Mother

Mother A GIFT THIS MOTHER’S DAY

BROUGHT TO YOU BY IOL LIFESTYLE

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MAY 2020

MOM ADVICE When my boys walk into a room I always want my face to show how happy I am to see them – or to be with them. I make sure to let my face say what’s in my heart. And when they get older and begin building their own lives, my prayer is that they find people in their lives who light up when they see them too.

Tanya Fynn LIFESTYLE PRODUCTION EDITOR

OUR FEATURED MOMS: Nontando Mposo Tanya Fynn Nelandri Narianan Livia Lazarus Krijay Govender Riana Howa Tshepi Vundla Nzinga Quinta Siba Mtongana Val Boje

Joanie Fredericks Rachel Kolisi Shazia van Wyk Thobekile Ndlovu Zahra Sooliman Marchelle Abrahams Jenny Morris Semone Skosan Busiswa Gqulu Pearl Thusi

Aisha Baker DJ Zinhle Krsangi Radhe Renata Ford Nandi Madida Samantha Chrysanthou Portia Gumede Modiehi Thulo Kee-Leen Irvine Elana Afrika-Brendenkamp

Keshni Odayan-Chetty Lou-Anne Daniels Anasia Govender Corli Botha Phindile Grootboom Rolanda Marais Thandi Joy Henkeman DESIGNED BY: SANDHIP SING

from the editor...

NELANDRI NARIANAN EXECUTIVE EDITOR: LIFESTYLE

IT’S ONLY noon, deadlines, to-do lists and what seem like a million other tasks are already weighing on me like that chocolate cake I know I should have said no to.

Enough!

I look out the window. Leaves are dancing around in the slight breeze as sunlight filters through the trees. The silence is broken by a lone bird chirping. All seems content in his world.

Unlike ours.

Today is a very different Mother’s Day for most South African moms. By now reservations would have been secured at restaurants or a weekend away planned or a picnic in the park with family – but instead we’re home, literally locked down, and let’s face it, unable to mask our fear of the coronavirus pandemic that’s sweeping the globe.

These are dark days, but who, other than a mother, knows how to keep the ship afloat and her family safe when a storm is raging?

This special publication today is our heartfelt tribute to mothers from all walks of life who quietly man the sails, without seeking reward, to say we see you, we honour you and we’ve got you.

I’m a single mom of two. Sorry, two that I gave birth to. I also have two fur babies – a 3-year-old cocker spaniel, who is so spoiled I’m almost certain he’s had my human children written out of my will, and a formerly stray cat who must have forged my name on adoption papers. It’s complicated… but with children, love is all that matters.

Lockdown has forced us to embrace the new and let go of the old. And man, it’s been hard. Suddenly we’re stuck together all day, every day. I’m cooking while responding to emails, doing maths with my 11-year-old son while proofing pages, trying to find time between meetings to get groceries, answering business calls, members of my national Lifestyle team are calling in sick thanks to the stress that has us all battling to tell our masks from our elbows, the cat is throwing up, the dog is barking madly while I’m on a video meeting… aaahhh… too much!

To add salt to the wound, there’s no wine to ease the pain. I

finished off my last bottle two nights ago. Breathe.

Fortunately, my children are my saviours in my darkest hours. My daughter Kimaya may only be 17, but she has a soul that transcends time.

My incredible mom, who beat abuse, poverty and many other odds that would have destroyed a lesser soul, to raise and educate three children, is no longer with me, but I can’t say I feel like a motherless child… thanks to my own child.

The sheer extent of her love and nurturing often makes me feel my heart is going to burst – even when my poor eating habits have her scolding like a fish wife or she’s ramming medicine down my throat.

True, she fusses, lots. Buts she loves even harder.

I’m never cold at night because Kimaya slinks into my room in the wee hours to adjust the covers and plant a soft kiss on my forehead. In that quiet moment… I catch my mother’s love.

I’m never sad for long because Kimaya sets me straight about how cruel the world is to kind people. She’s wise like that.

A mother with a daughter is truly blessed. But that’s not to say a son is any less. A quiet presence, deeply spiritual and connected to self, Sashan debunks the stereotypes about boys his age. He’s also the spitting image of my mother, has her mannerisms, which sometimes startle me, and, although he’s never met her, he speaks of her so lovingly.

What greater tribute to my mother than such reflection of her in my own children…

Kimaya and Sashan have shown me that there will always be sunshine after rain, and that’s the message we should spread in our communities. This global malady will end, coronavirus is not the final chapter in mankind’s great opus. Get out of bed, open the curtains, let the sunshine in.

Life is what you make of it, and we all know when you give a mom a lemon, she’s going to make rockstar lemonade.

Happy Mother’s Day!

A NURSE for 25 years, Livia Lazarus has helped bring many lives into the world and sadly, she has seen off more hopelessly sick souls than she would have liked.

Being strong for their loved ones comes with the harsh territory and she has learned to be brave.

Yet, when faced with her own mortality, amid the raging Covid-19 pandemic, this always-brave mother was suddenly terrified.

“I’m a single mom, divorced for seven years. I’m the only person my three children have, I can’t die.”

These frantic thoughts raged through Lazarus’s mind when she recently showed signs of being infected by the pandemic.

Waiting for the test results was her greatest agony yet, said the Durban nursing standards manager.

“I was scared, like really scared. Those were a long two days. Dying becomes different when you’re everything to your children. I had many symptoms and I tried hard to keep away from my two young daughters.

“But how? Kayleigh is 15 and Tiana just 13.

“Normally, when I come home, they run to me, hug me, ‘hello mommy’, so excited.

“Suddenly, I was sitting far away, telling them to stay away from me, pushing them away, it was so hard.”

Then came the results.

Negative.

Only when Lazarus’s fevered mind cleared did she remember a flu jab she had taken. Her symptoms may have been a consequence of that.

Off the couch… and back she headed to the frontline.

There was much to be done. The global coronavirus pandemic was unrelenting.

As nursing standards manager, Lazarus, 48, is responsible for standards at a private hospital, a very senior position that sees her interacting with staff, patients and their families.

She also manages infection prevention and control at the hospital.

“As you imagine in a time like this, everything has to be done by the book. Added PPEs (personal protective equipment), added protection. We’ve always had infection prevention precautions in place but with Covid-19, there are so many extra protocols and principles that have been put in place. They are so strict. It is a burden, but we work as a team.”

Also the 2IC of the matron, Lazarus has to carefully

manage her nine-hour day to get all her tasks done.

Already physically exhausted, Covid-19 has battered her emotionally.

“I love being a nurse. I love my patients and I love interacting with their families. Now everyone is so stressed and angry. Fathers can’t go into the birthing room with their pregnant wives, families can’t visit loved ones, some patients are old and don’t understand, people are angry that we are turning them away from admissions – not realising that we are actually trying to save their lives…

“It’s stressful. We’re trying our best. We have to protect staff, patients, families, cleaners, everyone.

“Fear is a terrible thing and everyone is so scared.

“I go out every day to protect other lives but I also have children who need protecting, they only have me… it’s so scary, but it’s what I love, and what I do.”

This Mother’s Day will be a particularly sad one for Lazarus. Her eldest daughter Christelle, 19, is a first-year student at UCT and for the first time in her life, she will not be spending the special day with her mom.

“Not having all three kids together breaks my heart. The lockdown destroyed two very important days in our lives.

Christelle’s birthday was on April 23. For the first time, we spent it apart. I was beside myself. Even after my divorce, I always made birthdays special for my girls, took days off, made it memorable for each of them. That’s our thing. This year, all we could do was a video chat.

“And now, Mother’s Day… We would have started at church. That’s very important to us. Then a nice lunch at a restaurant, the girls would have spoilt me rotten.

“I’m just too sad about that.”

With her whirlwind life, Lazarus smirked when asked about simple things as grocery shopping.

“Those things can only be done on one Saturday a month.

“My children are very understanding. I’ve raised good kids. They are really loving, caring. I don’t have a helper.

They have no option but to clean the house, do the washing, make their own meals when I’m at work.”

Livia attributes her strength and victory against tough odds in life to her faith.

“We’re a family that starts the day with prayer and ends it with prayer. Every night we pray together for the sick, for the victims of Covid-19, for those who are suffering.

“A family that prays together, stays together.” | Nelandri Narianan

Livia Lazarus NURSE

Krijay Govender DIRECTOR AND COMEDIAN

MOTHER’S DAY means the world to TV director and comedian, Krijay Govender because she relies on her own mother ... a lot. However, this year she intends on being the person her mom relies on.

“Mom is going to have an extremely tough one this year because my younger brother passed away last month, so I intend on letting her know in detail how much she is loved,” said Govender.

Usually the mother of three – Milan, 14, Janah, 11 and Oben, 5 – enjoys a hot and tasty breakfast in bed and a big lunch out with the entire family and her large group of friends but duty calls. And while she’ll still be at home, planning for a shoot will consume most of her day.

“I’ll be hard at work preparing for a shoot for the following week. But I have no doubt that the

kids and hubby will do their best to make sure my day is special,” said Govender.

She said that by no means did she expect this year to be a regular Mother’s Day. “The lockdown and corona have shown us our interdependency and vulnerability as a race.

So Mother’s Day will be a lot of reaching out. The kids, especially, will reach out to grandmothers, grand aunts and older women in our community rather than me. I’m okay with that.

“That’s far more important. It’s not a regular Mother’s Day at all.”

She said her family and friends might also do a zoom video call and share one another’s menus. | Alyssia Brijalal

ONE of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt is just to go with the flow. Routines are important but life will have other plans. Just like we didn’t plan for Covid-19, motherhood doesn’t come with a manual. Do what works for you. A toddler can be temperamental, so I’ve had to learn to work around his moods and sometimes demands, or I’ll be a frustrated mom.

Even though the world is in a topsy-turvy state, the plus side is that I’m getting to spend quality time with my son and partner. As a working mom, I’m not with him when he reaches some of his milestones. During this time at home, I’ve witnessed him adding new words to his vocabulary and experiencing just how much of a busy body he is. He doesn’t stop running. He’s also enjoying having me at home around the clock and doesn’t let me out of his sight.

Post lockdown, there’ll be fewer play dates for Sipho, if any, and no park visits for a while. I’ve also had to come up with creative ways to entertain him that don’t require any toys or other children. I’m enjoying coming up with daily educational play.

Overall, I see myself being more protective of him. The thought of going back to normal and not spending as much time at home is already giving me anxiety.

A good habit I’ve picked up that I’ll continue doing is taking time for myself. Just taking a long bath with soothing music has done a lot for my wellbeing. I’m planning to do more of this. I’m so appreciative of being alive and healthy.

Waking up each morning is truly a blessing.

Nontando Mposo EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, GLAMOUR SOUTH AFRICA

BEING the editor of a news website, work intruding into my home life is not something new. I have basically been on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for a long time.

Eking out time where I focus on my family requires me to sometimes physically move my family to places where the cellphone reception is sketchy enough to prevent me from working.

Then along comes Covid-19, and a constant flow of news stories about urgent life and death matters.

But unlike most news stories, this one affects every single person on the planet.

My husband, who works in the film industry, is suddenly unemployed. My 60-something mother with pre-existing health issues is considered high risk. My amazing but disorganised 13-year-old daughter now needs help organising her homeschooling schedule. The friends we said could live with us till they got back on their feet after a tough year will be living with us for much longer. My domestic worker will have to stay home with her kids and I will have to pay her and make sure they have enough

to eat. My team will be working remotely and I don’t know enough about their home circumstances to know if this is viable for all. And what about our readers? They need access to information to help them stay safe.

Yes, these are middle-class problems but being responsible for all these people was enough to keep me up at night.

Then on one of those sleepless nights the lessons of all the gracious women in my life, my mother, my grandmother, my sister, my late mother-in-law, my aunts, my cousins, my sisters-in law, my friends, my mentors, my colleagues and the many amazing women I have met because of my job, made me think differently.

In the middle of the chaos, take care of who and what you can. Take care of your circle, even if it’s a circle of one or three. Be generous but realistic. Then when you have more to give, make your circle bigger. Your family, your neighbours, your colleagues, the people in your inbox.

If you are lucky, you are also in someone’s circle and they are taking care of you.

Riana Howa IOL EDITOR

Tshepi Vundla FASHION AND BEAUTY INFLUENCER / YOUTUBER

THINGS haven’t been easy for Tshepi Vundla, who has a toddler son. Vundla is a fashion and beauty influencer as well as a YouTuber.

“It’s been very tough; Siba has been home for three months. I have to keep him entertained and still fit in school work, but I have my mom, partner and his live-in nanny (thank goodness). He keeps asking to go to school and the store, but I have to remind him about corona.”

On how she tackles the challenges, Vundla says the fact that her son is obsessed with screen time doesn’t make things easier.

“We haven’t followed our standard routines, so it’s been tough.

We’re struggling with screen time because all he wants to do is watch YouTube on the laptop. But his school has helped via the class WhatsApp group.”

For Mother’s Day, although she’ll be having lunch with her mom, she hopes the father of her child has a little something planned for her. | Thobile Mazibuko

KINDNESS and patience are the most important qualities for me to have as a mother.

Those two generally help with all aspects of parenting. I sometimes fall short on patience but lockdown is helping me work on that.

The importance of routine is a lesson that’s been reiterated. While everything is in flux, our nightly reading of books, or our morning drawing and learning means that there is still some sort of order.

I’ve also learnt to cook a few more dishes and be creative in the kitchen. My little one is allowed to decide what she will eat, so that there’s some aspects of life she has control over.

I absolutely love that I can spend the majority of the day with a bright, funny, smart, kind girl, learning about what she loves more and helping her learn new things and skills, together with her teacher, virtually, and the lady who helps look after her when I’m working.

I think, post-lockdown, my parenting style will stay the same, except that I will be more intentional about spending time with my little one because I’ve seen, again, how important it is to just be there. | Buhle Mbonambi

Nzinga Quinta NEWS ANCHOR, SABC NEWS

Siba Mtongana CELEBRITY CHEF, AUTHOR AND BUSINESSWOMAN

BRIAN and I have been blessed with four bundles of joy. They are truly the heartbeat and soul of the family and keep us on our toes.

The family is beautifully balanced with two princes, aged 7 and 5, and our two little princesses, aged 4 and 2, who happen to love tutus. The Mtongana squad is an active outdoor family, we thrive on family adventures and exploring our beautiful country together, so this period has been challenging. We parents have to wear many hats in a single day. It’s tough and it takes a toll. But the frustrations come with so many benefits: I get to see my husband’s face and cuddles with the little ones are on tap all day long. We have all bonded and got so much closer.

I usually leave the planning to Brian and the kids on Mother’s Day, they always have something wonderful up their sleeves. My mom passed away last year.

This year my family and I will be together virtually, to honour our “Well of Wisdom”, as we often referred to her.

Val Boje PRETORIA NEWS EDITOR

I AM fortunate to be in the middle of three generations of mothers – my mother, myself and my daughter-in-law. We traditionally get together over the Mother’s Day weekend for a lunch to celebrate the mothers in our family.

This year will obviously be different because of the lockdown. My mom lives close by so I can check in on her and my dad (both in their 80s). I took her to the shops this week to choose something as a gift from my sister and I. My son is also in Pretoria, so I have been to his house to drop off things like Easter eggs for my two grandchildren. My wise 3-year-old granddaughter told me at the gate that we have to “wait for the president to tell us when the virus is gone” before she can go out and then burst into tears when I left.

I miss her and her brother as they are changing fast, but I read bedtime stories which I send them and am kept in supply of pictures on the family WhatsApp group.

My daughter is in Joburg and I drove to see her once when she was having a particularly down day. We had to chat in the car as I was not allowed in her complex.

This week, during the travel relaxation, she and her boyfriend came through to pick up winter clothes and bedding and it was great to see them.

We have become used to missed events during lockdown. We have a lot of birthdays in April, which this year included some significant ones: a 70th, a 60th, an 18th and the grandson’s first.

There were plans for all of these which obviously had to be cancelled, replaced with Zoom meetings and food delivered to the door instead of parties, gifts and trips away.

Perhaps not being able to be with them physically during this time makes one appreciate them more, because Mother’s Day is a celebration of more than mothers; it is a celebration of family.

So, while I will have a quiet day on Mother’s Day, I am looking forward to the first time we can get together again as a family and possibly even go away as we had planned to do in April.

AS JOANIE Fredericks answers my call, she is shouting instructions about baby clothes and food parcels. It is clear the co-ordinator of the Tafelsig Community Action Network (CAN) is in the middle of lots of hustle and bustle.

“I have a good operation here with a lot of people that I can trust. Really, their hearts are in this, so my job is just the glue that keeps this all together,” she says. “My job is relatively easy, I get to speak to so many beautiful people, and people who really want to support what we do here. I give credit to all the other people that are really running this project, making sure that the food is cooked and the baby clothes have been collected and handed out and so on. I’m just the glue.”

The glue, but also the voice of a poor and hungry community struggling during the coronavirus lockdown.

You may recall Fredericks from a video that went viral on social media last month, in which she called on President Cyril Ramaphosa to consult people on the ground on their needs, and how best they could be addressed.

The emotional video came a day after Tafelsig residents took to the streets – burning tyres and stoning police and other emergency services – because only certain people had received food parcels.

Within hours of her video being posted, Fredericks received a call from a staff member in the president’s office to enquire how it could best engage with local leaders on food distribution.

Tafelsig CAN are members of the umbrella body Cape Town Community Action Network, which was formed ahead of the lockdown to address food needs in local communities. Tafelsig CAN has 31 change champions who each feed 300 people a day.

Fredericks said: “I always say I was born into community work. It doesn’t feel like work. For some reason I come alive when there’s chaos.

“I call this organised chaos because then the best part of me comes out. I think I’m a super organiser, I think on my feet and I really thrive when things are deurmekaar. When everybody runs away, I’m like, ‘wait, hold on, just breathe, let me think quickly’... and there we go. I guess this is what passion does.”

Mother to a whole community, Fredericks said her only child is 32 years old and is dependent on her after being diagnosed with bipolar mood disorder when she was 14. | Riana Howa

Joanie Fredericks CO-ORDINATOR: TAFELSIG COMMUNITY ACTION NETWORK

“Often we give a lot of ourselves to our families, and really neglect ourselves and I think it’s so important to make yourself a priority again” - Rachel Kolisi

Shazia van Wyk TEACHER

SHAZIA van Wyk is a single mom to 28 kids… and she loves every moment of it!

In fact, she pines for them when they are not around, like now, during lockdown, when 26 of them are home with their birth parents.

Van Wyk a teacher at Constantia Kloof Montessori in Johannesburg, loves her learners so much, she considers them her own children.

The lockdown has seen many teachers experiencing separation anxiety from being away from their students, and van Wyk is no exception.

“I miss my kids, I miss interacting with them, I miss their love, I miss their hugs.

I even call parents just to talk to the children, to hear their voices, to ask if they’re okay, to ask if they need my help with online lessons. They become a part of you.”

The closure of schools, brought on by the coronavirus pandemic raging globally, had dealt a severe blow to education in South Africa, and van Wyk , like many educators, is very worried about her learners.

“It’s the last year for my Grade 7s. We’ve had so little time to work and so little time together.

I feel like their whole future depends on me and I wish I could do more for them.”

Online learning is new terrain for many educators, who have been forced to adapt to a new way of teaching.

Shazia is quick to admit feeling challenged when it comes to computers, but says she is trying hard to upskill so that she can improve the quality of lessons while in lockdown.

“I’m not a confident person speaking and presenting in front of a camera. I feel like I’m in front of an audience.

In the classroom, I’m used to my children, I can stand in front of them and do what I need to do. I’m not a person who adjusts very well to change.”

One would think homeschooling would be a cinch if mom’s a teacher… but not so, says van Wyk , with a sigh.

“I’m battling with that, to be honest. Especially with my younger one.”

Van Wyk has two daughters, Maajidah, 16 and Nawailah, 9.

“We’re always at loggerheads because funny enough, I don’t have the patience to teach her, but I have the patience to teach a lot of other children.

“I’m battling. I’m really, really battling, I won’t lie.”

Van Wyk was pensive when asked about Mother’s Day plans.

“We’re fasting for Ramadan and we’re in lockdown. Usually the kids would have got me presents, spoilt me, but now with them not being able to go out… it’ll be different.

“My mother is in Zimbabwe, I haven’t seen her in almost two years. I was planning to go visit her in June, but then all this happened.”

As a mom who loves big, van Wyk dreams even bigger for her 28 children.

“I want them to achieve lots, all the things I couldn’t achieve in my life. I want them to go places, to see the world.” | Kimaya Narianan

I’VE learnt that, as mothers, we don’t need to underestimate the potential of our kids. The more time we spend with them, the more we realise just how independent they are. Don’t feel bad if you are not with them 24/7. I have appreciated the extra time I have spent with my children during the lockdown. I have learned new things about them. I even realised they can cook – and they cook really well. This season has given us time to bond and understand each other even more. Even when life goes back to “normal” I will involve them more in household duties. I will not view them as children anymore, but rather give them a chance to explore and prove to themselves they can do all that they dream of.

Thobekile Ndlovu

MANAGING DIRECTOR OF CONSTRUCTION FIRM, THOBETHULANI TRADING

Zahra Sooliman PSYCHOLOGIST

ZAHRA Sooliman says her six grandchildren “are the biggest joy” of her life. “I have always been surrounded by children and now a lot of my time is dedicated to my grandchildren, who are the absolute delight and joy of my life.”

Sooliman is a psychologist and the co-founder of Gift of the Givers, alongside her husband Dr Imtiaaz Sooliman. The organisation is prolific in its humanitarian work in South Africa and other parts of the world, and it has really stepped up during the coronavirus lockdown “I’m not directly involved with every project, but there’s a mask making project where I am working with a dear friend Fiona. We started this on our own and, through the Gift of the Givers, we’ve been able to source fabric and elastic because businesses know us and are happy to donate materials. Then Fiona rounded up a group of 54 retired ladies and we sewed about 2 000 masks.”

Twenty-three years ago, Sooliman set up a counselling service for the organisation.

The careline was closed when lockdown began “but as the reality set in and we started thinking that people are in the same space together, (which) leaves room open for abuse and gender-based violence, in under a week we opened our lines again.

“It’s a toll-free service and people can call from anywhere. The calls are handled by trained counsellors and social workers, a social auxiliary worker and myself.”

The number is 0800 786 786 or email info@giftofthegivers.org.

“We do get calls about anxiety and questions about coronavirus, some people are scared about the future, some are unemployed, but I would say 80% of the calls are people phoning for food. The hunger and poverty is scary.”

Do you think mothers are feeling the lockdown more than anybody else?

“When the lockdown started, I thought there’s going to be a few days of rest. But when I got into the lockdown, I was quickly disappointed because I ended up doing housework. I’m also a student, so there’s work and projects. It’s actually quite exhausting.

“There’s not a lot of time for myself because I’m trying to slice this one cake of time into work and cooking, and then the projects I’m involved in and a bit into the studies. I thought this was a good time to catch up on some studies but I was wrong,” she laughs.

And then of course the family life. The mother of five says her husband is often away and busy.

“He tries his best to be an active parent when he is around but his work takes him away to many places for many, many days. So I’m the anchor in the family, who keeps that spirit of family together, and the kids know I’m the stable parent who will always be there.

“We don’t get to meet each other a lot now. It’s six weeks now, where it’s not the usual visiting, but we communicate over WhatsApp – over video calls and things like that, so at least we keep that connection.

“My birthday is on the May 7, and Mother’s Day follows a few days later, so for me it’s always a double celebration. We don’t make a huge thing out of it but normally we have a family gathering and the girls each one will cook or bake something, and we have a bring-and-share meal. I don’t think that’s going to happen this year.”

Sooliman says one of her daughters will send some cake or something through. “I think that’s how it’s going to be – just greeting through a video call.” | Riana Howa

FORTY-four days. That’s the amount of time I’ve spent indoors with my family of four. My house is a mess. The laundry has piled up. The dishes need washing. I’ve prioritised my life according to work, cooking, cleaning and home schooling – not in that particular order.

While most parents have fallen into some sort of routine, I’ve staggered along the way. The cracks are starting to show, and I’m scared that if I peel away at the layers, our picture of domestic bliss would have all been an illusion that I’m so desperately clinging to.

At the start of the lockdown, we saw the time spent together as an adventure of sorts. Our days consisted of dance-offs, talent contests and rap battles. Now the raucous laughter in our home has simmered down to a soft patter with occasional outbursts of crying and tantrums. But it’s not all bad; we still laugh at the silly stuff like the 5-year-old’s ability to twerk to just about any song or when I burn veggies in the microwave.

And then a week ago I had a mini panic attack.

I realised that although I went in all guns blazing, I couldn’t manage working from home, being a comfort to my children, cooking, keeping the house clean, and keeping up to date with their daily lesson plans.

Home schooling became an ugly word. It filled me with anxiety and dread. Things become, so bad I muted the parents’ WhatsApp group that I’m part of out of fear my shortcomings as a mother would filter through.

As a parenting writer, I’m often asked for advice from other moms, and I’d say: “Be easy on yourself; you’re doing the best you can under the circumstances.”

But we never take that advice. We’re always comparing ourselves to other mothers.

I’ve decided to take a step back and remind myself what’s really important. So what if I haven’t washed my daughter’s hair in a few weeks or my son goes to bed in the same clothes he wears during the day. My children are happy, healthy and safe. And that’s all the reassurance I need that I’m doing okay as a mother.

Marchelle Abrahams LIFESTYLE EDITOR

ONE of the most infectious personalities you will come across. That’s Jenny Morris for you.

And it’s not that she doesn’t have a lot weighing on her. Her Yumscious restaurant was closed for over a month. But she continues to find the silver lining in a rather gloomy situation.

Behind the glare of the cameras and the bustle of running a restaurant, she’s a doting mom, who cannot talk enough about her kids.

“I have three beautiful sons, two living in South Africa and one living between London and Bergen in Norway, because he has a business in both places.

“Ryan, 28, my youngest son, can cook up a storm in the kitchen. He is a paramedic and he’s involved in sales and computer-assisted dispatching systems for security and emergency services. He is married and lives in Cape Town.

“Darin, my second eldest is 31. He has a heart of gold. He is a software engineer. His cooking skills will keep him alive. He will kill me for saying this, but he is single and ready to mingle.

“Wade, my eldest is 45. He is an amazing cook with two hairdressing salons. He is married to Ribekka and they have a beautiful daughter and a big, fat ginger cat named Simba.

“I have a daily routine to keep my head sane.

“I start the day by cleaning the house and feeding the family and animals. Then it’s off to work – I’ve been making cooking videos for my clients, doing recipe development and tasting and live online cooking classes. I’ve yet to have an afternoon nap.”

This Mother’s Day, however, is bitter-sweet for Morris.

“As a mother, I feel the pain of not being able to do things with my children; we are a very close family and do things spontaneously. Even if my family has something planned we won’t be able to do it together so I’ve decided to rather postpone Mother’s Day till after the lockdown.” | Debashine Thangevelo

Jenny Morris CELEBRITY CHEF, RESTAURATEUR AND AUTHOR

TikTok moms

THEY’RE not regular moms, they’re the cool moms of TikTok. The life cycle of a social media app begins when a mixed group of Millennials and Gen-Zers download it, cultivate its popularity by inviting friends to join and then start creating crazy viral challenges. Not too long after that, it blows up, becoming mainstream and creating its own new brand of influencers who become just as famous in their online world as Hollywood A-listers.

However, when it comes to TikTok, these influencers are usually between the ages of 14 and 19.

As the video sharing site attracts more and more attention, it brings along new audiences too, such as the parents of TikTok. Perhaps, at first, they joined for a laugh, or maybe they even downloaded it as a way to spy on their kids. But the irony is that everyone loves them and they’re fast becoming an integral part of the app with their niche videos serving to inform and entertain.

These moms are in a league of their own. | Sacha van Niekerk

Here are five fabulous TikTok moms from Mzansi

SEMONE SKOSAN

BUSISWA GQULU

@semoneskosan

@busiswaahofficial

Entrepreneur, influencer and brand ambassador Semone Skosan is the “cool mom” she’s dubbed herself as in the bio of her TikTok profile.

Rounding up the family, she enjoys sharing videos doing viral dance challenges and making up skits to go with the sounds on the app.

Poet turned gqom super star Busiswa Gqulu is making Mzansi proud on TikTok with an array of proudly South African content dotted all over her profile. On Freedom Day, the mother to a 2-year-old son treated her audience to a Sarafina dance.

AISHA BAKER

DJ ZINHLE

PEARL THUSI

@bakedonline

@therealdjzinhle

@pearl_thusi

Lifestyle blogger Aisha Baker is mom to two-year old Khalid. Dominating most social media we aren’t surprised that she’s also taking TikTok by storm.

Roping in her hubby, SA cricketer Wayne Parnell, she’s had fans in stitches with her quirky takes on challenges and creative voice dubs.

DJ Zinhle is one of Mzansi’s most popular DJs and her chart-topping hit Umlilo is still one of the most heard tracks in the country. If you want to take a sneak peek at her fabulous life, and see your favourite DJ let loose, this is the ultimate spot to catch her light-hearted and quirky side.

Mom to the adorable Okuhle and Thando,Queen Sono star, Pearl Thusi has been owning her space on the app since last year. From hilarious lip-syncing skits to messing around with the array of filters available, DJ Zinhle’s BFF has already amassed a following of over 86.3K followers.

KRSANGI Radhe is an NLP (neurolinguistic programming) practitioner, a certified women’s and children’s empowerment coach, time-line therapist and educator.

And like many parents, she knows the stress we’re under in these uncertain times.

“As a teacher, mom and lifecoach, I’m juggling my mom and coaching duties. Many are in the same boat, with parents juggling working from home and managing children at the same time,” she says.

“How real has it become, that planning meals (groceries have to be shopped for in advance) and filling the days with activities to keep children busy are in the forefront of our minds?”

She offers some tips parents can use while keeping a healthy balance: Have a set routine Keeping a routine is important.

This means establishing a new routine to suit the current climate. For children, routine offers comfort, and for parents this will also offer some structure to the work schedule. This may look and feel different within each home. The simple way to start your planner is to jot down meal times – then fill in the blanks for the other times of day.

Don’t spend long hours preparing meals – keep the menu as you would on a normal work/school day. Once a routine is set, parents will have an idea of how to structure their day, filling in meeting requests, deadlines and all else. This can also work vice versa on some days, when virtual meetings and conference calls are set in advance, then you plan the activities around those.

Talk to your child about your work-from-home routine Talking to your child about the importance of being at home in order to be safe is crucial. If you have an older child, she will be able to understand the responsibility of independence during the times that you have to be at your PC. Keep things practical during essential meetings or conference calls, whether it’s offering a box of Lego pieces at that time or even some gaming time. But be wary of filling in the entire day with technology just to make things easier on your schedule.

Remind your child that although you are more flexible and are at home, you are not on “holiday”.

Depending on the age of your child, you can also implement a “do not disturb hour” to allow you to make progress on the work front.

Should you have a younger child who requires your full attention, it will be wise to share those details with the

management of your workplace and to make the necessary arrangements at home that can assist you in critical times.

Burnout is real, especially when working from home To avoid burn-out, breaks are necessary. Cooking, cleaning, child care and work can all be tedious when done repeatedly for several days. Structure is key – and talking breaks to go outdoors into the garden, do a little exercise or play with a pet, can bring in balance. Absorbing the sunshine and inhaling fresh air allows the mind and body to be in sync.

Meditation is also key during this time; don’t think that you can’t meditate when you have a young child in your presence.

I’ve seen it in my daily life that if you engage with your child and explain that this is now “mediation time”, which means “quiet time”, you will see how quickly your little one will get into the groove of this.

Rewards work a charm Rewarding a child is different from bribery. The old-fashioned star chart still works like magic. Sit with your child and discuss what is expected and what rewards are offered, as well as how you will measure the expected results. Have clear guidelines and allow for room for negotiation.

Remember, for your child the Covid-19 situation can be scary, unsettling and alarming – so don’t be hard and fast, but maintain the necessary boundaries. That’s the balance a parent will need to create during this time. A successful way is to always communicate with your child and make her feel part of the plan.

Plan, plan, plan In order to keep the home peaceful and calm, plan out the days carefully. Be mindful that the extended break from school and work-fromhome routine is just as new for your child as it for you. Therefore, plan to have a busy day, with breaks, outdoor time, and find the inner balance through mediation and yoga.

Keep the days full, with clear balance and harmony. It can certainly become overwhelming, but breathe and tweak technique your routine until you find clear direction as to what works for you and your child.

During the next two weeks, Radhe will be offering practical tips on how parents can tackle homeschooling.

Follow Krsangi Radhe on social media: @Sankalpa. Coaching with Krsangi Radhe. She can be reached on: sankalpacoaching@gmail.com | Marchelle Abrahams

Krsangi Radhe NLP PRACTITIONER, CERTIFIED WOMEN’S AND CHILDREN’S EMPOWERMENT COACH, TIME-LINE THERAPIST AND EDUCATOR

POSITIVE PARENTING HTTPS://YOUTU.BE/CKLTL3URYGM

I WAS blessed with a wonderful relationship with my mom. She was my best friend through my early years and, as I grew older, we remained best friends, but it became more – she was my confidant, protector and shoulder to cry on. When I lost her to dementia, it was heartbreaking. A flicker of recognition in her eyes in those final years, but not actually knowing my name, was probably as hard to deal with as her eventual passing. My mom truly loved me unconditionally.

My daughter Kay-Cee is days away from turning 15 and I love her completely. I have since the moment I set eyes upon her. We butt heads, as any parent and teen would, but I try to instil in her the same values my own mom taught me. She is sweet, funny, compassionate and kind – just like my mom was.

Being a mom means being a safe place for Kay-Cee. She can be herself with me, unafraid of judgment or ridicule. As a mom, I have learnt that I must listen to her, not just hear her but truly listen. I put my phone aside and make eye contact. Intuition is critical – listen to what she is saying and also to what she is not saying. I encourage her creativity and expose her to new experiences. I encourage her to read, cook and listen to music. I show interest in her world – I watch her favourite anime with her and laugh at those silly TikTok videos that she finds so amusing.

I am there for her when she is happy, sad or feeling sick and I am there for her when I am happy, sad or feeling sick. And we laugh – a lot. This is what being a mom is about for me.

My parents taught me to not go to bed fighting or angry with a loved one and that is a gem of advice that I use in all my relationships. I am not afraid to say I’m sorry if I am frustrated or

anxious and I raise my voice or make demands on her – because that is also what being a mom is about. It’s about consistency and discipline. I do want the best for her so I expect hard work from her. But, sometimes I can be too hard on her and I recognise that too. I am struggling to get the balance right with school work expectations through lockdown, as I am sure many moms are struggling with this too. Juggling all our different roles and dealing with a pandemic – where freedom of movement is restricted and our very lives are at risk – is simply not normal. Celebrating her 15th birthday during lockdown is another challenge – she can’t spend it with friends. So, next on my agenda is a virtual birthday party. We have to work with what we have.

Early this year, instead of asking her how her day was, I would ask her to share something positive and something negative that happened through the course of her day, and suggested that each day she shows an act of kindness – pays a friend a compliment or helps a teacher. I did the same and suddenly our trips home were filled with interesting tidbits – yet previously, my questions were met with blank stares and comments like “nothing happened”. We will start that again even though we are in lockdown because it’s my job as her mom to help her navigate life, learn how to express gratitude and teach her different perspectives. I must help her gain self-insight and feel connected to the world, despite physical restrictions during this pandemic, all while showering her with unconditional love.

My mom was my biggest fan and I am Kay-Cee’s biggest fan. Being her mother is the role I am most proud of. This Mother’s Day, I will celebrate being her mom and we will both be thinking about my mom.

Renata Ford

NATIONAL PRODUCTION EDITOR, INDEPENDENT MEDIA

Gail

GAIL and her husband Ernest are foster parents to six Home from Home children who range in age from 8 to 15.

Home From Home is a non-profit organisation which provides 36 permanent foster homes for 200 children in the Cape Metropole.

Before the lockdown, Gail had her mornings free while the children were at school. This meant she had time for housework and other chores, time to go to the gym or walk on the beach and do grocery shopping. All that has now changed due to Covid-19, as everyone is at home full-time.

The children are at various schools and there are WhatsApp groups for families and teachers to stay in touch and obtain weekly school work.

“It’s busy, it’s challenging,” said Gail. “We don’t have a computer, so we rely on our cellphones to access information. This is tough because data is expensive.”

Gail said sticking to a routine with the children worked best. Every morning, they ate breakfast together, assisted with chores, played games like Monopoly or Uno, and then completed their school work. They also read for half an hour a day.

Gail feels grateful to have her husband by her side to support and assist her.

“It is great to have another adult in the house,” she said.

“Many of the other foster mothers don’t have this and it can be really hard.”

So far, everyone is in good health and Gail is very careful about good hygiene.

She shops for groceries as infrequently as possible, but a family of eight goes through bread and milk at a rapid rate.

Home from Home said it was fortunate to have foster mothers like Gail, who calmly spread hope and love in a time of uncertainty. | Tanya Townshend FOSTER MOTHER

“This Mother’s Day is a little different since we are bound to our homes with lockdown, and as mothers, we are probably feeling a little worse for wear right now with everything we are taking on, from being a private chef, tutor and full time caregiver, being a mom in lockdown is an epic feat.”

- Aisha Baker, Bakedonline

WHILE some seem to be having a hard time coping with the lockdown, the likes of Nandi Madida are going on with life as usual.

Madida is a musician, TV host, actress and founder of Colour Fashion Label. She is also a proud mother of two who hasn’t had many problems adjusting to the new lockdown rules because she’s used to working from home. Madida has a 3-year- old son and a 1-year-old daughter. “Nothing much has changed and I’ve been telling people that my life has been on lockdown for the longest time.

“But, from a psychological perspective, it’s very different when you’re doing something that you want and when someone says you can’t go out. The issue is not having the freedom to go out, and just meeting people. Also, being around a large group of people; the whole world misses that,” said Madida. On how her son was dealing with the lockdown, Madida said he did miss his friends but it wasn’t much of a big deal.

“My son is very young; it was not too much of a shock. I’ve been very fortunate that the industry I’m in is very flexible. If I’m not travelling, I’m working from home.

My son used to see his friends here and there but it was never anything hectic. There wasn’t a huge adjustment but he does miss his friends because when he speaks to his teachers and his school friends, he’s happy to see them,” she said.

Madida added that she was happy to spend Mother’s Day with her family. “Mother’s Day, to me, means the joy of having my family around. I don’t usually plan for that – my husband does – but the way things are set up, I’ll just be home, and being around my kids is all that matters,” Madida said. | Thobile Mazibuko

Nandi Madida SINGER /TV HOST/ ACTRESS

“THERE have been times that I’ve felt frustrated that I’m not getting enough work done and that I should be using this time to get ahead, rather than fall behind. However, this time with my son has made me realise he will never be as little as he is today. I’ve learnt about letting go.

“I’ve learnt that the house chores can be done later. Rather take the time to push your kid around the house in the washing basket or those five minutes to just catch your breath. Enjoy the little things and just laugh – let yourself be happy. I now spend most of my morning attending to my son’s needs and find time to work in the afternoons and evenings.

Working our day around his needs wasn’t really an option before, but now we work better as a family unit.

My husband has also been at home with us during this time – so a lot of the decisions I would usually make on my own, are now being discussed and considered as a couple. I believe lockdown has made us more appreciative of each other, more attentive to one another’s needs and it has made us a stronger family.”

Samantha Chrysanthou PR AND MARKETING CONSULTANT, THREADS MEDIA

I HAVE learnt that parents need all the support they can get. We can’t do it alone. But through the process I’ve re-learnt to consciously breathe and listen to my breathing before tackling any task for the day. The importance of checking in on your kid rather than letting TV or YouTube channels do the parenting.

What has been interesting is having to accept that, actually, I’m the one who was the leader in ordering takeaways. The family is more than happy with home cooking. I was surprised by this as I saw ordering food as a treat, only to find that nobody really cared much for it.

I’ve always suspected my patience levels weren’t on point when it comes to school work and having to be a substitute teacher. It has been confirmed.

The impact of the lockdown on me as a mother and on my parenting style, means there’s going to be more books and more reading instilled in the future. I didn’t realise how little reading is done in this house.

I read a lot due to the nature of my work, but I hadn’t enforced it at home.

In our quest to give our kids a better life than we had, we lose something. Something as simply letting your child fix their own meal and work out what the family’s activities for the week are, helps with shaping independent thinking, coming up with solutions. I’m also looking into finding ways to spend more time being a mom than a writer. I want to be present a bit more. Do things, walks and see more of South Africa.

That Garden Route has to be tackled.

Portia Gumede AWARD WINNING TV PRODUCER & SCREENWRITER

“Happy birthday Queen Mother.

Nothing could ever amount to the love you have effortlessly and unconditionally given me my whole life but I hope this small gift reminds you how incredibly special you are.�

- Boity Thulo on giving her mother Modiehi a R1million Merc as a birthday present.

Kee-Leen Irvine TV MOGUL

ONE of South Africa’s leading female executive producers as well as the co-founder of Rapid Blue, Kee-Leen Irvine is proof that dynamite comes in small packages.

Aside from a busy schedule, she’s raised two remarkable young adults: Bianca, 22, a fourth-year psychology major student at Indiana University, USA, and Joshua, 21, a student at Stellenbosch University.

“I’m hugely relieved that Bianca made it back home on one of the last flights back into SA just before our lockdown came into effect,” said Irvine.

She admits that life in lockdown has been dominated by a “prep, cook, wash, rinse, repeat three times a day every day (well almost)”, routine.

“Feeding a family of four while still working and trying to keep the house clean and functioning, even with help from the family, is not for the fainthearted. Then there’s cabin fever, exacerbated by the fact that we recently moved from our family home into a lock-up-and-go penthouse up on the 14th floor, which is lovely for two people but a bit of a stretch for four.”

Work hasn’t stopped, either.

“Broadcasting is regarded as an essential service, so we moved with haste to set everyone up to work from home so we could continue with the delivery of The Bachelor SA, Family Feud and some of Come Dine With Me.” As for how she plans to enjoy Mother’s Day, she said: “I envisage a long walk with Duncan, my husband, between 7 and 9am, then sipping Champagne in the jacuzzi while my family prepare a braai for lunch.” | Debashine Thangevelo

ACTRESS Elana Afrika- Bredenkamp always wanted to be a mom, so Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate the ability to conceive.

“I joke with my husband often, saying that I chose him because I knew he’d make the perfect dad, but I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and I’m very grateful that I was able to have children and that I can spend a lot of my time with them,” said the Fynskrif star.

Usually her special day is a glamorous affair, but this year it will include enjoying a good cup of coffee in bed, reading an online magazine and PJ cuddles from her two adorable children, Esther, 5 and Annabelle, 3.

“I’ll be missing out on lunch on the farm at De Grendel in Cape Town and expensive handbags, but this lockdown has given me the biggest gift ever – to be able to spend a lot of time at home, learning and playing and growing with my daughters,” said Afrika-Bredenkamp.

She said this lockdown had not been easy, but their new normal had been better than most people’s.

“We have been in the blessed position to help others, lend emotional support to others and even build podcasts on www.babybrunch.co.za to help parents cope in this difficult time,she said. | Alyssia Birjalal

Elana Afrika-Bredenkamp ACTRESS, HOST AND RADIO PERSONALITY

THIS Mother’s Day, I accepted my proverbial cape to accompany my title of SuperMom. It’s not my intention to be conceited but the Covid-19 lockdown has taught me a few things, such as how to be an executive chef in my fine establishment, a teacher in every school subject, a nurse, a domestic helper, a dressmaker, a hairstylist (I successfully cut and styled both my son and husband’s hair), a fumbling gardener, a boot-camp instructor and a working mom – juggling meetings and administrative duties. It’s all in a day’s work and I know many moms can relate to the manic days we endure to keep everyone happy, or at least try to.

I often thought that I hadn’t done enough to be SuperMom but the lockdown made me realise I was actually doing the best I could for my family and I needed to stay positive to steer us all through this difficult time, and just let go of some things that cause unnecessary anxiety.

My 13-year-old son and my act-like-I’m-also-13 husband consider me the ultimate nag around the house. It’s not like I do it intentionally. In fact, half the time I’m not even aware I moan and groan my way

through the house, picking up shoes from the lounge floor, packing away books and newspapers left on the dining table… Things are left everywhere and it drives me insane. So, this week, the two other inhabitants decided to clean to my particularly high standards.

I resisted the urge to criticise some of the cleaning.

I think that was part of the problem – I had this belief that if you want something done right, you do it yourself. This was the reason why both co-inhabitants gave up trying to help around the house.

So as the cleaning went on, I had visions of being able to kick my feet up onto the sofa, catch up on all my series and movies I’d recorded but didn’t watch.

Are all moms like this? We get excited about some time for ourselves. Sidebar – I really despise those single people without kids, who act as though life is so tough because they have to make the bed and wash some dishes during the lockdown. I have to make breakfast and lunch, get ready for work, do some homeschooling, and clean the house in between.

So this Mother’s Day is going to be spent enjoying time for myself, reading and pretending I’m single – with no responsibilities or cares in the world.

Keshni Odayan-Chetty PROJECT COORDINATOR OF STUDIO INDEPENDENT

IMAGINE for a moment what it must feel like to wake up every day and have to learn from scratch that you can’t do the things you enjoy doing because the government has imposed a lockdown to curb a virus of which you have absolutely no understanding.

Most people went into the national lockdown worrying about how to provide for their families, keep the children busy and balance working from home with spending enough time with their families.

In my home we had all of the above, but our biggest concern was how to make my mother, who suffers from memory loss and other mental issues associated with ageing, understand that she can no longer go to the local shop whenever she wants, pet strangers’ children in the supermarket or buy cigarettes.

My mom is the bravest, strongest, fiercest woman I know.

She’s the person who did whatever she needed to make ends meet when my brother and I were studying – even moonlighting as a cleaner at a crèche and cleaning her brother’s house.

So when her mind started slipping, it was hard for her to deal with, but also for all of us who depended on her to be our rock.

Even the most basic everyday tasks is a hardship; it can take up to an hour for her to dress and brush her hair. On some days, when she feels up to it she tries to cook the meals she knows her family loves.

Somewhere between chopping the onions and browning the meat, her memory deserts her and she becomes completely agitated because she has no idea what she wanted to do.

Her one pleasure now is going to the shops every day, even though she forgets what she was meant to buy and loses the lists we make for her.

We indulge her, often to the detriment of our pockets, because we are grateful for everything she has done for us and we love her without limit. So when she comes home with a shopping bag full of sweets or six loaves of bread, we smile and brush it off.

The trips to the shop aren’t just about buying things but about chatting to strangers, cooing at babies and kneeling down next to fretful toddlers to console them or offer them a sweet. My mom talks to anybody and everybody.

Now add into this mix the new coronavirus, which is spread by droplets and physical contact. And a lockdown that calls for physical distancing, limits the time you can be outside and prohibits socialising with the neighbours you chat to every day as you pass their houses on the way to the local shops.

My parents have smoked for as long as I can remember and the prohibition on the sale of cigarettes has hit both of them hard, but my mother suffers most because we have to explain to her every single day why she can’t get cigarettes from the corner shop.

Last week, in desperation, she asked one of the young men in the area to show her where she can buy illicit smokes.

She was gone for hours because their search took them into an informal settlement nearly 2km away, which she had never set foot in before. And to add insult to injury, she paid R70 for cigarettes which normally sell for around R30.

The next day, she needed cigarettes again, so we had to explain the lockdown, the prohibitions and the penalties all over again.

We are trying our best to deal with the situation, but it’s heartbreaking when my mom stands in front of me with tears in her eyes, asking me why everything in her head is jumbled up and she can’t remember simple things like whether she had breakfast this morning.

Lou-Anne Daniels IOL NEWS EDITOR

Anasia Govender aka Annalakshmi COMEDIAN

DURBAN comedian Annalakshmi says on this Mother’s Day gratitude should be above all else.

“To me this day is about gratitude. If your mom has passed, then it’s about remembering all the wonderful things she did, all the sacrifices she made.

And also learning from her mistakes.

“I still have overwhelming gratitude that my mom is still around. She’s been a pillar of strength to our family and she continues to do everything within her means to make us happy. From cooking our favourite food to buying us something we wanted or needed, my mom always put a smile on our dials.”

Annalakshmi saya she usually her spends time with her in-laws on Mother’s Day visiting her mother-in-law’s grave, and then heading up the North Coast for a delicious seafood lunch.

“Although we’ll be missing that seafood lunch and the sundowners we generally have, we’re still blessed to have a really good relationship, and as soon as the lockdown is over we’ll hook up and do our yearly ritual,” she says.

This year she will be at home, probably looking at old photos and reminiscing, eating good food and doing as little work as possible.

“My kids usually spoil me with breakfast in bed and my husband takes me shopping, so maybe I’ll do some online shopping. But above all, we celebrate gratitude,” says Annalakshmi. | Alyssia Birjalal

I work hard because that is what I watched my mother do. She was a teacher who instilled in me the discipline to work hard and not to expect anything from anyone.

She taught me that the person responsible for me is myself.�

- DJ Zinhle on her blog

Corli Botha CELEBRITY CHEF AND TV PRESENTER

A FAMILY that eats together, stays together – that’s why this mom of two will be spending her Mother’s Day cooking up a storm in her kitchen with her kids. Corli Botha describes Mother’s Day as a day that should be celebrated with the kids everyday.

“It’s the one day that should actually be an everyday celebration.

Knowing, trusting and keeping faith, that each day will bring its own strength and provisionto fill this child’s life with heart, soul and all flesh needs, but the most importantly it’sthe love that children receive that makes them feel wanted and the example they will live their life by,” she said.

In the past, her family always celebrated the day round the table with a delicious meal filled with fun, conversation and laughter from young to old, and thanks to technology, this year will be no less different.

“This year,except for the fact that we are in lockdown, it will be no different.

Thank goodnessfor online food shopping and video calls to include everyone in the family.

Tea and a homemade rusk in bed will be in order, followed by a hearty meal, which I will probably cook,”she said.

About surviving the lockdown, Botha said it’s been tough but she got to do things at home that she never had time for.

“I have to be honest and say, it’s been tough. Being a mom and juggling all the balls in normal circumstances is some days a challenge, but is much harder during lockdown circumstances. It took me a few days and then I realised, you can’t be a full-time mom, attentive partner, patient teacher, perfect homemaker and a full-time business owner all at once. Nobody can. We are all doing what we can, with an extraordinary situation and that’s enough. I see this time as a blessed time with my family, children and God. Time to do things at home we never have time for,” she said. | Alyssia Birjalal

Phindile (aka Phindi) Grootboom TV PRESENTER / AUTHOR / RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE COACH

FANS will remember Phindi Grootboom, as well as her hubby Monwabasi (aka Mo), from M-Net’s Power Couple reality show.

More recently, they created and hosted Mzansi Magic’s talk show, For Better or Worse with Mo and Phindi.

Aside from a busy career, which she shares with hubby, her three kids are a priority.

She shared: “I’m a proud mommy of three adorable children.

My eldest , Nwabisa, the creative in the house, is named after her dad, Monwabisi. She is 14, and it’s a big deal for her. My second-born is another beautiful and intelligent 13-year-old girl, Kamva, the intellectual in the house. She’s followed by my adorable 7-year-old son, who’s running the household. My daughters always complain that he gets away with murder.”

On family life in lockdown, Grootboom said: “There’s been a few challenges, first because it was never part of the plan, but the biggest has been to keep the kids entertained and occupied.

Kids have a limited attention span so being indoors endlessly can get to them. Another challenge has been around schooling. My kids’ schools have resorted to online schooling, which means their education won’t be affected, but it’s taking a toll of us as parents as we now find ourselves doubling up as teachers on top of our normal responsibilities.”

Lastly, she said the grocery budget had almost tripled.

On the plus side, she’s not rushed with trying to tick off several commitments on any given day.

Lockdown or not, Mother’s Day is always a big deal in the household.

Grootboom said: “I usually don’t do much on Mother’s Day – the kids take over my kitchen, which I enjoy. So I’m expecting home-made cards, especially since we’re on lockdown and they can’t buy gifts as such, and being spoilt for the rest of the day, which I enjoy. I’m also expecting lots of baking around the house as this is something they all enjoy doing together. They’ll probably make a special Mothers Day cake or something.”

She added: “From my side, I’ll probably start the day by calling my mom, who’s locked down in Durban while I’m in Joburg. Every Mother’s Day, I wake her up with a call to tell her how special she is and how much I appreciate her in my life.

She’s definitely getting a gift after the lockdown.” | Debashine Thangevelo

Rolanda Marais ACTRESS

BEING a mother can be exhausting, so to get some acknowledgement on Mother’s Day from her loved ones, goes a long way. “It’s a day for people to give tlc and recognition to the mothers in their lives. It’s a selfless job and often emotionally exhausting and it means a great deal to get some acknowledgement,” said Rolanda Marais.

The actress usually spends the day at a wine farm enjoying a meal, wine and nature, but amid this year’s lockdown, she said her husband’s cooking will be just as good.

“We usually go to a wine farm, and my husband also makes sure that I feel extra appreciated by giving me flowers and a gift and some extra time for myself by keeping the little one busy. This year we will obviously stay home but I’m sure my husband has something planned for us. He is an incredible chef so we will definitely eat a beautiful meal,” said the “Trackers” star. Sharing her lockdown diary, Marais said in the past few weeks, there were times she felt very depressed.

“I felt sad for people who have lost everything. I worry about the world my daughter will grow up in. I have had many moments of total despair but I also have many more moments of loving this new home-bound life. I’m a homebody and I love our space and it is an absolute pleasure spending time here with my favourite people. I get through this time by counting my blessings and being grateful for a roof over my head,” she said. | Alyssia Birjalal

I AM a mom of three kids aged 4 ,7 and 14, a wife, and since lockdown I’ve been working from home, which has been anything but elegant. I find myself working throughout the day and night, gobbling up sandwiches (hunchbacked) between meetings, hair untamed. Basically I’ve become a glorified Neanderthal with a laptop.

I also feel constantly torn between my work and my kids, often zoning out during meetings, thinking: “Oh my word, did they brush their teeth, take their vitamins, when last did they eat?, I forgot about schoolwork”, and feeling perpetually guilty for shooing them away, locking myself up during meetings, and not giving them the time and attention I ordinarily do when at home with them.

I often miss the workplace and not feeling guilty about work because my kids are at school, playing learning and growing.

Like many moms, I find myself feeling drained, having constant bouts of anxiety about the future, the unknown. The overwhelming reality of what we’re facing is sometimes crippling, and although I try to anchor myself by focusing on our many blessings, such as health, income and safety, it’s hard not to feel completely defeated at times.

As moms, we need to take a few steps back and observe the oxygen mask analogy: to really comprehend the importance of self-care.

Self-care is more than just masks and nail polish.

Self-care is about setting boundaries to protect yourself.

Working hours, remember those? Guess what, they still apply – stick to them.

Mom time, what is that, you ask? It’s time you set aside for yourself to do whatever you want to: set those boundaries with your family.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. There’s no handbook on how to be a sane, functioning mom amid a global pandemic and it’s okay to feel scared, it’s okay to feel uncertain, but know that you have overcome so much already and you will overcome this as well.

So look after yourself, Momma. Take that long bubble bath with candles, watch your movie undisturbed, brush your hair, eat that apple, go outside and get those 15 minutes of sunshine every single day. But do this not just during this strange season – do it always, every day. Look after your mind and body.

You are important, you are enough, you are a strong woman of Africa. You got this!

Thandi Joy Henkeman PROJECT MANAGER

“It is a lovely thing to discover that your children don’t want you perfect.

They just want you honest. And doing your best. In fact, the more room they have to be great where you are weak, the stronger they may become.

They love you. They want to help you.

So in the end, it’s the team you build.

And in a way, they are raising you up too. You grow together.”

- Angelina Jolie

My Mum BROUGHT TO YOU BY IOL LIFESTYLE