2020 2021
Just For GUYS
Just for Guys
NOW IS THE TIME TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESS It’s important to set goals that guide you into the person you want to become in ten years. You may want to go to college, have a successful career, or even travel abroad. The choices you make today affect the trajectory of your future. But what choices will set you up for success? If you complete the following objectives, you’ll only have a two percent chance of living in poverty as an adult: 1. Earn at least a high school diploma 2. Maintain a full time job 3. Wait until marriage to have children THIS IS CALLED THE “SUCCESS SEQUENCE.”
02 Now is the Time 03 A Second Chance 03 Reasons to Wait 04 I Don’t Understand Girls! 04 I Waited for Her 04 Masculine Traits 05 Social Media and Sexting 06 Porn Re-Wires the Brain 06 Getting Back Up 06 Breaking the Habit 07 As a Virgin, I Still Struggled
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Human Life Alliance is a non-profit, educational organization whose publications have reached over 228.9 million people around the globe. Just for Girls/Just for Guys has been produced since 2005.
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A SECOND CHANCE Follow this and your WHAT AREsequence THE QUALITIES path reaching your OF Atowards REAL MAN? goals be clear. • Practicewill perseverance and finish whatever you start.
So how can you meet goals? might • Respect, treasure andthese protect thoseThis weaker sound crazy, but it’s simple: avoid sexual than yourself. activity until marriage. As you read in • Take responsibility no matter thewill outcome. this magazine from articles • Conduct yourself with dignityand andtestimonies, integrity: stay true to your values no matter what. sexual activity hampers your goals with • Be loyal with steadfast support of loved costly roadblocks. Continue reading toones and be true to others. learn how to build healthy relationships and • Live a balanced moderation in all succeed in your life life with goals. things.
A real man uses his power for good. As Uncle Ben told Spiderman,“With great power comes great responsibility.” No one else can live your life for you. Your choices matter and will affect your future. The challenge for men today is to be not only physically strong, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong.
Don’t pursue a person. Pursue a passion. Pursue truth, integrity and perseverance. Become a part of something bigger than yourself. Build a world you want to live in.
Learn how to navigate these issues and read about other young women and their personal stories in this edition of Just for Girls/Just for Guys.
REASONS TO WAIT Health is defined as a state of physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease. Many trusted adults use the term “safe sex” and encourage risky sex but the definition of safe is FREE from harm or risk. Contraception reduces risk but does not eliminate the risk. The most reliable way to avoid unintended pregnancies and transmission of STDs is to abstain from all forms of sexual contact and to be in a long-term, mutually monogamous relationship with a partner known to be uninfected. Waiting until marriage for sexual activity is the only way to have TOTAL risk elimination and will help you succeed at having a healthy long-term relationship. Here are just some of the benefits of waiting: Avoid unintended pregnancies. Leave time to focus on your school, work, sports, talents, and grow as an individual. Avoid sexually transmitted diseases, some of which are a death sentence, and others that will be with you for a lifetime.
The guys at work would tell dirty jokes or show off the new porn site they found over the weekend. Eventually I was hooked on pornography. During that time, I was also involved with a girl and sex was the dominating force in our relationship. It wasn’t communication or love that held us together; it was sex. I now understand this is not how relationships were designed to progress. The physical side of the relationship should be saved for marriage. Eventually, my relationship with that girl dissolved. After that, I went through a lot of growth in my life. I decided from that moment on—no matter how many mistakes I had made—I wanted to wait for whatever my future would hold. Later on, I met a beautiful woman named Beth who had similar struggles throughout her life and had also chosen to recommit to sexual integrity after her mistakes. Our relationship is so much stronger because it was based on communication and not on sex. If you’ve messed up, stop and make a commitment to follow higher standards. An important part of staying pure is to find a wise, trusted friend who will encourage you to make good decisions. Stay away from porn so you won’t have the pain of those images intruding on your future relationships. Set standards before you start dating. If you make a mistake, set boundaries to keep it from happening again. Learn from my mistakes. You will never regret waiting until marriage.
Escape divorce—couples who have sex before marriage, especially those living together, have a much higher rate of divorce. Prevent the emotional pain of feeling used, discarded or rejected by someone to whom you have given the most intimate part of yourself. Know you’re giving your spouse the total gift of yourself, never shared with anyone else. No contraceptives polluting her body.
Remain true to your religious and moral beliefs.
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Just for Guys
I DON’T UNDERSTAND
GIRLS! I met the girl I would marry when I was 17 years old. Up to that point, I put off being in relationship as I didn’t really see the point. I reasoned to myself that if I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life with a person, then what was the point in casually dating them? Was it for my own superficial insecurities? Probably...and that hardly seemed like a reason to be with someone. Plus, leaving a string of women behind me would also leave behind a string of memories that a future bride would have to unknowingly live up to, or help me forget. That’s not a fair and amicable way to start a lifelong relationship. So I waited. Then I met Gretchen. The prettiest girl I had ever personally known. I watched her life. I watched her deal with injustices and difficulties with grace, stamina and love. I knew this was the kind of girl I could trust to put up with me for a lifetime, assuming she had feelings for me. First we were friends, then we were best friends (a new experience for me as I’d never had one). Then one day my father asked me the question that would change my life forever, “Son, can you live without her? Because if you can, you should.” I knew right away that if Gretchen moved away, or fell in love with someone else, I’d never recover. I’d be chasing her or someone like her for the rest of my life. So I took her for a walk and told her, “I don’t want to do this with anyone else. I’d like to marry you someday and I need you to know that.” To my great pleasure, she felt the same. We were married three years later and our first sexual experience on our wedding night defied all the lies that Hollywood and porn had tried so hard to shove down my throat. In an age of total sexual anarchy, nearly every day I reflect on the profound impact that waiting until marriage has had on my life, on the three sons we’re raising together, and the deep, abiding, lifetime of love that awaits us.
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By Jeromy Darling
SOCIAL MEDIA and SEXTING
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Females deal with a lot of hormonal changes—all the time. Males, on the other hand are hormonally level. This isn’t an excuse for girls to be mean, but it might help you understand a little better why your mother, sister, girlfriend, or classmates might have twenty different moods in just one hour.
Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH)
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Days of the Month GUYS Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) “In men, follicle stimulating hormone acts on the Sertoli cells of the testes to stimulate sperm production (spermatogenesis).”1
Progesterone
Female Hormone Levels
Testosterone
Male Hormone Levels
Have you ever said to yourself, “I never know what they want”? I think they don’t even know what they want. One minute they’re happy…the next minute they’re crazy!” Before you decide to give up, there is a logical answer. Take a look at these two hormone charts.
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LH FSH
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Days of Menstruation Cycle GIRLS “In women, this [follicle stimulating] hormone stimulates the growth of ovarian follicles in the ovary before the release of an egg from one follicle at ovulation. It also increases oestradiol production.”1
So the next time you’re ready to tear your hair out trying to figure out what “she” wants, remember she’s not on the same “wavelength” as you—literally—so give her a little space. You’ll be glad you did. 1 http://www.yourhormones.info/hormones/follicle_stimulating_hormone.aspx, 1/7/15.
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Recommit To S
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Have you ever seen a pornographic image and realized later that you just can’t get it out of your mind? Do you feel compelled to go back and sneak another peek? You’re no different than most men, but there’s a real danger here. Porn causes a chemical response in the brain that actually changes the way we view and experience sex. These images cause the release of massive amounts of natural chemicals, such as dopamine, in our brain and can result in powerful addictions.1 We then need to see more images and seek additional experiences to get that same chemical rush. This is how the porn industry makes money. The effect of this conditioning is that you will need to see more and more pornography and, for some, more and more extreme forms of pornography, to get the same “high.” Consequently, when we want to have sex we may have difficulty becoming aroused. Our bodies can become so conditioned to pornographic images and thoughts that we can’t get aroused without them. Pornography-induced erectile dysfunction is becoming more and more common. Someday you’re going to meet a woman you want to spend your life with. Can you imagine needing to look at porn to be able to have sex with the woman you love? Be fair to your future wife and free yourself of this addiction so you can faithfully love only her.
Here are some practical tips to overcome this addiction. Harmer, John L., Smith, James B. The Sex Industrial Complex: America’s Secret Combination – Pornographic Culture, Addiction and the Human Brain, Lighted Candle Society; (2007)
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GETTING BACK UP Okay, so you slipped up and gave in. Next, you try harder to do better, but fail. So what can you do to avoid sexual activity again? First, realize you’re a sexual being; your body chemistry wants to drive you toward sex and procreation. Many people try to resist “temptation” and swear they’ll never do it again, but they will still have some type of sexual thought. You try to push it out of your mind. Eventually you’ll get trapped in a cycle of guilt and confusion. It happens over and over again. So what should you do if you fail?
Fighting against an addiction to porn can be mentally exhausting. You can feel as though you are all alone, and then even when you are porn free, the images you viewed in the past can re-surface in your brain. This means you have to fight smarter, not harder. It’s possible to create positive habits that will eventually rid you of the epidemic that plagues so many individuals with guilt and shame. Hope is not lost, simple adjustments in your everyday routine will help you steer clear of pornography and keep it out of your life.
CHANGE YOUR SITUATION If you have felt the pull to view porn in the past, it’s better to avoid the “gateways” that will lead you right back in to it. To change your habits, change your situation. Avoid problem websites and browsing when you are tired. You might even want to block certain sites in your browser. You could also use a text only browser for a while. If your defenses are low consider avoiding the internet altogether. Here are some practical tips: don’t keep your smart phone next to your bed. If you need it for an alarm clock, get an actual alarm clock or switch your phone onto airplane mode. Did you just suffer a bad break-up? If so, only browse during the day.
o Sexual Integrity.
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Find a guy friend with matching values whom you can confide in for accountability.
Say no to hookups and one night stands.
Go out on group dates or double dates.
If you fail while spending alone time, remove this temptation by planning public dates.
Don’t get down on yourself.
Recommit to wait for marriage.
Don’t focus on temptation; learn to retrain your brain.
Keep the end in mind (who you want to be in 10 years).
Avoid porn.
If it gets tough, stop dating for a while.
HABIT ACCOUNTABILITY It can be difficult to overcome porn by yourself. One thing that has proven to be helpful for people is setting up some sort of accountability system. If you think about it, you’re much less likely to view porn if you have an accountability partner. This is someone you trust and report to on a frequent basis. This person can give you advice when you hit a setback and encourage you when you’re doing well. In addition to your accountability partner, use accountability software. Install a program on all of your electronic devices that provides a record of your internet activity to your accountability partner. It may seem like a scary thing to do; however, just the knowledge that your web activity can be seen by someone else will most likely keep you out of the darkest areas of the internet.
Learn More: FIGHTTHENEWDRUG.ORG
Break Free From Porn: STRIVE21.COM
Set boundaries that will help you achieve your high standards (i.e., never lay horizontal together; at 11 P.M. go home).
As a Virgin
I STILL STRUGGLED
When I was younger, I made the decision to save sex for marriage, but I struggled with my virginity. Despite not having made love to a woman, I’m a very passionate man. It was hard for me to control those passions. For years—I’m being really honest now—I struggled with masturbation. I justified it by telling myself I needed release. At the height of my struggle, I surfed the internet and viewed porn. I felt guilt and shame.
Many, many times I wanted to seek help, but I told myself, “What would they think of me!” I thought, “I am a man, I need to be accountable to me.” Eventually, though, I talked to my parents who helped me work my way out of the struggle. It’s ironic, but virgins can be enslaved to sex, too. If you are struggling with an addiction to masturbation or pornography, there are people who can assist you. Don’t be ashamed to seek help; it can set you free!
Josh
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