IN Magazine: November/December 2018

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

POWER NAPS AND CHATS WITH BARONESS CAROLYN TAYLOR WILL CANADA BECOME A LEADER IN GLOBAL LGBT RIGHTS?

MATTHEW SHEPARD: WHAT DOES HIS DEATH SAY TO US TODAY? 1

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NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

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INMAGAZINE.CA PUBLISHER Patricia Salib GUEST EDITOR Christopher Turner ART DIRECTOR Prairie Koo FASHION DIRECTOR Danyl Geneciran SENIOR WRITER Paul Gallant CONTRIBUTORS

Brian Acosta, Gastohn Barrios, Marr Bauer, Bobby Box, Brent Chua, Dustin Cox, Christian Dare, Colin Druhan, Adriana Ermter, Ruth Hanley, Courtney Hardwick, Karen Kwan, Ashley Le Feuvre-Williams, Mari Matsumoto, Michael Pihach, George Pimentel, Al Ramsay, Mitchel Raphael, Jumol Royes, Jo-Anne Ryan, Adam Segal, Renée Sylvestre-Williams, Doug Wallace, Casey Williams, Pablo Zamudio DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Reggie Lanuza

MARKETING AND PROMOTIONS MANAGER Bradley Blaylock CONTROLLER Jackie Zhao NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

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Matthew Shepard cover illustration by Dustin Cox www.dustincoxdesign.com Instagram: @dustincoxdesign_

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CONTENTS

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Above: Actor/musician Jussie Smollett was honoured at the 7th Annual Gentlemen’s Ball in October in Atlanta, Georgia, celebrating the accomplishments of Black LGBTQ people who have significantly contributed to enhancing the quality of life of the Black LGBTQ community and who have demonstrated a commitment to social change

issue 85 NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

14 | HUG IT OUT Men need to embrace platonic physical contact

INFRONT

15 | ON THE TOWN Scenes from the party circuit

06 | COMPLEXION PROTECTION Approach the festive season face first with these three holiday remedies

FEATURES

08 | MY JOURNEY AWAY FROM THE ACRONYM Our focus needs to be on the people – not on the language 10 | IN THE MOMENT The recipe to happiness? Live in the now 11 | KNOWING NEVER HURTS Why getting tested regularly is the best option for good health 11 | SLIPPING AWAY Finding a road map for bringing a long-distance relationship home 12 | LUXURY WHEELS FOR THE SEASON Cool weather is no problem with these luxurious wheels 13 | THINKING STRATEGICALLY ABOUT PHILANTHROPY It is an exchange of values that results in a donation

16 | THE EVOLUTION OF CANFAR The organization has been at the forefront of the public discussion around HIV/ AIDS 18 | LET’S CELEBRATE PROGRESS THIS WORLD AIDS DAY Face HIV/AIDS head-on by knowing your status 20 | LET’S CLARIFY THE MEANING OF ‘UNDETECTABLE’ An undetectable status guarantees one can’t pass on HIV, so why does the stigma persist?

22 | WHEN LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK Why are open relationships so popular among gay men, but not gay women?

24 | REMEMBERING MATTHEW SHEPARD It’s been 20 years since the 1998 murder of the Wyoming college student—what does his death say to us today?

30 | POWER NAPS AND CHATS WITH BARONESS CAROLYN TAYLOR The out actor and comedian talks Season 4 of the hit Baroness Von Sketch Show,her failure to meditate, and possible plans to take on the Landlord and Tenant Board 44 | WILL CANADA BECOME A LEADER IN GLOBAL LGBT RIGHTS? As hosts of the international Equal Rights Coalition conference, we’re under scrutiny to do more to help our international siblings 46 | PRETTY & PETIT A private island escape in St. Vincent and the Grenadines yields rustic glamour with a spritz of ritz 50 | FLASHBACK: DECEMBER 31, 1993 IN LGBT HISTORY Brandon Teena is raped and murdered by members of his circle of friends when they discover his female genitals FASHION 32 | DARK GLAM Late nights and serious glamour are what the holiday season is all about 38 | REINVENTING A CLASSIC Bring a little downtown edge to an uptown blazer 5

LOOKING GOOD

COMPLEXION PROTECTION Approach the festive season face first with these three holiday remedies

By Adriana Ermter

Banish acne, eczema and rosacea breakouts Having a second helping of Aunt Judy’s deep-fried turkey and washing it down with her homemade eggnog may have seemed like a good idea in the moment, but the red spots and scaly patches popping up on your face the morning after tell a different story.

“Holiday foods can be high on the glycemic index, which can lead to these types of breakouts,” says Bintas. “If you have an autoimmune system disorder like psoriasis or eczema, you may “The holidays can play havoc with your skin,” affirms Toula be doubly prone to a flare-up.” To minimize skin sensitivities and Bintas, an aesthetician and co-owner of Allazo Skin Care in Toronto. to prevent your pores from getting clogged and causing breakouts, “Whether it’s shopping for gifts, entertaining, or organizing school Bintas recommends using a glycolic acid-based product such as or work activities, the stress of everyday life is magnified with NeoStrata Glycolic Renewal Smoothing Lotion ($42, available at the pressure associated with fitting all of these extra things into Shoppers Drug Mart) once or twice a week to exfoliate dead skin your daily routine. Plus, our diets change, we eat too much at cells, while hydrating and calming your newly revealed and visibly parties, or don’t eat enough due to lack of time We also tend to younger-looking skin with a few drops of Aveda Lavender Fleurs replace our water consumption with alcohol and don’t get enough Oil Singular Note ($29, available at Aveda). sleep. And if you’re travelling, there are all of the weather c h a to changes n consider.” g e s t o c o n s i d e r . ” Eliminate puffy eyes and face Go to bed late. Get up early. Repeat. This pattern is destined to While most of us enjoy the hustle and bustle of the season, no puff up your eyes and face. Add in the three glasses of champers one wants to deal with unwanted skin issues, like dehydration you drank last night and having a bloated-looking complexion is and fine lines (courtesy of the plane ride), or dark under eyes unavoidable. “Being social is fun, but it can really wreak havoc and a puffy face (thanks to tying on one too many at the office on your skin,” says Bintas. “We tend to overindulge in sweets and salty foods and drink a lot more alcohol than usual, which creates a mixer). You can, however, protect and avoid the collateral hydration and inflammation imbalance in our bodies that then shows damage by following these holiday remedies.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

Every year, it seems the holiday season gets longer. From the moment big box stores unpack their Christmas wreaths, Hanukkah dreidels and Festivus poles (tinsel optional), our skin experiences a multitude of conundrums. Even if you fly away to snowy mountaintops or sun-soaked palm trees (as global professional services network PwC claims 45 per cent of Canadians did last year), you can’t escape it.

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up on our face.” To reduce swelling and dark circles and infuse a radiant glow, Bintas suggests applying something like For Beloved One Flawless Brightening Ethyl Ascorbic Acid Bio-Cellulose Mask ($63 for box of three, available at Sephora), a facial sheet mask that also targets the under-eye area and is fuelled with brightening vitamin C as well as calming, tightening caffeine.

MODELS..... FIERCE JEWELLERY.... EXQUISITE

matc

Minimize fine lines and crow’s feet Airplanes are one of the most dehydrating environments for your skin – you’re sitting still and breathing in recycled air at a high altitude for several hours. If you clink glasses with your travel companions while inflight, you’re further exacerbating this moisture imbalance. “There’s virtually no humidity on a plane, meaning your moisturizer won’t work as well as it normally does,” explains Bintas. “So by the time you land, your skin’s hydration levels are working at a deficit.” Factor in your new environment’s frigid cold or humid hot weather and you’re entering a skin disaster zone.

Bintas recommends creating a protective barrier on your skin the night before you fly by applying a deep hydrating facial like Fresh Crème Ancienne Ultimate Nourishing Honey Mask ($150, available at Sephora) and then – regardless of whether you are snow- or sunshine-bound – following that up with a moisturizing sunscreen such as LaSpa Moisturizing Mineral Sunscreen SPF 30 ($40, available at beautysense.ca), every single day.

ADRIANA ERMTER is a Toronto-based, lifestyle-magazine pro who has travelled the globe writing about must-spritz fragrances, child poverty, beauty and grooming.

138 CUMBERLAND STREET (OLD YORK LANE) TORONTO 416-927-8181 - CARRERAYCARRERA.CA

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PRIDE AT WORK

MY JOURNEY AWAY FROM THE ACRONYM Our focus needs to be on the people – not on the language

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

By Colin Druhan

I was facilitating a seminar on effective communication recently with a small group of senior business leaders when I witnessed something new. Four cisgender heterosexual executives were arguing over the “right” acronym to use when referring to my community. One claimed that his daughter had confirmed it was LGBTQ. Another protested. She was adamant that his version wasn’t nearly enough letters. The other two furiously took to their phones, hoping they could Google their way to victory. I had to pause the conversation to ask why it mattered so much to them. One replied quite earnestly, “I really want to get it right. I want to make sure that, as an ally, I’m not offending anyone with my language.”

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What stood out to me about this situation was that these folks were more interested in how others perceived them than in what they could do – as people in positions of power – to make positive, lasting change. The focus was entirely on language and not about people. For me, it was a first step away from the acronym.

The US media monitoring agency GLAAD has published 10 editions of its media reference guide since it was founded in 1985.

When it comes to acronyms, the most recent edition offers specific advice: “The term ‘gay community’ should be avoided, as it does not accurately reflect the diversity of the community. Rather, LGBTQ

community is preferred.” This is reflective of consistent shifts in the organization’s recommendations, considering it dropped the words “Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation” (defaulting simply to GLAAD) from its name in 2013 in an attempt to be more inclusive of bi and trans community members.

The truth is that there is no standard version of the acronym that is universally agreed upon. At my organization, Pride at Work Canada, for years we used LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi, trans). Then, over time, we transitioned to the acronym LGBTQ2+ (lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer and two-spirit), mirroring the version used by the Canadian Human Rights Commission (LGBTQ2) and adding a plus sign (+) to encourage those whose specific identities are not represented to see themselves in our work. Other organizations use longer or shorter versions. For example, the Saskatoon Diversity Network, which presents Saskatoon Pride, uses LGBTTI2QQ, while the UK-based Stonewall uses LGBT.

Nobody hands you a manual on terms and phrases when you come out.

Furthermore, each of our own personal views on representation are shaped by our lived experiences and by other facets of our identities that impact how we move through the world, such as race. When so many people who identify under these various acronyms use seemingly disparate versions, it can cause confusion among those looking in from the outside. In the work I do, I often hear these acronyms described as “alphabet soup” or in other, less family-friendly terms.

These comments are common among some people whose identities are well-known, such as cisgender people who identify as heterosexual. Cicely Blain, a diversity consultant and facilitator based in Vancouver, explains: “If you’re cis and straight, you might not feel like you need a label, but labels can be really important.

That’s how we shape our identities and build our community.” In their facilitation work, Blain feels that it’s important for people to understand the terms used to articulate various sexual orientations and gender identities, especially if the audience does not identify under any known acronym. “The more terminology we know, the closer we get to inclusion,” says Blain.

However, Blain employs additional terminology in their work, depending on who is listening. “Sometimes it’s easy enough to just say ‘queer, trans and 2S’ because it gets the basic message across,” they explain, adding that “because ‘queer’ came from being a slur and some people still see it that way, I often wait to introduce that word to beginners until they’ve understood the basics.” Blain also uses more general terms such as “sexual and gender minority community,” which references

the same group described by “LGBT community” without focusing on identities.

Lee Airton, an assistant professor in the Faculty of Education at Queen’s University, prefers the approach of referencing the grounds we deal with (sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression) over centring the conversation around specific identities, explaining, “When I teach about gender and sexuality to people who want to be teachers, I very rarely use the acronym at all.” Airton says that when they use terms like “LGBT community,” what they often find is that people come to the subject matter with preconceived ideas of who that is. That preconception shifts focus from what’s really important. “What I worry about when deploying the acronym is that people take away the need to define every term,” says Airton. “People become quite anxious because it starts to be more about memorization” rather than the actual work at hand: understanding gender and sexuality and how they function in the real world. Airton tries to remind students that “everyone has a gender expression” – not just people who “don’t do gender in the usual way.”

To take this content out of the classroom, Airton wrote the book Gender: Your Guide, described as “a gender-friendly primer on what to know, what to say, and what to do in the new gender culture.” The book aims to provide some clarity to those who are interested in (or confused by) the evolving conversation about how we articulate gender and sexuality.

My job is focused on the rights of people who are marginalized on the grounds of gender expression, gender identity and sexual orientation. As with many people in my line of work, this subject matter is not a set of abstract concepts – it’s also a big part of my identity. As someone who sees themselves represented in acronyms like LGBTQ (I identify as queer), I can’t imagine how it feels to have my identity bundled in with countless others and represented by a simple plus sign. I also can’t imagine being able to accurately and authentically articulate the vast number of individual identities I have encountered in my life in this community as well as at my job. So I’m rethinking how I engage with the acronym.

At Pride at Work Canada we’re shifting how we refer to the people we serve by making updates to our mission and vision statements that remove acronyms altogether; instead, we’re focusing on the grounds we work with.

Teaching people to recite a long list of identities certainly helps to generate understanding of the diversity we see in this community.

However, it does not on its own help people to understand how systems of biphobic, homophobic and transphobic oppression present challenges, and what people can do, on an individual basis, to open up opportunity for gender and sexual minorities. So the next time someone asks me about the “right” acronym to use, I’m going to have to answer with “It’s complicated,” and hope they have some time to chat.

COLIN DRUHAN is the executive director of Pride at Work Canada, a not-for-profit organization that empowers employers to build workplaces that celebrate everyone, regardless of gender expression, gender identity and sexual orientation.

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HEALTH & WELLNESS

IN THE MOMENT The recipe to happiness? Live in the now

By Karen Kwan

You hear a lot about living in the moment being the way to truly be happy and enjoy life. But short of posting inspirational posters as reminders to “Stop worrying about the past. Stop thinking about the future. Live in the moment and be happy,” how does one actually put into practice living more mindfully? Because although it’s a term that’s often bandied about, it’s more than just a meme. Living in the moment has research-proven benefits. For example, in a study conducted by Harvard psychologists, the findings show that people who think ahead are more miserable, even if daydreaming of something good.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

Ready to live in the here and now? These tactics will help you get on the right track.

Focus on a singular thing “Each day, decide that you are going to pay attention to something; it may be sounds one day and the next, it may be colours. Perhaps one day, you’ll pay attention to people’s smiles,” suggests Cassidy Thedorf of Just Be Meditation. She herself commits for the day to notice a chosen stimulus, too. “Some days I’ll choose to focus on love, noticing when I see people expressing love to one another or to their pets. Letting an awareness of love guide me through the day always keeps me smiling. Perhaps if it’s raining in the morning, I may choose to pay attention to rain boots or umbrellas all day, enjoying the myriad of colours and personal expressions,” says the Toronto-based meditation coach. While zeroing in on a specific thing may mean you miss out on other elements, it’ll help to train your brain to take in the world around you, rather than being distracted by your smartphone during your commute, for example.

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Visit a meditative space There are many popular apps such as Headspace and Calm that people swear by when it comes to learning how to meditate. But it can be difficult to train your brain to live in the moment if you’re trying to do this at home on your own. “For those who have difficulty meditating, we find that going to a space to meditate can help,” says Stephanie Kersta, cofounder of Hoame in Toronto, a 5,000-square-foot facility offering mind and body services. “Not only are the rooms designed to be immersive and the guided meditation to be engaging, so it can be easier, but almost more important is the sense of connection,” she says. “Meditating in a space with others, and sharing the experience with others afterwards in our living space – without the distractions of emails, likes and alerts – can create an experience where you are fully present, which, when practised continuously, can become second nature,” adds co-founder Carolyn Plater.

Make your mealtimes mindful As a beginner to being more in the moment, designating a specific time in your day can make your mindful baby steps easier to manage – and mealtimes offer a simple way for you to focus on something in front of you. “Before eating, notice the colours, smells and textures of your food. Think about where it came from and the farmers who helped grow it, and allow yourself to take a moment of gratitude for your food,” says Thedorf. When you take your first few bites, she suggests taking note of how much enjoyment the food gives you. In her experience, this helps her not only to enjoy her meals, but also to pay more attention to her body and seeing what works for her and what doesn’t.

KAREN KWAN is a freelance health, travel and lifestyle writer based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter at @healthswellness and on Instagram at @healthandswellness.

IN MAGAZINE

SEX

KNOWING NEVER HURTS

Why getting tested regularly is the best option

By Ashley Le Feuvre-Williams

Being sexual is a part of everyone’s life, and not something to ever be shy about. It’s human nature. With the educational system taking a step back on teaching sexual health, we’re here to remind you that it is very important to be aware of what may be going on with your body. As long as we are being safe, and considerate not only of ourselves but of others we’re involved with, what is there to feel ashamed about? We experiment, we feel, we love.

Starting the conversation about being safe and getting tested should start right from the beginning of a relationship. Keeping communication open about this from the beginning will show good faith and trust, and should come without any judgment…because everyone has a past. We know it can be scary to talk about; but the more active you are, the more important it is to get tested and to know!

Casual play partners are becoming more and more popular, which means it may be easier to contract something and spread it without even realizing. It’s also important to know that some STDs stay dormant for years and, in some cases, symptoms may never show.

What happens if I don’t get tested? Not only are you hurting yourself, but you’re also putting other people at risk. Also, if you have an STI/D that is untreated because it hasn’t been picked up by regular checkups, you could develop some serious health conditions.

In certain cases, it has even been linked to causing cancer. These are serious conditions that can easily be avoided by getting checked.

How often should I get tested? This depends on how active you are, and how many partners you have. It’s always good practice to go at least once a year, or any time you have a new partner…whether you use protection every time or not. Nothing but abstinence is guaranteed protection. Of course, you can go and get tested as often as you need to. There is no limit on being safe! Tests are easy: you book an appointment, you see a doctor. Doctors perform a lot of these checks, so it isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. In most cases, if you come back positive for something, they can prescribe a medication that will help cure the infection.

What does testing involve? Typically the doctor will take a couple of swabs from the genitalia or anus, a urine test, and a blood test. It’s over in just a couple of minutes! Results are back within a week or two.

In Toronto, the Hassle Free Clinic (located at 66 Gerrard St. East) comes highly recommended. It has separated clinics depending on how you identify. The staff are friendly, professional and efficient, and allow for complete anonymity.

Being tested doesn’t have to be scary. Encourage a friend or two to get tested as well. The more you know, the more life you can enjoy.

ASHLEY LE FEUVRE-WILLIAMS is an essential part of the team at Seduction Love Boutique, being one of two main contributors to the Toronto stores’ marketing department as well as a dedicated sales manager. Seduction has proudly served the community since 1998; follow it on Instagram: @SeductionTO.

Finding a road map for bringing a long-distance relationship home

By Adam Segal

Dear Adam, I met my partner about six years ago when I was in Paris on holiday. We fell in love and maintained a long-distance relationship for about a year before I helped sponsor him to immigrate to Canada. We are now married and have lived together for four years. In so many ways, I can’t complain about our relationship. We show each other lots of love and affection, laugh, and are still having great sex. However, it feels like so much has changed in the past six months. When he first got here, I was the only person he knew and he was pretty much dependent on me. Now, he is often going out in the evenings with new friends; he is having a great time and seems more confident than ever. However, I find myself feeling lonely and also a little bit threatened that he might find somebody else. I’m also scared that he’s slipping away from me. I’m not sure what to do. – Maxwell Dear Maxwell, deepened the relationship. It’s an arduous process and one that Your relationship has gone through a few phases – the crazy forces a couple to get serious and clear about what their intentions romance of meeting in Paris (ooh la la!), navigating the trappings are. With his arrival, you initially acted as a sort of life raft – and of a long-distance relationship, undertaking a bureaucratic this meant that your worlds revolved around each other. It makes immigration process, and finally welcoming your guy here and sense that, as he begins to leave that contained bubble, you would nesting together. This most recent chapter sounds like the first feel a little threatened as you readjust to a relationship based on chance your relationship has had to truly exhale. In most ways, greater independence. that’s a good thing – you get to live life together with less constant effort or fears that you won’t be able to share geography. On the Based on your question, it sounds like you might have placed so other hand, those prior years were very intense, and intensity is much energy in this relationship that you lost sight of your own something that can make two people develop bonds and feel tightly true self. Maybe he is modelling something important for you after united. While you sound a little shaken, this is really an opportunity all. Follow his lead this time, and make sure you are socializing to see how your relationship grooves when there is stability – and with your good friends or getting up to some hobbies that will interest you and allow you to meet new friends. Make sure your when survival mode is no longer required. well-being isn’t resting on the shoulders of this relationship – that There’s actually a good chance that your sponsoring his immigration way you’ll both benefit from having more breathing space while process was something that strengthened your connections and still nurturing a stable home base together.

ADAM SEGAL, writer and therapist, works in private practice in downtown Toronto. Ask him your relationship or mental-health questions at @relationship@inmagazine.ca.

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RELATIONSHIPS

SLIPPING AWAY

WHEELS

LUXURY WHEELS FOR THE SEASON Cool weather is no problem with these luxurious wheels

By Casey Williams

When crisp fall air starts to fill our days, it’s time to think about spending time outdoors before the chill of winter arrives. The joys of spending long weekends at lodges or campgrounds are surpassed only by travelling in the lap of luxury in one of this season’s most desirable rides. From a redesigned pickup to a roomy crossover, luxurious convertible, or hybrid ready to pounce, one of these should spoil you completely.

GMC Sierra Denali Sierra Denali is larger and sassier for 2019, dressed with 22-inch chrome alloy wheels, LED headlights, bolder mesh grille, and liberal use of chrome. Inside, there’s premium leather seating, authentic open pore wood, and dark-finish aluminum. Safety tech includes blind spot warning, pedestrian detection and forward automatic braking. Get it with a head-up display, Wi-Fi and Bose audio. Behind the flashy grille is a 460-horsepower 6.2-litre V8 engine and 10-speed transmission. Adaptive Ride Control recalibrates the suspension every two milliseconds. A cool trick is the tailgate within a tailgate that can be configured as an on-site workbench. Climb in and haul it!

Base price: $67,495 Lexus RX350 L Longer is definitely better with the RX350 L. An additional 4.3 inches of length and steeper rear window allow a third row of seats to slip beneath the roof. Available 20-inch wheels, shimmering LED headlights, floating rear roof, and Lexus’s signature “spindle grille” dress the exterior. Interiors spoil with tri-zone climate control, Gray Sapele Wood, 825w Mark Levinson audio system, head-up display and the latest crash avoidance systems. Middle-row captain’s chairs add individuality. You can get it as a hybrid, but most will choose the 290-horsepower 3.5-litre V6, which delivers 13.1/9.4 L/100 km in fuel economy. It’s a long ride for long drives.

Base price: $66,050

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

Mercedes-Benz S560 Cabrio When the air outside cools down, there’s no greater luxury than putting down the top and staying in absolute comfort. Settled inside, passengers enjoy heated/cooled front seats with massagers, swaths of lacquered wood, twin-screen infotainment and Bermester audio.

The “neck scarf” blows soothing warm air. Curbside, it’s a stunningly elegant car wearing Mercedes’ sport grille, twin hood bulges from the classic Gullwing, and real Swarovski crystal headlight accents. Step into the 463-horsepower four twin-turbo V8 and adjust the Airmatic suspension from Comfort to Sport. Fuel economy rates 13.9/9.2 L/100 km.

You’ll look for reasons to put the top down!

Base price: $166,600 Jaguar I-Pace Jaguar challenges Tesla with this sleek coupe-like luxury crossover. Beneath its sexy body is a 90 kWh lithium-ion battery pack that launches the car from 0-100 km/h in 4.8 seconds and enables a 378-kilometre driving range. Respecting the luxury of time, drivers can achieve an 80 per cent charge in just 40 minutes. It’s surprisingly capable off-road, too. Cab-forward proportions cosset a roomy cabin loaded with Jaguar’s Touch Pro Duo infotainment system, 4G Wi-Fi, adaptive cruise control and panoramic sunroof. Additional technology includes over-the-air software updates and EV navigation that chooses routes to optimize range. It’s one efficient kitty.

Base price: $86,500

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CASEY WILLIAMS is a contributing writer for Gaywheels.com. He contributes to the New York-based LGBT magazine Metrosource and the

IN MAGAZINE Chicago Tribune. He and his husband live in Indianapolis, where Williams contributes videos and reviews to wfyi.org, the area’s PBS/NPR station.

MONEY$TYLE

THINKING STRATEGICALLY ABOUT PHILANTHROPY It is an exchange of values that results in a donation

By Al Ramsay and Jo-Anne Ryan

December 31 is the deadline to make charitable donations that may be claimed for the 2018 calendar year – and that date is fast approaching. Our tax system ensures that if you earn income or acquire wealth in Canada, some portion of that income and wealth will be used to meet the needs of Canadian society. This tax that you are paying is called your “social capital.” When you make a donation to the charity of your choice, this is called “self-directed giving,” and it’s a quicker, more efficient and more targeted way to give social capital. The tax saving from your donation results in a direct shifting of social capital from the government’s hands to the charities of your choice.

Advantages of self-directed giving Of course, saving on taxes may not be your primary reason to give – people give for other reasons, such as to help people in need or to help causes that they love. But no matter what your reason, it always makes sense to use your money – whether taxes or donations – efficiently. If you choose to make a donation directly to a registered charity, you will receive a tax credit when filing your annual income tax return. (For every dollar donated over $200, you will receive a federal and provincial tax credit of approximately 45 cents, depending on your province.) Since this transfers a portion of the funds available for charitable giving from the government to you, we could view this as a shift towards self-directed giving away from managed giving through the government.

Direct giving offers several other advantages. First, you can personally select the charity that is to receive the funds. Second, there is a possible increase in efficiency, since the intermediary cost of the government bureaucracy is avoided. Third, since government taxes are used to fund a variety of activities, with the financing of charities being only a small part of outlays, the use of tax credits for personal donations can lead to a net increase in the funds made available to the charitable sector.

If you own stock that has appreciated in value, consider donating it to charity. You will receive a donation receipt for the market value,

and eliminate the need to pay capital gains tax. Normally if you sell a stock, 50 per cent of the capital gains is reported as income.

Philanthropy vs. charitable giving Traditionally, the term “philanthropy” has been used only in the domain of the wealthy. It is important to define what philanthropy is and distinguish it from charitable giving, which can be as simple as writing an annual cheque to a charity. A lot of people don’t understand the difference. Philanthropy is an exchange of values that results in a donation. It’s an investment in a cause, giving to a solution, and it often represents a longer-term commitment.

Philanthropy often involves personal engagement or a lot of thought.

In the end, the size of the gift is not the issue: thinking strategically about giving is the point. A philanthropist is engaged and is a stakeholder in the organization’s success and mission. Indeed, many wealthy individuals have applied their business and investment acumen to philanthropy with considerable success.

But you do not need to be super-wealthy to be a philanthropist.

Consider a donor-advised fund such as the Private Giving Foundation as a structure that allows you to establish a tax-effective legacy of giving for as little as $10,000 as a simple alternative to establishing a foundation. (For more information about the Foundation, go to tdwealth.ca/privategiving.)

I would like to encourage you to build a well-thought-out philanthropic plan. Please take time to educate yourself on the tax rules and different gift planning vehicles. And, lastly, please keep in mind that charities also need volunteers, and that donating time is often just as important as donating money.

Need help putting together a charitable plan?

Visit http://inmagazine.ca/2018/11/thinking-strategicallyabout-philanthropy/ for a simple six-step process.

AL RAMSAY is TD’s national manager, LGBTQ2+ Business Development, and leads a team of expert advisors across Canada dedicated to serving the LGBTQ2+ community. For more information or to book a meeting, he can be reached at al.ramsay@td.com or follow him on Twitter at @AlRamsay_TD. JO-ANNE RYAN is vice president, philanthropy, TD Wealth; and executive director, Private Giving Foundation.

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OPINION

HUG IT OUT Men need to embrace platonic physical contact

By Jumol Royes

Photo by Thiago Barletta

I love a good hug. Not a tepid side hug or half hug, but a full-bodied embrace.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

I have a group of cisgender, straight male friends and the way we greet each other is always the same: we open our arms wide, wrap them around each other and squeeze tight. More than a means of exchanging hellos and positive energy, the hugs serve as a regular reminder of our shared humanity and that we’re all in this together. There’s nothing sexual about it. It’s just two guys hugging it out.

Scientific studies show that hugs lead to better outcomes in terms of both health and happiness. Hugging increases levels of oxytocin (also known as the cuddle hormone), a naturally occurring brain chemical strongly linked to social bonding, while at the same time decreasing heart rate and blood pressure, which can help alleviate stress and anxiety. Put simply, hugs make you feel good and they’re good for you, too.

So why are so many men afraid of a little platonic physical contact?

In today’s cultural climate, it’s automatically assumed that men can’t be completely trusted when it comes to connecting on a physical level. Touch has been hyper-sexualized; whether it’s a man hugging a woman or two men hugging, the interaction is viewed as sexually suspect. Outside of sexual relationships, the rule of thumb for men and displays of physical affection is: do not touch.

Added to the mix are pervasive messages in the media promoting toxic masculinity. Men are encouraged to wear the “tough guise” 14

from a very young age. Being rough and hard is heralded as a show of strength, and any hint of softness or tenderness is inevitably seen as a sign of weakness. It’s a world in which the mission statement is to be macho and the motto reads: real men don’t hug.

The end result is that men are starved for affection and unable to fulfill a basic need for platonic physical connection. This lack of touch leaves men feeling isolated, disconnected and alone, feelings that go hand in hand with addiction, depression and abuse. It’s a destructive cycle, to say the least.

Could hugs really be the solution to such complex societal ills? By themselves, no…but they’re a good place to start.

What if instead of being held hostage to the fear of judgment that surrounds men giving hugs, we chose to give men permission to embrace platonic physical contact? What if we stopped requiring that men wear masks, and instead allowed them to be vulnerable and show up in the world as themselves? Imagine if men weren’t told to ignore cravings for physical connection and were able to surrender to their desire for non-sexual, consensual touch?

These may seem like big shifts in beliefs and behaviour, but they start with being brave and being role models for each other. The next time you encounter a male friend, gay or straight, give them a hug – a real hug – and see what happens. Even if they’re a little surprised at first, chances are they’ll hug you back, and you’ll both reap the rewards.

Hugs are free, but the payoff is priceless.

JUMOL ROYES is a Toronto-based writer/PR & communications strategist with a keen interest in personal development and transformation. Follow him on Twitter at @Jumol.

IN MAGAZINE

ON THE TOWN

SCENES FROM THE PARTY CIRCUIT

By Michael Pihach

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Escape Manor Grand Opening 1: Christopher Wadsworth, 2: Christian Dare, Tanya Kim, 3: Nick Holland, Davida Houston, 4 Mana Mansour, Alexandra Hazlehurst.

Prism presents SWEAT inside NOIR at Rebel Nightclub (photos by Mitchel Raphael) 5: Matthew King, 6: Turpine Iere Je, 7: Gairy Brown l, 8: Juan Manuel Suri Surian.

Yohomo presents Big Fun! at The Rec Room 9: Juice Boxx, Naomi Leone, 10: Scott Flynn, 11: Werner Barriere.

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THE EVOLUTION OF CANFAR The organization has been at the forefront of the public discussion around HIV/AIDS

By Christian Dare

The 21st edition of Bloor Street Entertains, Canada’s single largest fundraising gala event to support Canadian HIV research, took place on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 at the Four Seasons Hotel Toronto (Photo: George Pimentel)

The year is 1987; Liberace passes away from an AIDS-related illness. In New York City, the direct-action advocacy group ACT UP is founded. It is in this same year that the first antiretroviral drug becomes available to treat HIV. And in Canada, almost five years since the first reported case of an HIV infection in this country, CANFAR (the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research) is founded.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

The year is 1988; the first World AIDS Day – the first-ever world health day – takes place on December 1. It’s founded as an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV, to show support for people living with HIV, and to commemorate those who have died from an AIDS-related illness. But it isn’t until 1991 that the Red Ribbon Campaign is created to raise awareness on World AIDS Day in support of HIV and AIDS research.

commonly used to treat HIV) and vaccines to reduce and prevent the progression of HIV. But, more importantly, CANFAR has been at the forefront of contributing to and provoking the public discussion around HIV/ AIDS. Over the years, the organization has led many successful public health campaigns to get people talking about an infectious disease no one wants to talk about. Each and every year for World AIDS Day, CANFAR and its AIDS Service Organization partners across Canada unite for the Voices for World AIDS Day initiative.

This public campaign targets communities in each province and territory with deliberate engagement with youth, Indigenous populations, people living with HIV and AIDS, and government officials and health representatives.

As Alex Filiatrault, CANFAR’s chief executive director, points out, Fast-forward to the present day, 2018. This year marks 30 years the fight is far from over. since the first-ever World AIDS Day, and just over 30 years since CANFAR was founded on the principle of creating a support “The reality is that HIV is still very prevalent here in Canada. network for all Canadians affected and/or touched by HIV/AIDS. There are currently more than 63,000 people living with HIV in Sadly, it also marks the loss of an estimated 40 million people Canada, and it is estimated that there are still over 2,000 new HIV around the globe to the crises. But the death toll is slowing down, infections that occur each year. Even more concerning is the fact that roughly a quarter of all new HIV infections in Canada are in in part thanks to organizations like CANFAR. youth within the age range of 15 to 29 years old.”

Over the years, the organization has funded numerous scientific studies thanks to their fundraising efforts and events, from Kisses We can’t afford to be blasé about this fight, and assume that it is for CANFAR to Bloor Street Entertains. These fundraisers have yesterday’s news. Thirty years on, unfortunately, CANFAR is just helped the organization fund over $21 million in research, which as necessary as at its inception. I’m sure it would be more than has led to breakthroughs like the development of 3TC (a drug happy to be put out of business.

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CHRISTIAN DARE is a freelance writer who spends his time between Toronto and New Orleans. He writes for numerous publications and

IN MAGAZINE is known for his writings on pop culture, lifestyle and design. He occasionally appears on daytime TV when not hunting for a great pair of shoes or design piece.

OUR PASSION IS INTENSE. A profound need for answers and a devotion to progress permeates everything we do. We have a burning desire to make a real difference for people living with HIV, and we’re not afraid to show it.

Our core values run deep. www.viivhealthcare.ca | @viivhc

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LET’S CELEBRATE PROGRESS THIS WORLD AIDS DAY Face HIV/AIDS head-on by knowing your status

By Courtney Hardwick

Every December 1, World AIDS Day provides the opportunity for people worldwide to come together in the fight against HIV, to show support for people living with HIV, and to commemorate those who have died from an AIDS-related illness.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

For both preventing the spread of AIDS and living with a positive diagnosis, awareness is key. That’s why, for the 30th anniversary of World AIDS Day, the theme this year is Know your Status. It is estimated that in 2016, at least 14 per cent of HIV-positive Canadians did not know they were infected. That means they were – and could still be – at a high risk for developing AIDS and life-threatening opportunistic infections, and of spreading the disease to others through unprotected sex, pregnancy, breastfeeding and intravenous drug use.

In 2016, an estimated 36.7 million people worldwide (approximately 63,000 of them Canadian) were living with HIV, with 1.8 million new cases in that year alone. According to the UNAIDS Data 2018 report, an estimated 940,000 people worldwide died of AIDS-related illnesses in 2017. With numbers like that, it’s hard to believe that HIV and AIDS research has come so far since the disease was first clinically observed in 1981.

Although there is still no cure or vaccine for HIV or AIDS, antiretroviral treatment can slow the course of the disease and lead to a near-normal life expectancy. There is also evidence that, so long as a person living with HIV takes treatment and maintains an undetectable viral load, they do not transmit the virus to their sexual partners. Studies have demonstrated that “undetectable equals untransmittable,” or U=U. That discovery has done a lot to lessen the stigma surrounding a positive diagnosis, and allowed 18

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people living with the disease to feel it is possible to lead a more normal life.

But in order for HIV-positive people to reach U=U status, they have to be willing to get tested. Organizations such as The Canadian AIDS Society, CATIE (Canadian AIDS Treatment Information Exchange) and The Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (CANFAR) are just some of the non-profits in Canada that are committed to educating the public about the realities of HIV/AIDS and to removing barriers that prevent everyone from getting tested.

Because of the stigma and discrimination associated with a positive diagnosis, many people don’t get tested for HIV until they start to notice symptoms – which could start years after they actually contracted the virus. That’s why increasing opportunities for self-testing, community-based testing, and offering confidential test results are all essential.

These days, a positive diagnosis isn’t the imminent death sentence it once was. Treatment has improved exponentially, but it still depends on people being aware of their options and having the support they need to seek answers. Founded in 1988, World AIDS Day was the first-ever global health day. To this day, it is designed not only to inform the public and prevent the spread of AIDS, but also to help and support those who are currently affected by the disease.

Show your support on December 1 by attending a fundraiser, donating to a non-profit that works for HIV/AIDS awareness, and wearing a red ribbon to honour the millions of people who have been affected by the disease.

COURTNEY HARDWICK is a Toronto-based freelance writer. Her work has appeared online at AmongMen, Complex Canada, Elle Canada and TheBolde.

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SEX

LET’S CLARIFY THE MEANING OF ‘UNDETECTABLE’ An undetectable status guarantees one can’t pass on HIV, so why does the stigma persist?

By Bobby Box

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

In October 2017, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recognized National Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day by acknowledging that people living with HIV, if treatment has brought their ‘viral load’ to an undetectable level, do not transmit HIV to any other person. In the official memo, the CDC noted that the HIV virus continues to disproportionately affect men who are sexually active with other men. As of the announcement, more than 26,000 gay and bisexual men had been diagnosed since 2015, representing two-thirds of new diagnoses in the United States. In Canada, one in five HIV-positive individuals don’t know their status.

there are a slew of drugs people can take to ensure an undetectable load, the most common being a one- or two-pill regimen that consists of three to four different drugs taken once or twice daily.

However, despite being completely undetectable, the HIV stigma still exists to a harrowing level. We know that someone who is undetectable cannot transmit HIV to someone who is HIVnegative, even without PrEP and/or condoms. However, not everyone is aware of this (due to a lack of education or general ignorance), and some do still worry about contracting HIV.

“There is a fear around HIV that has been perpetuated since the The announcement has been vindicated after three different studies very beginning of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, so there are people – which, together, included thousands of couples and sexual acts who are incredibly fearful around sleeping with someone who is without a condom or pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) – detected HIV-positive, regardless of their undetectable status,” Roth explains. absolutely zero HIV transmissions to HIV-negative partners when “This can make it difficult for some folks who are undetectable to the HIV-positive person was virally suppressed via medication. have an open and frank conversation with their sexual partners This status is regarded as “undetectable.” It means people who around them being undetectable.” take their HIV medication daily and as prescribed maintain an undetectable viral load and have no risk of sexually transmitting To Chris, a 27-year-old undetectable male from Miami, Florida, this the virus to a partner. These results are as official as they come, reality is all too familiar. “People seem to think the science in HIV prevention isn’t perfect and that they’re still at risk of infection,” and were endorsed by the world’s leading HIV scientists. he tells IN. “I’ve had multiple sexual encounters ‘fall through’ out It’s important to note that being undetectable doesn’t mean you’re of fear of infection, even with a condom.” Chris says gay dating forever free of the virus. If the individual stops taking their apps in particular host a high percentage of uninformed individuals, medication as prescribed, the virus will build in the blood and the and being educated by someone who is HIV positive on an app viral load will hit a transmittable level. It is fairly common for like Grindr or Scruff doesn’t promote the most trusted response. these loads to fluctuate, though this is often only the case when a “What I recommend may not always be practical,” Roth explains patient begins a new treatment. when pressed to recommend an effective way for someone to inform a potential sexual partner of their undetectable status.

A very, very small percentage of HIV strains are resistant to Truva- “There’s no ‘right’ way to do it,” he insists. “From my own personal da (a Health Canada-approved drug, known as PrEP). A study of experience, most guys who are undetectable and choose to pass people in Kings County in Seattle, WA, found that only 0.03 per on that information do it in a very matter-of-fact, ‘Oh, by the cent of the local HIV-positive population had both viral loads and way,’ sort of manner.” This approach makes an undetectable status a high-level resistance to the drug. In a decade, there have been just another offhand trait of the person – similar to height or eye only four cases of primary Truvada-resistant HIV transmissions colour – rather than a big secret that the person is shrouding, further contributing to the oppressing stigma. to those adhering to their PrEP regimens.

Obviously, other STIs are out there, so people who have a lot of condom-less sex should visit their doctor often to get tested for other STIs. Being tested every one to three months (depending on the number of partners) is what’s normally recommended.

“The fact of the matter is that living with HIV isn’t a big deal anymore, thankfully. It’s a manageable chronic illness that is less invasive to treat than, say, diabetes [a pill vs. insulin injection, monitoring food intake, and so on],” Roth says. “But many people, because of the aforementioned fearmongering, do not treat living “The first generation of the antiretroviral therapies we know today with HIV as such. However, there are campaigns out there to became available in 1996,” Grant Roth, an HIV prevention specialist, change the public’s perception of HIV, such as the U=U campaign tells IN. In other words, medication of this sort has been around (https://www.catie.ca/en/positiveside/summer-2017/uu), which for a while – we’re just finally paying attention. According to Roth, have been instrumental in changing the public’s perception of HIV.”

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There is no official word on whether drugs like PrEP have had any direct influence on the dwindling numbers of those infected

by HIV, but Roth does confirm that stats show new cases of HIV have indeed declined since the advent of PrEP. “For the last few years, New York City and many other major cities have consistently seen the lowest number of new diagnoses per year, which I would attribute partially to PrEP,” he says.

However, he notes there’s still an epidemic occurring in certain populations, such as Black and Latino gay/bisexual men and women.

“So, yes, HIV rates are declining,” Roth assures. “But it’s evident that PrEP doesn’t always reach the populations that need it the most.”

To ensure these communities have access to PrEP, we need to create access. To make this happen, Roth says we primarily need to make the drug more affordable. One month’s worth of Truvada is over $1,600 without any coverage. (For more, check out the #BreakThePatent campaign at breakthepatent.org.) “This, combined with the socioeconomic barriers to medical care these communities face, creates a major obstacle in getting PrEP to those who need it,” he says. “We also need to continue to educate folks and get the word out there about PrEP. We need to help individuals reassess their HIV risk, since many tend to underestimate theirs.” For more information on PrEP and HIV prevention, visit your local doctor or sexual health clinic.

How does it work?

Antiretroviral treatment (ART), which brings the level of the HIV virus to such low levels that blood tests cannot detect it, works by controlling the replication of HIV in the body. It reduces HIV’s ability to make copies of itself. For most people, the virus becomes controlled within three to six months of treatment. Once a doctor has confirmed that a patient is undetectable, and so long as the individual continues taking their treatment and attends regular viral load monitoring appointments, there is no way they can pass on the virus.

How frequently these status appointments occur depends on how long the individual has been HIV positive. If it’s been a longer period of time, patients may visit every four to six months. For newer diagnoses, patients usually revisit one month after starting their medication, then again in three months, and eventually move to less frequent tests at the medical provider’s discretion.

BOBBY BOX is a prolific freelance journalist in Hamilton, Ont. He currently works as contributing editor at Playboy.com and has had the privilege to speak with the world’s most recognized drag queens, including, most recently, Trixie Mattel and Alaska Thunderfuck. While proud of his work, Bobby is not above begging. He asks that you follow him on Twitter at @bobbyboxington.

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WHEN LIFE IS AN OPEN BOOK Why are open relationships so popular among gay men, but not gay women?

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

By Bobby Box

If you’re a gay or bisexual man, I’m 100 per cent certain you’ve met an open couple. (“Open,” of course, means both partners in a relationship agree that each may have sexual relations with others.) You have, right? The reason I’m so certain is because it’s so common – especially among gay men.

In therapist Michael Dale Kimmel’s book, The Gay Man’s Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage, he argues that, based on his experience, half of gay male relationships are not 100 per cent

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monogamous. In addition, he finds most begin monogamous, but tend to “open up” after the first few years.

In 2005, a study found that more than 40 per cent of gay men had an agreement that sex outside the relationship was permissible, while fewer than five per cent of heterosexual and lesbian couples reported the same. Why are gay men in particular more likely to have open relationships than are any other gendered pairing?

I’ve found the answer is far from simple. So let’s dig in.

“Marriage between two men is – in my experience as a psychotherapist – dramatically different than heterosexual marriage,” Kimmel writes in his book. “It’s a double testosterone marriage.

With all that testosterone, sex is probably going to be handled quite differently for us than for some straight couples or even for some lesbian couples.”

Dr. Cassmassi says gay men in particular are more likely to engage because unwanted pregnancy is not a risk, whereas it is for open straight couples. In addition, lesbian couples often involve two women who prefer the stability of a monogamous relationship.

Knowing the above to be true, there’s still a fairly persistent stigma In addition to sex, Kimmel notices gay couples typically towards open relationships, even within the LGBT community. experience two challenges more intensely than opposite-sex In 2012, four studies from the University of Michigan found or lesbian couples: competition and conflict. Both of those that participants’ perceptions of monogamous relationships were are derived from – you guessed it – testosterone. And while “overwhelmingly more favourable” than of open relationships. testosterone is crucial in maintaining muscle mass, bone The reasons – that the idea of “emotional monogamy and sexual density and sex drive, it has also been associated with non-monogamy” is a way to rationalize not being faithful to risky behaviour: excessive consumption of alcohol and your partner – are unfounded. Research funded by the Rural recreational drugs, high-risk sex, driving at unsafe speeds. Center for Aids/STD Prevention at Indiana University conducted 45-minute individual interviews with 10 gay couples in open In a man’s 20s and 30s, our testosterone levels are particularly relationships, and found that non-monogamous relationships high, meaning we have plenty of energy that we don’t know can actually lead to a happier, more fulfilling partnership. how to channel constructively. Therefore, we bring it into our relationships and compete with our partners – not only sexually, After conducting the interviews, researchers said the couples but with regards to who’s more successful, stronger, smarter, didn’t seem less satisfied than monogamous couples, and etc. This, of course, leads to conflict. To rectify this, many gay noted that their communication is in fact better, because open men remedy their high levels of testosterone with sex outside couples negotiate specific details about what’s permissible in of the relationship under an open agreement. No harm, no foul. their relationship and what’s not. The researchers also found that open relationships don’t put gay men at disproportionate “One factor unique to gay male relationships is the mechanics of risk for HIV and other STDs. sexual intimacy,” Dr. Brian Cassmassi, a psychiatrist and gay man who’s previously been in open relationships, tells IN. “Some However, there is one particularly disappointing reason why couples choose to become open because although they have a so many men engage in open relationships: a fear of intimacy, strong romantic and emotional connection, they may not pair which stems from homosexual shame. as well physically, especially in the cases where both partners are tops or bottoms.” Dr. Cassmassi says he often sees men in “The experience of coming to terms with your homosexual healthy open relationships invite guests over who can perform identity can often be with emotional abandonment,” Brian Northe other position for both partners, satisfying each other’s needs. ton, a psychotherapist at Columbia University’s department of counselling and clinical psychology, told The Guardian. “Our If this collective proclivity is indeed tied to testosterone, is the experience with love and intimacy at an early age is often broken attraction towards open relationships more of a male thing or, and compromised, so when someone tries to get close to us as more specifically, a gay male thing? Dr. Cassmassi believes it to an adult, defences go up. It’s human nature to avoid revisiting be the former. But given the fact that gay men do not typically feelings of abandonment, and open relationships may be a way adhere to cultural institutions established by heterosexual people, of keeping a distance [from] another man.” gay men have more freedom to reinvent it, especially when it doesn’t jive with the lifestyle. In other words: why settle for Let’s look at it like this: for too long, heterosexual couples something that was established by a sexual orientation we don’t have dictated how everyone is supposed to love. If you choose identify with? Short answer being: we don’t. to see monogamy as a sense of ownership, then open your relationship. If you choose to see monogamy as deeply romantic Besides, let’s be perfectly honest: much of gay culture has and traditional, then stay in a closed relationship. It’s as easy revolved around sex and hookups (with early meeting spots to as that. Just don’t chastise others for not sharing your same include bathhouses, bars and online hookup apps) for people outlook – we can co-exist. Only recently have people begun newly exploring their sexuality. Thus, the sexual curiosity and to open their minds and relationships to explore a new kind of freedom inherent to gay culture seems to lend itself towards bond that is no more or less substantial than any other. So keep continued open exploration of sexuality, even within a that up. It’s progress, and super liberating. relationship. In terms of why it’s more popular among gay men,

BOBBY BOX is a prolific freelance journalist in Hamilton, Ont. He currently works as contributing editor at Playboy.com and has had the privilege to speak with the world’s most recognized drag queens, including, most recently, Trixie Mattel and Alaska Thunderfuck. While proud of his work, Bobby is not above begging. He asks that you follow him on Twitter at @bobbyboxington.

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REMEMBERING MATTHEW SHEPARD It’s been 20 years since the 1998 murder of the Wyoming college student – what does his death say to us today?

By Christopher Turner

I’ve thought a lot about Matthew Shepard over the years. It’s been 20 years since the murder of the first-year University of Wyoming student but I still have trouble wrapping my head around his death, how it affected me then, and how it continues to affect me to this day. The pain hit countless people around the world, and the events surrounding his murder continue to have an impact today because his story began a conversation about hatred and LGBTQ+ rights everywhere.

On the night of October 6, 1998, two men (Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson) lured Matthew from the Fireside Lounge in Laramie, a town of 25,000 near the Wyoming-Colorado border, and drove him to a remote rural area on the eastern side of Laramie.

McKinney apparently told Matthew, “We’re not gay and you’re going to get jacked,” before they proceeded to rob, pistol-whip, torture and bludgeon him, tying him to a rough-hewn wooden buck fence and leaving him to die.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

At 6 pm the next day, Aaron Kreifels, a passing cyclist, was riding past a new housing development and onto a dirt path in Wyoming’s rugged countryside when he noticed something out of the ordinary.

“At first I thought it was a scarecrow,” Kreifels later told the Denver Post, “so I didn’t think much of it. Then I went around and noticed it was a real person. I checked to see if he was conscious or not and when I found out he wasn’t, I ran and got help as fast as I could.”

The “scarecrow” was Matthew, although he hadn’t actually been strung up like a scarecrow, which has been widely reported through the years. He lay on his back unconscious and drenched with blood, his head propped against the fence, legs outstretched. His hands were bound together behind his back with white clothesline from McKinney’s truck and tied barely four inches off the ground to a fencepost. When Kreifels found him, he had been there for 18 hours in below-freezing temperatures after suffering 18 blows to the head and face. He had lacerations on his neck, head and face; a damaged brain stem; and four skull fractures to the back of his skull and the front of his right ear. His shoes were missing.

Reggie Fluty, the sheriff’s deputy who answered Kreifels’ call for help that evening, would later state that at first she thought Matthew could have been no older than 13 because he was so small. She

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would later describe his face, which was covered in blood, except where it had been partially cleansed by his tears – an image that continues to be referenced in countless essays, poems, and songs dedicated to his memory.

Attending physicians at Ivinson Memorial Hospital ascertained that Matthew’s head injuries were grave and they had him immediately transported 105 kilometres to Poudre Valley Hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado, where he was admitted to the intensive care unit. However, the substantial trauma meant doctors were unable to perform surgery.

Matthew’s parents, Judy and Dennis Shepard, were immediately notified and travelled to Fort Collins from Dhahran, Saudi Arabia, where Dennis worked as an engineer. By the time the Shepards reached Poudre Valley, the story had taken over the headlines and the news media were keeping a 24-hour watch outside of Matthew’s hospital room, where he lay unconscious. The national discussion of the attack initially centred on the legal issue of hate crimes, but as his story began to resonate with people of all sexualities around the world, especially in North America, something changed. The boy who was clinging to life in a hospital bed became a symbol of violence against the LGBT community, a symbol that couldn’t be ignored.

I was just coming out as I sat glued to the TV, watching every channel air footage of the candlelight vigils and the pundits commenting on then President Bill Clinton’s wishes to the Shepards. The story was so closely followed that a website set up by the hospital to give updates about Matthew’s condition eventually drew more than 815,000 hits from around the world. Family-supplied photos of Matthew’s face appeared on every television channel, accompanied by Fluty’s heartbreaking description of his now brutally disfigured face. I watched along with the rest of the world. I was devastated and confused. I saw a lot of myself in him.

Matthew appeared so vulnerable in every image. With shaggy blond hair, braces and a pensive smile, he stood five foot two and weighed just over 100 pounds. I was young and shy, tiny at that point, barely hitting 115 pounds. I was still figuring out who I was and what it meant to be gay. I was only out to some of my friends, and I was filled with questions and what felt like an

(Photo: The Matthew Shepard Foundation)

unbearable amount of shame. So as I obsessively watched CNN, I felt it. Every time Matthew’s image flashed on the screen, it felt like a punch in the stomach.

I saw myself as Matthew Shepard and was angry and broken, as were so many around the world.

Matthew never regained consciousness, and was pronounced dead six days after the attack at 12:53 am on October 12, 1998. He was 21 years old.

“We were with him when he died,” Judy said.

Matthew’s funeral was on October 16, 1998, at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church in Casper, Wyoming. It was a complete circus for so many reasons, and Matthew’s parents and his younger brother, Logan, were given little space to privately grieve. Judy and Dennis issued tickets to ensure that only friends and family were allowed into the church the day of the service, while other churches in Casper (the family’s hometown) offered space to accommodate the overflow.

Matthew’s funeral is significant not just because we were watching a family publicly grieve for their slain son, but because it marks

arguably the first occasion we were bombarded with images of pure hate, courtesy of the Westboro Baptist Church, a tiny Kansas congregation. Their leader, Fred Phelps – a defrocked minister, and author of the Internet site GodHatesFags.com – led his handful of protestors (along with another anti-gay protester, W. N. Otwell of Enterprise, Texas) to Matthew’s funeral, where they carried signs that read “God Hates Fags” and “Matt In Hell.”

As a young, partially closeted gay man, those broadcast images were terrifying to me. The anti-LGBT protestors may have been across the street penned inside black plastic barricades, but they weren’t shy about taunting the huge crowd of mourners. Television cameras weren’t shy about capturing and airing the footage, either.

(Amateur and news footage of the scene outside Matthew’s funeral can easily be found on YouTube.)

To counter the protest, Matthew’s friends and supporters dressed as angels and, to protect the Shepard family from hearing or seeing Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church, the assembled crowd sang “Amazing Grace” to drown out his anti-gay preaching.

Judy said later that she never saw them. “They took us through a door in the back of the church.” Police asked Dennis to wear a bulletproof vest under his shirt when he spoke at Matthew’s service, and deployed snipers on surrounding rooftops.

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A cross once marked the area where Matthew Shepard was beaten and left tied to a fence shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998. The fence has since been torn down

Elton John sent flowers to Matthew’s funeral; Ted Kennedy and Ellen DeGeneres spoke out on the steps of the US Capitol Building; Barbara Streisand phoned the County Sheriff’s office to demand quick action on the case; and Madonna called the University of Wyoming to voice her concerns about what had happened.

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The trials of McKinney and Henderson were also a media circus.

the Shepards agreed to a similar plea bargain for consecutive life sentences and McKinney’s agreement not to speak to the media about the case (a provision he would repeatedly violate in later years).

I wasn’t out to my family at the time, so I remember paying close attention to the family’s reaction, in particular Matthew’s father.

Addressing McKinney in court before his sentencing, Dennis told him that although he didn’t oppose the death penalty, he was “going to grant you life…because of Matthew.”

The pair had been arrested while Matthew lay unconscious in intensive care at Poudre Valley. They had returned to Laramie “I would like nothing better than to see you die, Mr. McKinney. that same night and got into a fight with some other men, which However, this is the time to begin the healing process, to show mercy attracted the attention of the police. When Officer Flint Waters to someone who refused to show any mercy.... Mr. McKinney, I’m arrived at the disturbance, he apprehended Henderson and, while going to grant you life, as hard as that is for me to do, because of searching McKinney’s vehicle, he came across a blood-smeared Matthew. Every time you celebrate Christmas, a birthday, or the gun as well as Matthew’s credit card and his shoes. McKinney Fourth of July, remember that Matt isn’t. Every time that you wake and Henderson were charged with aggravated robbery, kidnapping up in that prison cell, remember that you had the opportunity and the ability to stop your actions that night.... Mr. McKinney, I give and attempted murder. you life in the memory of one who no longer lives. May you have When Matthew succumbed to his injuries in the early morning a long life, and may you thank Matthew every day for it.” hours of October 12, the charges against the two were quickly upgraded to felony murder and kidnapping. If convicted, both Both Henderson and McKinney were incarcerated in the Wyoming could receive the death penalty. Their girlfriends were charged State Penitentiary in Rawlins. with being accessories after the fact.

Dennis would later publicly wonder whether there was some kind

Henderson’s case moved forward first. In April 1999, he reached of purpose to his son’s death, saying, “Maybe it was meant to be. a pre-trial plea agreement, which took the death penalty off the He was meant to change the world.” table in exchange for two consecutive life sentences. McKinney’s case proceeded to trial in the fall, a year after the attack. His effort He did. to mount a “gay panic defence” was ruled out by Judge Barton Voight; after that, McKinney’s counsel, prosecutor Cal Rerucha and 26

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Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps garnered worldwide attention for staging demonstrations proclaiming God was punishing America for its tolerance of homosexuality

In the years since the trial ended, there have been more twists to A year after Matthew’s murder, then President Bill Clinton urged Matthew’s story, more painful blows to the LGBTQ community. the US Congress to expand the list of hate crimes covered under In 2004, 20/20 broadcast a segment complete with statements from federal law to include cases involving sexual orientation.

Henderson and McKinney claiming the homicide had occurred not because Matthew was gay, but because of a drug-related robbery “The Hate Crimes Prevention Act would be important substantively gone wrong. Stephen Jimenez, the producer of the segment, would and symbolically to send a message to ourselves and to the world go on to publish The Book of Matt: Hidden Truths About the Murder that we are going into the 21st century determined to preach and of Matthew Shepard in 2013. He asserted that the murder was not a to practise what is right,” Clinton said at the time. hate crime, but could instead be blamed on crystal meth, a drug that was flooding the scene at the time. He also claimed that McKinney In Clinton’s proposed hate crimes legislation, the law would be and Matthew had a friendship and had been engaging in casual sex. expanded so the Justice Department could prosecute crimes based on a person’s gender, sexual orientation or disability. At the time, Jimenez’s theory has, understandably, caused a lot of anger and only crimes based on a victim’s race or religion could be prosehas drawn criticism. I remember going on a social media rampage, cuted as hate crimes. fuming at the largely unsubstantiated claims. For the record, most critics strongly reject the book as being poorly researched, and No such legislation passed during Clinton’s presidency, which ended McKinney has never acknowledged that he even knew Matthew. in 2001. But Matthew’s murder became a symbol of the hatred many lesbians and gay men face, and his death was helping to change The Matthew Shepard Foundation, which was launched on December the conversation about the LGBT community and their rights.

1, 1998 – which would have been Matthew’s 22nd birthday – also stands firm on the murder being fuelled by homophobic hatred. The Motivated in part by the hate-crime legislative debate, Judy not-for-profit organization has been an instrument for social change established herself as a prominent LGBT rights activist, and played in the last 20 years. It fuelled a movement. It fuelled activism. It a key role in finally securing passage of a federal LGBT-inclusive encouraged me to come out to everyone in my life. hate crime bill. The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act, also known as the Matthew Shepard Act, “While Matt was in the hospital, people from all over the country was finally passed by Congress on October 22, 2009, and signed and even the world sent us letters, teddy bears and money. They into law by then President Barack Obama on October 28, 2009, were urging us to use the moment to make an impact,” Judy told 11 years after the crime. me recently. “With all eyes on our family, we listened to the public and started the Matthew Shepard Foundation. Our goals “In the past 20 years, one of the most memorable moments was when are to erase hate and replace it with understanding, compassion Dennis and I joined President Barack Obama at the White House,” Judy told me. “After nearly a decade of lobbying and advocating and acceptance.”

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Judy Shepard has been fighting hate and inspiring the community for 20 years (Photo: The Matthew Shepard Foundation)

for federal hate crimes legislation to include language for sexual orientation and gender identity, we finally saw that happen with the signing of the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act. But that was only one success out of many we’ve had over the course of the last two decades. I think that Matt and his story opened up the country to having a conversation about hatred and LGBTQ+ rights.”

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It’s true. Judy and the Matthew Shepard Foundation have been an instrument for change and social progress since the Foundation’s inception.

One of the initiatives it got involved in is the play The Laramie Project. Shortly after the murder, members of New York’s Tectonic Theater Project began visiting Laramie. Over the course of 18 months, they recorded interviews with hundreds of residents on what had happened to Matthew, and turned that into the play The Laramie Project, which debuted in 2000. The three-act play sees eight actors take on nearly 60 different roles. When it first played in Toronto at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, I saw it twice.

“The Shepards were integral in helping pass the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act,” Sara Grossman, communications manager at the Matthew Shepard Foundation, told me. “But the Matthew Shepard Foundation also does a lot of outreach and helps with local productions of The Laramie Project. From North Dakota to South Korea, we have had our hands in hundreds, if not thousands, of productions over the last 18 years [since the show debuted]. In the last two years alone, 350 productions have gone up around the globe – and those are just the ones we know about!”

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Of course, the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s work goes far beyond the award-winning play.

“We also have a by-and-for-LGBTQ+ youth blog called Matthew’s Place, which is a great source of information for youth, their families and friends, or anyone who wants to learn about the lived experience of LGBTQ+ youth,” Grossman told me. “We go into communities that need training for law enforcement on how to report and prosecute hate crimes. We choose these communities by determining where there is a high number of hate crimes, or if there is an area where we know there are hate crimes but no reports. Building a bridge between law enforcement and the victim communities is also an important part of this work.”

On December 1, 2018, Matthew Shepard would have turned 42 years old. In the 20 years since his murder, we have watched as his legacy has expanded in scope and grown in influence, helping to inspire a growing acceptance of gays and lesbians into the mainstream. Because of Matthew, we have laws, poetry, theatre, and even full lesson plans dedicated to erasing hate from our schools. I would like to think he’d be proud of the work his parents and the Foundation did in his honour.

But, despite his martyrdom, it should be noted that there is no substantial memorial to Matthew in Laramie. The wooden buck fence where he lay dying for 18 hours? It has been torn down and there is no permanent marker in its place, only wild grass. The Fireside Lounge – where Matthew was lured away by McKinney and Henderson – is also gone, sold and renamed years ago.

(Photo: The Matthew Shepard Foundation)

“In contrast with Pulse [nightclub] in Orlando, which has several memorials and works of art dedicated to the victims, there is only a single bench in Laramie on the University of Wyoming campus dedicated to him,” Grossman told me. “There is nothing else.”

and how, in the years since, Matthew’s story continues to stay relevant – mostly because she refuses to let the world ignore it.

“From the youth we engage with and interact with, we always find that young people strongly connect with Matthew’s story and his impact,” Judy told me. ‘‘He was a fervent supporter of human and civil rights around the world. He struggled with depression So how far have we really come? and loneliness. He had triumphs and failures. He was incredibly human, certainly not without flaws, and sought to find love and “I didn’t think we’d still be doing this work today,” Judy told me. happiness in his life, work and studies, like many of us do. Young But, she made clear, progress has been made. “Two decades ago, people are inspired by his story and aspire to continue on his path the majority of the country was homophobic. Generally, phobias in honour of him. and fears are rooted in a lack of education. LGBTQ+ people weren’t out back then, so people didn’t know gay people. It’s so “The significance in Matthew’s death and the impact it had on the much harder to hate a person than a concept. The more people who world in 1998 was about much more than who Matt was as a person came out over time, the less homophobic the landscape became. or an individual, but more representative of a society’s treatment It’s definitely less harsh for the community in Laramie now, as it and abuse of the LGBTQ+ community. For decades, gay, lesbian, is in the rest of the country. They’ve seen a lot of progress since bisexual and transgender people had been harassed, abused and Matt was killed.” killed for being who they are. Matthew became a figurehead for the ‘people we knew,’ our neighbours, co-workers, classmates, friends The progress is undeniable. Matthew’s death put a face on hate- and family. People could no longer dismiss the violent actions as filled tragedies and became a watershed moment that forever happening to ‘others.’ changed the conversation about the LGBT experience. It changed the way I saw myself. Seeing Matthew Shepard become a symbol “Matt was a normal, average college student who was brutally of violence against the LGBT community, just as I was figuring attacked and killed for being gay. His death marked a tipping out who I was, forever changed me. Through the years Matthew’s point for the LGBTQ+ community, and sparked a new movement story has haunted me, and in recent years it’s reminded me of a and generation of activists who refused to stay silent about it, and responsibility to tell the stories of LGBT people. non-LGBTQ+ people could no longer ignore the harsh realities this community faced.”

His legacy is important to me. So I asked Judy about Matthew’s legacy. She paused before talking about the attention at the time, This. This will be his legacy.

CHRISTOPHER TURNER acted as guest editor for this issue of IN magazine. He is a Toronto-based writer, editor and lifelong fashionisto with a passion for pop culture and sneakers. Follow him on social media at @Turnstylin.

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INTERVIEW

POWER NAPS AND CHATS WITH BARONESS CAROLYN TAYLOR The out actor and comedian talks Season 4 of the hit Baroness Von Sketch Show, her failure to meditate, and possible plans to take on the Landlord and Tenant Board

By Renée Sylvestre-Williams

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

Carolyn Taylor has 15 minutes of her lunch break to talk comedy, meditating and side hustles. “We’re just finishing up our second week of Season 4, so it’ll be Martha Plimpton on set today, so that’s pretty exciting,” says Taylor, one of the quartet on the ridiculously popular Baroness Von Sketch Show. When I posted on Facebook that I was interviewing the out and proud lesbian, several friends of all genders responded with ‘AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! *fangirling*’, ‘I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!’ and ‘Omg she’s my favourite!!!!!’

If the number of exclamation marks doesn’t convey the popularity of the comedy show, then the rave reviews from critics both in Canada and across the border tell you one thing: women have always been funny, women don’t disappear after age 30, and they don’t give a fuck (just check out the ‘Locker Room’ sketch). It’s the rest of the world (well, most of us) that finally caught up.

most ridiculous baby name, or how dry shampoo can make you look amazing even while your life is imploding harder than an extinction-level event.

Taylor was the showrunner for the first three seasons, stepping away for the fourth season. That change has affected her approach to the show. “It’s certainly given me a lot more free time, and rather than having to have a broader sort of overview of what’s happening, I’m just able to focus on the stuff that I want to work on, such as my scenes, and what I wanted to say. It’s definitely lowered my stress levels, that’s for sure.”

Speaking of stress levels, the show has always had a strong core of politics through its sketches, taking a satirical approach to major issues. With actual politics reaching a satirical level IRL, how does that affect the comedy written by the team?

Taylor, Aurora Browne, Meredith MacNeill and Jennifer Whalen are in the middle of recording the fourth season, while the third “It’s so interesting, because we write our show probably a year and a season just started airing on CBC and on the IFC channel in the half before it airs,” says the out actor. “With misogyny, homophobia, US. Taylor, Browne and Whalen met at Toronto’s Second City, the divide between left and right, feminist issues…they’re kind while MacNeill came to comedy from England’s Royal Academy of sadly evergreen, and so we’re able to just sort of look at topics of Dramatic Arts (RADA). The show draws its comedy from and rather than get specific to a topic of the day, it’s more like the the everyday lives of women over 40 – whether it’s about the general feeling of the time.”

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(Photo: Matt Barnes Photography)

In tune with the general feeling that the times are a bit shit, Taylor has been practising self-care. She just started going to therapy, cutting out coffee, and reading books about midlife crises. You know... the usual.

“These are just small self-care things but, you know, if I have too much coffee, I’m not sure if I’m anxious about the demise of the planet or if I just have too much caffeine coursing through my veins,” says Taylor. “And I think just actually sitting down and reading a book [helps], and not being on social media or just not even being near [my] phone for a minute. I find I get sick if I’m on my phone too long, like I actually start to feel my health deteriorating.”

She’s also started meditating, with some success.

“Oh God, every time I try to meditate, I’m like, ‘Oh, maybe I’ll just have a nap. Like I can meditate lying down under the covers with my head on the pillow, right?’”

“So really, power naps?” I ask.

“Exactly.”

When Taylor’s not reading and meditating, she’s pondering a possible side hustle. In a recent Toronto Life article, she mentioned that her mother had hoped she’d go to law school.

When I ask if her mother was okay with Taylor’s career decision, she laughs. “I think she’s just really invested because you want your kids to succeed, be able to pay the bills and thrive, and it’s a challenge to thrive in the arts. I feel extremely fortunate to have made it a career.”

That hasn’t stopped her from thinking about the law. “Oh yeah. I was looking at law and thought that maybe I would just become a paralegal so that I can practise in some tribunals with people at the Landlord and Tenant Board. I’ve gone through so much with that, like rent evictions and the absolute bullshit in Toronto, that I was like, ‘Wouldn’t it be fun?’ The system is so slow and so hard on individuals, and it’s so stacked against the average person and so in favour of developers.”

All too soon it’s time for Taylor to head back to the Baroness Von Sketch Show set. Last word? She says fans will love Season 3. “It’s really political and makes statements in the way that the personal is political and, you know, we all have a lot to say.”

RENÉE SYLVESTRE-WILLIAMS is a Toronto-based journalist. She has been published in Forbes, Flare, Canadian Living and The Globe and Mail.

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DARK GLAM

Late nights and serious glamour are what the holiday season is all about Photographer: Gastohn Barrios (www.gastohn.com) Makeup: Marr Bauer Hair: Brian Acosta Production: Pablo Zamudio Models: Natalia Fassi, David GarcĂ­a, Jhonatan Mujica, Jorge Piantelli, Emanuel Salvatore Outfits: Jorge Sandoval (Natalia), Absolut Joy and Ozono Gafas

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FASHION

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REINVENTING A CLASSIC

Bring a little downtown edge to an uptown blazer

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Photography: Brent Chua Fashion Direction: Danyl Geneciran Grooming: Mari Matsumoto Model: Matthew Hitt @ Wilhelmina

Jacket: Kenneth Ning Turtleneck: Versace 38

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FASHION Jacket and trousers: Kenneth Ning Turtleneck: Versace 39

FASHION NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

Suit: SERGIO BARONE FROM CITY OF ANGELS Blazer: JOYtrousers: MAN FROM Jacket and OumlilCITY OF ANGELS Velvet Shirt: Scarf: Etro NORMA KAMALI Classic Two-Tone Creepers: T.U.K.

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Jacket: Kenneth Ning

Turtleneck: Versace Trousers:THE KOOPLES Underwear: CALVIN KLEIN 41

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Jacket and trousers: Oumlil Polo shirt: Bench Shoes: Maison Martin Margiela 42

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FASHION Jacket and trousers: Oumlil Sweater: Bench 43

INSIGHT

WILL CANADA BECOME A LEADER IN GLOBAL LGBT RIGHTS? As hosts of the international Equal Rights Coalition conference, we’re under scrutiny to do more to help our international siblings

By Paul Gallant

At the same time Pang Khee Teik was in Vancouver this summer attending the Equal Rights Coalition (ERC) Global Conference, a photo of him was being removed from an art exhibition in George Town, Malaysia, a 20-plus-hour flight away.

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Banned by order of the country’s Minister of Islamic Affairs for “clearly promoting LGBT activities,” the photo shows the wellknown activist seated in a blue shirt and black pants, with the Malaysian flag around his shoulders and a smaller Pride flag in his lap. Another image – of Nisha Ayub, a Malaysian transgender rights activist, photographed holding the country’s flag in front of a modest flowered black outfit – was also removed from the show. Meanwhile, their peers were experiencing even worse. In August, a court in Malaysia ordered two women who admitted to lesbian sex to be caned and fined, a sentence that came down within weeks of a raid on a gay bar in Kuala Lumpur.

Since homosexuality is illegal in the Muslim-majority country, and there are no anti-discrimination laws that cover sexual orientation and gender identity, there’s little recourse except to complain as loudly as possible.

“In many countries where LGBTQ2 identities or behaviour remains illegal, legislation and culture reinforce each other,” Khee Teik wrote me after he returned to Malaysia. He’s the co-founder of Seksualiti Merdeka, a Malaysian sexuality rights festival that was banned in 2011, and editor of the online forum Queer Lapis. “For me, this suggests that cultural tools may be of better service to dismantling cultural criminalization, in spaces where there may not yet exist any means to address decriminalization directly.”

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In the past decade or so, Canadian activists have wrestled with how to spread gains made by LGBT Canadians more evenly across the country—to youth, people of colour, people in rural communities and to trans people, for example. But the steady progress we’ve had here has not been true in other countries. LGBT people in many other parts of the world remain illegal in the eyes of their governments, invisible or reviled in the eyes of their culture.

Should we get involved in their fight? In some ways, sisters have to do it for themselves: homegrown activism is more effective than ‘interference’ from other countries in changing social attitudes and government positions, and better at reflecting the concerns and realities of sexual minorities in a particular milieu. But at the same time, countries that have already made progress – and to be blunt, countries that have more money – do have a role (some would say a duty) in advancing global lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex rights (the United Nations-type lingo usually includes the intersex I but not the queer Q). Facebook outrage over reports of canings, executions and mob attacks is usually more frustrating than helpful.

The ERC was founded at a 2016 conference in Montevideo, Uruguay, as a sort of mechanism for cross-pollinating ideas and drawing closer connections between civil society groups, particularly LGBTI groups, and governments that were open to listening.

At this summer’s Vancouver conference, about 400 people attended, coming from about 75 countries. Though it was a great opportunity for civil society groups, nongovernmental organizations and private funders to network

and share experiences, about 250 government representatives also attended—a promising sign that those countries are taking LGBTI rights seriously. Now that the Cyprus government just signed on as a member, there are now 40 governments aboard (mostly from richer countries, though governments such as Cabo Verde, Honduras and Albania have also joined).

doesn’t mean people aren’t being left behind. I hope that Canada can play the lead and be one of the donors that are working hard to advance LGBTI rights globally.”

Ideally, trend-setting countries would make LGBTI rights a fundamental part of their foreign policy; the Netherlands has already done do. But in many places, it’s about getting a seat at the table—or just not being demonized.

“It’s really a work in progress. The global LGBTI movement is a baby,” says Doug Kerr, a civil society representative on the executive committee of the ERC, and a steering committee “Sometimes government departments like health are more open member of Dignity Network, a coalition of Canadian organizations to discussions in countries that are way more conservative. It can interested in LGBTI human rights internationally. “There’s a real be easier to talk about health services than LGBTI rights,” says feeling of urgency now. There are actors and forces in the world Poonkasetwattana. really pushing back against LGBTI people. I think the ERC is an attempt by some of the countries that have integrated LGBTI When I spoke to conference attendee Georges Azzi, who co-founded issues into their human rights frameworks to try and develop a the Lebanese LGBT group Helem in 2004 and who is executive support mechanism.” director of the Arab Foundation for Freedoms and Equality, founded in 2009, he emphasized that the movement is still very While the conference saw the Canadian government announce fragile. In his own region, people remain worried about their own $1 million in new funding for LGBTI civil society organizations safety. Yet in Lebanon (generally considered more liberal than in conflict zones, some of the delegates I spoke to said that Canada, other Muslim countries), a court recently ruled that consensual which currently co-chairs the ERC with Chile, could be doing more. sex between people of the same sex is not unlawful—a step, perhaps, towards decriminalizing homosexuality there. There “Because this is the second conference, I thought there would be are many wins to be had. more movement. The secretariat of the ERC for Canada, which was hosting and coordinating, was not funded at all,” says But legal victories mean more when they’re combined with a Midnight Poonkasetwattana, executive director of Bangkok-based growing sense of community. As one of the first out gay men in APCOM (Asia Pacific Coalition on Male Sexual Health). “About the Arab world, Azzi is happy that more and more people in Leb18 countries in the Asia Pacific region have anti-homosexuality anon and the Middle East are coming out. “It’s been such a relief.” laws. Just because a country is becoming economically developed PAUL GALLANT is a Toronto-based writer and editor who writes about travel, innovation, city building, social issues (particularly LGBT issues) and business for a variety of national and international publications. He’s done time as lead editor at the loop magazine in Vancouver as well as Xtra and fab in Toronto.

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TRAVEL

PRETT Y & PETIT

A private island escape in St. Vincent and the Grenadines yields rustic glamour with a spritz of ritz

By Doug Wallace

The eight-seater Mustique Airways plane on the Barbados airport tarmac is painted a bright aquamarine and there are only five of us sitting in its white leather seats, including the two pilots. For the next 50 minutes, we head straight into the sunset, just brushing the tops of the cotton-ball clouds, lost in thoughts of absolutely nothing, dumbfounded by the beauty of the sky. As we make straight for the lower Grenadine Islands and Petit St. Vincent (PSV), a 46-hectare private-island resort, my grin slowly turns into a smile that lasts all week long.

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I step out of the cabin cruiser onto the dock and a perfect pina colada is thrust into my hand, along with a wet towel and a welcoming handshake. We then hop into a little powder-blue fibreglass jeep for a quick spin around. I’m sizing up the delicate balance between luxury and nature, of the old-school charm and the posh amenities.

People are just beginning to congregate at the beachfront bar for rum punches. What turns out to be the staff soccer team is practising on the front lawn. Butlers driving identical jeeps smile and wave as we meander to my cottage.

semi-retirees, couples taking a romantic break (including a couple of gay ones), special-occasion celebrants and families carving out a bit of together time.

PSV cottages and villas have a rustic feel – brick walls, exposed ceilings with fans, wooden lamps, sideboards a bit tacky from the varnish and the humidity. It’s island living with a dash of ritz and a ton of aircon – or not: two walls of a spacious living room open out onto my private veranda overlooking the ocean. Little bananaquits and grackles make themselves at home splashing about in the ceramic bowl of water meant for washing the sand off my feet. Aloe vera grows wild on the island and the cottage gardens are full of it, which comes in handy when the sunny afternoons fool you into thinking you’re immune to them.

There’s a definite old-fashioned camp aura here—and not the kind you’re thinking, although I do feel like Cornel Wilde and Gene Tierney are going to breeze into my cottage any second, famished from their swim and asking what’s for breakfast. Caribbean fish stew, I would say. I have it delivered with a side of eggs one morning and it’s so good, I want to crawl right inside the bowl.

You don’t get to be a member of Small Luxury Hotels of the World overnight, of course. Opened in 1968 and currently celebrating its 50th anniversary, PSV is legendary within travel circles for its stunning and secluded 22 one- and two-bedroom villas, for the five-star service and food, and for not changing a damned thing in 50 years, including its signature flag system for room service.

Well, that’s not entirely true. When new management took over from the original owners in 2011, certain things were brought up to date, the luxury stepped up with a general facelift. But while the air conditioning and the Balinese spa may be new, the vibe is still strictly 1960s.

At both the multi-terraced main pavilion and the toes-in-the-sand beach restaurant, I find myself frequently asking the servers, “How would you have it prepared if you were eating it?” This always works. You can also request a picnic and enjoy it anywhere on the island, beach or bluff, or ask for a little spot on the beach to be set up for a romantic dinner for two. Everyone aims to please.

The kitchen grows as much of its own food as possible, of course.

Besides the chef garden, there are eggs from organic chickens, and banana, almond, papaya and citrus trees.

The lo-fi nature of the place well suits the guests’ attitude: despite the cost of a holiday here, the mood is decidedly unstuffy. The cast of characters is well-heeled for sure, but they’re the type of travellers who don’t really care if they have a hole in their shirt. They book two-month vacations, they travel with a nanny, the women snorkel with their diamond rings on. I spend my time eavesdropping, judging people by their wristwatches, and making friends with

I spend lunchtimes staring out at the boats moored on the sheltered leeward side of the island, wondering what the people on-board are doing and where they’re from (the answer to the last question being: from all over). I devour melt-in-my-mouth tuna ceviche and beautifully grilled snapper. I talk to my food so loudly, telling it how great it is, that I notice the neighbours noticing. I’m not embarrassed.

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(Photos:Petit St. Vincent Tourism Board)

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Swimming with the fishes The Jean-Michel Cousteau Caribbean Diving Center opened here in 2014, a counterpoint to the diving legend’s famous scuba program in Fiji. The team at PSV caters to everyone from beginners to pros with a variety of instruction, introducing visitors to about 20 dive sites, all within a relatively short distance of the main pier.

Besides the tons of colourful reef fish, I see more eels than I’ve ever seen in one weekend for sure, plus a few rays, scorpion fish, squid, lobster, crabs and sharks – some sleeping, some annoyed by the interruption to their day. One of the dive masters spears more than a dozen predatory-and-must-be-killed lion fish, which then find their way onto my lunch plate back at the beach restaurant, pan-fried and swimming in butter. This is exactly the kind of simple little fillip that gives PSV its extraordinary charm – the icing on the fish cake.

The coral, too, is really healthy, thanks to the Diving Center’s emphasis on educating the guests and the inhabitants of the surrounding islands that protecting the ocean will result in a healthier reef and more wildlife.

The sea turtle I follow around as he eats his lunch from the ocean floor is a case in point. It wasn’t that long ago, after all, that turtle hunters had severely thinned out this crowd, in the days before the park was a protected area. But now, after a ride on the resort sailboat the Beauty on a day excursion to nearby Tobago Cays Marine Park (a five-island grouping about an hour’s sail away), I snorkel the reef and spot this turtle the size of an ottoman. I watch him for a blissful half-hour as he munches away on sea grass, not caring a lick that he has an admirer.

This kind of eco-sensibility is evident throughout PSV, from the coral nursery on the island’s Atlantic side to the paper straws 48

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in the drinks to the goat that is tethered near my cottage. She chews her crop circle of grass down to the quick, then someone moves her peg and she begins anew with fresh grass. Her kid, whom I meanly refer to as Glovie, scampers around her, not straying very far. Yes, there are lawnmowers, but it never hurts to have lo-fi backup. These sustainability practices are part of the reason PSV is one of National Geographic’s Unique Lodges of the World, a collection of hotels committed to sustainability, authenticity and excellence.

My goats hang out at the entrance to the yoga pavilion, which looks out onto a lone stretch of beach on a cove called Conch Bay. I participate in a morning yoga-slash-qi-gong session to get a renewed sense of energy, before wading into the bay to let the waves wash over me and the yoga experience sink in. Hummingbirds seem to follow me to the shoreline, and then a few jumping fish take over.

At some point, I start thinking about lunch and what corner of the island I’m going to enjoy it in.

When it’s time to check out, I fly back the way I came, but the plane makes a few stops at a couple of nearby islands first, which gives me a chance to scour the hillsides for my next Grenadines getaway. And, yes, I smile the whole time.

When you go Visiting in the off months of May, June, July and November will net you the most attractive rates and the smallest crowds – not that this place is ever crowded. Special offers, such as two nights free when you book five, crop up regularly. Fly first to Barbados, then take Mustique Airways to Union Island, where a PSV boat collects you for a 20-minute cruise to the resort pier. Rates from $1,650 per night based on double occupancy, and this includes meals. Visit PetitStVincent.com.

DOUG WALLACE is the editor and publisher of travel resource TravelRight.Today.

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FLASHBACK

DECEMBER 31, 1993 IN LGBT HISTORY Brandon Teena is raped and murdered by members of his circle of friends when they discover his female genitals

Teena Renae Brandon was born female in the heartland city of Lincoln, Nebraska, on December 12, 1972. By his late teens, he had moved to the Falls City region of Richardson County, Nebraska, and started to identify and live as a man, going by the name Brandon Teena.

In 1993, after learning of his biological sex, John Lotter and Tom Nissen forced Teena to leave a Christmas party and drove him to a remote area in Humboldt, where they brutally gang-raped him.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2018

A week later, on December 31, 1993, Lotter and Nissen shot and killed Teena at point-blank range and then stabbed him, after learning that he had reported the incident to the police. The duo also murdered the other two adults in the household, Lisa Lambert and Phillip DeVine, all in front of Lambert’s eight-month-old son.

Nissen and Lotter were arrested and charged the same day. Both were found guilty of murder. Nissen received life in prison in exchange for his testimony against Lotter, and Lotter received the death penalty. (In 2015, Nebraska abolished the death penalty, thus giving Lotter a life sentence.)

The story is the subject of the Academy Award-winning 1999 film Boys Don’t Cry (starring Hilary Swank), and has brought wide attention to hate crimes against the trans community.

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