iCoach Issue 17: INTEGRITY by iCoachNetwork

IN THIS ISSUE... COVER STORY: The Truth About Integrity ... Lisa Manyon

The Soul Of Integrity ... Donna Higton

Go There First ... Amir Karkouti

Keeping Up Appearances ... Jamie Siv Rognstad

Create An Extraordinary Life With Love: A Life Altering Truth Of Integrity ... Marilyn Rodriguez

Sailing With Integrity (In Life) ... John P. Morgan

Integrity Starts With ‘I’ ... Karen Davis

In The Spirit Of Integrity... ... Craig Wyman

Imagining The Lies ... Stacy Nelson

Integrity As A Transformative Process ... Heather Doyle Fraser Be You ... Phil Goddard

A couple of FYI’s... Yes, it’s the small print! First off - none of the articles in this magazine, including the cover, were paid for. This is not and will never be a Pay-To-Pay because I am dedicated to supporting our membership first by promoting their awesomeness and to our readership second by delivering the best content we can. The advertisements on the other hand are either paid for by our sponsors or are affiliate links that will help offset the expense of publishing this monthly Magazine so we can keep it as free and easily distributable. If you have any comments or concerns, please contact our team at Info@iCoachNetwork.com

TruthTellingTogether It’s August 1st. I’m telling you this because the magazine should have been done and published already and here I am writing the Publisher’s Note. Each month we come up against obstacles, none more powerful than my own super-powered ability to procrastinate. I mean it’s summer... and I’m busy... and well, deadlines feel confining. THIS deadline feels confining, knowing that I promised each and every person that the magazine would come out today. But then that’s really the true test of my own integrity isn’t it. It reminds me of the simple promise of ‘Because I Said I Would’. I meet this deadline time and time again for one little reason because I said I would. With the last period of this letter I will hit publish. Without fail. There have been issues where the cover coach backed out at the very last second and I had to juggle around to find another. There have been issues where none of the articles were in on time. There have been issues where I stare at the screen and no words come out of my fingers onto the page for my own article. But for 17 Issues, iCoach Magazine continues to be published on time under the guidelines of that one little phrase ‘because I said I would’. What else can we accomplish in our lives by infusing that easy piece of integrity into every part of our lives? Would we take our kids to the park even if we have a headache? Would we stop to feel the sun on our face or hold hands with our partner more often? Would we be more loving? Would we stand up taller and stronger for ourselves and for others? Full Integrity... hitting that publish button because I said I would.

With Love & Light

Stacy Nelson, Founder iCoachNetwork.com

www.iCoachNetwork.com

“Everyone has integrity and integrity often means something diﬀerent to each one of us.”

THE TRUTH ABOUT INTEGRITY Your word IS your honor. This seems simple and yet it is rather complex.

“This calls out the absence of integrity or illuminates the clear presence of it. This creates the space to reconsider how you’re showing up in the world and let’s face it, not everyone is prepared to do the deep work it takes to own their integrity.”

Your words are the foundation of how you choose to show up in life. In fact, a thought becomes a bright idea and when put in writing, words turn ideas into action. That’s powerful. Your words are powerful. Your thoughts and your words are developed in accordance to your worldview. Your family, friends, the government, media, school systems, your individual experiences, and your interaction with society shape your worldview. Beyond that, your word revolves around your personal values. Your personal values are determined by the meaningful elements of your collective worldview that matter most to you individually. Your values then shape your integrity and they drive all that you do personally and professionally. In general, integrity means the quality of being honest and fair. As defined by Merriam-Webster, integrity means: 1) firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility 3

2) an unimpaired condition : soundness 3) the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness Here’s where things get interesting. Everyone has integrity and integrity often means something different to each of us. Since integrity is based on values that are VERY personal, you cannot guarantee that your values hold the same meaning for others. You also cannot guarantee that others have clearly identified their own values because this takes conscious awareness and actually rolling up our mental sleeves to do some deep work. This is where transparency is KEY. When I teach, coach and speak about “How to Create Marketing Messages with Integrity”, I get some resistance. People want to be real but when faced with looking at how their values influence their lives, personally and professionally, there’s often some pushback. Here’s why. First, some people assume I’m claiming that I have integrity and they may think that by claiming it I’m being disingenuous or egotistic. The truth is I’m not claiming to have integrity (although I do, we all do), I’m sharing a way for you and for others to tap into your own values and create integrity based businesses and lifestyles in accordance to what matters most to you. By addressing integrity, I give it energy. This calls out the absence of integrity or illuminates the clear presence of it. This creates the space to reconsider how you’re showing up in the world and let’s face it, not everyone is prepared to do the deep work it takes to own their integrity.

Second, many people have not identified their core values (or have not revisited them for a very long time). This can be uncomfortable because this means the impact and messaging from media, family, friends, community, church, colleagues, government and more, have shaped worldview. This means you may not have fully embraced all that you can really be. If this realization is uncomfortable for you, it’s a good thing because you can pause to consider what really matters most and clearly identify your values instead of allowing the collective worldview to shape you and your message as if you’re operating on autopilot. This also means that deep work is in order to reconnect with core values and critical thinking skills. The good news is you can build upon your own values and integrity whenever you choose and often our values change. So, even if you think you’re clear about your values, it’s a good idea to give yourself the time and space to revisit them regularly. As people we are ever evolving and as such, our values and integrity will evolve too. This is crucial because business is personal and there must be an energetic alignment between personal values and business values to succeed. With over two decades of experience in the marketing and advertising arena, I’ve discovered there are three KEY elements required when tapping into personal integrity (often one or more of these elements is missing, causing a huge disconnect and impacting results or lack thereof). 1. The first element is two-fold and starts with your VALUES. Your values directly influence your integrity. You must know what you value in order to share your value and add value to the 4

world. Once you are clear about your values you can use those values to create a personal mission statement and a professional mission statement. If your core values are not infused in your personal mission statement (how you show up in your everyday life) and your business mission statement (your big WHY for bringing value and being of service to the world) there will be an energetic disconnect that will impact your success in all areas of your life.. Once you’ve clearly identified your core values, you’ll be able to clearly tell your story with integrity. Your story will attract your ideal clients, clients who have similar values, worldview, and integrity. 2. The second element is about service and ideal CLIENTS. When you are clear about your values you’ll take action with integrity. By owning your story and being the REAL you, you will attract your ideal clients so you never have to chase not-so-ideal clients again. It’s that simple although it’s not always easy AND once you’re in alignment energetically, it will all come together. You’ll be able to clearly identify who you’re meant to serve instead of trying to force a fit based only on monetary gain. By attracting the right clients and being of true service you’ll also attract more abundance (and experience less headaches). 3. The third element is your WORD. Remember, your word is your honor. It’s true. Simply put you have to have the right formula to support your word, your worldview and your integrity. There are no cookie cutter solutions to guarantee riches or success. In fact, much of what we’ve been taught in the marketing, copywriting and advertising arena is antiquated and broken (often lacking integrity). This includes the problem, agitate and solve approach often used to manipulate clients to take action. Instead, I suggest a

new approach for all communications (marketing and otherwise). I suggest using my “Challenge. Solution. Invitation.™” formula. This offers a friendly approach to all communications based on values, integrity and true service. Here’s a simple way to apply Challenge. Solution. Invitation.™” formula to your life and your business. 1. Acknowledge the challenge. Be genuine and empathetic. Take the time to understand the challenges of your ideal client, friend or neighbor. When you fully understand and acknowledge the challenge others may be facing, you can begin to build relationships based on trust and integrity. 2. Offer a solution. Once you’ve identified the challenge you can clearly share your solution. This gives you an opportunity to honor your word by taking action to show HOW you can help. Hint: Sometimes your solution isn’t their solution. Don’t stop there. Consider your network and who might be able to help. Make connections to the right solution. 3. Extend an invitation. Be sure to let people know what to do next. By clearly letting people know about your solution with a friendly invitation, you empower them to choose the right solution (your solution or a connection to a solution in your collaborative network). Here’s the truth about integrity. Your values influence the level of integrity you possess. It’s often said that integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching. I believe that integrity is doing the right thing by collaborating instead of competing. There is not another you. You cannot be duplicated but you can be the best YOU 5

possible. After all, your word is your honor and often actions speak louder than words. What are you saying and doing? Is it all about integrity or something else? Lisa Manyon is “The Business Marketing Architect” a content strategist for mission-driven entrepreneurs. She’s the creator of the new marketing model for success as featured in Inc. Magazine. She teaches a relationship based approach to marketing with integrity with her “Challenge. Solution. Invitation.™” formula. Renowned for her Manyon Marketing Web Makeovers, Content Strategy Plans and website copy and strategy packages, Lisa helps clients build relationships, attract ideal clients and increase income online and offline (often uncovering unrealistic web expectations). Lisa’s innovative marketing vision and consulting techniques have doubled client engagement and opt-in rates quickly, generated over $40,000.00 in just one focused email campaign and produced over $75,000.00 in sales via a single launch concept.

Her big vision and ability to see all the pieces of your marketing puzzle allows her to help you reverse engineer your big ideas into tangible action steps to turn your dreams into reality. Lisa is a regular guest expert on Experience Pros radio, her philosophies are featured alongside visionaries Richard Branson, Jessica Jackley, Arianna Huffington and B Corporations like Ben and Jerry’s in the #1 bestselling books Wonder Women: How Western Women Will Save The World and Engage: Your Step by Step Guide to Creating a Workplace That You, Your Co-workers and Your Customers LOVE!. Lisa has presented at the California Women’s Conference, the Oregon Women’s Conference and beyond. She is available for speaking engagements and you can learn more by visiting her http://lisa.instantmediakit.com/. She offers free marketing resources on the award winning Write On Creative blog www.writeoncreative.com/blog and you can learn how to work with her here www.writeoncreative.com.

THE SOUL OF INTEGRITY

Integrity is an interesting quality – it’s defined as ‘high moral standards’ and ‘honesty’ – but to whose standards and what truth? For me, integrity isn’t about any societal moral standards or socially approved truth; it’s about aligning fully with my soul, holding myself to my own truth and my own moral compass. A compass whose true North is set by my soul, and simply points to ‘joy’ or ‘not joy’. That compass has been tested in my decade of business and coaching – the marketing advice that left me wanting to vomit, the clients I took because I needed the money, the connections and coaches I worked with that left me feeling inferior. It’s hard for me to admit ever being out of integrity with myself, because it feels shameful and wrong…but to pretend to be “Perfect Coach,” with Perfect Hair and a Perfect Past and a Perfect Track Record (all said in a Perfect British Accent) would be out of integrity for my soul. Coming into integrity with the core of yourself, with who you truly, deeply are, with your soul, is a process. It’s a process of first understanding

what your true North is – it could be love, peace, compassion, bliss, or as it is for me, joy. Joy is my true North – it is the highest expression of my being. It is the description of my soul. It is the essence of my purpose. Once you understand what your true North is, you can begin the process of aligning with that, and releasing all that is not true North. To do so, you will experience what is not true North, what is out of integrity, what is not truly you at a soul level. Some things, like the icky marketing advice, will make you feel physically ill – they are the opposite of your true North. Some, like taking a client to pay your bills, will just feel slightly off-kilter. This is perfect, because it allows you to define who your true soul clients are – those people you understand and can help at the deepest level. Being out of soul integrity is not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of – it is part of the process of discovering your integrity. If you’re perfect from the beginning, where is there to go? Where is there to grow? What can 7 you teach? What can you learn? How can you

empathize? When you’ve experienced the discomfort of being out of integrity, you can learn, grow, teach, learn, empathize, understand and move ever closer to your true North. It’s yours and yours alone to discover – to align with what’s right for you, what’s true for you, what your soul defines as integrity. For me, it’s joy, creation, dance breaks, authenticity, vulnerability, being powerfully me, laughter and Divine Connection. When I’m facing away from any of them, I feel discomfort, because I’m compromising my soul integrity.

From my soul to yours, may you find True North and live in integrity. Donna, better known as “Donnaonthebeach” helps women who KNOW there is more to life to fall in love with their lives, and make their Dreams a Reality along the way. She is currently feverishly finishing the second draft of her book “Fall I n L o v e W i t h L i f e ” . Visit http://www.donnaonthebeach.com to get on the exclusive beach list and be the first to receive the ebook free this summer.

GO THERE FIRST

“Be the coach you want to coach. Be the coach you want to hire. Today. Right now. This minute” “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed   is more important than any other.”  ~Abraham Lincoln

“Stepping into the world 100% vulnerable and showing them the side they are afraid to bring out of the shadows is impossible if you can’t go there first.”

I can’t count how many times I have met with coaches who want to “coach” others but don’t take the time and energy to step into the change they want to see in others. Coaching is not what most think it is. Coaching is a way of life. When my coach talks with me, I know he lives and breathes it. When I talk to my clients, they can see that I live and breathe what I am suggesting to them. I don’t give advice. I give them my clarity from the experiences I’ve created. Advice is cute. Stepping into the world 100% vulnerable and showing them the side they are afraid to bring out of the shadows is impossible if you can’t go there first. That doesn’t mean you need to have their problems, issues, or dilemmas. This means that you are ready to give them the arsenal; the dose of what it takes to get out of it—to get someone out of the rut, which is usually a self-illusion they have created. You won’t know how to deal with the self-illusion they have created if you haven’t taken care of your own selfillusions. If you are reading this and saying, “Oh, I get it, I’ll get to me later,”…you are making a grave mistake. You NEED to jump into the fire. You need to be high flame in your own relationships, your own wealth and health. 9

I am the best coach you can hire. Why? Because my partner will tell you that I am the best husband she could ever have. Because my family will tell you that I am the best son/brother they could have. Because my staff, my clients, and my business partners will tell you that I am the best associate they could work for. Because when something arises, I challenge it; I handle it like the leader I want my clients to be. Period. I am not afraid to say this to anyone. Are you? I know this may seem harsh. And it should. You are claiming to change someone else’s life. You are in a communion for a common goal. You can’t have one if you aren’t willing to pay for your share of the ride. It’s impossible. I want you to wake up and see your challenges and stand proud to know that you can handle them. I want you to stop having money issues so you can tell your clients the blood, sweat, and tears it took to be financially free. I want you to stop using your old beliefs to justify why you can’t be the best coach, so you can proudly, with 100% conviction, tell your clients to stop using their old beliefs. It takes full commitment and self-integrity. One of the definitions of integrity is of being whole and undivided. In others words, you have to step in and do your own work before jumping into to someone else’s world. It’s not a small thing to brush off. It’s the difference between an “ok” coach and a great leader!

they be proud to call you a coach? Would they want the world to see a day in the life of you? If it’s a NO…fix it! Be the coach you want to coach. Be the coach you want to hire. Today. Right now. This minute. Go there first. Your world will change and your clients will know you’re real. Amir Karkouti realized that coaching is similar to what he does for his father at least twice a month. Every once in a while, Amir’s father spends at least 10 minutes looking for his glasses. He looks and looks and looks, and I show up and remind him that it’s been on his head the whole time. My job as a coach is to remind you how amazing, brilliant and special you are. At times we can feel like we’ve lost those qualities. I get the pleasure of reminding my clients that they’ve never lost their true idea of themselves and to stop searching for them.

I recently sat with a coach and asked if he would hire himself for coaching. The answer was NO. That’s a problem. Why? Because your clients will see it, your clients will feel it, and so will you. Your results will speak for themselves. This doesn’t mean you won’t have problems in life. I have just as many problems as my clients. The importance is in the handling. How do you handle your problems? If your clients were flies on the wall, would they be in awe? Would they learn just by watching you day by day? Would 10

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES

Talk your walk I grew up in a really cool kinda scenery. We were a happy family, kinda rich and every Sunday when my grandfather was visiting, we had white tablecloths and napkins, crystal glasses and the nicest silverware. My mother taught us how to set the table and how to behave, in case we were seated at the Kings table some day (”you never know, so don’t laugh!”). Underneath all this, we were really poor. We hardly had food on the table, and my boots were a number too small, my feet were cold and I was freezing through every winter. My father was hardly ever home, he was always working to make ends meet. My brother and I got into really bad fights almost daily. However, as long as nobody knew, everything was okay. The facade was more important than anything else. The fact that I locked myself in my room and tied the key tight to the door knob so the door could not be opened, was something we just didn’t talk about. We kept up appearances and that was it.

As I grew older, I found more and more that this was really crazy, and that other families did NOT live like we did. At least most families didn’t. Before I was 3, I could spot a lie from mile’s distance. When I started school, I knew by instinct who had crazy lives and crazy families, and who didn’t. I often hear people say ”Walk Your Talk”. They say it and put it on boards for Facebook. They probably mean it too, but walking your talk is oh, so difficult! Isn’t it SO easy to talk about something and then forget to do it yourself afterwards? We know so well how things are supposed to be, but when it comes to making it, well, that’s a different story. So maybe it would be a lot easier for all of us if we’d Talk Our Walk, meaning we only talk about what we are actually doing, and not what we think is the right thing to do. In the Japanese Kanji Calligraphy, there are eight different signs for truth. The two shown here, mean YOUR truth (Shin) and THE Truth (Jitsu). So it’s the difference between what I believe to 11

be true, and what is REALLY true. Integrity is so important to me, I tattooed the two signs on the back of my neck. Do you say what you mean and mean what you say? Is your world real, or is it a scenery, a facade, made to please other people no matter what the inside looks like? After all, integrity isn’t only about your word. It is an entire concept of actions, values, principles, expectations, values, methods and outcome. It’s about who you are. About who you want to be. How you show up, and what you bring to the table. When we care about this, we can start living as whole people – with whole businesses. In integrity.

Shin Jitsu (truth and TRUTH)

Jamie Siv works together with her clients on realizing their life purpose by finding their gifts and talents. She uses the powerful tool of Archetypes, which, in a high vibration, contain all the gifts and talents that added up, point at the life purpose. Her webpage and Facebook pages are in Norwegian, however, Google is your friend, so Google translate anything you want to know. The sites will be in English before the summer.  h t t p : / / j a t i l m e g . n o  https://www.facebook.com/jatilmeg.no

“INTEGRITY is completion, wholeness   and love.”

CREATE AN EXTRAORDINARY   LIFE WITH LOVE:   A LIFE ALTERING TRUTH OF INTEGRITY

“Living a life of integrity is defined by how much you truly love yourself and how willing you are to go deep within... deeper than you have ever gone before.”

For years I struggled with feeling damaged. I firmly believed I was defective. I made countless choices rooted in my belief that something was seriously wrong with me. As a result, I created a messy life. It wasn’t until my son was born that I began to see glimpses of who I was meant to be. And that made me feel worse because my life was really off based on these insights I was having. So I started to run after those glimpses. I started to chase this vision of me. I failed miserably at times but I didn’t give up. I yearned and longed for HER and this vision of me that was emerging in my consciousness in small doses. I tried everything I could to get close to HER. I built a business based on what I thought SHE would want to express. I tried really 13

hard to be like HER. I hired mentors I thought would have the answers. I shared my gift with hundreds and thousands of people around the world. This vision of who I was meant to be was knocking on the door to my heart daily. Multiple times a day.

Abuse. Two not so near death experiences. And of course…raising a child alone. My God, what had I created? (I told you it was messy.)

Still… I was chasing the vision.

So the lotus flower became my symbol. Here I was climbing my way through the darkness, thanking God and the Universe for equipping me with such powerful tools to use for myself and my own healing. I kept my eye on my vision of ME… of HER.

My fundamental belief still was that I needed to be fixed. That something was terribly wrong with me. I didn’t realize it was there because I was too busy chasing something that I hoped would somehow magically fix me. You see, my pain was too much to handle. My heart hurt and yet I had to keep going because I had an infant to raise. A toddler to lead. A man to shape. So I committed myself to becoming HER. A woman who is unbreakable, solid, earthy, feminine, soulful, honest and LOVE. It sounded good. Little did I know that it would challenge every aspect of my being and my life. There were so many pieces of my life that were not aligned because I created them from my false beliefs of myself. My hands were full. My mind was about to burst. HOW do I let go? HOW do I do this…alone? I didn’t give up. I kept going every day. I was determined to figure this out. I was determined to embody my vision of who I was meant to be. There was no particular incident that woke me up. Rather, it was a series of life changing events that led me to go deep within. An airplane crashing a few houses down from our home. A severe day long tornado outbreak that wiped out towns and neighborhoods all around us. My grandmother dying. (Oh how I miss her still.) Divorce.

What if I became HER? What would that be like? How would I act? What would I say? How would I feel? I would be WHOLE AND COMPLETE. No brokenness. None of that. I would be like this goddess of love and light and fire and divinity rising up to contribute to the healing of this planet. My life would be lined up with this wholeness and completion. Everything would work. INTEGRITY is completion, wholeness and love.     LOVE would be my soul purpose. Ahhhh. LOVE. If I loved everything, even all of the messiness, then something would have to change for the better. I knew this and practiced it but not at this deep of a level. Loving everything meant LOVING ME and I was finally okay with that. So I dug in. I changed my hair, hired a new mentor that would ask me to be and do things that stretched me to my greatness and I started saying no to what I didn’t want and more yes’s to 14

what I did want. I still tripped and fell. But each time I learned more. I understood more about who I thought I was and who I was becoming moment by moment, day by day, experience by experience. My life changed rather quickly when I made the decision to love myself, be willing to be heard and seen and speak my truth no matter what. Living a life of integrity is defined by how much you truly love yourself and how willing you are to go deep within…deeper than you have ever gone before. Loving yourself allows you to create non-negotiable values that are aligned with your deep and profound sense of who you are. It affords you the space to be powerful and create your life in accordance to your SOUL’S TRUTH. It doesn’t mean that the journey will be pretty and sparkly all of the time. It does mean that you will feel more alive and in love than you have ever felt before. Integrity is rooted in the depth of your self-love. Your life will change. Your bank account will change. Your relationships will change. Your desires will blossom before your eyes. Nothing will ever be the same again. Integrity IS love in action.

more self-love because self-love creates a prosperous life of alignment, power, depth, fulfillment and magic beyond what you can imagine right now in this moment. And if you really want your life to change, dare to dream like never before. Dare to take the risk and leap into the next level of your life. Dare to love yourself so deeply and with such wild abandon that nothing in your life stands the chance of ever being the same again. Dare to love so deeply that you move yourself to tears in the process. Be daring enough to show up as the most loving and powerful version of yourself possible. Marilyn Rodriguez is your SOUL Mentor guiding influential and powerful leaders and visionaries to the truth of their soul. She has shared the virtual stage with Marianne Williamson, Lisa Nichols and Marci Shimoff as well as other spiritual leaders. A third generation healer, Marilyn discovered her gifts at an early age and continues to transform lives with her gifts. Marilyn is available for one-on-one transformational soul compass rose coaching by application, media interviews and speaking engagements. For more information, contact Marilyn Rodriguez at marilyn@themarilynrodriguez.com or 256-2589357.

So take the risk to love yourself more than ever before. Be willing to risk it all on your quest for

SAILING WITH INTEGRITY (IN LIFE)

When I was a little kid, I would go with my father to check on the houses he was building. I loved to explore the maze of timber sticks and breathe in the smell of sawdust. I remember one summer morning looking down a set of thin, temporary stairs that led into the basement. “Dad, I’m going downstairs,” I shouted into the shell of a house, hearing my voice echo. “No you’re not!”, he responded quickly. “Why not?” “Because the stairs aren’t in yet.” “Yes they are!? I can see them!” “Those aren’t real stairs. They’re lacking integrity.” That morning I learned two things: First, if something lacked integrity, then it wasn’t safe. It wasn’t trustworthy.

Second, since the stairs didn’t have integrity, they essentially were not even stairs. Sure there was wood there, but there would be no stairs until integrity was added to them. Without integrity, the stairs didn’t exist. It is like this too with our personal integrity. First, the more integrity we have, the more others trust us (and the more we trust ourselves). On the flip side, those who lack integrity we find to be untrustworthy. Again, secondly, it is those people with integrity who we hold to be most substantial. We consider them most valuable and even real. It is also when we have integrity that we take ourselves most seriously. On the other hand, we tend to disregard those who lack integrity as inconsequential. For ourselves, without personal integrity, we feel as if we lack meaning or purpose in life.

Without integrity, we ask questions like: Who am I? Why am I here? One could say that without integrity, a person doesn’t exist. I’ve been taking sailing lessons recently, as I find sailing to be a great metaphor for life. The integrity of the sailboat is obviously fundamental to it harnessing the power of the wind and it going where it wants to go. On reflection, I noticed a sailboat has three main structural features that enable it to sail, each of which can represent an aspect of personal integrity. 1. THE SAIL - DO WHAT YOU SAY It is as if the words we speak are the wind and our integrity is the sail that captures that wind and pulls us into action. To have integrity, we must act on our word. We must do what we say we will do. In this way, our words are always the impetus of our creations. What we say will occur, is what occurs. In circumstances where we fail to act as we said we would (or when we know we won’t), it’s as if our sail has fallen. We can come back into integrity immediately by raising our sail again and admitting what we know. As a coach, I create a powerful relationship where my client’s accountability to their word is paramount. We work hard to keep their sail raised. They invest heavily in doing what they say they will do and their integrity thus becomes their forward pull into action. 2. THE RUDDER - SAY WHAT YOU THINK

It is because of the rudder that a sailboat can choose its own direction, despite the direction of the wind or water current. To have integrity, we must speak our minds. We must say the things we are thinking. To hide our thoughts in silence or disguise allows us off-track, which undermines our potential. Despite its destination being fixed, a sailboat rarely travels in a straight line. In this same way, we should also be careful not to confuse consistency with integrity. We are constantly evolving and so inconsistency is more likely to be a sign of integrity than otherwise. As a coach, I create a safe space for my clients to be open and vulnerable and to say what they are thinking. We work hard to have them always using their own rudder. I challenge my clients to speak their truth, because I want them to discover that doing so will take them in the direction they want to be going. 3. THE KEEL – THINK WHAT YOU FEEL It is because of the heavy keel, hidden beneath the surface of the water, that a sailboat can stay upright and balanced when a number of other forces are acting on it. To have integrity then, we must connect with what’s most true for us. We must think the things we really feel. When we think thoughts misaligned with our deepest truth, then anything we speak or do will be out of alignment with who we truly are. Without a keel, we we may still be able to create results in the world, but we are sure to be pushed

around by the winds. Without a keel, we are weak impostors of ourselves. As a coach, I show my clients what I can see in them that they cannot see in themselves. We work hard to uncover what they really, really feel. By seeing their own truth reflected back to them, they can create coherence between their heart and their head, creating powerful grounding and inner balance. The more whole our personal integrity – the more we create integrity in all three of its aspects – the more we will be carried by the winds of our creative spirit, the more our potential will be realised and the more impact we will have on the world. With Love & Integrity,

John P Morgan is an explorer, connector and creator who coaches a small number of powerful leaders on missions to impact the world. Through his YouTube channel, he also helps thousands of people to find and follow their purpose so they can serve society and live a more fulfilling and passionate life. His mission is to have each of us be a bit more connected to our own hearts and a bit more connected to each other’s as well. John loves human beings, loves being human and looks forward to meeting you one day. Join John… h t t p : / / y o u t u b e . c o m / j p m o r g a n j r  h t t p : / / f a c e b o o k . c o m / j p m o r g a n c o a c h i n g  h t t p : / / t w i t t e r . c o m / j p m o r g a n j r  http://linkedin.com/in/jpmorganjr

John P Morgan

“Who are you BEING when no one is watching you? Are you being honest with yourself?”

INTEGRITY STARTS WITH ‘I’ “While we certainly can’t control what our leaders think and do these days, what we can control is ourselves. Stay true to who you are, always honor your word and practice integrity every single day - not just when you’re thrust into it or when someone else is watching.”

I was in conversation with a new coaching client the other day. We were in the process of committing to our spoken agreements between one another. When we landed upon the topic of Integrity, it sparked a conversation between the two of us. He brought to light his opinion that many companies speak of integrity as being one of the core values of the organization and yet, in his experience, few leaders actually follow through and demonstrate true integrity. I share my client’s viewpoint, and I remember many times in my own corporate career where the issue of integrity was clearly the elephant in the boardroom. One of the most memorable moments was at a lunch meeting with my then-new manager and two of the top-level managers from the parent company that had recently acquired our firm. My new manager told a bold-faced lie about our progress on software development. I felt so sick in my stomach that I had to excuse myself from the table. When I asked him after lunch on our walk to the car what he was doing, he flatly stated that he would correct it later. I said, “What about church on Sunday? What will you do then?” He was not 19

happy with my questions and I was angry about being entangled in his web of deceit. Yet at the time, I was too young and inexperienced to know how to correct my own actions or reactions.

Not all leaders lack integrity. I can think of many examples of stellar leadership within my own experiences, that of my clients, as well as many public figures.

Today, I coach high-performing executives, leaders and coaches on how to bring more love and life into the corporate workplace. Being in full integrity is always a part of our coaching conversations. For me, integrity starts with three core tenets.

One such example is Malden Mills, the textile company in Lawrence, Mass., that invented the fabric Polartec. When their mill burned down the owner and CEO, Aaron Feuerstein had the option of either taking the $300 million in insurance money and putting the small town of workers out of jobs, relocating the business off-shore or in the South where labor costs would be less, or rebuilding the mill in the same small town. He chose to rebuild in the small town and pay the workers their salaries and benefits while the plant was being reconstructed!

Commitment to Heart-centeredness Who are you BEING when no one is watching you? Are you being honest with yourself? Or, as Oprah Winfrey so aptly points out: “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” When we connect with the deepest part of our heart and soul we ultimately know how we are showing up in the world. When we begin to be less fearful about what others may think – it is in that moment that we make the right choices and truly begin to show up. Oftentimes, I see leaders verbally avow that they agree with a certain company position and nod their head forward in full agreement. Then, behind the scenes, they go directly against that company position. What I find is that other people in the organization always know what is happening; they see the repeated pattern of behavior and so these leaders are not fooling anyone other than themselves. Completely transparent communication and the ability to do what’s right instead of just what’s popular can be a wonderful gift for a great leader.

Imagine a world where more leaders operated with a commitment to this type of heart-centered integrity. Being Impeccable with Your Word In The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz he speaks of the First Agreement as being “Impeccable with Your Word.” Do you honor your commitments? When you say you are going to do something do you truly intend to follow through and then do you? Do your words align with your actions? In the past, I admittedly have been a bit of a ‘people pleaser’. I want to please others, so I say whatever will leave that person satisfied in the moment. And then, I am either out of integrity with myself by following through on a commitment that creates internal resentment or I never had the intention of following through in the first place. This has occasionally earned me the undesirable reputation of not following through on 20

commitments or just being a flake. Today, I find that owning my integrity with a polite but firm “No,” can easily avert my people-pleasing tendencies. I also used to have a terrible habit of showing up late for events with friends and family. I tolerated it (and so did my friends) for years until one day it simply became no longer acceptable for me. It’s an ongoing process, however, more times than not these days I’m right on time instead of late. How we show up one way in life is how we show up ALL WAYS in life. Are you being impeccable with your word? Daily Practice For me, BEING in full integrity is a daily practice of self-reflection. As a coach, owning my integrity is a heart-centered strength, like a muscle that must be flexed each and every day for the full embodiment of integrity.

clients to be in full integrity, if in our own lives we were out of integrity? Integrity is about who you are BEING in each and every moment. While we certainly can’t control what our leaders think and do these days, what we can control is ourselves. Stay true to who you are, always honor your word and practice integrity every single day – not just when you’re thrust into it or when someone else is watching. Because, above all, it’s never wrong to do the right thing. Karen Davis is a certified Ontological Executive Coach working with clients nationally and internationally. She provides one-on-one deep coaching services with high-performing executives, entrepreneurs, business professionals, and coaches who are committed to their success, ready to uncover their hidden potential and make their own unique difference in the world. You can reach K a re n f o r a p o w e r f u l c o n v e r s a t i o n a t : 303.665.4301 or learn more by visiting, www.karendaviscoaching.com

I know when I’m out of alignment and I’m continually making the necessary self-directed course corrections. How could we possibly coach our

IN THE SPIRIT OF INTEGRITY…

In the spirit of integrity, I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know. I really don’t know where to begin. I can’t speak or write about integrity from some ‘deep knowing’ or ‘full embodiment’. I don’t have an organised, intellectual understanding of integrity for you. Part of me wants to pretend that I do. Part of me wants to show up full, knowing. That’s a familiar place for me: I used to be a consultant. *Gasp*. Paid to find solutions. Hired to construct sound strategy. Paid to know. Well I’m tired of that. I’m tired of showing up full. So, I’m sorry. I ain’t your Integrity Guru. I just haven’t thought about it much. You can see the irony coming, can’t you? I’m feeling a great sense of integrity right now, as I tell you that I don’t really get integrity in this moment.

There’s some honesty, truth and vulnerability for you. Dr Google tells me that these are some of the principles of integrity. Thanks Google. I still have more questions than answers. What are we really talking about here? Why is the subject of integrity important? Is it something I need more of? Is it something I should be seeking to strengthen? To exemplify and model to others? Is it something I should be seeking to define, nurture and develop in my clients? Is it something I need to be or have ‘more of’ than my prospects or clients do, in order for them to find me attractive/powerful/desirable as a coach? Don’t I need to get it more than my audience of readers, if I’m to write about it? Like I said. It’s really not something I’ve thought about. Have I missed something as a coach? May be. Curious, I asked around. I quizzed my partner, Georgia, “What do you think integrity is? What is integrity to you?”. 22

Her thoughts: “Doing the right thing for yourself, being honest”. That’s nice, I thought.

helping them to become ever more integrated in who they’re being and what they’re doing.

But then she added this gem of an insight: “I think what you do – the very concept of coaching – is to help people move ever closer to complete integrity.”

They love me for it. Yours love you for it.

Well *face slap*, that’s interesting. Coaching is helping people be more in integrity? I’ve never thought about it that way. Duh! She’s right. Of course this is a game of integritybuilding. It’s also a game of language. To me, coaching is a fascinating journey of selfgrowth. I delight in the pursuit of mastery. Mastery of self and mastery of craft. I tend to use the word ‘mastery’ a lot. Maybe this is all semantics and ‘mastery’ is interchangeable with ‘integrity’. When I talk about ‘mastery of me’, perhaps what I’m saying is ‘a shift toward living and being in more and more complete integrity’.

Deep down, isn’t that what we all really want? I think Georgia was right. Perhaps every coaching conversation is a little celebration of integrity. I spent 36 years becoming exceptionally good at getting in my own way. I mean expert-level! Know the feeling? More recently, somewhere on the French Riviera, I had a little Syd Banks moment and saw through my own bullshit to the real source of my problems: the outside-in misunderstanding. I’m grateful for that insight. Now I know but for my thinking, I’m pure potential. And so are you. Got a big dream to bring to life? Elite sports performance to unleash? A heart-centered business or team to see thrive? Say hello at craig@thatclarityguy.com

Glad I got that cleared up. Was it good for you, too?! Whatever the semantics, I choose to be coached to accelerate my own jour ney of selfd e v e l o p m e n t , o f s e l f - m a s t e r y, o f s e l f actualisation, of ‘becoming more integrated’. I want someone to call me on my bullshit, hold up the mirror, help me see my barriers and become more and more internally and externally consistent with my highest values and desires. Sounds like ‘Integrity from the Inside Out’. As a coach I can only get better at seeking out where my clients are thinking and acting out of integrity in themselves, calling them on it and 23

“If I’m truly living in integrity it means I’m living in full alignment with who I am at a core level.”

IMAGINING THE LIES

“It was the stories I created to make myself fit in more and be more ‘usual’ that made my integrity fall apart, where living an internal lie only aided me in telling the lies to those around me.”

What I don’t want you to know about me is that as a child I was a chronic liar (probably why the world of marketing made so much sense to me as an adult). I would lie about the silliest things, not the big, important save my own skin types of lies, but the kind of lies that were simply unnecessary. Or at least that’s what I was told. I was told I was a liar. But I know inside, it wasn’t lies I was fabricating. It was alternate realities. I was creating stories that were more interesting than the world around me. I was weaving magic fairytales into my ordinary existence. I would make up reasons why I was hiding in the bushes that were like “I was chased there by a swarm of killer bees” rather than admit that I really didn’t like spending time with the other kids on my block because they were selfish and loud.

I would make up reason why a teacher assigned page 15 for reading (obviously a spy from social services checking to see our responses to the required reading). The bugs I saw in the flowers were fairies. The splinter in my finger was placed there while I slept by Maleficent. The dog around the corner told me great tales of his owners and we’d spend time chatting about the street gossip.

the restaurant (like I’d let that one slip out at the dinner table). I snuck out of windows, I didn’t do the homework assignments I said I lost, I didn’t cut class but went to doctor’s appointments. By the time I was a young adult, my boundaries around truth had been lost. Looking back I realized, that it was also when I lost the truth within myself. I thought my imagination was a curse. I thought the voices of my guides were exactly what everyone had told me, just another side effect of someone living in fantasy land, removed from reality.

I was told I had an overly active imagination. However, I was also told the same thing when I told the truth, the truth about what people were feeling or thinking, heard in my mind as clear as day, or about the circles of colored energy around them known as auras that I could see. Surely it was all products of my imagination as the lines between reality and fiction blurred even more for me. As I got older I started making up more stories, stories about how things worked like the inner workings of a can opener, about who really invented the light bulb, and the meanings of large words. Ask my how anything functions and I can create a very realistic explanation with very little foundation in how it really works. I was then told that not only was my imagination out of control but that I was indeed what people hated most - a liar, stretching the fabric of truth into non-existence. Did I also tell straight up lies? Absolutely. Going into my adolescence, I smelled like smoke because I snuck into a bar with a fake ID meant that I’d say that I was seated in the smoking section of

I started hiding the truth of my own internal power, creating even more stories to mask my power from myself. Stories like the fairytales I created when I was a child - fantasies and alternative realities. My new truths around who I was... that I was smart but never accomplished anything. I never fit in. I’m better off in the background. I am not worth much. I’m not motivated to really succeed. The best ‘truth’ I told myself was that if I really let people know just how powerful I am, I would lose everything and everyone. A cataclysm of my world would ensue and the carefully built castle that had protected me from my own overly active imagination would crumble, leaving me alone. The real irony is that people seemed to believe these new stories about who I was a whole lot more than the truth of ME. Until I started finding people, coaches and friends, who didn’t buy my carefully crafted lies. Who saw my stories for what they were and who saw me beneath it all. For at the foundation of my carefully built world, I am the person who saw fairies instead of bugs and had long conversations

with the dog down the street. That the beauty of connecting with my inner voices and the voices of my guides was something to revel in, not chalk up to an overly active imagination. It was the stories I created to make myself fit in more and be more ‘usual’ that made my integrity fall apart, where living an internal lie only aided me in telling the lies to those around me. My REAL truth is that the very essence of the ‘lies’ I told as a child were actually who I really am, and that those are the keys to what makes me most powerful. My IMAGINATION is my superpower. It is what makes me a great Entrepreneur. It is what helps me see the unlimited potential in each of my clients. It is what guides me to believe in the magnificence of them and their dreams and how I know in my heart that it’s possible for them.

As it is for me. See if I’m truly living in integrity it means I’m living in full alignment with who I am at a core level. It’s about saying things that sound outlandish but knowing it to be my truth. It’s about showing up as ME even in the face of those who would call me a liar. Stacy Nelson is the Founder of iCoach Network, an International circle of life coaches coming together to support and inspire each other on a daily basis. Keeping with the theme of ‘As one rises, we lift each other up”, Stacy also publishes this monthly digital magazine for iCoach Network, highlighting the fabulous coaches within the network. Specifically she is a Coach & Trainer helping intuitive entrepreneurs to build their businesses with their hearts and tap into their authentic purpose.

INTEGRITY AS TRANSFORMATIVE PROCESS

When you look up the word integrity in the dictionary you receive a few definitions, but none of them completely encompass its meaning for me. For me, in order to be in integrity with myself, to achieve wholeness in my mind, body and spirit, I am required to engage in a level of introspection, reflection, and committed action that the definition itself doesn’t even begin to hint at. Having integrity is more than adhering to a set of ethical and moral principles; it is showing up in all circumstances as your highest and truest self. It’s the self that you dream of when you are alone, the self that you imagine when you embark on a vision quest, the self that you see in the mirror each day, the self that you know intimately if you are brave enough to journey to your heart center with every decision you make, day after day. And so begins the transformative process. Because once you start down the path, there is no going back. You cannot look deeply into your heart and see it’s wholeness and the wholeness of others and then forget you saw its greatness. This is what I want for myself. This is what I want for my clients. But how do we keep going, all of us, down the path. Obviously, the answer is a simple one – one step at a time. We can use

each step, each choice, as a part of the process. Each choice we make can be born on our integrity and our wholeness. If I make every decision in alignment with my core values and desires, and if I show up boldly doing so, then I am in alignment and in integrity with myself. What Alignment Looks Like for Me I measure each choice I make against what I want to bring to the world – in my case, joy, transformation, and ease. If I can’t in honesty say that a choice will bring me or someone close to me joy, transformation or ease, then it is not in alignment with my highest and truest self. For me, this means beginning each day with a morning ritual in which I practice gratitude and set intentions and committed actions to take me through my day mindfully. This ritual and process brings me closer every day to my highest self, my true nature, and into integrity. This ritual is part of my process —not everyone’s —but it is something that I have found that works for me and keeps me going. Because even when you are on the path, taking one step at a time, you occasionally falter. And that’s okay; it is part of the process. Acknowledging those pauses or stops allows me to see the place of learning. It’s not a way to sugarcoat what I have been through or what I am or am not doing in my personal trans27

formation. It is simply a way to bring me closer to knowing…to wholeness…to integrity. Heather Doyle Fraser is a Transformational Life Coach and founder/owner of Beyond Change, LLC. She is also a writer, editor, musician and general creative. As a coach, Heather works with highly intuitive and successful people who are looking to take their lives to the next level. Her mission is to bring joy, transformation, ease, and abundance to everyone she touches. Heather helps her clients see possibility, potential, and opportunity; she helps her clients create lasting transformation in their perception and perspective —how they view life and their place in it. She

holds the space for her clients as they move toward and acknowledge their inherent greatness while achieving their goals and vision for an extraordinary life. Heather’s purpose and passion is to inspire joy and transformation and give people the knowledge, skills, and strategies to live their most authentic and fulfilled lives. If you would like to learn more about coaching or contact Heather, please visit her website at www.beyondchangecoach.com or connect with her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/beyondchangecoach or Twitter @hdoylefraser

BE YOU

When Stacy asked if I’d like to contribute to this month’s magazine I paused for a moment. I’m always honoured to write for this publication and right now, with so much going on in my life, I wanted to be sure I’d be able to meet her deadline. Integrity example number one? Maybe. When I say I’ll do something, I do it. Unless I don’t. You see, I am human and living a life in a mostly unpredictable world where miracles happen daily. I don’t consider integrity being the same as commitment. Is it about alignment? It’s reported that Ghandi’s secretary said of him “what Gandhi thinks, what he feels, what he says, and what he does are all the same." In truth, I doubt any of us really live up to that kind of idealistic definition. I don’t know anyone who does everything they think, thankfully!

say, it is in sharing and admitting that I do not always do what I say. But this is looking at integrity from our intellect. Behaving in a certain way means we are a person of integrity. I think it is deeper and simpler than that. One definition of integrity describes it as “the state of being whole and undivided” For me this feels so much truer because it begins to touch on who I am. When I live from my heart, in that place where I am willing to bare and share my soul, the deepest place within me that is all of me, is it even possible to live ‘without’ integrity? We don’t have to explicitly set standards or ideals when we live in this place. There are no rules within our soul and there doesn’t have to be. When we are not caught up in our own thinking we are guided by an inner wisdom beyond ourselves, and it becomes completely natural to act and behave in a way that is best for us and all those around us.

I am always of the opinion that you don’t have to be superhuman to be a super human.

From your soul you cannot help but love yourself and others. The essence of our soul is love, which ultimately is what we all are. Love is integral to you.

Integrity isn’t about doing what you say you’ll do. It’s about intention and honesty. My integrity is not about being in alignment and doing what I

Love is your integrity. 29

To love ourselves with integrity is to allow ourselves to be all we truly are and be willing to share that person, warts and all. That includes being open and honest when we have not followed through on an intention. Because we are human. Because life is unpredictable. Because we are beautiful souls. Living from your heart, integrity is never a burden. It is your liberation. Your integrity allows you to embrace and show all of you. Your integrity becomes you.

Phil Goddard coaches whilst traveling around Europe and the US. He is living his life’s purpose, the expansion of love and happiness, and helps people connect deeply with themselves and their capacity to be in love with life. In doing so his clients create a life of effortless passion g u i d e d b y t r u e i n n e r w i s d o m . http://www.philg.com/

Want to live with integrity? Be you.

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