Her Culture Issue No. 25: February 2019 by Her Culture

HERCULTURE FEBRUARY/MARCH 2019

THE LAST STRAW: Why plastic pollution needs to stop, and how you can help.

TAKE UP THE UKULELE

Adding a new instrument to your 2019

LIVING WITH ANXIETY and understanding mental health

HER CULTURE MAGAZINE

FOUNDED 2013 WWW.HERCULTURE.ORG @HERCULTURE

from the desk of

THE FOUNDER DEAR CULTURE GIRL, We've reached our 25th issue! How did that happen? It feels like it was just yesterday that I was designing the first version of the Her Culture magazine. If it weren’t for the amazing team members, sponsors, and readers (just like you!), we could not have gotten to where we are today. I am so grateful for all of the love and support you’ve shown since 2013. I hope that you will continue to join Her Culture’s journey. I hope you enjoy reading this issue as much as I enjoyed designing it. xoxo, Kate

MY TRAVEL LOG This month, I will travel to:

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Next month, I plan on going to:

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Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always wanted to visit:

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The countries Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been to are:

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My favorite article from Her Culture this month is:

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5 things Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll remember for my next trip:

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I can start a #CultureRevolution by:

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xoxo

ISSUE NO. 25

FEBRUARY /MARCH

TABLE OF CONTENTS

DIGITAL AGE SLUT-SHAMING

GIVE ME THERAPY

SCIENCE & RESOLUTIONS

THE LAST STRAW

PERIOD STIGMAS

MAKEUP CULTURE

BECOMING

WORLD LOTIONS

UKULELE CULTURE

STICK TO GOALS

IS FRIENDS FEMINIST?

WABI-SABI LIVING

HUMANITARIANISM

FINDING OURSELVES

THE FIRST TRANS SPY

JEWEL OF LAHORE

LIVING WITH ANXIETY

GLOBAL SOULS

MORE TO EXPLORE…

I SURVIVED THE HOLIDAYS W/ KIDS & LARGE DOGS…102 AN EXPLORATION OF AGORAPHOBIA…108 LOOKING BACK TO LOOK FORWARD…110 THE SHORT STORY OF QUEEN V’S LONG REIGN…112 HOW STUDENTS ARE SLEEP DEPRIVED…116 QUEER STEREOTYPES AND WHAT THEY MEAN…120 ON DEATH AND DYING IN THE AGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA…125 SUZETTE JORDAN: FIGHTING FOR HER IDENTITY…130 RESOLUTIONS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN…136 HOW RESPONSIBILITY POLITICS HURTS US ALL…141

MAGAZINE

STAFF EXECUTIVES

Kate Avino - Chief Executive Officer Alexis Neuville - Chief of Staff Katie Collins - Chief Marketing Officer Sareana Kimia - Director of International Development Cameron Oakes Director of Partnerships

EDITORS

Elaine Zedack

Kate Avino

Manvita Gandhi

Alana Cohen

Chelsi Harris

Robin Jennings

WRITERS

Samantha Lizzio Skylar Cale Shivani Ekkanath Amanda Ryan Amy Liu Likhita Yegireddi Pooja Banerjee Kathelyn Bonilla Chelsi Harris Emily Pfeiffer Tejashee Kashyap Pip Blankenship Samantha Galasso Maria Javaid Sterling Shore Radhika Sharma Julie Pawlikowski Agampreet Kalra Andrina Voegele Carol Lee Stephanie Chang Jenny Busch Hannah Duke Isabella Jiang Amrutha Garimella Morgan Fykes Monica Sager Aalekh Dhaliwal Sarin Drew Gari De Ramos

OUR PREVIOUS ISSUE:

NEWS CULTURE

LET MY PEOPLE POSE: Eliminating Slut-Shaming in the Digital Age by samantha galasso

lexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been making waves in Congress far more than most rookies in recent years. Between her policy proposals, her dance moves and her outspoken presence on social media, the self-proclaimed Democratic socialist has drawn both public admiration and ire. But ire can get ugly. On January 9, rightwing publication The Daily Caller posted an article with the sensationalist headline “Here’s The Photo Some People Described As A Nude Selfie of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.” The photo shows a woman’s bare legs and feet soaking in a bathtub while she holds a vape pen for the camera. Her face cannot be seen but if the audience is so inclined, they could zoom in on the faucet and see a reflection of the woman’s bare breasts. The assertion that the photo belonged to the young congresswoman was ultimately debunked by dedicated foot fetishists, because that’s the world we live in now. Ocasio-Cortez took to Twitter and responded with revulsion for the media’s tactics while her mentions were flooded with support.

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And Twitter users—many of them women—recirculated Melania Trump’s nude modeling photos from the ’90s in a supposed attempt to emphasize GOP hypocrisy. But to me, both the attack on OcasioCortez and the weaponization of Mrs. Trump’s past highlight a bigger issue: we, as a society, will jump at the opportunity to use a woman’s sexuality to negate her value, particularly if that woman is in a leadership position. It is a horrendous, misogynistic reflex that we need to make a conscious effort to eliminate from the public sphere. Circulating a woman’s nude photos— real or fake—with the intention of attacking her character is abhorrent for two reasons: first, it reduces the woman to a sexual object, nullifying all else that she has to offer; second, it reinforces the notion that women who are in some way sexual can never be taken seriously. The photo The Daily Caller misattributed to Ocasio-Cortez was meant to harm her career. We’re supposed to scoff at the misstep OcasioCortez might have taken prior to becoming a public figure. We’re supposed to dismiss everything that she

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in office simply because a “nude” picture of her made rounds on the internet. Similarly, when the New York Post ran Mrs. Trump’s photos in January 2016 with the headline “The Ogle Office,” it was done to discredit her as a possible First Lady. Other media outlets followed suit, republishing the photos alongside speculative articles about whether or not this would hurt thencandidate Trump in the contentious race. The line of thinking underpinning the Post’s spread and the subsequent articles is the same: Mrs. Trump could not be deemed an acceptable First Lady with her nude photos checkering her past. In engaging in these conversations, we have equated female nudity and sexuality with incompetence. We are saying that women who are in any way perceived as sexual are consequently unable to offer anything else. More importantly, we are saying that women should be ashamed of their bodies and the choices they make regarding exposing their bodies.

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Ocasio-Cortez did not pose for nude photos—but even if she did, so what? Melania Trump did pose for nude photos—but again, so what? A woman’s sexuality is only one aspect of her whole self. A woman––any woman—can be sexy and still have a point of view worth listening to. She can be sexy and still be smart. She can be sexy and still be valuable.

Nude photos should not be entered into the court of public opinion as if they were evidence of ineptitude. What someone looks like naked is not indicative of whether or not they can lead or serve. It does not tell us how honest they are, or if they have our best interests in mind. It does not tell us how qualified they are or what their potential is to succeed in their given career field. And dismissing someone because of their nude photos only further enforces the virgin/whore dichotomy that has limited women for generations. To target Ocasio-Cortez in this way is sickeningly chauvinistic, but to show support for her by recirculating Mrs. Trump’s photos only exacerbates the problem. Saying, “We need to expose GOP hypocrisy since they showed support for Melania but tried to shame AOC” is both factually inaccurate and morally misguided. In actuality, the New York Post, the original publishers of Mrs. Trump’s photos, is a right-leaning paper owned by conservative news giant Rupert Murdoch.

become part of the problem. Your stance is no longer about hypocrisy; it takes on another, much more damning subtext: How can you criticize our woman––have you seen yours? It would be laughable that even in 2019 we’re still holding women to a purity standard if the reality of it weren’t so sad. The fact of the matter is, consensual sharing of nude images and non consensual “revenge porn” ruins careers, reputations and lives. We have equated nude photos––particularly of women––with a severe lack of judgment. And we punish this accordingly: by never letting her forget it. Ultimately, nude photos have no bearing on public policy and deserve no place in a political forum. But their existence, if they do exist, should not damage a woman’s reputation and career beyond repair.

Regardless, it is possible to discuss political hypocrisy without resorting to slut-shaming Melania Trump. Once you recirculate Mrs. Trump’s photos, you

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the last straw why the plastic pollution of the oceans needs to stop by andrina voegele PAGE 20

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lastic is cheap to produce, durable, practical and deadly. It is being consumed at staggering rates and wasted at even more shocking ones. Around 8 million pieces of plastic enter the ocean every day, polluting the waters, killing marine life, and endangering our own. Yet people struggle with the idea of giving up even single use plastics such as cups, cutlery, bottles and plastic bags. What’s one more straw really going to change after all? Turns out, a lot.

might seemingly make our lives easier, but it is damaging the world immensely. Particularly the oceans and marine life are suffering tremendously because of it. It is estimated that there are currently 51 trillion macro and microscopic pieces of plastic in the open ocean, totaling a weight of 269,000 tons. That is about 500 times the number of stars that can be found in our entire galaxy. This number is even more shocking when you consider the fact that plastic was only invented just over a century ago and that it didn’t really enter commercial use until World War II. The real plastic boom didn’t even occur until the late 1950s.

Going about our daily lives, we encounter plastic everywhere. It’s there at the grocery store in the packaging of most products; you can find it at restaurants and bars where waiters will slip one, maybe even two straws, into your beverage without giving it a second thought; small traces of it are even found in chewing gum – not just as packaging, but in the actual gum itself. In essence, plastic is everywhere. Many of us hardly notice it anymore, it has become such a normality; a cheap convenience in the fast-paced world we live in nowadays.

Since then, 8.3 billion tons of plastic have been produced, of which 91% has not been recycled worldwide. Instead, it has been accumulating in landfills, the ocean and sloughing off in natural environments all across the globe.

Unfortunately, like most easy fixes, the use of plastic just isn’t sustainable. It

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Recently, photographs of the animals suffering from the plastic pollution of the ocean have gone viral, highlighting just how detrimental the consequences truly are for marine life. Marine mammals, fish, and seabirds are all in danger of being injured or even killed by plastic pollution. Researchers believe that about 700 species of marine life could be getting extinct soon because of it. The animals get tangled up in the plastic and canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get rid of it by themselves, making them vulnerable and easy prey. By trying to fight their way out of their constraints they get strangled by it until they eventually die. And, if the animals donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get directly hurt by it, they often mistake plastic pieces for food, ingesting it until their stomachs can no longer handle it. A recent study revealed that, from the large sample surveyed, 100% of sea turtles had plastic in their system and 90% of all seabirds and fish are believed to be suffering from the same fate. Plastic pollution of the ocean does not only cause a problem for animals though, but also for humans. 1 in 3 fish caught for the purpose of human consumption contains traces or entire pieces of plastic, which then gets

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transferred into our own bodies. The average person consumes around 70,000 pieces of micro plastic annually, which is about 70,000 pieces more than we should be eating. Moreover, 70% of our air is produced by marine plants. Considering the importance of breathable air and healthy bodies, we cannot pretend that the issue does not directly affect us humans too.

The plastic epidemic is solely a manmade global issue and the effects of it have become impossible to ignore. Nevertheless, too many countries still do so, and even more are simply not prioritizing it. However, one cannot blame a single country, or even a few, for the problem. Although China and Indonesia may currently be the biggest sources of mismanaged marine plastic

waste, this does not mean that other countries can shrug off responsibilities. Many countries actually export their plastic to other places in order to have them dispose of it, overwhelming their governments with the sheer amount. Plastic pollution, of the ocean and land, affects the whole word and the whole world also contributed to it becoming a problem in the first place.

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Although the damage is irreversible because there is no way to remove all of the plastic from the oceans, this does not mean that we should give up hope. In recent months, various governments have been taking the first steps of implementing laws prohibiting the use and sale of single use plastics such as straws and plastic bags. Costa Rica, for example, is on track to becoming the first country to ban absolutely all single use plastics by 2021. Washington, D.C. has recently banned plastic straws entirely and last year, Kenya issued the most drastic laws concerning the ban of plastic bags, with people facing fines of up to 4 million Kenyan shillings, equal to $40,000 USD, for selling, producing, or even just using one. Giving up single use plastic may not be the most convenient way to live, but with todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s advancements there is little doubt that if we prioritize this issue we will find a better alternative. It is a small price to pay for a healthier world and while we cannot undo the damage that has already been done, we can prevent it from getting worse.

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WHAT YOU CAN DO: // Carry a reusable water bottle // Bring your own shopping bags // Say no to plastic straws (and use bamboo or glass ones if you must) // Use bee wax wrap instead of plastic wrap to keep food fresh // Avoid excessive food packaging //Support bag ban initiatives // Recycle

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BECOMING:

Michelle Obama & Black History Month by Monica Sager

n 1915, the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History (today known as the Association for the Study of African American Life and History) set out to research and promote achievements by Black Americans and other people of African descent. Eleven years later, the organization sponsored the second week of February as the national Negro History week. This week coincided with the birthdays of both Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. The month officially was designated Black History Month in 1976 by President Gerald Ford, and every President since has officially commemorated it.One book, which should be acknowledged not only for Black History Month but everyday of the year, is Michelle Obama’s “Becoming.”

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“Becoming” was published in 2018. The autobiographical story follows Obama throughout her childhood, college life, career, and time as the First Lady of the United States of America. The book dives deep, as Obama discusses her roots, role models, and how she found her own voice. Obama’s book is both insightful and motivational. “I’ve been held up as the most powerful woman in the world and taken down as an ‘angry black woman,’” Obama wrote. “I’ve wanted to ask my detractors which part of that phrase matters to them the most—is it ‘angry’ or ‘black’ or ‘woman’?”But Obama had been dealing with this all of her life.

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“The color of our skin made us vulnerable. It was a thing we’d always have to navigate,” she wrote. Obama, though, recognized that she was seen differently. “I understood already that I’d be measured by a different yardstick,” she wrote. “As the only African American First Lady to set foot in the White House, I was ‘other’ almost by default.” As a child, Obama grew up in the South Shore neighborhood of Chicago, a predominantly Black neighborhood which is abruptly juxtaposed to the University of Chicago. Obama described how the University always seemed out of reach from a neighborhood like hers. As a student at Princeton University, Obama noted how “extremely white and

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very male” her peers were.Yet, as an educated girl, Obama still faced anger from people of her own race, even from her own family. “‘How come you talk like a white girl?’” was a question posed by her own relatives. “Being black and from the South Side, I suddenly saw, helped me recognize problems that a man like Art Sussman (who was the University of Chicago’s inhouse legal counsel) didn’t even realize,” Obama wrote. She saw inequalities, and she tapped into this knowledge throughout her career, both before becoming the First Lady and during her tenure. “I saw black folks steaming into the ER with issues that had long been neglected—diabetic patients whose circulation issues had gone untended and who now needed a leg amputation, for example—and couldn’t help but think of every medical appointment my own father had failed to make for himself, every symptom of his MS he’d downplayed in order not to make a fuss, or cost anyone money, or generate paperwork or to spare himself the feeling of being belittled by a wealthy white doctor,” Obama wrote. However,

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she wanted to make a change.

halls. The paintings are lovely, but what matters most is that they’re there for young people to see—that our faces help dismantle the perception that in order to be enshrined in history, you have to look a certain way. If we belong, then so, too, can many others.”

“I’d been lucky to have parents, teachers, and mentors who’d fed me with a consistent, simple message: You matter,” she wrote. “As an adult, I wanted to pass those words to a new generation.” She built relationships. She had children from under-represented areas visit the White House or come along with her to the University of Oxford. These were the girls who weren’t reaching their potential yet, but could. She saw something in each and everyone of them, creating a mentorship program to help. Obama always had children in mind, whether it was with her Let’s Move! program to combat American obesity or her Reach Higher initiative to encourage students to take charge of their futures past a high school education.This is the hope she wanted to leave behind. “There are portraits of me and Barak now hanging in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, a fact that humbles us both,” Obama wrote. “I doubt that anyone looking at our two childhoods, our circumstances, would ever have predicted we’d land in those

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WELLNESS

CULTURE

Give Me Therapy: Why Everyone Should Be Open to Seeing a Mental Health Specialist

by samantha lizzio “You should really consider seeing someone.” “I don’t need a therapist to tell me how to fix my problems.” “No, maybe not. But you need someone to listen.” This is a conversation I’m all too familiar with. For Americans, therapy is often a fear-inducing chore. Why should I see a therapist who’s going to make me confront my emotions head-on? Why pay to sit in a comfy seat pouring out my soul to a stranger, grabbing tissue after tissue?

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hy? Because after leaving a therapy session, emotional and mental pain get easier to live with every day.

I’ve been in therapy off and on since college when I was diagnosed with a mental illness. Yet, therapy can be beneficial for everyone. I believe that having a therapist is as important as a having a primary care physician, gynecologist, or dentist. Everyone can benefit from seeing a mental health specialist frequently. However, it isn’t easy to trust someone new and let them dissect your inner thoughts. Sometimes it takes years to be brave enough to unchain secrets we lock tight inside. Therapists start out as strangers, but become confidantes. And just like with any significant friend, family member, or coworker in your social life, it takes time and energy to develop a beneficial relationship. A cliche, but true nugget of advice for taking on any difficult task is: You get out what you put in. The more open you can be during a therapy session, the more comfortable it becomes. And the more open we are as a society to the healthy impact of

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therapy, the more comfortable everyone will be with giving it a try. Kristine Fitzpatrick, a school counselor from NYC, affirmed that therapy is scary because it’s still a taboo subject. “Many people view mental illness as a shameful thing and not as the medical issue that is,” Kristine Fitzpatrick said. She explained that America’s mixed bowl of various cultures can also affect the public’s view of therapy. Within subcultures, mental illness is very frowned upon, Kristine said. My therapy over the years has kept me grounded and aware of my strengths and weaknesses. I saw my first therapist, a licensed clinical social worker who practiced near my college, for three years. Post-grad I saw two different therapists, one that I never quite opened up to, and one I only just stopped seeing this past year after moving. My new therapist is as necessary to me as all the other health providers I see. I trust her with all aspects of my life that I don’t feel comfortable discussing with friends and family.

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Each of the mental health professionals I’ve seen have helped me face my different anxieties as I’ve grown. I’m still growing and I still look forward to my therapy sessions.

with being ‘crazy’ still seeps through to present-day. NAMI reported that in 2015, only 41% of adults received care from mental health services though approximately 1 in 5 adults in America experience mental illness each year. Comfortability with seeking mental health care is rising, but slowly. In 2016, adults seeking mental health rose to 43% (NIMH).

Recently, I discussed with my therapist my tendency to worry about the people I love. Yes, yes, everyone worries about their loved ones. But, I explained that from youth, I’ve felt a need to keep people happy and to nurture my friends when they are struggling. I can be quite brash when I’m afraid that someone I love isn't doing enough to help themselves. Sometimes frustration and helplessness squeeze my stomach taut until it wiggles with anxiety. My therapist helped me realize that my “giver” nature isn’t always a positive thing. She helped me see that I need to look out for myself and fight back worries of guilt or disappointing others.

The mind is as much a part of the body as the beating heart. It needs to be cared for in a healthy way, just as we exercise and drink water to keep our body strong. Kristine Fitzpatrick maintained that therapy is important because it helps us learn when anxiety is reaching a harmful level. “Everyone has some degree of anxiety and it’s always beneficial to have someone to talk to in a non-judgemental environment,” Kristine said.

This anecdote demonstrates one small victory I’ve achieved from therapy. It’s enlightening to gain an awareness into problems you didn’t realize were there or weren’t willing to face. It can be scary. It can be a shock. But it will prove to be helpful and cathartic.

We should allow ourselves to see a therapist and communicate about it freely to friends and family. Transparency about mental health is what decreases the stigma surrounding mental illness. It’s time to reach out when your mind needs help and move past the fear of therapy.

Americans are getting more and more comfortable with the idea of therapy, but the association of seeing a therapist HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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DISSECTING THE MENSTRUAL CYCLE by Shivani Ekkanath

rom the stage of puberty until we enter our golden years, us girls get our period and endure the monthly menstrual cycle. Despite the headway that has been made to achieve more gender equality with the feminist movement, it is essential to attain success in different facets of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rights and struggles. It is only in recent years that discourse about periods and womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s menstrual struggles are becoming an important topic of discussion.

THE SOURCE OF STIGMA: Firstly, it is important to deduce and dissect the underlying causes of the stigma and assess its origins. While analysing them, we glean that the negative connotation associated with periods is primarily a cultural one. As the existing taboo still continues to pervade in the form of myth and needless secrecy, serious impediments to dialogue and discussion continues to be hindered. A majority of the problem lies in the lack of information and knowledge about the subject and continues to dominate socio- cultural among many conservative and more hidebound societies.

Understanding and breaking the stigmas associated with menstruation is necessary to help reinforce not only the feminist movement, but address associated social and cultural ramifications as well. HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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Even today, countries like India continue to employ a more conservative attitude toward analysing the issue. The unwavering influence of ritualism and religion continues to be a hurdle in achieving further change. The interpretation of religion, ritualism and norms leads to the propagation of degenerating and undermining messages about women. Being of Indian origin myself, I remember my mother

Movement hopes to celebrate Menstruation and the beauty of the female body and mind. These campaigns involve mass mobilisation and advocacy efforts to crumble the bulwarks associated with the stigma.

telling me how girls were confined to seperate parts of the house and secluded during the duration of their period in her time. Women are still forbidden from entering temples and places of worship or embarking on religious pilgrimages simply because they are deemed impure. Similarly, in Surinam, period blood is perceived to be unnatural, dangerous and a supposed sign of black magic.

result, the subject is being dealt with more openly and seriously. From Gloria Steinem’s 1978 essay, ‘If Men Could Menstruate’ to Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues and genuine depictions of periods in shows like Mad Men, Girls and Orange is the New Black, the portrayal of Menstruation is beginning to improve.

PROGRESS IN THE STATUS QUO: Fortunately, global initiatives like the Period Movement and Positive Periods are proving ground breaking in their effort to challenge many preconceived notions and hidebound societal norms concerning menstruation. Rather than focusing on endurance, the Period

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Additionally, over the years, though not as ubiquitous, advocacy of this nature has also been prominent in pop culture and different forms of media. As a

To shed light on the Indian perspective, India’s Supreme Court recently declared a renouncement of the ban on ‘menstruating women’ in one of holiest temples in the Indian State of Kerala, citing that religion could not deny women the right to worship in this case and was a constitutional immorality. Perhaps, this will create ripples that might extend to other religious institutions in different states in India and alert governments and societies to the importance of breaking the surrounding stigma.

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Moreover, the concept of the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Modern Periodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in 20th century America can be seen as effective progress as well. Over the years, menstrual practices have positively evolved and are alleviating many previous problems and struggles faced by women. From using cloth, women now have access to durable pads and hygiene supplies due to the progress of science, technology and dissemination of information particularly with sex education. Strategic solutions should involve targeting necessary stakeholder groups and also include a greater number of

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community based health education and provision of low cost hygiene supplies for women in rural areas specifically. Hopefully, with the continued trajectory, social constructs that burn women at the stake and contribute to the suppression of ideas are reviewed and questioned. It will prove to be an important impetus for yet more seismic progress and further change in the status quo and current cultural and social norms. Taking on multilateral approaches are a necessary framework for future solutions.

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Great Moisturizers from Around the World by carol lee Even the most basic of skincare routines usually have a moisturizer involved, and many countries around the world have produced their own brilliant formulations to nourish our skin.

Weleda Skin Food Switzerland-based wellness company Weleda’s most celebrated product is their Skin Food—and for good reason. The multi-purpose and all-natural moisturizer has the ability to quench your skin with a pea-sized amount, all the while smelling delightfully like almond extract. As the heaviest and most dense of the bunch, Skin Food isn’t for the faint of heart, and it takes a bit of time to fully absorb into the skin. However, despite the product’s rich nature, those who are acneprone can rest assured that it does not cause breakouts. Instead, it imparts that sought-after post-facial glow at a wallet-friendly price. Skin Food’s tubular packaging also lends it to being quite travelfriendly, so it is sure to secure a place in your bag for any dry skin emergencies that may occur.

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Embryolisse LaitCreme Concentre Embryolisse’s Lait-Crème Concentrè is a staple in every chic French girl’s skincare routine and is written about in every existing beauty blog. Its higher price tag is justified by its cooling luxurious feel, and although it is not nearly as rich as the Weleda Skin Food, Lait-Crème Concentrè moisturizes without feeling heavy or leaving your skin too dewy. In fact, it absorbs nearly instantaneously with a refreshing feel, making it ideal for use under makeup.

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Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion Among the moisturizers that Sephora carries, the Dramatically Different™ Moisturizing Lotion+ from Clinique is both one of the most reasonably priced and one of the most well-known. This product is on the lighter side, ideal for those with oily skin that just needs an extra boost. It won’t cause you to break out, and it’ll calm down your dry patches. It’s like that pair of blue jeans that always makes you feel your best—standard, reliable, and predictable. Nothing wildly special, but it does the job. It may not be Dramatically Different when compared to other moisturizers, but it is dramatically dependable. HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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Mizon All-In-One Snail Repair Cream South Korea has long been revered as the birthplace of many a efficacious—albeit a little unconventional—skincare product. One of the most famous of these products is Mizon’s All-in-One Snail Repair Cream. Once you manage to get over any initial reactions to the prospect of slathering snail extract all over your face, you’re sure to come out on the other side with smoother and clearer skin. It’s on the lighter side, so those who have drier skin or individuals in harsher climates may want to layer this particular moisturizer under a heavier one.

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Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream Last but not least, hailing from Brazil is the tightening and glowinducing body moisturizer of your dreams. With its warm and beachy scent, this thick body cream absorbs quickly into your parched skin and leaves behind a slight shimmer that bestows a luminescent glow upon your limbs. Its skin-smoothing properties are quite legendary and this Bum Bum Cream is one of those rare “miracle products” that actually have the ability to change the look and texture of your skin. A few uses of this body cream and you’ll be beach-ready without a doubt.

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How Science Can Save Your Resolutions by Monica Sager

e’ve all heard the saying: “New year, new me.” We’ve seen it accompanying photos on Instagram and Facebook. We’ve seen the lists of improvements our friends want to make, typically including working out more, eating healthier, and taking more time for themselves.But, in truth, many of these resolutions simply fail.

may want to keep a distance from friends when they’re lighting it up. Slipping doesn’t mean that the resolution is a complete fail: momentary lapses are actually quite common. 71 percent of people who were successful in their solutions slipped in the first month. You just have to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and recommit. There is some good news in all of this.

In a study from the University of Scranton, “Auld lang syne: success predictors, change processes, and selfreported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers,” researchers found that over a two-year period, 77 percent of people were able to keep their resolutions for a week. 64 percent reported success after a month, 50 percent after three months, and 46 percent after six. In the end, only 19 percent of the 200 participants deemed themselves successful in reaching their goals. There are a few reasons these New Year’s resolutions don’t work, and it’s not age, gender, or even the type of resolution. The primary culprits are stimulus-control and an inability to avoid tempting situations. If you’re trying to lose weight, staying away from a buffet may be smart. Or if your resolution is to stop smoking, you

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People who made resolutions at a random time just to make change in their lives were ten times more likely to stick to it instead of a New Year’s resolution. Consider setting small goals and rewarding yourself as you meet each milestone. . Trying to drink eight cups of water each day? Maybe buy yourself a little something at the end of each successful week. Positive reinforcement goes a long way toward maintaining motivation. Self-efficacy, or the belief that you can get it done, is also important. This trait means that you have probably put a lot of thought into your goal and planning of how to achieve it.

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Overall, here are some great tips to a successful resolution:

4. Don’t be harsh on yourself.

1. Don’t wait until the last

It’s ok to falter. Don’t worry if you ate a cookie or two and are trying to lose weight. Don’t worry if you took a puff and are trying to quit smoke. You’re human. Just try a bit harder next time.

minute. Plan this out! It is important to consider the outcome, how to get there, and define any milestones you’d like to meet along the way.

2. Be specific. Don’t just say you want to lose weight. Pick a number. Don’t just say you want practice more self-care. Go deep and think of how you’d do that.

3. Start with small steps. You can’t just jump into a resolution thinking you’ll accomplish it by tomorrow. Many take days, months, or even the whole year to accomplish. Set goals and take them one at a time.

5. Believe in yourself. You are both your own worst critic as well as your number one fan.You are the one who can push yourself to fulfill your resolution. It’s up to you and no one else.

6. Get support from friends and family. While fulfilling the resolution is fully up to you, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You never know who has been in a similar situation before and who can offer valuable advice. They can even make sure you keep yourself to the resolution.

ART

CULTURE

Always do your skincare first. Cleanse, moisturize, put on your SPF. Even your favorite makeup brand tells you, “skin first, makeup second,” and besides, makeup looks better when your skin looks good. It’s a little ironic though because if your skin looked that good, you wouldn’t wear this much makeup in the first place.

face looks as blank as your memories of having skin that didn’t hate you. You used to hate blush. You saw no point in painting the redness you just erased back onto your face. Now you feel naked without it. Since you gave up coffee (you decided you had plenty of other unhealthy addictions, i.e. mango green tea boba), you need something else to give you that “I’m awake!” look. Blush is your caffeine-free glow booster. Plus, you heard somewhere that pulling blush up to your temples makes your face look slimmer. You by Carol Lee don’t know if it really works, but you do it just in case. You wish it didn’t take going under the knife to change your rectangular face into a perfect oval.

Wear a CC Cream, because admitting to yourself that you still need to wear foundation after all of these years is a little too painful (Koreans are supposed to have perfect skin, so why don’t you?). You convinced yourself a long time ago that you don’t have to wear some sort of foundation in order to go out of the house. You could stop at any time! (Ever since you came to New York, you’re not so sure, but you try not to think about it.) Dot the product on all of the red and brown spots you see. They are wounds and scars from this battle with your skin —a battle you don’t want to remember. Blend it all out with a sponge. Now your

How to Beat Your Face

Take a small eyeshadow brush and dip it into an ashy brown pressed powder. Kevyn Aucoin is best. Sweep it across the sides of your nose. Blend it in with your sponge. When you were eight, your grandmother suggested that you get a nose job. Your nose eventually grew

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taller and slimmer (your family has a history of slow-maturing noses). But you never forget this step. Most of the other Asians in your college classes are international students. They all have the same look. Their cheeks are always pink, never bronze. But your birth certificate says Texas and your state ID says Maryland. Spend $60 on a bronzer and drown your cheekbones in sunshine. Decide that your face needs even more dimension. Dewy is in. Take out a cream highlighter (infused with real quartz!). Slather the concoction on the tops of your cheeks, nose, and cupid’s bow. Put a little bit on the inner corners of your eyes too, even though you know you’ll cry it off later because it’s your “time of the month.” When you were younger, your mother told you that the first makeup product she would let you use was an eyebrow pencil. Back then, you said, No thank you, that’s okay, because you didn’t see anything wrong with them. They look like dad’s. Now you spend way too much time drawing in the tail end of your brows. People tell you they’re meant to look like sisters, not twins. You wish they looked like your sister’s. She got so

Take some eyebrow gel and brush it through your eyebrows. Brush the hairs up, make them messy. This was just about as wild as you got during high school. You went to one real party party. Bud Light lit up some faces while other teens sparked, but you stayed sober. You didn’t have your license, so your mom picked you up. You told your parents, Count yourselves lucky. I’m not like other teens. They said, We know. Decide not to wear eyeshadow today. Pale Barley, Soba, Fallen Star, Shadow Hill, and Camel call out to you. But you don’t want to seem too “made up.” You don’t want to be seen by others as “that girl.” Even though you feel like “that girl.” Never, ever wear eyeliner. You are convinced it makes your small Asian eyes look even smaller. Don’t think about how you could get surgery to “fix” this. Don’t think about the fact that your cousin who lives in Korea got the surgery. She wears all the eyeliner she wants. Along with your strange slightly curly hair comes curly, long eyelashes. This is unusual for an Asian. You get them from your mom. Your sister has them too. You could wear just about any mascara and have your lashes look pretty. Choose to wear Chanel 10 - Noir.

many of the good genes. It’s not fair.

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Way back when, in the age of Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation, you never allowed yourself to be seen without powder. Without it, the sun glinted off of your forehead, your nose, and all of the bumps and ridges you tried so hard to hide. All through high school, you’d re-apply Chanel’s Poudre Universelle Compacte every half hour. But you’ve decided to accept your shiny forehead. You call it “glow” now. “Dewy,” not greasy. You feel pretty. In terms of lips, you have some options. More than enough options. When you’re feeling bold, you put on a red liquid

lipstick. A deep red, with blue undertones. When that happens, your mom always tells you, You look crazy. You always reply, I don’t care. But you don’t feel like being crazy today. Don’t put on anything at all. You’re done. Look in the round silver mirror and give yourself a reassuring smile. You’re going to be okay. Know deep inside that it’s just makeup. Know deep inside that you’re still you without it. And when you come back home, be sure to cleanse, moisturize, and go to bed.

he ukulele is an instrument that originated in Hawaii. It is part of the lute family and consists of four strings, though there some ukuleles that have six strings. Learning how to play the ukulele is slightly different than a guitar. Ukuleles are smaller than guitars and have more chord varieties. The ukulele comes in four sizes, soprano, tenor, baritone, and concert. Out of the four, only one sounds like a guitar, and that's the baritone ukulele. Baritone ukuleles are about the same size of guitars too, which can spark confusion. There are many tutorials on how to play the ukulele online, as well as books and other materials. The two common ways to play the ukulele is by strumming and fingerpicking. Out of the two, fingerpicking seems to be the easiest. Strumming can become difficult when it comes to the different strumming patterns, speeds, and chords. In most books, they show you how to hold the ukulele, depending on if you're left or right handed. The soprano, tenor, and concert ukuleles are tuned with the GCEA scale, while the baritone ukulele is tuned with DGBE scale, which are the bottom four strings of the guitar.

ukulele, comes from Hawaiian artists, but that does not mean you can't branch out into playing Classic Rock songs or Movie Theme songs. The first chords, you learn in most ukulele books are, G, C and A minor. They are the most common notes that are strummed in beginner songs. When fingerpicking, you learn the scale, starting with the third string, the two notes on the string are C and D. When picking for the first time, you are basically learning the scale, like you would in band or music class. Fingerpicking can take time to get used to, once you have it down, you can play faster songs in the Classic Rock category. In general, ukuleles are a fun instrument to learn. It may be hard in the beginning, but once you pick it up, you may never want to put it down! You may even acquire an entire collection of ukuleles. The ukulele community on social media is a fun, supportive group, that just loves to play. Sometimes in the community, they do tutorials on how to strum or pick certain songs. Many may sing covers of older songs, or new songs that are on the radio currently. No matter what, we have a saying in the uke community, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Keep on Uking!â&#x20AC;?

Learning how to play the ukulele, can be a joyous experience. Many people say if you can play the ukulele, you can branch out into other four string instruments like, the mandolin and banjo. Most music for the

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LIVE

CULTURE

5 Ways to Stick

to Your Resolutions by sky cale HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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We all know the saying, “new year, new me.” We all make the resolutions to lose weight, workout more, maybe learn something new, etc. It’s just...we never follow through with them. And if you do, good job, you are one step ahead of everyone else. A lot of people, usually make resolutions but never achieve them due to work, schooling, or family life. Many people, lack the inspiration. Sometimes you may try your goal for a week, and then just stop because of unknown reasons! Here are five tips on how to complete the New Years resolution you set for yourself.

PLAN AHEAD & OUTLINE: Do not plan your resolution on New Year's Eve. Do it a week or so ahead, just in case you change your mind. If you wait until the last minute, you may not complete it. Decide what you are going to do, write it out, in a planner or journal. Make it reasonable and do not overwork yourself.

TRACK YOURSELF: This also goes along with the planning, make a chart, in your journal or planner, and track your progress. Make sure that you are doing the same thing consistently, and slowly move yourself up to more complicated things. Making a “pros and con” list may help as well, just depending on your resolution.

BE REALISTIC: This one goes more with losing weight. Do not set large goals, do not try to avoid the food you eat all the time, it's just setting you up to fail in the first month. Instead of saying, “I want to lose four pounds per month,” maybe try going for two, and slowly work yourself up to the four.

DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP: Lastly, do not beat yourself up if, you do not follow through with your plan. You are not alone if you don't, just don't beat yourself up. Instead, contact some friends, see if they completed their goals. If they didn't, go out together and enjoy your life the way you want to. Depending on what you're doing, this advice may or may not help. You may be successful either losing weight or becoming more active. You may try to learn a new skill or may want to meet a goal at work. Don’t be afraid to adjust your resolutions to accommodate YOUR life. And if you do not succeed, remember there is always next year! Just greet the new year with a hug, and enjoy a fresh start!

DON’T PUSH YOURSELF TO FINISH IN THE FIRST MONTH: Do not force yourself to begin your resolution in January. Space it out and maybe start when you want to, just remember, after January you have eleven months left.

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FRIENDS: by Shivani Ekkanath

FEMINIST?

ith Netflix playing nearly $100 million to retain the streaming rights of Friends till the end of 2019, the TV show does not cease to be a pivotal part of our pop culture fabric even after its conclusion in the year 2004 and a dozen off chances of revivals and reunions. Perhaps, one of the most prominent appeals of Friends simply lies in its message through the depiction of its 6 memorable characters. In the #MeToo era, where it is imperative to showcase more film, literature and art representing women, Friends is an excellent case study to begin with. Despite some of its underlying problems and weaknesses regarding representation, particularly considering the advent of Intersectional Feminism, the showcase of the key female characters in Friends do certainly build a solid foundation. Firstly, without equivocation, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe have very strong positions and roles which serve in driving the show’s plotline. As a result, these portrayals contribute to a certain nuance to the characters through realism. The show chronicles the successes and failures of both Monica, Phoebe and Rachel. None of them were in any way portrayed as being subservient to their male counterparts

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and were given equal amounts of screen time. The portrayal of said adversity is what makes them the memorable characters we love. Monica, seen as an almost motherly figure to the group and a nurturer reclaims this through her dominance. Owing to the close bonds she shares with each of the characters, she might be known as the one that ‘holds the group together’ as she is the best friend with the street smarts and the wisdom to manoeuvre life in chaotic New York City. She is also seen juggling relationships, insecurities and an ambition to run her own restaurant as a head chef. Additionally, Rachel Green tarnishes the image and stereotype of privilege as she follows her dream to work in the fashion industry and make a life for herself, and prioritises her career over her romantic relationships. Her story stands out starkly in the show as it is a constant and steady upward curve of growth. Secondly, the show also highlights some of the personal struggles of women that we probably didn’t discuss as openly in the 90s, particularly LGBTQ, divorce and infertility. For example, Monica and Chandler’s attempts at having a child are stalled in Season 10 and decide to adopt a child after considering various

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options. Not only was this storyline so beautifully conveyed, but it also showcased and presented an important societal issue and dealt with it well. Friends was also one of the first TV shows to show a lesbian wedding with Carol and Susan getting married in Season 2 and Ross finally coming to a stage of acceptance and happiness for his ex-wife. Moreover, another commendable aspect of Friends is the show of support and respect between the three female characters. In a way, this subverts the long-lasting trope of so called ‘women hating on other women’ and toxic relationships of competition and rivalry. The relationship between the three female leads is expressed thoroughly as they deal with obstacles within their friendships and differences in opinions

owing to their rather contrasting personalities. Yet, they still manage to support and accept one another and their choices. Some of the most heartwarming moments in the series are when Rachel comes to terms with moving out after Monica and Chandler decide to move in together, Monica naming Emma shortly after her birth, and Phoebe’s remarkable friendship dynamic with Monica. On the other hand, many of us may have still grown out of favour with the TV show when we review some of the plotlines and story arcs that were presented to audiences, particularly in this day and age and given the fact that the show was made for a 90s audience. With the primary objective of attracting viewership and massive fan followings, sitcoms used to and still rely on humour

from problematic and questionable outlets and rely on race and gender to generate said humour. Perhaps, some of you may now question Matt Le Blanc’s character, Joey, and his exploits and antics to get women and Chandler’s treatment of Janice. Moreover, Chandler and his quirks remain the target of many ‘gay jokes’ throughout the course of the series. Gender stereotypes are brought to prominence by Ross’ disapproval of his son playing with dolls and or his controlling nature of Rachel’s life back in seasons 2- 3 when the two were a couple. Overall, Friends offers us a remarkable balance between comedy and drama and still remains relevant as an exemplar for the social commentary, progress and evolution of today’s pop culture. By investigating the pivotal characters of the show today, we understand the headway we have made in the quest for women’s rights and also the gaps that need to be bridged.

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EMBRACING THE WABI-SABI WORLDVIEW by Amanda Ryan

f something breaks, we throw it out, when an object cracks, we toss it, and if a piece from an item goes missing, we no longer see the need for it. What all of these have in common, is an imperfection, and our reaction to less than perfect items is often a negative one. Our society lives and breaths on the need for everyone and everything, to be perfect.

The historical Japanese movement called, “Wabi-Sabi” is just that — it is the art of being imperfectly perfect. “Wabi,” is taking on the mentality of ‘less is more,’ and “Sabi,” is taking pleasure in the imperfect. When the two words join together, they become a new perspective, and this just might be the key to unlocking the happiness you have been looking for in life. Of course, the idea that beauty comes from age, wear, and imperfections is a concept that is extremely difficult for our society, who thinks so highly of perfection, to grasp. The mere thought that a wrinkled face is beautiful, to a culture that places a strong emphasis on staying forever young with plastic surgery, or that a broken vase glued back together, is even more perfect than it was in its original state, is absolutely mind-boggling to many of us.

We are a part of a, “Every hair must be in place, all make-up has to be flawless, and the clothes completely wrinklefree” type culture. Even though collectively we know being a perfectionist causes stress, depression, and feelings of self-defeat, we are expected to be nothing less. Taught as a young child to think of perfectionism as a positive trait, we continuously strive to be only the very best in everything we do no matter the cost or amount of loss, that comes as a result from it.

However, the possibility of a less stressed life, relinquishing control of the uncontrollable, and accepting the inevitable, such as growing older, certainly does sound appealing.

Being subjected to television commercials and online ads, which promote the need to be perfect at all times, we end up creating unrealistic and unattainable standards for ourselves. Basically, we set ourselves up for a cycle of constant failure. What if we stopped and changed our worldview and chose to see perfection in

Knowing that we do not have to clutch so tightly onto deceit, lies, and worries, to appear perfect, is enlightening and worth learning more about.

imperfections? HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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EMBRACING THE WABISABI WAY: When you choose to embrace the WabiSabi way you become accepting of the undone, unbalanced, uneven, and unfinished elements of life. The thought that objects, such as pictures, no longer need to be hung in a straight line, or that books do not have to be placed neatly in alphabetical order, may have some of you feeling a bit on edge.

Sabi way is the complete opposite of everything we have been taught and it is not in conjunction with the lifestyle we have become accustomed to living. With that said, to change the way we view perfection can only be done by taking action. Ultimately, we need to declutter and rearrange our environments to make room for comfort, convenience, and calmness. We are to be more accepting of what is, instead of immediately replacing an item for it to be, what it once was.

You probably want to skip over these presented suggestions, of keeping a

Embracing Wabi-Sabi is to welcome the incorporation of asymmetrical decor, odd, not an even, number of items, and unmade beds, which inevitably, will

chipped mug or continuing to use a cracked water pitcher, but Wabi-Sabi means, imperfections are, perfect.

leave you feeling uncomfortable at first, but once you release the reins of control, a happier life awaits you.

Having a confused reaction to this concept is to be expected, for the Wabi-

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State Humanitarian Aid Through a Gender Lens by Pooja Banerjee Disaster is bad for everyone. But is it worse for women and girls? Yes, studies and media stories show the aftermath of the disaster on women is much more atrocious than men. Research conducted by WHO claim that women and children account for 75% of displaced persons who are prone to face serious crimes post-disaster.

violence during disasters, it is important for the national government to have a gender-specific humanitarian response and preparedness plan. The greatest political divide in 1947 between India and Pakistan resulted in a civil war that cost many lives on both sides of the border. Women and girls were subjected to maximum atrocities. Rapes, honor killing, and early childhood marriage became regular affairs during this migration. Yet, the Indian national government's response was only to provide medical units and land to families to rebuild their lives. The British Red Cross with the help of the governments on both sides provided medical supplies, and people were given land entitlements in different areas. But, when it came to protection and

National governments are constantly questioned about their programs and policies to protect people who have been subjected to the misdemeanor conducted by various actors in the society. In such situations, the thought that crosses my mind is how to make the programs and principles of humanitarian work more gender specific than neutral? With the perennial existence of gender-based HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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security, there was a major lack in the system.[2] Currently, the world news is covered with humanitarian crises and people are aware of human rights violations across continents. Thus, national governments focus more on the long-term sustainability of programs for people in crises rather than just providing them with basic needs. There are 125 million people who require humanitarian assistance, over 75 percent of whom are women and children.[3] The World Humanitarian Summit in 2016 was an initiative to discuss this change in perspective of the stakeholders in preparing a proper rehabilitation plan, further evaluating it on yearly basis. There are four phases of disaster discussion which are mitigation, preparedness, response, and recovery. It is essential that the national governments include gender-based plans in all four phases as it was reported that 35% of women have suffered from gender-based violence and such cases increase during emergencies. Rape is used as a weapon against women during crises. Increasing number of cases of Rohingya women is the example of the current world scenario. Human Rights Watch interviewed 52 girls, where 29 of them reported gang rape by the Burmese military officials[4]. While talking about a different spectrum of approaches, the World PAGE 72

Humanitarian Summit's document discussed why it is necessary for the national government to have a separate plan, programs, and grants only for humanitarian work. Supporting the claim, I believe it is necessary to have a separate plan for men and women along with combining development and humanitarian plans. In their field-based report in 2015, the United Nations published a â&#x20AC;&#x153;best practicesâ&#x20AC;? that national governments can undertake for the protection of women during crises. It stated that women and girls should be the priority for every national government during any kind of crises.[5] Supporting this claim, I assert that it is essential to work with local women groups who can identify women subjected to post-disaster or conflict crime; make special provisions for girls and women ensuring their rights; creating safe spaces for them to improve their psychological well-being, and include women at all decision-making level in national and international institutions. At the same time, during disaster preparedness, a local team should be allocated to work with women and girls and train them to fight or escape crises successfully. Post-Tsunami, it was reported that women and girls died more than men in Sri Lanka because they did not know how to swim or climb trees. Factors such as nutritional, economic and education conditions

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determine the capacity to deal with disasters.[6] Thus, the preparedness plans by the government should include working closely with women and girls, providing them basic training, giving them financial security, and teaching them combative technique to fight or escape sexual assaults.

requirements of people who have been victims of crises. A friend of mine works as a human rights lawyer in Congo for the UN peacekeeping mission. When I met her this January, she was sharing how the unit is now aiming at long-term plans for women who were subjected to gender-based violence during the civil conflict.

While discussing a post-disaster response, one must not forget that rehabilitation is a long-term process and thus government should aim to have a multiyear approach to ensure sustainability of their plans and programs for the women. In such scenario, localization of resources is essential, as it caters to the yearly

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The UN is working with the government to not only provide legal and psychological services to these women, but also to provide benefits such as basic vocational training, primary education for girls, and job creations for these women.

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Plan International (India Chapter) did similar work with women affected during Flash floods in Uttarakhand, India in 2013. Bringing together the gamut of stakeholders such as state government, local NGOs, and private funders, they started skill development programs for women who became widows or were abandoned by their husbands. This program was a combination of market research, skill training, and finance for the business that created financial opportunities for women to restart their lives post-crisis. At the same time, it tackled the issue of forced prostitution and trafficking. Programs like these support the government to overcome the social PAGE 74

impediments to survival and development of women in crises. Long-term sustainability requires security, income, protection, and identity of individuals who have been displaced from their own birthplace. Using a rights-based approach, the government should prepare policies that provide employment and land for women and girls who have been displaced. Working with women groups, child protection committees should use proper communication techniques to identify women in danger or need. India is one such country which is a land of many refugees from Bangladesh, Nepal, and Myanmar. The social security system

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such as the Mahatma Gandhi National Rural Employment Guarantee Act provides livelihood security to people who have faced shock. Under this scheme, women are given priority over men, which provides them with financial security to rebuild their lives. Ethiopia is another example that provides timely income to households through its productive safety net projects. The program is also comprised of financing, early warning mechanisms, and delivery of services in a droughtstricken part of the country. [7]

abuse. For safeguarding women and girls, projects should be genderresponsive. Thus, it is essential to gender mainstream the earmarked funding for the disaster-related projects. The national government should allocate separate funds for men and women programs. The programs should not only focus on delivery of services, but should also provide security to women and girls during crises. Localization of funds is essential as people in small communities are the first ones to help those in need during a disaster. This would further ensure that long-term security and protection of the women and girls exists.

The aforementioned cases exemplify the changing roles of the national government towards disaster preparedness and response. It is not 1947 anymore, where the national government is just concerned about providing medical benefits. Today, they are moving towards security and protection of the people whether they are citizens or not. With the advent of technology, awareness is on a constant rise among people about the success and failure of project or policies to protect people, particularly women and girls. To be under constant public investigation pushes the government to ensure services provide security to women and girls during crises. Despite such great initiatives, one cannot deny the unending threats or assault women and girls face during humanitarian crises. It is important to work closely with them before the disaster to prepare them better to combat any kind of HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

Counting the number of lives that suffered post-disaster is not the only job of the government or any other humanitarian stakeholder. Locating resources, building up partnerships with local and international institutions, and creating strategic programs to support the long-term needs of people, are just a few responsibilities of the national government.During the disaster, their level of vulnerabilities increase. It is not only just creating policies and dropping food and health packages to people in a disaster; it is rather ensuring that the plans are executed and women and girls are provided with security and protection that will make their rehabilitation a smooth transition back into society.

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The Importance of Finding Ourselves by kathelyn bonilla

ho are you? Does it take you a while to know who you are or does it come quickly? It's easy to become disconnected with ourselves when we don’t take the time to self-reflect. When we began to rely on others to tell us who we are.

who we want to be we just have to take a look. When we know ourselves we are less susceptible to being influenced by the way others see us. It's important to be able to define ourselves on our own terms if we’re not able to, we give others the power to do this for us. There is a difference between a teacher praising our work ethic or a friend thanking us for our compassion to someone of less significance making obverse remarks. Who knows better than ourselves and the people in our lives? Our opinions come first, the opinions of close ones come second, and the opinions of people who aren’t in our lives are last.

How often do we have days for ourselves when we indulge into our interests and introspection? A day where we read books that nurture our soul, paint to de-stress, or write to convey? This might be different for others such as taking a hike or bicycling, whatever brings happiness and satisfaction. Taking some time away from others is necessary when trying to find ourselves, when we are completely alone left with our own thoughts. In these quiet moments we find what rings high above all else. Check social media, the people we follow who aren't friends, people from school, or celebrities.Strangers whose content we enjoy seeing. Why do we follow them? Do we see ourselves in them or are inspired by them? Our daily lives give insights into who we are, what we’re passionate about, and

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The journey of finding ourselves, knowing ourselves, is a process that follows us through our lives. We lose ourselves to find ourselves again as we adapt and transition into different versions of ourselves. Any step back, any confusion, any unwanted changes brings discomfort in the short term but knowledge in the long run. We have our lives in our hands, we are our makers and finding ourselves gives us that power.

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The Chevaliere d’Eon History’s first trans spy?

by pip blankenship

n May 21, 1810, a semishocking discovery was made upon the death of the Chevaliere d'Eon in London. For thirty-two years, d'Eon had been known to the public as a woman. Mrs. Cole, her housemate, was actually the first to uncover the truth d'Eon had the biological body of a man. I say semi-shocking because the sex of d'Eon had been a subject of public intrigue for years prior to her death. In fact, d'Eon had been introduced to the public eye as a man. D'Eon had been recruited into the secret spy network le Secret du roi (King’s Secret) under King Louis XV and spent many years undercover in Russia disguised as a woman. Upon returning to France, d'Eon served as an officer during the Seven Years’ War, though following a scandal later in life, d'Eon was exiled to London. After King Louis XV’s death, d'Eon attempted to negotiate a return from exile. The return was granted under the condition that d'Eon return as the woman that had been so beneficial to France during the time of the le Secret du roi. D'Eon agreed to the

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terms and further, claimed to have been assigned female at birth and demanded to be seen as such by the French government. King Louis XVI agreed to these demands andeven granted d'Eon funds to purchase the appropriate attire for her new life. The Chevaliere d'Eon’s story, as the public knew it, was that she was assigned female at birth, but her father so desperately wanted a son that he raised her as one. And just like that, one of the first “trans” women in recorded history began the second half of her life. I use quotation marks around ‘trans’ because looking at history from a modern perspective is tricky, the term ‘transgender’ did not exist in d’Eon’s lifetime, so it’s not exactly accurate to consider her as trans. She is, however, thought of as one of the first trans women in history by many and there are many trans groups that name themselves after her for this reason. As a historian, it’s a slippery slope that many will disagree with, but just as many may agree, so I digress.

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There could have been many more individuals before d'Eon, and there were surely numerous after. As Gary Kates points out in his book on the Chevalier, ‘Monsieur d'Eon is a Woman’, tales of women dressing as men for a variety of reasons were abundant throughout this time period. It is also probable that there were individuals that moved to a new town to live as their preferred gender undetected. D'Eon, however, was a celebrity figure that seamlessly transitioned in the public eye.

allowed d’Eon to experiment, and that along with his standing in society (his title, Chevalier, being French for knight) allowed this easy and accepted transition. There is also an element of something Kates calls “bourgeois individualism”, where people in higher societal positions had the option to work against set societal roles. D’Eon was successfully able to act against the societal norms expected of a French military man because of the position that put the Chevaliere in. While Kates outlines some theories and thoroughly discusses the life of the Chevaliere, what remains to be examined is what lesson it has for today’s society.

Kates offers a few theories on how d’Eon managed this, the most prominent being that gender roles simply weren’t as restrictive or enforced in French culture of the 16th and 17th century as we may see today. This already fairly fluid culture

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Today, the trans community has been facing countless challenges, be it the infamous “bathroom bill” of 2013 or the trans military ban in 2018. The easy transition that d’Eon experienced does not seem to exist in today’s world. Why is that? Why were aristocrats of the 16th century more accepting of d’Eon deciding to live life as a woman than we would be today? Perhaps it is because of the story d’Eon let the public believe, a story that began as a rumor years before d’Eon had returned to France as a woman. As it became a public topic of discussion, there had even been a betting pool regarding d’Eon’s sex. Most people believed she was actually a woman, and that was the story that would allow d’Eon to return to her home.

and shows a prominent figure that was a military hero and celebrity experimenting with that fluidity. If anything, the story of d’Eon should make us consider our own society and how we react to similar instances. How d’Eon was a key figure in the French military, and that didn’t change when the Chevaliere’s gender did. And how, even in the 16th and 17th centuries, d’Eon was never seen as less of a person after she began living life as a woman. History is full of stories that we may not be able to dissect well with a modern lens, but they can at least help us reflect on how times have changed and how we react to certain issues in the present.

Either way, what feels like the biggest takeaway here is that no one batted an eye when d’Eon demanded to be seen as a woman. No one protested, and nothing bad happened once it was discovered that d’Eon was biologically male. The Chevaliere d’Eon’s story is one that considers the fluidity of gender,

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A Travelogue on the Mystical Jewel of Lahore: Masjid Wazir Khan by Maria Javaid There is a pact in the universe between people and places. When you enter a place and let that place enter your soul, it shows you much more than just what the physical eye can see. Every bit of the world has existed, for far longer than we have. Each place holds within it the faded memories of a million eras and the echoes of a million forgotten stories. When you truly let a place enter you, it allows you to feel some of those long gone moments, frozen in time. In return, HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

you give that place, a part of your heart in which it lives forever. So was the pact, between me and Lahore. Who once may have been the skeptic and poised guards of the Delhi Gate, the gray feathered doves were the first locals to inspect each visitor by their piercing gaze. Their backs upright and firm, dutifully monitoring every one that entered.

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Centuries ago, when the bricks of this gate, did not have layers upon layers of the dust, the ancestors of these doves were the primary messengers. By the letters which now, were not in human sight, I wondered how many lovers yearning union were connected and how many homesick travelers, were able to read a message from back home. Owing all this to the mystic doves, which I imagined, whispered the secrets within sealed envelopes to each other in their low-toned coos. I wondered whether the motive of this newer generation of doves, behind inhabiting these ancient walls was to reminisce their age-old family legacy belonging to the era in which both the gate and the doves had a higher purpose and role. As I looked into their eyes, they stared back, transfixed, as if reading all my thoughts. They’d stay for a moment and then, flutter their wings in a short yet dramatic flight, fanning the winter air. They’d fly randomly from one side to the other, underneath the shadow of the arched roof, yet retain a sense of synchrony to the degree of perfection. I cannot express how intrigued I was by their mysteriousness. Were the stories within those ancient love letters passed on to them? Did they differentiate me and my fellows from the local hawkers and buyers? Was I as intriguing to them, as they were to me? Those were just a few of the unanswerable questions that circled my mind as my curiosity made me visualize ancient times. PAGE 86

I wondered what sort of people, passed these gates in the Mughal Era long ago. Would the traders have ridden horses and brought along goods of every colour and kind laden in towering piles? Did they dress in rugged, coarse fibers worn out by irksome journeys, or elegant silk costumes with Persian embroidery? Did they speak the language I spoke or would their words be as indecipherable to me as this vague vision of their existence? Upon researching, I was amazed to find out that this path, treaded on by every commoner now, was then known as Shahi Guzargaah, meaning, the ‘Royal Trail’. This gate held eminence over the other 8 gates of Lahore, because it gave the Mughals direct access to the Lahore Fort, hence it was the most frequented. However, Lahore Fort is not the only breathtaking destination beyond this gate. The exquisite bazaar connected to it, in itself is full of colours and life. But what by far held the greatest place in my heart, from amongst all the visual treasures Lahore had to offer, was the Jewel of Lahore itself. There is a point at the heart of the bustling bazaar and the cries of the jostling crowd, where time stops, and there is peace in its purest form. When a person enters this place and lets the essence of this place enter their soul, their steps automatically turn lighter and their voices quieter, as awe and serenity overtakes them. As I let my feet

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come in direct contact with the cool ground of Masjid Wazir Khan, I immediately felt a raw connection between me and this place which seemed ever so familiar in that moment. Staring right at its spacious expanse, I felt lighter, as if my mind now had more room to fly and wander about.

what would have been here, ages ago. Young boys in prayer hats, mischievously splashing water on each other during wudu... Their giggles and smiles reflected by the droplets of joy, in all directions… Their sudden serious expression to hide their naughtiness, when an elder nearby notices the commotion.

Even before the advent of the mosque itself during Shah Jahan’s reign, this large ground rested here peacefully one of its kind within the clustered walled city. It was adorned by glistening fountains and was a popular spot for the residents to relax at after the turmoil of long-winding days. It was then chosen to reflect every significant form of Mughal architectural art – faience tile work, frescoes, brick cutwork, domes, arches, muqarnas and so on, yet still having enough free space to let you run about like a free bird on the wings of the gushing wind.

I could also see visions, of learned scholars, sitting in some of the 32 khanas (chambers) made as small study cloisters. I imagined them deeply immersed in cryptic Persian and Arabic texts, illuminated by the soft candlelight glow. The vigour of their passion never softening, no matter how much wax melted besides them. I appreciated how this mosque had been, not only a place of worship, but a place where the understanding of your faith and the pursuit of knowledge was encouraged. In an exciting chance to climb one of its four minarets, Wazeer Khan Mosque enabled me to understand spiritual ascension by a simple analogy. While you stand at ground level, you may marvel the beauty of the mosque, but you cannot see beyond it. To see things from a higher perspective, there is a dark and tedious staircase you must climb.

At the center of the courtyard, there is a square pool, open, fearlessly to the sky above. I wondered how the surface of the water, ever so still right now, would dance and shimmer when raindrops fell upon it on a summer evening under a deep golden sky. Algae had grown over the inner walls of the pool, giving the water hues of green and a touch of something alive and natural, despite the lifelessness of artificial ceramic tiles it grew upon. The eye of my imagination started to see, HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

To me, each of the steep step represents a trial in life, which, if you surpass firmly, takes you to a higher level of faith. The darkness inside the minaret

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represents how blind a human is to course of their fate. In that darkness, everything seems undetermined, so it may fill one with fear and unwillingness to move on, unless they have faith in the light that awaits them. Finally, when you have climbed all the steps destined for you, you pass a door beyond which the sunlight hits you in its full intensity. That, is the moment of spiritual enlightenment. Once you reach that height, you can see beyond the bounds of the colourful walls that once determined the limits of your vision. To me, those colorful walls represent the mesmerizing enjoyment of the temporary worldly life, which obstructs you from seeing what comes after it, that is, the afterlife. However, when you scan the mosque in its entirety, now having a complete vision of its reality i.e the reality of life, you realize that there are many people down below, which are not able to see what you can see. Your heart softens towards them as you wish them to not be left out

in experiencing and seeing what you have. You notice that, there are a few final steps, which if you choose to take, you may reach the place of the muezzin, whose role is call everyone down below to connect with God, in hope they may reach a similar enlightenment regardless of their current position in life. I wonder if Shah Jahan knew when he built the mosque, that he was building a bubble of serenity, for all the generations to come. When I entered this place, I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like I was in the present age. I felt as if I was entrapped in a timeless hub where the world was moving in a way beyond my comprehension, yet it stood still. The same phenomenon happened to my faith, it increased leaps and bounds, but it remained constant, like the still pool at the middle of the courtyard. This place gave me visions to hold on, visions that last. And so, true to the pact, I gave it a place it in my heart, as timeless as the jewel itself.

Living With Anxiety: Fully & Fearlessly by Radhika Sharma Anxiety, simply explained, is an uncontrollable response to stress. It can generate fear, nervousness, hesitation, and self-doubt. Anxiety is your mind at unease.

uncontrollable fear, and mental and emotional exhaustion. 2018 was a year of much travelling for me, which meant that I was coming face-to-face with my biggest fear time and again. This last year threw me a curve ball, giving me multiple opportunities to do what I love, but only after I displayed courage in the face of what I feared most. I learned ways of gaining some strength over that fear, and while itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still not gone entirely, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something I handle a lot better now.

It can make what others might consider simple tasks challenging and exhausting. While anxiety presents itself differently for everyone, for me, it presents itself as aviophobia, or the fear of flying. My anxiety turns what I love most into something that I fiercely fear. On a daily basis, I calm my mind, do what it takes to bring myself peace and comfort, and bring myself clarity whenever my anxiety paints a muddled picture. But on the day of any flight, no matter how long or where to, my mind constantly runs in loops, trying to escape itself. For someone who wants to travel the world, anxiety-driven aviophobia turned out to be the worst nightmare; the cause of multiple emotional breakdowns at the airport, HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

Not everyone has anxiety, and everyone who has anxiety does not have aviophobia; which is what can make my journey and anxiety feel so isolating at times. However, no matter how your anxiety presents itself, there are still things that can help in little ways to make you feel better. The journey of working with and through your anxiety is always going to be unique and specific to you because anxiety tailors itself. But, while that might seem

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alienating, there are still ways that we can all share and try, that might work for you the way they did for me, or for the people I learnt them from. So, while you can’t make anxiety go away overnight, you can learn to live with it; accepting its presence, shaking its hand, and walking forth with conviction and courage.

Sweat It Out Exercise has had a long-lasting influence for me and continues to calm my mind. While it took a lot of trial and error, in the end, I found kickboxing, spinning, and yoga to be exercises that make me feel aligned and tuned in. Not only do I feel great after workouts, but I am also able to develop a routine that allows me to sleep well, eat well, and hydrate healthfully. It also allows me to feel positive; making my daily workout the one time I focus on the present without wandering into stress or overthinking. To anyone dealing with anxiety and looking for ways to relax, exercise is a great way of building happy hormones; helping you focus on the immediate ‘is’ rather than the stressful ‘if’.

Social Media Detox What you surround yourself with influences your state of mind more than you’d recognize. So, it’s so important to surround yourself with influences that make your social media space as positive as possible. Let go of (that is to say, PAGE 92

unfriend and unfollow) accounts that make you think negatively, about yourself or others, and follow those that generate a sense of gratitude, calm, and contentment. It’s important to take social media breaks, to spend time without the constant buzz of our virtual lives, but also to be careful with what we choose to invite into our virtual spaces. So, declutter and refocus, and change the kind of content you consume and prioritize. Not only will it help clear your mind of thoughts that serve you no purpose, but also aid in you feeling freer, lighter, and much more in control of the influences that shape you on a daily basis. Some accounts that I follow on Instagram for that daily dose of positivity are @humblethepoet, @mindsetofgreatness, @browngirlgazin, @jayshetty, and @goodful.

Organize & Prioritize Your physical surroundings mimic and impact your mental state of mind. I’ve found organization and prioritising to be processes that allow me to feel more in control, less stressed and chaotic, and consistently in charge of my life. Making lists, journaling, keeping a calendar, preparing in advance, and respecting time have helped me become more confident about certain processes that would otherwise generate a lot of anxiety. I’ve found that I work well when I adhere to punctuality, break my day down in little tasks, and give myself time to wind down and relax. When you live

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through a packed schedule that can often seem overwhelming, breaking the day down into smaller parts can help you focus on the task at hand and think of the rest when you get to it. Having a clear idea of your day-to-day will allow you mental space to focus on other things, saving you the worry and frustration of uncertainty. Not only did organizing help me with my anxiety on an everyday basis, it also helped highlight what needs prioritization and what simply isn’t worth my sweat and tears. Some tech tweaks that might allow you to organize better are the Chrome extension Momentum, and the apps - Habit Tracker (Android, iOS), I Remember (Android, iOS), Engross Focus Timer (Android), Diaro Diary Journal (Android, iOS), and Forest Stay Focused (Android, iOS).

Get Acquainted Don’t deny your anxiety the acknowledgment it clearly demands. Accept it, be aware of it, and allow it to present itself when it does. However, don’t let it overpower you. It is so important for us to accept the ways in which our anxiety impacts us and to work with it and not against it. Work with your anxiety, get to know and understand it better, and find ways to define it as simply a part of you and not you as a whole. Seek help, talk to people, read and research, and experiment to find what makes you feel better, and for what makes your anxiety

feel quieter and calmer. While not everyone might not have access to clinical therapy, if you do, open yourself up to it because working with a trained therapist is one of the most responsible steps you can take towards taking care of yourself. Some very helpful resources for reading are themighty.com, anxietynetwork.com, positivelypositive.com, verywellmind.com, and anxietycoach.com (particularly close to my heart because the author, Dave Carbonell deals with anxiety and phobias). I also enjoy listening to podcasts to refocus my mind and some great ones for anxiety are Calmer You, The Overwhelmed Brain, Selfie (great advice on self-care), and The One You Feed.

Learn To Say NO Learning to say no is an important part of life, and equally applicable to your own mind and the thoughts it expresses. While it may seem like you have absolutely no control of the way in which you anxiety impacts your behavior, practice saying no, being strict with your mind, and allowing yourself to regain authority of where your mind wanders. I practiced saying no by learning where to stop my brain from indulging in all the negative and worrying thoughts that anxiety creates, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and turning to the most effective ways of expression to save my mind from running in loops around the same thoughts. Some of the apps that I regularly turn to are Headspace

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(Android, iOS), Stop, Breathe and Think (Android, iOS), Aura (Android, iOS), and Buddhify (Android, iOS). I also find it very helpful to turn to little, comforting notes on my phone, written by me in anticipation of any future anxiety episodes. While it may feel like your anxiety restricts you from living fearlessly and completely, working and living with it and despite it, can make you more aware, grateful, and recognizant of every moment, every little big victory, and every act of courage. For me, every flight is a reminder of my triumph over fear, a learning experience, and a moment that brings me closer to understanding my anxieties and how to best calm them when needed. Let anxiety remain simply a part of you, and not you wholly!

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At Home Nowhere, Comfortable Everywhere: What Being A Global Soul Really Means

by Andrina Voegele

feel more comfortable at airports and on airplanes than most people probably ever will. Going through my days in a state of bleary-eyed jetlag has become second nature to me and although I have traveled the world extensively, I can’t remember the last time I actually experienced any kind of culture shock. When I am back in Switzerland, where I am from, I no longer fit in and when I am anywhere else, I am always the foreigner. My definition of ‘home’ has gotten lost somewhere along the way, probably forgotten during hour three of some layover in the midst of a 15-hour journey. And yet I don’t feel lost. I am not homeless or eternally wandering. I’m just a global soul. Pico Iyer first coined the term in his book ‘Global Soul;’ a collection of essays talking about his own experiences of being one. I had to read the book for one of my classes my freshman year of college and I immediately identified with it; the life he describes is one that I can relate to. Being a global soul is different from being a third culture kid or simplya traveler. It is a person who cannot fully adopt a single nationality and

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often finds themselves going through life as a tourist, yet more immersed than that. It is about more than just the number of stamps you have in your passport. It is about identifying with different cultures in different contexts, which inevitably leads to you losing part of your own, original culture; in some way, even parts of yourself. To me, home is so many places and yet also nowhere at all. I am currently living in London, and when I tell people that I am going back home for the holidays, I’m talking about Switzerland. And then when my vacation is up and I talk about going home again, I mean England. I’m a stranger wherever I go, even in my own hometown. It’s a feeling I am not sure I will ever get used to. Being back in Zurich is the most peculiar thing: I grew up there, I know the city and the Swiss customs and culture so well and yet I always seem to just miss the mark of fitting in. My mannerisms and the way I see the world - none of it makes for a seamless transition. Being a stranger in your own hometown is one of the loneliest feelings in the world. And yet it also reminds me of my

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blessings; of the fact that I have been fortunate enough to call a lot of places my home. I have been exposed to and immersed in cultures that others won’t ever get the chance to know besides a short visit to the respective country. I, on the other hand, got to spent enough time there to absorb some of it into my own life. Never feeling quite at home is the price tag that comes with being a global soul and it’s a price I wasn’t even aware of until I paid it. A feeling of dislocation and homelessness always lingers just on the periphery, but most days it is overshadowed by appreciation and zeal for the life I get to lead. Despite feeling out of place, it is rare that I am uncomfortable in any culture. You just learn to adapt, to draw on similar experiences in order to connect to the one you’re having in the moment. I thrive off of seeing patterns and making connection between cultures and place I’ve been to in the past and the ones I am in currently. And even if I do feel uncomfortable for a second, another moment is just a moment away and so is the feeling of being at “home.” Like I said, I don’t even know how to define that word anymore. It’s become meaningless only because it means so many things to me. It’s that feeling of

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being completely involved with a culture, no matter how foreign it may appear at first glance. It’s the apartment that is linked with my mailing address. It’s the town I grew up in. It’s the beach where I first discovered my passion for surfing. Home is on airplanes and airports, hotels I’ve been to more than once. Home is nowhere and it’s everywhere. It’s a feeling of recognition, of being comfortable. I think that is what being a global soul is really about. You are constantly losing yourself, going through life as a tourist but through cultures as a part of them. Sometimes I do miss feeling grounded and rooted in a place. I crave the certainty of it. People ask me how long I’m planning on living in London and the honest answer is that I have no idea. I might be moving on in six months, I might be here another two years. When you are okay with living and being most places, it makes the choice that much harder. It also makes things exciting. The only certainty I have is that nothing is certain and that probably no one city will ever be permanent. Being a global soul can be incredibly lonely and alienating, but the alternative scares me even more because why settle for one home if I can have them all?

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I Survived the Holidays with Kids & Large Dogs. This is How. by Jenny Busch As soon as Thanksgiving ends, I see a lot of holiday memes blast all over social media. The most common ones involving the difficulty of having a Christmas tree when you own a cat. *Insert silly comment about cats trying to get the ornaments and queue funny images of cats knocking down Christmas trees, here*. However, from personal experience, it’s not just cats. Navigating the holidays with dogs, especially large ones, can also be a big challenge.

the crazy big dog lady. When you have a dog who can stick his face on your dining table or stove without having to jump up, how do you expect to decorate your home with holiday knick knacks? My kids are pre-teen and teenagers now. We’ve gone through the days of having every single cute holiday decoration plastered all over the house. They used to enjoy putting them out and helping me put them all away. Now, they only seem to be excited about what Santa will bring them and whether or not we put the light up llama and narwhal out in the yard. Naturally, my first step in surviving the holidays with the herd has transitioned to cutting back on the unnecessary knick-knacks.

To begin, I don’t just own one dog. I have several. In fact, more than you can count on one hand. They’re also big, not just your average big dog. It seems like I own an army of Marmadukes. I’m

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While it makes me sad as a mom that the kids are growing up and no longer want to take pictures at the mall with Santa, I enjoy not having extra stuff all over the house to dust (or be used as a dog toy). My second step is to put my artificial tree on top of a small table. To most people, that sounds strange. Why put a 6 foot tree on top of a 2-3 foot tall table. Why not get a 9 foot tree? Well, when you have tails of fury wagging all around your living room, it’s nice to know that one false happy wag doesn’t take out the tree or any of the ornaments. I saw a segment on the local news one morning and they had a pet expert on talking about pets and holidays. The news anchor’s recommendation was to not hang ornaments on the the last 3 feet of a tree. Well, just put your tree on a table, and you don’t have to worry about that. It not only makes more room for gifts beneath the tree, but works well when you have crawling babies during the holiday season.

if one does get pulled down, no other knick-knacks come down with it. My final step is managing where Santa will leave the kids’ stockings. Traditionally, I to have the stockings either still hung on the mantle or sitting next to the fireplace. However, I wouldn’t recommend leaving a stocking filled with chocolates and goodies that look like chew toys out if you have gargantuan dogs sleeping on the couch at night. This presents a dilemma: do the stockings go in the kids’ rooms, where they could either a.) catch Santa leaving them or b.) wake up too early to check on their loot? Do we find another place to store them? Our Santa has found another place, the landing on our staircase. This keeps all goodies well out of eating or playing height, and out of the kids’ rooms so that mom and dad can hopefully sleep until 7am before the present opening begins. These are four simple steps on how you can survive the holidays with your animals.

The third step has to do with the stockings. Sure, those look like easy low-hanging fruit, so once they are posted in the fireplace, all of my the dogs want to go sniff them. With the stockings, a simple “no” reminder works well, but every now and then a stocking does get pulled down. I recommend using weighted stocking hooks with nothing sitting on top of them. That way,

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JOIN THE HER CULTURE BOOK CLUB! herculture.org/ book-club

An Exploration of Agoraphobia by Julie Pawlikowski

We’ve likely all heard the word agoraphobia and immediately imagined hermit-style people holed up in their homes, afraid of the outside world. Agoraphobia is perhaps one of the most widely misunderstood disorders in popular culture and without much representation extending beyond the recluse/hermit trope, it’s easy to understand why we’re so quick to shove agoraphobic people into one-size-fits-all definitions. Agoraphobia, or the “fear of public spaces,” isn’t like more traditionally-known phobias like arachnophobia (spiders) or claustrophobia (tight spaces). According to the Mayo Clinic, agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder that causes a person to fear and avoid places or situations that might cause them panic and to feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. People with agoraphobia aren’t terrified by interacting with people—that would be social anxiety disorder—but avoid certain spaces for fear of having a panic attack in a place without an escape route.

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This fear can lead to the most extreme case of an inability to go outside, but agoraphobia can also be milder. It can manifest in minor ways, like an aversion to using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line, or being in a crowd. For some, it’s the cramped, hectic chaos of a concert that they avoid while for others it’s walking alongside an empty field that causes extreme discomfort. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 1.3% of U.S. adults experience agoraphobia at some time in their lives and that the prevalence of agoraphobia among adolescents was higher for females (3.4%) than for males (1.4%). About 1 in 3 people who have panic disorder will develop agoraphobia, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

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Agoraphobia goes beyond general nervousness or social discomfort because of the severity of the reactions and symptoms. The fear and anxiety almost always result from exposure to the situation and is usually out of proportion to the actual danger of the situation. Agoraphobic people will either go to extreme measures to avoid stressful situations, need a companion to accompany them, or endure the situation but be extremely distressed. If someone with agoraphobia finds themselves in a stressful situation, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll experience symptoms of a panic attack, such as rapid heartbeat, hyperventilating, nausea, dizziness, sudden flushing or chills, excessive sweating, chest pain, and/or trembling. When a person with agoraphobia quickly escapes a situation to avoid the panic attacks or anxiety, without taking time to calm down in the situation, it can reinforce their fears and cause them to increase. There is no one cause for agoraphobia and there is no one cure either. Health conditions, genetics, environmental stress, and learning experiences can all factor into if an individual develops agoraphobia. Some people might develop agoraphobia early in life, others might develop it due to bereavement or a traumatic event. To manage or cure agoraphobia, doctors recommend a combination of treatments

depending on the severity of the disorder. For those with minor agoraphobia, lifestyle changes like regular exercise, healthy eating, and avoidance of drugs and alcohol could help. Self-help techniques could also be beneficial. Therapy and medication are recommended for the more severe disorders. Cognitive therapy and exposure therapy are popular, as are anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. According to a recent U.S. News and World Report article, technology has improved treatment options for those affected with agoraphobia. Care can be accessed through a computer or smartphone and while inperson exposure to feared situations is necessary for treatment to work, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a start. Agoraphobia can be prevented, treated, and understood. Educate yourself about its symptoms and causes, find support from the millions of Americans affected with disorders and from family and friends, and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hesitate to reach out to a medical professional for additional help. __ If you think you or someone you care about may be suffering from agoraphobia, anxiety, or any other mental health condition, it is strongly recommended that you seek help from a mental health professional in order to receive a proper diagnosis and support.

LOOKING BACK TO LOOK FORWARD How our histories can help us learn about ourselves. by Morgan Fykes

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We all have hopes and dreams that drive us forward. Do you ever think about where your passions and interests come from? Sometimes, ambitions begin with our parents. Sometimes, a dream can be sparked by career day at school. Sometimes, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s as simple as our own history. This is the story of how my history has woven throughout my life to create my present and what we can all learn from exploring our past.

African American woman to run for Vice President of the United States. In middle school, I tested into a summer program that allowed me to take summer classes at colleges on the east coast. The first summer, I took a creative writing class at Dickinson College. It was a wonderful experience that helped my writing grow leaps and bounds by giving me a chance to explore the creative side of my brain. I fell in love with writing and telling stories. The next summer, I took a psychology class at Loyola Marymount in California. It cemented my dream to pursue psychology and work with children like myself. It gave me a new purpose and direction as I entered high school.

Every child has dreams of what they want to be when they grow up. When I was young, it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t uncommon to hear my friends speak of being astronauts, princesses, doctors, presidents, and lawyers. The top five now according to The Balance Careers are Dancer/Choreographer, Actor, Musician, Teacher and Scientist. I took dance from the time I was small, so I wanted to be a prima ballerina. I totally thought that was realistic dream at a young age - and it was but I would have had be to Misty Copeland. While Alvin Ailey was an inspiring presence, I did not have the dedication needed to push through. I felt discouraged and instead of buckling down, I crumbled. After I moved past my ballerina dreams, I decided that I wanted to explore psychology. I had a love of people and a curiosity that made the study of psychology the perfect field for me.

Last year, I went on behalf of the family to accept a Hall of Fame award for Charlotta from the California Press Foundation which was an incredible honor. One of the things I admire about Charlotta was her commitment to the community and to telling stories. After graduating school and returning to DC, I have held a variety of psychology and writing related jobs. I channeled my psychology and writing background into launching The Funemployed, which shares stories of women forgoing conventional careers to pursue passion projects. As a generation, Millennials have learned to be adaptive and sharing stories of women who prioritize doing work they care about has inspired me to research Charlotta even more. What I love about sharing these stories is that I get to honor them, honor my history and fulfill a passion which is filling the world with amazing stories so that kids know they can have and pursue all kinds of dreams.

In elementary school, my mother first told me about my great-grand aunt, Charlotta Spears Bass. As her namesake, my mom told me to write a report on her to help me understand the kind of history I am apart of. She was an educator, a newspaper publisher and editor, and a civil rights activist. She did so many amazing things during her lifetime, including being the first

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THE SHORT STORY OF QUEEN VICTORIAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S LONG REIGN (Part 1)

by Amanda Ryan

The ‘Grandmother of Europe’ and the great-great-grandmother to Queen Elizabeth II, opened her baby blue eyes for the very first time, in Kensington Palace, on May 24,1819. Born, Alexandrina Victoria, she was the only child of Prince Edward, Duke of Kent and Strathearn, and the third child of Princess Victoria, of the house, Saxe-CoburgSaalfeld. Princess Victoria had two children from her first marriage, a son named, Carl, and a daughter, Feodora, with Emich Carl, Prince of Leiningen, before his death in 1814. Four years later, in 1818, she got married for the second time, to Prince Edward. After becoming pregnant with his only heir, they moved from Germany, which is where they were living at the time, to England, due to Edward wanting his child to be born on British soil. Alexandrina Victoria, or as she was known to her family, "Drina," was born as her father had planned, and grew up with her half-siblings at Kensington Palace, in London, England.

THE QUEEN THAT WASN’T MEANT TO BE: When Alexandrina Victoria became the new royal ruler of the British family, it was completely unexpected. When the Prince Regent, who later became King George IV, lost his only daughter and heiress, Princess

Charlotte of Wales, in 1871, it set off a chain of events. The six younger sons of King George the III, brothers to the Prince Regent, started a race, to see who would father the first legitimate heir to the throne, which included Victoria's father, Prince Edward. After several scandals, marriages, separations, complications, illegitimate children, and death, in 1819, the succession crisis finally came to an end. A new heir was born, a son named George, to the brother, Prince Adolphus, Duke of Cambridge, but he did not hold that title for long, George was displaced from the throne just two months later, by the birth of a daughter, to Prince Edward, Duke of Kent. Her arrival was only three days before the son of another brother, who was also named George. Ultimately, Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, was the brother who became the father of the new heiress, Alexandrina Victoria. After the death of both her grandfather, King George III, and father, Prince Edward, in the same year of 1820, Victoria’s uncle, George IV, became the new Prince regent. When Victoria's father died from pneumonia, she was only one year old and was left to be raised by a very strict mother and an overbearing governess. Victoria’s mother, embarrassed by the “un-royal like” actions of Prince Edward’s brothers, with their many mistresses and gambling issues, she intentionally kept her daughter away from other members of the royal family.

Victoria was not even permitted to attend important royal events, like the coronation of her uncle and predecessor, William IV. Her childhood was very isolated and lonely, especially after her half-siblings married and left the Palace. Her home was also her school, and although she was not allowed to stray too far from her mother or governess during her childhood years, it did not prevent her from growing up to be a strong-willed individual.

Victoria, who was third in line to the throne, after her two uncles, was subjected to speculation of her legitimacy, but when her uncles died, without any legitimate children of their own, Victoria's life drastically changed forever. At the young age of eighteen, Victoria, who was initially never meant to be Queen, inherited the throne and was crowned, Queen Victoria, in Westminster Abbey, on June 28,1838.

JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES: How Students are Sleep Deprived by Kathleen Bonilla

s more high schoolers are applying to colleges, the more competitive it becomes. With schools getting hundreds of thousands of applicants each year students try to find a way to make themselves stand out. They do extracurriculars, take more advanced classes, and pick up part time jobs. Students are pushing themselves to be their best, but at what cost? Balancing school, personal and social life is demanding, students are more likely to sacrifice sleep to stay on top of school work. It's become an epidemic. Ask any teenager how they’re feeling and they’re most likely to respond with “tired” they’ll then began to explain how they stayed up working on an assignment and deem it as normal. Because it has become normal. Teenagers need 8-10 hours of sleep to be high functioning but many get less than 7. When asking some current high school juniors and seniors how many hours of sleep do they get during the week their answers ranged from 2-10 hours. Most were at the five hour mark but almost all said they slept more during the weekends. It's a common mindset high schoolers have of making up loss of sleep during the weekends, but really this creates their circadian rhythm to be irregular and shifted compared to the sleeping habits of a middle schooler. When asked what kept them up and what prevented them from sleeping earlier all the students responded with school. Many of the students interviewed said they had jobs and extracurriculars such as community service based clubs that took PAGE 118

up most of their time after school. With the little time they had left they stayed up to complete school work so they wouldn’t be behind, but by doing this they fell into a cycle of always being tired regardless of how much sleep they got. Lack of sleep has become the social norm to the point where many students have stopped caring. Grades are put above their health, but what does lack of sleep entail? When students do not receive the suggested amount of sleep they face memory issues, mood changes, and a weak immune system. Brain activity is most active when sleeping. REM sleep is when the brain is processing all new information as short term into long term memory and plays a major factor in learning, thus, hindering the brain’s way of taking in information causing memory issues. Mood changes is not uncommon amongst students who do not sleep as much as they should. Lack of sleep interferes with judgement causing more emotional outbursts and impulsive behavior compared to a well rested person who is able to rationalize and remain calm. Many of the students interviewed noted that their personal lives were affected as they were low on energy and would lash out on close friends and family and would isolate themselves. According to Eric J. Olson, M.D., our immune systems release proteins called cytokines that promote sleep and help with inflammations and infections. Lack of sleep makes students more susceptible to catching colds and a harder time of getting over them.

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QUEER STEREOTYPES & WHAT THEY MEAN by Pip Blankenship Plaid shirts, Doc Martens, U-Hauls, and cats. Most of us have heard of these tired stereotypes for queer women either in the form of a joke or from someone flexing their “gaydar”. If you haven’t, consider this a moment of queer education. Some of the most common stereotypes in the queer community appear to revolve around clothing, makeup, or anything to do with someone’s chosen physical appearance. For example, lesbians wear plaid shirts and have short haircuts, bisexual women wear army boots, etc. Here’s the best part: They’re all true. Coming from a queer woman, I can’t open doors, have to put my legs up when I sit, love plaid and my Docs, and I keep my hair short. These may come from a mixture of personal preference and wanting to express my identity, and the latter is exactly why these ‘stereotypes’ are actually important.

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The majority of these revolving around appearance isn’t a coincidence. They’re things that you can control, an opportunity to express yourself and announce to the world who you are. For the queer community, life can all too easily become a series of coming outs. To your family, to your friends, at school, and at work—there’s always someone that you feel like you have to come out to. It’s not something our heterosexual and cisgender counterparts have to deal with, because their sexuality and gender are the “average” or the “expected”. Obviously the problem runs much deeper within our society, but that isn’t something we can control and change all at once. What we can do is use our own clothes and appearance to, in a way, come out for us. There’s no one way someone has to dress or act to be queer, but there are some specific ways that queer folk may dress and act.

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Not only is it something that may make our lives a little easier, or at least cut out another unnecessary ‘coming out’ experience, but it’s also just a way to connect with other people in our community. It’s not just a signal to our straight friends or co-workers, but also a huge neon sign to other queer folk that we belong to the same community. Or, more importantly, we’re a safe person to talk to and we understand. It’s the same as wearing your favorite team’s jersey or your favorite

band’s merch, we’re just trying to find our community. Now it’s becoming more and more common to see posts on Twitter or overhear someone declaring “x is queer culture”. In this case, ‘x’ can be literally any action or item. Some of the newer ones making the rounds recently are not being able to open doors or, my personal favorite, a picture of someone sitting with their legs up in their chair in some fashion simply captioned ‘this is queer culture.’

Yes, these are all things that can be true of anyone regardless of their sexuality. That doesn’t mean heterosexual people exhibiting these features or actions need to get up in arms—it’s really more of a squarerectangle situation. Everyone that can’t open a door isn’t queer, but every queer struggles with a doorknob. And most of all, especially today, it’s all in good fun. Declaring something to be ‘queer culture’ is a way to create our own jokes and ‘relatable content’ that isn’t already there for us. It’s carving a space, especially on the internet, for ourselves and, once again, allowing us to connect and bond with other queer folk. Sometimes it’s the only opportunity we may have to read something and be able to laugh and see ourselves, because as much as the world is attempting to progress, we’re not quite there yet. There aren’t many mainstream representations for us, and those that exist are mainly gay men. It leaves a lot to be desired, and many holes that we have to fill for ourselves, especially queer women. While some of these stereotypes may seem to be reaching levels of ridiculous, it’s all important because for some it’s the only recognition they see for themselves in the community. Queer stereotypes are important to help people express themselves, find their community, and sometimes even see a space where they can exist in the world.

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On Death & Dying in the Age of Social Media

by Julie Pawlikowski

n the winter of 2014, Maria* lost her infant son to domestic abuse at the hands of the baby’s father. A local news station published an article on the station’s web page detailing the events surrounding the death. Maria was flooded with notifications on Facebook with users posting to her wall, tagging her in posts, or tagging her when they shared the article.

geographical barriers, platforms for marginalized or minority groups to share their views and perspectives, and the ability to create identities and networks. Social media is also host to a variety of problems: trolling, inappropriate amounts of sharing, and the psychological perception that likes, shares, and comments validate a person’s worth. Death can be a delicate and emotionally-laden topic, but it is still part of everyday life and many people turn to social media to mourn and to express their grief following a loss. Social media can be a beneficial tool for those grieving, but it can also be just as harmful.

In the days and weeks that followed, many people reached out to Maria on Facebook offering their support, prayers, and thoughts. Others commented on the news article with questions and accusations. “When you’re trying to go through the stages of grieving, it’s hard enough on its own without adding other people’s opinions and feelings towards everything,” said Maria.

“If a person wants to publish their grief on social media, it can help them,” says Marian Zedack, an outpatient therapist with Alternative Community Resource Program in Johnstown, PA. Zedack notes that the medium used to reach out doesn’t change the intended goal. Before people could post on social media, they used the tool available in the preInternet age: the telephone. “The person who views social media as our

Seven in ten Americans use social media to connect with one another, engage with news content, share information, and entertain themselves. Social media provides a variety of benefits for users: the ability to continue connections despite

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telephone, they put it on there in the hope that someone responds with some help,” said Zedack. “And that is perfectly fine.” Dr. Ian Edwards, Assistant Vice President for Student Wellbeing,Director of the University Counseling Center, and Adjunct Professor in the Philosophy and Psychology Departments at Duquesne University, sees how college students utilize social media in their grieving process. “Social media is a pervasive part of the vast majority of students' lives. One of the most important questions has to do with whether or not it is an authentic way of relating,” says Edwards. “As it is a form of technology and ultimately a tool, I do believe it can be used as a means to authentically relate to others, as long as it is not used exclusively.” So for those who may not have the necessary support group nearby, Dr. Edwards believes the ability of social media to transcend geographical barriers is a positive thing. “If supportive family and friends are not present or available, then utilizing

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appropriate social media can provide care.” This sentiment is echoed by Licensed Clinical Social Worker Melinda Shea, local recovery and evidence-based psychotherapy coordinator at the James E. Van Zandt VA Medical Center in Altoona, PA. “In cities, there are centers and programs that are specific for each person and so if you’re grieving the loss of a parent, there’s a place for you to go. If you’re grieving the death of a spouse, there’s a place for you to go,” she says. “In rural areas, people don’t have these support centers readily available. If that support doesn’t exist, specialized group on social media can be very valuable.” These specialized groups also provided another benefit: anonymity. Because stigmas can follow death from suicide, domestic abuse, substance abuse or addiction, those grieving may not feel comfortable asking for help for fear of judgment or ridicule from others. “Closed groups on social media allow people to ask questions, offer help, and talk about their experiences without having to

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For Maria, there was one small instance where social media helped her.

friend is able to reach out when you need help.” Putting information about yourself on social media opens you up to all kinds of criticism and judgement but that’s nothing new: people have always criticized and judged each other. However, when it comes to something as intensely sensitive and personal as grief, people tend not to openly judge or criticize you to your face. Social media allows them do it anonymously behind a computer screen.

Maria posted a picture of her son, saying that she really missed him. Maria notes that she didn’t offer any insight or explanation for her post. “I had somebody who is close to me, who really understood me, read through the post and knew I was not in a happy place,” says Maria. Thus, the friend was able to help Maria when she need it most. “That’s where I know social media can be really good, when a close personal

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Most of the reactions she found on social media hindered Maria’s grieving progress. In a psychological viewpoint, “off-time events” happen at unpredictable or atypical times in a person’s life. The violent death of a 7month-old is an off-time event because it does not follow the predicted or common life events, and naturally, his death caused a morbid curiosity in people and also triggered their cruel comments. Reading people’s comments tempted Maria. She would see people whom she has never met and who had no information on her or her son’s life post judgements about her as a mother. “Where was the mother?” was an often-repeated question. “That was hurtful, and it was hard when you’re already down and mentally not okay, and you read something like that,” says Maria. “It’s a lot harder to brush aside hurtful things people say when you’re already grieving and going through so much.” As harmful as these comments were, the kind words of support were sometimes a burden on Maria as well.

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Friends and family offered Maria support and love during this terrible time as did strangers who knew her story. Maria, an intensely private person, felt the attention was an additional thing to deal with during the already difficulty grieving process. “There people who were reaching out to me…were so kind and loving and caring. I just didn’t have the energy or the heart or anything inside of me that wanted to give back.” “I was drained, just drained.” Zedack asserts that social media can be helpful in general, but more is needed to wholly grieve. “The support that is received through social media can be healing but it has its limitations,” stresses Zedack. Misconceptions about death and why people die create a need for education about grief management. “Those who exclusively use social media are not going to get educational material that will help them to build coping skills and this is where a professional person educated in grief counseling can be extremely helpful.”

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Dr. Edward agrees: “Social media can be helpful and used to get support but it should not exclude face-to-face or more direct contact, especially if psychotherapy or spiritual direction is needed. This is often much better served by way of a face-to-face, embodied encounter than using social media alone.”

reach out to those who are grieving can educate themselves on what those people actually need and those grieving can use social media as a stepping stone to getting the help they need. “Sometimes, people just haven’t had a situation like mine happen to them… and so they say whatever is on their mind,” says Maria. “Maybe if they read an article educating them on stuff like this, they’ll watch what they say or write.”

Is there a solution to the dichotomy of positive connection and support and negative judgements and scrutiny on social media ? Education on death, dying and the grief process is a good place to start. People who want to

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*Name has been changed.

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SUZETTE JORDAN: The Woman Who Fought For Her Identity by Agampreet Kalra

In February 2012, Suzette Jordan from Kolkata, India was gang raped on Park Street. She left a nightclub on a cold February night was was offered a lift by a “kind” man she had met in the club, who later beat, raped, and threw her out of a moving car, along with five of his friends.

her. She said, “The car swept off from the hotel, there was a gun in my mouth and he was abusing me…I knew in my heart that...this is the end of me…” That being succumbed, did not make the physical recovery any less harder. The single mother of two, in the initial stages of healing, was so bruised that she needed physical assistance to go to the loo. She explained in a television interview-the only thought that held her back from losing her senses was, “I am alive and I can see my children.”

She explained in her own words, “I was consumed with fright and rage. It’s a terrible feeling — like you’re alive but somebody has buried you in a coffin. He had the power. And that made him feel good about himself.”

After some time, encouraged by family, she filed a police complaint. Her struggle for justice in the court of justice was extremely hard. She was called a prostitute, stigmatised, slut-

The mental healing was, extremely tough, she expressed to CNN the series of emotions and flashbacks that stroke

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slut-shamed, fired from her job and even received death threats from her attackers. Eventually, the police officer who investigated her case concluded that Jordan’s story was true. Sadly, her rapists were convicted after her death.

HER FIGHT FOR HER IDENTITY: Under Indian law, the identity of a victim of rape cannot be revealed without the individual's permission. Jordan chose to remain anonymous at first, so that her problems would not increase. No matter the decision, problems were simply escalating for her. She explained on Satyamev Jayate, a television show which aims to enlighten citizens about the social issues present in the country, that, despite the anonymity, the neighbours and her community soon started recognising her as the rape victim. What devastated her was when people started making comments to her daughters when they went to school, and as she said, “stared at them in a weird fashion” and said nasty things. She was on antidepressants and other mental health medications by then. Unable to cope, Jordan had no idea what to do until she met with the family of another rape victim, who was killed. When she entered their home, she saw the corpse of the girl and could still smell the scent of blood. She was hit with the understanding that that she PAGE 132

was still alive and that she could do something about this problem. Until June 2013, Jordan’s story had been dubbed the ‘Park Street Rape’ by the media. When Jordan decided to reveal her identity as a survivor of rape, she said, “Why should I hide my identity when it was not even my fault? Why should I be ashamed of something that I did not give rise to? I was subjected to brutality, I was subjected to torture, and I was subjected to rape, and I am fighting and I will fight.” Jordan was flooded by grotesque and critical comments upon seeing that she was not crying in a corner or breaking her bangles, screeching with ache as they believed a woman who had been raped would do. She had been strong in her journey, which was something the people couldn’t understand. According to Orthodox stereotypes (which were quite dominant in the community), a woman who had been raped must not be vocal about it, she must hide the evidence that it ever happened, lest there be poor reactions from society. She had gone through utter humiliation and was slut-shamed heavily. The Chief Minister, Mrs. Mamta Banerjee even announced that Jordan was lying and that this was a ‘Political Conspiracy.’ Even Member of Parliament, Kakoli Dastidar, who is the President of West Bengal Mahila (Women) Congress stated that this was a misunderstanding

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between a woman and her ‘client’. Ironically, both statements came from people who claim to represent women. On the matter, Jordan told CNN, “there were a lot of derogatory statements made by many ministers. They said that I was 37 and I deserved to be raped and I was at a Nightclub and I deserved to be raped. A part of society that, you know, judged me and made me feel like it was my fault, stigmatised me.” Situations were so intensified that Jordan was refused entry to a public restaurant due to her public image as the ‘Park Street Survivor.’

Anywhere she went, people would recognise her and sometimes refuse her entrance or even jobs because she of it. Most believed that the rape was her own fault or it was a political conspiracy as touted by the State Chief Minister. She was not known by her name, her pain, or the things she had to bear. Everywhere she went, she was the Park Street Survivor. She was tired and finally decided she wanted to be recognised as Suzette, her name. And she began her fight for her identity.

When asked by an interviewer if it was worth it to have her identity revealed, because of the problems and pains she had to succumb, Jordan firmly nodded and said, “Well, yes! I wish and I pray that every rape or every victim of kind with violence should stand up and should speak [for themselves] because if you have to fight to have to be heard.” Jordan became a women's rights activist and briefly worked as a counselor for a helpline for victims of sexual and domestic violence. She spoke up against the humiliation and discrimination against victims. She made use of the media, appearing in several talk shows, public interviews, as well as through Facebook to highlight societal issues.

quiet or take back the case. But she only became stronger with time. She fought for herself and she fought with dignity. Her attackers were convicted on December 2015 by the Kolkata Court. “If I had chosen to just accept injustice submissively, I would never be the right role model for my daughters,” she told Satyamev Jayate. On March 2015, She passed away after suffering encephalitis. At her memorial, hundreds of women who had never met her came to memorialize her and spoke about how Suzette changed their lives.

Because of her and only her, today women in India can file a case against sexual abuse, harassment, or any other kind of abuse without much fearing societal abuse. She empowered them enough break out of their castles where they wept fearing ignominy. Through her own struggles, she cleared a way for women to confidently speak out about rape and fight against those who abuse them, physically or mentally.

The men who raped her were from wealthy families and had powerful connections, which helped them shame Jordan as a prostitute or promiscuous. They had tried to send her death threats or harass her daughters to make her PAGE 134

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Resolutions Are Made to be Broken, So I Don’t Make Them by Jenny Busch New year, new you! Sounds familiar, right? When the Christmas season comes to an end, the focus immediately shifts to the New Year. The most popular question: “what is your New Year’s resolution?” Growing up, my family never really focused on New Year’s resolutions. It was one of those things you talk about the week after Christmas, then stop talking about around mid-January.

I understand it though. First of the year is an easy clean break from the prior year. A time to sit back, reflect on your life, prioritize your goals, and move forward. However, I feel that New Year’s resolutions are always things that people are going to either break, get bored with, or fail at. For these reasons, I purposely don’t make the following New Year’s resolutions:

Working Out: I consider myself to be an active person. I’ve had a gym membership since my senior year of high school. As a former gym regular, I remember hating going to the gym after January 1. Although I thought it was great that people were seeking to better themselves physically, I knew many of these new January members would stop coming by midFebruary. It would get so bad at the gym that I would have to find another activity to get involved in January through March, while I waited gym attendance to return to normal. Working out and losing weight are great goals, but being health isn’t temporary objective. It's a lifestyle.

Eating Healthy: Eating healthy or starting a diet is a great lifestyle change, but it's a lifestyle change. It's not just buying one cookbook, trying a few recipes, then getting lazy and going back to old habits. I struggle all the time with finding healthy meals and snacks. Not only for myself, but for my family as well. It seems there is added pressure to try and roll this into the “new year, new me” fad of new year’s resolutions.

New Job / Make More Money: If you’re unsatisfied with your current job, don’t have one, or want to make a

career change, I feel you should do that when you’re ready. Just because you might set it as your New Year’s resolution, does not mean you’ll be successful at it. If you are unemployed, any time is a good time to find a new job or career. It should not hinge on the timing being the New Year. I read a study from a major job board that talked about job applications spiking the week after the New Year, which is great. However, I want to point out that if you’re unhappy in your current career, or unemployed, you can look to make that change at any time.

Being a Better Person: I cannot stand this resolution. I grew up in a religious household, so I was always taught that you want to be your best person at all times: treat others how you want to be treated. Being a good person is not just about waking up on January 1 and wanting to be different. Again, change is a lifestyle. It takes practice, especially if you are not good at it. It might take a little time to mold yourself into the lifestyle of being a good person, so if you are making that change, be patient and give it time.

Making New Friends: I can actually get behind this statement. I am an introverted person, and although I have my own anxieties about making new friends, I try to “make new friends” all year long.Whether its moms from school or sports, neighbors,

friends of friends, my husband’s friends, their wives, etc. It can be hard work, but it’s not something you try for a week or a month and magically have your desired results.

Trying New Things: Here’s another topic I like, but as stated above, don’t feel is something you should only do starting January 1. Try new things all the time! It’ll make life more fun. It’ll give you something to talk about with your family, significant other, new friends, or your new gym buddies. New things to try include: join a book club, start a new hobby, learn a

new skill, take an art class, start a crafting project. While most people set New Year’s resolutions and have them fizzle by midFebruary, I’ve decided a different approach was necessary for me to maintain the lifestyle I desire to have. Any changes one wishes to make in their life will require patience and determination. Don’t rush the process. Take baby steps throughout the year. In doing so, you can rid yourself of unnecessary pressure and enjoy your year to the fullest.

HOW RESPONSIBILITY POLITICS HURTS US ALL by Morgan Fykes

e live in a culture of conformity that is expected of some, but not from everyone. We celebrate Cardi B as she sings about all of her boundaries and what not to do around her, but act surprised when she is triggered and does exactly what she said she was going to do. The faux surprise and outrage allows for people to continue to act as if the lack of growth for the marginalized is their own fault. I remember getting pulled over in Texas last year, during a period of many well documented stories of problematic encounters between African Americans and the police and my white friend who was also in the car was shocked at the hostility and response she witnessed. Afterwards as I was comforting her after my stressful racist traffic stop, she basically stated that she did not think this happened to “black people like me”, as if I drive around with my two degrees taped to my windshield. At the end of the day we need to start listening more to what people are saying versus how they are saying it.

barrier to access. One of the biggest open secrets to most rules is that they were often made to be broken. The real intention of rules is to serve as a reminder of where we come from as opposed to showing us where we are capable of going. Too often, we are reminded of rules not because what we are doing is wrong, but because we are doing something that past rules dictated we could not. We often want others to do things that we did because we believed we had to and it is triggering to realize that maybe we were mistaken. I really enjoyed college but I also believe that it is not for everyone and that you can have a great life and fulfill your purpose with or without college. We often act as if it is an anomaly if people succeed without formal higher education instead of something that all sorts of people do everyday. There is not one way to live life. For those who are not familiar with the concept of Respectability Politics, let’s go back to its origin: “Author and professor Evelyn Brooks Higginbotham is credited with first articulating it; it appears in her 1993 book Righteous Discontent: The Women’s Movement in the Black Baptist Church, 1880-1920. It’s generally defined as what happens when minority and/or marginalized groups are told (or teach themselves) that in order to receive better

Societies are interesting arrangements. Most of us learn in school that there are social constructs and rules that we collectively agree to allow to govern us. These rules often allow us to continue to grow and evolve without dissolving into chaos, but they also often serve as a

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treatment from the group in power, they must behave better.” This is a tool of oppression because it acts as if people who have never learned the rules are responsible for their marginalized position in the world. It makes it almost impossible for those not on top to flourish and thrive, especially when they are expected to respond to oppression with smiles and politeness. Another product of oppression is women believing and behaving as if there can only be one of us in a position of success or influence at a given time . Part of it is conditioning due to the fact that there were times historically where only one spot was available. There is a tendency to celebrate when women are feuding because better to fight each other rather than to “take another spot” from a man. Some people have an understandable desire to lead and to push themselves to the front of the pack. Serena Williams would not be considered the greatest of all time if there was no one to play against her. You need others to compete against, to keep you sharp, to challenge you to see things differently. She has also had to fight for herself, and her health, every step of the way. The French Open banned an outfit that actually had positive health benefits for her because it went against the way things had been done in the past. Her looking like a superhero was just an added bonus of the jumpsuit.

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Serena has taken a sport she clearly loves, respects, revolutionized and modernized. She breathed new life into tennis and made it accessible for many more people. Sometimes the rules are just plain wrong. There have been times in history - and in the present- when the rules and systems are challenged because they are outdated and problematic,. Most prominent civil rights movements - including the fight for racial equality, women’s rights, and LGBTQ rights - are borne out of challenging the status quo. Throughout history there have been oppressive rules and policies and too often, we’ve been told to be polite instead of fight to change it.

HER CULTURE MAGAZINE | ISSUE NO. 25

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HER CULTURE MAGAZINE WWW.HERCULTURE.ORG @HERCULTURE NEW YORK, NY FEBRUARY/MARCH ISSUE NO. 25

Her Culture Issue No. 25: February 2019

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Give Me Therapy