2015 VOLUME I EDITION I
Content 5 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR INTIMACY WITH YOUR HUSBAND 5 RELATIONSHIP KILLERS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM HOW TEXT MESSAGING CAN HELP TO IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE 5 SECRET WAYS TO SHOW YOUR LOVE TO YOUR PARTNER
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9 TIPS TO BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR LIST
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5 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR INTIMACY WITH YOUR HUSBAND Are you married? If you are, you likely love your husband. With that said, love isn’t always enough to keep a relationship going strong. Intimacy is very important to having a strong, happy, and healthy relationship.
romantic comedy for a movie or a nice restaurant. This can help to spark a little bit of romance and passion in your relationship, which may lead to better and closer intimacy at home.
2 – Show Romantic Gestures How is your life in the bedroom? Do you think that your sex and intimacy can be improved? If so, you may be nervous about discussing the subject with your husband. After all, your husband may wrongly get the impression that they don’t satisfy you anymore. If you are interested in improving your intimacy with your husband, there are still a number of other, different approaches that you can take. A few of these approaches are touched on below.
1 – Date If you and your husband have been married for a while, there is a good chance that you haven’t gone out on a date in a while. Many married couples get to a point in their relationship that is commonly called “the comfort zone.” This zone is not one that you want to be in, as your relationship may feel more like a friendship. To prevent this from happening, ask your husband out on a date. Although many wives believe that their husbands should do the date asking, you sometimes have to take hold of the situation yourself. Now may be one of those times. Choose an activity that is romantic, such as a
When it comes to “wowing,” in a relationship, women sometimes think that men should do it. You will also want to “wow,” your husband, like you did the first time that you met. One of the easiest ways to do so is by performing a number of romantic gestures. When out shopping with your husband, grab their hand and hold it. When walking by them in the house, give them a quick kiss. Sending a love note to work with them is another romantic gesture that you may want to try.
3 – Be Sexy and Seductive If your marriage enters into the above mentioned comfort zone, sex and intimacy may seem like a thing of the past. If you do have sex, it may seem more like a responsibly, a chore, or even work. To help reduce these feelings, be sexy and seductive. Do not wait for your husband to initiate sex and do not ask if your husband is up for it first, just get right down to business. Strip for your husband or simply just remove their clothes. Snuggle next to them on the couch and just start massaging their whole body. You may be surprised just how easy and effective it is to be sexy and seductive.
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4 – Be Spontaneous As it was previously stated, do not ask your husband if he wants to have sex and do not wait for him to start. Instead, take matters into your own hands. Whether you start with a little bit of foreplay or jump right into the intercourse, do so. Your husband should like the surprise. Also, remember that being spontaneous involves having sex at different times of the day, as well as in different locations of the house.
5 – Offer to Experiment In the Bedroom
To improve sex and intimacy it is important to know that a change can do you good. You may want to suggest to your husband that you experiment in the bedroom or take them up on their suggestion to do so. Remember that experimenting in the bedroom doesn’t have to mean getting an additional sex partner or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. A new sex position may be just what your relationship needs. As you can see, there are a number of easy ways that you can go about improving your intimacy with your husband. So what are you waiting for? Get started today.
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5 RELATIONSHIP KILLERS AND HOW TO AVOID THEM Don’t let your relationship fail. Learn about 5 relation- over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, ship killers and begin to heal the underlying fears that unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procause these relationship killers. crastination. As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:
When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR NEEDINESS Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of con- Many people enter a relationship believing that it is trolling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two ma- their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their jor categories – overt control and covert control. aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibilOvert control includes many forms of attack, such as ity for their own feelings and needs, and to define their blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and othridicule. ers to fill them with the love they need. Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked. Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.
RESISTANCE Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control
SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.
EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.
RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways. The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship. A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.
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THE PROS AND CONS OF EXPERIMENTING IN THE BEDROOM Are you unhappy with your sex life right now? If you are, you may have thought of ending your relationship. Of course, it is your decision to do so, but did you know that you can use experimentation as a way to improve your sex life? You can. Experimenting in the bedroom has proven successful for many couples. One of many pros or plus sides to experimenting in the bedroom is that you get a change. A change can always do you good. In fact, in many relationships, a change is vital to is survival. If your sexual life feels more like a chore or a requirement, it is important that you take action right away, before it ends up being too late. As nice as it is to hear that experimentation in the bedroom can help to improve your sex life, you may be a little bit nervous about the whole process. After all, you do have to get your partner to agree. In fact, this is where the discomfort comes in. Why? Because there are a number of pros and cons to experimenting the in the bedroom.
Another pro or plus side to experimenting in the bedroom is the improvement that your sex life can see. As previously stated, a change does most relationships good. Trying new things in the bedroom can bring new blood, romance, and excitement into your relationship. You may find yourself being happier, as well as more pleased after being intimate with your partner. The options that you have are another one of the many reasons why experimenting in the bedroom is a good idea. Unfortunately, when many men and women think of experimenting in the bedroom, kinky things often come to mind, such as an additional partner. Of course, you can go this way if you would like, but you don’t have to. Experimenting in the bedroom can be something as simple as changing positions or role playing. Additional options involve dressing up in sexy costumes, the use of sex toys, and the use of romantic or pornographic films. Although there are a number or pros or plus sides to experimenting in the bedroom it is also important to remember that there are cons or downsides to doing so as well. One of those is approaching your partner with the subject. If you are in a mature relationship, you should be able to openly discuss sex with your partner. With that said, experimenting in the bedroom is a topic that can be touchy. Your partner may automatically think that they aren’t providing you with enough pleasure, like what they have to give just isn’t good enough. With that said, be sure to proceed with caution. Offer up a few suggestions, but let your partner toss in a few of his or her own ideas. Another one of the many cons or downsides to experimenting in the bedroom is the fact that your partner may not be up the change. They may believe that your sex life is just fine the way that it is. While it is important to not be too pushy, you also want to get your point across. Your partner needs to realize that a healthy relationship involves two people, not just one. If your partner is offended with your suggestions, give them time. As previously stated, many men and women believe that experimentation is needed because they aren’t good enough in the bedroom. Even if that wasn’t the point you were trying to make, still give your partner time to come around. As recap, there both a number of pros and cons to experimenting in the bedroom. So what should you do? Your actions should all depend on your wants and needs. Your relationship will only get worse if you are not happy, physically or emotionally. Talk to your partner about experimenting in the bedroom. You may be surprised just how acceptable they are of your suggestion.
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HOW TEXT MESSAGING CAN HELP TO IMPROVE Are you looking for an easy, yet unique way to improve your sex life or even just your relationship in general? If you are, do you and your partner own and use cell phones? If so, improving your relationship through the use of text messages is a fun and creative, yet unique approach to take. If you haven’t already tired this approach, you should. As nice as it is to hear that text messaging can help to improve your communication or your sex life, you may be looking for more information. First, you may be wondering if it is really possible to do. Can a simple text message ignite passion in your relationship? Yes, it can. In fact, you may be surprised just how much passion can be ignited. Please continue reading on for more information on just how it can and should be done. For starters, do you have any sexual fantasies or desires that you would like to see transformed into reality? Are you bored with your current level of intimacy and would like to make changes? If so, you need to speak with your partner. Unfortunately, this is often a lot easier said than done for some men and women. You should have no problem talking to your partner about intimacy, but the subject may be one that makes you feel uncomfortable. If that is the case, text messaging may be an easy approach to take. The ability to mask yourself behind a cell phone may provide you with a certain level of comfort and peace of mind. In addition to using text messages as a way to improve your communication and your sex life, you can and should use it as a form of foreplay. Unfortunately, many individuals make the mistake of assuming that foreplay can only happen in the bedroom, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Is your partner on their way home from work? Are you in the mood for intimacy? If you are, send them a few
sexy, seductive, and suggestive text messages. In a few creative words, let them know that you are at home waiting for them and ready for an adventure. As romantic and as adventurous as using a cell phone to add new life to your intimacy can be, it is also important to proceed with caution. There are a few important dos and don’t that you first need to know. Do not send sexy or seductive text messages to a family cell phone. A family cell phone can be defined as one that all members of the family uses, like one that your son or daughter may borrow. These types of text messages are and should be private. Also, avoid sending text messages to work issued cell phones. Often times, text messages are not allow, but they may also be viewed by others. In addition to spicing up your current relationship or marriage, text messages can also be used as a way to court new partners. Did you just recently get the phone number of a nice and attractive man or woman at a bar or party? If you did, send them a flirty text message. For many, sending a text message is a lot easier than placing an actual phone call. When first making contact, be sure to use caution and your best judgment. Do not go overboard or be too sexy or seductive. There is a better time and place for these types of messages. Speaking of that time and place, wait until after you have received a response back or until after your first real date. As a recap, text messaging is a unique, fun, and creative way to improve your sex life. If you and your partner own cell phones, start using them today. You may be more than pleased with the results. As a reminder, text messages can also be used to get the communication started in a new relationship.
5 SECRET WAYS TO SHOW YOUR LOVE TO YOUR PARTNER There are many ways to express love to your partner other than quoting the actual words “I Love You.” Usually the fire in relationships dies down after a while and the feeling of your heart pounding with the excitement of being with your significant other is not felt nearly as often, or even at all. So, how do we get back that love, passion and warm feeling that wraps around us and penetrate our thoughts in the beginning of a relationship? Many say actions speak louder than words so below I have listed 5 secrets of seduction to help you show your partner how much you truly love them:
Show your love by setting up a surprise dinner for two. Add flowers, soft music and incense to create a seductive love nest. Aphrodisiac foods such as oysters, chili, chocolate, figs, honey and walnuts are said to aid in the stimulation of your loved ones hormones. 4. Love Letters and Poems
Why not leave a love note for your loved one? This can be posted in the bathroom or kitchen before you leave to work. You could also leave a nice love poem under the pillow so that your partner finds this at night before bedtime or first thing in the morning. Or send a hand written love letter to their work address. This will stir up the feeling of love in the privacy of your bed1. Flirt This is a light-hearted seduction with the in- room as well as in your relationship. Inspiration tent of conveying love! Why not send a sexy text can be taken from music or love poem books. message or email while you are at work? This reminds the other person that you are thinking 5. Get Away about him or her. It also increases the intensity of There can be a lot of distractions in your relalove so that you actually look forward to seeing tionship such as work or children. There are many short vacations available for the weekend each other when you return home from work. or just for a day. You may arrange a trip to the Health Spa or a Hotel so that you are in a differ2. Candles According to Feng Shui, the seduction candle ent environment than usual where you can both is red and the ingredients are musk, patchouli, relax and concentrate on each other. pine, cedar and juniper. This secret of seduction can put back the romance in your relationships. Using the five techniques above to show your sigWhy not fill your room with scented candles nificant other just how much you truly love them and turn off the lights just to relax in each others will certainly spice up your love life, strengthen arms? The extra effort goes a very long way! your relationship, and keep you and your partner happy for years to come! 3. Food
It is said that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” however this is also thought to be the secret of successful seduction of women too.
9 TIPS TO BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR LIST Now you know that you need a list and have started to letter. build one. The next step is to build the relationship that will make the list profitable. Below are 9 tips to help you Sending multiple items to your list can be extremely get that process started. confusing to them and never get you the action you are looking to get. Make sure that you have a call to action 1. Unsubscribes are good. in every email. Never leave your subscriber wondering what you wanted them to do. The only way that you will not get unsubscribes to your list is to never send to them. Not everyone will like your 6. Always have a reason personality or writing style. Those that don’t will never follow your recommendations so it is not a great loss This tends to go with number 5. Make sure that there is a when they unsubscribe. reason for the email that you sent. If you have a purpose then people will tend to keep reading. If they have no 2. Be yourself. idea what your reason is for your email then they will quickly stop reading all of your emails. Let your personality come through to your list. People will buy from you because they trust you. Try to be 7. Track what works. something you are not and it will come through to your list and you will never develop that trust. Tracking is the only way you will know which of your emails works and which don’t. This will allow you to 3. Be informative. improve your emails to your list. Do remember that the only purpose of your email is to create the click through Make sure that you are supplying quality information to to a sales page. If it does that it is successful whether you your list. Even if you are presenting a product for sale sell a product or not. The sale of the product is depenmake sure that you are also supplying information. Cre- dent on the sales page. ate the problem and your product as a solution but also let your subscribers learn something about the topic 8. Use contact information. even if they aren’t interested in the product. You are building a relationship and that is based on trust. 4. Stay on topic. Let people know who you are and how to reach you. If your list is about desserts that should be the topic of your email. Now don’t send marketing tips to your dessert list or desserts to your marketing tips list. Yes, there may be a few that have interests in both (I am one and have both types of lists), but the person signed up for a specific topic and you are violating that trust you have worked so hard to create.
9. Be responsive. If you receive an email from a subscriber answer it. That goes a long way to building the trust that is necessary to create a customer. People buy from those that they trust. These tips will go a long way towards helping you to
5. Only send one item per email unless it is a news- build the relationship that is necessary to build a prof-
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