindication—that's how hard it is to find the bit of good.

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So you might be saying: so what? Everyone already knows that cishet white men gain the most from society. That's old news.

A possible parallel: last year, Kyle Kashuv, a survivor of the Parkland shooting and a staunch conservative, had his admission to Harvard rescinded because of racist and derogatory comments he made online when he was 16. Three years ago, ten kids got booted from Harvard because of a private Facebook chat where these students circulated racist and offensive memes.

It is old news—but I don't think we talk enough about how we, especially as young girls, unknowingly contribute to this.

I can guarantee that the same girls who romanticize Draco Malfoy as a character are the same ones who call themselves feminist, liberal, and understanding/ inexcusing of privilege.

Draco, Kyle Kashuv, Facebook kids. All 16-18 years of age and using slurs.

Why shouldn't they be held accountable for doing this at a high school age?

But they're contributing to it just the same.

By the time you're a high-school freshman, you'll make plenty of stupid mistakes and cringe-worthy jokes, sure, but you should also know not to use racial slurs by now. If you are, I believe this is an active act of hatred, and not just a mistake made purely behind ignorance or mistaken beliefs.

I feel that moving his character from the wizarding world to the real world might make more sense. In the books, he calls Hermione a "mudblood." Like a white boy in real life calling a black girl the n-word.

Thanks to Twitter cancel culture, are these kinds of boys 'cancelled' and 'exposed'? Yes. Because right now, online, you're going to be met with nothing less than drowning hate for that.

In short, I really don't think we should hold such a lenient attitude. Throughout history, in much of the world, the white man has been at the forefront of society by the oppression of others. They have been every leading movie character, book protagonist, famous artist, leader, adventurer, scholar, star, and so on. It's getting pretty tiring. I'm sure you agree.

So why isn't Draco met with the same vehement attitude? You can argue that the Harry Potter world is obviously fake, and "Mudblood" isn't an actual slur, so his actions don't really seem that bad unless we think of it like a real-world scenario.

But in my opinion, this is a flimsy excuse. The wizarding world isn't so obscure and far-off that it's impossible to understand its context. People have even equated Muggles vs Wizards to lower-class vs upper-class relations, or race relations.

This is a common counterargument I think I see from fans of him: "Draco was only a minor when he behaved like that, and he was raised to be prejudiced/bigoted/etc."

Sure, he was brought up by filth. And the first time he calls Hermione a Mudblood was in The Chamber of Secrets, when the kids were about 12 years old. But he does it again in The Half-Blood Prince, when he corners Dumbledore in the Astronomy Tower. He was about 16-17 years old, then.

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SRUTHI JAYADEVAN ON EMBRACING CULTURE AND BEING A SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER

by Preevena Jayabalan Sruthi Jayadevan is an Indian- American blogger based in Houston, Texas. As a blogger with a total of 93.4k followers on Instagram alone, Sruthi not only uses social media as a channel to spread positive vibes, but also to embrace her tradition and culture fearlessly by displaying it on her social media feeds. I recently had a chance to talk to Sruthi regarding her life as a blogger and social media influencer, and she responded with amazing fashion hacks and blogging advice.

Your Instagram feed, incredible fashion sense, and beauty tips have inspired millions of viewers including me. What has, in turn, inspired you to provide such innovative content?

I was always interested in fashion and beauty as a child, and it was such a huge part of my personality and life growing up. I wake up inspired every day. I don’t think I necessarily have a reason or rhyme as to how I create my content. I put out content that resonates with my soul, and I hope it connects to those who choose to support me and follow me. I am an extremely impulsive person, and I am always doing something just because it felt like what my heart wanted at that moment. I just let my mind take me to where it wants to go and I create content that brings me joy.

Who has been your biggest support system throughout your journey of being a social media influencer?

Hands down my biggest supporter and support system throughout my journey has been my partner who goes by his artist name Pranna. He has been there with me when my page had less than 5000 followers to almost 90,000 now. He takes almost all of my photos and helps me manage my social media work. Besides all of that, he’s given me the strength and motivation to do what I do. He believed in me when no one else, not even myself, believed in me. He’s a true gem, and I am so grateful to have him in my life. I also can’t forget to mention that I have amazing family and incredible friends who have been so supportive of my journey. Here’s to those around us that truly believe in us!

When did your interest in being a social media influencer start? Tell us about your journey so far.

To be honest, I never started my journey online with the intention of being a social media influencer. I didn’t even know what that was! I had a few favorite bloggers that I followed for fashion inspo, but being a pre-med student at that time, I never thought having a career on social media was even an option for me. However, the universe had a totally different plan for my life, and some of the outfit photos I was posting on Instagram started garnering thousands of likes and comments. I noticed my following grew pretty quickly as I kept posting my favorite outfits and makeup looks! A year ago I decided that this is something I would like to work on full-time because it allowed me to connect with people all over the world while spreading the positive messages that I wanted people to take away from my page.

Who’s your fashion icon?

I never really had one person that I looked up to in fashion. My style and choices are so versatile, and I feel like my fashion sense has never really been rooted in anything specific. I derive a lot of inspiration from nature and those around me.Fashion to me is a way that I express myself, so to answer the question…the universe!

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Describe fashion in 3 words.

Authentics, expressive, passionate.

A day in the life of a social media influencer; how hectic could it be?

It’s as hectic as one makes it. Since I work for myself, I get to choose my hours and I have a lot of flexibility on how much work I should take on.

This is a huge blessing and a curse. Sometimes I overwork myself and sometimes I barely get anything done at all. I’ve had really hectic 14 hour work days filled with meetings and photoshoots, but I’ve also had 1 hour work days where I just take a selfie and write a caption and I’m done for the day! It’s truly at the pace that you want to take it.

You have always embraced the Indian culture via your social media pages especially through the showcasing of traditional Indian clothes. How did that idea come about and how has it connected you to your 85.4k followers on Instagram?

When I started off on IG, I was sort of afraid to share that side of myself and my identity with the world. I wasn’t ashamed, but I also wasn’t ready to share that side of me with everyone either.

Growing up as an immigrant, being bullied for my culture and heritage starting at a young age prevented me from embracing my culture and being proud of it the way I should have been.

However, showcasingIndian fashion through my page has really empowered me to accept myself and my roots, and hopefully inspire those that support me to do the same. A lot of my supporters share similar stories with me and tell me how much my content and what I share online inspires them to accept themselves. I think this is the most wonderful and fulfilling thing about my job as a social media influencer.

You’re also the CEO of Curry Queen Co and The Mandevan Group. When did entrepreneurship happen in your journey of a social media influencer and how has it evolved since?

means allowing women (or anyone really) to be themselves and pursue their passions. I hope I am doing that for those around me with my own work and words. Social media can be very destructive if you let it. It’s important to follow accounts that empower and inspire you. Social media has so many resources to do this!

I think I’ve always known that I was an entrepreneur deep inside. I was always businessminded and had tons of business ideas as I grew older. Curry Queen and The Mandevan Group were perfect extensions to my role as a social media influencer. I also went to business school and learned a lot about marketing, finance, supply chain and other things that inspired me to create companies that were compatible with my life as a social media influencer.

You’re a big fan of BTS and they have inspired millions of their fans worldwide.

How, in turn, did BTS inspire you to be a better version of yourself?

So happy about this question! Although at first sight, someone may not understand my love and adoration for BTS, when I start to explain the ways they have changed millions of lives for the better, they may get a better idea as to why they are so successful and loved around the world. Watching and learning aboutBTS, and following their humble journey has taught me to be the best version of myself. They truly came from nothing, and that inspired me to pursue my passions without any fear. They are such kind, humble, talented humans with the biggest hearts, and they taught me that being a good human being above everything else is the key to life. They taught me the importance of self-love. I hope I am spreading that message everywhere I go as well.

Body positivity is a major thing; what’s your take on that?

I think in the day and age of unrealistic expectations on what a “perfect” body is, it is extremely important to be kind to yourself and your vessel that is your body.Our flaws, imperfections and all make us so beautiful. They are unique to us and our natural bodies are “perfect” just the way they are. This is something I remind myself of constantly, because it is easy to lose your way when “perfect” bodies are advertised and praised all over the media. I always remind myself to speak kindly about my body. It is the vessel where your soul resides, and I think we should appreciate it beyond just any “aesthetic” that is popular right now.

Have you ever dealt with criticism and backlash being a social media influencer?

If so, how did you overcome that?

I think I experience that constantly. There are many people who belittle this profession and make influencers feel like they are less than. We are also people with lives and feelings, and we work hard to earn a living while doing something we are passionate about. It may seem like a fun, easy job but there is so much going on behind the scenes…so much pressure being an open book in front of thousands and millions of people. It’s truly a very unique job, and I am grateful I get to pursue the things I am passionate about by being an influencer. I just try to focus on the positives of my job rather than the negatives or any backlash.

What does women empowerment mean to you and how do you think social media is doing its part to empower women?

Women empowerment to me means supporting other women and not judging other people’s decisions about themselves. For example, although I practice body positivity, I don’t have the right to judge someone who has gotten plastic surgery. My goal is to spread more love, acceptance and kindness. To me empowerment

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love. I also take small breaks from social media once in awhile to cleanse my mind and come back with a fresh, renewed perspective.

The perks and benefits of being a social media influencer are widely known by every one out there but I’m pretty sure that there is an equal number of setbacks and challenges that you face in your everyday life, being in this profession. Tell us more about the challenges that you’ve faced and how you overcame them.

I think being in the public eye can be pretty scary. I’m a pretty shy and introverted person in real life, and sometimes it takes a toll on me to deal with being in the public eye and facing so much pressure to be “perfect” all of the time. I think a lot of influencers can relate with me on this. There’s also the constant need to be creating better “content” which ends up ruining your artistry and passion for the things you loved doing before. Even with many of the challenges I face, the job of an influencer is so fulfilling because of the people that love and support me. I focus on them and focus on my art. Everything else is just background noise.

There are so many incredible people that follow and support me and their love means so much more than a couple people that are hating.

You seem to love travelling. What are the top 3 locations that you enjoyed travelling to and the top 3 locations that you would like to travel to?

Have you ever undergone a stage of depression or frustration being a social media influencer? If so, how did you overcome it?

My favorite places I’ve traveled to so far have to be South Korea, Philippines andQatar. The 3 places I’d like to travel to are Budapest, Bali and Turkey.

Initially when I started my journey, I experienced a lot of anxiety when I received hate comments on certain posts. I would post about my love for my culture or heritage and I couldn’t even believe all of the hate I was receiving. Although there was so much love being poured in, I kept focusing on the bad comments. Overtime, I’ve gotten much better at tuning out the negative and focusing my energy on giving back to those who are showing

If not for a social media influencer, what would you be?

Well I’m currently teaching myself coding/ programming so I think I would be a full-time developer! It’s something I picked up recently, and I have been loving the experience of being able to create amazing things using code.

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If there was something that you would like to change in the digital influencing industry, what would it be?

I think inclusivity and representation are two things that this industry needs to work on.

What are your go-to fashion brands and your all-time must have beauty products?

Honestly, my favorite place to shop are thrift stores! I have been trying to stay away from fast fashion brands, and work my way towards more sustainable, ethical and affordable fashion. I love finding good vintage pieces in a thrift store and making it a part of my wardrobe. As for beauty products, I think skincare is the most important.

My favorite brands include Soma Ayurveda, I Dew Care, Sulwhasoo, Tula Skincare and Glow Recipe. I love Indian and Korean skincare brands! They just seem to have such effective products that are gentle on the skin but actually make a difference in the skin. Also, a good skin, hair, nail vitamin can do wonders as part of your beauty routine.

What would your motto in life be?

Be kind to yourself and others.

Do you have any fashion tips and hacks to be shared exclusively to our readers here atHer Culture?

My biggest tip is to drop fast fashion and thrift more! Find amazing quality pieces at your local thrift stores and get them tailored to your body.

An outfit that fits your body well and enhance your shape is the best outfit. Also, don’t be afraid to try new things. Don’t ever tell yourself you can’t pull something off. Your confidence is everything! Just rock whatever you want.

Are there any future projects that you would be working on?

I’m working on creating this incredible app that will put my coding and fashion skills to use! It’s top secret right now, but I can’t wait to share details once it’s ready.

What would your advice be to all the people out there who aspire to be a successful social media influencer too?

Find your authentic voice. Stay true to yourself.

Don’t follow others or current trends. Write about things that move you. Be real and raw with your audience. We are all humans at the end of the day. Connecting with your supporters is the most fulfilling and rewarding part of this job. The biggest piece of advice? Don’t wait, just start today.

Wanna know more about Sruthi Jayadevan and her work? Hop onto her Instagram page, @sruthijayadevan or her Twitter page, @SruthiJayadevan.

LIVING WITH BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

BY ALICE ROSENTHAL

Let’s take a quick peek inside my mind. It is filled to the brim with poems, serenades, secrets, pain, and NSFW stories. As the title to this article alludes, my mind is influenced and sometimes ruled by a quite misunderstood mental illness known as Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. Before we begin, I would like to clarify that I am not trying to romanticize this disorder. I am living it the best and only way I can with the somewhat shitty cards I have been dealt. So anyway, where were we? There’s no time to waste, so strap on in!

We’re about to go on a wild ride down memory lane.

ORIGINS “Trauma can be caused by family violence, such as emotional or physical abuse, disease and the experience of war.

Personality disorders such as borderline, avoidant, paranoid, antisocial and schizotypal may also be outcomes of trauma.

Because of the severe consequences of childhood trauma, it is sometimes called 'soul murder.'”

–Borderline Personality & Trauma

Trauma is such a strange concept to me. Like, who is to say what counts as trauma and what does not?

What is unfair and what is? What stains you permanently, like rotting garbage or an old threadbare rug? What can be washed out with some soap suds and heavy scrubbing? And why is it “my” trauma? Can it not be shared, the burden passed on through every relationship, every frown, every tightened hand imprisoning another?

The first time I met my ex-boyfriend, he almost died.

Actually, it would be more accurate for me to say that I almost killed him. I knew next to nothing about him.

Periods of stress-related paranoia and dissociation, depersonalization and/or derealization lasting from a few minutes to a few hours

He took a bite too. We smiled. I half-commanded/ half-begged him to take a whole photoshoot of me biting my lip and our shared cookie sandwich.

I curled up in a ball on the elevator floor and rocked back and forth, back and forth, clicking every button with the tip of my great-grandfather’s ivory cane.

Ding, the doors slid open… and repeat.

But then something happened. Something bad.

Real bad.

A mechanical woman’s voice told me where I was, but I was not there. There was nowhere to be.

I don’t remember when this occurred. What year, what day, in a dream, at night.

But I remember that feeling of not feeling, that feeling of the world around me evaporating like a dried up puddle. My therapist calls this a “dissociative episode.”

A pattern of unstable, intense interpersonal relationships, alternating between idealization and devaluation (“splitting”)

I treated us both to a giant vegan mint chip and chocolate fudge ice cream sandwich. My interlaced fingers tingled within his. I had to pause mid bite until my stomach was finished somersaulting. Dear God, please no nervous vomiting today.

“Ahh shit. My throat’s kinda itchy right now. Is your throat itchy right now?”

One thing to know about me: I don’t handle anxiety well. Like at all.

“What do you mean? Um no, it’s not. Why? Why do you ask? Are you okay? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

What’s going on?”

He began to cling on to his throat as if there was a noose cordoning off his windpipes.

“I’m allergic to nuts. Who the FUCK puts nuts in ice cream? Shit. I don’t have my epi-pen with me right now. We might need to skip that show babe.”

Then he laughed like something about this entire mess of a date was funny.

“Guess it’s time to call 911. Alice. Alice? Helloooo. Can you do that for me?”

I was too busy hyperventilating to comprehend his words. Isn’t it hilarious that I was the one having trouble breathing when he was the one actually experiencing anaphylactic shock?

The ambulance had not arrived, despite a full 12 minutes passing since my initial exasperated and slightly illogical rant to emergency services. I ran into the street for a taxi. Just as soon as I had begun to flail my arm around, I would run back to the bench on the corner where I had sat Andre down. I had to make sure he was still breathing.

In the taxi, I played the soundtrack to Pose on repeat.

He looked into my eyes adoringly from the comfort of my lap. I cried and smiled and laughed and ranted and freaked out. He told me everything was gonna be okay. He was okay. He just needed a little shot and everything would be alright again.

“You may have poisoned me, but to be honest, I’ve never felt safer then I do with you right now.”

In the hospital waiting room, Andre told me everything. He did not have a father. Well he did, but his father was too busy knocking up 19 other women to pay any attention to raising him. He told me about his depression. About his ex-girlfriends. About his music. About the theater company he was in that had apparently saved his life. About his mother and the history of her last name. He told me everything there was to know about him, or so I thought. I was amazed to see that there was anybody else in the world as brutally honest about their internal processes-desires, fears, traumas, dreams--as I was. He was perfect. And so up he went on a pedestal in my mind.

The first week of our relationship was straight out of 500 Days Of Summer. He made me a pillow fort under the stars to protect us from the rain at 5 in the morning. He stripped for me to Pony by Ginuwine just like Channing Tatum in my parent’s laundry room.

We went bowling and made out in the pleather booths between turns. He taught me how to roller skate. He met my parents. He held me while I cried.

He Facetimed me all night long with hourly interruptions featuring his younger sister, who was adorably competing for his attention. I was utterly infatuated. But it was all too perfect. 500 Days Of Summer is a romantic tragedy after all.

For about three weeks in June, after the initial honeymoon phase, we practically lived together. We never left the apartment. When he finally did escape from underneath our covers, he called me with an apparent revelation he had had earlier that day about his best friend: “I think I’m attracted to Sofia. Not romantically, I don’t think at least. Just sexually. Thought you should know that. Not that that changes anything. But I thought you would wanna know.”

Why would I want to know that? Did I want to know that? I wonder if he actually thought I wanted to know that. Why did he want me to know that? Who knows. He liked to joke a lot.

He was messing with me, wasn’t he? He was definitely messing with me. That’s all we really did.

Mess with each other. Mess each other up. But he was perfect, remember?

Even after we broke up, he was perfect to me.

Disgustingly perfect.

That is, until I held him again, just like I had on our way to the hospital the day we first met. He loved being the little spoon. I loved mothering him. I loved focusing my attention on anybody other than myself, taking care of anybody other than myself. I loved the idea of our love.

But, as I held him, about eight months after our whirlwind romance had begun (and just as swiftly ended), I realized I didn’t love him. I never had loved him. I loved the idea of him.

But I had absolutely no idea who he was. I only knew who he told me he was. I only knew who I wanted him to be. And he was nothing of the sort.

Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether real or imagined

GOD ONLY KNOWS BACKING VOCAL (MALE) I’m not gonna leave. I’m still right here. Everything’s okay.

INTRO (FEMALE) How are you still here?

How are you unscathed?

Do you live for the pain?

Are you okay?

VERSE I (DUET) Female: We dream in color, an angel serenade.

Male: Breathless bodies, soulful and steady.

Both: But when the ground shudders, where will we stand?

Both: When the shrapnel hits, where will we land?

BACKING VOCAL (MALE) I’m not gonna leave. I’m still right here. Everything’s okay.

PRE-CHORUS (FEMALE) You say the words I need to hear But how long until you disappear?

You say you won’t leave me But we don’t know what god knows.

CHORUS (MALE) Who knows what god knows?

Do you know what god knows?

Only god knows. Only god knows.

BACKING VOCAL (MALE) I’m not gonna leave. I’m still right here. Everything’s okay.

VERSE II (DUET) Male: Your walls rise up like the tides at the pier.

Male: A crimson barrier waiting to reappear.

Female: You’re a bystander in the line of fire Female: Welcoming the warmth of my fuming desire.

BRIDGE (FEMALE) Leave me before I take you down with me Take you down with me when nothing's okay.

BACKING VOCAL (MALE) I’m not gonna leave. I’m still right here.

Everything’s okay.

PRE-CHORUS (FEMALE) You say the words I need to hear But how long until you disappear?

You say you won’t leave me But we don’t know what god knows.

CHORUS (DUET) Who knows what god knows?

Do you know what god knows?

Only god knows. Only god knows.

BACKING VOCAL (MALE) I’m not gonna leave. I’m still right here.

Everything’s okay.

OUTRO (FEMALE) Leave me before I take you down with me Take you down with me when nothing's okay.

Are you okay?

Identity disturbance, unstable sense of self and self-image Lots of money and hair down the drain, last minute chopped bangs, a bathtub dye job, an infected monroe piercing, that cherry tattoo on my thigh from some seedy St. Marks studio @ midnight, if barney and a ghost had a crack baby then raised it as hair on my head, some drug dealers that told me I could be all his if I did a couple things for him first, being the self-identified DUFF, looking like a mixture of everybody I put on a pedestal at any given moment, what kinda style is that you may ask, I have no idea, not mine, all mine? ... a lot of bad decisions, but who am I… why am I …

Impulsivity and reckless behaviors (e.g., impulsive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, binge eating) My writing more often than not involves two main subjects--sex and saddness--often in tandem. To me, sex is like anger, a mask shielding myself and others from what’s really going on within the swampy enclaves of my mind.

It is the ultimate lie, false intimacy, and yet it is the only time I feel like me, alive... Alice.

For a few ecstasy-inducing moments, I feel love.

But it’s tricky, feeling love. It’s not that head-over-heels, butterflies in my stomach, in love feeling. It’s more like an overwhelming feeling of not being alone, of sharing yourself wholeheartedly with another body, another mind that is more than likely just as messed up as my own.

What I am in love with is connection. An emotional slut, as I call it. I chase it endlessly and with fervor, from one body to the next. For I am totally enamored by the unification of bodies, by the freedom of nakedness. I am in love with getting to know someone else vis-a-vis getting to know myself. Or maybe it’s the other way around... seems I haven’t quite figured that part out yet, so let’s just call it a working theory.

PORT WINE AND LATEX ALLERGIES (Excerpt from my short story, “Endings and Beginnings”) To tell you the truth, I was never looking for nice guys. Freedom was nicer. Like on my friend’s 21st birthday...

It was a perfect weekend away in a perfectly nondescript locale among perfectly unremarkable people, with loads of perfectly intoxicating substances and perfectly all-consuming sex. All that was missing was a jacuzzi.

And some condoms.

Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions and anger disproportionate to situation at hand, due to significant reactivity of mood (episodic dysphoria, irritability, anxiety, etc)

Experience an Episode on this Episode of Episodes with Alice…

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS AHHHHH I CAN'T DO THIS. HEAD BANG. FETUS POSE ON FLOOR. SCREAM. CRY. SCREAM. CRY. HELP. EVERYONE LEAVES ME. EVERYONE LEAVES ME. NO ONE LOVES ME. WHY?

aaaaand repeat… for another thirty minutes or so… until there is no more air to explode out of my lungs in wails and all there is left to do is feel the silence permeate my skin.

Chronic feelings of emptiness

nine symptoms a mental residue of sorts: her to-do lists, breathlessness, independently dependent sways. his whisky-fueled, screen-shielded, belt-wielding rage.

DO NOT STAY! but… (please and thank you, manners they trained me) do not leave. fill the empty with the feelings: a valueless void, a permanent penthouse resident, it takes no vacation days. pills like rocks still no match to the crushing malaise, and so, it stays.

DO NOT STAY! but... (jamo and xans, bandaids they bought me) do not leave. for mirrors, for men, for me: who is this body? this stretch-marked stomach? this scarred, stained spine? do you see this body? do you feel this body? do you love this body?

DO NOT STAY! but… (hurt and hurt again, addiction they taught me) do not leave. do not leave this body! do not leave my body! words stain pain-pressed pages: they stab, shift, seethe, suspect, sabotage and yet… they strengthen. you may not understand… but you will listen. my melancholic mind… a restorative reminder. walk along the borderline: repattern. remember. reveal. survive.

Self-damaging behavior and suicidal ideation Fire Island was not the most opportune place to try and kill myself.

There are no cars allowed on the 30 or so mile long sandy beach.

That means no ambulances either.

The strip itself is a stubborn, occasionally battered barrier for the mainland, protecting it and all its inhabitants from the hells this earth throws at us.

Fire Island was not the place to let go of it all, to explode, to scream-cry until my voice became gnarled beyond comprehension.

But BPD won the fight that day. It’s not that I actually wanted to die.

I may not have wanted to die, but I very well could have if that one ambulance had not been able to barrel down miles of broken pavement and sand dunes.

I am alive because of luck and one very determined EMT driver.

I am alive because of my mother.

I am alive because I have more power than I cared to admit, more power then I could begin to comprehend at the time.

I am alive because I did not truly want to die, even though my mind told me I was done for.

Worthless, abandoned, hurting…

I just wanted the hurting to stop for a minute. The stampeding hordes of detrimental thoughts that yakked away at my brain, sawed through my bones… they left me physically and mentally gasping for air, for validation.

I refuse to let BPD break me.

But all I seemed to attract in that moment was anger and fear— from my mother, when she saw the utter lack of control in my eyes. My BPD episodes have strained our relationship for years.

I still have episodes, I still make impulsive choices, I am still afraid that I will be left behind by the ones I love.

But what really scared me was my total loss of control, my dissociation into the darkness.

These moments leave our family tree stained with saw marks and cripple our ability to healthily connect.

For better or for worse, it is a part of me and I am learning everyday how to take the highs with the lows and keep plowing forward.

But I have also learned a great deal about empathy and advocacy because of it, and I have gotten to know what true unconditional love is along the way.

THANK YOU! Thanks so much for reading Her Culture's 28th magazine issue. Without a community of dedicated, sophisticated, culture-enthusiastic women, we would not be where we are today. To keep up with all the latest news and culture stories, please visit www.herculture.org.

Special thanks to: the Mulloy family, the Miller family, issuu.com, Alexis Neuville, Katie Collins, Sareana Kimia, Cameron Oakes, World Reader, The Prospect, MissHeard Magazine, Luna Luna Magazine, Humans of Vietnam, The Wannabe Scientist, Hello Perfect, New York University's Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development, Molly and Fox Magazine, The Fem Lit Magazine, H.E.R, and Same Sky.

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New York / Issue No. 28 / FALL 2020