LESSON 1.1.2: Self-esteem

How to improve self-awareness 1. Look at yourself objectively

Try to look at yourself objectively, in a way that is not influenced by personal feelings or opinions, so that you can learn how to accept yourself and find ways to improve some of your qualities in the future.

2. Keep a journal

Take time to write about your thoughts and feelings, your successes and failures of the day. This self-reflection will help you grow and move forward to reach your goals. While reflecting, also try to think about the possible impact of your emotions and actions on other people.

3. Write down your goals and priorities

• What are your goals? • How should you prioritise to reach these goals? • What are you doing that is not working and preventing success? • What needs to change in order to improve the rate of success in achieving goals?

Psychology, uses the term self-esteem to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much a person appreciates and likes themself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the rating of your own appearance.

We all know that self-esteem together with self-respect is an important part of success. A low self-esteem can leave someone feeling defeated or depressed. It can also lead to making bad choices, falling into destructive relationships or failing to live up to your full potential.

In contrast to this an inflated (often delusional) sense of self-importance can be off-putting to others and can even damage personal relationships. Self-esteem levels at the extreme high and low ends of the spectrum can be harmful, so ideally a realistic yet positive view of yourself is considered the ideal. (Cherry, 2019)

Features of a healthy self-esteem Features of a low self-esteem

• A realistic view of your own potential and that of others. • A realistic feeling of self-confidence. • Easily expresses needs. • Aware of strengths and weaknesses and accepting them. • A positive outlook on life. • Accepts failure as part of life. • Moves past negative experiences. • Accepts compliments with grace. • Capable of saying ‘no’ without difficulty. • The belief that others are better than oneself. • Struggling with self-confidence. • Difficulty in expressing needs. • Focuses only on weaknesses. • A general negative view of life. • An intense fear of failure. • Dwells on past negative experiences. • Often experiences feelings of shame, depression and anxiety. • Struggles to accept compliments. • Finds it very difficult to say ‘no’.

The impact of social media on self-esteem

Many factors influence self-esteem, for example, your own thinking processes, age, illnesses, disabilities or some emotional and physical limitations. There are also external stimuli that have an impact, for example, critical or negative feedback or responses from family and friends and, of course, the media.

Social media has made it extremely easy to connect with anyone in the world. Social media like Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram and online gaming communities allow us to have contact and interaction with anyone we choose. We must ask ourselves whether social media is doing more harm than good.

Keep in mind that the media can be highly informative with what is happening around the world and also allow us to have contact with friends and interest groups. Let us look at some of the main concerns regarding the influence of social media on self-esteem:

Social media comparison

Many learners compare themselves with what they read and see on Facebook – the looks, the clothing style, love life and social calendar. The more you compare yourself with this virtual lifestyle, the more you will feel that your life is inadequate and you will unnecessarily start to think poorly of yourself because you do not experience such glorious holidays, have beautiful clothes or a full social calendar. You will wish you are living someone else’s life. ‘If only my life was as exciting as George’s ...’

Sense of belongingness

It is a basic need for all people to belong somewhere and to have friends. This sense of belongingness may increase or decrease based upon the frequency of using social media. Many social media friends and followers might give a greater sense of belongingness.

Someone who does not have many followers on social media might start to think that something is wrong with them. Most teenagers measure their sense of belongingness to the number of likes and comments they receive. They might sometimes be anxious for an entire day waiting for a ‘like’ on something they have posted. The acronyms FOMO (fear of missing out) and FOBLO (fear of being left out) are often used to describe this situation. (Gallagher, 2017)

Unfortunately, responses on social media can also have a negative effect because of unwanted reactions (on photos for example) and degrading comments. Cyberbullying will negatively affect self-esteem and self-confidence. Adolescents are especially at risk because their self-image relies on the opinion of peers and is heavily characterised by peer influence. (Gallagher, 2017)

Cyberbullying is extremely dangerous because it is easy for the bully to post a comment. A person can be hundreds of kilometres away and still be able to effect a form of bullying. Teenagers cannot escape cyberbullying by staying at home and isolating themselves.

FOR THE CURIOUS Read the article on the average daily time spent on social media around the world at bit.ly/3s1lvla

How to build my own self-esteem

A healthy self-esteem is essential to be a happy and successful person. There are certain things that you can do to build and improve your self-esteem.

• Stop being your own biggest critic. Start to listen to the way you talk to yourself. There is no use in breaking yourself down. Make a definite decision to stop doing that. • Make a list of all the great traits you have and everything that you have already accomplished. • Gracefully accept compliments. • Stop comparing yourself to others. Be proud of who you are. • Do not aim for perfection. Nobody is perfect. • Appreciate what makes you unique and what sets you apart from others. • Develop a positive mindset. Often repeat the following to yourself: ○ I love and accept myself ○ I believe in myself ○ I value and respect myself (Ackerman, 2020)