MISTIE LAYNE: AUTHOR, SPEAKER, TALK SHOW HOST, FOUNDER
Copyright Mistie Layne
Fly
Hummingbird,
Fly
My first grandbaby, Eliana, was born 9/18/2016, twelve years to the day I killed somebody in a car wreck. I had gone from medical school to prison behind a horrific accident that occurred during my ten-year addiction to cocaine. I rebuilt my life, rebuilt trust, regained my confidence, and set out to live a new life without cocaine. What happened to me twelve years into this new life was unexpected, not sought after, but certainly a blessing in disguise. Because my daughter's due date was the same, I thought God was replacing life with the life I felt I had stolen and it would somehow reduce the grief and pain I suffered through year after year. Consequently, her birth became so very much more and was what catapulted me into TRANSPARENCY and gave me the courage to release my life story in my book, What Goes Up. I wrote my book in jail while awaiting a possible forty-year prison sentence but didn’t release it until Eliana was born. This story is for you Eliana, my Hummingbird!
38 INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE MAGAZINE
Eliana arrived on her due date but was stuck at 6cm in the birth canal and suffered a brain injury due to a lack of oxygen. She was diagnosed with HIE, GRADE III (hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathymost severe.) Her brain injury caused her to be blind, deaf, she couldn’t suck, cry, or even regulate her temperature. Eliana went through many surgeries during her first year of life and was fed through a feeding tube (g-button), had multiple respiratory issues, and required twenty-four hour around the clock care. I didn’t understand why back then, but I had a hard time bonding with her in the first few weeks of her life. I sat with my family day after day at the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) as she was put on a cooling pad, placed on an oscillator, and hooked up to machines and wires. Although my heart was grieving, I experienced joy as my daughter held her for the very first time, days after her birth. I loved her beyond measure but somehow felt disconnected. I suddenly realized I felt guilty, that I was somehow responsible for this! The devil convinced me her tragic birth injuries were my fault, I mean, the dates couldn’t have been a coincidence, could they? After realizing I was letting my TOXIC past rob me of my future, I knew I had to make some changes to release the SHAME and GUILT. I decided to rewrite my book from a dark tone of blame and anger to a new tone of accountability and forgiveness. I made a conscious decision to FORGIVE myself for the accident and move forward with my life so I could enjoy the road ahead instead of constantly looking in the rear-view mirror. Me blaming myself for her birth injuries and
