CELEBRATING CANADA’S 2SLGBTQI
COMMUNITIES
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
MUSICAL MULTI-HYPHENATE DEBBY FRIDAY OUTDOES HERSELF 2SLGBTQI+ ARCHIVES ARE KEEPING QUEER HISTORY ALIVE ACROSS CANADA MAURICE VELLEKOOP TELLS HIS OWN STORY SAM CAMPBELL REVEALS THEIR UNFILTERED SELF 1
WHAT’S IN DOVATO?
DOVATO is dolutegravir + lamivudine combined in one pill.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Learn more by asking your doctor if DOVATO is right for you
Stock photo. Posed by model. Pill not actual size. Trademarks are owned by or licensed to the ViiV Healthcare group of companies. © 2023 ViiV Healthcare group of companies or its licensor. Code: PM-CA-DLL-JRNA-230001-E Date: 06-2023
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inmagazine.ca PUBLISHER Patricia Salib EDITOR Christopher Turner
CONTRIBUTORS Jesse Boland, Jamie Booth, Matthew Creith, Adriana Ermter, Courtney Hardwick, Shaley Howard, Elio Iannacci, Karen Kwan, Larry Olsen, Stephan Petar
ART DIRECTOR Georges Sarkis
VICE PRESIDENT OF DEVELOPMENT Benjamin Chafe
COPY EDITOR Ruth Hanley
DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS AND COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT Jumol Royes
SENIOR COLUMNISTS Paul Gallant, Doug Wallace
MANAGER, COMMUNITY PARTNERSHIPS Brennen Neufeld COMMUNITY RESOURCE NAVIGATOR Tyra Blizzard
ADVERTISING & OTHER INQUIRIES benjamin@elevatemediagroup.co
EDITORIAL INQUIRIES editor@inmagazine.ca
IN Magazine is published six times per year by Elevate Media Group (https://elevatemediagroup.co). All rights reserved. Visit www.inmagazine.ca daily for 2SLGBTQI+ content. ON THE COVER: DEBBY FRIDAY PHOTO CREDIT: STELLA GIGLIOTTI
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116 Issue 116 January | February 2024 INFRONT
06 | AN UPDATED GLOSSARY OF 2SLGBTQI+ TERMS YOU SHOULD KNOW Labels matter. So check out this updated glossary to make sure you’re using the right one… 08 | BRANDS WITH PURPOSE Intention-driven companies like Dove are committed to doing good – not just helping you look good with their beauty and grooming products
10 | TAKE THE PLUNGE Should you add cold plunging to your healthy routine? 11 | EMPOWERING YOUTH TO BE LEADERS IN THEIR OWN CARE In southern Ontario, the AIDS Committee of Durham is working to provide much-needed support and resources to people affected by HIV and AIDS 12 | THEN AND NOW: BLACK 2SLGBTQI+ COMMUNITIES IN CANADA Honouring history and shining a spotlight on the challenges facing Black 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians today 14 | DISCOVERING THE 2SLGBTQI+ ARCHIVES THAT ARE KEEPING QUEER HISTORY ALIVE ACROSS CANADA From Newfoundland and Labrador to British Columbia to the Northwest Territories, there
Above: Former IN cover star Dan Levy (left) and Luke Evans star in the new film Good Grief, which hits Netflix on January 5. Levy, who wrote and directed the film, plays an artist named Marc, who is mourning the death of his husband, Oliver, played by Evans. Get your tissues ready.
are several archives across Canada dedicated to preserving, educating, providing access and showcasing the diversity of the 2SLGBTQI+ experience in Canada FEATURES
18 | SELF-LOVE WON’T SAVE US Somehow we have bought into the idea that our outer looks are a sign of our inner morality 20 | FINDING LOVE The author of Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch shares her story of love 22 | GAY PARENTING: 25 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARTNER BEFORE HAVING KIDS Make sure you dot the i’s and cross the t’s by having a sit-down with your partner before starting your journey to parenthood 24 | DO TRIGGER WARNINGS ACTUALLY HELP THE 2SLGBTQI+ COMMUNITY? If you’re on social media, you already know that trigger warnings are everywhere. But do they actually help people in our community? 28 | IS TWIN FLAMES UNIVERSE TRANSINCLUSIVE, OR JUST ANOTHER CULT? According to Twin Flames Universe…if you’re struggling to find “The One,” simply try changing your gender
30 | 2SLGBTQI+ CONTENT THAT EVERYONE SHOULD SEE BEFORE AWARDS SEASON We thought it might be fun to detail some of the queer content already released or soon to be released that will be part of the conversation 34 | MUSICAL MULTI-HYPHENATE DEBBY FRIDAY OUTDOES HERSELF The electronic artist opens up on her place in queer music history, the 2SLGBTQI+ forces fuelling her music, and her next plan of attack 38 | ANDRÉS ERICKSON IS FINE ON HIS OWN The star of Bad Together, a new queer drama, offers a perspective on friendship and romance 41 | SAM I AM Sam Campbell reveals their unfiltered self 44 | MAURICE VELLEKOOP TELLS HIS OWN STORY In anticipation of his new graphic memoir, I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together, the prolific artist and illustrator sits down with IN Magazine 46 | FLORIDA IS STILL FUN Orlando has all the feels, including a surprising few days in a suburban bubble and a Pride Day to definitely add to your fall calendar 50 | FLASHBACK: JANUARY 21, 1989 IN 2SLGBTQI+ HISTORY Jazz icon Billy Tipton dies and is outed as trans 5
LANGUAGE
AN UPDATED GLOSSARY OF 2SLGBTQI+ TERMS YOU SHOULD KNOW
Labels matter. So check out this updated glossary to make sure you’re using the right one… Photo by Mara Ket on Unsplash
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
The language we use to talk about things like gender identity and sexual orientation has been slowly evolving for years, in part because of the willingness of 2SLGBTQI+ individuals to be open about who they are and how they identify. The idea that each person’s sexual orientation and gender identity lies somewhere on a spectrum rather than as an absolute gay or straight/male or female has been around for a while, but younger generations are now accepting it as fact and embracing everything that comes along with that. Keeping up with all the new terminology isn’t always easy, but the main thing is to, first and foremost, respect any label an individual chooses to give themselves. To make things a little easier, here are a few common 2SLGBTQI+-related terms that you should definitely know. 2SLGBTQI+: The acronym used by IN Magazine and numerous other organizations across the country to refer to the Canadian community. 2S, at the front, recognizes two-spirit people as the first 2SLGBTQI+ communities; L: lesbian; G: gay; B: bisexual; T: transgender; Q: queer; I: intersex (considers sex
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characteristics beyond sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression); +: is inclusive of people who identify as part of sexual and gender-diverse communities, who use additional terminologies.
ASEXUAL: Someone who experiences no sexual attraction to other people regardless of gender identity or sex. They might still want to find love and be in a relationship; sex just isn’t something they want or need. BINARY: The concept that sex is divided into only two categories: you’re either male or you’re female. On the other hand, someone who is non-binary does not identify as exclusively male or female, but rather as somewhere in between. A gender-queer person embraces more fluid ideas of gender; they identify as both male and female, as neither male nor female, or as another combination of the two. Similarly, gender-fluid people don’t identify exclusively with a single gender and are open to their gender shifting over time. BISEXUAL/BIROMANTIC: A person who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to two or more genders. CISGENDER: A person who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth. DEMISEXUAL: Someone who doesn’t develop any kind of sexual attraction towards another person until they have built a strong emotional connection with them. GAY: A person who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to people of the same sex or gender identity. Traditionally this identity was reserved for men, but it has been adopted by people of all gender identities. GENDER EXPRESSION: How we express our gender identities, and either do and don’t conform to socially defined gender norms. This could include the way someone does their hair, how they talk, or the clothes they choose to wear. For example, a transgender woman might choose to grow her hair long and wear makeup to appear more feminine. GENDER-FLUID: A person whose gender identity varies over time; this may include male, female and non-binary gender identities. GENDER IDENTITY: A person’s concept of their own gender regardless of the sex they were assigned at birth. GENDER ROLE: The expected social behaviours that a culture assigns to what it means to be male or female. For example, women are supposedly emotional while men are supposedly stoic. Someone who is gender non-conforming does not adhere to the traditional expectations of their gender. HETERONORMATIVITY: A culture bias that considers heterosexuality (being straight) the norm. For example, if you meet someone new and automatically assume they’re straight unless they tell you otherwise, that’s heteronormativity.
LANGUAGE
AROMANTIC: A person who lacks romantic attraction or interest in romantic expression. An aromantic person’s sexual and romantic orientations may differ (e.g., aromantic lesbian), and they may have romantic and/or sexual partners.
HETEROSEXUAL/HETEROROMANTIC: A person who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to people of a different gender than themselves. INTERSEX/INTERSECTIONALITY: The understanding that everyone has a number of overlapping identities – including race, class, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation and gender – that inform the way they see the world and experience oppression and discrimination. LESBIAN: Typically a woman who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to other women. NON-BINARY (ALSO GENDER-QUEER): Refers to a person whose gender identity does not align with a binary understanding of gender such as man or woman. It is a gender identity which may include man and woman, androgynous, fluid, multiple, no gender, or a different gender outside of the “woman—man” spectrum. PANSEXUAL: A person who is attracted to all different types of people no matter what their biological sex, gender identity or sexual orientation happens to be. QUEER: Although it used to be considered a negative slur, ‘queer’ has been reinvented as an umbrella term to describe the many different ways people reject binary gender and sexual orientation categorizations. If someone identifies as ‘queer,’ it simply means they are open to embracing identities outside the mainstream. QUESTIONING: A person who is uncertain about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity; this can be a transitory or a lasting identity. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Romantic and sexual attraction for people of the same or another sex or gender. TRANSGENDER: A person whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, a transgender woman is a person who was assigned the male sex at birth but identifies as female and chooses to live her life accordingly. Alternatively, a cisgender person’s gender identity matches up with the sex they were assigned at birth. TRANSSEXUAL: A transgender person who chooses medical intervention such as sex reassignment surgery and/or hormone therapy to physically change the sex they were assigned at birth. TWO-SPIRIT: Refers to a person who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit, and is used by some Indigenous people to describe their sexual, gender and/or spiritual identity. As an umbrella term, it may encompass same-sex attraction and a wide variety of gender variance, including people who might be described in Western culture as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, genderqueer, cross-dressers or those with multiple gender identities.
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LOOKING GOOD
Brands t hp u r p os e i W Intention-driven companies like Dove are committed to doing good – not just helping you look good with their beauty and grooming products By Adriana Ermter
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Back in 1957, who would have guessed that skincare brand Dove – with its then newly launched white beauty bar with the upturned edges, centre-etched bird, patented blend of mild cleansers and one quarter moisturizing cream – would become synonymous with self-empowerment? Or, better yet, that 67 years later, it would align with powerhouse athletic brand Nike to create a new online global program, Body Confident Sport, to reinforce body positivity and encourage the 47 per cent of girls in Canada who drop out of sports because of body image concerns?
effectiveness – all backed with scientifically proven insights and information, and relevant research. The program is inclusive, but based on research findings, it focuses on youth aged 11-17 years who identify as female, as the annual dropout rate from sports in this group is twice that of boys. These facts, derived from Dove and Nike’s 2023 research, also reveal that 44 per cent of girls dropping out were told they don’t have the right body for sport. Additionally, only four in 10 girls say they feel confident about how their body looks.
Yet it makes sense. Merging suds with sports – hockey, artistic swimming, basketball, gymnastics or soccer, for example – is an “When girls stop loving their bodies, they stop loving the game,” ideal way to wash away negative stereotypes and build confident says Melissa Grevstad, head of Dove brand purpose in North athletes. Particularly when, as noted in a 2023 Cision news America. During adolescence, when girls experience changes release, 174 million people around the world use Dove products to their bodies, “they feel exposed and vulnerable to judgment” every single day, making the brand’s commitment to reach one about what their bodies can and can’t do, and how they look while million youth each year through their new program a very real playing sports, Grevstad adds. possibility. After all, this is the beauty company that revolutionized shower time with a now iconic beauty bar that can simultaneously The program, which is a partnership with the Centre for Appearance eliminate grime and that uncomfortable tight and dry skin feeling Research (CAR) and the Tucker Centre for Research on Girls & other soaps often leave in their wake. They’ve got the do-good/ Women in Sport, addresses these findings. Equipped with the feel-good juxtaposition down. tools to shift their athletes’ focus away from thoughts about what their bodies look like to what their bodies are able to do and to Three-time Olympic women’s tennis doubles champion Venus experience, coaches utilizing the program will be able to introduce Williams agrees. An advocate for Dove and Nike’s interactive proactive change. online coaching initiative – created collaboratively by girls, coaches, and experts in body image and sports – Williams believes that “Since 2004, Dove has been working to arm the next generation with when young people of all gender identities are seen and valued tools to build body confidence and self-esteem so that no young for who they are, their confidence and self-esteem grow. “I know person is held back,” says Alessandro Manfredi, chief marketing how important it is to have a coach that focuses on ability over officer for Dove. “As the world’s leading provider of self-esteem appearance [tennis ball emoji],” Williams posted on Instagram and body confidence education for girls, we have a responsibility on October 25, 2023. “That’s why I’ve partnered with @dove to support girls wherever their self-esteem is at stake. Sport has the to help build girls’ body confidence and keep them playing the potential to make girls feel confident and strong, yet for so many, sports they love [bursting star emoji].” the judgment and criticism they face within the sports environment is damaging their confidence and limiting their self-belief. We are Reminiscent of Dove’s 2004 Self-Esteem Project – complete proud to team up with a likeminded brand like Nike to take action with its Real Beauty advertising campaign that featured women towards a more equitable future for girls – on and off the field.” of all ages, race and body types posing boldly and happily in their undies – the Body Confident Sport program’s underlying message is that when you love the skin you’re in, you can achieve Mo re Ch a nge- Lea ding B ra nds anything, especially when supported by a caring coach. Free and Let’s take a closer look at a few of our favourite brands that are accessible online, replete with downloadable videos, workbooks using creativity, innovation and commitment to help make our and materials, the program offers coaches and athletes proactive world a little better. ways to discuss topics such as gender stereotypes, appearance and athletic ideals, self-acceptance, confidence, performance and TH E 7 V I RTU E S enjoyment in sport. Each training module provides a session topic, Who they are: A Nova Scotia-based, clean, 100 per cent vegan, key activities for the session, what to say and best responses to gender-free fragrance brand whose mantra is “Make perfume questions and scenarios, and supplementary notes to optimize not war.”
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C H E E K B O N E B E A U TY C O S M E TI C S I N C .
Who they are: An Ontario-based, clean, vegan, low-waste, sustainable and high-quality colour cosmetics brand with Anishinaabe roots. Purpose driver: Founded by Jenn Harper to help Indigenous people see their value. The company has donated more than $200,000 to North American non-profit organizations, including the First Nations Child & Family Caring Society and the Navajo Water Project. IN Magazine’s recommended product: Sustain lipstick’s line of eight shades – each named after the earth or land in one of the 4,000 Indigenous languages – was created to honour Indigenous traditions. $34 each, available online at cheekbonebeauty.com.
D E W O F TH E G O D S
Who they are: An Ontario-based and gay-owned LGBTQ+ clean and vegan skincare brand with roots in Toronto and a heart filled with pride. Purpose driver: Founded by TikTok star Ryan Dubs, the company features LGBTQ+ people in their marketing, partnerships and retail. They are also financial supporters of Trans Lifeline, a North American trans-led non-profit connecting trans people to community and resources. IN Magazine’s recommended product: The Theory Retinol Creme Blend is an all-day age-defying moisturizer. $58 for 50 mL, available online at dew.co.
E S S E N C E C O S M E TI C S
Who they are: An American-based cosmetics company dedicated to creating affordable, fun and high-quality lipstick, eyeshadow, mascara, nail polish and more. Purpose driver: Founders and married partners Christina OsterDaum and Javier González believe “beauty is being who you are, who you want to be and having fun while doing it.” The brand donates product to non-profits including Operation PROM and Dress for Success. IN Magazine’s recommended product: Lash Like a Boss Instant Volume Length Mascara is cruelty-, paraben-, phthalate- and formaldehyde-free, and boasts a curved fibre brush. $7, available at Shoppers Drug Mart.
E V I O B E A U TY
Who they are: A British Columbia-based, impact-led clean makeup brand. Purpose driver: While living in a women’s shelter in Vancouver, founder Brandi Leifso built Evio in support of domestic abuse survivors. Evio has donated $510,000+ worth of products and funding to shelters across North America that help survivors to thrive. IN Magazine’s recommended product: The Lip Serum in “Did I Make Myself Clear” supports the freefrom.org, which builds wealth and financial security for survivors of intimate partner violence. $22, available at Shoppers Drug Mart.
F E R N & P E TA L
Who they are: A British Columbia-based, all-natural, locally made, family-run, home and bath company specializing in handmade and/or locally bottled essential oils, bath milks, teas and salts. Purpose driver: Founded by Katie Derrick to build awareness about the benefits of natural products and aromatherapy. With every purchase, Fern & Petal donates $1 to plant a tree. IN Magazine’s recommended product: The Routine Essential Oils Kit has four vegan diffuser oils that awaken and/or unwind the senses. $54 for four 5-mL oils, available online at fernandpetal.ca.
MAN EUVER M EN’S GROOMING
Who they are: An Ontario-based, cruelty-free, vegan, non-GMO (genetically modified organisms) and all-natural, organic men’s grooming brand. Purpose driver: Black-founded and Black, Indigenous, People of Colour (BIPOC)-owned, Maneuver creates space for BIPOC men to be their authentic selves and to grow as leaders by amplifying their voices through social and cultural community development. IN Magazine’s recommended product: Beard Growth Kit is all-natural, organic and fair trade, and includes Beard Growth Oil, Beard Roller and Beard Roller Cleaner. $122 for kit, available online at maneuvermen.com.
N O U G H TY 97% N A TU R A L
Who they are: A UK-based haircare company with a lineup of cruelty-free, vegan and 97 per cent natural products. Purpose driver: Co-founded by beauty industry experts Rachel Parsonage and Lorna Mitchell, Noughty enlists Jennifer Hirsch, a botanist and plant expert, to ensure efficacy. They purchase ingredients from farmers in developing communities to create sustainable change. IN Magazine’s recommended product: To The Rescue Intense Moisture Treatment quenches dry, damaged and over-processed hair. $18, available at Shoppers Drug Mart.
R O C KY M O U N TA I N S O A P C O.
Who they are: An Alberta-based skin and body care company that uses 100 per cent natural, organic and locally sourced ingredients. Purpose driver: Owners and married partners Karina Birch and Cam Baty offer products that are toxin-free and have recyclable, compostable packaging. The company hosts an annual safe and inclusive event for women, The Women’s Soap Run, to inspire a healthy and environmentally responsible lifestyle. IN Magazine’s recommended product: The Better Bubble Bath in “Just Breathe” contains aromatic essential oils. $16 for 240 mL, available online at rockymountainsoap.com.
VEGAMOUR
Who they are: A US-based, clean, 100 per cent vegan, bioavailable holistic haircare brand that clinically tests its plant-based ingredients to ensure healthy hair growth. Purpose driver: The company, which was founded by Dan Hodgdon, creates direct, fair trade partnerships to ethically harvest high-quality, natural ingredients. IN Magazine’s recommended product: GRO Hair Serum is powered with plant-based active ingredients to reduce shedding and support hair growth. $64 for 30 mL, available online at vegamour.com.
ADRIANA ERMTER is a Toronto-based lifestyle-magazine pro who has travelled the globe writing about must-spritz fragrances, child poverty, beauty and grooming.
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LOOKING GOOD
Purpose driver: Founded by human rights activist Barb Stegemann, to break the cycle of poverty and war. The brand’s perfume oils are organic, fair trade and sourced from countries experiencing turmoil. IN Magazine’s recommended product: Vanilla Woods EDP is mix-mastered with organic, sustainably sourced vanilla from Madagascar. $199 for 50 mL, available at Sephora.
HEALTH & WELLNESS
TA K E T H E PLUNGE Should you add cold plunging to your healthy routine? By Karen Kwan
If you’re not a big fan of winter, the idea of willingly immersing yourself in cold water won’t sound very appealing. And yet, more and more people have recently become cold plunge or ice bath regulars. A practice common in Finland and now more widely popularized in part by Wim Hof, a Dutch extreme athlete and motivational speaker, cold immersion therapy incorporates breathing exercises and meditation with plunging into water that is typically between 10 and 15 degrees Celsius. The practice is said to offer a number of benefits including improved mood, better circulation, revved-up metabolism, a decrease in inflammation and better sleep, to name just a few. Curious about the trend after a few sessions at Othership (a sauna and ice-bath space in Toronto), I recently put myself into the hands of the team at Unbounded – an experiential lifestyle brand that holds cold plunge sessions and events around the city – and attended Cold Camp for my first ice hole plunges.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Held at The Trace at Oak Lake resort in Havelock, Ont., Unbounded’s Cold Camp may change any ice-bath non-believers’ minds. What can you expect? Breathwork, intention setting and a cycle of guided sessions from the sauna to the cold lake. In addition to the reported health benefits of cold therapy, more than anything, the people behind Unbounded believe their cold-camp retreat helps people rediscover what winter can look like. “People tend to hibernate and close down physically and mentally a bit,” says Unbounded co-founder Nick McNaught. Cold camp both challenges you and helps you carry on with positivity and a zest for life, he says, while also helping some people take their wellness to another level thanks to the physical benefits. To round out your camp experience, when you’re not cycling through hot and cold cycles, there’s a hot tub, bonfires (including one night with live music), an evening social with the other campers and nature walks.
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For my first ice-hole plunge at Cold Camp, I could only immerse myself to chest level, and I was grateful to be holding hands with the other campers. I got out as soon as the two minutes were done (two minutes being the optimal exposure time to reap the health benefits of the cold). On Day 2, I went in one on one with a guide, whose calm demeanour helped me panic less; he got me to take long, deep breaths as I immersed myself a little deeper in the frigid water. Buoyed by that successful plunge, I went back into the lake that same morning for a plunge by myself. As I worked on taking longer breaths, I looked around at the expanse of snow covering the frozen lake as fluffy snowflakes fell from the sky, creating a surreal snow globe experience. At that moment, it was just me and the cold – there was that mental clarity McNaught spoke of. All of the noise and the nagging thoughts and stresses that constantly run through my mind faded away. But was the cold immersion improving everything from my circulation to my mood? I can’t speak to the long-term benefits as I haven’t maintained a regular cold-plunge routine, but I can tell you that I left Cold Camp embracing winter a little more and feeling proud of being able to work through that flight-orflight response. Evidence of the physical health benefits may be just anecdotal so far, but just as I appreciate the mental stamina required for running a marathon, I thrive on the boost I get from knowing I have the psychological strength needed to withstand cold plunging. Intrigued? Before taking the plunge, know that there are risks to consider, including frostbite, hypothermia, heart arrhythmias and heart attacks. Be sure to speak to your doctor first before trying your first cold-immersion therapy.
KAREN KWAN is a freelance health, travel and lifestyle writer based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @healthswellness and on Instagram @healthandswellness.
Photo by Javier García on Unsplash
In southern Ontario, the AIDS Committee of Durham is working to provide much-needed support and resources to people affected by HIV and AIDS
HIV rates among young Canadians are on the rise. Research and resources are essential to better understand sexual health experiences of Canadian youth, attitudes towards people living with HIV, substance use patterns, and mental health. These ongoing needs have been one of the driving forces behind the work of AIDS Committee of Durham Region (ACDR), a grassroots organization that has been committed to supporting the HIV community in southern Ontario, especially youth living with HIV, for over 30 years. ACDR is a community-based, non-profit organization with a mission to create a safe and healthy community, free from stigma, where every person has the opportunity for a meaningful and fulfilling life. It serves as a “one-stop shop” for HIV care and support in Durham Region, offering testing, outreach, education and counselling, and linkage to care. ACDR also offers harm reduction services and practical supports including a food bank and social events for people who may be experiencing isolation in the community. However, it’s ACDR’s work with youth who are living with HIV/ AIDS and related co-infections that has been life-altering for many, according to Adrian Betts, who has been the executive director at the ACDR for over 14 years. Betts knows first-hand the impact HIV can have. As a gay man and a long-term survivor living with HIV, he has worked at many HIV service organizations and other social justice services. Betts recently reflected to IN that he began working in the HIV/AIDS sector back in 1989 at the Toronto People with AIDS Foundation (PWA). Today, of all of the people he worked with at PWA, he is the only one still alive, having lost many friends and colleagues to HIV/AIDS during the height of the epidemic.
few places to turn. So, in an effort to support youth living with HIV, ACDR created the HYPE (HIV & Youth Peer Engagement) Program with funding from ViiV Healthcare Canada. This initiative addresses the negative health outcomes facing young people living with HIV in a number of ways: building capacity among young people living with HIV in order to better prepare them for the adult care system; reducing social isolation by building a network of peers to provide support; and communication and co-operation between facilities in the pediatric and adult health care systems. HYPE also offers a sleepaway and virtual camp that accommodates more than 80 youth living with HIV between the ages of 11 and 16. Youth at camp are able to discuss important issues with likeminded peers and support staff including gender identity, living with HIV, STIs and demystifying sex. Taking things a step further, in collaboration with the Public Health Agency of Canada, ACDR received funding to create the HYPE Summit, bringing together HIV-positive youth from across the province to participate in workshops, share their experiences with peers, and connect faceto-face with health care professionals that specialize in HIV care. According to Betts, we need to acknowledge that despite their age, many youths living with HIV are experts in their disease, especially those who have lived with the virus since birth. Meeting youth where they are and understanding that their priorities may differ from those of an adult is key to supporting a smooth and productive transition to adult HIV care. At a broader systemic level, the racism, misogyny and homophobia within the healthcare system must be addressed if we are to improve the experiences of youth as they move through different stages of their care journeys.
Challenges impacting youth living with HIV As Betts explains, there are unique challenges impacting youth living with HIV that require solutions to better support them. The teenage brain has different priorities, and they can struggle with risk assessment and decision making. Youth living with HIV often struggle with peer pressure, anxiety around disclosing their status and in relationships. Racism, homophobia and slut-shaming are other persisting concerns impacting youth living with HIV as they navigate transitioning into the adult care system. Unwavering commitment to youth When Betts joined ACDR 14 years ago, he noticed they had a lot of teenage clients from across Durham Region. Through his work with the ACDR, Betts has become a leader on issues involving youth living with HIV and transitioning from pediatric to adult care. He recently facilitated the creation of the Transition Accord, a document outlining the best way to make the transition from pediatric to adult HIV care. The extensive document includes commitments from youth living with HIV, pediatric HIV clinics and adult HIV clinics. The HYPE Program Navigating the teenage years is never easy, and when a young person lives with HIV, their world can feel upside-down with
Adrian Betts, executive director at the AIDS Committee of Durham Region
To learn more about AIDS Committee of Durham Region and resources available to support people living with HIV, visit www.aidsdurham.com. To learn more about ViiV Healthcare Canada, visit www.viivhealthcare.ca.
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COMMUNITY
Empowering Youth To Be Leaders In Their Own Care
PERSPECTIVES JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
THEN AND NOW:
BLACK 2SLGBTQI+ COMMUNITIES IN CANADA Honouring history and shining a spotlight on the challenges facing Black 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians By Jumol Royes Photo by Azra Demir on Pexels
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IN MAGAZINE
PERSPECTIVES
“Most people are planted in someone else’s soil.… I say to them, uproot yourself. Get into your own soil. You may be surprised who you really are.” These stirring words were spoken by the late Jackie Shane: iconic soul singer, pioneering Black transgender performer and a prominent figure in Toronto’s R&B scene in the 1960s. Historica Canada released a Heritage Minute a couple of years ago highlighting Shane’s story and how she helped shape what came to be called the “Toronto Sound,” a brand of R&B unique to the city. Watching it made me wonder how much we really know about the history of Canada’s Black 2SLGBTQI+ communities and their lived realities today. Black History Month was officially recognized in Canada in 1995 following a motion introduced in the House of Commons by the Honourable Dr. Jean Augustine, the country’s first Black female MP. Every February, we honour and celebrate the history and culture of Black Canadians and acknowledge their enduring impact on Canadian society. These moments of celebration and acknowledgement haven’t always made space for Black 2SLGBTQI+ communities. I struggle to recall learning anything about the historical contributions of Black 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians in school, and their inspiring stories of being on the frontlines of social change have often gone untold or been downplayed. Jackie Shane’s Heritage Minute is an exception, not the rule. Black 2SLGBTQI+ people in Canada have a long history of activism and community organizing that dates back decades. Zami – formed in 1984 by activists and founding members Debbie Douglas, Douglas Stewart, Courtnay McFarlane, Sylmadel Coke and Deryck Gloden – has the distinction of being Canada’s first organization for Black gay and lesbian people of Caribbean descent. The group, which got its name from the Caribbean-Creole word for lesbian – and the title of Black feminist and lesbian writer Audre Lorde’s 1982 book – was a queer group within the larger Black community that grew out of the collective house and centre for Black 2SLGBTQI+ activism known as Dewson House at 101 Dewson Street in Toronto. Meetings were held at The 519 with a focus on 2SLGBTQI+ issues within Black communities. Zami marched in its first Pride parade in Toronto in 1985, hosted its first Caribana party that same year, and paved the way for organizations that provide safer spaces for Black 2SLGBTQI+ people to organize, socialize and seek support today. Zami only existed for five years, but its founding members helped start many of the organizations that followed in its footsteps: like Aya, a Toronto-based group for Black queer men; the Black Lesbian and Gay Action Group; the Black Coalition for AIDS Prevention (or Black CAP), an organization that has worked tirelessly to respond to the threat of HIV and AIDS in Toronto’s African, Caribbean and Black (ACB) communities for close to 35 years; and Blackness Yes! which organized the first Blockorama Pride event for Black 2SLGBTQI+ folks in Toronto and continues to build on its 24year history of co-creating safer spaces for Black 2SLGBTQI+ communities through art, music, AIDS awareness and outreach.
“ B lack 2SLGBTQI+ people in Canada have a long history of activism and community organizing that dates back decades.”
So, what does life at the intersection of being Black and 2SLGBTQI+ in Canada look like today? The Enchanté Network is a national network connecting and supporting 2SLGBTQI+ community organizations across the country. As part of their Back to Our Roots project, a project for and by Black queer and trans people that explores organizational and community needs for Black 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians, they looked at demographic and educational experiences of Black 2SLGBTQI+ people in Canada. The findings are distressing. While the demographic makeup of Black 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians is diverse, they are under-represented in current research. It has also been established that compared to the general population, Black 2SLGBTQI+ people encounter challenges and discrimination both within 2SLGBTQI+ communities and outside of these communities, correlated with higher rates of poverty, unemployment and police discrimination. A survey conducted last year by The Enchanté Network revealed that more than 70 per cent of Black 2SLGBTQI+ respondents experienced hate crimes. A total of 80 per cent reported experiencing anti-Black racism in 2SLGBTQI+ spaces. Addressing these issues and disparities should be a priority for all Canadians. Black 2SLGBTQI+ communities exist, and have long existed, in this country. By honouring our history of activism and allyship, changemaking and community organizing, and shining a spotlight on the challenges facing Black 2SLGBTQI+ Canadians today, we pay homage to the generations that came before us and affirm our diverse and intersectional lived experiences. We are rooted in who we are, and who we are becoming. Just as Shane encouraged us to be.
JUMOL ROYES is IN Magazine’s director of communications and community engagement, an Ottawa-based poet and storyteller and glass-half-full kinda guy. He writes about compassion, community, identity and belonging. His guilty pleasure is watching the Real Housewives. Follow him on Instagram @jumolroyes.
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OUR HISTORY
Discovering The
2SLGBTQI+ ARCHIVES
That Are Keeping
QUEER HISTORY Alive Across Canada
From Newfoundland and Labrador to British Columbia to the Northwest Territories, there are several archives across Canada dedicated to preserving, educating, providing access and showcasing the diversity of the 2SLGBTQI+ experience in Canada By Stephan Petar
As the largest independent LGBTQ2+ archive in Canada, The ArQuives is the most recognized institution for the recovery and preservation of queer history. But it’s not the only one. Nationwide, we are seeing more archives and projects dedicated to queer history pop up in municipal or provincial institutions as well as university libraries. However, many are still led by volunteer community groups, who for decades have built a repertoire of the queer experience that traditionally has been overlooked by major institutions. “Our history wasn’t considered by institutional archives, so the only way to preserve it was through community-based archives,” says Laure Neuville at Montreal’s Archives lesbiennes du Québec, which was founded in 1983.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Community members dedicated themselves to documenting and collecting items that represented the diversity of the 2SLGBTQI+ narrative over time. In Winnipeg, Albert McLeod’s founding donation of materials related to the two-spirit experience marked the beginning of the Two-Spirit Archives at the University of Winnipeg.
of Victoria says, “Our collection bears witness to the courage, vision and perseverance of those who went before us. They had the wisdom to see that there was important work to be done.” Many archives are digitizing their materials to make them more accessible, opening avenues to exploring and celebrating a history rarely taught, and providing needed visibility that could prove life changing. This access is also crucial given that 2SLGBTQI+ rights and people are under threat. “Given increasing hate crimes and attacks on 2SLGBTQI+ communities, knowledge about queer history is more important than ever.… You can try to silence us, but you will never erase us,” says the Edmonton Queer History Project. Recent events were also top of mind for Tim Hutchinson, assistant dean at University Archives and Special Collections, University of Saskatchewan Library, when speaking about the importance of access. “These records document hard-fought human rights that should never be taken for granted.”
While thousands of records exist across the country, there are still significant gaps – which is why new archival projects, such as the “The past 500 years of Euro-Christian colonization around the Femme Story Archives, are popping up. “Because of historical world has imposed binary gender identity and heteronormativity on power relations, femme stories have been less acknowledged,” Indigenous cultures that historically held space for multiple gender say Jenna Danchuk, Chloë Brushwood Rose and Andi Schwartz of identities and the inclusion of LGBTQI+ people,” says McLeod. the Femme Story Archives. “We need to be able to tell our stories “The archive positions two-spirit people as critical assets to the ‘on our own terms’ and with the support of institutions who will ongoing work of decolonization and reconciliation.” not silence us.” Those who created and sourced these artifacts – the newsletters, photographs, magazines, buttons, apparel and more – did it with bravery, likely risking their livelihoods to make strides for 2SLGBTQI+ people. As the Transgender Archives at the University
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From Newfoundland and Labrador to British Columbia to the Northwest Territories, let’s meet the organizations that are helping to preserve 2SLGBTQI+ stories and that are dedicated to building a full picture of queer life in Canada.
OUR HISTORY
1 2
3
4 1. Cub _ Len in Cranberry Lake Cabin (ca. 1916), courtesy of John Corey Collection (P27-MS1O1-140), Provincial Archives of New Brunswick 2. Georgia Baths ad, courtesy of Edmonton Queer History Project 3. Transvestia, Courtesy of University of Victoria Libraries, Transgender Archives, Virginia Prince Acc. No. 2008- 006 B 4. AIDS Network of Edmonton Society Information Poster, courtesy of Edmonton Queer History Project
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OUR HISTORY
NEWFOUNDLAND AND LABRADOR´S DIGITAL QUEER ARCHIVE: Launched by the Queer Research Initiative, its goal is to tell the hidden stories of 2SLGBTQ+ Newfoundland and Labradorians throughout history. It has newsletters from The Gay Association In Newfoundland (GAIN) and stories related to the 2SLGBTQIA+ purge, a time when individuals were dismissed from the military or federal government because of their sexuality and gender identity. NOVA SCOTIA LGBT SENIORS ARCHIVE: Established in 2019 and housed at Dalhousie University, this archive commemorates senior members in the LGBT community, whose stories are at risk of being lost. The archive works with seniors to collect their stories first-hand, with the goal of creating a living legacy. QUEER HERITAGE INITIATIVE OF NEW BRUNSWICK (QHINB): Meredith J. Batt, president and co-founder, says part of the reason for QHINB’s founding was to give New Brunswick residents a place to keep their records and histories close to home. QHINB has items unique to the province, including the first 2SLGBTQI+ Veterans Wreath to be laid in the province and photos from the Eighth International Two-Spirit Powwow in Elsipogtog First Nation. Many of its holdings have been digitized, with work being done to get them online. The organization keeps its collection at the Provincial Archives of New Brunswick in Fredericton, which is also home to images of Len & Cub, the oldest photographic record of a same-sex couple in the Maritimes. Len & Cub’s story was turned into a book and will soon be a six-part television series from Elliot Page’s production company.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
ARCHIVES LESBIENNES DU QUÉBEC (QUEBEC LESBIAN ARCHIVES): Documenting the lives of lesbians in Quebec, this Montreal-based archive recently celebrated its 40th anniversary. Its collection has grown to hold a diverse assortment of materials in different formats, including about 275 magazines and periodicals like Long Time Coming, which was published in Montreal and is believed to be Canada’s first lesbian periodical. “Everyone who gets to look through the archives finds a document or item of particular significance to them, whether it brings back memories or because it resonates with who they are or want to be,” says Neuville. The province also has the Archives Gaies du Québec (Quebec Gay Archives). FEMME STORY ARCHIVES: This project, in collaboration with The ArQuives, is working to curate a collection of oral history interviews, photographs, print materials and more linked to queer femme culture in Toronto during the 1990s. It is currently looking for participants or those with materials to donate, with the hope of hosting an exhibition in two years. 2SLGBTQ+ COMMUNITY ARCHIVES: Michael Johnstone captured the 2SLGBTQ+ presence in Hamilton, Ont., for over five decades, and his collection became the founding donation of this archive at the Hamilton Public Library. The library hopes to build a diverse archival record of 2SLGBTQ+ life in Hamilton by inviting the community to donate historical materials or record oral histories. “We hope to have a local historical record that can be consulted, compared, contrasted and analyzed with similar records
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from other 2SLGBTQ+ archives,” says Ryan Johnston, acting manager of local history and archives at the Hamilton Public Library. UNIVERSITY OF WINNIPEG TWO-SPIRIT ARCHIVES: The goal of this archive is to develop an internationally renowned centre for research and to ensure that two-spirit people are central to preserving the history of their contribution to society. It provides a record of the two-spirit liberation movement in Canada that began in 1977, and features newsletters from two-spirit organizations, reports about the impact of the HIV/AIDS crisis on the community, a full ceremonial regalia of a two-spirit jingle-dress dancer as well as poetry, art, textiles and more. The archive is seeking materials documenting the struggles, progress and achievements of two-spirit people, but understands there may be apprehension given that it is a colonial institution. “We follow a stewardship model with respect to the Two-Spirit Archives where the creators or donors of the records retain ownership of the materials,” says Brett Lougheed, university archivist/digital curator. NEIL RICHARDS COLLECTION OF SEXUAL AND GENDER DIVERSITY AT THE UNIVERSITY OF SASKATCHEWAN: Activist and former University of Saskatchewan librarian Neil Richards dedicated his life to preserving the queer narrative. Now, a collection with more than 8,500 catalogued items is dedicated to him in the university’s vast collection related to sexual and gender diversity. It contains comics, sound recordings, film memorabilia, physique magazines, pins, buttons and a lot more. It even has a Gay Bob doll, said to be the world’s first openly gay doll, and a section that is dedicated to queer mystery and detective fiction. EDMONTON QUEER HISTORY PROJECT: This organization shares the stories of queer Edmontonians through various media. Its collection has thousands of items accompanied by several digital assets such as a downtown queer history map and walking tour, a digital stories map with 200+ entries, and a podcast about Vriend vs. Alberta (an important Supreme Court of Canada case involving a teacher’s dismissal because of their sexual orientation). For more about Alberta’s 2SLGBTQI+ history, you can visit the Gay and Lesbian Archives of Edmonton, Rainbow Story Hub and the Calgary Gay History Project. TRANSGENDER ARCHIVES AT THE UNIVERSITY OF VICTORIA: Launched in 2011, this institution has the largest transgender archival materials in the world. It has items dating back 120 years in 15 languages from 23 countries and six continents including erotica, court case records and more, with collections from Stephanie Castle, Red Jordan Arobateau and Aiyyana Maracle. You can also check out the BC Gay and Lesbian Archives and the Archives of Lesbian Oral Testimony for more about the province’s 2SLGBTQI+ history. NWT ARCHIVES: The Northwest Territories Archives features materials created by OutNorth, a non-profit organization whose mission is to provide support, awareness and advocacy for the 2SLGBTQI+ community in Yellowknife. The collection documents the organization’s advocacy with newsletters, press releases, event flyers and news clippings, providing a look into queer life in the territory.
STEPHAN PETAR is a born and raised Torontonian, known for developing lifestyle, entertainment, travel, historical and 2SLGBTQ+ content. He enjoys wandering the streets of any destination he visits, where he’s guaranteed to discover something new or meet someone who will inspire his next story.
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17
OPINION
SELF-LOVE WON’T SAVE US Somehow we have bought into the idea that our outer looks are a sign of our inner morality By Jesse Boland
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash
Despite the hundreds of advertisements we are exposed to daily, all attempting to sell us a cacophony of useless items and services, we are really being sold only two products. The first is hope: hope that if I pay $65 for a haircut, it’ll make me hate what I see in the mirror less; hope that this new gym will give me the body I’ve always wanted because it charges twice as much as my current one; hope for a better life if I change everything about myself by simply paying for premiums on everything that I currently use… because dress for the job you want, not the job you have, right? The second product we are sold is desperation – the dreadful shadow of hope – telling us that there is a price to pay if we refuse to pay for every single temptation that is placed before us. Through our store-bought capitulation, we consent to the idea that beauty is a choice for those who are willing to put in the work to achieve it, and unattractiveness is a punishment for those who are too lazy or unwilling to seek betterment. The Self-Care Industrial Complex provides us with various forms of luxury packages to improve our self-esteem through the mediums of therapy, self-help books, and the music Selena Gomez makes when she isn’t harassing her ex-boyfriend’s wife of seven years on Instagram – but are those tools enough to survive a culture that
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sells us misguided notions of self-love for a premium and charges us interest for rejecting said promotion? Beauty has gone from being an aesthetic virtue or a state of mind to being seen as a virtuous reward for being a good person…or so it seems we have collectively decided. To be considered physically attractive is seen not simply as a blessing of genetics that one’s physical features blend together to create a pleasing delineation of the human form, but more so a status symbol of biological and social hierarchy. If someone is attractive, not only do they possess admirable discipline in their fitness and diet to have obtained such an exquisite physique and glowing skin, but they must also unquestionably be a good person to have been given the karmic gift of attractiveness to match the beauty on the inside – it only makes sense, right? The commodity of beauty serves not only as a cultural currency to uphold the standards of how a respectable individual should present in order to survive in their social environment, but as a litmus test to critique those who fail to achieve said standards. When conventional beauty is understood as conformity to the cultural respectability standards of the status quo, to fail to conform to these
In the same manner of beauty being a gift of virtue, ugliness is seen as a consequence of one’s moral failings for which the ‘ugly’ person must repent. Common natural features such as cellulite, receding hairlines, acne, wrinkles – and basically anything else that 99.9 per cent of regular people endure – are not just seen as biological imperfections of aesthetic that are to be shrugged off as a part of being human, but as consequences of the individual’s own moral failings to better themselves and a justification for them to be critiqued by others. Given that for any physical imperfection one may have, there is some product or service out there that can fix it, neglecting to desperately fork over money to fix that ‘hideousness’ is understood as a conscious choice to present in whichever way our genetics have decided for us and thus opening us up to whatever unwarranted criticisms come our way. The digitization of predominant human socialization has reduced the majority of our personhoods to photographs that work as our avatars in our day-to-day lives. The significance of taking a good picture that will serve as your avatar in your daily life – be it your LinkedIn head shot that lands you your dream job, or your vacation thirst-trap that impresses your Tinder match and leads to your true love and happily ever after – has created a terrifying urgency of vanity in our need to look good. While we may tell ourselves that confidence is key and that beauty comes from the inside, the digital age of media sharing has proven that one good photo can be lifechanging. Want proof? Consider Australian supermodel Jordan Barrett, who was first discovered by mega-agency ICM Australia after being arrested and producing a striking mugshot, showing that even getting arrested can improve your life exponentially if you are considered hot enough. But then there are the more complex instances in which one’s beauty is less objective and becomes a subject for cultural debate, consent optional. While Kony 2012 (a documentary film about Ugandan war criminal Joseph Kony) is rightfully considered to be the most significant internet phenomenon of the 2010s, let’s not forget the cyber cataclysm that was the story of a young Alex Christopher LaBeouf, better known by his given title of Alex from Target. For those of you who may have rightfully blocked out much of life during 2014, the story of Alex from Target is that one day, a young man went to his retail job as he normally would, unaware that he had been photographed by a young girl who posted his photo online without his consent. Within hours he became a viral sensation for what was perceived by some as his conventional good lucks while others debated his attractiveness and tore him apart for their perceived notions of him being basic or even ugly – all because he was scanning items for minimum wage. The debate over whether he is in fact attractive or not is irrelevant: what is most fascinating is how he even became a subject of international debate to begin with simply by going about his dayto-day life, and how he was stripped of his autonomy by a stranger who felt entitled to snap his photo and post it, as well as by millions of strangers who considered the quality of his face to be water cooler conversation. While this story came and went as fast as the majority of pre-Trump-era viral sensations, the story of Alex from
Target served as patient zero for the trend of photographing civilians and reducing their personhood to internet content because of our opinions on their appearances. Beauty and/or its lack thereof has always been a subject for human discussion, but through digital culture has exploded into a realm of faux-intellectualism wherein an innocuous photograph of a total stranger existing in public can serve as the crux for global debates over beauty standards without the person in question even being aware. And that should terrify us. How do we survive in a world that constantly moves the goalpost for what it means to be attractive yet reprimands us for failing, that teaches us it doesn’t matter what people think of us yet leaves us on our own to endure the barrage of insults and condemnations that come our way from self-appointed critics of human value, and to listen to the hollow voices of the Self-care Industrial Complex that tells us to love ourselves when in fact it only loves our money? Simple: you shrug and keep it pushing, sis. Beauty is a game, and like any game there are winners, losers, rules, cheaters, and people who choose not to participate. There is not one person alive who hasn’t been made to feel self-conscious about their appearance for simply existing, and on the day that changes, it will mean the collapse of numerous multi-billion dollar industries that thrive on our feelings of insecurity to buy their products…so maybe don’t count on it anytime soon. What may hopefully bring a glimmer of hope is the reminder that conventional attractiveness is not a gift but an obligation. For those who are revered for their beauty of desirable physique, remember that upon their glowing complexions an invisible target is engraved, and at the first inclination of waning beauty – weight gain, greying hair, crow’s feet, etc. – they will fall off their throne of biological hierarchy and have their flaws (or flaw) dissected to the delight of their spectators. One of the best things that has ever happened to my self-esteem was joining a gym in West Hollywood occupied predominantly by models, dancers, actors and porn stars exhibiting the most cartoonishly well-crafted and chiselled bodies – a look I didn’t believe was possible until I actually saw them inches from my face in a cramped locker room. While one would think this would send me into a spiral of self-hate and body dysmorphia, in fact it was only upon seeing the insanity of what these men put their bodies through in their cyborg-like lifestyles that I accepted I would never look like them, and I wasn’t missing out. Beauty is a game, but for some people that game is an entire career on its own, where every perceived imperfection could be what hinders their next gig, and for them it’s a driving force to go to the gym nine times a week and not even look at a carb past 7 pm. But that’s not my story, and I’m glad it’s not. I’m fortunate enough to live a life where few people really care about how I look or how I dress – besides receiving some rude comments on my off days, and I can survive that. Understanding that beauty is not a signifier of moral superiority and is a finite currency has also been what has freed me in knowing that it’s not the end of the world if I maybe dress like a background character in Riverdale or have a face that’s been described as “easy to draw,” because I’m more than that. Self-love won’t save us from a world that wants to destroy us, but it makes life a little bit easier as we walk through it together.
JESSE BOLAND is that gay kid in class who your English teacher always believed in. He’s a graduate of English at Ryerson University (now Toronto Metropolitan University) who has a passion for giving a voice to people who don’t have data on their phones and who chases his dreams by foot because he never got his driver’s licence.
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OPINION
ever-changing standards of beauty is seen as an act of rebellion and thus deserving of punishment.
Love
LOVE
Finding
The author of Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch shares her story of love By Shaley Howard
I knew I was different when I hit puberty at the age of 13. All my friends were suddenly infatuated with the opposite sex, while I, on the other hand, had suddenly developed crushes on my female teachers. Well, my female teachers and Wonder Woman. Although, in hindsight, I’m not sure if I wanted to be with Wonder Woman or actually be Wonder Woman. JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Years passed filled with loneliness and long nights, silently crying as I ached for someone to love me in a romantic way. Being the late 1970s and early ’80s, no one was out of the closet – at least no one I knew. And the world around me was overflowing with homophobia, so the probability of me announcing I was a big lesbian was slim to none. I spent years concealing my sexual orientation and keeping up my straight girl facade. Until I went back to college at the age of 26. When most people reflect on their college dorm life, they usually don’t have overly enthusiastic memories. For me, however, my
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IN MAGAZINE
Cue my immediate exit. I rushed out, hearing the Sinéad O’Connor CD clunk on the floor and Amy saying something inaudible. I think it was, “Um, okay, see you later?” I couldn’t hear a thing over the blood pounding in my eardrums. When all else fails, run away. Amy was probably so confused, as I was always bursting in without an invitation, informing her that her music and dorm decorations sucked, then abruptly departing. Of course, what she didn’t know was that each time after my bombardment of insults, I’d run away internally screaming, “I love you!” Even with all my young adult years of running around intoxicated on alcohol and hormones, my attempts at “flirting” were never out in the open. In fact, not once in my life was I afforded the opportunity to practise the awkward teenage dance of flirting. I had serious arrested development in the art of romance – not fair. Straight kids had opportunities to attempt the cringe-worthy, prepubescent wooing of their crushes. When you’re young and foolish, you’re allowed a grace period to fall on your face. As an adult, though, I was clearly a bit stunted in my wooing abilities. My unsophisticated and juvenile interactions with Amy went on for a while. Strangely, she allowed me to continue with my exasperating badgering as I followed her around like a deranged lost puppy. In hindsight? Duh, of course she did. I may have been a bumbling, obnoxious jerk, but I’m sure that on some level she also realized I liked her. But I was scared to death of dropping my tough sarcastic facade and confessing my true feelings. Certain that if I did, she would recoil with disgust and my life would be over.
SHALEY HOWARD is an award-winning LGBTQ+ activist, small business owner and author of the new memoir, Excuse Me, Sir! Memoir of a Butch. She lives in Portland, Oregon, and loves hiking the Pacific Northwest with her adorable dog, Dingo. Visit shaleyhoward.com for more information
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LOVE
college dorm was where I met Amy, who just happened to be in Then it happened. One night, we were watching Fried Green the room at the end of my hall. She was this scrawny, sarcastic Tomatoes, a favourite lesbian movie of the 1990s. We had both Southerner with big opinions and a presence that made me blush. scrunched up next to each other on my rather uncomfortable twin She was perfect. Both of us being closeted, however, made things bed, and then, we kissed! Amy had simply rolled over and kissed a little challenging. Not knowing how to communicate that I was me! I was shocked. Then, with my face beaming bright red, first head-over-heels, I resorted to my oh-so successful adolescent from ecstasy followed quickly by trepidation, I realized I had flirtatious behaviour. I found myself trying to woo her by following absolutely no idea what to do. Obviously, I had not been given a her around and insulting her. “Birds and the Bees: Lesbian Edition” talk. But there was no way in hell I was going to stop. “What on earth is this crap?” I demanded as I made myself at home, sitting cross-legged in the middle of her dorm room bed. After years of watching everyone around me find love and “‘Nothing Compares 2 U,’ by Sinéad O’Connor,” she calmly experience the euphoria of someone you’re aching for desire you, replied, handing me the CD case. I looked down at an image of a it was finally happening to me. This gorgeous woman was kissing woman with piercing blue eyes and a shaved head, trying to hide me! I kept thinking, She wants me! Holy fuck! She wants me! I my astonishment. Immediately my heart started racing. I’d never might have actually been saying that out loud, I’m not really sure. known any women with shaved heads, let alone ones that looked I was fairly blissed out. like, well, beautiful lesbians. A woman with a shaved head? She must be gay. Duh. At some point, I chuckled quietly through a grin plastering my face. “What?” she asked, noticing the weird, abrupt interruption The tiny dorm room suddenly felt smaller and 10 degrees warmer to our kissing. Nervous to share, I shyly said, “I just thought of as my face began to burn. Staying true to my adolescent form, my first crush, Mrs. Aguirre. I always wrote ‘A+S’ heart doodles when feeling uncomfortable I proceeded to get louder, more on my Pee-Chee’s when she was my teacher. Your name is Amy, disrespectful, and insufferable. “Ugh, what’s wrong with her? Why so,” I paused, “there’s the ‘A.’” Her smile at that implication made doesn’t she have hair?” I snapped, in a desperate (and, I’m sure, my heart melt, and she began to softly kiss me again. Yes, after a obvious) attempt to hide my embarrassment. Ignoring my snide lifetime of my love and desires always being one-sided, someone comment, she casually replied, “I think she’s hot.” Hearing that, else was finally drawing “A + S” heart doodles. my body froze, as if any movement might threaten to expose my crushing vulnerability. Every hair on my neck stood straight up and a thin sheen of sweat broke out all over, like I was a 50-yearold perimenopausal woman.
FAMILY
GA Y PA R E N T I N G : 25 Q u e s t i o n s To A s k Yo u r Partner Before Having Kids Make sure you dot the i’s and cross the t’s by having a sit-down with your partner before starting your journey to parenthood
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Starting a family is an exciting and life-changing time. For any gay, lesbian, bisexual and/or transgender couple thinking about having children, there are more options than ever for starting a family. But at the risk of stating the obvious, having a baby with someone is a pretty big deal. Granted, having babies as a same- or similar-gender couple or as a transgender individual in a couple can be complicated. There are logistical issues, legal hurdles and financial obstacles that cisgender heterosexual couples rarely consider or ever need to deal with. So, before you and your partner dip into the sometimes complicated process of starting a family, you will need to have a number of serious – sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes fun – discussions.
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“Being on the same page as your partner is so important because a fertility journey can be easy but it can also be challenging,” says Dr. Marjorie Dixon, the Founder, CEO and Medical Director of Anova Fertility and Reproductive Health, which operates five clinics in southern Ontario. “You have to prepare for scenario A, where it’s easy; scenario B, where it’s intermediate; and, scenario C, where it costs you a lot of money and is really a true challenge to your sense of self as a couple. Open communication from the beginning will help you manage the journey no matter the outcome.” While all potential parents must consider the ifs and whens of starting a family, most same-sex couples must also grapple
Thinking of starting up a family with your partner? With a little help from Dr. Dixon, we’ve put together a list of 25 of the most important questions that you can discuss with your partner before starting your journey to parenthood. The answers will help you make sure you are both on the same page – or at least give you a starting point for discussion.
1. When do we want to grow the family, and when do we have to start working towards making that happen?
2. How much time are we prepared to wait?
11. Have we thought of co-parenting with another individual or couple?
12. Do we have any provisions in our employee benefit plans
that are likely to cover fertility treatment for queer couples?
13. What would we do if we learned the fetus had genetic disorders or physical abnormalities?
14. Do we want to find out the assigned sex of the baby? 15. Who will be the primary parent for the baby? 16. Whose last name will the child have? 17. For each partner: what are some things you liked about
the way you were raised, and what would you like to do differently as a parent?
3. In the case of donated sperm, where will we get the sperm from? 18. How will we explain sexuality to our child? 4. For couples who identify as male: do we want our child
to know the identity of the egg donor? Or, for couples who identify as female: do we want to know the identity of the sperm donor? In both cases, what will the donor’s relationship be to our family?
5. In the case of surrogacy: what kind of relationship do
we want with the surrogate before, during and after the pregnancy/labour? Also, what kind of relationship (if any) do we want between the child and the surrogate?
6. For couples that identify as female: do we both want to
experience pregnancy and birth? Which one of us will carry the child?
7. For transgender individuals there may be more complicated
questions. Generally sperm or egg freezing is done before hormonal or surgical intervention. For those assigned male at birth, have you thought about cryopreservation of sperm? For those who were assigned female at birth, have you thought about egg freezing?
19. What will we do if our child is bullied in school because they have two moms/dads?
20. What will the division of labour be? 21. For each partner: could you defer your own preferences for the sake of your child’s best interests?
22. For each partner: are you prepared that your child might be very different from you in personality or values, share few interests, or even reject you? How would you handle this?
23. How well do we handle stress and conflict resolution as a couple?
24. How will we make time for our relationship? 25. What if this doesn’t work out?
8. How will we find a clinic with practitioners who can speak the language of queer couples in a judgment-free way?
9. Would we like to work with a certified fertility lawyer,
who can explain the legal framework that will direct our decision-making? If yes, can we afford that?
10. How are we going to financially prepare to start the
Thinking About Parenthood Is Just The Beginning
For more information about beginning your pathway to parenthood, please visit www.anovafertility.com.
process of growing our family?
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with the how. That includes deciding whether to pursue in-vitro fertilization (IVF), intrauterine insemination (IUI), egg donation, gestational surrogacy or even adoption – each of which comes with its own variations. Parenthood certainly isn’t easy at the best of times, and assisted reproduction adds another level of complexity. Being prepared beforehand can make it all a little less daunting… and will help you survive the process.
MENTAL HEALTH
DO TR I G G E R W A R N I N GS A C T U A L LY H E L P T H E 2 S L G B TQ I + C O M M U N I T Y ? If you’re on social media, you already know that trigger warnings are everywhere. But do they actually help people in our community?
Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
In our increasingly sensitized society, “trigger warnings” have become pretty commonplace. These days trigger warnings can be found all over the internet, warning readers that the content they’re about to encounter mentions topics that some readers may find distressing: think sexual abuse, suicide, homophobia, violence, self-harm, child abuse, eating disorders, and so on. An italicized disclaimer at the top of an article about a young person’s struggle with homophobia and violence might read something like this: This article contains descriptions of homophobia and violence that may be triggering for some individuals. It sounds helpful and well-meaning, but what began as a protective measure has in recent years sparked widespread debate about censorship, mental health and personal responsibility. Also, there’s the question of whether these warnings actually help the people that they are meant for. The concept originated years ago in therapeutic settings, designed to protect individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from content that might elicit intense psychological responses. Over time, their use expanded, particularly in academic circles, in online communities and on social media, all with the same intent: to preemptively alert individuals about potentially distressing content.
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Initially, academics embraced the use of trigger warnings. The philosopher Kate Manne explained, in a 2015 Times op-ed, that in a university setting, “the point [of trigger warnings] is not to enable – let alone encourage – students to skip these readings or our subsequent class discussion (both of which are mandatory in my courses, absent a formal exemption). Rather, it is to allow those who are sensitive to these subjects to prepare themselves for reading about them, and better manage their reactions.” She wrote that exposing students to triggering material without trigger warnings seemed “akin to occasionally throwing a spider at an arachnophobe,” which would impede rather than enable the rational state of mind needed for learning. As trigger warnings went well beyond the classrooms and became culturally mainstream, some people began to question their effectiveness, or at least their overuse. In the summer of 2021, for example, the Globe Theatre in London, England, forewarned its audiences of “upsetting” themes – including suicide and drug use – in Shakespeare’s classic Romeo and Juliet. So it was only a matter of time before researchers began to wonder whether trigger warnings truly serve their intended purpose, especially within the 2SLGBTQI+ community…or are a wellmeaning yet misguided effort.
“ S o i t w a s o n l y a m a t t e r o f t i m e b e fo re re s e a rc h e rs b e ga n t o wonder whether trigger warnings truly serve “Like all good scientists, I was itching to find out if any of the claims made by each side of the debate could hold water once taken out t h e i r i n t e n d e d p u r p o s e, of a political context and tested in an experimental framework,” Bridgland said. “Namely, what happens when someone sees a especially within the warning (e.g., how do they feel?) and does this alter the way they 2 S L G BTQ I + c o m m u n i t y . . . then react to subsequent material?” o r a re a w e l l - m e a n i n g The research, a meta-analysis of previous studies that looked at the usefulness of trigger and content warnings, found that such y e t m i s g u i d e d e f fo r t .” disclaimers may actually increase people’s anxiety and lead to a For her study, Victoria Bridgland, a post-doctoral researcher at Flinders University and the lead author of the study (which was published in the journal Clinical Psychological Science), wanted to put aside the debate over trigger warnings and neutrally look at their efficacy for readers with trauma.
“pandora effect,” where the curiosity to proceed is only made stronger. “We found that the main claims about the potential benefits of trigger warnings – that they either help people to mentally prepare to cope with negative material, or are used to completely avoid negative material – are unfounded,” said Bridgland. But there was no evidence that warnings blunted people’s emotional reactions to distressing content. As for whether warnings help vulnerable people avoid unwanted content, there was again no support for that: across five studies that looked at “avoidance,” warnings typically had no effect. In one study, participants were actually more likely to read articles with trigger warnings than those without. In other words, trigger warnings don’t seem to be working for most people – and in some cases, they might be making things worse.
SO, WHY DON’T TRIGGER WARNINGS WORK?
Researchers and armchair critics seem to agree that trigger warnings don’t necessarily work because they are too general. When people do have a history of trauma, the things that “trigger” them are specific and vary widely among individuals.
Bridgland backed up that theory with this point: warnings merely tell people that distressing things loom, and not what to do about it. In theory, warnings allow people to deploy their “coping strategies,” but that’s assuming they already have those strategies. “For trigger warnings to work, people would need some kind of pre-training to give them emotion regulation strategies that they could use if they come across a trigger warning,” Bridgland said.
“ W h e n p e o p l e h a v e a h i s t o r y o f t ra u m a , t h e things that ‘trigger’ t h e m a re s p e c i f i c and vary widely a m o n g i n d i v i d u a l s .”
So for trigger warnings to actually work, you have to learn how to face your traumas instead of avoiding them. “For example, maybe you learn how to watch something in a neutral way rather than in an emotional way,” Bridgland explained. “This might not be something that can be achieved by a trigger warning message alone.”
HOW CAN WE MAKE WARNINGS MORE EFFECTIVE? As with all research, studies on trigger warnings have limitations, and we may never be able to say for sure whether trigger warnings are ineffective in every case, for every person. Stay tuned.
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INTERESTING TAKEAWAYS FROM RECENT RESEARCH
Scrolling online can be an emotional minefield, and on the surface, trigger warnings seem like a considerate heads-up to people living with mental health issues. But a new study out of Flinders University in Australia suggests that these types of warnings may not be as helpful as you’d assume.
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JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Photo by Francesco Ungaro
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HOMOPHOBIA
IS TWIN FLAMES UNIVERSE T R A N S -I N C L U S I V E , O R J U ST A N O T H E R C U LT ? JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
According to Twin Flames Universe… if you’re struggling to find “The One,” simply try changing your gender By Courtney Hardwick
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only assigned partnerships, but they assigned gender identities as well, giving one person in every union the role of the “Divine Masculine.” While this was the final straw for some members, who ended up leaving the group rather than pretending to be transgender, some people continued on and embraced their new gender identity and harmonious union. They not only came out publicly as transgender, but some of them started hormone therapy and are considering gender-affirming surgery.
Started in 2017 by Jeff and Shaleia Ayan, TFU is a mostly online community that promotes the concept that everyone has a “twin flame.” When you meet that person, the Ayans posit, you’ll feel an immediate connection that can’t be replicated with anyone else. This idea of twin flames or soulmates has been around for a while in New Age and spiritual circles, but Jeff and Shaleia have built an entire business out of helping people reach “harmonious union” with their “twin flame.” In theory, they are a self-help group that guides people to finding true love, but in practice, they operate more like a cult.
While we can’t know whether these people would have come to the same conclusion about their gender identity had they never met Jeff and Shaleia, the reports of coercion suggest TFU was more interested in creating couples that met their heteronormative ideals than in facilitating genuine connections or supporting LGBTQ+ relationships.
“ T his is a group that is not in the mainstream of what trans people do and what trans people believe.”
Two recent documentary series – Escaping Twin Flames on Netflix and Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flame Universe on Amazon Prime – explore the world of TFU through recordings of video meet-ups, first-hand accounts from former members, and in-depth reporting about the group by Vanity Fair and Vice. In both documentary series, one of the more shocking allegations is that Jeff and Shaleia encouraged, coerced and bullied people into changing their gender expression and identity in order to fit the ideal of a twin flame union…which is, of course, heteronormative. At first glance, TFU appears to be welcoming and accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. Their website features multiple transgender and same-sex couples as official twin flame unions and certified coaches. However, according to former members, TFU’s stance as an ally is all superficial. One of the major pillars of the twin flame ideology is that everyone fits into one of two boxes: the “Divine Feminine” or the “Divine Masculine,” and a true twin flame union must include one of each. So, while there are plenty of same-sex couples in the Twin Flame Universe, the expectation is that the couple will still adhere to traditional, binary gender roles. In the Prime docuseries, lesbian couple and former TFU members Catrina and Anne talk about Jeff using them as an example of the “Divine Masculine” and “Divine Feminine” in a same-sex couple. Both in private and on calls with other members, Jeff told Anne she should be living as a man, and called her “Dan” and “Anne the man” against her wishes. Catrina and Anne were eventually kicked out of the group because Anne refused to accept Jeff’s assertions that she was “a man on the inside.” They aren’t the only ones who experienced this kind of pressure. At one point, in an effort to create more twin flame unions to validate their own system, Jeff and Shaleia placed members into forced partnerships. Since the group was disproportionately made up of straight, cisgender women, they had to get creative. So, they not
This brings up the question of whether people really can be brainwashed into being transgender. Cassius Adair, a transgender assistant professor in media studies at The New School in New York, says TFU’s approach to gender identity should be seen as an outlier when it comes to representing the trans experience. “This is a group that is not in the mainstream of what trans people do and what trans people believe.” While on the surface, TFU might seem to be an inclusive and supportive group for transgender experiences, Adair believes it’s actually the opposite. “I don’t see Jeff and Shaleia as supporting trans people by saying, ‘Hey, you can take hormones or get surgery.’ I see Jeff and Shaleia supporting anti-trans people by saying, ‘The gender you are is not determined by you; it’s determined by the people who have power over you.’” In the Prime series, Johns Hopkins University associate professor Jules Gill-Peterson calls Jeff and Shaleia’s coercion and manipulation tactics a sinister manifestation of conversion therapy. Their insistence that even same-sex couples operate within a masculine-feminine binary exposes their true intentions: they needed a solution to their problem of having a group about finding love that was made up of mostly straight women. For them, having some people change their gender was simply a convenient fix. Jeff and Shaleia’s relationship advice is clearly self-serving and designed to validate the system they’ve set up. While it claims to be a self-help organization that cares deeply about helping its members find love and harmonious union, the bottom line is that Twin Flames Universe is a business. There is an ever-growing bank of content available for purchase to teach students about “clearing inner blocks to love” and achieving permanent happiness with their “twin flame.” Their Twin Flames Ascension School, which is actually just 300+ recordings taken from Google Hangouts calls, costs over $4,000. Just like a few other organizations that have been accused of being cults, like NXVIM and Scientology, TFU exists in its own bubble, where members are expected to adopt beliefs that have no basis in reality. They cut off their family and friends, work for free, and commit their lives to the Twin Flames Universe. Taking away the option to choose your own gender identity is just one more manipulation tactic to add to the list.
COURTNEY HARDWICK is a Toronto-based freelance writer. Her work has appeared online at AmongMen, Complex Canada, Elle Canada and TheBolde.
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HOMOPHOBIA
Finding love can be an exhausting process. If you believe there’s a “perfect someone” out there for you, that helps take a little of the uncertainty and loneliness out of the journey – but what if you were told you would have to change your gender or sexual orientation in order to be with the person who is meant for you? It goes against the wisdom that the right person will accept you as you are – but according to the co-founders of Twin Flames Universe (TFU), it might be necessary, and you might not have any say in the matter.
TV & MOVIES
2 S LG B TQ I + C O N T E NT T H AT E V E RYO N E S H O UL D SEE BEFORE AWA R D S S E AS O N We thought it might be fun to detail some of the queer content already released or soon to be released that will be part of the conversation By Matthew Creith
The holiday season and 2023 came to a close before we knew it – wow, who saw that coming? Hollywood writers have secured a deal with the major studios to go back to work, but as of this writing, many actors are still striking for what they consider to be a fair deal. International film festivals and high-profile movie and television premieres have continued to see a lack of promotion from actors. Some studios delayed blockbuster projects in 2023 and audiences have begun noticing that Dune: Part Two, Challengers, Kraven the Hunter and The Bikeriders will no longer be part of the 2023 awards season contention.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Rustin
Rustin had its international premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival before its official streaming debut on Netflix in 2023. The biographical film highlights Bayard Rustin, a gay civil rights activist who worked alongside Martin Luther King, Jr., to organize the famed March on Washington in 1963. Directed by out helmer George C. Wolfe and co-written by Academy Award-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black, the film explores Rustin’s life and influence on the American political system. Colman Domingo stars as the titular character in a commanding performance that will undoubtedly be noticed by awards enthusiasts, and might reward the talented gay actor with an Academy Award for his performance. Rustin is streaming on Netflix as of November 17, 2023.
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However, some movies and television shows have premiered during the 2023 calendar year that have proven to be critically and commercially successful, almost guaranteeing some time in the sun at the Oscars or Golden Globes. A few smaller production and distribution companies are confident in their LGBTQ+ content and were expected to release some projects before the end of the year. Some of these have had world premieres at festivals, while others will debut on streaming platforms very soon if they haven’t already. Here’s a roundup of what to watch, to help you hold your own when discussion turns to what’s hot and not on the screen.
TV & MOVIES
All of Us Strangers Writer and director Andrew Haigh has never shied away from developing characters that highlight his perspective on the gay experience. The British filmmaker is primarily known to North American audiences for his successful series Looking, which starred Jonathan Groff and Murray Bartlett as gay San Franciscans trying to survive love, loss and life in the big city. Now, the talented Haigh has adapted the 1987 novel Strangers into All of Us Strangers, an Oscar-contending film starring out actor Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Claire Foy and Jamie Bell.
Set in an empty residential tower in London, the film follows Adam (Scott) and Harry (Mescal) as they embark on a romantic entanglement while Adam wrestles with the loss of his parents. The film is a romantic fantasy where Adam fantasizes about going back in time to confront his parents with his coming-out journey and relive the pain of his past. Searchlight Pictures is currently campaigning for Andrew Scott in the Lead Actor category, while
the rest of the cast has been relegated to supporting roles. That strategy might prove successful come award season. All of Us Strangers was released theatrically in North America on December 22, 2023.
Maestro After a successful feature film directorial debut with 2018’s A Star is Born, multihyphenate talent Bradley Cooper’s sophomore effort Maestro might be the most anticipated film of 2023. Leaning on the biographical elements of composer Leonard Bernstein’s life and romantic interests, the film is directed, co-written by and stars Cooper in Bernstein’s role. Maestro deals heavily with Leonard Bernstein’s life as a composer and conductor while focusing on his closeted life as a queer man during a time when such a thing would be unacceptable for a person of his stature. The film is a testament to the power of love and lust, with an ensemble that includes the ever-charming Matt Bomer, Maya Hawke, Sarah Silverman and Jeremy Strong. With heavy-hitting producers Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese in Maestro’s corner, Carey Mulligan’s performance as Bernstein’s long-suffering wife, Felicia Montealegre, is gaining steam in the awards conversation as of late. Maestro is available to stream on Netflix as of December 20, 2023.
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Nyad
Actor Annette Bening has always surprised audiences with bold choices in performances that have netted the veteran four Academy Award nominations during her lengthy career. Her latest turn in the Netflix biographical drama Nyad might just be the ticket to winning gold come awards season this time around. Portraying the real-life longdistance swimmer Diana Nyad, Bening crafts a perfectly courageous sports figure who doesn’t understand the word “quit” as she attempts to swim the 100-mile open water journey from Cuba to Florida. The influence of Nyad doesn’t stay within the treacherous waters of Diana’s swim, but rather the power of female friendship between the swimmer and her supportive coach (Jodie Foster). Along the way, sexual identity is explored, and Diana’s role in defining her own story at age 60 helps propel the movie in an inspiring direction. Nyad is available to stream on Netflix as of November 3, 2023.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Strange Way of Life
2023 will be remembered as the year famous feature film filmmakers dabbled in the short film space. After all, director Wes Anderson unveiled four short films this year alone on Netflix. Taking himself into the same genre, Pedro Almodóvar has ushered in a new direction for his stunning filmography with the introduction of Strange Way of Life, starring Ethan Hawke and Pedro Pascal. While the film stars two straight actors playing lovers in a Western motif, the 31-minute project is at the top of the list of those competing for the coveted Live Action Short Academy Award nomination this year. Having premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in May 2023 before Almodóvar took the film to the Toronto International Film Festival last fall, Strange Way of Life was released theatrically to the general public. In some markets, the movie is still available in theatres but was released to streaming audiences in late 2023.
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TV & MOVIES
Kokomo City The documentary category during awards season is one of the most sought-after by filmmakers looking to own the moment. This year, some documentaries have chosen to focus on the 2SLGBTQ+ community, and one to watch is Canadian production Summer Qamp, which centres on queer kids at a summer camp in Alberta. Another is Kokomo City, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival last January and instantly became a frontrunner for an Academy Award nomination for Best Documentary Feature.
Kokomo City explores the lives and encounters of four Black trans women as they operate as New York City and Georgia sex workers. Directed by D. Smith and produced by queer performer Lena Waithe, the movie had a theatrical release in July 2023 and is currently available to rent on Prime Video. It’s powerful, honest, and earned positive reviews from critics upon its release.
Fellow Travelers Based on the 2007 novel of the same name, Fellow Travelers is a sexy and powerful lesson in gay romance taking place through several decades of American history. The limited series stars out actors Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey as two men who meet in Washington, D.C., quickly become lovers and experience life from the anticommunist era of the 1950s to the AIDS epidemic times of the 1980s. While the series was not released in time to make the cut for the 2023 Emmy Awards this year, it surely will be recognized by the Golden Globes in the television categories. Fellow Travelers is unapologetically raunchy and authentic in its approach to sex between two men. It seeks to portray the closeted dynamics between the rich and powerful in the form of corrupt politicians who think they are bulletproof.
Fellow Travelers released on October 27, 2023, and continued its seven-episode run through December 10, 2023.
MATTHEW CREITH is a freelance journalist based in Austin, Texas. He is a member of GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics, and participates in the association’s Dorian Awards. You may also know him for his work on Matinee With Matt, Screen Rant and Giant Freakin Robot. You can find him on Twitter: @matthew_creith, or Instagram: matineewithmatt.
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Musical Multi-Hyphenate
Debby Friday Outdoes Herself
The electronic artist opens up on her place in queer music history, the 2SLGBTQI+ forces fuelling her music, and her next plan of attack
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
By Elio Iannacci Photos by Stella Gigliotti
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It’s 10:23 pm on a Wednesday night. The packed dance floor at Toronto’s Velvet Underground answers with a resounding “yes,” and then follows up with several “yas queen”s. The unknown figure asking the question slowly emerges on stage, wafting through a cloud of smoke, delicately revealing herself to be singer-songwriterrapper-DJ Debby Friday. The Nigerian-born, Montreal-raised multi-hyphenate takes her time to step into the spotlight, slowly embracing the crowd’s sonic admiration before purring back a “yessss” of her own. In Debby Friday’s mind, BITCHPUNK – the name of her first EP, released back in 2018 – is far from any old school derogatory assumptions. Instead, she sees the colliding of the two terms as a strong denomination, something she calls “a crown title and a reclamation for rebels and radicals who want to take on the world.” This skill for reworking words and worlds has helped the 29-year-old go far. For example, at one time or another she has lived in three of Canada’s major cities (Montreal, Vancouver, and now her new hometown, Toronto) in order to create music that aims to amalgamate genres, scenes and socio-political POVs. For example, the fires that light her latest album, Good Luck, come from blending Black, queer and feminist culture and cultural thought. The 10-track disc has proven to be so potent with its crisscrossing of dance music (“Hot Love”), rock (“What A Man”) darkwave (“Safe”), hip-hop (“Heartbreaker”), electro (“Wake Up”) and soul-pop (“So Hard To Tell”) that it recently won a Polaris Prize. Friday’s musical multiverse is best seen on stage, when she performs songs like “I Got It” – one of the best cuts off Good Luck, which Friday describes as a “‘Get in the Uber, Bitch!’ ode to nightlife, purgatory and club rats everywhere.” The song’s orgasmic verses build up to the climax of the song, where Friday fiercely delivers the line: “Let Mama give you what you need!”
channel and the thesis had a lot of theory behind, which was based on distortion, dissonance and harmony in music. So I’m kind of living my thesis now. For the Toronto stop of your tour, you hopped into the crowd and started singing and rapping at specific audience members. How does jumping into crowds – mosh-pit style – ignite your performance? The give-and-take and back-and-forth that happens between me and the audience works as an energy loop. I’m giving my all to them and then they’re giving their all back to me. We create an electric current that runs throughout the entire room – it’s beyond us both. To face an audience like that is where you can actually have this very visceral and tactile experience, something that just reminds you that you’re alive. You once said: ‘I live in a world that is aggressive towards my identities… so my reaction is going to be aggressive.’ You were directly speaking to how you have to navigate the music industry as a Black, queer woman. Do you feel the same way today? Where I was at the time when I had that interview was when I released my first EP, BITCHPUNK. It was completely the experience I had at the time – I could feel so many aggressive oppressors going for me. Things have changed for me. When I made BITCHPUNK, I had just left Montreal for Vancouver, so there was also this feeling of feeling really exiled. Being who you are, no matter what, triggers all kinds of emotions for people who aren’t quite there yet and aren’t fully realized. I was trying to get my own aggression out and into that record, and it was perceived as being very in-your-face. I definitely have that part of my personality, it’s who I am. I’m a Montrealer; there’s not much I can do about that.
Three days after finishing the show, Friday took a much-needed moment to recharge and reflect. Sitting down with IN Magazine, she shared a slice of her down time by opening up on her place in queer music history, the 2SLGBTQI+ forces fuelling her music, and her next plan of attack. First, let’s talk about winning the Polaris Prize on your debut album. Was it affirming for you? Has it opened any doors? It was the highlight of last year for me and so validating as an artist. It was also my first actual gala and the first time my family saw me perform. You have a master’s degree in fine arts from Simon Fraser University. Did your thesis project make its way into your music at all? I made what I call an audio play – which comes from this whole tradition of radio plays and aural storytelling. It was a sci-fi script based on this future dystopian society where everyone just raves 24/7 and people live in a virtual reality. There’s a constant exploration of sound – using it to elicit images. It was very multi-
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“Do I have any bitch punks in the house?”
COVER
I’m interested in how you feel the perception of Blackness, feminism and queerness has changed…as opposed to when you released BITCHPUNK. When I think back to that time, there was this surge of music that was really coming out of the LGBTQ community, and it was coming from people of colour as well, but not everyone was quite ready for it, so a lot of us made spaces like Soundcloud or various music streaming sites our own little kingdoms. I remember a lot of the raves and things that I went to were exposing me to new queer music and a new vibe, and it was very informed by those same internet spaces. Sites like those gave everyone access to marginalized and more fringe cultures that just were not heard or seen before. This was also a way I connected with people, collaborators, fans. How did you know that releasing music online was the way to go? I didn’t. When I put out my first record, I put it online because I didn’t have a team, I didn’t have anything. I didn’t know anything about the music industry. I made a Facebook post. People are just so much more understanding of marginalized voices now. It’s not necessarily as shocking in the same way. People are just more accepting – at least in my experience. There’s just been this definite shift where there’s this understanding of our culture and an embracing of difference. Having huge pop stars – who are out and open – is a really beautiful sign to me that we are headed in the right direction.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
The title track for Good Luck repeats the words, ‘Wake up, speak up’ a number of times. Are these lyrics a mantra or a command to the world at large? Both. I was writing the album during the pandemic and it was just such an insular, introverted time. So largely I was writing to myself and speaking to myself, but one of the things I wanted to do with that album was to be able to translate this personal experience into something universal, something that everyone can kind of connect with. I’m speaking to myself but I’m also speaking to other people and maybe saying things that I wish had been said. I wish I had someone speak to me like this the way I tried to in the songs. I feel like I’m like this older, wiser version of myself, giving advice, saying: listen up, speak up, act up and don’t fuck it up because you’ve got big things to do. It sounds like you’ve been hard on yourself. Does being your own critic help an artist to progress? Well, I do believe you need to own your journey. I know what it’s like to have lived a very rough life. I understand living can feel hopeless. I’ve felt very lost and purposeless. I really am an advocate for taking responsibility for yourself. It is one of the most powerful things that you can do. You have to figure your shit out because you’re here for a reason and it’s up to you to actually actualize upon that potential and to become yourself really. What was the toughest situation you had to transform yourself out of in order to get to the making of Good Luck? When I became sober. I struggled with substance abuse for many years. It started when I was a teenager. Before I started making music I was a DJ and really into nightlife culture. I was really a party girl and it definitely shaped me, but there was also a really dark side to that heavy indulgence and self-destructive behaviour. I wasn’t healthy, I wasn’t living well and I wasn’t being good
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to myself or to other people. I became sober right before I left Montreal, and if I hadn’t gotten to that place and made music, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Do you think electronic music has the same amount of revolutionary power as punk rock? Of course. It is the only music genre that is truly universal. It’s music that speaks to everyone everywhere in the world. What’s more punk than that? That is something that can translate in such a global way and also in a way that speaks to so many human experiences. It actually makes you physically move your body – that’s divine. That’s something that’s not of the conscious and obvious world. Do you think Black and queer dance music creators from the past are finally having their day in the sun? I see steps in the right direction. For example, Beyoncé’s Renaissance Tour had a lot of DJs open the tour who were queer, Black and Brown DJs. Many of them are staples in the electronic music community. I went to the show in Toronto and it was life-changing because you could see how she was bridging the underground with the mainstream. It shouldn’t be a novelty that queer and Black people are finally getting their flowers while they’re alive – which is an important fact of Renaissance. A lot of the great icons of Black and LGBTQ communities – and the hybridized communities of those two – get their flowers after they’re already dead and gone. Seeing people being celebrated now while they’re alive – while they’re here to receive them – it’s really powerful.
I’m still absorbing tracks off of your EP BITCHPUNK – specifically “Medusa.” What is it about that mythical creature that made you want to name a song after her? She’s a mythological figure who is strange, powerful, feminine, and she’s seen as an outcast because of all that. It’s very paradoxical of the feminine experience, so that resonated with me. It plays with the name of the EP too: BITCHPUNK is a woman who’s rebellious, loud, isn’t afraid to be emotional and to express that emotion in an intense way. Your latest album has a track called ‘Safe.’ For queer people, are safe spaces fallacies or can they be realities? I don’t think safe spaces exist. That’s not the point of living. I don’t have utopian ideals. It sounds harsh or pessimistic but I don’t see a point in living that way. I am more about accepting how the world is right now. The question then becomes how to navigate it. This means learning how to interact with others and evolve as a human being. Which queer artists – past or present – would you say have been able to make music that continues to excite you? Someone who I admire and who influenced me a lot is Sophie.
She made a sample pack for [music creation platform] Splice.com and it’s all over my first EP. Her music changed so much of my understanding of what pop and electronic music could be. It was just a really great loss for the community after she passed. Name a song that represents an era-defining moment for you. I would say it’s got to be ‘I Wanna Be Where the Boys Are’ by The Runaways. I found them singing live in Japan on YouTube when I was just a teenager and was transfixed. I had never really seen a group of women just literally going so hard. They were so raw and I love what they represent – artists with real fire inside of them. Your new single, ‘Let You In,’ is so soothing and more romantic than anything you’ve ever released. So many fans see it as a wild card. Do you? I was just in a different space. I was feeling happy and full of love. Good Luck gave me permission to explore a different side of my artistry and dive into different emotions that I was too afraid to go into before because vulnerability and softness is so hard. You’re a huge fan of funk icon Betty Davis, whose body of work critiques gender roles in a powerful way. Who would you say is in the same lane as her today? It’s less about being in her lane and more about tapping into a certain kind of energy. People like Nicki Minaj and [Montreal dance music duo] Pelada come to mind. They are unafraid to be themselves, and express female sexuality in a very raw way. Will there a new album brewing for 2024? I start up touring again in March by playing Pitchfork in Mexico City. Then, I will definitely be releasing more music. I have more than a few things up my sleeve, so it’ll be my busiest year.
ELIO IANNACCI is an award-winning arts reporter and graduate student at York University whose research interests include ethnomusicology and gender studies. He has contributed to more than 80 publications worldwide, profiling icons such as Barbra Streisand, Lady Gaga, Aretha Franklin and Beyoncé. His academic work is supported in part by funding from the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council.
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What is your relationship with phrases such as “Black excellence” and “queer excellence”? Do you feel they are motivational? Unattainable? I can only speak for myself. Excellence is something that I always aim for because I would never be satisfied with mediocrity. That’s just not a vibe for me. I don’t want to get by on the bare minimum. I want to always be outdoing myself and improving my craft. I always want to be better. So, for me, the idea of excellence is not exhausting – it’s invigorating.
INTERVIEW
Andrés Erickson Is Fine On His Own
The star of Bad Together, a new queer drama, offers a perspective on friendship and romance
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
By Jamie Booth
Photo by Lola Scott
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Today, a typical day consists of waking up, having coffee with a side of existential crisis, and hopefully remembering to breathe. In that way, he’s a lot like Robbie, the character he plays in the new series Bad Together. When we first meet his character, Robbie has just been dumped and is in that vulnerable where do I go from here? stage. In walks Cameron (Queer Niro), a life-of-the-party type who appears to be everything Robbie is missing in life. But you know what they say: appearances can be deceiving. We spoke with the actor to find out more.
I loved the story that is told in Bad Together. How did you land the role? Jono Mitchell, the series’ writer and director, sent me the script. His first 20 choices must have turned him down. Upon receiving the script, you must have known right away that you wanted to be a part of this. I appreciated Jono telling a story centred on a queer friendship as opposed to a romance. That’s not something you typically see in media, and this specific dynamic felt refreshing to read.
INTERVIEW
Growing up, there were signs that Andrés Erickson would one day be an actor. “I took a liking to theatre in third grade and pursued it in school every year after that,” he recalls. “I’m honestly not sure what attracted me to the stage and screen, because I was typically pretty shy and had a lot of social anxiety.” After graduating high school in Oviedo, Florida, he made his way to Atlanta because it was the closest film hub to his family in the southeast.
“ I ’m honestly not sure what attracted me to the stage and screen, because I was typically pretty shy and had a lot of social anxiety.” I agree. It’s an important f ilm about f riendship and how while, most often, birds of a feather flock together, sometimes opposites attract. For their own reasons, Cameron and Robbie are both pretty lost at the start of the film. Both are in search of a genuine connection, and they both happen to be in the right place at the right time – or the wrong time, depending on how you look at it. Why are they so bad for each other? I don’t think either of them fully understands what they’re looking for when they first meet, but they assume it’s each other. Over time they try and push each other into their own personal boxes that the other never asked to be put in. It’s a quality that young romantic relationships sometimes have, but friendships are not immune either.
Andrés Erickson in Bad Together, photo courtesy of Dekkoo
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Andrés Erickson in Bad Together, photo courtesy of Dekkoo
Do you have a best friend? You mean in real life? I do! We met one summer when our moms were both volunteer teachers. At the end of the day, we’d go to our moms’ classrooms and wait for them to take us home. I think one day we both realized we were tired of waiting, so we went downstairs to the indoor gym and began smacking a kickball around. Then we went to his house and I destroyed him in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4 on the Gamecube. The rest is history. Is your friendship forever? I hope it’s forever!
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
If it got to a point where the friendship was causing you pain for some reason, would it be worth fighting for? He’s like a brother to me, so I don’t think there’s anything that could permanently sever our relationship. I definitely think it’d be worth fighting for if there were some wrenches thrown in.
Would you answer the same way if we were discussing a romantic relationship? That’s a good question. I do think there’s a difference. With friends, it’s easier to take time apart if needed. You aren’t going to bed beside them every night. They don’t have the same kind of grip on your heart that a romantic partner does. Of course, romantic relationships are never eternally easy. There will always be battles to fight through together. Committed love like that takes work. But if there is some serious pain harming the people in the relationship, sometimes it’s wiser not to fight for it. W h a t ca n w e l e a r n f ro m R o b b i e a n d C a m e ro n’s rollercoaster relationship? That, like romantic relationships, friendships take work to survive. And like romantic relationships, it’s important to know when it’s one worth fighting for.
Bad Together is streaming now via Dekkoo Films, a subsidiary of the Dekkoo streaming platform. It is available for TVOD rental across numerous platforms including Apple, Amazon and Google.
Photo by Lola Scott
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JAMES BOOTH is a freelance writer based in Boulder, Colorado. He describes entertainment writing as a pleasant distraction that takes him to places unknown and fulfills his need for intellectual stimulus, emotional release, and a soothing of the breaks and bruises of the day.
MUSIC
Sam I Am Sam Campbell reveals their unfiltered self By Larry Olsen
Photos courtesy of SoFierceMusic.com
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At 30 years old, singer/songwriter Sam Campbell has deep roots in the serene and picturesque town of Belfast in Prince Edward Island. However, against that peaceful landscape, their early childhood was marked by sexual abuse, tumultuous relationships and internal torment. Seeking a fresh start, Sam moved to Alberta, hoping to redefine themselves in a place where nobody knew their history. However, they quickly discovered that they could not run from mental illness. Within months, Sam was trapped in a world of substance abuse and self-destructive behaviour. The path to recovery has been anything but smooth. Sam describes it as a long journey in search of the right combination of medication, therapy and support. They found solace in in the written word, channelling their emotions into poems, lyrics and personal reflections. Along the way, Sam also discovered their unique voice. Its beauty is on full display in “Where Do I Go,” Sam’s triumphant new single, out now from So Fierce Music.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
You really lay it all out on the table in ‘Where Do I Go.’ What inspired it? I was in a dark place and I was trying to find some way for anybody to relate to me or even hear me. I just wrote down my complete experience with depression and asked myself honestly if this was where I wanted to stay, or did I have the strength to fight for something better. As it turns out, I had gotten past the
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white windowsills and made myself align with my goals and ambitions. I hope that inspires someone to pull themselves out of their darkness and on to a more fulfilling life. How long have you been dealing with mental illness? I have struggled with mental illness my whole life, as young as six, I do believe. I had struggled with trichotillomania [a compulsive urge to pull out one’s hair] at that age; it did improve, but I still have it and it’s quite intense at times. Once negative life experiences and addiction hit, [when I was] around 16, the illness kind of went haywire and I was all over the place until now. What were the first signs that something wasn’t right? Everyone has a different experience with mental illness, but my first signs were poor emotion regulation, outbursts of rage, trichotillomania, and I was a perfectionist to the point of upset. Were you self-medicating with alcohol? I believe that I was. Before I tried hard drugs, alcohol was the shoulder to lean on when I didn’t want to think or deal with the symptoms. It was a rare occasion that I would drink and it wouldn’t be to excess. Did alcohol abuse eventually lead to substance abuse? I think I led myself there. I wanted to try anything and everything to see if I could get a grip on myself. Once I dropped all of the vices and tried anything and everything in regards to healing, life slowly started it improve.
MUSIC
How would you describe the road to recovery? Long, hard, and worth it! It’s something you have to work at and be conscious of at all times. It’s a lot of saying no to protect your recovery, learning your worth and boundaries, and discovering who you are outside of being a bar star. As difficult as it is at the start, just like any other skill, you get better at it and it becomes second nature. You also get the benefit of becoming happier and content with your past, planning your present moves and building a future that you want and can be proud of! How are your struggles reflected in your music? My struggles are what I write about most. I write about past relationships, depression, love and distrust. I break down a scenario or feeling and it somehow becomes a song. It’s hard to explain. Is music a form of treatment for you? Absolutely! Releasing those raw emotions through song helps me to reflect and feel what I need to in order to process the event or emotion that I am stuck on. Is it important that your music be reflective of your identity? It is important for my music to be reflective of my experience as my identity grows and develops. I want people to really feel what I am writing about. I want my music to tell people what I went through and that I came out stronger because of that. I want to inspire people to be the best version of themselves and work hard on their happiness.
How do you identify today? I simply identify as Sam. You have discovered an equal affinity for both genders. I have! I play a different role in each type of relationship so I can appreciate them as they are in a traditional sense. When I am with a man, I appreciate that he is a confident leader, hardworking, a little beardy, and can handle my ups and downs with grace. When I am with a female, I want to become that for her minus the beardy part. For the physical, I do like similar things in both sexes. Curvy upper lip, seductive eyes, booty and hips, and a kissable neck are the first things that I look at. What’s next for Sam Campbell? Where do you go from here? Well, I have been signed to So Fierce Music and have been feeling so much love and support from music producer Velvet Code and his gang of superheroes. With the help of So Fierce and the You Do You Foundation, an organization that helps struggling 2SLGBTQIA+ and QBIPOC music artists, I am preparing to release a five-song EP!
For more on Sam Campbell and other So Fierce artists, visit https://www.sofiercemusic.com.
LARRY OLSEN defines himself as a teacher, reader, writer and dreamer. He lives in Palm Springs, Calif., with his partner of 22 years. In his spare time, he enjoys interviewing underground artists and exposing their unique talents to the light.
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INSIGHT
Maurice Vellekoop Tells His Own Story
In anticipation of his new graphic memoir, I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together, the prolific artist and illustrator sits down with IN Magazine By Paul Gallant
Maurice Vellekoop by Lito Howse
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
I first encountered Maurice Vellekoop in 1997 at the height of his fame as a comic artist and illustrator for prestigious magazines like The New Yorker, Time, Cosmopolitan, GQ, Vanity Fair and Vogue – titles that, if you’re over a certain age, will make you go “wow.”
While his work was larger than life, full of big personalities that seemed to be right in the pulsing heart of our culture, Vellekoop’s own life, even at that time, was more fraught. In his new graphic memoir, I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together, with its title lifted from the lyrics to the theme song of The Carol Burnett Show, he pulls back the curtain to reveal all the things he was running away from as he threw himself into his work. So I meet up again with him – for a more detailed chat this time – at Toronto’s Sweaty Betty’s bar, to talk more about his work and life.
That week I had just devoured the two books he published that year: Maurice Vellekoop’s ABC Book, which looked like a kid’s book but was most definitely for adult gay men, and Vellevision, a collection of comics and illustrations that were glamorous, erotic and sometimes angsty. The work was so celebratory and shameless about sexual pleasure – even leather and group sex and His Dutch-Canadian parents – a volatile, opera-loving father and rough trade – that it rewired the way I thought about fornication. a fearful, religious mother – embedded themselves so deeply in I was with a friend who had also read and loved the books when his psyche that his coming out as gay, moving to New York and we spotted Vellekoop in a Vancouver gay bar. We ran up to him becoming magazine-world famous failed to create the distance like fan boys. “How did you recognize me?” he asked. “You between self and family that he needed to flourish. look just like your author photo,” I remember saying. “Oh!” said Vellekoop, and our conversation came very quickly to a close. He “The story is the struggle of someone who is ebullient and fundid not seem arrogant, but shy and a little lost for words in the loving, but the world won’t let him be that way,” Vellekoop tells me. face of our adulation.
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Over the course of the sumptuously illustrated book, each chapter has its colour palette – sometimes muted, sometimes sickly, sometimes angry, though some pages burst into full Technicolor, depending on the characters who appear in the chapters and the mood of the scenes. The narrative structure takes the form of a bildungsroman, but there are also romance and detective stories and other genres embedded within it. The detective part plays out when, later in life, Vellekoop went to therapy. He had reached a point in the late 1990s and early 2000s where he struggled with depression and was frustrated at every turn. “My life was a mystery to me. I was out. I went out a lot. I had gay friends. And I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get laid or find a boyfriend, which were the things that I wanted the most in life. For me therapy was like a mystery being solved,” he says.
quest for beauty paradoxically reminds him of those demons. It’s poignant stuff. Neuschwanstein Castle was, of course, one of the inspirations for the look of Walt Disney’s Cinderella Castle, which was built in Disney World, Florida, and which features in the opening branding of its films and TV shows. Yes, fairy tales, as much as any other art form, permeate the memoir. If in this piece I’ve been cagey about plot points, particularly what Vellekoop learns in therapy and what happens to him after going through it, it’s because there are certain twists that I don’t want to give away. As much of an aesthete as Vellekoop is, and a clear-eyed observer of human foibles, it’s also obvious he’s a big, sloppy romantic. Though the book chronicles much anguish (and several people with anger-control issues), nothing that happens in it happens in vain. Life has a structure and meaning; we just have to find it. The book ends where it ends, about 20 years ago, for a reason that Vellekoop would not like me to mention. “Nothing has happened to me since then,” he laughs.
While creating the book, Vellekoop worried about how the people who appear in its pages would react. He contacted many of them, showing them drafts and telling them he’d change their name if they wanted him to; only one person took him up on the offer. The biggest concern, though, was his mother, who died in 2021. “She was really dreading the book. She told me she hoped it was published after she was gone,” he says. “I’m kind of happy for her that she didn’t have to face it and she didn’t have to face the people in her community saying, ‘I read your son’s book!’ My mother read a lot and she loved literature, but she wasn’t really a modern person and she wouldn’t have understood the candour that people expect from a biography now. And it exposes a lot of private things about her, too. She was a lovely person. It’s just this, this faith that she had was this block between us, this huge block. She couldn’t overcome it, this hang-up about me being queer.” Amidst the scenes of personal torment, unrequited desire, homophobia and personal growth, I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together simultaneously celebrates a post-Stonewall, pre-internet generation of gay men who embraced shared cultural references, often offbeat, to find and bond with each other. Queer-coded TV shows like Bewitched, The Addams Family and Batman, cult films by Kenneth Anger and John Waters, and divas like Maria Callas and Maria Félix were currency passed around like – or perhaps in lieu of – sexual transmitted infections. One of the longer sections of the book is devoted to a visit to Neuschwanstein Castle, the 19th century Bavarian monument to over-the-topness, built by the closeted gay King Ludwig II. A young-adult Maurice bursts into tears when he sneaks off from a boring tour of the castle to gaze upon a swan sculpture. He may be crying at its beauty, or at how sad it is that he needs the distraction of so much beauty to escape from the demons that haunt him, or because his obsessive
I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together will be published by Penguin Random House Canada on February 24, 2024.
PAUL GALLANT is a Toronto-based writer and editor who writes about travel, innovation, city building, social issues (particularly LGBT issues) and business for a variety of national and international publications. He’s done time as lead editor at the loop magazine in Vancouver as well as Xtra and fab in Toronto. His debut novel, Still More Stubborn Stars, published by Acorn Press, is out now.
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Ten years (and a lifetime) in the making, the idea for the memoir came to Vellekoop when the decline of print media resulted in a decline in his workload. He needed a big, juicy project to throw himself into. Though in person he can seem reticent, he had published several erotic works, which gave him the confidence that he could be vulnerable enough to tell his life story without pulling punches. “When you’re sharing your sexual fantasies with the world, it’s very intimate and, in a weird way, it prepared me to tell some of these awful stories,” he says. “I don’t see how you could write a memoir and not deal with pain.”
TRAVEL
Florida
Is Still Fun Orlando has all the feels, including a surprising few days in a suburban bubble and a Pride Day to definitely add to your fall calendar
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
By Doug Wallace
Wave Hotel Pool. Photo by James Tattersall
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Orlando has never been on my bucket list. Ditto Fort Lauderdale – or really anywhere in Florida except South Beach. And yet here I am, checking into the slick Wave Hotel in the Orlando suburb of Lake Nona. Suburbs were never on the list, either. But I quickly realize that trending Lake Nona is different.
and cheese. Even though it’s early, the place is packed with the after-work crowd. While I would normally play a game I call Spot the American, we instead play Guess the Profession, just by looking at everyone’s haircut and clothes, particularly the shoes. I swear nobody is over 40. Lake Nona is a walkable neighbourhood, so we easily move the party across the street to Boxi Park, a shipping-container cluster of food kiosks and a large stage. A local band, complete with a full horn section, blares away as the crowd sips the venue’s own craft beer. People play beach volleyball in a very large sand box. We try not to get into trouble, but fail.
This new, “planned” community growing up around the life sciences and aerospace industries is just 15 minutes from the airport, and about a half-hour drive from both downtown Orlando and Walt Disney World. And yes! Before we depart for Orlando Pride downtown, there’s time A number of “what the hell is that?” moments lead to unexpected to take a small bite out of the 100 square kilometres that is Walt Disney answers – an aviation simulation training centre, purple deer sculptures, World. I neglect to mention that I am old enough to remember when it a pasture full of real cows. Lake Nona is also the home of the United opened – nobody wants to do that math. At Epcot Center, we hop on a States Tennis Association’s national campus. The sexy Wave is really few rides, hopping off rather wobbly, dodging baby carriages. So much a hub for locals, too – the main lobby is actually called the Living concrete! No wonder parents are worn out after a day of pushing the Room. I watch so many hipster professionals ordering appetizers in kids around. We take the Monorail to the Magic Kingdom and cool off Bacán restaurant or throwing them back in Haven Lounge, the latter a with mouse-eared ice cream bars. When Mickey and Minnie bring up feast of fire-breathing bartenders and a saxophonist weaving his way the rear of the daily three o’clock parade, I have a moment of realization around the tables, playing along with the DJ. “You could definitely – these people do this every, single, day. That’s entertainment, I guess. find a husband here,” I tell my travel mates, who nod back knowingly. P r i d e wa s o r i g i n a l ly a p ro t e s t, a f t e r a l l We wander the 4,600-square-metre back sculpture garden – public art Florida’s appalling leaders and backward legislation targeting the seems to be everywhere, all part of the bigger development plan. The transgender community and – of all things, drag performances – haven’t metal sculptures by Jefrë Figueras Manuel gleam in the ubiquitous dampened the LGBTQ+ community spirit in Orlando. It may actually Orlando sunshine. We hop into a spin class first and then a rock- have amped it up: defiance in the face of indignity. climbing session at the Lake Nona Performance Club – even the gym has a fancy name. “We decided early on that no matter what, cancelling Pride 2023 was not an option,” says Tatiana Quiroga, executive director of the city’s Come Later, we pull up a stool at Chroma Modern Bar + Kitchen and dig Out With Pride organizers. “We had some productive conversations through a bowl of jambalaya, chicken satays, and an acre of charcuterie with the police department about the safety of the LGBTQ+ community,
Wave Hotel Living Room. Photo by JamesTattersall
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“Or-lan-doooooo. I love you! Sea World and Dis-ney and putt-putt golf-ing…” All I can think of in the cab on my way to the hotel are those Book of Mormon lyrics.
TRAVEL
Lake Eola. Photo courtesy of Visit Orlando
what makes us more targeted. We wanted to make sure that we walked the line between feeling safe, but not feeling policed.”
Pride Parade. Photo by Doug Wallace
Quiroga says the increased antagonism from legislators has definitely left the community feeling more vulnerable. “There’s been so much negativity…especially when you hear the names that some of our lawmakers are calling our trans siblings. It’s inhumane.”
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
Happily, Pride festivities lured 220,000 people to the Orlando streets this year – 20,000 more than last year – the “stronger together” attendees lining the parade route or marching in it, wandering the massive marketplace and taking in the shows. With all the legislation hoopla fresh in everyone’s minds, we are reminded that Pride is still essential, even in our enlightened-not-really age. It’s a miracle that we spend an entire very hot day outside but never seem to notice the heat. My disco nap afterwards is long and iron-clad, shoring me up for what turns out to be an excellent night out. The next day, we head out for Broadway Brunch at Hamburger Mary’s, famous as the drag-themed burger restaurant that helped block Governor DeSantis’s bill. That activism sees the restaurant once again packing everyone – including families – in on a Sunday morning. In fact, a second seating has been added to the agenda. Host Angel Sheridan and the Brunch Bunch Dancers lay it on thick – as thick as the breakfastskillet gravy – with gut-splitting gags and choreographed numbers from Les Miserables, The Greatest Showman and Everyone’s Talking About Jamie. In familiar drag-show candidness, the emcee reminds us that a second group of diners is outside waiting for the feast of fun. “Pay up and get out!”
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Lake Nona Boxi Park. Photo courtesy of Visit Orlando
DOUG WALLACE is an international travel and lifestyle writer, photographer and custom-content authority, principal of Wallace Media and editor-publisher of TravelRight.Today. He can be found beside buffet tables, on massage tables and table-hopping around the world.
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FLASHBACK Jazz Icon Billy Tipton Dies And Is Outed As Trans (January 21, 1989)
Throughout his life, Tipton kept his sexual characteristics a secret by inventing a story that he had been in a serious car accident years before that badly damaged his genitals and left him with broken ribs, which was why he had to bind to protect his damaged chest. Tipton was never legally married, but five different women called themselves Mrs. Tipton during his life, the most longstanding being fellow nightclub performer Kathleen “Kitty” Kelly. In 1961, Tipton settled down with Kelly and throughout their time together they adopted three sons: John, Scott and William (although the adoptions were not legally recognized). In the 1970s, worsening arthritis forced Tipton to retire from music, and by 1989, he was suffering from a peptic ulcer, which was left untreated and eventually began to hemorrhage. On January 21, 1989, his son William called emergency services, and while paramedics worked unsuccessfully to save Tipton’s life, they, along with William, discovered that he was actually female. This information came as a shock to everyone in Tipton’s life. Two of the three sons (John and Scott) changed their last names after the secret came out. When jazz musician Billy Tipton died on January 21, 1989, at the age of 74, a secret was revealed: he had been assigned female at birth. Tipton (whose original name was Dorothy Lucille Tipton) was born in Oklahoma City on December 29, 1914, and grew up in Kansas City, Missouri. As a high school student, Tipton (who went by the nickname “Tippy”) became interested in music, especially jazz, and studied both piano and saxophone; however, his school had a policy forbidding girls to play in the school band.
Though Kelly arranged for Tipton’s body to be cremated in an attempt to keep the secret, one of their sons went to the tabloids with the story; the first newspaper revealing the secret was published the day after Tipton’s funeral. In an interview given after the story had circulated in a variety of newspapers, magazines and tabloids, Kelly averred that “there were certain rules and regulations in those days if you were going to be a musician, breaking into the 1920-’30s music business as a woman. He gave up everything.… No one knew.… It was the best-guarded secret since Houdini.” One of Tipton’s sons, Scott Miller, said the musician died tired and without any money.
JANUARY / FEBRUARY 2024
By 1933, Tipton started binding his breasts and began dressing as a man to get work with jazz musicians, because there were “Now I know why I couldn’t get him to a doctor,” said Miller. few career opportunities for women in the industry at the “He had so much to protect and I think he was just tired of time. At first, Tipton presented as male only while performing keeping the secret.” on stage, but by 1940 he had fully assumed a male identity, adopting the name Billy Lee Tipton. He gradually gained “You can imagine the pressure he lived with,” said John Clark, recognition as a musician and enjoyed modest success in the one of Tipton’s other sons. “Who knows? Maybe that’s what 1950s and ’60s, including being signed to a recording contract. gave him the ulcer that ended up killing him.”
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