I C E N I N O R F O L K
ISSUE 105
Focus On: New Beginnings
Welcome To Iceni Magazine, “Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you’ll be glad to remember.” Anne Sullivan Welcome to Issue 105 of Iceni Magazine! This month’s focus is on new beginnings as we head into another new year with quiet optimism. An abuse survivor shares how she moved on from and accepted her past relationship on Pages 35 - 37, advising the ABC steps that might help others who find themselves in a similar situation. Tom from See What Mummy Says reflects on his and Becca’s 2021 resolutions. Do you think they succeeded? Find out if you’re right on Pages 40 and 41. Elsewhere, find out what we at Iceni HQ got up to in December – it was a very busy month for us, but we managed to balance fun and work (page 13). The Best of Norfolk images celebrate our fine county from the beginning to end of 2021 (Pages 21 - 27). Finally, Susan Leigh discusses why it’s important to talk in order to relieve possible tension and prevent confrontation ending terribly on (Pages 14 & 15).
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CONTRIBUTORS Becca Hamling, Jill Roberson, Keri Beevis, Matt Porter, Missy Hitchcox, Patrick Arundell, Susan Leigh, Thomas Hamling, Tim Barnes-Clay, Vicki Lowes, Yellow Mysteries Entertainment.
Page 3 Image Benjamen Terry - www.definedetail.com
Until next issue, Happy New Year to you all. We hope that 2022 brings you hope, joy and good health.
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Contents 48
pages
Full of absolute dynamic
creative content!
14
35
STOP THE SILENCE
ACCEPTING AND MOVING ON
And Start To Talk
From An Abusive Relationship
18
30 13
A NEW YEAR New Business Goals?
06
The Benjamin Foundation Monthly Update
08
Iceni News Tickets For Thursford
11
“You Reap What You Sow”
Iceni Columnist Keri Beevis
13
Iceni HQ In December
14
Stop The Silence And Start To Talk
16
The GadgetMan Review Descript With Overdub
18
Motoring Review Volvo V60 T8 AWD
20
Nova Silver New Year, New Beginnings!
21
Best Of Norfolk Readers Images
29
Focus On: New Beginnings
30
A New Year New Business Goals?
32
An Attitude Of Gratitude: How Being Grateful Can...
35
Accepting And Moving On From An Abusive Relationship
VOLVO V60 T8 AWD Polestar Engineered Review
38
Reflecting On 2021 Although Christmas Was...
40
See What Mummy Says 2022
42
A Brave New World… It Seems To Me That...
44
Iceni Asks... What Has Been Your Most...
45
Just For Fun 'Resolution To Murder'
46
Iceni Horoscopes What Do Your Stars Hold?
THE BENJAMIN FOUNDATION
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Issue 105 2022
The Benjamin Foundation For over 25 years, children, young people and families across Norfolk and Suffolk have been supported by The Benjamin Foundation to overcome big challenges in their lives. Each night, we accommodate up to 180 vulnerable young people, equating to over 50,000 safe nights’ sleep a year. They can finally feel safe from youth homelessness. Each week, 150 young people access our emotional wellbeing support improving their mental health, increasing their self-esteem to finally feel understood.
Each year, over 250 young people attended our youth work in the community to gain new life skills, expand their horizons and finally feel confident. Overall, in the region of 2,000 local children and young people every year finally feel hopeful of a better future because of the work of The Benjamin Foundation.
Thank you for your Christmas support!
Christmas can be a difficult time of year for many of the young people supported by our charity, so we were thrilled that our annual Christmas Gift Appeal was once again wonderfully supported by local individuals, schools, community groups and businesses who were keen to ensure children and young people receive a gift this festive season. In fact, the meeting room at our Norwich office was packed to the rafters with the most amazing selection of gifts!
We were pleased to distribute presents for young people in our housing and homelessness services, young carers, and young people supported by our youth services too. Here is what some young people told us: “If you don’t have any family or friends, it’s nice - it puts a smile on your face.” “I feel happy – it’s nice for people to help others.” “It’s quite nice to be thought about, even if they don’t know who we are.” We want to say a huge thank you to everybody who supported our Christmas Appeal in 2021, including our long-term supporters Clapham & Collinge Solicitors who generously match-funded the first £2,000 of monetary donations to the appeal.
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THE BENJAMIN FOUNDATION
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Issue 105 2022
Supporting young people in 2022 Every single day of the year, vulnerable local young people need extra help. With your support, they can find hope, opportunity, stability and independence and finally feel hopeful of a better future.
Could you be a Fundraising hero for The Benjamin Foundation in 2022? Perhaps you would like to support a new charity in 2022, your workplace would like to get involved with some CSR activities, or maybe you have a fundraising-related New Year’s Resolution? However you would like to be involved, we would like to hear from you. Please get in touch on events@benjaminfoundation.co.uk
Need some ideas? Here are five ways you can help young people to finally feel hopeful in 2022:
• Set up a regular donation on our website benjaminfoundation.co.uk - from just the cost of a coffee and a cake each month, you can make a difference to local lives. • Fundraise by holding your own activity or event: Take on a sporting challenge, steps challenge or a virtual quiz – the possibilities are endless! • Buy or donate furniture to our stores. We have stores in Norwich, King’s Lynn, Holt and Dereham. Find more information on our website. • Support us through your workplace Corporate Social Responsibility programme • Take part in our fundraising events, such as Sleep Out or Gaming for Good - get in touch with us on events@benjaminfoundation.co.uk to learn more!
Save the date! We are pleased to be taking part in ‘Gaming for Good’ again this year in partnership with End Youth Homelessness (EYH) and other EYH member charities across the UK. Gaming for Good 2022 will take place between 12th and 26th February, so whether you’re fabulous at Fortnite or a master at Monopoly, we would love you join in! Contact events@benjaminfoundation.co.uk for more information. Twitter: @icenimagazine
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ICENI - NEWS
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Issue 105 2022
Tickets For Thursford Christmas Spectacular 2022 On Sale Now
Credit: AboutGracePR
Tickets for Thursford Christmas Spectacular 2022 went on sale at 0900 on Friday 17th December at www.thursford.com/christmasspectacular. With 82 performances planned for the 2022 run which is more performances than ever before, audiences will flock once again to Europe’s largest Christmas show which will run from 8th November - 23rd December 2022. “This is, quite literally, as spectacular as it gets” Daily Telegraph This year’s award-winning production, which unfortunately had to be cancelled before it came to the end of its festive run, was seen by 112,000 visitors from all over the world (including guests from as far as Texas) who have
flocked to the tiny Norfolk village for this annual festive treat. Set in the midst of the world’s largest collection of steam engines, mechanical organs and fairground rides, Thursford’s opulent Christmas spectacular is performed by a cast of 130 professional performers, many of whom have come directly from the West End in this three-hour show-stopping bonanza featuring a wide range of music, dance and comedy, with many more surprises along the way. This glittering, tinsel-packed variety show has been entertaining visitors of all ages from across the globe since opening its doors on Christmas Eve more than 40 years ago in 1977. Seen by nearly 6 million people and regularly attracting up to 50 coaches a day from far and wide, the team installed a brand-new lighting experience to ensure that this year’s beloved and highly anticipated family-run show brings bucket loads
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ICENI - NEWS
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Issue 105 2022
of Christmas cheer to audiences who missed out last year. This family-run annual festive treat is delighted to be re-employing around 360 dancers, singers, musicians, variety acts, technicians, wardrobe teams, ushers, caterers and production staff. It was with great sadness that last year was the first time since opening its doors, that the show was unable to happen. Lighting up the Norfolk countryside this festive season this year was an extraordinary selection of acts includes ITVs Britain’s Got Talent finalists, the brilliantly eccentric and energetic British-Armenian comedian Kev Orkian who introduced the world-class acrobat Billy George on the Cyr Wheel and juggling double act Bibi and Bichu. Returning to the stage was renowned theatre organist Phil Kelsall on Thursford’s Mighty Wurlitzer (one of the largest remaining Wurlitzers in Europe and the centre piece for the
Credit: AboutGracePR
show) and the gravity-defying duo Delfina & Bartek also featured in an acrobatic spectacle. The creative team includes John Cushing OBE (Producer and Director), Benjamin Ellin (Musical Director and Conductor), Tracey Iliffe (Choreographer), Peter Savidge (Casting Director), Jonathan Smith (Musical Orchestrator) and Stephen Adnitt (Designer). Nestled in the beautiful Norfolk countryside, visitors once again had the opportunity to experience the truly unique Thursford Collection which also includes The Enchanted Journey of Light, a magical walk-through experience for all ages. Replacing the full production in 2019 due to the pandemic, this indoor wonderland trail of steam engines, kinetic fairy-tale characters and an immersive light and sound experience led to a 4-acre Lantern Light Extravaganza of beautiful and breath-taking outdoor luminous sculptures, from a fantasy forest of jungle animals to the wilds of the North Pole. For more information, visit: www.thursford.com Thursford, Fakenham, Norfolk NR21 0AS 01328 878477
Credit: AboutGracePR
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ICENI - COLUMNISTS
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Issue 105 2022
Goodbye 2021 There were many changes for me in 2021, but undoubtedly the biggest one was moving house. When our chain collapsed in November, I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen, but then as we headed into the final month of the year, Above: Keri Beevis contracts were exchanged and I am at last in my new home. Which for the first week was like moving back to 1986. Yup. Who is the idiot who didn’t bother to check the phone signal before moving? It seems I have moved to a mobile dead zone. So, with no phone and a five-day wait for the Wifi to kick in, I was well and truly off the grid. Luckily, there was loads to do and the boxes that needed unpacking just kept on coming. So, what has Keri learnt about moving house? 1) I turn into Frank Spencer on moving day. I kicked off by literally kicking over a tin of paint. All over my kitchen floor. Once the mess was cleared up and the offending tin moved outside, I then tripped over the wet paving stones while taking rubbish to the bin, landing on the wrist I broke earlier this year and bashing my nose on the edge of the paint tin. As I sat and nursed my bloody nose, I marvelled that at least the metal plate in my wrist held up. Just call me Bionic Beev.
been catastrophic if moving day hadn’t made both my girls constipated. 3) I have a lot of stuff. Seriously, I thought I was a minimalist type of girl, but apparently I own about eighteen sets of bedlinen and don’t get me started on the amount of loo roll I’ve had to find space for. (I would just like to point out that I did not contribute to the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020. I think I just got confused in the weeks before moving and didn’t realise how much I had). At least my bottom will be wiped in the event of flooding, snowstorms, nuclear war or the zombie apocalypse. 4) Alexa has made me lazy. Yes, okay, I know I was already lazy, but I think I have reached a new level of laziness. With no Wifi, I went proper retro and dug out my iPod (which was actually a pleasant change, as I forgot how many songs were on it that I haven’t listened to in ages). Sitting on the sofa though, with pusses on my lap, there were the odd tunes I wanted to skip. I kept forgetting that my iPod didn’t respond to ‘Alexa, next!’ 5) Every day, my mother morphs more and more into Simon Pegg’s mum in Shaun of the Dead. She spent most of moving day worrying about the removal men eating her sandwiches. 6) I am never moving again. Moving is stressful and also hard work. My bum cheeks have never ached so much. Luckily, I love my new house and once I am organised, I think I am going to be really happy here.
2) Despite thinking I was organised with my box packing, it took me four days to locate many ‘essential’ items, such as the TV remote and my wine corkscrew. My mother also helpfully ran off with Ellie and Lola’s poo bags, which could have
Wishing all of you a very happy 2022. My new book ‘The People Next Door’ is available in Kindle and paperback and also audio from January 2022. Follow me on Facebook or Twitter for more information.
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ICENI HQ
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Issue 105 2022
Iceni HQ - In December December is a busy month for the Iceni Family. Two important birthdays - Colin’s just before Christmas and his eldest son’s halfway through the month.
Our second night in Brighton, his birthday, we headed to Alcotraz - an immersive prison-based cocktail experience. So much fun and completely different to anything else we have done!
An airsoft birthday party at Battlestation Activities for the 12-year-old was an enormous success. The guys there are so friendly, and it’s excellent value, too!
I managed to have a quick paddle in the sea before we returned to our home, Norfolk.
We managed a getaway just the two of us for Colin’s birthday and headed the Brighton. It’s been a long time since we had time by ourselves, and the seaside is most definitely our happy place.
Christmas itself has been lovely, and we’ve been blessed to spend time with all five of our children. It’s always hectic when our household is jam-packed with all seven of us, but we appreciate our precious time together. We hope your December has been as memorable as ours... hopefully our January will be a little calmer - find out in February’s issue!
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STOP THE SILENCE
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Issue 105 2022
Stop The Silence And Start To Talk
How many of us hate the thought of any whiff of confrontation? It’s often a scary, unnerving prospect, as we cannot know in advance how we will be received, what will be unleashed or what the outcome might be. Work, at home or with friends can sometimes have undercurrents or escalations of tension that may have simmered and remained unspoken about for some considerable time. But keeping silent can bring its own complications and issues, as not speaking out may be interpreted as silently giving permission for things to continue as they are. ‘You should have said’, ‘why didn’t you say something?, may be comments justifiably levelled at us if we eventually disclose that we’ve long been unhappy at the way things have gradually evolved. There are several things that can contribute to our apprehension at breaking the silence and starting to talk. Apprehension might manifest
about inadvertently saying the wrong thing and causing friction or even appearing foolish, unintelligent or ignorant. Could our words be misconstrued and add petrol to an already inflammatory situation, resulting in messy consequences? Another concern may be about opening a ‘can of worms’. Once said things cannot be unsaid and verbalising how something made us feel may prompt the other person to have much to say, resulting in a barrage of comments, examples and much stored-up resentment that’s been festering awhile. We may end up regretting that we said anything at all, though our desire to air our feelings and hurt was valid and justified. Even so, stopping the silence and starting to talk does bring a situation to a head and means that issues are more likely to be dealt with and addressed. Of course, the other person has also got to be prepared to participate, but if they choose not to engage and instead stay silent and unforthcoming that can frustrate any chance of resolving matters.
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STOP THE SILENCE
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Some positive tips to stop the silence and start to talk. ● Get used to speaking up and hearing your own voice by practising having opinions on ‘safe’, more generalised, less emotive topics, like local news and events. Improve your confidence levels by suggesting interesting events to your group or by sharing informed views on what’s happening locally. ● Practise speaking in a variety of settings. Appreciate that many people also have concerns as to how they’ll be received, what others will think of them when they tentatively voice their opinions. Joining in conversations will enable those relationships to benefit. ● In your personal relationships, start by conversing with each other, properly discussing what’s happening in each other’s lives rather than simply delivering domestic updates about the shopping list or children’s diaries. Maybe go for a walk while dinner is cooking or when the children are busy with an activity. ● Sooner rather than later is best. Avoid silence becoming the norm, a default habit, by aiming to regularly set aside time to talk, share and discuss any issues in your relationship. Even minor niggles benefit from being talked through, as it’s often the small items that eventually irritate the most. ● Listening is important. This means staying quiet long enough to let the other person process their thoughts and find what they want
Issue 105 2022
to say, no matter how inelegantly it’s phrased. Avoid the temptation to second-guess or finish each other’s sentences! ● If one person has a better vocabulary, is quicker-thinking or is perceived to be better at arguing or more intelligent it can feel intimidating to be in a ‘clearing the air’ discussion with them. Lacking the confidence to proceed or feeling wary can inhibit any useful attempts at conversation, particularly if there’s no attempt to converse on a more level basis. Be sensitive to any perceived inequalities. ● Beware of using too many examples. If your partner cites a particular problem, try to avoid responding with justifications and examples as a way of explaining yourself. Instead, practice empathy and learn more about how they’re feeling and why. Accusations, recriminations and retaliation merely rehash old wounds and rarely improve a situation. ● Don’t underestimate the positive role gentle, affectionate humour and self-deprecation can play at these times. Both can make valid, helpful points in a light yet significant way. Investing in important relationships means making time for each other and demonstrating mutual respect, so that everyone feels able to speak, share the good and bad in their lives and enjoy a quality, supportive level of communication. In doing this, you stop the silence and start to talk!
Article By Susan Leigh Susan Leigh, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support. For more articles, information or to make contact please visit: http://www.lifestyletherapy.net PAGE
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THE GADGETMAN
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Issue 105 2022
Descript With Overdub, Creating A Podcast Using Machine Learning Since the beginning of lockdown, I’ve been playing around with an extremely neat suite of software from San Francisco based tech company Descript. Descript offers an enormous amount of functionality for media creatives, bloggers, vloggers and training companies by providing an all-in-one solution to solve problems in the creation and editing of audio and video material. These tasks are performed by the provision of screen recording, audio and video editing and audio and video transcription, but the single most amazing feature is called Overdub, and it completely steals the show! Overdub is a system that can change written language into spoken words; it allows for the
selection of a number of different voices and ‘mood’, such as ‘stern’, ‘happy’, ‘sad’ or even more. However, it sets itself way above existing systems by allowing the digitisation of your own voice. It does this by running you through a series of training lessons where you dictate a pre-written script. This is then uploaded and processed to create your own individual digital voice which benefits from a strict signup process to ensure your voice remains yours and yours only. In order to record a good copy of your voice, you will need to make sure you spend a bit of time setting up your computer in advance, preferably in a place that isn’t going to cause too much echo. I found piling up a few cushions around you works well. The resulting Overdub version of your voice is only going to be as good as the
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THE GADGETMAN
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Issue 105 2022
‘ahs’ from the recording. This gives a nice professional result. But, what if I want to change words within my recording? For instance, if I have made a mistake and mispronounced a guest’s name or got a date wrong? Or, I might want to add a completely new section to the audio? This is where your digitised voice comes in. I can edit words within the transcript and after a few seconds, my transcript is changed, placing the new words or phrases into my recording. recording, so it really is worth while taking some time to prepare in advance. Once you have completed the training and uploaded your voice, there is a short wait to allow Descript to process everything. If this completes successfully, you will be able to select your own voice from the drop-down Overdub voice menu.
This is not simply a matter of splicing a word I may have recorded in my training, it is in fact creating entirely new sounds using my voice as its fingerprint! I have spent many hours creating content using Descript and found it incredibly useful and fun for my day-to-day editing, even without using Overdub.
At this point, you might be wondering why we would even want to digitise our voices. In my case, I record a large amount of audio for my podcast. I can then import this audio into Descript, which it converts to text, linking each word to a chunk of an audio file.
You can try out Descript and Overdub for free at this link https://descript.com?lmref=oXwjHg or scan this QR Code
I can then edit the text by removing unwanted audio, such as ‘fillers’ or ‘ums’, ‘errs’ and
Happy New Year and see you next month! Matt www.thegadgetman.org.uk
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MOTORING REVIEW
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Issue 105 2022
Volvo V60 T8 AWD Polestar Engineered Review
By Tim Barnes-Clay. Follow on Instagram: @tbarnesclay and Twitter: @carwriteups. The V60 gets better. In my opinion, no other estate car is as handsome as this. And in Polestar Engineered guise, the Volvo is like a chocolate box with a surprise layer under the first lot you scoffed. The estate car fits three people across its rear seats comfortably. I should know, I’ve got three kids, and they’re the first to complain if they’re hemmed in. The front passenger has oodles of room too. And as for the driver (that’ll be me), you can sit for hundreds of miles in the V60’s armchair-like driver’s seat without feeling like you need a walking frame at the end of the journey. The four-cylinder turbocharged and supercharged petrol engine, along with a 65kW
electric motor, give the V60 T8 enough oomph to get it to 62mph in just 4.6 seconds. And that’s kind of cool because the car looks like a “normal” estate car from some angles. It’s only the gold brake callipers, tyre valve caps and gold seatbelts that indicate it’s something rather special. It’s lower than most V60s too, but in many ways, it’s a “sleeper car” - i.e. a vehicle that has potent performance and an otherwise unassuming exterior. Add electrification into the mix, and you have a family wagon capable of quiet, electric-only motoring for short town trips, or, as we’ve found, for the school run. Add the electric motor and petrol engine together (hybrid mode), and you can get up to 134mpg. The car
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MOTORING REVIEW Issue 105 2022
will run happily enough without electric juice, but you won’t return much more than mid-30s mpg. That’s no surprise - the petrol-propelled internal combustion engine is turbocharged and supercharged. So far, I couldn’t think of a better mix of what I need from an estate car. It looks good; it fits my family - i.e. a family of five - it’s got grunt and barely emits much C02 (48-56gkm). It can also beat most other “regular” cars off the lights - giving most boy-racers a bit of a shock. It’s weirdly satisfying when that kind of situation arises. But perhaps, more than anything, the Volvo V60 carries the maximum five-star safety rating from Euro NCAP. That’s what I like to hear when transporting my kids around. After all, they’re the most precious cargo in my world. Fast Facts • Max speed: 112 mph • 0-62 mph: 4.6 secs • Combined mpg: 113.0 - 134.4 mpg combined, WLTP • Engine: 1,969cc, four-cylinder turbocharged & supercharged petrol + 65kW electric motor • Max. power (PS): 405 • CO2: 48 - 56 g/km • Price from: £53,300 PAGE
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NOVA SILVER
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Issue 105 2022
Nova Silver New Year, New Beginnings!
As we welcome in this New Year, many of us are in need of some wonderful new beginnings to reinvigorate our lives. One of the countless things we can do to bring this positive new energy into our lives is to wear some beautiful crystal pieces which will symbolise and attract the transformation we’re creating. Here at Nova Silver, we have researched some amazing suggestions for crystal companions this New Year. Moonstone, with its luminescent hues, holds a deeply feminine, intuitive energy which provides a gentle guidance when creating great changes in our lives. Many ancient cultures, including Greeks and Hindus, believed that this stone held trapped moonbeams which would, in times of need, guide them along their path. In fact, this legend earned Moonstone the nickname “The Traveller’s Stone”. Moreover, this eye-catching crystal has been celebrated as a great attractor of success, illuminating ones positive qualities and providing sparks of inspiration. Overall, Moonstone is truly a wonderful crystal for anyone looking to find their path. Labradorite, an equally eye-catching stone with its deep blue-green flashes, is commonly referred to as the “Transformation Stone”. The energy of perseverance and powerful grounding qualities of this stone aid its wearer in maintaining a clear and peaceful mind as they traverse the trials of change in their life. Furthermore, Labradorite is associated with the energy of the Crown Chakra, a symbol of higher thinking and spiritual expansion. Thus, the Labradorite stone is said to encourage a person in the pursuit of their highest aspirations and help to break through any sense of limitation. This is undoubtedly the ideal energy to be carrying as you seek out new beginnings this New Year.
Contact Details:
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Email: info@novasilver.co.uk
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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 105 2022
Best Of Norfolk 2021- Through The Lens Of Our Readers Thanks to the wonderful photographs shared by our followers on Facebook, have a look at these marvellous images of our stunning region from the whole of 2021.
Helen Chapman - Sunrise At Long Stratton
Hannah Marie - Horsey At Sunset PAGE
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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 105 2022
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Kyle May - Foxglove In Thetford Forest
Paula Summerhayes - Aldeburgh
Rachel Lambert - Luminate At Sandringham PAGE
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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 105 2022
Brett King - Wells Beach, North Norfolk
Iain Day - Sunset In Norfolk PAGE
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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 105 2022
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Vicki Lowes - Beetley Wood Umbrellas
Jill Watkinson - Norwich Cathedral From Cow Tower
Brett King - Wells Next The Sea, North Norfolk PAGE
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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 105 2022
Nadine Gray - The Bear Shop In Norwich
Leigh Caudwell - Noctilucent Clouds Visible From Trimingham At About 11pm
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BEST OF NORFOLK Issue 105 2022
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Paula Summerhayes - Aldeburgh At Night!
Alex Harvey-Jones - Norwich Cathedral
Gavin Jaynes - Costa Del Cromer Sunset PAGE
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BEST OF NORFOLK
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Simon Rudd - Felmingham
Issue 105 2022 Maria Holloway - Hackford
Sheila Denny - Cromer
Sheila Denny - Norwich City Hall
To be in with a chance of having your own photographs featured in the future, look out for our regular Facebook posts where you can add your images. Alternatively, send an email with your image and caption to: submissions@icenimagazine.co.uk PAGE
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Focus On: New Beginnings
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A NEW YEAR...
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Issue 105 2022
A New Year, New Business Goals? Many businesses have had to face some serious lessons throughout the last eighteen months or so, often being forced to rethink their strategies in some detail. Quite a few of those valuable lessons anticipate being carried forward into the 2022, and whilst some will have been tough to learn, often they’ve involved a process of reflection and analysis. In many cases, those insights have gradually been accepted and appreciated for the revised priorities and perspective they’ve brought into life. How are you looking forward to the new year, what will your focus be? The year ahead promises to be a time of greater flexibility, with quicker thinking, adaptability and receptivity at the forefront of any planning. Being ready with quick responses to new opportunities or prepared to adapt when the situation yet again shifts has been an important acquired skill, learned as many of the old ways of doing business have changed.
A positive approach to new ideas and methods of working has been a fundamental component to survival and any eventual success throughout this time. Being able to quickly jump onto a request and, for example, deliver online courses or reroute the direction of products, goods and services, as happened with farmers diverting supplies from hospitality to supermarkets, or adapting business meetings to be held online instead of in person, has meant that some businesses have thrived and had unexpected success. Staff wellbeing has to be very much considered, with the implications of many staff returning from furlough or having worked very different hours, often from home. Many staff will have had to juggle home schooling, the stress of being distanced from family members or had financial or health concerns throughout this time. No one has been unaffected mentally, physically or financially. Returning to work requires some sensitivity, as staff get used to dealing with things they may have never given much thought to before. Travelling for work, deciding how to dress,
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coping with the varying demands of each day; things that have never been issues may now surface as issues as the return to work has to be faced. Some co-workers may have found their priorities to be quite different from the last time you were together and some may prefer continuing carrying out some duties from home. It can require a period of negotiation between staff and the demands of the business to find a solution that accommodates all. Extended home working involves checking that the appropriate software is installed, with data security, staff training and capabilities all important priorities. Continued investment in staff relationships is important, so that all feel part of the team, as well as measuring performance and accountability. It’s important to maintain a team dynamic, especially when working from home. Staff support may include regular meetings, updates, training sessions and an open-door policy where you listen to what they have to say. Staff are a major asset and overhead in many businesses and may have valuable suggestions and ideas to contribute. Giving them responsibility for implementing their ideas may re-inspire their commitment to work. Team building is an important consideration, but whilst some teams enjoy group activities others many prefer a more softly, softly approach. Even socialising together may have to be carefully managed, with some staff preferring a convivial, more restrained restaurant meal,
Issue 105 2022
whilst others want drinks and a party vibe. Being aware of each other’s wants and preferences is an important step in listening and supporting your staff whilst rebuilding your business’s vision for the coming year. Customers may also have different priorities, demands and expectations. In hospitality customers, may prefer to continue with table service rather than queue at the bar to order. Customers may, in general, adopt a more cautious approach and prefer a less noisy atmosphere, want healthier options, a more environmentally friendly approach to business, less plastic packaging. Some may prefer the convenience of trading and communicating online. Where do you feature on your list? If you neglect yourself and become unwell, who will be the person to replace you at the helm? If you don’t look after you who will? Taking care of yourself must be at the top of your list of priorities, because you may well be both the business and the brand, the vision behind it all and most certainly have a presence that’s important to your customer base. This coming year promises to be a year where enthusiasm and flexibility succeed. People still want and need to trade and do business, especially with providers who listen to them and provide excellent client care. Adapting and finding your new normal gives you the opportunity to reflect on what works well for you in every way, as you look forward to a positive new year ahead.
Article By Susan Leigh Susan Leigh, South Manchester counsellor, hypnotherapist, relationship counsellor, writer & media contributor offers help with relationship issues, stress management, assertiveness and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and provides corporate workshops and support. For more articles, information or to make contact please visit: http://www.lifestyletherapy.net PAGE
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AN ATTITUDE OF...
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An Attitude Of Gratitude: How Being Grateful Can Boost Your Mood What does it mean to be grateful? Having just experienced a semi-normal Christmas, saying thank you for presents we are gifted is the norm as well as an expectation. However, being grateful goes way beyond giving thanks on occasions. What is an attitude of gratitude? An attitude of gratitude consists of not taking the everyday for granted, rather considering everything in our lives that make them easier or better. Remembering the little things as well as the enormous ones is essential. Imagine waking up one morning... it’s raining outside, and you don’t really fancy going into work as you have period pains. It would be so easy to focus solely on the negative, setting yourself up for a difficult day.
Rather than concentrating on those things, instead give thanks for the gorgeous umbrella you bought on your trip to Italy that will keep you dry, your hot water bottle in its cosy koala case and the Feminax you keep in your top desk drawer at work that will help you get through the day. No one is saying that toxic positivity is the answer. In fact, that will do more harm than good in the long run but remembering that it’s not all bad can really change the path of your day. Can it help boost my mood? Yes! Embracing an attitude of gratitude can absolutely boost your mood. Watching TV, we are bombarded with adverts encouraging us to continue in our pursuit of the perfect lifestyle. It is the same with
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AN ATTITUDE OF... Issue 105 2022
magazines, photographs on social media, even the stories our friends and family members tell us. Being bogged down by our constant battles to make our lives perfect, we often neglect what we already have and how wonderful those things are. Some people find that writing down three things every day to be grateful for, as part of their mindfulness habits, improves their mental health and wellbeing. Expressing gratitude boosts happiness of both the person giving thanks and the one receiving it, so essentially, you are helping others out with this, too. Taking the time (I know... we are busy people, too!) to sit down and write a thank you letter when someone has gone out of their way to help you or for an unexpected gift, for example, will immediately help you feel better. With improved mental health comes a wealth of other physical health benefits. You may find you start to sleep better and are much more prepared for the day to come, leading to improved efficiency at work, for example. How do I incorporate gratitude into my everyday life? I’m not going to lie... I don’t have a journal and I rarely write thank you letters. However, I do ensure that I take time to reflect on my day. Sometimes, I stand in the shower, grateful for the heat and pressure of the water, allowing me to enjoy my time getting washed. Regularly, I take the time to tell my daughters how precious they are to me, even though they might have been somewhat annoying, and they benefit from this, too. Life is far from perfect, but I am blessed to have so many positive things in my life... focusing on these reminds me of how much I’ve changed and definitely boosts my mood. PAGE
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POSTPONED
to later this year (dates TBC), see FB link below: https://www.facebook.com/ KieferSutherland/videos/215762260731024
MOVING ON
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Issue 105 2022
Accepting And Moving On From An Abusive Relationship For many years, I didn’t really realise that my relationship was different to most people’s. Most of the time, I felt loved. Most of the time, I wanted to stay with him. Most of the time, things were pretty normal. Reflecting on our years together, I realise that the relationship was far from normal and toxic in many ways. One evening, early into our time together, I grabbed a new jacket I’d bought and was proud of finding in the Next sale and slung it on, ready to walk to a pub for drinks with friends. It was snuggly and warm, just what was needed for that evening when the bitterness lingered in the air. As we reached the destination, I noticed a double decker bus of people, most of whom seemed to be staring at me. I asked my partner if I had something wrong. He looked me up and down and then pulled the huge sale tag from my jacket sleeve and handed it to me. I
was mortified, but silly me, I was always doing daft things. Later, though, as he threw more alcohol into his system, he came close to my face and admitted that he had known about the label the entire time. As an anxiety sufferer, I had been reliving the walk from home to the pub all night anyway, but this revelation threw me completely. Why would you want someone you supposedly loved to feel humiliated? Of course, despite my confusion, I did nothing. I was in love, and he loved me. A few years later, we went on another night out with friends. After a few pints, he thought it would be funny to lift a mutual friend of ours and spin her around. In doing so, her foot collided with my head. The pain was instant, but he was not to blame. Silly me was too close to them walking and I should have realised what he was going to do. I left the night early because my headache wouldn’t disappear. One of my other PAGE
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MOVING ON
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friends accompanied me. He was unwilling to cut his night short for me. So, while I was no Liz McDonald from Corrie with bruises all over (this image always used to spring to mind when people talked about domestic abuse), doubt certainly crept in as to how genuine his feelings for me were and why he felt it was acceptable to treat me in the way he did. Even writing this down now, I fear that some will read it and judge it to just have been silly mistakes on his behalf, but when occasions like this become increasingly frequent and you start to pretend to be asleep after he’s had a drink or two, that is not a normal relationship. It’s a dysfunctional one. After having children together, my mindset shifted, and I felt obliged to be protective and strong for them. However, in doing so, I let my boundaries slip and he continued to drink heavily, treating me appalling when he did. One night, violence crept in. I was frozen with
fear. He screamed abuse at me, tried to strangle me with his tie and spat in my face, telling me what a horrid human being was. I knew no one would or could come to my rescue, so I curled up in the corner, petrified that I would never see my children, who were sleeping upstairs at the time, ever again. A year and a bit after that, he left me. I was broken. I thought that I was with him forever. Gradually, however, I emerged from the whole mess and became a new person altogether. There certainly is life after an abusive relationship, though I tread very carefully and consider things differently as a result. My ABC really helped me to process and move forward with my life. Acceptance For a long time, I was unwilling to accept what had happened to me. Because it didn’t fit the typical abusive relationship that was so often portrayed on TV and in films, I thought I was
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MOVING ON
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“ I knew no one would or could come to my rescue, so I curled up in the corner, petrified that I would never see my children, who were sleeping upstairs at the time, ever again. ”
being stupid. Acceptance allowed me to move on, but that only happened after the break-up. Boundaries Having children together means that I still must encounter this man on a regular basis. However, putting boundaries firmly in place means that things are done on my terms with how comfortable I feel. For example, I drop the children off at his house rather than having him come to mine. That way, I feel safer. I do not enter his property at all. I also put boundaries in place for future relationships, too. Of course, not everyone will treat me with the same lack of respect as my ex, the fear is with me, naturally so. Ensuring that I do not settle for less than I deserve is important to me. Connections My friendships suffered as the result of this relationship. He was somewhat jealous that I
had people to talk to and he didn’t. After the break-up, I reconnected with a lot of my friends and this enabled me to move on far easier than if I had attempted to do it entirely alone (although the initial part of the separation required that!). There is no right or wrong way when it comes to moving on following a toxic relationship. It’s time to put your own needs first for a change and ensure that you get what you deserve from life. For anyone facing similar difficulties, please seek help and get out when you feel able and ready to. • Leeway Domestic Violence and Abuse Services: 24 Hour domestic abuse helpline 0300 561 0077 • National Domestic Violence Helpline: offers 24/7 support and advice to Women https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ 0808 2000 247. PAGE
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REFLECTING ON 2021
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Reflecting On 2021
Although Christmas was adequate as the year drew to a close, I’m sure most of us glancing back over the events of 2021 would change at least one aspect, if not many. Entering into the last year, uncertainty, unpredictability and adversity once again became an unheralded part of everyday living. And what stands out the most to me, is how tiresome it feels to continually adjust from one situation to another. Everyone has felt exhausted - I’ve heard enough first hand accounts to be confident in this statement. We are all tired. Tired of listening, tired of worrying, and tired of this fluctuant manner of living. A break is needed. And not the type achieved by taking a PCR and hopping on a plane to face foreign uncertainty. I need a constant. Many have found themselves in a professional grey area during the past two years, and my role in the beauty industry has been no exception.
The instruction to stop work altogether, in exchange for inequitable income, felt like a violation. The contrast of not working at all, followed by manically working, was a difficult adjustment in itself. And the discontinuity of permission to provide income for myself and my children, has left a lingering sense of work apathy. And while I’ve grappled with feelings of professional insignificance, I have felt similarly about my role as a home educator. Children were sent home from mainstream schools with online support and zoom classes, while very little was mentioned by government with regards to home educated children. A significant number of children remained in schools and early years settings throughout each lockdown, but even the smallest homeschool classes and groups felt pressured to close. And due to lack of support, many have
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REFLECTING ON 2021
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Issue 105 2022
ceased to restart. It has been a lonely time for homeschool - for adults and children alike. We were pushed into a lifestyle rut, and left to pull our way out of it. With the beginning of each new year, I feel mindful to place emphasis on wellbeing and happiness above all else. And in these uncertain times, I’m scrapping the notion of future resolutions, and simply considering what I can do right now to set some positive changes into motion. If big changes feel out of reach, it doesn’t matter - the smallest change can have the greatest effect. Here are some ideas for keeping a peaceful mind, for anyone else feeling overwhelmed by last year’s various impositions. Think freely Without sounding irreverent, I believe it’s more important now than ever to trust our own judgement, especially regarding personal situations. With so much current media focus on choice and truth (or compliance and lies),
we should make our own choices and seek what we believe to be true. Sometimes doing what we believe to be right can set a better path than listening to what we are told is right. Tune out the noise I’ll be listening to a lot less of the things I don’t care to hear about. With some strong opinions floating around, I will continue doing whatever I personally decide is best for myself and my children, and I encourage each family to do the same. Even if it means being subject to scrutiny or disagreement (something most homeschool families become accustomed to). Remove the pressure I’ve recently reaffirmed my belief that a child’s education doesn’t have to ‘look’ a certain way to be a suitable education. Just as everyone has commented on the resilience of children during the dullness of the pandemic, the fluidity with which they learn and acquire understanding deserves just as much recognition. I’m reducing the pressure I place on myself to teach, and for them to learn. It’s a natural process, and one I trust. Likewise, I’m removing the sense of pressure I feel with regards to work. I place enormous value on motherhood, time, and each new day. And while I strive for independence and success in my self-employed business, it shouldn’t cost happiness or incur guilty feelings as a parent. I want to work to live, not live to work. With wellbeing and happiness in mind, I hope these things find their way to every one of you in 2022. Happy New Year.
Article By Missy Hitchcox Missy Hitchcox is a Norfolk mother of two. She has a background of English Literature and Creative Writing studies. Her professional career has centred on the Beauty industry, and she now home educates her children. PAGE
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SEE WHAT MUMMY SAYS
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Issue 105 2022
At the end of last year, our Iceni column took a look back at 2020 and chose three priorities for 2021.
So, I’m quite happy I can give that a tick and look forward to more of the same in the New Year.
Strangely, my thoughts as I approach the end of this year are very similar to last and it feels as though another lockdown is looming, although fingers crossed it won’t be for four months like at the beginning of this year.
The second of my three goals for 2021 was to exercise more. Well… this started far more positively than its finished. In the first four months of the year, I was working from home, and the workload was less than if I was at work so I had some spare time. I used this time to cycle, joining some strava groups to keep me motivated. At first I struggled to cycle a small 5km but by the end of March, I was happy to cycle 30km and enjoy it. Things were looking up and I had even managed to lose a few pounds.
The first of my goals for this year was to continue spending more time with the family as I had enjoyed the time at home when the pandemic first appeared. My working hours have stayed predictable and consistent meaning I’ve managed to be home earlier in the day and with set days off, have managed to plan ahead for time with the family. Obviously, restrictions have still hindered some plans. Most notably, a trip to Florida that had been booked for three years and most recently, The Polar Express Christmas train ride was cancelled due to the new variant. However, even with these cancellations, we’ve spent time together throughout the year, gone out for days, made memories and even managed a little holiday after travel restrictions lifted.
However, I must admit that when I went back to work, I struggled to find the motivation to take the bike out and my exercise dropped dramatically…and it hasn’t really recovered. I really enjoyed cycling and need to get back on the bike in 2022, alongside running again as the delayed Run Norwich will soon be upon us and I would love to better my previous times. It started so positively, but did not end well… don’t think I can mark that goal as complete!
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SEE WHAT MUMMY SAYS Issue 105 2022
The third and final goal was to rekindle old hobbies. For one of us, this has been more successful than the other. Becca has returned to netball! I’m so proud of her for doing this, after taking a huge eleven years out! She started playing again recently and has been really enjoying it. Thank you to Catherine for the gentle nudge of signing her up! I have talked a lot about returning to playing live music but so far this has been unsuccessful. I hope that live music returns as before, and I start playing again, and that I exercise more so I feel healthier and maybe lose a bit more weight. I can only really mark off one of my three goals as a success. However, if I had to choose only one, it would be that of spending time and making memories with the family. We hope you all have a happy and healthy new year. Thank you for reading. Tom & Becca X www.seewhatmummysays.com @whatmummysaysuk PAGE
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A BRAVE NEW WORLD
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A Brave New World… It seems to me that the two big stories this year have been Covid and the environment.
I saw an interview the other day with someone taking part in a demonstration organised by Extinction Rebellion.
As I write this, most topics of conversations are Covid related.
All the usual questions were being asked, “how does this action help the environment?”, “aren’t you just alienating potential supporters by causing disruption?” and I thought their response really hit the nail on the head. If major change doesn’t take place soon, inconvenience is going to be the least of our problems. The truth is continuing as we are isn’t a viable option.
This year, we have seen some awful examples of extreme climate incidents. The wildfires in the US and Australia, recent tornadoes (US), typhoons (Philippines), and ongoing coastal erosion caused not only by high tides but heavy levels of groundwater undermining cliffs around our coastline. This seems to have been a year when the environmental discussion seems to have definitively changed from questioning whether climate change exists, to how to best deal with it.
We all have to make changes and these changes will start from small actions which in their own right won’t have an impact. My first new eco habit was changing my skincare to a brand that genuinely is about as eco-friendly as it is possible to be. Through their
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A BRAVE NEW WORLD
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eco-advocate work, I’ve explored a much wider scope of eco-issues, which has resulted in: Only using cleaning/laundry products that have natural ingredients. Have at least one vegetarian meal a week (often two). Source as much of the family food locally and from responsible producers. Have gone nearly two years without buying new clothes - choosing secondhand instead. Without a doubt, the biggest barriers to making any changes, are convenience and mindset. We all live busy lives and the one thing that we often seem to have in common is lack of time, which is why many of us find it so difficult to make changes. Habits are by definition an automatic action and they are hard to break - but if you want to up the eco content of your life, they need to change. So how? Identify why you want to make the change - not necessarily the big picture - but what makes it relevant to you. If you can really tie yourself into the change you are more likely to succeed in making it stick in the longer term.
Acknowledge what stops you from making the change - is it time/money/energy knowledge and think of ways you can overcome those barriers. Be prepared - by recognising the situations or circumstances where you’re most likely to fall back into bad habits, you can plan ahead and head off those ‘CBA’ (can’t be *****) moments. Don’t allow them to ambush you. Tell others about what you’re doing. By saying it out loud you’re making yourself almost accountable to more than just you. You never know you may find that they’re thinking along the same lines and you can support each other. Set yourself some modest targets/changes and maybe review every couple of weeks. What has worked - why has it? What hasn’t - why? Adjust how to deal with it and move on. Being more eco isn’t about sacrifice or being ‘holier than thou’ but it is about living our lives in a way that reduces the negative impacts we have on our environment. As a recent by-election shows, when a large body of people all move in one direction changes can happen…. Welcome to your brave new world. Happy New Year. Article By Jill Roberson @jillecoqueenliving (on FB & Instagram) PAGE
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ICENI ASKS
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“What has been your most memorable moment of 2021?” “Sadly, just before Christmas, one of our family members passed away. It was somewhat traumatic, and I don’t think the festive time will ever be the same again. 2021 will be remembered forever for this.” Freja
“I was diagnosed with an incurable illness in 2021. However, that’s not the most memorable thing for me – instead, it is that my family and friends have been the most incredible support to me, way better than I could have ever imagined.” Benji
“2021 saw live music return to my life in the form of Shed Seven at the UEA!” Paul
“I gave birth to my second child midway through the year. After a hideous 2020, this was the blessing we were looking for.” Grace
“Watching my best mate walk down the aisle... finally! It’s been postponed more times than we’ve been in lockdown, so it was hard for anyone to believe it would ever happen!” Christie
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JUST FOR FUN Issue 105 2022
Think you know the answer? Let us know via our Facebook page and we will reveal the answer at the end of the month. PAGE
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ICENI - HOROSCOPES
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Issue 105 2022
Horoscopes For January Aries 21 March - 20 April
Gemini 22 May - 21 June
Taurus 21 April - 21 May
Cancer 22 June - 23 July
Keen to move ahead? The start of this month is excellent for setting goals and planning. The New Moon on the 2nd can get things off to a great start. Mercury goes into reverse on the 14th though, so you’ll need to factor in the possibility of delays and stay one step ahead. Your sociable side sparkles from January 20th, as the Sun enters friendly Aquarius. You’ll enjoy the company of those on your wavelength. Someone may have some tips that will speed up progress. Ready to aim high? You’ll start 2022 as you mean to carry on, by making the most of available opportunities. And the New Moon on the 2nd could spur you on to make a bold move. Yet Mercury’s rewind phase from the 14th might cause a few holdups. The Sun’s presence in a highflying zone from week three, can be the perfect time to promote your talents. Hoping a key relationship will take a turn for the better? Venus stepping forward on the 29th may help.
You’ll be in the mood to solve problems, review ideas and streamline finances and business affairs. Have big plans? The New Moon on the 2nd can be an asset to getting them off the ground. As Mercury rewinds from midmonth, it helps to be prepared so that you aren’t caught out by unexpected events. Your thoughts can tend towards big plans and opportunities as the Sun moves into Aquarius on the 20th. Something fresh may beckon. Will you answer the call? While jovial Jupiter in your sector of opportunity brings inspired ideas, your focus is also on mending relationships and enhancing your connections with others. Make use of the New Moon on the 2nd for a fresh start, or perhaps to close a chapter on one connection, if this seems necessary. The days around the 17th could be emotional, with a Full Moon encouraging you to acknowledge your feelings and act on them. Need to let go of something? Now is the time.
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ICENI - HOROSCOPES
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Issue 105 2022
Leo 24 July - 23 August
Sagittarius 23 November - 21 December
Virgo 24 August - 23 September
Capricorn 22 December - 20 January
Libra 24 September - 23 October
Aquarius 21 January - 19 February
Scorpio 24 October - 22 November
Pisces 20 February - 20 March
Getting organised could help get the New Year off to a fabulous start. Streamline your routines and jettison any that aren’t accomplishing much. The same is true of your habits, Leo. The New Moon on the 2nd can be perfect for making some key changes. Relationships become important from the 20th, inspiring teamwork and bringing opportunities for romance and for spending more time with loved ones. Your intuition is spot-on, so let it be your guide when making decisions.
You may be ready to turn a hobby into a business, as the focus on your entrepreneurial sector encourages you to give it a go. Make a start around January 2nd, and your efforts could go from strength to strength. Mercury your ruler will turn retrograde from midmonth, so expect some delays and frustration. Finishing things well in advance will help. From the 20th, you’ll benefit from streamlining your routines. This also includes your wellness habits, Virgo.
As harmonious Venus will be retrograde until the 29th, you may be busy sorting out a family issue. On a DIY note, the urge to redecorate and get your place shipshape can be strong. With Mercury regressing, it’s not wise to buy or sell property though, Libra. Your leisure zone comes into focus from the 20th. It’s one of the best times for promoting your talents and for ramping up romance. As Mars enters Capricorn, consider decluttering and selling unwanted items for cash.
You’ll be ready to hit the ground running, as 2022 gets underway, Scorpio. The New Moon on the 2nd is excellent for moving on a key project. Whether you’re starting a blog, website or Internet business, this is an excellent time to go ahead. From January 20th, your home zone comes into focus, and you may be eager to purchase paint or other homely items in the sales. Mind, with lively Mercury rewinding, it might be wise to get a second opinion before you splash on the paint.
Busy getting your finances in order after the festive season? With dazzling Venus still in her retro phase, this can be a call to make corrections that could help you stay in control and save over the coming months. Keen to get moving on new plans? Mercury’s reverse phase from midmonth could delay matters, but as your perception shifts, you’ll see new possibilities. From the 20th, try to get admin sorted. Keen to learn new skills or get a qualification? Now is the time.
You’re ready to put the past behind you and start a new personal cycle. The focus on your sign, along with a New Moon on the 2nd, gets 2022 off to a sterling start. You’ll have increased energy and confidence, so take advantage. Buying big ticket items in the sales? With Mercury rewinding from midmonth, it pays to keep receipts and paperwork. Looking to enhance your income? From the 20th, this may become more of an emphasis. A new side-hustle could soon show promise.
2022 begins with the accent on your spiritual zone, encouraging you to put an issue to rest. Tie up any loose ends now, so that when the Sun enters your sign on January 20th, you’ll have cleared a space for new opportunities. You’ll be in your element from week three, and in touch with your identity and purpose. But go easy as Mercury rewinds in your sign from the 14th. It may be wise not to push ahead with a key project. Have no option? Be prepared for shifts and changes.
The New Moon in Capricorn on the 2nd, encourages you to be with kindred spirits and to join a group or club where you’ll feel truly at home. Companionship is important to you, so you may go out of your way to make new friends and find your tribe. Mercury turns retrograde from mid-January, which could connect you to situations or people from the past. It might be one of the best times to talk things over and find healing and closure. Watch your dreams too, Pisces.
Astrologer Patrick Arundell provides a unique take on Horoscopes and Astrology. Join him daily for your Daily Horoscope and his penetrating insight into this fascinating subject. Also FREE Horoscope Videos. PAGE
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