IN Magazine: March/April 2019

MARCH / APRIL 2019

OMAR SHARIF JR. IS MAKING HIS MARK

DIVA-LICIOUS! DEBORAH COX IS

THE MAGIC OF JAMAICAN NOVELIST NICOLE DENNIS-BENN

A TRUE SHOW-STOPPER 1

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MARCH / APRIL 2019

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IN MAGAZINE

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inmagazine.ca PUBLISHER Patricia Salib GUEST EDITOR Christopher Turner ART DIRECTOR Prairie Koo COPY EDITOR Ruth Hanley SENIOR WRITER Paul Gallant CONTRIBUTORS Fraser Abe, Bobby Box, Michael DeCorte, Colin Druhan, Ryan Emberley, Adriana Ermter, Kevin Hurren, Karen Kwan, Paul Langill, Ashley L. Williams, Ivan Otis, Michael Pihach, Mitchel Raphael, Jumol Royes, Adam Segal, Fredsonn Sylva Aguda, Sharine Taylor, Doug Wallace, Casey Williams, Dee Williams, Tammy C. Yates DIRECTOR OF MARKETING AND SPONSORSHIPS Reggie Lanuza MARKETING AND PROMOTIONS MANAGER Bradley Blaylock CONTROLLER Jackie Zhao

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EDITORIAL INQUIRIES (416) 800-4449 ext 201 editor@inmagazine.ca

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MARCH / APRIL 2019

IN Magazine is published six times per year by The Mint Media Group. All rights reserved.

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Deborah Cox Cover photo by Keith Major (Courtesy of -Deco Entertainment. Inc.)

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IN MAGAZINE

CONTENTS

87 issue 87

During the February 8 episode of the Disney Channel show Andi Mack, ‘Cyrus Goodman’ became the first Disney character to utter two powerful words: “I’m gay”

March/ April 2019

FEATURES

06 | SELFISH OR SELF-CARE In the age of Instagram and selfie sticks, when it comes to aging gracefully, where do you draw the line between self-care and self-absorption?

08 | OUR COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TERM QUEER Whose word is it, anyway?

10 | A CAST OF NEW AUTOS IS READY FOR ADVENTURE Gather your chosen family and hit the road!

11 | PORNOGRAPHY VS. REALITY If you are able to separate the truth from the fantasy...you can share the best of both worlds 11 | HIS INSECURITIES ARE AFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP How do I get through to my boyfriend and help him see how great he is?

12 | READY FOR BLAST-OFF Four fat-blasting exercises to add to your workout routine 13 | BREAKING DOWN THE BARRIERS BETWEEN HIV AND MENTAL HEALTH Many people living with HIV experience higher rates of depression and anxiety

14 | ON THE TOWN Scenes from the party circuit 15 | LEADING MAN Omar Sharif Jr. is making his mark by building on a legacy of acting and activism 18 | THE SOLUTION TO OUR ADDICTIONS? Maybe the real remedy for the addiction and depression epidemic is not sobriety, but rather a deeper connection with ourselves and one another 20 | IT’S TIME TO STOP ASSUMING WHO IS TOP AND WHO IS BOTTOM Where you stand on this may be based on something other than your personal preference 22 | A PRIMER ON CANADA’S PREMIER LESBIAN GAY BISEXUAL TRANS AND QUEER WOMEN Learn your lez-sons 24 | THE MAGIC OF NICOLE DENNIS-BENN The celebrated novelist breathes life into untold stories of Jamaica’s LGBTQ+ folk 26 | DIVA-LICIOUS! DEBORAH COX IS A TRUE SHOW-STOPPER The enduring charm of the Canadian chanteuse

30 | GAY CONSERVATIVES: A POLITICAL PARADOX Why LGBT Canadians spend money or time on Conservative campaigns, and what it means for the right 44 | HOW GAY TRENDS GET TRANSMITTED The gay world has always found unique ways to get through life 46 | DOWN THE DANUBE A legendary river, quaint medieval towns, stunning scenery, and five different countries – Hungary, Austria, Slovakia, Czechia and Germany – make for a busy week on the water 50 | FLASHBACK: APRIL 1953 IN LGBT HISTORY Ed Wood releases Glen or Glenda

FASHION 32 | HOW THE JOCKSTRAP BECAME PART OF THE GAY MALE UNIFORM Seriously...Why do gay men love jockstraps so much?

34 | THE JETSETTERS Get ready for takeoff wearing some of our favourite pieces for Spring 2019

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LOOKING GOOD

SELFISH OR SELF-CARE?

In the age of Instagram and selfie sticks, when it comes to aging gracefully, where do you draw the line between self-care and self-absorption?

By Adriana Ermter

MARCH / APRIL 2019

Blame it on pop culture and our love/hate affair with reality television stars like the Kardashians, Queer Eye’s Fab Five or even a Real Housewife or two, but there’s no denying we are living in the era of picture perfection, where the concept of getting old has been replaced with the idea of agelessness through the practice of self-care. While candlelit bubble baths and an oily rubdown by a strong-handed RMT may have cut it a decade ago, this new and improved version of how we’re supposed to grow and age runs the gamut from light therapy-induced sleeping chambers and 10-day yoga retreats in Bali to vampire facials and paid meditation apps named Calm, 10% Happier and Headspace.

Sure, we’re embracing it, and maybe even grateful for all of the options. Yet with nearly 12 million Instagram posts (and counting) using the hashtag #selfcare – each one better lit, curated and filtered than the last – it can be challenging not to feel the pressure to up your own self-care game beyond eating healthy, getting eight hours of sleep and carving some me time into your schedule. Particularly when you consider that the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery documented more than 4.5 million Botox procedures just two years ago, complete with an 87 per cent hike in users ages 19 to 34 years old.

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“Everyone wants to look good and feel good,” explains Dr. Nowell Solish, a cosmetic dermatologist and founder of the Cosmetic Dermatology Toronto Yorkville clinic in downtown Toronto. “It’s normal to want to take care of yourself and be the best you can be.”

No matter who we are, our responses to aging can be similar – ranging from feelings of denial, insecurity, fear and betrayal to resignation and acceptance; and either choosing to take action or to do nothing at all. But biological aging affects men and women differently.

Men tend to show an almost imperceptible steady decline where smooth skin is slowly replaced with crow’s feet and laugh lines before being followed by greying temples, deeper facial wrinkles and age spots. Women, on the other hand, tend to retain an even and relatively unaltered aesthetic façade until menopause, when there is a “steep drop,” says Dr. Solish. “It’s all related to hormones.

Your estrogen decreases and with it your skin’s water, moisture and collagen, leaving an increase of fine lines and wrinkles, and a decrease in radiance and plump skin.” What’s left behind can often look like a very different version of you.

Take action!

Taking preventive measures – such as finding a qualified and

“One of the most important anti-aging products for all genders and all ages is daily UV protection, which is as easy as choosing a daily moisturizer that comes with built-in SPF,” says Frauke Neuser, the principal scientist for Olay. “Studies have shown time and time again that UV damage is the biggest culprit of visible skin aging.

Looking good and keeping your skin healthy go hand in hand.”

Sunscreen (often referred to as SPF or UVA/UVB blockers), found in products such as Olay Whips Fragrance-Free Moisturizer with SPF in both the Olay Regenerist and Olay Total Effects lines, is the number one ingredient to incorporate into your self-care skincare regimen, whether you’re Gen Z, a Millennial, Gen Y, a Baby Boomer or otherwise. “Your skin is a body organ just like your heart or your brain,” explains Neuser. “So aging gracefully means keeping it in

the best possible condition – not for vanity but because you need it to be strong and healthy for as long as possible.”

Additionally, she recommends seeking out products containing anti-aging ingredients like retinol and vitamin C to help repair and regenerate skin (especially when significant sun damage is visible), as well as to brighten your skin and tackle brown spots, respectively.

Hydroxy and glycolic acids provide exfoliation by removing dead skin cells to leave your skin looking fresh and glowing. Peptides boost collagen production and aid skin regeneration, helping tackle lines, wrinkles and sagging skin, while vitamin B3 (niacinamide) is great at keeping your epidermis strong and resilient with an even tone and texture.

LOOKING GOOD

experienced doctor who focuses on cosmeceutical anti-aging procedures such as facial fillers, laser facials, chemical peels and Botox injections – as well as creating a daily routine with antiaging-specific topical face creams and products, can help to reduce the impact, both emotionally and physically. And, no, none of this constitutes selfish behaviour. Responding proactively to your skin’s needs is often just good sense.

“Topical creams should definitely be part of your self-care and anti-aging regime,” adds Dr. Solish. “They’re the first step in prevention and maintenance and, if you choose, can be followed

by Botox, then fillers and then lasers, depending on your needs.”

But at the end of the day, he says, “no matter how you wish to age, if what you choose to do makes you feel better, happier and confident, then it’s self-care, not selfish – and that is actually very empowering.”

ADRIANA ERMTER is a Toronto-based, lifestyle-magazine pro who has travelled the globe, writing about must-spritz fragrances, child poverty, beauty and grooming.

FIERCE

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PRIDE AT WORK

OUR COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TERM QUEER Whose word is it, anyway?

By Colin Druhan

MARCH / APRIL 2019

When Tim McCaskell was growing up, the worst thing you could people still saw ‘queer’ as broadly negative. As he explains: “We be labelled was a sissy. “If someone called you that, you either took this weapon so it couldn’t be used against us anymore.” had to fight the guy or your life was over,” he says with a laugh. This transformation of the term continued through the 2000s, When he entered high school in the mid-1960s, he noticed a including during the five-season run of Bravo’s makeover show different word being used by the older kids: queer. “Even if you Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (rebooted simply as Queer Eye didn’t know what it meant, you knew it was a bad thing. It meant by Netflix in 2018). For better or for worse, queer – a term you weren’t normal,” explains the activist and author of the books intended to embody difference and all that was not normative Queer Progress and Race to Equity.

– had gone mainstream.

McCaskell, who was involved in publishing one of Canada’s first Today, for the first time in history, we have multiple generations significant gay publications, The Body Politic, throughout the 1970s of out gender and sexual minorities who are living, working and and 1980s, says that one of the first times he saw people using interacting with each other. Each generation has been privy to ‘queer’ as a positive identifier for gender and sexual minorities various uses of the word queer. Sophia Akhavan-Zanjani is the was in the 1990s, when he was working on an anti-homophobia coordinator of RyePRIDE, which functions as part of the Ryerson initiative for the Toronto Board of Education. A student from Jarvis Students’ Union and needs.” But at the end of the day, he says, Collegiate Institute was starting a publication for gay youth and “no itself as “the queer voice of Ryerson University” in Toronto. wanted to call it Queer Voices. McCaskell says that when he took Akhavan-Zanjani says RyePRIDE uses the word to describe the the student’s content to the printing office, they refused to print it. broader community that is served by the group’s programming, but “They said it was a hateful word.” doesn’t expect every member of that community to take it on as an identity. She identifies as a member of the community served This took place during a time that was a turning point for the use of the by RyePRIDE, but doesn’t describe herself as queer because of term queer. Since the 19th century, it had indicated strangeness and the word’s violent history. “I don’t want to use the word ‘divisive,’ oddity, but in the early 1900s it started being used in a derisive way but either you use that word or you don’t,” she says, adding that towards homosexual men. By the early 1990s, while some were because of differing views on the term, “unless someone explicitly continuing to use the word as a slur, academics in the burgeoning told me that they used it to describe themselves, I wouldn’t label discipline of Queer Theory, like Eve Sedgwick, had begun to them that way.” examine concepts like heteronormativity and the idea that human sexuality was more dynamic than previously thought. An activist Akhavan-Zanjani explains that a lot of people who participate in group formed by members of the New York AIDS collective ACT RyePRIDE programs say they are members of the “Queer community” UP dubbed themselves Queer Nation, bringing the world the iconic because they prefer not to have to explain every component of liberation chant, “We’re here! We’re queer! Get used to it!” their sexual orientation and gender identity all the time, saying it simply “signifies to people that you’re not cis or not straight” McCaskell recalls more community members taking up the term in without going into too much detail. a positive way throughout the 1990s, despite the fact that a lot of

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IN MAGAZINE

Planned Parenthood of Newfoundland and Labrador offers explaining that “they prefer the term queer.” He says many of these several programs for gender and sexual minorities including Camp students have expressed disinterest in the specificity of the term Eclipse, which the organization describes as “a four-day leadership ‘lesbian’ and embrace the fluid nature of queer, which because of retreat for LGBTQ+ youth and their allies.” Nikki Baldwin was a its history can indicate one’s politics as much as one’s sexuality. leading member and coordinator of the program before she became “Terms go in and out of favour, and how we view them shifts across executive director of Planned Parenthood of Newfoundland culture and with age,” explains Fung, who first encountered the and Labrador last year. It was by working with Camp Eclipse word when he moved from Trinidad and Tobago to Ireland, and participants that she learned of differing perspectives on the use of then to Toronto in the 1970s. He has seen the evolution of its use the word queer. Some youth involved with Camp Eclipse, as well among gender and sexual minorities ever since. as adult members of the community, were made uncomfortable by the word. “We have two distinct groups,” she says. “Those from St. “Queer can be a helpful shorthand,” he says, but cautions that using John’s have positive interactions with the word queer, while people it as a term for all identities included in ever-expanding acronyms from rural areas have a negative association.” Baldwin says her like LGBTQ, LGBTQ2+ or LGBTTIQQ2SA has its pitfalls: like organization uses queer in their umbrella term for the community collapsing issues of gender and transness with those of sexuality (LGBTQ+), but admits that it’s a tough line to walk even when and other facets of one’s identity. “Two-spirit, the 2S in the longer it offends some people. “If people adopt it for their own personal acronym, is a pan-Indigenous term which gestures towards the identity,” she explains, “you have to let them use it.” range of sexuality and gender constructions among Indigenous nations before 1492,” is just one example, he explains. To him Abigail Moser is an undergraduate student at the University of it’s “another reason why it’s not always adequate to use queer as Toronto, pursuing a double major in gender studies and book and the catchall term.” media studies as well as a minor in English, who embraces the term queer. “I find its vagueness comforting,” she says. Born in the 1990s, Fung, McCaskell and other long-time activists have the benefit of Moser didn’t grow up with anything but positive associations with having seen things like our community’s shared language evolve the term. “It feels inclusive and welcoming, rather than having to be over a number of decades, watching terms like ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian’ specific about your identity,” she says. However, she acknowledges transform into acronyms that have become progressively more that this is based on her personal relationship with the term, and inclusive of a broadly diverse community that contains nearly remains conscious of the term’s origins. “If someone tells you not infinite identities. “The most important thing to remember is that to use it to describe them, of course that’s fair.” words and categories are shifting all the time,” says McCaskell, expressing hope that nobody loses sight of the fact that our rights Moser’s attitudes around the word are familiar to Richard Fung, a and freedoms are what matter the most. “That’s not to say that Toronto artist and writer who teaches an LGBTQ studio course at language is not important, but if people fetishize and become OCAD University. He has noticed a marked difference over the past completely obsessed by it, then it becomes counterproductive.” several years in how cisgender women in his classes have identified Fung agrees that language is important, but that it must remain agile their sexual orientation. “None has identified as a lesbian,” he says, COLIN DRUHAN is the executive director of Pride at Work Canada, a not-for-profit organization that empowers employees to foster workplace cultures that recognize LGBT employees. For more information, visit prideatwork.ca.

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WHEELS

A CAST OF NEW AUTOS IS READY FOR ADVENTURE Gather your chosen family and hit the road!

By Casey Williams

Spring is the time to think about adventure, whether that includes hiking, boating, bicycling or… driving. Get out there in style – and with the latest safety features. We look at vehicles from the recent Los Angeles and Detroit auto shows that will soon be available. From redesigns of iconic sports cars to capable crossovers and a boulder-busting pickup, these vehicles can take you almost anywhere.

Toyota Supra Supra returns for the first time in 20 years with next-decade bad-boy styling highlighted by its F1-style nose and integrated rear spoiler hump. Under the bulbous hood is a 3.0-litre turbocharged inline six-cylinder engine producing 335 horsepower – adequate to run 0-100 km/h in 4.1 seconds. An eight-speed paddle-shifted automatic transmission is standard. Adaptive suspension, active rear differential, head-up display, JBL audio and crash avoidance tech are available.

Base price: under $65,000 Cadillac XT6 Cadillac’s first three-row crossover cribs the recent Escala concept’s horizontal LED headlights and vertical tail lights, though it’s considerably less flashy than the Escalade.

Get it in Premium Luxury or Sport trim, the latter with black mesh grille. Interiors are lavished with wood or carbon fibre, Bose audio, adaptive cruise, head-up display, and night vision camera. Infotainment is by rotary controller; wireless charging and 4G Wi-Fi are available. Go forth with a 310-horsepower 3.6-litre V6.

Base price: TBA Jeep Gladiator Meet Jeep’s first pickup in a quarter-century. Fronting the cargo bed is pure Wrangler with a standard soft top and available hard top with removable panels. Harboured behind the famous grille and round LED headlights is a choice of 285-horsepower V6, with eight-speed auto or six-speed manual transmission, or 3.0-litre V6 diesel delivering 260 horsepower. Lockable four-wheel drive, forward-facing camera and disconnecting sway bars aid off-roading. There’s nothing like it.

Base price: around $50,000 Porsche 911 Porsche begins the roll-out of its next-generation 911 with Carrera and Carrera S versions.

While you’ll recognize the sculpted Beetle body from two planets away, it is slightly wider and longer, distinguished by LED headlights, variable-position rear spoiler, and large wheels. S models get a 443-horsepower turbo flat-six, with eight-speed PDK transmission, for 3.3-second 0-100 km/h runs (3.2 seconds with AWD) – swift by any standard. A night vision camera and adaptive cruise with stop-and-go are available.

Base price: $130,000

MARCH / APRIL 2019

Honda Passport Honda adopts a name from the past for its Pilot-based five-passenger crossover. It packs a 280-horsepower V6 and nine-speed transmission to tow up to 2,268 kilograms (with AWD), and comes standard with large-diameter wheels and a full suite of crash avoidance tech. While not a classic SUV, the Passport is still quite capable off-road. It’s also quite advanced: connect with wireless phone charging and 4G Wi-Fi. There’s a long list of accessory packages for adventure and urban living.

Base price: Expected under $40,000

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CASEY WILLIAMS is a contributing writer for Gaywheels.com. He contributes to the New York-based LGBT magazine Metrosource and the Chicago Tribune. He and his husband live in Indianapolis, where Williams contributes videos and reviews IN MAGAZINE to wfyi.org, the area’s PBS/NPR station.

SEX

PORNOGRAPHY VS. REALITY

If you can separate the truth from the fantasy…you can share the best of both worlds

By Ashley Le Feuvre-Williams

I have met several people in my life who have said, “I learned a lot about the act of sex through watching porn.” And, unfortunately, this isn’t an uncommon thing, especially since sex has always been something that feels so censored. When your educational systems aren’t talking about it, when you can’t talk to parents/friends and family about it…where do you turn?

The easy choice would be to turn to porn. Pop in a DVD, find some clips online and learn how the pros do it, right? The moves, the dialogue...they’re all presented to you in a way that someone might look at it and say, “Yeah, that will definitely work!” If it feels that good for the stars of the film, what could go wrong in reality?

This doesn’t take into consideration the fact that pornography is just an act. It sets a mostly unrealistic level of intimacy, because it’s designed, and filmed, to speak to your inner fantasy. And most of the time, when porn is discussed, it’s usually from the angle of “porn is bad for you…it leads to unrealistic expectations, you’ll end up getting ED, nothing will ever satisfy you…” etc.

But porn doesn’t have to be all bad! In fact, there are a few advantages that it can offer you and your partner. I’m here to encourage the use

of porn as a tool for inspiration. Watching certain genres will get you and your partner thinking, and hopefully talking, about what turns you on and what you can try together in an attempt to spice up your love life – because even the most sexually active couples will admit that sometimes…you just fall into a bedroom routine after a while. Porn could be the thing that takes you up a notch!

You could do something completely different and make it into a game. See how long you can resist each other while you’re watching porn together.… Let the tease drive you wild.

Set your own rules, your own time limits, and just enjoy!

Or take things slow and observe how your partner responds to the sounds and sights you’ve presented on the screen – then, when the time seems right, start with some light foreplay and let the rest unravel.... Before you know it, you’ll be so wrapped up in each other that you won’t care what’s on the screen.

The best part? Seduction is having a pretty amazing sale on DVDs right now! Perfect opportunity to check something out. Come in together, or leave it as a surprise for your partner!

ASHLEY LE FEUVRE-WILLIAMS is an essential part of the team at Seduction Love Boutique, being one of two main contributors to the Toronto stores’ marketing department as well as a dedicated sales manager. Seduction has proudly served the community since 1998; follow it on Instagram: @SeductionTO.

How do I get through to my boyfriend and help him see how great he is?

By Adam Segal

Dear Adam, My boyfriend’s self-esteem has been really low and it’s kind of driving me crazy. Every morning when he’s getting dressed, he asks me if he looks fat. He’s constantly researching plastic surgery options online and trying fad diets until he gets frustrated and gives up.

He often makes jokes that I’m cheating on him or looking for a more fit guy – when really I think he is still super-hot and I’m more turned off by his insecurity. We used to have great sex, but now he seems timid to show me his body and avoids being fully naked with me. I tell him all the time that he is handsome, and he dismisses my compliments or assumes I’m lying to him. How do I get through to him and help him see how great he is? – François Dear François, It is clear that you have a lot of affection for your guy and want to see him suffer less – and that caring is a beautiful thing.

Watching someone we love crap all over themselves is, no doubt, a wrenching experience. Your BF is lucky to have a loving and accepting presence in his life, and your attempts to boost him up are clearly coming from the heart. The only possible pitfall of your compassion is that it can slowly morph into a feeling of responsibility for your partner’s self-esteem – and this wouldn’t be good for either of you.

Ultimately, your fella has to recognize that, while you care about his insecurity, you need him to take ownership for how

these issues negatively affect him and the relationship you two have built together. Typically, esteem issues are long-standing and come from painful childhood experiences that gradually result in a loud and convincing inner critic. While it likely helps that you express positive feedback, no amount of compliments can eradicate that stubborn critic. You will have to set limits on how much you indulge his self-loathing comments or passiveaggressive quips about cheating, and find ways to be more authentic with him about how much his negativity turns you off.

Promise him that you will continue to offer support, but that he will have to figure out where his self-hatred comes from and find ways to adapt to living without this judgmental, albeit familiar, invisible friend by his side.

ADAM SEGAL, writer and therapist, works in private practice in downtown Toronto. Ask him your relationship or mental-health questions at @relationship@inmagazine.ca.

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RELATIONSHIPS

HIS INSECURITIES ARE AFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP

HEALTH & WELLNESS

READY FOR BLAST-OFF Four fat-blasting exercises to add to your workout routine

By Karen Kwan

MARCH / APRIL 2019

With the variety of workouts out there, what are the best fat-burning exercises you can do to quickly tone and define? Eliminate the other factors you consider when it comes to fitness – such as how much enjoyment you get from the exercise, or the social aspect, or, let’s face it, the exclusivity (we’re talking about you, the one flaunting the branded gym gear and ’gramming your sweaty selfies in the distinctive gym space). When it comes down to it, many of the best moves to burn fat are back-to-basics-type movements rather than anything involving newfangled gym equipment. Think skipping and burpees.

Medicine ball slams “Pick up the ball by actually squatting, keep the chest proud as you pick up the ball – no hunching over to pick it up, as that won’t use your legs and it defeats the purpose,” says the personal trainer. “Add a cardio segment such as fast feet or 20 jumping jacks in between.”

Skaters with a row “When you jump or step to the side, lean over and complete a dumbbell row – that’s my flair on things,” says Yos. “Most people just do skater jumps, but get more bang for your buck by adding an upper body component with rowing.”

“Anything that raises heart rate is more likely to burn more calories,” says Sopearin Yos, a certified exercise physiologist and the owner of Man makers Common Ground studio in Toronto. He typically focuses on changing In a push-up position, complete a one-arm row on each side, an individual’s overall body composition rather than zeroing in on bringing your elbow up high. Then add a jump-in component the narrow focus of burning fat, but when it comes to fat-blasting (“like a half burpee,” says Yos). “This will definitely make you moves, his personal favourites involve lots of full-body compound sweat big time.” movements. “Instead of a regular squat, add a 10-second shuffle in between sets. That’s my ideology: keeping you moving the entire Lunge curls time so you are working at a higher grade.” While burpees are a “Lunge, then add a curl at the top with dumbbells. If you want popular fat-blasting move thanks to their high intensity, “most to make it more of a workout, do eight to 10 lunge curls on one people don’t do them with the greatest form,” says Yos. side using a light to medium weight, then repeat on other side.

Next, do 30 seconds of skipping,” says Yos. “That is what will So what are other exercise options to get the job done? Here are gas people out – the huffy puffy part. Make the session fun by some of Yos’s favourites. (He has one caveat: if you’re just starting adding conditioning instead of just completing five sets of dead to work out, keep in mind that the compound moves he suggests lifts; while that burns calories after your workout is completed, are more advanced, so he advises getting one movement down pat it’s just a different ball game when you’re focused solely on before you start combining two or more movements.) strength training.”

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KAREN KWAN is a freelance health, travel and lifestyle writer based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter at @healthswellness and on Instagram at @healthandswellness.

HEALTH

BREAKING DOWN THE BARRIERS BETWEEN HIV AND MENTAL HEALTH Many people living with HIV experience higher rates of depression and anxiety

By Tammy C. Yates

Seeking care for mental health issues can often be a challenging experience, for a range of reasons including accessibility, stigma and appropriateness of care. The first people you reach out to can profoundly shape and set the tone of your overall experience. Though awareness around mental illness and supports for mental health and well-being have grown positively over the last number of years, many of us do not have the tools or language to offer the most appropriate support when someone tells us they are struggling or are in distress.

Positive Outlook 2.0 will build on the momentum started during the rollout of the workshops that Realize conducted in 2018, in which 240 participants from across the country were trained.

The workshops, which are continuing in 2019 and will occur once each in four different areas of the country, will engage local co-facilitators from relevant community agencies in each of the areas, to provide an enhanced understanding of local mental health services. In addition to providing appropriate information about the local service context, this setup also gives attendees an opportunity to develop networks and connections to facilitate more appropriate referrals.

This challenge is heightened in the HIV community. Many people living with HIV experience higher rates of depression and anxiety, and accessing ongoing support can be difficult. Those living with “Working with Realize on Positive Outlook 2.0 will mean accessible, HIV may be less likely to access traditional community-based compassionate and long-term care for people living with HIV and mental health organizations for fear of encountering stigma and a mental health issues across the country,” says Sara Leclerc, general lack of understanding regarding their HIV status. manager of ViiV Healthcare Canada.

Canadians’ attitudes and opinions twards people living with HIV were assessed in a national study in 2012. Seventy-one per cent of Canadians have little tendency to stigmatize people living with HIV, although 22 per cent hold a moderate degree of stigma towards people with HIV and another 7 per cent exhibit a high level of stigmas. These stigma combined further alienate and create barriers for people living with HIV.

For more information, check out www.realizecanada.org and www.viivhealthcare.ca.

Mental health professionals and frontline staff in mental health organizations do not receive mandatory training related to working with people living with HIV – but a national organization, based in Toronto, is going to change this. Through the re-energized Positive Outlook (2.0) Program and with support from pharmaceutical company ViiV Healthcare, Realize is working to build the capacity of frontline workers in community-based HIV organizations and mental health organizations. Through a series of workshops across Canada, Realize (formerly the Canadian Working Group on HIV and Rehabilitation) will help these frontline workers develop the skills they need to be able to work more compassionately with clients who are experiencing mental concerns and living with HIV. “By including both of these populations, this training will bridge the gaps between the HIV and mental health sectors, and will build possible networks and increase capacity to better support people living with HIV who may approach mental health organizations seeking supports,” says Tammy Yates, executive director of Realize. “The intention of training staff members from these organizations,” she says, “is to equip them with a better understanding of the needs of people living with HIV, and ultimately to reduce stigma and [possibly give clients] better access to community-based mental health organizations.”

Positive outlook training in Toronto

TAMMY C. YATES is the executive director of Realize.. In 2015, she became the first Black female executive director of a national organization in Canada’s HIV response. She has worked for over 13 years in the field of program management. Prior to joining Realize, Tammy was the national program manager of the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) Trinidad & Tobago Branch Office. She has extensive experience in Gender & Development and Sexual & Reproductive Health, including HIV/AIDS, having worked previously as a program officer with the Secretariat of the Caribbean Regional Network of Persons Living With HIV (CRN+) and serving as chair of the Gender Theme Group of the United Nations System in Trinidad & Tobago. She is a graduate of Wolfson College, Cambridge University, England, and the University of the West Indies, St. Augustine, Trinidad.

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ON THE TOWN

SCENES FROM THE PARTY CIRCUIT

By Michael Pihach

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AfterWerk The Blue Ball at Buddies In Bad Times Theatre - Photos by Mitchel Raphael 1: Trevor McGrath, Mike Woods, Luis A., Rafael Losinski, 2: Imarra, 3: Barbie Jo Bontemps, 4: Curtis D. IDS19 Opening Night Party at Metro Toronto Convention Centre - Photos by Ryan Emberley 5: Pay Chen, Andrew Pike, 6: Karim Rashid, 7: Sebastian Blagdon, 8: Zac Posen.

Toronto Fashion Week, Bübl x David Dixon at the Royal Ontario Museum - Photos by George Pimentel Photography 9: Glen Baxter, 10: Jeanne Beker, 11: Catherine Nugent, Tessa Virtue, 12: David Dixon, Jack Foley.

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INTERVIEW

LEADING MAN

Omar Sharif Jr. is making his mark by building on a legacy of acting and activism

By Jumol Royes

Trying to find one label to define Omar Sharif Jr. is almost next to impossible, because there are just too many to choose from.

The Egyptian-Canadian actor, born in Montreal to a Jewish mother and a Muslim father, has starred in films alongside Hollywood heavyweights like Eric Bana and Rooney Mara (The Secret Scripture) and Salma Hayek (11th Hour). Sharif Jr. is the grandson and namesake of legendary film star Omar Sharif, so acting is in his blood.

Activism is also second nature to Sharif Jr. After coming out in 2012 in an article for The Advocate, he’s become known as “the first public personality to ever come out as openly gay in the Arab world.” While he has faced some serious backlash, that hasn’t stopped him from being a vocal advocate for LGBTQ rights around the world; he served as the national spokesperson for GLAAD from 2013 to 2015, and he’s currently an ambassador for the Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation and the Human Rights Foundation.

As if his plate weren’t full enough, Sharif Jr. is adding ‘author’ to his list of credits, with his memoir due to be released this fall. He announced it on Instagram with a post that read in part, “Major milestone: My memoir is finished – ready to bare myself to the world!” A photo of him baring his backside appropriately accompanied the post. It’s hard not to like a guy who knows how to use his assets to get attention!

IN spoke with the globetrotting triple threat about his upcoming TV projects, being gay in Hollywood, Canada’s role in fighting for LGBTQ rights around the world, and his love of all things Schitt’s Creek.

You live in L.A., but you were born in Montreal. What’s your fondest memory of your time spent in Canada?

My best memories are easily going to Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario.… My experience at Queen’s I felt was very freeing and liberating for me because even though I was still in the closet at home, I came out on campus. And even though it’s more of a conservative campus in a small town, I was fully embraced and accepted by the people around me, including the members of the football team and the lacrosse team, most of whom are still my best friends to this day. And so I only have the fondest memories of being there and being able to discover myself on my own terms.

It was a big deal when you came out. How does it feel to be ‘the first public personality to ever come out as openly gay in the Arab world’?

It certainly had its challenges...and I have my memoir coming out soon.… I didn’t expect the reaction to be so negative in the Middle East broadly, but I would say it’s a double-edged sword: on one hand, I might have regretted doing it at first because I pay consequences – I can’t go back to Egypt, I couldn’t go to my grandparents’ funeral, I lost a lot of friends, but that comes with the territory, I suppose.

On the other side, still to this day I receive somewhere between 200 and 1,000 messages a day across various social media platforms. There really is no visibility or representation for LGBT people in the region. But even if I can provide just that [visibility or representation].… I can’t provide much more than that – I receive a lot of pleas for help and sadly I’m not an immigration expert or a mental health professional; there’s not much more that I can do than just live openly and authentically and try to be an example of someone that’s living their best life and showing that it does get better eventually, as clichéd as that sounds.

You’re also the grandson of Golden Globe Award-winning actor Omar Sharif. What’s it like following in his famous footsteps while trying to make your own mark?

Definitely a big shadow to walk in…but I’m so proud of the work that he did so it really is such an amazing legacy that he left, because he didn’t just leave a legacy of acting but of activism. Especially later in his life, most of his films and most of the times he spoke publicly were about religious tolerance, so that was something that was really important to him and his last few films touched on that subject. He really used his art to convey a message. That’s what I see as my legacy, my inheritance.

The last four roles that I filmed were about being an LGBT Arab. That’s a story that I can tell and that I can share. It’s amazing that I could learn from his example and do that. Art has a way of cutting through boundaries and borders and walls and opening up minds.… That’s what I learned from him.

Has your career in Hollywood been impacted as a result of being an openly gay actor?

Yeah, for sure.… When I came out, half the criticism that I got out of Egypt was, ‘He’s doing this for attention to boost his acting career in Hollywood.’ Number one, the first thing is, no one comes out to get more work in Hollywood. That’s not how that works, not even a little. So, no, that wasn’t the case.

It was about being authentic to who you are and finally just owning up to who you are and embracing yourself and loving yourself for who you are…and that was why I came out. Not to 15

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get more work in Hollywood. It doesn’t work [that way]; it’s not a thing. Things that aren’t things for $200, Alex. [Laughs]

…My grandfather did warn me afterwards [that] there are going to be less roles because not only are you the gay actor, now you’re the gay Arab actor. But now, I wish he could see – we’re four years after he passed – there are so many of these roles coming out. Every day I get some sort of a script for a gay brother, the Arab gay boyfriend, the Arab gay Syrian refugee.

There are so many of these stories being told. Hollywood has really picked up the mantle on this, trying to tell more and more diverse stories.… There’s more opportunity to tell these stories.

it afterwards [Taiwanese voters rejected same-sex marriage in a referendum in November 2018]. I think the only thing we can do is to bring our messages around the world and tell our story – and if we can change one mind, we still have to consider it a victory, a tiny victory.

What role should countries like Canada play in promoting LGBTQ rights around the world?

I think Canada has an [increasingly] important role to play. I think that other countries are lagging in leadership on this issue, and I think the same way that in some ways I have a role to play when I stand up and speak for LGBT Egyptians, Canada has a role to play on the world stage.

I’m experiencing a bit of a renaissance this year, in that sense. …And there are still problems in Canada – let’s not say In the TV show Mélange with Morgan Fairchild, I’m playing a everything’s perfect for the LGBTQ community. The rates of gay Syrian refugee who doesn’t want to leave. I’m now signed bullying have remained static, the rates of suicide have stayed on to do The Baker and the Beauty – which is the number one stagnant, there are still issues of trans-related violence, there scripted show in Israel – and there I’m playing the Arab love are still a lot of issues. But I think Canada can be that shining interest of one of the main characters who happens to be example of progress, or working towards it, and showing Jewish, which I love because it’s an interfaith love story that’s that…society is not going to regress if you grant equal rights going to film and air in Israel…and it’s an LGBT story. I think to LGBT people. There’s not going to be a breakdown of it’s just so amazing for the times that the creator, Assi Azar, society.… If anything, it’s going to make the country stronger, wrote this into the show in the third season. because stronger families make for stronger communities and stronger societies.

And then I’m signed on to do a television show called Queen of DeNile, about an Egyptian family in America, and I play the You mentioned your memoir earlier.… What can we gay cousin of the lead actress…her confidant, her best friend. expect from it?

Times are shifting and, who knows, maybe after coming out, It’s going to be coming out this fall.… I’ve really opened up in it my grandfather was wrong; maybe I will get more work and there are going to be a lot of surprises: not only for people because of this. that don’t know me, but even for my family members who are ultimately going to read it.

Tell us more about Mélange.

Well, they finished filming the pilot so it’s in the pilot season Stories of my grandparents, stories of my family – unknown and it’s up to whether or not the distribution channel picks it stories, stories about myself and coming out and what it up. So we have to see if it gets picked up to [be a] series…but was like discovering myself throughout the years, stories it has an amazing cast. Not only does it have Morgan Fairchild, about hypocrisy in the Middle East and some of these but it has Alex Newell (I love Alex), Perez Hilton, Laith ‘moral’ regimes in which I had some experiences including…

Ashley, Anne Ramsay (who’s become a really close friend of being held against my will and sexual abuse, stories about mine), soap stars Gary Donatelli, Robert Newman and David Hollywood, about the Me Too movement and [about] my Gregory (who’s so handsome) and Scott Evans (who plays my experiences with some of these figures that are coming boyfriend). up in the press – and I’m so glad that people are finally calling them on it because I was too afraid to for years…

The show takes place in a bar in New York and the owner dies and [about] my thoughts on activism today and whether or suspiciously and the different stakeholders are fighting over not it’s going in a good or bad direction generally. Whether the bar. It’s a drama, very stylized, very much like a Dynasty we’re actually succeeding or whether we’re just going after or a Falcon Crest. It’s very dramatic and wonderful; it’s a lot of each other. fun. Very campy. …It’s not just a collection of stories; it really is one narrative Shifting gears a little, let’s talk about the work you do that goes full circle and brings up a whole bunch of, I think, around LGBTQ rights. You addressed the Oslo Freedom salient topics today.

Forum in Taiwan in advance of that country’s marriage equality referendums last November. How was that Are you binge-watching anything? Enquiring minds experience? want to know…

It was special. I’ve spoken [for the LGBTQ community] around Yeah, I mean I have to say that Schitt’s Creek is probably my the world at this point with the Oslo Freedom Forum as it’s favourite show on television.… And it reminds me of Kingston, travelled. I really felt a certain amount of pressure on my it reminds me of being at Queen’s University, it reminds me of back because the referendum was happening a few weeks Canada, it reminds me of home. later, and of course I was really disappointed in the result of

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Photo: Sean Black JUMOL ROYES is a Toronto-based writer, content creator and communications strategist with a keen interest in personal development and transformation. Follow him on Twitter at @Jumol.

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ADDICTION

THE SOLUTION TO OUR ADDICTIONS?

Maybe the real remedy for the addiction and depression epidemic is not sobriety, but rather a deeper connection with ourselves and one another

By Michael DeCorte

MARCH / APRIL 2019

The world can often appear a happy and promising place through our filtered social media lenses, and our high-tech devices are enabling us to ‘connect’ globally at lightning speeds, yet depression and addiction rates are soaring higher than ever. This troubling reality strongly suggests a deep need for us to make an inventory of ourselves to identify the underlying problem – and its solution – so that we can become happier and healthier and truly connect with one another.

drugs and alcohol – but other addictive patterns and behaviours have continued long into my ‘sobriety.’

I wrote this article because I wanted to share my experience and begin dialogue around the subject of vulnerability.

A popular idea exists that the ‘universal is in the particular’ and vice versa. For the purpose of this piece, this can be taken as US television headlines are blasting that life expectancy is declining meaning that the more vulnerable and intimate someone is, the at an alarming rate due to overdose and suicide, and the Canadian more universally they are received by a collective who all share Medical Association Journal is reporting similar trends. Drug the same human experiences. overdoses are now the number one cause of death in America for people under age 50, with Canada coming up not too far behind. Shame and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown claims the bottom And Canadian depression rates have increased by an alarming 18 line with shame is that “the less you talk about it, the more you per cent in the last decade. got it.... Shame cannot survive being spoken.”

So it’s clear that there is an urgent need for a broad and collective So it stands to reason that when we share our secrets, we are freed self-reflection. However, we need not just a quick acknowledgement from their power. Likewise, when we share our feelings with others, of the areas where we are doing well socially and personally, but a the identification they experience can also liberate them from the much more meaningful self-searching – and with that, a willingness grip of their own shame. Because no one likes to be told what to to evolve based on our findings. do, the easiest way to carry a message with motivation is by telling

a story that others can identify with: a message that contains hope At this time of year in particular – with winter hibernation ending, for something better. excitement awakening for warmer temperatures and, for the LGBT community specifically, Pride being on the not-so-distant summer So here’s a little intimate experience: Late-night large pizzas, two horizon – many of us are inclined to improve ourselves: that is, we pints of Ben & Jerry’s, and obsessive flipping back and forth between are apt to eat healthier and exercise more. But if the yearly cycle of a couple of sex apps: these are a few of my least favourite things. body and image polishing co-exists with the aforementioned decline You wouldn’t be able to gauge my disdain for such behaviour, in North American lives, it suggests a deeper problem, one that our though, based on the frequency with which I engaged in it. attempts at physical self-development and image-upholding aren’t quite meeting. There can exist considerable pressure in the gay These behaviours are some of my deepest, darkest secrets. community to look good and maintain a ‘bar face’ or image that might Probably not what you’d expect of a health and wellness not be a true, or at least an intimate, presentation of who we really are. professional. Am I right? I’ve been unintentionally single my entire life, for reasons I just couldn’t figure out. I work on Perhaps there’s a way we could search for areas in our lives where my body and spirit constantly, and have desired nothing more than we could develop ourselves beyond the physical, and identify how a loving relationship. we can get closer to our innermost selves and then connect with each other.

About a year ago, I became enamoured with a friend, but I found

myself – as always – too fearful to tell him I liked him. Though I A recent article in Psychology Today suggests that sobriety isn’t had failed to act on my feelings countless times before, this time the opposite of addiction – connection is.

I suppose I had had enough loneliness, and so I searched my soul

for – and discovered – the fears that kept my true self isolated and The idea that addiction (and, with it, depression) isn’t a substance running in my cyclical, lesser addictions. I know I’m not ugly, disorder but rather a social disorder, didn’t appeal to me when I and I know that love is bigger than popularity and how rich I am, first read about it. I’m in recovery myself, after an earlier stint so what was I afraid of revealing? What was it that was keeping as a club-kid-promoter in the Toronto gay scene. Thanks to help me isolated? from countless people in the city’s thriving recovery community, I’ve been sober from my major addictions for nearly two decades. I dug and I dug, and when I had looked beneath every fear and When I say “my major addictions,” I mean I’ve been abstinent from arrived at the very depth of my soul-searching, it finally came to

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me: I had been terrified to let go of controlling how people might see me as potentially flawed, awkward and emotional. Emotional.

I was scared of being perceived as emotional. I didn’t want to be seen as needy.

In identifying and touching these fears, I was able to lessen their impact on my life and move out of the stifled emotional isolation I was in.

As I’ve begun to emerge from these ‘bad habits,’ it has become apparent to me that in addition to the fears I have about revealing myself, I must carry with me some innate negative beliefs about who I actually am.

A few months into my new life without those late-night dates with Ben & Jerry and my other ‘extra-curricular’ app-tivities, I began to notice a little depression settling in. More specifically, I started hearing a small voice – at first a whisper – that would taunt my reflection while I was shaving or changing my clothes. ‘You’re getting old, Michael.’ ‘Look at those lines – your body isn’t what it used to be.’ ‘Your cheeks are hollow, and your face is drooping.’

The voice got louder and would wake me from an otherwise restful sleep to the reality that ‘I’m alone. I live in a bachelor apartment and I barely have anything for my age. And I’m getting older still.’

Startled, I began questioning why this depression was setting in now, when I’ve done so much work on myself. Especially now in my sobriety – wasn’t everything supposed to be getting better?

Wasn’t I supposed to be straightening out mentally, physically and emotionally as I conquered my spiritual sickness and isolation?

After scrambling to answer this question, I came to the realization that these negative thoughts about myself hadn’t just begun; they had been there all along! I had never recognized them, though, because I had been hushing those voices through binge eating, validation-seeking through momentary hookups, and my gym and body obsession. These behaviours had become my lesser addictions, and they compounded the root problem of my shame and poor self-esteem.

If you find yourself engaging in repetitive and damaging behaviour, you can most likely diagnose yourself. I certainly can’t tell you

what’s wrong with you. I can, however, tell you what’s wrong with me – and maybe this will prompt you to identify and look within yourself to see what’s there that doesn’t need to be.

So, if we search and discover something that we know is not truly serving us – and if we realize that blotting out our negative voices and poor self-appraisals through one-night stands (or 10-minute stands!), food bingeing and exercise addiction doesn’t actually remove the problem but instead perpetuates it – then what do we do?

We share it. How do we share it? We speak the language of the heart. We cut out the cattiness, and start to float back down to earth and share our humanity. We talk about our real problems and let others know they’re not alone.

What if we’re scared we won’t be accepted if we talk about our secrets? We can come from a place of humility and trust that our true potential partners will accept us – because they will. And those who don’t accept our real and flawed selves are clearly the ones who we are not meant to connect with. It’s that simple. Making a catty joke at another’s expense – essentially putting on a show to get a laugh – is a great example of an area where we can make a change to authenticity without even having to reveal a deep, dark secret. The target of our joke, if they’re absent, isn’t actually harmed by our words: we are! The unnecessary joke is simply creating space between the world and the perhaps gentler and kinder person we truly are. Saying nothing and instead allowing our more humble self to shine will connect us at a deeper level – and will actually boost our self-esteem because we chose kindness and remained true to ourselves.

In this way we come out of our isolation and we connect – not over fashion or gossip or material things, but at the deepest level of our being. We remove the space between us where the bad habits and depression thrive, and instead we allow our true selves to bloom.

There are numerous resources in Canada for people who are struggling with addiction, depression and poor self-esteem. From psychotherapy at health clinics and meditation classes at the 519 Community Centre, to CAMH and LGBT-specific Twelve Step meetings, there are many ways to find and connect with people on a similar journey, and, hopefully, to realize you are no longer alone.

MICHAEL DECORTE is the founder of Jock Yoga and the author of an upcoming self-help book that utilizes connecting to our higher selves to overcome addiction and depression. When he is not writing for his wellness blog, michaeldecorte.com, you can find him kicking butts in yoga studios around Toronto. Follow him on social media at @michaeldecorte.

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SEX

IT’S TIME TO STOP ASSUMING WHO IS TOP AND WHO IS BOTTOM

Where you stand on this may be based on something other than your personal preference

By Bobby Box

When it comes to sex, gay men generally fit into three categories: top, bottom or vers. Of course, positional preference can be more nuanced, with some identifying as vers tops and vers bottoms.

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Where things get dicey is when someone assumes your preference.

Why? Because this visual assessment is based on stereotypes, a covert form of queerphobia. If you’re small and effeminate, you’re assumed to be a bottom. If you’re big and masculine, you’re assumed to be a top. But, as I’m sure any gay man has found, these visual qualities – especially when rigid and binary – are rarely correct.

So why do we do it? Who’s to blame for this social injustice? That would be straight people.

“For queer communities, the most prominent framework available to them was through the lens of a heteronormative culture,” Daniel Olavarria, a New York-based therapist, tells IN. “When gay men seek models for developing their own sexual lives and intimate relationships, they often use the most common framework available to them, which is straight couples.” The equivalence then resulted in tops equalling aggressive, dominant and masculine, and bottom equalling passive, submissive and feminine. As a result, gay men often self-assign these roles or respond to what their community has reinforced what their role should be.

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Of course, these heteronormative implications dig deeper into the psyche of gay men, making us insecure for no other reason than we don’t submit to straight culture. According to Patrick Davey Tully, a cis gay therapist who works with gay men seeking deeper relationship satisfaction, not identifying as a top can lead to feelings of deep shame, as we feel we should fulfill the idea of masculinity that society has projected on us.

Masculinity is very much a societal construct dating far back in history. We attribute height, weight and behaviour as parts of our masculinity. “Those of us trying to conform to this role, even more deeply, will often go to great extremes in order to fit the role,” Tully tells IN. “Being masculine can be quite healthy, but attributing what we view as masculine can lead to behaviours that are to our detriment.”

“Research” (a term used very lightly) on the matter doesn’t help. A study from 2013 recruited 23 participants, asking them to observe 200 pictures of gay men on a dating site (100 tops, 100 bottoms).

They were then asked to categorize these individuals as either tops or bottoms. Researchers concluded that the recruits were able to choose the correct roles “at a rate better than chance” by looking at their faces. Of course, this facilitates the notion that people have

“gaydar,” which is a false and presumptive notion in the first place.

Naturally somebody will be more likely to be correct when given a 50/50 chance to guess someone’s positional preference. If the person just so happens to fit the stereotype, it’s merely a coincidence.

Researchers noted that it remains “unclear” whether sexual roles could be perceived accurately by naive observers.

many times Black men are stereotyped as tops and Asian men are stereotyped as bottoms. “They themselves feel the pressure as well to conform to a label due to historical oppression,” he says. “This reveals the binary in place for all of us that tells us, not just those around us, what role we should play.”

We have been socialized to assign a lot of meaning to the roles gay Similarly, a paper from 2011 found that some correlation does men play in their sex lives. “Feeling self-assured in labelling other exist between one’s preferred position and how likely they are to gay men as a top or bottom gives us a sense that we have a head be “more expressive” (effeminate) and adhere to female gender start on who they are as a person – whether they are outdoorsy, roles. One of the researchers told Vice, “Guys who are feminine affectionate, assertive, accommodating, attentive, dominant, or any are being pushed into feminine roles, and we construct roles in other number of personality and lifestyle traits,” Olavarria says. heterosexist ways.”

“In reality, we understand that these labels are crudely developed and often unreliable. But that won’t stop us from engaging in that What this research suggests is that smaller, feminine men do not type of thinking. Having this method of quickly assessing one necessarily want to be bottoms, but that they are influenced to take another often makes us feel better and helps us avoid, or at least on that role as it is more often attributed to being the receptive, mask, the discomfort of not knowing.” female partner. Same goes for masculine men as tops. It’s a cyclical system stemming from heteronormative society.

Let’s do each other a solid: stop assuming who’s top and who’s bottom. Instead, ask when it’s appropriate, or find out naturally. By Race plays an uncivil role in these presumptions as well. The assuming one’s positional preference, we are perpetuating a dated reasons in this instance, however, are less a result of heteronor- idea established by a community that doesn’t understand us. Not mative culture and more rooted in prejudice. According to Tully, to mention, it does nothing positive for the community.

BOBBY BOX is a prolific freelance journalist in Hamilton, Ont. He currently works as contributing editor at Playboy.com and has had the privilege of speaking with the world’s most recognized drag queens, including, most recently, Trixie Mattel and Alaska Thunderfuck. While proud of his work, Bobby is not above begging. He asks that you follow him on Twitter at @bobbyboxington.

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US WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH

A PRIMER ON CANADA’S PREMIER LESBIAN GAY BISEXUAL TRANS AND QUEER WOMEN Learn your lez-sons

By Fraser Abe

March is National Women’s History Month in the United States. Here in Canada, it’s in October – chosen to coincide with the landmark decision Edwards v Canada on October 18, 1929, which allowed for women to sit in the Senate of Canada – but we just can’t wait another eight months to applaud our favourite LGBTQ women pioneers. It’s like celebrating both American and Canadian Thanksgiving! Here, some of Canada’s most notable LGBTQ leaders.

Marnie McBean She rocketed – well, rowed at least – into the public eye at the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona, winning gold medals in both the coxless pairs and eights events. Then, at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Lake Lanier, Georgia, she won another gold in the double sculls and a bronze in the quadruple event. An injury before the 2000 Olympics in Sydney forced her to pull out of competition. Shortly thereafter, she retired. In a country known for its prowess at winter sports, McBean is one of Canada’s most decorated Summer Olympians. Her record led to her being made an Officer of the Order of Canada in 2013. She came out after retiring from active competition and married her partner in 2014.

Ann-Marie MacDonald Her first novel (in 1996), Fall on Your Knees, won the Commonwealth Writers Prize – although, to some, its being selected as a pick by Oprah’s Book Club might be even more prestigious. Goodnight Desdemona, her 1988 play, was also the recipient of many awards. She was the host of the CBC doc series Life and Times for seven seasons, and of their program Doc Zone for eight seasons. Further still, in 2018, MacDonald was made an Officer of the Order of Canada, not only for her prolific literary and arts work, but her LGBTQ advocacy.

Jill Andrew Andrew is a Toronto MPP and member of the Ontario New Democratic Party for the riding of Toronto –St. Paul’s. In a riding that traditionally votes Liberal (even though tony and generally Progressive Conservative Forest Hill sits at its centre), Andrew beat out the Liberal candidate by just over 1,000 votes in the hotly contested 2018 election. Andrew identifies as queer and once told Torontoist, “For me, it’s meant freedom, and I know that’s a provocative term considering for so many it doesn’t mean freedom…because I am finally being myself.” Andrew and her partner co-founded the Body Confidence Canada Awards and are supporters of Glad Day, the LGBT bookstore-meets-bar-meets-event-space in Toronto’s gay village.

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Vivek Shraya Although mostly known for her literary work – like this year’s bestselling I’m Afraid of Men and her first work, published in 2010, God Loves Hair, a collection of stories about a brown, genderqueer kid growing up in Alberta – Shraya is also a seasoned musician. Her 2017 album, Part-Time Woman (a collaboration with the Queer Songbook Orchestra), was a critical favourite. She was also named Grand Marshall of the 2016 Toronto Pride Parade. Shraya is an assistant professor in the creative writing program at the University of Calgary.

Ellen Page Probably the most famous person on this list, Page is known for playing bold characters – from a 14-yearold vigilante in Hard Candy to a roller derby player in Whip It to an actual superhero in the X-Men series. She is also an outspoken public persona: in addition to her acting roles, Page hosted the Viceland series Gaycation, where she explored LGBTQ cultures around the world. Most recently, she made an impassioned speech on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, slamming US Vice President Mike Pence’s anti-LGBT views that went viral on the internet.

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Kristyn Wong-Tam Formerly a real estate agent and business owner, Wong-Tam entered politics in 2010 when she was elected to Toronto City Council for Ward 27 (now Ward 13–Toronto Centre). She has beaten out all opponents, most recently in the 2018 election, despite Doug Ford’s PC government redistricting ward boundaries to make them much larger. Wong-Tam’s riding covers Toronto’s gay village and she is a vocal LGBTQ activist.

Cheri DiNovo DiNovo was an NDP Ontario MPP, representing Parkdale–High Park, from 2006 to 2017. She has since retired from public office and serves as the minister for Trinity–St. Paul’s Centre for Faith, Justice and the Arts. Openly bisexual, DiNovo has supported LGBTQ rights since her youth, and was the only woman to sign Canada’s first gay liberation manifesto (“We Demand”) in 1971. Among her staunch activist stances, she successfully shepherded Bill 77 (which prohibits conversion therapy for LGBTQ youth) through the provincial legislature, and tabled Bill 137 (which aimed to protect LGBTQ parental rights under the law; a similar bill put forward by the Liberals was subsequently passed).

Tegan and Sara Tegan Rain Quin and Sara Keirsten Quin, identical twin sisters from Calgary, are both openly gay musicians who beat out Lady Gaga and Elton John for Outstanding Music Artist at the GLAAD Awards. The duo, known for bops like “Boyfriend” and Juno Award-winning “Closer,” draws inspiration from a wide range of source material including Green Day, Ace of Base, Nirvana, Pink, Tom Petty and more.

Their LGBTQ advocacy is well-known, donating concert proceeds to LGBTQ causes and championing equality. Most recently, the pair started the Tegan and Sara Foundation, which fights for economic justice, health and representation for LGBTQ girls and women.

Jayna Hefford Playing right wing for Canada’s women’s hockey team, Hefford has helped the country bring home four consecutive gold medals, from 2002 in Salt Lake City to 2014 in Sochi. She also won silver at Nagano in 1998. In addition, Hefford has won seven golds and five silvers at the International Ice Hockey Federation’s World Women’s championships between 1997 and 2013. She shares three children with her partner, former teammate Kathleen Kauth.

Susan Gapka On May 17, 2018 – the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia – social justice advocate Gapka became the first trans person to be presented with the key to the city by Toronto Mayor John Tory. She has received countless other awards for her activism and also founded the Trans Lobby Group, which advocates for public funding of gender affirmation surgery. She is currently lobbying for specific human rights protections for trans people in Ontario and Canada.

Erin McLeod As the team’s goalkeeper, McLeod helped Canada win bronze at the 2012 London Olympics in women’s soccer. She has also played for Canada in three FIFA Women’s World Cups. An ACL injury kept her from playing at the most recent Summer Olympics in Rio De Janeiro. She came out during an interview with the CBC talking about the 2014 Sochi Olympics and Russia’s anti-gay laws. In addition, she called for a change in the Olympic charter and host-city contract language to include a clause against discrimination based on sexual orientation.

FRASER ABE is a Toronto-based writer. His work has been published in Toronto Life, The Globe and Mail, Sharp Magazine, NOW Magazine and more. When he’s not busy writing, he’s shrieking Gia Gunn quotes at his boyfriend, Colin.

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LITERARY

THE MAGIC OF NICOLE DENNIS-BENN The celebrated novelist breathes life into untold stories of Jamaica’s LGBTQ+ folk

By Sharine Taylor

Jamaican people wear their resilience with pride, a testament to our inherited ancestral spirit, and a trait that allows us to shoulder adversity with a particular kind of unmatched perseverance. For author Nicole Dennis-Benn, this is what has allowed her to tell the narratives of the country’s LGBTQ+ folks through her literary works, which also somewhat serve as a reflection of her own life experiences.

Dennis-Benn’s debut novel, Here Comes the Sun, and her forthcoming work Patsy, breathe life into untold stories, centring Afro-Caribbean queerness with the Land of Wood and Water as its backdrop. Through her literary contributions, she has made it her mission to make known the plights and experiences of Jamaica’s working-class people, a self-assigned task that was largely informed by her own upbringing.

The author was born and raised in Vineyard Town, a neighbourhood in Jamaica’s capital, Kingston, but she wasn’t surrounded by wealth. Her father, who lived in New York and drove taxis, frequently sent down money that – in addition to a scholarship she was awarded – afforded her the opportunity to attend one of Jamaica’s most prestigious educational institutions, St. Andrew High School for Girls.

Once she had graduated high school, she decided to pursue a path in the sciences. She moved to New York to live with her stepmother and father, and climbed further up the academic ladder. While in the United States, she received her BA in biology and nutritional sciences from Cornell University, as well as a Masters of Public Health from the University of Michigan, then decided she would go forth in obtaining her PhD. It wasn’t until her now-wife, Emma Benn, encouraged her to pursue her passions – as she saw how unhappy Nicole was – that Nicole began taking writers’ workshops in and around Brooklyn, finally making the decision to enrol in an MFA (Master of Fine Arts) at Sarah Lawrence College.

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Up until then, Dennis-Benn had used creative writing only as a means to navigate her own feelings of being homesick. She hadn’t necessarily considered it as a viable career – but once she found her footing, she realized that her writing allowed her to unpack the tensions that she was a witness to between race and class in the realm of tourism while growing up on the island.

These experiences and observations come to life and are amalgamated in Here Comes the Sun. In the novel, Dennis-Benn tells the story of Margot, an employee at an upscale Montego Bay hotel who is willing to go to any lengths to provide a better life for her younger sister, Thandi. For Margot, this often means engaging in sex work with the hotel’s affluent, male, white and older clientele. But she’s also navigating her feelings for her lover, who is a woman, an expat by the name of Verdene. Through the exploration of familial and 24

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intimate love, race, class, homophobia and self-acceptance – all set in a post-independent 1990s Jamaica – Dennis-Benn uses her talents to tease out the nuances of a particular Jamaican reality.

Another aspect of Jamaican reality that Dennis-Benn has made one of her literary signatures is her intentional usage of Jamaican Patois in her characters’ dialogues. The politics of Patois and its employment are often up for contestation because of its implications (who uses versus doesn’t use it in Jamaica; what it means to use Patois over Standard English, etc.), but Dennis-Benn found it necessary for it to be the artery that connected her characters with one another, as well as being a way to affirm the language’s legitimacy among its users, despite the supposed baggage it carries.

Through her work, Dennis-Benn touches on subjects and topics of conversation that most people in Jamaica refuse to unpack past the surface level – it’s the same kind of fearlessness she applied to her own life when she had her wedding ceremony back home in 2012. The year prior, she and Emma Benn had taken their vows in the United States once the Marriage Equality Act was passed, and they wanted to have the official ceremony on the island. The planning began and they found a compound that was willing to facilitate their celebration, but once the biggest media outlets – the nation’s two newspapers, The Jamaica Gleaner and The Jamaica Observer – found out about their wedding, the event became more about making a spectacle of the two rather than being a celebration of their love. Dennis-Benn feels grateful for the people who were able to make the ceremony a reality, but it’s a reminder that while Jamaica is in a state of metamorphosis with regards to LGBTQ+ rights, there’s still a ways to go.

Dennis-Benn explores some of this in her highly anticipated sophomore release, Patsy. The novel’s main character, Patsy, leaves Jamaica for the “American Dream” and reunites with her secret lover, Cicely, but when she arrives, she finds that America is not quite what she expected. she leaves behind a young daughter, Tru, who grapples with her own sexuality and sense of abandonment, leaving the novel to ultimately unravel the intersection of immigration, motherhood, identity and sexuality. It’s a timely piece of work that Nigerian writer Chigozie Obioma, author of The Fisherman, calls “beautiful, shattering and deeply affecting.”

Though the beginning of Dennis-Benn’s literary trajectory was unplanned, it’s led her to some impressive accolades. Not only was she a Lambda Literary Award winner in 2017 but she was also a recipient of the New York Foundation for the Arts Artist Grant in 2018. A young girl from a little island in the sea has taken the literary world by storm, and unapologetically so. Being a champion for the underdogs and marginalized is just another testament to Dennis-Benn’s longstanding resilience, and makes her contributions that much more important.

Photo by Dee Williams SHARINE TAYLOR is a Toronto-based music and culture writer as well as the founding editor-in-chief and publisher of BASHY Magazine.

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COVER

DIVA-LICIOUS! DEBORAH COX IS A TRUE SHOW-STOPPER The enduring charm of the Canadian chanteuse

By Fraser Abe

Deborah Cox has had a storied career spanning three decades: roles on Broadway in Aida, Jekyll and Hyde, and The Bodyguard; 13 number-one hits on Billboard’s Dance Club Songs; and eight Juno nominations with four wins. She’s got crossover success, sure, but in the LGBTQ community, Cox is revered in much the same way as the big one-named icons – Judy, Bette, Liza, Barbara, Cher…Deborah.

To find out her secret to longevity, we chatted with the iconic Canadian singer about RuPaul, drag queens and Whitney Houston.

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Cox has had a number of hits, but possibly the biggest (at least, her first number-one song) was 1998’s “Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here,” written for Patti LaBelle by Anthony “Shep” Crawford and Montell Jordan (yes, that Montell Jordan – of “This Is How We Do It” fame). LaBelle turned it down, so it was shopped around to other divas. Crawford and Jordan wanted Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston or Faith Evans to sing it, but Drew Dixon, a VP of A&R (arts and repertoire) at Arista Records was pushing for Cox. She ended up doing it – blowing everyone away with her vocals and making LaBelle lament her decision. Cox told Billboard magazine: “I remember going to different performances that Patti LaBelle was doing. She would talk about this hit song that got away, and then she would sing the song!”

The song re-entered the LGBT zeitgeist when it appeared on an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Some might argue the song never left, but younger listeners may not be aware of its impact. For example, Aquaria (Season 10’s winner) was born in 1996, a mere two years before the song premiered. For Drag Race contestants Aja, Farrah Moan and the Vixen are all children of the early ’90s.

But for slightly older generations (cough – Chad Michaels – cough), when BeBe Zahara Benet and BenDeLaCreme lip synced for their legacy to the Hex Hector remix in All Stars 3, it was an iconic moment. The episode ended in a Drag Race first, when DeLa, who had won the chance to send another queen home, self-eliminated

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instead. Tom Campbell, an executive producer with the show, told Billboard they had been “trying to get this song cleared as a lip sync for your life since Season 1. No joke. The song is amazing.”

When the song made it to air, Cox didn’t see the episode live, but says she was getting texts constantly: “People kept hitting up my phone and I was like, ‘God, did somebody die? What’s going on?’”

Benet told Billboard, “Once I was told I was going to be lip-syncing to it on All Stars, I was like, ‘I’m about to murder this song. I know every breath, every syllable.’ I was excited to do that on national television. I was humbled by the experience.” Mayhem Miller is also known to perform it in her act, to say nothing of the countless queens who haven’t made it to the Drag Race stage.

Drag Race wasn’t Cox’s first encounter with RuPaul, though. That came in 1998, when she appeared on the VH1 program The RuPaul Show (how does Ru continue to come up with such inventive show titles?). Cox, who had been performing a mix of dance and R&B that wasn’t as popular at the time, says the experience was transformative: “When he had me perform on the show and the time it was like ‘Wow.’ To have that validation from Ru and the community that it was okay to be myself was amazing for me.”

She says that nod from Ru helped her realize she wanted to break down barriers with her art. “Music is music, I should be able to sing Broadway, I should be able to sing jazz, I should be able to sing whatever the hell I want to sing!”

Cox has always surrounded herself with divas: first as a backup singer for Celine Dion in the early 1990s (when Cox was still in her teens) and later collaborating with Whitney Houston on a duet called “Same Script, Different Cast.” A favourite memory, from one of the many Prides she has performed at worldwide, was sharing the stage with Cher in New York. Says Cox: “It was an opportunity for me to let Cher know how much I appreciated her artistry and what she’s done over the years.” She was also an act in the Cyndi Lauper True Colors tour, alongside artists like Regina Spektor, the

Photos by Keith Major (Courtesy of -Deco Entertainment. Inc.)

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COVER Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan and the B-52s. She and Melissa Etheridge were both headliners for Toronto World Pride 2014.

Cox has a particular closeness to Houston. In addition to their duet together, Cox provided vocals for the Lifetime movie Whitney (directed by Angela Bassett), and performed the role Houston originated, Rachel Marron, in the North American tour of The Bodyguard musical. Cox says, “It really hit me during The Bodyguard tour, when there were parents who had their kids at the show and I had both audiences: people that loved Whitney and people that loved my music. After the show, I had people telling me that my music was their soundtrack, and Whitney was my soundtrack, so it felt like in a way that was a full circle moment.”

Of course, Cox has also performed with some even more fabulous divas: the drag queens. “Sydney Mardi Gras was a good one, the kind of performance I always want to do. Every time people talk about that one, they talk about the 20 different drag queens in different costumes. The song of the time was ‘Absolutely Not,’ so it really was a moment. It was pretty epic, yeah.”

is” – but one cause she feels strongly about is “gun reform and background checks.” She participated in a benefit concert for the Parkland shooting victims, along with Glee’s Matthew Morrison and Crazy Ex Girlfriend’s Rachel Bloom, and she gave a free concert the weekend after the Pulse shootings.

This spring, Cox will be given a Luminary Award from the University of West Indies at a gala in Toronto, sharing the honour with Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu and US Ambassador Susan Rice. “It’s a pretty heavy set of honourees,” she laughs. “To be recognized and honoured with this award, it means a lot.” She says that, in particular, “the West Indian community has been so supportive. When we see one of our own – just like Canadians – we root for that person.”

Though the star has lived stateside for the past 20-plus years, she still has an affinity for Canada. She says she helped with the push to get World Pride to Toronto in 2014. “When we finally got it to Toronto, it was really thrilling because I feel like Canadians – and our country – are so progressive, because we understand civil rights and human rights. It’s always wonderful to be involved with the Canadian efforts, because we see beyond politics and colour lines.

A great place to live and a great place to grow up, especially as I have my own children now and I see the differences, the way certain policies have been done. It makes me proud to be Canadian.”

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It’s not a strange sight to see Cox belting out hits at some Pride somewhere in the world, but in the early 1990s, she was doing it in bars and clubs. “You’d go to these parties at 4 a.m. and perform, and I would be singing live and people would be freaking out, because you just didn’t have artists who were willing to connect with that audience.” Cox performed at New York City bars like Roxy, Tunnel Another reason Cox is proud to be Canadian? The food. Whenever and Palladium, all ’90s mega clubs that helped spawn the ‘club kid’ she and her family make it back to Toronto (her husband, also from movement that led to the rise of stars like RuPaul, Amanda Lepore, Toronto, is her high school sweetheart; they have three children), Richie Rich and James St. James. (Incidentally, Peter Gatien, the she makes sure they get a taste of the West Indian food she loves. impresario in charge of Tunnel and Palladium, later opened Circa “There are places in Scarborough, downtown – I love that there’s in downtown Toronto in 2007 – it’s now a Marshall’s.) great food everywhere you go! I never worry about eating when I get back. We go and raid those spots where right off the bat we Record labels weren’t necessarily fans of Cox performing at these know we’re going to get some good food.” clubs – whose attendance was often primarily gay men – but, she says, “I was fearless. I’ve always been fearless and didn’t As Cox ages, she says she now has more confidence than ever. understand what the big deal was. It’s a party, people want to dance. Though she sported some iconic looks in her music videos – like The labels didn’t understand it but all the remixes connected with a Rachel haircut in 1995’s “Who Do U Love” (directed by Brett the audience.” As for why her brand of soul-meets-R&B-meets- Ratner), bold blunt bangs in 1999’s “We Can’t Be Friends,” and a dance resonated so much with the crowd, she says she told the sexy sheer dress in “Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here” – she says label: “Gays don’t just dance to dance music, you know.” she probably doesn’t want those looks to come back. “I feel like I look a lot better now. I have a better sense of self. Then, I was Cox, who was born in Toronto but now lives in Miami near Parkland sort of in transition.” (site of the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School), says she is finding herself “more entrenched in politics nowadays.” And there’s nothing the LGBTQ community loves more than a She does a lot of charity work, “depending on what the need confident diva who can belt out a tune.

FRASER ABE is a Toronto-based writer. His work has been published in Toronto Life, The Globe and Mail, Sharp Magazine, NOW Magazine and more. When he’s not busy writing, he’s shrieking Gia Gunn quotes at his boyfriend, Colin.

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POLITICS

GAY CONSERVATIVES: A POLITICAL PARADOX Why LGBT Canadians spend money or time on Conservative campaigns, and what it means for the right

By Kevin Hurren

Talking politics has never been easy. It’s right up there on the list of subjects to avoid during dates or family dinners. But today, against a backdrop of boiled-over xenophobic tensions in the United States and around the world, conversations about who you support politically can turn downright ugly…even violent.

That’s why it’s increasingly important for people to take time and find support from their communities, sharing in solidarity and refuelling for the fights ahead.

Well, most people.

Not every spoke on the political wheel matches neatly into a demographic. Case in point: the gay Conservative. Yes, they do exist – LGBT voters in Canada who show up, put in hours and check their ballots for the blue cause. Their donations of time, money and votes are welcomed by the variations of Conservative parties across provinces and ridings.

But by their own community? Not so much.

From queer clubs to coffeehouses to charity events, LGBT Conservatives are routinely dressed down for aligning themselves with the right. It’s a lonely road, and one that hasn’t been easy to walk – literally.

“We had stuff thrown at us as we marched. There was even a petition to keep us out of the Pride Parade,” says Eric Lorenzen, long-time Conservative campaigner and riding volunteer, as well as vice-president of communications for LGBTory.

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Today, LGBTory works to consult Conservative parties across Canada on LGBT policies and advocacy, but its roots in 2015 were focused on organizing Conservative participation for the 2016 Pride celebrations in cities like Toronto and Ottawa. Participation that, as Lorenzen learned, wouldn’t come without a cost.

“There’s a perception, rooted in reality, that Pride festivals are hostile to Conservatives. But I’m not going to sugar-coat it – Conservative parties federally and provincially do have baggage in regards to LGBT issues,” he says.

In Canada, that “baggage” translates to a history of Conservative parties that have been slow to embrace LGBT people and their rights. Federally, the party voted to remove their opposition to gay

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marriage at their 2016 convention – a full 11 years after a Liberal government made that marriage legal. Former Conservative Prime Minister Steven Harper’s refusal to attend Pride celebrations persistently dogged him.

Provincially, not much is different. Ontario’s Progressive Conservative party caused a stir in late 2018 when a resolution to consider gender identities outside of male and female to be “unscientific liberal ideology” was passed at their convention – just a few months after that same newly elected PC government scrapped the queer-inclusive sex ed curriculum from schools. Around the same time in Alberta, 26 members of the United Conservative caucus voted against a bill to support high school gay-straight alliances and prevent students from being outed to their parents.

So how do card-carrying queer Conservatives resolve pushing an agenda that may leave them, or their community, out in the cold?

In the past, the answer would be not to. Take Nova Scotia MP Scott Brison, who – after becoming the first openly gay member of Canada’s Conservative caucus – crossed the floor to join the Liberals in 2003. Other notable Conservative legislators – Phil Gillies, Heward Grafftey – all spoke openly about their sexual orientations only after their political careers had ended.

Yet a lot has changed since Brison’s floor-crossing. More young, openly queer people are entering a party that, in some corners, still seems split on recognizing their rights.

To understand why, I spoke to a few.

“In any kind of right-wing movement there’s a stigma that they’re all secretly homophobic, but it’s not like that,” says Josiah Green, a 19-year-old gay university student who became a member of his riding’s Conservative executive council after being swayed by the People’s Party – a newly formed, further-right federal party led by former Conservative minister Maxime Bernier.

At one point, Green avoided talk of politics with a previous boyfriend, recognizing the fights it would start. “People have these stereotypes in their minds, and they jump to conclusions instead of listening to what I’m actually saying and what I actually believe.”

What are those beliefs? Less government, fewer taxes, no special treatment – for LGBT people or the religious groups that oppose them.

“Hard work, less government in your life, living within your means – these were ideas I’ve always grown up with,” says Patrick Schertzer, a gay 26-year-old who has volunteered for more than a dozen Conservative campaigns.

When asked how he feels about the party’s history with LGBT issues, Schertzer says he believes a new, more inclusive approach is being taken by the right.

“Look at Tanya Granic Allen – the [Ontario] Premier and the party came out and said, ‘You’re not going to run for us; you have views too extreme that don’t align with the kind of big tent party we’re creating.’ I think 10 or 15 years ago we wouldn’t have seen that.”

race over more progressive candidates because he consolidated the support of social conservatives. In Ontario, many still scratch their heads at how 19-year-old pro-lifer Sam Oosterhoff won the PC nomination in his riding, beating out the party’s president.

The answer? Mobilizing his church congregation.

But it’s not just a matter of votes for everyone. “[Social conservatives] want to be able to raise their families as they see fit, to be free to worship as they see fit. They want the state to leave them alone, and that’s what I want – as a gay person – is for the state to leave me alone,” says Lorenzen.

“Social conservatives are a legitimate part of the party, and they’re The Granic Allen he refers to, of course, is the anti-sex ed welcome to be there. I may not agree with them, but they’re advocate whose presence in the party swelled during the Ontario welcome,” echoes Schertzer.

Progressive Conservatives’ 2018 leadership race. After being defeated there, she became a candidate under the PC banner for This ability to disagree but collaborate with social conservatives the general election – that is, until the party gave her the boot feels at odds with what sometimes happens in queer spaces, says over her controversial homophobic and Islamophobic remarks. former Calgary and Ottawa Conservative staffer Vandon Gene.

Many Conservatives point to her pink slip as a sign of changing tides in the party, while others say her energizing of social “Many of my friends and colleagues in the LGBT community conservatives is the reason Doug Ford is sitting in the Premier’s look down on me for identifying or having any connection to the chair (in the ranked ballot leadership race, her supporters flocked [Conservative party]. Comments range from ‘are you a self-loathing to him, pushing him over the winning threshold). gay man?’ to ‘do you hate the LGBT community?’,” Gene says.

But it raises an interesting question: what should parties on the right As a person of colour, he says those criticisms are doubled – with do about social conservatives? After all, there’s nothing inherently people also accusing him of working for a racist party. homo- or transphobic about the philosophy of conservatism, or “small c” as it’s fondly called. Theirs is a philosophy of free societies, “Believe it or not, I’ve experienced more racism within the LGBT open markets and little government intervention, ideas similar to community than I have in the world of Conservative politics.” what brought Green and Schertzer to the right initially.

And that may be a clue to the right’s successes in Canada. If you “Big-c” Conservatives, however, are tied to the Conservative party prioritize coalition-building in the face of deeply personal differences, (or their politically right equivalents). Here the roots of anti-LGBT you’re already two steps ahead in the game of politics. However, sentiments run deeper, as far back as pre-Confederation Canada. it then becomes harder to map the party’s future or core values.

The Catholic Church’s influence and British Protestant ideas about But for LGBTory and Lorenzen, slow and steady change has sin and morality were stitched into the fabric of the right, agitated always been the plan. by a growing divide between rural and urban communities.

“It’s better that we’re working within the party to change attitudes, So should Conservatives kick them all to the curb like they did because when criticism comes from us it can’t be dismissed as Granic Allen? If you look at it as a political strategist, the answer is sniping from the left. When it comes from us, it’s coming from no – not if you want to keep winning. After all, you can’t discount within the political family,” says Lorenzen. the voting power of social conservatives. It’s widely believed that the new federal Conservative leader, Andrew Scheer, won the leadership And what would a family be without a little dysfunction?

KEVIN HURREN is a former speechwriter for Ontario’s 25th premier, Kathleen Wynne, as well as a senior communications advisor for members of her cabinet. He is also former chair of the Ontario Public Service Pride Network and has worked with LGBT political campaigns. Currently, he’s a freelance writer and consultant based in Toronto’s gay village.

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STYLE

HOW THE JOCKSTRAP BECAME PART OF THE GAY MALE UNIFORM Seriously…Why do gay men love jockstraps so much?

By Bobby Box

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If you can believe it, the jockstrap was not invented to make your ass and genitals look fantastic at circuit parties. No, the advent of the jockstrap is far less sexy.

done over and over again. “Jockstraps are definitely one of our most popular garments; we have them in every colour and style you can think of,” says Monty Tayara, manager of The Men’s Room Toronto (the company also has locations in Montreal and Chicago). “Many people come to our stores specifically for jockstraps. Sometimes they need to replace them because they left theirs at someone’s place the night before!”

The first ever jockstrap was invented by C.F. Bennett of Sharp & Smith, a sporting goods company in Chicago, back in 1874. Bennett saw a need for a supportive pair of underwear specifically for bicycle messengers and delivery men (also known as “bike jockeys”) who, at the time, had to endure regular ball torture by bouncing over In his opinion, Tayara asserts the gay community has embraced the city’s cobblestone streets. Over time, jockstraps became a jockstraps because they elicit a powerful sense of confidence. “It’s massively popular (and functional) garment for physically active a peek-a-boo fantasy that stems from sports and porn,” he tells IN. men. In fact, during World War I, the US Army issued a jock to “Jockstraps make you feel sexy, and when you’re wearing them, every man who served. there’s a sense of power that comes with that.” It makes sense, as the garment’s purpose evolved, that the garment’s design changed By 1897, Bennett had patented and begun mass-producing the “Bike to better enhance the ass and package, courtesy of its supportive Jockey Strap.” Later that year, his company sold its trademarks straps and pouch. to Russell Athletic, who sold an impressive 350 million units worldwide. Sadly, only a few years ago, the classic Bike brand In the same way jocks were slowly phased out among athletes, jock was discontinued. the opposite energy surged through the gay community in the late ’70s. Eventually, jockstraps were being worn regularly at gay The garment’s termination didn’t come as a surprise. In the past bars, and brands started sending go-go boys in their jockstraps as few decades, athletes began bailing on jockstraps for protective a promotional tool. Porn then got in on the action. This continued purposes. “It just wasn’t designed for comfort,” Bob Beeten, manager exposure eventually secured the jockstrap as a mainstay in gay of the US Olympic Training Center, told Health magazine. “It rubs, male garb. Around this time, jockstrap nights became a regular chafes, and the straps go up your butt.” Naturally, as jockstraps occurrence at gay bars across the world up until the AIDS crisis. began to falter among athletes, fewer people were encouraged to wear them – an attitude that became more prevalent with each In the early aughts, jockstrap nights reappeared. The rebirth is passing year. Eventually, as more supportive forms of athletic largely credited to gay nightlife promoter Daniel Nardicio, who underwear became available starting in the ’90s, jockstraps were was searching for a way to get people into Slide nightclub in San mostly phased out among athletes. Among gay men, however, they Francisco during slow season at the bar. Since then, he’s made a remain incredibly popular as a form of lingerie. career throwing underwear-themed events. In fact, he’s thrown well over 1,000 events, which speaks to the garment’s lasting influence.

The jockstrap first entered the homosexual zeitgeist during the 1950s and ’60s, when gay fashion took an overtly masculine The owner of Men’s Room also spearheads a popular gay event turn. Author Shaun Cole writes in his book, Don We Now Our company known as Pitbull, where many attendees don jockstraps, Gay Apparel, “[Gay men] adopted a manly demeanor and attire according to Tayara. “Sexual freedom is something to celebrate, as a means of expressing their new sense of self, and in adopting and we’re more than fortunate to be considered as an event where this look, they aimed to enhance their physical attractiveness and patrons feel they can – without worry – put their best jock on and express their improved self-esteem.” These outfits often included have a gay ol’ time!” bomber jackets, leather jackets, chaps, military uniforms and, of course, jockstraps.

Evidently, the jockstrap’s purpose has evolved from a functional athletic garment that protects one’s assets, to a garment that showAs such, jockstraps became a matter of fashion over function – and cases one’s assets. In many ways, the jockstrap can thank the gays jock underwear brands, as any smart business would do, began for its lasting relevance. And, in return, we have jockstraps to thank advertising to this burgeoning market. Truthfully, whatever design for helping our asses look wonderful. So thank you, jockstraps. element you could possibly imagine in a jockstrap has likely been And you’re welcome.

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BOBBY BOX is a prolific freelance journalist in Hamilton, Ont. He currently works as contributing editor at Playboy.com and has had the privilege of speaking with the world’s most recognized drag queens, including, most recently, Trixie Mattel and Alaska Thunderfuck.

While proud of his work, Bobby is not above begging. He asks that you follow him on Twitter at @bobbyboxington.

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MARCH / APRIL 2019 34 IN MAGAZINE JACKET AND T-SHIRT: Joao Paulo

THE JETSETTERS Get ready for takeoff wearing some of our favourite pieces for Spring 2019

PHOTOGRAPHY: Ivan Otis FASHION DIRECTION: Paul Langill STYLING: Fredsonn Sylva Aguda GROOMING: Paul Langill MODELS: Roland and Joey (Plutino Models)

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FASHION MARCH / APRIL 2019

JACKET: Christopher Bates JEANS: Hip and Bone OPPOSITE PAGE JACKET: Rhowan James SUN GLASSESZ: Dp 69 Zeio Italy 36 IN MAGAZINE

Motorcycle jacket: SKINGRAFT Pants: RICH KIM 37

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FASHION SUITS: Hendrixroe TOP: Code Vitesse

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SWEATER AND PANTS: Joao Paulo Guedes SHOES: Hip and Bone OPPOSITE PAGE JACKET: Joao Paulo Guedes T-SHIRT: Christopher Bates PANTS: Mayer Man 40

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FASHION

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FTAR SA HVI O EN L

T-SHIRT AND VEST:Joao Paulo Guedes PANTS:Mayer Man SHOES: Botticelli Limited WATCH: Roca Wear BRACELETS: Catharsis Toronto

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JACKET AND SHORTS: Joao Paulo Guedes BRACELETS: Catharsis Toronto 43

HOW GAY TRENDS GET TRANSMITTED The gay world has always found unique ways to get through life

MARCH / APRIL 2019

By Paul Gallant

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LGBT people also have a knack for producing cultural ephemera: expressions and catchphrases, trends in style and travel, dating rituals and, ahem, sexual practices. RuPaul’s Drag Race alone has colonized our brains with “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?,” “Miss Vanjie” and the brazen move of tossing off one’s wig as a perfect mic drop. Social media, movies and TV are ideal avenues for spreading ideas around, especially now that LGBT people are increasingly represented on screen. But the gay world found ways to share ideas to get through life, and experience pleasure, long before screens became the centre of our cultural connectivity.

Once during a long train ride in India, a handsomefellow traveller politely asked about my musical tastes. When I mentioned the Pet Shop Boys, he moved a little closer. I had his number from the moment he mentioned his love of opera. In more closeted times, an established canon of movies and music could be wielded to establish bona fides. Do gay men love The Wizard of Oz because of some innate spiritual connection to “somewhere over the rainbow” or did gay men subconsciously teach themselves to love it because it provided a handy password for making friends?

Humans like to think their identity comes from within, but we are also composed of what surrounds us. In an interesting academic research paper about the culture of a gay-male-oriented resort in Australia – where 24/7 porn and walking around naked were all part of the resort experience – researcher Oskaras Vorobjovas -Pinta found himself wondering “whether the consumer ‘lifestyle’ embodied by the resort stands in service of the particular gay male ways of life, or whether the mores and sentiments uniting the neo-tribe might be generated by the commercial resort space itself.”

On one hookup website, for example, researcher Jesus G. Smith, an assistant professor of ethnic studies at Wisconsin’s Lawrence University, has noticed users modelling their profile images after the porn-star images in the ads. “It’s a lot less face, a lot more ass and dick,” he laughs. This kind of subconscious conformity can lead to problems like racist profiles, where users echo the “no this, no that” they see in other profiles, with “personal preferences” piling up into a heap of collective toxic sludge.

Within the LGBT community, we form neo-tribes by sending appropriate signals to those we’re like – and those we want to be like. Gym bunnies spend top dollar to fly to the Excelsior party in Mykonos, mainly to be among men whose body types are remarkably similar. A video of a dance-floor fight at last year’s party went viral, partly because so many of the brawlers had similar builds, tans, body hair and wardrobes. For men who are into that scene, the video was probably more of an advertisement than a source of laughter.

Shirtless dancing, more broadly, has been a well-established announcement of being unashamed of one’s body, of claiming a return for the investment of time spent at the gym. During the peak of the AIDS crisis, when so many HIV-positive men were wasting away, shirtless dancing was also a way to demonstrate good health – so for men of a certain age, there remains a bit of tension around the practice, something younger men may fail to absorb.

The trends that gay men are most likely to exchange among ourselves are sexual. Yet most research on gay men’s sex lives focuses on HIV/AIDS prevention. A very big question these days is whether watching bareback porn makes men more likely to have unprotected sex. I’ve read a few studies and none seem conclusive; one 2013 paper out of the University of Minnesota School of Public Health suggests there is a possible correlation between unsafe sex practices and those who watched more than an hour of porn a day, but not necessarily for those who watch less than that. While it’s possible that men emulate what they see in videos, it’s also possible that men who already have a preference for condomless sex seek out condomless porn, or that men who watch a lot of porn are especially horny and so more likely to have lots of sex in all sorts of configurations.

That 2013 study cites a very telling statistic: 98.5 per cent of gay men reported some exposure to porn in the previous 90 days. Which means that porn, perhaps even more than apps or bars or bathhouses, gives us our ideas about how to have sex.

Not only who gets to have what kind of sex – Black guys with big dicks always on top, Asian guys on bottom, etc. – but the repertoire and tone of sexual activities. Face to face, men can be shy with each other and avoid trying more adventurous moves.

But through porn, we become less nervous about pushing our limits. There are less healthy escapes from inhibition. Men looking for chemsex/PnP have found quick, though hazardous, pharmaceutical solutions to the perennial human problem of wanting to set our baggage-carrying selves aside to make intense connections in the moment.

Despite all the digital tools for sharing our culture, we still learn many things first-hand. In Canada, the availability of PrEP (taking a pill to prevent getting HIV) hasn’t been communicated particularly well by public health organizations.

Many gay men first find out about it through guys they were having sex with, who can share how they got it, how much they paid and whether they have experienced any side effects. In the US, white men are more likely than Black men to be on PrEP, partly because of the way word has spread about it, and partly for historical reasons.

“There’s been a history of medical testing on Black men that’s made them worried about experimenting with drugs,” says Smith. “As well, a lot of information about health in Black communities gets shared by your pastor or your barber, and they’re usually not gay.”

No matter which channels we’re using to communicate with one another, and with the straight world, we can spread health, laughter, inclusion, pleasure and peace. Or not. No matter how much nastiness surrounds us, we always have the power to respond with love.

PAUL GALLANT is a Toronto-based writer and editor who writes about travel, innovation, city building, social issues (particularly LGBT issues) and business for a variety of national and international publications.

He’s the executive editor of Bold, a global travel magazine for Canadians.

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INSIGHT

In Mexico, the creation of new slang terms is something of a passion. An old word with Mayan origins, huachicolero, which used to have something to do with a pole for carrying fruit, has recently been resurrected as a label for the thieves who tap into gas pipelines. One night, my tipsy friend came out with “huachiculero” – “culero” meaning “asshole” – and spread it around through his various WhatsApp groups. One minute it’s a funny passing thought; the next it’s a meme.

TRAVEL

DOWN THE DANUBE

A legendary river, quaint medieval towns, stunning scenery, and five different countries – Hungary, Austria, Slovakia, Czechia and Germany – make for a busy week on the water

By Doug Wallace

Photos:Scenic Cruises

With Strauss’s famous “Blue Danube” earworm planted firmly in my head, I closed my eyes for a second and said a small prayer to the rain gods regarding my week-long meander down this beautiful river. But guess what? The Danube is actually kind of a greeny-brown. Maybe it was blue back in the 1860s when the song first hit the charts, I don’t know.

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Climbing aboard the Jasper, one of Scenic Cruises’ state-ofthe-art “spaceships,” big smile on my face, I took in the shining staff, all the marble and chrome, and the crowd. Just who were these people? They were clearly excited, and a little shy – except for one suave guy, Monte, who started making friends immediately, pumping hands with a smile. He made so many friends the first day, he could relax for the rest of the week with a few “I knew I’d find you at the bar, David” and “Staying in the shade today, Deborah?”

Everyone loved him. That’s a good plan, I thought. Note to self: Connect early, then coast.

With the social juices flowing along with the sparkling wine, we set off from Budapest and settled in. One of the best things about cruising is that you only have to unpack once. On this particular August sailing (which travels in reverse the subsequent week), we headed for Vienna, then to Dürnstein, Melk and Linz in Austria; then on to Passau, Regensburg and eventually Nuremburg in Germany. I also managed an afternoon in Bratislava, the capital city of Slovakia, and the medieval town of Cesky Krumlov, Czechia, by opting into these day tours – for free (they weren’t kidding about the all-inclusive part).

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it was only a matter of time before somebody like Scenic turned river cruising from codgery to cool. What was once the realm of retirees is now a multi-age, often multigenerational, holiday. And the cruises offer a wider variety of things to do than in the past, as guests skew younger and itineraries get more active.

Case in point: one morning we hopped onto e-bikes for a three-hour guided cycling trip along the riverside path from Dürnstein to Melk, more or less racing the ship. So many people signed up for this that extra bikes had to be trucked in to accommodate them all.

We didn’t have enough on board.

River cruise ships also seem to be injecting more luxury into their on- and off-board environments, which was definitely fine by me. New ships feature fewer cabins so as to have space to make the remaining ones larger – more light, bigger cabins, nicer bathrooms, king-size beds. They’re also offering longer stays in port, so you have time to get a better feel for the different cities on your own, even after dinner if you like. On the Scenic’s Jasper, there was an actual pool scene, even though the pool only holds about a dozen people. The rest of us just pulled up chairs for moral support, leaning into the conversation.

This was also where the server hovered, doling out Aperol Spritzers.

We drank so many that a new case of Aperol needed to be procured halfway through the week.

Thankfully, all the exercise I got during the day walked off the indulgences of the night before. While moored at the small medieval town of Dürnstein, I glommed onto the hiking plans of fit fellow passengers who were heading up the hillside to the ruins of Dürnstein Castle before the people in the wee town had even woken up. This was where Richard the Lionheart (King Richard I of England) was supposedly imprisoned in 1192 during the

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TRAVEL Crusades, so we were able to work in both exercise and a history lesson. The view was insane, a little moment in time that so many travel brochures promise but few deliver.

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My week was rich with these kinds of encounters, things I wouldn’t normally have orchestrated, but which proved unique for historical, geographical, cultural or culinary reasons – learning experiences I wasn’t expecting. Wandering around Heroes’ Square in Budapest, ringed with its major statues and columns – and buildings, including the Museum of Fine Arts – yielded hair-raising stories about Hungarian politics going back 1,000 years.

A piano concert by one of the country’s top Franz Liszt scholars was an hour of pure heaven. An evening of Strauss and Mozart at the opulent Palais Liechtenstein in Vienna was totally enchanting and, yes, I will say all that with a lisp. Vienna is just so beautiful that you don’t really have to do anything there other than just gawk at the art and architecture, breathtaking at every turn, in every square. And there are a lot of squares. I found this out the hard way one night while screaming through the city’s multiple gay bars. You’d think Uber drivers would be used to tourists going to the riverside docks by now, but no.

A morning spent in the medieval Czech Republic town of Cesky Krumlov was both fun and delicious. While many of the ship’s passengers were on a bus to Salzburg to sing Sound of Music songs all day, I was wandering the 600-year-old streets thick with Gothic, Renaissance and Baroque style buildings, stunned by the preservation. The castle there dates back to 1240 and its now-dry moat is home to a brown bear. Apparently, this is not a new thing: there have been bears in the moat for hundreds of years. Later, I count eight bear rugs while touring the castle interior, some still

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called by their names. On my way out, I spied the bear-keeper’s truck parked just outside the entrance. That’s a neat job, I thought.

Nuts and berries? Yuck. On the ride home, I was busy digesting my new favourite comfort-foodstuff: the boiled Czech dumpling that soaked up all the gravy from my pork lunch. The tour guide put on some classical Czech music, and we sank into our seats and watched the countryside roll by.

On our last night on the Jasper, I watched Monte making the rounds, collecting email addresses and posing for pictures, everybody arm in arm. I commended him on knowing the entire guest list and I vow to make that my own modus operandi from now on (not that I’m a wallflower by any means). I also vow to return to sail the Danube again, for sure – but in the meantime, I have dumplings to make.

When you go If you’re starting in Budapest, go a bit early and book in at the Aria Hotel in the centre of town. Its cool rooftop bar and deluxe spa will compete with the time you’ve earmarked for touring the city. Air Canada flights to Budapest from Toronto are about $1,000 return. Pack for walking, dinner with the ship’s captain, cocktail parties, dry summer heat, air conditioning, hiking, cycling and rain. Scenic ships have an excellent and affordable laundry service. Keep in mind that summers in Europe can get blisteringly hot.

If you’ve got your eye on a different river, Scenic also sails down the Douro in Spain and Portugal, the Rhine in Germany, the Rhone and Seine in France, the Volga in Russia, the Mekong in Cambodia and Vietnam, and the Irrawaddy in Myanmar.

Visit scenic.ca for more detail.

DOUG WALLACE is the editor and publisher of travel resource TravelRight.Today.

IN PARTNERSHIP WITH

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FLASHBACK APRIL 1953 IN LGBT HISTORY Ed Wood releases Glen or Glenda

In April 1953, writer and director Ed Wood released his first theatrical feature film, Glen or Glenda, which attempted to capitalize on a then-recent scandal: the male-to-female sexual reassignment surgery of Christine Jorgensen. Of course, Wood also used the film (alternative titles included I Led Two Lives, He or She? and I Changed My Sex) as an opportunity to explore his own personal cross-dressing issues. At the time of the film’s release, it was illegal to be caught publicly cross-dressing, and the film centred around society’s disdain for those who deviate from traditional gender norms.

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Glen or Glenda became a cult sensation and was later re-popularized in Tim Burton’s critically acclaimed 1994 film Ed Wood, which dramatized the making of Glen or Glenda and featured Johnny Depp as the titular character coming to terms with his own compulsion to wear women’s clothing.

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Celebrating Canada's LGBT lifestyle

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