i-am magazine May/June 2016 FAMILY & HOME by i•am magazine

THE SECRET TO

RAISING RESPONSIBLE ADULTS

defining and living YOUR TRUE VALUES volume 2 | issue 3 MAY~JUNE 2016 • FAMILY & HOME

LETTING KIDS BE KIDS creating balance in their daily lives

We see patients for many reasons...

hope

But most often for We are unlike any other physician or chiropractor you have been to. Durrett Chiropractic & Natural Healthcare Clinic offers some of the most advanced technologies — many treatments not available anywhere else in the area. And by combining Chiropractic with Complemetary and Alternative Medicine, Dr. Durrett has successfully treated some of the most complicated cases without the need for drugs or invasive procedures. Don’t wait until you have lost all hope. Begin the road to recovery today by calling Durrett Chiropractic & Natural Healthcare Clinic.

Treating more than just “neck and back pain”...

• Allergies/Asthma • Digestive Disorders • ADD/ADHD • Sleep Disorders • Adrenal Fatigue & Stress Syndromes • Back pain, neck pain, pinched nerve • Joint Disorders, Sports/Dance Injuries • Menstrual Pain, PMS and Natural Hormone Balancing • Chronic Headaches, Migraines • Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue • Disc bulges/herniations • Osteoarthritis • Carpal Tunnel Syndrom • Difficulties with Weight Loss Dr. Sherry Durrett

DC, DPhCS, LCP, FASA

CELEBRATING 30 YEARS!

Call us now for our special anniversary offer extened to i-am magazine readers! Valid through June 30, 2016

281-444-1000 | www.DrDurrett.com | info@drdurrett.com | 736 FM 1960 West, Houston, TX 77090

TABLE of CONTENTS | family & home 2016 • • •

What ’s Inside 17 14

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Just Eat It Documentary film makers “walk the talk” while taking an innovative look at the environmental problem of food waste.

14 Understanding Suicide Reducing risk in our community

16 The Common-Sense Divorce Tips to minimize collateral damage in a divorce.

17 Letting Kids Be Kids Creating balance in your kid’s daily lives

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The Secret to Raising Responsible Adults Kids who are required to do regular chores at home may become more successful adults.

23 Cultivating Greatness in Teachers A unique approach to education

Female Entrepreneur Spotlight Shining a light on three local women entrepreneurs: Dr. Christina Vu, Cherie Clark-Moore and Renee Harfield

inspire 26

Defining and Living Your True Values Setting your own compass in life will help you get where you want to be.

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28 The Accidental Survivor Facing almost-certain death gave this mom a unique perspective.

32 Charity calendar of events Get invloved in some of these local causes.

business highlight 8

Take A New Look at Chiropractic Care What you don’t know about this evolving specialty could be hurting you. We talk with Dr. Sherry Durrett of Durrett Chiropractic & Natural Healthcare Clinic.

giving back 34

Caiden’s Hope Foundation Easing the burden for parents of preemies

“a house is made of wood and beams. a home is made of love and dreams.” ~ Unknown

“may your home know joy. every room hold laughter. every window open to great possibilities.” ~ Unknown

magazine Suzanne Hirayama Founder & Publisher Editor In Chief Creative Director Patricia Ostholm Dianne C. Witter Copy Editors Chelsea Robertson Marketing

amily and Home have been recurring themes in every issue of i-am, but our May/June issue spotlights these two important elements of our lives. Family, especially, is something I value immensely, and it’s the reason my husband and I moved our young family to Texas nine years ago. They say “there is no place like home,” but for me, home is wherever my family is. My oldest was only a year old when we made the deliberate decision to live near those we love. Our aim was to give our children the gift of forming special bonds with extended family. And it turned out to be the best decision we ever made.

to give them the best opportunities and experiences in life. But, a hectic schedule can quickly become too much for them. Our article (pg. 17) will help guide you to the right balance for your children. While too much obligation can be detrimental to children, not having any obligation could be unhealthy, as well. Statistics show that many children today have very few, if any, chores around the house, and this is proving to be a disservice to them. By giving children appropriate responsibilities, parents are helping them to become better adjusted and more successful adults (pg. 20).

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Cathy Brown Stacey Brown Denise French Kiki Koymarianos Michelle Schurman Nishma Shah Joseph Thompson Pam Tipton Dianne C. Witter CONTACT US

6700 Woodlands Pkwy., Ste. 230-281 The Woodlands, TX 77382 EDITORIAL INQUIRIES

info@i-ammagazine.com ADVERTISING INQUIRIES

adsales@i-ammagazine.com i•am magazine is a bi-monthly publication of Yama Media, LLC and is distributed, complimentarily, to residents in select routes within The Woodlands, TX and surrounding areas. If you are not within our distribution zone but would like to have i•am magazine delivered to you, subscriptions are available for $18.00 (six issues annually). To subscribe, send a money order for $18 payable to Yama Media, LLC, along with your full name and mailing address to Yama Media, LLC; 6700 Woodlands Pkwy., Ste. 230-281, The Woodlands, TX 77382. Please allow up to 8 weeks for delivery of first issue. Estimated readership: 200,000+. ©2016 Yama Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without the Publisher’s consent is strictly prohibited. The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the positions or views of the Publisher. The publication of any advertisement or advertorial in this issue does not constitute an endorsement by this publication of the advertiser’s products or services.

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As expected, our children have benefited over the years from the endless love and attention given by their grandparents. They also gained developmentally from the many lessons and timeless values that were lovingly passed down from the senior generation. What I didn’t anticipate back then was how family would help me grow, too. Having my parents’ help with the kids allowed me the time to follow my dream and launch i-am magazine. So as I write this, I am very well aware of how important they are to me. At other times, though, all of us are prone to lose sight of our dreams, goals and what we really value in life. And these are the times we need to refocus. Maybe it’s long hours at a job that keeps us from spending precious time with those we love. In that case, finding work/family balance and living with intention become useful strategies to realign our priorities, leading to more happiness and fulfillment. If you feel you have been pulling away from your core values unintentionally, or you are not happy with where your life seems to be headed, our article on pg. 26 may give you the nudge you need to readjust your focus. Along the same topic, helping our children achieve balance in their lives and not overwhelming them with obligations is also something many of us struggle with. There are so many extra curricular activities, social engagements, and school activities that we want to expose our children to in an effort

On the other side of the coin, we discuss the heart-wrenching topic of teenage suicide and what we can do as parents to attempt to prevent such a tragedy. Unfortunately, several Woodlands teens have taken their lives in the past year, and one child (or adult) lost to suicide is one too many. With the increased pressures of work, school and family obligations, some teens today have become more disconnected from their social support circle of family and friends. At the same time, social media has, in many cases, taken the place of in-person social interactions, degrading the quality of social exchanges. We highlight the early warning signs that could lead to suicide, in the hope that it might save the life of someone you know (pg. 14). I hope you will find our Family & Home issue of i-am to be filled with valuable information that can improve the lives of your family. I also welcome you to join me in making a more conscious effort to connect on a personal level with those around you, however you choose. Whether you say “hello” to someone in passing or engage with your family during sit down dinners, let’s live our lives on purpose and spend time where our true values lie.

Suzanne Suzanne Hirayama Publisher

I A M T H E I N T E L L I G E N T, A M A Z I N G , M O D E R N W O M A N

magazine

Take A New Look at Chiropractic Care What you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know about this evolving specialty could be hurting you!

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SPECIAL BUSINESS HIGHLIGHT

“in recent years, many chiropractors have expanded the scope of our practice to offer an all-encompassing approach to wellness.” ~ Dr. Sherry Durrett story | Michelle Schurman

ost of us are familiar with the traditional spinal adjustments chiropractors perform to reduce pain and pressure on certain nerves or joints. But that’s just a tiny piece of the story. Some chiropractors are doing so much more these days, and have earned a respected seat at the health care team table. So whether you’ve been to a chiropractor in the past or have always thought it just wasn’t for you – isn’t it time to take a second look and find out what you may have been missing? (That’s your aching body you hear saying, “Yes! Yes!”) THE SPINAL CORD IS “COMMAND CENTRAL” To envision the spinal cord’s central role in maintaining our health and well-being, remember that it is a spectacular but very fragile organ, protected by the spinal column, whose job is to relay commands and messages from the brain to the nerves, and from there, to just about every different part of our body. It stands to reason that if that “communication highway” is impeded in any way, problems can crop up in many different areas. “With our specialized focus on the spine, chiropractors are uniquely positioned to help patients with a lot of different, difficult to treat conditions, whether as the primary physician or in concert with other health care providers,” explains Dr. Sherry Durrett, who has been a chiropractor in our community for over 30 years. Historically, medical doctors tended to take a skeptical view of chiropractors, but that has changed. Now, many of Dr. Durrett’s patients are referred by medical doctors who have run out of treatments to help their patients’ pain or function level. She also gets referrals from doctors who have patients that want to try a drug-free or more natural approach to a problem first. “In recent years, some chiropractors have expanded the scope of our practice to offer an all-encompassing approach to wellness, treating not just the pain or the symptoms, but the underlying causes of many ailments, and I’m proud to have been on the forefront of

From left to right: The staff of Durrett Chiropractic & Natural Healthcare Clinic — Bethany McManus, Carol Barto, Dr. Cheryl West, Dr. Sherry Durrett, Tami Denton and Jordan Cole.

that,” Durrett explained. Her clinic, Durrett Chiropractic and Natural Healthcare Clinic in Spring, has been a significantly proactive part of that movement, and Durrett is justifiably proud of the difference these changes have made for patients. Today, Durrett’s clinic has patients who routinely travel from Dallas, San Antonio, and even farther, to take advantage of the state-ofthe art technology that Durrett has incorporated into the practice. They keep coming back because of the compassionate care and proven results. A LOOK INSIDE A MODERN CHIROPRACTIC CLINIC Dr. Durrett has a background in applied kinesiology, which is a form of muscle response testing based on basic neurology. Different muscles are neurologically linked to particular organs and glands. If she does an exam and finds a specific area of muscle weakness, it’s a clue that there may be internal problems such as nerve damage, reduced blood supply or even chemical sensitivities in the correlating organs. Take, for example, a patient who comes in with stomach or digestive troubles. A

thorough exam of the patient may reveal that nerve imbalance or interruption caused by a misalignment of the spine is responsible for problems occurring in the stomach. “Someone may be predisposed to an ulcer because the nerve that controls and coordinates function to the stomach was irritated or impinged for some time,” says Dr. Durrett. SPINAL MANIPULATION – INTERRUPTING THE CASCADE OF PROBLEMS Getting the spine in proper alignment so that nerves can properly communicate to internal organs is done through a process known as an adjustment. A misaligned spine can result from poor posture, over-use or trauma, and the resulting bulging discs or trapped nerves can cause other problems in downstream areas removed from the initial site. In Chloe Riling’s case, a bad fall at a dance practice started a cascade of unexplained health problems for the 15 year old — frequent sickness (including mono), chronic intense abdominal pain, mounting food allergies and sensitivities, and depressed mood for several continued on next page... www.i-ammagazine.com

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years. She was so sick she finally had to give up dance and many other normal teenage activities. “Dr. Durrett was the first person to realize and explain to us that Chloe’s problem was a communication problem from her brain to the nerves that affect her organs. The signals aren’t getting through correctly, so the organs don’t know what to do,” says Chloe’s mom Kristie. An x-ray of Chloe’s spine showed borderline scoliosis. For the last few weeks, Chloe has been receiving spinal adjustments and Body Restoration Technique (BRT), a treatment technique that uses acupressure points to improve communication in the body and help to rebalance hormone levels. She’s now feeling better than she has in years and now believes she may one day be able to dance again. A patient is being treated with an advanced state of the art computerized form of disc decompression known as VAX-D which quickly reads the patient’s response and adjusts tension on the body in an effort to prevent muscle spasm and guarding during the treatment.

“many of dr. durrett’s patients are referred by medical doctors whose patients are wanting a more natural or drug-free approach to their treament.”

Baby Alexander, with Dr. Durrett and mother, Jennifer Ashby, received his first adjustment at just 3 weeks old to help alleviate colic issues.

NEVER TOO YOUNG When you think about the difficulties a baby’s spine is subjected to during the birth process – not to mention the cramped quarters during gestation – newborn babies would seem to be prime candidates for chiropractic care. Indeed, spinal manipulation can be done on people of all ages, even newborns and toddlers. “A lot of structural issues with babies and infants come from the stress of the birth process itself on the infant or even from intrauterine constraint,” says Dr. Durrett. “One of the gifts I give to my pregnant patients is the first 6 months of their child’s care. I want to make sure if there are any issues from the birth process, they are addressed right away and are not left to develop problems as the child grows.”

art computerized form of disc decompression known as VAX-D. The device quickly reads the patient’s response to treatment and adjusts tension on the body in an effort to prevent muscle spasm and guarding that can impede treatment. The VAX-D is extremely helpful for patients with neck pain, lower back pain, bulging or degenerative discs, and cases of spinal stenosis. This treatment can prevent the need for back surgery in the vast majority of disc cases. “This particular technique is designed to create negative pressure within the disc space, pulling back in the protruding disc material and giving relief to the spinal cord or the nerves it’s been pressing on,” she says. CHIROPRACTIC CARE AND FOOD ALLERGIES It may not be obvious to patients, but Dr. Durrett says food and chemical sensitivities turn out to be a contributing factor in many of her patient’s chief complaints, especially for

NON-SURGICAL DISC REPAIR Bulging or herniated discs are an all-too-common problem for many people, causing ongoing pain and loss of function. Chiropractors address this with disc decompression – essentially pulling or adding tension to a part of the spine to relieve pressure and open up passageways. Dr. Durrett’s practice uses a state-of-the i•am 10 www.i-ammagazine.com

Dr. Durrett assesses a new patient.

A child receives allergy treatments with the highly advanced BioAllergenix which uses a combined approach of laser and homeopathy to treat allergic responses to substances.

those who are under a lot of stress and experiencing adrenal fatigue. Adrenal fatigue happens when your adrenal glands, also known as your stress glands, have been chronically over-taxed and can no longer respond to stress in a normal way. Your body’s ability to adapt to stress of various sorts becomes compromised. “One common result of adrenal fatigue is that patients may develop a lot of food and chemical sensitivities that would not normally be a problem,” says Dr. Durrett. “So, we need to find out what is going on and in many cases, we need to neutralize or de-sensitize these reactions.” New computer-assisted technology called BioAllergenix (BAX) uses a combined approach of laser and homeopathy to treat allergic responses to hundreds of thousands of substances, including gluten, peanuts, and environmental triggers such as mold and pollen. “Say for example, someone who has Celiac and is gluten intolerant (not just gluten-

sensitive), though this condition is genetic, we can help bring that stress reaction down so that if they do have an exposure, their reaction to it will be less.” These patients may also receive other complementary treatments, such as acupuncture or nutritional support to relieve an overloaded immune system, which may explain why they are having the sensitivities in the first place. NON-DRUG APPROACH TO ADD AND ADHD With growing concern about the longterm use of ADHD medication in children, many parents are looking for safe, alternative treatments. The research is limited, but some studies have shown that children treated with spinal manipulation and nutritional supplements can show an improvement in ADHD symptoms. Dr. Durrett and her fellow chiropractor, Dr. Cheryl West, carefully evaluate ADHD patients to determine the best treatment. Many different things can contribute to, or affect the behavior of, a child with ADHD. “It’s possible that in some children, certain neurological pathways didn’t develop correctly, or that there is ‘neurological confusion’,” says Dr. Durrett. “Some patients have allergies or others may have nutritional deficiencies; there could be so many things going on with someone who has ADHD. “As part of the initial exam, we go through all of these possibilities and address as many of the contributing factors as possible in their treatment. We have had some miraculous success with many ADHD patients!” CHIROPRACTIC CARE IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM Dr. Durrett’s practice is a perfect testament to how much the field of chiropractic treatment has grown in response to scientific advances and patient demand. Dr. Durrett is proud of the expanded treatment options they can offer their patients and the difference they’ve made in people’s lives. “Our patients become like our family,” she says. “There’s no greater feeling than being able to improve people’s health, pain and functioning every day!”

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For more information about Durrett Chiropractic and Natural Healthcare Clinic visit www.drdurrett.com or call 281-444-1000.

Michelle Schurman is an award-winning journalist and freelance writer based in The Woodlands. She is a mother of three, who enjoys writing about health, nutrition, parenting, relationships and lifestyle topics.

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the food waste crisis • • •

Just Eat It Documentary film makers “walk the talk” while taking an innovative look at the environmental problem of food waste. story | Michelle Schurman

hen Jen Rustemeyer and her partner, Grant Baldwin, announced their latest idea for a documentary, they received more than a few odd looks and turned up noses. People thought they were crazy, that maybe this time they had taken their environmental activism a bit too far. But what they created was a thought-provoking and highly entertaining film documenting six months of their life surviving entirely on food waste.

Just Eat It Director and film subject Grant Baldwin is shocked to find a swimming pool sized dumpster filled with discarded hummus.

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TOO GOOD TO WASTE The film, Just Eat It, sheds light on a largely unrecognized environmental problem. The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) estimates 40 percent of our food supply is wasted, and 20 percent of that is tossed out by consumers. Uneaten food at retailers, restaurants and homes costs $161 billion annually. Over the course of six months, Jen and Grant visited grocery stores and farmers’ markets to collect produce that didn’t sell. They even did some dumpster diving at food distribution centers, which turned out to be a

• • • the food waste crisis | jackpot of perfectly good, unopened and nutritious food. “Often we’d find an entire box of food had been damaged on the corner and one of the jars had broken, and they’d thrown the whole thing out,” says Rustemeyer, from her home in Vancouver, Canada. Maple syrup, fresh pressed juices, yogurt and eggplant curry were just a few of the products they found – and rescued – from ending up in a landfill.

a family of four could save between $800 and $1,500 per year by wasting less food. WHY ARE WE WASTING SO MUCH FOOD? OK, sure, restaurants and grocery stores may be responsible for a lot of unnecessary food waste, but how do consumers contribute in their own homes? “Think about how often you buy too much food and end up leaving it in the back of the fridge, or throw out leftovers – it’s the most simple basic things we do that waste a lot of food,” says Rustemeyer. Those small things add up; she points to one study that showed a family of four could save between $800 and $1,500 per year by wasting less food. Of course, we’re not wasting food intentionally; many of us discard food products if they’re past the “best before” date because we assume the product is no longer edible. It may surprise you to learn the terms “sell by,” “use by” and “best before” have nothing to do with safety and are not regulated by law. A “sell by” date is meant for retailers to use in rotating stock and, some argue, shouldn’t even be seen by the consumer. Meanwhile, the “best before” date is really about when the product is the freshest and tastiest – when chips are the crispiest and pastry is the flakiest. “Don’t just take that (date) as the final word. Use your judgment and give it a sniff and if it doesn’t smell right then you know it’s not very fresh,” says Gary Acuff, director of the Texas A&M Center for Food Safety. EXPECTING PERFECTION According to Rustemeyer, our society’s obsession with perfection is also contributing to the problem, as large grocery store chains will often refuse produce that doesn’t meet a certain size, color or appearance. An oddly shaped carrot or a lumpy zucchini just wouldn’t sell, she says, even though it’s perfectly fine to eat. Sometimes manufacturers will throw

out food because of a labeling or packaging concern. In the film, we see an entire box of high quality chocolate in the dumpster because the package labeling wasn’t in French as well as English, a requirement in Canada. ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT OF FOOD WASTE When food goes uneaten, we’re also wasting all the energy and fresh water that’s gone into growing, preparing and transporting that food to market. Plus, when food goes to the landfill, it creates methane, a greenhouse gas, as it decomposes. Efforts are underway to re-direct all of this excess food to those who need it the most. In a country where 14.3 percent of Americans are food insecure at some point during the year, reducing food waste and encouraging donation through the Good Samaritan Act are quickly becoming a national priority. Fortunately, there are things we can all do to become part of the solution. Here are some things you can do to help reduce food waste at home and in your community: PLANNING • Make a list of weekly meals and necessary ingredients. • Buy only what you know you will use. • Plan a “leftovers” night each week. • Have an “eat first” bin in your fridge of older fruits and vegetables STORAGE • Freeze, preserve or can surplus fruits and vegetables • Wait to wash berries until you eat them • Store fruits and vegetables separately; fruits give off gases that can cause nearby produce to spoil faster SHOP SMART • Buy the “imperfect” vegetables; they taste just as good. • At restaurant buffets, take only what you will eat. • Avoid purchasing multiple meals/desserts just to try a bite of each. • Take restaurant leftovers home for another meal. • Donate excess food to local food banks and food pantries.

One Easy Way to Share Your Harvest

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If you have a citrus tree in your yard, but you can’t quite reach the fruit at the top, a local organization known as FruitShare Houston, will happily harvest the excess fruit and deliver it to the hungry. The grassroots volunteer organization has been harvesting oranges and grapefruits from generous residents in Houston and The Woodlands for the last four years. So far this year, they’ve harvested about 40 residences which yielded over 22,000 pounds of excess fruit! The team brings its own orchard ladders to reach the top of the trees, some of which are 20-40 feet tall. The fresh fruit is donated to three separate food pantries; one is the safe house, Casa Juan Diego, which distributes food to 400 registered families. “The end users are people who would not normally have the privilege of having something so fresh, because it’s expensive at the store,” says Karen Gordon, one of the founders. “We’re contributing to good health and, of course, there’s no waste. Why have all that good fruit dropping to the ground?” If you are interested in donating your citrus fruit, you can contact FruitShare Houston at www.fruitsharehouston.org.

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The documentary “Just Eat It” is now available on iTunes and Amazon Prime.

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| suicide • • •

Understanding Suicide: Reducing risk in our community story | Michelle Schurman

ur community was in mourning late last year, when news spread of a cluster of seven suicides — three involving young women. Community members, school principals and mental health officials all asked the same question — why did these tragedies happen? “We really don’t know the crosses people are bearing in their souls,” says John Bracken, the executive director of Montgomery County Youth Services. “They don’t speak out, or if they do, we have got to talk about it.” But often, those conversations never happen. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15-24 year olds, and suicide attempts are highest during middle adolescence. In Texas, there are 12 suicides per 100,000 people, which is below the national average. ONE FAMILY’S STORY Peyton James was 13 when he committed suicide in October of 2014. He’d been living in Round Rock with his mother. His dad, a teacher at College Park High School, remembers getting the call from Georgetown police. The unthinkable had happened - his son had hung himself. Peyton had been seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication for anxiety and depression, but his dad admits he didn’t realize just how troubled his son really was. “He was very good at hiding it,” says David James. Peyton was also impulsive (as are many adolescent boys), and his father feels that contributed to his suicide. “It’s an impulsive reaction,” he said. “They have thought about it, and then they hit rock bottom and decide ‘I’m going to do it.’ Peyton was very impulsive - that was just part of his nature.”

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“Knowing how much Peyton cared about people, if he had known what it would do to me, his mother and everybody else, he never would have done it,” adds James. As a young boy with red hair and freckles, James says Peyton was bullied at school. Other students would call him names, steal his things and once he was hit so hard his eardrum burst. “It’s one thing, on top of another, on top of another, until it becomes too great,” says James, who has found himself becoming a mental health advocate since Peyton’s suicide.

ENDING THE STIGMA “As a community, we need education. I grew up in a generation where you didn’t talk about it. Depression was just a sadness, and (everybody thought) ’Oh, you’ll grow out of it.’ There really was no diagnosis for it,” he says. Understanding suicide is complex, and there are usually many factors involved. When teens are interviewed after a suicide attempt, most indicate they really didn’t want to die, but were trying to escape what seemed like a hopeless situation. In their darkest hour, whether pre-meditated or spontaneous, they believed

• • • suicide |

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“[teens] need their families more than anything else, they need those hugs because they help heal all those little fractures that occur every day.” ~ Chris Gritzmacher, youth counseling supervisor suicide was the only way out. In 90% of cases, there is an underlying mental illness compounded by a difficult situation, event or feelings. According to Montgomery County Youth Services (MCYS), teens today are facing a myriad of tough issues - everything from dating violence and bullying to substance abuse and pornography addictions. Fluctuating hormones and sleep cycles can also make teens particularly vulnerable. “There’s a lot more depression, and a lot of that has gone on for a long time and has not been addressed. So, some of these kids are really struggling to survive, and keep up with school and expectations and they need to have help with that, they need to be talking and communicating about the things that are hurting,” says Chris Gritzmacher, counseling supervisor at MCYS. SUICIDE IN ADULTS Depression and suicide are also serious concerns for adults. In fact, there were 83 deaths by suicide in Montgomery County last year; that includes both teens and adults. “I do believe that the economy and just the unrest we seem to be having, not just in the world, but our own country today, contributes to people feeling hopeless, and feeling hopeless is definitely one of the factors in suicide,” says Judge Edie Connelly, who has become increasingly concerned about the recent cases. A surprising number of suicides have occurred in adults over the age of 60. In these cases, a loss of independence and lack of support services can leave people feeling alone and alienated. Of course, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and the link to suicide is well documented among Veterans. In a community that’s so closely tied to the oil industry, the recent downturn in the economy and job losses can cause many adults to feel stressed and overwhelmed. Studies show that suicide rates have spiked during each recession since the Great Depression. Interestingly, Texas is the state with the strongest correlation between unemployment and suicide. AN UNEXPECTED RISK FACTOR In fact, living in an affluent community, like The Woodlands, can sometimes make depression even worse. “Because you’re prosperous and have

everything you may ask yourself ‘Why am I so depressed?’ or your parents may say, “What are you so depressed about? You have everything you need,” says Bracken. Research from The Family Institute at Northwestern University shows how affluence can negatively affect the mental health of teens. As families achieve a higher standard of living, with both parents working, houses become bigger, use of technology increases and there is less family time and fewer family meals. “You know the old adage, ‘the family that plays together, stays together? I feel like that doesn’t happen as much, especially as (kids) get older,” says Gritzmacher. “They need their families more than anything else, they need those hugs because they help heal all those little fractures that occur every day.” SEEKING HELP EARLY The good news is that depression can be treated, either through medication or counseling, or a combination of both. And, suicide is 100% preventable. If someone is threatening suicide, it is important not to act shocked. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide and be willing to listen. Seek help from agencies that specialize in suicide and crisis intervention. Not everyone who is contemplating suicide will show warning signs, but 4 out of 5 have given some kind of clue. SIGNS TO WATCH FOR: • Substance abuse — alcohol and other drug abuse appear to be significantly linked to suicide attempts in young people

• Changes in behavior — normally active people may become withdrawn, cautious people may take unusual risks • Themes of death in artwork, poetry or essays COMMUNITY RESPONSE Memorial Hermann Hospital and the Howard Hughes Corporation recently hosted a panel discussion on suicide in The Woodlands. The event brought together mental health experts, Conroe ISD officials and parents of suicide victims, including David James. The intent is to make suicide prevention an urgent priority. James takes some comfort knowing his son’s memory lives on through the Peyton Heart Project, an organization dedicated to raising awareness of bullying and suicide. The group makes and distributes delicate yarn hearts with inspiring quotes. The intent is to foster kindness and remember each life lost to suicide. And, a group of students from The Woodlands High School has begun fundraising to help financially support the counseling services at Montgomery County Youth Services. Suicide is a complicated grief, and those left behind often have feelings of guilt and abandonment. But starting the dialogue and preventing future suicides is a way for this community to begin the healing process.

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• Verbal statements such as: “You’d be better off without me,” or “I wish I were dead” should always be taken seriously

Youth Crisis Line: 1-888-756-8682 Montgomery County Youth Services

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Adult Crisis Line: 1-800-659-6994 Tri-County Services

Giving away prized possessions — some one contemplating suicide may give away personal items such as jewelry, favorite article of clothing, books, etc.

• Unusual purchases — a weapon, rope or any other item that arouses suspicion • Trouble in school — a dramatic drop in grades, falling asleep in school or emotional outbursts

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK 1-800-273-8255 Peyton Heart Project www.thepeytonheartproject.org

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divorce • • •

The Common-Sense Divorce Try these tips to minimize collateral damage in a divorce. story | Denise French, CRPC, CDFA

oing through a divorce is like walking through a room on fire – you just want to get through and out the other side. If you have children in the divorce, it’s like walking through a room on fire, naked, with gasoline being poured on you. It is ugly. Whether you wanted the divorce or not, it is stressful, expensive, and hard on everyone. There is hope – many have made it through the fire and so can you. The question is, how badly will you be burned getting to the other side? Here are some tools to help you come out the other side with “skin intact” for both you and your children. Tool #1: Avoid long custody battles as if your life depends on it, because it kind of does. If it’s at all possible to work out a co-parenting arrangement amicably, by all means do, if not for your sake, for the children’s. Nearly everyone gets hurt in a long custody battle – you, your ex, your children and your bank account will all take a beating. The longer the fight, the greater the emotional and financial pain. If your retainer is $20,000 – that is probably just the beginning if you have a long custody battle. You are going to pay your attorney, but also possibly one or more amicus attorneys, tactic specialists, CPAs, forensics experts, court ordered children’s therapists, and others. The bills add up and the longer your case goes, the more and more people will financially gain from your case. How do you think you will feel seven months after the case started, $50,000 poorer and all you have heard is how much your ex-spouse hates you….and there is no resolution in sight? You probably won’t feel too good about co-parenting at that point – or ever, but that is likely to be the end result. How do you think your children will feel by then? One judge equated divorce procedures to white water rafting. Once you get in the raft, you will continue down the choppy river, bumping

Nearly everyone gets hurt in a long custody battle – you, your ex, your children and your bank account. Avoid that route if at all possible. up against “rocks” along the way and paying more each time you do. The only way off the raft once in motion is for the river to end. The river usually ends just befor the trial, when parties end up settling. Most often the settlement is close to what you would have gotten prior to getting into the raft – only you are now broke, angry and your kids have nearly drown. Now – some people just love to fight. If that is you, or your ex-spouse – we can recommend aggressive attorneys in the Houston area. If you need them – they are invaluable. If you can avoid them, you will be spared a lot of heartache. Tool #2: Agree to handle your divorce outside of the court system if at all possible. Using a financially literate mediator to negotiate the details of your divorce could save you tens of thousands of dollars (or even hundreds of thousands). This approach could leave you with a better relationship with your ex-spouse after the divorce, as well, which will help your kids immeasurably. Mediation is a divorce “win-win” scenario. Tool #3: Hire a good therapist. Understand that you are going to experience loss – and you are going to have to deal with this. We encourage all people in or just out of the divorce process to see a good therapist – we can send you referrals. Even if you wanted this divorce, your life will change in both good ways and bad. Everyone involved experiences loss. Your children will not likely be with you every holiday – this is a loss to be dealt with. Think of your marriage like a tapestry. It can’t be sliced in half like a bolt of cloth, it’s more a process of unweaving lives wound together in many different ways. Even if your ex is a lying, cheating moron and

you are thrilled to be free — you still found the person attractive at one point and got married. A therapist can help you figure out how not to make the same mistake again. If you did not want the divorce then you will, no doubt, have a lot of loss. You not only lost your life partner, but you lost an intact family — you will have to spend some holidays without your children. You may have lost a lifestyle, a family business, your ex-spouses family, and maybe some friends. The list of losses can be long and depressing. But there is hope!! Even in the worst cases, we have seen people recover, move on and have happy, purposeful lives postdivorce. A good therapist for an extended period of time is invaluable in grieving those losses, so you can move on. Tool #4: Get a support group. Friends and family are crucial when going through a divorce. We think it’s a good idea to meet other people going through the same thing in a positive setting like a Divorce Care Group. Divorce Care is offered nationally through local churches. There are many in the Houston area – just google Divorce Care and join one today. They usually go out for dinner before or after the meeting so you can meet, and be lifted up, by other people going through the same experiences you are. It’s also a new group of people to meet – and you are starting a new life. No matter what your situation, divorce is tough on everyone involved. Spending huge sums of money in legal fees only makes it worse. We encourage you to call us today to see how we can help you dissolve your marriage – with your sanity and nest egg intact.

•

Denise French, CRPC, CDFA, is a 20 year financial professional. She has a nationally recognized Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation, is a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor and a trained mediator. Please visit www.DivorceStrategiesGroup.com for more information.

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• • • balancing kids’ lives |

Letting Kids Be Kids It’s all about balance. story | Nishma Shah

arents want the best for their child. But what, exactly, is “the best”? Recently I have had many conversations with clients and friends about how much stress their children are under. These parents are worried that their children are overloaded and being pulled in too many directions, but they’re also fearful that if they cut out some activities, their child will be left behind – perhaps begin struggling in school. They worry that decisions they make now could ultimately even affect what universities accept the child. It’s a mistake, though, to base parenting decisions around fear, rather than around love. That could cause us, for instance, to be blinded with unrealistic goals rather than guided by our child’s individual needs. Of course we should give our children opportunities to better themselves and broaden their horizons, but I also believe we need to give them a childhood and not overload them with too much, too soon. Parents can potentially miss the early signs that their child may be struggling with burnout from doing too much. These signs

can be subtle in the beginning, such as the child may have trouble sleeping, they may see a change in grades, increase in sickness, or even a change in behavior. The parents I have worked with feel they have unwittingly contributed to this craziness and they want guidance on how to step out of this ever-turning wheel. Here are a few factors to consider to help you make changes. 1. LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS — Each family is unique and has its own needs and wants and resources; whether those resources are money, time, or even energy. Problems start to arise when families overtax the resources they have. Respect your child’s resource of time, energy, and interest, too. When they are signed up for too many social events, sports and activities, in addition to school work, they may feel overwhelmed, and signs of stress start to appear. 2. INDIVIDUALISM — Each family is different, as is each child within the family. Instead of signing your child up for everything you think

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when kids are signed up for too many events and activities, in addition to school, they may feel overwhelmed, and signs of stress may start to appear. is “expected” or everything their friends are signing up for, help your child identify particular interests, skills or dreams and pursue activities based on these. I once had a client whose child was very shy and loved being in small groups. The parents signed this child up for rugby and the poor child hated it. The parents were getting anxious because rugby was the new thing. I suggested they try something he might like better, and they came up with a tennis club. He loved it, shined every week and his confidence grew and overflowed in other aspects of his life, too. 3. LET GO OF COMPARISON — When you’re looking at your child’s individual strengths and interests, there’s no need to compare him with other children. Comparisons often have a negative impact and can affect kids’ continued on next page... www.i-ammagazine.com

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In an atmosphere of self esteem, the child won’t feel the need to compare themselves to others, whether on the playing field, the classroom, or social media. confidence and potentially ruin friendships. Instead, figure out your child’s reasons for playing a particular sport, and keep the level of training appropriate for that. One child may want to play a sport as a way to keep fit and have fun, while another may be in it for the thrill of training and competition. It’s all about focusing on building the confidence and individual skills of the child. In an atmosphere of self esteem, the child won’t feel the need to compare themselves to others, whether on the playing field, the classroom, or social media.

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4. SLEEP — While the odd late night is ok, too busy schedules can lead to chronic sleep loss, which affects your child’s mood, concentration and behavior. If your child often has to stay up late to finish homework after a packed afternoon of activities, or if there’s not enough time to wind down and switch gears for bedtime, this could detrimentally affect sleeping patterns. Chronic sleep loss can affect the immune system, setting your child up for opportunistic colds, flu or other illnesses. Kids 3-5 years old need around 12 hours of daily sleep, split between a nap and night time. By the time the child is around 10 years old, they need about 9-11 hours of sleep per night. 5. QUALITY TIME — When you spend time with your children, it is more effective to give solid full focused attention for short periods of time than being with them, but distracted, while doing other chores. This could be just 5 to 10 minutes, depending on your schedule. When we give kids (or anyone else, for that matter) our full attention by listening, making eye contact and engaging in what they are saying, they are more likely to open up and feel heard and acknowledged by you. However when you are multitasking by cooking, checking your phone or doing chores, then the other person will sense your distraction and be unlikely to open up. Five minutes fully engaging with your child is more valuable than sporadic attention over 45 minutes. When you spend quality time communicating with your child, it is easier to pick up on any struggles your child might be having. Connecting with your child and giving them the space and security to open up and communicate any worries is the best gift you can give your child and your family. 6. MEDITATION/YOGA — Life can be stressful for children, and despite our best intentions, there will be time they are pulled in too many directions at once. I believe we owe it to our children to bring meditation and yoga into their lives from a young age. Mediation is a powerful tool that helps your child breathe and stay focused on the here and now, and help them keep from feeling overwhelmed by the demands placed on them. If we teach children mediation/yoga from a young age, I believe they’ll approach adulthood stronger and more able to cope with stress. It’s all about balance and choosing the lifestyle best for you and your child. Be mindful to base your decisions around love rather than fear to create the best possible environment for your child – and don’t forget to have fun!

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Nishma Shah is a health coach, specializing in children’s health and mother’s well-being, through her business, Essential Harmony. She has studied reiki, reflexology, nutrition, yoga and meditation and integrates these philosophies in her business. Visit www.essentialharmony.net for more information about her health coaching business, Essential Harmony.

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giving kids responsibility • • •

The Secret to Raising Responsible Adults Kids who are required to do regular chores at home may become more successful adults. The only problem? Most don’t have chores.

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• • • giving kids responsibility |

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“The greatest gifts we can give our kids are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” ~ Maria Montessori, Educator story | Stacey Brown

ew research may shed some light on one of the secrets to raising children to be responsible adults – and it’s something pretty simple. The key to your child’s success just may be a list of chores. Multiple research studies have concluded that kids who do regular chores gain critical personal, social and academic skills. But unfortunately, in a recent study by Whirlpool, less than a third of parents reported assigning chores to their children. While kids today tend to spend a lot of time shuttling between enrichment programs and sports leagues, that leaves very little time for helping out around the house. Giving kids responsibility at home is important because they learn that life involves work and play. MASTERING LIFE SKILLS When kids help with household duties, they master useful life skills, and gain the satisfaction of helping keep the house tidy. A young child who buttons clothing can handle school bathroom breaks with ease. A school-age child who assists with laundry, keeps a bedroom neat and helps with yard duty learns household and time management. Those early lessons in responsibility help them socially and academically. After analyzing research studies on the subject, developmental psychologist Richard Rende concluded “Regular, meaningful participation in household chores was linked to academic engagement and achievement, and enhanced social skills, throughout childhood and the teen years.” Completing simple household tasks can teach children valuable skills and instill values that persist beyond early childhood. Kids of all ages can handle a variety of household duties. Young children can sort socks, pick up toys and make beds with help. They can fill a pet’s water bowl, dust furniture and put dirty laundry in a bin. School-age children can set and clear the table, help prepare food, carry groceries inside and vacuum floors. Eventually, kids can assume extra duties such as taking care of a pet, changing light bulbs and performing basic yard work with supervision. Teens can prepare meals, earn spending money and return library books. As children learn, they become self-sufficient and confident, and they can handle more complex tasks. Children who don’t do chores miss important learning opportunities. Kids gradually learn to be responsible through experience. At first, they manage small tasks and complete them successfully. Those experiences build self-

esteem and confidence, and they tackle larger tasks. “The irony is that while we want our kids to spend time doing things that promote their likelihood of success – personal, academic and eventually, professional – we have gotten away from encouraging chores, which is a proven predictor of these outcomes. Doing chores carries the same benefits as other notable family rituals such as family dinners,” says developmental psychologist and co-author of Raising Can-Do Kids Richard Rende.

“when offering praise, always focus your attention on the effort, not the outcome.” ~ Cherie Clark-Moore, positive parenting coach IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO GIVE KIDS RESPONSIBILITY. Here are four easy ways to assign chores: Give age-appropriate tasks. Assign chores your child can manage. Start with simple household tasks and gradually add more duties to the list. If you aren’t sure of your child’s ability, these suggestions will help you get started. 4 and 5 years: Sort socks, put away toys, help set the table, lightly dust furniture, and help make the bed. 6 and 7 years: Empty the dishwasher, help prepare food, carry groceries, and dust furniture. 8 and 9 years: Take care of pets, load the dishwasher, and clean the bathroom sink. 10 and 11 years: Unload groceries, fold laundry, take out the trash, and do yard work. 12 and 13 years: Do a load of laundry, prepare simple meals, mow the grass, change bed sheets and make beds, clean bathroom toilets and sinks. Set a regular chore schedule. Children appreciate structure and routine, and a consistent schedule will help them adjust to their new responsibilities within the household. “Making chores a part of the daily or weekly routine is a great way to set expectations that chores get done,” says Cherie Clark-Moore, a positive parenting coach and founder of Brain Child Learning, located in The Woodlands, TX. Visual sticker charts appeal to young children while school-age kids may prefer a written

list. Chore apps such as Chore Monster or Home Routines are useful for technology-oriented tweens and teens. These apps track your child’s chores and award a dollar value or point after a chore is completed. When your child reaches a new rank, you can add extra duties to the list. Using a visual, written or digital schedule is a simple and positive way to monitor your child’s progress. OFFER GUIDANCE AND POSITIVE PRAISE. Give helpful guidance and offer praise, but keep your expectations in check. A young child may still need help making beds and cleaning up the toy room. Older kids may not fold the laundry perfectly or make beds with neat corners. When your child completes a chore, give honest feedback and praise for a job well done. Cherie Clark-Moore suggests complementing your child’s effort. She says, “First, notice what your child is doing and comment on what you see. Be very clear and specific. Say, ‘It’s great that you put your pajamas on, went to the potty and brushed your teeth.’ When offering praise, always focus your attention on the effort, not the outcome. You might say, ‘I noticed how hard you had to work to pick up the food that fell on the floor.” Always avoid a negative comment disguised as praise. “Never mix praise with a put down,” says Clark-Moore. “Avoid saying, ‘I’m feeling really happy that you put your dishes away, for once.’ Genuine positive feedback motivates children to follow through with difficult tasks. Make chores enjoyable. Children like to play, and balancing their desire for fun with responsibility happens gradually. Make chore time enjoyable to help them ease into a new schedule. “Young children love games. If you can introduce a game into a chore, you may find that your child will jump on it and get it done!” says Clark-Moore. “Reframing the language you use regarding chores – making them seem like a fun challenge rather than a burden – may have a big impact on how your children look at them.” Sing the “Clean Up Song” while you pick up toys with a young child. Create a chore time playlist for an older child. Emphasize the importance of their contribution to the family. As Mary Poppins famously said, “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun!”

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Stacey Brown is a freelance writer who resides in The Woodlands with her husband, twin boys and their rat terrier. She enjoys traveling with her family, digital photography, cooking and writing poetry.

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• • • education |

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Cultivating Greatness in Teachers and Students story | Joseph Thompson, Head of School at Fusion Academy

or a long time, my mantra for my own educational practice was a sentence a colleague wrote that really stuck with me: “The best compliment a teacher can give is her highest standard.” I’ve recently realized, though, that expecting the highest standard from students is only good mentorship when we also acknowledge the other conditions necessary to help students reach that standard. As an illustration, consider the “hard-ass” professor. He appears almost physically supported by the satisfaction of his own intellectual standards, confident that only the finest can meet them and the rest never deserved his instruction in the first place. And he’s right: without any intervention, few will reach that standard and the great majority will be left behind, confused, and alienated. Yet, alienation and confusion are not the desired outcomes of education. Expecting the highest standards from students is only effective when done with a mindset that believes in students, honors individuals, and values diversity. That mindset is love, and the same principles apply in parenting as well. At Fusion Academy, we use love as the foundation for education. We minimize class size to one teacher and one student because we believe that positive student-teacher relationships are the seedbed for student success. This is an extreme model and not possible in all settings. But extremes are useful for perspective, and what we’ve discovered about educational practice from that perspective is revolutionary. WHEN TRADITIONAL SETTINGS HAVEN’T WORKED The students at our school need us. Their experiences in traditional settings have been disappointing, especially in terms of identifying and affirming their own potential. Which is why I make it a point to recruit teachers who need us, too. When interviewing, I ask them to tell stories about the teachers that impacted them. I ask them to explore these memories to discover that the central theme is usually how the teacher made them feel about themselves as learners. Yes, it is true that achievement in education takes more than students simply feeling welcome, capable, and motivated.

“Each day, i put myself in the mindset to cultivate excellence in the classroom by asking myself a simple question: what greatness will they accomplish today?” But you must start with this fundamental baseline as a springboard for higher achievements. Subject mastery and skill readiness are attainable only after we create a secure, positive, and meaningful learning environment for each student. When hiring teachers, we pay attention to how they demonstrate love and motivation while also attending to the more traditional modes of teaching. Specifically, we look for boundary setting (what we permit, tolerate, or prohibit), expressions of gratitude (“Thanks for correcting me,” or “Thanks for being so punctual today.”), unconditional positive regard, and critical feedback that is framed in nonjudgmental language. My team and I coach our teachers to use growth mindset language, increase student autonomy, create lessons and set goals based on the student’s interests, while embodying positive psychology. In addition to traditional measures of effectiveness, we also evaluate teachers

on whether or not they are attending to their students as people worthy of regard, esteem, consideration, appreciation, and attention. I believe – and I’ve seen it happen – that the truest measure of a good education is when it reveals the full capacity of a student’s potential and motivates them to pursue it. In education, there is the power to compute, the power to analyze, the power to remember and apply and create. But there is also the power to suspend judgment, the power to value difference, the power to forgive and fail and participate fully. To teach these requires great humility, infectious positivity, and a fervent belief in the majesty of each individual. Each day, I put myself in the mindset to cultivate excellence in the classrooms by asking myself a simple question: What greatness will they accomplish today?

•

This article was modified from its original publication on the ASCD InService Blog, found at inservice.ascd.org.

Joseph Thompson is the Head of School for Fusion Academy in The Woodlands. He has taught in a wide range of learning environments, from classical academies to experimental microschools to state universities. For more information about Fusion Academy please visit www.FusionTheWoodlands.com.

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• • • from dream to reality: female entrepreneurs |

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i•am magazine proudly shines a spotlight on a few local women who have bravely set out to accomplish their dreams of becoming successful entrepreneurs. We congratulate these women and wish them much success!

Dr. Christina Vu recently joined GROGAN’S MILL DENTISTRY and is a proud native Houstonian and Texas Longhorn. She graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a Biology degree and was inspired to follow the footsteps of her aunt, who “I chose dentistry because I want to make a is also her mentor, to become a dentist. She moved to Southern direct positive impact on someone’s life and California to attend Western University of Health Sciences College of Dental Medicine in Pomona, and after graduation, decided to part to me that starts with creating a beautiful with sunny California and move back to Texas to be closer to family. smile. A smile is truly the best accessory that She is an active member of the American Dental Association, Greater a person can own, and to be able to create Houston Dental Society, and Texas Dental Association. Dentistry is an that for someone is absolutely rewarding. evolving profession, so she takes continuing education courses every year to stay up to date with the latest information and technology in the dental field. ~Dr. Vu Her style of dentistry is to treat each patient as a family member, with respect and compassion, listen to your concerns, and create a personal treatment plan to help you reach your unique goals. Here at Grogans Mill Dental, our dental team will make your comfort our highest priority and you will be convinced that you have found your new dental home. 25210 Grogans Mill Rd., The Woodlands, TX 77380 • 281-298-5225 • www.GrogansMillDental.com

“I am constantly amazed at how much of a mirror children can be. I have learned so much about myself through them and now know the importance of understanding yourself. Through awareness, connection and communication, we can give our children the best start to a successful life and have the freedom to enjoy ourselves in the process.” ~Cherie Clark-Moore

In 2015, Cherie Clark-Moore founded BRAINCHILD PARENTING with the aim of supporting and empowering women and families to understand the power of connection and communication. Holding two undergraduate degrees in education and science & a M. Ed. Tech., Cherie Clark-Moore has worked extensively with children and parents since 2002. After having her twin girls in 2012, she obtained certifications in BabyCalm™, ToddlerCalm™ and Brain Education Leadership to further develop her knowledge base and serve her clients. Cherie believes parenting is made up of two parts — an understanding of the child and an understanding of ourselves. Through training and seminars, she focuses on helping parents understand more about themselves as well as emotional/ social intelligence — the key to raising successful, resilient children and being happy as parents. To find out more, contact Cherie at 832-283-2761 or Cherie@brainchildparenting.com. www. brainchildparenting.com • Facebook: www.fb.com/cherieclarkmoorebabycalm

Renee Harfield’s career in sales began in 1992, when she started working retail to put herself through college. It was a means to an end at that point, “Each day I am energized, inspired but quickly she realized that she could make the shift from ‘selling’ a and motivated to reach out to people in product to someone to becoming a resource for people. “This is what our community and learn how I can help I love. Each day I am energized, inspired and motivated to reach out them, even in the smallest way.” to people in our community and learn how I can help them, even in the smallest way.” She found BEAUTY COUNTER only a few ~Renee Harfield months ago and the timing of that introduction, as with most things in life, just worked beautifully. “Beauty Counter is truly a movement, one that I am proud to be part of. Ultimately, it speaks to how I think we really all strive to live…simply, honestly, safely and beautifully.” Renee is a Manager with Beauty Counter. To learn more, vsisit www.beautycounter.com/reneeharfield • 832-776-2886 • email renee at renee.healthybeauty@gmail.com www.i-ammagazine.com

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| defining your values • • •

Defining and Living

Your True Values story | Nina Shadi, MS, LPC “Our personal core values are there to guide behavior and choice. Get them right and you’ll be swift and focused in your decision-making... Get them wrong or leave them ambiguous, and you’ll constantly wonder how you got into this mess.” ~ Kevin Daum, best-selling author and entrepreneur

ith this quote, I think Kevin Daum nails why it is so important for each of us to put some thought into identifying our own personal values in life. Life constantly pushes and pulls us in different directions. Some choose to “go with the flow” and drift where the current takes them. For most of us, though, we do best with a compass of sorts to serve as a guide to help us live our lives with intention. Consciously defining our values helps us develop into the people we want to be; it helps us ensure that the paths we take support our happiness and well being. For instance, let’s say you value family, but your job has become more demanding over time and now keeps you away from them 70 hours a week. Your children are young so by the time you get home, they’re asleep. Eventually, you realize you’re only seeing your family on the weekends – two busy days needed to accomplish errands and anything you can’t do during the week. And you tell yourself that to provide well for your family, you have to live this way. But the truth is, you don’t. Living with intention means you have defined goals and when life spins you in new directions, you

make the choice about where you will go. CONSIDERING THE TRADE-OFFS In this scenario, perhaps in time, you begin to resent how your job has overtaken your family time; you may become depressed and feel disconnected. That’s when it’s time to sit down and take an honest look at whether the pay and prestige of the job is worth the sacrifice at home. You and your family may decide it is worth a short- or long-term sacrifice to continue enjoying your standard of living or a particularly fulfilling job – and that’s OK; you’re making a conscious decision and weighing the trade offs. Alternatively, you may assess the situation and realize somewhere along the way you turned down a road that took you away from

your most important values. This allows you to make a mid-course correction that will ensure you don’t wake up one day and realize you missed your kids childhoods. WHOSE VALUES ARE YOU LIVING? Our values give meaning and purpose to our lives. But if we’re not living by our own personal values, we end up living by someone else’s by default. Further, when there is a disconnect between our beliefs and our actions, that can be significantly distressing, both mentally and emotionally. Long term, it can even lead to problems like depression. Are you destined to live a life of someone else’s values? I hope not. Your life can be exactly what you want it to be, all it requires is that you to take some time to evaluate what

“there can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from things we do.” ~Freya Stark

Nina Shadi, MS, LPC, holds a BA in Psychology, MS in Mental Health Counseling and is a Licensed Professional Counselor currently working as a therapist with families and children in Minnesota. Nina is also the author and creator of With an Open Heart, a blog dedicated to creating moving content related to psychology, well-being, self-awareness, mindfulness, purposeful living, personal growth, transformation and more. For more information about Nina or With an Open Heart, please visit www.withanopenheart.org.

i•am 26 www.i-ammagazine.com

• • • defining your values | you want out of life, what you don’t, and what paths you’re willing to take to get there. DEFINING WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT Understanding why establishing personal core values are important is just the first step. The next step is to spend some time actually thinking about what these values are, and writing them down. It may be difficult to hone in on your top values, but I challenge you to do so. Start by brainstorming a lot of values, and you can whittle down to the most important ones later. If you prefer, you can start with the list I’ve provided at right – a table of 128 different core values to jumpstart the process. This is just a list of suggestions or common values. Please feel free to add to it as you wish. Step 1 – Go through the list and cross off any values that don’t resonate with you. Step 2 – Write down your personal top 30 values. Step 3 – Go through your list of 30, and narrow it down to your top 10 Step 4 – Now go through your list of 10 and write down your top 5 There are a number of websites out there that can help you digitally compile a list of your top values if you don’t want to write them down by hand. While in school, I had to complete an online exercise called the Card Sort Activity, which is very similar to identifying your top values. This one is more related to identifying your work values and how you want to structure your work/life balance, but it’s still an incredibly useful tool. You can find the information at http://media.capella. edu/CourseMedia/CPLU1100_CPL5100/ WorkValuesCardSort/workValues.html. I know it can be hard to narrow your beliefs into five top values, so don’t get too caught up in getting exactly five if it’s a struggle. But many of the values are strongly related and can be combined into categories under one “value.” For example, I put Friendships and Family into the same category, because it reflects a commitment to prioritizing personal relationships. REFLECT AND ADJUST AS YOU GO How will you know if you’re living your values every day? For each of us, this will be different, but try writing down some ideas to help you visualize successfully doing so. Taking the earlier example of the parent whose job had jettisoned out of control, you and your family can weigh a variety of approaches and go with what works for you. Maybe valuing family will mean leaving

that job for a less demanding job with similar income. It may require a move to a lower paying job that will mean changes to the household budget and scaling back the family lifestyle. Or it could mean continuing in the job and making some concrete plans for staying more connected with the children. Perhaps you leave letters and notes for them when you’re out of town on business, read a bedtime story by Skype, or re-prioritize your weekend activities to allow for several hours of pure, no-distractions

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kid time on the weekends. Remember, the process and the outcome will be different for every person. And this is a living document; as you grow and change, so may your values and your family’s needs – and that’s OK. What’s important is that you’re identifying your own values – making a road map for who you want to be and how you want to live – rather than living on autopilot. You decide how you will fulfill your values, and you decide when to make adjustments to the flight plan!

•

List of Personal Core Values Accomplishment Abundance Accountability Accuracy Achievement Adventure Approval Autonomy Balance Beauty Challenge Change Clarity Cleanliness/Orderliness Collaboration Commitment Communication Community Compassion Competence Competition Concern for others Confidence Connection Conversation Content over form Cooperation Coordination Creativity Credibility Decisiveness Democracy Determination Discipline Discovery Diversity Education Efficiency Environment Equality Excellence Exploration Fairness

Faith Faithfulness Family Flair Flexibility Forgiveness Freedom Friendship Frugality Fulfillment Fun Generosity Genuineness Good will Goodness Gratitude Hard work Harmony Healing Holistic living Honesty Honor Improvement Independence Individuality Initiative Inner peace Innovation Integrity Inteligence Intensity Intimacy Intuition Joy Justice Knowledge Leadership Learning Love Loyalty Meaning Merit Moderation

Modesty Money Nature Nurturing Obedience Open-mindedness Openness Optimism Patriotism Peace, non-violence Perfection Perseverance Persistence Personal growth Personal health Pleasure Power Practicality Preservation Privacy Problem solving Professionalism Progress Prosperity Punctuality Purpose Straightforwardness Strength Success Systemization Teamwork Timeliness Tolerance Tradition Tranquility Trust Truth Unity Variety Vitality Wealth Wisdom

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inspire

| survivor • • •

The Accidental Survivor Standing on the ledge of your life, contemplating the very real likelihood of having to journey on to whatever comes next offers perspective you just can’t get any other way. story | Dianne Witter

remember my first year of bone marrow failure in a haze; a series of images and feelings, a compilation of dreams, the main theme of which was, “This CAN’T be real!” When I slept – and I tried not to – I fell into disturbed dreams in which something nameless and terrifying was chasing me, or I was about to fall into a bottomless black pit. During the day, I often felt the same way, except the beast had a name. Going back and reconstructing that time is like unraveling a ball of string that has gotten hopelessly tangled in the back of a junk drawer. When I take the end of the string and begin to pull… my life during that time – my twisted, messy, unexpectedly interesting life falls out. Sixteen years ago, I was a 40-yearold divorced mom who had just moved to Houston from Atlanta to live near extended family to have a support system in raising my then-nine-year old son, Taylor. My cousin, who is like a sister to me, lived in Houston with her husband and two boys. Her parents, my aunt and uncle who had always been a second set of parents to me, lived in the same neighborhood. I had no idea at the time just how important that support system would turn out to be. I’d been having some health problems for a couple of years, which had been diagnosed as fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. In an effort to address some of the fatigue and brain-fog that is typical of fibromyalgia, I had left my job at a marketing agency to start my own freelance writing business. It had long been a dream of mine, and when an opportunity to work with several great clients on retainer arose, I leapt! And I loved it. THE EXHAUSTION WORSENS But even with a more flexible schedule, the exhaustion worsened. I think I realized, as we were packing to move cross-country, that this amount of brain-dead exhaustion might not be normal, even for fibromyalgia. I made a

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mental note to look into it when we got settled in Houston. Which I Taylor Hutsler’s 2015 Texas State graduation was a mov never did, and six ing milestone for mother and son. months later, I wound up in the Emergency Room a few days after Christmas, with menstrual hemorrhaging from an unknown MR. TOAD’S WILD RIDE cause. I write about health care a lot and am a Thus I embarked on Mr. Toad’s Wild pretty informed patient. But I knew next-toRide. Once it became clear that my problem nothing about blood disorders. I thought I was was much more than gynecological, I began a having an exceptionally heavy period. But when dizzying journey through doctors and medical I found I couldn’t even sit up without passing centers and blood work and transfusions and out, I knew it was time to go to the hospital. bone marrow biopsies. Though it wasn’t clear It was well past time, actually. When exactly what I had, it was clear that my body the blood work results came back, I overheard wasn’t making enough new blood cells to keep the lab tech in the hallway telling the nurses my up with the demand. And that, I knew, was a hemoglobin was “4 and some change” (4.2 to be really serious problem. exact). That meant nothing to me at the time, Another fortuitous circumstance of but from the nurses’ shocked expressions I knew having just moved to Houston is that it’s home that it was Not Good. (It’s hard now to imagine to M.D. Anderson, the nation’s top cancer a time that I didn’t know that was about 1/3 as center. With a tentative diagnosis of aplastic much blood as my body should have had.) anemia, I was sent off to see a hematologist It was to be several months still before oncologist at M.D. Anderson’s Leukemia I had a diagnosis. For now, the focus was on Center. I was lucky enough to get a doctor who getting the bleeding stopped. The first of many was not only at the top of his field, but funny, blood and platelet transfusions I would have sarcastic and irreverent (all qualities I prize in a that week was started. Fibroids were deterperson). He never minced words and I believe mined to be the probable cause of the bleeding, that, as much as anything, contributed to my and I had an emergency hysterectomy. surprising and unlikely longevity. It’s probably just as well that I didn’t And it really was unlikely. All three know then what I know now about blood blood lines were significantly suppressed and disorders. I didn’t know how big the problem stayed that way for the next six years. I was could be, so I wasn’t all that worried. Doctors and transfusion dependent – sometimes needing nurses word things so dispassionately that it can them as often as every week. My platelet count easily pass you by if you’re not ready to hear it. had plummeted to around 10,000, leaving my When my doctor saw me on rounds the blood unable to clot effectively and putting me morning after surgery, she said something like, at continual, serious risk of bleeding to death “The surgery went well. We did have a problem from something as simple as a nosebleed – or with getting the bleeding stopped, and that made from internal bleeding caused by nothing at all. for some tense moments.” A couple months later I lived on high alert, feeling like an in a high-stress operating room scene on Grey’s anchor was suspended above my head by dental Anatomy, one of the characters said, “Hurry; he’s floss that could give way at any time. Having going to bleed out on the table!” lived with the chronic fatigue of fibromyalgia Then, and only then, did it hit me in for some time already, I didn’t feel good, but the head like a brick. All of it. I didn’t feel much different than I usually did.

• • • survivor | “the psychological stress i was under was unbelievable. i was in the highest risk group, yet i looked completely normal, which was both a blessing and a curse.” But the psychological stress I was under was unbelievable. I was in the highest risk group, yet I looked completely normal, which was both a blessing and a curse. Traditional chemo drugs with extensive side effects weren’t appropriate for my situation; in fact most of my treatment was simply supportive care – there weren’t many options at that time. During this time, I got a medical writing job at M.D. Anderson. I had had to resign most of my freelance clients when I first got ill, never knowing when I could work or what I could commit to, and was by this time financially pretty devastated, though family and a few close friends had kept me afloat for awhile. Working where I was being treated just made sense - I was there a lot of the time anyway, and this netted me a salary, health insurance, and a view behind the scenes - a perspective few patients ever get. Co-workers knew I had some kind of blood disorder, but I was often sketchy on the details, not wanting to be seen as “dead man walking.” I was living, privately, at such high intensity and with such huge stakes, sometimes it was nice to be treated like just another co-worker. THEN I GOT THE BAD NEWS Things can always get worse. A bone marrow biopsy showed I’d developed chromosomal abnormalities that changed my diagnosis to myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS). With deletion 7q abnormalities and blood counts consistently dangerously low, I was in the worst prognosis category. I’d been living at high intensity for so long, I didn’t think anything could really alarm me. But running across the term “average life expectancy of three to nine months” turned my blood to ice. (Well, what there was of it.) Things got very real then. Time was on fire (to quote actor Evan Handler in his book “Time on Fire,” on his journey with leukemia). I was standing at the ledge of my life, looking over and trying to prepare myself for the leap. At that point, it gets really factual and common sense-oriented. There’s no sappy music playing in the background and no Greek chorus singing of tragedy (especially if you haven’t clearly communicated your situation to many people.) That’s the thing about living with a fatal disease. It can be a simultaneously thrilling and terrifying roller coaster ride each day, but it’s always authentic. There simply isn’t time for anything else. I caught myself musing that there should be a Frommer’s Guide to the Afterlife, and I wasn’t completely kidding. It’s not as scary when you’re right there looking at

it, and you can even make jokes. What is scary is what’s behind you, most importantly the son you’ve had an incredible bond with since birth. I was never afraid for myself, but leaving Taylor was unthinkable and unforgivable. (Yes, unforgivable. Don’t argue with me.) What I wanted from life squeezed down into one tiny, but huge and desperate, plea – just let me be there for him till he gets through high school. He was older than his years and he knew things were very serious, though we only touched on the topic of death a few times. I hated what my illness put him through, but I believe it was a big part of forging the responsible, caring man he is today. AND THEN I LIVED! At that time, there were no FDAapproved medications for MDS, though one, Vidaza, was nearing final approval. I participated in a promising vaccine trial, but it wasn’t helpful for me. I didn’t qualify for other studies, so my doctor applied for permission to use Vidaza for me on compassionate use, as it was the only possibility for me. I was on Vidaza for four cycles. By the fourth one, my counts pretty much bottomed out. They’re expected to get lower at first, and then rise. There was no rising. My platelet count was down to 3,000 when we decided the Vidaza must be doing more harm than good and we should discontinue it. We’d wait a couple months for my counts to come back up, and “revisit our options.” (I don’t think he really had a plan under “Options.”) Several months went by, then several more. My counts came up by excruciatingly slow increments. But they came up. And then up some more. I remember the joy of hitting a landmark 20,000 platelets for the first time in six years. It seemed like such a wealth and promise of life, that number which had once seemed so daunting and fearsome. It really is all in the perspective. For comparisons sake, a normal platelet count is between 200,000 and 300,000. I don’t know why I’m alive. By every estimation, I should not be. At the time, studies of Vidaza said it could extend life an average of nine months. I think I officially went into remission close to a year after taking Vidaza. And I’ve been in remission a full eight years now! I don’t know how, and I don’t know how long it will last. And honestly, I don’t really care. I feel like I won the bone marrow failure lottery. Or, as Taylor said, “Mom, you’re the luckiest unlucky person in the world!”

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“THE LUCKIEST UNLUCKY” The image of someone with cancer going into remission and magically living happily ever after, cherishing every day, is a myth. MDS has brought far-reaching changes to my life; it exhausted me physically, financially and emotionally. I am thrilled to be alive, but you don’t necessarily get your old life back; you get a different life with a new perspective. I had to give up my house; I’m on disability now and am pretty financially constrained. I still have fibromyalgia – which is much less dramatic, but causes more problems for me physically than bone marrow failure ever did. But I have stood on the ledge and truly accepted the reality of a journey forward from this life – something many people only do just before dying, if at all. Life doesn’t get more real than that, and that perspective gives me a peace and calm that some never find. Nothing much upsets me, because what’s the point? Very little of the stress and demands we surround ourselves with in life really matter. I pay attention to the few things that do matter. Taylor graduated from college last fall, and we celebrated with a mother-son trip to San Francisco. I’ve been there for the mundane things and for some really big, important things. He is 24 now, an adult, launching his own life and career. I’m so proud of him – I’m proud of us – for how we walked through fire and came out deeper, better people. Our relationship is one many parents would envy. My work here is done; anything else is cake. But then again, sometimes I find myself daydreaming…wouldn’t it be cool to be called “Grandma”? That would be cake and icing!

•

Dianne Witter is a contributing writer and editor for i•am magazine. This article also appears in the spring issue of the MDS Foundation newsletter.

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Smart Strategies for Buying and Selling Your Home

elling your home can be very stressful and overwhelming. Many home sellers make the mistake of overestimating the value of their homes by 5% to 10%. It may not be noticeable in a sellers’ market but can cause problems when home values are not as strong and inventory is high in your local market. A qualified Real Estate professional can help you determine a fair market price through a current market analysis of your area based upon homes that are similar to yours and have sold within the last 90 days. KEEP IN MIND • Homes that have not sold in a reasonable amount of time are most likely overpriced. • Setting the price too high is not wise. Most buyers will need financing and the bank will only loan up to the appraised value of your home, as determined by recent sales in your area.

Kiki Koymarianos, MBA, GRI, CDPE

727-244-2680 (cell) | 281-591-9372 (direct) email: Kiki@KikiSellsTeam.com www.KikiSellsTeam.com 1401 Woodlands Pkwy, The Woodlands, TX 77380

C. Renee Wilson, President

713-480-5046 (cell) | 832-871-5280 (direct)

HOW TO GET THE HOME YOU WANT email: C.Renee@UtopiaRelocationServices.com www.UtopiaRelocationServices.com • Talk to a mortgage professional to determine your loan options. 700 Milam, Ste. 1300, Houston, TX 77002 • Hire a trusted Real Estate professional to discuss your needs and preferences and to assist in buying your dream home without over paying. • Be prepared to pay more for a move in, fully updated home than for a fixer-upper. • Location is always a key factor in purchasing a home. Buy a home that will appeal to a larger 3.5” x 2” number of buyers when it comes time to resell it. “Better Senior Living Choices” Kiki Koymarianos, MBA, GRI, CDPE, is a Realtor of Keller Williams and holds a dual real estate license in both Florida and Texas. In the state of Florida she has been a Realtor since 2004 and a Real Estate Broker since 2007. She has her Masters in Business Administration and is a graduate of the Real Estate Institute (GRI), a Certified Distressed Property Expert (CDPE) and a Certified Forclosure Specialist.

Do Women and Men Invest Differently?

en and women may have different investment styles — which may show up in the investment results.

Pam Tipton

Diane Witt Nielsen, Certified Senior Advisor

Financial Advisor 832-482-8594 (direct) . email: DianeN@CarePatrol.com 18001 Hwy 105 W Suite 212 www.CarePatrol.com Montgomery, TX 77356 936-582-4142

Pam Tipton, Financial Advisor

936-582-4142 email: pam.tipton@edwardjones.com www.EdwardJones.com 18001 Hwy 105 W Ste. 212, Montgomery, TX 77356

For example, men tend to invest more aggressively, which could lead to excessive risktaking, although it’s also true that the greater the risk, the greater the potential reward. By investing more conservatively, women may limit their losses, but they could also be limiting their gains. Here’s another difference between the genders: Women, when investing, are more likely to look at the “big picture.” Instead of focusing strictly on performance statistics, they tend to delve deeper into their investments’ background, competitive environment and other factors. This quest for additional knowledge may help explain why all-female investment clubs have achieved greater returns than all-male clubs, according to a study by the National Association of Investors Corp.

Tammy Schroder, Business Development Manager 281-364-1500 email: tschroder@veritastitlepartners.com www.VeritasTitlePartners.com

1644 Research Forest Dr., Ste. 140, The Woodlands, TX 77381

Neither men nor women have a monopoly on positive investment behaviors. Each gender can probably learn something from the other. This article was written by Edward Jones for use by your local Edward Jones Financial Advisor.

Pam Tipton began her Edward Jones career in 2011 as a financial advisor in Montgomery, Texas. Today, Edward Jones serves the community from 58 convenient locations. She is an active member of the community serving as Chairman of the Board of the Montgomery Area Chamber of Commerce. Pam has been in business and civic affairs in Montgomery County for many years and is a member of the Rotary Club of Lake Conroe and volunteer for LCARW.

Malisa Floyd, Insurance Agent The Floyd Agency

281-303-5733 email: mfloyd@allstate.com | www.allstate.com

4200 Research Forest Dr., Ste. 330, The Woodlands, TX 77381 www.i-ammagazine.com

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support

| charity calendar of events • • •

Give back and get involved! Take part in one or more of these upcoming charitable events...

May 1, 2016 • 8 am – 11 am Cars and Coffee for a Cause

Presented by The Woodlands Car Club At Market Street Proceeds benefit Montgomery County non-profit organizations 281-363-2977

May 6, 2016 • 11 am – 1 pm Women Empowering Women Luncheon

Benefiting Interfaith Community Clinic Presented by Houston Methodist Hospital At the Westin Hotel, The Woodlands www.interfaithcommunityclinic.org

May 6, 2016 • 6 pm – 11 pm “Betting on Courage” Casino Night, Dinner & Fundraiser

At The Woodlands Waterway Marriott Hotel and Convention Center Benefiting Children’s Safe Harbor To purchase tickets or inquire about sponsorship please call Dr. Victoria Constance at 936-756-4644 ext. 235 or email at victoria.constance@childrenssafeharbor.org www.ChildrensSafeHarbor.org

New Patient Special Exam, X-rays, Prophy Cleaning

281-298-5225

www.GrogansMillDental.com

May 7, 2016 • 10 am The Pink 5K

PPO preferred provider for Aetna, Cigna, Delta, Metlife, United Healthcare, Carrington, BC/BS, Guardian, Humana, GEHA plus many others!

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info@i-ammagazine.com | 512-739-0596 magazine

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Benefiting Breast Cancer Charities of America At Creekside Park, The Woodlands Register at www.thebreastcancercharities.org/pink5k/ 936-231-8460

May 7, 2016 • 10 am Children’s Memorial Hermann Iron Kids Texas Fun Run

at Town Green Park Benefiting Children’s Memorial Hermann Hospital Register at www.ironman.com

May 7, 2016 • 7 pm – 11 pm Couture for a Cause at The Club at Carlton Woods Benefiting American Cancer Society www.Couture.Montgomery.org

• • • charity calendar of events |

support

May 9, 2016 Montgomery County Food Bank 6th Annual We LOVE irresistible Golfing in the Woods Tournament

products. Benefiting Montgomery County Food Bank From smiling skin care At the Panther Trails Course to colorful cosmetics, Mary Kay offers products Register at www.papercitymag.blacktie-houston.com/ women love, and I can help online_sales/rsvp_ticket_purchasebt.cfm?rsvpid=321 you find your new favorites!

We LOVE irresistible products. From smiling skin May 13, 2016 Contact me care to colorful cosmetics, Montgomery County Go Red for Women Luncheon to discover more. At The Woodland Waterway Marriott Hotel and Mary Kay offers products Convention Center Benefiting American women love,the and I can Heart helpAssociation Register at https://ahahouston.ejoinme.org/ youMyEvents/20152016MontgomeryCountyGoRed find your new favorites!

We LOVE irresistible products. From smiling skin care to colorful cosmetics, Mary Kay offers products women love, and I can help you find your new favorites!

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Contact me 21, 2016 • 9 am to discover May more.

Kristi’s 2nd Annual 5K and Kids 1 Mile Scholarship Run At The Woodlands High School Benefiting 2 deserving TWHS High Steppers and the MD Anderson Cancer Foundation Register at http://kristihuerter5k.wix.com/2016

May 21, 2016 • Registration 8am; Walk 9 am Angelman Syndrome Foundation — Houston Walk At Rob Fleming Park in The Village of Creekside Park Benefiting Angelman Syndrome Foundation Register at www.angelman.org or 1-800-432-6435 For more information, contact Debbie Sukin at debrasukin@yahoo.com.

June 6-12, 2016 Wine and Food Week

Presented by HEB Benefiting New Danville Community www.wineandfoodweek.com

We LOVE irresistible Contact me to discover more. products. From smiling skin care to colorful cosmetics, Renee Devine Independent Beauty Consultant Mary Kay offers products women love, and I can help you find your new 832-704-3877 favorites! grdevine@sbcglobal.net

Contact me www.marykay.com/rdevine3 to discover more.Enriching Women’s LivesTM

My child is STRUGGLING!

Where’s the ANSWER? Reading Comprehension Through Spelling & Phonics AFTER

BEFORE (Reading/writing at a 2nd grade 4th month level)

30 hOuRs OF TuTORing (Reading/writing at a 3rd grade 1st month level)

June 18, 2016 • 12 pm – 12 am 2nd Annual Hometown Hoedown Cornament At Robb Fleming Park Benefiting the Texas Sentinals Foundation 281-719-6392

June 27, 2016 Mutts and Putts Tournament

At The Palmer Clubhouse Benefiting the Fixing Montgomery Program and Lab Rescue To register, contact Laura McConnell at btelles1@yahoo.com For charity events that support a non-profit, serving to support the health and wellness of the community, please email event information to info@i-ammagazine.com for consideration in an upcoming calendar. We will make every effort to include all charitable events, space allowing.

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give back |

caiden’s hope • • •

Caiden’s Hope Foundation:

Easing the Burden for Parents of Preemies story | Cathy Brown

ine months of preparation is the story of every expectant parent. You contemplate baby names, get the nursery prepared, read all the parenting literature you can find. Tiny clothes should be washed & at the ready. Ensure mom’s bags are packed and dad knows the quickest route to the hospital. Contractions. Hospital. More contractions. Push. Breathe; some hours later, your bundle of joy has arrived. But what if things don’t go as planned? What if complications arise…like an early delivery? What if there are medical problems? Where will you stay while your baby is in the NICU? What if you have to be out of work longer than expected. What do you do if your baby is premature and expenses are more than you can handle? It’s a problem that’s not all that rare. According to the March of Dimes, during 2015, approximately 1 in 10 babies were born preterm (before 37 weeks pregnancy). While some have relatively minor complications, others require extended stays in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). JENNIFER’S JOURNEY That is what happened six years ago to Jennifer and her newborn son, Caiden. Jennifer was seven months pregnant and left work early because she wasn’t feeling well. She thought getting some rest would help. It didn’t. Eventually, Jennifer went to the doctor and then on to the hospital, where Caiden was born that day and promptly whisked away. Nurses told Jennifer not to get too attached to Caiden as they didn’t think he would live past two months. Once Caiden’s condition was stabilized he was taken from Ventura, California to the UCLA Children’s Hospital. His grandparents journeyed with him while Jennifer followed as soon as she was able. That was just the beginning of Jennifer’s journey. Not only was she a mom facing grave concerns about her newborn’s health, there were financial concerns as well. In addition to the inevitable pile of medical bills, she would be incurring living expenses of staying near the hospital – lodging, food, frequent trips back and forth to the hospital, parking fees. All things a parent should not have to worry about while watching her baby covered in wires and surrounded by beeping machines. Ultimately, Caiden was diagnosed with

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LEFT: Caiden today, age 6; ABO VE:

A preemie in the NICU.

Lodging, food, gas, parking fees – theses are things a parent should not have to worry about while watching her preemie covered in wires and surrounded by beeping machines. CHARGE syndrome, a rare condition which involves a number of life-threatening birth defects, including complex heart defects and breathing problems. Babies with this syndrome usually spend many months in the hospital. CAIDEN’S HOPE This experience was the genesis of Caiden’s Hope, a non-profit organization (501-C3) begun by Jennifer’s parents, Eddie and Terry Call, and their long-time family friends, Wayne and Sharleen Keller. Caiden’s Hope provides assistance to families of preemies to allow them to focus on their baby and not have to worry about some of the day-to-day financial details. The organization helps in many ways, including help with hotel expenses, gas cards, car seats, parking and meals. According to Wayne Keller, families in need can talk with their hospital case worker, who can put them in touch with Caiden’s Hope. “We are the bridge between the immediate need and the insurance companies, Medicaid or before a big charity can help out,” said Wayne Keller. The organization is always happy for donations. At present, their greatest need is providing gas money for the families. In addition, they are looking for corporate support to help with the

cost of over-nighting gift cards to families. The organization recently received recognition through the television show The Voice’s contestant Mary Sarah, who is their ambassador. She connected them with a mom in Ireland who hopes to be able to assist Caiden’s Hope with support in Ireland, Scotland and the United Kingdom. And this is their goal — to not only help families across all 50 states, but to take their mission abroad. Caiden is now 6 years old. He recently took his first steps on his own without the aid of a walker. He and his parents are like so many who experience the unexpectedness of a premature birth and resulting disabilities. Their story is remarkable…filled with tears, laughter and hope. You can be a part of their journey. To find out more about events and how to donate to Caiden’s Hope, go to www.caidenshope.org or join them on Facebook or Twitter.

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Cathy Brown is a wife and stay-at-home mom with one son. She was formerly a consultant in the market research industry until being diagnosed with MS and leaving the corporate world behind. Today Cathy enjoys blogging about her passions and beliefs through her site www.deepbreathes.wordpress.com.

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