Hotspots! July 20, 2017 by Hotspots Media Group

CREDITS

July 20, 2017

07.20 �� Publisher Peter Clark Peter@HotspotsMedia.com

Vice President | GM Peter Jackson PJackson@HotspotsMedia.com

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Senior Account Reps Anthony Verrico & Rich LoPrimo Andrew D. LaRochelle National Advertising Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 • sales@rivendellmedia.com

Hotspots.LGBT | MarksList.LGBT 5090 N.E. 12th Avenue • Oakland Park, FL 33334 Broward Office: 954-928-1862 • Miami Office: 305-775-5265 • Central Florida Office: 813-253-9107 HotspotsMediaGroup.com • Facebook.com/HotspotsMag • Twitter.com/HotspotsFL

O N T H E INSIDE

July 20, 2017

8 CHRIS HARDER

The Hot List | Top 10 Happenings in South Florida this Week

What’s Hot | Scott Holland’s Guide to Events Happening in Sofla

On the Scene | Stephen Lang’s Hot Pics of the Week

Hot Talk | The Best Chatter on Facebook This Week

Feature | Exclusive Interview with Kelly Osbourne

Outlook | Pompano Bill’s Top 5 Pics

Hot Topics | Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

Feature | Actor, Producer & Comedian Chris Tucker

Restaurants | Fort Lauderdale’s Favorite Restaurants

Feature | Stray on Dekkoo.com

Newswatch | Stuff in the News You Should Know About

Hot Bodies | Here’s to Refreshing, Wonderful H2O

92 116

Cover Photo by David Ayllon

48 TODRICK

HALL

LAUNCHES HIS MOST AMBITIOUS PROJECT YET!

Creep of the Week | Is This a "Criminal Minds" Episode? Need Wood | Can The Gym Help My Sex Life?

ALL NEW

101

DIRECTORY OF LGBT AND LGBT-FRIENDLY BUSINESSES

HOT SHOTS:

Hunter’s • Le Boi • Palace • Scandals • Score • Vagabond

Hotspots.LGBT | 5

BIG BRIGHT STAR u

Receives Regional Premiere at Andrews Living Arts Photos by David Ayllon

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by Scott Holland

hen Chris Harder left North Dakota for New York City to pursue a career on the Broadway stage, he had no idea what twists and turns his career would follow. While taking auditions, he paid the rent as a go-go boy at gay clubs and later, by becoming a sex worker in the gay porn industry. Harder tells his story in Big Bright Star, a one-man show receiving its regional premiere July 20 through Aug. 20 at Andrews Living Arts in Fort Lauderdale's trendy FAT Village arts district. “I've wanted to write a show about the adult industry that took a step away from the usual 'I got into porn and it ruined my life' narrative,” Harder explained. “I also

wanted to create a show for myself that allowed me to get back into writing and acting and combine those loves with my burlesque career.” Harder's story begins two decades ago in North Dakota, where he was the awkward queer boy who played with his sister's dolls, proving the road to gay porn stardom is paved with Barbies. He doesn't regret any of the choices he's made since and hopes to mount his show Off Broadway after the Fort Lauderdale run. Big Bright Star is directed by David Drake, the writer and performer of the hit show, The Night I Kissed Larry Kramer. It was a pleasure to sit down with Chris for this Hotspots exclusive Interview.

Q: Were you always an actor, even as a kid? A: Yes! I think my first role ever was playing a bunny doctor in kindergarten. I'm sure there was some kind of larger metaphor at work! I really fell in love with theater in high school though and was lucky to have several teachers who were amazingly supportive of me and my queer queerness. In college I also started writing plays and as part of my senior thesis I wrote and directed a one act play called Steel and Snow which was about two young gay men coming out to each other and falling in love. It ran for two nights and sold out both shows and I remember just being thrilled that queer people were coming to see my show and that there was a need and a desire for that kind of work.

Q: What was your first professional/paid gig? A: I was really lucky when I first moved to NYC nine years ago. My first summer in the city I was cast in a re-staging of Amiri Baracka's The Toilet, originally written during the Black Arts Movement of the 1960s. We performed the show -- which is a phenomenally written play with queer, interracial undertones –In a park and were continually heckled by teenagers. I loved every minute though. Then, shortly after that show ended, I was cast in the dazzling role of the Old Sheep in a children's theater production of Charlotte's Web. I essentially left New York for three months to play some really beautiful theaters and some very brightly lit cafeteria auditoriums in a giant purple sheep costume. That's show business!

Q: How old were you when you left North Dakota to go to NYC, and how did you make that decision? A: I moved to New York when I was 22. I spent the summer before my senior year of college working as many jobs as my body and sleep schedule could handle and then bought a one-way ticket. I graduated in May and left in June. At the time, I actually was considering staying in North Dakota one more year because I was in love with my college boyfriend and part of me really wanted to stay and wait for him. One day during my shift as a barista, a regular customer who was a grungy, English expatriate artist who never combed his hair convinced me to seize the moment and move to New York. I'm really thankful I listened to him. I still have a thing for English accents. Q: How was it to Go-Go boy at Gay Clubs? A: I loved go-go dancing. I did it all through my twenties in all kinds of clubs and

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I really fell in love with theater in high school though and was lucky to have several teachers who were amazingly supportive of me and my queer queerness.”

Hotspots.LGBT | 9

gay bars. There's really a whole other one-man show just in those years. I think what dawned on me once I moved to New York was that I could actually be 1) valued for my looks and body and 2) potentially make a living from them as well. It had just never occurred to me that I was one of “those” guys. The idea that people would want me was so foreign, not because I felt ugly or hated in ND, but because I was actually really a late bloomer in terms of coming into my body.

...I was actually really a late bloomer in terms of coming into my body.”

Q: How did you get into the adult male entertainment industry? A: By my late twenties --around 27-- I had been go-go dancing and also working as a burlesque dancer non-stop for over four years. I loved both my nightlife worlds but I was also getting burnt out and really, just wasn't making enough money. Through nightlife I had met all kind of sex workers both male and female as well as porn stars who would make appearances at clubs. Porn started to sound really enticing to me. Not just for the money but also because I was becoming more of an exhibitionist. I also became aware especially of Francois Sagat and his transformation from porn star to artist and actor, and I felt like I could combine my nightlife persona and work with the adult world and sort of become this ultimate adult entertainer.

10 | Hotspots.LGBT

Q: What made you decide to write this show, and when did you write it? A: I started writing #BigBrightStar not only to reflect on my experiences in porn but also because I want there to be more narratives about sex workers that are less, “I got into the industry and it ruined my life,” and more, “I did porn/sex work/etc and I'm still a person. I still have my humanity. And I've also got some really crazy stories!” I'm also personally fascinated with how social media has become such a huge part of everyone's lives now regardless of whether they are performers of any kind or just work in an office. I think more than ever there is a huge cultural obsession to be a star, whether it's a porn star, YouTube star, or Twitter star. I've now been working on #BigBrightStar for over a year. I began writing it in May 2016 and did several readings later that year and in early 2017. Then I paired up with the phenomenal director and Obie award-winning performer/playwright David Drake for the first fully-staged production of #BigBrightStar this past June. Q: Are you excited to be making your regional premiere in Fort Lauderdale?

A: I am truly so excited to perform #BigBrightStar in Fort Lauderdale. I can't

g wh ha at’s n o ppe n w in

The TOP 10 Things We Love This Week

HOT LIST

1 2 3 4 5

CONCERTS

SHAWN MENDES

In support of his sophomore album, Illuminate, multi-platinum singer/songwriter Shawn Mendes is performing in his first-ever headlining arena world tour with special guest Charlie Puth. The concert takes place at the American Airlines Arena on Wednesday, July 26. For more information go to AAArena.com. To purchase tickets go to Ticketmaster.com. SYMPHONY OF THE AMERICAS

SUMMERFEST CONCERT 2017

• represents the Symphony’s 26th Anniversary Summerfest & Maestro Brooks-Bruzzese, features soloists from famous European orchestras representing 10 countries joined in cultural exchange by musicians of the Symphony. Performances include music of Vivaldi, Mendelssohn, Vaughan WIlliams, Piazzolla, Moncayo, Ravel’s Bolero and premieres by Italian composer Lorenzo Turchi-Floris. Taking place at the Amaturo Theater at the Broward Center on July 22. COLOMBIA

INDEPENDENCE CELEBRATION

• 1er Festival Cultural Celebrating la independence of Colombia takes place at the Pembroke Pines City Center on Saturday, July 22. Enjoy the culture of Colombia including live music, traditional dances, arts & crafts, and food. This one day event will be expected to have 2,000-3,000 patrons in attendance. Admission is $20. or $35. (Children under 3 are free). MUSICALS

MNM PRODUCTIONS

• MNM has announced that the July 20 Preview Performance of Stephen Sondheim’s Company will benefit the Kretzer Piano Music Foundation, which brings the gift of music to children and seniors. Tickets for the benefit are $50 each and can only be purchased through the Kravis Center, either online, by phone or at the box office. As an added bonus, the Kretzer Kids will perform in the lobby from 6:45 to 7:15 pm, before the 7:30 pm curtain. ROCK BANDS

EVERYTIME I DIE

• Every Time I Die - performs at the Culture Room on Thursday, July 20 at 7pm. Since 1998, the metalcore band from Buffalo has garnered acclaim for their energetic and intense live shows. Opening are Dyne Side and Fero Lux. Admission is $17.

A TRIBUTE

PIAF

• Miami New Drama presents a journey through Edith Piaf’s life, featuring her most beloved songs. The theatrical work has played across Latin America and now makes its North American premiere. This takes place at the Colony Theatre starting on Thursday, July 20 and all performances are in Spanish except for 3 p.m. July 23 and 8 p.m. July 28, which are performed in English. Admission is $50-$65. MOVIES

GIRLS TRIP

• Premieres on Friday, July 21 and is about four lifelong friends traveling to New Orleans for the annual Essence Festival, sisterhoods are rekindled, wild sides are rediscovered, and there’s enough dancing, drinking, brawling, and romancing to make the Big Easy blush. This 122 minute R Rated comedy stars Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Tiffany Haddish. CONCERT

DREAMGIRLS

• Featuring “American Idol” finalist LaKisha Jones in the concert-style production of the Tony- and Grammy Award-winning hit musical. The show tells the rags-to-riches tale of a fictional 1960s Motown girl group based on the stories of real-life acts like The Supremes and The Shirelles. The R&B-tinged score includes “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” and “One Night Only,” and takes place at the Miramar Cultural Center starting Saturday, July 22.

COMEDIANS

MOSHE KASHER & NATASHA LEGGERO • Will perform at the James L. Knight Center on Sunday, July 23,at 7:30 p.m. On their Endless Honeymoon Tour, the married comedians perform stand-up and offer live relationship advice that will keep couples laughing. Leggero is known for Comedy Central roasts, Showtime’s “Dice” and as the creator and star of “Another Period.” Kasher is host of the Comedy Central talk show “Problematic,” a regular on “@midnight” and the author of the memoir “Kasher in the Rye.” Tickets are $31.50 to $41.50. ROCKERS

RATT & ACE FREHLEY

• perform at the Hard Rock Live on Saturday, July 22 at 8p.m. 1980s metal band Ratt teams up with Frehley, the former lead guitarist and founding member of the rock band Kiss. Tickets are $30$70 and can be purchased at TicketMaster.com

THE TOP 10 THINGS WE LOVE THIS WEEK Hotspots.LGBT | 15

WHATS HOT

By Scott Holland

What’s HOT

South Florida

n Thursday, Forever Young MedSpa hosted an all-day Open House which saw lots of

handsome Gino to go see Slava's Snowshow. I had seen it when it was at Arsht Center four years ago and was so happy I saw it again. The genius of Slava and his Snowshow is that it entertains both children and adults.

people show up to take advantage of the anti-aging specials. Afterwards we headed over to the Pride Center at Equality Park where the GLBX held their annual “Tools for Schools” fundraiser.

On Friday evening, I was invited by the Arsht Center's 18 | Hotspots.LGBT

On Saturday night, Floppy Rooster held their closing party at its current location and made it a night to remember. In addition to the naked boys on stage, Floppy was packed with sexy gay boys wanting to give floppy a proper goodbye…for now! Seen there were Henry Perez, GinaMarco Diva and his

friends, Roger Roa (Pride Center), Charlie Droze and his hubby, David Cook (MBGP), Bruce and Ben (Creative Male), Joey Schwartz and his posse, and many more! Stay tuned to this column as I will reveal Floppy's new location as soon as it becomes available!

Matty's hosted NYC's Sherry Vine for a very naughty show on Saturday evening and then again on Sunday afternoon to a great crowd! Congrats to Matty for not only packing in the crowds but also for bringing in such an iconic performer! On Sunday we went by Rosie's for their Sunday Funday event and it was nice to see owners John Zieba and Cliff Mulcahy there for all the fun from brunch to dinner!

Everything need to plan your week Everything youyou need to plan your week

with complimentary side gender identity and faith. with complimentary side gender identity and faith. dishes. Savor traditional Learn how In The Life dishes. Savor traditional Learn how In The Life appetizers, a main course of became the longest-running appetizers, a main course of became the longest-running The National LGBTQ Task marinated rib eyes and LGBT television program in marinated rib eyes and LGBT television program in The National LGBTQ Task Force will present The Miami tenderloins carved from the history and how to use its tenderloins carved from the history and how to use its Force will present The Miami Foundation with its annual grilling station, selections new online archive resource. grilling station, selections new online archive resource. Foundation with its annual donation from 6:30p.m.to Free to attend. Suggested from Alto de la Ballena's Free to attend. Suggested from Alto de la Ballena's donation from 6:30p.m.to 8:30p.m.at n in Miami Tannat blends and dessert. donation $5. Light 8:30p.m.at El Tucá nEl Tucá in Miami Tannat blends and dessert. donation $5. Light Beach, FL. The annual refreshments provided The cost is $75 per person, a refreshments provided The cost is $75 per person, all Beach, FL. The annual donation benefits local, courtesy of Barefoot Wine & inclusive, or $65 for member courtesy of Barefoot Wine & donation benefits local, inclusive, or $65 for members grassroots, non-profit Bubbly. Bubbly. and can be purchased at grassroots, non-profit and can be purchased at organizations serving South mbgarden.org. organizations serving South mbgarden.org. u JULY FRIDAY u FRIDAY 21 JULY 21 Florida's lesbian, gay, bisexual, Florida's lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer transgender and queer u SATURDAY u SATURDAY JULY 22 JULY 22 (LGBTQ) community through (LGBTQ) community through Bigger Saturdays a grant-making process a grant-making process Bigger Saturdays at Score at Score “Game of Thrones” administered by the GLBT administered by the GLBT presents presents “Game of Thrones” starring RuPaul's Drag Race's Community Projects Funds at Community Projects Funds at starring RuPaul's Drag Race's DJ Nina Flowers and hosted The Miami Foundation. The Miami Foundation. DJ Nina Flowers and hosted by Luciano Presents . Funding for the award is Funding for the award is by Luciano Presents . presents made possible by the made possible by the HuntersHunters presents “Stoli in “Stoli in July Beach Party” where they The Ramrod invites July Beach Party” where they proceeds from the annual The Ramrod invites proceeds from the annual invite you to donate toys to everyone to meet Winter Party Festival and the everyone to meet Winter Party Festival and the invite you to donate toys to benefit Broward Medical International Mr. Leather benefit Broward Medical National LGBTQ Task Force International Mr. Leather National LGBTQ Task Force Gala - Miami. The two events Center and donors will 2017 Ralph Bruneau from Center and donors will 2017 Ralph Bruneau from Gala - Miami. The two events 12a.m. to 1a.m. during their also support the National 12a.m. to 1a.m. during their receive drink tickets. receive drink tickets. also support the National Mandance party. On Saturday LGBTQ Task Force's work to Southern Nights Fort LGBTQ Task Force's work to Southern Nights Fort Mandance party. On Saturday they feature the official Lauderdale advance full freedom, justice Lauderdale presents they feature the official advance full freedom, justice presents “Glow in “Glow in welcome party for IML from and equality for LGBTQ welcome party for IML from the Dark” cor by Cho and equality for LGBTQ the Dark” with dé c with dé or by Chou 11p.m. to 1a.m. and on Chou Guilder, people throughout the 11p.m. to 1a.m. and on Chou Guilder, music by DJ people throughout the music by DJ Sunday catch Ralph hosting country. Since 2005, the Sunday catch Ralph hosting Branden Vidal and shows by country. Since 2005, the Branden Vidal and shows by their leather event from 9p.m. Noel Leon, Poizon Ivy, Nicole National LGBTQ Task Force their leather event from 9p.m. National LGBTQ Task Force Noel Leon, Poizon Ivy, Nicole to 11p.m. T Phillips and Fantasia GaGa has donated more than $2.4 to 11p.m. has donated more than $2.4 T Phillips and Fantasia GaGa Royale. They will be giving million to LGBTQ million to LGBTQ Royale. They will be giving away free glow sticks and organizations in South organizations in South away free glow sticks and Florida. Florida. more! more! Stonewall National Stonewall National Museum - Wilton Manors Museum - Wilton Manors Gallery (2157 Wilton Drive) Gallery (2157 Wilton Drive) presents Media Rebels and presents Media Rebels and Renegades: Taking Control Renegades: Taking Control Over Our Own at 7p.m. This Over Our Own at 7p.m. This The Miami Beach Botanical will feature a screening of The Miami Beach Botanical will feature a screening of Garden is presents Asado in stories from the historic In Garden is presents Asado in stories from the historic In the Garden, a sumptuous The Life documentary series the Garden, a sumptuous The Life documentary series Uruguayan Asado from 7p.m. featuring: Jonathan Capehart, Uruguayan Asado from 7p.m. featuring: Jonathan Capehart, Stacyann Chin, Martin to 11p.m. prepared by Gaucho to 11p.m. prepared by Gaucho The Jungle Ball is taking The Jungle Ball is taking Stacyann Chin, Martin Duberman, Richard Ranch, paired with the wines The Hangar Club Ranch, paired with the wines place at place at The Hangar Club (60 (60 Duberman, Richard LaFortune, Katherine Linton, of Alto de la Ballena , a NE 11th St, Miami, FL), which NE 11th St, Miami, FL), which LaFortune, Katherine Linton, of Alto de la Ballena , a and Rev. Irene Monroe. boutique winery above the boutique winery above the is right next door to Space. and Rev. Irene Monroe. is right next door to Space. Producers John Catania coast of Punta del Este. The They are promising the Producers John Catania and and coast of Punta del Este. The They are promising the Charles Ignacio will screen “Gaucho Squad” will grill their biggest Ball in SFL history! Charles Ignacio will screen “Gaucho Squad” will grill their biggest Ball in SFL history! stories about family, diversity, grass-fed beef cuts served My friend, My friend, Alexis Lords stories about family, diversity, grass-fed beef cuts served Alexis Lords u THURSDAY u THURSDAY JULY 20 JULY 20

Hotspots.LGBT | 19

(father of the House of Lords), has Icons, Legends and many other State Houses coming to participate in the event. They will also feature a Red Carpet event outside the club from 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. followed by the introduction of the Houses, Icons, Legends and Stars inside the club and then The Jungle Ball will commence with over 24 categories in which House members will compete for cash & trophies. Admission is $30 and can only be purchased at the door. The Miami Gay Men's Chorus first Painting with a Purpose fundraiser in May sold out and was so much fun they just had to do it again! And this time they are doubling the class size so no one gets left out. Go and join an evening of wine and painting with the Miami Gay

Men's Chorus at 8p.m. Tickets are $35 per person and include nibbles, wine, and your very own painting! Half of the proceeds go to the Miami Gay Men's Chorus, so not only will you have a great time, you'll be doing it for a great cause! To find out more information or to purchase a ticket, go to: MGMChorus.org The Manor Complex, presents the break out star of Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 9, Valentina, with DJ Sushiman on the turntables. In the Ivy Dance Room and Patio, Noche Latina Saturdays presents a â&#x20AC;&#x153;Colombian Independence Partyâ&#x20AC;? starring, Colombian Sasha Lords with special guests, resident DJ Larry Larr and sexy Latin Go-Go papis. Saturdays at the Manor Complex are from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. and feature no cover

1 2

u THIS IS

Pet Shop Boys are pleased to announce CATALOGUE: 1985-2012, a very special series of reissues that will include of all their studio albums released on Parlophone. This definitive edition will feature each album from the duo's discography on the label, remastered and accompanied by "further listening" albums of master quality bonus tracks and demos created in the same period of time as each album, as well as Pet Shop Boys' own 20 | Hotspots.LGBT

remixes of their tracks. Many tracks are being released for the first time. Each album will be packaged with an extensive booklet in which Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe discuss each song, illustrated with many archive photographs. The entire project is designed by Farrow Design. The reissue series begins release on July 28 nationwide, with the release of three very different-sounding PSB albums: Nightlife, Release, and Fundamental. Each album is available on 180-gram vinyl, as well as on CD and digitally.

before midnight and only $7 after midnight for members and $10 for non-members ($12 for 18-20 years old) u TUESDAY JULY 25

My friend and the community's friend, Russell Matheney, was tragically taken from us way to soon, and we all miss him dearly. Today is the day we remember him and celebrate his contribution to our lives and society as a whole. Events will be happening at many locations all over town (Smarty Pants at 12p.m.; United Church of Christ at 2p.m. and Ramrod at 10p.m.) but the main event will take place at his beloved Scandals Saloon at 4p.m. If you would like to donate to his expenses please go to: gofundme.com/Russellmatheney-memorial-fund.

u HOT STUFF

My good buddy, Dr. Max Z, is pictured here with his mom Janet, while celebrating her 80th birthday at Cooper's Hawk Winery. Happy Birthday Janet and wishing you many more years of health! Ru Paul's Drag Race has been nominated for EIGHT Emmy awards. This is so amazing for the LGBTQ community. In a statement Ru said: "I want to thank the Academy for honoring the entire cast and crew of 'RuPaul's Drag Race,' my family at World of Wonder, and our champions at VH1. It takes a village, people! Their creativity and dedication to telling the stories of our brave and talented queens never ceases to amaze, amuse and inspire."

uEmail WhatsHot@HotspotsMedia.com to have your items considered for Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hot

3 4

HOTshots of the week

Courtesy of Marks List | Markslist.LGBT

SUPER VAGABUNDOS

uVagabundos Pool Party host Ramon and his models

get ready for Super Hero fashion show at The Vagabond Miami.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US

u Erika & Daisy celebrated their collective

birthdays with Brendan at Rumors.

SONGBIRD

u Miami’s En Vee packed

The Broken Heel on Saturday.

POWER TWINS

u Scandals’ Twins Alex & Bryan have fun

running the outside bar (while Mom is inside enjoying the AC).

HEY MR. DEEJAY...

u LeBoy’s resident DJ Frank-O

REALLY enjoys his job!

ARE YOU THIRSTY? u Swing by Hunters and Karlos

will quench your thirst.

LAST DANCE

u Misty Eyez’s Trannie Palace had their

Last Dance at Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar.

THE GANG’S ALL HERE

HEY DANNY

u Score welcomed DJ Danny Toro

to spin for their Xlsior Mykonos Party.

POOL BOYS

u Glenn & Jimmy enjoy themselves at the Gay Men’s Chorus of South Florida’s July fund raiser.

u Some of the Miami Beach Gay Pride Board & Staff stop by to send off The Palace on their last day.

The best chatter on Facebook this week “I loved that we didn’t hide under the sheets.”

—Actress CHARLIZE THERON, talking about her lesbian sex scene in the upcoming movie, Atomic Blonde.

“I hope that we can make a powerful statement to say that we believe that trans people are cherished and loved by God, who created them, and is present through all the twists and turns of their lives.” —Rev. CHRIS NEWLANDS, spokesman for the Church of England which just voted to condemn gay conversion therapy and welcome transgender people into the Anglican faith.

“Utterly ignorant and classless, Mr. Woods. I’m friends with this family. You know not of what you speak, and should be ashamed of yourself.”

—Actor NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, responding to comments made by James Woods about a proud family who shared a photo of their young son wearing make-up. “Wait until this poor kid grows up, realizes what you’ve done, and stuffs both of you deismembered into a freezer in the garage.”

“I’m not a lawyer, but I am a Texan. I’m disgusted by all this. Tell the lieutenant governor I don’t want the suicide of a single Texan on my hands.”

—Republican House Speaker JOE STRAUS of Texas, who blocked Texas’ ‘bathroom bill’ which would have banned trans people from using public restrooms matching their gender identity. Straus told The New Yorker he was disheartened to watch the Republican Party become increasingly influenced by Christian idealogues and cultural concerns at the expense of economic issues.

Say

What?

“Some days you just gotta lay around binge-watching Bob’s Burgers. I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.”

—JINKX MONSOON, entertainer and winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5.

“When people have so much hate toward black people, and that hate gets ignited when they find out these people of color are refined, dignified, smart, successful and beautiful, we get this kind of virulent and vile reaction from the most hate-filled, racist Americans in the country. Unfortunately, we’re now learning that there are many, many more than we previously had thought – before a certain orange person normalized this sort of thing. That’s okay though, we know who they are. Disgusting.” —JASON GONZALEZ, Fort Lauderdale

30 | Hotspots.LGBT

HEALTH

AND

SEX BELONG TOGETHER

Healthysexuals

CONNECT

Know your status. And be ready for what’s ahead. VISIT AND TALK TO A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER

Hunters Uncut Thursdays

Photos: Stephen R. Lang

The Palace

Closing Party

Photos: Stephen R. Lang

40 | Hotspots.LGBT

Hotspots.LGBT | 43

Dale and Bob - Going on 5 Years

Russell Matheney - RIP

46 | Hotspots.LGBT

Alex- Head Honcho of the Village Pub

Paul and David - 3 Years of Bliss.

Billy G. - RIP

A strolling affair discovering a world without HIV Unlock the experience! Dress in your best hat or headdress for a night of food, drinks, and dancing inn a Steampunk-Rouge Theme Strolling Event

MARRIOTT WORLD CENTER 8701 World Center Drive Orlando, Florida 32821 SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23rd, 2017 6:00p Registration & VIP Pre-Party 7:30p Imaginarium 10:00p After-Party (For All)

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By Scott Holland

native of Texas, Todrick Hall, is a singer, songwriter, dancer, actor, choreographer, playwright, costume designer, Broadway performer, American Idol finalist, star of his own selftitled MTV Show and viral YouTube sensation with over 2 million subscribers and 400 million views. Dancing since the tender age of nine, Todrick is a classically-trained ballet dancer who has traveled the world performing. His Broadway credits include Oprah Winfrey's The Color Purple, the 2010 Tony Award winning Musical Memphis, and most recently his box office record breaking run as Lola in Kinky Boots. He has had the honor of opening the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards, being a judge on Rupaul's Drag Race and Gay for Play, choreographing music videos for Beyonce, writing and starring in the Virgin

48 | Hotspots.LGBT

America Safety Video, Fiat Commercials and the theme song for the new online version of Jim Henson's Sesame Street. In 2016, Todrick released the highlyacclaimed visual album, Straight Outta Oz, which debuted at #2 on the iTunes Album chart. Featured artists include Jordin Sparks, Perez Hilton, Nicole Scherzinger, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Todrick hit the road that year with his Straight Outta Oz tour which spanned the United States. Now Todrick Hall launches his most ambitious project yet: the full-scale original musical, Straight Outta Oz. From a small town in Texas to big-time show business, comes an inspiring documentary of grit, perseverance and the redemptive power of art. We watch him struggle to write songs about growing up gay and black in small-town Texas, his difficult relationship with his mom, and the harsh realities of trying to make it in show business. With limited time and budget, the odds are against him, but Todrick's passion

and his team of talented performers overcome all obstacles to bring this story to the world. It was a pleasure for Hotspots to sit down with Todrick just days before his documentary debuts. At what age did entertaining become an interest of yours and when did you realize it would officially be your career?

At eight years old I was introduced to theater and fell in love the moment I saw my first show. I did realize, even at that moment, that there was nothing else I had ever been as passionate about. However, it's when I got to high school, and started auditioning that I knew this would be the thing I would do for life. I actually made a deal with my mom, and it was if I audition for Disney and I get it she would allow me to not go to college. I got hired at Disney to be in the Beauty and the Beast production and the rest is history! Who were/are your inspirations in the singing/acting/Broadway industry?

The first people to inspire me were Lauren Hill in Sister Act 2 and Brandy in Cinderella. But now I love Rascal Flats, Beyonce, Jazmine Sullivan and Mariah Carey. What made you try out for American Idol?

I was in the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Color Purpleâ&#x20AC;? on Broadway with Fantasia and saw how it changed her life. She helped inspire me, so I took the plunge. How did you discover YouTube and did you ever expect to be as popular as you are?

I discovered it accidently after I got eliminated from American Idol. I was so nervous to perform after being eliminated so I started making videos and found YouTube to put them on. I started getting a lot of response from it immediately, so I decided to make a name for myself, and host many videos on YouTube. However, I never expected it to get this big. In just a few years I have made friends with Beyonce, Arianna Grande, RuPaul and my new bestie Taylor Swift.

Hotspots.LGBT | 49

How did Straight Outta Oz, the Musical come about and were you happy with the outcome?

It came about because I was talking to Taylor Swift and she said she uses a lot of her experience to write her songs. I realized I was a victim of a lot of homophobia and racism in the industry and I decided to write the album. When I was reflecting I realized the only thing I was super passionate about was the Wizard of Oz, so I wanted to tell my story and parallel it with the Wizard of Oz. The more I thought of it, I realized I was living the story of the Wizard of Oz. Yes, I was very happy with the outcome. At what point did you decide to make the documentary, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Behind the Curtain: Todrick Hall,â&#x20AC;? and how did you feel once you actually watched the final product?

I cannot take credit for the idea to do the documentary, Awesomeness approached me to do the documentary and I agreed to it with the provision that it had to be a true representation of what my team and I experience. They agreed, and I'm so glad that I did it. I had no idea how well this project would turn out, and how proud I would be of it. I'm so grateful that I now have the entire thing documented for me and my unborn children to watch and enjoy.

Tell me something people would be surprised to know about you.

I'm super insecure, and I don't allow people to film me or photograph me with my shirt off. There are only two in existence that I know of and in one of them I'm a mermaid, and it's just my back. That was the NUMBER ONE RULE during the documentary that no footage of me shirtless could be used. I'm crazy about it. Working on it though. Describe yourself in three words.

Spontaneous, loving and sassy What does the future hold for Todrick Hall?

I want to EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony), and I want to write musicals and stories that shine a light on an underserved community. I want to change the game and do projects that are out of the box but just in time for what the world needs and is ready for. I want to do Broadway, Television, Film, Music, Children's Theatre, and clothing lines and someday have a family and a wellbehaved dog to take care of. For more information on Todrick Hall, go to his website at: TodrickHall.com or on Facebook.com/ToddyRockStar or follow him on Youtube.

50 | Hotspots.LGBT

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THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO ANAL REJUVENATION IS NOW A THING

A rising class of doctors and dermatologists are turning their medical practices to America’s butts, offering everything from aesthetic procedures like tag removal and bleaching to anal tightening, botox to aid in sexual play and more, according to the web site Vice.com. “Anal has always been the prime rib of the sexual buffet for gay men, but over the past few decades, it’s gone from hetero taboo to nearly passe,” the web site reports. Now gay and straight patients are turning to anal rejuvenation specialists for help with anal rejuvenation.

Hmmm…

JUST PLAIN STUPID

We know that kids say the darndest things, but we expect adults to know better. Well, not always. Here are real complaints received by an international travel tour company known as Thomas Cook Holidays: • “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.” • “Although the brochure said there was a fully-equipped kitchen, there was no egg slicer in the drawer.” • “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.” • “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.” • “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to the room.”

BEST LGBT CITIES IN THE WORLD

The world’s “100 Best LGBT Cities” have been ranked in an effort to identify which cities offer the best quality of life for LGBT people. The findings, reported by TheGailyGrind.com, was conducted by Nestpick. “For a city to rank strongly as an LGBT destination, we determined that it must have a vibrant gay dating scene, a lively alternative nightlife, open-minded citizens and low levels of hate crime,” according to the study. The Top 10 Best LGBT Cities were found to be: 1. Madrid, Spain 2. Amsterdam, The Netherlands 3. Toronto, Canada 4. Tel Aviv, Israel 5. London, England 6. Berlin, Germany 7. Brighton, England 8. Barcelona, Spain 9. New York City 10. San Francisco 58 | Hotspots.LGBT

HIV TRANSMISSION IS STILL MISUNDERSTOOD Twenty-five percent of gay people – that’s one on four – are unaware that people on effective treatment for HIV – that is, their viral replication is stably suppressed – cannot pass on the virus. That is according to the findings of research conducted by the Terrence Higgins Trust (THT) in the U.K. and reported by PinkNews.

THT warned that out-ofdate beliefs about HIV transmission contribute to stigma and discrimination. “HIV transmission from HIV-infected study participants to their partners was not observed when viral replication in the treated individual was stably suppressed by ART (antiretroviral treatment),” the study found. The research also found 39% of the public would be uncomfortable going on a date with someone living with HIV who is on effective treatment, compared to 14% of gay and lesbian respondents and 22% of bisexual respondents.

Vagabond Hotel

Super Vagabundos Pool Party

Photos: Stephen R. Lang

Actor, Producer & Comedian

CHRIS TUCKER Live at Hard Rock

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Actor, producer and comedian Chris Tucker performs at Hard Rock Live at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood on Saturday, Sept. 2, at 8 p.m. Tucker's performance at Hard Rock Live will consist of hilarious anecdotes about his life. He will share spot-on impressions on some of his favorite celebrities and famous singers, and add a comedic spin on current events. Tucker is an international award-winning actor and comedian best known for his work as Detective James Carter in the Rush Hour ilm series. He became a favorite on HBO's Def Comedy Jam produced by Russell Simmons in the '90s and came to prominence in his irst starring role, the 1995 ilm cult classic Friday starring alongside Ice Cube. In 1997, Tucker was an executive producer and co-starred in the hit movie Money Talks with Charlie Sheen and then appeared in Luc Besson's The Fifth Element. In 2006, Tucker negotiated an unprecedented $25 million contract to appear

in Rush Hour 3, which made him the highest paid actor at the time in Hollywood. He also co-starred in the 2013 Oscar-nominated ilm Silver Linings Playbook. To date, Tucker has starred in ilms that have collectively grossed more than $1 billion in box of ice sales worldwide. His most recent project, Ang Lee's Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk was released in November 2016. Outside of comedy, Tucker is a dedicated humanitarian, spending much of his spare time traveling around the world, doing philanthropic work to make a diďŹ&#x20AC;erence through the Chris Tucker Foundation. For more information on Chris Tucker, visit his website at ChrisTucker.com, follow him on Facebook: @ChrisTucker, Twitter: @Christuckerreal, Instagram: @ChrisTucker. Tickets cost $70, $60, $50 and $30.* All seats are reserved and available at all Ticketmaster outlets online at MyHRL.com, TicketMaster.com or charge by phone: 1-800-745-3000. Doors open one hour prior to show start time.

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EATING OUT A SAMPLE OF FORT LAUDERDALE’S FAVORITE

restaurants

ASIA BAY 1111 E. Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale asiabayrestaurants.com 954-848-9900 Elegant riverfront dining with a menu of Japanese and Thai dishes including creative sushi rolls.

HOT SPOT OF THE WEEK

BEEFCAKES (at Boardwalk) 1721 N. Andrews Ave., Fort Lauderdale BoardwalkBar.com 954-463-6969 Open daily from 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. The best burgers and chicken wings in town. BONA ITALIAN RESTAURANT 2468 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors bonaitalianrestaurant.com 954-565-7222 Fresh made Italian food. Signature dishes include Fazzoletti, (pasta purses with fontina cheese, cream sauce, peas/bacon), Chicken Cyriac or traditional Eggplant Parmigiana. CEVICHE BY THE SEA 2823 E. Oakland Park Blvd. Fort Lauderdale CevicheByTheSea.com 954-999-0751 Intimate seafood and Peruvian cuisine. Recommended as a “truly remarkable dining experience.” Reservations recommended. Open for lunch. Happy Hour M-F, 5-7 p.m. EAT 2150 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors Eatinwiltonmanors.com 954-626-0722 Menu offers everything from salmon to Chef Rosario’s meatloaf. Great $10 specialty drink menu. FLIP FLOPS DOCKSIDE EATERY 3051 NE 32nd Ave., Ft. Lauderdale

Dine indoors or outside on the beautiful Intracoastal at Shooters.

SHOOTERS WATERFRONT 3033 NE 32nd Ave., Fort Lauderdale ShootersWaterfront.com 954-566-2855 For a delightful waterfront dining experience, check out Shooters Waterfront located on the intracoastal off of E. Oakland Park Blvd. This Fort Lauderdale favorite destination is back with a completely new look and a freshly inspired menu. Now owned by the same restaurant and yacht provisioning experts which for years earned a reputation as one of South Florida’s most highly regarded culinary teams at The Grateful Palate, the all new Shooters Waterfront delivers superb food, service and spectacular views of the Intracoastal Waterway. The restaurant is open daily for lunch and dinner and features Fort Lauderdale’s most scenic Sunday brunch. With three large, artfully designed bars inside and out, a chic outdoor waterside lounge and resort contemporary dining room, Shooters Waterfront is an exciting dining destination. With 340 feet of dockage and valet parking, guests are welcome to arrive by car or by boat. Be sure to tell them Hotspots sent you!

Continued 4

HOTSPOTS READERS ENJOY DINING OUT! To advertise or be listed in this section, call Jim 954-928-1862 Hotspots.LGBT | 69

EATING OUT FLIP FLOPS, Continued 4

FlipFlopsDocksideEatery.com 954-567-1672 Relax on the dock while sipping a specialty cocktail or eating a fresh, made-toorder item from the menu. GEORGIE’S ALIBI & MONKEY BAR 2266 Wilton Dr, Wilton Manors AlibiWiltonManors.com 954-565-2526 Relaxed patio atmosphere with a full menu offering award-winning burgers, wings, hot & cold sandwiches, sliders, flat bread pizzas and fresh fish, shrimp and chicken entrees. Full bar. Check website for great weekend brunch entertainment. KALUZ KaluzRestaurant.com 954-772-2209 Modern American dining with spectacular waterfront views from an elegant dining room or from a more casual patio and outdoor bar.

LIPS 1421 E. Oakland Park Blvd., Oakland Park Fladragshow.com 954-567-0987 A restaurant/cabaret that “dresses up” to entertain its guests! Fabulous drag and tons of fun!

Q BAR 2362 N. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale qbarfl.com 954-565-2229 Live jazz & blues acts perform at this gastropub serving gourmet burgers & Creole-type dishes.

MIND YOUR MANORS 2045 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors 754-223-2172 MindYourManorsPub.com A fun, relaxing garden pub and wine bar serving comfort food and hospitality. Enjoy a wide range of creative cocktails, craft beers and a very unique wine list.

ROSIE’S BAR & GRILL 2449 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors Facebook.com/rosiesbarandgrill 954-563-0123 A Wilton Drive favorite, this place is known for its non-stop party every “Sunday Funday” with live DJs spinning great music. Great burgers, fresh seafood and amazing Sunday Brunch 10 a.m. – 2 p.m.

NABU AMERICAN FUSION BUFFET 3485 N. Federal Hwy. 954-568-2208 NabuAmericanFusionBuffet.com This place offers it all: Japanese, American, Italian and Chinese. Incredible buffet.

RUMORS BAR “PALATE PARTY” 2426 Wilton Drive, Wilton Manors RumorsBarWiltonManors.com 954-565-8851 Full bar, restaurant and entertainment venue serving fresh, local ingredients in delicious dishes by award-winning Cutthroat Kitchen chef Robyn Almodovar.

DON’T SEE YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT? Tell them to call and get listed! Hotspots 954-928-1862

70 | Hotspots.LGBT

EATING OUT SAGE 2378 N. Federal Highway Fort Lauderdale sagecafe.net 954-565-2229 Chic, intimate bistro delivering French country cooking in a romantic locale with patio seating. TEE JAY’S SUSHI 2254 Wilton Drive Wilton Manors teejaythaisushi.com 954-537-7774 Casual locale for Thai & Japanese eats with Asian decorative touches and some traditional low tables.

72 | Hotspots.LGBT

THAI SPICE 1514 E. Commercial Blvd., Oakland Park thaispicefla.com 954-771-4535 Voted the “Best Thai Restaurant in South Florida 2015” by the Sun-Sentinel, this gem dishes up Thai classics and specials by owner/chef Michael Tatton on a huge menu that includes Pan-Asian fare & steaks in a soothing space. Happy Hour with half-off appetizers and drinks from 5 to 7 p.m. Monday through Friday.

ZUCKERELLO’S ITALIAN RESTAURANT 3017 E. Commercial Blvd., Fort Lauderdale zuckerellos.com 954-776-4282 Familiar Italian pastas and flavorful mainstays (plus great early-bird specials) are offered up in this warm, inviting restaurant. The concept of Zuckerello's Italian Restaurant began in November 1989 in the mind of Adam Zucker. His desire was to operate a neighborhood restaurant and bar. It was important to him that Zuckerello's be a place where locals could come and dine in a comfortable and relaxing atmosphere. After 12 years, in 2001, Eli Biton joined Adam in this endeavor, and pursued the same envision for the concept of Zuckerello's Italian Restaurant. Try this restaurant just once and it will quickly become a favorite!

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Stray, a bromantic comedy series, will be released this weekend by gay streaming service Dekkoo. The series features Jay, a brash gay dude, and Rich, a nerdy straight guy, who talk sex and relationships while reconnecting in New York City years after college. The teaser clip, titled “How Gay Are You? unambiguously sets the tone for this refreshingly frank and funny series. And like Dekkoo's original dramedy I'm Fine, episodes are only minutes long, in this case, averaging just over three minutes per episode. From a quick perusal of gay pop culture websites and social media, it's clear that gays have a fascination – if not fetish-like obsession – with straight, “bro” culture, yet there is scant evidence of the reverse, aside from homophobia. Enter Stray – created and written by, hello, a straight guy, New Yorker Pablo Andreu. Andreu says he was inspired to create a show about mo-bro friendship because, “I didn't see anything out there that quite represented the dynamic my close friend and I have – one in which a pair of male friends joke with each other, pick on each other, posture and share thoughts on sex and attraction…where sexual orientation is at once topical and incidental to the friendship.” 76 | Hotspots.LGBT

Eschewing stereotypes, instead of a battle of cliché s Andreu has given us a more realistic conversation between a swaggering bro-ish gay dude and a not-so-bro-ish, mild-mannered straight guy, which is key to the show's refreshing, reality-check realness. When asked who did you write the show for curious straight guys or curious gay guys? Andreu says, “I honestly didn't know. The dynamic between the two main characters made me chuckle, so I igured I'd keep writing until I stopped chuckling.” While some may categorize Stray as a gaythemed show, as there are only two characters – one gay, one straight – the show is a balance of the two. An interesting take-away from Stray is that the show highlights an overlooked and occasionally commented on truth that there are loads of gay guys out there who have much more in common with straight men than they do with straight women – a welcome truth that may surprise as many gay as straight guys. “I think that's spot on,” says Andreu. “Desire and attraction manifest quite similarly in gay guys and straight guys. The object of attraction just happens to be diﬀerent.” Stray will be released on Dekkoo on July 21. Go to Dekkoo.com

NEWSWATCH

PENCE:

America needs ‘Jesus care’ not healthcare

Vice President Mike Pence has a solution for millions of Americans worried about losing health care coverage under Trumpcare because they have a “pre-existing condition” – and this includes 1.1 million HIV-positive Americans. The answer, according to Pence, is for these Americans instead to lead “godly lives.” “What the American people need is not health care,” Pence told Fox News. “What we need is more Jesus care. I believe that if we can get more of these people with pre-existing health conditions back into the churches you would see a lot more healings and many of these problems would just go away.” The former governor of Indiana who has described himself as a “Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order” is well-known for his anti-LGBT stance and is a huge proponent of discrimination against the LGBT community. Pence has called being gay “a choice” and railed against both marriage equality and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act to ban discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation. In his most recent comments, the Vice President who took the oath of of ice to represent all Americans said, “People who lead godly lives don't worry about doctors. We have the Lord to take care of us.” The Washington Post in a July 17 article summarized the latest Trumpcare bill this way: “Instead of increasing costs for the poor and sick to lower them for the rich and healthy, it would lower costs for the rich and healthy to increase them for the poor and sick. See the diﬀerence? No? Well, you must not be a Republican senator then.” The Post countered that Republicans are using the repeal of Obamacare “as an excuse to eviscerate Medicaid.” Those cuts alone, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Of ice, would cause 15 million Americans to lose health insurance coverage over the next decade.

80 | Hotspots.LGBT

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by Tom Bonanti

here is no other substance on the planet that is more essential to life than water, good old H20. Water is the most abundant substance in your body, making up 75% of your total body weight and 90% of your blood volume.

Water is vital to every one of your bodily systems â&#x20AC;&#x201C; from your heart to your reproductive system. While you can survive for weeks without food, you can survive only a few days or less without water. Water is responsible for a host of important bodily functions. Temperature regulation is controlled by water. If you do not have sufficient amounts of water in your body, cooling cannot take place. Your digestive system operates with the help of water, and your joints are lubricated by this illustrious substance. Water is also responsible for the actions involved in energy production. It is required for the

digestion of food, helping your body to convert food to energy and get rid of waste. Water helps your kidneys flush out toxins. Drinking more water helps your liver metabolize fat. Water can even make you look healthy by actually making your skin look younger. Drinking more water can help you with nagging daily problems. Bothered by food cravings even though you are eating healthy? Try drinking some water instead of grabbing for the chips or M&M's. You may be just a little dehydrated. Feeling tired and cranky? Your body may be telling you that you need to drink water. Troubled by constipation? Increase water consumption and your problems will be solved. It's recommended by The International Sports Sciences Association that you consume plenty of water, at least 8 to 10 eight ounce glasses per day, especially 20 minutes before working out and following high carbohydrate meals. Don't wait until you are thirsty before drinking water. By the time your body reaches that point, you're already dehydrated. Here are some tips on how to uptake water consumption. Have a tall glass of water when you get up each day. Try to drink 4 ounces of pure water every hour throughout the day. Prepare for exercise by hydrating with water before you begin your work out. Sip water while exercising to replace what is lost as you perspire in order to keep up your energy level. I always prefer water as opposed to other sports drink that are heavy in sugar and corn syrup. You can, however, add a small amount of juice to flavor it up if you get bored. Finally, make sure your water is pure. Bottled water can be a little expensive. Today, there are a number of water purification systems available for home and public use. Charcoal is often used as a purifying agent in water and a simple filter can be installed on any kitchen faucet.

uTom Bonanti is a certified fitness trainer and licensed massage therapist (MA#40288). Contact Tom with questions trainertomb@aol.com. Hotspots.LGBT | 87

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LINDA HARVEY:

DEFENDER OF THE RAINBOW BY D’ANNE WITKOWSKI

ave you raped a rainbow today? No, that isn’t from a Skittles advertisement gone wrong. It’s just what LGBTQ people do. Take things away from good Christians and rape them out of spite. At least that’s what Linda “human-frownthat-won’t-turn-upside-down” Harvey claims. She wants to take the rainbow away from the gays and give it back to God (the Christian God, obviously). And as we all know, June is an especially traumatic month for rainbows. And bigots, incidentally. According to Harvey, God created the rainbow to “convey simple joy, innocence and purity of heart.” “It’s clear God did not intend for the rainbow to represent rebellion, iniquity and division,” Harvey writes in an “exclusive” column for World Nut Daily. “So how did this precious symbol become the banner, with few objec-tions, for human depravity, lust, defiance and heresy?” I know that conservative Christians hate

92 | Hotspots.LGBT

science, but I feel it’s important to point out here that the scientific ex-planation for how rainbows form is when sunlight and rain get together and decide to do gay stuff. “The sweet rainbow image has been violated, raped by the deluded and fraudulent, and it now serves too often as a garish signpost for slavery to grave homosexual sin,” Harvey laments. See? I told you she thinks LGBTQ people are rainbow rapers. In reality, the rainbow flag was designed and adopted in 1978 by artist Gilbert Baker (who just died in March) at the request of Harvey Milk. The idea was a symbol to represent the LGBTQ community’s pride and diversity (not, as Harvey puts it, “grave homosexual sin”). The flag became especially popular after Milk was assassinated. And now, the rainbow has become a mainstream symbol of LGBTQ pride, which angers folks like Harvey who think that LGBTQ people should live in shame and fear,

The sweet rainbow image has been violated, raped by the deluded and fraudulent, and it now serves too often as a garish signpost for slavery to grave homosexual sin,” Harvey laments.

hence the need for LGBTQ pride in the first place. “Rainbow flags are flown in America from some government buildings, at some of our embassies, and these colors on several occasions even lit up our White House (under the former regime, thank God),” she writes. Yes, thank God we now have a man in the White House who doesn’t stoop to the level of celebrating our coun-try’s LGBTQ citizens and just brags about grabbing women’s p*ssies instead, as God intended. So what should those offended by rainbows do? “As Christians, we have [the] option [to sue],” she writes, “but believers in Jesus Christ don’t always go this route because we are more secure than that.”

Yes, believers in Jesus are so secure says the woman complaining that gay rainbows hurt her feelings. Another option, she says, is to “trademark the rainbow,” which she acknowledges is “probably impossible.” I have a better idea. If anti-LGBTQ Christians want to reclaim the rainbow so badly, they should tattoo a rainbow across their faces and include the words “God’s Property” in letters large and bold enough to be read from a distance. If enough conservative Christians did this, LGBTQ people would surely abandon the rainbow in droves and have to adopt another symbol. May I suggest the smiley face?

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Looking for Servers, Bartenders and Cooks. Please call 954-533-6660

CLUB FORT LAUDERDALE NOW HIRING

We are looking for a few good men to join our team. Verifiable customer experience is required. MUST PASS A DRUG TEST. The position entails a LOT of cleaning during your shift. We are open 24/7, so you must have a flexible schedule. We offer competitive wages and excellent health benefits. Submit application and resume to the front desk. 110 NW 5th Ave. Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33311. 954-525-3344 www.clubftl.com

WINDAMAR BEACH RESORT

Housekeeping for our Hollywood FL. Location. 20-25 hours. Weekends and Holidays Mandatory and a Security position/ Lite clean-up. One shift from 8pm4am. Saturdays Only. Email: info@windamar.com

LOOKING FOR GREAT COLORIST AND STYLIST. AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!

Chuck Alfieri is looking for a very talented stylist with great cutting skills, and who is also an expert in coloring and highlighting. Chuck Alfieri is ranked in the top 10 largest extension salons in America. Featured in Vogue, Instyle, New Beauty and Ocean Drive magazine etc. We work with an extremely high-end clientele from all over the world. This could be a fantastic opportunity for a serious business minded person who is talented and understands great customer service. • We will give you all of our color, cutting, and styling business for a 50/50 commission. • You also pay a monthly rental for the color room and maintain your own existing clientele, which you will keep 100% of the revenue yourself. • We will supply receptionist, cleaning service, and towels. • We will also promote you on chuckalfieri.com as well as all of our social media and our nationwide print campaign. Guaranteed $50,000+ per year. If you are looking to grow within our company, we are currently putting salons in other major cities and looking to expand our Ft Lauderdale salon with joint venture possibilities. Job Type: Full-time Required education: High school or equivalent Required experience Cosmetology: 5 years Customer Service: 5 years Required license or certification: Cosmetology If you are interested, please give us a call at 954-489-3050

EMERALD ELITE SENIOR HOME CARE

Now Hiring / Special Hire Needed. Looking for strong males to lift and hold up LGBT male seniors (must hold up fall risk gentlemen, dementia, Parkinson’s, stage 4 cancer etc..) Must be gay friendly, many have live in senior partners. (must enjoy the company of gay people and in gay settings) Call 954-629-1377 and leave a message ONLY. Including your name, number and your level of experience in senior care or your willingness to devote your time to senior care. Faxes welcome at 754-301-5802 or apply at: http:// emeraldelite.clearcareonline.com/apply/ All Are Welcome 102 | Hotspots.LGBT

u HELP WANTED MSC CLUB FORT LAUDERDALE PHOTO SHOOT CASTING CALL - $250

We are looking for guys of all ages ( 18 & over ) and ethnicities for our next ad campaign with well-known photographer David Vance. You don’t have to be a “Greek God”, just in decent shape (in a swimsuit) and photogenic. We are looking for diverse types (daddies, jocks, bears, regular guys, etc.) The photos will contain partial nudity (no full frontal), so you must be comfortable in your own skin, with the nature of our business and homosexuality. Contact us at: clubftlauderdale@aol.com for more information or call 954.525.3344 and speak with a member of the management team.

Mark’s List Directory

For a Lifetime of South Florida Real Estate Experience

“Broker Joe” Grano, REALTOR®

I will be your friend and partner in success. F10054451 F10065472 F10066045 F10075170 F10075166 F10073820

Coral Hills! 3/2 Wilton Manors Coral Ridge 6/4 Wilton Manors Lauderdale Sub Imperial Point 2CPT New, pool home w2CG. River front 3/2 3/2 house + 1/1 3/2 pool home 3/2.5 3CG Guesthouse. Land a plane w/1CG & huge kitchen & appl’s. Saltwater pool w/1CPT. Very inside or have pool. Great layout Two meters. nice inside & out. Open floorplan. house w/two Very good Tropical poolside. Spacious & bright. detached garages fabulous parties. on the N Fork of earner! Room Excellent area Room for pool. Near Wilton Dr. Sparkling floors! Middle River. for pool. Walk to beach! Amazing views. $2,850/mo Polished terrazzo. Down $80k. Needs TLC Close to L‐B‐T‐S Way below MKT! Bayview Elem Asking $625,000. $235,000! (SS) Dist. $5,250/mo. Beach. $395,000. New Price $399,000! SEE ALSO: F10073820 Croissant Park 2/2 Private! Amazing kitchen w/Natural Gas. $2,150/mo F100577664 & F100577887 Wilton Drive Retail Space. 3 sizes available. $900, $1500, $1,800.

Broker | Owner | Success Coach | Established 1985 1881 NE 26th St. # 212 Wilton Manors, Fl. 33305 Licensed Real Estate Brokerage

J.Grano@FirstAtlanticRealty.com

954‐931‐0031

u TRAINING BE A CNA/HHA IN ONLY 30-40 HRS!

Tuition Only $199 In Broward/Dade. No HS/ GED Req! On-Site Testing & Job Assistance. We Also Offer CPR, PCT, Phlebotomy & EKG. 954-921-9577 www.cnahha.com

u FOR SALE BROWARD SINGLE FAMILY HOME WILTON MANORS

Vintage 2/1 with detached 1/1 guest house. Original wood floors. Metal roofs, Walking distance to the Drive. Perfect for vacation rental property or AirBnb. Motivated. Asking $539.000. (954)701-6238

WILTON MANORS

3/2.5 3CG Pool Wilton Manors $399,000 Duplex (2/1 + 2 1/1’s) $235,000. 3/2 Imperial Point, Pool. $2,850/mo. 2/2 Croissant Park $2,150/mo “Broker Joe” Grano, Realtor. 954-931-0031

u VACATION RENTALS FILL THE VACANCY RATES

Need a last minute room? Take advantage of our $99 dollar rates at the NEW Calypso Inn, Wilton Manors. Not good for reservations. Good for one night only. Valid major credit card required. Phone Wes Leigh at 954.605.3561 to see if there is a vacancy. 104 | Hotspots.LGBT

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Mark’s List Directory u RENTALS - BROWARD/ OTHER PALM AIRE

u ROOMMATES - FORT LAUDERDALE BAYVIEW DRIVE - WATERFRONT CONDO

PALM AIRE 1/1.5 Fully furnished with ALL AMENITIES, pool, sauna, parking, flat screen TV, loads of linens, fully stocked kitchen --on the golf course. New Stove, Fridge, King bed. Avail. May 15th. 1-2 yr. lease- non smoker. No pets. $1200 per month. Total move in condition. 917-862-6923 rbcht@aol.com

2/1 with furnished bedroom and balcony, share bathroom. Coral Ridge Country CC, gated bldg. security system, central air, pool and laundry on site. $790./mo., 1st and last. Healthy lifestyle. 954-203-8042 (no pets)

I DEAL EXCLUSIVELY WITH RENTALS

2BD/2BA CONDO IN GATED COMMUNITY

North & Central Broward County. We have extensive leads for the property that fits ANY criteria. Call Richard Rust @ 954-616-7662. Century 21 Richards Realty

u ROOMMATES - OAKLAND PARK

Roommate wanted 2/2 furnished condo on canal in gated community. Minutes from Wilton Manors includes all utilities and cable. Laundry in unit. 24 hour security, parking. 3 heated pools, clubhouse and workout room. Must be employed and non smoker. $650./mo. F/L and $500. security dep. OCEANFRONT Large 2/2 in Pompano Beach on low floor of luxury Jim 954-319-7003 hi-rise w/glass balconies & full amenities. 24/7 ROOM FOR RENT security, W/I closets, huge pool, gym. Unfurnished. Annual only $2500 month + security, credit/board Oakland Park near I-95 and 21st Ave. Washer/ dryer off street parking. Kitchen use. No drugs or approval required. Call Neal (954) 614-1897 drunks. Must have ID and verifyable employment. Maid Service. Central a/c $170 per week. 3 weeks security. 954-465-4859 u

RENTALS - FORT LAUDERDALE

RIVERLAND - CLOSE TO DOWNTOWN

Studio with private bath, with AC and private entrance and patio and closet. Paid utilities electric and water. No smokers, must be employed, no vouchers. $700./ mo. F/L/S Call Ed 954-632-6639

POINSETTIA LANDINGS CONDO RENTAL

Large 2/1 Remodeled, Corner, Next to Pool. Contemporary, immaculate, quiet community, walk to the drive. Stainless, granite, tile floors, no pets please. Central A/C, 1 Parking Space. F/L/S $1,300.00 Mo. (954)732-2438

2BD/1BA HALF OF DUPLEX IN POINSETTIA HEIGHTS

980 SQ FT. Completely renovated, marble floors, impact windows and doors, W/D, central A/C, Dishwasher, garbage disposal. Smaller bedroom has private entrance. No children. $1500/MO negotiable F/L $500 Sec negotiable. Pets negotiable. Call 954-696-7782

MIKE THE RENTAL GUY

NE Lauderdale/Wilton Manors/Oakland/Victoria Park 1/1 from $990 2/1 from $1190. Credit & Income Requirements- Pets okay with restrictions. Call for Details Mike 561-703-5533 miketherentalguy@aol.com

u RENTALS - WILTON MANORS THE GROVE @ WILTON MANORS

2 Bedroom 1 Bath Central A/C, Parking Space Rent $1450 Month Minimum 600 Credit Score Call 561-213-9537.

WILTON MANORS 2 BEDROOM

10 min. to beach, 1 block to nightlife! 1000 SF home, secluded gated yard, central A/C, W/D, BBQ. $1500 Month. Security/first/last month. Small pet ok. Background check. Shawn 954-699-1922

u COUNSELING A MIND AT PEACE PSYCHOTHERAPY SERVICES, RON “DOC” CHAMBERS

(954) 675-2272 1975 East Sunrise Blvd., Suite 626, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida 33304 Serving Adults, Children, Couples and Families. HIV Related Issues Depression - Schizophrenia - Relationship Problems - Anger Management - Same-Sex Domestic Violence - Many Other Mental Health Issues ***Affordable Counseling Fees***

DR. RON SCHLOSSBERG..PSY.D LICENSED CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

Need a professional to talk to?...Since 1999, providing clients a safe, insightful, confidential, environment, to explore thoughts, feelings and decisions. Free initial phone consultation. Individual & couples welcome. In Hallandale 954-270-4226 or AskDocRon@aol.com

METH PROBLEM??

www.SouthFloridaCMA.org

u HOME HEALTH CARE CAREGIVER / COMPANION EDUCATED AND FIT

Available Full or Part Time. Clean, experienced, references. Ft Lauderdale. Versatile. Errands, cooking, light cleaning. For interview. Joseph 516-909-5879

ADVERTISE IN MARKSLIST DIRECTORY

Call Jim at 954-928-1862 Ext. 14 or Email Jim@HotSpotsMedia.com

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Markâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s List Directory u PERSONAL TRAINER

u HAIR REMOVAL LET ME SHAVE YOU

Body shaving and trimming in the comfort of your own home. Friendly, no attitude, Broward only. $50.00 per session 9AM-9PM, call Michael at 754-222-6623

HAIR REMOVAL & MORE!

Waxing, trimming, shaving and body scrubs at its best. Very friendly and relaxing experience. Visit me today. For appointment please call 954-649-9905. WWW.BRAZILLIANTOUCH.COM

ADVERTISE IN DIRECTORY

To Place Your Directory or Classified Ad Call Jim at 954-928-1862 Ext. 14 or Email Jim@HotspotsMedia.com

u LICENSED MASSAGE LIVE WELL MASSAGE AND BODYWORK

You will receive super first-rate massage services during every treatment. It is my goal to give you the best therapeutic massage-for you. Call 954-7632955 to request an appointment. If I do not answer, I am with a client. Please leave a message so I can call you back within the hour. Dennis 954-763-2955

AWESOME MASSAGE BY JIM

Offering Swedish, Lomi Lomi, Sports and Deep Tissue Massage for Men at Affordable Rates in a comfortable and Private Massage studio located in Wilton Manors on NE 26th Street, Same Day appointments can mostly be accommodated. Call Jim at 954-600-5843 or visit my website at www. massagebyjim.com License MM22293

MASSAGE/SKIN CARE/WAXING/MANSCAPING

In & out travel to resorts or homes. Private studio located at Hollywood Blvd. & 95. Massage/Facials/ Waxing www.massagemp.com 305-331-1010 Miguel MA0025781

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WILL

954.326.3075 $70 60min $90 90min Mon-Sat 9am-7pm Sun by appt.

MA77529

$75 Senior Special (Age 62+) 90min | Mon-Thu 9am-5pm

MINTMASSAGE.COM Will Howard Hotspots EP.indd 1

3/31/2017 12:11:47 PM

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Mark’s List Directory u CLEANING SERVICES

JOCKS AND MOPS (954) 465 - 3792 PUT SOME MUSCLE INTO YOUR CLEANING!

2 impeccable guys to complete the job twice as fast! No job too big! No job too small! For competitive pricing call or text (954) 465 - 3792 or email jocksandmops@gmail.com to schedule now!

u AIR CONDITIONING AFFORDABLE AIR CONDITIONING REPAIRS

Fast repair service, A&H AC 954-392-1301. Lic. CAC057837, replacement units with financing options if needed. Over 30 years serving our community. Evenings and weekends too.

CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING

Repairs, installations, indoor air quality. Residential/ Commercial. Proudly serving the tri-county area. Quality and experience. Free service calls for all A/C makes and models. Lic/Ins CMC1249558 Call 954-274-8287 for your free estimate. **10% off your first repair**

MATT’S A/C SERVICE

24 Hour Emergency Service • Honest & Reliable Service • Preventive Maintenance & Service • Complete System Upgrades • High Efficiency Upgrades We Accept all Major Credit Cards 100% Financing Available. Call Matt @ 954-982-3978 Fully Insured & Licensed “Hotspots” Yearly Tune-up Special $75.00

AFFORDABLE CLEANING. CALL 954-822-7857

Quality cleaning in everything we do, better prices and better results in your cleaning experience. 1 Bed $40., 2 Bed $50., 3 Bed $60. Call for an appointment today.

***CLEAN IT RITE*** THE BEST CLEANING FOR YOUR BUCK!

1BD $60, 2BD $70, 3BD $80. Excellent rates and references. 10 years in the business. Serving Broward, North Miami and South Palm Beach. Also pet sitting and window cleaning avail. Call Manny at 954-560-4443

BRAZILIAN HOME AND OFFICE CLEANING

Let the Brazilian Man do it. Your Home or Office Cleaning. In business since 1998. 1BD/$50 and Up, 2BD/$60 and Up. Weekly, bi-weekly. Free quote available. Call or Text 954-861-7617

GENTLEMAN AT YOUR SERVICES

Thank you for taking the time to read our ad. We are very responsible company looking to help you with anything and everything from cleaning, shopping, preparing meals and laundry. You name it we do it no job to big or small. If we can be of service to you please call us at 954-616-5501, we are happy to meet with you and discuss your needs and answer any questions that you may have. We Look Forward To Hearing From You!!!

ADVERTISE IN MARKSLIST DIRECTORY

Call Jim at 954-928-1862 Ext. 14 or Email Jim@HotSpotsMedia.com 110 | Hotspots.LGBT

Mark’s List Directory u APPLIANCE REPAIR APPLIANCE REPAIRS / SMALL APPLIANCE DROP OFF

From Roper to Viking we got you covered! LG, Samsung no problem. Small appliance shop rate just $39, fix it don’t throw it away. Call All Bright Repair @ 954-765-6272 it’s fixed or it’s free!

u COMPUTERS FLORIDA TECH SUPPORT

On-Site & Remote Support. Located in Wilton Manors. Windows (XP, Vista, 7 & 8) & Mac (OS X). Security, virus, & spyware removal, repairs & upgrades, wired & wireless networking - gay owned www.FLTechSupport.com 954-453-9574

**OPTIMA** COMPUTER REPAIR 954-817-3883

IN-HOME SERVICE. Proudly serving our community for over 12 years. *Get the BEST performance, protection & value from your computer investment. *A+ Hardware & OS certified. *Friendly, professional, RELIABLE service. Reasonable rates. Call: Mike 954-817-3883

THE COMPUTER GUY

In-home discreet service by nice, reliable gay guy with over 30 of years experience. Help with computers, cell phones, tablets, TVs and WiFi? Got a virus? Computer sluggish? Want your own website? Adult content on your computer that requires discretion? Need help accessing gay social sites such as Silver Daddy? Want a special photo to load onto website? A+ Certified. Call 954-295-2220

HELPMEERIC.COM ! TECH SUPPORT

Your Personal Tech Assistant. BEST RATES in the tri-county area. Specializing in Android & iPhones. PC/Mac-Training, Installation, Clean-up & Repairs. Friendly, In-Home Srvc. Call/Txt 954-903-4383.

u ELECTRICAL

HARRY’S ELECTRIC - RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL

Additions, renovations, service upgrades, breaker panels, FPL undergrounds, code violations, A/C wiring, ceiling fans, recessed, security & landscaping, lighting, pools, pumps, Jacuzzis, water heaters, FREE PHONE ESTIMATES 954-522-3357 Lic & Ins. www.harryelectrician.com

u HANDY MAN ONE-STOP SHOPPING AND ASSOCIATES HANDYMAN/ REMODELING AND MORE WITH OVER 30 YEARS EXPERIENCE IN ALL PHASES OF... Home improvements, additions, electrical, plumbing, painting, kitchen, baths, wood flooring/ trim, TV mounting, audio/video component hookup and devise programming. Former owner of a NY remodeling co. as well as a hands on worker, because I demand perfection in all I do. Please call Mitch for prompt honest and dependable service. Lic. CGC1514441 and insured. 954-253-4650

AVRAM’S HANDYMAN SERVICES

All tile work - 25 years + exp., Carpentry work, Electrical work, Debris & Demo Removal, Landscaping jobs, All painting jobs & projects, Plumbing work & roof repairs. Excellent references, clean work, honest & reliable and fair pricing. Call Avram 786-227-9981

THE HANDYMAN

Reliable and honest, doors, trim, kitchen cabinets, vanities, shower doors, blinds, TV’s, drywall, painting,etc. Excellent work and cleanup, 20+yrs exp. 954-871-6659 Earl

HANDYMAN SERVICE

Installation of Light fixtures, Mirrors, Pictures, Blinds, Shelves and many other small Jobs. Free estimate - low prices. Steve 954-900-4999 or 954-325-1071

RICKY’S HANDYMAN SERVICES

*25 years Residential Construction Experience *Free estimates *No job too small *Prompt Service *Expert Carpentry *All Plumbing Repairs *Ceiling Fan & Light Fixture Installation *Rotted Fascia & Door Jamb Repair * Wood Fence Repairs - and Much more. CALL RICKY 954-240-2611

u HOME IMPROVEMENTS * EARLY BIRD CONSTRUCTION *

ROOFING, CARPENTRY, TILE, PAINT. HONEST AND ON TIME! 954-274-9378

RTS ELECTRIC - 24 HOUR SERVICE

Quality work at a reasonable price. Licensed & Insured #98-CME-1807-X. Contact 954-257-9509. Also, all size generator service and installation.

LAWN MAINTENANCE IRRIGATION SYSTEM REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE

19 yrs. experience, excellent work, referrals upon request. Call Roberto at 954-383-8980 Hotspots.LGBT | 111

Mark’s List Directory HOME REPAIRS PRIDE SERVICES OF SO FLO

• Handy Man Services • Roof Cleaning & Sealing (Barrel Tile Specialist) • Kitchen & Bathroom Remodeling • Fencing/Deck Installation/Repair • Irrigation System/ Design & Installation • Electrical Repair and Upgrades • Compete Plumbing Services • Carpentry/ Fascia/ Gutters • Interior/ Ext Painting & Staining • Wood Floors/ Tile/ Marble Installation Call Frank @ 954-348-1942 for Estimates Email: prideservicesofsf@outlook.com

u MOVING | STORAGE A LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY MOVERS HAS GUYS WITH DOLLIES READY TO MOVE YOU! For FREE price quote Call US @954-566-1270 or visit us At WWW.WORLDSBESTMOVERS.COM Ask about our FREE wardrobe service.

RED BOX MOVING COMPANY OWNER IN TRUCK ON EVERY MOVE

Call Norbert directly. Affordable, Reliably and Careful. Insured & Licensed MV#567 www.RedBoxMoving. com (954)305-9176

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Markâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s List Directory PLANNING A MOVE?

At Cousins USA Moving & Storage, we want you to smile when you think of moving day, and we want you to tell a friend how pleasant your moving experience has been. For more info on about how we can make moving day a good day. Call toll-free at 954-792-6650, ask for Carlos. www.cousinsusa.com info@cousinsusa.com

u PLUMBING ALL COUNTY PLUMBING CONTRACTORS INC

Licensed since 1989. Specializing in tankless/tank water heaters. Guaranteed lowest prices in Broward county. Complete plumbing service and installation. Expert bathroom and kitchen. Free estimates. 24/7 Lic# CFC039956. Call Ed @ 954-297-0595.

u LANDSCAPING LAWN MOWING & LANDSCAPING SERVICE INTEGRITY LANDSCAPE SERVICE 10 YEARS IN BUSINESS LIC. & INS.

Full Service- Everything from Landscaping Design and Installation to Maintenance. We do it allweeding, large and small lawns. Tree trimming class B certification lic. CCB1308. Member of the Better Business Bureau. WHATEVER YOU NEED WE DO IT! Just call JOHN 954-763-3340, cell 954-812-5434.

ADVERTISE IN MARKSLIST DIRECTORY

Call Jim at 954-928-1862 Ext. 14 or Email Jim@HotSpotsMedia.com

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u TAX PREPARATION HAROLD J BLOTCHER, EA

Tax Preparation and Resolution for Individuals and Small Business. Help With Same Sex Marriage Issues and IRS Issues. Call 781-363-5519 or 561-429-3592 or visit our website at www.haroldjblotchertaxes.com

u PIANO or VOICE LESSONS PIANO OR VOICE LESSONS

Professional gay male musician offering lessons for all ages and levels in your home or my studio. Broadway, pop, classically trained. Lets have fun! Jonathan 646-418-4043 jcorn29@hotmail.com 114 | Hotspots.LGBT

INTRODUCING

LET THE PASSION FLOW

THE NEW WAY TO EXPLORE, EXPERIMENT, AND ENHANCE YOUR LOVE LIFE

ENJOY YOURSELF! Introducing SWISS NAVY BLACK! A premium formula designed to give you the ultimate performance between the sheets. Bring a different level of excitement and intensity to your love life with a complete line of products created to drive you wild. Swiss Navy Black, Enjoy Yourself! MDSCIENCELAB.COM

NEED WOOD

By Woody Miller

CAN THE GYM HELP

ey Woody! To my eternal regret, my roommate discovered the gym. Now that he’s down to a 34 waist, his eyes narrow everytime I go near the fridge or crack open a beer. Now he’s on me about working out, promising my sex life would be better. He swears he gets harder and stays up longer now that he’s “in f--king shape.” Is he making this s--t up to get me to the gym, or can you really improve your sex life by getting in shape?

By slimming down you can expand the number of people willing to throw out the welcome mats. Hey Woody! So I wake up one day after a night of total debauchery to find myself in an empty bed with a sore a--, dirty condoms and what looked like tread marks on my throat. I freaked! Not about my a-- (been there, done that), but my neck! It was practically covered with red, splotchy bruises. Woody, what are they and how do I get rid of them?! --- Necking gone awry

--- Say it isn’t so

y Dear Say: Well, I’d love to be able to tell you to go ahead and eat that second helping of pie, but I’d be lying. Most studies show being overweight drastically increases your chances of developing some form of Erectile Dysfunction. A while ago the Harvard School of Public Health presented a study showing that men with a waistline measuring 42 inches or more were almost twice as likely to be impotent than men with a 32 inch waist. Inactive men who didn’t exercise at least 30 minutes a day were also much more likely to suffer sexual problems. So, sorry guy. Losing weight really will improve your sex life. Why? Because being overweight or inactive isn’t good for blood circulation and that ain’t good for erections. Look at it this way: Because of your weight, your sex life is probably limited to men who got trapped in your gravitational pull, right?

Dear Necking: You woke up with a sore a--, a used condom, an empty bed and no recollection of what happened? Man, you are class with a capital K. Would you let someone drive your car if the brakes weren’t working? Then why let someone drive you when yours aren’t? You need to wheel yourself in to the nearest brake shop for a realignment. It’ll only cost about $150 an hour, without health insurance. As for the bruises on your throat…what, did you sleep through high school? They’re hickeys, whorina. They’re made when guys suck your neck through slightly parted teeth, rupturing small blood vessels under the skin. To reduce the size of a hickey, apply cold packs every 15 minutes for the first two hours. Well, that’s for conscious people. For the unconscious who wake up with a sore ass and amnesia, it’s probably too late for ice. Try therapy. And maybe a topical vitamin K (make sure it’s a cream containing phytonadione).

uAsk Woody a question at needwood@mac.com. Want more dating tips? Check out Woody’s book, Meet The Hottie in The Corner. The 21 Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection, Master The Art Of Icebreakers And Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get. http://grabhim.net/gay-dating-guides/

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