Nov. 29, 2011

An Indiana Daily Student Publication

BACKSEAT RELATIONSHIPS TODAY’S LOVE TRIANGLE: YOU + ME + MY HOBBIES

LIKE TO HOOK UP AND TELL? BOOTYDROP.COM CONFESSES ALL

The Relationships Issue.

HE’S NOT WILL SMITH, BUT MEET B-TOWN’S “HITCH”

THE RELATIONSHIPS ISSUE VOLUME 6, ISSUE 2, TABLE OF CONTENTS

FROM THE EDITOR

We all have those classes that scarred us (finite math, anyone?). But the college experience is about a lot more than what happens in the classroom. We spend our four years in Bloomington falling in and out of love, making best friends, and learning life lessons you’d never get from W131.

Inside asked you about your love life, and we asked the pros for some tips too.

We talked to powerlifters and krumpers about how their hobbies affect their self-perception. And we discovered the ultimate IU love story: women’s soccer coach Mick Lyon and his wife, Elizabeth.

One thing everyone we talked to had in common: they won’t leave IU unaffected by the relationships they’ve formed here.

NOVEMBER 29, 2011

Things you’ll know how to do after reading this issue DEPARTMENTS

8

4 Start a website about college hookups. We talked with Matthew Weaver of BootyDrop.com.

7 Walk home the morning after without shame. We also looked at the hookup culture on college campuses.

10

8 Pick up a date in a bar. According to our expert, it’s totally possible.

ONLINE ONLY AT IDSNEWS.COM/INSIDE

10

21 Decide if not allowing someone to give blood because of their sexual orientation is discrimination.

FEATURES 12 Survive a backseat relationship.

16 See Mick Lyon, the women’s soccer coach, in a different light.

Improve your relationship with yourself, whether Top photo by Ryan Dorgan. Above photo by Chaz Mottinger.

Cover photo by Ryan Dorgan. Special thanks to Stephanie Doctrow, Danielle Rindler, Biz Carson, Sarah Wever, and Veronica LeBaron.

SE

REC

Inside magazine, the newest enterprise of the Office of Student Media, Indiana University at Bloomington, is published twice an academic semester: October and November, and February and April. Inside magazine operates as a self-supporting enterprise within the broader scope of the Indiana Daily Student. Inside magazine operates as a designated public forum, and reader comments and contribution are welcome. Normally, the Inside magazine editor will be responsible for final content decisions, with the IDS editor-inchief involved in rare instances.

All editorial and advertising content is subject to our policies, rates, and procedures.

Readers are entitled to a single copy of this magazine. The taking of multiple copies of this publication may constitute as theft of property and is subject to prosecution.

LE

www.idsnews.com/inside

YC

VOL. 6, ISSUE 2

PLEA

Find out how to get in touch with yourself through meditating, follow a freshman through the struggle of balancing new and old friends, read about a pair of identical twins whose interests aren’t identical, and watch a video on krumping.

it’s expressing yourself through tattoos or getting in shape.

INSIDE MAGAZINE STAFF

INDIANA DAILY STUDENT

MARKETING MANAGER Brittany

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Stephanie Doctrow

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MaryJane Slaby

Miller and Carly Garber

ART DIRECTOR Biz Carson

MANAGING EDITORS Adam Lukach

PHOTO EDITORS Ryan Dorgan and Chaz

and Mary Kenney

Mottinger

ART DIRECTOR Sarah Thacker

COPY EDITOR Myrydd Wells

WEB TECH SPECIALISTS Greg

WEB EDITOR Chrissy Ashack

Blanton, Swathi Gurram, Vaibhav

WEB ASSISTANT Melinda Elston

Nachankar, Anand Hegde and Divya

FEATURES EDITOR Marc Fishman

Dwarakanath

FEATURES ASSISTANT Kamilla Benko

ADVERTISING SALES MANAGERS

DEPARTMENTS EDITOR Caitlin Peterkin

Tim Beekman, Morgan McClure and Caity

DEPARTMENTS ASSISTANT/

McNicholas

DESIGNER Danielle Rindler

MARKETING WEB DEVELOPER

EDITORIAL ASSISTANTS Michela

Ashlee Trainer

IU STUDENT MEDIA DIRECTOR Ron Johnson NEWSROOM 812-855-0760 BUSINESS OFFICE 812-855-0763 FAX 812-855-8009

Tindera, Erin Walgamuth, and Hannah Waltz

www.idsnews.com/inside 3

WHAT HAPPENS AT IU STAYS AT IU (UNLESS YOU GO ONLINE)

BY ERIN WALGAMUTH PHOTO BY RYAN DORGAN

L

ike many colleges, IU is a place where casual hookups happen. While most of these encounters are considered private, sometimes people feel compelled to kiss and tell. Junior Matthew Weaver, along with co-founder Kevin Lance, launched BootyDrop.com in August as an outlet for students in the ACC, SEC, and Big Ten to anonymously tell the whole campus — and Internet — about their random, awkward, or embarrassing hookups.

What inspired BootyDrop.com?

Kevin and I noticed our friends would gather for hours in the lounge after partying just to share their humorous tales from the night. We tories had to end there. wondered why the stories How did that turn into only stories about hookups? ften the most entertaining We found that often tales were, in fact, hookup stories. However whether or not the storyteller was successful ould often be overlooked. in their endeavors could st stories were what our Some of the funniest website would deem a “Bootyfail.” rop compare to sites How does BootyDrop like JuicyCampus that have been ? banned in the past? p is similar While BootyDrop ampus in to sites like JuicyCampus riven by that the content is driven SEE BOOTYDROP, PAGE 6

4 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

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KNOW-IT-ALL

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CONFESSIONS

KNOW-IT-ALL

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BETTER YOU

ESSAY

BY MICHELA TINDERA

Let’s talk about boobs.

T

hey’re the ultimate frenemies. They draw unwanted stares and cause back aches. They get squashed into elastic and wire bastions of satin and lace to shut them up. Yet hours later, there they are, front and center, giving that extra boost of confidence that comes standard with any V-neck top.

Breasts, boobs, mammary glands, whatever you call them — they’re the two things every woman is stuck with.

And like snowflakes, no two boobs — or relationship with the woman to whom they’re attached — are quite the same.

As women grow older they realize just how crucial this relationship can be.

“A woman’s relationship with her breasts can be influenced by anything she sees, from commercials to her boyfriend’s porn,” says Jennifer Maher, senior lecturer in gender studies. Maher says if a woman has a positive relationship with her breasts it can help build self-confidence.

From powerful to content, three IU women share their thoughts on their most intimate relationship to date.

Kala Bradford, sophomore, 32C Describe your relationship: My power source Her ideal size: 36C Less than a year ago, Bradford wore a 38C.

BOOTYDROP FROM PAGE 4 college users and is generally of a more ‘adult’ nature, that is where the similarities end. We have never been interested in creating a gossip website where students have the ability to anonymously destroy the reputations of their classmates.

What about people who say this type of website encourages men to seek out vulnerable women?

Nearly half of our stories are written by women, so if

After months of cardio and weight resistance training, Bradford is 30 pounds lighter—and several bra sizes smaller.

Because Bradford says she has always looked to her breasts as a source of confidence it has been a challenge to adjust to her new, smaller figure.

“If your boobs look jacked up you’re not going to feel good,” says Bradford. “If they look good, your confidence rises tenfold.”

Bradford says the change made her feel, in a way, a little bit less feminine. “I’m dumbfounded by the difference in the way I looked in pictures from a year ago,” says Bradford. “When something that drastic happens with your body you don’t realize until it happens that you didn’t want to change.”

Mimi Zakem, freshman, 32C Describe your relationship: Enjoyable Her ideal size: 32C “It was all us girls at camp who decided together that I was going to have barrels one day. We joked because I was so flat at the time, but we knew one day I was going to just SEE BOOBS, PAGE 20

the assumption is that all females in a male’s story are vulnerable, the men in a female’s story must also be vulnerable. If someone does believe that all these people are so vulnerable, that would be more a reflection of the collegiate party scene versus any hidden agenda from our site.

What do you feel is your accountability when you receive a story that suggests assault?

We would have an obligation not to post it. I don’t believe we have stories of that nature currently on our site, but if users read a story where they believe criminal activ-

ity took place, we would love to hear from them. There is a Contact Us button at the top of our homepage and that will lead to a form where they can email us directly.

What’s the future hold for BootyDrop.com?

We are very excited about the future. I would anticipate that some time in the next few months we will begin to roll out into some new conferences. Users can look forward to the unveiling of some new features, all with the goal of keeping things fresh at BootyDrop, while keeping intact the main function of the site.

Is BootyDrop worth the entertainment? You tell us. Respond to @ids_inside or comment on the article at idsnews.com/inside.

6 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

CONFESSIONS

HOOKED UP LAST NIGHT?

The A, 6, and 9 buses run until 3 a.m. Thursday through Saturday, so just go home at the end of the night.

GO TO YOUR PLACE “That way you don’t have to do the walk of shame — you can just kick them out,” says Grollman.

BE PREPARED Here are Grollman’s top three essentials to surviving the morning after.

• Toothbrush enough said • Comb hair is often a dead giveaway • A small bottle of body spray in case you can’t shower

BORROW SWEATS “If you look like you’re wearing gym clothes I don’t think people will be like, ‘Oh, you hooked up last night.’”

OWN IT! “There’s enough negativity out there, you don’t have to keep yourself feeling bad about it,” says Grollman.

“So just take ownership and be comfortable. If you made that decision and it was consensual, it was safe, it was fun, then there’s no reason to be ashamed.”

BETTER YOU

ESSAY

(an overly simplified & in no way scientific analysis)

Exchange phone numbers via FB chat.

BY ERIN WALGAMUTH

AVOID IT ALTOGETHER

TIP JAR

THE COLLEGIATE RELATIONSHIP

HOW TO SURVIVE THE WALK OF SHAME The walk of shame. It’s hard to define, but everyone knows what it is — that hair-in-a-mess, heels-inhand, clothes-from-thenight-before look.

According to Eric Anthony Grollman, assistant instructor and PhD student in sociology at IU, we live in a “sex-negative yet sex-obsessed culture.” So while we adhere to casually shacking up on a whim, we don’t want to be caught after we do it.

Here are Grollman’s tips on how to make your walk of shame a little more inconspicuous.

KNOW-IT-ALL

Enjoy coupledom.

Secretly hope it’s them every time your phone vibrates.

Enter into depression when it’s just Twitter spam.

Become Facebook friends.

Spend the night.

Go out.

Make eyes at someone, maybe even do a little dancing.

Decide maybe you should start dating.

Go home alone.

Spend the night together, sober and with your clothes on.

Meet your friend’s friend from work/ class/high school. Flirt.

Drunk text.

Show up at their house around 2 a.m.

Go out. Make eyes at someone, maybe even do a little dancing.

Meet forr lunch. You ou know, in the th daylight.

Convince yourself that now, the other person will never take you seriously.

DID YOU HOOK UP? Acc

Fight over something some probably prob irrelevant. irrele Break up.

ording to Pa ula England, a professor of sociology at Stanford Uni versity, abou t 40 percent of ho okups involv e intercourse while 25 to 30 percent just involve making out.

HUNG UP ON

HOOKING UP

BY DANIELLE RINDLER

S

earch for any variation of the words “college,” “student,” and “relationship” and you’ll mostly find studies that try to define what a hookup is and articles wondering if dating is dead, killed by undergrads’ late-night sexcapades.

It’s a stereotypical view of college culture, the types of things we take as a given. It’s the couples who make out on the dance floor. It’s the girl in your roommate’s bed. It’s the guy next door who’s just your friend ... with benefits, of course.

For better or for worse, people are studying college students’ sexual relationships. Paula England, a professor of sociology at Stanford, surveyed more than 17,000 students from 20 colleges and universities.

Here’s what she found out.

100 80

30% all other average number of hook- hookups ups reported by seniors

WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?

Percent of people who report reaching the Big O men women

WE ASKED, YOU TOLD

40 20

1st hookup

2nd-3rd hookup

4th+ hookup

Relationship

We polled 197 IU students.

Here’s what they said.

DOES THAT BEDROOM LOOK FAMILIAR?

20% of hookups are between students who have hooked up 10 times or more

proportion of students who report having never hooked-up

60

0

4-7 1 /4

50% of hookups are between students who have never hooked up with each other

How common do you think it is to hook up with someone before you start dating?

VERY 43% SOMEWHAT 45% NOT AT ALL 12%

NO 71% YES 29%

Would you think less of someone if you hooked up before you went out on a date?

www.idsnews.com/inside 7

First date 411

6 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

PHOTO BY RYAN DORGAN

CONFESSIONS

KNOW-IT-ALL

TIP JAR

BETTER YOU

ESSAY

Health educator Patrick Nagel gives advice on how to score a first date. Even in a bar.

BY MARC FISHMAN

What are some steps to take post- hookup/ date if you are still interested?

“Keep it outside the realm in which you originally met. If you met at a bar, do something outside of the bar scene so you can see them in a different light.”

Where are some good bars to meet singles?

“Generally, the bars with the most people ...

Kilroy’s, Atlas.

You’ll meet different people depending on which bars you go to.”

The crowd at Kilroy’s on Kirkwood on a Friday afternoon is a thin mix of friends grabbing a late lunch, loners staked out at the bar, and a few waiters taking advantage of the excess space to organize some clean glassware.

It’s not necessarily the ideal hour to meet singles, although upon mention of it, people eagerly share their advice.

“Do you know of a girl who looks like you that would be interested in me?”

That’s what waitress Milana Page heard from a stranger one night at Alley Bar. That stranger is now her boyfriend.

“Just go easy, man. Chicks will talk back if they want to talk to you,” says another guy seated at the bar. “People go up and say the same shit. If you can say something interesting, that’s rule number one. She’s expecting that.”

But Kilroy’s on Kirkwood isn’t the only place for dating advice.

Patrick Nagel, a health educator at the IU Health Center, organized a speed dating event for the Health Center’s annual Sexploration Week for students at the beginning of the semester, in which

he concentrated all of the Do’s and Dont’s of dating into a few timed sessions.

Nagel, who graduated from IU earlier this year, says dating requires more patience in a college town, where the weekend social scene often lends itself to hookups more so than actual dates.

“Sometimes when alcohol is involved, it’s kind of hard to propose something for

Dating requires more patience in a college town, where the weekend social scene often lends itself to hookups more so than actual dates. future reference as opposed to just for the night,” he says.

For those seeking more than a onenight stand, Nagel says getting involved in activities and organizations on campus or in town is another great way to meet people.

But what do you do once you spot that potential someone?

Upon meeting someone, Nagel says humor is the best way to open up a con-

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versation with a potential date, especially at a bar or a party.

“The best kind of humor would be observational humor,” he says. “Making note of a kind of lighthearted event that’s going on is always a good start.”

And a good wingman or woman alongside never hurts.

“A wingman is a nice little buffer,”

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Nagel says. “Sometimes, at least for myself, I can tell that I’m on my game when I’ve got a good friend of mine there and we can bat jokes off each other and have a good time with it. That also helps take the pressure off the situation.”

But for those who prefer being a lone wolf, Nagel says it can be completely acceptable to go to a bar or party alone.

SEE HITCH, PAGE 22

CONFESSIONS

KNOW-IT-ALL

TIP JAR

BETTER YOU

ESSAY

Express yourself

BY MICHELA TINDERA AND HANNAH WALTZ PHOTOS BY CHAZ MOTTINGER

It’s all about you.

Between classes, friends, and the frantic pace of college life, it’s easy to forget about yourself. Meet three students whose hobbies and passions keep them on track.

Tyrece Franklin — Krumper Before his senior year at Elkhart Memorial High School, Tyrece Franklin traded his spot on the varsity basketball team for one on the school’s mostly-female dance team. Although his entry into the competitive dance world was recent, his passion for dance began three years earlier.

Let the ten-hour practices ensue.

It wasn’t until he saw David LaChappelle’s 2005 street dance documentary, “Rize,” the summer before his freshman year of high school that he discovered a passion for krumping that led him to a performance on BET’s “106 & Park” and a major in contemporary dance at IU. “Hip-hop is fun and all, but it feels too external for me,” says Franklin, now a sophomore. “I feel everything in my soul when I krump, and still have yet to find a better feeling.”

Tight Eyez, a krumper featured in the documentary, had moves that inspired Franklin unlike anything else he had ever seen before.

“My initial reaction was ‘Oh my God! I

want to be able to move like that man! This is probably the tightest dance I’ve ever seen!’” says Franklin. “He drives me every day to do what I do just so I can meet him and shake his hand.”

From there he says he watched hundreds of Tight Eyez’s videos on YouTube and taught himself the basics of krumping.

“I would get home from basketball practice, eat dinner, and then dance from 8 til 6 in the morning,” says Franklin.

Krumping is actually an acronym that stands for Kingdom Radically Uplifted Mighty Praise. It’s a spiritual dance that consists of traditional African movements, elements of pop-locking, and self-expression in its truest form, says Franklin, which makes it different from a typical hip-hop routine.

“It’s not just dance,” says Franklin. “We all pray before the battles and dance to get the evil out of an area.”

Even though Franklin has yet to meet any SEE KRUMP, PAGE 20

ONLINE ONLY AT IDSNEWS.COM/INSIDE Watch our krumper bust a move and relax with a student who meditates.

10 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

Brian Sweeny — Powerlifter Danny Stockberger — The man with a mustache tattoo While most cringe in the face of a tattoo gun, senior Danny Stockberger embraces the opportunity as one to express himself. Since the summer of 2008, the sports marketing and management major has inked himself with four tattoos — an upper-arm sleeve, a Kanji symbol that means “run,” a life-sized heart on his chest, and two finger mustaches.

“I’m not trying to make a big statement or anything,” he says. “It’s more me expressing what I want to do.”

Stockberger, a runner on the IU crosscountry and track teams, got his first tattoo, the Kanji symbol on his leg, at the urging of his teammates.

“We said, ‘Let’s all get tattoos!’ and I was the first one to dive in and get one,” he says.

“And I have a pretty addictive personality so once I got one, I just wanted more.”

His teammates continue to give him suggestions for additional tattoos, some crazier than others.

“They just want to see if I’ll actually go through with it.”

He lifts up a finger and reveals a bit of inked facial hair on its side.

HEALTH DIRECTORY Go online for your guide to health and wellness in the Bloomington area. idsnews.com/health

“Sometimes, like this one, they’re just spur of the moment.”

Because tattoos are permanent, they can permanently affect the relationships we have with our bodies. But for Stockberger, the messages his tattoos send go beyond the ink on his skin—they remind him of his values.

“I have a life-size heart on my chest that says ‘Mom and Dad.’ I put the most thought into it,” he says. “But I had no idea what it was going to look like—I like leaving things up to the artist’s interpretation. It turns out better that way.”

Tattoos also carry a certain stigma, one that Stockberger has had to face the hard way.

“I’ve had people tell me they thought I’d be a jerk when they first met me because I was tatted up. Then they were surprised I’m generally friendly. I try not to do that to other people though.”

Although his relationship with himself is not defined by his tattoos, Stockberger says they contribute to how he feels about his body.

“You can’t really mistake me for anyone.

I’m definitely my own person.”

Five-mile sweat suit jogs, two-a-day lifting workouts, and hours of sitting and sweating in a sweltering sauna — all fueled by 800 calories.

Sounds impossible, right?

Powerlifter and Ivy Tech senior Brian Sweeny kicks impossibility in the butt and nearly defies the limits of the human body.

The relationship between mind and body of a powerlifter is constantly on the rocks. The body wants food, the mind says no. The body wants rest, the SEE POWERLIFTING, PAGE 22

the

3rd whee

BY KAMILLA BENKO AND CAITLIN PETERKIN | PHOTOS BY RYAN DORGAN

In any love triangle, something’s gotta give. Here are four couples who have managed to balance the complicated polygamous relationship between their activities and each other.

el

The Little 500 rider

T

hey met at a fraternity party.

The theme was Alphabet Soup: dress like something that starts with the first letter of your name. Sarah Hurdle wore a red duct tape dress and stuck a ping-pong ball on the top of her head to be a Solo cup.

“A red-haired girl in a red duct tape dress? I wanted to meet her,” Jake Shields says.

He went up to chat with her. He found out she was a freshman Redstepper and a new member of Alpha Gamma Delta. She found out he was a Little 500 rider.

“I thought that was so cool for two reasons,” Hurdle says. “I knew Little 5 was a big deal here, and I’m a big fan of the Indianapolis 500. Dating someone who was a cyclist was kind of like dating my own driver — a mini-celebrity. Then I got to know him,” she rolls her eyes. “No, I’m kidding, Jake!”

Hurdle, now a junior, and Shields, a senior, have dated through two Little 500 races for his fraternity, Theta Chi. To prepare, Shields bikes for six to eight hours a week, stays away from Little 500 festivities, and sacrifices each spring break to be in Bloomington for training.

“I love Jake and I want to support him in every way, even though it’s not always fun. I usually have to rearrange things, like running from one place to another, but I make every effort to do so,” she says. She has even volunteered for the IUSF Fall Cycling Series because she knew he would be there riding.

“But he is there for me, too,” Hurdle is quick to add.

Shields holds IU football season tickets — not because of the football team, but because of Hurdle. He watches her perform at every home game. Because she has to be with the team, Hurdle can’t hang out with friends or Shields at the tailgate. As a dancer, she performs for The Walk, a mini performance that happens two hours before the game.

“A lot of the girls have huge families that can come out and support them. And a lot of girls have boyfriends that watch, but Jake was always at the tailgate so I never had anyone to dance for,” she says.

Hurdle explained her feelings to Jake, and now he leaves the tailgate field for twenty minutes to watch her every performance.

“During the dance, they are supposed to go up and kiss someone on the cheek. She always kisses me twice, on both sides,” Shields says. “When I go back to tailgate they’re like, ‘Shields, what’s on your face?’ And then I have a story to tell,” he smiles at her as she laughs.

Their involvement with the greek system and their respective activities helps their relationship, the couple says. Since both are busy, they have to force themselves to block out time for each other. But after two years, it comes naturally.

“I’m happier around him,” Hurdle says. “When I’m stressed about sorority stuff or Redsteppers — silly girl drama — he makes me feel better. He’s amazing.”

“She’s amazing.”

They laugh a bit, only vaguely aware of how cheesy they sound.

When they stop laughing, she looks as him and says, “I picked a good guy.” www.idsnews.com/inside 13

The cellist

T

he first time Tom Shriver met Lauren Coburn, he proposed to her. But she wouldn’t accept until more than a year later.

“We were hanging out in a group, and somehow cooking and cleaning was brought up,” says Shriver. “She was like, ‘I love cooking and cleaning!’ and I was like, ‘Will you marry me?’”

On September 26, their oneyear anniversary, Shriver popped the question again. This time, Coburn said yes.

One month later, the date, wedding party, and venue are set.

But planning a wedding is a slow process — especially when one person is in the Jacobs School of Music.

Coburn, a junior studying cello performance, says she spends about nine hours a week outside of classes practicing.

“It’s not as much (practice) now as it was at the beginning of the relationship,” says Shriver, a junior majoring in religious studies. “She had to work really hard on getting that balance.”

Coburn says now she focuses her mornings on music so she can have the evenings free to spend time with Shriver. But balancing

her cello studies with her relationship wasn’t always easy.

“At the beginning of the relationship, I felt she practiced a lot more, gave cello more of a commitment,” Shriver says. “Her focus was split between me and the cello.”

“It does divide attention,” replies Coburn. “For music students, I’d say it’s really easy to get really focused in the bubble of the music school. People are so focused on promoting yourself, which is what the industry requires. And there’s no time or emotion left for other things.”

However, Coburn began to make her relationship with Shriver a priority and loosen up about her studies. She says it was a learning process.

“It’s just about having a good mentality,” she says. “Like with SEE CELLO, PAGE 22

The Kelley Scholar

T

o be in the Kelley Honors Program, students must have a 3.7 GPA, be strong campus leaders, and mentor underclassmen also in the program.

And yet, through all the studying and hard work, seniors Nick Innocenti and Kristin Ayres have somehow made a long-term relationship work for the last two years.

“Do you want to say how we met?

You can say how we met,” Innocenti says, looking over at Ayres.

“We took a class freshman year in the spring that goes to India in the summer,” she begins.

“Called ‘Business in a Flat World,’” Innocenti adds.

“I was dating someone else at the time. I didn’t see Nick in class ever, so I didn’t really know him.”

“I recognized her from class, I’ll admit it,” he says.

After traveling through four cities in 10 days cramped in buses, the group of students became close.

14 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

“And then in August, I was still looking for housing,” says Innocenti. “I ended up randomly in Brownstone Terrace, two doors down from her and her roommates.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna go with ‘randomly…’” says Ayres. “But I’m still not sure.”

“Well, she was living with two other girls, and they’d always make these huge dinners and have extra food,” he explains. “So I just started showing up, and right around 6:30 was the prime time.”

SEE SCHOLAR, PAGE 22

The actress

A

s a musical theatre major in her senior year, Charnette Batey knows how to overcome stage fright. She knows how to prepare for an audition and how to handle rejection.

She just wasn’t sure how to tell her boyfriend of seven months, Patrick, that her next role required her to be naked and to simulate sex with two different guys.

“It was my first time being in a serious relationship and balancing a show,” says Batey who played Dionne in IU’s recent production of Hair. “I just thought, ‘Get it out fast.’”

“It was kind of a shocker,” admits senior Patrick Lloyd, a history and communication and culture major. “I’m totally removed from that world.”

After some initial trepidation, Lloyd says he was eventually fine with it. The time apart was more of an issue than stripping for the stage. For two months, Batey went to rehearsal six days a week for four hours each day.

“It’s not like I didn’t support her, or didn’t trust her,” says Lloyd. “And it’s not a major issue, it’s just hard when you want to spend time with someone, you know?”

Batey says communication was key when balancing two schedules and the show. They would grab an early dinner around 4 or 5 p.m. so they could spend

time together before 6:30 rehearsals. And while Batey practiced on stage, Lloyd would make sure he had his homework done so they could hang out after rehearsal ended at 10:30.

After more than 200 hours of rehearsal, Lloyd was there for the very first performance.

“All the anxiety and stress that comes from a big controversial show like that really gets wiped away when you see the final product. She was a stunner,” says Lloyd. “I was really proud.”

“Can I interrupt? Patrick, do you hear that?”

From behind the closed doors of the theater comes the faded strains of Beyonce’s “1 +1.” Batey begins to silently mouth the words along with the melody.

SEE THEATER, PAGE 22

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in sickness&in health A

s the couple walked through the downtown square in Bloomington, Mick Lyon put his arm around his wife’s small frame.

It was a nice change, thought Elizabeth.

The IU Women’s Soccer head coach was not a very publicly demonstrative man. The couple rarely held hands or showed any affection in public.

Looking back, it should have been a red flag.

It wasn’t the only change in his behavior, but each one was hard to notice and easy to excuse.

Mick had started slurring some words, but Elizabeth thought he might have just been tired or had a couple beers.

He didn’t drink much, but he did have an exhausting

16 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

job as a Division 1 soccer coach in the Big Ten. Elizabeth should’ve recognized the symptoms — she knew them firsthand.

She had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis two years before. He, too, would be diagnosed in a couple of months. His arm around her was for support as his left side grew weaker.

Their love had taken a turn after her diagnosis.

They wouldn’t have time to brace themselves for the next turn either.

But that day, Elizabeth didn’t recognize the symptoms she knew well.

She only thought of how comforting it was to have her husband’s arm around her.

www.idsnews.com/inside 17

B

efore Mick started slurring his speech or supporting himself on other people, before he and Elizabeth helped each other inject medicine to control the flare-ups and symptoms of their disease, before they made the vow to stay together in sickness and in health, Mick stood shirtless in the door to Elizabeth’s office. A red rose dangled from his teeth.

“I was dead meat,” Elizabeth says, looking back on their first meeting. “It was sort of love at first sight, or for me it was anyway.”

She was the associate director of admissions at the University of Evansville. He was about to start his junior year of college as a three-time All-American soccer player.

She was from Nashville, Ind. and spoke with a

“I get frustrated sometimes ‘cause I can’t win. That’s what I was made of. I wanted to win everything. And it’s just not possible.” — Mick Lyon hint of a Hoosier twang. He was from Lancashire, England and spoke with a British accent.

“Actually it was love before first sight,” Elizabeth recalls. “When we talked on the phone and I heard his British accent I thought to myself, ‘Boy, I hope he is nice and good-looking because I want to marry that voice.’”

Elizabeth knew she would go on to marry that man who first stood shirtless in her doorway.

She had first called Mick ten days before to ask him on a blind date to a Huey Lewis and the News concert. Mick was a poor student from England so he thought he might as well take the offer of a free concert.

“We met and I was immediately smitten. It was just instant fireworks,” Mick says. “We just got on straightaway from there and stayed on ever since.”

That was May 18, 1987. Two years later, Mick graduated, accepted a coaching job, and married Elizabeth within a month.

They were married in a small informal wedding, officiated by Elizabeth’s childhood pastor from Nashville and with the some of the traditions from the Church of England in which Mick grew up. The couple invited friends over to their house for a party, which was actually their wedding reception.

“For a few years, we forgot our anniversary,” Mick says. “We celebrated the 25th and it’s the 21st.”

“We didn’t know what it was so one day we got our marriage license out and realized it was the 24th,” Elizabeth says.

“Oh, is it the 24th?”

“Yes.” “Oh that’s right,” Mick says, laughing at his mistake. “We remember when we get there. I normally get plenty of hints that it is in June.”

After the wedding, Mick took a job coaching

18 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

in Kentucky before returning to the University of Evansville in 1993 to start their women’s soccer program. Nearly ten years later in 2002, the Indiana University position opened.

Elizabeth stayed on in Evansville while Mick moved to Bloomington. They were both wedded to their jobs and to each other.

“It was going to take something pretty powerful to pull me away,” Elizabeth says. *** Elizabeth first knew something was wrong when she kept tripping over things and losing races. A marathon runner, she normally placed in the top three of her age class. Then her times started slowing down and she slid into the middle of the pack.

“Who doesn’t stub their toe? Who doesn’t have pins and needles? Who doesn’t have an off day and lose their balance?” she says. “But you don’t think you have a chronic debilitating disease.”

Mick had noticed the changes in her running times, but he didn’t think anything of it.

He didn’t realize it could be that bad until he went with her to a doctor’s appointment and watched a piece of paper shake from the tremors in Elizabeth’s hands.

Two weeks after Mick moved to Bloomington, Elizabeth was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

She had an idea what could be going on once the sports trainer sent her to the neurologist.

She had studied pharmacology, so she pulled out her old textbooks to figure out what was wrong.

“What a sock in the gut that was,” Elizabeth says. “And what do we do now? And how do we do it? And what does that even mean?”

Multiple sclerosis is a brain disease where the body’s autoimmune system starts attacking the brain, causing multiple lesions and scars, or sclerosis, says Dr. David Mattson, director of the multiple sclerosis program at the IU School of Medicine’s Department of Neurology.

When it attacks, the nerve impulses to the brain are altered or destroyed causing a variety of symptoms, ranging from muscle weakness to vision loss. It depends on which part of the brain is being attacked.

MS isn’t a death sentence or a fatal disease, but it can diminish the overall quality of life.

About half of MS sufferers will have to use a cane about 10-15 years after diagnosis. A smaller percentage will end up in a wheelchair, Mattson says. However, many symptoms like blind spots, tremors, and walking problems are irreversible.

Mick says the couple immediately looked at the worst possible outcomes — paralysis, wheelchairs, blindness. But he knew he’d do whatever he needed to for her.

“For me, I just felt ‘well that it means I’ll need to take care of you … whatever it is, I’ll be there to push you in a wheelchair,’” Mick says.

The diagnosis pushed them to make the move faster and Elizabeth joined him in Bloomington 18 months later.

“Then I thought I’d trump her,” Mick says,

IDS FILE PHOTO

jokingly. “I’ve always been competitive.”

Whereas Elizabeth noticed a slowdown on her running times, Mick just woke up one morning unable to run.

He’d been recruiting in Nottingham, England and staying at his brother’s house when he woke up and realized his left leg wasn’t working properly. The day before, he had gone on a four mile run through the hills of Nottingham. The next morning, he only had numbness and a tingling sensation.

“I couldn’t pick my foot up properly,” Mick says. “I could walk, but I couldn’t run and I didn’t know what was wrong.”

Mick tried to hide the symptoms for two months before finally speaking to a doctor who sent him immediately to get an MRI scan. He was diagnosed that night with multiple sclerosis.

“Nobody can believe that a husband and wife who have been together for so long were then diagnosed. Nobody knows of any other husband and wife like us,” Mick says. “There are other husbands and wives who met through programs or support groups. But nobody knows of any others who have been together for so long and were both diagnosed.”

MS isn’t a contagious or genetic disease, as many people think when they meet Mick and Elizabeth. MS is more common in women and Caucasians with northern European ancestry, according to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.

Those with family members with MS are more likely to develop it, but neither Mick nor Elizabeth knew anyone who had been diagnosed.

“We had two extremely different families,” Elizabeth says. “Different countries. Different continents. What are those odds?”

SEE SOCCER, PAGE 20

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SOCCER FROM PAGE 18 For Elizabeth to have been diagnosed, the odds would have been one in one thousand, says Mattson. For Mick to be too, the odds are one in one million. *** Mick sat on the bench and watched his players sprint up and down the field. If he stood, he might have wobbled. His left side is now weaker than his right.

He supports himself putting his hand on his players’ shoulders or around his wife. Both actions would appear normal, but it’s getting harder to mask the disease’s effect on their lives.

For two years, the diagnosis remained between Mick, Elizabeth, and two doctors. But as it progressed, he couldn’t hide it any more — every six months there was something new.

When Mick could no longer climb stairs without hanging onto somebody if there wasn’t a railing, people started getting suspicious so he finally went public with the disease in 2006. Now, he doesn’t even have to tell most freshmen.

“They just accept it as ‘that’s coach,’” Mick says.

“Sometimes his legs give way, sometimes he’s wobbling, and he sits down a lot. But that’s who he is.”

For the former semi-pro soccer player, it can still be a hard thing to sit on the sidelines. The saddest thing, he says, is that he can’t run.

The couple has two different types of MS, Mick’s being the worse of the two.

Elizabeth’s is relapsing-remitting, meaning the flare-ups come and go over time. Mattson says the average is about one per year, but it depends on the person.

It is the most common type of MS, making up 90 percent of all diagnoses, but 50 percent of those cases will become the secondary-progressive type, like Mick’s.

Rather than staying even in between exacerbations of the disease, the MS slowly progresses downhill over time in the secondary-progressive type. It’s not a straight line downhill, but one with a couple plateaus and periods of staying even rather than worsening.

A competitive marathon runner who was used to finishing at top of the pack, Elizabeth had previously qualified for the Boston Marathon twice and completed 16 marathons. She ran her last one in 2009, at age 48, bringing up the rear of the race after training an IU student.

“But I’m okay with that,” Elizabeth says. “I’m forever grateful that I’ve reached that pinnacle. I’ll never be able to qualify for Boston again, but it doesn’t mean something new isn’t on the horizon.”

While the disease may have changed their relationships with their respective sports, they credit being athletes for their strength to both take on the disease.

They both now face a new opponent in a game of give and take.

“Twenty-two years ago, we were just in love and happy and ready to take on the world. If anybody had said, this is what you’ll encounter, I would’ve said ‘oh man, I’m not sure if we can deal with that or how will we deal with that,’” she says. “Twenty-two years later, I’m nothing short of amazed of the strength and perseverance that we’ve had.”

Being able to understand the effects of the disease on each other has helped their marriage.

While many couples might fight over doing dishes, the Lyons know that there might be days when it just might be too physically exhausting to do so. If one of them needs to go to bed early, the other one will do the dishes. It’s a silent understanding between them.

“If Mick’s doing something and I sense that he’s struggling or he can’t do something then I pick it up and take it on myself,” Elizabeth says. “Stuff that other couples don’t see, we see in each other.”

There’s no cure for MS, only some medications that can reduce the disease activity or exacerbations.

Elizabeth takes hers through injections. Mick has tried that and medications through IV infusion, but none of them worked well. Three months ago, he started taking the first-ever oral medication for MS. He says it’s too soon to tell if it’s working or not.

“I get frustrated sometimes ‘cause I can’t win. That’s

BOOBS FROM PAGE 6

KRUMP FROM PAGE 10

pop out some barrels.”

Zakem says she was on the smaller side throughout most of high school until her junior year. “I would say I was decently excited about my boobs growing, but at the same time a part of me continued to think it didn’t really matter.”

other krumpers at IU, he practices alone for one to two hours every day, whether it’s in a studio on campus or his bedroom.

Sometimes he says he dances so hard that once he gets going, he’ll lose sense of time.

“Before I perform I get so nervous, sweaty palms and all that, but once I start dancing I lose my sense of self,” he says. “It’s almost an out of body experience.”

At his high school graduation open house Franklin says he danced for 20 songs straight.

“They said I was preaching with my movements and my words, literally speaking scripture. I don’t really remember though I was dancing so hard, after I was done I fainted,” says Franklin. “Everyone there said it was God speaking through me. They saw a glow about me while I

Alyssa Heilman, sophomore, 32A Describe your relationship: Content Her ideal size: A or B Despite being on the smaller side, Heilman says her breasts give her the freedom to do lots of things more well-endowed women struggle with.

“I wouldn’t change them. I get to wear cute low-cut shirts without looking slutty (and) work out comfortably.”

20 INSIDE MAGAZINE the relationships issue

COURTESY PHOTO

what I was made of. I wanted to win everything,” Mick says. “And it’s just not possible. It’s taken me awhile to figure out, and she reminds me that I’m not going to win.” *** Standing in front of the soccer goal in Armstrong Stadium, Mick and Elizabeth smile with their arms around each other as the camera clicks away.

Elizabeth had just gotten off work from her job as an academic advisor at Ivy Tech. Mick’s season is over. His Hoosiers finished 6-12-1.

“Do you want to switch sides or anything?” Mick says, his left arm around her.

Elizabeth laughs and shakes her head.

“No,” she says. “This is the side you need me on.”

The Lyons’ story goes deeper than the love found inside greeting cards or heard in a country song.

Love has become disposable to many people, something that can easily be signed away by divorce papers.

The Lyons have made it for twenty-two years, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

It is a resilient love, a resilient couple. One that knows how to dig deep and give it their all, whether its for their health, their relationship, or their Hoosiers.

She helps him string up the soccer goal before they walk back to their cars.

No canes. No wheelchairs. Only, if you look closely, a slight limp on Mick’s left side.

was dancing.”

Franklin is humble about his talents.

Along with performing on BET this past summer with a group out of Evansville called “Detri-Mental,” he has opened for a performance of “America’s Best Dance Crew” season one finalist Break Sk8, but he said what he likes best is dancing with his friends and family at home in Elkhart.

“It’ll be just us in the living room, 25 or 30 people, releasing and having fun,” says Franklin.

Franklin’s strong relationship with dance can be applied to any kind of self-expression. He says his main message is to do what you love.

“A lot of people take dance too seriously, don’t make it feel like a job,” says Franklin. “That’s when your best ideas flow.”

CONFESSIONS

KNOW-IT-ALL

TIP JAR

BETTER YOU

ESSAY

BAD BLOOD? OR BAD BAN?

BY JAKE WRIGHT | GRAPHIC BY BIZ CARSON

A

HOW “GAY” BLOOD COULD SAVE 657,000 LIVES A YEAR = 2,000 people A report from the Williams Institute for Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law finds that about 219,000 more pints of blood could be available each year if the FDA lifted the ban. According the Red Cross, one pint of blood can save up to three lives.

Red Cross nurse led me to a seat behind a blue plastic screen. It was homecoming week and I was at the DeVault Alumni Center to give blood. I sat there silent.

Nervous.

The nurse began to make polite conversation with me about my major in school and what I did around campus. I talked with her, but my mind was focused on the debate going on in my head. Would I lie?

Before meeting with the nurse I had to look through a booklet. The information was pretty straightforward, explaining the donation process and what happens to the blood. There was also a deferral list, reasons someone would not be able to donate blood.

The questions covered places I have traveled, my medical history and my drug and sexual history.

Reading over the information I finally came to the one question I knew as a gay man I would have to face. The question that forbids me to give blood because the Food and Drug Administration categorizes the relationships I have as high-risk behavior.

To give blood, I must hide relationships and my sexual identity.

The nurse continued to talk as she prepared to take my pulse and blood pressure. But I was staring off, not really focusing on anything. My heart began to beat faster and I became anxious. I didn’t know what I was going to do.

As the nurse gripped my left wrist, checking my pulse, my right leg was bouncing like a piston.

“Are you nervous?” she asked.

I told her I typically had anxiety, but it was never a problem. She began to talk about her own anxiety as she strapped the blood pressure monitor around my bicep.

After telling me my blood pressure was high but it was nothing to worry about, the nurse got up and asked me to answer some questions on the computer.

The questions were exactly what I had read before in the booklet. Are you feeling healthy? Have you traveled outside of the U.S.? Have you ever received a blood transfusion or organ transplant?

The questions went on and I went through answering everything honestly. As I went through

each one, I actually wasn’t thinking about what I was finally going to have to decide.

But then I saw two words and I immediately sat back in my chair.

“Male donors: have you had sex — even once — with another man since 1977?”

Sitting there just staring at that question I got angry. I had never felt discriminated against until that moment. Right then it became real.

What is it about the relationships I have that makes my blood not good enough? It has nothing to do with emotions. It’s all about politics.

The FDA first implemented the MSM Blood Deferral policy in 1983. It was estimated that HIV first came to the United States around 1977.

Because gay men were the highest carriers of HIV/AIDS, the ban was put in place to decrease the threat of transmitting the virus through blood transfusions.

The FDA has said the policy is not meant to discriminate; it is just based on statistics. Men who have had sex with other men have an HIV infection rate 60 times higher than the general population, according to the FDA. The ban wasn’t just implemented on fear of spreading the virus. In the early ’80s HIV tainted the blood supply, leading to many deaths.

I know I could have easily lied and said no to the question. But I didn’t want to lie. I shouldn’t have to. So I told the truth.

After finishing the last few questions, I flipped a sign on the outside of the screen signaling I was done. A different nurse, who happened to be male, came back behind the screen to check my answers.

Skimming over information on the screen, he suddenly stopped and turned to me.

“OK, we have a problem,” he said.

He turned the computer to me and asked if I meant to answer yes to the question on the screen.

It was the question that caused me so much stress.

“Yes, I wasn’t going to lie,” I told him.

“You know that means you won’t be allowed to give blood, right?” he asked.

I told him yes and he sat back in his chair.

“I understand,” he said. “I’m gay too.”

SEE BLOOD, PAGE 22 www.idsnews.com/inside 21

BLOOD FROM PAGE 21

SCHOLAR FROM PAGE 14

POWERLIFTING FROM PAGE 11

Don’t be mad at the Red Cross though, he said.

The Red Cross actually lobbies against the ban, saying the current standards are scientifically unwarranted.

When the regulation was first put into place there were no accurate tests for HIV, the nurse explained, but now tests can find most strands of HIV within two weeks of contracting the virus. Also, he said, all blood that is donated is tested no matter what.

The MSM ban is just one of eight questions that, if answered yes to, will result in an indefinite deferral.

The MSM ban is one of the strictest.

Having sex with a prostitute or being a prostitute will get you banned, but as long as you wait 12 months you’re fine. Using a needle to take non-prescription drugs, even once, will also result in being banned.

Since I was completely sure I was going to tell the truth, the nurse pulled out sheet of paper. At the top it read “Deferral Letter.” He filled in the date and checked a box. He said he wasn’t allowed to put the reason I was being denied, so he just wrote, “as discussed” on the explanation line.

I didn’t look at the paper until I got back to my car. I unfolded it. Written right next to the checked box were two sentences that summed up the past 20 minutes, and in some way the past 28 years.

“You are indefinitely unable to donate. Some of your health history that you provided prohibits any future donation of your blood for use by another person.”

So until the FDA isn’t afraid of gay relationships, I am marked in the system and banned from giving blood for life.

The two started dating in November.

Over the past few years, Innocenti and Ayres have worked at balancing academics and extracurriculars with a committed relationship.

Junior year, Ayres says she studied about eight to 10 hours a week. She also was president of IU’s equestrian team, which took up about 10 hours each week.

Innocenti says he studies about 12-15 hours per week. He’s also currently president of the Civic Leadership Development program, a volunteer organization in Kelley that works with nonprofit agencies in Monroe County.

“There are days we don’t see each other because we’re so busy,” he says.

And yet even with full course loads, officer positions in clubs, and volunteering, the two seniors manage to find time for each other.

“We do activities together, we’re both out volunteering,” says Innocenti. “Outside of that we both do homework together. Then we’ll take breaks and bake something – we’ve done a lot of baking over the years.”

“And we do a good job supporting each other’s stuff,” adds Ayres. “He comes to horse shows and I go to his CDL events.”

Although graduation will find the two in different state,s with Ayres at KBMG in Chicago and Innocenti with GE in Kentucky, they say the distance won’t hurt them.

“The key is to be flexible,” says Innocenti. “We’re both really easygoing. And we have trust built up. At this stage, a little separation isn’t a big deal.”

CELLO FROM PAGE 14

HITCH FROM PAGE 9

the music thing, I have to make time for him … It’s about being intentional with the relationship and with the career.”

“Yeah, the whole relationship at the beginning was very Jacobs and homework-oriented,” Shriver adds. “She’s very level-minded and focused, and I’m this immature Marine with a motorcycle and tattoos – complete opposites of who we are. I feel like she has helped me to mature.”

“He’s more level-minded now,” Coburn smiles.

“And I brought out her…unlevel-mindedness?”

Shriver says as Coburn, smiling, shakes her head.

“We balance each other,” she says.

“I think it depends on the individual,” he says.

“If you are gregarious enough to pop into a conversation or come up with a joke, the more power to you.”

But perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind when looking for singles in Bloomington is to not have high expectations or overthink the situation.

“Dating has definitely lost some of its formality,” Nagel says. “But I think that’s a good step because everyone’s nervous enough about a date. You don’t need more rules and restrictions on top of what you should be doing.”

mind says no. But Sweeny’s peak physical condition and mental discipline earned him the 2008 Teenage Powerlifting National Championship.

“I wanted to be as fit as I could be,” Sweeny said. “So I had to watch what I ate. I was borderline anorexic. It kinda sucked.”

Because Sweeny was functioning on an allotted 800 calories a day, his body was dangerously reduced to skin and muscle.

“My mom was scared. I tried not to take my shirt off around her. The doctor even said it was physically dangerous. But the mental aspect was definitely harder than the physical aspect—I just felt weak.”

Sweeny’s remarkable perseverance and control over his body paid off, winning the national teenage power-lifting competition his senior year of high school.

But Sweeny’s mental commitment proved most taxing but also most gratifying. Having to deny the body’s screaming demands for food in order to cut weight did not come easily.

“I would open the fridge and see all my family’s food and want to eat the shit out of it. But even a minor slip could have cost me.”

Sweeny’s improving mental discipline flooded into other areas of his life and helped him focus in on who it was that he wanted to be, particularly through pledging Sigma Alpha Mu and his year in the army.

“My work ethic was shit before. But powerlifting definitely brought me a lot of focus. It gave me something to have private for myself.”

Power-lifting allows Sweeny to become acutely attentive to his physical limits and granted him an empowering awareness of his own body.

“To know exactly what you can expect of yourself mentally and physically is awesome.”

Can’t survive until the next issue?

Check out idsnews.com/inside for more.

The Survival Issue drops Feb. 21.

THEATER FROM PAGE 15 “And it’s me, and you.

That’s all we’ll have when the world is through.”

“It’s our song,” she explains.

“We just heard this song this summer and it fits us perfectly,” Lloyd says as he slowly turns pink.

“Damn it! You’re not supposed to bring stuff like that up.”

Batey just laughs and pats him on the knee.

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