GOEDERT, MEAD — UPWARD MOBILITY IN AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN FROM URBAN POVERTY

Institute for Clinical Social Work

Upward Mobility in African American Men from Urban Poverty

A Dissertation Submitted to the Faculty of the Institute for Clinical Social Work in Partial Fulfillment for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy

By Mead Goedert

Chicago, Illinois June, 2015

Copyright by Mead Goedert 2015

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Abstract

This project explored the subjective experiences of five upwardly mobile professional African American men who originated from urban poverty using a case study methodology. The study attempted to gain a deeper understanding of the experiences of moving in between socially constructed positions. The men in this study move from growing up in poverty to being professionals in a new social class. Each participant was interviewed five times. A sixth meeting was held after the individual case analysis was completed to check for validity from the participant’s perspective. The interview material was analyzed through within-case analyses and cross-case analyses.

The participants all share experiences of overcoming tremendous odds to achieve their upward mobility. This process has included certain allegiances and rejections of socially constructed notions about themselves. For example, they all perform socially constructed ways of being masculine; however, they vigorously reject the social constructions associated with urban, black men, such as ineptitude and aggression. Their experiences of being different from their assigned performance imperatives have fostered certain difficulties in belongingness. Many of the participants express feeling out of place in mainstream America, yet treated with unfamiliarity in their original social contexts. All of the participants engage in certain negotiations to be able to live in ways that feel ambitious and meaningful, and simultaneously still find ways to remain connected to important others.

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To those who exist in the shadows of society, whose stories go untold and voices unheard.

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Being that I was in a predominantly black neighborhood, growing up in predominantly black schools, I think that we all had a bit of idealism that once we got out into this big bad world it would be this Kumbaya moment where it was just love, and as long as you're capable, as long as you're smart, do what you have to do, you probably would get through life. But then we quickly found this element of everything else, the politics and people who come from money and people who “know a guy” and all these other things and I think that’s been disillusioning for everyone I've spoken to who’s come from a place similar to where I grew up.

-Rusty It’s like our culture, it’s the way we can take shit and make it shine, you know, perseverance and not just curling up. I don’t know, I can’t really put it into words but it’s a great feeling to grow up being black. Throughout all the bullshit, like we’re still here.

It’s like society tries to put us in a place and we haven’t bought into it, we still fight against it. I don’t know, I can’t put it into words. It’s just, it’s dope.

-Marcus “Do I belong here?” I mean, I'm just a kid from Highland Park.

-Silas See, people don’t talk about that. They want to put stuff on TV, we’re smoking blunts, all we do is rap and play sports. We don’t talk about the other segment of our population that’s real people. We’re professionals. We have careers. We’re lawyers, we’re doctors, we’re everything. Yeah, we’re that bad stuff too, but that doesn’t make us who we are.

We’re activists. We’re all those things. Stop trying to tell me I’m one thing when I’m not. It’s not one thing that defines us. I’m not going to let you define me as one way.

I’ve always bumped against the system. I’m not just one way. I’m this, I’m these other things too. I have hobbies. I’m a real person. I’m just like you. I just don’t do what you do. America loves to put people in boxes. We like to generalize everything and everybody. They all do this, they all do that. Come on man!

-Bobby I don’t believe in an American Dream for African-Americans. And maybe I’m being a little pessimistic, but I believe that if there was such a thing as an African-American Dream, it would simply be of a level playing field.

-Rico

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Acknowledgements

I deeply appreciate the participants—Rico, Bobby, Rusty, Marcus, and Silas—for spending several hours with me, sharing their stories and examining their experiences.

Their openness and thoughtfulness throughout the interviews has created the substance of this project. I will never forget my experiences with them.

I also want to thank my dissertation committee and readers: Ida Roldán, Allan Scholom, Patricia Seghers, and Gary Walls. They have all been thought-provoking, guiding, and supportive throughout this project. I have to specifically thank Jennifer Tolleson for the many ways she has impacted me throughout my time at ICSW. She has served as my professor, advisor, clinical consultant, and dissertation chair. She has shown me that it is possible to be both psychoanalytically oriented and committed to social justice. I am forever indebted to her for all that she has taught me.

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Editorial Note Race, gender, and social class are categories explored extensively within this dissertation. As the reader will see, I utilize a social constructionist paradigm that recognizes these categories as made-up; they do not contain any real meaning outside of the meanings that are socially constructed by society. Following this, there is no such thing as a “black” person or a “white” person. People are socially identified and then also identify themselves as “black” or “white.” Same with gender and social class. We categorize people as a “man” or a “woman.” Or “rich” or “poor.” But these categories hold their value and meaning only through socially prescribed values and meanings that are maintained by most, if not all, of us. These dynamics will be explained more fully in the body of this work.

This social constructionist framework creates a dilemma from a writer’s perspective. I could write something like “person that is socially identified as and personally identifies as being a black male” every time I mention gender and race. This felt too cumbersome to me so I elected to use racial, gendered, and social class terms such as African American or white, male or female, rich or poor. I use these terms simply to make the writing more clear; however, the social constructionist understanding of these categories remains consistent throughout the project, even if it is not made explicitly clear each time one of those categorized terms is used.

Gender and racial labels are a final editorial note. I use the masculine pronoun throughout this work because the study is about people who identify as being men. I

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believe this study has implications for people regardless of the gender, race, or socioeconomic status they identify themselves as; however, for the purpose of clarity and consistency, the masculine pronoun is used throughout my writing. Lastly, I use the terms “African American” and “black” interchangeably in this project as this is the language that the participants and I used during the interviews as we discussed race.

However, these terms are understood to represent a socially constructed position, not “real” categories.

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Table of Contents

Page Abstract………………………………………………………………..………………...iii Acknowledgements………………………………………………………………….......vi Editorial Note………………………………………………………………………...…vii Chapter I. Introduction……………………………………………………………………1 Formulation of the Problem Statement of the Problem Brief Summary of Literature Deficiencies of Understanding Benefits of the Study Questions to Be Explored Theoretical and Conceptual Framework Definitions of Major Concepts Statement of Assumptions

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Table of Contents—Continued

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II. Literature Review……………………………………………………...……18 Introduction Social Construction Social Construction of Difference The American Dream Intersection of Race, Gender, Social Class, and the American Dream Unconscious Dynamics Expanding the Unconscious Unconscious Interpersonal Processes Societal Processes The Self Identity Agency Upward Mobility Similar Studies Conclusion

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Table of Contents—Continued

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III. Methodology…………………………………………………………..……62 Research Strategy Ethical Considerations Validation Strategies/Issues of Trustworthiness Limitations of the Study Chapter Summary IV. Findings……………………………………………………………………..72

Introduction Case One: Rico Case Two: Rusty Case Three: Bobby Case Four: Silas Case Five: Marcus

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Table of Contents—Continued

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V. Discussion…………………………………………………….……………..215 Introduction Experiences with Social Constructs Interpersonal Experiences Breaking Performance Imperatives Altruism Implications Conclusion Appendices A. Informed Consent…………………………………………………............253 B. Pre-Screening Interview…………………………………………………..257 References…………………………………………………………...…………260

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Chapter I

Introduction

Formulation of the Problem

General statement of purpose. The purpose of this case study research project is to understand how professional African American men originating from urban poverty have negotiated and subjectively experienced the process of upward mobility, including how they experience their new social status. These men occupy dual social locations, being from urban poverty, but also being professional men. My particular interest is how this dynamic influences and is influenced by identity, agency, and interpersonal experience. This study selected five professional African American men in the Detroit metropolitan area who grew up in urban poverty. For this project, upward mobility is generally defined as the upward “vertical movement of individuals within a stratified social system from their social class of origin to a new social class� (Lucas, 2011, p. 97).

Significance to clinical social work. Social workers strive to understand individuals within the context of their environment and are committed to working with oppressed and impoverished populations (National Association of Social Workers, 1999).

However, social workers often lose meaningful social justice components of their work when they move into psychoanalytic clinical practice because psychoanalysis typically leans away from social justice issues (Tolleson, 2009). In other words, clinical practice

2 may stray away from examining power structures and social inequalities and instead focus solely on family history and the interior lives of patients. To combat this trend, this study aspires to bridge social work’s commitments with psychoanalysis’ rich theoretical foundations. Specifically, this study aims to influence clinical social work theory and practice through developing an understanding of the experiences of upward mobility in African American men who move from urban poverty to an improved professional social status. This study is relevant to clinical social work because it seeks to understand and give voice to those with lived experiences with poverty and oppression.

Statement of the Problem Societal problem. Upward mobility is an anomaly for poor urban African Americans due to the gross disparities along racial divides in America. Generally, whites are given inflated access to resources and social power, allowing them to shape the norms and values of society (Warde, 2013). Additionally, the chances of upward mobility are smaller for African Americans than for whites (Yamaguchi, 2009). Further, despite the level of educational attainment, African Americans earn less income than whites (Harris, 2010). They are also three times more likely to be poor, with half of African American households being economically vulnerable (Williams & Collins, 2004). Also, the median net worth of whites is seven times that of African Americans (Williams & Collins, 2004).

Lastly, African Americans are seven times more likely than whites to be in prison or jail (Western & Pettit, 2010) and are significantly more likely to be victims of violent crime (Mauer, 2011). These types of statistics are daunting and have specific consequences for African American men.

3 For poor urban African American men, unfavorable life trajectories are the status quo. Criminal justice policies and law enforcement actions target young African American men from disadvantaged urban communities, resulting in higher criminal justice system involvement and stunted economic mobility (Warde, 2013). Following current trends, one in three African American males will go to prison during his lifetime (Mauer, 2011), making African American men more likely to go to prison than to go to college (Western & Pettit, 2010). Further, African American men are half as likely to earn a college degree as African American women (Aud, Fox, & KewalRamani, 2010).

The African American men who do earn degrees still earn more than $15,000 less annually than white male college graduates (Aud et al., 2010) and are twice as likely to be unemployed (Cornelius, 2013). Even with these inequalities and barriers, African American men’s intrinsic worth still seems measured by mainstream ideals of upward mobility and professional success.

American society puts a premium on social status, prestige, and financial success, yet African American men are often prohibited from these social ideals. Instead, African American men are forced to develop a sense of themselves in a sociopolitical context that negates them (Wade & Rochlen, 2013). African American men from disadvantaged urban communities are situated at the bottom of the social ladder (Warde, 2013), yet ironically they find themselves in a society where a man’s worth is measured by his accomplishments and social status (Lease et al., 2010). They have to reconcile this notion of masculinity with the reality of having less social power than even African American women (Chavous, Harris, Rivas, Helaire, & Green, 2004). Beyond this lack of power, African American men are often left feeling invisible as their personal identities

4 and abilities are undermined by stereotypes and racism (Franklin, 1999). So despite the societal premium put on upward mobility, African American men are continually undermined and oppressed, often preventing this coveted upward mobility.

In modern society, African American men face continual barriers to upward mobility. Attempts by African American men to gain social and economic mobility are often blocked by societal dynamics including segregation and the residual effects of slavery and Jim Crow (Warde, 2013). Residential segregation creates inequality in the type of education and employment opportunities available for African Americans (Williams & Collins, 2004). Educational resources in poor minority communities pale in comparison to those in middle and upper class white communities (Kozol, 1991).

Discrimination is also commonly faced by African Americans, with men reporting higher rates of discrimination (Sellers & Shelton, 2003). Stereotypes regarding African American men create unique resistances in career development that white men and African American women do not have to face (Cornileus, 2013). Considering all of these factors, it is clear that upward mobility in urban African American men is only achieved by going against the pervasive social forces that keep these men in disadvantaged societal positions.

Theoretical problem. Psychoanalytic theories mirror societal dynamics, giving the most privileged groups the most theoretical attention and resources while often neglecting those that face social inequalities and oppression. For example, psychoanalysis is mostly silent regarding societal inequalities and social justice issues, despite its tremendous depth and potential to address these issues (Tolleson, 2009). In

5 fact, Gutwill and Hollander (2006) argue that social dynamics has been the least analyzed domain in American psychoanalysis. Social domains such as gender, race, class, and politics have become almost taboo in psychoanalytic theorizing and practice (Gutwill & Hollander, 2006; Holmes, 2006b; Tolleson, 2009). Patients or therapists rarely take up social and political contexts as the source of emotional suffering or exploratory material in the consulting room (Holmes, 2006b; Tolleson, 2009; Walls, 2006a). Specifically, there is a significant lack of consideration of lower socioeconomic backgrounds (Altman, 1993) and race in psychoanalytic theory (Altman, 2009; Bass, 2003; Leary, 1997a; Leary, 2000; Suchet, 2004). Additionally, theory on how social class forms psychological processes has not been developed (Kraus, Piff, Mendoza-Denton, Rheinschmidt, & Keltner, 2012). These deficits in theory are partially a result of a theoretical tilt toward the individual and family and away from the social context.

In psychoanalysis, the individual and social are often falsely conceived as dichotomous elements (Hogget & Lousada, 1985; Layton, 2006b; Scholom, 2013). The divorce between the psychic and social domains is enforced by limiting the view of patients’ conflicts to the family context (Layton, 2002; Layton, 2004; Tolleson, 2009).

Further, Dalal (2006) adds that theory often focuses exclusively on the external social world or the internal world of individuals, leading to a false conception that either can act apart from the other. Splitting the individual and the social puts psychoanalytic theory and practice at risk of maintaining and promoting oppressive societal dynamics.

Psychoanalysis’ current commitments and theoretical leanings should be cause for alarm. Psychoanalysis has shifted its focus away from an early commitment to assisting poor, urban residents who would not be able to afford treatment on their own (Danto,

6 2005) and lost its leftist political associations when it moved to the United States (Altman, 2009; Layton, Hollander, & Gutwill, 2006). In fact, psychoanalysis has actually aligned with oppressive dynamics of society and maintains the political status quo by ignoring the role of the social surround (Altman, 2009; P. Cushman, 1995; P. Cushman 1994; Layton, 2004; Tolleson, 2009) and by locating the problem strictly within the individual (Cushman, 1995; Layton, 2006b; Tolleson, 2009). Walcott (2006) writes, “The absence of a discussion of the psychic lives of racial minorities remains one of the fundamental ways in which full citizenship and thus humanity is denied” (p. 28).

Psychoanalysis has perpetuated this absence and is therefore at risk of denying humanity for many people, when instead, psychoanalysis could be a major force in promoting the humanity of all.

Brief Summary of Literature The literature review is positioned in between sociological and psychoanalytic literature, appropriate for a psychoanalytic social work study. Social sciences have explored issues of race, class, and gender in depth, but often lack depictions of rich subjective experiences. Additionally, the qualitative literature in the social sciences does not usually focus on unconscious dynamics, yielding different interpretations than seen in psychoanalytic literature. Psychoanalysis is proficient at depicting rich understandings of people’s experiences and theorizing about unconscious processes; however, it rarely takes up issues such as race, gender, or social class in its theoretical formulations.

Further, psychoanalysis has interiorized people’s experiences, with less research on how people actively intersect with the dynamics of the social surround. Therefore, the

7 literature reviewed for this project blends theory that speaks to the individual and his social position with psychoanalytic formulations illuminating the complexities of the human subject. Finally, the literature review emphasizes psychoanalytic work that has expanded on cultural and social domains and their intersection with individual experiences.

Deficiencies in Understanding As previously stated, there is a dearth of theory in psychoanalysis that recognizes societal and cultural factors. Typically, clinical formulations and theoretical derivatives are taken from the family context, ignoring the intersection of race, class, and gender.

Even in the broader psychological and sociological literature, there are deficiencies in understanding the intersection of various components of the self and the environment.

For example, when issues, such as poverty are explored, a person’s interior life is often ignored (Walcott, 2006). Generally, there is insufficient understanding of the complex intersection of various social and psychological factors.

In contrast to this theoretical landscape, Mitchell (1988) explains that it is most useful to consider the interpersonal and intrapsychic as interconnected and mutually influenced. Further, Suchet (2004) states, “The challenge for psychoanalysis is to incorporate social processes such as race, ethnicity, and class into a multidimensional model of subjectivity� (p. 424). Additionally, Cushman (1994) calls for an expansion of theorizing beyond parental failure and to incorporate dynamics of the culture. He proposes a comprehensive hermeneutic approach to psychoanalytic thinking that incorporates the broad historical era, cultural parameters, moral understandings, and

8 political arrangements into the conceptualization of the social realm. He adds that including the cultural and social terrain in which a person lives allows for a more comprehensive understanding of patients’ ways of being and relating to others.

Even in the general social sciences, there is a call for more research on the intersection of social factors. For example, Johnson (2010) argues for the development of theory that incorporates the complex relationship between class, race, gender, and other social identity statuses. Hammond and Mattis (2005) add that studies need to try to understand the meanings of socioeconomic markers in the context of one’s race, culture, and ethnicity. To this point, research needs to explore the intersection of class, gender, and race within the socialization process of social mobility (Lucas, 2011).

The experiences of upwardly mobile African American men from urban poverty seem especially under studied. Johnson and Kaiser (2013) call for more research on understanding how wealth shapes the experiences of minorities. Majors and Billson (1992) explain that few studies have explored African American men who experience professional lives or middle class lifestyles. Additionally, Nelson et al. (2006) point out that little is known about what people from lower social classes experience as they pursue social mobility. They add that there is a dearth of understanding regarding the struggles of moving between social classes. Qualitative research is one way to address the research needs associated with exploring the process of upward mobility for African American men.

A case study qualitative research design is an appropriate approach for this study.

Diemer (2002) explains that previous studies of African American men have relied on large-scale approaches that may have missed the subtleties of experiences. Qualitative

9 research provides a look at how individuals’ experiences of social class interact with other social and personal experiences (Nelson, Englar-Carlson, Tierney, & Hau, 2006).

Further, Nasir (2012) explains that qualitative research is a good fit for the nuanced and complex nature of racialized identities. Cole and Yip (2008) add that there is a need for qualitative research that explores the different experiences across gender and racial discrimination. Overall, the case study qualitative approach allows this research project to capture the complexity of the experiences associated with upward mobility for African American men from urban poverty.

Benefits of the Study The potential benefits of this study would impact clinical social work theory and practice. This study investigates the impact of social constructs on the development of the self and how one is able to live outside of these confining social templates. People are siphoned into certain ways of being based on gender, race, social class, and other societal markers; however, there are countless people who resist these societal pressures in unique ways. Tragically, these realities are rarely explored theoretically or in practice.

Psychoanalytic social workers are faced with trying to help people make sense of themselves and their experiences, but rarely call upon an understanding of how society and culture are experienced by people. This study hopes to provide clinical social workers with insights about the inextricable nature of the individual and his social position.

10 Questions to Be Explored This study looks at how professional African American men originating from urban poverty make sense of themselves as they occupy the social constructs of being African American men from urban poverty and being professional African American men. Further, the study explores how the process of upward social mobility and improved social status impacts and is impacted by one’s sense of self. Some of the underlying questions this study explores include: 1. How do men in the study experience upward mobility in contrast to their social status of origin?

2. What is lost and what is gained throughout upward mobility for the men in this study?

3. What has it been like for these men to become something different than what society prescribed them to become?

4. How have these men experienced their own sense of agency and how has their sense of agency interacted with their experience of oppressive societal forces?

5. How is negotiating the worlds of poor urban America and mainstream America experienced?

6. How have these men experienced reactions from others, both from their original social context and from their new social context?

7. How have these experiences of others influenced the men in this study?

8. How have the men in this study experienced their influence on others and on society?

11 Theoretical and Conceptual Framework Philosophical framework. This study utilizes a social constructionist philosophical framework. Social constructionism holds that reality and knowledge are socially constructed (Berger & Luckman, 1966). This notion also holds true for categories such as gender, race, and social class (Bergen & Luckman, 1966; Dalal, 2002; Gergen, 2009; Ore, 2011; Rothenberg, 2007b; Walls, 2006). Therefore, this study recognizes the knowledge derived from this study and categories of difference as being socially constructed.

Social constructionism takes an epistemological stance whereby the researcher is immersed in a dialectical process with others in efforts to make sense of the phenomenon being explored. This contrasts the notion that the researcher is an authority determining facts (Gergen, 2009). In other words, as the primary researcher, I cannot possibly separate myself from the research data, but instead, I am an active participant in the development and understanding of the research data. Further, Scarr (1985) asserts that theory is a constructed story about relationships between factors in which a few variables are chosen for analysis and others are eliminated. This makes theory one possible story of many that could be told about a phenomenon.

Along those lines, the concepts and understandings in this study inevitably contains only certain aspects of available research and understanding. Hence, I am framing this project and my understandings in particular ways that would be different given another researcher (Gergen, 2009). Finally, the information in this study is not meant to be prescriptive or reductive, but rather an attempt at developing one way to understand a particular phenomenon within a particular social context.

12 Theoretical framework. Following Tolleson (1996), I engage in theoretical pluralism to deal with the complexity and multiplicity of experience that accompanies the process of upward mobility in African American men from urban poverty. While I mostly utilize psychoanalytic theory, I remain as open and untied to theory as possible, making use of theory as it seems fitting instead of trying to fit the data into existing theoretical models. Further, as I have already mentioned, psychoanalysis has shortcomings in encompassing cultural, historical, socioeconomic, and political aspects of experience into theory. To make sure I give adequate attention to these elements in the literature review and in my overall thinking, I also pull theory and research from the broader social sciences as deemed appropriate.

Regarding my use of psychoanalytic theory, I draw from psychoanalytic theory that acknowledges a multiplicity of dynamics, including the intrapsychic, interpersonal, and sociocultural domains. For example, the unconscious is a strong theoretical component of psychoanalysis; however, I primarily utilize theoretical understandings of the unconscious that conceive of the unconscious as being deeply embedded in the social.

Further, I utilize theory that understands the concept of the self in the same way: that the self is always interconnected with others and cannot be separated from the sociocultural and historical contexts. With all this being said, overall, I utilize theory that recognizes forces that are out of awareness, that acknowledges the uniqueness and individuality of each person’s experiences, that allows for multiplicity and complexity, and that values a person’s social context, such as one’s gender, race, and social class, as being inseparable from his sense of self.

13 Layton (2002) provides a clear theoretical framework fitting for my project. She challenges psychoanalysis to incorporate gender, race, sex, and class positions into an understanding of the unconscious. She asserts that people knowingly and unknowingly have a sense of what it means to be a certain gender, race, sexuality, and socioeconomic position. People then act out unconscious dynamics in sync with their role in society.

The societal roles and positions of urban African American men contain conflicting implicit and explicit messages. Understanding how these messages are integrated into a sense of self requires an intersectional analysis of several social and cultural components, including gender, race, and socioeconomic position, and an analysis of the unique ways each individual experiences these dynamics.

Layton (2002; 2013) further asserts that splits among gender, race, and class create social positions that become the antithesis of opposing social positions. Urban African American men simultaneously occupy social positions and cultural roles that are the antitheses of one another. For example, being a man means denying vulnerability, and instead means being powerful and invincible. But being African American means being incompetent, helpless, and dependent. Further, being a poor inner city resident means being lazy, dangerous, and pitiful. Then, on a global scale, being an American means being ambitious, independent, and materialistic. Therefore, urban African American men must continuously negotiate these conflicting societal messages about themselves and their social positions. Next, I explain my own social position and its relevance for this study.

14 Personal framework. Consistent with the notion of social unconscious forces, my social position as an educated, middle class white man inevitably impacts and influences my understanding of this topic and influences the information that gets communicated within the study. In efforts towards transparency, I briefly provide information about my social position and my interest in this study. It may seem odd to say, as a middle class white man, but my interest in this topic stems largely from personal experiences, although my professional training and career have further cultivated my curiosities and ideas. I think I have always been sensitive to injustices and inequalities.

And, I have often felt strong identifications with the victims of injustices and inequalities.

This dynamic, at least partially, led me to feel most closely connected with African Americans starting in high school and continuing into present day, so that most of my closest relationships are with African Americans. These relationships and lived experiences have influenced my career path and my interest in this research topic.

I entered the field of social work because I wanted to fight inequality. I was particularly interested in fighting the inequality that impacted African Americans living in inner city poverty. I witnessed firsthand the barriers they faced that often seemed insurmountable. Then, after being exposed to psychoanalytic theory, I became more interested in the inner workings of people within a social context. I was still very sensitive to the poverty and racism I saw and heard about, but I also became curious about how this impacted people internally. So, this study became a blend of my earliest interests regarding oppression and social justice and my later intrigue with psychoanalytic theory.

15 Definitions of Major Concepts Social definitions.

1. Poverty: “economic deprivation, a lack of economic resources by which to obtain the goods and services necessary for a minimally adequate standard of living” (Dolgoff & Feldstein, 2003, p. 159).

2. Professional: “defined as those individuals categorized as having occupations in management, professional, and related jobs by the United States Department of Labor. Those occupations generally require individuals to have a college degree or experience and specialized training of such kind as to provide a comparable background” (Cornelius, 2012, p.

447).

3. Social class: “a large number of people who have similar amounts of income and education and who work at jobs that are roughly comparable in prestige” (Henslin, 2002, p. 83).

4. Social construct: “a social mechanism, phenomenon, or category created and developed by society; a perception of an individual, group, or idea that is constructed through cultural or social practice” (Dictionary.com, n.d.).

5. Upward social mobility: “movement up the social class ladder” (Henslin, 2002, p. 193).

6. Urban: The U.S. Census Bureau (2009) defines urban as core census block groups or blocks that have a population density of at least 1,000 people per square mile and surrounding census blocks that have an overall density of at least 500 people per square mile.

16 Psychological definitions.

1. Agency: Agency is central to one’s sense of self and refers to the concept that people are active in creating their own experiences (Mitchell, 1993).

2. Self: The self is a concept that has many variations within psychoanalysis.

For this study, I define the self through an interpretive hermeneutic framework used by Cushman (1995), where he defines the self as “the concept of the individual as described by the indigenous psychology of a particular cultural group and the shared moral understandings of what it means to be human” (p. 23). Simply, the self is a concept of who a person is, with this understanding being couched in the broader sociocultural environment and historical period.

3. Sense of Self/Identity: Mitchell (1988) explained that the development of sense of self or a sense of identity is an ongoing, complex process that continues throughout life and is interdependent on relationships with others. So, one’s sense of self is intertwined with one’s sense of who one is as a separate being, but also a sense of who one is in relation to others.

Nasir (2012) added that “identities take shape as a part of a cultural process of becoming—a becoming that is guided by our ever-evolving sense of who we are and who we can be” (p. 17).

17 Statement of Assumptions 1. Racism is embedded in the fabric of our society and is a significant force in people’s lives. Poor urban African American men face particularly oppressive forces that hinder them in countless ways.

2. An American ideal exists that measures people by their pursuit and attainment of the American dream of prosperity and, at the same time, America limits many people’s ability to achieve this ideal. This is especially the case for poor urban African American men.

3. Some people find ways to live outside of the social construct they are consciously and unconsciously guided to live in. Upwardly mobile African American men from impoverished urban environments are an example of this.

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Chapter II

Literature Review Introduction The literature review outlines theory and concepts relevant to the subjective experiences of upwardly mobile professional African American men who originated from urban poverty. First, the literature review discusses social constructionism. Social constructionism provides a valuable platform for understanding the literature review’s content and also for understanding how social categories of difference are constructed and maintained. The social constructionism section also discusses the American dream of upward mobility and its embeddedness in our culture. Finally, the social constructionism section ties together how the cultural ethos of the American dream intersects with socially constructed groupings of race, gender, and social class.

The social constructionism section is followed by the unconscious dynamics section. Social constructionism explains how people are situated in social constructs while the unconscious dynamics section illuminates how these social dynamics exist within the individual. The unconscious is discussed as including elements of the social environment that operate out of one’s awareness and that continually inform one’s sense of self and sense of others. Further, this section discusses unconscious interpersonal processes, such as projection, introjection, and role responsiveness. These unconscious

19 interpersonal processes’ operations on a societal level are also discussed. Specifically, the swaying of individuals to play various roles based on their social constructs is discussed. All of these unconscious dynamics take place within a self, so a discussion of the concept of the self will follow the unconscious dynamics section.

The self is an expansive concept, so I limit this section to aspects of the self that are most relevant to this study. I focus on the self as being multiple, relational, and embedded in the social, cultural, and historical contexts. This section also includes subsections on identity and agency. I specifically focus on how people experience their identities in connection with their social positions. Then, agency is discussed as a component of the self that allows for resisting and transforming societal dynamics and ultimately for transcending confining social constructs. A more specific discussion on upward mobility follows the discussion of the self.

The upward mobility section ties all of the previous sections together through a more specific discussion on the phenomenon of upward mobility. This discussion examines literature that speaks to the experiences of African American men from urban poverty as they engage in upward mobility. This section discusses theoreticians’ understandings of the subjective experiences of upward mobility. These experiences include the paradox in upward mobility, interpersonal and affective experiences associated with upward mobility, and conflicting identities regarding upward mobility.

Finally, I include outlines of studies that are similar to this project.

20 Social Construction Social constructionism is useful for understanding “knowledge” and for understanding how categories of difference are constructed in society. In this section, I first address the social construction of knowledge through discussing the “knowledge” presented in this literature review. This literature review explores concepts as ideas, not facts, because social constructionism opposes the notion that there are discoverable facts to be known, but rather posits that there are continually new ways of understanding that can be developed (Lincoln, 1990; Schwandt, 2000). The review of the literature is not considered a review of empirical data, but instead is a review of ways people have previously understood relevant phenomena pertaining to this project.

This literature review views previous research as working hypotheses about various aspects of this project (Lincoln, 1990). Previous researchers have constructed their understandings with others and those understandings were contextualized in broader historical and social environments that have created their unique understandings (Schwandt, 2000). So, in a sense, the literature review incorporates different ideas, created from various social contexts, and puts them together in a way that tells one possible, plausible story about the research question. The social construction paradigm is essential for this project beyond the way it understands data, knowledge, and theory; it is also an important framework for understanding difference.

Social Construction of Difference Social construction offers that categories of difference, such as race, gender, and social class, are not biological realities, but instead are socially constructed categories

21 that do not exist outside of the way they have been created and maintained by society.

Further, these categories serve to create and maintain the power structure in society (Bergen & Luckman, 1966; Dalal, 2002; Gergen, 2009; Ore, 2011; Rothenberg, 2007b; Walls, 2006). Although categories of difference are socially constructed, they are almost universally recognized and defined by society so they maintain cultural significance (Ore, 2011). Moodley and Palmer (2006) add that social constructions become essential elements people must negotiate as part of their identity. Therefore, this project maintains the stance that these are made-up entities, yet due to the degree of social approval of these classifications, it is necessary to examine their meanings and impacts on people.

Examining these categories of difference is difficult because they are all inextricably linked to one another and operate as part of an individual’s subjectivity. For example, Butler (1990) posits that identities have been socially constructed along gender, racial, sexual, ethnic, class, and regional lines. Further, Collins (2011) asserts that these groupings form interlocking structures of oppression. So, it becomes literally impossible to understand any of these categories without also considering other categories of difference and the forms of oppression that the individual experiences. As an example, one could not simply understand experiences of being part of a group categorized as African American, without also understanding what it is like to be categorized as African American and male. Further, someone categorized as an African American male who grew up in inner city poverty is going to have much different experiences than someone categorized as an African American male who grew up in the suburbs and is the child of two doctors.

22 Despite this interconnectedness of categories of difference, it is necessary to make artificial distinctions between categories for clear and organized discussions about each exclusive category (Rothenberg, 2007a). I focus specifically on categories of race, gender, and social class, although there are infinite categories of difference always simultaneously operating. I chose these three categories because they seemed the most salient, but this is only one of many ways to examine the phenomenon of my study.

Race. Race holds tremendous meaning for individuals and societies even though it is a made-up category. Race has no biological reality, but instead derives its meaning through its sociocultural and historical context (Brown, 2001; Covington, 2011; Dalal, 2002; Ferrante & Brown, 2001; Moodley & Palmer, 2006; Omni & Winant, 2011).

Moodley and Palmer (2006) expand on the interconnectedness of the concept of race and the social and historical context: Race, racial difference and the many forms of racism/s that are experienced by black and ethnic minority groups are not fixed categories, nor are they transhistorical, pointing to a time of origin or a cultural or historical specificity where the roots of discrimination and domination had begun. These ideas and ideologies are dynamic and forever changing in relation to the discursive social, economic, cultural and political practices that are operating at the time (p. 14).

In other words, race cannot have meaning outside of the sociocultural and historical context. Race is not fixed, concrete, and objective, nor should it be treated as a mere illusion because of the tremendous meaning it holds in society (Altman, 2006; Leary, 1997b; Omni & Winant, 2011).

23 Much of the meaning associated with race is based on racial groupings, often black or white, and then these categories hold meaning about a person. First, race is often falsely treated as a biological reality and dissected along the lines of whiteness and non-whiteness (Altman, 2006; Brown, 2001; Covington, 2011; Dalal, 2002; Ferrante & Brown, 2001; Omni & Winant, 2011). Therefore, “most blacks and whites construct and are constructed by vastly different social worlds” (Leary, 1997b, p. 165). Then, these constructions of black and white become essential to “understanding” who a person is.

Although race typically stands out as informing one’s essence, Leary (2000) explains that the experience of race is much more complicated. She writes, “race does not in any meaningful sense speak for itself. It is instead a complex negotiation within persons as well as a complex negotiation between persons” (p. 649). Despite this important insight, in our society racial categories still seem to hold assumptions about who a person is.

In a way, a person’s race becomes a “common sense” indicator of a person’s nature. This “common sense” understanding of people based on race seems to have tremendous implications and impacts on their lived experiences. For example, Ore (2011) explains that difference does not cause inequality; however, the meanings society attributes to these differences creates detrimental outcomes that lead to inequality.

Further, she explains that the social definition of one group as being inferior does not actually make them inferior, but the social recognition of this norm may lead that group to experience themselves as inferior. These dynamics are particularly relevant for African Americans as they are normally cast by society as embodying the negative aspects of being.

24 Social constructions of African Americans have been consistently negative.

Historically, the distinction between white and black was so vast that people who now would be identified as African Americans were at one point considered sub-human (Dalal, 2002). Even if this distinction is not as extreme in modern-day, there is still a considerable lack of close and intimate relationships between white people and African Americans (Covington, 2010; Kovel, 1984). This lack of any real relationships leaves incredible opportunity for whites to “know” about African Americans solely through social representations such as media and academic portrayals (Covington, 2010).

What is “known” about African Americans typically are negative associations (Dalal, 2002). Fanon (1952) asserts that someone who is black is equated with ugliness, sin, darkness, immorality, lack of competence, and lack of intelligence. Metzler (2008) argues that African Americans are considered inferior and not equal. Finally, Covington (2010) maintains that African Americans have been constructed as being threatening, dangerous, savage, amoral, and criminal, which allows whites to maintain power. She adds that African Americans are constructed as lacking impulse control and therefore not executing the delay of gratification needed to better their lives. Overall, African Americans are placed on the marginalized and oppressed end of the black/white dichotomy, and they are assumed to be innately less than whites.

Gender. Gender is another socially constructed category that is treated as a real category with inherent meaning (Butler, 1990; Lorber, 2011; Metzler, 2008). Lorber (2011) explains that at birth, the sex of the baby is identified based on genitalia, and from there, the baby is groomed throughout life to be whatever gender was identified. This

25 grooming is based on socially constructed ways of being that are called masculine and feminine. Butler (1990) describes this division of masculine and feminine as an illusory binary each person attempts to fit into, which forecloses a multitude of other ways of being. Lorber adds that the expectations and meanings associated with each gender continue to be reinforced and perpetuated throughout life. This leads to a compulsory performance of gender roles that becomes erroneously understood as one’s “gender” (Butler, 1990). Despite the problematic construction of gender for everyone, men have typically avoided the deconstruction of gender as they have erroneously conceived gender as being a women’s issue exclusively (Metzler, 2008). Combating this error, the following paragraph attempts to give a brief deconstruction of masculinity.

Masculinity. Masculinity is another category that holds socially constructed notions and meanings. Metzler writes: The “ideal” male in modern, globalized society has the following characteristics: white, heterosexual, married, middle aged, university educated, and upper middle class. This is the hegemonic conception of Western masculinity by which all men, irrespective of age, class, sexual orientation, or cultural background, are measured. Here, the white male is constructed to be an ideal for others to emulate. (p. 66).

Kimmel (2011) adds that the American masculine ideal is an unreasonable quest for the attainment of material goods as markers of success. Further, he asserts that men are supposed to be powerful, strong, successful, capable, reliable, and in control.

Kimmel (2011) and Layton (2002) explain that, for men, the presence of anything but

26 socially constructed “masculine” qualities is accompanied by intense feelings of insecurity about not being “man” enough. Ironically, the hegemonic ideal male is a mythic construction few can attain (Kimmel, 2011; Metzler, 2008). This masculine ideal also colludes with racialized aspects of being.

The intersection of race and gender for African American men creates intense contradictions. Layton (2002) and Metzler (2008) argue that one cannot understand a construct, such as masculinity, without analyzing its intersection with other categories of difference, such as race. The combination of the social constructs of being African American and being a man is rooted in paradox. Metzler points out that despite masculinity being constructed as a superior gender, there is a binary in which white men are considered superior and black men are considered inferior. Metzler adds that this contradiction makes it impossible for any African American man in the United States to meet the ideal model of masculinity.

Kimmel (2011) supports Metzler’s stance. Kimmel asserts that although African American men have often been cast as “hypermasculine beasts,” they are also prohibited by society from achieving the standard markers of “manhood.” African American men face internal discrepancy as men have obsessively internalized the power differential between different men as defining one’s masculinity, yet African American men are often prevented from reaching this powered “norm” (Lease et al., 2010; Kimmel, 2011; Sánchez et al., 2011).

Beyond African American men being prevented from reaching the “masculine ideal,” they are also assigned socially constructed attributes that maintain the illusion of their inferiority. hooks (2004) identifies the dominant stereotypes of African American

27 men as being untamed, uncivilized, unthinking, unfeeling, castrated, ineffectual, irresponsible, and not “real men.” This is a far cry from the hegemonic notion of masculinity described previously. The viciousness of these dynamics is that social realities, such as lack of access to living wage work and discrimination, are ignored and replaced by the favored oppressive notion that African American men have inborn characteristics, such as laziness and a proclivity to street life over hard work, that make them unable to support themselves and their families (Covington, 2010). These dynamics are inauspicious for all African American men; however, they are likely further exacerbated for African American men from lower social classes.

Social class. Social class is another social categorization that holds significant meaning and is constructed in ways that are detrimental to the poor. Social class informs people of their hierarchical position in society based on wealth, power, and prestige.

Mantsios (2011) states: The United States is the most highly stratified society in the industrial world.

Class distinctions operate in virtually every aspect of our lives, determining our work, the quality of our schooling, and the health and safety of our loved ones.

Yet remarkably, we, as a nation, retain illusions about living in an egalitarian society (p. 93).

Perhaps this illusion of egalitarianism promotes what Mantsios sees as a lack of discourse regarding class identity. He explains that social class is typically only talked about as the notion of an all-encompassing “middle class.” Mantsios adds that American society constructs this “middle-class” as making up most of the people in society, and

28 then society blames the “poor” for the common economic problems of the “middle class.”

He explains that there seems to be much more of a distinction between the poor and “the rest” of Americans, while there seems to be little distinction between the wealthy and “the rest” of Americans. This is despite significant amounts of wealth in America being controlled by a very small percentage of the population.

As with other social constructs, social class distinctions are made along socially constructed lines, such as the poverty level, and then attributes are assigned to members of these various social classes (Ore, 2011). The poor are a constructed social class that seems to bear the brunt of these negative associations. Covington (2010) explains that the poor are often blamed for their poverty through the notion that poverty is passed down intergenerationally as a result of the poor’s values, behaviors, and beliefs. Further, Rothenberg (2007b) explains that class differences seem to hold laden values about a person’s moral character and ability. Socially constructed notions of the poor are typically marked with indignation and resentment, blaming genetic endowment, psychological makeup, family environment, community, and/or race as the reasons for the poor person’s lot in life (Montsios, 2011). Montsios also adds that there is a racialized notion of the poor as being urban African Americans, whereas statistically, most of the poor are white and live in rural and suburban areas. Overall, the socially constructed categorization of the poor holds them to be urban, African Americans who are unworthy and deficient, and therefore unable to accumulate wealth.

This type of blaming ignores systemic structures that maintain social class boundaries (Covington, 2010; Layton, 2004; Montsios, 2011; Ore, 2011). Rothenberg (2007b) argues that differences between the rich and the poor result from ways the

29 economy is structured, and economic decisions are made to promote the privileged. Gans (2007) adds that poorer segments of society receive less adequate services and treatment, further perpetuating the notion that the poor deserve less and are capable of less.

Marginalized groups, such as inner city African Americans, face additional challenges such as discrimination from employers and increased community risk factors such as the unavailability of jobs (Covington, 2010; Wilson, 2011). Yet, again, society blames poor, urban African Americans as the cause of these issues, rather than examining the social structures that promote continued oppression. Further, being poor seems to hold negative connotations as it contradicts the ever-present societal backdrop of the American dream of upward mobility.

The American Dream Although the American Dream is not a category of difference, its social construction in American culture is a necessary aspect of this project. The American Dream is a widely followed, central, guiding ideology in American society (Cullen, 2003; Hochschild, 1995; Samuel, 2012). Samuel (2012) argues that the American Dream “plays a vital, active role in who we are, what we do, and why we do it. No other idea or mythology –even religion, I believe –has as much influence on our individual and collective lives” (p. 2). The American Dream is a complex guiding ideology, pivotal to the cultural ethos.

The notion of the American Dream contains many different dreams and possibilities, but the dream of upward mobility is probably most paramount (Cullen, 2003). Hochschild (1995) adds that the notion of upward mobility and success is

30 typically marked by the attainment of a high income, a prestigious job, and economic security. Kimmage (2011) elaborates: In no country is the voyage into the middle and upper-middle class as intoxicating as it is in America, whatever statistics may say about the country’s actual class structure, actual poverty levels, and actual stagnation of opportunity. The American Dream promises immediate property and ultimate happiness, physical possessions, consumer goods, and an ensuing metaphysical joy (p. 27).

This overall pursuit of improved socioeconomic status has become equated with a person’s worth (Shane & Heckhausen, 2013), which is a notion fueled by contradictions.

Beyond being contradictory, the American Dream is deeply flawed and fictional (Cullen, 2003; Hanson & White, 2011; Hochschild, 1995; Samuel, 2012; Scholom, 2013). One major flaw of the American Dream is the myth that upward mobility is available to everyone who pursues it. Hanson and White (2011) explain that extreme and persistent economic disparities clearly dismantle any real notion that the American Dream is a universal opportunity. Further, Samuel (2012) asserts that upward mobility is difficult, and often impossible for large portions of Americans, despite the societal belief that with hard work anyone can get ahead. This faith in hard work promotes another major flaw of the notion of the American Dream, that upward mobility is strictly correlated to individual attributes.

The achievement of upward mobility is often attributed to individual characteristics, ignoring social dynamics and instead blaming the oppressed. Layton (2014) explains that economic disparities are often attributed to individual lack of incentive and lack of moral integrity. Further, Cullen (2003) asserts that personal agency

31 lies at the core of the American Dream. The notion of individualistic effort and achievement leads to self-blame instead of societal critique when the American Dream is not realized (Hanson & White, 2011; Hochschild, 1995; Layton, 2004). Layton (2004) writes, “In a capitalist economy, material wealth is the major criterion of success, and it serves a capitalist status quo to have people think that it is their fault if they do not have material wealth” (p. 247). In sum, the American Dream, particularly the pursuit of upward mobility, is captured by the notion that those who acquire wealth are the worthy and those with less material possessions are the unworthy and undeserving (Parenti, 2007). These dynamics intersect within the individual’s psyche as he negotiates his sense of self.

Intersection of Race, Gender, Social Class, and the American Dream This section explains the intersection of the social constructs discussed so far. At this point, one can see that poor, urban African Americans are socially constructed as containing inherent flaws and deficits. Racism and class hierarchies preserve power and privilege structures at the expense of marginalized groups, such as poor, urban African American men (Sucharov, 2013.) In other words, they are actively prevented from obtaining universally held notions of success and worthiness, such as the American Dream of upward mobility. Not obtaining upward mobility often “proves” their lack of abilities and deservingness, rather than exposing the extreme flaws in our society. To say it differently, poor, urban, African American men remain “the problem,” in a way that helps society avoid looking at the flaws of our social structures and hegemonies.

32 Some poor, urban African American men are able to achieve this coveted American Dream, but it likely comes at a cost. By achieving upward mobility, they are achieving an almost universally held marker of success and value. However, this achievement contrasts with commonly held notions of poor, urban African American men as being inferior, ineffectual, and undeserving. So the achievement of one socially constructed norm or ideal is always paired with the contradiction of another socially constructed norm. In other words, according to socially constructed notions, to be upwardly mobile means to not be poor and African American. However, poor, urban African Americans who achieve upward mobility are simultaneously holding these two conflicting social positions. This study looks at how these dynamics are subjectively experienced, so next I outline concepts regarding the unconscious and the self.

Unconscious Dynamics I have described social constructed notions of race, gender, and social class; however, I have not explored how these dynamics may be internalized and subjectively experienced. Therefore, this section incorporates social dynamics with conceptualizations of the unconscious. First, I outline literature discussing the unconscious as containing social elements. Next, I briefly outline the unconscious interpersonal processes of projective identification, extractive introjection, and role responsiveness. Then, I explain how theorists utilize these types of concepts to make sense of unconscious societal dynamics. Lastly, a subsection expands on how individuals may unconsciously play out roles according to their social construct.

33 Expanding the Unconscious The concept of the unconscious extends to include internalized societal dynamics that are always operating in the background, out of awareness. Layton (2004) writes, “gender, race, class, and sexual orientation are not add-ons to psychodynamics; they constitute psychodynamics” (p. 248). Unconscious societal dynamics and social constructions make-up “common sense” notions about the ways society is organized and about who people are. Fanon (1952) terms this concept the collective unconscious and describes this as the repository of prejudices, myths, and collective attitudes of a particular group. These unconscious dynamics, based on race, gender, sex, and social class, also work to uphold the power hierarchies (Layton, 2002). Overall, the dynamic unconscious is not simply made up of intrapsychic conflicts or residuals of caretaking patterns, but also includes “knowledge” about social structures and groupings based on categories of difference such as gender, race, and social class.

Several authors expand specifically on the racialized dynamics of the unconscious. Bonovitz (2005) writes, “race and culture cannot be separated from the internal objects that reside in our unconscious” (p. 71). Dalal (2002) adds that the psyche is inevitably structured to contain notions of blackness and whiteness, which are linked with notions of bad and good respectively. Dalal argues, “institutional racism is not necessarily a conscious conspiracy, but the activation of a set of racialized colour-coded conventions embedded within the psyches of individuals” (p. 213). These conventions create an unconscious racialized power structure that works to keep minorities in subordinate positions (Delgado & Stefancic, 2012). Socially constructed notions are also

34 activated during unconscious interpersonal processes, further promoting power structures and socially constructed ways of being.

Unconscious Interpersonal Processes The unconscious contains societal elements and is also relational, as the unconscious of one person is always interacting with the unconscious of others. This includes unconsciously swaying people to act and feel in certain ways. The unconscious swaying of people has been discussed in depth in the psychoanalytic literature, although these processes are usually examined within the context of the family or within relational dyads. However, these processes also occur societally. To expand, Bonovitz (2005) argues that interpersonal relations can never be teased apart from race and culture.

However, before incorporating this argument, I outline three specific unconscious interpersonal processes: projective identification, extractive introjection, and role responsiveness.

Ogden (1979) provides a useful conceptualization of projective identification. He explains that there are three parts of this process. First, the projector projects unwanted aspects of himself onto a recipient. The recipient then experiences a very real pressure to think, feel, and act in ways consistent with the projected parts. Then, the recipient internally digests the projection and gives it back to the projector to be re-internalized by the projector. Further, Ogden explains that the recipient of the projection is still the author of his own feelings, despite feeling a real pressure to feel and act in ways congruent with the unwanted aspects of the projector’s self. Additionally, the recipient must have some identification with the projects parts in order for those parts to be

35 internalized. For this study, I am particularly interested in how unwanted projected parts of society are experienced and internally digested by African American men. In other words, African American men are likely to feel the pressures of unwanted aspects of others, yet they metabolize this pressure in unique ways as they remain authors of their own feelings and experiences, despite these dynamics.

Next, Bollas (1987) uses the term extractive introjection to describe the interpersonal process of a person stealing parts of another’s psychic life. He describes it as being the reverse of projective identification. To give an example, person A may take feelings of competence from person B, so that person A exudes confidence and person B is left feeling inept. After this theft occurs, there is an emptiness left in the violated person. This emptiness may be then filled for projections. Using the example, after person A steals feelings of competence from person B, he may project feelings of incompetence and inadequacy into person B. So the final result is that person A feels an exaggerated sense of competence and a complete disavowal of feelings of inadequacy.

Person B is left feeling empty of any feelings of competence and instead feels an exaggerated sense of inadequacy. To expand this socially, generally society seems to steal African American men’s parts of themselves that relate to positive capabilities and then seems to replace these parts with negative qualities and attributes.

Lastly, Sandler (1976) explains that people tend to comply with roles demanded of them by others in an unconscious process he calls role responsiveness. In this process, an unknown and unspoken compromise between both parties allows the object to maintain some integrity of his own personality while in other ways being swayed to play out a role induced by the subject. Specific to this study, African American men seem to

36 have negative roles society assigns them to play out, such as the roles of being lazy, impulsive, and inferior. Yet, upwardly mobile African American men have been able to resist these roles in some way and maintain a different sense of who they are in contrast to what is promoted about them by society. The next section further outlines how these unconscious interpersonal processes occur at a societal level.

Societal Processes The interpersonal processes of projection and introjection can shape societal dynamics. First, categories of difference create a sense of otherness. Suchet (2010) writes, “The notion of otherness is based on that which is not the same and is therefore terrifying” (p. 164). This otherness allows individuals to project onto the other what they disavow in themselves (Altman, 2009; Suchet, 2004). Projections then paint clusters of people who are othered in a way that disguises their wholeness and true features, such as with racism, sexism, class, religion ethnocentricity, destructive nationalism, and homophobia (Minsky, 1998). These societal dynamics maintain the power structure and pattern the aim and quality of individuals’ projections (Dalal, 2009). For example, the white, middle class has been constructed to contain the good aspects of humanity, while the unfavorable qualities of humanity are projected onto groups that are othered (Cushman, 1995). Obviously, projected parts must then inhabit the other in some way.

This leads to the notion of introjection. The white, middle class may benefit from introjecting the good aspects of humanity, but then those who are othered are left prone to introject the unwanted or disavowed qualities of the human experience. Altman (2009) argues that these processes may leave poor minorities containing the negative projections

37 of society, while disowning the positive qualities in themselves. Holmes (2006b) explains further that these introjections can create an internalized sense of inferiority that feels warranted by marginalized groups. Further, these unconscious dynamics may lead to skepticism regarding one’s potential, especially in groups such as poor, urban African American men. These men may then be swayed to play out roles congruent with these feelings of inferiority.

Just as Sandler (1976) outlines interpersonal processes where individuals take on certain roles, individuals are also swayed to embody pre-determined societal roles.

Society has predetermined ways of being or roles prescribed to people depending on their social constructs (Berger & Luckman, 1966; Sullivan, 1953). People are knowingly and unknowingly placed into social constructs based on demographics such as race, gender, socioeconomic status, class, and sexuality. Then, they are unconsciously swayed to play out the roles attributed to their social constructs (Cushman, 1995). As the social construction section outlined, poor, urban African American men’s social construct holds primarily negative assumptions and attributes, and therefore their prescribed roles are congruent with these negative notions.

These roles become more than just a performance; they can become integrated into a person’s sense of self. Berger and Luckman (1966) provide further elaboration on this idea. They explain that social pressures keep people in line with socially constructed norms. Tension results when people act out of accord with these norms. People then play out assigned roles to the point where these roles become their subjective reality. To try to switch roles means not only disrupting the role of the self, but also disrupting the roles of others. These processes seem to be held together by innate interpersonal needs.

38 The human need for connection and approval cements the playing out of roles.

Sullivan (1953) posits that people adapt to cultural prescriptions of their place in society based on the accumulation of approval and the avoidance of disapproval. Cushman (1995) agrees that by complying with cultural norms and fitting into certain ways of being, individuals ensure societal approval. As one example, Butler (1990) writes, “We regularly punish those who fail to do their gender right” (p. 190). Plus, these roles and ways of being become important aspects of one’s individual and group identity.

Therefore, to act in accordance with these roles can strengthen one’s sense of identity, while acting contrary to one’s roles can threaten one’s sense of identity (Gutwill & Hollander, 2006; Layton, 2002).

These dynamics would suggest that upward mobility in poor, urban African Americans could be considered as deviating from their prescribed norms and roles. This deviation likely creates internal tension and threatens one’s sense of identity and connectedness with others in his group. To look further at these internal experiences, a discussion of the self ensues.

The Self Defining the concept of the self is a difficult task. Although psychoanalysis values the development of a sense of self as a central motivational concern throughout life (Mitchell, 1988), the self remains one of the most elusive psychological concepts (Cushman, 1995). Mitchell (1991) explains, “In fact, the most striking thing about the concept of the self within the current psychoanalytic thought is precisely the startling

39 contrast between the centrality of concern with self and the enormous variability and lack of consensus about what the term even means” (p. 124). Mitchell adds: The problem at arriving at a consensus about the term “self” is not that it does not refer to anything meaningful but that it refers to many meaningful things. The process of reflectiveness, or defining one’s nature as a person is much more complex, intricate, and subtle than any of our current theories can represent (p. 125).

Crastnopol (2006) adds, “we recognize that we cannot say what the self is, we can only speak to how the self is experienced” (p. 532).

Following these notions, I will provide a general framework for how I am using the concept of the self in this project. I draw from conceptualizations of the self I have found useful for understanding the complex experiences of upwardly mobile African American men from urban poverty. These conceptualizations include the self as being embedded in the sociocultural and historical contexts, interconnected with others, and multiplicitous.

First, the self is always embedded in the sociocultural and historical contexts (Bonovitz, 2005; Cushman, 1995; Hogget & Lousada, 1985; Kohut, 2003; Lionells, 1995; Mead, 1934; Samuels, 2006; Scarr, 1985; Sullivan, 1962; C. Thompson, 1950).

For example, Leary (1997b) explains that culture is significant in the development and maintenance of the self. Berger and Luckman (1966) add, “the self cannot be adequately understood apart from the particular social context in which they were shaped” (p. 50).

Mead (1934) writes, “Our contention is that mind can never find expression, and could never have come into existence at all, except in terms of a social environment” (p. 223).

40 Further, C. Thompson (1950) argues that society and culture create the self and being human is only experienced through culture. Backing this up, Cushman (1995) adds, “Thus culture is not indigenous ‘clothing’ that covers the universal human; rather it is an integral part of each individual’s psychological flesh and bones” (p. 18). Further, the sociocultural environment cannot be considered without acknowledging the interpersonal relationships that help create these environments.

Therefore, the next important concept related to the self is the importance of relationships with others. Mitchell (1988) explains, “There is no ‘self,’ in a psychologically meaningful sense, in isolation, outside of a matrix of relations with others” (p. 33). Gergen (2009) adds that our sense of self is always interconnected with others through relationships. Mead (1934) further explains: Selves can only exist in definite relationship with other selves. No hard-and-fast line can be drawn between our selves and the selves of others, since our own selves exist and enter as such into our experience only in so far as the selves of others exist and enter as such into our experience also” (p. 164).

Building on this notion, Sullivan (1953) adds, “Our self is made up of the reflections of our personality that we have encountered mirrored in those with whom we deal” (pp. 249-250). So, it is important to recognize that the men in this study engage in the process of upward mobility in a context that includes relationships with others.

Throughout this process, these relationships are likely to change and evolve, hence the self is likely to change and evolve. In sum, others are an essential part of each individual’s sense of himself.

41 The process of incorporating and contrasting others into a sense of self leads to the notion that the self contains a multiplicity of selves. This multiplicity follows interpersonal, relational, and social constructionist conceptualizations of the self, conceiving of the self as being plurally organized, fluid, and shifting (Bromberg, 1996; Davies, 1998; Gergen, 2009; Mitchell, 1991). Bromberg (1996) explains that there has been a necessary shift away from a unitary self to an understanding of the self as containing multiplicities of selves and that optimal functioning is being able to feel like oneself while still experiencing multiplicity. Mitchell (1991) elaborates that relationships between different versions of the self are complex and have varying degrees of conflict.

He adds, “What distinguishes multiple personalities from the rest of us is precisely that in multiple personalities there is no sense of continuity from one self-organization to the next, no recognition of a continuous, enduring subjectivity” (p. 138). A sense of cohesion between multiple selves is particularly relevant for upwardly mobile African American men as they must contain multiple, conflicting societal messages.

Taking multiplicity further, multiple selves can be applied to experiences with different aspects of the social world. Yi (2014) expands on Bromberg’s notion of multiplicity by theorizing that the self must also be able to shift between multiple cultural emotional worlds and be able to stand in the spaces between these cultural worlds.

Further, Mead (1934) explains that different selves engage with different social reactions and different social others. Dalal (2006) adds, “any single individual simultaneously inhabits not just one but a great range and variety of contesting and overlapping cultural frames–each with their own demands and claims on the individual” (p. 40). Further,

42 Crastnopol (2006) asserts that individual self-states contain “varying and contradictory cultural, gendered, and psychosocial roles” (p. 532).

To elaborate further, upwardly mobile African American men who originated from urban poverty likely experience multiple and conflicting selves. Suchet (2004) explains, “Individuals contain multiple, complex, and cross-cutting social group identifications that are fluid and shifting.” African American men from urban poverty would inevitably include several group identifications that are socially contradicting and, therefore, they are also likely to be internally contradicting. For example, these men are both African American men from inner city poverty and professional African American men. These two aspects of their selves are polarities of the social world. The next section on identity expands further on how these types of dynamics are incorporated into one’s identity.

Identity Now, I provide more detail regarding the concept of identity, which Abend (1974) argues is a subgroup or part of the larger entity of the self. I first discuss the interconnection of the social and the individual as it relates to identity. Then, I discuss how social positions and desire for belongingness promote and prevent certain identities.

Additionally, I discuss how social categories, such as social class, race, and gender, shape identities. Lastly, I discuss identification as an important aspect of identity, particularly as it relates to upwardly mobile African American men.

To begin, identity, like the self, is interconnected to the social surround and, therefore, is heavily linked to a social position. Leary (2014) explains, “Identity exists in

43 a social milieu and is not only a matter of individual authorship or subjectivity” (p. 49).

Further, Dalal (2006) writes, “identity is not something fixed, but is constantly being moulded through the interactions taking place with others” (p. 42). Berger and Luckman (1966) posit, “Identity is a phenomenon that emerges from the dialectic between individual and society” (p. 174). Layton (2013) adds that identity is formed in part through the lived experiences associated with one’s race, class, gender, sexuality, and other cultural dynamics. Overall, the interconnectedness of the individual and society creates an identity based largely on where society places an individual, although the individual will also have a unique way of forming an identity within his social position.

Society places individuals along lines of differences and then identifies those individuals in ways that are congruent with their social position. Erikson (1956) explains that a large part of identity formation has to do with how society and subsocieties identify and recognize the individual. Layton (2013) expands that identities are constructed in a dichotomous fashion, creating differing identities as being superior versus inferior. She explains that distinctions of race, gender, social class, and sexuality create these splits, in which one side of the split contains value and the other is devalued. Layton adds that these identity dichotomies are enforced by social norms and these social norms uphold existing power structures.

As I have mentioned earlier, the desire for connectedness and belonging cements these social norms and ways of being. Dalal (2002) elaborates that “Identity– the sense of who I am–is the same as that of where I belong. Belongingness is to do with a kind of sameness” (p. 183). In other words, individuals internalize attributes into their identity according to their social position in ways that support or deter ways of being (Rubins,

44 1975). Layton (2013) explains that people perform “proper” identities that are congruent with their social positions as a way of acquiring and maintaining recognition and approval. On the other hand, Layton adds that people are deterred from “improper” identities through the avoidance of humiliation, shame, and loss of love. This notion promotes a major argument of this study, that poor, urban African American men are deterred from identities that relate to upwardly mobile, professional statuses because of the prescribed identities associated with their original social positions.

Social class is one major aspect of poor, urban African American’s social position. Layton (2006a) provides a rich theoretical formulation of social class identity.

She theorizes that conscious and unconscious processes shape experiences in ways that reinforce class separateness and distinction. Additionally, these processes promote the internalization of class identity and class conflict. She explains that people unconsciously internalize splits based on social class identities. These unconscious internalizations of social class identity inform people of what is right and not right according to one’s social class. Further, Layton explains that individuals split off and disavow parts of the self that too closely represent members of other social classes.

Following Layton’s theory, it seems that an African American man from urban poverty may struggle with a new identity as a professional, middle-class or upper-class man, as this new social class would likely represent something that is “not him.” Given this, he would somehow have to negotiate between his original and current social class identities.

This type of negotiation occurs along racial boundaries as well.

Racial dynamics highlight the interconnectedness of the social world and one’s identity. Hassinger (in press) writes, “Racialized identities are produced by

45 social/political systems and the cultural discourses that justify and reproduce them, naturalizing the power and privilege of the dominant group and instantiating systemic racism� (p. 14). Further, Walls (2006b) expands on how the negotiation of identities occurs along racialized lines of difference. He theorizes that this process includes a part of the self that identifies with the marginalized self and yet another part of the self that sees the self through the eyes of the mainstream culture. Walls elaborates that marginalized groups must internalize mainstream notions into their sense of identity, even if they are negative notions about themselves, in order to accommodate the overarching power structures in place.

Walls (2006b) contends that marginalized individuals internalize mainstream notions about themselves while also disavowing and splitting off more real and intimate ways of experiencing themselves. In a sense, they lose identities that might feel genuine, positive, and connected to important others, and gain a fabricated sense of identity based on mainstream notions of their social position. So, as upwardly mobile African American men incorporate notions about themselves that are congruent with the mainstream culture they enter as professionals, they may lose more real, genuine notions about themselves that are associated with relationships with similar others.

Earlier theoreticians have also examined the balancing of multiple ways of viewing oneself. DuBois (1903) was a trailblazer in developing theory that understood the identity negotiations within African Americans. DuBois uses the term “double consciousness� to describe the experience of African Americans being forced to see themselves through the eyes of others, holding two parts of the self, an American self and an African American self. In his theorizing about identity development in African

46 Americans, DuBois asserts, “He simply wishes to make it possible for a man to be both a Negro and an American” (p. 2).

Fanon (1963) expands, “The black man possesses two dimensions: one with his fellow Blacks, the other with Whites” (p. 1). Fanon (1952) further explains that African American men must not only be African American, but they must be African American in relation to white men. Further, Cross (2012) writes: African American youth are taught and encouraged daily how to “exit” the African American community and “enter” into mainstream institutions, creating the ability to identity-switch. This does not create a fragmented identity, but instead leads to a multidimensional and integrated identity which makes use of identity enactment competencies (p. xx, Cross, 2012).

These dynamics of identity are also coupled with other socially constructed categories such as gender.

Therefore, gender also needs to be recognized as an important aspect of upwardly mobile African Americans’ identities. Abreu, Goodyear, Campos, and Newcomb (2000) explain that ethnic and masculinity identities develop in tandem. In fact, Fordham (1996) conducted a study in which high achieving African American male high school students identified their gender as being even more salient than their race in defining who they are.

Part of defining who they are involves incorporating their experiences with oppression.

The oppression that poor, urban African American men face creates unique challenges in identity development. For example, Sucharov (2013) explains that the long history of racist abuse and transgenerational trauma associated with racism has deep and complex impacts on personal identity. One of these effects on identity relates to the way

47 one is seen by others. Majors and Billison (1992) argue that every African American male is first seen as black and then secondly seen as a person. This supports Leary’s (1997b) contention that having “a racially identifiable body puts constraints on the psychological experiences of African-Americans” (p. 184). As already explained, being seen as an African American male comes with a host of negative assumptions. For example, Hooks (2004) explains that African American men are forced to develop their identity with the psychical backdrop that they are flawed. One way to counteract notions of being inferior and flawed is to locate similar others who have overcome these negative notions. These similar others can promote a more balanced sense of identity.

Although identity is much more than the sum of identifications with others (Erikson, 1956), identifications seem to provide a great deal for upwardly mobile African American men. Positive identifications with other African American men provide one force that seems to push back against the internalization of negative mainstream notions about them. For example, Pierre and Mahalik (2005) explain that the identifications formed with other African Americans can promote positive feelings about oneself. Dalal (2002) discusses this as internalizing good racialized objects through positive associations with other African Americans. Further, close relationships within the African American community can foster a different sense of self compared to the sense of self one might garner from society as a whole (Sinclair, Hardin, & Lowery, 2006). So, fostering close relationships with other upwardly mobile African American men is one way of shoring up one’s sense of self and identity against pervasive and oppressive societal forces.

48 Agency Up until this point, I have largely discussed the social world as almost acting onto the individual. However, the individual is also an agent in how he experiences and acts in the world. Therefore, a discussion on the concept of agency is necessary. First, agency is discussed as it relates to the uniqueness and individuality of each person, including how each person experiences his social environment. Next, the agency of each person to affect his social environment is examined. Finally, agency is discussed as an essential element for upward mobility.

Agency supports that there are unique ways in which individuals experience the world and act within the world. Abend (1974) explains that the self includes both elements of sameness with others and simultaneously uniqueness and individuality. This uniqueness and individuality includes the differences in people’s experiences of the same social context. Yi (2014) writes, “people have varied and complex ways of organizing and giving meanings to the culture, based on their individual disposition, experiences of family, social, cultural life, and so on” (p. 43). Altman (2006) adds, “we are all under social influence, and yet we each consciously and unconsciously pick and choose which aspects of that influence to be shaped by, as well as bring to bear our own powers of resistance, creativity, and agency” (p. 146). Elaborating further, Dalal (2002) writes: The focus on the larger socio-historical dimension does not necessitate a vision of people as clones. Diversity and individuality remain; the mistake is to presume that the individuality is asocial and has nothing to do with preoccupations of the sociological milieu (p. 203).

49 Additionally, culture itself is not homogeneous, but is instead varying, fluid, and experienced uniquely by each individual (Dalal, 2006). Delgado and Stefancic (2012) add that people experience racism and oppression in different ways. So, when developing a psychological understanding of oppressed individuals and populations, there needs to be a balance of understanding historical injustices as well as individual manifestations (Walcott, 2006). To expand further, there are obvious social dynamics in place that influence African American men and, at the same time, there are also ways these individuals uniquely experience and influence their social contexts.

Living within a social context is not a passive experience. Rubins (1975) posits that each individual will identify with, conform to, reject, or modify any cultural influence in a uniquely personal way. Frie (2002) expands, “The fact is that we develop in relational contexts, but we retain the ability to affect these contexts� (p. 663).

Additionally, Frie (2008) writes: Agency, in my view, is never simply an isolated act of choice, but a complex process of reflection, informed by personal history and fundamentally embedded in biological and sociocultural contexts. Therefore, a singular focus on either the internal, intrapsychic dimension or conversely, on the interpersonal, social dimension can never provide a satisfactory account of agency (p. 375).

Following these parameters, this study looks at how urban African American men experience their environment, but also how they act within and upon their environment.

An important aspect of agency in upwardly mobile African American men from urban poverty is the individualized ways of counteracting negative societal forces and stereotypes. For example, Altman (2009) sees the challenge for marginalized groups as

50 having to resist the psychological processes that contribute to a poor sense of self and to attempt to maintain a positive self-image in the midst of these dynamics. This may include considering one’s self as being in control over social hindrances.

Various studies support the advantages of experiencing oneself as an agent in determining one’s fate. For example, a study by Shane and Heckhausen (2013) found it was more adaptive to see oneself as the creator of one’s own destiny, even though the reality is that social barriers, constraints, and injustices can hinder social mobility.

Fordham’s (1996) study supports this notion, finding that high achieving students minimized the impact of racial barriers and resisted the internalization of these barriers, even when these barriers were acknowledged. Lastly, a study by Lucas (2011) found personal agency to counteract limitations towards social mobility. So, in general, any poor, urban African American man who experiences upward mobility into a professional status has in some ways acted as an agent of his own experience. Without agency, there would be no upward mobility for African American men as they would be simply acted upon by societal expectations and limitations without any hopes or chances of moving into a different social position.

Upward Mobility This literature review has outlined ideas about socially constructed dynamics in American society and also has covered conceptualizations about unconscious processes and the self. This final section now expands on the phenomenon of upward mobility.

Consistent with other concepts in this literature review, upward mobility is interconnected with the social, interpersonal, and intrapsychic aspects of experience. To

51 tie these components together, this section discusses the psychic aspects of upward mobility, the interpersonal dynamics associated with upward mobility, and studies that are similar to this project.

I have already argued that social mobility is deeply embedded in American culture as a pillar of the American dream. The quest for upward mobility includes a desire to increase one’s power, prestige, financial resources, and social status. The push for upward mobility is more than just a cultural artifact; it is also a major component of the individual’s psyche in our culture. For example, Horney (1937) argues that the quest for power, prestige, and possession is an attempt to ward off feelings of anxiety. Beyond warding off anxiety, this quest seems to also promote a sense of worth. Kardiner (1939) explains that, in a society that values money and prestige, as one accumulates more money his self-concept grows. Fromm (1941) adds that the individual invests the self so significantly in societal products such as possessions, prestige, and power that he ends up basing his self on these societal measurements. Further, Layton (2014) explains that many Americans are raised as if they are an investment with a hope of economic return in the future. She expands that this undercuts the development of a sense of inherent worth and leads to a split between a grandiose sense of self and self-deprecation.

Basing one’s value on the ability to achieve upward mobility in a society where there is unequal access to money, power, and prestige sets up a significant portion of the population to feel inadequate and inferior. For example, Kardiner (1939) explains that society places varying demands on people and provides different opportunities for them depending on factors such as race, class, and gender. Horney (1937) posits that the fierce competitive nature of the economic system oppresses certain groups of people from

52 having equal access to resources. In addition, Sullivan (1953) argues that people are hindered, despite strong potential, because of cultural restrictions and stereotypes. So generally, there is a societal push to achieve upward mobility as a way to feel good about oneself; however, societal dynamics simultaneously prevent certain groups from achieving this.

Huffman (1982) expands on the concurrent promotion and prevention of upward mobility in oppressed groups. He suggests that there is a fierce competitiveness towards achievement in American society that protects against deep feelings of inferiority. He posits that these feelings of inferiority likely stem from the outcast and oppressed statuses of many of the country’s original immigrants. This creates a competitiveness to be better than other ethnic groups as a way of preserving a certain positive sense of self. Huffman writes, “Each new group threatened the position of previous groups too, as African Americans, Irishmen, Italians, Jews, Puerto Ricans and others pushed each other around trying to climb in social status” (p. 30). He further explains that this has created a neurosis among oppressed groups, such as African American men, who, as Americans, are expected to be expansive, but often are not allowed to be due to social constraints.

Huffman asserts that this leaves oppressed populations with the feeling that they are “not ok” because they are not able to achieve societal expectations.

The simultaneous promotion and prevention of upward mobility is especially present for African Americans. For example, hooks (2004) explains that African American men often link their value as men with making money, yet again, they face societal barriers as they pursue upward mobility. In fact, Dyson (1995) theorizes that young African Americans may steer away from pursuing upward mobility as they

53 recognize education and skill do not prevent racism and classism from thwarting their efforts. So again, for poor, urban African American men, there seems to be a push towards upward mobility and simultaneously a societal pull towards remaining poor and oppressed. This push and pull is likely to create some degree of psychic turmoil.

Beyond societal forces, unseen psychic barriers can make it difficult for groups, such as poor, urban African American men, to achieve upward mobility. Holmes (2006a) explains that social class and minority status play primary roles in the intrapsychic meanings of success and failure. For example, feelings of ambivalence, self-doubt, and unworthiness are likely intertwined with the upward mobility process, especially for poor, urban African American men. Dimen (2006) explains that racial and class differences can create a love and hate relationship in that the marginalized party may hate the position of privilege the other enjoys, yet at the same time hold aspirations to acquire that same social status in the future. These aspirations can be sabotaged by internalized messages of low self-worth that can create an unconscious destructive tendency for marginalized groups who, on some level, do not feel they are worthy or deserving of success (Holmes, 2006b). Layton (2006a) adds that, on an unconscious level, people of lower socioeconomic positions may believe upper classes have the right to have more, to have better, and to dominate. This keeps poorer people in their “own place” in society, creating anxiety about social movement as it represents too much of something that is “not them.”

Elements of trauma are also likely to impact poor, African American men as they seek upward mobility. Apprey (2003) explains that transgenerational trauma, resulting from a history of colonization and enslavement, can haunt current generations of African

54 Americans and hinder advancement. Apprey writes, “for the ancestors of once colonized or enslaved African Americans, the phantom may appear as an internal assassin that looks at his or her efforts at progress with contempt” (p. 14). Apprey adds that African Americans may have an unspoken sense that they have an “errand” to run of selfdestruction that fulfills a mandate of being nothing. He explains that this mandate has been imposed by historical transgressors. Apprey provides hope that this internal saboteur can be detoxified and transformed, which would allow poor, urban African American men to reject the errand of self-destruction and instead pursue aspirations, such as upward mobility. Lastly, Layton (2014) adds that transgenerational trauma can also occur as a result of being lower class and being treated in degrading and condescending ways by authorities. Therefore, it would seem that the traumatic effects of being poor and African American would be especially burdensome.

When upward mobility does occur in groups such as African American men from urban poverty, there is a host of intrapsychic and interpersonal dynamics that accompany this move in social positions. Unfortunately, people rarely consider the psychological costs associated with upward mobility (Layton, 2014). Upward mobility causes tensions as one must leave a prescribed societal role, endure losses, and negotiate contrasting multiplicity within one’s self and within one’s community. It has been consistently argued in this literature review that African American men from urban poverty occupy a position marked by discrimination and oppression. Their prescribed social position and social role seems to be one of being marginalized and being at the bottom of the social ladder.

55 Tensions arise when one attempts to leave this rigid social position. Phelan and Rudman (2010) elaborate that African Americans who attempt to break away from socially impinged positions may draw attention to themselves and risk negative reactions from others, which can again create a push to maintain stereotypes and the status quo. So when individuals do break free from their social prescribed roles, it often leads to feelings of alienation and isolation (Chafe, 2007; Fromm, 1941).

Poor African American men from urban communities who achieve upward mobility are especially likely to encounter these feelings of alienation and isolation.

Johnson and Kaiser (2013) explain, “As long as distressed communities provide minorities with their identities, the social costs of breaking free will remain high� (p.

377). Additionally, Johnson and Kaiser (2013) argue that acquiring wealth can leave African Americans at risk of rejection by their own racial group. In their study, they found that wealthy African American participants reported that they have had their identity come into question by the African American community.

Further, hooks (2004) adds that upwardly mobile African Americans can feel alienated from other African Americans as various social classes show contempt for one another. For example, Kardiner and Ovesey (1951) theorize that African Americans who achieve a certain level of success often suffer from guilt and a sense of betrayal about achieving more than other African Americans or they develop a hate towards other African Americans through a sense of superiority. This puts upwardly mobile African American men in a double bind. They still face oppressive factors associated with being African American (Delgado & Stefancic, 2012; Pattillo-McCoy, 1999; Pieterse & Carter, 2007), yet they may feel ostracized from the broader African American community due

56 to their success. In any case, those who achieve upward mobility seem to endure a loss of some component of themselves and of their community.

Loss is a major component of social mobility. Akhtar (1995) identifies mourning losses as a central aspect of immigration and identity. Although this study is not about immigration, this same tenet likely applies to professional African American men who have “moved” from urban poverty. In support of this notion, Nelson et al. (2006) identify negotiating a new identity and dealing with losses associated with an old identity as essential challenges of upward mobility. Further, they write: It is likely that upward class mobility is more than a simple experience of gaining desired resources and status. Rather, upward mobility seems to involve alterations in identity and related stressors as well as loss of connection to one’s original culture, loss of a sense of home, and other losses, such as no longer being simpatico with family members and old friends (p. 2).

This sense of loss is also likely accompanied by an internal sense of conflicted identity.

Upwardly mobile African American men from urban poverty likely experience conflicting identities. Erikson (1956) asserts that throughout development discontinuities between previous aspects of identity and new aspects of identity can create identity crises, or at best, can be managed through compromises and combinations of multiple sets of past and present identities. Berger and Luckman (1966) provide further theoretical explanations regarding this challenge. They explain that socially mobile individuals “face the problem of maintaining consistency between earlier and later elements of subjective reality” (p. 161). They add that the early socialization is not re-

57 socialized, but instead new experiences are incorporated with what was already known about oneself. Overall, a poor, urban African American man does not eliminate being a poor, urban African American man from his identity, but instead he must now also incorporate being a middle class professional African American man into his sense of self.

To explain further, upward mobility promotes conflicting multiplicities within oneself and within one’s social group. Moving in and out of different social groups creates a need for constant adaptation to different ways of being, which can lead to complex conflict for these individuals (Chafe, 2007). Dalal (2002) explains, “Because belongingness is always multiple, many of the varieties of belonging are conflictual, and this gives rise to an internal sense of feeling divided and at war with oneself” (p. 187).

He continues, “There are multiple claims on one’s identity going on simultaneously.

There is a constant danger that I/we will become something else, and because of this the act of being named triggers an essential anxiety” (p. 187). Therefore, poor urban African American men who achieve upward mobility likely experience anxiety regarding no longer belonging and no longer being part of the “we.” However, Berger and Luckman (1966) explain that one way of maintaining a consistency between these two subjective realities is maintaining association with persons and groups who were significant before.

Now, to look more specifically at these dynamics, I summarize a few studies that explore the experiences of upward mobility.

58 Similar Studies Fordham (1996) conducted an ethnographic study at a high school in Washington, DC with a mostly African American student population. She explored notions of academic success and identity as they relate to race and gender. Fordham theorizes that for many African Americans, achievement, particularly academic achievement, is a mode of resisting oppressive societal forces. In other words, African Americans may retain a sense of power and agency through willfully acting in ways that reject the negative mainstream claims regarding African American’s abilities, particularly academic abilities. Academic success is a way of dispelling myths regarding African American inferiority and lack of intelligence. She writes, “For the high-achieving students at Capital High, pursuing academic success is a kind of warfare, a calculated conformity intended both to minimize a perception of ‘lack’ and to achieve a higher social status” (p. 235). Although this resistance is an effort to promote a more positive image of African Americans, it can create the construction of “acting white.” So, for many of the high achieving students, the primary issue was managing the duality of achieving success as defined by their school and larger society and concurrently maintaining membership in the African American community. Balancing success with maintaining connections to the African American community seems to be a common theme among upwardly mobile African Americans.

In a study by Nelson et al. (2006), they found that upwardly mobile participants who worked in academia learned to identify with multiple cultures simultaneously.

Maintaining multiple identifications allowed them to maintain aspects of their identity that related to their upwardly mobile culture as well as to their culture of origin, such as

59 an ethnic or blue-collar cultural background. Many of the participants described a sense of social isolation as they did not fully fit in with their new social environments, yet they were also out of place in their old social environments. Finally, these researchers described the non-white participants’ experiences as developing a tricultural identity, in that these participants had to learn to acclimate to both an educated culture and to a white culture, while simultaneously holding high regard for their original culture.

Additionally, in a qualitative study of professional African American men, Cornelius (2013) found that the participants experienced constrictions to their career development. They highlighted that they have to work to avoid backlash due to stereotypes and racism by tampering down their assertiveness, intelligence, and abilities as to not appear threatening in the workplace. Cornelius also discovered that these men utilized facilitative structures to help advance their careers. For example, the participants placed emphasis on being able to foster supportive relationships, particularly with African American male role models. Additionally, they utilized bicultural strategies, navigating the African American culture and the white-male dominated culture of corporate America, which also meant navigating their own identities. The participants utilized a sense of agency through a deep belief in themselves and through a refusal to be defined by negative stereotypes.

Lastly, I will add segments of an article written by Leanita McClain titled, “The Middle-Class Black’s Burden.” McClain grew up in the Ida B. Wells housing project on Chicago’s South Side and later became the first African American member of the Chicago Tribune’s editorial board (Page, 1986). Page explains that McClain committed suicide at the age of 32. Some speculate that her suicide was at least partially motivated

60 by the psychic pain stemming from her upward mobility; that the tensions between being an African American woman from the projects and being a middle class African American woman bred deep feelings of pain. Although her article is not a study, it eloquently describes the type of subjective experiences my project hopes to explore and give voice to.

McClain (1980/1986) begins, “I am a member of the black middle class who has had it with being patted on the head by white hands and slapped in the face by black hands for my success.” She writes, “My life abounds in incongruities.” Later, “I have fulfilled the entry requirements of the American middle class, yet I am left, at times, feeling unwelcome and stereotyped. I have overcome the problems of food, clothing and shelter, but I have not overcome my old nemesis, prejudice. Life is easier, being black is not.” Next she writes, “I am burdened daily with showing whites that blacks are people.

I am, in the old vernacular, a credit to my race. I am my brothers’ keeper and my sisters’, though many of them have abandoned me because they think I have abandoned them.”

She adds, “I run a gauntlet between two worlds, and I am cursed and blessed by both.”

Finally, she writes, “As for the envy of my own people, am I to give up my career, my standard of living, to pacify them and set my conscience at ease? No. I have worked for these amenities and deserve them, though I can never enjoy them without feeling guilty.”

Conclusion This literature review incorporated an understanding of social constructionism, the unconscious, and the self into an overall examination of the process of upward mobility for poor, urban African American men who later gained professional status and

61 an improved social position. Socially constructed notions of difference were explained as creating false distinctions between people. These distinctions serve to maintain power structures. As a result, poor, urban African American men are typically kept from attaining improved social statuses, which is often justified through attributing negative prescriptions to these men. Upwardly mobile professional African American men have found ways to break free from these social norms, yet doing so is likely accompanied by significant and meaningful subjective experiences.

These experiences include balancing multiple conflicting identities and social notions about themselves. These conflicts may lead to feelings of isolation, lack of belonging, guilt, loss, and unworthiness. Upwardly mobile African American men from urban poverty may find themselves not quite fitting in with their old or new worlds, placing them in a tension-filled middle ground. Maintaining bonds with original important others while also forging connections and identifications through new relationships with other professional African American men seems to be one way of managing the conflicted nature of upward mobility. This study hopes to gain further understanding of how the participants have experienced their own upward mobility, including how this process has affected and has been affected by their sense of identity, agency, and connections with others.

62

Chapter III

Methodology

Research Strategy Reintroduction of major approach. This qualitative research project utilizes a case study methodology and is grounded in a social constructivist epistemological framework. Qualitative research is appropriate for this study for a number of reasons.

First, it seeks to explore meanings (Creswell, 2009) and to develop complex and detailed understandings (Creswell, 2007). Additionally, qualitative research allows for complexity and multiplicity, as opposed to trying to determine a singular casual explanation or simple generalization (Bloomberg and Volpe, 2008). Finally, Creswell (2007) writes, “We conduct qualitative research when we want to empower individuals to share their stories, hear their voices, and minimize the power relationships that often exist between a researcher and the participants in the study” (p. 40). These objectives outlined

by Creswell are directly aligned with the values of this research project.

Further, to ensure the intricacies and complexities of each participant’s experiences and stories are heard and considered, I use a case study methodology, as this approach allows for an in-depth analysis of multiple cases (Creswell, 2009). Yin (2009) asserts, “A case study is an empirical study that investigates a contemporary phenomenon in depth and within its real life context, especially when the boundaries between phenomenon and context are not clearly evident” (p. 18). This guideline fits this project

63 well because although the study is focused on the phenomenon of upward mobility, the contexts of the participants’ lives are also of great importance. The case study methodology allows for in-depth understanding of the lived experiences of being African American men from inner city poverty and understanding of the experiences associated with upward mobility to a new social class.

Finally, the social constructivist philosophical paradigm is essential to this study.

Social constructivism guides how this project will understand meanings, experiences, and the research. Similar to the social constructionist paradigm described in the literature review, the social constructivist philosophy focuses on the way experiences are constructed and on the meanings those experiences have for the individual (Gergen, 2009). Therefore, reality and knowledge are considered to be socially constructed, rather than absolute truths that are discovered (Berger & Luckman, 1966; Bloomberg and Volpe, 2008). Instead of searching for absolute truths, the research looks for subjective, complex, and multiple meanings and understandings of experiences (Bloomberg and Volpe; Creswell, 2007; Creswell, 2009). Therefore, my research is a dialectical process with the participants in an effort to make sense of the phenomenon explored (Gergen, 2009). This dialectical process also happens within a unique sociocultural and historical context.

Social constructivism holds that experiences and meanings cannot be separated from the sociocultural and historical contexts they are embedded in (Creswell, 2007; Creswell, 2009). The irreducible influence of the social and cultural contexts includes its impact on the researcher and on the research itself. My own cultural, social, and historical experiences inevitably shape the questions, interactions, and interpretations

64 involved in this project (Bloomberg and Volpe, 2008; Creswell, 2009; Runyon, 1984).

Runyon (1984) adds, “Just because analyses and accounts of lives are embedded in and relative to particular personal, social, intellection, and historical conditions, does not mean that they cannot be objective or cannot be rigorously examined� (p. 35). So despite the influence of the sociocultural and historical contexts and the acknowledgement that there are no essential truths to be discovered, there is still significant meaning and value in engaging in a dialectical process with individuals in hopes of developing unique and complex understandings of their lives and of their experiences.

To summarize, I used a case study methodological approach in this qualitative research study, grounded in social constructivism, to study the phenomenon of upward mobility in professional African American men who grew up in urban poverty. The data and understandings are presumed to be mutually constructed between the participants and myself. Further, this mutual construction is also influenced by social and cultural variables. Finally, my approach sought to collect information and to develop understanding, emphasizing that the information and understandings developed are unique to what is constructed between the participants and the researcher.

Case selection. This project follows general case selection guidelines for conducting case study research. Creswell (2007) suggests selecting no more than four or five cases for a case study methodology. This allows for a deeper analysis and for more compelling formulations (Tolleson, 2009). Therefore, I selected five participants and conducted five one-hour interviews with each of them. I implemented purposeful sampling in order to find information-rich cases that best generated a thorough

65 understanding of the research question (Bloomberg and Volpe, 2008; Creswell, 2007; Creswell, 2009).

I used a variety of purposeful sampling strategies to find participants. First, I networked with friends, colleagues, and associates about my study and to see if they were interested in either participating in my study or if they knew of people who would be a good fit for my study. I also networked with organizations and groups with large numbers of professional African Americans, presented my project, and recruited interested participants.

These sampling strategies presented a significant research dilemma. First, I sampled from people I know directly. Additionally, I have varying degrees of affiliation with some of the organizations with which I networked. Therefore, many of the participants either knew me well or knew me through affiliation. Creswell (2007) warns against choosing participants that you know personally; however, I believe the dynamics of this study lent a strong argument. We live in a racially charged society that creates much anxiety surrounding discussions about race within interracial dyads. Our neighborhoods, social organizations, cafeteria rooms, and other places of social interaction are still very segregated, often making the other a mystery. These dynamics may have caused participants to be somewhat inhibited in talking openly to me, as a white researcher. Therefore, the participants having some familiarity with me, and with my connections to the African American community, may have allowed for a more open discussion surrounding issues of race and difference. This argument seemed to outweigh the potential downside of interviewing participants with whom I have a personal connection.

66 Due to personal connections with the participants, I implemented strategies to protect against the risks associated with this sampling strategy. The main risk was that the potential participants might not have felt comfortable declining to participate in the study or they may not have felt comfortable dropping out of the study. To address this issue, I had an explicit discussion about this dynamic early on in the screening process with anyone I networked with. I offered reassurance that I wanted any participant to feel completely free to decline to participate or to drop out of the study at any point.

Another risk was that a personal relationship would influence the data. However, following social constructivism, the data are always constructed between two people. So, the data would be influenced in a different way if the participant had absolutely no previous relationship with me. Again, I acknowledged this dynamic within the interviews and within the way I analyzed the data. Finally, regardless of a potential participant’s familiarity with me, I screened potential participants to see if they fit certain criteria to participate in the study.

I screened potential participants with inclusion criteria in mind. The most obvious inclusion factors were that the potential participants identify as being African American men. Another criterion was that the potential participant was working in a professional capacity. Additionally, I wanted any potential participant to have grown up in urban poverty. I looked for people who experienced some significant economic deprivation growing up. I looked for people who described the neighborhood they grew up in as being in the inner-city. People who grew up in a suburban neighborhood or middle or upper class neighborhood within a city were excluded.

67 After they fit the initial criteria, I asked the potential participants about their willingness and availability to participate in the study. I explained the time commitments, highlighting that this study required at least five hours of their time through five different interviews. I also assessed potential participants’ interest in this subject area, as I wanted to find participants who have an interest in thinking about and discussing their experiences. Finally, I selected five participants who met the exclusion criteria and verbalized a willingness and commitment to the study.

Overview of information needed. I gathered general demographic information, such as age, race, and gender, during the initial sampling procedures. I also asked about the participant’s parent(s) occupation(s) during the participant’s childhood. I asked about the participant’s current occupation. I also asked about the socioeconomic status of his family of origin and his own current socioeconomic status. Finally, I asked about the neighborhood he grew up in and the neighborhood in which he currently lives.

Research design. This project was an exploratory study using a case study methodology that involved interviewing five participants five times for one hour per interview. The participants selected the interview location between his home or office, my office, or another private location. The interviews with each participant were conducted within a two-month period in order to promote a continuous stimulation instead of allowing too much time to lapse in between interviews, possibly causing stagnation.

68 Data collection. The data for this study derived from semi-structured, in-depth interviews that allowed the participants to discuss aspects of their narratives that seemed most meaningful to them (Yin, 2009). Along these lines, the questions were mostly broad and general, giving the participants space to share information that felt most salient to them (Creswell, 2009). Although much flexibility was granted, I also was active in the interviews to ensure the material stayed relevant to the purposes and interests of this study. Still, the focus of the data collection was on learning the meanings of the participants’ experiences, not on fitting their experiences into pre-conceived notions that would fit nicely into theoretical formulations offered in the literature review (Creswell, 2007).

As part of the data collection process, I also audiotaped and transcribed the interviews and took field notes to document my own reactions, thoughts, and ideas throughout the research process.

Plan for data analysis. I analyzed the data following guidelines of qualitative inquiry and case study methodology. Bloomberg and Volpe (2008) state, “Qualitative data analysis is the process of bringing order, structure, and meaning to the masses of data collected” (p. 95). Creswell (2007) adds, “Qualitative researchers build their patterns, categories, and themes from the ‘bottom-up,’ by organizing data into increasingly more abstract units of information” (p. 28). More specific to the case study method, I provided detailed descriptions of each case and analyses within those cases, and then I analyzed themes across the cases (Creswell, 2007; Tolleson, 1996). In a sense,

69 I weaved understanding, meanings, and interpretations within each case and across the cases.

Ethical Considerations The most significant ethical consideration was being aware of the tendency of researchers to oppress and pathologize vulnerable populations (Aron, Corne, & Mishler, 1994). I am a white male using psychoanalytic theory, which placed me at a prime risk to develop theoretical and interpretive meanings from the data that do not resonate with the participants. This risk could completely undermine the purposes of this study. I was mindful and cautious to not stick too closely to theory and instead tried to use theory only when it helped illuminate the participants’ data. In other words, I tried to give voice to the participants experiences primarily, rather than give voice to already available theoretical formulations. I veered away from theory that does not speak to the participants’ experiences; instead, I promoted the participants’ ways of understanding their experiences.

Validation Strategies/Issues of Trustworthiness I implemented a variety of validation strategies throughout this project. First, during the interviews, I utilized clinical techniques such as reflecting and summarizing to make sure that I accurately understood the material that was presented by the participants.

I also emphasized my wish to understand the participants’ experiences fully and invited them to talk as openly as possible about their experiences, including experiences regarding race that they might have worried would be uncomfortable for us to talk openly

70 about. In other words, I explicitly addressed issues of difference and potential anxieties throughout the interviews as an attempt to foster openness. I also conducted a sixth follow-up session where I asked the participants to review what I had written about our five interviews and make sure my synopses felt connected to what they hoped to say and convey. Finally, in writing up the findings, I used rich, thick descriptions of the data to ensure the voices of the participants were being heard and the essence of their stories were being told (Bloomberg & Volple, 2008; Creswell, 2007).

Limitations of the Study The major limitations of this study largely revolve around the lack of scientific generalizability associated with case study methods (Yin, 2009). There is a certain uniqueness that derives from this type of study that prevents generalizations. First, consistent with the social constructivist paradigm, my questions, interpretations, and understandings are going to be shaped by my own experiences and background (Creswell, 2007; Creswell, 2009; Runyon, 1984). This means the findings of this project present only one particular way out of infinite numbers of ways of viewing the experiences of the participants (Runyon, 1984). With this being said, my task was to develop interpretations that feel more plausible than other possible interpretations (Runyon, 1984). Additionally, speaking to only five participants produced idiosyncratic information that cannot be generalized. Although the sample size allowed for rich, subjective meanings and understandings to emerge, it foreclosed opportunities to understand the phenomenon more broadly and generally.

71 Chapter Summary This qualitative study utilizes a case study methodology and is rooted in the social constructivist philosophical paradigm. The study includes five, one-hour, open-ended, exploratory interviews with each of the five participants who were selected using purposeful sampling strategies. These participants identify as African American men.

Further, they are professional men who originated from inner-city poverty. The interview data were analyzed for deeper understandings, meanings, interpretations, and themes.

The case analyses include within-case analyses as well as cross-case analyses. Although this methodology promotes rich, subjective understandings, it is limited in its utility for scientific generalizations.

72

Chapter IV

Findings

Introduction I conducted five interviews with each of the five participants in this case study methodological research project. I have extrapolated themes from my interviews with each participant. These themes are discussed both through within-case analyses and cross-case analyses. This chapter contains each of the five within-case analyses. The following chapter will include a discussion on the cross-case themes that I chose from the material.

I present each case in a similar fashion. There is a section on background information and on interpretive themes of meaning. In the background section, there are a few subsections. There is a brief subsection on identifying information, where a general “snapshot” of the participant is given. This includes where the participant is from, a brief sketch of his family and socioeconomic background, and then a glimpse of his current social status as an upwardly mobile professional. Then, there is a subsection on significant childhood experiences. Here I outline childhood dynamics that seemed pertinent. This section contains details on each participant’s relationships with family members, neighborhoods of origin, and childhood socioeconomic conditions. Finally, there is a subsection on the participant’s process of upward mobility. This subsection

73 includes dynamics that seem to relate to how each participant transcended his social position of origin and gained a new professional social status. This subsection includes experiences that relate to the participants’ early beginnings and also to their experiences as professional African American men.

The other section of each case analysis is interpretive categories of meaning. This section includes themes that were extrapolated from the interview data and then examined through a psychoanalytic lens. This section remains tied to the participants’ experiences, but it is also interpretive, based on my sense of each participant and my use of psychoanalytic theory. I utilize thick, rich quotes often to stay as closely linked to the participants’ subjective experiences (Bloomberg & Volple, 2008; Creswell, 2007). At the same time, it is my intention to try to expand upon what dynamics may operate outside of awareness, yet informing each participant’s experiences with upward mobility.

Therefore, it should be noted that the categories of meaning represent only certain ways out of infinite ways the data could be understood and organized. Further, the interpretive nature of this section relies on a certain speculation, resting on theoretical understandings and my own sensibilities. With this being said, each participant reviewed his case analysis and verified that the material still felt connected to his story and his experiences.

I should also note my use of psychoanalytic theory in deriving categories of meaning. As I have previously mentioned, any theory, including psychoanalytic theory, is a socially constructed set of way of understanding that is deeply embedded in the sociocultural and historical context. I have already highlighted psychoanalysis’ limitations when it comes to appreciating and expanding on social dynamics, so it is noted that these limitations will also affect how the categories of meaning are formed and

74 discussed. There may be a temptation to understand terms such as “grandiosity,” “omnipotence,” “denial,” or “disavowal” as pathologizing concepts that suggest a deviation from an imagined “normal” or “healthy” way of being. This is not my intention. My use of these terms and other psychoanalytically informed understandings are in no way meant to pathologize the participants. To the contrary, I use these terms and ways of understanding the participants to capture the remarkable adaptability and spirit that these participants imbue.

Case One: Rico Identifying information. Rico is a 38-year-old African American man who grew up in an inner city neighborhood on the west side of Detroit. He was raised by his mother who worked at an automotive factory. Rico now works as a director at a local chapter of the Urban League. He is responsible for educational research and programs that target at-risk youth in urban areas. He now lives in a “conservative” city a couple hours from Detroit in a neighborhood populated by mostly “young, black professionals.”

Significant childhood experiences. Rico was raised primarily by his mother, although he had a stepfather who lived in the home for part of his childhood. Rico’s mother had a steady job at an automotive plant, but due to poor money management and later, due to a fixed income after her retirement, the family faced frequent financial troubles. Rico recalls not necessarily feeling poor, but remembering times when their utilities would get cut off because of lack of payment. This was an area of significant embarrassment for him growing up.

75 Rico is the product of an extramarital affair, so he had very limited contact with his biological father growing up. Rico’s stepfather’s involvement in his life was also reportedly minimal, even though his stepfather lived in the home for part of Rico’s childhood. Rico has two older brothers who are around 20 years older than he is; both were in and out of Rico’s childhood home while Rico was growing up. These brothers have had extensive involvement with drug sales, addiction, and with what Rico calls the “street life.” They have both been incarcerated for a number of years. Additionally, Rico has an older sister, who is a few years older than he is, who grew up in the home with Rico. His older sister was quite scholarly throughout her life and has a professional career in the financial industry. Finally, Rico explains that his mother was very communal, often having extended family stay at their home for long periods of times when the need arose.

Rico describes his childhood neighborhood as “a middle to low class community, depending on what end of the block you literally lived on.” He explains that his neighborhood included a range from families that had stable incomes from working in factories to families that made their income from selling drugs. His community was predominantly African American, making college his first significant experience with an integrated setting. Although Rico’s childhood experiences took place in a predominantly African American context, he experienced variety in the socioeconomic groups he was exposed to. He explains: So having an understanding of what it’s like to be poor. Having an understanding of what it’s like to be in the better circles. Right there, those are two very polar opposite things. Because of the church, I was put in all of these somewhat ritzy

76 youth organizations that I may have not have been able to be a part of, if not for the men of my church. Which opened me up to another networking circle, friends that I’m still friends with.

Rico’s church was perhaps the most significant influence of his childhood and continues to be important to him as an adult. I asked him how he might have turned out differently if there was no church growing up, and his response elaborates the church’s impact on him: I can’t picture. I’d probably be dead. I probably would be dead or I don’t know.

That’s a great ass question. Yeah, because so much of my life is because of my church that I really can’t imagine because that would then take away influential people, that would take away people who pushed me to get through school. That would take away people who gave me other options. They say, “Hey, you don’t really have a choice. You really need to get a piece of paper [a degree].” So I mean I have a servant’s heart, but I probably would have been robbing people or whatever because I can’t see myself, I would not have had the foundation that I have.

His church also exposed him to a large network of professional African American men who were extremely influential to Rico. He describes: At my church, growing up, I can say clearly and precisely, at least 80% of the men at my church had degrees. And of the 80% that had degrees, more than 50% of them had professional degrees. And it was in your face constantly, 24/7. And they told me stories of college, fraternity-hood, and they constantly kept academia in our faces.

77 Rico looked up to these men and wanted to emulate them, and they also provided him continuous validation, support, and encouragement. Rico was also able to garner a positive sense of racial and gendered identity through the explicit and implicit messages about black masculinity at his church. The support and nurturance that Rico received at church seems to be a pivotal component of Rico’s upward mobility.

Process of upward mobility. Rico emulated the professional men at church, so from an early age he knew he wanted to enter the professional world as an adult. He explains that growing up in his church, going to college was not an option, it was almost a mandate. Rico struggled academically, but he reports being extremely well rounded socially, which was appealing to universities. He participated in many social and political groups as a young man, making him an attractive candidate to universities despite his poor academic history.

Rico decided to go to Wayne State University in Detroit with an interest in law and psychology. He ended up graduating with a degree in psychology because he reported doing better in his psychology classes. He explains that his experiences at Wayne State were his first experiences dealing with the majority culture. He often felt misunderstood and misrepresented by many of the professors and students. He shares: Going from being the popular kid at school or at least kind of the popular kid in school and in church and going outside of your circle into a larger community, a more diverse community, I mean, be it Arab, Asian, WASP, whatever, going to a class where the professor doesn’t look like you, doesn’t sound like you, doesn’t

78 know nor care about the community you’re from and your struggles, going into that environment was a sincere wakeup call.

He often found himself arguing with professors and classmates about their “misconceptions” of urban black America. He pushed against the stereotypic images that seemed to exist in the minds of many of his professors and classmates. He recalls: Sitting in class and listening to the professor and having to read the book he wrote, talking about theories and talking about the political cycles and movements, I often found myself in defense or in a very argumentative manner with him and others in my class because they did not understand why circumstances and situations for minorities were the way they were and why people don’t just get off welfare and quit trying to juice the system. And all these arguments of grandeur because their story is not my story and it’s not an urban or a minority story because they are from prosperity and privilege. They can never understand what it is like to grow up in an inner city and where things may not be as great. They don’t know what it’s like to grow up in 48235, so they just assume that, “All you guys do is get women pregnant and abuse the welfare system and you go to jail.” This is the argument we’re having on a daily basis.

This fight seems to have continued as Rico entered the professional world. He has worked in the non-profit realm, mostly focusing on community and educational policies and implementing programs for at-risk youth. He is currently the director at an Urban League branch in the city in which he lives. Similar to Rico’s experience in college, he has experienced a tension between how he sees himself and how mainstream America sees him and treats him. To deal with this tension, Rico adjusts himself to be

79 able to engage in the professional world. He explains that he purposely adjusts his dress and manner to make himself more palatable to the majority culture. He shares: I have no facial hair because a black man without facial hair is perceived to be less aggressive by the majority of the people, white people. I don’t wear my earrings until I leave the city, the county quite truthfully. Ninety percent of the time you see me there, I will be at least business casual. So I’m always professional. I don’t just hang out, I don’t go to clubs, I don’t do any of that until I leave the area where I work and come back here to home to Detroit because I need to maintain that façade and persona.

Despite all of these accommodations, Rico is still often treated as threatening and suspicious. He explains: Hey Mead, real talk! I ride public transportation where I live, I ride the bus.

Majority of the time I’m wearing a suit, tie, with my briefcase bag. Do you know standing at the bus stop downtown that still, clean cut, no earrings, standing there looking at a Wall Street Journal or some kind of professional newspaper. You know white women still clutch their bags when they walk past me? It pisses me off that I’m standing at the bus stop, on my way to work, dressed to the nine, extraordinarily professional and you still find the need to have to clutch your damn purse!

Further, people often are in disbelief that Rico comes from Detroit because his professional demeanor and abilities seem to contradict their image of a black man from Detroit. He shares:

80 I guess they believe, watch MTV or BET, and they believe that every black man from the city got his pants around his butt, uses a lot of slang, and is just I guess this despicable individual. I grew up in the D [Detroit] and I cannot say that a lot of men I’ve met were despicable individuals. There were some that were misguided. I mean that’s everywhere because most of our mass murderers come from the suburbs, fact. So it makes me feel as if the media has continued this notion that Detroit is just the mother of all these bastards and that we essentially just come out of the city just wreaking havoc and tearing everything up. And Detroit is a very beautiful city. We have our problems just like any major city in these United States, but for whatever reason I feel kind of like we’re Charlie Brown. We’re often picked on.

Rico experiences misjudgment by mainstream America, but he also can feel ostracized from urban African Americans. He feels like his life is dedicated to evening the playing field and promoting social justice, yet he is sometimes seen as an outsider by urban African Americans. He shares: To young black folks or to young black males it may appear that I do not understand the struggle and that I’ve never struggled because I don’t talk like them, apparently. I don’t look like them. I don’t dress like them. And so what can someone like me understand about the struggles? And those are the same people that I’ve given my life to help. So in a sense, I have given up being part of the community to help the community.

Rico can find himself positioned somewhere in between those from his original social context of black urban America and those in mainstream America. However, he is

81 able to find a sense of belongingness with other professional African American men. He has strong relationships with members of his fraternal groups, church, and other groups.

Even informally, he is able to connect with other African American men when he is engaged in the professional world. He explains: I see it all the time, it’s so funny in just walking down the street downtown where I live, that I see another black male, especially in the business corridor. We give each other the nod, the unofficial like “What’s up bro? How are you?” and it’s just that nod walking down the street, never exchanging words, just making eye contact, just giving each other the nod like, “I see you.”

These moments of contact and his overall connection with other social groups seem to offer an emotional and relational refuge from the times when he is feeling disconnected and ostracized.

Rico also identifies with a strong sense of altruism. Rico sees giving back and being a martyr for the cause as a significant part of who he is as a professional and as a person in general. He feels like he is indebted because of all the help he received as a youth and he feels like he needs to pay it forward to future generations. He states: Maybe I feel that there’s some kind of social responsibility or maybe I feel like I owe Fenmore, my street that I was brought up on, maybe I felt like I owe them something. Maybe I owe the city of Detroit something. Maybe I owe Wayne County something. Maybe I owe Fellowship Chapel something. Maybe I owe Wendell Anthony something. But, with that feeling, I feel like my payment is by continuing to do what I was taught.

82 Further, Rico thinks that, “We all have to be sacrificial lambs, we all have to be those martyrs in order for our future to be strong. If we’re not willing to do that, then our future is bleak.” Further, Rico thinks that his life’s work is for the benefit of others. He shares: What I’m doing right now is not going to benefit me, it’s going to benefit the folks who come after me. That is the only way. What Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. did, he didn’t do for himself, he did for his children and for his children’s children. He did it for the generations to come, not for himself, and that’s what we all have to do. What we’re doing right now is for the next generation. Right now it’s for my kids and my grandkids and generations down the road that may reap the benefits of what I’m doing now.

As Rico continues his professional journey, he is determined to be able to impact others on a national scale. He shares: I will not be happy until I’ve hit some kind of national plateau, some kind of national stage in talking about things that affect our future. Again, somebody did it for me. But I’m trying to really bring those folks together, those voices, and have a larger discussion on a national level. We really need to start challenging systems, education systems, and just the structure of this county.

Generally, Rico feels tremendously grateful and indebted to his early experiences with others who helped promote the person he is today. His process of upward mobility can be challenging as he adjust to mainstream America, but still tries to remain tied to what feels authentically him. Additionally, experiencing both poverty as an urban youth and then being exposed to extreme wealth through his professional work has made him

83 particularly sensitive to the socioeconomic disparities that exist in the country, particularly as they occur along racialized lines. He has made it his life’s work to fight these disparities and make things better for future generations to come.

Idealization and identification. The men at Rico’s church provided essential figures for Rico to idealize and identify with. Idealization and identification have served as important psychic functions that have assisted Rico through his experiences with upward mobility. First, these men at church allowed for the repudiation of identifications with caregivers and an identification with the men at church. Secondly, his early idealizations and identifications have provided him with a syntonic view of himself as a professional African American man. Finally, Rico’s idealizations allowed for a psychic merger with a powerful group that promoted a healthy sense of grandiosity in Rico that has likely assisted him in his efforts to challenge social dynamics.

Repudiation and identification. From Rico’s conception, there were many chances that Rico could have internalized a sense of being unwanted, rejected, and unworthy. He was the product of an extramarital affair; he was probably an unwanted pregnancy and a significant source of tension in the household before he was even born.

It is hard to know what he may have represented to the involved parties, namely his biological father, mother, and stepfather. However, it seems likely that he was not welcomed into the world without tremendous trepidation and ambivalence by those responsible for his care.

84 His biological father had limited contact with Rico, and Rico’s stepfather, although present in the home, had very little emotional contact with him as well. His mother was much more involved, but she could be discouraging. To her credit, she was responsible for introducing Rico to church, for the purpose of introducing him to positive male role models. Additionally, she wanted to keep Rico close to her, although Rico often felt like his mother had an unhealthy dependence on him, wanting to keep him at home well into his adulthood instead of promoting his independence. Despite these dynamics, Rico’s mother also negated his sense of himself. She outwardly voiced her doubt that he would ever graduate from high school, let alone college. Rico recalls the phrase, “Boy, you just dumb!” as something he heard often from her.

These dynamics likely put Rico in a position of very much needing the love and validation from these important people, but not being able to get this foundational nurturance from them. One way he could have remained close to his father and mother would have been to internalize their sense of him, to take them in, in a sense. Keeping them close, but then suffering from a denigrated view of himself. It seems that instead of this, Rico repudiated these internalizations and identified with the men at his church and with his experiences with them.

The real or perceived rejection by his caregivers left a gap in Rico’s relational world and in his psyche. Instead of filling this gap with internalizations from his caregivers’ messages about him, he seemed to yearn for another way of connecting. He describes this dynamic:

85 It’s kind of like a kid who joins a gang. You want to be around peers who accept you and be a part of a family structure. In my case, the gang that I chose to be around was successful black men.

These men filled in a significant gap for Rico, especially in the midst of his father’s absence. “Growing up, going to an inner city high school, I went to Redford High School, and man, there, most of my friends all had single mothers, and I guess the father figures I had all came from church.”

These men, again, seemed to allow Rico to repudiate the sense of himself as being unwanted and not valuable. Instead, he was able to identify with the powerful and special men at his church and internalize the sense of worthiness and value that they seemed to give him.

Rico’s mother also provided a sense of Rico as being damaged and not good enough. He seems to have been able to reject these notions about himself and instead replace them with his strong identifications with the men at church. He explains: Probably something inside of me saying that what they’re doing is working and what your mom’s doing was not working. I can’t really give you a good answer for that. I would just say seeing what my mom was doing wasn’t working, and that they had all this on the ball. And they portrayed what I wanted to see myself as. Yeah man, seeing these guys in all these suits and even with their fraternity shirts and stuff on. And just this picture of these men just standing there all congregating together. And for me it was just this look of like, “Wow! I’m on the outside ring. That’s where I want to be.” But in the house it was always kind of one of those, “You stupid. Why did you do X, Y, and Z?” Whereas she

86 wouldn’t give me too much information on what I should be doing, except going to school, they kind of laid out a map of, “if you want to get here these are the steps you’re going to have to take.” And so I guess that made them more believable and plus they were there. So this is what success looks like.

I also found myself wondering why Rico did not seek refuge in the “street life” that his brothers and other neighborhood people found so appealing. Again, the strong identifications with the men at his church seemed to trump the other possible alternatives for how Rico could have developed a sense of himself. He explains: I guess even at a young age growing up in the hood some of us just had this inherent street knowledge. It’s a certain knowledge that you learn, especially in the eighties and nineties. YBI, all of the dope gangs. And everything we watch on TV now, I pretty much seen it up close and personal. It was like looking over your shoulder constantly and I was just like, “I didn’t want that.” Considering I did see the guys at church with the same cars. In one case, one of the guys in my church was a lawyer. Most of his clients were guys from my neighborhood. So it was like he’s driving a Range Rover and he is getting the money legally. He’s not looking over his shoulder. It just looks so much easier because he went to school a little while longer as opposed to jumping into a dope gang. He didn’t get stopped by the police; he was actually friends with them. So just seeing like what was an easier, simpler life and all I had to do was go to school, as much as I hated school.

Again, the men at Rico’s church provided strong versions of what he saw himself as in the future. These strong identifications likely allowed him to repudiate other

87 versions of himself that may have been promoted by his mother, father, stepfather, or even his brothers and the drug gangs in his neighborhood. These identifications also gave Rico a positive version of African American masculinity to which he could attach.

Reconstructing African American masculinity. One expected issue associated with upward mobility in poor, African American men from urban environments is that obtaining a professional status may represent something that is considered “not them.”

Becoming a professional and occupying a higher socioeconomic position can create a sense of being ostracized from the version of themselves that is attached to their original social position and, therefore, create a disconnect with important others. The men at Rico’s church broke the societal mold of what African American men are and instead produced a sense of synchrony with being a professional and being an African American man.

Rico idealized these men and seemed to want nothing more than to be like them when he grew up. He illuminates: I mean it’s like I’ve been saying Mead, I saw, as clear as we’re sitting here, I saw these men either at fellowship hall or just talking or taking pictures, I saw what it looked like and just looked into their names, JD, MBA, Ph.D., you know when they sign something, Esquire. They were just, they were just men!

The sense of what it meant to be an African American man was cemented in his psyche and he made it his mission to chase this image, a merger with these men that he saw as idols. He explains:

88 Well, as far as how I got to where I am and even about what made me want to be this way, as I reflect upon the men who I saw as men and doing so many great things. I wanted to be like them and imitate them so bad and walk in their footsteps.

The societal pressures to introject negative images into Rico’s sense of himself because of his race, gender, and social class were eclipsed by richer and more intimate relational experiences with these men at church. What became internalized was more of a sense of safety and power; that these men were figures who would protect him and show him the way to gain access to what he calls an “exclusive circle.” He states: It was like a rite of passage. It was like the circle that you wanted to be in. You did not want to be 24-25 years old and not be a part of this exclusive circle. You did not. They wear their alumni t-shirts. I’m talking about on Sunday. It’s nothing to see a Wayne State or Alcorn State or Hampton University alumni shirt or sweatshirt or a scarf or a sash or something. Or even wearing their Greek letters. I mean, that was my introduction into the whole fraternity life and what fraternity life was about, watching these men. I mean every organization was represented and watching these men, this is what they all had in common. So I didn’t know anything but, if you could imagine 10-15 black men standing around, talking and they all have on some kind of collegiate shirt, sweater or fraternity letters on and they’re all talking and it’s like these are the folks you look up to and so you’re like “Wow. This is what I want to be like. So in order for me to be like them, I have to take these steps.”

89 Rico’s experiences with the men at his church challenges one assumption of this project, that upward mobility is a sort of “going away” from a social position that feels original and meaningful. Rico grew up poor, black, and male in a city known for poverty, blight, and crime, but upward mobility for Rico was more of a homecoming than a going away. Becoming a professional was one way that Rico cemented his identifications with these men at church. He “joined the inner circle.” This allowed for a continued merger and connection with a group that promoted an inner sense of cohesiveness, strength, and vitality.

Rico demonstrates the strength of the identifications he formed with this group of men at his church. As an adult, there are striking similarities between his sense of himself and his experiences with the men at church. He has joined the same organizations these men were a part of and mentors younger generations, the same way that these men did with him. He describes: I sit down and talk to the younger guys. “This is what you should be doing.” And before I put on a suit and tie to go to church, I would put something with one of my memorabilia’s on. Whether it’s Wayne State, U of M, or my fraternity letters or something. I’ll put something on and I remind the kids constantly like, “Hey, have you gotten your letters out to schools? It’s almost December. You should be getting acceptance letters by now.”

As Rico talks, there is a sense of pride and satisfaction that he has merged with the group he looked up to so much as a child. He is now “just like them.” Additionally, Rico seems to have gained an internalized sense of grandiosity, a sense of being special and powerful due to his idealizations and identifications with these men.

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Grandiosity—a sense of power and specialness. Another important psychic component that seems to have benefited Rico because of his closeness with the men at his church is a healthy sense of grandiosity. It seems that his fusion with what he experienced as a powerful and mighty group of men, allowed him to also fuse with this sense of power. To have such an omnipotent group of men show him attention and interest was extremely validating for Rico. It infused him with a sense of his own specialness and uniqueness. These men were larger than life to him, and they showed him interest, that made him then feel like he was larger than life. He shares one example of the accolades he regularly received at church: “Not bad young man, not bad, very good, you’re coming along.” and man, then I had a man come up to me and be like, “Good job brother, good job young brother, you did well.” Man, in my heart I celebrated like I hit the lottery!

The compounded psychic benefits of these types of relational experiences and the merger with such a powerful group have been essential in bolstering Rico’s sense of himself and of his own grandiosity.

Grandiosity is an essential element of anyone who makes a life mission out of combating inequality and promoting social justice. Rico is continuously faced with societal dynamics that suggest his mission is in vain. However, his sense of grandiosity seems to keep him psychologically afloat in the midst of these potential deterrents from his mission. Even “opportunities” like this project are seen to Rico as ways he can make the world better. He shares:

91 I really thank you for the opportunity to be a part of this because quite truthfully, I feel like I’m a part of something that’s greater than me. Hopefully the information I’m providing and just my thoughts or outlooks or history will help someone else.

He adds more about his hopes for this project: I just really hope, it’s my sincerest prayer that this is used not only for helping you in your academic desires, but in hopes to if you ever come across a young man that is starting where I am and you say, “I’ve met someone just like you and this is what happened.” And then, even if it’s only one, that this can be used to help. If it reaches one and helps one and it can change a life, then I feel like this is more than worth it.

I felt myself being swayed by his hopes for the project, his grandiosity was contagious. Reflecting back, I can see how psychologically adaptive it would be to feel such a sense of potential, strength, and importance. Rico faces significant challenges in promoting greater equality, both through his work and in his personal life. It seems that his grandiosity, as well as his sense of power and of being special, not only helps promote his life’s mission, but it also helps him persevere in this mission despite the chronic challenges and disparities that he sees and faces. Paralleling these dynamics, Rico’s experience with racial and gender identity have been both idealistic and challenging.

These dynamics will be explored in the following section.

Racial and gender identity. Much of what Rico learned about his racial and gender identity was, again, through his experiences at church. His church promoted a

92 sense of black pride and masculine strength that Rico very much absorbed and identified with as a young man. However, when Rico entered more integrated settings in mainstream America, through college and his career, he was faced with reconciling his earlier versions of his racial and gender identity with mainstream versions of what it meant to be a black man. The following sections elaborate.

Early development of racial and gender identity. Rico developed a strong sense of himself as an African American male through the teachings and mentorship at his church. He explains: So I grew up, especially again with my church, a very pro-black, almost panAfrican Christian church, where I say I was black before it was popular. Kente cloth, understanding what the different patterns meant, what parts of Africa I came from, learning different African dialects. I grew up with a very keen sense of my blackness.

Rico explains that there was a general theme of black pride and black power in his church and there were even specific programs that catered to enhancing each young black man’s sense of self. For example, his church had a rites of passage program for young men that Rico recalls as being deeply influential. This program was for young men between the ages of six to 18, and it was another experience that he remembers vividly.

He recalls: I remember mine [his passage crossing ceremony] very well. I was the only person from my age range to cross over, in August of 1995. I remembering poignantly that the person who read my rights was Reverend Dr. Jeremiah Wright

93 of Trinity United Church of Christ, our sister church in Chicago, and who had just adopted the passage into manhood model at their church at the time, so that alone, coming into manhood piece is very intimidating. We had to read so many books in your one year prior to the ascension into manhood. We had roughly 10- 12 books we had to read, we had an interview with our Council of Elders. The Council of Elders really was probably one of the most intimidating bodies you’ll go before. You have men with PhD’s, I mean every degree level. Then you have those that are life cultured, life learned. They ask you questions that are just out of this world. I’ll never forget it, August 28th, 1995 was my crossing into manhood, one of the proudest nights of my life. For me it was like “wow” and knowing I was starting college a week later, going to school as a man.

Rico elaborates in great length about this program and on the experience of his crossover ceremony. He recalls the moonlit night, the ceremonial garbs, and the exact rituals that were performed. It is clear, as Rico speaks, that this memory lives within him as an important part of who he is, especially as an African American man. This program seems to be just one formal process in the midst of countless informal teachings about his race and gender that promoted a rich sense of pride in his race and gender.

Rico’s early racial and gender identity development occurred in a homogenized fashion, giving him succinct messages about what it meant to be black and what it meant to be a man. As Layton (2013) explains, identities are constructed in a dichotomous fashion, with splits between what is seen as inferior and superior. Fortunately, Rico’s early experiences allowed him to internalize the side of the split that promoted a sense of

94 pride. However, with any dichotomous or homogenized version of one’s self, there are limitations and boundaries that cut off certain ways of being.

One homogenized and dichotomous way masculinity was constructed for Rico was the denial of vulnerability and weakness. This occurred throughout his upbringing and something that he carries with him to this day. He recalls one lesson from a man at church: Another man at my church, he said, “You never let them see you weak because you are strong. You are a warrior and they never see warriors in their weakest.

Whatever triggered you to be weak at that moment, people will begin to play on it.”

Taking messages like these about his gender and other messages of strength and power related to his race creates a dissonance within Rico when he enters mainstream America and even when he experiences aspects of himself that may not be aligned with this homogenized version of himself as an African America man. For example, if he ever faces experiences that could evoke sensitivity or vulnerability, he may find himself having to psychically negotiate these experiences to allow him to instead continue to feel strong and powerful. The next section further discusses the process of Rico’s reconciliation of his early homogenous versions of his racial and gendered identity with other versions of his race and gender that he faces in a multiplicitous and oppressive society.

Reconciling racial and gender identity. Rico “crossed over into manhood” a week before he entered college, but his notions of African American masculinity would

95 soon come under attack as he integrated into mainstream culture and experienced the predominance of white privilege and misunderstanding. In speaking of his experience of feeling a strong sense of pride as an African American man before entering college, he recalls, “At that time, growing up in the whole environment, I thought that was the true understanding of my culture and in being black.” However, going into college he was confronted with a mainstream society that did not seem to have the same value and understanding of African American men. He explains, “Everyone is their own unique self, but the things is, black people as a whole, we’re always put in a bubble, especially black men.” It seems that Rico engaged in an inner tension between this societal bubble and the sense of his race and gender that he developed through his early experiences.

Berger and Luckman (1966) describe identity development as a dialectical process between the individual and society. This was particularly apparent as Rico entered mainstream culture and encountered opposing experiences that contrasted with his previous sense of himself. Early on, Rico was infused with a strong sense of his race and gender, but when the dialectical process was expanded into an integrated mainstream context in college that process was more tension-filled. Rico’s early sense of his identity felt syntonic and felt empowering. The mainstream societal version of who he was seemed to try to bring him away from the comfort of being full of pride and power.

In many ways this dialectic continues and has never been integrated or reconciled.

He seems to operate in the world by creating dichotomized versions of himself. One is palatable for mainstream America, no earrings or facial hair, as to be less threatening, and one is still closer to his original self, more “urban” and “black,” more powerful. These adjustments to his self and to his presentation seem like they create a sense of loss. He

96 can no longer move in the world as a proud African American man without having to be mindful of how he is being perceived and experienced by mainstream America.

An adaptive element of Rico’s sense of himself is his strong identification with black power politics. This allows him to negotiate his appearance and demeanor in mainstream America, while still staying connected with important others, namely his early identifications with the teachings at his church. Further, by continuing his quest for black empowerment through his work, he is equipped to continue his upward mobility while still “staying true” to what feels original and meaningful. Another way Rico seems to psychically manage losses and psychic injuries such as those endured by having to change parts of himself is by transforming himself from being a passive victim to seeing himself as an active agent of his own experience.

Transforming passive into active. Rico’s sense of himself as a powerful and strong African American man has promoted active responses over passivity when Rico may feel some sense of shame or when he feels under attack. Any weakness is denied, and strength and action is put in its place. For example, Rico recalls rearranging the house, painting, and doing the lawn in preparation for company when he was growing up.

He said he felt shame at his family’s economic struggles, so he would do whatever he could to hide this situation and make his family look better off than they were. In similar fashion, Rico has transformed situations that would feel shaming into ones that feel empowering and purposeful. Rico seems to do this mostly through creating empowering narratives and fantasies that enliven his sense of self.

97 First, Rico shares different stories where he is under some sort of psychical attack by others and he, in turn, has powerful fantasies of retaliation and destruction. For example, when he was at Wayne State and the professor and classmates were negating who he is and were attacking the types of communities he comes from; he had fantasies of “burning the building down.” Instead of being the one under attack, he was doing the attacking, at least in fantasy. Further, as a professional, he describes similar situations of having to suppress vengeful feelings and instead playing them out in fantasy. He explains: I’m thinking at all times, “You know, I want to cut your damn throat.” I’m very much present so when I hear some things and just engage in conversation with my white counterparts and try to help them understand some of the things that has gone on historically wrong. You know they like to debate it like, “Oh no, that’s not really what happened, it couldn’t have been.” And you know me, in my heart of hearts it’s like, “I should just split your fuckin’ head to the white meat.” And that’s my real inner thought.

Again, Rico fantasizes about being the attacker while he finds himself under attack. This action over passivity allows him to walk away from situations still feeing empowered and whole, versus feeling defeated.

Rico also creates narratives about his movement within mainstream society that promote a sense of agency versus a sense of himself as a victim of oppression and injustice. The adaptations, such as adjusting his looks and his activities to be more acceptable to mainstream America, are seen as purposeful tactics instead of imposed losses to who he is. He shares:

98 There always is going to be that pull between the two sides of my blackness and my acceptedness. There’s always going to be that pull because one is innately who I am, and the other is what I’m doing to continuously fit in, in order that I can find out what they [white people] know in order that I can help other blacks who didn’t have the same experience. And so again, that goes back to that whole being a martyr type thing. There has to be one to learn the secrets of the other side and bring it back to their people.

He sees himself as a sort of Robin Hood of knowledge, taking from the rich to give back to the poor, or taking from the white power structures in our society and giving back to oppressed African Americans and other vulnerable populations.

Rico also uses the metaphor of himself as Batman and Bruce Wayne, he switches according to the situation. In situations when he is around familiar others, he can be his genuine self, but when he is put in certain professional situations and navigating mainstream America, he has to switch to “not being identified” as an intruder. He gets into what he describes as “stealth mode.” It also evokes the image of Rico as a Trojan Horse, fooling the mainstream power structures so he can attack them from the inside and bring justice to “his people.” Again, this allows Rico to maintain a sense of himself as an agent of his own experience. Instead of seeing himself as an imposed mainstream version of himself, he sees this version of himself as a purposeful decoy.

Rico’s tactics have not always been popular with urban African Americans, who feel like he is trying to get them to make the same changes he has just to appease whites.

Here, again, Rico absorbs what could be experienced as a sense of loss from meaningful others and transforms it into an active sacrifice and meaningful sacrifice. He has “given

99 up” something instead of something being taken from him, and his “giving up of something” has a higher purpose of “saving” his communities. Rico’s fantasies and narratives about himself allow him to maintain a sense of grandiosity and purpose that allows him to continue his work helping the community and allows him to manage the inner tensions of negotiating his sense of self within mainstream culture. Finally, Rico also uses a sense of belongingness to shore up his sense of self, which is discussed further in the final section on Rico.

Belongingness. Dalal (2002) explains that there are often multiple claims on one’s belongingness and these claims are often times conflicting. This is apparent for Rico. He found a rich sense of belonging in the “inner circle” of the men at his church.

Then, “belonging” as a professional became much more complex. He wanted to be in the professional world, yet Rico has had to forfeit some belongingness to be a part of this world. He can often experience rejection by the mainstream professional world and by urban African Americans.

Rico utilizes a sense of belongingness to remain connected to important others, despite many experiences that can often feel disconnecting. As discussed in the literature review, Berger and Luckman (1966) explain that maintaining associations with persons and groups who were significant before is one way of integrating experiences associated with upward mobility. Rico is active in many groups and organizations, including his fraternities and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), which are in sync with himself, as an African American man, and are in sync with his mission of social action. These groups also help Rico maintain identifications

100 with the men who he idealized growing up at his church, who touted their memberships in these or similar organizations.

Lastly, belongingness nurtures Rico’s sense of himself that feels genuine and empowering. Mainstream culture can often present Rico with “not-me” experiences when this overarching culture seems to misunderstand him or mischaracterize him.

These experiences can feel like what a bad interpretation feels to a patient. They frustrate him as it breaks from a genuine understanding of how he sees himself. Conversely, when Rico is feeling connected with others who feel like him, there is a sense of cohesion and connectedness that breathes life into his sense of self.

Case Two: Rusty Identifying information. Rusty is a 31-year-old African American man who grew up in various inner city neighborhoods on the west side of Detroit. He grew up in a chaotic family environment, moving around to different family members’ homes throughout his childhood. Rusty and his family faced significant poverty while he was growing up. Rusty’s mother did not work consistently, although at one point she had a job as a daycare aide. His mother suffers from schizophrenia and raised five children, so mostly unable to work, she supported her family through government aid. Her brothers also lived in the household at certain points and were able to help financially through income from selling drugs. Rusty’s father worked long hours as a bartender. Rusty now lives with his wife and daughter in a predominantly African American, stable middle class suburb. He is currently in medical school, after working professionally in the social services field for a few years after graduating from college.

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Significant childhood experiences. Rusty’s childhood experiences are difficult to transcribe. He even states, “I know my timeline is all over the place, it’s a confusing mess.” This “bouncing all over the place” was related to the transient nature of his home environments. He has several siblings, but he was also raised with many of his cousins.

Additionally, he moved around between different households, spending time with his mother, uncles, father, and grandparents. There was also variation in each household, as different family members would “come and go” depending on the circumstances.

I try to organize his childhood experiences as coherently as possible in this section. However, it is noteworthy how difficult it must have been for Rusty to have his own sense of cohesion growing up as a child considering how varying, and often chaotic, his early years were. Rusty has four siblings from his mother, although he does not share the same father with any of them. He has an older sister, a younger brother, and a set of younger twin sisters from his mother. He also has a younger brother on his father’s side.

He spent several years living with his maternal siblings, but he also spent time living apart from his siblings when he lived with his grandparents.

I will now give a brief sketch of Rusty’s living situations before going into more detail about his relationships with important others. Rusty’s parents broke up a few years after he was born due to discord about who the father of his younger brother was. He explains, “When my little brother comes, there’s a lot of confusion about my little brother and it turns out my mom cheated on my dad.” After the break up, Rusty went to live with his mother and his father would pick him up on the weekends. He states, “My Dad was very involved in my life.” This arrangement went on for the first several years of Rusty’s

102 childhood. He lived at his mother’s home for the first eight years of his life. Their home seemed to serve as a hub for a number of extended family members. His maternal uncles stayed there frequently, but they were a transient presence as they would be in and out selling drugs and they were also incarcerated at different times during Rusty’s childhood.

Rusty and his siblings were all separated when Rusty was around eight years old because child protective services was called on the family. Rusty’s mother’s mental illness made it difficult for her to care for the children and the poverty they were facing was crippling. Rusty was sent to live with his father in the housing projects in the same neighborhood. However, Rusty’s father was married to a woman who seemed to feel that Rusty was an imposition on their family. Rusty thought she was looking for an excuse to kick him out of the home. She found one quickly. He recalls, “Day one, I get into a fight and she was like ‘See I told you this wasn’t going to work.’ So I get sent to live with my grandmother and grandfather for that year.” After that year, he moved back in with his father. He stayed with his father for the remainder of his childhood. This is a brief sketch of the living situations of Rusty’s youth. Next, a more thorough relational picture is presented.

Rusty has varying experiences with his mother. She seems to be the source of an internalized confidence in himself, but also the source of much psychic pain and disappointment. Rusty describes his mother as having two sides. He states: She’s very dichotomous. She would flip flop. Go from a street woman to like this socially conscious woman overnight. It was always these mixed messages, like so one night she’d be talking about street stuff, smoking weed and drinking

103 with her friends and the next night we’d be learning about kings in Egypt and Kushite Empires.

His mother also insisted that Rusty do well in school. She instilled in him that he was “better than this,” as she referred to the environment he grew up in. He recalls, “It was just what was expected of me, it was my mom’s expectations. Like she felt that I was smart, like she didn’t even allow B’s.” Rusty felt supported and empowered by his mother, but he also felt let down and abandoned by her. For example, he remembers finding her high in a drug house and he felt a deep sense of betrayal. He also recalls that he and his older sister had to shop for groceries with the welfare checks to try to keep the household afloat.

Rusty seemed to feel that his father was equally ineffectual as his mother, but in a different way. His father was more stable in that he maintained employment and would pick up Rusty consistently for weekend visits, but he did not protect Rusty from some of the horrors of his childhood in a way that Rusty hoped he would. He recalls feeling that his father was too much of a pacifist. For example, Rusty was punched and knocked to the ground by his stepfather. Instead of Rusty’s father breaking down the door with a vengeance and beating up the stepfather, he just had a conversation with the stepfather about “not putting his hands on his son.” Rusty felt disappointed and thought his dad was pitiful.

Additionally, Rusty thought that his father should have fought harder for his older sister when the children were split up by the state. Instead, he thought his father just “let” his sister get placed with her biological father, who ended up sexually abusing her.

Finally, Rusty’s father was with a woman who caused Rusty incredible pain. He

104 describes her as “a horrible human being.” Generally, Rusty saw his father as weak and thought that his father did not seem to offer him protection from the harsh world that Rusty grew up in. As an adult, Rusty now has an appreciation for the complexities that his father was negotiating and has a new found respect for some of the sacrifices he makes.

Rusty’s maternal uncles were other important figures in his childhood. They lived in the house with him and they were involved in a lot of his experiences as a youth.

His uncles all sold drugs and were deeply influential on Rusty. They strongly promoted a “street sense of masculinity.” It was as if Rusty was being trained to be a young warrior.

They would even stage fights in the basement between Rusty and different cousins.

Aggression and ferocity were highly praised and any sign of weakness was vehemently shamed. His uncles would also take Rusty with them to different houses where drugs were sold. He shares, “They were training me to be a dope kingpin I guess. So I used to go over to their drug houses.” He would see bags of money, people having sex, and even remembers one house that had an alligator to protect the drug and money stashes. It was an incredibly stimulating and confusing environment to grow up in. At the same time, Rusty felt incredibly protected by his uncles and remembers looking up to them.

Rusty seemed to find a sense of closeness and cohesion with his siblings and cousins, as they were “all raised like brothers and sisters.” However, Rusty was often separated from his siblings and cousins. At first, they were separated only temporarily when his father would pick him up on the weekends. Later, they were separated permanently when his siblings were all split up by child protective services. He shares, “I was the only one who had a stable situation” because of his father. Rusty seems to feel

105 a sense of guilt for not being able to do more to protect his siblings from the results of their separation from one another.

Rusty had ambivalent experiences with his grandparents. On the one hand, they provided a stable household. Things were predictable. They operated “old-fashioned.”

His grandfather would come home around the same time and his grandmother would have dinner ready. However, his grandfather was a hardened man and was a ruthless “street dude.” Rusty explains, “Everybody was scared of my grandfather, even in the streets.” His grandfather “taught” Rusty how to be a “man” in likeness of his grandfather’s understanding of masculinity. He would verbally and physically assault Rusty into being “hard” and “tough.” His grandfather told him, “I’d rather kill you then let you grow up weak.”

In addition to the developmentally traumatic experiences that have already been described, Rusty endured a multitude of other traumas. His stepfather used to “beat” his mother regularly, in front of Rusty and his siblings. The time that Rusty’s stepfather punched him, described earlier, was after Rusty tried to intervene by attempting to attack his stepfather with a bat while he was beating his mother. His attempt was stifled as his stepfather overpowered him and punched him to the ground. Even though Rusty’s father’s attempts to intervene after this incident were disappointing to Rusty, his uncles retaliated by severely beating the stepfather, doing what Rusty hoped his father would have done.

Additionally, Rusty’s grandfather was also physically abusive towards his grandmother. Rusty recalls, “I saw him beat her twice, but I knew he beat her way more than that.” Rusty again was powerless to do anything to intervene. Further, Rusty’s

106 stepmother was “vicious” and “did things to a child that no one should ever do to a child.” She beat him regularly. One time she welted his face after whipping him with an extension cord. She also spread rumors throughout the projects about his biological mother being addicted to crack, so Rusty had to endure harsh teasing from classmates about his mother being a “crack head.” He recalls, “So fourth grade, that was one of the hardest experiences. Somebody, as soon as they say, ‘Oh, you’re mom’s a crack head’ we fighting.” So Rusty go into frequent fights in school. Further, Rusty was involved in a number of physical altercations in the neighborhood, including being jumped and being stabbed.

Rusty lived in various neighborhoods near Joy Road, on the west side of Detroit.

As Rusty explains, Joy Road is notorious for “poverty and crime.” He spent a lot of times in the “streets;” however, his paternal uncles were also heavily involved in drug sales, especially in the housing projects. They “put the word out” to the neighborhood that Rusty was to be kept out of any illegal activity. Rusty seemed to walk a confusing line. His maternal uncles treated Rusty like an “apprentice” of drug sales, yet his paternal uncles kept him insulated from this lifestyle.

There were some times when there was significant cash flow into Rusty’s home because of his uncle’s drug sales, but this was inconsistent. He describes, “It felt like an ebb and flow. It was like peaks when my uncles came around and then it dropped off when they were gone.” When they would get “locked up,” the money would disappear with them. Rusty has vivid memories of dealing with poverty. They had to hang clothes up to dry in the living room, boil water for baths, and often went hungry when there was

107 no food. Rusty identifies poverty as a significant dynamic of his upbringing and something that continues to haunt his family of origin.

Process of upward mobility. Rusty seemed to know at a young age that he would “make it out” of the horrors of his family life and neighborhood. He remembers a man coming to present to his classroom in the fourth grade. The man had all the boys in the class stand up, and he told them that all but two of them would be dead or in jail by adulthood. This message was off-putting to everyone in the class, but Rusty explains this man’s predictions were for the most part accurate. Rusty’s response to this experience was that he would be “one of the two.” His mother’s voice echoed in his head, telling him that he was different than everybody around him and that he was special, almost like he was “the chosen one.”

Rusty’s goal of “making it” became a little clearer after he saw “The Cosbys” on television. He recalls, “I saw “The Cosby Show” and it was like, ‘Ok, what did he do?’”

He said the Cosbys were the “antithesis” of his family. He shares, “They were blacks, they were getting money, they don’t have to worry about anybody kicking in their door, they didn’t have to worry about being paranoid.” Once he saw “The Cosbys,” Rusty systematically discovered what he would need to do to be able to reach that “level of success” and subsequently get away from the pain of poverty and dysfunction. He started asking around about the Cosbys. He found out from a teacher that the father was a doctor. Then, he started asking other teachers what he had to do to become a doctor.

One teacher told him that he would have to go to college, but that it was really hard to

108 become a doctor. He ignored her dissuasion and stored the information about needing to go to college.

When he started telling people that he was going to become a doctor, he remembers being met with a lot of doubt and resistance. Contrary to the usual doubt from others, his mother was very encouraging of his aspirations. He recalls, “She told me like, ‘Yeah, you will do that. You’re smart enough, you’re strong enough’ like, ‘All you have to do is—’and she just kept saying, ‘Prepare yourself now for that.’” She explained to him that he would have to work really hard in science and math. So, Rusty recalls focusing more in school and putting in extra effort in his science and math. His “grades just skyrocketed.”

His extra efforts, combined with his intelligence, caught the attention of some of his teachers. This resulted in him getting sent to certain programs outside of his neighborhood that catered to gifted students. He remembers one program at a local university. This was his first time in an integrated setting. He explains that he was eager to go to the program, but quickly felt dismissed and rejected. He recalls nobody wanting to include him in their group when they had to work on group projects. He felt like he was getting closer to his goal, yet the closer he got, the more he felt like he did not belong. He recalls: It was just terrible, it was frustrating, yeah. I was the only one from like an impoverished neighborhood. There was only one other black dude…It was one other black dude and I’m thinking “Oh, we’re gonna be cool,” but his parents were like doctors and he didn’t rock with me, either.

109 Rusty’s experience in the program for gifted students foreshadowed his experiences in an integrated university setting once he started college.

Rusty’s academic excellence got him accepted into college on an academic scholarship. During his university years, he recalls feeling like he was capable, but that he was treated like he was not smart enough by some of his classmates. Students seemed like they did not want to study with him or work with him on group projects.

Additionally, when he ran for different positions in groups and organizations at school, he remembers getting out-voted by candidates that were not as qualified, but their skin color and social position trumped Rusty’s capabilities. Regardless of Rusty’s discontents about the challenges he faced as an African American student from Detroit, he persisted and graduated from college.

His grade point average and MCAT scores seemed to put Rusty right under the cusp of being accepted directly into medical school. He started working to improve his MCAT scores and re-taking some pre-requisites to try to become a more attractive candidate. While doing this, he entered the social services field as a case manager. He was quickly promoted and he seemed valued by the various agencies that employed him.

Plus, he deeply identified with the cases he oversaw. He could see himself in the children that were in impoverished and abusive and/or neglectful situations. Despite his passion for helping people in situations that were all too familiar to him, he was discontent that he was not living his dream of becoming a doctor. He recalls, “I was absolutely miserable every day of it. I think I lasted about two and a half years, and then I couldn’t take it anymore.” His misery in his social services career upped the ante for his efforts to get into medical school.

110 Rusty decided to enter a post-baccalaureate program to try to strengthen his chances of finally getting into medical school. This paid off and he was accepted into medical school. He has now completed nearly one year of medical school and finds himself continuing to battle the same racial and socioeconomic barriers that he faced earlier in his education. He shares that he notices other students getting preferential treatment and that he is encouraged to get involved in minority-based programs instead of mainstream endeavors. For example, instead of running for student council, he is encouraged to run for minority student president. He shares, “They don’t want me to be king, they want me to be king of the Negroes.” Further, he explains that regardless of race, students with higher socioeconomic origins have certain networking advantages.

Rusty also struggles to remain connected to his community and family of origin.

He explains that his family treats him differently, like he is no longer familiar to them. It feels like he does not fully belong in either setting, at school or with his family. Despite these challenges, Rusty feels determined to achieve his goal of becoming a doctor. He sees a big part of this dream now as being able to provide an image to young African American kids about what they can become in life. Additionally, he wants to combat health-care disparities that exist in poor minority communities.

Interpretive categories of meaning. Rusty disavows much of the affective experiences associated with his traumatic upbringing. He acknowledges, “The parts that were abnormal, I honestly pretty much blocked out.” In analyzing his subjective experiences, he explains, “I think the other part has just cut off, the feelings cut off.” At

111 one point in his life, he found himself so void of any emotional responses that nothing seemed to faze him. He shares: Because there was a certain point in my life where, and I remember saying this to a friend, I was like borderline sociopathic, because it was like I could do anything with no emotion and not feel. And I remember telling him, like my dad is my heart, he’s like my everything. He’s all I’ve had throughout my life. I remember saying, this was by the time I was in the projects, I had lost so many friends and I was like you know. I was like pretty much, I told him like, “Man I’m so sick of going to funerals pretty much anybody could die and I wouldn’t care right now.”

And he was like “Anybody? What about your father man? Your dad do everything for you.” And I was like “He could die and I wouldn’t care at this moment.” I don’t know if it’s true, but at the time I believed it.

Accessing his psychic pain would have been too unbearable, given the chronic onslaught of loss, abuse, and deprivation Rusty experienced. His disavowal acted as a necessary anesthesia to allow him to psychologically survive his childhood.

It seems that the only way Rusty is able to connect with his affective experiences is through a certain distance. He shares, “The longer I’m away from it, the longer I allow myself to heal, the longer I allow myself to gain empathy.” Getting away from his childhood, the source of deep psychic hurts, affords him the psychological distance to begin to process some of his affective experiences. In recent years, he has noticed that he has been able to connect with his emotional experiences through displaced objects, such as movies or important others. Certain movies can affectively move him. Also, in thinking about his daughter, he can become emotional, seemingly reflecting on the hope

112 he has for her, but also, unconsciously, reflecting on the life she is afforded compared to the one he had to endure. Additionally, he feels emotional when he sees younger children who are in situations similar to the one in which he grew up.

His disavowed affect can also seemingly be located in others. I found myself holding back tears multiple times during our interviews, but in checking in with him, he was unaware of feeling any affect himself. Additionally, his sister is very emotional about their childhood experiences and she seems to remember a lot more than he does about the different happenings of their youth. She seems to also hold what he has disavowed. Further, he even finds himself having a hard time empathizing with his wife if she seems to be displaying emotion or vulnerability. For him, he likely holds unconscious resentment that she is able “to be” in ways that have been disavowed in him.

As Parsons (2000) explains, “An important aspect of our identities lies in how we relate to the people we did not become.” Rusty seems to only be able to access his emotional experiences through others, but then can sometimes find himself resenting or feeling uncomfortable around those who have been able to more directly access their affects.

Rusty’s disavowal and his upward mobility seem to be cyclically adaptive and beneficial. Disavowing his affect allows him to “stay the course” and focus his dreams and aspirations. For example, he shares, “I remember getting emotional to the point where I was near tears. And it’s like I can’t let myself go down this path, I gotta study, I got things to do.” On the other side, the constant goals and ambitions also help Rusty stay focused on something other than his own psychic pain and hurts. So the process of upward mobility seems to, in part, enable his disavowal of affect. Further, much of Rusty’s disavowal also allows him to maintain allegiance to early gender identifications.

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Constructing masculinity. Rusty’s sense of himself as relating to a masculine ideal has been salient throughout his life. He was told by his father at five years old that he was “the man of the house” after his father and mother broke up. Rusty remembers, “I took that seriously.” He was on a quest to fill this position, although he was unaware of what is meant to be “the man of the house.” He explains, I guess that’s what I spent my years defining. At that time nothing, at the time I didn’t understand it until I started to take it more seriously. So I started emulating my uncles, emulating my father, and trying to see what manhood meant…I was given this title and I filled it in while I went along.

Rusty recalls “not even knowing who he was yet,” but trying to find out what it meant to “be a man.” He seemed to develop early identifications with his uncles and grandfather about what it mean to “be a man,” but he also began recognizing the paradoxes in their versions of masculinity. Later in life, he seemed to reconcile his disidentification with his father through an understanding of the complexities and intricacies of his father’s experiences and an appreciation of his father’s stable presence in his life.

Early identifications. Rusty’s experiences with his maternal uncles were some of his earliest explicit “teachings” about what it meant to be a “man.” He shares, “They had a very street mentality about what manhood was. It was like they weren’t preparing me for manhood as it relates to the real world; they were preparing me for manhood as it relates to the streets.” He explains:

114 Things like aggression were rewarded, you know, things like I said I would do stuff, following through on your threats were rewarded. It was things that would ultimately lead to crime or jail, but at the time I didn’t know it. So things like, they wanted you to stand for something. I remember watching Scarface when I was like five or maybe I was six, I was really young. And watching some of these things like New Jack City type movies. So it was like rap music became my nursery rhymes and these gangster films became my childhood movies.

Rusty was surrounded by messages that promoted a sense of ferocity, aggression, and “realness.” If you said something, made a threat, it was essential that you backed it up with action. There were consequences of shame and humiliation if anyone showed any signs of weakness or vulnerability.

There was also a psychic safety in pledging allegiance to these masculine ideals.

His uncles provided a source of idealization and omnipotence that Rusty could attach to.

He remembers the psychic pain and conflict of seeing his mother being regularly physically abused by his stepfather and Rusty’s desire, but inability, to protect her. He remembers his mother being beat in front of him and his siblings “all the time.” Rusty and I discuss this dynamic: Mead: Oh your stepdad was beating your mom?

Rusty: Oh yeah.

Mead: In front of you guys?

Rusty: Yeah, all the time. And that was part of that man of the house thing. I remember one time I tried to run in there with a bat and hit him and he knocked me, like he dropped me. Like he punched me with his full might

115 and that’s when him and my father got into it. That was the one time, and I was actually disappointed in my father, and that’s when I kind of distanced myself from my father and started being under my uncles more.

Mead: What disappointed you about your father?

Rusty: That he, I didn’t think that he handled in a manly way. I felt like the rules of engagement were that he comes in, he rides, he hurts this person.

When Rusty’s uncles found out that his stepfather hit him, they beat up his stepfather so badly that they broke his leg. Rusty seemed to disidentify with his father’s “inadequate” response and way of handling himself “as a man.” And he identified with the “strength” and “power” of his uncles. He stated, “I would go to my uncles, especially after they beat up my stepfather. I felt that they were real, like ‘Alright, I’m rolling with ya’ll.’”

There was safety in attaching to these men who had the power to destroy the threat Rusty’s stepfather presented. Rusty felt helpless seeing his mother being physically abused. And, he likely felt helpless in general with all that was plaguing his family. If he aligned with his father, he would have to continue to remain helpless.

However, aligning with his uncles, and their version of masculinity, allowed him to not only disavow his sense of helplessness, but instead internalize a sense of power and dominion.

In addition, Rusty lived with paternal grandfather for about a year and remembers a lot of “teachings” about masculinity from him. His grandfather continued some of the same lessons his uncles had, such as that hardness and toughness were measurements of one’s masculinity. He explains, “My granddad, he was like ‘Work ethic, work ethic,

116 work ethic.’ And he enforced it with a beating.” This likely led Rusty to garner a sense of being loved and cared about through displays of toughness and work ethic instead of attempting to feel loved through affection and closeness.

Paradoxes of masculinity. Although Rusty emulated much of what he learned about masculinity from these relationships and experiences, he also was suspicious of the authenticity and adequacy of these notions about masculinity. Rusty’s sense of safety and power that he gained from an identification with his uncles was undermined by his uncles’ “fall” from grace. Their initial presentation of invincibility was destroyed by incarceration and addition. They were all “locked up” at different times and some of them became addicted to drugs. He saw discrepancies between the “values” he was taught to live by as a “man” and what seemed to be actual lived reality. He saw the same uncles who promoted invincibility fall victim to drug abuse. In additional, later into his adulthood, he learned that the uncle who was perhaps the harshest in making Rusty “tougher” was taking anti-depressants to deal with his own psychic wounds.

In addition to the incongruities presented by his uncles, his grandfather also created a sense of conflict within Rusty’s understandings of masculinity. While Rusty’s grandfather was promoting work ethic and toughness, he was also physically abusive towards his grandmother. This was particularly tumultuous for Rusty. Before, the violence was coming from an outsider, his stepfather. Now, the violence was coming from his own grandfather. He knew he could not defeat his grandfather and he was not even sure if it was his “position” to do so. This ambivalence also occurred within their own relationship. Rusty thinks that his grandfather instilled in him a strong work ethic

117 and resilience, but Rusty also seems to have experienced a great deal of psychic pain associated with his grandfather’s violence and harshness towards him.

Consolidating masculinity. As an adult, Rusty seems to be developing a new understanding of himself as a man. His father’s way of being feels more understandable and admirable. He tries to balance the values that he has learned from the important others in his life, keeping the ones that serve him and discarding the ones that do not.

Finally, he has discovered more sublimated and advantageous ways of exemplifying certain masculine ideals that were instilled in him as a child.

Rusty’s father offered a contrast to the notions of masculinity that his uncles and grandfather promoted. Rusty found himself identifying with these idealistic images of masculinity that his uncles and grandfather presented and disidentifying with his father’s more complacent and “softer” version of “being a man.” However, his father’s stability and consistency seemed to persist in Rusty’s psyche. His father may not have been a man who would powerfully sweep in with a cape when there was a threat, nor would he strike fear in the minds of the neighborhood residents, but he was always there for Rusty.

Rusty seems to connect more, as an adult, with this function that his father has served.

He shares: My dad was and still is my rock. He can take anything on the chin. And I think he gets his strength from my grandmother who was in a relationship with an abusive man. In his childhood, in the 60s, she was a nanny for white people.

Actually, they had a very favorable experience. They would have no parts of you talking negatively about that. But I think he saw her servitude and the strength in

118 her servitude, and that’s been always his example. And I think I see the strength in his servitude. That’s all he does is serve others. He gets the paycheck and he goes and gives it out to various family members who are having hard times. But growing up, I just thought he was weak and I just didn’t want to be that. And it wasn’t until I got older and I started appreciating him. And often, once you hit this period where you become critical of your parents, it’s like you started saying there’s so much more they could be doing. And it’s not until you get older, and you see a complexity of life, then you understand there’s a reason why they weren’t doing it.

Rusty recognizes and appreciates the sacrifices that his father has made for him throughout his life and also seems to understand his father’s more passive approach, even if it is not an approach that Rusty favors.

Rusty seems to try to strike a balance between feeling a sense of power to overcome, that his mother, uncles, and grandfather instilled in him, and feeling a sense of appreciation and stability, that his father instilled in him. It is almost like Rusty’s identification with his uncles and grandfather causes him to deny his own vulnerability, but his identification with his father causes him to deny his own ambitions. So he seems to find a way of holding both a sense of strength and power, and simultaneously critiques these idealistic notions about masculinity.

This balance has been essential for Rusty throughout his upward mobility. He has to maintain a sense of omnipotence if he is to maintain the confidence in himself and in his ability to transcend his original social position. However, “fighting” injustices and other resistances that he faces has had to be redefined. His uncles’ and grandfather’s

119 aggressive approach does not work in the classroom or in the professional world. Acting in ways that are congruent with this sense of masculinity would sabotage his dreams and reinforce the mainstream stereotypes about himself, as an urban black man, that he is savage and aggressive. However, “not fighting” and just accepting wrongs feels too passive and feels like he is betraying his sense of self. “Fighting” can no longer mean physically attacking any threat. He has had to “fight” by engaging in his academic efforts and persistence in achieving his dream, despite barriers that he faces. This sense of overcoming through achievement has allowed him to maintain a sense of himself as a “man” with agency and power, while still promoting his dream of becoming a doctor.

Grandiosity and omnipotence. A sense of grandiosity and omnipotence seems to be essential for any young child from poverty who aspires to be a doctor. Rusty had to feel special enough to be “one of the few” that “made it out.” He also had to feel powerful enough to overcome the barrage of obstacles that anyone must navigate as they transcend impoverished environments and enter a mainstream society. In reflecting on what it is about him that has allowed him to accomplish such an unlikely feat, he states, “I will say, just the mixture of - if you want to be positive, you could say ambition, selfefficacy and discipline. If you want to be negative, you could just say, I'm arrogant and stubborn.” His sense of grandiosity and omnipotence seems to have been instilled and preserved since he was a young child.

Rusty’s early years with his mother seemed to infuse a useful sense of grandiosity into Rusty. He remembers her “always building me up and building me up.” He

120 remembers her saying, “You’re better than that, you’re going to be a leader. This isn’t for you.” He shares: My dad is more probably the settler. My dad is like, “Well, you grow up; you get a nice job maybe at a post office or for the plant and you take care of your kids and you just try to live a good life. It’s really what it’s about.” My mom is like, “No, you try to be the best that you can possibly be.”

He adds: She used to always say, “I may not always be here”. I think she was suicidal and that was the way she was saying it, but she just kept saying “I may not always be here” and kept hitting that message home to me, my sister and my brother, “I may not always be here” and “If I’m not here, you got to keep on. You got to do this, you got to do that.” And also she was oscillating. She was an enabler and an objector at the same time. Like, she enabled all that drug behavior, because she needed the money from it with my uncles, but she tried to object to me having any place in it and was like “You’re better than that, you’re smarter than that. You got to be—,” you know, “This isn’t for you.”

She seems to implant the notion that he was perfectly capable and special enough to transcend the poverty that they were rooted in, but at the same time, she implants the notion that he “must” take this on, as she may not always be around. Rusty “had” to take on a notion of himself as special and powerful, or he would have been left feeling terrorized by the fantasy of his mother no longer being there and therefore left being completely incapable of “taking care of himself.”

121 The sense of being special that his mother instilled in him has helped Rusty redefine the outcome for his life. Rusty’s sense of grandiosity repelled societal notions about himself, as he had a different sense of himself as being greater than what has been prescribed to him, as an African American man from Detroit. He shares: If I believed what I was told I'll probably be working, get a stable job, at a school system, be a janitor, work my 25 or 30 and just be probably the smartest fucking janitor in the building. To just sit there and relegate myself to some position that’s less than, if I believed everything I was told. I think I had to have a psyche that is somewhat Teflon and not allow so many things to stick.

Rusty reflects that coming from where he grew up, being something like a janitor is considered a success story, yet he never saw that as being good enough for him. His mother’s voice echoes, “You’re better than that.”

Rusty’s sense of grandiosity and his upward mobility seem to be mutually influenced. Rusty’s sense of grandiosity seems to have helped him feel special enough to be able to be different than what society has prescribed to him, but at the same time, by achieving upward mobility, he is also re-charging his sense of grandiosity. The fact that he continues to excel further promotes the sense of his own uniqueness and triumph. He seems to constantly look for more ways to prove to himself that he is capable and special, and thus denying his own vulnerability and fragility. He shares: And sometimes I do feel like that, with this final and everything. I feel like I was crawling across the finish line but something’s in me that always wants more. It’s this insatiable hunger and I often have to control that in other domains of my life,

122 because it’s like I always want the best cards in the room and I’m usually able to grind or work my way or figure some way to have the best cards in the room.

Having “the best cards in the room” ensures that he feels like he is “the best.” It helps him maintain a closeness and an allegiance to his mother’s version of who he is and allows him to disavow his sense of himself as being powerless and helpless.

His first career after graduating did not seem to be psychically effective enough to maintain his sense of grandiosity. It felt like a betrayal of who he was. When he was working in social services, he remembers: And the misery started and this cold chill started to creep down my spine like, “This isn’t you.” I guess I just always have a lot of internal dialogues and one of them was like, “This isn’t you. You got to fight for the best.”

Again, Rusty’s sense of grandiosity, the sense of being different, empowered him to reject anything that felt “mediocre.” This allows him to remain attached to an internalized mother and helps him ward off feelings of being hopeless and powerless that would understandably be associated with both his early experiences and his experiences of upward mobility.

Rusty sense of grandiosity has combined with a sense of omnipotence to help him throughout his process of upward mobility. Rusty does not simply feel special; he also feels powerful and capable enough to overcome any obstacles that are put in his way.

Even early on, when his teacher was discouraging his goal of becoming a doctor, he rejected the notion that he was not capable enough. He recalls, “Once she started telling me how hard it is, I remember tuning her out.” He adds, “It wasn’t even ‘I wanna be a

123 doctor,” it’s like ‘No, I’m gonna be a doctor.’” He recalls always feeling a sense of optimism that “I could be a doctor coming from all of this.”

Rusty’s sense of omnipotence, and his sense of toughness, strength, and agency allows him to shore up his sense of self against any impending doubt. He explains, “Eighty percent of me is like, ‘You can do better. You can do this, this, this.’ That’s a lot of the voice and the doubt is only this quiet 20% voice.” In fact, if anything tries to amplify that 20%, he quickly retaliates psychically by engaging his sense of omnipotence. He shares, “It’s like as soon as you say, ‘I can’t,’ it’s just like game on.”

He adds, “It’s just like ‘I will not lose.’”

The times vulnerability does creep into his sense of self are short lived and are quickly repudiated. He shares, “It’s very short-lived, I would say that. I guess my selfefficacy kicks in and some other voice kicks in and just tells me like ‘You can.’” He remembers: The longest I’ve ever sat on pain was probably last year, having a setback where I had to defer. I felt like I could carry it all. And mind you, I was 30, so it’s like I was already six years behind. And between the new house and everything, it was just too much and I had to defer and I felt like I failed. There was this feeling of failure and I carried that for about seven days and I was wallowing and wallowing. And then it was just a mixture of my granddad’s and my mom’s voice saying like, “Well, sitting around here ain’t gonna fix this. You got to get up and do something.”

Doing something versus accepting defeat maintains an identification and psychic closeness with those in his life who promoted a sense of omnipotence and resilience.

124 Additionally, his sense of omnipotence assists Rusty to feel capable enough of becoming a doctor, despite the grueling process of medical school combined with additional barriers based on his social construct.

Duality in self and others. Rusty negotiates a duality when it comes to movement between social positions. Rusty often feels isolated and disconnected from meaningful others from his original social position and he also feels unwelcomed in his new social position. Additionally, he finds himself having to navigate between a sense of self that feels authentic to who he is and a sense of himself that is imposed by others.

Finally, Rusty has worked to integrate disparities between himself and others and also within his own sense of self.

Existing in between two worlds. Rusty often finds himself feeling out of place in both “worlds” that he is a part of. He no longer “belongs” in his original social position, yet he feels unwelcomed in mainstream society. He explains: For my family, I’m too white. I mean, they would never say “you’re acting white” or anything. No one says that anymore. That’s a relic of the 90s, and that’s a relic of poverty because middle class blacks never said that. But when I’m with my family, I’m not as down home anymore. And then when I’m with my classmates, I’m “ghetto” but I’m willing to accept that. It does bother me. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t, because I’m the same guy who slept on the dirty mattress on the floor right next to you head to foot, like me and all my cousins, and it’s like “I’m different now?” But then when I’m with them (his classmates), it’s like,

125 “Oh, look at this boy from Detroit showing up in his Air Jordans.” It’s like, “Okay, you can’t please everybody.”

“Not pleasing everybody” can often lead Rusty to feel like he operates in isolation. He cannot adjust enough to be fully accepted by his family or by mainstream America.

When Rusty conceived of his dream of becoming a doctor, he did not realize the transition into mainstream America would be so difficult. He did not anticipate the sense of alienation that would accompany his entrance into the professional world. He explains: I was an idealist and most of the people who were trying to succeed were idealists as well. And we thought as long as we work hard, are good people with positive attitudes, we will go into an environment that was accepting because that’s where we will be with other people who work hard. Well, I think that has not necessarily panned out.

Rusty has been discouraged by the resistance he has faced while entering mainstream society. He shares, “You can claim you’re an integrated society but it’s very segregated.”

During one interview, he shares a story about going home shopping in an uppermiddle class suburb of Detroit. His real estate agent gave him the code to the lock box to go look at one particular home. As he arrived, he waved to the neighbors who were outside and he recalls their looks of suspicion. Before he knew it, the police arrived and were questioning him about what he was doing. He was appalled, wondering, “Who robs an empty house?” He was dressed professionally and in his head, he sarcastically

126 comments to himself, “Yeah, because these are my robbery clothes.” Reflecting on this experience, he states: Like, I’m fighting to be out here and nobody’s wanting me out here, you know.

And that’s when I stopped looking at Troy, honestly, I partially felt like a coward for it, like, not standing and fighting, but it was like “I just want to go where I’ll be accepted. I don’t want to fight this battle.”

During our interviews, Rusty tells a number of other stories, where he is treated with suspicion while in medical school. It seems as if people do not believe that he belongs in the improved social position that he occupies. “Where he belongs” is enforced by unspoken codes and resistances. Rusty does not feel welcomed and embraced in his new social position; however, there can also be resistances when he tries to find a sense of connectedness in familiar others.

Rusty often seeks refuge with the people from his old neighborhood after the struggles he has to endure in mainstream society, but the people from his original social position are not always welcoming either. He says he gets a sense of relief when he is able to re-connect with people from Detroit or with his family members. He shares, “I think that’s probably why I like visiting my grandmother and being around all my family, which is weird because they view me as different.” He seems to feel a rejuvenation around his family, yet they seem to also treat him with some sense of suspicion or unfamiliarity. He shares: They started talking to me as if they are talking to a social service worker. They start talking to me as if they are talking to their doctor. And I am like, “Oh.” So when I come around I got to down home myself to where they remember that it’s

127 the same old Rusty and then we have the same comfort again, where they speak to me regular and we just talk about regular issues because it’s not the same. It’s like you liked me better when I was failing or you liked me better when I was broke.

He adds: It’s like I always have to remind them, “I’m the same Rusty.” I tell my brother like when you were sleeping on a dirty mattress on the floor, I was sleeping there with you head to foot. I was there. Why are we acting like somehow, it’s almost like the same struggles we went through, it’s like they started to view me as something more than themselves and it hurts me in a way, that at times, I feel like I was an outsider there in my own damn family. It’s almost kind of the mindset where because I am associated with white people, they view me as a closest thing to white and they then adjust their behaviors to how they would conduct themselves around white people.

Rusty seems to feel excluded regardless of which social situation he finds himself in. He is wedged between two unfavorable situations. If he follows his dreams, he faces a sense of isolation. But if he “stays home” he faces poverty and violence, and he explains, “I don’t want that.” This feeling replicates feelings he must have had often as a child moving from house to house. He wanted to escape the pain of each household, but there was no safe, welcoming place to run to. Each place presented a new set of horrors.

Additionally, there was a sense that “nobody wanted to take him.” These childhood experiences may make Rusty particularly attuned to the dynamics of being unwelcomed when he is in varying social constructs.

128 Dual consciousness. Rusty’s negotiation of conflicting social groups also includes a certain negotiation within himself. He references DuBois (1903) as he has to be aware of himself as seen through the eyes of the mainstream, but he also maintains a sense of himself that feels original and authentic. Rusty explains that he has to negotiate his self while he is in mainstream America, so as to be able to fit in enough to achieve his dream of becoming a doctor. He states, “I immediately need to present myself as the non-threatening Negro, it’s like I’m docile almost, it’s frustrating.”

He feels like he is always combating preconceptions. He states, “We are all painted with this brush as the black community, and no one has given enough time to realize the diversity within a black community.” But, he explains, “It’s like Adam Lanza shoots up the school, its Adam Lanza, it’s not the white race.” Yet, because of Rusty’s blackness, he is portrayed in negatively stereotyped ways that he has to navigate. He explains, “It’s like there are so many assumptions like, ‘Oh, well this guy isn’t going to carry his weight or this guy isn’t going to know anything or can’t contribute.’” He adds, “It’s demeaning in itself, it’s demeaning in the way you have to navigate. You almost have to navigate a room in a way that dispels all their prejudices before you even get to be looked at as a person.” Rusty finds himself having to negotiate how he presents himself and how he interacts with those in mainstream society as to soothe their anxieties enough to counteract their preconceptions so that he can accomplish his goals. However, doing this can often feel disloyal to what feels like his true sense of self.

Integrating experiences. Rusty faces frequent alienation and has to make alterations to himself and to how he connects with others, but he also feels hopeful that

129 his relationships and self can become more integrated and cohesive. He sees changes happening within his family, with his classmates, and within himself. In regards to his family, he shares, “It’s getting better every time. And they just seem like, okay. I’m still me. I don’t know, but it’s getting better.” Not only does Rusty hope that his family and his community can continue to “see” him as still being the “same” Rusty, he hopes that they can see themselves when they see him. He expresses, “I felt like that’s one of my purposes is to just help people see a little bit of themselves and even kind of push that needle and just say, ‘Hey, you can do it.’”

In addition to the progress he sees in his relationships with his family and the hopes he has for the future, he also holds the same for his classmates and society as a whole. He shares, “I do see progress like with my classmates because I don’t line up with everything. And I think they had to do some reconciling.” He adds: Like we talked about in the last session, it’s like the more they see it not adding up, the more their schemas aren’t adding up, these archetypes of what this person is or that person is. And once they see I can exist in both of those places, you know?

He explains that his classmates are realizing that he can be a “black kid from the projects,” but he can also be a successful doctor. He thinks that many people struggle to understand that “both” can exist in the same person, but Rusty is proof that it can.

Rusty also feels hopeful when he experiences progressive people in mainstream America. He feels a renewed sense of hope that there are others out there that are fighting for what is right and fighting for a sense of social justice and equality. He shares, “Those types of people’s standards reinforce the ideas like this world will be

130 better. Three are people that get it and these people will make the world better.” With these individuals, Rusty feels an integrated sense of unity towards making the world a better place. Rusty also shares that he has progressed to feeling more integrated and cohesive in his own sense of self.

Rusty has evolved over the years, reconciling various parts of himself and various ways that he has accommodated the power structures. He explains: When I was more in my insecure stage I didn’t want to be attached to anything Detroit. Anything like myself. Anything about what I was in my younger self because I had that insecurity and I was looking at myself through the eyes of how the majority may view me. It wasn’t until I became more comfortable with myself like, “Look, I'm a Detroit boy.” Like, “I am. This is me. This is what I am.”

Rusty seemed to have an awakening where he reunited with the parts of himself that felt true and original and stopped trying to fit into a mainstream mold. He shares, “I am going to live life on my terms. I am going to do what I want to do and I am not going to always sit there and constantly look and scrutinize my actions.” He reflects further: Once I was able to say, “Okay, what is me? Once I was able to parse out, “What is me and what are the parts of me that I am changing to be more appealing to the mainstream?” then it was just like “Okay, I'm going to do away with that and I'm just going to do the parts that I feel are very me to my core.”

Rusty has a sense of pride and newfound integrity and cohesiveness in how he sees himself and how he moves in the world. By staying more true to who he feels he is, he feels like he is incorporating all of the parts of himself into a cohesive whole. He is

131 demonstrating to himself and to society that these multiple parts can coexist in the same person. He shares: I’m proud of myself for not changing. I’m proud of myself, of the me that’s good enough for my family, the me that’s good enough for my neighborhood, the me that’s good enough for my wife and my kids, and also the me that’s good enough for corporate America or mainstream America.

Rusty breaks socially constructed notions about himself as an African American man who came from urban poverty. His process of bringing an integration to himself and to society seems to be healing of his childhood wounds associated with instability and chaos, and it is also healing of our society’s own fragmented way of relating to one another.

Case Three: Bobby Identifying information. Bobby is a 39-year-old African American man who grew up in an inner city neighborhood on the east side of Detroit. Bobby grew up in an intact family as the oldest of his parents’ three sons. Bobby’s mother did not work outside of the home for most of his childhood. His father worked various jobs including construction and work for a railroad company. Bobby recalls the family experiencing “tight times” financially. There was a period of time when they were on government aid due to a serious accident that left his father unable to work. Bobby now works as a midlevel manager for a large, national communications company. Bobby lives with his wife and children in a stable, diverse middle class neighborhood in Detroit that is home to a large population of professionals.

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Significant childhood experiences. Bobby describes both of his parents as “hardcore.” They pushed him to do well academically and he thinks they were extra tough on him because he was the oldest. They could both be somewhat abusive, which strained his relationships with them. In hindsight, however, Bobby thinks that his parents were both doing what they thought was best to prepare him for the world and for growing up in a rough neighborhood. Despite these dynamics, Bobby also shares that his mother could be nurturing and, as an adult, his father is one of his best friends. Bobby also describes his cousins’ house as being like a second home to him because of how much time he spent with them.

Bobby is the only one of the participants in the study that grew up in an integrated neighborhood, at least during his early childhood. He describes his childhood neighborhood as “predominantly Polish and German,” although he saw rapid white flight and the neighborhood changed before his eyes. He recalls: People who owned their homes left, so either the houses were getting rented out or you had black middle class people moving in. So you had a mixture of people living in the neighborhood. My dad was working at the railroad, the guy next door drove trucks, the other guy worked in a plant and there was someone else on aid who rented out another house.

As white flight occurred, a criminal element and drug culture began to infect the neighborhood, despite the neighborhood still having a strong working class African American population. Bobby’s cousins’ neighborhood was even more poverty stricken and plagued by violence and drugs.

133 Bobby’s experiences have been strikingly diverse and varying including his experiences in his own neighborhood, in the schools he went to, and with the significant time he spent with his cousins. He spent much of his early education in all-white school settings. Then, he experienced great diversity in his neighborhood that quickly became predominately African American during his childhood. He explains that the neighborhood contained stable working class families, but also began to be overrun with drug gangs and poverty. Further, he recalls going back and forth between his house and his cousins’ house as “bouncing between two different worlds.” Although his neighborhood struggled with poverty and crime, his cousins’ household and neighborhood was much more intensely affected by blight and despair. Many of these experiences in his neighborhood and his cousins’ neighborhood were also during the same time in his life that he was attending predominantly white schools.

Growing up, Bobby experienced white flight first hand. He saw the white population exit his neighborhood and move to the suburbs. He explains that the schools he went to were still predominantly white because his parents sent him to Catholic schools. Even though he seems to have some resentment about having to go to these schools, he recognizes: My parents were doing what they thought was best for me, putting me into a safer environment where I don’t have to worry about getting shot at on the field after school because I did something to someone or somebody throwing some dope in my locker so that they don’t get caught.

Despite his parents’ best intentions, keeping Bobby safe from the neighborhood dynamics put him in contact with other dynamics that created different types of problems

134 for Bobby. The schools that Bobby was sent to were still very segregated, causing a chronic sense of isolation and otherness. He gives a background of what his school dynamics were like: In the first grade, I was the only black kid. In the second grade, I started getting a couple of black friends. More black kids started to come all the way until fourth grade. Then, I went to St. Jude, which was on the far east side. It was on the east side, by Eastland Mall. That was still all white, and my classmates were all white.

I mean I would go into the hallway, look at the frames, they have these huge picture frames with all the classes, and I would go back so far, I’m like, “Damn, I don’t see any black people here.”

Bobby experienced intense racial isolation, as he was often the only African American kid in his class. But beyond a sense of being different, he also faced overt racial attacks. He shares: They call you a “nigger” and all that kind of, “Your mom’s a black nigger bitch,” that kind of shit. And you know, to me, that was a straight ass whooping. So I would fight, I would get into a lot of fights.

These types of situations and the chronic sense of feeling isolated wore on Bobby throughout his childhood, creating emotional scars and often leaving him feeling depressed and desperate. Bobby was navigating this world in school, and then also dealing with neighborhood dynamics, including issues related to poverty and trying to develop a sense of who he was amidst a neighborhood full of drug gangs and violence.

Economic struggles created another dilemma that Bobby negotiated as a child.

He recalls growing up around drug dealers and seeing avenues to make “fast money.” He

135 was certain that he did not want to live that lifestyle; he did not want to have to “look over his shoulder” and that lifestyle was not in sync with the morals his parents instilled in him. However, he was also put in a situation where there was economic disparity and deprivation, which could make the option of making money appealing. He explains: I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I was going to do, but I knew it wasn’t anything illegal. That contradicted my dad getting up and working every day, and then later on, when I was in high school, my mom going to work. I didn’t see that as an option. Now, I’m not saying it wasn’t tempting to think about. You’re sitting on the bus and you think about, “Damn man, if I was selling some shit I could be riding around in a car.” But hell, I’m going to get my ass beat down by my dad when I get home so is it really worth it?

Although Bobby’s resistance to criminal activity helped him stay on course with what his parents instilled in him and also provided the comfort of not being involved in activity that could get him killed or incarcerated, his approach to life could be ostracizing from the African American community in his neighborhood. He recalls, “I didn’t have a chance to get a girl until college because I didn’t fit the mold…being a jock or a dude that sold dope.” Even when he entered school environments later in high school that were predominantly black, he was still faced with a sense of isolation. He explains, “When I went to East Catholic, it was predominantly black, but I didn’t fit the mold there because I was the skinny smart kid. I was a lame.” Overall, he faced some sense of rejection in each setting. He either stood out because of his skin color or because he was not “performing” his race the “right” way.

136 Process of upward mobility. Bobby seemed determined to go to college and to make a better life for himself, even as a young person. He was strong academically and he was engaged in several extracurricular activities and groups, making him a wellrounded candidate for universities. He had his choice from several universities that accepted him, including the University of Michigan, Wayne State, University of Detroit Mercy, and Michigan State. He was even offered a track scholarship at the University of Detroit, but he “wanted to see something outside of Detroit.” He experienced “seeing outside of Detroit” in high school and thinks that was essential for helping him expand his horizons. He shares: Going to East Catholic and excelling in school there and being put in these different programs like Hoby and presidential class, little trips and stuff, allowed me to see something outside of Detroit. Everybody I’ve been telling you about that did bad things, they’ve never seen anything outside of Detroit.

So, it was important for him to continue to experience a world outside of Detroit when he went to college.

Bobby remembers visiting the University of Michigan and not liking the black community on campus. He thought they were fragmented from one another and many of them seemed “stuck up.” When he visited Michigan State, he sensed a strong cohesion among the African American students, seemingly something he had missed out on for much of his youth. He decided to enroll at Michigan State.

In college, he felt like he could “reinvent” himself. He shares that he felt he was able to combine all of the parts of himself and still be accepted. He explains that he experienced a strong sense of community with other African American students and even

137 felt comfortable making friends with some of the white students. He recalls being able to dress in his own style that was a mixture of urban and preppy, which he coined, “ghetto prep.” Beyond a sense of connectedness, Bobby was also very determined in college.

Bobby entered Michigan State committed to graduating. He saw retention among African American students as a major issue that keeps many from graduating. He saw a significant number of African American students struggling to complete their degrees at Michigan State because they would often return “home” after a year or two of school. He recalls feeling like they were sabotaging their future and making excuses for why they were not going to finish school. He explains: I didn’t want anything to do with that (dropping out of college). I made it my point to stay in school no matter what. My dad almost died, my dad was in the hospital in my first year and I had to put our dog down of 17 years, 17 to 18 years old. All this happened and I still stayed up there. And then my dad’s sister, my junior or senior year, passed away from colon cancer. All this was happening during finals week. So when you’re trying to do something with yourself there’s going to always be things that can detour you from doing it, but you have to stay focused, you have to stay on task. I made it my mission to stay in school. I didn’t want any other alternatives, I didn’t want any of that. To me, it wasn’t an option.

You got to take that away as an option, you got to take failure away as an option.

Bobby’s determination and perseverance assisted him in graduating with a degree in food management services. He worked in this field for a couple of years, but the business he was working for eventually could not afford to keep him. He searched for work in his field with no luck, so he started working construction with his father for a

138 while. He continued to look for work in his field, eventually following a lead from his brother that a large telecommunications company was hiring. He obtained a position with this company and has worked his way up into mid-level management. Additionally, this company offers free education to pursue information technology, which was Bobby’s original interest before he went into food management. Currently, Bobby works as a manager at this company and is pursuing advanced education in the technology field in hopes to continue to advance his career.

Expectedly, Bobby has had to negotiate mainstream America and the professional world as an African American man. In some ways, he experiences racism as an everpresent, significant dynamic that he has to deal with. He explains: I don’t care what anyone says, when you spend hundreds of years putting negative things about someone, about a group of people, into the consciousness of the country that you live in, it’s going to stick somewhere. It’s not just going to go away.

He shares: I feel when I’m out here operating in the world, I’m always going to be under the impression that I’m still being seen as less than equal to other people no matter how smart I am or how many degrees I have or what I do. I know there are going to be people that’s going to always think less of me.

He adds: You’re fighting these stereotypes, every fucking stereotype you can think about.

“Oh, they’re always late. They don’t have good work ethics. He’s not articulate.

139 The only reason they probably went to college and got an education is because of affirmative action.” And the list goes on with this shit.

These types of stereotypes and assumptions rob Bobby of his worthiness and value. He explains: To me, it’s being presumed, “If he’s in here doing this with us, he only got here because he’s black. He only got here because of affirmative action. He’s only here because we’re doing something to give him a hand out.” All these excuses, all these things, totally disregarding my hard work, my dedication, the sleepless nights, whatever I did to get my education, whatever I did to get a job.

There are specific assumptions that Bobby combats that relate to the infusion of his gender and race. He explains: Somebody is still going to look at you in that way without even knowing you.

They don’t even know my life story, but I know if I walk in certain areas if there’s a situation, they are going to say, “He’s going to get upset, there’s the angry black man. Why do you guys always do this or that?” I have to deal with that at work every day.

Bobby refuses to allow these dynamics defeat him and, in fact, he continuously focuses on his next career move. He thinks that “the further you go the harder it gets,” but he does not seem to show any signs of slowing when it comes to his professional development. Additionally, Bobby explains that he engages people of all different races at his job and even tries to humorously break some of the racial tension. He will make racial jokes with different colleagues about the racial dynamics, as a way of connecting, but also as a way of addressing some of the race issues.

140 Finally, Bobby has recently moved back to the city of Detroit after living in the suburbs for a number of years. He explains that he sees tremendous potential in the city and believes that the stereotypes of the city eclipse much of the good things that exist in Detroit. For many, upward mobility includes moving out of the city, but Bobby feels a sense of pride in living in the city where he came from. He has found a community that is home to many professionals and one that is ethnically diverse. He seems to garner a sense of pride and connectedness in living in Detroit and in his specific community.

Psychic functions of history. Bobby’s interest in and use of history was striking from the onset of our first interview. When I asked him to give me an idea of where he came from, he spent much of our first session detailing the history of both of his parents’ families. He shared how each side of his family ended up in Detroit, and then talked about how his parents met. He followed with rich stories about Detroit’s history, including the different neighborhoods his parents lived in. He also shared stories of his older relatives having run-ins with the Ku Klux Klan (KKK), one incident leaving his great uncle paralyzed because he whistled at a white woman and was attacked by the KKK. Throughout our first interview, I not only felt like I had a rich understanding of where Bobby came from, but this understanding was couched in a deeper understanding of his family’s legacy. By the end of our fifth interview, I gained a greater appreciation of the ways Bobby seems to make use of his history to serve certain psychic functions.

His use of history seems to be couched in meaningful relational experiences and it helped him develop a sense of self, including a sense of strength and resiliency.

141 First, Bobby’s knowledge of rich history is more than facts he derives from reading books. His history is embedded in meaningful relational experiences. The narrating of stories has been an important family dynamic for Bobby. He explains, “I’m real big on talking and listening to people’s stories. I love hearing stories.” He vividly recalls: Whenever we went to St. Louis, I would talk to my great-grandfather and I would just sit and listen. I couldn’t wait to get to his house! We’re going to see everybody, my grandma, my cousins, and all that, but when I went to go see my great-granddad, Bobby the first, oh my God man! I would sit down and just listen to him.

Bobby’s excitement seems to relate to a merger with a deeply respected patriarch of his family that imbued Bobby with a sense of pride and admiration.

Bobby was able to gain a sense of connectedness and strength through hearing everything his grandfather lived through. Bobby could recognize some of his own struggles with racism in the much harsher racial dynamics that his great grandfather experienced. Bobby describes some elements of his great grandfather’s stories: He was about 90 something. He was around when they were in a horse and buggy to Model T cars, so he’s seen the change. He also was the same guy who would be walking down the street paying attention to where he was at night because the Klan was on their horses. He would be walking past people that got snatched up by the Klan and seeing people hanging from trees.

142 The horrors of these stories seemed to inspire Bobby, as he felt an oneness with his great grandfather. He was able to identify with a stronger, more omnipotent figure who has been through “worse” things and survived.

These stories seemed to give Bobby a collective understanding of not only the struggles, but the resiliency of family members and of other African Americans who have come before him. These stories and experiences seem to be a part of him, a part of how he sees himself. He sees his use of history and understanding the generational and communal strength of African Americans as essential for having a strong identity. He explains: I think what’s missing a lot of times, with us black people, is our sense of identity and what we have accomplished as a people. To know your history, you have to understand you are from some of the strongest people that made it. You couldn’t be weak and make it across that water.

Bobby garners a sense of strength and resiliency from an internalization of historical figures. His use of his own history reminds me of the concept of transgenerational trauma resulting from generations of enslavement and oppression, however, he describes what seems like a “transgenerational resiliency” that has been passed down through the survival and overcoming of these dynamics as well.

Internalized resilience is more to Bobby than just inspiring stories of his past. His resilience and history are essential psychic dynamics that he calls upon to combat his experiences with racism. Bobby dealt with significant childhood experiences with overt racism and with being othered, and he continues to exist in a society that riddles him with

143 a host of negative assumptions, regardless of how accomplished and “presentable” he is.

He calls upon his history to push back against these attacks on his self. He shares: Knowledge, that knowledge man. When things get hard and tough and you pray, you think about what your ancestors did, some of the things that they accomplished, what they built. Sometimes what you go through, you feel like it’s the worst thing in the world. I didn’t realize this until I got older, but what past generations went through was a lot more physically, mentally, and financially abusive than it is now. So when I went to college there were all these black groups that you could be a part of, outside of Greek organizations and all these social groups. You get to sit around these people and talk and you learn even more stuff about yourself and some of the things that you could accomplish. It’s a drive man, knowing the history. I can’t explain it, it’s some type of drive that gives you another rush or another push when you’re feeling down and out. It’s more than just an experience; this stuff is generational.

History seems to represent a sort of internalized relational world made up of figures that lend strength to Bobby when he seems to be under attack from society.

This internalized essence seems to be in constant operation in Bobby’s psyche.

He shares, “I’m confident in my history, who I am. I know my people’s history. So when I walk out the door, I’m ready to fight the good fight.” History also helps Bobby develop a sense of himself that is promoted through a rich sense of history and culture versus the sense of himself that he might develop if he only relied on mainstream notions about himself, as a black man.

144 Bobby also recalls absorbing any information he could get his hands on to shore up his sense of self against the racism he was enduring on a daily basis as a child. He recalls: I was starting to understand who I was. My dad had old Jet magazines from the seventies. I would read those. They were around the house in boxes. I would read them. Go to my grandparents’ house and I mean they had Ebony magazines so far back that Dorothy Dandridge was on the freakin’ cover. So I would read that stuff.

Educating himself on his own history and his culture in general has allowed Bobby to combat erroneous beliefs that have the potential to damage his sense of self.

In other words, he absorbed information and experienced that allowed him to internalize positive images of himself, as an African American, despite there being many negative experiences with others that had the potential to infiltrate his sense of self.

Fortunately, Bobby was able to internalize a sense of strength and resilience from his history and from relational experiences with others’ sharing their stories. These dynamics seem to parallel one of the uses of psychotherapy, i.e., creating a self-narrative that feels cohesive and holding. For Bobby, calling upon history and having relational experiences that cemented his pride in his history and in himself have been tremendously holding for Bobby and has infused him with a sense of ability and strength.

Psychological trauma of childhood racism. Dealing with chronic racism throughout childhood has been developmentally traumatic for Bobby. “I struggled with that for a lot of years, man, dealing with racism at an early age.” Being an “other”

145 through most of his early school years was combative, confusing, and isolating. He often came under attack by his classmates and felt an overall sense of being ostracized from the group. He shares, “I was put in a situation that was confrontational. So when you’re in a combative situation—you know those guys who would go through combat stress?—well imagine doing that for eight grades constantly.” This “combat stress” seemed to leave Bobby feeling conflicted, angry, and emotionally fatigued.

He recalls the experiences with racism as feeling conflicting, especially going to Catholic schools where there were explicit messages about peace. He shares: It was conflicting because you would go to mass, talk about the beatitudes and all that shit and then you would come out of the damn church and they’re like, “Fuck you, nigger!” And here we go; we fight. I mean we just walked out of church, this dude stood up there and says all this crap and says “Amen.” We are in here and you are still filled with hate and dislike for me, disdain. That was crazy, man.

That’s a lot for a child to comprehend and understand.

For Bobby, as a young child, it was hard for him to reconcile what was being taught in church and what he was learning about himself from his family members with the blatant racial attacks that he endured in school.

In addition to these overt attacks, Bobby experienced incredible pain associated with the isolation caused by his racial difference. He shares, “The pain, the feeling of not belonging or being part of things, those things were bad experiences and some of that stuff I still carry with me.” He explains, “I didn’t have any other black kids to really lean on.” These racialized attacks on Bobby’s psyche created deep pain that he seems to have managed by escaping through action and fantasy.

146 Bobby explains that he “fought a lot,” growing up with the kids at school who instigated him with racial slurs. These slurs likely carried a meaning of negating Bobby’s sense of self and they were also an attack on those he loved and cared about. For example, “You’re mom’s a nigger bitch.” To psychologically protect himself and his loved ones, he physically attacks the attacker. It is as if the choice is “to annihilate or be annihilated.” These acts of retaliation likely helped Bobby temporary soothe the psychic injury associated with being under attack.

Although Bobby’s fighting helped combat blatant and direct attacks from others, it did not help with the sense of isolation he felt. In fact, it probably only further promoted his sense of isolation. The other side, in contrast to Bobby’s fighting, was the side that felt completely defeated and rejected for being different. Fighting was one escape from his psychic pain, but he also used fantasy as a more abstract escape and also as a way to find a sense of connectedness. He shares: You just shut down; you want to be by yourself. You do things. I used to cut myself, I used to just sit around and be depressed. And I started engrossing myself into nerdy-type shit. Comic books and anime, all these different little fantasy worlds…to take me away from that reality. Kind of like a getaway.

Comics helped Bobby enjoy a fantasy getaway from the harsh relational world he was engrossed in at school, and they also helped him find a connectedness with others who shared his same experiences.

Bobby found a particular identification with the X-Men because the experiences portrayed in the comics matched his reality. He explains, “My favorite comic book series is Uncannny X-Men because of all the mutants, it’s what I was going through. It’s

147 people not liking you. ‘Go home Mutie!’” This fantasy world created another escape from the psychic pain he felt resulting from being othered, but it also gave him a new “home” full of similar “others.” In his fantasy, he was able to connect with characters that experienced the pain he felt. Their relational connection was the sameness of being different. The connectedness he felt in fantasy was converted into connections with similar others in reality once he entered college.

In college, he felt like he finally fit in. He felt a strong connection with the “black community” at Michigan State University and felt like he could “re-invent himself.” He was able to explore who he was and to feel connected with others, without having to battle the onslaught of racial othering and resultant psychic injuries. Bobby’s experiences with racism obviously did not disappear after his early school years. Once he was connected with more African Americans, however, he seemed to feel a communal strength and sense of himself that was firmer than when he was the “only black kid in school.”

Repudiating vulnerability through action and omnipotence. Bobby seems to see himself as an agent of his own destiny, which is strikingly adaptive given the host of racial and psychic detriments that he has faced. A significant dynamic of seeing himself as an agent is the privileging of action over other ways of managing psychic pain. Action seems to be a gendered way of managing onslaughts, a way that feels approved of, as an urban African American man. Secondly, Bobby seems to use action or a sense of agency as a way of repudiating a sense of vulnerability. Next, Bobby’s sense of agency seems to

148 promote a sense of omnipotent control that allows him to continue to engage in a world that often puts barriers in his way.

Bobby explains that his parents promoted a certain “hardcore” way of being that they felt was adaptive for a young, African American boy growing up in his neighborhood. This way of being seemed to promote a necessary hardiness, although it robbed Bobby of a way of verbally processing his psychic pain. Additionally, being “hardcore” and determined allowed Bobby to form an identification with his father in the midst of what was otherwise a distant relationship.

Bobby recalls that as the oldest boy, his parents did not allow any perceived “weakness” or inaction in the face of obstacles or hurts. The promotion of action over feelings seems to be a gendered strategy for navigating the hazards of Bobby’s neighborhood and school environments. This strategy prevented him from fully experiencing and processing some of his psychic pain. Bobby explains: It’s like I didn’t have the luxury, at that time, of sitting there to grieve over or process some of the things that was happening to me. I had to go to sleep, wake up, and go hit it again. I didn’t have time to be away from it. It wasn’t, “Oh no, I don’t want to go to school today.” “No, your ass is going to school today. We pay for you to go to school. You’re going to go to school and face these things that are going on.”

Here, Bobby is expressing his reservations about entering a school situation where he would inevitably face hurt due to racial attacks and ostracism; however, his parents, knowing the value and necessity of education, pushed him to “face” this pain, to take action.

149 This “facing” of pain, taking action, was also one way that Bobby could connect with his father, who he struggled to have a sustaining relationship with as a child. He was able to identify with this “masculine” version of who he was supposed to be. He recalls: My dad taught me never to quit, to keep going, even when you fuck up, just keep going. Another way is going to come around, but you never know about the other way unless you put yourself out there. I think a lot of times we fall victim to that, that we don’t see past the corner, we don’t want to go to that corner. We’re so engulfed with all these negative images and all this overt racism that we stop ourselves.

This identification with his father’s messages seems to allow him to connect with his father, but it also allows him to shield himself from the impositions on the self of racial stereotypes and oppressive dynamics.

Bobby also sees action and resilience as a way of annihilating barriers and doubts. He often describes experiences, such as racial barriers or negative assumptions about himself, as “challenges that make him stronger.” He explains that some people “internalize” racism and it “makes them weaker,” but he “takes it as a challenge.” He says, “I have always been told ‘no.’ I’ve been told when I was in Catholic school that I wasn’t smart enough. So you know what I did? If you think I’m not smart enough, I’m going to keep studying hard.” He refuses to “accept defeat” and privileges action as a response to any barrier or injustice.

He describes having to work construction with his father even after having a college degree and having professional experience. I asked him if this felt discouraging,

150 which he denied, and instead he shares his preference to rely on his own agency versus feeling discouraged. He explains: It was humbling, but at the same time I knew that it was going to be hard out there. One thing that they taught me and I told myself, you can’t get somewhere unless you put yourself out there. Even when it looks like you don’t have anything, like nothing’s coming, keep moving, keep grinding because something’s going to happen. Don’t sit in the house talking about, “I’m here waiting on my blessing, I’m waiting on my blessing, the Lord is going to bring it down to me.” He already brought it down; he gave you the ability to get your ass up in the morning. So if you’re getting up in the morning, what are you doing with those minutes, seconds, and hours, what are you doing with it? If you’re sitting around and hoping and wishing for something to happen and you’re not putting your feet to the ground and moving, then you’re not going to get anything.

Moving, grinding, and a general sense of taking action, seems to shelter Bobby during situations that may invite hopelessness or despair.

Action also promotes an ingenuity versus a sense of helplessness. Bobby explains, growing up, when he felt like he did not have certain things, he responded with action. He shares: My parents’ resources weren’t that great, so I couldn’t just sit there and say, “Well, we ain’t got it.” Well, how can I find it? That’s why I hustled my way through school, getting stuff signed for financial aid that I couldn’t get any other way, hustling up on books and calculators and stuff, and bartering and trading.

151 Me growing up the way I did and thinking the way I did, enabled me to hustle my way through school because I was at a disadvantage.

Bobby combated this disadvantage with a repudiation of any emotional response that would lead to “defeat” or despair, instead he employed a fierce determinism to “achieve.” This privileging of action as a psychological mechanism for coping seems to have been an important factor in Bobby’s ability to gain upward mobility, despite the barriers he has faced.

Bobby also has a strong sense of omnipotence, placing enormous faith in his own ability to control his destiny. This has promoted his upward mobility and allowed him to fend off doubt and insecurity. Bobby sees himself, his agency and action, as the determining factors of his life. He says, “I’m not going to let these obstacles deter me from trying to be who I want to be or who I’m trying to find myself out to be.” Even when experiences tempt him to feel defeated, he quickly retorts with the potential that exists within himself to transcend his circumstances. He explains: You can take all those bad things and all those bad experiences and use it as ammunition, as fuel, as strength to go further than where you’re going. Your mind can take you, you could be in the most fucked up, desolate situation in your life for a long time, but if you’re constantly telling yourself in your mind, you train your mind that you can go further than what you are, eventually you’re going to break free of that, you’re going to do what you need to do to go past that.

His sense of omnipotence, that he can change circumstances with the sheer force of his mind, seems to allow Bobby to “push forward” even when he faces barriers and challenges.

152 Bobby also denies the sense of being dictated by others or society; instead he sees his own abilities and determination as the factors that decide his life trajectory. He shares: You don’t have the right to tell me that I can’t learn something. I’m going to learn it. You might put up a wall to stop me, but I’m going to find a way to get what I need to learn and somebody out there is going to see the value of that. It doesn’t have to be you. You’re not the end of it all. All I have to do is keep on believing in myself and keep going.

Again, Bobby locates the center of control within himself, that regardless of what others do or what societal limitations are in place, he has complete ability to write his own destiny. This allows him to transcend impositions placed on him by society and to continue to pursue his aspirations without feeling a sense of hopelessness and defeat.

Negotiating social constructs. Bobby seems to utilize a sense of multiplicity to negotiate socially constructed views of himself. He is always aware of various circumstances he is in and tries to accommodate to those circumstances to be able to acclimate to mainstream society. Doing this can feel disconnecting; however, he seeks out closeness with similar others to feel a sense of belongingness. In addition, he feels a sense of pride and purpose in being able to actively deconstruct images of urban African American men.

Bobby finds himself having to be calculating whenever he is engaged in mainstream society or in the professional workplace. He explains:

153 It’s a damn shame, but you have to. It’s like you’re playing chess. Checkers, you know checkers, you just make one move; you think about the other person making a couple of moves. But chess, you have all these different pieces and they can move in different kind of ways.

Part of this chess game includes being aware and tactful about which part of himself he displays at any given moment. He has to be mindful of how any particular version of himself might be received by the audience. He shares: You always have to present yourself, it can be hard at times, especially in a situation when you’re getting in a confrontation with somebody but you don’t want to be—it’s like a tightrope—you don’t want to be perceived as weak and a pushover, but you don’t want to come across like Malcolm X or some shit.

You’re constantly walking the line. Most black men that are successful, that have middle class jobs in certain fields and are upwardly mobile, we have like three or four different faces. I have to always put on a different face.

Bobby engages these various faces to combat stereotyped notions about himself and to allow himself to navigate mainstream culture.

The negotiation of putting on these different faces can feel disconnecting as there can be a lack of cohesiveness between himself and others. Bobby explains, “I feel like I’m always going to be floating around, you know what I’m saying? It’s not like you really have a true home.” Fortunately, Bobby has found multiple ways to combat the disconnecting feelings associated with being upwardly mobile. He has found belongingness in various groups he is a part of. For example, he points to his fraternity as a significant source of connectedness. He states:

154 One of the reasons why I love being in the frat, I get to be what the fuck I want to be, as myself. I’m in with people of like minds, we’re all cool. So that’s my brother, we’re brothers, and we kick it and I can take him being the way he is and he can take me being the way I am.

He feels that when he is with his fraternity brothers he can be a mixture of all of his “different faces” and still be accepted and understood.

Bobby’s involvement in mainstream society and in the professional world seems to also affect the ways that African American masculinity is constructed. He can actively deconstruct what others see when they see a black man from Detroit. Even as a child, he had this sense. He explains: It’s just there’s so many years, man, of you being shown as something else.

That’s why a lot of people that I went to school with were conflicted. I didn’t fit with what their mom and their dad were telling them at the dinner table about black people.

Bobby’s presence in mainstream America helps deconstruct overarching stereotypes of black masculinity, but he thinks that it also empowers other African Americans to see beyond social constructions.

Bobby thinks it is essential to present a different image to African Americans about what it “means” to be black. He shares: I think that’s what’s missing. We don’t want to show our families and ourselves that we can be successful. That’s where it starts, when you show yourself and your family that you can be successful and that you can make things happen. If you fight for your family to make it and to have a better life for your family,

155 which starts going into what you are as a black person. And so now you have a successful black family and your lineage is successful and you guys keep it moving.

Bobby wants to recreate the “mold” of what the images of black men and of the black family are. He sees fighting for his race as being too grandiose and unattainable, but by working hard for his family and creating a “successful” black family, he is also creating a new image of blackness that he hopes can begin to replace images that have plagued African Americans for centuries.

Case Four: Silas Identifying information. Silas is a 31-year-old African American man who grew up in Highland Park, which is a small city inside of Detroit. Highland Park is notorious for poverty and blight, similar to what has affected Detroit as a whole, although due to the city’s small size, the resources to combat urban decay are even more minimal than those of Detroit. Silas grew up in an intact family with a younger sister. His mother did not work outside of the home while he was growing up and his father worked different jobs, including working with asphalt on a construction crew. Silas’ family struggled with intense poverty when Silas was younger. Now Silas lives in a middle class integrated suburb of Detroit and works as a project manager for a Fortune 500 automotive company.

Significant childhood experiences. Silas’ parents were married for his entire childhood until they divorced in more recent years. Silas describes his parents’ marriage as volatile, although they worked hard to stay together to provide a stable family for their

156 children. Silas’ mother and father were both incredibly insistent on Silas getting a good education. His mother seemed to be the sterner one when it came to this dynamic. For example, Silas got a C on a biology test in high school so his mother made him sit out the “game of the year” even though he was the football team’s star player. Even more significant, she refused to let him go to the University of Michigan after the coach only touted athletics during a recruiting visit. She felt that he was being sent to a “football factory,” not to a place to get an education.

Silas’ father was equally involved with Silas’ education and athletics, although sometimes he would try to negotiate on Silas’ behalf if he felt that his mother was being too strict. Silas recalls really looking up to his father and respecting his advice. At the same time, Silas’ father could be the source of great hurt and family turmoil. His father has issues with drug abuse. Silas shares, “you name a drug, he's done it” and recalls his father disappearing on “drug binges” for days at a time. Silas remembers his dad being very present and involved when he was not using drugs, but his addiction could trump his commitment to his family.

Silas remembers a host of childhood pain and anxieties related to his father’s addiction. He shares: He would go on these binges where he would leave and do drugs or these crack binges for a couple of days at a time. When I was younger, I remember seeing my mom up all night. She'd be crying. She’d tell us to go back to bed but I remember it vividly. I remember her. I could see her crying. I could see her feeling worried. I also remember guys coming to our house asking for money. I remember that.

157 Silas recalls the embarrassment of having to go around to different neighbors’ houses and to family members asking for money to pay off Silas’ father’s debts. Silas’ peers sometimes caught wind of Silas’ father’s addiction, so Silas had to deal with teasing about his dad being a “crack head.” Silas shares that he will always respect his father and appreciate what he has done for him, but also acknowledges that his father’s addition has caused Silas incredible pain.

Silas’ recalls his childhood being pleasant in other ways. He thought his parents did their best to try to provide for him and his sister. He experienced his parents as being very involved in his life. Silas was a star student and athlete so this garnered him a lot of validation and praise from family members and peers. Additionally, Silas remembers having a rich imagination and insatiable curiosity about the world. He states, “I started wanting to learn more of the world. I was intrigued by everything.” He adds, “I had a very vivid imagination.” Additionally, he eagerly latched onto lessons teachers and coaches shared with him about life and would read books and imagine what life was like outside of Highland Park.

Silas imagined a life outside of Highland Park, but he also felt a strong attachment to his neighborhood. In high school, Silas went to North Carolina to live with an uncle who lived in a better school district. Silas’ family thought he would have a better chance at life if he was isolated from the entrapments of the inner city environment in which they lived. Silas thought his experience in this other high school, which was integrated, was “okay,” but he missed Highland Park. He decided to come back to his family and his city and finish his last three years of high school there, just like his uncle and dad had done.

He even picked going to Highland Park High School instead of attending a prestigious

158 high school in Detroit that is designated for academically gifted students. He thought that he could get a good education anywhere and it felt meaningful for him to go to a high school that was tied to his neighborhood and to his family.

Silas’ neighborhood was infested with drugs and crime, but he seemed to be somewhat insulated from these dynamics. He explains that he was more focused on school and football and there was not much of an appeal to get “caught up in the street life.” Additionally, the guys in his neighborhood knew Silas had a good chance at “really making it out,” so they insisted that he stay away from any sort of drugs or criminal activity. He shares, “Once they knew who I was and knew what I was doing, they tried to keep me away from it.” Finally, he was scared to “even try weed” because he saw the impact that drugs had on his father. So the combination of these dynamics seemed to keep Silas engaged primarily in academics and athletics.

Process of upward mobility. Dynamics pertaining to upward mobility seemed to be explicit early on in Silas’ childhood. He remembered seeing things on TV and spending time with relatives in Florida, seeing how other people lived outside of Highland Park. He recalls, “I would see people with lawns. I would see people with clean stuff. And kids who had TVs in their rooms and computers and access to all these different things, and I'm like, ‘Wow.’” While in Florida, he remembers asking parents of wealthier kids about what they did for a living. He states, “I wanted to know how they were able to live this life.” He collected information from various sources and started to craft an idea about what he would have to do to “make it out.”

159 One thing that was consistent in Silas’ understanding of creating a better life for himself was the focus on education. He heard this constantly from his parents, but he also discovered that the other adults he talked to who had some degree of wealth all had professional jobs that required a college degree. So, even as a young child, Silas knew he wanted to go to college.

Silas was a prime candidate for countless universities so his dream of going to college materialized quickly. He was a renowned high school football star with close to a 4.0 GPA. He put in incredible amounts of work to gain this status as a student athlete and these dynamics made him a top recruit for countless universities. He recalls, “By the time I was ready to graduate, I had letters from everywhere.” As mentioned earlier, he had his heart set on going to the University of Michigan; however, his mother was not pleased with their recruiting tactics. She thought that they saw a young black boy from Highland Park as only an athlete, but not as a student. With the University of Michigan being forbidden by his mother, Silas was open to other options. His uncle knew the football coach at Florida A&M University (FAMU) and suggested that Silas consider going there. The recruiting strategy for FAMU’s staff was more about graduating student athletes, which Silas and his mother both liked. Plus, FAMU was a historically black university, which felt appealing to Silas because it felt like “home,” it felt comfortable.

So, Silas signed with FAMU and enrolled as a heavily touted football recruit.

Silas’ experiences at FAMU paralleled those he had at Highland Park High School. He was a star on the field and in the classroom. Additionally, he was very involved on campus through the fraternity he joined in college. His academic pursuits puzzled some of the coaches and students. It seemed likely that Silas would get drafted

160 into the NFL, yet he picked aerospace engineering as a major and studied vigorously.

People wondered why he picked such a challenging major and why he was so focused on academics when he was “going to the NFL.” He expressed to people that he would love to go to the NFL “if it happens,” but he felt like he needed a backup plan. And he had always loved outer space and loved using his imagination to figure out how things worked, so he felt certain that aerospace engineering would fit him well. In true Silas form, he graduated with a strong GPA and was a standout football star.

Silas graduated and was in fact drafted by the NFL by the Detroit Lions. He entered pre-season football camp with the team; however, he was up against fierce competition for the position he played. There was a strong likelihood he could have gotten cut before the season started. He battled for a position and even was part of some all-star plays during pre-season games; however, a nagging knee injury that started in college was plaguing him. He would play in the pre-season games and in practice, but his knee would swell up “like a balloon” after each practice and game. The coaches and training staff thought he should take some time off from playing because of his knee.

The combination of this time off and the other talented players that were ready and willing to fill his position ended up dismantling his chances to join the official roster for the team.

Silas ended up playing for a couple of arena football teams in different parts of the country for a couple of years after graduation. His knee continued to cause him problems and he realized that there was a chance his continued play could debilitate him to the point where he would not be able to play with his future kids. With this risk and

161 with the safety of having an appealing degree, he decided to retire from football and join the professional workforce as an engineer.

Silas started working as an aerospace engineer for a large, prestigious company.

He remembers feeling intimidated early on in his career. He would often be the youngest person and the only African American employee. He felt like people were looking to him to make mistakes or for him to not know something. He states, “And I feel like because of where I come from, I feel like the microscope’s always on me. I feel I'm just always on the spot.� These anxieties initially made him approach his job in a much more reserved manner. He would not offer insights, but instead would sit quietly in meetings. Finally, as he gained some comfort, he started feeling like he could start offering his talents more explicitly. He began to thrive in his career.

Silas changed companies a few different times and shares that with each step he took professionally, he would try to be more of himself. So initially, he would dress differently and would shave his beard, so he could fit in and be more digestible to the corporate world. Finally, starting with his most recent job, he explains that he even went to the interviews dressed in a way that felt more authentic and he also kept his full beard.

He shares that he was at a point in his life and in his career that if he was not going to be accepted for who he was, then he would just work somewhere else.

His most recent job was a move back to Michigan after working in different parts of the country. He started working as an automotive engineer, even though his background is in aerospace engineering. The company was so impressed with him and his potential that they trusted he could make the transition from aerospace to automotive

162 engineering. Silas has excelled at this company and was quickly promoted to project manager.

At his current company, Silas feels like he can be “himself.” He dresses fashionably and authentically, he wears a beard, and he acts “down to earth.” He explains that engineering is full of “stuffed shirts,” which seems to describe a person with a rigid demeanor. He shares that his charisma and engaging personality loosens up the work environment. He also feels like he is a rare type of engineer who feels comfortable both in corporate, closed door meetings and with communicating and interacting with the factory line workers.

Silas also has moved his wife and children to a “quiet suburb” where he feels a sense of safety. Additionally, Silas enjoys driving nicer, faster cars. He explains that he was always fascinated with cars and likes to enjoy them now that he can afford them.

This shift in location and in the types of cars he drives has not been solely a pleasant experience. He shares, “It’s hard driving around getting pulled over and not for speeding, or you get looked at weird when you walk into a grocery store even though you live around the corner.” Silas explains that he gets pulled over by police on a regular basis.

He shares that certain suburbs seem to patrol for young black men, and the combination of this demographic and the types of cars Silas drives seems to make him a frequent target. Silas has had a number of pleasant interactions with the police officers, some to the point where he felt he has made them think twice next time they stereotype a young black man with a nice car. He shares that they seem to now see that this situation can mean that the person driving is a professional, like an engineer, versus the assumption that he is a drug dealer.

163 These same dynamics seem to exist in the work place. He thinks that for the most part, he is well liked and accepted at his job. He thinks he has expanded a lot of his coworkers’ understanding about race. For example, many of his white coworkers brought up the deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner and shared that they empathized with them as victims because they had seen or heard about Silas getting pulled over by the police and mistreated a number of times. On the other hand, Silas does feel that he has to always be on high alert at his job. He feels that he can never relax because if he makes a mistake, it will be seen as evidence that he “really is deficient.” He has a sense that a lot of the people in the professional world doubt his abilities, so he works “extra hard” to demonstrate that he belongs in the position he is in. He does not want to leave any room for doubt. He shares that this continual sense of pressure can feel exhausting, but he also “likes it” because he sees it as a challenge.

Silas has also found it difficult to “learn how to be middle class.” He explains that he had to read a lot of books to understand things like budgeting, retirement accounts, and mortgages. He explains that growing up in poverty, these things were nonexistent. Additionally, he has had to balance how much he exposes his children to the “values” of some of his extended family that he believes promote poverty. For example, he explains that some of his family members “don’t want to work” and just “use the system.” He tries to find a balance between giving back to his community and, at the same time, trying to continue to accumulate wealth and enjoy things in his new social position that he was not able to enjoy as a kid.

164 Ambivalence. Silas deals with much ambivalence, as he has had to manage intense conflicting feelings about various aspects of his life. First, his father was Silas’ hero and biggest fan growing up, but he has also been one of his biggest sources of disappointment and shame. Additionally, Silas remembers having strong ambitions to have a “better life” as a child; however, he also felt strongly connected to the community he came from. In a sense, he strongly wanted to leave and to stay connected. Finally, as Silas has entered a new social class, he has ambivalence about the people he grew up with and about those who still live in impoverished situations. He feels simultaneously aware of barriers to success, but also has a number of critiques about why people stay in poverty. These dynamics are discussed further in the following subsections.

Pride and pain: Silas’ relationship with his father. Silas’ father’s presence growing up was a significant source of pride and pain. It was extremely rare to have a father in the home in Silas’ neighborhood, so Silas was proud to have his father. He shares: My dad, he was my biggest fan. He never missed a game. No matter what it was, if it wasn't a drug situation, he was there. He was at every game—basketball, football, at the school making sure that I’m in class. He made sure he knows all my teachers. My dad was that guy. He was always there. I guess he saw the potential too. He started seeing the potential of me—“I have a son who could probably make it."

165 Silas recalls wanting to make his father proud and looking up to his father’s guidance and advice. He shares that he learned his “strong work ethic” from his father.

He remembers: I remember my dad used to work. And that’s another part I think my dad really, really showed me. He would work 17 to 18 hours a day. He would go to work at like five o’clock in the morning and come home at like 7 o'clock at night. He’s reeking of sweat and asphalt. But on the weekends, he’d clean up and take us to the park.

Silas seems to really respect his father’s work ethic and commitment to his family, during the times when he was not on drugs. Silas latched onto things that his father taught him, but he thought there were also lessons that he could not learn from them. He looked up to a lot of what his father did, but he seemed to also hold higher aspirations than his family could show him. He explains: And it wasn’t my dad’s fault, I mean, I think my dad and my parents, my uncles all did the best they could to show me what it was and I learned a lot from them.

But for what I wanted to be in life, I need to have a bigger scope or a bigger understanding of what was going on.

Silas remembers appreciating the lessons from his family, but also felt like he wanted something “bigger than even they could imagine.” He thinks they may have envisioned him becoming a store manager or another comparable occupation, but they never dreamed he would be in the position he is now. He seemed to know, even at a young age, that he would “make it” beyond anyone’s expectations.

166 The expectations for Silas seemed to be set somewhat based on his gender, as the only son. Even though Silas recalls people wanting him to succeed in life, they also seemed to impose his father’s image on top of Silas’ sense of himself. Family members and people in the neighborhood frequently told him that he would be “just like his father.” He recalls: It could be family members; it could be people in the neighborhood. “Oh, you’re just like your dad. You’re just like your dad.” When I was younger it was, “Cool. My dad’s pretty cool. He works, he’s strong. Cool. I'm just like my dad.”

I got older and I realized what I wanted to be, I'm like, “No, I don’t want to be like my dad.” So I would lash out like, “No, I'm not like that. I’ll be my own thing. I want to do my own thing.” So now having to wake up every day to hear someone tell you you’re going to be like someone else, to try to break that mold every single day for your life when you’re a kid, that’s a lot of adversity to deal with.

Silas found himself holding conflicting messages about what it meant to “be like his dad.” Part of Silas enjoyed being compared to his father, but he also felt resentful of this casting. When Silas’ father was not using, Silas saw him as strong, hardworking, and family oriented. He was “cool.” However, because of the pitfalls of his drug use, Silas could also see his father as disappointing, embarrassing, and heartbreaking.

As an adult, Silas continues to hold ambivalence towards his father. He simultaneously identifies and disidentifies with various aspects of his experiences with his father. Silas works hard and is very committed to his family and, at the same time, he

167 works tirelessly to not disappoint his own children like his father disappointed him. He is heavily committed to making himself someone his kids and wife can be proud of.

Silas continues to have these polar, conflicting views of his father, including the ones he enacts through his identification and disidentification with his father. Silas explains that on one hand, he understands his father’s struggles. He explains, “I never looked at him differently. I mean, I think we all have problems. I think we all have our own vices that we deal with and that was his.” However, at the same time, he shares, “I mean if I approached a situation where I was unsure of, I would think about how my dad would handle it and do the opposite.” Silas both relates to the challenges his father endured, but also sees himself as trying to be the “opposite” of his father. This sort of psychic push and pull has also been a significant part of Silas’ experience with transitions throughout his upward mobility.

Should I stay or should I go: Ambivalence throughout transitions. During our first interview, Silas shares a story about a pre-season NFL game where he was playing defensive back against one of the top quarterbacks in the league. He recalls being drenched in sweat, nervous, intimidated, and excited. He remembers a play being called and before he knew it he was holding the football in his hands, he had intercepted one of the best quarterbacks in the league. He was tackled on the spot, frozen in his tracks. One of the coaches said, “Great interception, but you gotta run son!” In this play, Silas simultaneously showed his talents, but also demonstrated how fear and doubt could “stop him in his tracks.” This story seems to serve as a metaphor for a number of transitions in Silas’ life where he had to negotiate a conflicting sense of himself as both competent and inadequate.

168 The first major experience where Silas seemed to deal with ambivalence about moving between social constructs was his freshman year in high school. Growing up, Silas remembers, “I felt like I was destined to get away from it.” He felt like he “didn’t belong” in urban poverty. He thought he was destined to be in a different location, where the childhood pains of poverty and of his father’s drug use could not haunt him. Family members recognized Silas’ potential and thought he could capitalize more on his potential if he was put in a better school system. That’s when Silas agreed to move to North Carolina with his uncle to attend high school. Silas was excited; this seemed like his first step to “get out” of the place he longed to escape.

Even though Silas had longed to escape his socioeconomic environment for much of his life, this first escape was not without psychic conflict. Silas recalls the ambivalence he felt as he entered this new social world. He remembers: A lot of different cultures. I learned so much there but it was just—I felt like I didn't fit. Here I am, this kid from Highland Park. Now these kids, who were— they've been all over the world. They're so much far ahead of me and I'm feeling like I'm intimidated by it.

Silas seems like he felt as if he did not belong in Highland Park. He felt like he was destined to be some place “better.” But once he got to a “better” place, he felt like he did not belong there. It was as if he was “too good” for Highland Park, but “not good enough” for this new social environment.

The ambivalence associated with this new environment seemed to wear on Silas.

He excelled at this school athletically, and even though it was a new challenge academically, he was able to get good grades there as well. However, he remembers

169 getting “homesick” and this “new world” seemed less appealing. He recalls: “I liked it down there but then I was like, ‘This is not what I want.’ It wasn't Highland Park. I mean, I miss home. It was just wasn’t home. North Carolina was nice. It was beautiful.”

The appeal of North Carolina did not match the comfort of “being home.” Part of this comfort seems to have to do with feeing “good enough.” In Highland Park, he was a top student, whereas in North Carolina he felt like the other students were more advanced than he was. There seemed to be anxiety associated with trying to “fit in” outside of his social construct.

Silas returned to Highland Park to finish his last three years of high school.

Once he returned to Highland Park, he was faced with another choice. There are a few high schools in Detroit that are designated for academically gifted students. People seemed to try to convince him to go to these schools instead of his neighborhood school, but again, he wanted to stay connected to his community. He explains: In Detroit, it's a big thing where smart kids gotta go to Cass. You should go to Cass, you should go to Renaissance and I'm like, "No, I don’t want to go." I don't want to go away from—my whole family went to Highland Park High School. I'm not leaving Highland Park. I don't care how bad you say it is, I can get the same education so I can go there.

Here, again, Silas is presented with an “opportunity” to leave his community; however, he wants to stay connected to the place he calls home. Even though the other high school choices were also predominantly African American high schools, there was an otherness associated with them being “snobs.” To go to these schools would include the anxiety of transitioning between different socioeconomic constructs, and this was not

170 appealing compared to being able to stay connected with a place that was “home.” He explains: My family went there. My whole entire family went there. So it meant a lot to me. I mean, I remember as a kid, I couldn’t wait to wear the Polar Bear [team mascot]. I couldn’t—g ive me my letterman jacket and put that helmet on, I couldn’t wait.

There is a sense of belongingness that Silas feels with staying connected to a community and a legacy that is in sync with his social position. But again, there is significant ambivalence as a part of him feels a deep sense of pride in where he comes from and another part desperately wants to “get out” of Highland Park.

The next major transition for Silas was going to college. Silas seemed to recognize that he could become intimated by new situations and would find himself wanting to retreat to what felt comfortable. Knowing this, he was determined to go to school far enough away that he would feel like he could not come back home. He explains: So I kind of looked at that situation and I wanted-- I didn't want to be home. I knew I didn't want to go to college close to home because I had seen so many kids that were great athletes who went away to college and came right back. I didn't want to be in a situation where I was so close that I can get back home.

Silas seemed to find a college that seemed “close to home” in a sense of connectedness and familiarity, but was geographically distant enough to prevent him from leaving school to come back home.

171 Silas remembers his first visit to FAMU. He states, “It felt like home. It reminded me of home.” He liked “the culture.” He shares, “I fell in love with the—it was like a hip-hop vibe when I went there. It was like that vibe.” Silas additionally remembers that a commonality of many of the students at FAMU was that they had their origins in poverty. There seemed to be a newness to FAMU in that it was far away from Highland Park, but it felt familiar enough so that his anxieties about this transition were tolerable. He was able to pursue his dream of upward mobility without feeling ostracized by his race or social class. Silas excelled at FAMU and faced another major transition as he entered into the professional world.

Entering the professional world was another transition that had tremendous ambivalence for Silas. Part of him felt very confident, as he had excelled academically all of his life and was very passionate about his field. However, as he entered the workplace he remembers, “I’m the only black guy and I’m the youngest, period. So I felt intimidated by that.” He found himself being more withdrawn and not offering up his knowledge at meetings. For example, he shares: On my first day of work, I remember looking at the drawing and it was so simple.

I'm looking at it in my head thinking it’s so simple, but I look at these guys, I’m intimidated. I’m literally shaking. I'm intimidated.

Resembling the interception story, Silas had the potential, but seemed frozen by the intimidation and anxiety of not feeling “good enough” and not feeling like he belonged. He explains that it took him a long time to begin to feel comfortable and confident enough to utilize his expertise.

172 Silas eventually gained comfort in being in the professional workplace. He has been able to excel professionally and feels excited about his career growth. Yet, even in the midst of his success, he still holds ambivalence. He feels deserving of his success, yet it also feels like he won a lottery. He explains: I feel like I wasn’t supposed to be here anyway. I wasn’t supposed to have anything. That was told to me from birth, since I was a kid. Anything that I do now is above and beyond where I was projected to be in life anyway.

Silas recognizes his hard work and talents, but also recognizes the unlikelihood that someone from his circumstances “makes it” as far as he has. For Silas, every step he takes forward in his professional and financial growth is a step further way from his prescribed social position. Therefore, he continues to hold a sense of ambivalence about where he “belongs” according to this prescribed position and where he “belongs” because of his hard work and achievements.

Simultaneous value and critique of his original community. Silas conveys a deep sense of pride in his community of origin, and simultaneously feels strong critiques of people that get “stuck there.” In a sense, Highland Park has been a source of nurturance and frustration for Silas. He shares, “I don’t want anyone thinking that I'm from anywhere else other than Highland Park. That means a lot to me.” On the other hand, he explains: I didn’t want to be in Highland Park. I didn’t want to be in my house. I hated every day of it. That was my motivation to leave. I couldn’t wait until I turned 17 to go to school. And I remember the day I turned 17, I left to go to

173 Tallahassee, Florida on July 7th and never looked back. And I still haven’t looked back. I don’t knock anyone. It’s kind of like a duck being born a swan, or a swan being born a duck. It doesn’t know it’s a swan until it opens its wings and realizes, “Wait a minute, I’m not a duck. I’m not supposed to be here.” And it happened to me and I was maybe eight or nine where I'm like, “I’m not supposed to be here. This isn’t for me. This isn’t what I want for my life.”

He adds: I didn’t want to live check to check. I didn’t want to have to wait for anyone. I didn’t want aid from the government. I didn’t want to just get by with an hourly wage. I didn’t want to do a mundane task for 40 hours a week. I didn’t want that.

I didn’t want to work at any fast food restaurant. I wanted to do something where I could use my mind and challenge myself every day and that’s what I pursued.

And it wasn’t easy but I think the fact that I’ve come from that background pushed me. It made me hard enough to take it.

Silas has strong identifications with his community but also strong repudiations of “where he came from.” Silas expresses a simultaneous desire to not live the way he lived growing up and also an appreciation for those experiences that he had growing up. It is like he hated it, but also feels that it has been essential to his development. He recalls difficult times growing up, but there seems to be a sense of resiliency and triumph over those situations that Silas has internalized.

Silas seems to occupy a dual stance towards his original social position; one of appreciation and one of a desire to change. He reflects on his ambivalence towards living in Highland Park and being part of his family’s legacy. He shares:

174 My focus was getting the fuck out of there. You know? By any means necessary, I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want my family to be there. I wanted change. I wanted to change not only for myself, but for my family’s name. You know I didn’t want to be known for just truck drivers. Not knocking it, I’m proud of what my grandparents and my dad and parents before them and my uncle did, I love them. I give them all the admiration, but I thought there needed to be a change.

Statements such as these were common throughout the interviews. Silas would often follow any statement of discontent, with a statement of appreciation or validation of those who are still in his original socioeconomic position. He states, “Now I’m not knocking them, I mean I grew up in the same way but I want to just make sure I give my kids every opportunity I can to be successful.” Silas seems to walk a line of valuing his community of origin and simultaneously critiquing where he came from.

Tolerating ambivalence, holding simultaneously conflicting thoughts and feelings towards experience, has been essential for Silas. He needed his father, his family, and his community for a sense of safety and connection, but he also wanted to escape the pain and anxieties that these people and experiences caused him. Now, as a middle class professional, he finds himself valuing his community of origin, but also critiquing it as well. He shares: I think about it every day. It humbles me every morning. I'm just a kid from Highland Park. I’m not one of those guys who’s going to walk around with his chest poked out saying, “I made it. Look at me.” I’m one of those guys who are

175 going to say, “Look, this is where I came from.” That’s the first thing I want to talk about.

He talks about Highland Park with pride. He also talks about it, and other impoverished communities, with a sense of disappointment and criticism. He feels like people “let the environment consume them.” He explains that people in inner city communities are trapped by their own “mindset.” He states, Poverty is a goalless environment. People who don’t have a lot of ambition or goals. They’re fine where they are, they’re cool with being in poverty. A lot of people would say, “Oh, I want to be better.” They say it but what are you actually doing?

Silas acknowledges, “Society has its own faults. I think it does.” However, he adds, “But I think the fact that some people are so entrapped in their minds that they can't—they want to look for somebody else to lash out at.” He feels excuses are “abundant” in “inner city or urban environments.” It seems like Silas identifies strongly with the resilience of his community and with his own overcoming of poverty, but disavows the vulnerabilities and setbacks that he also experienced within that environment.

Silas’ critiques of his original community and other inner city communities can sometimes ostracize him from people in his original social position. They call him an “Uncle Tom” or criticize him for thinking “like a Republican.” He often gets into debates with people from his original social position. He shares his experience talking with people who make “excuses”:

176 “Well you know I never got a chance to get a good education and you know, I went to Highland Park High School.” “So what? So did I.” And that pisses them off. Why? Cause they know that I’m telling them the fucking truth.

Even though Silas can challenge people who he feels are “making excuses” for not getting out of their environment, he also can find himself defending those in his community as well. He explains that when he lived in Atlanta, there was a large population of middle class and wealthy African Americans that would often “have their nose up in the air.” He thinks just because one enjoys a certain degree of success does not mean that one should act like they are “above” other people.

Silas may critique certain people in impoverished situations, but he also remains tied to his community of origin in other ways. For example, he still has the same best friend he has had since kindergarten. Although his best friend has been involved in the “street life” for much of his life, Silas’ success has inspired him to go back to school to work towards a college degree. Additionally, Silas speaks at events at his old high school and goes back there for various functions. Silas’ simultaneous connection and devotion to his original social position and his critique towards those “stuck” in his original social position seems representative of the ambivalence many upwardly mobile African American men experience.

Integrating parts of the self. Integrating different parts of his self has been a process that has accompanied Silas’ professional development. He initially was very trepidatious about showing parts of himself that relate to his original social position. He

177 would try to fit into what feels most acceptable to the professional world. He is aware of trying to “fit the mold” starting in high school. He recalls: I'm a nerd. I am. In talking to you now, I can tell you that I'm a nerd. But if you saw me at a football game or if you knew me in high school-- I hid the fact that I was smart. Because it wasn't cool. I would carry my book bag all the time, I'll be in class. I will be busting my butt getting stuff done but at the end of the day, I'm the starting quarterback of the football team. So you can't really say, "He's a nerd." I graduated high school, everyone was like "How the hell were you in the National Honor Society?"

Silas finds himself of negotiating socially constructed versions of what it means to be a black man from Highland Park. In high school, cool and smart seemed to contradict one another. So, he displayed being cool, while he hid being smart. He was only smart “behind the scenes.” As a professional, being “black” and “urban” seem to contradict being competent and able. So early in his career, he found himself tempering his “urbanness” and his “blackness.” Presently, he tries to be able to remain consistently “himself.”

But this has been a process of getting comfortable with being a professional in a way that still feels like “himself.” He shares, “The thing that I’m trying to do now with my life is make sure that face that I’m wearing is everywhere.” He adds, “I want to be the same. I want to be me no matter what.”

This “being the same” was something that Silas had to “grow into” as a young African American professional from Highland Park entering the professional workforce.

He explains:

178 I didn’t know how corporate America worked. There’s not a lot of black aerospace engineers. So when I got into the market, I didn’t want to try to fit into their world. I wanted to understand how it worked before I jumped in. That’s what I did. I just sat back real quiet my first couple of years, learned how everything worked. And once I understood and got confident in what I was doing, then I would introduce more of myself into it. I didn’t have a beard, was clean-shaven, and I had a low cut. I wanted to just make sure that I wasn’t being threatening.

Having “too urban” of a look risked coming across as “threatening” to mainstream America. Silas, aware of the socially constructed notions of what it means to be a black man, tried to temper his look so that he was more palatable to his professional colleagues.

Silas gradually tried to “test” incorporating different parts of himself and getting closer to what felt natural for him. When he tried to show parts of himself that seemed to relate to his original social position, he would scan the interpersonal environment to see if what he was doing was “acceptable. He recalls: At Boeing they were like, “Well, why are you growing a beard? What’s the purpose there? Are you going to shave it off?” “Maybe I should.” So it’s like if someone said something about who I am, well let me fix it, let me mold into who you need me to be.

Having a long, full beard seemed to be a hint into his self that was “urban” and “black.” He was anxious about how people were seeing him, so he would adjust things, like his beard, to be more acceptable by the mainstream, professional world.

179 Making himself more acceptable seemed to help assuage the anxieties of feeling like he was combating the notion of being inherently flawed and “not good enough.” He was aware that he was susceptible to being constructed in a negative light by the professional world because of his appearance and because of his background. He shares: The big thing for me at that time was now, what are they seeing when they see me. I think about how they're looking at me. What are they seeing? Are they seeing someone who knows the job or seeing some kid who’s just trying to get by.

I don’t want to be the other, so I want to make sure that I knew my job. I dealt with that for a while or at least a couple of years I worked there. I was unsure of myself, not of what I knew but what was I showing because I wasn’t myself. I was holding back who I was. But I didn’t know the mask I was wearing.

Silas found himself “wearing a mask” to try to accommodate mainstream America, but in doing so, he was not able to engage in the workplace in a way that felt natural. He was sacrificing more than his beard and dress attire, he was also downplaying his professional capabilities. He was, again, frozen in his tracks. He describes it like “wearing armor.” He explains that it may protect you, but it is much harder to move freely when you are wearing it.

In the last couple of years, Silas has made a conscious effort to not “wear anymore masks.” Wearing masks was hiding his talents and the parts of himself that felt authentic. When he was looking to change companies a few years ago, Silas was determined to present himself “as is” to companies and he would only accept a position at a company that would accept him for who he is. He was tired of trying to “fit the mold” and wanted to be himself, which included aspects of himself that were clearly “urban”

180 and “black,” but also parts of himself that related to being a capable professional. He remembers: So I interviewed, I went in an interview. I had a bowtie, beard. I used to cut it off for an interview. I'm like, “No, I'm going to go. I’m not going to hide anything.”

If they want me, they want me. If no, I’d go somewhere else.”

He adds, “So I interviewed. I didn’t wear a mask. I went in full-blown. They asked me where I was from; I told them where I was from.” Further, he shares: I figured if you don’t like me, so what? I’m not changing anymore. I’m not going to fit into you. I’m going to take whatever I have because it works for me.

And I’m just going to do what I do.

Silas seemed to feel like he was on firmer ground at this point. He had been out of urban poverty and in the workforce for a number of years. This likely lent him some degree of comfort in negotiating who he was going to be at his next place of employment.

He was not facing the option of acceptance in mainstream America or returning to urban poverty. Once established in his career, his options were choosing between companies.

In other words, he was able to choose which company would accept him for who he is.

This also came with Silas gaining comfort and confidence in being able to remain authentic and genuine without feeling like he would be discarded by his employer.

Silas seems to have found a solid combination of an accepting company and a confidence in himself to be authentically him. He has integrated parts of himself that feel meaningful, while still enjoying success in his career. He shares:

181 Even when I go to work, I’m in a bowtie. I don't wear typical stuff that an engineer would wear. I don't fit the mold and I try not to. I don't want to. I never want to. I'm going to make that, I'm going to make it my way.

Silas seems much more comfortable as he has been able to engage in the professional world in a way that feels more genuine and authentic. He explains: I learned that once you’re comfortable with who you are, it doesn’t matter what people think. So at that point you’re living life at its fullest; you’re most comfortable there. So now when I go around whoever I am, I can be me. There are those times I have to put on that super professional in front of customers or VPs or board members at my job. But for the most part, I’m this. And it took a while to get to this point where you can just be yourself and not have to wear these different masks.

Similar to the previous section, Silas adds that he feels like he is the same person he always has been when he was growing up in Highland Park. He has negotiated his sense of himself to feel like he can integrate all parts of himself and still be a successful engineer and program manager. For Silas, being a “black kid from Highland Park” does not have to be antonymous to being a successful professional engineer. In fact, part of what he sees as a personal mission is to make these two social positions more syncretic, not just within himself, but in the eyes of society.

Manic defense. Silas has experienced chronic childhood pain associated with his family dynamics and the conditions of poverty. Silas seems to have managed the anxieties related to these childhood experiences by implementing a sort of manic defense.

182 He keeps himself physically and psychically so busy, so preoccupied with success and “making it,” that he is able to avoid “looking back” and he is able to keep the experiences that would lead to psychic pain and anxiety suppressed.

Silas seems to keep psychic pain at bay by engaging in “success” vehemently. He states, “I think that anything that is not growing is dying.” For Silas, growth and movement are antithetical to hopelessness and despair. He shares that he has to constantly “keep busy” and “I get bored really easy.” He explains that he has to be challenged everyday “to have that anxiety, to say, ‘Okay, I got to get this done’ or I got to be better than everyone else, to be the best.” This continuous quest to be the best seems to infuse him with a sense of omnipotence and prevents his vulnerabilities from surfacing.

When Silas reflects on his early experiences, he talks about them with a certain bent that denies helplessness or despair and embellishes a sense of resiliency and agency.

He shares: I didn’t want to leave who I was. Who I was being from Highland Park, I think that’s part of who I am. That’ll never change; the work ethic, the adversity, being able to deal with adversity because that’s every day. So that part I never want to lose; that’s my edge.

He adds: So even now, I have to be on my toes and that world that I came from, dealing with adversity. It goes back to my upbringing, man. That stuff’s going to always be with me. I need that; I mean I can’t survive without it. Without that, there would be no “this” now.

183 Faced with a psychological “fork in the road,” Silas seems to veer towards feeling “better” and “more equipped” because of the adversity he dealt with, instead of feeling defeated, hopeless, and depressed.

It seems that no matter how much success Silas accumulates, he has to keep “striving for more.” It reminds me of the notion of the “empty self” that has to continue to be filled with achievement and consumption (Cushman, 1995). Instead of consciously feeling “empty,” Silas engages in chronic “self-betterment.” His wife and friends will ask him, “When is enough, enough?” This seems to be an unanswerable question because Silas’ objective is not to reach some pinnacle of success; rather, he seems to utilize his career as a way of “out running” anxieties related to poverty and to childhood pain. He states, “I don’t know what the best is. All I know is where I came from and I’m trying to get as far away from that as I can.” He expands, “I’m humble because I know where I came from and I know that a wrong choice here or there and it’s over. I don’t get a second chance.” He operates with a chronic, underlying anxiety that his success could be undermined by some misstep or mistake, thus putting him back at his social position of origin and also back to the origin of much of his psychic pain.

He wards off this psychic pain through a manic defense, propelling him forward to “accomplish.” He states, “That’s one of my biggest things but I've gotten so used to just shutting everything out and just going to get what I needed to get accomplished. But from the environment I was in, I had to.” His psychological approach also allows him to deny the barriers imposed on his by his original social position. He expresses: But as a black man in today’s world, you can use it as two things. You can use it as, “Oh my God, it’s always someone else’s fault,” or you can accept

184 accountability and make yourself accountable and say, “Now you can’t deny me,” and that’s what I wanted to do.

Instead of feeling denied by society or by systemic barriers, Silas embodies a sense of omnipotence that is “greater than” those barriers and thus he is in a psychic position to refuse to be denied.

Silas’ strong sense of agency and disavowal of vulnerabilities seems to also allow him to “perform his gender right” (Butler, 1990). He shares: We're taught you're not supposed to cry. You're supposed to be strong. You're taught that. You can't cry so you better not cry. You better fix your face. Or you don’t pout. That’s what girls do. You get that a lot. And you become older; you think that’s how you're supposed to be until you understand that that’s not the way you're supposed to be.

As Silas has gotten older, he explains that he recognizes that the gendered versions of how one is supposed to be are erroneous. He acknowledges that everyone will have vulnerabilities and needs to be able to rely on others. He explains that he will talk with his wife and best friend about some of his anxieties and stresses. In general, however, he prefers to maintain an image that there “is no weakness.” He states, “I can be going through hell and no one will ever know.” He shuts the world off from his vulnerabilities and he continues his quest of self-improvement and betterment. This seems to be an adaptive mechanism that has allowed him to continue to advance in his profession and propel himself beyond the environment he grew up in. If he attended too heavily to the despair and helpless of his original social position, he may have become too “stuck” to achieve his dream of upward mobility.

185

Reparative quality of his legacy. Silas’ family is incredibly important to him.

He discusses his wife and children continuously throughout our interviews. The new legacy that he is creating for his family seems to have a reparative function towards the struggles that he has endured with his family of origin. He shares: My dad was a struggling crack head all of my life. My mom didn't have a college degree. She worked as a bank teller just maybe in the last 10 to 15 years.

Nothing more than that. I didn't want my family's name to be that. I wanted us to be better.

He vividly recalls: And I remember, we had to—our basement was flooded and it would put out our furnace, when the snow melted, it would put the furnace out. And we couldn't relight it so we'd light the stove to keep the house heated. I remember, it wouldn't light the hot water tank so you had to boil water just for baths. We didn't have a shower. And I remember thinking to myself—even then, I don't want my kids to live like this. I don't want them to ever know what this is like. This is the last time this is going to happen in my family, in my generation.

Faced with deep pain associated with poverty, Silas’ psychic escape was to make a promise to the future versions of himself, to his children, that they would never have to endure what Silas had to endure. This allowed him to escape the sense of helplessness he felt as a child and use his future family as a way to repair these psychic wounds.

186 Silas has fulfilled this commitment he made as a child. He has worked tirelessly to ensure that his children would not have to endure the same challenges he faced growing up. He explains: At this point now, I look at it and I feel blessed, man, because I have kids now that’ll never know what it’s like to kill a roach. I have kids now that will never have to sleep with gunshots.

Additionally, Silas and I had our interviews the weeks leading up to Christmas and he reflects on how important this time of year is for him. He shares: Christmas, this is humbling for me because I remember we had great Christmases as kids, but we didn’t get anything new. This year I asked my kids what they wanted for Christmas. And I remember when I was a kid I thought, ‘Oh.’ I’d open a Toys R Us book and I would circle everything that I wanted. There was no way in hell that I was getting half of this stuff, but I knew that in the back of my head and I was kind of sad. But my kids don’t have that feeling. They feel like whatever I circle in this thing, my dad could, is gonna get it.

Silas does away with his own sadness by reparatively ensuring that his children will not feel the same sense of sadness. He uses his family as a way of repeating, but reworking the painful dynamics he endured as a child.

Silas also seems to use his family as a way of re-casting the mold of what it means to be a person in his family. He felt “put upon” by everyone insisting that he would be just like his father in a lot of ways, because this had negative connotations. He wants his children to be able to look up to him as someone to be like without having to battle the sense of shame that comes with that.

187 He shares: So now that I’m in the role as a father, my biggest fear is disappointing them. I don’t want them to be like, you know when they get old and they’re telling a story about their dad, like I am now I’m 31 years old. If you ask me about my dad I have something scarring to say about it. You know, and when my kids are 31 years old, when you ask them about me I want them to say, “Oh my God, my dad’s awesome!”

Silas feels incredible pride in being able to recast the mold of his family. It seems to help cleanse the pain of his past and replace it with a hopefulness for the present and future situation of his family. He states, “Look at the change I made in my family, just in one generation, and that makes me feel so good.” Silas’ upward mobility has been more of just a version of personal success; it has had a reparative quality that has helped him mend his psychic wounds. He has recreated a family narrative that he can have pride in instead of the shame he has felt throughout his early years.

Case Five: Marcus Identifying information. Marcus is a 31-year-old African American man who grew up in various inner city neighborhoods on the west side of Detroit. He has an older brother, who is deceased, and a younger sister. Both of these siblings were raised by his mother in the same home with him. Although he has had minimal contact with his father, he knows that his father has several other children with different women. Marcus’ mother supported the family by working different jobs; the longest one was working in a factory. Growing up, Marcus was “economically poor,” but his mother worked hard to

188 make sure her children had the things they needed. Marcus is now an award-winning litigation lawyer and lives in a blended working class and middle class integrated suburb of Detroit, although he describes it as not much of a suburb because it is only a couple of blocks from Detroit.

Significant childhood experiences. Marcus was raised by his mother, although his sister’s father was in the household for a few of Marcus’ early years until his mother and stepfather divorced. Growing up, Marcus yearned for attention, but the emotional resources in the home were scarce and his father was absent. Marcus’ older brother had muscular dystrophy so he required a lot of special attention, and his sister was favored because she was the only girl. Due to these familial dynamics, Marcus shared, “I would normally get the trickle-down love.” In addition to these dynamics, Marcus’ mother was strained by the responsibilities of being a single mother.

Marcus’ mother worked long hours to be able to provide for their family. As a child, Marcus felt resentful of not getting the love and attention at home. Reflecting on this dynamic as an adult, however, he appreciates all that his mother has sacrificed and recognizes that the attention he lacked was due to his mother’s physical and mental exhaustion, not because she did not love or care about him. He reflects: You know, for a while I felt mad about it, but I get it now. I had a single mom working different jobs, until she finally got a factory job where she worked for a long time. She would work second or third shifts. She’d be tired. She had her own issues that she’s dealing with, so she really didn’t have the time to give that I needed.

189 He expands: Like I know now, my mother broke her back to keep the heat on, and I know that was a form of love. But as a kid, I didn’t know. I didn’t know the concept of work. I didn’t know it was that tiring or that exhausting, physically and emotionally to have to go to this place day in and that day out. And when you come home, you just want to sleep. So, I didn’t get that concept, but I didn’t know that that was a form of love. I mean, I know now, but as a kid, it was definitely, I was longing for my father to come to my football games, my mother to kiss me and tell me she loved me.

Marcus has gained an understanding of the childhood pain caused by his mother’s unavailability. However, his father’s absence remains an unreconciled dynamic he struggles with.

Marcus’ father’s absence has been a source of deep hurt. He explains that he does not “know his father.” His experiences with his father have been practically non-existent.

There was a brief time when Marcus stayed with his father in Iowa for “a semester” when he was around 8 years old, but even this period of time was void of any connection.

Marcus shares: I would fight a lot, I got suspended a bunch of times from school from fighting, and I got expelled from elementary school. So, around that time, he, my biological father, lived in Iowa and I was sent to live with him in Iowa but he was never really around.

Marcus’ father was a stranger to Marcus, even when they were living in the same household. Marcus explains:

190 It was just he was never there. He would be out drinking and partying, or picking up construction jobs or whatever. Just like in my youth, I could probably count on two hands the times that I’ve seen him actually inside the house down there.

So, he would spend nights out and not come back.

Although this dynamic has been tremendously hurtful for Marcus, he also sees a silver lining in his father’s absence. He explains: I would have followed in his footsteps and looked at my father as a hero, and he is not a person that should be looked up to. He never worked. He’s been in and out of jail. He’s an alcoholic. I think he was on drugs at one point. So, it was kind of a blessing. As an adult thinking logically it was a blessing that he wasn’t around, but emotionally, it’s still, “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

In his father’s absence, Marcus “had to piecemeal the lessons I learned from different men in my life.” For example, his maternal uncle was like a father figure to Marcus. Marcus emulated everything his uncle did. Even to this day, his walk, smile, and mannerisms are like those of his uncle. Tragically, Marcus’ uncle passed away when Marcus was 17 years old. Marcus describes this as the hardest loss he has ever endured.

Aside from his uncle, Marcus also had teachers and coaches that he connected with. He recalls: From my coaches I learned accountability. If I did something wrong or I did something I wasn’t supposed to do I would have to do push-ups or I would have to run laps. There were consequences to my actions.

It seems that beyond accountability, Marcus felt looked after and cared about by these important others. They helped him piece together gaps that were left by his father.

191 Marcus also had other important people he connected with. He recalls his grandmother and an older cousin as being the only two people in his family that he knew loved him “for sure.” There was a sense of feeling welcomed and loved every time he saw them. Additionally, he spent a lot of time at his grandmother’s house and with a same-age cousin, who he describes as more like a brother to him because they grew up so closely. Finally, Marcus was incredibly well-rounded and involved in social activities.

He seemed to connect with teachers, coaches, and his peers. He did everything, including honors society, football, track, volleyball, and even prom king. Marcus’ charm and charisma seemed to help him connect in a variety of ways, even when there was a felt lack of connectedness within his immediate family.

Process of upward mobility. Marcus vividly remembers the inception of his dream to become a lawyer. He was a seventh grader, at home because he was suspended from school and he saw two episodes of Matlock on TV. He liked Matlock’s “presence” in the courtroom and seemed intrigued by the dynamics of a trial. At this point, he decided he wanted to be a lawyer and never wavered in this commitment.

For an inner city kid, turning dreams into reality can be especially challenging.

One thing that he describes as being difficult for kids in his neighborhood growing up is the lack of visible role models for occupations such as a doctor or a lawyer. He shares: For a kid, your options are only as real as you can see. Somebody can tell you, “Oh, go be a lawyer. Go be a doctor.” But how many lawyers or doctors have you seen that I can reach out and touch and see as an example of this? You’re telling me, I can be anything that I want to be, but all I’m seeing is shit.”

192 So when Marcus presented this aspiration to others, they seemed encouraging, but there was an undertone of doubt. Not necessarily that others doubted Marcus or his abilities, but it was just so foreign that a kid from his neighborhood would become a doctor or a lawyer.

Marcus’ first step to achieving his dream was getting to college, so he knew he needed the credentials and the money to get there. He got all A’s the last several semesters in high school and was involved in many extracurricular activities. He shares, “I didn’t skip school and do all that stuff because, at that time, I knew it mattered.” He also recalls being proactive with things like filling out his FASFA and taking an ACT prep course. Additionally, he was an excellent football player and saw this as his “meal ticket” to getting to college. He explains: So my thought process at that time was how to get there. I got letters from colleges because of football. Okay, I’ll go to college and play football and use that to get out. I was aware that my options that I had were little, were small, but it was football that opened doors for me.

He was not necessarily passionate about football, but he was good at it and recognized that this could help him pay for college, so he attended college as a student athlete.

College was his first major experience in an integrated environment. He was in Iowa for one semester, but he was so young he does not remember it as being that significant. He explains in Iowa, “I dealt with a little racism there, which was just namecalling for the most part, but nothing that I would consider to be traumatic.” He seemed to enter college without many preconceptions about mainstream society, be he soon

193 started noticing that he was treated differently in certain ways. He details his experiences: I would describe it just like Iowa. I was pretty big and intimidating, so nobody really called me out on my name. It was more subtle than anything. It was the first time that I, wouldn’t even really say upset, I was disappointed. I was walking to the food court and I was by myself, and I think I looked like a teddy bear, if anything else; I didn’t even have facial hair back then. So, I was walking and then, the sidewalk is a nice-sized sidewalk, and there was about six white kids walking from the food court and they were on the sidewalk and then, it was like parting the Red Sea. Like every last one of them moved to the side and got off of the sidewalk, onto the grass and walked around me and then, got back on the sidewalk and got moving. And I didn’t think I was that intimidating, you know.

So, it was stuff like that or the clutching of the purses or book bags, or seeing me just coincidentally reminded you that you should lock your car door, that kind of stuff. But it wasn’t as bad as stories that you hear from other sources. It really wasn’t. It was stuff that I knew that I’ll have to deal with.

Marcus seemed disappointed by these subtle, but overt experiences with being treated differently because of his skin color, but he seemed more deeply bothered by the misunderstanding that a lot of mainstream society seems to have about the people Marcus grew up with. He explains: But the only thing that really stuck with me at that point was being a minority, having to speak for an entire race of people and I’m just one guy. Because in these classes, when you’re talking about stuff, it’s not just for your education, it’s

194 for their education too. So, I can’t just talk about my experience and I know that they’re looking at me for the “black experience.” So, I couldn’t just say the path that I took because if I took that path, “Why isn’t everyone from the Cooley High School? Why isn’t everybody from your neighborhood? Why isn’t everyone in Detroit taken that same path?” So, I have to tell this other story of a guy who is more talented than me. Football-wise, he’s bigger than me, he’s stronger than me, he’s faster than me and he had to stop playing football to go work at a grocery store just so his family can have lights at the end of the day. Right? So, if he couldn’t play football, and football was my ticket, then where’s his ticket? So, I can’t just say Marcus’ story, I have to tell his story too because like I said, I’m the only one there. I’m speaking for my race.

He shares, “I found myself taking up for guys that got stuck here (in his old neighborhood) because if I didn’t tell their story, who would?” He remembers not wanting people to look at his success as evidence that anybody should be able to make it out of the type of environment he grew up in. Trying to single-handedly stand up for an entire race could feel like a heavy burden at times. He explains: I didn’t like it, but I felt that sense of responsibility. I didn’t like it at all because I was always on the defense. So I rarely talked about my experience. I was speaking in defense of these people that I think were being misrepresented or misunderstood.

These experiences were significant, but Marcus explains that they were not representative of the majority of his time in college. He remembers his college years as filled with “regular” college experiences. He played football, but he also spent a lot of

195 time socializing, going to parties, and hanging out with friends. He explains, “I did the same shit everyone else did.” He also hesitantly admits that he would do certain things that were different than some of his friends. For example, everyone may have gone to a party the night before and got drunk, but everyone did not wake up the next morning to go to class. He explains that he always got up and went to class. This dynamic was consistent throughout the interviews. Marcus seems leery of acknowledging his hard work because there was a risk that it could be used to stigmatize those who “didn’t make it.”

After undergrad, Marcus started law school. He recalls, “I think it was out of 300, my class had nine black people, but it was expected so I was mentally prepared for each stage.” He saw law school as a series of steps. He remembers his first step was getting into law school. Then, he recognized that law school is rigorous and many do not finish.

So he was determined to finish, as his next step. Then, he knew he would have to pass the bar exam. He did all these things, as planned, and became a lawyer.

Marcus has done exceptionally well in the four years he has been practicing law, but he explains that he still faces similar dynamics to those he did in college. He is always the only “black face” in the courtroom, unless he happens to be representing another African American client. He shares: Initially, my first couple of years, they didn’t know me, they didn’t know my skill level and when I walk into a deposition or walk into a court hearing and we find out that we’re opponents, there’s either this look of relief like, “Oh, this is going to be easy” or like a smirk like, “He doesn’t belong” or you know, “He got where he is because he’s black.”

196 His race and “urban” demeanor casts doubt and fear in other attorneys. He explains that they fear his rage, but doubt his abilities. He has used this to his advantage.

He explains while they are doubting his abilities, he is working “his ass off” to beat them in court. This strategy has been incredibly fruitful for him. He has won awards, received accolades, and is beginning to establish a strong reputation in the law community.

Connectedness. One cannot develop a self outside of important relationships with others (Mitchell, 1988), and Marcus is no exception. Connectedness and belonging have been essential elements of his experiences, both growing up and as an adult. There have been challenges to feeling connected that Marcus has negotiated growing up and throughout his upward mobility. As a young child, Marcus found himself yearning for the love of his mother and father, yet feeling both of their absences. His father was physically absent, likely dealing with his own psychological and relational hurts of his own past. His mother was present, but drained by the exhaustion of being a single mother and also struggling with “her own issues.” This left Marcus to find himself in a world that was deplete of necessary relational experiences.

Marcus engaged in various strategies to manage this pain and also to find connectedness with others, outside the home. He utilized action, such as fighting, to fend off feelings of emptiness and despair. He describes having a “chip on his shoulder” and used fighting to fill in that void. Fighting not only allowed him to metabolize the psychic pain of feeling unwanted, rejected, and alone, it also had a secondary benefit of getting him “attention.” In a sense, he went from being invisible to those he looked to for love and care and instead he became very present in the minds of others, if only because he

197 was causing problems at school. This troublemaking was an unconscious but creative process that ensured that he no longer could be denied.

Fortunately, Marcus found other talents that also helped him get the attention, the sense of being special and coveted, that he longed for. He was charming, articulate, and a great athlete. His athletics, particularly football, were an essential avenue in redirecting his energies to a socially appropriate avenue where he could not only continue to utilize aggression and action to transform psychic pain, but he also could draw attention, love, and admiration from others. He explains: I knew number one, at practice, I could hit hard and I was a good football player, so I would get positive attention from there. And then, from my own family, when it came to Saturday, when it’s time to come and they came to my game, so I would get positive attention there. So, around 12, my chip on my shoulder began getting smaller and smaller.

It seems that football was an avenue that changed Marcus’ concept of himself from one of not feeling good enough because people did not seem to love him or care about him to feeling so great that he was receiving praise and attention and even an audience for how good he was.

Marcus also learned that the connectedness that he needed could be located outside of the home. Marcus experienced school as a place where he felt connected and a sense of belongingness. He shares: But my thing was more social because that’s where I got my attention. That’s here I got my pat on the back from. That’s where I got all that stuff. I wouldn’t leave the school until the school closed.

198 He reflects further: It was a nice place to hang out. I was a superstar in school when I wasn’t so much at home. I mean which was fine, but everybody wants to belong and that’s where I felt I belonged.

Marcus found ways throughout his childhood of assuaging the psychic pain associated with feeling disconnected from his primary caregivers. The dynamics of upward mobility have created additional challenges with maintaining a sense of cohesiveness and connection with others.

One major dynamic of upward mobility is the potential for an improved social status to put one “further” away from meaningful others from one’s original social position. Marcus is likely particularly sensitive to the potential of this loss of connectedness due to an unconscious reservoir of pain associated with feeling overwhelming loss, loneliness, and disconnection at an early age. He shares, “I don’t want to become out of touch.” He recognizes that his community is “where I get my sense of belonging.” He explains that his community of origin holds tremendous value in the character and connectedness of the people. He feels a cohesiveness and understanding with others who grew up in communities such as his. He explains: Family and you know the togetherness, like the understanding…like most of the time, I won’t say all the time, but 95% of the time, when you see another black person, you don’t know them, but you know them. You know what I’m saying?

You know what they are going through, you know. It’s like “I see you.” You know what I’m saying? Like I don’t know how many other cultures that do that.

199 I identify with you already before you say a word; you know what I’m saying? I don’t know, it’s just a good feeling.

The feeling of being “known” and feeling connected to original others and to those who share the same experiences as him is essential to Marcus’ sense of belonging.

This connectedness, however, can be at risk because Marcus has, in some ways, “left” the community through becoming a lawyer and rising in social position. To combat this, he adjusts certain dynamics to make sure he stays tied to his community and to his original social group. He shares: I downplay a lot. So I’m not too far away from them (his friends) where I can’t hide stuff. One of my friends makes $300 a week after taxes. I’m going to make like 130 to 140 thousand dollars this year. I have expenses that they don’t have, which makes my end pocket money closer to them. So, my car note, I have child support, I have things that makes my income irrelevant because it’s money out of the door. And so, you can hide other stuff and you down play stuff to make sure you’re still one of the guys or one of the boys.

This also means that Marcus has to forfeit going on certain vacations or engaging in other activities with his friends that would be too expensive for them to afford. This feels “terrible” to him, but he hides these desires from them because he does not want them to feel ashamed and he does not want them to treat him any differently either.

In Marcus’ professional experiences, he seems to lack the same sense of connectedness and belonging that he feels with people in his original social context. He shares:

200 Professionally, when I hang out with other lawyers, I don’t feel like I fit in. So, professionally, we can talk about stuff. I know exactly what they’re saying; they know exactly what I’m saying. But when we talk about life, there’s a disconnect there. So, they’re talking amongst themselves because they come from the same type of environment, like I’m left out.

Marcus faces a disconnect with other lawyers because of an unshared background, and there’s a potential disconnect with those from his original social position because of an unshared professional status. Marcus states, “It’s tough because it’s kind of like you’re not fitting in, in either circumstance.”

Despite feeling potentially ostracized in any social setting, Marcus feels most at home in his original social group. Marcus explains that he still “hangs out with his same friends.” He maintains original connections instead of forging new ones. He feels a more sincere connection with original others and feels like there is a constant risk of being misunderstood or mischaracterized by those in the professional world. He shares: If we’re not talking about work, we really don’t have the same opinion and I don’t want to debate and seem like the angry black guy. So, I just don’t even—but with my friends, it’s different. We share the same black experiences. We could talk about things the same. There’s no disconnect. We get it. But there’s a disconnect there [at work] or on top of that, if I’m talking to colleagues, I don’t want to be the, “Oh,” patting me on my back, “poor black boy with no dad.”

Marcus explains, “I just want to be a regular guy in whatever circle I’m with.” He wants to be treated like the “same Marcus” that everyone knew growing up when he is with his friends. And when he is with his coworkers, he does not want to feel like they

201 are afraid of him or that they are patronizing him. He seems to want to be able to move in the world and within his self without dealing with confining impingements just because of who he is and where he comes from.

Marcus does not feel a chronic sense of being stereotyped or patronized by people in the professional world, as it makes up only one aspect of his experience. But generally, Marcus feels a strong pull to stay close to those he knows and has a familiarity with, instead of trying to integrate into new relationships with other professionals. He explains: That’s why I work so hard to be tangible to the people I’m around, because if not, not to say that the people who I’m around like my professional colleagues, not to say that they’re not good people, but they’re not what I’m used to and not what I’m comfortable with. If I go to a barbecue at their house, I have no idea what to bring, I have no idea what’s gonna be there. There’s a comfort level if I go over to my friend’s house, I know exactly what kind of food they’re eating, I know exactly what kind of food they’re bringing, I know exactly what kind of card games are gonna be played. There’s a comfort to that. On the other side, there’s not. Again, not to say that those people aren’t good people but they’re just not what I’m used to and you don’t want to be away from your comfort level too much, it’s scary, right? So I don’t have a desire to fit in with these people, to be best friends with these people. If I’m shifting away from what’s comfortable to me and I don’t have a desire to fit in with these people, I’m alone and by myself.

Marcus has found a sense of belongingness and connectedness with the people he grew up with and with the black community in general. These relationships have been

202 nurturing and sustaining. There does not seem to be an appeal in moving away from this safety and trying to build new personal relationships with people who feel unfamiliar, at best, and even potentially unwelcoming.

Marcus’ comfort in the connectedness and sense of belonging he gets from his original community also seems to have a reparative quality. There seems to be a motivation to stay available and to stay connected with others, in a way that counteracts the feelings of abandonment and being left behind that he felt as a child. He shares: I think that I am a representative of them [people from his original community], but I think it depends on how you act and carry yourself to most people. We talked about it before as myself intentionally trying to make myself so people can reach out and touch me. I’m not this myth or “there was this one time when one guy made it to be a lawyer, he was just some phantom.” I drink beer with these people, I communicate with them on Facebook. If they call me, I answer the phone. I think it’s all on how you act because you have situations where people are going to play basketball then they never go back or situations like that. People cannot fathom that person because they’re so far out of reach. In my case, I think people use me as an example for their kids on what you could do, but it’s not mythical.

The motivation to not leave his community behind strikes me as reparative, given the abandonment Marcus felt by his father. He discusses being a better father because he does not want his kids to feel the pain that he felt by his father not being there. It seems that his “staying in touch,” remaining “tangible,” provides a psychic reworking, that his community will never have to feel abandoned by him. Young kids will have someone

203 that they can reach out and touch, that they can look up to, in a way that is opposite of Marcus’ early experiences. He longed for a father that he could “reach out and touch” and “look up to,” yet had to experience the pain of this wish being thwarted. The dynamic of reworking psychic pain seems to be another dynamic that threads through much of Marcus’ experiences and which has been conducive to his upward mobility.

These dynamics are detailed in the next section.

Mastery of psychic pain. The mechanisms Marcus employs to master psychic pain have been extremely advantageous to his efforts towards upward mobility. There is a way that he denies or disavows his own limitations and vulnerabilities which then prevents him from being immobilized by psychic pain or by obstacles and barriers.

However, for Marcus, there seems to be more to this process than a simple disavowal or denial of his vulnerability. He seems determined to destroy these split off aspects of himself. He seems to find ways to repeat situations that may lead to a sense of not being good enough and then conquers these situations and, in a sense, conquers the split off parts of himself that do not feel good enough. Finally, Marcus seems to scan the interpersonal field for any signal that another person does not think he is good enough.

He locates cast-off parts of his self in other people’s doubts of him and he attacks with a vengeance. He emboldens and destroys, engaging in a healthy, sublimated narcissistic rage in response to any perceived attacks on the self. These dynamics are discussed in the following subsections.

204 Disavowal of vulnerability. Early on in our interviews Marcus shared a glimpse of vulnerability as he explained that as a child he wondered why he was not good enough for his father to be involved in his life and for his mother to show him that she loved him.

These glimmers of vulnerability were rare compared to Marcus’ other subjective experiences. He more frequently discusses feeling angry, not dealing with things, or feeling stronger for having went through various hardships. These dynamics all seem to be important components of Marcus’ psychic structuring that allowed him to traverse the number of losses and obstacles that have been put in his way.

Marcus was most aware of his anger and aggression. He explains: Through the course of my life, I kind of like had a chip on my shoulder. So, I would fight a lot, I got suspended a bunch of times from school from fighting, and I got expelled from elementary school.

He recognizes that the chip on his shoulder resulted from feeling abandoned and unloved by his parents, but he transformed that pain into a more active, and perhaps a more gendered, way of expressing this pain. He recalls almost getting into a fight at his uncle’s funeral with a guy who was blaring music in the parking lot. He was in deep pain, but it felt more comfortable and more cathartic to transform this pain into aggression. He has been able to use aggression as a way of purging himself of pain and replacing a sense of pain and emptiness with a sense of power.

In addition to his use of aggression, Marcus has been able to disavow much of his vulnerability. For example, in regards to the losses he has faced he explains, “I intentionally don’t deal with it. I try to ignore it.” Regarding his uncle’s death, he shares, “At that time, my coping mechanism was to run away from it. So I didn’t want to

205 talk about it, I didn’t want to hear it.” Much of what Marcus disavows is replaced with a sense of strength.

Marcus feels like his experiences have made him stronger. Similar to how he might use aggression to transform painful experiences into an active experience of power, he metabolizes his struggles in a way that compounds to build a sense of mastery and resiliency. He shares: I’ll say this, the things that may affect my colleagues don’t affect me in the same way, right? Losing a case or not being so successful on a case, that’s their worst fear. Having a verbal argument in a deposition shakes them to their core. I sleep through that kind of stuff. I don’t care. Arguing with me on the record doesn’t shake me because I’ve been in actual fist fights. My friends have been shot. I’ve been shot at. So this doesn’t affect me. So I’m able to move through all of this stuff seamlessly and be able to do my job that much better because of the life that I have. So I—to say that life would have been easier if it were different, absolutely, but I don’t think that I would have wanted my life differently. Maybe some loved ones would still be here, but the struggle, even not feeling loved as a kid, I wouldn’t change that.

He adds: So no matter what happens in my life, I’ll be able to bounce back. People who haven’t experience any struggle, the first time they struggle, it’s like their life is over. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t know any other life, but I wouldn’t want any other life. I like the way, even with the obstacles, even with

206 the bad, I love my life. I love the bullshit that I had to go through because it fueled me. It made me stronger. I’m a strong person because of it.

Where one might feel defeated, Marcus has felt victorious. Where one might feel helpless, Marcus has felt completely in-charge. He is able to disavow his sense of vulnerability, and replace it with a sense of omnipotence.

This sense of omnipotence has also helped him develop a sense of himself that is resistant to negating images of himself, which has been essentially for Marcus, as an urban African American man who has become a successful lawyer. He explains: In my opinion, and I’ve always had this opinion, not always but when I was coming up at a young age, I had to learn this. There’re two ways that you can become a person. You take the opinions of everyone else and you accept those opinions and that’s the person you become. Or you make up your mind of who you are and then you put that out into the world and let them attach on to that idea and then, that’s who you become. I made up my mind of who I was first and then, I convinced everybody else that I was that person. I listen to everything. If it makes sense, I’ll take it. If not or if it’s counter-intuitive to what I’m thinking about my person, I won’t accept that. I’ll knock that shit down. I don’t allow it to get inside of me because what you’re saying doesn’t match well or mesh well with who I am or it doesn’t add to the idea of who I already thought I was. I don’t accept any of that shit.

Marcus’ sense of strength and power has allowed him to repel notions about himself that would not be advantageous. He seems to also engage in a type of repetition,

207 a sort of tempting himself to fail and inevitably conquering and coming out, again, on top, as stronger, and more powerful.

Reworking through repetition. Marcus seems to keep his vulnerabilities at bay by continuously engaging in challenges that will test him and try his might, and then he conquers them. Even posed the hypothetical opportunity of making his life easier, he shares, “I wouldn’t have wanted an easier route.” For Marcus, the psychic relief and pleasure does not seem to come from the end result, but more so from the process of overcoming, of defeating each challenge. He explains: There’s always something that I want to do extra, and that stuff just keeps me going. Because I have a tendency to once I get what I want, I don’t want it anymore, like I want something else. So, I got to find other things within this realm of my dream to aspire to keep it all fresh and I’ve been able to do that.

He adds that “he’s never satisfied.” It is as if his satisfaction comes from the process of accomplishment, not the accomplishment itself. This repetitive process puts him into contact with his own vulnerability and he can then, once again, defeat this sense of vulnerability. In other words, he gets close enough to taste the potential that “he’s not good enough” and then he annihilates this sense of himself through achievement. He shares: I don’t do medical malpractice. I want to do medical malpractice now. I’m driving my dream car. I want another car now. I purchased a home a few years ago. Now, I want another home. So, once I get something, it’s like I want to move on and do something more. So, in my career, I’m way further than I should

208 be as a four-year attorney. Way ahead, like I get awards every year for being a great attorney. The amount of settlements that I get are fucking unheard of for the type of cases that I have. Not that that’s not nice, but I want something else.

This insatiable desire to continue to improve, to continue to take on new challenges, seems to be a purposeful reworking of childhood pain and anxieties of not feeling good enough, feeling helpless to capture his father’s love or win his mother’s attention.

He seems to scan the interpersonal environment for some resemblance of being treated as if he is not good enough, and then it triggers a reaction in him to prove his worth, to annihilate the feeling of being inferior and unlovable. He shares: I’ m a little more sensitive than I should be, so things piss me off that probably shouldn’t, so I’ll find something to latch onto to say “okay, you didn’t fucking answer my email, so now I have to.” You know? I’ll find something to light my fire but you know people don’t yell at me anymore, people don’t do those things, so I have to find something else on every case to light my fire.

Marcus seems to continuously challenge himself as a way of proving his own worth, denying his own vulnerability, as a way of repairing psychic pain. Part of this process includes a sort of narcissistic rage in response to any perceived attacks on his self. These processes, again, seem to be fundamental to what has helped him reach his level of success, despite facing what can often seem like insurmountable odds.

Narcissistic rage. Marcus shares several stories where he is confronted with some version of doubt from others and this doubt energizes him. It “fuels” him. He

209 states, “Instead of getting sad, I get pissed off, and then I want to go hard. Instead of feeling vulnerable, I feel stronger.” He explains, “It’s like the incredible hulk.” The more slights or psychic injuries, the stronger he gets, the angrier he gets, the more he is driven to beat the other person. These perceived attacks on his self-ignite a sublimated form of narcissistic rage. His anger energizes him and motivates him to “compete” and do the task at hand in a more superior fashion than his might otherwise. He shares: I’ve always been that way. If you want me to lose, tell me to my face that you believe I can win. If you don’t want me to win, if you want me to lose, just don’t say anything. Right? If you tell me I’m going to lose, you just assured a win for me.

He states, “I’m lucky enough to be a person that is inspired by disbelief, like the worst thing that you can do is to tell me what I can’t do.” It seems that Marcus faces the idea that “he can’t do” something on a frequent basis, especially given that he is a successful African American lawyer who comes from an inner city environment.

This dynamic has been particularly helpful to Marcus, as a lawyer. He shares: You can tell that thought (doubting Marcus’ capabilities) and that’s what pisses me off and that would make me work harder on that file to show him. Not only am I going to show him, but I’m going to beat him or her so fucking bad that she is going to go back and tell the rest of her attorneys in her office, “Marcus is not an attorney to fuck with.” So it would fuel me in that way.

He adds: I don’t buy into it anyway. I do look for ways to try to use it to my advantage.

There is an advantage to being perceived as less than adequate in your intellect

210 because they’re not going to work as hard. They say they’re not going to do the things that they know that they should on a timely manner because they perceive that you’re inept. So while they believe I’m asleep or struggling with the law, I’m behind the scenes doing everything that I need to do and kicking their ass.

Because if I take the deposition of their client and they think that I don’t know what I’m doing, they’re not going to put as much effort in preparing their client for the testimony. If they’re not prepared, then they’re going to get destroyed.

There seems to be something psychologically soothing about “destroying” a notion about himself that suggests he is inferior or inadequate. It is as if he locates the disavowed parts of himself in the doubts others have about him. It is intolerable to hold these views about himself that he held as a young child, so he disavows them, and then seeks them out by scanning the environment for “subtle cues” that they exist in someone else’s mind. Once they are located in the other, he fends them off with a rage and power that “destroys” them, and he feels a psychic relief for annihilating these intolerable aspects of himself. This repetitive cycle has helped Marcus continue to achieve beyond what many believed he could. It fuels him and pushes against all of the barriers and onslaughts that he faces as an upwardly mobile lawyer who started as a “black kid from Detroit.”

Ambivalence with upward mobility. Marcus faces an ongoing sense of ambivalence because of his movement in social positions. Attaching too strongly with one version of himself or others has unfavorable consequences. He risks loss and

211 disconnection if he feels too special and unique. He faces guilt if he sees himself as simply “lucky.”

Marcus seems to sustain a sense of connection with important others by maintaining a narrative about himself that he is “just like” everybody he grew up with.

When I asked him why he thought he made it further than most of his friends occupationally, he explains, “I don’t know. I don’t know. I grew up, I did the same shit that they did. I did the same stupid stuff. I went to the same school. I ate the same meals. I don’t know.” He adds, “Because I don’ think I’m special. I don’t. I’m a regular guy with the same friends; I do the same shit, even to this day.” He has entered the law field, but has maintained a strong sense of himself as the same person he was before law. He shares: I still listen to the same music that I listened to. I still listen to everything. So I haven’t completely thrown myself into the persona of this high-powered lawyer or whatever. I’m a little bit over there just because I have to know, I have to learn, I have to do those things. But when it comes to non-professional time, I’m more Cooley High School than U of D Law School.

Marcus sees himself as the same person he always has been, still connected to the same people he grew up with. This narrative seems to bring a sense of oneness and unification with essential others.

The narrative that he is simply the same person as everybody else, that there is no difference between him and everybody he grew up with, is unifying, but it comes with other psychological costs. Ignoring his own uniqueness, his hard work, and his sacrifices suggests that his success is simply luck. The “dream” that he is living is an unearned,

212 undeserved stroke of good fortune. This narrative arouses a sense of guilt. This brings feelings of unworthiness and subsequent self-destruction (Holmes, 2006b; Layton 2006a). He recalls: Maybe two years ago, I don’t know, I shouldn’t do this but I self-diagnosed myself. It was right after I passed the bar exam. So, I passed the bar exam, I’m working, I’m getting accolades at work, people were telling, “Oh, you’re going to be a spectacular lawyer” and all that. But then, on the weekend, I go hanging out with my friends and stuff. So, I have the same friends. I would start doing selfdestructive shit. Knowing I shouldn’t drive when I’m this drunk and I would drive anyway. Pick fights like at the club or something. I kicked down a door at the casino. I would do things I wouldn’t normally do, right? And after so long, like I’m sitting down myself like, “What the fuck are you doing?” And what I thought it was and I literally had conferences with myself, like “What’s wrong with you?” and I thought it was survivor’s guilt. You know, like “Why me?” So I think that’s what the self-destructive stuff comes from because I didn’t have problems paying my bills. For me to be doing well, not that I’m doing spectacular, but to be doing well and I’m doing the same stuff that everybody else is doing. Why am I special? just couldn’t get it.

Marcus, desperately wanting to still feel one with the people he loves and who love him, attaches to a narrative about himself as not special, not different. But in doing this, he faces an undercurrent of guilt for his success.

On the other hand, recognizing his own uniqueness and capacities that have helped him get where he is brings a risk that he ostracizes himself from those he needs.

213 He reflects on trying to be able to hold an image of himself as an agent in his own success: In accepting that, it kind of takes me to a place where I don’t want to be, to think that all of these people are not good enough, or in my mind I like to believe that me and the rest of the people are the same. It’s just the circumstances or how the cards fell is how I made it this far, and they didn’t. I don’t want to automatically assume and over-generalize people that come from the same neighborhood are lazy and just can’t do it.

It is a challenge for Marcus to hold a view about himself and others that honors the struggles that people like him face growing up in urban poverty, and simultaneously holding a sense of himself as an agent of his own success, as responsible for achieving his dream. He expresses: It’s trying to balance your hard work and like you say, your uniqueness of why you made it versus you being guilty for being the only one who survived the plane crash, like you said, trying to hold both of those is hard. You know you have to lean, for my own sanity, I have to lean, when it comes to that, I have to lean towards “Okay, I got this far because I deserved it and I worked hard,” but not letting go of the fact that someone else’s circumstances may have made it impossible for them to reach their dream. So when it comes to driving myself crazy, I have to say, no, I worked hard for this.

Marcus tries to balance these two competing parts in a way that gives value to his hard work, but also values the people who did not “make it” from his neighborhood.

214 Another way he manages this ambivalence is to live a sort of “double life,” keeping his professional and personal lives and selves separate.

Marcus tries to “compartmentalize” his life so that these multiple parts of his experience can co-exist without creating too much friction. He seems to split his self and his interpersonal experiences. He fulfills his sense of connection and belongingness with others who he feels similar to because they grew up like he did. He fulfills his sense of pride and accomplishment at work. However, he rarely seems to mix the two. He does not gain a sense of connectedness at work and he minimizes his success in his personal relationships. These dynamics seem to allow him to maintain both his meaningful relationships and his meaningful career and personal ambitions. Marcus seems to utilize these psychic tactics as a way of negotiating his upwardly mobile status and his movement between social constructs.

215

Chapter V

Discussion

Introduction I conducted a qualitative research study using a case study design interviewing five upwardly mobile professional African American men from urban poverty to gain a deeper understanding of their experiences throughout the process of upward mobility.

This study sought to explore how these men experience moving between socially constructed positions, including how they negotiate their relationships with others and their senses of self. The previous chapter provided overviews of each participant’s significant childhood experiences, dynamics associated with their upward mobility, and then interpretive categories of meaning.

This chapter presents cross-case analyses examining different themes derived from the interviews. There are some similarities with the themes in this chapter and those presented in the literature review; however, this chapter utilizes the actual experiences of the participants to expand on various dynamics. The cross case analyses first include a discussion on the participants’ experiences with socially constructed categories of race, gender, and social class. Then, the interpersonal processes of projective identification, extractive introjection, and role responsiveness are examined along with another subsection on belongingness. Next, there is a section on how the participants negotiated their sense of self and others throughout the process of upward mobility. Following this

216 section is a section on how the participants interact with socially constructed performance imperatives based on their race, gender, and social class. Finally, the participants’ experiences with altruism are discussed.

Implications for research, policy, and clinical practice are provided at the end of the chapter. The research implications examine the limitations of this research project and suggest areas of further study. The policy implications explore various ways that agencies, educational institutions, and other entities can try to address the social constructs that exist within their settings. Lastly, the clinical implications are ways that clinicians can utilize the material from this study in their work with patients and within their own development as people and as therapists. I end this chapter with some concluding remarks.

Experiences with Social Constructs The social constructs of race, gender, and social class held meaning for all of the participants. Their socially constructed position in society works to pigeonhole them into certain ways of being and existing. The participants describe this dynamic in various ways, calling it “being put in a bubble,” “living in a snow globe,” and “being put in boxes.” They express a frustration in the limiting and narrowing ways society interacts with them. Rusty questions, “Why is it that one of us represents us all?” Bobby adds, “We share similar backgrounds and stories, but we’re all still different and diverse.” The participants challenge the erroneous nature of social constructions as they have all been able to live outside of these prescriptions. The strength, perseverance, and reserve they demonstrate throughout their upward mobility contrasts the notions that they, as urban

217 black men, are ineffectual, criminal, and deplorable. The intersection of the participants’ race, gender, and social class seem to carry inherent meanings that each of them vigorously challenge.

Social constructed categories of race, gender, and social class are always performed and experienced concurrently; however, I examine these constructs separately for the sake of discussion, as I did in the literature review. The participants interact with each social construct in unique ways, but there are some general trends across their experiences. The participants each identify with, or disidentify with, specific categories of difference. In other words, some constructs seem to be performed “appropriately,” while others are deconstructed and challenged. The following subsections examine the participants’ experiences with the social constructs of race, gender, and social class more thoroughly.

Race. Race seems to hold the most salience for all of the participants.

Discussions of race came up organically throughout the interviews, whereas for the most part, I had to actively explore dynamics related to gender and social class. The participants’ experiences with race changed as they moved from their original social position to a new social position in mainstream society. Once they entered mainstream society they began facing denigrating notions about themselves and they began to be treated with a limiting sameness by the majority. To adapt, participants made adjustments to the way they interact with the mainstream, while still finding ways to maintain positive images of themselves. Finally, the participants offer a hope that as they become “known” and understood by others, much of the preconceptions and inhibitions

218 to connecting across races fade into the background. All of these dynamics are now discussed further.

All of the participants, except for Bobby, grew up in homogenous African American ghettoes in Detroit, so race was not an experience of otherness until they got into mainstream society. Marcus explains that blackness did not have much meaning for him as a child because he “had nothing to compare it to.” He adds, “I knew what stereotypes were, but it wasn’t a tangible thing back then, you just had some knowledge of it.” Silas shares that he did not really understand racism until adulthood because before then, “everyone was like me.” There was a sense of sameness that the participants felt as African Americans that kept them away from negative constructions of blackness throughout their childhood.

Bobby and Rico were outliers as it relates to their early experience with constructions of blackness. Bobby faced being othered because he went to “all white” schools. He had to combat negative constructions about himself chronically throughout his childhood. Conversely, Rico was infused with a strong sense of black pride and black power, so as a young person he had an especially positive understanding of himself as an African American, and his race was salient even before he entered mainstream society.

Entering mainstream society is difficult, as the participants are no longer seen as themselves, but more so as social constructions of “black men.” Fanon (1953) writes, “The black man is unaware of it as long as he lives among his own people; but at the first white gaze, he feels the weight of his melanin” (p. 128). The participants’ blackness is no longer disguised in the homogeneity of their neighborhood, and their blackness holds new meanings as they interact with whites. In a way, entering mainstream society is

219 when the participants had to reconcile their senses of self with the socially constructed notions of who they were. Their experiences mirror what Kovel (1984) writes, “When the self becomes Other, it is denied recognition and by extension, self-expression. The Other is seen not for what it is, but for what it evokes” (p. xliii). The participants’ otherness seems to evoke negative reactions and a denial of their individuality and diversity.

The participants unanimously experienced adversity related to their “blackness.”

They all express variations of having to deal with barriers and negations because of their “race.” Rico shares, “being black and being in America, man, you’re already at a deficit.” Bobby explains that, “negative images of us have been pushed into America’s psyche.” Marcus adds, “Being black is definitely an obstacle. I love being black, but there are certain obstacles that come with it.” Silas contends, “I did my job better than anyone else, but people were still promoted over me.” And Rusty shares stories of getting discouraged from joining leadership positions. Additionally, all of the participants experience unitary notions about who they are coming from others.

Mainstream America constructs blackness in blanketed ways that deny complexity and differences. Dalal (2006) explains that any grouping creates an erroneous notion of homogeneity. Supporting this, many of the participants mention that mainstream society seems to deny the diversity within the African American race. The tendency to construct blackness in a uniform fashion creates the sense in the participants that they are always speaking for and representing the entire “black race,” as they have often been white people’s first real experience with an African American. The

220 participants’ minority status also creates a need to make accommodations to be able to “fit” within mainstream society.

Race is a complex negotiation within each participant and between each participant and others (Leary, 2000). The participants find themselves making these negotiations so that they can have access to their career aspirations that are located within the broader society. They must make some degree of accommodations to fit an invisible standard of idealized whiteness that measures everyone (Hassinger, in press). Each participant shares these experiences in unique ways. Marcus finds himself not bringing up social issues at work because he knows how upset it can make him. Rusty and Silas share that early on in their careers they toned things down about themselves, such as their appearance or attire, so they would not seem too threatening or too urban. Bobby implements a “putting on different faces” while he is navigating different social worlds.

And Rico finds himself eliminating anything that he feels is “too black” or “too urban” while he is in the professional world.

The negotiations and accommodations these participants make seem to be conscious manipulations of their experiences with others; however, the participants seem to preserve a strong sense of themselves in the midst of these maneuvers. In other words, the participants do not “take on” a denigrated view of themselves and do not believe in the socially constructed versions of themselves. The mainstream constructions of blackness are dystonic to the participants as they maintain a sense of pride and value in their identities as African Americans, even as they make adjustments to how they operate within the professional world. Despite the strains of engaging in mainstream America,

221 the participants seem to hold a certain hope for the deconstruction of otherness along racial lines.

They express a hopeful notion that personal understanding and increased interactions across racial lines can deconstruct difference. A real understanding and knowing seems to replace socially constructed ways of “knowing.” For example, Marcus rebuts the notion of African Americans being dangerous and threatening as he states, “I knew differently because I grew up around these people who everyone’s afraid of.” In other words, he had real experiences that led to understanding the people in his neighborhood versus a “knowing” based on fantasy generated by social constructions of blackness. Many of the participants feel that this same understanding can and will happen across racial lines. For example, Bobby explains, “The more integrated America becomes, the more racially diverse and intermingled it becomes, the more it’s going to change.” As people actually get to know each other, it replaces a subject-object way of relating with a subject-subject interpersonal dynamic (Benjamin, 1990). Instead of “knowing” someone based on otherness, there can be a genuine relating between two subjects, which promotes the deconstruction of racial groupings and othering.

Gender. Construction of maleness is another significant category of difference that impacts the men in this study. Outside of Rusty, I had to actively bring up gender as an area of exploration with the participants. Contrary to racial constructions, socially constructed notions of masculinity seem to be syntonic for each of the participants. They are mostly unbothered by impositions of gendered ways of being, except when their gender is infused with racial and urbanized constructions. Despite their subscription to

222 gendered ways of being, most of the participants acknowledge the ways gendered constructions are limiting. Regardless of the limitations of masculine constructions, their adherence to idyllic maleness seems adaptive towards their upward mobility. These dynamics are now expanded upon.

Besides with Rusty, gender had to be actively explored during the interviews, whereas issues of race seem to come up more organically. Although they are not apprehensive to talk about gender, it just does not seem as salient to them, so I had to actively investigate their experiences with gender. This is likely because their masculinity is located on the dominant side of the gender split (Layton, 2002) and therefore it does not create the same type of “othering’ that the participants’ race and original social class does. Additionally, there is less anxiety associated with subscribing to gendered ways of being, as their masculinity is part of the dominating hierarchy in society.

The aforementioned dynamics promote the participants’ socially approved gender performance, as all of the men in this study seem to “perform their gender right” (Butler, 1990). They are stoic, invulnerable, and execute an intense autonomy to manage life’s anxieties in a way that is “proper” to their gender (Layton, 2002). Rusty experienced the most explicit messages about what it meant to be a man growing up, but every participant received some version of learning how to “do things the way men are supposed to.”

Most of them were taught “not to cry” and to “not show weakness.” Out of the participants, Bobby seems to be the most in touch with his vulnerabilities as he shares feeling depressed and isolated at times, but even Bobby responds to these moments with some action-oriented response. Generally, the men in this study feel mostly unbothered

223 by their gender construct, except when it becomes infused with their race and urban origins.

The main issues related to masculinity that the participants face occur at the intersection of their gender, race, and social class. As black men from the inner city, they inhabit a construct of being “threatening” or being “the angry black man.” Qualities that may be considered leadership tendencies when displayed by white men are often perceived as aggressive or threatening when the participants demonstrate the same qualities. For the participants, this creates a tension between not wanting to be perceived as too threatening, but also wanting to be confident in their work and in their positions.

Marcus’ professional setting is the most accommodating to this dilemma, as his competitiveness and aggression works to his advantage in the courtroom when he is advocating for clients. Yet still, even for Marcus, the participants all have some leeriness of being perceived as angry or threatening. Beyond this dynamic, the participants also have some awareness of the limitations associated with their subscription to the masculine ideal.

While exploring gender in our interviews, everyone besides Marcus recognizes the playing out of gendered norms. Marcus asserts that he is just constitutionally the way he is. He acknowledges that he was told things like, “don’t cry, crying is for girls,” but he does not feel that these messages impact him significantly. He explains: I mean I know it’s okay to cry, I know it’s okay to feel sad. I know that’s okay, but when I look in the mirror, that’s not what I see. I see the tough, aggressive, get-shit-done alpha male with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

224 The other participants also seem to see a certain toughness and invincibility when they “look in the mirror;� however they also acknowledge the limitations of the social construct of masculinity. Rusty, Silas, Bobby, and Rico all challenge the denial of vulnerability, in principle. Although they realize that the masculine ideals of invincibility and unfeeling are unrealistic, they still feel, for the most part, tied to performing their gender. They work to be intimate and connected with family members, but it can often feel awkward and unnatural. Despite the constrictions of their masculinity performances, their loyalty to proper ways of being men seems particularly adaptive towards their upward mobility.

These men face a significant and chronic onslaught of barriers and attacks on their psyches, especially throughout their engagement in mainstream society. Their allegiance to masculine ways of being acts as a necessary anesthesia to block the intense emotional pain that would be associated with chronic defeats, rejections, and other oppressive dynamics. Constructions of masculinity allows them to be action versus feeling oriented, promoting a defiance of their social position as opposed to a depressive acceptance.

Their denial of vulnerability has assisted their transcendence of their original social position in urban poverty.

Social class. Social class, like gender, also seems to shadow race during the interviews. For most of the interviews, I had to initiate the exploration of the participants’ experiences with social class. It seems that issues regarding social class are disguised by the sameness of the socioeconomic status of the neighborhoods the participants grew up in. The awareness of disparities seems to occur once the

225 participants are exposed to higher socioeconomic classes. However, even within their immediate social context, the participants are aware of classed hierarchies. The consumeristic implications associated with these hierarchies affect the participants differently. Also, much of the upwardly mobile efforts of the participants do not seem to be driven as much by consumerism as by a wish to escape poverty. The participants experienced hardships due to their original socioeconomic status, but their experiences also challenge the socially constructed notions about the poor. Finally, the social constructions of the poor combine with additional constructions of urban environments that the participants experience. I now develop these dynamics further.

The participants’ early experiences with social class are relative to their immediate social context. Most of the participants did not feel poor until they were exposed to some element of mainstream society that highlights socioeconomic disparities. For example, Silas shares, “It was normal to me, I didn’t know I was in a poverty situation.” Rico adds, “I did not necessarily feel poor. We went without power and our lights got cut off, but we always had food in the freezer.” These types of experiences or deprivations did not feel “poor” because it was familiar and typical within their socioeconomic context. However, this dynamic shifts as they come in contact with other social classes.

Most of the participants started to realize socioeconomic disparities as they were exposed to wealthier people. For example, Rusty remembers going on a field trip and being in awe when he saw the bigger houses in the suburbs. It made him start to resent the “dirtiness” of his neighborhood. Silas saw wealthier family members in Florida and also saw things on TV that indicated that his family did not have a lot of money. Rico

226 was involved with programs where he was exposed to wealthier kids. These experiences expose variations in social class and seem to inject a sense of resentment and shame about living in poverty. The economic disparities are most obvious when the participants are exposed to people outside of their immediate surroundings. The participants also remember hierarchies based on perceived wealth within their own neighborhoods.

Most of the participants share that although they did not “feel poor,” there was a “pecking order” in their neighborhoods and schools based on who had “the nicest stuff.”

This is descriptive of what Velben (2009) writes, “Each class envies and emulates the class next above it in social scale, while it rarely compares itself with those below or with those who are considerably in advance.” For example, Silas remembers: No one in the neighborhood can afford it, which is the weirdest thing. We would tease each other about having bad things or having hand-me-down stuff, but at the same time, we’re all in the same poverty, living in the same neighborhood.

Every participant describes some variation of this hierarchy, but there was variation in how they relate to it.

Each participant shares a unique way of interacting with this consumeristic hierarchy. Bobby explains that he never cared to fit in with the consumeristic model of buying things to impress people. Marcus reflects that he found his accolades socially, academically, and athletically so he did not need “stuff” to feel like he belonged. Rusty explains that consumerism helps people “fill in the hole left by poverty.” Rusty posits that “poverty bred insecurity, insecurity bred devaluing, and devaluing bred consumerism.” Even though Rusty critiques the consumeristic model, he also acknowledges that he has a “Jordan fetish,” which he attributes to trying to buy the things

227 that he could never afford as a child. Silas shares the same sentiment. He finds himself buying things that he could not afford when he was younger, even though he disagrees that “stuff” matters to him. Lastly, Rico acknowledges that he utilizes material things and appearances to try to “look the part” of being wealthy, in many ways to emulate material success of the men he idealized at church. Regardless of the ways each participant interacts with the consumeristic model, consumerism does not seem to be a primary motivator of any of their ambitions towards upward mobility.

The ambition to escape poverty seems to be more salient to the participants than the desire to acquire some sort of American ideal of wealth. None of the participants denied wanting to have “nice things,” but the desire to get out of the dire socioeconomic circumstances of their origins seems much more salient. For example, Silas shares that he wants to get “as far away as possible” from poverty. There is definitely a sense that the participants do not want to go back to the challenges of poverty, and this serves as an ever-present motivator to continue to “succeed.” The participants’ experiences with poverty also challenge socially constructed notions about the poor.

The view of the poor as being lazy, undeserving, and unmotivated is shattered by the real experiences shared by the men in this study. Silas is the only participant that held some critiques of the people in his original social position as being “goalless” and “not taking advantage of opportunities.” However, all of the others, and even including Silas, describe the extreme work ethic and hardiness of people in poor urban communities.

There are countless stories of parents and relatives working very long and hard hours to barely make ends meet. The stories of these participants’ experiences highlight a strong

228 work ethic, ingenuity to make things work, and a disciplined approach to life. These efforts put forth to combat poverty often drained familial resources.

Many of the participants describe a domino effect that poverty has on nontangible dynamics. Not only does it create a shortage of material resources, but the extreme efforts that families put forth often drain them physically and emotionally. For example, Rusty’s father had to work late at night, leaving Rusty “on his own.” Marcus’ mother often had to work overtime, leaving her physically and emotionally exhausted to the point where there was little energy left over to give to Marcus. Silas also remembers his father working 17-hour days. The strains put on these families drained emotional and relational reserves, in addition to the already challenging dynamics of living off of limited financial resources. Additionally, on top of challenging constructed notions about the poor, the participants were also combatting negative assumptions about themselves because of their urban origins.

The men in this study share that growing up in the inner city carries negative connotations. Bobby explains, “As long as I’ve been alive, Detroit has always had a bad stigma.” There seems to be a message that if you grow up in Detroit or Highland Park as a young black boy that you will more than likely “end up dead or in jail.” These dynamics carry a stigma, even if the participants are living and working outside of their original neighborhoods. The participants experience people as acting more scared of them and assuming they are inadequate compared to black men who grew up in the suburbs. Although all of the participants share horror stories of life in the inner city, most of them agree that the stigma directed toward urban neighborhoods is grossly inflated compared to the reality. In sum, the participants’ roots in the inner city, along with their

229 race, gender, and social class, all seem to be used to other them upon their entrance into mainstream society. This arrangement sets up a subject-object relational dynamic where various interpersonal processes are enacted. These dynamics are examined next.

Interpersonal Experiences Relational experiences are essential to how people experience themselves and the world. These experiences host ongoing psychic processes that are used to manage anxieties through the use of others. The psychic arrangement of a self and an other allows the self to purge unwanted aspects of one’s self and ingest desirable aspects from others. In other words, “The Other comes to carry all that is unconsciously disavowed in the self” (Suchet, 2004, p. 433). The categories of difference that exist within our society breed these dynamics of self and other across racial, gender, and social class lines. The participants share experiences that portray these dynamics throughout their interpersonal experiences.

The men in this study occupy social positions in which they are othered by mainstream culture. Rusty points out African Americans only make up 13% of the population; however, white America seems to be preoccupied with such a small percentage of the population. This might be partially explained by the need of whites to make use of “blacks” to rid themselves of unwanted parts of themselves. Altman (2009) explains that there is a dichotomous black-white construction in our society that allows an othering of those who are considered “not-me,” in which one group can project unwanted psychic content onto the group that has been othered.

230 This split along racial lines, and along other lines of difference, allows members of the mainstream to use marginalized groups as a psychic dumping ground. However, as Rusty points out, there is a “preoccupation with black culture.” This preoccupation emphasizes the need of the self to remain close enough to the other to remain in touch with disavowed parts of the self. In other words, white people may project things like aggression or insecurity onto the black community, but whites need to remain close enough to these parts of themselves. So, they engage in things that Rusty points out, such as browsing urban websites to then denigrate and make fun of the content, which is really them attacking their own disavowed parts that they find intolerable.

The interpersonal processes the participants’ highlight throughout their interviews demonstrate the dynamics just discussed. Specifically, their interactions seem to demonstrate projective identification and extractive introjection processes. Additionally, there is a role responsiveness that each man has to engage with as these men seem to all live outside of their prescribed roles in society, which causes a sense of anxiety or psychic resistance. Finally, belongingness seems to be a salient aspect of each participants’ experience, as it allows them to feel connected and “known” as a self instead of an object. However, even within their belongingness, they encounter threats of disconnection with important others. These types of interpersonal dynamics are discussed in the subsections below.

Projective identification. Projective identification processes associated with aggression are a significant component of these men’s stories. This is consistent with what Altman (2009) writes, “White people in our society commonly attribute aggression

231 to black people” (p. 65). For example, this dynamic can be seen through the recent racial tensions associated with the killings of unarmed black men by white police officers.

More specific to this study, the participants all report feeling cautious of being perceived as “the angry black man,” and they were conscious of their actions and demeanors as to not ignite this stereotype. Simultaneously, they all share experiences of feeling angry and frustrated at the dynamics they face in mainstream society. It seems that societal dynamics inject a frustration and anger into them, and when they recognize this anger, they have to be mindful of how they act on it. These dynamics are now discussed further.

The responses towards the recent killings of unarmed black men by white police officers seem to highlight the black/white projective identification cycle regarding aggression. Simply put, there is an act of violence in the killing of these unarmed men, then there is a “violent” response of protest and outrage because of this injustice.

Processing these events, many white Americans seem eager to locate aggression in the responses of some black citizens, pointing to “savage” rioting. However, they are less eager, and often averse, to pointing out their own aggression or that of the white police officers. The original act of the killing gets ignored, and the rioting gets attuned to as the source of the aggression and violence. In effect, white Americans are left feeling void of malice and aggression, while black Americans are left cast as savage and primitive. The men in the study all have similar experiences, on a smaller scale, of having to engage in an unjust and oppressive system, but then still being considered the ones who are aggressive and threatening.

Each participant feels aware that they were often combating notions about themselves as threatening and aggressive. They say things like, “I have to try to be non-

232 threatening” or “they see me and think, ‘here comes the angry black guy.’” Members of mainstream society, in order to preserve a sense of pristineness and benevolence, have to rid themselves of their own “ugly” parts, including aggression. This aggression is often projected onto others, like the men in this study. This projected aggression then causes a felt response inside of the participants. They are all aware of being cast as “angry black men” and are also aware of feeling angry and frustrated because of these types of dynamics.

The oppressive dynamics the participants experience sway them to feel and take on the feelings of anger and aggression that are disavowed by mainstream society. As Ogden (1979) explains, there is a real pressure to experience congruence with the projections of others. For example, Rico explains, “Every day I wake up angry because I watch the news and read the newspaper.” Bobby expands, “You’re going to feel some anger that you can’t understand, some resentment that you can’t understand.” These men feel some response of anger, frustration, and resentment, and then have to metabolize these projected parts.

These men seem to locate a foreign body inside of them that has been projected from mainstream Americans, and then they are faced to digest it in a way that feels empowering, yet not too destructive. They know if they retaliate with their own aggression, they will just be continuing the cycle of promoting stereotyped notions about themselves. However, not responding to these assaults on their selves feels too permissive and passive. Ogden (1979) offers that the recipient of projections can be handled through attempts at integration, mastery through understanding, and sublimation.

The participants demonstrate variations of these solutions. They engage in things like

233 “proving people wrong” with academic and professional excellence. They also often debate erroneous beliefs about who they are through classroom or group discussions.

They find ways of responding that feel active enough to preserve a strong sense of self, yet not so “aggressive” that they sabotage their efforts or embellish stereotypes.

Although I have largely discussed these processes as happening somewhat linearly, in reality they operate in complex and cyclical ways.

The dynamics the participants experience seem to happen in a cyclical fashion.

Wachtel (1999) explains that psychic processes cyclically promote stereotyped ways of interacting across racial lines. To illustrate, the men in this study are othered and treated in ways that evoke some degree of frustration and anger. The projected parts of aggression from others are felt and likely displayed in some fashion by the participants.

Therefore, in some ways, white students or coworkers may “see” this anger and frustration, which reinforces their fear and avoidance of the participants, which then further promotes the participants’ anger and sense of otherness. These processes also further prevent any intimate ways of relating and, consequently, each party is still only known as an other. Despite this tendency, the men in the study all share an openness and acceptance of others who treat them with the same openness and acceptance.

The participants all express the persistent feeling of being negated by mainstream America, yet they are glaringly forgiving and accepting of other races. They acknowledge their anger and frustration towards oppressive dynamics, but preserve an openness to others. For example, Marcus shares, “Why would you make someone outside of your race feel unaccepted when you know how terrible it feels to not be accepted?” In the midst of the pressures to feel anger and retaliatory towards others, the

234 participants all share a complexity with how they interact with people who are different.

They hold an openness to connecting with anyone who demonstrates an open mind and a desire to relate. It seems that this “real relating” has the power to dampen some of the projective identification cycles that occur in society.

Extractive introjection. Extractive introjection, introduced by Bollas (1987), is another interpersonal process that seems at play in the participants’ stories. In an opposite fashion to projective identification, extractive introjection involves a theft of certain psychic parts of the other. Expanding this concept to the social, parts of one’s self can be “stolen” by others based on socially constructed othering. Specific to this study, it seems that regardless of the participants’ incredible abilities and resilience, there is a sense that mainstream America treats them as undeserving of their success. Their capabilities are “stolen away” and replaced with a more “favorable” notion that they are “helped.” The participants experience these dynamics, but resist the notion that they are incapable or undeserving. A more complete discussion of these dynamics ensues.

The barriers and obstacles these men overcome to enjoy the success they have is glaring throughout their stories. They each face significant impediments associated with poverty, family dynamics, and prejudice, which are all experienced on top of the inherent challenges associated with academic and professional achievement. In other words, they seem to “make it” despite what is “given” to them by society. For example, Marcus shares: I think that any black professional could tell you the same thing, that you can’t be as good as your counterpart and get the same thing. You have to be two times

235 better to get the same pay, to get the same recognition. It’s not right, but that’s how it is.

Despite the odds these men all overcome, when they enter mainstream society, most of them feel like they are treated as if their success is not fully earned.

Most of the men in the study report facing assumptions that there are reasons outside of themselves for their success. For example, they face assumptions that the only reason they are in their professional positions is because of affirmative action or some sort of minority quota policy. Through extractive introjection, their sense of competence and ability is “stolen” by mainstream society and replaced with a sense that they are enjoying unearned success. This dynamic benefits white society in that it maintains the notion that all good comes from white Americans.

There is an assumption that the participants could not possibly have earned their success, but rather, it had to be given to them. This notion upholds racial power differentials because it strips the participants of their own capabilities and maintains the notion that they are not as capable as white people. Therefore, psychically white people preserve all of the positive qualities within themselves and, if African Americans enjoy success, it is because they are “lent” some of the “goodness” of whites. These dynamics create an inner tension within the participants where they have to try to hold onto their sense of capability even while it is trying to be “taken” through extractive introjection.

This interpersonal process attempts to steal away the participants’ sense of competence and replace it with inferiority. However, the participants resist this theft.

The participants rebuke the notion that their success is undeserved, but this introjective extraction process still seems to be at play. A couple of the participants remember

236 doubting themselves at certain times throughout their upward mobility, but a sense of confidence strikingly dominates their experiences. Even the participants who recall some sense of doubt are, for the most part, very confident in themselves and in their abilities.

Bobby’s statement, “I’m more than capable of doing this job,” seems characteristic of all of the participants’ beliefs about their abilities. In sum, they all have to counteract the lopsided nature of how worth gets assigned based on race, gender, and social class. Most of them feel a strong sense of confidence in themselves and in their abilities, despite their awareness that these dynamics come under siege at various times.

Role responsiveness. There are a number of dynamics related to role responsiveness that the participants experience as they all break their prescribed roles in society. They have to negotiate between their own senses of self and the roles that they are pressured into (Sandler, 1976). They all experience explicit and subtle, unspoken ways of being “nudged” to stay in their “place” as urban black men. This “nudging” happens both by mainstream society and by members of their original social context.

They have to find ways to be able to live outside of their role and still feel a sense of connection with others.

The participants all seem to experience a sense that there are roles to perform based on their social construct. Silas refers to it as the “line syndrome.” He explains that everyone wants to stand in the same line that has been created for them and that it generates anxiety when people “start their own lines.” The prescribed roles seem to include criminality, violence and, at best, working class occupations. For example, Silas and Rusty remember being told they would likely be dead or in jail by 25 years old. In

237 addition, most of the participants were encouraged to be things like janitors, truck drivers, military personnel, or factory workers. These represented tangible options that were markers of success. These careers offer stable, good paying jobs that seem to be at the top of the glass ceiling of their socially constructed place in society. Unsatisfied with these options, the participants deviated from their roles in pursuit of professional careers.

Pursuing professional careers came with resistance from mainstream society.

Their upward mobility does not necessarily include inclusion in a new group, but instead some degree of continued exclusion by the larger society (Eng & Han, 2000). The participants experience a sense of “being out of bounds.” They encounter explicit and implicit resistances associated with their social movement. They are excessively stopped by the police while in the suburbs, swayed away from leadership positions, ostracized, and treated as threatening or inadequate. These types of dynamics create a general sense of “feeling out of place.” In addition to feeling out of place in mainstream society, their upward mobility also threatens them with being “out of place” in their original social contexts.

Each of the participants share stories of also feeling ostracized by their original social contexts. Some of them share being taunted for being ‘bourgeois” or “not dressing like everybody else.” Other experiences are harsher, such as being called an “Uncle Tom” or being accused of “acting white.” Many of the participants feel cautious of not coming across as “better than” those in their original social positions. They feel like this is a constantly lurking threat from members in their original social context. Feeling threats to their connectedness with familiar others and being ostracized in mainstream society places many of the participants in a treacherous state of solitude.

238 Feeling unwelcomed in their new social position and shut out from their original social position feels tremendously isolating and disconnecting to many of the men in this study. For example, Silas shares, “Sometimes it’s hard to be a pioneer.” Rusty adds, “Sometimes you do feel like you’re on an island.” Marcus shares that “it sucks” to not be able to do certain things with your friends. Despite feeling disconnected from important others and from mainstream society, the participants seem to maintain a strong sense of themselves as being upwardly mobile professionals.

As professionals, many of the participants are treated with some degree of suspicion by mainstream America and by their communities of origin. However, these men seem unwavering in their commitments to achieving their career goals, despite the resistances they encounter for “playing the wrong roles.” Their aspirations feel very in sync with how they see themselves. In fact, Rusty, Silas, and Marcus all knew what they wanted to be when they were quite young and pursued these occupations relentlessly.

Again, this pursuit of something different than the prescribed ways of being often leads to a sense of isolation for many of the participants. Belongingness is a significant way that each participant maintains a sense of connectedness with others, combating the denigration and ostracizing that can occur as a result of breaking their roles.

Belongingness. Finding a sense of belongingness is one way the participants insulate themselves from the obstacles and psychic assaults they endure as upwardly mobile black men. Many of the participants acknowledge the impending sense of isolation and they look to others to feel connected and cohesive. In fact, Rusty voices a hope that his experiences mirror the experiences of the other participants. He explains

239 that knowing he is not going through these experiences alone feels nice. Creating a sense of belongingness is important to all of the participants, and they each demonstrate unique ways of establishing this sense of connection.

Each of the participants utilize different strategies to feel connected with others who feel similar. Dalal (2002) explains that there is a link between belongingness and sameness. The participants find this sense of sameness in various places. Bobby and Rico feel a strong connection with their fraternities as these organizations include a substantial number of professional black men. Rico also finds connectedness in his church and in groups such as the NAACP. Silas and Rusty find connection in their immediate context. They feel an intimacy with their wives, children, and best friends.

Rusty also experiences a general sense of comraderie in the urban black community, including with his family of origin. Lastly, Marcus finds a sense of belonging with the friends he grew up with. Establishing a sense of belongingness as upwardly mobile professionals includes a constant sense of negotiation that the participants experience.

Negotiating self and others. The participants describe a negotiation that takes place throughout their experiences with upward mobility. There is a necessary negotiation that helps manage the conflicts associated with “leaving” one’s original group (Eng & Han, 2000). In fact, three of the participants use the same metaphor of it being like a “chess game” to describe this negotiation. The participants report that their own senses of self feel consistent, but their relationships with others require some degree of negotiation. These negotiations include adapting to mainstream society and being able to move in and out of social contexts. These elements are now examined further.

240 One thing that surprised me during the interviews is the participants’ senses of cohesion in reflecting on how they understand themselves. In other words, the negotiations that occur largely exist in negotiating relationships. Internally, the participants seem to feel a consistent sense of themselves as being capable and worthy of their professional statuses. None of the men in this study feel like their upward mobility is “not them.” They express a sense of “luckiness” or feeling like they “hit the lottery,” but they still feel that their success is earned and that they are still “the same” people as they have always been. The changes that occur within them are changes they make to accommodate others.

The participants do not experience themselves as changing internally, but instead they make conscious manipulations to the way they interact with others. They describe what Fanon (1952) sees as an adaptable way to engage in oppressive societies. He writes: In other words, the black man should no longer have to be faced with the dilemma “whiten or perish,” but must become aware of the possibility of existence, in still other words, if society creates difficulties for him because of his color, if I see in his dreams the expression of an unconscious desire to change color, my objective will not be to dissuade him by advising him to “keep his distance”; on the contrary, once his motives have been identified, my objective will be to enable him to choose action (or passivity) with respect to the real source of the conflict, i.e., the social structure (p. 80).

The participants demonstrate their engagement in mainstream society as choices or maneuvers that allow them to gain access to the power structures and professions of

241 their dreams. These changes include making variations in their dress, their appearances, and in the way they communicate or interact with others. This was described in different ways by participants, such as “wearing masks,” “living a double life,” and “having different faces.” The participants make similar negotiations when they are with people from their original social position. They “down home” themselves and may hide some of their successes. They seem to simply want to be accepted for who they are, both as professionals and as the same guys everyone in their original social context them grew up with. They try to negotiate between these two positions in different ways.

Consolidating the negotiation between mainstream society and their original social positions is handled in various ways by the participants. For example, Rico sees himself as a Bruce Wayne/Batman combination, entering mainstream as a different character and then “returning home” as himself. Marcus maintains a split between his work life and personal life, but he does not feel like he is divided in half in how he experiences himself. Bobby makes certain adjustments in how he approaches work interactions, but he also uses humor to break some of the racial tension and to create more of a sense of integration at the workplace. Finally, Rusty and Silas share that they are more recently learning to integrate versions of themselves. For example, Rusty has started to wear “Jordans” while doing clinical rotations and Silas now sports a thick, full beard at work, whereas in the past, they both would temper these things to accommodate the professional environment.

242 Breaking Performance Imperatives An overarching dynamic of this study is that the participants have been able to be something different than what is socially prescribed to them. These men seem to engage a variety of mechanisms that allow them to transcend their circumstances and their socially imposed social positions. They acknowledge negative societal forces; however, they vehemently reject any constrictions or limitations that may result from these dynamics (C.L. Thompson, 1995). In other words, the men in this study seems to have a significant sense of themselves as agents of their own destinies. They have a strong sense of their own omnipotence and grandiosity. They also seem to embody a mixture of adaptive identifications and disidentifications with others that promotes their movement in social position. Additionally, they repudiate any intolerable affect states that would likely have prohibited their ability to persevere throughout their processes of upward mobility. Finally, many of the participants make a mission out of deconstructing the image of urban black masculinity.

A strong sense of agency seems to be present in each of the participants.

Experiencing poverty, emotional neglect, environmental violence, and an inferior status in society creates chronic narcissistic injuries (Pérez Foster, Moskowitz, & Javier, 1996), which the participants defend against by engaging in tenacious action and by maintaining a sense of invulnerability. Their sense of omnipotence and/or grandiosity seems to help each of them feel capable enough and undeterred by social forces to continue to pursue their professional ambitions. Holmes (2006) writes, “The attainment of freedom in one’s mind, that is the freedom to use all of one’s resources and powers, is a powerful antidote to the denial of such freedoms imposed by prejudices and racism” (p. 194). The

243 participants are able to engage all of their resources and capabilities, in a way that combats their prescribed inferior social position. In other words, they have a sense that their actions and their abilities are the ultimate decider, not society’s impositions.

There is also something psychically transformative about refusing one’s inferior status in society. The participants’ refusal of scripted norms seems to work in a way that violence does for colonized people (Fanon, 1963) and for inner city gang members (Tolleson, 1996). The participants’ defiance of their socially constructed “place” in society is a purposeful action, like violence, that transforms a sense of victimhood into a powerful refusal. This act of refusal, like violence, takes a position of inferiority, passivity, and despair, and reverses it, restoring self-confidence and enlivenment.

Consequently, the participants’ defiance of social norms promotes their upward mobility.

Further, their upward mobility is also promoted through ways they identify and disidentify with certain aspects of their experiences.

The participants seem to have adaptive combinations of identifications and disidentifications with others which has helped them break prescribed ways of being.

These identifications and disidentifications occur uniquely for each participant. For example, Marcus disidentifies with his father and with his father’s version of Marcus as being unwanted and “not good enough.” He identifies with his mother’s tenacious work ethic and with his uncle’s sense of Marcus as being valuable. He reflects that his uncle telling him he was proud of him is one of the most important moments of his life.

Additionally, Rusty identifies with his mother’s belief in him and his uncles’ and grandfather’s ferocity and determination. His disidentifies with his father as a “settler” and as someone who accepts situations “for what they are.” Bobby identifies with the

244 strength of his relatives and with his father’s persistence and disidentifies with his classmates’ and teachers’ views of him as not being smart enough. Rico identifies with the men at his church and with their belief in him. He disidentifies with his mother’s belief that he is too dumb and with his brothers’ proclivity to “street life.” Finally, Silas identifies with his father’s work ethic and with his mother’s insistent expansion of Silas as being more than a black kid who plays football, but he disidentifies with his father’s shortcomings due to drug use. These identifications and disidentifications have helped the participants throughout their upward mobility, and additionally, they all identify with a masculine ideal of repudiating vulnerability.

All of the men in this study repudiate affect states and senses of self that lead to feelings of defeat and vulnerability. In other words, the participants embody a certain refusal to “give up” or be “weak.” They privilege action over feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. For example, Rusty attaches to the words of his grandfather, “Falling back, crying, feeling sorry for yourself, none of that’s going to work. You got to get up and make it happen.” Silas echoes, “You could just sit there and wait for someone to help you or you could get up off your ass and get it done yourself.” It seems that these sentiments and internalized stances help the participants ward off feelings of rejection, hopelessness, and powerlessness that relate both to their family dynamics and social constructs. Additionally, all of the participants repudiate the socially constructed version of the urban black man and actively seek to dispel these false notions about themselves.

Many of the participants feel capable of adjusting the view of urban black men.

They believe that they can be what they want to be in life, and beyond that, they think that by achieving upward mobility they are adjusting the image of the urban black male.

245 Their urban origins and racial and gender constructs are unmistakable, but so is their success. This promotes dissonance in the minds of both people from their original social context and in mainstream society. The participants see themselves as giving young black boys a new image to look up to and to identify with, and they also see themselves as giving white America cause for a second look instead of making assumptions about black men. For them, a poor black kid from Detroit or Highland Park no longer directly translates to a criminal or to an ineffectual citizen; it also translates into a successful manager, doctor, lawyer, engineer, and community developer.

Altruism All of the participants share a strong sense of altruism. Bobby states, “So now yeah, you might be successful, but what are you doing with it? Are you helping others out?” These types of statements are common throughout the interviews. The participants’ altruistic desires range from Rico’s “sacrificing his life” for carrying out his mission of social justice to Bobby’s more modest goal of establishing a “successful black family” that will recreate the mold of what a “black family” looks like. Their altruism likely stems from a connecting empathy to those in their original community and from a sense of guilt for having “survived” and “leaving others behind.”

The participants’ salient experiences growing up in harsh conditions prime them to feel substantial identifications with those who remain in their original social position.

Their empathy is an essential component of altruism (M. Kestenberg & J. Kestenberg, 1988; Seelig & Rosof, 2001). They all recognize the oppressive dynamics that people face in impoverished inner city environments, and they want to do something to give

246 back or help others “make it” like they have. Their empathy forges an identification with others who are from their original social position, but there is also sense of guilt for being “the one who made it out.”

The participants all feel some degree of feeling “lucky” for having made it out of their original social contexts and this “luckiness” often leads to a sense of guilt. They feel like they have “won the lottery” in that their success is a “one in a million” chance.

They all think they have worked hard for their success, but their success is still “lucky” in that so many things had to line up in the right ways for them to “get out” of their early environments. This “luckiness” fuels a lingering sense of guilt. For example, Rusty shares, “Sometimes I feel bad for not pulling enough people with me.” Altruism seems to soothe this sense of guilt as the participants engage in activities that give back to those they “left behind.”

The desire to help others who “did not make it” is consistent with the position of M. Kestenberg and J. Kestenberg (1988) about altruism in children who survived the Holocaust. They write, “To expiate the sins of survival and justify their continued existence, they feel obligated to perform good deeds and do worthwhile things” (p. 554).

The participants engage in various ways of “giving back” and helping others who are like them, as these activities both soothe their sense of guilt and help them maintain a connectedness with a community who feels familiar and intimate to them. Again, as with so much of their experiences, there is a negotiation between following their own aspirations and managing the guilt of leaving others behind. Altruism seems to be one dynamic that helps bridge these sometimes conflicting factions.

247 Implications The implications derived from this project seem to revolve around Rico’s statement, “Listen and learn versus using your preconceived notions.” This statement seems to have relevance for research, policy, and clinical practice. Implications for these areas are provided in the following subsections.

Research implications. This study is limited in a number of ways. First, there is a small sample size of only five participants. While this allows a certain depth of understanding, it also severely limits any ability to develop generalizations. Additionally, this study is homogeneous in that all of the participants are located in specific social constructs and are all in their thirties. These limitations lead to the need for further research in this area.

There are many other studies that could be conducted that would expand upon the understandings derived from this project. Research could be done on seeing how people in other socially constructed positions experience upward mobility. For example, a similar study could look at African American women’s experience with upward mobility.

Similarly, studies could look at how downward mobility, a loss of social status, impacts one’s sense of self and connectedness with similar others. Additionally, there could be research on how remaining in one’s social construct is experienced. For example, how do other people that these participants grew up with experience staying in their original social position?

There is also a need to research further how the denial of vulnerability impacts other areas of experience. The gendered performance of denying vulnerability seems to

248 assist the participants in their upward mobility, but research could be done on how this performance hinders them in other ways. Do their partners experience them as being emotionally walled off? Do they experience any somatic and health complaints from suppressed affect? In general, what psychic negotiations occur because of their tenacious stance towards achievement? These types of questions could all be taken up with further research.

This project also gives grounds to expand how researchers consider methodology.

Traditionally, there is a general privileging of the “double blind” ideal, where the researcher and participant are “unknown” to one another. This supposedly promotes a clearer, untainted access to “data.” Adhering to rigid sampling techniques that attempt neutralize the relationship between participant and researcher can increase anxieties and prohibit a more authentic access to subjective experiences. It seems that the depth and openness between the participants and myself that occurred throughout this project warrants a consideration of using methodologies that value intimacy over anonymity, even if it means sampling from subjects that may be known in some way to the researcher.

Policy implications. Placing everyone in various social constructs along lines of difference seems to affect every aspect of our society. The sense of feeling othered because of their social construct is a significant experience of the men in this study. I think policies should address how we all interact with difference, as this is essential in any organization, educational setting, and agency. These policies should be directed at

249 raising people’s awareness of their own preconceptions and how these preconceptions impact themselves and others. For example, Solomon (2012) writes: The attention needs to be drawn to the social production of difference, the processes that produce and reproduce the different, rather than attention on and study of those who are cast into the role of the different (by race, class, gender, sexuality, etc.) (p. 5).

Psychoanalysis can be a powerful progressive force in implementing this type of awareness and exploration in organizations and in society at large (Moskowitz, 1996).

Additionally, there is no way to purge ourselves of our prejudices, but instead we can become familiar with them and consistently attempt to understand how they operate within ourselves and within our relations with others (Altman, 2006). The debate as to whether one is racist or not is not fruitful; the discourse should instead be how we all are racist. How are we sexist? How do we find ourselves conceiving of others from different social classes? These dynamics exist in all of us and it is essential to create an openness about them, if we are to try to make progress towards deconstructing racialized, gendered, and classed ways of interacting with one another. These exchanges should occur regularly among staff and personnel in any setting, including schools, police forces, government office, and corporations. They can happen through in-services and trainings, or as a part of regular staff meetings and staff development.

Lastly, the multicultural training or multicultural sensitivity policies that are promoted in social services settings and in other agencies are well-intentioned, but limiting. Dalal (2006) explains, “In my opinion, multiculturalism’s focus on information and familiarization, although completely sensible in one regard, avoids confronting the

250 problematic of power and renders the world more benign than it actually is” (p. 36).

These trainings and policies often promote a sort of cultural awareness of “how different groups are.” It is not uncommon to read something like, “When working with an African American patient you should be aware of…” These types of teachings promote categorization and “knowledge” of people based on their socially constructed place in society. Instead, it seems necessary to explore one’s preconceptions towards variations of difference and then examine how these preconceptions may impact the way one listens to or understands a patient, student, or citizen.

Clinical implications. As analytic clinical social workers, we try to help our patients increase their awareness about different aspects of themselves in efforts to expand their ways of being and to engage more fully in the world. These efforts should include exploring ways in which our patients engage in socially constructed notions about themselves and others. As clinical social workers, we should help our patients examine how they may limit themselves by their allegiance to socially constructed notions about themselves, as well as how they may limit others by the way they construct and interact with categories of difference.

In the same vein, we, as clinicians, should always be mindful of our own ways of interacting with difference. Layton (2002) explains, “We also must be aware of our own cultural positions and how our gender, race, class, and sexual positionings play out in treatment” (p. 205). We should be constantly wondering about how we engage with these categories of difference. How do we notice ourselves shifting within same-gender or different gender dyads? How do we notice ourselves interacting within racially

251 homogenous situations and in racially different situations? How do we privilege wealthier patients over poorer patients? How does our practice maintain oppressive dynamics? Our radars should always be up for how these social dynamics are playing out in our work with others and how our work with others might align with maintaining oppressive power structures.

This project has impressed upon me the enduring complexity of the human subject. Despite using a methodology that allows for a greater depth of understanding, I found myself continuing to feel puzzlement and curiosity about the participants. The research questions were expanded just as much as they were answered during the interviews. I think any clinician should continue to aim for an appreciation of the diversity and nuances within each individual and how that individual interacts with the environment. We will do better to challenge ourselves to tolerate “not knowing” more than we will if we push ourselves “to know.” It is the desire to know, not the act of “knowing,” that will allow for transformation of our patients, ourselves and our society.

Conclusion This studied explored the experiences of Rico, Rusty, Bobby, Silas, and Marcus as they moved from their original social position of urban poverty, as African American men, and entered into mainstream society as professionals. They shared their stories with me as I met with them in my office, their homes, and even in Rico’s church. Each of the men negotiated formidable societal terrain throughout their processes of upward mobility and found various ways to break free from prescribed ways of being. They have demonstrated unimaginable perseverance and yet have maintained a humble

252 connectedness to their beginnings. They are all inspiring individuals and yet they voice that for each one of them, there are countless others that have been left behind, falling victim to the inequality and oppression of our society. Their stories offer overwhelming despair that our society still has so far to go towards equality, and yet a hope that understanding and progress across racial, gender, and social class barriers of difference can and does occur.

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Appendix A Informed Consent

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Leave box empty - For office use only

Institute for Clinical Social Work Research Information and Consent for Participation in Social Behavioral Research [Insert Study Title] I, , acting for myself, agree to take part in the research entitled: Coloring outside the lines: Agency, identity, and interpersonal experiences in upwardly mobile African American men from urban poverty.

This work will be carried out by Mead Goedert (Principal Researcher) under the supervision of Jennifer Tolleson PhD (Dissertation Chair or Sponsoring Faculty) This work is sponsored by N/A and conducted under the auspices of the Institute for Clinical Social Work; At Robert Morris Center, 401 South State Street; Suite 822, Chicago, IL 60605; (312) 935-4232.

Purpose The purpose of this study is to understand how professional African American men originating from urban poverty have negotiated and subjectively experienced the process of upward mobility, including how they experience their new social status. The research will entail five one-hour interviews with five different participants with the purpose of gaining a rich understanding of their experiences with upward mobility. The results of the study will be used to expand clinical social work theory relating to the experiences of moving between social constructs and negotiating an intersection of sociocultural, intrapsychic, and interpersonal dynamics.

PROCEDURES USED IN THE STUDY AND THE DURATION Each participant will be asked to participate in five one-hour interviews. No financial compensation will be provided. The interviews will be audio recorded and transcribed.

Raw data will be secured via password protected files. Each participant will provide an alias to disguise their identity within the written analyses.

Benefits

255 One potential benefit of participation is the participant’s ability to share his story. It is reasonable to assume that the experiences of the participants have been influential and meaningful, yet there are not always opportunities to openly discuss and share experiences. Just as in psychotherapy, there can be tremendous value in being listened to and heard. A secondary benefit might be the expansion of clinical theory that makes room for valuing the types of experiences these participants have had.

Costs The participants will incur costs for travel, such as gas costs. Additionally, if participants chose to interview at the researcher’s office, there may be parking costs with each visit.

Possible Risks and/or Side Effects There is a risk that participants may not feel comfortable declining to participate in the study or may not feel comfortable dropping out of the study. Another risk could be some psychological distress associated with recounting aspects of their lives that they may find uncomfortable or painful. This risk is likely to be minimal and would not be expected to persist for a significant length of time beyond the time the participant is engaged in the interviews.

Privacy and Confidentiality Each interview will be audiotaped and transcribed. The raw audio and transcription files will be shared only with the committee members and professional transcription service.

All files will be password protected and will be located on password protected computers. Further, all identifying information, such as names, will be disguised. Any physical files will be maintained in a lock cabinet that only the researcher has access too. Additionally, each participant will provide an alias that will be used in any written publication.

Subject Assurances The following is the format that should be followed in creating the assurances: By signing this consent form, I agree to take part in this study. I have not given up any of my rights or released this institution from responsibility for carelessness.

I may cancel my consent and refuse to continue in this study at any time without penalty or loss of benefits. My relationship with the staff of the ICSW will not be affected in any way, now or in the future, if I refuse to take part, or if I begin the study and then withdraw.

If I have any questions about the research methods, I can contact Mead Goedert (Principal Researcher) or Dr. Jennifer Tolleson (Dissertation Chair/Sponsoring Faculty), at this phone number (312) 935-4244.

If I have any questions about my rights as a research subject, I may contact Dr. John Ridings, Chair of Institutional Review Board; ICSW; At Robert Morris Center, 401 South State Street; Suite 822, Chicago, IL 60605; (312) 935-4232.

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Signatures I have read this consent form and I agree to take part in this study as it is explained in this consent form.

Signature of Participant

Date

I certify that I have explained the research to (Name of subject) and believe that they understand and that they have agreed to participate freely. I agree to answer any additional questions when they arise during the research or afterward.

Signature of Researcher Revised 1 Feb 2014

Date

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Appendix B Pre-Screening Interview

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Telephone Pre-Screening Interview Script and Questions Introductory script: Hello, I am working on my dissertation for a PhD in clinical social work at the Institute for Clinical Social Work. I am conducting a research project looking at the experiences of upward mobility in African American men who came from urban poverty. I am interested in what this process has been like for these men. This study would include five one-hour interviews with each person, so I can get a thorough understanding of his experiences. The things I will be asking about include how upward mobility has impacted their sense of self and their relationships with others. I am also interested in what it has been like to be an African American man from urban poverty.

What meanings this had for each person? And then, what it has been like to leave urban poverty and enter into the professional world? What experiences have come with this transition? I am also interested in hearing what aspects of this experience each person feels are important to him, even if what feels important is not necessarily something that I have thought of or asked about directly. I basically want to give each person enough room to talk freely about his experiences and share his stories about this aspect of his life.

Would this study be something that you think you would be interested in participating in?

If yes, proceed to the following screening questions: “I’d like to ask you a few initial questions to see if you would fit the criteria for this study.”

How old are you?

What race do you identify yourself as?

What gender do you identify yourself as?

Where did you grow up? Would you consider your neighborhood to be an inner city neighborhood?

Would you consider your family as living in poverty when you were growing up?

What did your parents do for a living when you were growing up?

What do you do for a living now?

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Where do you live now?

Would you be interested in talking about your experiences with upward mobility and sharing aspects of your life with me and for this study? “Thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. My plan will be to contact you within the next few weeks to discuss your participation in this study further. Is that ok?�

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