Unidentified
23
Katherine Collamore
“I don’t know.”
My heart plummets into my abdomen as I hear these words come
from the lips of yet another physician. As my hope fades into emptiness, I stare despondently at the white tile floor of the neurologist’s exam room.
Another inconclusive test, puzzled doctor, and week wasted. I walked
around school with electrodes glued to my head for no reason. I didn’t shower for seven days, only to discover the limits of deodorant and dry shampoo. I slept completely still so that I did not alter the location of the EEG cables, to learn nothing. Today, just as yesterday, I am the girl who faints.
One, two, three . . . twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine. I count
the Q-tips in the cabinets as Dr. Ross offers recommendations for further testing and new specialists. I have lost interest in running more tests. I’m tired of hearing the same bewilderments from professionals who can allegedly help me. Instead, it seems they have no ability or desire to discover what might be causing my unusual symptoms. Every doctor we see gives up after running his or her routine, diagnostic test and failing to find an answer.
He has one hand on my electronic chart and one hand on the door
knob—ready to move on to the next patient. Dr. Ross’s voice is indescribably dry and monotone, and his face is completely unengaged. “Have you ever considered seeing a psychiatrist? Some people faint when they are anxious.”
I try not to roll my eyes and shoot a snarky answer back. He shifts his
glance back and forth between my mother and me. Just like all the physicians we have consulted, he decides that the most plausible answer is to assume it’s all in my head. However, we’ve heard this suggestion countless times before and pursued the theory to no avail.
In an effort to remain civil, my mom responds, “Yes, she sees Dr. Lee
at Georgetown once a week.”
This satisfies him. Believing that he made a meaningful contribution
to my case, he leaves saying, “Oh good! Keep doing that. You don’t need to come back here again. I’ll transfer all your files over to Psychiatry.”
