Apr. 4, 2007

$200 in a week How to get it easily (and legally)

predictions including...

25 Sneak peaks

into your future

5 Students who will change the world

4Projections from billionaire alum

Mark Cuban

[plus one he won’t make]

INDIANA DAILY STUDENT

Eric Gordon C

OMING TO A CAMPUS NEAR YOU” “T I HE BEST HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER NDIANA HAS EVER PRODUCED

PAGE 19

THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE • THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE

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THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE [ What’s Inside ]

features Famous 10 Future Alumni

Paris Hilton who? We found five IU students who will really change the world.

14 You In 10 Years

Our survey asked you to predict your own future. See the results from our campus-wide game of MASH.

19 The Next Big Thing Eric Gordon is the name you’ll need to know in IU basketball. Thanks, Sampson.

departments Editor’s Letter 5 Confessions 4

Psychic Lori Sears knows that you want to read this page.

6

8

How to earn $200 in a week by almost any means necessary.

26

8

7

Tip Jar

7 pointers for staying legal this Little 500.

INside Out

Fresh from the time machine, check out the future’s front page.

Ms. Know It All Sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... & books.

The classes you’ll hate to skip.

IDS columnist Colin Dugdale finds his way to $200 in a week. Maybe you can, too.

Self Enomics

[

Vol. 1 • Issue 4

Cover photograph by Aaron Bernstein www.idsnews.com/inside

[

Special Thanks I always feel guilty that my image is the only source of connection between you, the reader, and us, the producers. Not only because such a fine product deserves a more attractive spokesperson, but because so many other talented people truly bring these pages to life. This is far from everybody, but here are three individuals who deserve special recognition for their efforts on The Prediction Issue.

Aaron Bernstein • senior Majoring in political science When this magazine began, there was an easy answer to who would be our primary photographer. Aaron is the consummate professional and has contributed his brilliant photography to three of INside’s first four issues.

Colin Dugdale • junior Majoring in journalism Colin, too, has contributed to three of the four issues of INside, and don’t be surprised to see his name again next year. This campus would be hard pressed to find somebody more in touch with their true writing voice.

Ryan Corazza • senior Majoring in journalism It’s the 21st century, and Ryan is the man responsible for reminding us of that. He offered to design our Web site, idsnews.com/inside, for free. And in true college spirit, we couldn’t turn down some free labor. So thanks, Ryan.

4 • INside

Letter from the Editor No one predicted this would be “The Prediction Issue.”

We tossed around some ideas in a budget meeting and the next thing we knew everything was about the future. So we slapped “The Prediction Issue” on the cover and badda-bing, badda-boom, you’re holding it in your hands.

Now, we usually start with the theme and let things fall into place from there. But it wasn’t until the final days of production that I really got to questioning why this issue went differently.

The answer was a harsh slap from reality.

I am a senior. Managing Editor Joanna Borns is a senior. Art Director Jordan David is a senior. The three most powerful people at the magazine are also the three people most apprehensive, anxious, and generally scared to holy hell by the impending doom that some call “graduation.”

What’s funny is we couldn’t even realize that we were trying to map out the future of the campus because it kept us from having to do the same for ourselves. I’m sure everybody awaiting graduation can relate.

The old adage says, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” Well, try telling that to a college senior who has no job lined up, has a month to turn an F into a C, and has more debt than the Department of Defense. What we don’t know is kicking our asses.

But personally, my concern is twofold. Sure, I occasionally worry about my own fate, but at least that’s in my hands. It’s the fate of this magazine that is now, officially, beyond my control.

As editor, I take on the voice of this magazine.

And speaking, for a moment, on behalf of INside, “I need your help!”

The fact of the matter is INside is only guaranteed one more year on this campus. From there, we must be self-sufficient. And in order for that to happen, we need to assure our advertisers that we’re truly connecting with you – the reader, the member of this community.

If you’ve made it this far you’re halfway there. All I ask is that you visit our Web site, idsnews.com/inside, and click “feedback.” Tell us what you like, what you hate, or where you question our sanity. That way we can guarantee a more fulfilling experience between you and INside next year.

Because if just one prediction can end up being accurate 10 years down the line, I hope it’s this one: INside magazine will still exist.

Thanks to the staff, contributors, and readers. It’s been one hell of a ride...

– Brian Janosch, Editor QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, GLOWING PRAISE? E-MAIL THE EDITOR AT INSIDE@IDSNEWS.COM

THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE

CONFESSIONS

“

Confessions of a Psychic Lori Sears shares her supernatural story I was nine years old when I first realized I had the gift. I was standing in an alley playing with friends when I felt two hands slowly wrap around my neck and choke me. I’d never felt anything like it, and it scared me more than I’d ever been scared before. I knew instantly something was wrong. I ran inside the house, and there was one of my relatives being choked by a burglar. From that moment on, I knew I was different.

I was born with the ability to see the future. It has always scared me, and I spent a part of my life

“ Sears says...

trying to avoid it when I was young, but it’s a gift from God. All I can do is embrace it. I have the power to feel when an event is going to happen.

It starts after I sense the electromagnetic energy surrounding a certain person. If I can channel their energy, I get a vision in my mind that looks like a series of photographs. It’s like a bright flash going on and off in my mind. I’ll see one image and then a series of others like it, and I’m there – actually in the experience – feeling it, as well as seeing it.

– As told to Allie Townsend

The biggest misconception about psychics is that we are all witches because people fear what they don’t understand. I’m a Christian, not a Satanist.

I’ve done readings for Jessica Simpson.

I used to read fortunes at raves and nightclubs in Houston.

The best ghosts are in St. Augustine, Florida. I never go there without seeing one.

People always ask me when they are going to die. This is the one thing I refuse to tell them unless a single action

could save their life. You can’t interrupt fate.

[ Photo by Kelsey Peters ]

INside • 5

THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE

MS. KNOW-IT-ALL

Sex, drugs, and lecture Ms. Know-it-all finds the best classes on campus. You just take ‘em.

Get in line, kids. It’s registration time, and I’ve channeled my inner high school guidance counselor. I’ve got some coffee in my mug shaped like a cat, so pull up a chair, and let’s style your schedule in true American form.

Ms. Know-it-all knows how to get down.

6 • INside

My Love,” anyone?) So take a chance, hook up with this 3-credit class, and I promise it will call the next day.

SEX

DRUGS

IT’S WHAT EVERY student wants and what most frat guys can’t get, so why not have it in the classroom? Here are the most innuendo-inspiring courses for the fall of 2007. Recommended

by Kinsey Sexpert Debby Herbenick, (HPER F255) Human Sexuality explores the impact of sex on modern society. The 3credit-hour class has required its students to read “Touching for Pleasure: A 12 Step Program for Sexual Enhancement” and includes a warning of sexually explicit materials... What’s not to love?

When lecture material focuses on sexual images seen everywhere from magazines to MTV, who wouldn’t be quasi turned on? (GNDR G225) Gender, Sexuality, and Pop Culture looks at the definitions of “masculine” and “feminine” through the study of pop culture. (Madonna’s “Justify

FIRST THINGS FIRST – hugs, not drugs, darlings – however, I’ve always believed in combining your education with your interests. Because a 10-year study by the University of Michigan proved that 34 percent of college students smoke pot, it’s safe to say that some of you are definitely interested.

So put down your joint and check out (HPER H318) Drug Use in American Society. This 3-credit course examines the effects of individual drugs on your body. Associate professor Ruth Gassman told me the class looks at trends inside the “American drug use experience” from different perspectives – historical to sociological. Who knows, maybe this course will shape your “experience” as well. Just don’t go to class stoned.

ROCK ‘N’ ROLL OPERA CHORUS NOT for you?

No private trombone lessons either?

Try something that requires a little less posture and a lot more electric guitar. Lose the *NSYNC folder and come to class prepared to rock. (MUS Z201) The History of Rock and Roll was one of the first of its kind to be offered in any music school in the nation, giving IU’s own classically trained Jacobs School of Music permission to jam. IU professor Glenn Gass introduced the history of rock courses to campus, offering a way for students to see the serious side of rock music and its history. Interested? You should be. This 3-credit course focuses on the roots of rock, covering everyone from Buddy Holly to Jerry Lee Lewis to Elvis.

Need a bonus track? Other courses that are sure to strum your guitar are (MUS Z301) Rock Music in the 70’s and 80’s as well as (MUS Z401) The Music of the Beatles. Gass even offers a special Beatles summer course in London and Liverpool.

What could be more rock ‘n’ roll than a field trip to Penny Lane?

NEED AN ANSWER? SEND A QUESTION, ANY QUESTION, TO NOITALL@IDSNEWS.COM

THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE

TIP JAR

Seven real party fouls WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW HEADING INTO LITTLE 500 SEASON

LITTLE 500 IS best known for three things: bicycles, parties, and arrests. With that in mind, INside asks Paula Gordon and Stacee Evans of Student Legal Services to share some common scenarios that could spoil “The Greatest College Weekend.”

PARTY SCENARIO

YOU COULD BE CHARGED WITH ...

PARTY THROWERS TAKE NOTE:

• You’re under 21, and you drive your of-age friend to Big Red where the cops are watching in the parking lot.• •

• Illegal transportation of alcohol in a car driven by a minor

• You’re the 21-year-old friend who went into the liquor store and brought booze back to the car.

• Furnishing alcohol to a minor

• You’re stumbling down the street, sidewalk, parking lot, or basically any area that isn’t classified as private.

• Public intoxication

• You’re peeing in the alley next to the Bluebird when a cop car drives by.

• Public nudity

• You walk into a party and get smacked with a fresh whiff of weed radiating from upstairs.

• Visiting a common nuisance

• It’s your house playing host to the lovely little smoke session.

• Maintaining a common nuisance

• After last night’s party, your lawn is covered with beer cans and red Solo cups.

• $50 trash fine

• Police usually come to parties that violate the noise ordinance (which can get you a $50 fine). When the cops show up, you don’t necessarily have to let them in, but there is no need to be a smartass. Police need a search warrant or probable cause to come inside, but probable cause could be seeing a young-looking person drinking a beer.

[ Photos by Kelsey Peters ]

INside • 7

THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE

SELF-ENOMICS

How to make $200 in one week IDS columnist Colin Dugdale had a mission. Follow his lead, and your wallet will thank you.

W

hen the editors of INside pitched this idea to me – making $200 by any means necessary – I immediately had a flashback. I was sent back to the dark times, the dirty days where the leather of my chaps was as black as those horrible nights.

60

List items on half.com

$

Everyone’s got some dusty, old books or DVD sets lying around their apartment (or crack den, if you live in the Villas). Whether you’re a “7th Heaven” fan turned blood-letting, devil-worshipper or a straight guy disappointed by plotlines in “The L Word,” you can find

an old season to sell. To make my bling-a-ling, I sold “Felicity - Sophomore Year Collection” (where she pulls a “Britney”), accompanied by the Jenna Jameson autobiography and “Uptown Girls,” a movie so boring I turned straight ... just for something to do.

HOWTO: Sign up to sell at half.com by creating an account (located at the top of the site); and then click Start Selling Now.

[ Illustration by Jordan David ]

Time is running out...

Register Now!

Summer Sessions www.summer.indiana.edu 7 • INside

But that was a long time ago ... ancient history ... February.

Now, I’ve become a campus entrepreneur, making money in wholesome ways – ways that don’t end in applying expensive, medical creams. Here are five, easy ways that turned my fist full of shame into a fist full of dollars. You can do them, too!

$

in a psych study 80 If Participate you’re an alcoholic fects – but are generally fun.

or occasional substance abuser, then psychological experiments are available for you! Most of the experiments are designed to measure either delinquent activity or unusual bodily de-

For my experiment, lasting for two sessions of three hours each, the researchers attached electrodes to my face and made me watch pornography. Um, how do you say awesome in French?

HOWTO: Find experiment postings located on bulletinboards in the Psychology Building at 1101 E. 10th St.

20

Sell your clothes for cash

$

Ironically, Plato’s Closet is the perfect place to go after you’ve just come out of one. The transition of sexualities inevitably yields a drastic wardrobe change – from baggy to boot fit, from A&F to H&M. Thus, I decided to sell two pairs of jeans from Abercrombie, mangled severely (after a viciously masculine bear fight), as well as a Hollister t-shirt that, unbeknown to others, is actually haunted by the ghost of Estelle Getty.

HOWTO: Visit Plato’s Closet in Bloomington at 1145 S. College Mall Rd.

$

20

Place bets with children

My little brother is a geography whiz. A genius. He remembers the capital of Arkansas and sometimes Canada. Though he’s well educated about geographic areas, it turns out that Sean has a very scarce knowledge of lesbian film trivia.

Most nine-year-olds do. While discussing the movie “Six Days Seven Nights” this past weekend – for reasons unknown – he tried to convince me that Meg Ryan played the female lead. Too bad Anne Heche isn’t Canada, Sean.

HOWTO: Harass your siblings. Or a friend’s.

$

20

Write for INside Magazine

When my one-week deadline became mere minutes away from expiring, I found myself – tragically $20 shy of my goal. Desperate for some quick cash, I flipped through

the pages of my black book, called up my usual client, and earned the last of my money.

My editor reminded me, two hours later, that I was getting paid $20 for writing the article.

HOWTO: INside is always on the look out for new talent.

Email us at inside@idsnews.com.

INside • 8

future

alumni Photos by David Corso

IU students are bound to change the world. INside wanted to predict the next generation of noteworthy Hoosiers. We gathered nominations from administrators, deans, and student leaders seeking the best of the best. We interviewed finalists from undergraduate, graduate, and doctoral programs. Here are the top five students sure to make an impact.

Chris Robertson PhD student Famous for NEUROSCIENCE

Chris Robertson has taken to heart some words of wisdom from his advisor, David Koseja: “It’s not how intelligent you are; it’s what you do with your intelligence.”

After earning his PhD in neuroscience and kinesiology this spring, he will work with patients who have lost fundamental motor skills because of stroke or spinal cord injury. His ultimate goal is to make life better for these patients. He will start working this summer at the Veterans Affairs Rehabilitation Research and Development Center, which is affiliated with the Stanford University School of Medicine.

“When all’s said and done, (I want to) have contributed in some way to the scholarly learning or literature or research that helps people improve the quality of their lives, (whether they’ve suffered from) a stroke, Parkinson’s or a spinal cord injury,” he says.

A Bloomington native, Robertson will complete his undergraduate, masters, and doctoral studies at IU before moving to Palo Alto, Calif. At his new job, he will work with rehabilitation patients to measure how different muscles and mechanisms change during recovery and how the brain “talks” to these mechanisms.

10 •INside

Robertson, 33, says his greatest academic achievement is becoming the only member of his family to go through graduate school. He will also be the only member of his extended family to have a PhD. He says he’s proud of getting his job, which was the result of a chance meeting. About two years ago, Robertson presented at the American College of Sports Medicine National Conference. Stanford researcher Dr. Carolynn Patten was so impressed that she asked Robertson for an impromptu interview. An hour later, she told him they were looking for someone with his background in electrophysiology.

“The position is based on me being finished with my PhD, so I’m working on finishing, but the award is waiting on me,” he says.

Ten years from now, Robertson says he can see himself involved in the research, medical or academic aspects of his field. He says his position could enable him to move up the ranks in research, as well as pursue medical or teaching positions at Stanford. “A little bit of all three would be the ideal situation,” he says with a laugh.

– By Carrie Ritchie

Daniel Tritch

Senior Famous for AIDS AWARENESS Daniel Tritch’s biggest goal in life was to make as much money as possible. Now he devotes his time to spreading awareness about an impoverished country halfway around the world. The IU business student says this drastic change of plans opened his eyes to see “the face of hope.”

Landing in Africa, he could tell something was different the moment he stepped off the plane. It was a feeling he couldn’t describe, a feeling he says will never leave him.

“These people deserve a shot,” he says. “I could take my degree and go after a high-end job, but this is what fulfills me. I could never ignore what I experienced and sleep at night.”

The senior admits he had almost no knowledge of the situation in Uganda before spending two months volunteering at a school specifically for AIDS orphans.

Now he’s devoting his life to informing others who know as little as he once did. continued on page 24

Parwana Noorzad Senior Famous for SPREADING EQUALITY

Parwana Noorzad grew up in Afghanistan surrounded by problems. Now she wants to use her education to help the country she left behind.

Among the ups and downs that have shaped her life, optimism has always been a constant. Her family had great wealth in Afghanistan but, in an instant, lost it all. They moved to Germany and eventually to America, finally settling in Bloomington in 1999. But Noorzad could always look to her parents for strength.

“No matter what point we were at, nobody could tell,” Noorzad says. “(My parents) always stayed so optimistic and never gave up. That’s just always how it’s been in my family.”

Her positive attitude was put to test when she arrived in and began high school at Bloomington High School North. Coming to a brand new country – speaking only fragmented English – she remained undaunted.

“It was probably the best thing that could continued on page 24

Words from a billionaire alumnus:

Mark Cuban INSIDE: How much of your vision for your future was formed at IU? MARK CUBAN: Most of it. I gained a ton

of confidence in my abilities. I learned how to learn. I learned the languages of business, accounting, and finance - all of which gave me a foundation from which to look forward.

Q: What’s the next big craze like YouTube or Google?

A: It won’t be on the Internet. The

net is old news. It will probably be on portable devices or on TVs with new community and interactive features.

Q: When will IU basketball win its next national title?

A: I don’t want to jinx them with a

prediction.

Q: What’s your next big project?

A: HDNet and the movie industries

are my big projects and will be for a while.

Q: Who’s the next Mark Cuban?

A: I have no idea. Hopefully it’s

someone on the IU campus right now who has a big smile on his or her face because they have a great idea and it doesn’t require a nickel from anyone else, just their own brains and sweat equity.

– As told to Zack Teibloom INside • 11

Mary Kutch

Graduate student Famous for IMPROVING HEALTHCARE In 8th grade, Mary Kutch’s eye doctor helped her trade in some saucer-sized glasses with blue frames for contact lenses.

“I would put the glasses on only to sneak a peek at the chalkboard,” she says.

Kutch’s appreciation for the optometrist who helped trash her circus-worthy eyewear inspired her to become an eye doctor, but it’s her desire to help underserved people that makes her different.

Kutch is dedicated to improving healthcare for the Latino population. When she was in high school, she heard about native Spanish speakers in the U.S. struggling to communicate with doctors in emergency rooms because of the language barrier. So she took Spanish courses all through high school and received a minor in the language at Purdue University, where she also earned a B.A. in biology.

In mid-March, Kutch made her fourth visit to Guanajuato, Mexico, where she worked 13-hour days providing almost 4,000 Mexican citizens with eye exams and/or glasses. She aims to find solutions for people but also to engage with patients, so they understand their diagnoses

12 •INside

and treatment. Their gratitude is what keeps her coming back.

“A person has a chicken peck their eyeball, and they say they’re fine,” she says. “After exams, women will come up and hug and kiss you and say ‘God bless you’.”

Kutch says sometimes the Mexican patients she encounters have gone decades without corrected vision – unaware of their impaired eyesight. Children with eye problems there, she says, rarely complain if they have poor vision since it’s the only world they know. Giving these people the chance to see assures Kutch she’s in the right business. “‘This veil’s been lifted from my eyes’ - that’s what they feel like,” she says.

Kutch’s ultimate objective is to open a bilingual optometry practice on the West Coast. She says it isn’t family pressure or potential salary that drives her to start her own practice but the reward of seeing patients doing well.

“When you can see improvement and you’ve helped someone, that’s what makes it satisfying for me,” she says.

– By Michelle Manchir

Virgil Griffith

Senior Famous for MAPPING EVOLUTION All Virgil Griffith has to do to see into another world is open up his laptop. “I can show you some pretty movies if you’d like,” he says.

His computer screen lights up with colorful shapes that move around each other. It’s not a geometry lesson; the shapes are actually simulated life forms, or “critters,” as Griffith calls them. It’s a world of artificial intelligence where creatures represented by shapes interact with each other – eating, mating, and evolving just like living things. It’s called PolyWorld, and it was created by IU informatics professor Larry Yaeger.

Griffith studies PolyWorld, analyzing the artificial brains, genes, and complexity of the “critters.”

Polygons that wiggle around a screen eating green “food” squares in a computer-simulated world can actually teach us about evolution in the real world. Griffith found that the brains of the creatures become more complex with every generation. “Now you can do experiments in evolution by simulating life,” he says. Instead of waiting on living things to evolve, science can outsource the process with artificial life.

Griffith is a senior studying computer and cognitive science. After graduation, he will move on to the

California Institute of Technology for graduate school, where he hopes to continue researching artificial life. He used to do research in computer security where he found methods for obtaining private information, like mothers’ maiden names, from publicly available birth and marriage certificates. But he decided to switch his focus to cognitive science because of the threat of being sued for seeking out security loopholes, even if it’s for research.

When Griffith thinks about his future in research, genuine enthusiasm radiates from his smile. “You get paid to sit around all day and think about whatever you want, but you don’t get paid much,” he says. His goal is to advance artificial intelligence to “replay the tape of evolution” and fill in the gaps. “It’s very important to know about our place in the world and our position in the universe,” he says.

Griffith is intrigued by the mystery of answering questions in evolution. “Everything from sea slugs to us have the same neurons,” he says. “Science has been trying to design the brain for years, and it hasn’t worked.”

So how will he define success? “Once the robots take over, you’ll know we’re successful.”

– By Joanna Borns

o gs come t Good thin ho give. those w

You’ve taken the first step: You’ve received a great education at Indiana University. Now you’re ready for the next big step: graduating, entering the real world, and becoming a proud IU alumnus.

Sponsored by:

Before you go on to find your fortune, take a look around you. This amazing campus—from the wireless network and the world-class library right down to the pretty flowers—is possible because IU alumni care enough to give back to the university each year. Now it’s your turn to step up. Donations build a stronger IU, and that makes your future and your fortune a lot brighter. Join alumni around the world and support IU. To learn more, visit: iufoundation.iu.edu/senior

INside • 13

YOUSURVEY

THE

intenyears 4

The generation that’s delaying adulthood and defining “pre-dulthood”

Introduction by Kristi Oloffson

Illustrations by Jesse Burroughs

Though our baby boomin’ parents might have preferred immediate adulthood after graduation, it seems students at IU now want to delay it a bit, or even longer.

This new stage post-college life stage is extending into our mid to late twenties – a period of “pre-dulthood.” Finding a job, getting married, and having kids by age 24 isn’t so ideal anymore.

Consistent with INside’s survey is the input of IU’s sociology and gender studies professors.* The gradual change has been going on for years. Many IU students come from middle-toupper class families and will graduate with little debt (Question 1), and since a well-paying job awaits them, there is less rush to start working right

away (Question 6).

The entire concept of “starting life” has shifted as well. It’s no longer getting married and settling down, it’s finding work, traveling, or volunteering (Question 7). Many pre-dults don’t want to get married until at least five years after graduation (Question 3), which helps to explain why so many don’t expect to meet their life partner at IU (Question 4).

And with so many students remaining close to their parents during college, there is an increased reliance on family even after graduation (Question 12).

Long story short, we’re putting off adulthood and prolonging pre-dulthood as long as we can.

Do you expect to marry someone you meet/have met at IU?

Yes 30%

70% No

Prediction: Alumni reminisce–those other students in lecture were hot, but not hottt.

5

How many kids do you want to have?

10% 6%

47% 27% 10%

* Elizabeth Armstrong, assistant professor of sociology, Brian Powell, professor of sociology, Colin Johnson, assistant professor of gender studies, Robert Robinson, professor of sociology

1

How much debt do you expect to leave college with?

Less than $10k 23%

None 38%

More than $50k

$10-25k 22% $25-50k 10% Prediction: Ten percent of alumni start selling babies on overstock.com

Prediction: Roughly 38% of IU students mugged after the release of INside magazine.

2

What’s your expected salary 10 years from now?

Less than $35,000 6%

$35,000 – $50,000 28%

3

When do you expect to get married?

Within a year of graduation/already 7%

Within 3 years 10%

31% $50,000 – $75,000 $75,000 - $100,000 21%

Within 5 years 26%

6

How soon after leaving IU do you expect to start your career?

40% Immediately

Within 6 months 31%

47% Within 10 years

More than $100,000 14%

Beyond 10 years/never 10%

Prediction: Either national average annual income

Prediction: In five years 57 percent of IU grads start

rises from the present $37,000, or average annual dissapointment rises from “somewhat” to “very.”

“If 1,000,000 people join this group, I’ll get married” Facebook group

25 E-mail to the future you:

Within a year 13%

After a year 16%

Prediction: 60 percent of IU graduates are responsible for boost in daytime T.V. ratings

“Start looking for nursing home for wife’s parents.” • “You’ve done things I hav

your biggest How far are you willing to go to get a job?

7 What’s priority after graduation? 10

73%

Finding a job/ internship

Figuring out where to live 8%

Take credit for something you didn’t do 2%

None of the above 33%

60% Call a family member to hook you up

Prediction: 33 percent of alumni honored at ceremony recognizing graduates of high moral standing. All are able to attend as they have no job.

Volunteering 3%

Getting married 3%

Traveling 13% Prediction: Europeans stop hating all Americans, just the 13 percent of 22- yearolds who get drunk and sleep with the locals.

8

Pad your GPA a little on your resumé 5%

11

Less than 40 hours 6%

61% 40 - 45 hours 45 - 50 hours 22%

What’s your biggest factor in selecting a job?

Salary 13%

61% Job description

How many hours do you expect to work in a week?

More than 50 hours 11%

Company reputation 4% Family/significant other 5%

Location 17% most sought-after jobs.

Prediction: Nearly two-thirds of graduates face harsh realization that they can’t work 40 hours a week and still make their expected $50-75,000 a year.

9

12

Prediction: Brownie tester and sex instructor become

Where do you see yourself settling down?

Who/what will have the most profound impact on your postgraduate decision-making?

Family 24% Another country 8%

Job/career 52% Friends 6%

Indiana 11% Midwest 29%

Significant other 18% Prediction: 94 percent of IU alumni continually refuse to trust old high school buddy Steve’s career tips.

14

How often do your practice your religion/pray?

Frequently 23%

Other part of the country 52% Prediction: State of Indiana purchases four, 200-foot-tall, neon “Vacancy” signs – one for each border.

Occasionally 26% Rarely 24%

27% Not at all

Prediction: 27 percent of IU grads pool resources to start college-targeted “First United Church of Nothing.”

13

How well do you feel IU has prepared you for the future?

Very well 22%

48% Well enough Decently 24% Not well enough 4% Not at all 2%

Prediction: In unheralded sting, IU discovers 2 percent of students actually attend Purdue – have been sabatoging surveys for years.

15

If you had kids, would you raise them …

More religious/spiritual 12%

59% Equally religious/spiritual Less religious/spiritual 10%

Free of religious affiliation 19% Prediction: Study reveals 19 percent of IU campus suffered from over exposure to R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” as children.

ven’t done, you’ve seen things I haven’t seen, but I’m still younger so fuck you!” • “If you turned Republican, just go kill yourself.”

16

Most important issue for you in the next 10 years:

18

War on terror 24%

Global warming 30% Abortion 7%

34% Energy/Oil consumption Immigration 5%

Prediction: Congress approves Red Bull Act of 2017 to solve nation’s energy crisis.

17

What drives your political decision-making?

Public safety 4%

47% Human rights Personal matters 39% Religious beliefs 5% Family voting history 5%

Prediction: Presidential candidate still able to harness majority of college voters by running on platform of “Human lefts.”

25

What will drive your political decision-making in 10 years?

49% Personal matters

Public safety 5%

Religious beliefs 5%

Human rights 39%

Family voting history 2%

Prediction: 49 percent of graduates are pleased that they were honest with themselves 10 years ago. 39 percent still ccling to facade that they actually care about others.

19

What would you do if the government reinstated the draft?

39%

Protest (burn draft card, etc.)

Move to Canada 26% Go to prison 2%

Go to war if drafted 33% Prediction: After burning draft card, “things gets real,” and 39 percent of population joins other 26 percent in massive move to Canada – casually known as “America’s Cowards.”

“Quit using the phrase ‘It’s time to get crunk’.” • “You’re 32. Don’t you think it’s time to start making your bed?” • “Remember

16 • INside

20

It’s 2017. How many times a week are you preparing dinner at home?

None at all 3%

1 - 2 11%

56% 2 -4

22

24

Ten years after graduation, how What’s most likely to occur in the many college friends do you next 10 years? think you’ll still consider “close Kelvin Sampson wears a red shirt 21% friends?”

1 or 2 23% 43% None 3%

2-5

5-10 21%

5 or more 30%

More than 10 10%

Prediction: McDonald’s cheeseburger replaces

Prediction: 10 percent of IU grads remain job-

bald eagle as national symbol of America as 67 percent of country eats out at least three times a week.

less trying to stay close to college friends claiming, “I’ll be damned if I lied on that survey 10 years ago.”

21

23

How many high school friends do you still consider “close friends?”

None 8%

1 or 2 30%

39% 2 -5 5 -10 17%

End of the world 6%

27% End of “The Real World” IU plays in the Rose Bowl 24%

Discover life in space 22%

Prediction: Aliens invade during IU Rose Bowl game to destroy earth based on perceptions gained from “The Real World” – but red-shirt clad Sampson saves the day.

What will bring you back to IU most often?

Homecoming 5%

29% Basketball games Little 500 17% Greek/group function 11%

Other 38%

More than 10 6%

Prediction: Old high school buddy Steve removes the last F from “BFF” tattoo.

Prediction: INside reveals “other” actually represents the underclassman you keep coming back to hook up with.

that time you got wasted and fell off that fire escape?” • “We’re still using E-mail?” • “The Midwest was fun, but never come back.”

INside • 17

Six foot four...

From Indianapolis, Indiana...

Eric

He’s a son.

Gordon

He’s a brother.

He’s ridiculously good at basketball.

More than anything, he’s proof that potential

THE NEXT BIG THING HERE’SWHERE

comes from somewhere.

By Brian Janosch • Photos by Aaron Bernstein

INside • 19

I

n the back seat of a Ford Explorer, Eric Gordon and his 9-year-old brother Aaron sip Baja Blast Moutain Dew and snicker at a DVD that’s blasting rap music. It’s Sunday, and for the Gordon family that means basketball. Then again, for the Gordons, just about every day means basketball.

The destination today is Municipal Gardens on the north side of Indianapolis – the site of Aaron’s park league championship game. When they get there, the regular family files out of their regular SUV and embarks on a regular Sunday afternoon.

But what’s extraordinary about this ordinary scene is the 6-foot-4, 18-year-old with a man’s body and a boy’s face. It’s the great Eric Gordon – the one they call “E.J..” He’s the No. 2-rated high school basketball player in the nation, and the leading candidate for Indiana’s Mr. Basketball. Just a few weeks ago he dropped 43 points on Michael Jordan’s kids during a nationally televised game.

You wouldn’t think any of this, though, watching an oversized high schooler slap hands with family friends then take a seat along the sidelines. As Eric Gordon Jr. leans over to hug his aunt and grandma, you have to remind yourself: This might be the man who restores the glory to IU basketball.

“We always knew he was coordinated,” Eric Sr. says, “We just never knew how coordinated he would turn out to be.”

It was around fifth grade when the Gordons finally found out. The family was in Dallas, Texas for a national tournament, and E.J.’s squad had a game against another AAU team from Arizona. E.J. had never been much of a scorer, but rather a true point guard. But on this day he went off for 43 points, his team won the game, and they eventually finished second overall.

“That was probably the highest scoring game I ever had as a kid,” E.J. says. “And that was at a national event.”

Just two years later, as a seventh grader, E.J. got a letter from Wabash College asking him to consider playing basketball for their school. It was an exciting moment – getting recruited before being a teenager – but there were would be many, many, many more letters to come.

W

atching Aaron play supports the existence of a basketball gene. The youngest Gordon pulls down boards and sinks mid-range jumpers, inspiring E.J. to admit that his little brother is actually a better shooter and rebounder than he was at the same age.

It’s hard to think of E.J. ever having struggled with

This migh g who resto to IU basketball.

This might be the man who restores the glory

to IU b J

ust like his father before him, and just like his little brother these days, E.J.’s basketball career started in the historic gym at Municipal Gardens. As a 5year-old, he played in the 7-8 year-old division. At 8, he jumped up to the 11-12 year-old bracket, and by fifth grade he was already playing in national tournaments through the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU).

None of this surprised Eric Sr. too much. E.J. began showing signs of his gifts almost immediately after his birth on Christmas Day, 1988. He took his first steps at six months and was walking on his own three months before his first birthday.

his shot, as just two nights before he drained threes from four feet beyond the arc like a sniper shooting at tin cans.

With Aaron’s team losing in the final quarter, the youngest Gordon sneaks a glance at his older brother, and E.J. gently lowers and raises his large, outstretched hands. He whispers a little as he mouths the words: “calm down.”

It is reminiscent of the final moments of E.J.’s sectional semi-final. With the victory secured, E.J. glanced up to his father who pointed back at him and nodded in approval.

ht be the man ores the glory g y

basketball.

Eric Gordon poses for pictures with his mother Denise, father Eric Sr., and brother Aaron on Senior Day at North Central High School.

E

ric Gordon Sr. has always served two roles in the life of the child who bares his name: father and coach.

Eric Sr. was the first person to hand his son a basketball, and he’s been teaching E.J. what to do with it ever since.

“In some ways, he’s always going to be my coach,” E.J. says. “Even if he isn’t out there on the court.”

Eric Sr. set the tone early for his son, coaching him at every level up until high school. As a fifth grader on the AAU team that finished second place nationally, E.J. would always be matched up against the biggest, meanest sixth grader in practices. Eric Sr. would run full-court, one-on-one drills and every time E.J. looked to him to call a foul, he would just look the other way.

“That is when (E.J.) took things to another level,” Eric Sr. says. “He’s just been there ever since.”

That toughness was put to the test this past year, but it didn’t come in the form of a big, mean sixth grader. It

came in the form of a phone call.

During his junior season, E.J. had verbally committed to play college basketball for Bruce Weber at the University of Illinois. The location of the school along with Weber’s track record developing guards weighed most heavily on E.J.’s decision to choose Illinois over schools like Arizona, Notre Dame, and Duke. IU didn’t make the short list mostly because the coaching controversy surrounding then-head coach Mike Davis left E.J. with little assurance of who he would be playing for by the time he got to campus.

But that March the landscape changed when IU hired Kelvin Sampson to replace Davis as head basketball coach. Sampson, in turn, hired Jeff Meyer as an assistant. Back in the ’80s and ’90s Meyer coached at Liberty University, and during that stint he brought in a defensive-minded forward named Eric Gordon – soon

to father a son of the same name..

In the span of just a few weeks, not only did E.J. come to know what coaches he would play for at IU; he literally knew one of the coaches he would play for at IU. Sampson had recruited E.J. while at Oklahoma, and after arriving in Bloomington he got in touch with E.J.’s high school coach Doug Mitchell. Considering their original doubts about IU had been removed, the Gordons felt it couldn’t hurt giving their in-state school a second look.

This past fall E.J. visited IU, and after informing coach Weber that he was talking to the Hoosiers, the bidding war was officially on. Weber began calling more frequently and even paid a visit to E.J.’s mother, Denise, at Warren Central High School where she teaches business education.

INside • 21

E.J. and his teammates collapse around center court in a pregame ritual before their last game of the season.

The Gordon-led Panthers finished the 2007 season as one of the most succesful teams in school history.

What’s the buzz?

5 predictions for Eric Gordon and the Hoosiers 3 Doug Mitchell

North Central Head Coach

“I’ve never seen a kid that’s this complete in high school – ever.”

4 Reggie Tinsdale

Publisher of Indiana Basketball News

1 David Telep

National Recruiting Director for scout.com

“You can forget about him having a rough transition into the college game ... There’s no doubt that he’ll quickly become one of the best scorers in the Big Ten, maybe even in the country.”

2 Mike Pegram Founder of peegs.com

“Eric is the best perimeter player from the state that I have ever seen, but I go back only to the 1980s ... It would not surprise me if he leads the entire Big Ten in scoring as a freshman.”

“Eric Gordon in terms of strength, skill, and explosiveness is probably the best high school player that Indiana has ever produced ... We predict he will have an All Big Ten freshman year at Indiana and then leave school to become a Top-10 NBA Draft Pick in 2008. In the NBA, we project Gordon to have an immediate impact in the manner of Dwayne Wade.”

5 Ryan Corazza

IDS Basketball Columnist

“Assuming D.J.White sticks around next season (which I think he’s going to do), Eric Gordon Jr. puts the Hoosiers back on the national map ... IU should stay ranked all season and challenge for the Big Ten title. Expect the Hoosiers to make some noise in the NCAA Tournament and - gasp! - even win a few Big Ten road games.”

- Joe Jasinski

22 • INside

The back and forth game intensified over time, as each school continually “showed E.J. the love,” as Eric Sr. put it.

The ordeal weighed heavily on the high school senior – even affecting his play on the court. But in the end, analyzing a worst-case scenario helped him realize his best-case scenario.

“Let’s just say you’re having a god-awful day,” Eric Sr. told his son. “If you woke up that morning, and things are just bad, what place do you feel most comfortable? At Indiana, you’ve got maybe a thousand students who went to North Central, or one of the public schools where you grew up. You’ve got your buddy A.J. (Ratliff), he went to North Central, and he knows what you’re going through. You can easily call your parents, and they can zip down in 45 minutes. You can talk to the coaches, any of them, and they know the family pretty good. You can talk to the assistant coach – he coached your dad. When you think of it that way …

It’s a no brainer.”

All of a sudden, the decision was simple, but the predicament was far from it. E.J. had given coach Weber his word. A call had to be made, and E.J. wanted to be the one to make it.

“I was proudest (of E.J.) when he said he wanted to be the one to make that call,” Denise Gordon says. “He stood up and took that responsibility all on his own. He handled it like a champ.”

On Oct. 13, 2006, E.J. made the trip down to Bloomington, signed his letter of intent to play basketball at IU, and served as the guest of honor at that evening’s Hoosier Hysteria – the official kickoff to the basketball season. That night Eric Sr. sat with E.J. and had the pleasure of hearing his son’s name – his name – chanted by 14,000 of Indiana basketball’s most avid fans. His boy had found a home.

T

he cranking sound of the buzzer echoes through the tiny gym at Municipal Gardens, and Aaron’s team has lost the championship game. Eric Sr. is quick to point out that the opposing team has more fifth graders than Aaron’s team, but that hardly brightens the mood of a 9-year-old.

After receiving his second place plaque, Aaron slumps next to E.J.. No words are spoken. The two just sit there silently. E.J. then places his big, left hand on his brother’s slender, right knee.

No more than a couple seconds pass before a woman approaches E.J. and explains how happy she is that he changed his mind – she’s been an IU fan her entire life.

Then come the photograph seekers, the autograph seekers, and the general supporters who tell E.J. to, “keep up the good work.”

Next thing Aaron knows, he is posing for pictures with his brother and members of the team that just beat him. E.J.’s grandmother, Carolyn, laughs and boasts about her celebrity grandson.

On the way out of the gym, the family passes the display window by the front door that contains signed photos from former Div. I basketball players like Chris

Thomas, Eric Montross, and Steve Alford. On the top shelf, front and center, is a framed picture of E.J. that’s signed: “Thanks for helping me develop my skills – Eric Gordon.”

T

o deny the attention, the publicity, the hoop-la, would be to deny reality. When you’re 18-years-old and they sell your T-shirt in the lobby of a high school basketball game, you’re kind of a big deal – especially when that shirt features the Michael Jordan logo and reads “Air Gordon.”

“When you first start going through it, it’s fun,” E.J. says. “Everybody is giving you compliments and telling you how great you are. But over a certain point it can change you mentally and change how you play.”

When it gets to be too much, there is one, simple solution that keeps things from getting to E.J.’s head and that, he says, is, “My Dad.” Eric Sr. doesn’t keep his son grounded by force, but rather by reminding him of his roots and reinforcing his goals. After all, beneath all the signatures and smiling photographs is still just a kid who’s favorite thing to do is hang out with childhood friends from his quiet neighborhood just beyond the bustle of central Indianapolis.

The reality is, E.J. has never lifted a weight but his mother will tell you he eats like a horse. In fact, the biggest trouble E.J.’s ever found himself in came when he ate his father’s Steak ‘n’ Shake. continued on page 25

“Ladies and gentlemen... Eric Gordon.” The 6-foot-4 guard will have to get used to a much louder ovation when he hears his name called next year as he’s announced in Assembly Hall before 17,000 screaming fans.

INside • 23

Tritch from page 11

“I walked into my African politics class sophomore year, and I was blown away,” he says. “All I could feel was the shame of not knowing more about their awful situation.”

Forty miles away from electricity and unable to drink the poisoned local water, Tritch embedded himself in the horrible living conditions the people of Uganda dealt with everyday. But to him, living conditions paled in comparison to the harsh reality of attending funerals for students lost to the AIDS epidemic.

“No one cried,” he says, describing the burial of a young girl. “For over three-fourths of the entire service, no one cried. But I realized, this is life to these people. This is everyday.”

Now in his senior year on the IU campus, Tritch admits his heart has never really left the 1.7 million AIDS orphans living in Uganda who have lost parents to the disease. Working closely with the Indiana Friends of Uganda, Tritch concentrates his spare time on combining his business knowledge and passion for helping others to raise money and awareness for the African AIDS crisis.

Appearing as a public speaker, Tritch also shares his story of Uganda with groups across the state. His main objective is awareness. He describes the situation in Africa as “heartbreaking” and aspires to take his battle for political intervention to the United Nations.

“I feel as though most people are Afro-pessimists,” he says. “If we add a face to this problem, more people would know about the situation; more people would care.”

– By Allie Townsend

Noorzad from page 11

happen,” she says. “It exposed me to a new language, a new culture, and nothing compares to that.”

During her senior year, she became involved with the Neal-Marshall Black Culture Center. Four years later, she works there today as a program and event planner.

“I’ve always been involved in diversity,” she says. “It’s a big part of who I am, and I think it’s important for the community.”

Though well-traveled, Parwana has remained true to her Afghani roots. After graduating from IU this May and attending law school, Noorzad’s primary goal is to return to Afghanistan to do mission work.

“I want to be in a place to give something back to my country,” she says. “I wouldn’t want to live there because I’m so far removed from the culture, but I want to spend time there and do something big for women’s empowerment.”

Noorzad sees a law degree as the key that will open the door to that desired future.

“I want to use my degree as a voice,” she says. “I have ideas and passion but not the power. Having a law degree would give me the power to help.”

Noorzad says she would like to start a school for 24 • INside

women in Afghanistan.

“There’s a long tunnel for women, and some don’t see the light,” she says. “I want to help them see the light. Even if I can only help five women with education, healthcare and equality, it would be so great. I’m optimistic.”

– By Whitney Mitchell

Gordon from page 23

“I was starving,” Eric Sr. says. “That really pissed me off.”

E.J. will tell you that life is “all about being happy.”

His Facebook profile is brief, but it ends with: “I think I’m a good person to talk to and be around. And I love to meet new people.”

That’s where E.J. comes from in life, but the attention, now, is all about where he’s going. He says his goals are to win the Big Ten, and hopefully win an NCAA championship. On a personal level, E.J. would like the chance to be National Freshman of the Year and maybe even a candidate for National Player of the Year. E.J. stipulates all of these with “hopefully,” but his father is quick to remove any doubt about IU’s prospects for next season – on the lone condition that junior forward D.J. White returns for his senior season.

“I see no reason IU wouldn’t be a top-five team preseason and they would compete for a national championship,” he says. “There is just no way in my mind that I can see anything different.”

O

n the way home from the game Aaron and E.J. return to giggling at the DVD that blares rap music.

They’re watching Hoops Mix Tape, a collection of high school highlight reels from the likes of Vince Carter, Kobe Bryant, and Lebron James. After a couple minutes, E.J. says, “play mine.”

They shuffle past clips from current high school phenoms Derrick Rose and O.J. Mayo, and get to the section simply titled “Eric Gordon.” Draped in his brother’s massive arm, Aaron grins ear-to-ear as the four-minute montage ends with a scene from E.J.’s AAU game last summer. E.J. gets the ball on a fast break, and some poor kid thinks about defending him before E.J. skies and dunks over the sap – thighs to eyes – leaving his opponent heaped on the floor.

It’s surreal to think that somewhere else in the country, some random basketball fan has probably shaken his head and laughed at this dunk, calling it “sick” or “ridiculous.” It’s surreal because at this moment, Aaron can fall over, laugh, and think to himself, “That’s my brother.”

But as the clip ends, the surreal once again becomes real. E.J. asks Aaron for some of the candy he got after the game, and the two start to argue over which clip to watch next. Suddenly, there’s no need for reminders about potential or restoring Hoosier glory.

Eric Gordon Jr. is someone who hugs his grandma, respects his dad, and squabbles with his brother. Part of a regular family, in their regular SUV, on a regular Sunday afternoon.

INside • 25

THE PREDICTIONS ISSUE

INSIDE OUT

Early edition...

April 4, 2017 26 • INside

27

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